"No" To Nightmare Night
We take you, dear readers, to a pleasant, pretty little place, far, far from the hustle and bustle of big cities, far from towering skyscrapers and cloudy skies…to a more peaceful spot of rest and relaxation. We take you to the pleasant land of Equestria, home of the Equines, a magical land ruled over by the fair (in more ways than one) Princess Celestia. Specifically, to an enormous red and white barn at the appropriately named Sweet Apple Acres.
It harvested…
You guessed it…
Apples. Apple pie, apple cider, applesauce, apple ice cream, caramel apples, all would be sold in large quantities around this time of the year because Nightmare Night, a time of celebration for all who loved the spooky and the scary, was coming into full swing, and there were only a few nights to go before the real celebration. Furthermore, this year was going to be special. It wouldn't just be Princess Celestia coming in to visit. Oh no.
"You really mean it?" A voice inquired as the dark-furred owner bounced up and down, eagerly trotting alongside a fine-looking, bluish-maned Equine. She had deep, almost sad eyes, and fur like a fresh night sky, similar in design to his own fur. The female equine nodded at the first, eyes like crescent moons gazing up at the gently sparkling stars above. "You're coming back this year?" He had always felt sorry for Luna and had a certain amount of hero worship for her, she was a dark beauty he loved to admire from afar...and she had the CUTEST eyes...
"Yes. Definitely." Princess Luna insisted. "I want people to stop thinking about me as Night Mare Moon. But I'm concerned that despite last ye-…"
"Concerned-schmerned! We're all forgiving people!" Shinedown cheerily remarked, getting up on two legs and waving an arm around the beautiful apple orchards around them all. "We're wild about redemption, friendship and love around here, you won't find a cheerier, more tolerant bunch of Equines this side of Equestria!"
"I'm not worried about MOST people, but…there's a few that have been sending me VERY nasty letters." Luna admitted. "They said I'm a "traitorous Heathen"." She told him, unfurling one from a pocket in her armored breastplate and handing it to the sunset-colored equine as he looked it over, eyes widening, then furrowing angrily. "It's…it's most unflattering."
"Old Ones? Dagon? Oh-OH MY. I…I didn't know people here had such a colorful vocabulary-what…what's THIS word?" He asked, pointing at one in particular.
"All I know is it involves cantaloupe."
"…ew. Well…er…maybe it's a prank! I mean, to SOME ponies, Nightmare Night lasts all week!"
Indeed, and it's these ponies that we're focusing on today, dear readers. One creamy-brown pony named Applejack, a sweet country girl with gentle blond locks and a fine cowboy hat was being drawn around with a giant piece of chalk by her brother, a sturdy, proud, red-furred fella named Macintosh. Are you seeing a pattern here? You should. If not, I'll spell it out for you: THEIR FAMILY IS ALL ABOUT APPLES.
"Laaaaaaaand's sakes!" Applejack laughed as she stood up, addressing her friend Twilight Sparkle, a light purplish Unicorn Equine with a fine and flowing mane of dark purple hair and twinkling eyes. "Lookit that chalk outline. I ain't never seen anyone look so dead." She said cheerily, poking at the chalk outline in her barn, part of the many little tricks they had planned for Nightmare Night, along with a fake witch, a guillotine, little pop-up specters and, of course, special fall magic cast by the lovely Twilight herself.
"Dead's dead, I reckon." Macintosh agreed as Applejack's baby sister, Apple Bloom, scratched at her head. The yellowish little cutie-pie was wearing a fake split-open skull that showed off her brains. She didn't mind, the hard part was fitting her fine red ribbon around her head AND making sure the fake split-open skull didn't interfere with her fashion sense. "Think we're gonna have ourselves a heckuva Nightmare Night."
"Reckon' course!" Applejack agreed as Twilight raised a nonexistent eyebrow.
"Uh, what?"
"It means "Ya reckon? Of course"." Shinedown spoke up as he strode into the barn.
"Evenin' Shinedown." Applejack said respectfully, nodding at the powerfully-built equine as he bowed his head.
"Evenin', children!" He said cheerily, getting back up on his two legs. "Have you seen Fluttershy around?"
"She's inside with Spike and Pinkie Pie, making the cookies for the party on Nightmare Night." Twilight said cheerily, giving Shinedown a big grin. "What can we help you with?"
"I'm going shopping for Nightmare Night costumes. Want to come with?" He requested, holding his chest and hacking up a coupon. "This is for a special at the Bounty Barn: buy any Nightmare Night masks, they'll punch out the eyeholes and nostril holes for free!"
"You keep it in your STOMACH? What ELSE do y'all keep in there?" Applejack said, sticking her tongue out.
"Plenty of stuff ever since I had my stomach pumped up when I was attending Rho Omnicron Nu Psi in Gotham. During Senior year my frat mates made me eat cupcakes filled with "horse brains", "intestines" and "guts"."
"What were they really?" Twilight asked.
"Horse brains, intestines and guts." Shinedown said coldly.
"…that's why I like getting out of Gotham whenever possible. We'd LOVE to come with you!" Twilight said cheerily.
"Spike, ask them what color sprinkles I should use." The tender-hearted Fluttershy's voice cooed out as it came from the other end of the barn. "Black, orange, red, yellow?"
"Twiliiight?" Spike the dragon's voice echoed out from outside the barn. "Twiliiiight?"
"Quick, quick, everyone hide!" Twilight giggled out, everyone diving behind bales of hay and large barrels filled with apples. A few moments later a purple-scaled dragon with a green chest, fins on each cheek and bright green eyes ambled in, glancing around, the slightly frilly crest atop his head bobbing slightly as he did so.
"Twilight? Applejack? Where'd you all go, Fluttershy-"
"BOO!" An ogre growled out, popping it's head out from a bale of hay, legions of ogres advancing all around Spike as he shrieked like a little girl, leaping up into the rafters and clinging for dear life…
Luckily, his fear only lasted a few moments, and he was soon frowning at the sight of all the ogres slowly fading into mist, Twilight's horn losing its sparkle as she and the others all stepped into full view.
"We gotcha good, Spike!" Twilight chuckled as Spike hopped down onto some hay, sliding down and dusting himself off.
"I wasn't scared." He mumbled defensively, folding his arms.
"Bet we done took a year off y'all life!" Applejack laughed as she clapped him on the back.
"You're going to be dressing up for Nightmare Night, right?" Shinedown asked Spike as he trotted around him, moving him towards the open barn door and stretching one arm wide as he stood up on his hind legs again, hoisting the dragon up. "My boy, you can't believe how amazing a single night can be. The full moon casting sweet and gentle rays upon a town shrouded in silence…until music that reminds you of your rapidly-beating heart begins to thump its way into your subconscious! Games! Decorations! Spooks! Thrills! And best of all…tons and tons of sugar!"
"I gotta agree with ol' Shinedown here. Reckon Nightmare Night was one heckuva good time for me." Big Macintosh said wistfully as he trotted out to Spike's side, Twilight and Applejack and Apple Bloom joining him as he stared out at the nearly-full moon. "I want you and Apple Bloom havin' the kind of fun I had when I was just a lil' colt."
Big Macintosh grinned broadly as he held up a big orange and black trick or treat bag, flanked on either side by several ponies, one of them Shinedown himself, although the two were far, far scrawnier then than they were now. Macintosh had dressed up as a giant "Apple-O-Lantern", which was about as creative as he got. Still, the mayor of Ponyville was happy to play along.
"Trick or Treat! Smell my feet! Gimme something good to eat! If you don't, I don't care! I'll pull down your underwear!" Shinedown sang cheerily, his flank like the sky during morn's first rays.
"You got any caramel apples?" Macintosh asked.
"No, but I have chocolate!" The mayor said, depositing foot-long chocolate bars squarely into each of the young colt's trick or treat bags. "Happy Nightmare Night, boys!" She said cheerily, closing her front door as they were left staring at the brownish/red building.
"Only one?" Macintosh asked.
Well, it was time for the OTHER part of Nightmare Night. It wasn't long before they were all tossing toilet paper, bucking against trees to knock birdhouses down in the big oak the mayor had. Shinedown gestured at a department store mannequin he'd found, raising eyebrows suggestively, gasoline can located nearby.
"Uhhh…let's stick with knockin' down her mailbox." Macintosh suggested as he heaved a bat onto his shoulder. "MAILBOX BASEBALL!"
"Woohoooo!" Everyone cheered, Shinedown galloping through the streets with Macintosh atop him as they began whacking mailboxes left and right.
"HOME RUN!" Big Macintosh cackled as one went sailing through the air and right into someone's window. "Oops."
"YOU DANG KIDS!!!"
"…think I'd better go give Ol' Mrs. Hooverson a call…" Macintosh mumbled, blushing visibly as the yellow-furred, ink-maned Pegasus pony named Fluttershy nervously ambled into the barn, flanked by the appropriately-colored and named Pinkie Pie, a pony with pink fur, pink eyes, pink mane, pink tail…
"We'd LOVE to go with you guys to get a costume, but we've gotta meeting tonight at the community center." Pinkie said cheerily, putting one arm around Fluttershy's shoulder and cheerily beaming as Fluttershy nodded her head, speaking in her soft, gentle voice like a dove cooing in your garden on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
"Yes, we're going to be quite busy delivering hot meals to old people, and then we'll blow on them!" Fluttershy told them all.
…
…
…
… The Bounty Barn's "Fall Fun" section was loaded in all the aisles with rows upon rows of masks, facial paint and other little knickknacks for costumes, but as Twilight Sparkle soon realized, they were all so…
Underwhelming.
"A donkey?" Twilight asked, holding up one bright yellow costume package from one of the aisles. "A Wonderbolt costume? A "Trixie" cost-oh, COME ON! I can't believe this." She mumbled, shaking her head back and forth.
"Maybe I could be a dog?" Apple Bloom asked her sister, holding up a "Lassie" costume as Applejack frowned, scratching her head.
"I don't wantcha lookin like my pup, sis! One Winona's plenty." Applejack sighed as Twilight Sparkle looked around the store, Spike looking in a mirror, wondering if he should just get a pair of extra large fake fangs, going as himself. "Nightmare Night costumes are supposed to be scary. Where's all the scary stuff?"
"Doctor Hooves…" Twilight read off as she kept browsing the aisles. "Princess Celestia…"
"You'd think they'd at least have a Night Mare Moon costume here." A Raccoon remarked, sighing as he held up a "Construction Worker" costume complete with hat, gloves and fake beard stubble. "I'm trying to find something good for me and Mordecai. Whaddya think? Does it scream "Raccoon"?" He asked them. "Does it scream "Rigby"?"
"I think it'll do for Mordecai, actually." Twilight admitted. "Are you enjoying your stay here?"
"Yeah, not exactly. It's not by choice..not that the place ain't nice!" Rigby chuckled. "See, it's the darndest thing. We had to transport some stuff that this fraternity in Gotham said was for an "initiation". These Rho Omnicron Nu Psi guys said it was "Horse brains, intestines and guts"."
"So what was it really?"
"As the cops discovered when they opened up the truck, horse brains, intestines and guts."
"So it was either twenty-to-life, or squeal like pigs and go into the Witness Protection Program for the next six months." Rigby sighed. "…anyyyyhow, the dog costume's not that bad. Dogs can bite you!" He told Applejack. "And 9 times outta 10 they'll go for your groin. I know from personal experience."
Spike crossed his legs, letting out a tiny "eek".
"Ohhhhhh!" Applejack moaned, slapping her face as Twilight patted her back. "I hope Fluttershy's having better luck than I am!"
MEANWHILE…
"Welcome everyone to our Youth Ponyship Meeting. You did a wonderful job out there tonight!" Mordecai the Blue Jay said cheerily, clapping his wings together as he stood in the brightly-lit gymnasium of the Community Center, an enormous building with bright red window sills with a flower pot every one. The gymnasium was not yet decorated for Nightmare Night, it was a plain, ordinary tan-floored thing. What WAS nice was the firm and fine red chairs they could all sit in. "As you know, we have CPR training classes tomorrow at 8, and I expect a wide turnout." He told them all. "Mostly because the mayor put me in charge and I've made PUNCH. LOTS of punch."
"Oh, I hope I can remember how many times to push on someone's chest." Pinkie Pie sheepishly whispered to Fluttershy.
"…er…yes, Pinkie, I'll…I'll go after that part with you personally." Mordecai said, giving the others a "Oh God, not again" kind of look. "But for now I'd like to give the floor to someone who, along with their friends, have made themselves very well-known through a series of gutsy letters, complaints, and threats against my life for hitting their car with my bike!" The blue jay said cheerily, giving a nervous smile. "They're very nice, very friendly, and not the least bit homicidal!" He added, wishing he had a collar he could nervously tug at. "Please welcome the Children of the Old Ones!"
One by one they strode in, cloaked and hooded ponies all beautifully clad as if wearing waves of the deep sea. One lowered her hood, revealing beautiful, dazzling eyes like that of the moon sparkling on the water, with a passionate voice to match as she placed one hoof upon her chest. "Hello, hello, good evening to you all. So glad to bring some precious light into the night. My name…she is Moonglow."
"Did you bring any moon pies?" Pinkie Pie eagerly inquired."
"Hmm." The cultist looked Pinkie Pie. "Am thinking you are not needing it, seeing you are carrying a little too much here, and there…OH! And ESPECIALLY there!" She added, pointing with a hoof.
"HEYYYYY!" Pinkie Pie snapped.
"If not being careful, getting stroke."
"I am not GONNA die. Sodium Picolinate! Every orifice, every day!" Pinkie proclaimed, everyone visibly inching away from her.
"Why don't I start things off with a quiz, no?" Moonglow said, reaching into her cloak.
"NO, thank you." Pinkie Pie "harrumphed" as Moonglow held something up.
"Who can tell me what this is?" the pony asked, holding up a black and orange picture of a squid-faced…THING.
Fluttershy held up a hoof. "Er...one of the "Old Ones"?" The yellow-furred Pegasus asked nervously, wings fluttering slightly. What else COULD it be?
"Very, very good!" Moonglow said as the rest of her group vigorously nodded and clapped. "What's your name, sweetie?"
"Fluttershy." Fluttershy said, blushing visibly.
"You answered that so fast, sweetie! Do you know your own place by the Old One's side?" the mellifluously-voiced Equine inquired, putting an arm around Fluttershy's shoulder. "Has Cthulu spoken to you?"
"Uh…what?" Fluttershy asked as she looked inquisitively at the pony. "I thought that he wasn't real."
"Why of course the Old Ones are, sweetie. They even have their own holiday! Do you know what holiday's associated with witches, darkness and Night Mare Moon, who strayed from His path?" Moonglow chuckled.
"Er…Nightmare Night?" Fluttershy answered again, not quite sure if she really ought to be speaking to this person at all.
"Ooooh, smart-smart-smart-smart-smaaart!" Moonglow said, squeezing Fluttershy's cheeks and stepping back as she clapped her hooves. "This girl is very, very smart!" She crowed.
"Th-thank you." Fluttershy said, bowing her head and blushing as Moonglow grinned. This was a fishing expedition…and she'd just hooked one heck of a catch. Those dang kids would pay for making a mockery of the Old Ones…and they'd pay this Nightmare Night, same as Luna would.
…
…
…
… "I'm so glad Granny Smith kept mah old costume." Big Macintosh said cheerily as Apple Bloom looked at her enormous, apple-shaped costume.
"I look good enough to eat!" Apple Bloom giggled. "Eeeeyup."
"Don't go giving Spike ideas." Twilight chuckled as she jabbed a hoof in the dragon's direction, the little guy currently putting the frosting on some of his famous treats. At the moment, he was adding icing to cupcakes, Shinedown turning deathly green with illness at the sight as he held his hooves over his mouth and rushed out of the barn to vomit in the bushes, dropping the other costumes on the barn floor.
"Oh, oh, oh dear, oh dear oh dear." Fluttershy said nervously, walking into the barn as Pinkie Pie and Mordecai strode alongside her. "I-I've got awful news, oh it is bad, oh it is very bad."
"What is it, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, a concerned look coming across her face.
"I'm afraid I've got some rather strange news. Evidently, Nightmare Night is a…a "satanic" type of holiday, it got invented by the followers of Cthulu and Dragon!"
"No, no, "Dagon", not dragon." Mordecai said, slapping his face as Rigby picked up the costumes.
"Oh no. Not that cult?" Rigby asked, raising an eyebrow. "They're all a bunch of tentacle-looking tuckuses!"
"Eeeeeyup." Big Macintosh agreed, nodding his head firmly.
"No, no, it's the truth, really! Trick or treating would be paying homage to "The Old One"! Moonglow said so!" Fluttershy put a hoof to her mouth. "So, since I'm thinking that since it's a religious holiday, maybe we should put up a booth or something to…uh…to Dagon, maybe?"
"Maybe we should pay a VISIT to this "Moonglow"." Applejack decided, growling a bit. "All right, where IS she?"
"Well…"
"So this "Halloween" in the cities was invented by the Druish?" A blue-furred pony with hair like a streak of rainbow light inquired, sitting on a cloud with some of her other "Pegasus" pony friends as Moonglow nodded, holding her hooves together as she floated on a cloud of her own magical making.
"The Druids, actually. They celebrated Halloween by eating babies by light of Jack O' Lanterns. And then…they DANCED." Moonglow added, eyes flaring open.
"City folk are so weird." Rainbow Dash said sagely, shaking her mane. "You wouldn't BELIEVE what I heard they did to my favorite member of the Wonder-"
"You!" Big Macintosh demanded, Twilight's horn sparking from a fresh spell as she, he and Applejack strolled across the cloud, Macintosh frowning at her. "We wanna talk to you."
"We want you to stop lyin' bout how this time o' years all 'bout "Old Ones" and "Dagon" and the Devil! Halloween and Nightmare Night and the fall are about FUN!"
"Is not up to me to say that. My brothers and sisters of the cloth…we are have saying." Moonglow said dramatically. "As water ripples at the edge of the shore, Dark Ocean beyond stays still, happiness dies in the dark, dark sea."
"Stop talkin' like Edgar Allan Pony!" Applejack snapped, shoving a hoof in her face. "It makes no sense!"
"Or perhaps makes PERFECT sense?" Moonglow chuckled.
"See THAT's the kind of…ooh, I'm gonna kick your ass!" Applejack yelled, shaking Moonglow back and forth.
"If my ass is going to get kicked, will get kicked."
"I-I can't…GAAAAH!" Applejack raised her hooves in the air, stomping off to go get a drink, Big Macintosh tilting his head to the side ever-so-slightly.
"Want to join us for a scary story? Have got good one. Is called "Shadow over Innsmuzzle." Moonglow offered with a creepy grin.
"…eeeeenope."
…
…
…
… "This is quite an…interesting home you have." Fluttershy nervously remarked as she looked around Moonglow's house, the home of the Cult of the Old Ones. There was an enormous bookcase filled with stories by "Howard Filly Artcraft", like the "Shadow Over Innsmuzzle" tale, "Call of Cthulu" and "The Horror at Red Hoof". The walls were dark grey like the floors, and the carpeting had an oddly…furry feel to it. What Fluttershy also noticed about were the fact that the beds were large, and seemed to be built for the cultists to sleep together. Moonglow insisted this was to "Share the warmth" and "keep the heating bill" down for her brothers and sisters.
Then again, there was the enormous aquarium. That was nice. She could see a strange little white thing with a tentacle face flittering around inside the tank, occasionally shifting colors as it looked her over with odd, squiggly eyes.
"My pet cuttlefish…though he is not exactly cuddy, no?" Moonglow asked, frowning at the sight of a black and white cat that was trying to paw at the cuttlefish above. She strolled over and yanked him off, glaring at him. "NO, Sylvester! You BAD ol' puddy tat!"
"Awww. It's no fun being away from Tweety." Sylvester mumbled as she dropped him to the ground.
"Ought to turn you into violin strings! NA-NA-NA-NAAA!" The pony sang out, waving her hooves in the air as she sang the funeral march. "So your friends are not believing in the power of the Old Ones, eh?"
"I feel so stupid about it all." Fluttershy nervously admitted, bowing her head as Moonglow put one arm around her shoulder, speaking with a mellifluous tone.
"No-no-no-nooo! In eyes of the Great One, you have keen minds, all. Must remember, there is ridiculous secular movement these days, people putting religion on back burner. They are equating every little movement with hoodoo and voodoo the like. Even in the schools."
"Hmm. Well, I dunno. The school doesn't seem to have a problem with the haunted house that Applejack and Twilight are going to make for Nightmare Night. Isn't it supposed to be a kinda religious holiday?" Fluttershy admitted, scratching her head.
"From mouths of babes…well-well-well…" She chuckled darkly, patting Fluttershy on the head as she quickly left the room, striding up the stairs and heading for her private bedroom. "Is time to call in the number one ally of all things foul and evil and perverted…THE ACLU!"
…
…
…
… "Your outline was pretty good, but I think mine's better." Rainbow Dash said as she pointed down at her outline.
"The ketchup really adds a lot to it." Applejack admitted as she nodded her head, Big Macintosh helping Twilight with a guillotine Rarity had designed.
"Ketchup? Naaah." Rainbow Dash laughed. "Nah, got plenty of samples of every blood type on this planet in a freezer! Don't trust the government to transfusion my blood, what with all the nanobots they put in 'em."
"…you SURE you didn't believe Moonglow's stories?" Applejack asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Let's get the rise n' run of this here guillotine right, y'hear?" Big Macintosh asked Twilight as her horn sparkled, a measurement tape hovering near the fake guillotine. "Don't want the blood rushin' TO my severed head."
"They are gonna LOVE my rotting-corpse brownies!" Spike said cheerily, holding his plate high as he put it down on a long white-sheet-covered table with Pinkie Pie's cupcakes. The Youth Ponyship Committee were the ones in charge of the whole shebang, and it was their job to bring everything in on time, under budget, and over scary.
"What makes them rotting-corpse like? I mean, Pinkie made swamp-water punch." Mordecai asked as he took a sip from a cup before realizing Pinkie had switched it out for a dribble cup. "Pinkie! This isn't April Fools!" He laughed.
"Just take a wiff." Rigby groaned, plugging his nose with clothespins as Mordecai sniffed the brownies.
"OH MY GOD." He gasped, reeling back.
"Yeah, I kept forgetting to add the sugar. I threw in some sweet and low though. And they're a bit burnt…"
"URK…"
"There was something else I forgot too…" Spike added as Mordecai ran out the door, almost slamming into Moonglow as the school teacher of Apple Bloom, Cheerilee, walked inside with Moonglow next to her.
"I think I might…avoid the snack table if I were you." Rigby told her.
"Nobody touch my candy corn!" Apple Bloom insisted, jumping on the table and hissing at Spike as he tried to snag a few.
"Er, right. Uh…everyone, you all know Moonglow, right? She has some concerns. Evidently some people consider Nightmare Night a religious holiday." Cheerilee admitted.
"Uh…I guess it was, why?" Twilight finally asked.
"Well, the Equine Constitution guarantees a separation of church and state, the same way that nobody can gain the title of "king" or "queen"." Moonglow remarked, putting a hoof to her chest.
"True, true. Everyone knows all queens are evil!" Apple Bloom admitted nervously. "And all Princesses are good!"
"Disney teaches the gospel truth." Applejack added.
"Eeeeyup." Big Macintosh said, wheeling a fake skeleton to the side as Moonglow looked it over. "Ah-HA! Planning to read fortunes with casting of bones? If you are doing this, must include a booth celebrating Old-"
"We KNOW what ya wanna celebrate, but it's a load o' applesauce!" Applejack snapped.
"We want these kids to have a normal, spooky Nightmare Night, a FUN Nightmare Night, and not to involve Ctthhuuuuluuuu." Twilight said, mispronouncing the word as spit flew through the air.
"You can't ignore the roots of a day, no matter how strange one might be finding them!" Moonglow demanded.
"You just wanna hijack this holiday ta toot yer own horn!" Applejack snapped, getting in Moonglow's face as the two growled at each other. "C'mon, Cheerilee, back us up on this!"
"My hooves are tied, Applejack." Cheerilee admitted sheepishly, shaking her head back and forth. "The school board says that if you can't allow them to set up a booth, you can't do this party for the kids at all!"
"…so THAT'S how it is. Y'know what? Let's get outta here. And bring Haggy the Horse, Rainbow Dash." Applejack muttered balefully, pushing out the guillotine with her brother as Rainbow Dash glared at Moonglow.
"Sure thing. Only room for ONE witch in here."
…
…
…
… "Land's sakes!" Applejack muttered balefully as she folded her hooves before her, plopping down in the barn as Big Macintosh handed her some cider, Fluttershy dressing up her pet bunny in a cute little angel costume, Rainbow Dash insisting that the costume have "hot rod flames". There's not too many times when a lil' foal can just be a foal. Soon Apple Bloom'll be all grown up and she won't get to trick or treat no more."
"WHAT?!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, eyes bugging out.
"There isn't anything about separation of church and barn. Let's do the haunted house right in here!" Twilight offered cheerily.
"Nuh-uh. We might be trying to lure them down the dark path. I keep thinking about what Moonglow said." Fluttershy said nervously, tapping her hooves together.
"Nightmare Night is just good, clean fun." Applejack insisted. "Don't be silly!"
"But what if haunted houses are Dagon's mousetrap, and fun is the cheese? Moonglow told me the Old Ones are all very organized."
"Look. The Old Ones don't exist. They don't scheme. They don't plot. And they AIN'T organized!" Applejack snapped, rolling her eyes.
"We need to deal with this fruitcake!" Rainbow Dash muttered, walking out of the barn with Apple Bloom. "C'mon, Apple Bloom. I've got an idea…"
As the night fell, Rainbow Dash escorted Apple Bloom down the streets of Ponyville, heading for Moonglow's house, turning to look down at Apple Bloom. "Now, in a few years, you'll be too old for trick or treating."
"What?!" Apple Bloom gasped.
"Aw, just relax. Tricks or only HALF the fun." Rainbow Dash said, reaching into the saddle she'd brought, pulling out some eggs in a carton and a roll of toilet paper. "Time you learned to GIVE as well as RECEIVE. See, you need to think back to the Bible…" She grinned, handing Apple Bloom the toilet paper. "And do unto others."
"Isn't vandalism uncool?" Apple Bloom asked, tilting her head to the side as Rainbow Dash tossed the eggs rapid-fire at Moonglow's mail box. SPLAKA-SPLAKA-SPLAKA!
"Now AB, that attitude's a little immature." Rainbow Dash laughed as Apple Bloom nervously raised her arm up, then tossed the toilet paper through the air.
Well, she actually threw a bit TOO hard. It sailed through the air and crashed into the window, actually BREAKING it as Moonglow let out a "WHAT IN THE" from inside.
"Run!" Rainbow Dash gasped, rushing off with Apple Bloom as Moonglow stuck her head out the broken window, eyes glaring balefully off at the retreating ponies.
"Ohhh, you gonna play it THAT way, huh?"
…
…
…
… "What do you MEAN, Nightmare Night is canceled?!" Shinedown screeched, tugging at her hair as he gaped at the beautiful Princess Luna, who bowed her head as she sat underneath a tree in Everfree forest. "Are you serious?! Ms. Luna, please, tell me this is some sick joke!"
"Normally I kinda LIKE dark jokes but…no, it's not. Princess Celestia was called up last night. Evidently that pony "Moonglow" said that some people broke into her house and killed her cat, Sylvester. Drowned it in her aquarium. Celestia didn't believe it till Moonglow dumped the cat onto her throne before everyone's eyes up at Canterlot!"
"…yeah. "Broke into her house", huh? YEAAAH." Shinedown mumbled, holding his hooves in front of his face as he shook his head back and forth. "How convenient."
"There's not gonna be any trick or treating?" Apple Bloom asked as they looked at the royal decree that had been stapled onto the walls of every building in Ponyville. Fluttershy sighed as she turned to the others.
"Looks like the stuff you did last night really backfired. What're we going to do?"
"I…I…" Twilight began to say, head bowed slightly before she stood up dramatically , slamming her hooves down onto the ground. "I don't care WHAT Princess Celestia says. That pony wrecked the school's haunted house, they tried to brainwash Fluttershy, now they banned Nightmare Night?!"
"There's not gonna be any parties…ohhhh." Apple Bloom groaned, heading off from the town plaza…noticing a pamphlet that had fallen to the ground.
"Come learn your place by the Old One's side. Come see Moonglow at 92 Main Street."
…
…
…
… "I can't believe we're doing this." The brownish-furred little foal Scootaloo mumbled as she, her pale-furred friend Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom joined some other little fillies and foals that were going to the party Moonglow had decided to throw, the cultist welcoming them all into the dark, dark house, candles lighting their way. They were all led into a room where several ponies had put up, of all things, tables filled with candy.
Immediately all of the frowns and pouts faded as the kids all rushed forward and began eagerly chowing down on the candy as Moonglow sat with Apple Bloom.
"Enjoying yourself?" She asked the young filly as Apple Bloom chewed on some salt water taffy as some dance music was put onto the nearby stereo. Scootaloo began to shake her groove thing, a karaoke machine being set up in the library next door.
"Oh yes, I am." Apple Bloom said cheerily as Moonglow held up a small little hood similar to her own. "Is that for me?"
"Why yes, all initiates get it!" Moonglow told her as she put it around Apple Bloom, others gaining cloaks and hoods of their own as they led her into another room. "You aren't spooked by all this stuff, are you?"
"Well…I WAS kinda nervous from what I heard Fluttershy saying. But you all seem nice."
"We're all big softies, dearie. We just love horror movies and scary books. My accent's totally fake. I'm actually from Orange County." Moonglow chuckled as she pushed down on a lever and from the walls came two young ponies sitting on a heart-shaped bed, kissing deeply, unaware of the maniac with a knife that was about to reach over them from behind. "Uh-oh! Here's a young couple who's gonna let their hormones get the best of them in a horror flick! They don't know the old saying is true…"
Moonglow tugged down another lever and the scene was switched to-
"OH." Apple Bloom gasped.
"It's a thriller killer night" Moonglow laughed, moving onto the next room as several of the cultists had dressed up as an ordinary couple in Hell, being tortured by demons, really ponies who were poking them with fake tridents as "flames" shot up the sides of the walls.
"Why? We banned same sex marriage and defended traditional marriage! Why you forsake us?"
"Cthulu is displeased with you all! You've ignored the true marriages! Like David and his Concubines! Like Jacob and his wives!" The left-hand "devil pony" cackled, waving his trident in the air.
"This is just silly." Apple Bloom laughed, unaware that her hood happened to have a big, red "x" on the top as Moonglow began to sharpen a knife in the bathroom, momentarily glancing out to look down the hall.
"Is it almost ready?"
"We haven't stained the altar with goat's blood yet." One of the Cult of the Old Ones said, shaking his head back and forth as one cultist held up a goat's head and waved it in the air above some strange symbols on a metallic altar below, other cultists forming symbols with black paint on the wall, humming and moaning. "But soon she'll be ready for the girl!" The cultist cackled, not seeing Shinedown looking in through the window, eyes wide. He took off running as fast as he could, panting and heaving as he banged on the door to Applejack's home, panting and heaving as he did.
"Can I help you?" Big Macintosh asked, blinking stupidly.
"Apple Bloom and her friends headed to Moonglow's home for a satanic "Old Ones" party and they're gonna sacrifice her to Cthulu!"
"WH-WH-WHAAAAAAT?!" Big Macintosh yelled, eyes bugging out. "They done wrecked mah trick or treatin', they ruined Nightmare Night, they tried to brainwash Fluttershy, now they wanna brainwash mah SISTER?! Time for somebody to do something!" He roared out, stomping off as Shinedown blinked in surprise, Big Macintosh coming back…dressed as his namesake.
"But you could go to jail." Shinedown said with an admiring grin.
"Eeeyup." Big Macintosh said, walking down the road, standing in the middle of Ponyville as he loudly exclaimed "TRICK OR TREAT!"
Heads slowly poked out of windows. Doors began to open.
"Trick or treat! Trick or TREAT!" Big Macintosh repeated, making his way down the road, Twilight rushing out of her library home a moment later, wearing glasses.
"W-wait for me, old "Madame Librarian"!" She remarked, Spike joining her with chalk all over his body, making him look like a ghost. "Trick or treat!" She exclaimed.
"Trick or treat!" Applejack exclaimed, striding up behind her brother, dressed up in a bedsheet and wearing a laurel made of apple leaves. "Fillies! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me yer ears!"
"Booooooo! I am the symbol of all evil in the world…Dick CHENEY converted to Islam!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, wearing a fake Dick Cheney mask with a Muslim turban on her head, looking more like a monster mash than a real Nightmare Moon monster.
"Wait! Wait!"
A shy, quiet voice fluttered out, a "fairy" emerging as Shinedown took her hoof and led her out into the center of town. "Trick or treat…smell my feet…give me something good to eat." Fluttershy said with a small grin, one by one the other members of Ponyville emerging, her "fairy prince" smiling over at her as Princess Luna took up the back, dressed up, ironically, as Night Mare Moon.
"TRICK OR TREAT! TRICK OR TREAT! TRICK-"
"Wow. This is really, really weird." Sweetie Belle admitted as Moonglow played "Madame Butterfly" backwards on a record player, a demonic voice commanding them to spill the blood of the virgins in the name of the Beast. "I'm gonna have to start playing all my CDs backwards from now on."
"So what's with the blindfold?" Apple Bloom asked one cultist as she had said blindfold tied around her head.
"Ohh, you'll see, honey. You'll see in just a second, and then you can see Santa and all his-"
"…OR TREAT! TRICK OR TREAT!"
"…what was that? What IS that?" Moonglow said, frowning visibly as she went to the front door, opening it up.
"Heya, Apple Bloom." Big Macintosh said, giving her a big grin as the other little foals all crowded around her, Moonglow giving him a glare.
"There's no Nightmare Night going on. You shouldn't be trick or treating. But I suppose you have as little respect for Princess Celestia's laws as you have for the laws of Old!"
"I've had ENOUGH of this!" Apple Jack yelled out, stomping her hooves. "C'mon, Apple Bloom. Let's go out trick or treating. Let's get some candy and go dancing and apple bobbing for caramel apples!"
"She will NOT, because she RESPECTS the ways of Old!" Moonglow said persuasively, putting one hoof around Apple Bloom's shoulder.
"Respect?!" Big Macintosh growled. "Lemme tell you somethin' 'bout respect and "Ways of Old". Every Nightmare Night I took mah lil' sister to the barn and had 'er bob for apples. Every Nightmare Night I baked an apple pie with pumpkin frostin' That's OUR "Ways of Old", and you ain't respectin' that."
"Every Nightmare Night since Ms. Luna came to town I now dress up and have fun with my friends at the dance, teaching the animals to do the "Monster Mash"." Fluttershy said. "But thanks to you, I won't be teaching them anything!"
"We people of Ponyville have our own holiday traditions, and you had them swept under the rug so you could make everyone follow YOUR traditions!" Twilight said angrily. "That's just not RIGHT!"
"Yeah, and if I don't go to the dance with my hot new date, she's gonna be reaaaal sore with me." Rigby added, dressed up as Sly Cooper, complete with cap and cane.
"Er-I-uh…" Moonglow gulped, noticing she was now very, very outnumbered, and all of the foals were looking up at her with an annoyed expression, as if they couldn't believe she was still trying to tout her indefensible position even now!
So she did what anyone would have done. She ran out the door, Applejack quickly following after. "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"
"Rope 'em, sis." Big Macintosh said, tossing a bundle of rope at his sister, who caught it deftly in the air, then began to twirl a lasso over her head. She shot it forth and it hooked around Moonglow, yanking her forcibly back as Applejack reared her hind legs high, proceeding to treat Moonglow's behind like it was an apple tree, and it was "Apple Bucking" season.
THWUDDA-THWUDDA-THWUDDA-THWUDDA-THWUDDA-THWUDDA-
"Maaaan, I ain't EVER seen a tuckus take a thrashin' that bad." Big Macintosh agreed.
"I guess "dat tuckus" don't got no chance." Rainbow Dash laughed.
Pinkie Pie giggled, holding up a kazoo and blowing into it. "Let's PARTY!"
…
…
…
…and indeed, soon the party was in full swing back at Ponyville. The other cultists had decided to be good sports about it all and help with the festivities…after all, they had plenty of black streamers and candles and pumpkins to supply. Soon apples were being bobbed for the way they were meant to be, pumpkin pie and pumpkin cake were being wheeled out by Pinkie Pie, freshly baked with the secret ingredient of love, and the dance would soon be in full swing under a fine Harvest moon that cast gentle rays upon a happy populace below.
"They did the Mash!" Fluttershy sang out, waving her arms around as she and her animal friends danced together, imitating Frankenstein's Monster as they made their way past the punch ball. "They did the Moooonster Mash!"
"She's pretty good at this." Princess Luna admitted, taking a sip from some swamp-water punch to get the taste of the "rotting corpse brownies" out of her mouth.
"Wait until she gets to "Thriller". It's like I'm watching Michael Jackson if he was an Equine!" Shinedown admitted with a big, dazed, stupid-looking grin, sighing wistfully as Fluttershy passed him by.
"Dear Princess Celestia…" Twilight thought to herself as she began to write her signature letters to the ruler of all Equestria, Big Macintosh carrying Apple Bloom on his shoulder as Moonglow sat in an apple-dunking bucket to get the harsh stinging out of her "seat" swelling down. "I think I learned something thanks to my friend Applejack. I guess it isn't right to ignore where a holiday originated from…but neither should somepony forget what a holiday has finally become here and now! All holidays have traditions that we shouldn't forget about, but what really matters on a holiday is having fun with your friends and family. And if you can do that…who knows? You might make some new traditions to pass down!"
"So, whaddya think, Mordecai?" Rigby asked, jabbing a thumb at his date as she chewed on some of the brownies, evidently enjoying the taste quite a lot, taking up most of the bench at the table with her butt cheeks alone. "Ain't she a looker?"
"…er…uh…she's definitely "incredible"…" Mordecai gulped.
"Hey Cthula, would you grant me the pleasure of this dance?" Rigby asked the tentacle-faced thing as the "Old One" with purplish eyeliner giggled girlishly, taking his paw with a clawed hand and sashaying over to the dance floor, "Thriller" beginning to play on the stereo system. "Ooh, baby! They're playing our song!"
