Tank N' Pals

Chapters

Dog Days Are Over
Everyone Is Fond of Owls
Hell's Angel
Gum On Over
What's New, Pussycat?
Decisions, Decisions
All Aboard!
Trouble in Paradise
Sing For Your Supper
The Taste of the City
A Band Divided
Pizzas and Pig Pens
Breakin' In
It's a Pet Store, For Crying Out Loud
Tank Makes a Deal
Owlowiscious vs. Clint
Tank vs. Tifa
Opalescence vs. Carne
Winona vs...
Start Spreading The News, We're Leaving Today
Farewell, Pet Paradise

Dog Days Are Over

TANK N' PALS

Chapter 1: Dog Days Are Over

An eerie silence had washed over Sweet Apple Acres.

Applejack had gone off to accompany her friends at the Grand Galloping Gala. She hated to admit it, but ever since Celestia had handed the task of managing the Gala to Discord, everything about it had transformed from ordinary to extraordinary. Now, she and her friends looked forward to a wonderfully unpredictable evening of tightly controlled chaos (as paradoxical as that statement may sound). Maybe he would turn the floor of the palace into an ice skating rink, or even a swimming pool!

Meanwhile, Apple Boom was camping out in the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ tree house, as she often liked to do. She, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Babs had spent the entire morning trying to move a pool table into the tree house and the entire afternoon trying to get their cutie marks in billiards. In the midst of the whole affair, Scootaloo had somehow managed to embed the cue ball in one of the tree house walls, which she promised to deal with tomorrow morning.

Big Macintosh was at Trotmouth University giving a guest lecture on linguistics. When asked why he volunteered to give the lecture, he responded, "To comedically subvert everypony's expectations. Eeyup."

Finally, dear old Granny Smith was upstairs, sleeping like a log.

All that could be heard throughout the entire barn was the gentle, lonely whimpering of Winona.

With the whole Apple Family either far away or otherwise indisposed, all Winona could do was curl herself up on the living room carpet and blankly stare at the clock. She had since grown tired of chasing her tail, and she had spent so much time chewing away at that strip of rawhide Applejack got for her that her mouth was as drier than a desert. As such, she decided that the best way to pass the time was to count the seconds until her favorite owner burst through the door, at which point she would tackle her to the ground and give her cheeks a thorough lathering with her tongue. At times, she wondered if Applejack would ever come back. What if she had abandoned her? What if she had decided to move far, far away, where Winona could never find her in a million trillion years?

For hours, she just lay there, feeling sorry for herself and wondering how Applejack could be so heartless. And then, suddenly…

*CRASH*

The sound of glass shattering cut through the tranquil atmosphere of the barn like a hot knife through butter. Immediately, Winona was on her feet, barking like mad and running circles around the living room. Her eyes darted every which way as she desperately tried to find the source of the commotion. Impressively, Granny Smith still managed to sleep through all of this.

After thirty long, agonizing seconds of looking, she finally found it: right below the now- broken window to the left of the front door, she found a large green tortoise shell lying idly on the floor, with a sputtering propeller on top. Overcome with panic, Winona began to loudly accost her home’s invader.

“RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF… ruff… ruff?”

Her barking began to soften and decelerate when she caught a glimpse of a head timidly poking itself out of the shell. She let out a relieved sigh as soon as she figured out who it was.

“Oh, it’s jus’ you, Tank,” she gasped. “Y’ startled me.”

Tank slowly revealed his head, giving his neck a good, hardy stretch. “Mmf! Yeah, sorry about that, Winona.”

“What in tarnation are you doin’ down here, anyhow?” asked Winona.

“I fell,” Tank said casually, popping his legs out and propping himself up.

“You fell? What do you mean, you ‘fell’?”

“I fell off a cloud.”

Winona gasped. “Oh, my stars, all the way from Cloudsdale?! Are y’all okay?”

“I’m fine,” Tank assured her with a grunt. “They don’t call me Tank for nothing, after all.”

Winona smiled with relief. “Well, I sure as sugar can’t argue with that!” she said.

Tank looked back at the mess he had just caused. “Sorry about your window, by the way,” he said sheepishly. “I still need to get the hang of this… thing.” He glanced up at the propeller atop his shell.

“Aw, that’s all right,” said Winona. “Ah used to break windows all the time when I was a pup!”

“I’m sure you did,” Tank said with a chuckle. “So what’ve you been up to, anyway?” he inquired.

Winona’s smile faded as her head and tail drooped low to the ground. “Nothin’,” she admitted. “There just ain’t nothin’ to do here. All ah’ve been doin’ is waitin’ for Applejack to get back.”

Suddenly, with a massive gasp of delight, Winona’s head perked back up and her tail started wagging rapidly. “But now that you’re here, ah’m sure we can find lots of stuff to do!” The mere anticipation sent her into frenzy as she started jogging laps around Tank’s dormant body. “Ah got a ball, you know! You wanna see my ball?! Ah bet y’ do! Ooh, and Apple Bloom just taught me how to play dead! Lemme show you!”

Then Winona stopped cold and there was another massive GASP as another idea popped into Winona’s head. “OR… we can get the heck outta here, round up all the other critters and have a gen-u-ine PARTY! It’ll be just like one o’ them…one o’ them pet play dates we sometimes have! Wouldn’t that be fun?!”

“I guess,” Tank said with a shrug.

Winona shook her head. “Uh-uh, Tank,” she scolded. “Rule number one of hangin’ with Winona is that there ain’t no guessin’ allowed. If you wanna go, you gotta say, ‘Yes, WiNONa!'"

“…Yes, Winona,” Tank mumbled.

“No, no, say, ‘Yes, WiNONa!’” she cried.

“Yes, Winona!” belted Tank, trying to match Winona’s manic energy.

“Now that’s more like it!” exclaimed Winona. “Now, come on, let’s get a move on!”

With that, she leaped out the freshly shattered window by the front door and hit the ground with a forward roll. Tank slowly hovered out after her.

Before taking off, Winona glanced over her shoulder just to make sure that her comrade was behind her. He was, but she couldn’t help but notice the flat, unengaged expression on his face.

“Why the hay do you look so bored, sugar?” she asked. “Come on, this is gonna be FUN! Be happy!”

Tank said nothing. Instead, he nonchalantly tucked his head into his shell, and when he poked it back out, he was wearing a spiffy pair of red- framed designer sunglasses.

“...Okay, that’s pretty cool,” Winona admitted. “And you’re gonna have to teach me how to do that one day. But for now, let’s get goin’! Them critters ain’t gonna round up themselves!”

And so, the tranquil tortoise and the bubbly border collie set off to prepare for what they were sure would be a night to remember. The first stop on their list would be a peaceful library just outside the town square, where a certain neurotic owl dwelled…

Everyone Is Fond of Owls

Chapter 2: Everyone is Fond of Owls

“You need a hand, Winona?”

It hadn’t been difficult for Tank and Winona to find Twilight’s library. The two of them had paid Twilight multiple visits ever since Spike had decided to take up pet- sitting, and the directions to the library were all but completely burned into their memories.

Upon identifying the balcony as a potential point of entry, Tank was easily able to hover up onto it. Winona, on the other hand, was having a little more difficulty making the ascent.

“Ah’ll… be… fine!” Winona grunted, jumping up and down and desperately trying to reach the balcony to no avail.

Tank sighed and rolled his eyes. At times, it seemed like Winona was even more stubborn than he was. Five minutes would pass before Winona finally gave up, collapsing on the ground in a heap.

“All right…” she gasped. “Ah… ah give up. Help me up, Tank.”

Tank nodded, rolled off the balcony and slowly hovered downwards, stopping just within Winona’s reach.

“Grab on.”

Winona complied, hopping up to Tank’s level and wrapping her forelegs around his shell. As soon as she was able to secure her grip, Tank began his ascent.

Tank struggled to make it back up to the balcony, straining under the burden of Winona’s weight. Winona couldn’t help but feel concerned when she noticed his face: his eyes and teeth were both clamped shut, and beads of sweat were starting to dribble off his neck and onto her snout. Nonetheless, she decided to have faith in her tenacious friend and continued to hold on tight. Sure enough, Tank’s unshakable tenacity and spirit won out in the end as he managed to hoist Winona directly over the balcony.

“Y-you can let go,” grunted Tank. Winona nodded and let her friend slip out of her grip, hitting the floor of the balcony with a resounding thud.

“You *gasp* OK?” Tank asked, still trying to catch his breath as he lowered himself to the floor. Winona got up, brushed herself off, and gave him a nod in the affirmative.

“Y’think Owlowiscious’ll be happy to see us?” Winona pondered out loud, gingerly peeking her head through the glass door.

“I mean, I don’t see why he wouldn’t,” Tank responded, nudging the door open further with his head. “Though I, uh, think it’s best if we try not to surprise h-”

“OWLOWISCIOUS! OWLOWISCIOUS!”

Before Tank could even finish his thought, Winona barreled through the glass door and started bounding down the stairs, barking her friend’s name as loud as she could. Tank sighed, shook his head and hovered down after her.

The two of them arrived at the ground floor to find a very annoyed looking owl glaring at them, with a pile of books lying just below his talons.

“Oh, there y’are!” said Winona. “For a sec there ah was worried we wouldn’t find you. What’ve you been up to?”

“Well, I was helping mistress Twilight organize her books,” snapped the owl, “until I was so rudely interrupted. What in the blazes are you doing here, anyway?!”

Winona frowned and hung her head in shame. “Ah- ah’m sorry,” she whimpered.

“That doesn’t answer my question. What are you doing here?”

“Ah…dunno,” she said, shrinking away from Owlowiscious. “Ah just thought ah… ah… ah…”

Owlowiscious’s expression softened. No matter how hard he tried, it was impossible for him to stay mad at Winona whenever she got like this. He fluttered down onto the floor next to her and started to gently caress her back with his wing.

“It’s fine, okay?” he said as tenderly as he could. “I didn’t mean to snap. I just… well, sometimes I just get really caught up in my work. Mistress Twilight’s an awfully picky one, you know. I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect before Twilight returned, and, well, I got a little tense. That’s all.”

Winona reluctantly picked her head back up and looked Owlowiscious in the eye. “That’s all?” she asked timidly.

“That’s all,” he said. “You’re a good dog, Winona.”

A brave smile started to break across Winona’s face as soon as she heard those magic words.

“Now, what brings you to my library?” asked Owlowiscious.

“I can answer that,” said Tank, who had just finished descending the stairs. “I fell off a cloud and crashed into Winona’s house, and we decided we had nothing to do, so we came here.”

Owlowiscious eyed Tank confusedly. “I…see.”

“We’re tryin’ to round up all the other pets,” explained Winona. “We’ll be havin’ a pet playdate, ‘cept with nopony around tellin’ us what to do! Whaddaya say?”

Owlowiscious shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to say no. I have far too much work to do tonight.”

“Then we’ll help ya!” exclaimed Winona, grabbing a book off the shelf with her teeth. “Where’th thith go?”

“Where does what go?...oh, LORD!”

Owlowiscious looked on in horror as Winona’s teeth dug into the binding and drool started leaking all over the cover. He quickly glided over, snatched the book out of her mouth and stuffed it back into the shelf.

“I-I appreciate the offer,” he said, “but I think I can handle this myself, thank you very much.”

“What’s the big deal, anyway?” asked Tank. “I mean, who’s gonna notice if one or two books are out of-”

“Tank, before you finish that sentence, I want you to try to remember exactly who it is I work for.”

“…Oh,” mumbled Tank.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I still have plenty of sorting to do,” Owlowiscious said rather tersely, continuing his work. “I’ve wasted enough time as it is.”

Winona let out a deep, disappointed sigh. “Oh, well,” she muttered. “C’mon, Tank. Let’s get out of-”

“Wait,” Tank interjected. “Owlowiscious, let me ask you something. Did Twilight ask you to organize her books while she was away?”

“W-well,” Owlowiscious stammered, “she said…well, not explicitly… I mean, not exactly-”

“Yes or no, Owlowiscious?!”

“…no,” conceded Owlowiscious. “I decided to take it upon myself.”

“You sure that’s a good idea?” asked Tank, raising an eyebrow.

“Why, whatever do you mean?”

“Well…I mean, let’s say you’re Twilight,” Tank explained. “You come home one night to find that the books in your library are not the way you left them. How would you react?”

Owlowiscious gasped as his eyes shot open and beads of sweat began to form on his brow. “Oh, my lord,” he cried, “I’ve made a TERRIBLE mistake!”

He darted around the library, shifting books around and desperately trying to remember how they were originally. “Mistress Twilight will be most upset,” he muttered under his breath. “Most upset.”

“Y’know, Owlowiscious,” interjected Winona, “y’don’t have to-”

“Oh, most upset, indeed! I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t send me away to the Everfree-GAH!”

In the midst of his panic, Winona leaped up and grabbed hold of one of his talons. “What are you doing?!” he squawked, furiously pumping his wings in a vain attempt to get free. “Let go of me!”

“Listen, s…sugar,” grunted Winona, straining to hold him back, “everything’s gonna…gonna be fine, y’hear?”

“FINE?!” cried Owlowiscious. “Twilight is going to have my head on a-”

“No… she won’t,” interrupted Winona. “Ah promise you’ll be all right.”

Owlowiscious’s flapping started to decelerate. “How can you be so sure?” he asked.

“Trust me,” said Winona. “Worst comes to worst, ah’ll take the blame for th’ whole thing and you’ll be off the hook.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Owlowiscious sighed and gradually lowered himself to the ground, letting his body relax itself. “Okay.”

“So does that mean you’re comin’ with us?”

“Well, I don’t see why not,” Owlowiscious sighed. “It does sound like quite an enjoyable affair.”

“All-righty then!” exclaimed Winona, bounding out the front door. Owlowiscious and Tank quickly hovered out after her, desperate not to let her out of their sight. The three of them were now headed directly towards the Everfree Forest…

Author's Note

Owlowiscious's name is a pain in the ass to type. >_<

Hell's Angel

Chapter 3: Hell’s Angel

“You just can’t STOP that little guy. He’s like a… like a… Tank!”

Tank swelled with pride as Rainbow Dash’s words played back again and again in his head. Everything about Fluttershy’s front yard, from the sights to the smells to the collective cacophony of her massive menagerie, brought back vivid, detailed memories of the fateful day that Rainbow Dash chose him; him, of all animals; to be her pet. Not the hawk, not the wasp, not the eagle, but the tortoise. The slow, steady, reliable and ultimately unstoppable tortoise.

“Like a TANK!”

Of course, that memory was also bittersweet in some aspects. He remembered how rudely dismissive Dash acted towards him for the first half of the competition. It definitely hurt to hear her call him 'the opposite of agility'. But in spite of her demeaning remarks, he soldiered on, refusing to let anything stop him or get in his way.

“TANK!”

And when it was all said and done...boy, did he prove her wrong! He still remembered the inexorable feelings of triumph that washed over him when he was slowly trudging out of the canyon with Dash seated comfortably on his back. Of course, the other ponies did have to move the finish line for him, but his victory wasn't a matter of athleticism or speed. It was a moral victory. A victory of character. And in the end, it was truly the deciding factor of...

“TANK, LOOK OUT FOR THE-”

*CRASH*

Unfortunately, in the midst of his daydreaming, Tank had forgotten to look where he was going. Before Winona and Owlowiscious could warn him, he collided with Fluttershy’s front window, busted it wide open and collapsed on the floor below.

“Oh, my stars, not again!” cried Winona, jumping through the broken window after him. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” said Tank, easily shaking off the collision. “Trust me, I’ve had worse.”

“For heaven’s sake, Tank, you must be more careful,” chided Owlowiscious, flitting through the window and deftly mounting himself on the floor. “I know you’re not used to flying, but at least try to concentrate on where you're-”

“What was that?!” cried an anxious voice from upstairs. "Who's there?!"

Tank, Winona and Owlowiscious all looked up to see a thoroughly panicked rabbit bounding down the stairs. His panic quickly evaporated as soon as he caught a glimpse of the three figures by the front door. By the time he reached the foot of the stairs, his sprint had slowed to a sluggish, belabored walk.

“Oh, it’s just Captain Crash Test Dummy and his two faithful sidekicks,” he said sardonically. “The hell do you guys want, anyway?”

Tank sighed wearily as Owlowiscious brushed shards of glass off his shell. “Listen, Angel, I’m really sorry about your win-”

“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Angel said. “I’ll just tell Fluttershy that the flamingo did it. Just tell me why you’re here.”

“We’re puttin’ together a pet play date!” exclaimed Winona, bouncing up and down. “A special one, with no ponies. Just the six of us, rompin’ around the town! Wanna come with us?”

Angel laughed mirthlessly. “A pet play date? You kiddin’ me? It’s bad enough that I have Fluttershy dragging me to those every other week. Now you want me to go voluntarily?”

Angel turned around, hopped into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch. “Yeah, sorry, losers, but I think I’m gonna have to say nay. I’d rather lie here and play with myself. See ya.”

Winona bounded up to the couch and leaped right on top of Angel’s prone body. “Aw, c’mon!” she pleaded, her face millimeters away from his. “It’ll be fun!”

Angel harshly shoved Winona's face away from his. “Winona, first of all, get the hell away from me. I’m pretty sure your breath can legally be defined as a chemical weapon. Second of all, fun? I hate to break it to you, but my idea of ‘fun’ is a good deal different from yours. And tonight, it involves a ten-year-old copy of Barely Legal Bunnies and four to five hours of solitude. Beat it!”

Winona frowned and reluctantly backed away from the couch. “Oh, well,” she sighed, walking back towards the door. “Come on, guys, let’s go.”

“Eh, it’s not like he’d be any fun anyway,” Tank muttered under his breath. “I don’t know why we even bothered.”

Angel’s ears suddenly perked up as he slowly turned his head around to face his three friends. “WHAT did you say?” he demanded, staring a hole through Tank.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” fumed Angel, leaping off the couch and storming towards the front door. “You can’t get away that easy. These big-ass ears ain’t just for show, you know. I heard you say that I ain’t fun!”

Angel stomped right up to Tank and looked him straight in the eye. “And I’ll have you know that I’m more fun than all of you schmucks combined! I mean, the audacity of a freakin’ turtle calling someone else boring!”

“Tortoise,” corrected Tank.

“Do I LOOK like I give a damn?” snapped Angel. “Point is, tonight I’m gonna prove that none of you could even hope to be as fun as I am!”

Winona’s face lit up. “Does that mean you’re comin’?!” she cried.

“Well… yes,” Angel said grudgingly. “But only to prove a point!”

“WOO-HOO!” she hollered, galloping out the door. “Come on, fellas, time’s a- wastin’!”

Tank and Owlowiscious both flew out the window after her, while Angel casually strolled through the door. "So, what's the plan?" asked Angel.

"Well, we still got two more critters left to invite," said Winona. "And ah think ah know just where to find the next one..."

Gum On Over

Chapter 4: Gum On Over

It wasn't long before our party of four arrived at Sugarcube Corner. As soon as they approached the town square, they were immediately able to identify the building by its eccentric design. The chocolate colored roof with the frosty white border, the cupcake- shaped tower that was built just high enough to peek out over the Ponyville skyline, the color palette that consisted mostly of various shades of pink... it almost looked like something out of a fairy tale.

"Y'all sure that this is where Gummy hangs out?" asked Winona.

"Positive," said Tank. "This is where Pinkie lives, after all."

Without a moment of hesitation, Angel bounced up to the front door, gripped the knob and gave it a good, hardy pull. It refused to budge. He tried pushing it open, but this proved to be fruitless as well. In a fit of frustration, he grabbed the knob with both of his paws and started rattling it violently, which worked about as well as you would imagine.

"No good, guys," panted Angel. "Door's locked."

"Well, there must be another way in," said Owlowiscious. With that, he began scouring the exterior of the building, looking for a point of entry. Tank and Winona quickly followed suit.

"You know, I really don't know why we're even bothering with this weirdo," grumbled Angel.

"Oh, hush," chided Winona. "Rule number one of hangin' with Winona is that we don't leave nobody out."

"Hold up," said Tank. "I thought that rule number one was-"

"Found him!" exclaimed Owlowiscious, hovering by one of the second story windows. He spied Gummy on the floor of the room, staring catatonically at the wall. The other three immediately huddled themselves together under Owlowiscious's shadow. "He's in Pinkie's room."

"Lemme take a look," said Tank, revving up his propeller.

"NO!" cried Owlowiscious. "I mean... I appreciate the offer, Tank, but I think I can handle this one myself."

"Yeah, I wouldn't try it if I were you," Angel sneered. "You've already broken one window today."

The worst part is that I've actually broken two, thought Tank.

Owlowiscious carefully cracked open the window and fluttered inside. "G...Gummy?" he said timidly, perching himself on one of Pinkie's bedposts. "May I speak to you for a moment?"

Gummy didn't answer. He didn't even turn around, and his gaze didn't budge an inch from its position. He simply continued to stare at the wall, refusing to acknowledge Owlowiscious's presence.

"You may be wondering what brings me here," Owlowiscious continued, as if Gummy was actually listening. "You see, my friends and I have decided that tonight we're going to get together and have ourselves a..."

"Owlowiscious!" called Tank from outside the window.

"In a minute, Tank!" Owlowiscious called back. "Anyway... Gummy, we've decided that we're going to have a private little gathering. A pets' night out, if you will. And we were wondering if..."

"Owlowiscious!"

"I said I'll be down in a minute, Tank!...sorry about that, Gummy. As I was saying, we were wondering if you would like to join us. No pressure, though. I apologize for telling you about this on such short notice, and I'll understand if you're too busy to..."

"Owlowiscious!"

"Oh, for Celestia's sake..." Owlowiscious turned away from the silent alligator and shoved his head out the window. "WHAT?" he squawked.

"We have Gummy," said Tank. "You can come down."

"But that's ridiculous!" Owlowiscious cried incredulously. "I was just talking to him a sec-"

And then he saw it. Owlowiscious was rendered speechless as soon as he caught a glimpse of the small, green figure seated comfortably next to Tank's shell, blankly staring up at him.

"Wha- but he- but I-"

Owlowiscious briefly glanced back over his shoulder, only to find that Gummy had vanished from the room. At this point, all he could bring himself to do was throw up his wings in exasperation and scream, "HOW?!"

Tank narrowed his eyes at Owlowiscious, watching his nervous breakdown with a combination of concern and bemusement. "So are you gonna come down, or what?"

Owlowiscious sighed defeatedly. "Well, yes, I suppose I might as well," he muttered. With that, he glided out the open window and slowly lowered himself to the ground. Upon landing, he immediately met Gummy's thousand- mile stare with a pointed glare. "You are a piece of work," he snapped, sharply poking Gummy in the snout. Gummy just blinked at him.

Although his expression was as blank as a fresh sheet of paper, Owlowiscious couldn't shake the feeling that he was mocking him.

"So how many more breaking and enterings are we going to have to stage before we can actually start having fun?" Angel asked pointedly.

"Just one, actually," responded Tank. "Now that you're here, and Gummy's here, and Owlowiscious's here, and Winona's here, the only one we have to pick up is...

"*gulp*...Opalescence."

What's New, Pussycat?

Chapter 5: What's New, Pussycat?

"So what are we going to do?"

Tank, Winona, Owlowiscious, Gummy and Angel were all huddled outside the left window adorning the front of the Carousel Boutique. Fortunately, they were quickly able to spot Opal. Unfortunately, they found her curled up into a ball on the floor of the main workroom, sleeping soundly. It was just their luck that they had to catch her in the midst of one of her 5- hour power naps. There were few things that Opal hated more than being woken up, and none of them wanted to jump at the chance.

"We could just let her sleep and come back some other time," suggested Owlowiscious.

"Nuh-uh," said Winona. "We ain't leavin' nobody behind, and that's final. Pet play dates just ain't the same without Opal."

"Yeah, they're better," Angel said snidely.

"Oh, hush," hissed Winona.

"Well, if you're so adamant about it, why don't you go wake her up?" asked Owlowiscious.

"Ah...uh... well... I dunno," uttered Winona, trembling at the thought.

"He has a point," Tank remarked.

"Ah... well, you see... it's not that..."

"Actually, I think Tank should be the one to wake her up," said Angel.

"Me?!" cried Tank. "Why me?!"

"You're our best bet," said Angel. "She'd probably be more inclined to forgive you than she would to forgive any of us."

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Tank asked.

"I'm sayin' that she likes you, Tank," explained Angel, nudging him with his elbow. "Like, a lot. Have you seriously not noticed that?"

Tank shrugged as his gaze broke from Angel's and drifted towards the ground. "Well, I suppose not," he said.

"Just trust me on this one. She may be a little cranky when she gets up; okay, she'll be a LOT cranky when she gets up; but as soon as she sees you, everything will be-"

*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*

Gummy had apparently grown tired of waiting. In the middle of Tank and Angel's conversation, he decided to take the initiative himself by banging his head against the glass as hard as he could.

"Gummy, you goddamn maniac, what the hell is wrong with you?!" shouted Angel, smacking his bug- eyed companion upside the head. "We were going to have Tank do it! TANK!"

The five of them looked on in horror as Opal popped up from the floor and let loose an ear- splitting screech. Her eyes then began to dart across the room, in furious search of the culprit. Fortunately, by the time she caught sight of the front window, all of her friends had backed away from it.

All of them, that is, except for Winona, who was too paralyzed with fear to move from her spot. Winona's heart nearly stopped as soon as she heard the flit-flit-flit of the cat door flipping open. She reluctantly turned her head toward the front door to find a scowling white Persian stomping towards her. Before Winona could try to run away, Opal caught her, shoved her to the ground and pinned her down by her shoulders.

"All right, Purina- breath," she growled, "I don't know what you think you're doing here, but you better have a damn good reason for waking me up at six in the-"

"OPAL!" hollered Angel.

Opal glanced up to find Angel, Owlowiscious, Gummy and Tank about a couple meters away, cowering in fear of her. As soon as Opal saw them, her paws released themselves from Winona's shoulders and the raging fire in her eyes dissipated. The enraged scowl she saw just moments ago curled up into a warm smile as she strolled up to Tank and gave him a hug around the neck.

"Oh, hey, Tank!" Opal sang. "How you doin', boo?"

"I-I'm f-f-fine," stammered Tank. "I was w-w-wondering if I-I could a-a-ask you something..."

Winona slowly brought herself back to her feet, gasping for air. "We *gasp* was wonderin' if you'd *gasp* like to-"

"Can it, mutt!" snapped Opal, loosening her grip on the tortoise. "...Sorry about that, Tank. Now what was it you wanted to ask me?"

Tank took a couple of deep, soothing breaths before continuing. "Well, our owners all left us home alone, so we decided that it might be fun to get together tonight and, you know, hang out."

"Like a pet play date?"

"Yeah, but it'll be just the six of us. No ponies!"

Opal gasped. "Well, that just sounds wonderful!" she squealed. "Of course I'll join you!"

"But what about your nap?" Tank asked with some concern.

"Oh, that's not important to me," Opal said assuringly. "After all, I can nap any time. How often do I get to spend the night with my favorite little tortoise?"

Tank chuckled, and a luminescent blush started to creep across his rough, scaly cheeks.

"I told you," Angel whispered into Tank's ear.

"Just give me a few minutes, okay?" said Opal as she turned to walk back towards the front door. "I need to take care of a few things before I go."

"You won't be long, will you?" asked Tank.

"Oh, not at all!" called Opal as she disappeared into the boutique. "I'll be out as soon as I wash myself, brush my fur, brush my teeth, file my claws, trim my whiskers, pick out my favorite bow, pick out my other favorite bow..."

Decisions, Decisions

Chapter 6: Decisions, Decisions

"Unbelievable," said Angel, restlessly tapping his foot. "Fifteen minutes and still no sign of Opalescence. Whose bright idea was it to invite The Reigning Queen of High Maintenance, again?"

He quickly turned his sights to Winona, shooting her a dirty look. "Oh, right, it was yours."

"Well, we can't just leave without her," Winona protested.

"Says who?" Angel asked. "Maybe YOU don't mind waiting till the crack of dawn for that cat to get ready, but I do. And I'm sure I'm not the only one."

"I don't mind," Tank said shyly.

"Well, of course YOU don't! You're her 'favorite tortoise'!" said Angel, singing the last two words in a mocking falsetto.

"Actually, I don't mind either," said Owlowiscious. "In fact, I rather appreciate having a bit of time to quietly reflect on the day."

"Seriously?!" cried Angel. "You, too?!... Gummy, back me up on this one. You want to blow this joint just as much as I do, don't you?"

Angel stared at Gummy, waiting expectantly for some sort of response. To his disappointment, Gummy just silently stared back at him, his face just as empty and unwavering as it always had been.

"You guys friggin' suck," grumbled Angel, folding his arms and pouting.

"All done!" chirped a freshly groomed Opal, gracefully bounding through the cat door. Her fangs and claws were all shined so vigorously that they practically sparkled, her fur was neatly brushed into place, and her favorite fuchsia bow rested comfortably above her head.

"Took you long enough," Angel muttered under his breath.

"Aw, buck up, Angel," said Tank, taking note of his grumpy expression. "The night's still young, after all. And now that Opal's all ready, we can start... uh... we can start to...um... hmm..."

"Is somethin' wrong?" asked Winona.

"I just realized, I don't know what we're doing right now. Where do you guys think we should go?"

"I just assumed that we'd be going to the park again," Owlowiscious said with a shrug.

"The park? You gotta be kiddin' me, sugar," said Winona.

"Why, what's wrong with the park?" asked Tank.

"What's wrong is that the ponies always take us there," explained Winona. "You wanna blow this night doin' what we're gonna be doin' next week anyway? Ah know ah don't!"

She reared back and gave the ground a thorough pounding with her forelegs. "This here night belongs to US, sugar! Tonight we can go anywhere we want, and ain't nobody gonna tell us we can't!"

She punctuated her statement with a resounding, "WOO-EEE!", followed by a backflip. She stuck a perfect landing, planting her four feet firmly on the ground, and stared at her five friends with a maniacal grin and a lustful look in her eyes. The rest of the gang just stared at her in utter disbelief.

"Now where do y'all wanna go?" she asked, her voice taking the form of a deep, guttural tremolo.

"Hey, uh, Winona?" Angel asked nervously. "Why don't you ask that question again, only this time in a way that doesn't make me wet myself in fear?"

Winona let out a sheepish chuckle as the vigor in her eyes evaporated. "Sorry 'bout that, sugar. Guess I got a lil' carried away."

After taking a moment to regain her composure, she posed the question a second time. "Now where do y'all wanna go?"

"Why don't we go to the spa?" suggested Opal.

"The spa?!" barked Angel. "You just gave yourself a full- body makeover a minute ago!"

"Well, yes," said Opal, "but what about the rest of you? You all look like you could use a massage or two, to be perfectly honest."

"Oh, heavens, no, not for me," said Owlowiscious with a shudder. "Believe me, a night of having two strangers rub their hooves all over me is not my idea of a good time. Besides, the spa's probably closed by now."

"What about Sugarcube Corner?" asked Tank. "I mean, I could definitely go for a milkshake about now. That place MUST still be open, right?"

Gummy shook his head.

"Oh, right, I forgot. It closes early on sundays."

"The bowling alley, maybe?" asked Owlowiscious. "Mistress Twilight hasn't taken me there in a while."

"Bowlin' alley's only open 'till six," Winona said forlornly.

"For Celestia's sake, is EVERYTHING closed?!" cried Angel. "You know, it's just our luck that we have to live in some tired-ass middle of nowhere town like Ponyville. Why can't we live in a place that's still alive when the clock strikes seven? A place that doesn't... that doesn't sleep?"

Suddenly, Winona's eyes shot open in surprise. "Angel, say that again!"

"What, that Ponyville is a tired-ass town?"

"No, no, no, after that!"

"You mean that I wish we lived in a city that doesn't-"

"That doesn't sleep!" Winona exclaimed. "There's our answer right there, fellas!"

Tank eyed her confusedly. "Wait, what's our answer?"

"Don't you get it? Everyone in this one-horse town has retired for the evening. So if we wanna have a good time, there's only one place left that we can turn to. An' that place is the city that never sleeps; MANEHATTAN!"

All Aboard!

Chapter 8: All Aboard!

The Ponyville Train Station was surprisingly quiet when the pets arrived. It wasn't completely empty, but it lacked the frantic, crowded atmosphere that it usually had during daytime hours. In its place was a slightly unsettling atmosphere of tranquility that was occasionally broken by the chugging and whistling of an oncoming train. Tank was hoping that the place would be crowded enough for them to blend in, but alas, they would have to make an effort to keep a low profile. Not that there was anyone on the platform for them to hide from, save a young stallion on a bench working intently on a sudoku puzzle and a couple of grey- maned old mares leaning against the wall, gossiping idly.

Still, Tank wasn't willing to take any chances, so he insisted that they all take cover under an empty bench until the train arrived.

"So how are we going to get on this thing, again?" whispered Angel.

"We'll just have to improvise, I suppose," said Owlowiscious.

"This bench is filthy," griped Opal. "Whose bright idea was it to hide under here, again?"

"Mine," Tank said apologetically. "I'm sorry, Opal, but-"

"Oh, there's no need to apologize!" said Opal, beaming at the tortoise. "You know, I think Rarity once said that a thin layer of dust is good for a cat's coat."

Angel rolled his eyes. Could she BE any more transparent?

"Besides," said Opal, "Gummy certainly doesn't seem to mind." Gummy was squirreled away in a corner, making origami swans out of discarded candy wrappers.

"Opal, I don't think Gummy has ever minded anything," said Angel.

"Point taken."

*SCREECH*

In the midst of their conversation, the six had failed to notice the train pulling into the station. If the whistle didn't get their attention, then the ear- splitting wail of the train braking to a stop certainly did.

"And there's our ride!" exclaimed Winona. "Come on, fellas, let's go!"

"Hold it," said Tank. "How do we know that the train's going to take us to Manehattan? It could be going anywhere, for all we know.

"Winona, do me a favor. The train schedules are posted on the bulletin board right next to this bench. Would you mind running out and taking a peek at them?"

"Not at all!" chimed Winona, taking off in a flash. After a moment, she returned.

"So what'd it say?" asked Tank.

"Ah dunno," Winona replied with a shrug.

"You don't know? What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Ah can't read."

Angel let out an exasperated groan and buried his face into the palm of his paw.

"Don't worry about it," Tank said with a sigh. "I think at this point it would just be best to wait until... hold on a second. Where's Gummy?"

The other five nervously checked their immediate surroundings, only to find that Gummy was, indeed, not with them.

"The hell did he go?!" cried Angel, only to have his question answered moments later. He caught a glimpse of Gummy inside the train, resting comfortably under one of the seats.

"Oh, for the love of..." Angel muttered under his breath, hopping across the platform to retrieve his wayward friend. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to avoid the gaze of the ticket stallion before hopping through the door.

"Eh?" the stallion grunted. "What in the name of-"

He was cut off as soon as he saw Winona, Opal and Owlowiscious rush in after him. Last of all was Tank, who barreled through the stallion's legs and sent him crashing face first onto the platform. Before he could even realize what hit him, the other five were safely inside.

"Gummy, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Angel hissed. "None of us know where this train is going. For all we know, it could be going to-"

"THIS IS AN APPALOOSA-BOUND R TRAIN," called a feminine but oddly robotic voice over the intercom. "THE NEXT STOP IS... FILLYDELPHIA."

Before the pets could even react, the train's automatic doors locked themselves shut and the train set itself in motion.

"Well, that's just wonderful," Angel said acidly. "Thanks to you, we're going to be spending the night in Appal-friggin'-Loosa of all places. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Gummy said nothing. Instead, he quietly walked out from under the seat and started scaling the wall of the train.

"What do you think you're doing?!" cried Angel. "Get down from there!"

Again, Gummy paid him no heed. He continued walking up the train until he came to the electronic sign hanging on the ceiling of the car. It read, 'NEXT STOP: FILLYDELPHIA' in bright neon letters.

Gummy dislodged one his feet from the ceiling (while still hanging on with the other three), reached down his gullet and pulled out a black sharpie pen. He quickly scribbled out the word 'FILLYDELPHIA' and wrote 'MANEHATTAN' above it. With that, he capped the pen, popped it back into his mouth and let go of the ceiling, landing right onto his feet.

Angel crossed his arms at him, sporting a contempt- laden glare. "Very cute, Gummy, but that's not actually going to-"

"THIS IS AN APPALOOSA-BOUND R TRAIN. THE NEXT STOP IS... MANEHATTAN."

Gummy's five friends all stared at him in complete and utter shock as their jaws all dropped open simultaneously.

"I...wha...how is that even..." babbled Angel, too baffled to be angry anymore. "...forget it. Might as well not question it. I mean, at least we're going to Manehattan now, right, guys?"

The other five nodded in agreement as they all huddled under the seat, eagerly anticipating the journey that awaited them.

Trouble in Paradise

Chapter 9: Trouble in Paradise

Tensions were starting to rise among our six heroes. It had only been fifteen minutes since the train departed from Ponyville, but time really seems to slow down when you're sharing the tiny space underneath a train seat with five others.

"How much longer is this going to take?" asked Opal. "I'm hungry."

"Don't you worry," said Winona. "Ah'm sure there'll be plenty o' places to eat once we get off in Manehattan."

"But I'm hungry now!" whined Opal.

Owlowiscious made a cursory glance out the window and noticed that the train was in the process of passing over a bridge. "I can fly out and try to catch a fish for you, if you'd like," he offered.

"Not a good idea," said Tank. "Even if there is fish out there, it's probably filled with mercury. It's not worth it."

Opal just moaned and clutched her stomach as her hunger pangs continued to intensify.

"Okay, I think I've had about enough of this," Angel said snappily. "Hey, Opal, how about I shove my goddamn foot in your mouth? Would you like that? Would that satiate your little appetite?"

Opal turned her head towards the rabbit and snorted at him. "Honestly, Angel, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"No, I kiss yours," Angel retorted. "Or, at least, I would if she wasn't so friggin' ugly."

Opal let out an offended gasp. "WHAT did you say?" she demanded.

"I SAAAAAAAAID... your mama's so ugly, even Pinkie Pie doesn't want to see her smile!"

Oh, it...is...ON!

Opal swiveled her body around to face Angel, wearing a fierce- looking scowl.

"Your mama's so ugly, the cockatrice took one look at her and HE turned to stone!" she shot back.

"Your mama's so fat, when Sweetie Belle tried to carry her upstairs, she got her cutie mark in heavy lifting!"

"Your mama's so stupid, she tried to find the Elements of Harmony on the Periodic Table!"

"Your mama's so stupid, she went to the hardware store and asked if they had the Wonderbolts!"

"Your mama's so fat, Iron Will had to give her a personal seminar just to motivate her to sit up!"

"Your mama's so-"

"THIS IS... MANEHATTAN."

Tank's head perked up. "That's us!" he said, revving up his propeller and taking off toward the front of the car. "Come on, gang, let's get a move on."

"We'll continue this later," Angel murmured to Opal as the two of them followed Tank out the door. Unfortunately, it seemed as if the two had gotten a little too caught up in their battle of wits, since their four companions were already waiting for them outside by the time they managed to squeeze through the crowd and hop out onto the platform.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Tank. Tank?"

Much to Angel's bemusement, Tank didn't respond to him at all. When he found him, the tortoise was completely frozen in place, with his eyes bulging outward and his jaw hanging open. A glance to his right revealed that the rest of his friends were following suit; like Tank, they all seemed to be locked in a state of shock. Even the normally stoic Gummy showed a glimmer of starstruck awe in his eyes.

"The hell are you guys staring at?" asked Angel. "Seriously, what's going o...o...

"Oh, my."

Angel caught on as soon as he looked forward and lay his eyes on the bright, vivacious landscape before them. The cold, concrete-and-steel construction of Manehattan was immediately offset by the warm glow of the city lights, which illuminated a world more animated than they knew existed. Pure, unadulterated life was bursting from the eyes of every pony they saw. They had a vague idea of what to expect, but for six animals that grew up in the sleepy town of Ponyville, it was incredibly jarring to see a place like this, a place this dense with action. One look at nighttime Manehattan would be enough to make Princess Luna green with envy, because the collective glow of the city put the light of the moon to shame.

"And y'all wanted to go to the park," Winona said smugly, regaining her composure. "Now we've got a beautiful city in front of us, and it's all ours for the takin'. Let's go!"

With that, Winona dashed out of the station and into the heart of the city, with her five friends at her heels. "So whaddaya reckon we should do first?" she asked.

"I... I don't know," uttered Owlowiscious, who was still trying to overcome his shock. "Everything here looks tempting. Especially that!"

He pointed his wing towards a small, one-story building just across the street from them. The sign above it read 'PET PARADISE' in glowing, all- capital magenta letters.

The other five eyed Owlowiscious confusedly. "What's so special about that one?" asked Opal.

"Why, it's called 'Pet Paradise'!" exclaimed the owl, eliciting a gasp of delight from his friends. "I'm not sure what they sell or what they're offering, but it has to be something good, right?"

The rest of the gang nodded in agreement. After glancing both ways to make sure that the street was clear, they quickly bounded across it.

"Golly, Owlowiscious," said Winona, "ah didn't know you could read!"

"Oh, how novel!" Angel said mockingly. "Who would have guessed that the owl who lives in a library can read?!"

"Angel, don't make me bite you," grumbled Winona, shooting the bunny a dirty look.

"Like you would have the guts," Angel sneered.

"Don't think ah wouldn't!" warned Winona as she hopped onto the sidewalk and jogged through the open door. "I'll have you know that ah...ah..."

"That you what?" asked Angel, following her inside. "I mean, for Pete's sake, finish your sentences, Winona. It's not that-"

The two were rendered speechless as soon as they stepped into the store. Tank, Gummy, Opal and Owlowiscious followed soon after, and were struck with the same reaction.

Inside, they were all met with a cacophony of squawks, growls, meows, squeaks, barks, hisses and whinnies. In a way, it was slightly reminiscent of Fluttershy's garden.

Except that Fluttershy didn't keep all of her animals locked up.

The six of them saw aisles and aisles of cages and tanks, which were being used to house a multitude of diverse, distressed- sounding animals. None of them could spy a single creature that wasn't forced into a cramped iron box.

"This is paradise?" Owlowiscious asked rhetorically.

"T-Tank... I'm scared," whimpered Opal, wrapping her forelegs around the tortoise's shell.

"All in favor of getting the hell out of here, say I," said Angel, raising his trembling paw.

"This... this just ain't right!" cried Winona. "We gotta get these critters out of here, one way or another."

Tank shook his head. "Winona, that's awfully valiant of you, but how are we even going to-"

Suddenly, a massive shadow passed over our six heroes. They all looked up to find a goatee- clad stallion in a ragged red shirt towering over them. A name tag that read 'Hello, my name is CARL' adorned his chest.

"Ah, crap, who let the animals outta their cages?" he asked wearily.

"What's going on?" called a deep, gruff voice from the back of the store.

"Nothin', boss," Carl called back over his shoulder. "Some animals just got loose. I'll put 'em back."

In a fit of panic, Angel ran up to the employee and punted him hard in the shins.

"GAH!" he grunted, crumpling to the floor. "Son of a..."

"Run!" shouted Angel, motioning towards the door. Tank, Opal, Gummy and Owlowiscious immediately dashed out into the street.

Winona, however, just gazed forlornly at the rows of cages before her. "But what about the-"

"Dammit, Winona, I said RUN!" Angel hollered, grabbing Winona by the collar and dragging her outside. Winona reluctantly complied, narrowly escaping Carl's clutches.

With no time to spare, the six sprinted away from the store as fast as they could.

Sing For Your Supper

Chapter 10: Sing For Your Supper

After running like mad for a good two or three blocks, the six decided to take a moment to catch their breath.

"I *huff* think we lost him," panted Angel, briefly glancing over his shoulder to make sure that Carl wasn't on their tail.

"Good *gasp* heavens, what was that place?" asked Owlowiscious.

"Not a clue," said Tank. "Maybe it's a prison."

"But then why would they call it 'Pet Paradise'?" the owl questioned.

"To deceive the likes of us, no doubt," Opal said bitterly.

Owlowiscious let out a horrified gasp. "That must be it!" he exclaimed. "They lure us in with the promise of paradise, and then, before we realize what's going on, they TRAP us!"

"How awful!" cried Winona. "An' they're runnin' this operation in plain sight! How come the cops haven't done anythin' to stop 'em?!"

She furiously swiveled around and started marching back the way they came. "Ah don't care what the rest of y'all say; ah'm goin' back there, and ah'm gonna free those-"

Tank sharply grabbed hold of Winona's tail. "Later, Winona," he said. "We'll have to formulate a plan before we try to take that place down. For now, let's just focus on..."

Suddenly, Tank was cut off by a deep, guttural growl coming from Opal's tummy.

"...getting some food."

"Thank you," Opal said sharply.

"I suppose we might as well," said Angel. "I'm getting a little peckish, myself. 'Sides, I'm sure it won't be difficult to find some eats here in the city."

As if to drive the point home, Gummy tapped Angel on the shoulder a moment later and pointed down the block. A few meters ahead of them, they spied a small, umbrella- topped stand, barely concealed by the billows of smoke emanating from inside. Behind it stood a brown, scraggly-looking stallion in a heavily stained apron.

"FALAFEL!" he called. "GET YOUR FALAFEL HERE! NICE, HOT FALAFEL!"

"'Falafel'?" parroted Winona as she slowly approached the stand. "What in the hay is 'falafel'?"

As Tank hovered after her, the pungent aroma of exotic Saddle Arabian spices filled his nostrils. "I don't know," he said as his mouth started to water, "but it sure smells good!"

Without a second thought, Winona strutted up to the stand, reared back onto her hind legs and gripped the edge of the stand with her forelegs.

"GET YOUR..."

The vendor was momentarily distracted by the faint, incessant sound of panting coming from his blind spot. He turned his head to see a chocolate-coated dog staring up into his eyes and giving him the sweetest smile she was capable of.

"Eh? Whaddaya want?"

Winona turned her attention to the hunk of uncooked falafel on the stove, panting hungrily. The vendor just laughed derisively and shoved her face away from the cart. "Get the hell outta here, mutt," he snarled, quickly returning to his work.

Winona backed away from the cart and let out a disappointed sigh. "Shoot. That always seems to work on Applejack. Looks like we're gonna have to look elsewhere, fellas."

"Now wait a moment," said Tank. "He's selling his stuff for a price, right? So if we just give him some cold, hard cash, then he can't turn us away, can he?"

"Tank, where the hell are we gonna get some money?" asked Angel. "It's not like some pony here is gonna give us a job or anything."

"Well, there must be another way of earning money here on the streets," said Tank. "Like that!"

Further down the street, there was a red- jacketed young stallion with an unkempt orange mane on a synthesizer keyboard, lazily playing one riff over and over again. Occasionally, a passing pony would drop a bit or two into the upside-down hat at his feet.

Angel rolled his eyes. "A street performer? Are you kidding me? What are we gonna do, tap dance?"

"Shh!" hissed Opal, who was cautiously approaching the performer.

"What's the matter?" asked Owlowiscious.

"That song," replied Opal, letting the hypnotic sound of the keyboard lure her closer and closer "I recognize it." As she drew nearer, she began to absently hum along to the melody. Her humming grew louder and louder, until it finally reached the ears of the weary keyboardist.

"Is... is that cat singing?" he pondered out loud, briefly turning his attention towards the persian.

Singing? thought Opal with a giggle. No, dear, that's humming, not singing. Do you want to HEAR singing?

THIS is singing!

The musician was taken aback as Opal leaped up onto the keyboard in a single bound and immediately started belting:

"What is this feeling coming over me?
I'm taken back in diiiiisbelief!
Is this really me, heh, in the mirror I see? Starin' back at me?
Could it be? A new reflectioooon, of a woman complete!

"All of a sudden I'm so carefree,
'cause love is doing something strange to me!
Got a new flame, heh, haven't been the same,
Something in me changed, rearranged,
AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN SAAAVED, YEAH!"

The "SAAAVED" was belted with so much intensity that the stallion was sent careening back onto his flank. This was almost too much to process at once. There is a cat... on my keyboard... singing along with my music.

After a moment, his expression of bafflement was replaced by one of excited, euphoric delight. Well, then, I better give her some music to sing along to!

The musician sprang to his feet and continued the melody he was playing before, only this time with a renewed sense of passion and fervor. Every note, every chord was just pounded out as he desperately tried to match Opal's power. Opal closed her eyes and let the vibrations of the speakers move her, bouncing up and down in perfect synchronicity with the beat.

"Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, got it bad in a serious way, oh, yeah!
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, your love has brought me to a higher place, OH, YEA-AH!
Who knew, who knew, it'd be you to restore my faith?
Every day, I'm amazed; and it makes me wanna get down and PRAY-AY!"

Before long, a small crowd of ponies had congregated around the keyboard. Opal's animal companions, however, were merely content to stand motionless on the sidelines with their jaws hanging open.

"MAKES ME WANNA GET DOWN AND PRAAAAAY-AAAAY!"

That last syllable was so earth-shakingly powerful that it nearly made Tank flinch. Where the hay did she get vocal cords like that?

At long last, Opal decided to wrap the song up with a whisper of, "All right, that's it." The sound of raucous applause filled the air as the keyboardist quietly played her out. A moment later, the sound was accompanied by the pitter-patter of coins dropping into the hat. And with that, the crowd finally settled down and dispersed.

"Dude, that was off the chain!" cried the stallion, picking Opal up and nuzzling noses with her. "Like... you're something else. You're really something else. You and I are gonna go far, singing cat. We're gonna go REAL far. You and I."

Opal grinned at him and squirmed out of his hooves, sticking a perfect landing onto the sidewalk below. She reached into the hat, scooped some coins into her paws and casually walked back to her friends.

"Not interested?" inquired the stallion, failing to notice that the cat just stole from him. "Eh, that's okay, then. I ain't gonna tell you what to do. You can go back to your animal friends."

The other six just gave her bug-eyed stares as she tossed each one of them a couple of bits. Just before they started walking back up to the falafel stand, she could faintly hear the keyboardist muttering, "Man, I GOTTA lay off the acid..."

"Opal, what in the blazes was that?!" cried Owlowiscious.

"Christina Mareguilera," Opal replied smugly. "'Makes Me Wanna Pray',* track one of Buck to Basics. Rarity bops to this album all the time when she doesn't think anyone's watching."

"T-that's not what I meant!" the owl sputtered. "I meant, where did you learn to... to sing like that?!"

"Sweetie taught me," she said in a rather matter-of-fact tone.

"Sweetie taught you well," said Owlowiscious, punctuating his statement with an impressed whistle.

Upon approaching the stand, the six pets all took turns tossing their freshly- earned cash towards the vendor. After hearing the clattering of coins near the stove, the vendor handed each one of them a falafel pocket without even taking a moment to look up from his work.

"Thank you, come again," he mumbled as the gang dashed off with their newfound grub.

By the time the six had managed to find a nice, empty spot on the sidewalk to enjoy their meal, the smell of freshly smoked paprika and hummus was driving Tank absolutely wild. The tortoise eyed his dinner greedily, licking droplets of drool from his mouth. From his perspective, the humble little pita pocket looked like a veritable cornucopia.

"Tonight," he said with a smack of his lips, "we eat like kings."

Author's Note

*featuring Steve Whinnywood on the piano

The Taste of the City

Chapter 11: The Taste of the City

While his friends were quick to start gulping down their meals, Angel approached his with some apprehension. He was a rather picky eater by nature, and the pungent aroma of the falafel pocket was setting off warning bells in his brain. One cursory sniff was enough to make him recoil. In spite of his instinct to remain cautious, however, his rumbling stomach reminded him that he was in no position to be finicky.

Still, just to be on the safe side, Angel looked up from his meal to see how his friends were reacting to the new dish. Owlowiscious furiously pecked at his meal, trying to mince the falafel into small, manageable chunks. Winona seemed to be enjoying herself, but then again, she was the kind of dog who would happily scarf down whatever you put in front of her. Gummy (as per usual) didn't seem to have any noticeable reaction at all. Opal consumed her meal in her usual manner; with the demeanor of the guest of honor at a fancy dinner party, wordlessly filing morsel after morsel into her mouth and wiping her face clean after every bite. Angel thought he saw a slight smirk forming on Tank's face as he slowly chewed his food, but nothing more. With a good deal of reluctance, he scooped up half a falafel ball into his paw and gave it a bite.

Angel's eyes burst open. As soon as his teeth sunk into the falafel, his tongue was blanketed with a puff of curry and paprika. It felt like a tiny firecracker had gone off in his mouth. Then he felt the warm, tender meat of the falafel tumble down his throat, leaving a trail of moist, creamy hummus in its wake. As he licked traces of hummus off his lips, Angel's tongue picked up the rich yet reserved flavor of the tahini sauce. After a bite of the falafel alone, he was hit with an intoxicating combination of exotic, exquisite taste sensations.

Angel grabbed the falafel pocket with both paws and wolfed it down, overcome with pure, carnal lust. In the midst of his gluttonous frenzy, he failed to notice the looks that his comrades were giving him, which ranged from perplexity to concern to outright disgust.

"Honestly, Angel," said Opal, "you could at least try to show some proper table manners."

Opal failed to get any sort of response from the rude rabbit. With a sigh, she strolled over, took out a handkerchief, grabbed Angel by the ears and started dabbing away at his lips.

"H-hey! What gives?!" Angel protested, trying to squirm out of Opal's grip.

"Hold still. You have sauce and crumbs all over your face, and quite frankly, your eating habits are starting to make me lose my appetite."

"What about Winona?! She's eating sloppily, too!"

"Well, yes, but Winona's a dog. I expect better from you," explained Opal, prompting a dirty look from her canine companion.

After a moment, Opal let go of Angel, tucked the handkerchief back into her fur, and strutted back to her spot. With a resentful grumble, Angel resumed eating, this time making sure to resist the near- overwhelming temptation to shovel the whole thing into his mouth at once.

"Can't say I blame him," said Tank. "I mean, this is... this is something else. I've never tasted anything quite like this before."

"Oh, I concur," said Owlowiscious. "This is quite a remarkable dish."

Opalescence nodded and continued filing bite after bite into her mouth.

"S'alright," said Winona, gulping her last morsel. "Got a bit of a kick to it, but it sure as sugar can't hold a candle to Golden Delicious's apple chutney."

Tank just rolled his eyes.

"Anyways, are y'all ready to go downtown and take out that pet prison?"

Tank sighed. "Winona, I had really hoped you would drop that."

"Drop that?!" she cried. "There's a big ol' bunch o' pets in there that need our help, Tank! We can't just leave 'em!"

"The hell we can't!" Angel scoffed. "Listen, Winona, if this liberation mission is that important to you, then I promise we'll get around to it before we go back home. But I just got my first taste of the city, and I want seconds. NOW."

A moment later, a scrawny stallion in a sea green uniform whizzed by the pets on a bicycle. The smell of fresh melted cheese, tomato sauce, mushrooms and caramelized onions emanated from the stack of boxes poking out of his knapsack. Angel's heart skipped a beat as soon as he got a whiff.

"And there we have it," he said, licking his lips greedily. Gummy (who had long since finished his meal) scooted over, bent down and clamped his jaw down on Angel's tail. Angel smirked, gave Gummy a defiant glare and bounded into the street, dragging the alligator behind him. With Gummy hanging on for the ride, Angel sprinted after the pizzas, letting his sense of smell guide his direction. In just a few moments, the two began to disappear into the distance.

"Get back here, you two!" squawked Owlowiscious. Without a second thought, he propelled himself into the air and took off after them. With a meticulous eye for detail, he tirelessly scanned the streets below him, hoping to get a bead on the reckless rabbit. This shouldn't be too difficult, he thought. After all, how far away could they be? And besides, with my friends covering my flanks, there's no way we could miss-

That's when he realized that none of his friends were following him.

A Band Divided

Chapter 12: A Band Divided

"Tank?!" yelled Owlowiscious. "Opal?! Winona?! What on EARTH are you dawdling for?!"

"Ah-ah'm sorry," Winona whimpered, wrinkling her brow. "Ah don't wanna lose Angel or Gummy but- but- ah can't leave them pets hangin'!"

"And I'm not about to let her try to free them alone," said Tank, draping a leg around Winona's back and pulling her close. "If she stays, I stay."

"Are you serious?!" Owlowiscious cried. "Your friends could end up anywhere in this God forsaken city if we don't find them quickly, and you're more concerned about some... some animals you don't even know?!"

Winona shot Owlowiscious a dirty look.

"What? Am I wrong?" he asked, prompting Winona to march up to him, pull him in and look him straight in the eye.

"Owl, listen to me. We dogs have a way of knowin' where a critter's been and what a critter's seen just by lookin' into its eyes. And when ah looked into the eyes of them pets, ah was horrified. Ah saw months upon months of abuse 'n pain 'n trauma. For each of 'em. An' I refuse to let 'em suffer for just a moment more.

"'Sides, Angel's a tough lil' varmint. Ah'm sure he 'n Gummy'll be fine as long as they don't get too far."

Owlowiscious let out a weary sigh. "Fine, then. Opal, come with me."

"But I haven't finished eating yet," said Opal, pointing towards the sizable portion of falafel at her feet.

"Wha- SO?!" squawked Owlowiscious. "Just pick up what's left of your dinner and come help me look, for Celestia's sake!"

Opalescence gulped, and beads of sweat started accumulating on her brow. "C-can't do that," she croaked. "Not allowed."

"Not allowed?! According to who?!"

"You get back here this instant!" barked Rarity. In a moment, Opal was enveloped in a sapphire aura and dragged straight back into the kitchen, where her still half-full food bowl was waiting for her. Once there, Rarity knelt down on the floor and glared Opal right in the eyes.
"Let me make something abundantly clear to you, young lady," she hissed. "You are allowed to leave this table AFTER you finish your food. Understood?

"I... well... look, I'd rather not talk about it."

"Fine," huffed Owlowiscious. "But please don't dawdle. Who knows how far away they could be by now? What if they end up in that... that horrid prison?!"

"I wouldn't be concerned about that," croaked a hoarse, musky voice from under the curb.

***

"GOTCHA!" hollered Angel. After a breathless sprint, he was able to catch up to the bike and grab hold of the tail light, scarcely even noticing the baby alligator dangling from his tail. His face was buffeted with wind as he slowly scaled his way up to the seat, motivated by the strong, pungent aroma of pizza emanating from the delivery pony's backpack.

Unfortunately, Angel's presence did not go unnoticed. As soon as he climbed his way onto the seat, the delivery pony was tickled by the sensation of a animal fur brushing up against his flank. "Wha...?" he muttered, glancing over his shoulder, only to see a rabbit and an alligator perched on the seat beside him. "What?!"

The pizza pony promptly pulled over and hopped off the bike. "How in the hell did you guys get on here?!"

Angel ignored the question and leaped over the pizza pony's head, perching himself on his backpack. But just as he was about to grab hold of the zipper, the pony grabbed him by the ears and pulled him off. "Whoa, whoa, WHOA! What's wrong with you, dude?!"

Angel futilely squirmed and fidgeted in his grip, salivating from the pizza's scent all the while. Drool began to drip off of his jowls on to the pony's feet.

"What was tha-" the pizza pony began, before taking notice of the bunny's moistened maw. "Oh, you're hungry. Sorry, man, but these aren't for you."

Angel ignored him and continued to try to break free. The pizza pony sighed and pulled Angel closer. "All right, let me level with you, because you're obviously not gettin' it. I gotta deliver these. There are ponies all around the city waiting for me, and if I had the cojones to serve any of them a half-eaten pizza, my boss would toss me off a freakin' bridge. I can't be doin' that.

"But I'll tell you what: I'll let you and the crocodile stick around until I'm done delivering these pies. And if you're good, I'll sneak you and croc a slice once I get back to the pizzeria. That sound good to you?"

Angel grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

"All right, then, let's get a move on," said the pizza pony, dropping Angel and Gummy into his bike's basket. "You know, after all this, I'm gonna have to try and find out where the hell you two came from," he added with a chuckle.

Angel gulped.

Pizzas and Pig Pens

Chapter 13: Pizzas and Pig Pens

"Who said that?" asked Owlowiscious.

"I did."

Tank, Winona, Owlowiscious and Opal saw a shabby, slovenly rat hoist himself off the street and onto the curb of the sidewalk. His teeth, while large and strong, were discolored and covered with stains, and his breath was so foul that Winona managed to catch a whiff of it as soon as he hobbled onto the curb. From head to toe, he was covered in scraps of garbage and loose crumbs, all entangled in his fur.

"Someone needs a bath," Opal muttered under her breath.

"And you are...?" uttered Winona, desperately trying to resist the urge to gag.

"The name's Sulu," wheezed the rat. "Sulu Candles."

"Sulu... Candles?"

"Yeah, Sulu Candles. And I can assure you, Pet Paradise is gonna be the least of your friends' worries."

"And why is that?" asked Tank, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

"Because I- hold on, just a sec."

Sulu took a seat and started vigorously scratching himself with his foot, scattering flecks of dirt every which way around him. Owlowiscious and Opal winced, hurriedly backing away from the rat's grotesque display of poor hygiene.

"I-is that really necessary?" croaked Tank, averting his eyes.

"Just gimme a minute," said Sulu, giving himself a few more scratches. In a moment, he was done. "Ah, much better," he sighed. "Anyway, like I was saying, Pet Paradise probably ain't gonna target your buddies.

"See, Pet Paradise is a hub for some of the rarest and most valuable animals in all of Equestria. It's not gonna lock up just anyone, and definitely not two schlubs like the guys you were pallin' around with. You think the Pet Paradise guards are gonna break their neck going after a rabbit? They've got a dozen of those."

"What about Gummy?" asked Tank. "Surely a toothless alligator would be at least somewhat exotic?"

"You kiddin' me?" Sulu laughed. "I've seen dozens of those before. You've got a lot to learn, kid."

"I'm 120," snapped Tank.

"Then act like it," Sulu retorted.

Winona tentatively took a step towards Sulu. "So lemme get this straight," she said. "You're tellin' me that them Pet Paradise ponies are roundin' up all these exotic critters and lockin' 'em in cages... just so they can have 'em?"

The rat shook his head. "If only that were the case," he said. "No, here's what they do. Every night, the gatekeeper lets the pets-"

"The gatekeeper?" interrupted Tank.

"Yeah, the gatekeeper. That's the guy who owns the place. Anyway, like I was saying, the gatekeeper lets the pets out, pairs 'em up, and forces 'em to fight."

This was followed by a collective gasp from Tank, Winona, Owlowiscious and Opal.

"W-what about the critters that don't wanna fight?" asked Winona.

"Thrown in the trash."

From a single look, Tank could tell that those four words ignited a fire within Winona's soul. Foam was beginning to accumulate around her enraged scowl, and Tank swore he could see steam coming out of her nostrils. "Those... those MONSTERS!" she hissed through her gritted teeth. "Fellas, we're bustin' those critters out and we're doin' it now. Ah won't take no for an answer."

Sulu gave Winona a nonchalant shrug. "You can try," he said. "God knows I've been trying for about two years now. 'Course, I usually have to go it alone, since I don't really have any friends 'round these parts."

"Gosh, I can't imagine why," muttered Opal, prompting a smack upside the head from Owlowiscious.

"But if you're serious about this, you'll probably need my help," said Sulu. "I know that place like the back of my hand. Just follow my lead."

With that, Sulu began to lead the way back to the pet shop. As soon as they were sure he was out of earshot, the pets began to talk amongst themselves.

"Do you suppose we should follow him?" Owlowiscious whispered. "I don't mean to sound prejudiced, but I can't help but think that there's something he's hiding from us."

"And he smells awful." added Opal. "As soon as he got close to me I felt like I was going to keel over."

"Granted, yes," said Tank, "but what choice do we have? It's not gonna be easy to free those pets, and we'll need all the help we can get. Isn't that right, Winona?"

No response.

"Winona?"

Tank glanced over to his right and was met with the sight of a dog possessed. Winona steadily crept forward, sporting an unflinching glare and emitting a low, ominous growl with every step she took.

"N-never mind," he stammered, shuffling away from her.

***

"All right, bunny 'n croc. We're done."

Angel's eyes perked up as soon as he heard the pizza pony's words, as did Gummy's. There, right in front of them, was a small but well- furnished building with the words Cheesy Clyde's Pizzeria emblazoned on the awning. The aroma that lead Angel astray hit him again, but this time it was several times more potent. Angel was trembling with anticipation.

"Now you two just wait here in the basket," said the pizza pony. "I just gotta punch out and then we can go home."

With that, he hopped off his bike and strolled inside. With every second that ticked by, Angel was reminded of the delicious and tantalizing cuisine that was just out of his reach. He was one moment away from storming into the building and devouring everything he saw. Gummy was far more collected than his friend, but Angel couldn't help but notice a glimmer of excitement in his eye.

After what seemed like an eternity, the pizza pony emerged from the building and ambled over towards his bike with a small box under his foreleg. "A promise is a promise," he said, opening the box and revealing two golden slices inside. "Dig in."

Gummy scooped up his slice and began to nibble away at it. Angel absolutely destroyed his slice, tearing into it like a wild beast, eliciting a nervous chuckle from the pizza pony. "Damn, man, you were hungry."

Angel collapsed headfirst into the pizza box and passed out as soon as he was done, his belly full and his appetite satisfied. Upon seeing this, Gummy shrugged and followed suit, curling up next to his friend and dozing off.

"Long day, huh?" remarked the pizza pony. "Better get you two home while I still can." With that, he dropped the pizza box into the basket, strapped on his helmet and took off.

"My home, that is. I still have to figure out where yours is..."

Breakin' In

Chapter 14: Breakin' In

The trek back to Pet Paradise had been, quite possibly, the most uncomfortable walk (well, hover) that Tank had ever been on. All the while, Tank couldn't help but imagine all the bizarre and gruesome trials the animals were put through. Then his mind drifted towards the unlucky few who refused to fight, thrown into the trash and left to die alone in a cold, unforgiving city.

And Winona. Good lord, Winona. The perky and bubbly pup that Tank knew was all but gone, replaced with a furious hellhound bent on violent retribution. Even Opal was too terrified to walk near her.

Tank shuddered to think what Winona would do once she got her paws on the cruel taskmaster who ran this operation. Would the Winona he knew be gone for good? Would he ever be able to look at Winona the same way again, after seeing her leap onto a full grown stallion and rip out his-

"They're closed!" gasped Owlowiscious.

Tank, in the midst of his daydreaming, had failed to notice that they had arrived at their destination. Above his head, the foreboding 'PET PARADISE' sign gleamed just as ominously as he remembered it. Below that sign, however, was a heavy metal shutter blocking off access to the store.

"W-we're too late?" uttered Opal.

"Looks like it," said Sulu, prompting Winona to stomp her feet in frustration. That low, guttural growl Tank had heard from her earlier had just resurfaced.

"Usually, I can sneak in just a couple minutes before they bring down that gate," explained Sulu. "This time it looks like they locked down a little early. Sorry, but it looks like you're gonna have to wait 'til morning if you're still dead set on freein' the pets." Sulu gave a brief wave to the four pets before trying to slink away, only for his path to be cut off by a peeved Owlowiscious.

"T-this is preposterous!" cried Owlowiscious. "Where are we going to sleep?!"

"Beats me," responded Sulu. "Listen, I wish I could help you, but I can't. I coulda just picked the lock for ya if that gate wasn't there, but as it stands, you guys are boned. Unless one of you has the muscle to move that gate."

Tank's face lit up. "What was that last part?"

"I said, you're screwed unless you can move that gate. Now leave me-"

"Say no more," Tank proclaimed, revving up his propeller and hovering over towards the store. Good God, why didn't I think of this before?, he thought. If I could free Rainbow Dash from that boulder, moving a gate'll probably be a cinch!

Tank plopped himself down right in front of the gate and promptly gave his neck some light stretching, prepping himself for the task ahead. Before he could begin, however, he saw Opal and Owlowiscious approaching him, their brows wrinkled with concern.

"Tank? Honey pie?" asked Opal. "Are you sure you can do this all on your own?"

"Positive," said Tank. "Rainbow Dash named me Tank for a reason, didn't she?"

"Then do it," snapped Winona. "What in tarnation are you waitin' for?"

Tank gulped. Maybe the Winona he knew really was gone for good.

Regardless, now was not the time for worrying; he had a job to do. Tank slid his head underneath the gate and gave it a good, hardy push. An audible creak was heard as the gate budged ever so slightly. With a gasp of delight, Tank gave the gate another shove, which was followed by another creak.

It's working!, he thought. If only Dash could see me now!

The other three pets watched with their breaths held in anticipation as Tank continued to lift the door. Even Winona couldn't help but feel awed by her friend's display of strength.

All right, Tank, it's now or never!

Tank dug his feet into the ground, took a deep breath, and gave the gate the hardest push he could muster. The creak that had signified his progress before had now grown into an anguished groan as Tank hoisted the door higher and higher. In just a few moments, his neck was perfectly erect.

"YAY!" cried Opal, bouncing up and down with glee. "Hooray for Tank!"

"My word," gasped Owlowiscious, "what power!"

Upon seeing Tank accomplish this herculean task, Winona's angry demeanor began to dissipate, letting a subtle but warm smile shine through. "Ya did good, Tank. Ya did good."

Sulu scurried over to the gate, sliding under it. "Hold on, lemme get the door for you," he said, leaping up and grabbing hold of the doorknob. He plucked a bobby pin out of his fur and deftly slid it into the lock, picking it.

"Hurry... up..." grunted Tank.

"I'm workin' as fast as I can!" snapped Sulu. After a moment, the lock came undone with a click, prompting Sulu to give the knob a good, hardy twist. "Door's open!" he announced.

As soon as those words left his lips, Winona dashed through the gate and barged through the door headfirst, almost causing Sulu to lose his balance. Opal rolled her eyes and daintily slid through the open doorway, with Owlowiscious at her heels.

"Have fun," said Sulu. "I'd love to stay, but I gotta blitz." With that, he dropped down from the doorknob, slid through the gate and took off.

After seeing his friends enter and Sulu exit, Tank sighed with relief and pulled his head out from under the gate, letting it slam behind him with a clattering thud.

About time, thought Tank. Time to put a stop to this opera-

Then he stepped into the store and was greeted with the last thing he expected to see; nothing. The entire store was shrouded in darkness, and not a sound could be heard, other than the murmurs of various assorted animals. It looked and sounded like... well... like any normal pet store would after closing time.

"W-what's going on?" whispered Winona. "Where's all the fightin'?"

"Do you suppose we entered the wrong store?" whispered Opal.

"No, it's definitely Pet Paradise," responded Owlowiscious. "Trust me, I saw the sign."

Tank snorted with disgust. "Guys, I hate to say this, but I think we've been lied to."

"You probably have," called an unfamiliar voice from the center of the room.

***

As the pizza pony wheeled his way home, Angel's anxieties began to build. Who was this guy, and where was he taking him? Would he and Gummy ever get back home to Ponyville?

Actually, he wasn't so sure if he did want to go back home at this point. He'd seen his owner get mad before, and it was tempting to think that a life on the streets of Manehattan would be preferable to facing the wrath of an angry Fluttershy.

How DARE you run off like that without leaving a note! The rest of the animals and I were worried sick about you! And *GASP* what's this?! Did you... did you break our window?!

Angel gulped. He'd been on the receiving end of 'The Stare' once before, and he never wanted to go through that again.

But what of Gummy? Angel shuddered to think of how Pinkie would react if she noticed that her darling pet alligator was gone. He could just imagine her turning the entire bakery inside out looking for him, tears running down her cheeks as she screamed his name over and over again until her throat dried up... all before collapsing on the floor in exhaustion, her mane deflated and her spirits broken.

Of course, none of this was running through Gummy's mind, or if it was, Angel couldn't tell. As he laid by Angel's side, his expression remained just as blank and unreadable as it ever was. At one point, Angel asked if he was okay, to which Gummy responded with a couple of blinks. The inner machinations of his mind were an enigma.

"We're here," called the pizza pony as he pulled up to the curb. Angel peeked his head out of the pizza box, only to be hastily shoved back in.

"Not now, little buddy," the pony said. "My apartment doesn't allow pets, so you two are gonna have to keep a low profile."

Angel rolled his eyes, but complied and huddled into a corner. As the pony strolled into the lobby of his building, Angel felt a burst of AC fly through the box, tickling his fur. In the air, he caught the scent of a freshly polished floor and the aroma of well groomed ficus trees propped up against the walls. Upon entering the elevator, Angel was greeted with the sound of soothing (albeit rather dull) piano music. Hmm... this might be all right.

Angel's hopes sunk as soon as the pizza pony stepped out of the elevator and approached his apartment, and the aromas he detected before gradually gave way to the smells of dirty laundry and body odor. Angel had to keep himself from gagging.

"Bro? I'm home!" called the pizza pony as he walked inside.

"Hey, Deep Dish," called a disinterested voice from the other side of the room. "I just made macaroni. Help yourself if you want some."

"Thanks, but I already ate on the way back. How was work today, by the way?"

"Ugh, unbearable. Six straight hours of fact-checking, and I have more to do tonight."

"Damn, man, sorry to hear that."

"Eh, it's fine. It's just something I gotta put up with if I want to keep feeding myself. How was your work, by the way?"

"Not too bad, actually. I met a rabbit and a crocodile."

"...a what and a what?"

"Here, lemme show you."

Deep Dish promptly popped open the pizza box, exposing Angel and Gummy to his humble abode; emphasis on 'humble'. It was just as unkempt as Angel imagined it, with dirty clothes, newspapers and used notepads strewn about all over the floor. The walls, bereft of wallpaper or any attempt at decoration, were adorned with cracks and unidentifiable stains. Quite frankly, Angel didn't want to try to identify them.

A miffed looking earth pony in a pressed button-down shirt with a neatly combed mane peered into the box. "You bought pets? Deep Dish, you know we're not allowed to have those here."

"Nah, I didn't buy 'em, I found 'em. They snuck onto my bike and-"

"Wait, you found them?"

"Yeah. Pay attention, Factoid. Anyway, they-"

"How did you find a rabbit and a... and that's an alligator, by the way, not a crocodile."

Deep Dish rolled his eyes. "Same thing," he said, prompting a small but noticeable scowl from Gummy.

"First of all, they're not," said Factoid. "Second of all, how in the name of Celestia did you find a rabbit and an alligator in the middle of the city?!"

Deep Dish scratched his chin. "I dunno, man. The Breezy Migration was just a few days ago, wasn't it?"

Factoid gave him a peculiar look. "What could that possibly have to do with what we're talking about?"

"I'm sayin', maybe they were carried here by a breezy."

A breezy?!"

"Yeah, maybe it grabbed 'em by the ears."

"It doesn't matter where it grabbed them! A quarter-ounce breezy can't lift a seven-pound rabbit!"

Deep Dish shrugged. "Then I don't know what to tell you, man. They just popped up on my bike, and I figured I'd take 'em home."

"Well, we're not keeping them, if that's what you intended," Factoid said.

"It's not!" Deep Dish protested. "I was just hoping maybe you could find out where they came from and send 'em back."

"And how exactly am I supposed to figure that out?" snapped Factoid. "Who do I look like, Steve Irwhinny?"

"Pfft, I dunno," Deep Dish said as he slid out of his delivery uniform and lazily tossed it to the side. "Use your fact-checky research skills or something. Figure it out. I'm going to bed." With that, he trotted into his room and slammed the door behind him.

"Deep Dish, wait! I still have a lot of work to..."

Before Factoid could say another word, he heard the all too familiar sound of Deep Dish's snoring.

"God dammit, Deep Dish."

Factoid sighed, wearily looking down at the two creatures his roommate dropped in his lap.

"Why me?" he groaned.

It's a Pet Store, For Crying Out Loud

Chapter 15: It's a Pet Store, For Crying Out Loud

Before the four pets could process what they just heard, the shadowy figure in the middle of the room clapped twice and the lights and the room was promptly illuminated. The pets cringed and shielded their eyes, taken aback by the sudden blast of light.

"G-gah!" cried Owlowiscious. "Warn me next time if you're going to do that!"

"Warn you?" the voice replied, a hint of indignation creeping through. "You didn't give me fair warning before barging into our store uninvited. Fair is fair."

As the shock gradually wore off, our four heroes began to survey their surroundings. The pet store seemed to be clean and well- kept, with a nicely polished tile floor and calming, mauve- colored walls. The first half of the store was spacious and roomy, occupied only by the stacks of cages lining the walls and the humble little check-out counter just beyond the entrance. The second half was organized into neat little aisles, each one marked by a bright yellow sign hanging overhead.

The animals, to their surprise, had been dozing peacefully in their cages prior to their invasion, and the ones that weren't still asleep had just begun to stir from their slumber, drowsily trying to organize their thoughts. The only animal that was uncaged stood in the dead center of the room; a neatly groomed brown chinchilla donning a tiny red sweater.

"Good evening," he announced in a regal upperclass accent with near- perfect diction. "Might I ask you what brings you here at this hour of the night?"

"We're settin' you free!" proclaimed Winona. She dashed over towards a cage housing a family of guinea pigs and started chewing away at the lock.

"Stop that!" cried the chinchilla. "Stop that at once or you'll ruin the lock!"

Winona paused, spat the lock out of her mouth and glared at the chinchilla. "Good," she grunted. "The sooner ah can get these locks off, the sooner y'all can get outta this prison and go 'round free. Ain't that right, fellas?"

Winona took a glance at the guinea pigs in the cage, only to find them less than enthused, donning expressions that ranged from confusion to annoyance to fear.

"W...what's the matter?" Winona asked, eying the family confusedly. "Don't you wanna leave this prison?"

"Prison?" gasped the chinchilla. "Madam, I... I think we need to back up for just a moment."

After taking a couple of deep breaths, the chinchilla cautiously stepped towards Winona. "It seems as though there's been a terrible misunderstanding. First and foremost, let me introduce myself. My name is Winston, senior member of Pet Paradise. And you are?"

"...Winona," uttered Winona, still maintaining her air of suspicion.

"I'm Tank," said Tank as he hovered over to Winona's side, followed by his two compadres.

"Owlowiscious."

"And I am Opalescence Luminosity Belle III."

"Charmed, all of you," said Winston, giving each pet a firm handshake. "Now, from what I understand, you four broke into Pet Paradise because you thought it was a... a prison?"

"Well, what in Sam Hill else could it be?!" demanded Winona. "'Sides, that Sulu Candles fella told us that y'all were-"

"Oh, dear lord, not him," grumbled Winston, burying his face in his paw. "I don't know where he came from or why he holds such a massive grudge against me, but he's been trying to sully the good name of Pet Paradise for as long as I can remember. What was he saying about us this time?"

Winona's expression began to soften. "Well... he said that the ponies who run this place are tryin' to round up all these rare n' valuable critters and makin' 'em fight. And the ones who don't are thrown away. Is any o' that true?"

"Oh, heavens, no," Winston said with a chuckle. "He comes up with a new story about us every week, and I have to admit, that's one of the more creative ones.

"See, this institution is what's known as a pet store. Whenever a pony in the city is in need of a little companionship, they come here to buy a pet."

"Well, that sounds all right," said Winona. "But then where did all these critters come from? They weren't just snatched off the street, were they?"

"Excellent question, my lady. Before I answer it, though, I want you to take a moment to look at Pet Paradise's fine community."

Winona nodded and started ambling around the store. Of all the pets she came across, few looked even the least bit unhealthy. The dogs and cats sported neat, flea-free coats, the snakes' scales were polished to such a shine that they practically sparkled, and the hamsters were adorably plump and well fed.

"Now, do any of these look like animals that were just snatched off the streets?" asked Winston.

"N...no," Winona admitted.

"And that's because they weren't. All of the animals you see here were obtained from independent breeders."

"Independent what?"

"You'll understand when you're older. The point is that these animals were adopted from healthy, humane environments. On top of that, Pet Paradise is anything but exclusive; we adopt animals from all sorts of backgrounds, not just the rare and valuable ones. And I can assure you that nopony is making us fight."

Tank sighed with relief and hovered over to Winston's side. "In that case, I'm very sorry for all the trouble," he said. "We promise that we won't be bothering you again." Tank gave Winston another handshake and started hovering towards the door, only for Winona to grab him by the tail.

"Now hold on just a sec', Tank," she said, her face darkening. "Ah gotta feelin' that this varmint ain't tellin' us the whole story."

Tank reluctantly lowered himself to the ground. "What now?" he asked, slightly miffed.

"Y'see all these critters?" Winona asked, gesturing outward. "From cage to cage, they got perfect skin 'n perfect fur 'n perfect scales 'n perfect plumages. They's the picture of health, Tank. It looks like they ain't got a darn reason to complain."

Winona scowled. "But they do, Tank. Remember what ah told Owlowiscious? The moment ah walked in that store, ah saw pain n' fear shinin' through each of their eyes. An' even now, ah don't think ah saw a single smilin' face when ah took a walk 'round the store. There's somethin' keepin' these pets from bein' happy."

She shot a pointed glare at Winston. "And ah have a feelin' that you know what that is."

Winston laughed. "Oh, I can assure you, my lady, everything I've said thus far is the absolute truth. We're an equal opportunity pet store, all of our pets are fit as a fiddle, and nopony, I repeat, no pony, is forcing us to fight."

***

"Might as well get started," Factoid said with a sigh, picking up the two animals and setting them down next to him. "Guess I'll start with the rabbit. Good lord, this is going to take me all night."

With just a few clicks, he opened his web browser and typed 'rabbit breeds' into the search bar. Angel and Gummy watched with rapt attention as a flood of information flashed onto the laptop screen. Neither of them could understand a word of what was on screen, but there were plenty of pictures to look at, and it was somewhat exhilarating to see Factoid wade through that flood of text with such dexterity. Surfing from link to link, he jotted down all the information he could find onto his notepad, pausing occasionally to give Angel a closer look.

"All white coat," he mumbled as he continued to surf. "Upright ears, 'bout half the length of the body. Let's see... maybe he's a Rhinelander, from Germaney. OW!"

Angel panicked, leaped up and gave Factoid a hard smack across the back of the head. The last thing he wanted was to end up stuffed into a crate and shipped overseas.

"W- who did that?!" Factoid exclaimed, slamming his laptop closed and scanning the apartment for possible culprits. Then it dawned on him, and he looked down to see Angel glaring up at him.

"Did you do that?!"

Angel raised an eyebrow at the pony, giving him the best 'duh' look he could muster.

"Well, stop," he said sternly, rubbing the back of his head. "I need to concentrate."

Factoid took a deep breath, reopened his laptop and resumed his search. "Hmm... maybe he's an Appaloosan blanc."

*SMACK*

"OW! What the hay did I just tell you?!"

Factoid got no response from Angel, not that he was expecting one. He gave off a defeated sigh, shook off the pain and returned to his work. "Maybe he's a-"

Before he could finish, he caught Angel out of the corner of his eye, crouching and readying his paw. He looked down at the rabbit, fuming.

"Are you just going to hit me every time I get your breed wrong?!"

Angel shrugged.

"So be it," grumbled Factoid. "At least it'll let me get this over quickly." He braced himself for impact as he opened the largest and most comprehensive list of rabbit breeds he had found so far.

"Saddle Arabian Angora?" *SMACK*

"Canterlot Dwarf?" *SMACK*

"Maneglish Perifee?" *SMACK*

"Baltimare-" *SMACK*

"Fillydelphian-" *SMACK*

"...Elfin?"

Angel paused, withdrew his paw, and gave Factoid a tentative shrug.

Factoid breathed a sigh of relief, relishing the brief reprieve from Angel's assault. "All right, let's take a closer look at that one." With that, he opened the Elfin page and began to read it aloud.

"Location: some Elfin rabbits thrive in lush, vibrant environments, particularly Winsome Falls."

Just as Angel began to draw back his paw, Factoid grabbed it with his free hoof.

"Let me finish!" he shouted. "Ahem... however, Elfin rabbits can most commonly be found in the Everfree Forest."

Angel gasped with delight and gave Factoid an enthusiastic nod.

"Sweet Celestia, the Everfree Forest? That's where you're from?"

Angel nodded again. Technically, he was raised just outside the Everfree Forest, but he figured that this was as close as Factoid was going to get. Besides, he knew his way around the forest pretty well, and he could probably find his way home eventually if he was dropped there.

"No wonder you're such a nasty piece of work," Factoid said with a chuckle. "I'll just let Deep Dish know tomorrow morning. For now, I'll just get back to my fact checki-"

Factoid stopped when he felt a cold, scaly hand tapping him on the outer thigh. He looked down at his side to find Gummy, blankly staring up into his eyes.

"Oh, right," he groaned. "I forgot about you."

Tank Makes a Deal

Chapter 16: Tank Makes a Deal

Winona narrowed her eyes at Winston. "Y'still ain't givin' me the whole story, are ya?"

Winston giggled, opting not to give her a real response.

"Ah asked you a question," Winona growled, her patience wearing thin. "Now are y'all gonna answer it or not?"

Owlowiscious fluttered over to Winona and tentatively placed a wing on her shoulder. "Winona," he said, "be careful."

"I'd listen to your friend, if I were you," said Winston. "Go sit down and be a good dog before you end up doing something we'll both regret."

Winona snapped. "That's enough!" she cried, charging Winston head-on and tackling him to the ground. "Ah want answers, and I want 'em NOW, y'hear?!" she roared, her jowls inches away from Winston's face.

"Guards! Restrain her!" called Winston. A moment later, two large, muscular pitbulls with jet black coats grabbed Winona and hoisted her up.

"Wha-HEY! Put me down, ya big brutes!" Winona shouted, snapping her jaws at the two guards and flailing helplessly in their grip. Opal and Owlowiscious lunged for the guards, who simply grabbed them with their free paws and pinned them to the ground.

"What's going on here?!" hollered Tank, beginning to rev up his propeller. But before he could get an inch off the ground, Winston dashed over to the tortoise, unfastened his propeller, snatched it off of his shell and pocketed it.

"H-hey! Give that back! I need that!" Tank cried, trying to grab the propeller back. Just a moment later, an auburn-plumaged hawk swooped down onto Tank and wrapped his wings tightly around Tank's neck, restraining him.

"Very good, Clint," said Winston, giving the hawk a polite applause. "Just as quick as always."

Our four heroes glowered at Winston, struggling fruitlessly against their captors.

"Tsk, tsk," chided Winston. "Savages, the lot of you. Didn't your owner ever teach you any manners?

"I'll tell you what; I'll tell you exactly what's going on here as soon as you're calm, collected and ready to listen."

Tank gave off a low, contemptuous growl, and grudgingly ceased his resistance. Owlowiscious and Opal soon followed suit. Winona simply crossed her forelegs and continued to scowl at Winston, giving him the most furious glare she could muster.

"Much better," said Winston. "Now, as I said before, nothing I have told you thus far is a lie. Pet Paradise is nothing more than a humble, clean, equal opportunity pet store. Unfortunately, things tend to get a little dull here. Business isn't bad, but on most days, it's rather slow.

"So one day, I came up with a brilliant way to liven things up around here. Every night, after the gates are closed, we pick two random pets from the store and force them to fight. Isn't that a gas?"

The four pets shared a collective, harmonious gasp.

"Wha-wha-wha-WHAT?!" squawked Owlowiscious.

"You're the one behind this barbarism?!" cried Opal.

"Now, wait just a minute!" interjected Tank. "You said that nopony was forcing anyone to fight here!"

Winston chortled. "I'm not a pony, am I?"

Winona gasped in horror. "You... you lil' SCOUNDREL!" Winona screamed, thrashing about in the guard dogs' grip.

"Ah, ah, ah," said Winston, wagging his paw at Winona. "What did I tell you? Good little doggies get explanations; naughty little doggies don't."

"You... lil'... GUH!" Winona grunted in frustration. "You ain't gonna get away with this!"

"I've been getting away with it for years!" Winston said with a cackle.

"Well, you ain't... any...more!" sputtered Winona, continuing to thrash the air. We ain't leavin' 'til we put a stop to this!"

The guard dog on the right rolled his eyes and let out a weary sigh. "Sir, this is getting rather tiresome. Permission to escort these four out of the building?"

Winston shook his head. "Denied," said he. "I'm having far too much fun to just let them go now."

"Then what should we do with them?"

Winston's giggly demeanor faded. "Hmm..."

He began to pace back and forth across the room, scratching his chin. "Isn't that the million dollar question... I suppose I could just lock them in the broom closet, but where's the fun in that?...I could tie them to the ceiling fan and watch them spin around for the rest of the night, but that'd probably get old rather fast..."

"S-sir? Mr. Winston?" Tank interrupted. "May I make a suggestion?"

Winston looked over at the tortoise and grinned. "I don't think you're in a position to make suggestions, are you?"

"Well... it's more of a challenge than a suggestion. Just please hear me out."

Winston's raised his eyebrows. "You have the floor, Hank."

"It's Tank, sir."

"Whatever. Let us hear your proposal."

The other three pets stared intently at Tank, waiting for the details of his plan with bated breath.

"So here's what I'm thinking," said Tank. "I'll step into the arena with any one of the pets in this shop; your choice."

This elicited a gasp from Opal. "Tank, what in the world do you think you're do-"

Opal was cut off when one of the guard dogs slapped his paw over her mouth. "Let your friend talk, missy."

Tank hesitantly continued his proposal. "If I...if I win, you have to shut down this fight club for good. No more forced battles."

"And what if I win?" asked Winston.

"Then we'll leave Pet Paradise for good and we'll never speak of it again."

"You're going to have to do a little better than that, my friend," Winston said with a chuckle.

Tank gulped. "What do you have in mind?"

"I'm glad you asked." Winston pulled Tank's propeller out of his pocket and held it aloft, eying it greedily. "I think that I should get to keep this if I win. How does that sound?"

Tank's eyes widened with shock as he saw his greatest source of mobility lying just out of his grasp. "M-my propeller?! I... I don't know..."

Was it really worth it to gamble his propeller away? Tank shuddered to envision a potential propeller-less life; every day a constant struggle to keep up with his friends, not to mention his owner, the fastest flyer in Equestria...

You know what the opposite of agility is? That.

That's just sad.

A for effort and all, but you're starting to creep me out.

"I'm waaaaaiting," sang Winston. "You know, if you're having this much trouble making a decision, I could just lock you all in the broom closet."

"No!" exclaimed Tank. "I... I'll take it. You have a deal."

"Tank, you can't possibly be serious!" cried Owlowiscious.

Tank sighed. "We don't have a choice, Owlowiscious." He reluctantly held one of his forelegs outward, offering a shake. He closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and waited for the chinchilla to grasp his foot and make the deal official...

...but the moment never came.

Tank opened his eyes and looked up, only to see Winston standing in front of him with his arms folded, a wicked smile forming across his lips.

"You know, I just thought of a way to make this deal a little more interesting," he said. "Why don't we have all four of you fight?"

"WHAT?!" the other three pets shouted in unison.

Winston laughed. "Aren't I an absolute card? If all four of you win, I'll never force another animal to fight again. But if any of you lose, the propeller is mine. Sound good?"

Winona glared at Winston, showing him her most fearsome war face. "You're on..." she growled.

"I'll DO it!" proclaimed Owlowiscious.

"Glad you could see things my way," Winston said smugly, strolling over to the two captives and giving each of them a good, firm shake. He then turned his attention towards Opalescence. "And what about you, kitty cat? Do we have a deal?"

Opal trembled with fear as she was met with the collective stares of the entire store's population. On one side, she saw the anxious, judgmental stares of her three closest friends; on the other side, a veritable menagerie of fearsome predators and vicious killers. "I... well... I..."

Winston sighed. "Very well. Broom closet it is."

But just before the guard dog could get up to cart her off, he was met with a shrill, anguished scream that filled the entire store:

"I'LL FIGHT!"

***

Factoid got to work, scouring each alligator- related source he could find and searching for anything that could give him a decent lead. But in the midst of his tireless researching, he caught something peculiar about his subject out of the corner of his eye.

Does that thing have any teeth?

He took Gummy in his hooves and pried open his mouth, only to find that there was not a single tooth to be found.

Maybe somepony had them removed, he thought as he examined the gums more closely. I don't see any evidence of scarring, though... or ANY marks, for that matter. It definitely looks like he was born that way. But how?

Out of idle curiosity, Factoid decided to type 'toothless alligator' into the search engine. The first result linked him to a picture of a kitten in an alligator costume with the caption, 'I IZ IN UR NEVRLAND, EATIN UR PIRITZ'. The second result linked him to a particularly unhelpful Yahoof Answers page; someone had posted the query, "my baby aligater already has all his teeth, is that bad?" and was met with the answer, "lol no, theirs no such thing as a toothless alligator".

Page after page, Factoid was met with a flood of idiotic questions, inoperative links and painfully dated memes. He was ready to give up and go back to his original search session, when he found a particularly interesting result at the bottom of the fourteenth page; a link to the Ponyville Tribune archives.

With his curiosity piqued, Factoid clicked the link and was met with an article dated a few years ago.

Toothless Alligator Adopted in Ponyville
FEBRUARY 11, 2011 - one month ago today, a zoological anomaly was born on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. Local animal breeder and caretaker Fluttershy witnessed the hatching of a beautiful baby alligator, only to be shocked to find out that the alligator was born without a single tooth.

"I can't imagine how this could have happened," she told reporters. "Both its parents are perfectly healthy."

Much to Fluttershy's surprise, the alligator was adopted just a few days ago by a close friend, an apprentice baker named Pinkie Pie. Pinkie, by Fluttershy's account, took 'an immediate liking' to the animal and 'all but begged to take it off her hooves'.

Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter? thought Factoid. Could this little guy really be hers?

Factoid zoomed in on the photo accompanying the article, and found that the pictured alligator was the spitting image of the alligator by his side.

"Oh, dear lord, I need to get this alligator back to her. I don't even want to think about what the consequences will be if I don't."

Factoid yawned and gave himself a good, hardy stretch. "But that can wait 'til morning. Now it's time for me to get some sleep." But just as he was about to shut down his computer, something dawned on him.

"...AFTER I finish my fact checking. Sweet Celestia, sometimes I hate my job."

He gave out a weary groan, scooped his laptop up into his hooves and shuffled off back to his room.

"Psst... Gummy..." Angel whispered. "We're not really going to be staying here all night, are we?"

Author's Note

Well, Gummy had to come from somewhere, didn't he?

Owlowiscious vs. Clint

Chapter 16: Owlowiscious vs. Clint

"Ooh, this is going to be fun!" cried Winston, shaking with excitement. "I expect no less than a showstopping performance from all four of you."

"Then ah promise ah won't disappoint," Winona said menacingly, glaring at Winston.

"Nor will I," said Owlowiscious.

"N... nor will I?" squeaked Opal, trembling.

"I'm sure you won't," said Winston. "But before we begin, I need you to follow me."

Winston lead the four pets to an empty cage just beyond the front door. "In here, please," he said, opening the door.

Tank eyed Winston suspiciously. "And what is that?"

"Um, this would be what we call a cage, Albert Manestein," Winston said with a roll of his eyes. "My cage, specifically. And for the duration of this gauntlet match, it will be yours."

"Why?" asked Tank, maintaining his air of suspicion.

"Well, we don't want any interference. You may notice that all of my enforcers are retreating to their cages, as well." He pointed across the room, demonstrating that the two guard dogs and the hawk that had ambushed them earlier were already locking themselves back in.

"Each of you will be let out for your respective matches, but other than that, you are to remain inside this cage at all times. Understood?"

Tank nodded. "Understood," he said, climbing into the cage. "I assure you, we won't need any help."

"We'll see about that," Winston replied with a smirk as he escorted the other three pets into the cage, picked a key out from his pocket and locked the door behind them. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go choose a fighter for the first match."

And with that, he walked over to the center of the room, leaving our four heroes to contemplate their fate.

"Gimme your best shot," Winona growled at Winston as he walked away.

Owlowiscious gave her a timid tap on the shoulder. "Winona? Are you okay?"

Winona turned back towards Owlowiscious, giving him an ominous, toothy smile. "Ah'm more than okay, Owlowiscious," she snarled. "Ah'm ready."

Owlowiscious hurriedly backed himself away into a corner of the cage. "W-well, don't let me bother you, then."

"Tank, what have you done?!" Opal whispered, her legs shaking like jelly. "They're going to murder me!"

Tank draped one of his forelegs around Opal and pulled her in closer. "Opal, listen to me. You're one of the toughest girls I've ever met in my life, and I'm over a hundred years old. You'll be fine. Just believe in yourself."

Opal's trembling faded and her lips curled up into a faint smile. "Really? You mean it?"

"Absolutely," said Tank, returning Opal's smile with one of his own.

The warmth and affection of Tank's smile sent a shiver down Opal's spine and caused her heart to flutter. He DID mean it, she thought as an insuppressible grin broke out across her face. She swiveled away from Tank, shielding her face with her paw.

"Opal, are you okay?" Tank asked, giving her a bemused look.

"M-maybe?" she squealed.

Just as he was about to respond, Tank was interrupted with a resounding, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" coming from the center of the room. All four pets turned outward to see Winston standing triumphantly atop the Pet Paradise counter, next to the cash register.

"Tonight, we will be having four consecutive one-on-one matches," Winston announced. "Each pet will be allowed to use anything within their means to subdue the opponent. The match ends when one pet either passes out or gives up. If our guests win all four of their matches, our regularly scheduled fights will end permanently. Now, without further ado, let us introduce our first fighters of the night!"

Winston hopped off the counter and jogged into the aisle on the rightmost side of the store. The word "BIRDS" was emblazoned on a sign hanging just above the aisle.

"Representing Pet Paradise..." he called, the ominous creak of a metal door emanating from the aisle. "The Flaming Torpedo... CLINT!"

The auburn hawk who had subdued Tank moments ago swooped out from the aisle, belting out a warlike caw. With impeccable grace, he perched himself on the ground, just a couple feet away from Winston's cage.

Winston dashed out of the aisle after Clint and leaped back up onto the counter. "And his opponent," he announced, "shall be... OWLOWISCIOUS!"

Owlowiscious's heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name. Me first?

Winston hopped off the counter, marched up towards the cage, plucked out his key and undid the lock. "You may step out."

Owlowiscious's shivered as he shuffled past the other three pets and squeezed himself through the bars to meet his combatant. His heart skipped another beat when he heard the ka-chink of Winston locking the door behind him.

Calm yourself, Owlowiscious, he thought. You can DO this! You HAVE this! You... you HAVE to have this!

He marched up to Clint and puffed out his chest, refusing to show any fear. This was easier said than done, considering the fact that Clint absolutely towered over him.

Clint looked down towards his short, pudgy opponent and gently held out one of his wings. "May the best bird win," he said in a gravelly baritone voice.

Owlowiscious craned his neck up until his eyes met Clint's. "May the best bird win," he repeated, taking Clint by the wing and giving it a shake.

While the two combatants sized each other up, Winston scurried over towards the counter and perched himself on the top. "Round One... FIGHT!"

Owlowiscious immediately took a swipe at Clint with his wing. Clint blocked it with minimal effort.

"Please tell me that wasn't your best," he said with a contemptuous frown. He gave Owlowiscious a vicious smack with his free wing, sending the owl careening into one of the cages with an ear-splitting clatter. Owlowiscious clutched the back of his head in pain, his ears still ringing from the clatter. But before he could pick himself up off the floor, Clint descended upon him and gave him a flurry of sharp, stinging pecks. Owlowiscious flailed about, unable to deflect the vicious assault.

Clint then wrapped both of his wings around Owlowiscious's body, swung him around and flung him towards the other side of the room. With a panicked flutter of his wings, Owlowiscious was able to halt his momentum just before he hit the wall.

But our hero was scarcely able to catch his breath before he saw Clint barreling towards him like an avian cannonball. With his heart going into overdrive, Owlowiscious swooped under Clint just as he was about to make impact. An instant later, Clint hit the wall headfirst with a massive thump.

"Sonofa..." grumbled Clint, rubbing his head and trying to reorient himself. Before he could recover, Owlowiscious flew back into his face and buffeted him with pecks. Unfortunately, the pecks barely seemed to faze Clint, who took the barrage with relative ease.

Just as Owlowiscious reared his head back for another peck, Clint countered by slashing at Owlowiscious's belly with his talon. As Owlowiscious recoiled from the slash, Clint followed it up with a vicious headbutt that sent the owl plummeting to the ground.

Right, then, thought Owlowiscious. Less fighty, more dodgy.

And that's precisely what he did. When he saw Clint charging for him again, he scooted himself out of the way, letting his opponent hit the floor. Clint looked up and took an angry swipe at Owlowiscious with his wing, which was also dodged. Clint snarled and lunged himself at Owlowiscious, who leapfrogged over him.

Clint swung himself around and gave Owlowiscious another charge, but the owl disrupted his attack with a well-timed peck to the eye.

"GAH! You little..." grunted Clint as his opponent took off in the other direction. "Stop mucking around and fight me!"

Owlowiscious retreated into the first aisle, perched himself on the ground and stopped to catch his breath. What am I going to do? I can't keep running from him forever, can I?... I suppose I can keep my distance long enough, then maybe I can eventually tire him ou-

"Trying to hide, are we?"

Owlowiscious gasped and turned himself around, only to find Clint's towering form looming over him. Clint grabbed him and shoved him backfirst into one of the cages, using one of his wings to pin the owl down.

"It's the end of the line, Owl," said Clint, giving Owlowiscious some harsh slaps across the face with his free wing. "What were you thinking, trying to hide from a bird of prey?"

Owlowiscious's heart sank as he endured slap after slap from the enraged hawk. I've lost, he thought. I suppose it was a foregone conclusion, wasn't it? I could only run for so long, and I certainly can't hide.

Then it hit him. Or CAN I?

Renewed with a new sense of vigor, Owlowiscious blocked Clint's slap and gave him another peck to the eyes.

"NOT AGAIN!" roared Clint, recoiling in pain and releasing his opponent from his grasp.

With no time to waste, Owlowiscious soared out of the aisles, past the counter and over towards the Pet Paradise entrance. Let's see... it has to be around here somewhere... a-ha!

Owlowiscious spied a tiny switch on the left side of the doorframe. He hovered over and flipped it, shutting off the lights and immediately shrouding the entire store in darkness.

Owlowiscious took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness before taking off back towards the aisles. There, right where he left him, was Clint, scurrying around blindly. "W-where'd you go?! What's going on?! Who turned out the- GAH!"

Owlowiscious swooped in, slashed Clint in the back with his talon, and swooped out of sight before Clint could react.

"Get back here!" Clint snarled, swinging blindly at the air in front of him. His head darted around, looking for any possible sign of his elusive foe. "...so, THAT'S the way you want to play, is it?"

Clint took off and started gliding from aisle to aisle, scanning the area around him for any sign of movement. Much to his annoyance, the owl continually stayed out of his sight.

"I know you're in here somewhere!" he cried. "You can't hide in the darkness for- OW!"

Owlowiscious flew out from the shadows for another slash, this time across Clint's belly. Once again, Clint took a wild swing at him and missed.

"This isn't funny, owl!" Clint shouted. "When I get my wings on- YEOW!"

As soon as those words left his beak, Clint felt the owl's talon tear through his right wing. Before he knew what hit him, Owlowiscious followed this up with another slash across his left, and then retreated back into the shadows.

Clint lowered himself to the ground, nursing his injured wings. "You... little... coward," he muttered as he stumbled out of the aisles, the pain beginning to take its toll on his body. "Gotta... get... the switch..."

Clint hobbled through the store, swearing that he would beat Owlowiscious into an unrecognizable pulp once he managed to get the lights back on. Stupid owl, he thought. I bet HE'S the one who hit the lights.

With an anguished grunt, Clint pushed himself off from the floor and took flight, pain searing through his wings with every flap. As soon as he got high enough to reach the switch, he flicked it back on.

"Got it!" he exclaimed. "Say your prayers, ow-"

Before he could finish his thought, Owlowiscious soared out of the aisles and rammed into Clint at full force. Without missing a beat, he followed this up by grabbing Clint out of the air and slamming him into the ground backfirst, resulting in a thunderous boom that shook Pet Paradise to its core.

Upon landing, Owlowiscious took a step back, looking down at the battered, broken hawk before him; his wings a ruffled mess, his eyes adorned with bruises, his body covered from head to toe with slash marks.

"Not... done... yet..." Clint groaned, attempting to pick himself up off the floor. This attempt was met with failure, as Clint only managed to take one step before falling onto his face and passing out.

"I'm afraid you are, Clint," Winston announced. "Owlowiscious is the winner!"

***

"All right, Gummy," said Angel, hopping off the sofa towards the door of the apartment. "Let's blow this joint."

Gummy just tilted his head at Angel and shrugged.

"Why? Well, first of all, there's no way I'm spending the rest of the night in this stinkhole. With all due respect to the pizza boy, he could really use some housekeeping tips. And second of all, I'm pretty sure the plan was to get back home before our owners notice we're gone. Come on, let's get out of here."

Gummy jumped off the sofa and started waddling out of the living room and into the hall leading to Deep Dish's bedroom.

"Um, hey, Gummy? Door's over here."

Gummy ignored him and continued to advance towards the bedroom. Once he got there, he reached down into his gullet, pulled out a sharpie and started scrawling something out on the bedroom door.

"Okay, Gummy, I'll bite," said Angel, hopping over to join his companion. "What the hay do you think you're doing?"

Gummy, much to Angel's annoyance, paid him no heed and kept on scribbling.

"You gonna give me an answer anytime soon?" grumbled Angel. "Or are you just gonna keep vandalizing this guy's- oh."

Gummy capped the pen and took a step back to show Angel what he had done. On the door was a crude, barely recognizable drawing of an alligator and a rabbit standing next to an apartment building. An arrow pointing away from the building was drawn over the animals' heads.

A hint of a smirk could be seen on Gummy's face. "That's real nice of ya, Gums," he said. "Can I add something, though?"

Gummy nodded and handed Angel the pen. Just under Gummy's drawing, Angel drew a picture of a pizza, followed by a smiley face and a thumbs up.

"Y'think they'll understand that?" asked Angel. Gummy gave him a nod.

"All right, then. Let's hit the road."

Angel and Gummy strolled together out the hall, through the living room and out the front door (which Deep Dish had left open, as he was wont to do). Just before they closed the door behind them, Angel took one last look at the apartment and bade it goodbye.

"Nice knowing ya, pizza guy," he said warmly. With that, he and Gummy pushed the door shut and headed towards the elevators.

Little did Angel know that their adventure was far from over...

Tank vs. Tifa

Chapter 17: Tank vs. Tifa

While Winston helped walk Clint back to his cage, Owlowiscious strutted back to Winston's cage with pride in his chest. Once there, he was greeted with a round of adulation and praise from his friends.

"Good show, Owlowiscious!" cheered Opal.

"Didn't know you had it in ya!" exclaimed Winona.

"I have to say, I'm pretty damn impressed," remarked Tank. "You really outsmarted that guy."

Owlowiscious blushed. "I did, didn't I?"

"You did," Winston announced upon returning from the birds' aisle. "A truly remarkable showing from our first guest, Owlowiscious," he added, turning to face the rest of the store. "Wouldn't you say?"

Winston's comment was met with assorted barks, squeaks and hisses of approval from the Pet Paradise community.

"Now, without further ado," said Winston, "let's move on to Round Two. First, let me introduce you to our next combatant!"

Winston hopped off the counter and scurried deep into the first aisle, which was labeled 'SMALL ANIMALS'.

"Representing Pet Paradise," he called from the aisle, accompanied by the faint ka-chink of a lock being undone, "the Lightning Bruiser... Tifa!"

Out of the aisles hopped a lean, muscular hare with short, gray fur and a long, perky set of ears. She bounded restlessly around the store in search of her opponent, her powerful thighs bulging with each hop.

"All right, who's steppin' up to bat?" she demanded, putting up her dukes. "Lemme at 'im!"

"Peace, Tifa," said Winston. "I haven't even announced who you're fighting yet."

"Then freakin' do it already," Tifa snapped. "I ain't got all day."

"If you insist," Winston said with a roll of his eyes. "Tifa's opponent shall be... TANK!"

Tank gulped. Well, here goes nothing, he thought, stepping out of the cage at his usual pace.

Tifa couldn't help but chuckle. "Boss, c'mon," she said, turning towards Winston. "A tortoise? Really? This is... this is a joke, right? What are you gonna have me fight next, a sloth?"

Winston gave Tifa a pointed look. "I'd warn you not to question my judgment, Tifa. This is your opponent, take him or leave him. If you want, I'd be happy to send you back to your cage and give someone else a shot."

Tifa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine," she grumbled, hopping up to Tank and planting herself right in front of him. "But Imma make this quick."

Tank's heart began to sink as he sized up his opponent. The hare had already demonstrated outstanding agility upon making her entrance, to say nothing of her well sculpted physique. Furthermore, from the fiery, impassioned look in her eyes, he could tell that she meant business. How in the world was he even going to land a hit?

"Round Two... FIGHT!"

As soon as the words left Winston's lips, Tifa delivered a massive haymaker to Tank's face, knocking him senseless. Tank swore that he felt his brain rattle from the impact.

"That hurt?" she sneered. "Did that sting, tortoise boy?"

Tank shook off the punch and quickly reoriented himself. He picked up one of his forelegs and took a swing at Tifa, who ducked out of the way and countered with an uppercut. The blow sent Tank's head bobbing up and down like a Bobblehead doll.

"Too SLOW!" she taunted, giggling as she watched her opponent struggle to regain his senses. Before Tank could recover from the uppercut, Tifa followed it up with a jab to the cheek. And then another, and another, until she was pummeling his face with rapid fire punches like a furry little jackhammer.

"And they call you 'Tank'," she laughed as she continued her attack. "Whatta joke. They shoulda called you 'Speed Bag'."

Tank tried to shield himself against the punches, but they simply came too fast for him to block. Between Tifa's blazing agility, effortless dodging and endless taunting, Tank's confidence fell lower and lower each passing second. Worst of all, he had to deal with the fact that it was his idea to fight in the first place. And now, because of his recklessness, he was doomed to be humiliated in front of his closest friends, getting mercilessly pummeled into the-

And then it hit him. These punches don't actually hurt all that much.

Tank may have felt overwhelmed by Tifa's relentless assault at first, but this feeling faded as soon as he realized how little damage she was actually doing. As this realization sunk in, Tifa's barrage felt lighter and lighter with each successive punch. The blows seemed to bounce off of Tank's rough, armor-like skin without leaving any sort of mark. Imbued with a new feeling of confidence, Tank reared his head back and swung it forward with all of his might.

*CRACK*

In the midst of Tifa's attack, Tank found the strength to deliver a crushing headbutt that broke through Tifa's guard and sent her crashing down onto her butt. This elicited a massive collective gasp from their audience.

"Alright, so you can fight a little," Tifa muttered, picking herself up off the floor. Determined to regain her momentum, she reared back and walloped Tank with another haymaker.

This one barely made Tank flinch.

"Eh?" she grunted, taking another shot at Tank's face. Again, Tank shrugged it off. In a fit of rage, she resumed her rapid fire assault from earlier, only to be met with the same result. No matter how hard she punched, Tank stood firm like a stone upon the shore.

"All right, big boy, howzabout THIS?!"

Tifa leapt into the air and cracked Tank in the mouth with a roundhouse kick, knocking Tank senseless and sending a sharp pain shooting through his lower jaw. The rattling brain sensation that Tank felt upon receiving the first punch had just come back for an encore.

Before Tank could recover, Tifa followed this up with another kick, this one nailing him right between the eyes. With each kick, Tank felt as if he was being pummeled with a sack of potatoes. Tank, once again, tried to raise his foreleg to shield himself, but while Tifa's kicks were quite a bit slower than her punches, they were still far too fast for Tank to block.

"Gettin' tired?" Tifa teased, continuing to deliver kick after kick. "Don't feel bad. There ain't nobody in the world who can take my-"

*CHOMP*

"OW! What the hell?!"

On an impulse, Tank opened his mouth and clamped it down hard on Tifa's foot just before it made contact.

"Who bites a foot?!" she cried as she grabbed her foot with both hands and tried to pry it loose. After struggling for a few agonizing seconds, Tifa managed to dislodge her foot from Tank's mandible with a pop. Unfortunately, she had pulled so hard that the momentum sent her careening headfirst into the cage-laden wall. Her head hit the bars with a clattering bang.

Tank gave her a smug smirk and started strutting towards her prone body. "Ready to give up?" he asked.

Tifa's answer was a resounding, "BLOW ME!"

Tank was taken aback when she jumped back onto her feet with a kip-up, immediately meeting his gaze with a furious, rage-laden glare.

"Alright, tortoise," she snarled, stomping towards him and huffing and puffing all the way. "Now you've made me MAD!"

Tank shut his eyes and shielded his face, bracing himself for another strike... but it never came. Instead, he felt Tifa grab hold of his shell and hoist herself atop it.

My shell?, thought Tank. What the hay could she be planning to- URK!

Tank got his answer a moment later, when he felt two thick, beefy legs wrapping themselves around his cranium. The shock of having his vision blocked out was quickly eclipsed by the pain of a slow, deliberate leg scissor. Tifa pushed her thighs together harder and harder, crushing Tank's skull with her vicelike grip.

"Crack, you dumb tortoise!" she grunted. "Give up or I'll start squeezin' harder!"

As the pressure on Tank's head ramped up, he started to feel shortness of breath. The increased difficulty to carry oxygen to his brain made him feel as if he was drowning; drowning in a sea of flesh. Tank tried to grab Tifa's legs and pry them off, but her thighs of thunder refused to budge. An attempt to fling her off with his head was equally fruitless, as his head and neck were both kept firmly in place.

"You lost, tortoise," Tifa sneered as she tightened her grip even further. "Just give up and we can all go home."

But even as the pain reached intolerable levels and his consciousness quickly faded away from him, Tank refused to admit defeat. With the last bit of breath reserved in his lungs, Tank managed to croak out the following:

"Not...yet!"

In an act of true desperation, Tank reared himself back onto his tush and rocketed himself forward with all of his remaining might. In an exceptional display of strength, he broke Tifa's hold and bucked her off his back, sending her skittering onto the floor.

Tank greedily gasped in air, delighted at the sensation of being able to breathe (and see) again. As blood rushed back into his head, all of Tank's senses quickly returned to him.

His relief was cut short, however, when he spied his opponent pushing herself up off the floor. "Why...won't...you.. quit," she huffed, hobbling over towards the tortoise.

I was wondering the same thing about you, Tank thought.

"You're a tenacious one, I'll give ya that," she uttered, catching her beath. "But there ain't no way you can get up after this!"

She gripped Tank by the shell and swiveled him around 180 degrees, so his back was facing her. Before Tank could spin himself back towards her, he felt her grab him by the tail with both paws.

"Time to take the tortoise for a ride!"

With a heavy grunt of effort, she hoisted him off the ground and began to swing him around in a circle.

"W-w-WHOA!" Tank cried. He could do little to resist her as she spun him faster and faster, until the entire room was an unrecognizable blur. All he could do was tuck himself away into his shell and shut his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable collision with the wall. With every rotation, he could feel the falafel he had for supper rising back up through his esophagus.

"See ya!" Tifa exclaimed as she released her grip, sending Tank flying into the wall. Though he was safely tucked away in his shell, the impact of slamming against the wall of cages still shook him to his core, especially since it did nothing to stop the shell's momentum. Upon collision, it ricocheted off the cages and was sent careening in the other direction; right towards the pet who launched it.

Tifa barely had time to say, "Uh oh" before Tank's shell plowed into her at full force, sending her flying across the room like a rag doll.

The impact slowed the shell down considerably, enabling Tank to stick his legs out and stop himself. Unfortunately, the room was still spinning once he reopened his eyes and poked his head back out of his hole. Tank had to clench his throat shut to keep himself from spewing right then and there.

While Tank was waiting for the world to stop spinning so he could get off, his opponent was struggling to pick herself back up. Her belly and ribs were still throbbing with pain from the impact.

"T-that's it," she croaked. "No more. I'm done. You win."

"Already?" asked Winston, giving off a disappointed sigh. "Oh, well. The winner is Tank!"

***

Upon reaching the elevators, Angel leapt up and gave the down button a good whack.

"So here's the plan," he said to Gummy. "We wait for the elevator to take us to the lobby, and when it does, we run like the dickens. Sound good?"

Gummy gazed back at Angel, giving no discernible response.

"I'll take that as a yes."

After a moment, the elevator door in front of them shifted open to reveal, much to Angel's relief, an empty room. He and Gummy strolled inside, took a seat and waited for the doors to close again.

And waited.

"What the hay's the holdup?" griped Angel. "You'd think the damn thing would get moving after a-"

Gummy interrupted Angel with a tap on the shoulder and pointed him towards a cache of labeled buttons on the inside of the elevator.

"Oh."

Angel walked up to the buttons and studied them with a quizzical look on his face. "Which one do you think'll take us to the lobby?" he wondered out loud. Gummy, once again, gave no response.

"Eh, let's hit 'em all just to be safe."

*DING* *DING* *DING* *DING* *DING* *DING* *DING* *DING* *DING*

For the next few minutes, Angel and Gummy sat and waited as the elevator made its slow, tedious descent, stopping at each and every floor on the way down to the lobby. The only thing breaking up the monotony was the occasional sight of a perplexed-looking pony standing right outside the door.

Finally, the elevator arrived at its destination. As soon as the scent of fresh floor polish and potted plants came pouring into the elevator, Angel knew that the floor before them had to be the lobby.

"GO!" he shouted, taking off in a dead sprint out of the elevator. Gummy nodded and took off after him, staying right on his tail. The two pets were met with the bewildered stares of the apartment denizens as they ran the length of the lobby and barreled out the door. Once they cleared the stoop, they took a left turn and ran across the length of the block. Their run continued until they reached the corner, where they stopped to catch their breath.

"That *gasp* was *gasp* too *gasp* close," Angel wheezed. Both he and Gummy had to prop themselves up against a traffic pole to keep themselves from collapsing while they tried to regain their composure.

"So what *gasp* do we do now?" Angel asked.

Gummy, predictably, remained silent, save the sounds of his gasps for air.

"Yeah, I'm *gasp* stumped too," said Angel.

It was then that Angel realized how parched his mouth and throat were. He hadn't anything to drink since he set off on this excursion, and after the sprint, he could feel his body sweating itself dry.

"I *gasp... I got it," he huffed. "There's gotta be a way to get some water here in the city. Let's find it."

Gummy pointed to a puddle of water leaking into a sewer drain just beyond the curb, prompting a smack upside the head from Angel.

"Not that kinda water, you moron. What do you want me to do, throw up my guts?"

After thinking for a moment, Gummy shook his head.

"Oh, for the love of Pete," grumbled Angel, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know, rhetorical questions don't actually have to be answered, Gummy."

Gummy just gave Angel a blank look.

"Whatever. Point is, if I don't get hydrated soon, I'm gonna keel over. Let's get a move on."

Opalescence vs. Carne

Chapter 18: Opalescence vs. Carne

"You DID it!" squealed Opal as Winston let Tank back into the cage. As soon as he stepped foot inside and let the door close behind him, she grabbed him by the neck and squeezed him tight.

"E-easy, Opal!" said Tank, beginning to blush from Opal's affectionate display. Owlowiscious and Winona were tempted to step in and break it up, but they found the spectacle too amusing to interrupt.

"G-good *snicker* job, Tank," Owlowiscious uttered.

"Yeah, you *snort* really showed 'er, sugar," chuckled Winona.

Winston decided to give the pets a moment of privacy and took this time to pick up Tifa and walk her back to her cage. Every step of the way, Tifa could feel Winston's contemptuous glare boring through her.

"I did what I could, boss," Tifa said. "That tortoise's just-"

"Hush," chided Winston. "I don't want to hear your excuses. You had your chance, and now it's somebody else's turn."

Tifa just sighed and slunk into her cage with her head hanging in shame. Without another word to her, Winston slammed the gate shut, locked it, and turned around to face the rest of the store with a big smile on his face, immediately reassuming his affable demeanor.

"Well, that was quite a round, wasn't it?" he announced. "I don't know about you, but I'm ready for another one!"

With that, he marched out of the 'SMALL ANIMALS' aisle and into the one directly to its right, labeled 'CATS AND DOGS'.

"Well, I suppose this one could be for either of us," Opal whispered to Winona.

"Ah hope it's me," Winona responded. "Ah'm gettin' antsy." Her heart thumped with anticipation as she listened to Winston unlock the cage.

"Representing Pet Paradise," called Winston, "the Spawn of Tartarus... CARNE!"

All four of our heroes shuddered with fear upon catching a glimpse of the new challenger. Out of the aisle stepped a frighteningly large Germane Shepherd with jet black fur and blood red eyes that seemed to give off an ominous glow. As he paused to lick his chops, the pets caught sight of the two dagger-like fangs protruding from his upper jaw. Even through his thick coat, the pets could see massive slabs of muscle shifting around with every step he took.

"And his opponent," called Winston, "shall be... OPALESCENCE!"

Opalescence gasped in horror. "WHAT?!"

Winston strutted over to his cage. "Did I stutter?" he asked smugly. "Or do you prefer to go by your full name, Opalescence Luminosity Belle III?"

Winston swung open the cage door to find Opal backed up against the wall, trembling.

"S-sir," she stammered, "perhaps there's been s-some m-misunderstanding. I'm Opalescence."

Winston gave her a devilish smile. "I'm well aware," he said. "Now, please, step out of the cage."

This has to be a bad dream, Opal thought. What if he puts me in the hospital? What if I end up needing an operation? What if the operation fails? What if-

In the midst of her panic, Opal had failed to notice Tank inching towards her. Before she even realized he was next to her, she felt him lean in and give her a peck on the cheek. Opal looked to the left to see the tortoise inches away from her face, smiling warmly.

"You can do it, Opal," he said. "I believe in you."

And with that, the terror in Opal's eyes dissolved. With a renewed sense of vigor, she pushed herself off from the wall and stomped out of the cage. Mere moments after she felt Tank's lips against her, the fear that was dominating her mind seemed to relinquish its control over Opal's body. A new feeling of confidence and self-worth took command, driving Opal out of the cage and onto the battlefield to greet her opponent with her head held high and her chest out front.

Tank's right! she thought. I can do anything I set my mind to! I can... I can... oh, my...

But the closer she got to the looming figure in the center of the room, the harder it was for her to keep up her swagger. With his towering height, broad shoulders and trunk- like legs, Carne seemed to take up the entire room.

"Well, what do we have here?" he growled in a voice so thick and deep it made Opal's skin crawl. "I sure hope you've brushed your teeth, little lady."

"W-well, yes I have," Opal stammered. "I always brush before I-"

"'Cause it's bedtime."

Winston groaned and rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Carne, I could have come up with a better one liner than that," he scolded as he hopped back up onto the counter. "Oh, well, what's done is done. Round Three... FIGHT!"

Opal let out a shriek and leapt into action, tearing away at one of Carne's legs with her claws. Her claws, which had just started to dull from disuse, swiftly regained their sharpness with every slash. It was rare that Opal had the opportunity to really cut loose, but when she did, she could feel herself transform from a small, harmless house pet into a fearsome, ravenous beast.

Unfortunately, her joy was cut short when she felt a large, powerful hand grab her by the scruff of her neck and hoist her into the air. Before she knew it, Opal found herself face-to-face with the gargantuan hellhound, his crimson eyes staring into her soul. Opal cringed when she felt his hot, rancid breath buffeting her face, and shuddered with revulsion when she saw fresh saliva dripping from his jowls.

"My turn," he snarled. Carne reared himself back and hurled Opal across the room like a football, sending her crashing headfirst into the counter.

Opal moaned in pain as she picked herself back up, her head throbbing from the impact. Before she could recover from the crash, she saw Carne looming over her once again. She raised her paw, ready to strike, but Carne cut her off with a vicious slap to the face that sent her crumpling to the floor. A moment later, Opal felt his powerful jaw clamp down around her neck. In a frightening display of strength, Carne kicked his head back and flung Opal up into the air.

Opal took a deep breath and repositioned herself in midair, preparing to land on her feet. But just before she touched down, Carne cracked her in the jaw with his hind legs, which sent her rocketing into the glass Pet Paradise door. Opal hit the glass with a sickening smack, leaving a small crack at the point of impact after falling to the floor.

Just a couple feet away from her point of landing were her three friends, who could scarcely bear to watch. Just over a minute into the fight, Opal was already sporting a black eye and a gash mark across her back. In spite of the searing pain coursing through all her joints, Opal found the willpower to pick herself back up. Tank shuddered, feeling a twinge of guilt for putting Opal in this position.

Before she knew it, Carne was upon her again. He grabbed the scruff of her neck, lifted her up and pinned her against the wall. "It's way past your bedtime, kitty," he said, delivering punch after punch to her face. At this point, her entire body was begging her to give up, and the only thing keeping her conscious was her staunch refusal to let her friends down.

"Opal!" called a voice just behind Carne. Over his shoulder, she could see Tank peeking his head out of the cage. "Opal, listen to me. I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but you have to-"

He stopped cold when he saw Carne crane his head back, delivering an ominous glare. He dropped Opal, turned himself around and stepped over to confront her friend.

"There somethin' you want to say, little tortoise?" he asked.

Tank shook his head and began to retreat into the cage, only for Carne to grab him by the neck and pull his head back out.

"Then SHUT UP!" he roared, giving Tank a hard punch across the face that knocked him senseless.

Opal let out a huge gasp and rushed over towards the cage, ignoring her pain. Before Carne could even notice her, she rammed headfirst into his gut, sending him down onto the floor, doubling over in pain.

"Tank, are you okay?!" she cried, grasping Tank by the head and inspecting his face for any scars. "He didn't hurt you too bad, did he?"

"Opal, it's fine. I'm a little rattled, but I- OPAL!"

In the background, Tank noticed Carne picking himself off the floor, letting out a furious roar as he towered over the pets. "You'll pay for that!" he seethed. While her back was still turned, Carne reared back and threw a mighty punch, aimed at the back of her head.

*thunk*

In the blink of an eye, Opal swiveled herself around and caught the blow with her paw, inches before it connected with her head. Carne couldn't help but notice that the fear he had seen on her face before had completely dissipated. In its place was a furious glower and a contemptuous scowl.

"That was very rude," she scolded. "You do not strike a lady when her back is turned, especially not when she's tending to her friend. More importantly, your attack on my friend was entirely uncalled for."

Carne just growled and threw another punch at her with his free paw, which Opal also caught.

"And that is quite another thing. When someone is talking, you sit patiently and listen until the other person is done."

Carne, feeling an odd combination of confusion and frustration, jerked his paws away from Opal and set himself back on the ground. "You're dead meat!" he shouted, backing up and readying himself for a charge. Once he was a few feet back, he thrust himself headfirst towards Opal at full force.

*SMACK*

Opal backhanded Carne in the face mid-charge, sending him skittering onto the floor. This move shocked her three friends, as well as the rest of the store, into an awed silence. As he tried to pick himself up off the floor, Carne shook his head in disbelief, struggling to process what just happened. As soon as he got back up, he saw a very annoyed looking cat marching towards him without the slightest hint of apprehension.

On an impulse, Carne thrust his head forward and snapped his jaws at her. Opal ducked under the bite with no visible effort, her demeanor and disposition unchanged by the sudden attack. Before Carne could ready another bite, Opal wrapped her arms and tail around his jaw, sealing it shut. Carne tried to fling her off, but Opal managed to keep herself planted firmly upon the ground.

"No!" she barked. "Naughty, naughty dog!"

The crowd watched with rapt attention as she tightened her grip around Carne's head. All of her muscles were throbbing with strain, leading the audience to wonder what exactly she was trying to accomplish. Their answer came mere moments later, when they saw all four of Carne's feet leave the floor. The entire store gasped when they saw Opal lift him off the ground, hold him aloft for a second or two, and body slam him back down belly-first.

"That was for TANK!" she bellowed as his body collided with the floor.

Carne writhed in pain from the sudden impact, clutching his ribs. As he saw Opal's contempt-laden face looming over his, he realized that, for the first time, he was the one who was afraid.

"I thought you were scary," Opal said chidingly as she gazed downward into his eyes. "But you're not. You're just a naughty little boy who needs some discipline."

She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in, until his face was inches away from hers. All of a sudden, those blood red eyes and razor sharp fangs didn't seem all that threatening anymore.

"And you'd better believe that you're going to get some," she said, dragging him to the center of the room. "How old are you?"

Carne just whimpered in response.

"I said, how old are you?!" she demanded.

"T-three?" he squeaked, his voice at least an octave higher than it was before.

Opal used her free paw to give him a hard slap across the face. "I'm FOUR!" she shouted. "And I think YOU need to respect your elders!"

Opal then proceeded to slap him back and forth, over and over again, each slap sounding like a firecracker going off. All the while, Owlowiscious, Tank and Winona just looked on in total awe, barely able to comprehend how quickly Opal had turned the tables.

By the time she was done slapping him, Carne was reduced to a whimpering, simpering mess, silently begging Opal to have mercy on him.

"Now say you're sorry!" she demanded.

"S-sorry," he uttered.

"Sorry for what?"

"Sorry for...sorry for everything."

Opal shook her head and released his neck, letting him collapse onto the floor. "I'm sorry, but that's not good enough. I'm afraid you'll have to be punished some more." She walked around him, grabbed him by his tail with her left paw and hoisted it upward. She then pulled back her right paw and gave him a massive smack across his backside. Carne howled in pain.

"Now give me a REAL apology!" she yelled as she smacked him again and again.

"I'M SORRY!" he wailed, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

"Sorry for what?!"

"I'M... I'M SORRY FOR BEING A NAUGHTY DOG!"

"ENOUGH!" cried Winston from his perch atop the counter. "I think we've all seen more than enough of this, so I'm stopping the match right now.

"The winner is... good lord, I can't believe I'm saying this, but the winner is Opalescence!"

***

By a stroke of luck, the two had managed to wander into one of the more affluent sectors of Manehattan in the midst of their journey. The dingy, unkempt apartment buildings had since given way to luxurious high rises, swanky restaurants and coffee shops, all lined with elms and maples across the block.

But the natural beauty of their environment mattered little to Angel at this point. After block after block of trekking in search of a drink, Angel's dehydration was beginning to take his toll on him. Due to the dryness of his throat, his voice was reduced to a wheezy rasp, his head was beginning to throb from pain, and each step he took felt more laborious than the last.

"Gummy, I'm dyin' here," he gasped. "If we don't find some water soon, I'm gonna keel over. You still don't see anything?"

Suddenly, Gummy tapped Angel on the shoulder and pointed forward, directing his attention down the block.

"Eh? What're you pointing a-"

And then, Angel saw it. In the center of the square, Gummy spied a marble statue of Princess Platinum overlooking a large fountain. Angel gasped with joy at the sight of water gushing in seemingly endless amounts from the statue's top. How could he possibly have missed it?

With no time to waste, Angel grabbed Gummy by the hand and rushed towards the fountain, running across the street and darting under ponies' legs. His mad dash earned him the bemused stares of the few ponies who managed to notice them, but Angel paid them no heed. Upon reaching the fountain, Angel was delighted to find that the water in the fountain was as clear as it could be, free of any sign of grime or sludge. Angel reached into the fountain, scooped up some water into his paw and brought it to his lips, confident in the knowledge that it was perfectly safe to drink.

Or was it?

"Angel, no!" cried Fluttershy. Before he could tip his hand into the lake, Fluttershy grabbed him and yanked him away from it.

"Never, EVER drink water from a public lake like that," she said. "It'll make you sick."

Angel eyed her skeptically and pointed towards the lake, beckoning her to take note of the clear, pristine appearance of the water.

"Oh, Angel, I know it looks clean, but that only means that nothing lives in it. There could be arsenic in it, or even cyanide! And you DON'T want to put those in your mouth."

Fluttershy picked up Angel and hoisted him onto her back. "Come on, let's go home and I'll give you a glass of water from the tap. THAT water is safe."

Angel grumbled and grudgingly let the water fall from his paw. Better safe than sorry, he thought.

"I hate to say this, Gummy, but I don't think this is gonna work. For all we know, this stuff could make us crap out our own intestines. The only way we'll know for sure if the water is safe to drink is if we see someone else drinking it."

Then, just beyond the fountain, Angel found a particularly enticing store on the block just beyond the fountain. The awning was topped with a neon sign that read 'The Watering Hole', accompanied by a picture of a pony guzzling a glass of what was presumably a cold, refreshing beverage.

"Eh, close enough."

Angel and Gummy hopped off the fountain and strolled up to the awning. In front of the store was a line of young stallions and mares waiting to get in, headed by a brawny brown earth pony with a boot emblazoned on his flank.

"Alright, lemme see yours," the earth pony said. The pony at the front of the line, an orange unicorn mare in a modest skirt and a heavy overcoat, pulled her ID out of her wallet and held it up for the earth pony to see.

"Hmm... okay, you're good," the earth pony said, stepping to the side and letting the unicorn walk in.

Angel sighed. "I dunno if we're gonna make it in, Gummy," he said. "I mean, this place's pretty exclusive. You think we should just move on and look somewhere else?

"...Gummy?"

Suddenly, Angel realized that his bug eyed companion had vanished from his side. Angel's eyes darted around his surroundings in search of the alligator, only to find his head peeking out of the unicorn mare's overcoat pocket. Before Angel knew it, both she and Gummy had disappeared into the building.

"Damn it, Gummy."

Winona vs...

Chapter 20: Winona vs...

Winston sighed, hopped over to his cage and undid the lock for Opal, muttering indecipherably to himself all the while. After opening the door for her, he turned around and lead the trembling, whimpering Carne back to his cage. Opal, meanwhile, nonchalantly trotted back to greet Tank, Owlowiscious and Winona, all of whom were staring at her in utter disbelief.

"What?" asked Opal. "Aren't you all happy I won the match?"

"W-well, yes," said Owlowiscious. "We just didn't expect you to win it in quite that manner."

"Oh, it's no big deal," Opal said with a chuckle. "He just needed to be taught how to behave, is all." She scooted over to Tank and started tickling his cheek. "And no one hurts my Tanky Wanky and gets away with it."

Tank gave off a nervous laugh. I'm not sure if this should make me feel lucky or scared.

Winona shook her head, snapping out of her state of shock. "Don't matter," she said. "Long as you won the match, we're good. An' now it's mah turn."

A moment later, Winston slammed the door shut on Carne's cage. "Well, apparently, that just happened," Winston announced as he locked the cage door behind him. "I have to hand it to you, intruders; I never expected you to make it this far. But I'm afraid your winning streak ends here."

"The hay it does!" shouted Winona, bolting out of the cage and planting herself in the center of the store, snarling in anticipation.

"Oh, fudge," Winston said with a shake of his head. "I forgot to lock your cage door behind me. Oh, well."

Winston shrugged, left the 'CATS AND DOGS' aisle and slipped into the 'BIRDS' aisle, which piqued Winona's curiosity.

So ah'm fightin' a bird, eh? she thought. Shouldn't be too hard. If ah can round up all the chickens in Applejack's coop, ah can-

"Boss, c'mon!" called a deep, raspy voice from within the aisle. "You're not having me fight twice, are you?"

"Don't be silly," said Winston. "You'll be refereeing this match. Now get a move on."

Out of the aisle flew a weary, battered Clint, still recuperating from his earlier fight with Owlowiscious. Winston strolled out of the aisle after him.

"Boss, I don't know if I'm up for this," Clint said as he fluttered up to the counter, grunting in pain with each flap of his wings.

"Oh, stop your bellyaching," scolded Winston as he walked over towards his cage. "All you have to do is watch the match and declare the winner at the end."

Clint sighed. "All right," he said. "I'll do it."

"Hold up," said Winona. "Why's Clint gotta do it? Why can't you do it this time?"

Winston locked his cage door, sealing Winona's three friends inside, and he turned to face Winona with a wry smile on his face. "Because, my dear, Winona, your opponent..."

He grabbed his sweater, pulled it up over his head, gave it a couple of swings and cast it to the side.

"...is moi."

A devilish grin spread across Winona's face. Right before her in the arena stood the object of her contempt, her anger, her righteous outrage. Now was her chance to unleash all of her rage on someone who truly, absolutely deserved it. With every second she spent looking at Winston, with his smug grin and inhuman air of superiority, her blood pressure climbed higher.

"Excited?" Winston asked. "I'm glad you are. But darling, you're in for a rude awakening if you think I'm going to make this easy for you."

He planted himself on all fours and gave Winona a warlike glare from across the room. "I hope for your sake that you've brought your A game, Winona. Because ready or not, here I come!"

"Final Round.... FIGHT!" Clint announced.

"RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!"

Winona let out a stream of harsh- sounding barks as she charged towards her opponent. Just before she made contact, Winston leapfrogged over her head and stuck a perfect landing below.

"Is that all?" Winston taunted.

Winona immediately pivoted around and charged at Winston again, but he stopped her advance with a well timed donkey kick to the jaw. Winona staggered backward, recoiling from the sharp pain shooting up through her jawline. While she was stunned, Winston stuck out his rear and gave Winona a couple of light slaps across the face with his tail.

Winona let out a deep growl and started snapping her teeth at his tail. Winston casually flitted his tail back and forth, weaving around each bite. In a fit of frustration, Winona stuck out her paw and swatted Winston away, sending him sprawling onto the floor. Without wasting a second, Winston rolled onto his feet and started scurrying away from his opponent and towards the counter.

"Oh, no you don't!" Winona called, chasing after him. Just before she reached the counter wall, Winston hopped onto her nose and used her head as a springboard to propel himself up onto the counter top. Winona gave off a frustrated snarl, cursing herself for letting Winston out of her grasp.

"Now it's time to show you what I'm truly capable of," Winston announced as he strutted across the counter and planted himself in front of the cash register. "THUNDER BALL!"

Winston leaned forward and headbutted the cash register. With a sharp ka-ching, the drawer burst open and knocked Winston straight into the wall. The impact sent him ricocheting off the wall and onto the floor, and then off the floor and onto the ceiling, until he was bouncing around the store like a living superball. Winona's eyes darted around every which way in a vain attempt to follow his movement, but all she managed to do was make herself dizzy.

While Winona was disoriented, Winston rocketed towards her and landed a direct hit right on the side of her belly. Upon delivering the blow, he uncurled himself in midair and landed on all fours. Winona staggered back and forth, reeling from the unexpected burst of pain, before collapsing onto the floor.

Winston ambled up to his downed opponent with a confident smirk on his face, before buffeting her snout with some light, playful jabs. "You were so close," he sneered. "But it was all in vain. I'm the rightful ruler of Pet Paradise, and it's going to stay that way for a long, long time."

Suddenly, Winona raised her paw and slammed it down hard on Winston's head, pinning him face down onto the ground. While Winston squirmed under her grip, Winona took a deep breath and, with a grunt of effort, pushed herself back up onto her feet. As she rose, Winston felt himself getting pushed harder and harder into the floor. In an act of desperation, Winston whisked his tail around and gave Winona some light tickling under her chin. This sent her into a giggling fit and alleviated the pressure for just long enough for Winston to wriggle out of her grasp.

Winston stumbled away from Winona, clutching his ribs. Seeing a golden opportunity to strike again, Winona clamped her paw down on his tail. Upon realizing that he was pinned (again), Winston gasped and turned around to face his attacker. And in that moment, Winona saw, for the first time since she arrived, a twinge of fear in Winston's eyes. His swagger and bravado evaporated from his face as the realization that he was no longer in control sunk in. Winona couldn't help but smile.

Winston grabbed his tail with both paws and tried to pry it out from under Winona, to no avail. Winona took a few seconds to savor the sight of him struggling helplessly against her before gripping his tail and hoisting him up off the ground. As he dangled from her paw, she brought his face less than an inch away from hers and looked him straight in the eye.

"You're garbage," she growled.

And with that, Winona reared herself back and flung him headfirst into the cage-lined wall as hard as she could. Winston hit the wall with a clatter and dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Before he could even begin to pick himself up, Winona dashed over, scooped him up into her paws and hurled him towards the opposite wall. This time, Winston was prepared to respond. A split second before he collided with the cages, he stuck his paws out and latched onto the bars. Sensing that Winona was hot on his tail, he scampered up the wall with every ounce of energy he had left. Winona charged after him, but by the time she crossed over to the opposite wall, he was already nearing the top of the cages.

Upon reaching the top, Winston took a seat and gave himself a much-needed moment to catch his breath and mull over his options. This moment was cut short, however, when he saw Winona wrap her paws around the bars and start scaling the cages, honing in on his temporary refuge.

Winston quivered with fear as he watched his snarling, foaming attacker draw closer and closer. "P-please, darling, control yourself!" he stammered. "Stop, before you do something you'll regret!"

His pleas, much to his dismay, fell on deaf ears. Winona continued to hoist herself higher, letting her pure, unbridled, carnal rage overtake her. Winston tried to back away, only to find the wall blocking him from retreating any further. Before he could put together a plan to escape, he saw Winona's left paw gripping the top of the cage, and his heart skipped a beat. A moment later, it was joined by her right, and his heart skipped again. Then he saw Winona's furious face emerge from below, and his heart nearly jumped out of his throat.

In a fit of panic, Winston whirled around and caught Winona off guard with a roundhouse kick to the teeth. While she was still reeling from the blow, he followed it up with another kick, this one catching her right between the eyes. The second strike left Winona in a dazed state, causing her to loosen her grip on the cage.

Winston spied his chance to finish her off and took it without hesitation. He thrust himself forward and delivered a punishing jab to the dog's throat. Winona, feeling shortness of breath, instinctively grasped at her windpipe, causing her to let go of the cage and lose her balance. All four of her friends looked on in horror as she plummeted to the floor below.

Upon hearing the sound of Winona's body smacking the cold, hard floor below, Winston's pride began to return to him. His terror-striken frown curled upwards into a wicked smile. The change was so sudden that he couldn't help but let a laugh or two escape him.

Just to relish in his victory, he lowered himself from the cages, dropped onto the floor and started surveying Winona's body. He couldn't detect a single sign of motion or life coming from her prone body; not a twitch, not a shudder, not even a breath. Her jaw was hanging open lazily, her jowls were dripping with drool, and her eyes were rolled into the back of her head. She was done.

"Winona!" cried Tank from the corner of the room. "Winona, get up! Please, get up!"

"This... this is impossible!" shouted Owlowiscious, who started banging helplessly on the bars of the cage. "It can't end like this!"

Opal just put her head down on Tank's shell and began to weep.

"Oh, but it can end like this," Winston said, turning to face the three pets. "And it will. Clint, do the honors and announce the winner."

Clint nodded. "Absolutely, sir. The winner is-"

And then he saw it. Out of nowhere, while Winston's back was turned to her, Winona stirred. With a deep breath, she rolled onto her belly, planted all four of her feet on the ground, and triumphantly lifted herself upward. Opal was ready to let out a cheer, but Owlowiscious clamped his wing over her mouth before she could.

"Well?" said Winston. "What are you waiting for, you idiot?! Call the match!"

"She ain't done, boss," Clint said with a sigh.

"What do you mean she's not- GAH!"

Winston swiveled around to find, much to his horror, his furious opponent looming over him. Before he had the chance to react, Winona grabbed him by the tail and lifted him off the ground.

"B-but how?!" cried Winston. "I saw you- we ALL saw you-"

"It's called playin' dead, you dirty lil' varmint."

While keeping a firm grip on his tail, Winona swung Winston right into the cage wall. And then she did it again, and again, pouring all of her righteous outrage into every swing. As his body crashed against the cage wall, Winston's consciousness began to slip away from him.

After she felt that he had been thoroughly thrashed, Winona let Winston slip from her paw and drop down onto the floor below. She decided to take one last look at her fallen challenger before Clint made her victory official...

...and as she gazed into Winston's glazed, vigorless eyes, her brow unfurrowed itself, her muscles relaxed, her teeth unclenched, and the rage in her eyes dissipated.

But something new was taking hold. As she continued to hold her gaze, Winona's eyes bulged wider and wider open, her jaw hung low, and she began to develop a shiver. "Ah...ah..."

"You won, pup," Clint announced. "The winner is Winona!"

***

Gummy, you damned maniac, what am I going to do with you? thought Angel. Oh, well. Here goes nothing.

While the bouncer was occupied, Angel managed to slip under his legs and into the bar in search of his friend.

"All right, Gummy, I'm coming for you!...oh, dear..."

Once Angel arrived, he was dismayed to find the place packed from corner to corner. Angel didn't even get a chance to survey his environment, because every inch of the store seemed to be obscured by the crowd. If he wanted to find the mare whose coat Gummy had stowed away in, he'd have to wade through a seemingly endless sea of faces. On the positive side, this made him nearly impossible to spot.

Angel sighed and took off into the crowd, scanning his surroundings for any sign of that mare. Much to Angel's frustration, her cutie mark had been covered by her skirt, so he'd have to identify her based on skin color and clothing alone.

Lessee here... orange coat, brown overcoat, khaki skirt... orange coat, brown overcoat, khaki skirt... orange coat, brown overcoat, khaki skirt... orange coat, brown overcoat, khaki skirt...

Angel grew more and more discouraged as he waded through the crowd. He found plenty of different unicorns, earth ponies and pegasi, of all ages, colors and sizes, young and old, casual and dressy, thin and fat... but nopony who quite fit the description he was looking for. Angel had tried calling his name, but the collective roar of the crowd drowned him out.

"Gummy..." he wheezed, feeling his energy slip away from him. "Gummy, where the hell are you, you-"

Just then, he felt a cold, scaly hand grip him by the ears. Before he could respond, the hand hoisted him off the ground and pulled him into a dark crevice.

"W-what's going on?!" Angel demanded. "Where am I?!"

Angel's eyes darted around, trying to identify the dark, wooly, itchy cavern he had just been pulled into.

And then, in the middle of the thick, murky darkness, Angel spied a pair of wide, bulging purple eyes; eyes that Angel would recognize anywhere.

"Gummy!" he cried, embracing his companion. "Sweet Celestia, Gummy, don't scare me like that. You almost gave me a damned heart attack."

Gummy smiled and returned Angel's embrace, squeezing him like a teddy bear.

"Um, Gummy, that's a liiittle too tight," Angel said, squirming out of the alligator's grip. "Plus, now that we're inside, we might as well get on with our mission. Here, lemme get some light up in this bitch."

Angel reached up and pushed the overcoat pocket flap open, letting light and sound flood into their hiding place. Through the opening, Angel spied a tan apron-clad unicorn stallion working tirelessly behind a counter. His horn glowed incessantly as he scurried back and forth, mixing drinks and levitating them over to his continuous stream of customers.

"And what would you like?" he asked, stopping directly in front of Angel.

"Just gimme the usual, Mac," called a feminine voice from just above Angel's line of sight.

"You got it."

With that, the stallion promptly got to work. As he grabbed a hollow metal cylinder off the shelf, his horn's glow reignited itself. Two bottles, one clear and one opaque, were engulfed in a mahogany aura and levitated over towards the stallion. He carefully poured the contents of both bottles into the cylinder, keeping a sharp eye on them to make sure he had just the right amount of each. Once that was done, he set the bottles down, put a cap on the cylinder and gave it a good, hardy shake.

Angel's mouth started to water as he poured the clear, sparkling mixture into a glass and floated it over towards his customer.

"Thanks," the mare said. "I've been having a rough day."

But it seemed that nopony ever told the unsuspecting mare to keep a close eye on her drink; while she was shooting the breeze with the stallion behind the counter, Angel spied his opportunity to grab the glass and take a sip...

...and he almost choked. As soon as the sharp, bitter taste of the drink hit Angel's lips, he nearly spat it out.

"Blech! What kind of water is this?! It's bitter and sour and gross and...

"...and...

"Actually, I kind of want another sip."

As disgusting as he found the taste of the drink, Angel couldn't help but feel intrigued. It was unlike anything he had tasted before; harsh and intense, but at the same time, rather alluring. Like cough syrup, but more robust and flavorful.

Against his better judgment, Angel grabbed the glass and sipped it again. This sip went down far easier than the first. While the strength of the concoction caught him off guard, he found the taste much less abrasive once he knew what to expect.

"Hey, this isn't half bad! Gummy, you've gotta try some of this!"

Throughout the night, Angel and Gummy drank to their hearts' content, and the mare was none the wiser. After a few more sips, Angel could feel his worries and anxieties melting away, and his tension evaporating. A few sips later, his head started to spin, and he could feel himself relinquishing control of his body to some otherworldly force. A few sips after that, Angel only had the faintest idea of where he was and what he was doing. He didn't know what this concoction was, or why it was having this effect on him...

...but whatever it was, he liked it.

Start Spreading The News, We're Leaving Today

Chapter 7: Start Spreading the News, We’re Leaving Today

“Manehattan?!” sputtered Owlowiscious. “Winona, are you insane?!”

“Yeah, I second that,” said Angel. “Winona, what the hell are you thinking? Even ignoring the fact that none of us know our way around Manehattan, how are we even going to get there?”

“By train, of course!” Winona exclaimed. “Babs takes the train back n’ forth ‘tween here and Manehattan all the time, so why can’t we?”

“Winona, we’re pets,” said Tank. “They’re not just going to let us on without our owners with us.”

“That didn’t stop us from goin’ to the Crystal Empire that one time.”

“That’s because Spike was with us, dear,” said Opal. “We wouldn’t have been able to get on if he wasn’t.”

“Angel did,” Winona responded.

“That's because I snuck on, you dingus,” Angel said, smacking Winona upside the head. “Are you seriously suggesting that we all try to sneak onto the train without anyone noticing us?”

“Well, it’s worth a shot, ain’t it?” asked Winona, rubbing her head in pain.

“No,” Angel said flatly. “No, Winona, it is not worth a shot. I mean, let’s assume for a moment that your crazy- ass plan actually works. We get to Manehattan… and then what? Wander around in a massive city that none of us know the first thing about?”

“Exactly!” cried Winona as her tail started wagging rapidly. “That’s the fun of it! It’ll be an adventure, y’all!”

“Yes, an adventure that will likely lead to us getting hopelessly lost for days on end,” said Owlowiscious, shuddering at the thought. “The last thing I want is to come home to see Mistress Twilight turning the entire library upside down looking for me.”

“You’re worried about Twilight?” Opal scoffed. “Imagine how hysterical my owner is going to get when she notices that I’m missing.”

“Or mine,” said Angel.

“Oh, y’all don’t have to worry ‘bout that!” Winona said. “They won’t be comin’ home till three in the mornin’, at the earliest. If we can get back by tomorrow, they prob’ly won’t even notice we’re gone!”

“But that’s quite a big ‘if’, Winona,” Owlowiscious said with some concern. “Who knows how long it’ll take us to get back? What if we end up lost for days? Or weeks? Quite frankly, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Well, it’s a risk that ah’m willin’ to take,” Winona said defiantly. “Ah sure as sugar ain’t gonna let this opportunity slip away. No, sir.

“Every week our owners go on some wild adventure an’ leave us behind. Fightin’ dragons, baitin’ timberwolves, explorin’ the Everfree Forest, savin’ the universe, and what do we do? We wait ‘n wait ‘n wait ‘n wait for them to get back.

“Well, now it’s OUR turn!” she barked, banging her paw on the ground. “Ah’m tired of waitin’ around for somethin’ excitin’ to happen! Now’s our chance to take the initiative and make somethin’ excitin’ happen! An’ it might just be the last chance we ever gon’ get!”

If she says ‘YOLO’, I’m going to pummel her, thought Angel.

Winona strutted directly up to Owlowiscious and started poking him sharply in the belly. “Don’t cha agree, Owlowiscious? Don’t cha wanna get out there and do somethin’ you’ll really remember?”

“W-well,” he stuttered, “I appreciate the offer, but I’m still going to have to say-”

“Don’t cha?” She continued to jab him, while bringing her face inches away from his.

“Well, I-”

“Don’t cha?”

“I-”

“DON’T CHA, OWLOWISCIOUS?”

“YES!” Owlowiscious cried, forcefully shoving Winona down onto her hindquarters. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!...Winona, I've told you about the time I burst into that dragon’s cavern to save Spike, right? Well, when that happened, something awoke inside of me. It gave me a rush, a burst of adrenaline that I’ve been longing to feel ever since! I came within inches, INCHES of having every single one of my feathers singed off! It made me feel so… so alive!

“But until now, I’ve just had to keep that desire bottled up, buried within the dankest crevices of my unconscious. Not anymore!”

“Ah KNEW it!” Winona cheered, hopping to her feet. “Can’t hide nothin’ from a dog!”

Okay, in all honesty, I did not see this coming, thought Tank.

“I’m getting on that train, Winona,” the owl continued. “I’m getting on that train, and the rest of you are welcome to join me if you have the balls!”

"WOO-EEE!" hollered Winona as the two of them immediately took off for the train station. The other four were, understandably, a little stymied by the normally cautious owl’s outburst.

“Gosh, you think we should follow them?” asked Tank.

“Eh, probably,” Angel responded. “Just to make sure that they stay out of trouble. Besides, if anything happens to us, we can just blame it all on them.”

“Well, you’re not going to have any fun if you go in with that attitude,” said Opal. “Quite frankly, I’m actually a little excited for our impromptu venture. There are just so many wonderful things to do in Manehattan! The parks, the museums, the discos, the wonderful places to shop… oh, and the FOOD! I’ve always dreamt of getting the chance to eat at-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Angel said dismissively as he hopped after Owlowiscious and Winona, desperate not to let them disappear into the thickening darkness of the evening. “Save it.”

“But I haven’t even told you about Bridleway yet!” called Opal, struggling to keep up with her Leporid companion. "Have you ever seen My Fair Filly? Oh, you MUST see that show if you haven't already!"

And so, the (other) Mane Six set off to begin their journey. What trials and tribulations awaited them in the City of Dreams?

Farewell, Pet Paradise

Chapter 21: Farewell, Pet Paradise

Tank, Owlowiscious and Opalescence whooped with joy as soon as Clint made his announcement. Seconds later, they were joined by the rest of the pet store, and the entire room erupted with cheers, applause and adulation.

"You did it, Winona!" cried Tank. "You pushed on and you did it!"

A sense of relief passed over the three pets as the realized that, at long last, Winona's crusade was over. The dog they knew and loved would finally return.

Clint glided over towards Winston's cage, undid the lock with his beak and swung the door open. "You did it, strangers. All four of you fought like champs. Especially you, owl."

Owlowiscious giggled, shielding his face with his wing to hide his blush.

"Oh, stop. You kicked my ass good and you know it. Now get out here and congratulate your friend."

The three of them nodded, smiled and emerged from the cage, eager to give their friend the praise she deserved.

But as the they approached Winona, they noticed that she still hadn't budged from her spot. She was still staring down at Winston's prone, barely conscious body, with her jaw hanging slack and her body shivering incessantly.

"Winona?" called Tank. "It's over. You won."

Winona's jaw snapped shut and she hurriedly turned her head towards her three comrades. "Oh, uh, thanks. G... good for me."

Owlowiscious gave her a worried look. "Well, what's the matter? Aren't you glad you won?"

Winona's gaze drifted downward as she rubbed her paw back and forth against the floor. "Oh, ah am, Tank, make no mistake 'bout that. Ah'm sure this is gonna be a happier place now that we've done what we've done."

"...but?" asked Opal.

"But look at what ah had to do. Look at what ah had to be." Winona's forehead started to wrinkle, and her shiver intensified.

"What do you mean?" Tank asked, even though he knew exactly what she was talking about.

Winona shrunk away from him. "Ah saw myself, Tank," she whimpered. "Ah saw my reflection in his eyes. An' the dog ah saw starin' back at me was a... a monster." Winona nearly choked on that last word.

Owlowiscious gasped. "Winona, never, ever talk like that. You're a-"

"You were scared o' me!" cried Winona, pointing an accusatory paw at Owlowiscious. "Ah saw you, an' ah could tell you were scared!"

"I- I wasn't- well, maybe a little, but I just wasn't used to seeing you like-"

"Owlowiscious, please," Opal said. "Let me handle this."

She took a few steps closer towards Winona. By this time, the crowd had long since died down and an awkward silence had passed over the store. Winona could feel the judgmental glares from all the pets in the store piercing through her, and it was enough to make her want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

"Winona, there's something I need to tell you," Opal said. "I have to admit, I was a little frightened of you, too."

"Ah knew it!" cried Winona, recoiling from Opal. "Even you were scared! Ain't no two ways about it, ah'm a-"

"Stop," Opal said sharply. "Don't interrupt."

"...okay," Winona uttered, taking a seat down on the ground and letting her head hang down in shame.

"Much better," said Opal. "Winona, in all honesty, we all were a little scared of you. But do you know who else scares me when she gets mad?"

"Who?" asked Winona.

"Rarity."

Winona let out a tiny little sliver of a gasp and craned her head up until her eyes met Opal's. "Rarity?" she asked, her anxiety eased by Opal's warm, motherly gaze.

"Yes, Rarity. Did I tell you about the time she yelled at Sweetie Belle for tracking mud in the boutique? I was hiding underneath the futon the whole time."

Winona had to hold back a chuckle. "Turns into a real demon, don't she?"

"That's putting it lightly," Opal said, letting off a fearful shudder before reassuming her warm demeanor. "But Winona, the point is that no matter how mad she gets, she's still my Rarity. And I love her with all of my heart."

Opal took Winona by the paw and gently pulled her in. "And you're still the same Winona we all know. It's okay to get angry every once in a while. It doesn't make you a monster, or a bad dog, or any of that other nonsense."

A small smile began to break out across Winona's face. "You... you mean it?"

"Absolutely," said Opal, returning the smile. "You're still our friend, Winona."

Winona leaped forward and glomped Opal, eliciting a yelp from the startled cat. She wriggled out of Winona's grip and scurried away from her. "But I do not recall giving you permission to do that," she said, brushing her fur back into place.

Winona lost her smile. "Sorry, that was rude o' me," she said with a sigh, letting her gaze drift back towards the ground.

"Well, you don't have to feel bad about it," Opal said. "Just-"

Winona let out a couple of puppy- like whimpers.

"Oh, fine," grumbled Opal, reluctantly holding out her paws. "Come here."

Winona regained her smile and walked towards Opal, giving her a gentle hug. Opal repressed a shudder of revulsion and forced herself to lean in and return the hug. A moment later, Owlowiscious flew in, perched himself beside the two and wrapped his wings around the both of them. They were then joined by Tank, who walked in and started snuggling Winona around the waist.

"Y'all are the best," Winona whispered, letting a lone tear drip down her face. Even Opal let a contented purr escape her lips as she felt the warmth of her friends' embrace surround her. A collective 'Awwwww' could be heard from the crowd around them.

"How touching," came a weary, embittered voice from just a few feet away. On the other side of the room, Winston was just beginning to pick himself up off the floor. Before he could make it onto his feet, Clint swooped in and perched himself in front of his boss.

"Don't you dare try to ruin this moment," Clint warned.

"Don't worry, I won't," Winston said. "And I gave my word. I shan't be forcing any more fights here at Pet Paradise. Also..."

He hobbled over to Tank while he was still in the middle of the group hug. "...I believe this is yours."

He plucked Tank's propeller out of his pocket and refastened it to his shell. Tank grinned, gaining a renewed sense of comfort and security from having the propeller wrapped snugly around his waist again.

"To be honest, I'm a little disappointed," Clint said. "I kinda liked the fights. Gave me a good way to blow off steam."

Winston sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Clint, but my paws are tied. I made a deal and I lost it fair and square."

"But can't I keep up my fighting anyway?" asked Clint. "You know, if I really want to?"

Winston gasped, and a grin started to spread across his face. "Actually... now that you mention it, I suppose you can."

"WHAT?!" barked Winona, breaking up the hug and stomping towards Winston. Tank, Owlowiscious and Opal started to advance towards Winston as well, glaring at him all the way.

"Now you're just going back on your deal!" cried Tank.

"I'm doing no such thing," said Winston. "If you recall, I said that if I lost, I'd never force another animal to fight again."

Winston laughed. "Aren't I an absolute card? If all four of you win, I'll never force another animal to fight again."

"There, see? I said it. But I didn't say that there wouldn't be any fighting at all."

He turned around to face the rest of the store. "So by my decree," he announced, "the nightly fights at Pet Paradise will continue... but only for those who wish to participate!"

The store erupted into cheers once more. The smaller, more frail pets gave off a collective sigh of relief, content in the knowledge that their nights of forced combat were over.

"...well, ah s'pose that's okay," Winona said with a shrug, as she and her friends backed off. "Long as you're not forcin' anyone to do it."

"Indeed," said Winston. "I'll admit that it's a bit less fun this way, but as I said, I gave my word."

"And you'd better stick by it," warned Tank. "But I think we're done here. We'd love to stick around, but we have a rabbit and a gator to catch."

Winona gasped. "Oh my stars, Angel n' Gummy! They could be anywhere by now!"

She took off towards the door, beckoning the other three pets to join her. "Come on, fellas! Let's get a move on!"

But just as the three of them were about to take after her, they heard a cry of, "WAIT!" coming from Tifa's cage.

Winona stopped in her tracks. "What's wrong?"

"Clint, lemme out," Tifa said. "I wanna say something to these guys before they split."

"Me, too!" called Carne.

Clint sighed, glided into the first aisle, picked the lock on Tifa's cage and let her out. As he flew into the next aisle to let out Carne, Tifa walked out of the aisles towards the heroes, showing a slight limp from her earlier scuffle.

"You there, Tank," she said. "Get over here."

Tank gulped and took a few timid steps towards the hare. "What is it?"

Tifa smiled at him. "First and foremost, lemme thank you guys for settin' things straight here. You really did the pets here a favor.

"Second of all, I didn't get a chance to say this earlier, but you're one hell of a tortoise. I don't think I've ever fought anyone who could take as much as you can."

She leaned over and gave his shell a couple of raps with her paw. "I want you to know that you're the toughest sonofabitch I've ever met. Know it. Own it. Don't you let anyone try to sell you short, and if they do, give 'em hell."

Tank let out a bashful chuckle.

"What, that's funny to you?" snapped Tifa. "I ain't tellin' jokes here, I'm tellin' the truth. You're a brick house, Tank."

"N-no, I know," Tank stammered. "I-I knew you were serious. And thank you."

"You're welcome," Tifa said. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. 'Til next time, tortoise." She then leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek before hobbling back towards her cage.

Opal shot Tifa a jealous glare, but her attention was quickly diverted towards the husky Germane shepherd approaching from the second aisle.

"Miss Opal?" Carne called, timidly approaching the cat who reduced him to tears.

"Yes?" Opal responded.

"I just wanna say I'm really sorry about being so naughty," he said, averting Opal's gaze. "I still feel real bad about that."

Opal beamed at him. "Oh, it's perfectly alright," she said. "I... come, look me in the eyes, dearie."

Carne immediately complied, turning his eyes downward to meet Opal's.

"I just want you to learn from this. Be a good dog, treat others with respect, and always, always mind your manners," she said, punctuating the second 'always' with a dainty little tap on his nose.

"I will!" Carne said bravely, giving her a wide grin. With that, he turned himself around and trotted back to his cage.

"Y'all done?" Winona asked in a slightly miffed tone of voice. "Ah'm gettin' antsy."

"Yeah, I think so," Tank said with a smirk, still blushing from the peck. "Let's move out."

As the pets stepped out the door, Tank took a moment to give Pet Paradise one last look. It seemed that the store they had first stumbled across had given way to a new one; the store that used to look like the epitome of misery was now thriving with celebration and revelry. Tank's smirk grew into a grin, as he took pride in the knowledge that he had changed dozens of lives for the better on this night.

"Have a good night, guys," he said under his breath.

"Tank, would you mind gettin' your tail over here?" called Winona. "This gate ain't gonna lift itself!"

***

"Gummy," Angel warbled, "have I ever told ya what a fine piece of ash your owner is?"

By now, the two of them had drank enough to get a full grown stallion tipsy, to say nothing of a tiny little bunny and a one year old alligator. Angel had given up almost all control of his body and all sense of restraint.

"I mean it, Gummy, she's shomethin' elsh. How'sh a pony who eats nothin' but cupcakesh get such a tight butt?"

Gummy just shrugged and let himself fall onto his back. His eyes, which were usually open as wide as they could be, were drifting close.

"Yeh, okay. Take a nap. You desherve it."

Angel was beginning to feel a bit drowsy himself. He found it more and more laborious to keep his eyes open, and his sense of balance had long since dissipated. The only thing keeping him standing was his will alone, and that was fading fast. He wobbled from side to side in a vain attempt to keep himself upright, before doing a face plant into the bottom of the coat pocket, right beside his companion.

"Mmm... you're comfy," he mumbled, wrapping his arms around Gummy and snuggling him. "Doesh Pinkie ever cuddle you like this? She should."

By this time, Gummy had already passed out, so no response was given (not that Angel was expecting one).

"Eh, whatever. G'night."

Angel pulled Gummy in close and slowly let himself drift off into slumber. He had forgotten where he was, and he hadn't the faintest idea of how he was going to get home, but he decided to take this moment to relax and deal with those questions later. Now, it was nap time.

Or at least it was until Angel felt a sudden draft rush in, chilling him to the bone.

"Eh? What'sh goin' on?!" he demanded.

His eyes shot open to find himself hovering a few inches over the counter, with a hazel aura encasing him from head to toe. Gummy was levitating a few inches beside him, encased in the same aura. A quick glance about the room revealed that he was being levitated by the mare whose coat he had stowed away in.

"How the heck did these things get in here?" asked the mare.

"You mean they ain't yours?" asked the apron-clad stallion behind the counter.

"No, they're not mine!" exclaimed the mare. "I've never even seen them before in my life!"

The stallion shrugged. "Don't look like any animals I've seen before, either."

"Well, what do you think we should do with them? We can't just throw them out into the streets, can we?"

The stallion's horn began to glow, and the hazel aura around them was quickly replaced by a salmon one. "Give 'em here," said the stallion. "I'll keep 'em here overnight and then I'll send 'em to the shelter tomorrow morning."

Angel swallowed hard. Sh...shelter?

"Works for me," the mare said, slapping a thirty-bit note onto the counter. "I gotta get home, anyway."

A sense of dread passed over Angel as he watched the mare walk out of the bar. He tried to fight back against the stallion's magic, but his bodily control had long since left him, and all he could do was flail around impotently.

The stallion levitated both of them down to the floor behind the counter. "You two just stay put for now," he said. "I'll get you home, I promise."

In a fit of panic, Angel tried to leap over the counter, but he could only manage to get a couple of inches off the ground, and each hop ended with him landing flat on his face. By now, whatever comfort he had acquired from the strange concoction was gone. His feelings of dread and worry intensified...

...and were soon joined by a slight, but growing, feeling of nausea.