I Wub You!

by Impressme

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance
Length: 5510

Vinyl Scratch is such an awkward pony.

On the stage she is DJ Pon3, a DJ who is known and loved for her amazing music. But OFF the stage Vinyl Scratch is the most socially awkward pony other ponies have had the misfortune to meet. Can Rarity help her out or will she stay as the same obnoxious pony that she is?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-17 17:40:31 UTC

A Proper Rhythm. (Edited)

"Caught under the influence near the public library, found trespassing on private property, arrested for DIGGING THROUGH LOCAL LIBRARIANS TRASH CAN!? Dammit Vinyl what has gotten into you!?"

"I'm sorry tavi." Vinyl Scratch whimpered, shrinking under her roommates piercing glare.

Octavias known for along time that Vinyl Scratch had never been much of a romantic, but when she caught on to Vinyl's stalkish antics she knew she had a big problem. Vinyl's drinking habits, social issues, and constant trouble with the law had really taken a toll on Octavia's nerves and she wasn't entirely sure how much more she could take before she would be forced to kick her dear friend out onto the streets.

Heaving a frustrated sigh, Octavia rubbed her head in thought. "What in Celestia's name an I going to do with you Vinyl. I've told you a hundred times that ponies don't like it when you follow them around! Don't you know how creepy that is?"

The dj didn't respond immediately. Instead she just sat her head down on the cool, brown table and cried. "But I love her Tavi!" she whimpered, covering her head with hooves in distress. "Why doesn't she love me back?"

Looking at her friend with pity, Octavia laid a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. "Maybe you're just not going about it the right way. What exactly about you is it that Twilight doesn't like?"

With a sniff, Vinyl Scratch reached into her mane and pulled out her own copy of a brand new restraining order, courtesy of the Element of Magic, and gave it to her friend with a hesitant hoof.

"All right lets see here." Octavia muttered, looking through all of legal writing until she finally came upon her target. The list of grievances. "Drinks to much, Burps in public, smells like rotten apples and cider, plays music to loudly, loiters in the library and stares at me, sits outside the library at night, caught her taking a picture of me." The list went on and on with complaint after complaint from Ponyville's purple hero. Apparently she didn't like a single thing about Vinyl.

Much to Vinyl's surprise Octavia began to chuckle. "Whats so funny!?"

"Vinyl Scratch you act just like a stallion! A creepy stallion, but a stallion none the less." Octavia teased, still examining the long list. "But all of these problems are fixable Vinyl! You just need somepony to teach you the ins and outs of proper etiquette."

"You mean I still have a chance!?" Vinyl Scratch asked, with a huge grin spreading across her tear stained face. "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it!"

"All right fine! Just calm down." Octavia said with a relieved smile, before wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Just go and take a bath first! You smell like old hay fries and rotten celery."

"Can do!" Vinyl Scratch squeed, before rushing off down the hallway.

"MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY USE SOME SOAP!"

___________________________________________________

"Tavi where are we going?" Vinyl Scratch whined, looking down the long dirt road that led to their destination. "Can't you just teach me yourself?"

"No Vinyl we need the best of the best. A sophisticated pony that can really whip you into shape in no time! You could use the work out anyway." Octavia teased, sticking her tongue at her worn out companion. "You do want Twilight to like you don't you?"

"Of course I do!" Vinyl Scratch squealed, licking her lips in lustfully. "Oh the things I would do to that purple flank

SMACK!

Before her perverted friend could finish that sentence, Octavia quickly struck the back of her head with an unforgiving hoof.

"OW! What the hell was that for!?" Vinyl Scratch whimpered, rubbing the back of her bruised head with a hoof. "What in Celestia's name did I do?"

"Proper mares don't speak that way Vinyl! You can compliment her mane or her eyes but not her flank!" Octavia hissed, glaring daggers at Vinyl Scratch. "You have to take this seriously! I'm tired of bailing you out of trouble everytime you drown your sorrows in whiskey and cider."

"So how do proper mares talk? Do they use fancy words like "indubitably" and "cynosure?" Vinyl Scratch joked, getting an exasperated sigh out of Octavia. "Do I have to take off my goggles to?"

"Whats a cynosure? I've never heard of that." Octavia asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. "Is it some kind of fruit?"

"Actually I think refers to a dogs ass. Octavia you're such a cynosure." Vinyl Scratch joked, giggling maniacally at her own cleverness.

"Oh dear Celestia this could turn out to be the worst day of my life." Octavia groaned, noticing that their destination was coming up. "Okay Vinyl are you ready? Did you brush your teeth with actual toothpaste this time?"

"Yup!" Vinyl Scratch replied, flashing a big, white smile.

"Did you take a proper shower?" Octavia questioned, eying her friends white fur. Not a single spot.

"Yes!" Vinyl Scratch exclaimed proudly

"You did use soap right?"

"Maybe."

"Just get your flank inside before I kill myself." Octavia huffed, pointing a hoof at the entrance of the Carousel Boutique. Home of Vinyl Scratch's social salvation. Hopefully.

"Do you think Rarity will have any hay fries in there?" Vinyl Scratch asked, rubbing her chin in thought. "I'm starving!"

"GET INSIDE NOW!"

______________________________________________________

"Darling I really appreciate the fact that you came to me first for advice on the matter, although I'm not entirely sure that this is the right thing to do. Don't you think she should simply find somepony more.....Compatible?"

After a long discussion on Vinyl Scratch's romantic troubles, the three had gathered around Rarity's kitchen table to come up with an effective rehabilitation program for the love stricken mare. Rarity knew that Vinyl had a few problems when she waltzed in demanding hay fries, but she wasn't quite prepared for the magnitude of the situation.

"Rarity I really need your help! There has to be something you can teach me!" Vinyl Scratch pleaded. "Can't you at least give me the basics?"

"Learning how to be a proper mare isn't something you just learn, it takes a lot of practice." Rarity responded, looking at the mare whose hopes had just been crushed. "Who exactly are you trying to woo my dear?"

"I think it would be best if she didn't say right now." Octavia interrupted, fearing that the legal fiasco might dissuade Rarity from helping her hopeless friend.

"Is it Twilight Sparkle?" Rarity asked nonchalantly, after taking a sip from her cup of tea. "She already told me about the restraining order that was enforced on her "Creepy Neighbor" And I think it's safe to assume that the creepy neighbor is Vinyl."

"Will you still help me?" Vinyl whimpered

Letting loose a small sigh, Rarity gave a quick nod. "Yes I will. Just don't bring your goggles the next time you visit okay? We're going to give you a make over. "SWEETIE BELLE! CANCEL ANY APPOINTMENTS I'VE MADE FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS!" Rarity yelled, startling her two guests.

With that task finished, Rarity turned back to her guests."Octavia does Vinyl have any decent dresses?" Octavia shook her head. "I'll have to make her a decent dress to. Just have her here at about 5 o'clock and I'll take care of the rest."

"Oh thank you Rarity!" Vinyl Scratch cried, rushing around the small table and to give her new tutor a tight hug. "I promise I wont let you down!"

"Ewwww. You smell like old hay fries!" Rarity squealed, trying to free herself from the Vinyl's grasp.

_________________________________________________________________

"Do you really think she can do something about all of this?" Vinyl Scratch asked, gesturing to her white body. "I'm not sure if I can handle anymore humiliation."

"Whats the matter with you Vinyl? DJ Pon3 would NEVER sound so unconfident!" Octavia exclaimed, staring at the crestfallen mare. "It's just simple social skills Vinyl. Nothing to fret over."

Octavia and Vinyl had spent most of the night at home planning for Vinyl's first day under Rarity's tutelage, yet Vinyl's confidence had slowly deteriorated over the few hours they had spent at home. Right now she was trying to figure out the proper way to eat a bowl of soup without slurping like a monster.

"Awww man." Vinyl Scratch muttered, staring at the bowl of water that was substituting soup. "Can't I just spend the rest of my life alone the way you do?"

"First of all I'm not alone! I do go on plenty of dates, I just don't tell you about them because your an embarrassment to be around. Second, I can't believe your making this sound so difficult! Don't you get enough stallions and mares as DJ Pon3?" She asked, poking the back of Vinyls head.

"Thats just a stupid persona I put on for the crowd! Just because I can get a bunch of ponies to start dancing doesn't mean I can get anypony I want with a wave of my hoof. They like my music, not me." Vinyl Scratch muttered, staring at her reflection in the bowl of water. Wow. And I thought Octavia was tough to be around. I must drive ponies to suicide.

"Vinyl look at me!" Octavia demanded, raising Vinyls sagging head with her hoof. "You are a wonderful mare! You just need a little help getting into a proper rhythm! That's why I got Rarity to help you out!"

"You really think so?" Vinyl whispered, looking up at her roommate.

"Yes! You know how you manipulate a record and perfect it for the crowd? Rarity does the something for ponies and I know for a fact that, once she gets you on the right track, you'll be beating ponies away with both hooves!" With that finished she picked up the bowl of water and dumped it down the sink. "I know this is hard for you but I promise that It will work itself out in the end."

*Meanwhile*

"Sis it's almost midnight." Sweetie Belle squeaked, letting out a ferocious yawn. "When are you coming to bed?"

"I'm sorry Sweetie, but I need to get this dress finished up by tomorrow." Rarity replied, drawing up a design for a white and red dress Nice and simple. Maybe I should add a few musical notes!. "Somepony really needs this and I don't want to let her down."

"She sounds pretty special." Sweetie Belle said slyly, giving Rarity a small wink. "Who is she anyway?"

"Oh Sweetie it isn't that shes a SPECIAL somepony. It's just that she really reminds me of myself when I was just a foal." Rarity replied, with a faint smile growing on her tired features. "You don't think I was always this way do you?"

"What do ya mean sis?" Sweetie Belle asked, picking at her sisters crumpled up drawings. "You've been like you for as long as I can remember!"

"Foals aren't born with class and sophistication, it's something you have to learn growing up! What kind of pony would want to buy a dress from a mare who dresses like a slob and speaks like a little foal?" Taking a deep breath, Rarity crumpled up her latest drawing and hurled into the corner of the room with the rest of the failures. "I was lucky enough to learn as much as I could as quickly as possible. But this certain mare has no one else to teach her and her only friend can't do it all on her own."

"Oh. Well don't stay up to late sis." Sweetie Belle squeaked, making her way back to her welcoming bed."Good night."

"Good night Sweetie." Rarity mumbled, scribbling furiously with a worn down pencil. I just hope I don't let Vinyl down.

Laying Down a Beat. (Edited!)

"Are you ready Vinyl?" Octavia asked, sitting in the doorway of their small, red bathroom. "We need to get going before Rarity cancels on us."

Letting loose a small, nervous sigh, Vinyl Scratch gave herself one last look in the mirror. "As ready as I'll ever be tavi." Vinyl Scratch had spent most of the day preparing herself for her first session with Rarity, yet she couldn't shake the feeling that this was going to end horribly.

Maybe I should just cancel and stay home.Vinyl thought, staring bitterly at her own reflection. To any other pony, she would actually look pretty good, with her white coat complimenting her fierce crimson eyes, yet Vinyl Scratch felt otherwise.

"Octavia can't I just wait and do this later?" The dj asked, giving her quiet friend a pleading look. "Maybe we can just reschedule. I have another gig waiting for me tomorrow and I don't want to show up tired and-"

"Vinyl I'm not going to let you miss out on this." Octavia interrupted, staring at her friend with a hint of sadness. "After it's all said and done, you'll be glad you did this. You just have to give a shot."

"Fine." As anxious as any mare could be, Vinyl Scratch finally pushed her way out of the cramped bathroom. "Just don't bug me if you find me in my bedroom crying my flank off with a bottle of whiskey and a picture of Twilight. Deal?"

Octavia chuckled, relieved that Vinyl still had her obnoxious sense of humor. "Deal."

*Meanwhile at the Carousel Boutique*

"SWEETIE BELLE WHERE IN CELESTIA'S NAME IS THE COMB!?"

While the Dj's home had been a scene of nervousness and anxiety, Carousel Boutique was being ripped apart from the inside by a distressed mare running on two hours of sleep. While Rarity tore through the shop like a madpony, Sweetie Belle had to sit and endure her sister's short-tempered attitude. "It's right here sis." The young filly said with a little annoyance, holding out the blue comb in her small hoof.

Snatching it away with a greedy hoof, Rarity began to furiously comb her messy mane. "Oh dear, they'll be here any minute! Sweetie Belle why haven't you cleaned anything yet!? The shop looks like a disaster!"

Sweetie Belle just facehoofed, frustrated at how her oblivious her sister could be. "I already cleaned everything sis!" Sweetie Belle whined. And she had. The shop was perfectly spotless, not counting the fabric and other countless items Rarity had tossed around in a panic. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I hang out with my friends all the time and I don't freak out the way you do."

"This is different Sweetie!" Rarity replied, as she checked her purple mane for any other flaws. "I'm going to teach Ponyville's most socially awkward pony how to be a proper mare and I'm going to do it by taking her out."

"On a date!?" Sweetie squeaked, a little shocked at her sister's taste in ponies.

"No Sweetie Belle think of it as a trial by fire. Most socially awkward ponies have trouble making new friends simply because they don't know how to talk to other ponies!" While she put her sister's mind at ease, Rarity began to gather up a few boxes filled with beauty products. "I'm going to take her somewhere that will make a her little uncomfortable and see how well she responds to the pressure."

"Oh! Well I think they're here!"

While Sweetie Belle squeaked out the last of her sentence the shop door opened to reveal two mares. "Rarity were here!" the darker mare called, as she shoved her sad companion through the doorway.

"Wonderful darling!" Rarity called from the next room. "Bring her over here! It's time for a makeover!"

"Yay!" Vinyl Scratch cheered sarcastically WORST DAY EVER!

45 minutes later

"Darling." Rarity whispered, staring at the brand new Vinyl Scratch. "You look amazing!"

It had almost taken an entire hour of screaming and whining, but Rarity had accomplished what Vinyl Scratch thought was impossible. Her hair had been untangled and straightened, her fur finally had a proper scrubbing, which had been awkwardly supervised by a blushing Rarity, and she received the first hooficure of her life.

"All she needs now is her dress!" Rarity squealed, hopping into the next room overflowing with pride. "Close your eyes! I want it to be a surprise!"

Shaking in anticipation, Vinyl Scratch covered her eyes with a white hoof and goofy smile. "All right I'm not looking! Bring it over here already!"

After a few minutes spent pushing her way through piles of fabric, Rarity finally retrieved her work of art and brought it into the next room with a flash of her horn. "Alright Vinyl you can look now."

What Vinyl saw blew her mind. Nothing to flashy, with a small red stripe coming across the waist and little, red and blue musical notes forming small rings across the lower part of the skirt. "Rarity it's AMAZING!" Vinyl exclaimed, pulling the dress from Rarity's magical aura. "Can I put it on?

"Of course you can put it on!" Rarity replied, giggling at the stunned mares ecstatic reaction. "Just don't get any stains on it darling." With proud smile on her face, Rarity aided the gushing Vinyl into her new dress.

After a few minutes spent helping Vinyl Scratch, Rarity gave Octavia a little wink. "Octavia don't you have something you should be doing right about now?"

"Of course Rarity! A few local musicians wanted me to come by and have a little get together." Octavia replied, catching on to Rarity's hint. "I'll be back to get her at eleven. Just try and keep her in one piece!"

Giving off a light hearted chuckle, Octavia finally made her way out of the boutique and left Rarity and her friend alone for their first "Session". "Are you ready Vinyl?'

"Ready for what?" Vinyl Scratch replied, trying to get a good look at herself from one of Rarity's mirrors. "I thought you were gonna teach me all of that etiquette crap."

"Of course I am!" Rarity replied, chuckling at the Dj as she struck odd and provocative poses in front the large mirror. "I could really go for a cupcake right about now. I'm sure Pinkie would be happy to bake a fresh batch over at the SugarCube Corner."

"WHAT!?" Vinyl Scratch's positive attitude had, quite literally, collapsed in on itself. "B-but S-SHE goes t-there! What am I s-supposed to d-do if she shows up!?" Vinyl Scratch stuttered, visibly shaken at the destination Rarity had chosen.

"First of all, she wouldn't dare harm you in anyway if I were to intervene on your behalf. Secondly, how are you ever supposed to win Twilight's heart if you are to afraid to even look her in the eye?" Vinyl Scratch didn't respond. She did, however, take it upon herself to occupy an empty box and ensure that nopony dare lay their hooves on it.

"Rarity she HATES me! What if she has me thrown into a cold, dark dungeon?" Vinyl squeaked, still hiding inside the box with her horn visibly poking out. " They don't serve hayfries in dungeons!"

"Thats why I'm taking you there Vinyl! If she sees you with me, she will finally understand that she has been missing out on quite the mare!" Rarity exclaimed, hoping to lure the mare and her new dress out of the cramped box. "Once she realizes that your a good mare to have around, you'll finally have a golden opportunity to ask her out!"

"You think so?" Vinyl squeaked, poking her head out of her cardboard haven.

"Of course!" Rarity replied, with a warm smile. "Lets get going darling. I'm famished." Twilight's a pretty lucky pony to have Vinyl chasing after her like that.Rarity thought, with an odd feeling of jealousy growing in her chest. Vinyl really is a nice mare.

"Are you okay Rarity?" Vinyl asked, as the look in Rarity's eyes seemed to grow more and more distant.

"Of course darling." She replied, with a hint of sadness. "Let's go."

Later. At the Sugarcube corner.

"We'll just have a couple of cherry donuts Pinkie."

"Okie dokie lokie!" The two had finally arrived, with Vinyl Scratch's dress drawing plenty attention from other ponies. n. Was Vinyl Scratch a little unnerved by the attention? No! Hell, she was embracing it!

"Did you see their faces Rarity!? So awesome!" Vinyl squealed, literally shaking the small brown table they were occupying with excitement. "When Twilight Sparkle see me, she'll be all over me like caramel on an apple!"

Rarity chuckled, amused at her friends enthusiasm."Thats enough Vinyl. Lets get started on one of the most important lessons." Rarity stated, shutting down Vinyl enthusiasm. "Small talk. Begin."

"What do you mean small talk?" Vinyl Scratch asked stupidly, earning a facehoof from the worn out dressmaker.

"When your with a special somepony you have to engage in a entertaining conversation!" Rarity pointed out, earning an "OH!" of understanding from the DJ. "Octavia you have a little trouble talking about more... inappropriate topics."

"Are you talking about that time I had bed sores?" Vinyl replied, earning herself a grimace from the, already disgusted, Rarity. "I already explained that to tavi! Twilight kicked me out the library and I was a little depressed! Theres nothing wrong with that!"

Covering her nauseated face with her hooves, Rarity gave a disappointed shake of head. "Vinyl thats terrible." Looking up at Vinyl, who was wearing a blank look, Rarity gave off a small sigh. "Lets start at the beginning. First of all, you CANNOT speak about yourself! If you want to make a special somepony feel important you have to talk about them. Tell me what you know about myself."

"Well your the element of generosity, you like to make dresses and you have a little sister." Vinyl said, somehow keeping count of the simple facts with her white hoof.

"Very good. What else do you know about me?"

With that, a goofy smile broke across Vinyl's face. "Well one time me and tavi were eating at a diner and she told me that, in your senior year, you and a couple of stallions went into an empty locker room and-"

"VINYL!" Rarity shrieked, sticking a distressed hoof into chuckling mares mouth. "You don't talk about THAT either you silly mare." She whispered, blushing furiously at simple mention of her more "irresponsible" as a young mare.

"Can I still tell you about my bed sores?"

"NO!"

Stylish Solo.

"Okay so I can't talk about sex, my collection of Twilight action figures, bodily fluids, and myself without somepony asking me to." Vinyl said, munching on her fifth cherry donut. "That sounds like it sucks."

"I promise that it's all worth it in the end Vinyl." Rarity replied, impressed by Vinyl determination. "If only we could work on your eating habits."

"Whats that supposed to mean!?" Vinyl replied, spraying crumbs out of her mouth. "I have to keep this badass figure, don't I? What does that have to do with being fancy?"

Rarity didn't reply. Instead she simply began to chuckle, trying, and failing, to hider her laughing face with hoof while while Vinyl sat and stared in bewilderment at the dress maker. "Whats so funny?"

"Nothing Vinyl." Rarity replied, wiping a tear from her eye. "It's just nice to spend some time with somepony who doesn't really care for proper etiquette. Do you know how hard it is to put on the whole "proper mare" routine all day every day? It's VERY hard." Rarity pointed out, giving Vinyl a warm smile.

"What are you talking about?" Vinyl didn't see the problem in being fancy. Sure it was hard to learn, but wasn't it worth it when ponies liked you a little more for it? "If I was able to control stallions the way you do, I wouldn't have to work a day in my life!"

"You think it's that easy!?" Rarity asked playfully, pointing her whole wheat donut threateningly at the dj. "What do you think ponies will say when I burp in public or eat a cinnamon roll without running for half an hour? That I'm a disgusting, horrible mare! You, on the other hand, get to do whatever you want! Ponies already think your weird so you can act as weird as you want to and get away with it!"

"Wow. I never really thought about it that way." Vinyl whispered, staring at the smiling Rarity. "Is that really how you feel?"

Rarity gave a simple nod, answering Vinyl's question. "Of course we still have to teach you proper manners if we ever have want to get you with Twilight." Rarity added, swiping Vinyl's last cherry donut from her white hoof.

"Hey! That was my donut." Vinyl pouted, with a trembling lower lip. "How could you be so cruel!?"

"I don't want the donut Vinyl. I wanted to see your best pout!" Rarity replied, giggling at the mare as she wiped a small tear from her eye. "I have to say, your pout is pretty good! No wonder Octavia hasn't thrown you out yet. With puppy eyes like that, you'll have stallions eating out of your hooves!"

"You really think so?" Vinyl's crushed expression had shifted to a glowing smile in a matter of seconds."You think it'll work on Twilight?"

"Maybe. You still have to ask her out you dork." Rarity stated, taking another small bite from her healthy donut. "Do you think you can handle that?"

"Definitely! With this dress showing off my flank, it should be easy!" Vinyl replied, giving Rarity a small wink. "All I have to do is ask! How could that be a hard thing to do?"

"Good! Because were going to visit her tomorrow!" Rarity exclaimed, earning a gasp from the dj. "Thats right Vinyl! You and I are going to go visit the mare you admire and "hang out" for a bit."

"WHAT!!!?" Vinyl's scream drew the attention of a few ponies, still hanging around the bakery. "What the HELL ARE Y'ALL LOOKING AT!?" Vinyl screamed, effectively repelling the stares she had been getting from curious and scared ponies."What do you mean "hang out with Twilight"!?"

Vinyl's demand was met with a jaw shattering slap across the face. "Do you feel better now?" Rarity asked, pulling her hoof away from Vinyl's bruising face.

"I cant feel anything! I think my face is numb." Vinyl mumbled, rubbing her face with a hoof. "What do you mean hang out with Twilight?"

"Well you can't ask out a mare when she has a restraining order in place. Once she sees that your a decent mare, she'll drop that restraining order in no time." Rarity stated matter-of-factly, her gaze beginning to soften at the sight of the dj rubbing her red cheek. "Vinyl I'm sorry about slapping you. But you can't act that way. You just can't."

Vinyl didn't respond. Instead she stretched over the small table and pulled Rarity into a tight, yet awkward, hug and gave her cheek a small nuzzle. "It's alright rares. Octavia used to slap me whenever I came home drunk. Which was alot."

"T-thats n-nice darling." Rarity stuttered nervously, still ensnared in Vinyl's hooves.Oh dear. I think I have a bit of a problem. Rarity thought sullenly, as she tried to pull herself from Vinyl's grip with as much willpower as she could muster.

Was Rarity disgusted by the dj? No. Quite the opposite in fact. Holding Vinyl in her hooves was like getting shot in the chest with a bolt of magic. Everything Vinyl came in contact with felt as though it was being washed over by an electrical current. Rarity's hooves were tingling with energy and she wanted nothing more than to be consumed by this powerful feeling that was worming its way into her heart, yet she knew she couldn't let that happen.

"Thats enough Vinyl" Rarity said quietly, pushing the dj away. "You think you can handle being around Twilight without throwing a fit?"

"No doubt." Vinyl replied, with a huge, cocky grin. "Twilight's as good as mine!"

"Good." Rarity replied, with the best smile she could dig up. Not good.

"So can I tell you about my bed sores now?" Vinyl Scratch asked, earning herself a small laugh from Rarity.

"Sure."

_______________________________________

"Tavi I'm Hoooooooooome!"

Octavia had been waiting anxiously for her friend to get home after leaving her in the hands of the dress maker. "Well it's about time!I've been worried sick!" Octavia exclaimed, still lounging around on her small couch. "Was it as bad as you thought it would be?"

"Hell no! Easy as pie!"Vinyl squeed, as she trotted into the room and hopped onto her favorite bean bag. "She only hit me once. So I THINK I did pretty good. She said, we were gonna go hang out with Twilight tomorrow."

Octavia raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "You do know what a restraining order is, don't you?" I should probably go and buy a second bottle of wine. "Remember what I said? Another arrest and you'll be living in a cardboard box."

"Oh tavi you worry to much!" Vinyl Scratch exclaimed, waiving a passive hoof at her annoyed friend."With Rares on my side, I don't think Twilight would really do anything. All I need to do is make her fall in love with me! Not the hardest thing to do, is it."

"You sound pretty confident for an unstable alcoholic." Octavia stated, still reading her issue of mares monthly.

"Yeah well you're ugly! Suck it nerd!" Vinyl exclaimed, before diving out of harms way as a pillow flew at her head. "I'm just kidding! Jeez, you fancy Canterlot ponies can't take a joke."

"You're about to take a glass bottle to the side of your big head!" Octavia hissed, as she reached for another pillow." Now get back here and take you medicine like a mare!"

WIth an amused squeal, Vinyl darted out of the room as Octavia began to chase after her target." How are you gonna catch with all of that fancy Canterlot food collecting in your fat flank!?" Octavia yelled, before she dove into her room and shut her door with a flash of her horn.

"You better sleep with one eye open Vinyl" Octavia yelled from the otherside of the locked door." As soon as you let your guard down, you're getting a snout full of feathers!"

Meanwhile.

"What am I going to do Fluttershy!?" Rarity groaned, as she sat and watched her yellow friend prepare dishes of animal food for a garden always filled with hungry critters. "I can't tell her that the deals off! That would break her heart!"

"Why can't you tell her how you feel Rarity?" Fluttershy asked, before she tore another bag of bird food open with the yank of her teeth. "It sounds as if you two get along pretty well."

Rarity let loose another long, dramatic sigh as she looked at her friend with a torn look. "I can't do that. She came to me because she already her heart set on another mare. If I ruined that, she would NEVER forgive me." While her friend filled up small dishes with dog food, Rarity began to run through options she could make.

Maybe I could just let her twist in the wind. She would NEVER have a chance with Twilight without my help! Rarity thought, but her small smile quickly faded into a frown. How could I live with myself if I did that to her!? Thats not an option. Rarity took a quick peek at Fluttershy as she fought over a bag of carrots with an annoyed Angel. I could always help her out and spend as much time as possible with her. All I have to do is beat out TWILIGHT. Off all the mares in Equestria, why did it have to be Twilight!?

Could you blame her? The least romantic mare in all of Equestria and she wins over the heart of Rarity's crush without even trying! Stupid, sexy Twilight! Rarity thought bitterly, before turning and looking Fluttershy with pleading eyes.

"What do you think I should do Fluttershy?" Rarity asked, as she stared at a victorious pegasus. "I'm in quite a jam."

"Well why don't you just beat the other mare?" Fluttershy squeaked, as she stuffed an extra bag of carrots back into a small cabinet. "Most of the stallions in town like you. It couldn't be that hard to MAKE a mare like you."

"THATS IT!" Rarity yelled, pushing herself off the small couch."SABOTAGE! All I have to do is show her how TERRIBLE her crush is! Once I do that, she'll have no choice but to love me! I just need some time to plan."

"Thats not what I meant." But Fluttershy's plea was met with the slam of her front door. Rarity was already gone.

"Oh dear. Of all the mares in town, I never thought Rarity would be a fillyfooler." Fluttershy squeaked, before going back to work in her small kitchen. Wheres a decent stallion when you need one.