What We Haven't Had

by GhostWriter17

Rating: teen
Tags: Flower Ponies, Big Macintosh, Random, Slice of Life, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Romance
Length: 39014

Samael Sundance wishes to find love, in spite of his awkwardness. But in his quest, he will learn of misunderstanding, the kindness of strangers, and how we all touch the lives of those around us more than we know.

Samael Sundance was always awkward, shy, clumsy, and loveless. But he has a kind heart, and would show it, if only he had more confidence. After twenty-five years of living in fear, Samael one day decides to confess his love to the only pony able to melt his heart: Rarity. Will he find true love? Or will he find something more?

This isn't just a story of wanting to be loved. It is a story of the kindness of strangers, of friendly misunderstanding, of sacrifice, of loyalty to your friends, of realizing your impact on the lives of others, and of the beauty of friendship, and that just because we may not get what we haven't had doesn't mean it will never come. This is the story of the day Samael Sundance's life changed forever.

Published 2013-02-02 07:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-04 20:12:42 UTC

Chapter 2: Of Apples and Lies

What We Haven’t Had

Chapter 2: Of Apples and Lies

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

"Goodbye, everypony!" Samael waved to his three marefriends, a bouquet of flowers saddled to him.

Samael hoped things would go well for his flower-selling friend, but the stallion had more important things to think about. He had wasted a couple precious hours talking to his friends about what flowers Rarity might like. After sorting through the rather large selection of plants, Samael agreed to give his future lover the best flowers the shop had: An assortment of crystal roses imported from the Crystal Empire! They were damned expensive, but Samael prayed to the Princesses that the benefit would outweigh the cost.

Samael trotted towards the Carousel Boutique, heart thumping in his chest. It was about eleven in the morning, a perfectly suitable time to chat with the wonderful dressmaker of Ponyville. He knew Rarity’s afternoon routine: At fifteen after she would drop her window blinds just enough so nopony could look in at her shop. It is at this time when she would finish her great creation of the morning, shielding it from wandering eyes so only those inside the shop could see. Then at eleven forty-five she would close her shop and eat lunch until one fifteen. Sometimes she may go out with her friends, but usually she’d stay inside, possibly sketching whatever it is she’ll be doing for the rest of the day. At one twenty is when the shop is reopened.

Because of this knowledge, Samael had his plan set up perfectly. He had taken the liberty of scribbling it on a napkin, just in case he forgot a step. He reached in his saddlebag, being careful to not disturb the flowers, and opened the napkin. It read:

My Great Plan
Part 1: Enter the Boutique
Part 2: Close Boutique door
Part 3: Take many deep breaths
Part 4: Introduce myself and engage in conversation with Rarity
Part 5: Repeat steps 3 and 4
Part 6: When alone, confess love
Part 6.5: Don’t panic
Part 6.75: Hope for the best
Part 6.8: Pray to Celestia
Part 7: Don’t buck anything up

Alright, you can do this, Samael. Believe in yourself. Samael thought to himself, putting the napkin back in the saddlebag, moving ever closer to the pointed shop. I shouldn’t be scared. I shouldn’t panic. Oh, Celestia, I’m so terrified. Please, I just need somepony to love me, anypony, to make me feel like I’m worth something.

Samael was close to the Boutique now, all it’d take is about twelve steps. Twelve shaky, sweaty, nervous steps.

Step.

All I gotta do is confess myself. It’ll be alright, right?

Step.

I can do this.... Can’t I?

Step.

Yes, I’m sure she’ll accept me and we will live happily ever after.

Step.

Wait... What if she loves somepony else?

Stop.

Oh, no. She does love somepony else, doesn’t she?

Sigh.

I’m sure of it. She couldn’t possibly love somepony like me. There’s nothing likeable about me. I should just give up here and stop worrying. There is no point in making my heart suffer anymore than it does already.

Turn.

Bump into a mass of red stallion that smells like... Apples?

Look up.

“‘Scuse me, Samael. Sorry about bumpin’ into ya.” Big Macintosh, the quiet, muscular farm pony stared down politely at Samael. “Haven’t seen you ‘round the farm in a while. Who them flowers for?” He asked, thick southern accent piercing the air.

“Oh, these? Nopony special.” Samael really didn't want the stallion's company. Big Macintosh, for as gentle as he is, frightened Samael immensely. Those big, broad shoulders of his, thick and muscular, made the farm pony seem twice his actual size. Those emerald green eyes that peered into his soul. That strong jaw, the red fur, everything about Big Mac oozed masculinity. And it scared the buck outta Samael.

Try to walk away.

“Ahem.” The red stallion blocked Samael’s path. “Look, I ain’t dumb, kid. You graduated school with my sister AJ, right?”

Nod. Nervously.

“Well, ya may not know this, but I know a great deal about the ponies my AJ had class with. And I know you well enough that you’re not a great liar, and you don’t seem like the kind of pony who just goes to buy the most expensive flowers in town to jus’ have them. So, assuming I’m right, you were gonna deliver them flowers to somepony special. Correct?” Big Mac obviously wasn’t going to let Samael pass. There’s no way out of this, is there?

Nope.

“What was that?” Big Mac asked.

“I didn’t say anything!” Samael said defensively.

Big Mac cocked his head. “Ah’m pretty sure you said ‘Nope’.”

Samael protested. “I didn’t! Anyway, that is beside the point. Yeah, you were right. These are for somepony special.”

Glance toward the flowers.

“I was just going to go give these flowers to her right now when you, I mean I, bumped into you.” Samael needed to get this persistent pony out of his way. But how?

Big Mac moved aside. “Well then, go to her house. She’s nearby, ah reckon?”

Nod again.

“Then I’ll jus’ watch ya as you go into her house.”

Holy buck this guy’s smart! Okay, Samael, don’t lose it. Just pick a random house behind Big Mac and hope for the best. What have you got to lose? Oh, you know, just your pride, dignity, self-worth, and what small reputation you may have!

Samael looked to his left, ahead lay a little cottage on the side of the road. It was identical to most of the other buildings in Ponyville, which was a problem. Hopeful, Samael walked toward the house, seeing the lights were on, and hoped for the best. He trotted toward the door, and put a hoof up to knock on the door. However, Big Macintosh stopped him.

“Uh, Samael?” He asked. “You do know that house belongs to Caramel, a stallion, right?”

Twitch eye.

“Look, Samael.” Big Mac continued. “Ah don’t think either you or Caramel is a coltcuddler, but either way, ah’m not gonna judge ya. If you’re gonna confess your love to him, knock and I’ll wish ya good luck in your prospects. Unless, you ain’t a coltcuddler and are lying to me. Again.”

Damn he’s good. Samael turned to face Big Mac. “Fine. I lied. Twice. I’m not a coltcuddler, and I was going to give these flowers to somepony, Rarity actually, but I chickened out. I’m scared Big Mac.” He walked solemnly toward the farm pony.

Samael kept his head down in front of his fellow stallion, awaiting some form of cruel harassment, but no such thing came. Instead, Big Mac just chuckled half to himself. “Well Samael,” He began. “I dunno what you’re waitin’ for. If ah were you, ah’d go and tell that gal how ah feel.”

Samael was shocked at the kindness, the understanding, in Big Mac’s voice. Somehow, from those simple instructions, Samael felt... He wasn’t sure what it was, exactly. Was it hope? The hope that maybe he would find love at last? Was it relief? Relief because Samael was being given words of encouragement from somepony other than himself or Roseluck? Samael didn’t know, but for some reason he felt like crying. Not out of sadness, but out of joy. This pony, this quiet, mild-mannered farm pony whom he had barely known, was encouraging Samael to submit to his love, his desire, to be happy with somepony else. This stranger was telling Samael to go, face his fears, and be proud of who he was, no matter the cost. He looked up at the red pony in front of him.

“Is it...” He began, shakily. “I mean, do you think it’s a good idea?”

The farm pony smiled at Samael. “Course it is. Ya can’t go through life thinkin’ about the ‘what if’s’. Ya gotta try new things.” He reached his hoof up to his ear, and pulled out a strand of wheat. “Life’s kinda like this strand of wheat. When ponies first saw this here crop growin’ around, they wondered if it was edible. So ya know what they did?” He put the wheat in his mouth. “They turned it into bread. But that’s beside the point. Personally, that Rarity ain’t my kinda gal, but if ya really do love her, ah’d go for it. But,” He said as he walked past Samael, “it ain’t my life to live.” Before walking away, Big Mac turned around and winked at Samael. “But if ya do decide to after her, I wish ya the best of luck.”

And with that, the farm pony left Samael to his own devices. Big Macintosh is right! Samael thought to himself, tears welling up in his eyes. I can’t live with being afraid of the ‘what if’s’ in life! I gotta take chances and go for it! Rarity or no Rarity! This is my chance to do something with my life for once! I’m going to walk into that boutique, confess my love, and live with the consequences, no matter what! This is my chance, my chance to make a difference in my life! The Samael that once was will be no more! He took off his blue-rimmed glasses, and put them in his saddlebag overdramatically, a stern look on his scrunched up face the whole time. Today is my day of retribution! This is my Judgement Day! I shall not fail in my mission for true love! Onward! I will make everypony proud! No more liquor! No more sob stories and drinking the night away! No more dual personalities! I shall be the outgoing, kind, lovable Samael that Rose, Daisy, and Lily see all the time! No seclusion! No self-pity! I will no longer be shy! I have to do this, no matter what! I have to do this for Roseluck! For Daisy and Lily! For Big Macintosh! They believe in me, so I must believe in myself! For I am the one, the only, Samael Sundance!

Samael began walking, no, strutting, forward! Pride fueled his heart as he walked forward. Step by step, inch by inch, foot by foot he went, growing more and more confident with each passing second. I am Samael Sundance, and I will command my own dest- DAMMIT MY NOSE IS ON FIRE! OH LUNA, I THINK IT'S BROKEN! THE BLOOD IS RUSHING DOWN MY FAAAACE!!! I THINK I TASTE CAT FOOD BUT I HAVE NO BUCKING IDEA! BRAIN, STATUS REPORT?! OH NO, WE'VE LOST ALL COMMUNICATION!! MAYDAY, MAYDAY! ABANDON CONSCIOUSNESS!

Chapter 3: Of Strangers and Sadness

What We Haven't Had

Chapter 3: Of Strangers and Sadness

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

"Oh dear...."

"Opal, uhm, Opal? Opalescence? Please, I mean, if you don't mind, could you- Oh, uh, never mind, then. You can do whatever you want."

"Okay, Fluttershy, all you have to do is turn his head over and clean his face."

"Angel! Please stop harassing Opalescence like that! She's our guest, and should be treated as such. Don't make me give you The Stare!"

"Just t-turn the head slowly around and you can check his injuries, Fluttershy."

"Oh, the poor thing! He's got some paint all over his little face! Wait, that's not paint. That's not paint at all....Eep."

Samael awoke with a throbbing everything. His head was a cloud of jumbled thoughts, memories, aches, pains, and what-the-buck-just-happened syndrome. He was lying down on his back, that much he knew, but where he was was uncertain. His face was slightly wet, and something cold, a bag, maybe, was resting on his forehead. Slowly, he sat up, making sure to take the cold thing off of his forehead as he did so. He sat up completely, looking at what was now in his hoof. Sure enough, it was a bag of ice. Looking around, Samael noticed he was in some sort of cottage. To his right was a small table with a pot of hot herbal tea and his glasses. They didn't even have a dent in them. Lying on the ground near the table was his saddlebag, bandaged and sewed up in a few places. Oh, but of course my saddlebag, of all things, needs repaired. Around him were various items: Pictures of various flowers and animals hung on the walls. Bookcases along the walls were filled with instruction booklets for animal care and gardening. Samael was sitting in a large, butterfly-quilted bed. There was a staircase leading downward. Samael reached over, put on his glasses, and moved to get out of the bed. However, just as he moved, his head began to throb in pain, and he began to feel extremely nauseous. Maybe it's a better idea to just stay in bed until whoever owns this place comes up to check on me. Samael thought as he lay back down. Making himself comfortable, Samael placed the bag of ice back on his head and closed his eyes.

Great, Samael, you bucked up again. First you're assumed to be a coltcuddler, twice, then you make a fool of yourself in front of one of the most handsome stallions in Ponyville. Now you idiotically take off your glasses and walk into Celestia-knows-what, making sure to get a possibly broken nose and a very severe headache. Oh, and it's also your birthday! Samael thought to himself, cursing everything he did wrong thus far today. How am I ever going to tell Rarity about my feelings now? That's when he heard the humming. It was quiet, serene, and beautiful, and it came from the staircase. That humming, a wonderful sound as smooth as honey, was also getting louder. Whoever it was that was making those angelic noises was coming up the steps.

Samael sat up again to listen, waiting to meet whomever it was that lived here. After a few moments, the owner of the house, a yellow mare with long, wavy pink hair and small wings, floated daintily to the top step and landed.

"Hello there again, my little patient." She said quietly with her eyes closed. "I was just coming in to check and see how you were do-" She opened her eyes, and blinked at Samael, not moving an inch. Samael stared back, unsure of what to do. The yellow pony quickly averted her gaze, and studied the ground, obviously surprised that her patient was awake.

"Uh, hello there." Samael began quietly. His heart beat fast and hard, his breathing became erratic, and his mouth went dry. Talking to Roseluck, Daisy, Lily, or even Big Macintosh, all of whom Samael had spoken to, however briefly, in the past was one thing, but a pony he had neither talked to nor seen was another beast entirely. Samael shocked himself at just how easily he was able to say three, alright, technically two, words to this pony. "My name's-" Samael froze in place. The mare in front of him shot him a piercing glance. All Samael could do was stare back into those big blue eyes. He could not blink. He could not move. He could only sit there, paralyzed by this stare, this stare so horrible, so malicious, so creepy, that it dug into his soul like it was a piece of cloth. His eyes began to burn, watering as they burned. Noticing this, the yellow pegasus stopped gazing at Samael, freeing him from the invisible grasp that held him.

"Oh, th-thank you for, uh, doing that." Samael stumbled, catching his breath. "My name is Samael. Uh, and you are?"

The words she spoke, however, were too soft to be heard. She dipped her head down, shuffling her hooves.

"Uh, I didn't quite catch what you said. Could you please speak a little louder?" Samael asked.

"I'm Fluttershy, and I own this cottage.... I think."

Okay. Samael thought after she spoke. Either whatever I hit improved my hearing dramatically, or I have super powers, because I don't think any normal pony would have heard that.

"You, uh, bumped into me in Ponyville, right in front of the Carousel Boutique, and I just could not leave you there, in case you're wondering how you got here, but if not then that's okay, too. I guess. Eeep."

Yup. I'm going to go with super powers.

Samael cleared his throat. "Well, I thank you for not leaving me. It was very kind of you to do that, I guess." Once again, Samael surprised himself at how well he was speaking. This pony, Fluttershy, seemed to have worse shyness than even Samael did. "Y'know, I'm not going to hurt you or laugh or anything. I just want to know how to long it will take me to get out of here. I have to see Rarity as soon as possible."

The compliment he gave Fluttershy seemed to boost her confidence, and she spoke louder this time. "Oh, well you, uh, suffered a minor concussion and your nose b-bled a little. Okay, a lot. Other than that, you're fine. You've been unconscious for about, uh, an hour. When your headache goes away, which it should quickly, if you drink that tea, I guess you can go, if you want."

So that was what he did. He poured himself a cup of tea, which tasted like honey and smoothly slid down his throat. It was utterly magnificent, so much so that, in a matter of minutes, Samael had consumed the whole pot of tea. All the while, Fluttershy gave a small smile, happy that her guest was enjoying her specially-made drink. By this point Fluttershy was acting more comfortable, more relaxed, around Samael.

"Did you like it?" She asked, this time, her voice was at a clearly audible level.

"Yeah! It was delicious, and I already feel much better! But, I do have a question." Fluttershy blinked and looked at him inquisitively. "Why were you in the boutique?"

"Oh." Fluttershy began. "Well, I had to take care of Rarity's cat, Opalescence, for the afternoon. Rarity, uhm, was having trouble keeping Opal from knocking over her dresses, so I volunteered to watch over her. I was about to leave when Opal rushed out of the boutique and jumped on your face, knocking your heads together. That's what led us to now, I guess." She gave a quick smile, clearly relieved she would not have to speak much more to Samael.

Samael had to laugh at this. Wow! This is just crazy! What were the odds that I'd run face-first into Rarity's cat right as I was about to enter her boutique? For some reason, it's just so funny! It was then that Samael realized that his life wasn't so bad, after all. What could have been some punk wanting to attack Samael for no good reason was just a cat with an attitude problem!

Fluttershy seemed hurt by Samael's outburst. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Was it something I said? Oh no..." She began to cry quietly, turning away from Samael once more.

Samael saw this, and stopped laughing. Well, great. I just meet a pony with obvious self-esteem issues and I successfully lower her self-esteem without even trying. Buck me silly. He quickly hopped out of bed, rushing to Fluttershy's side. His head ached from the sudden movement, but that didn't matter now. He was not going to risk having to go through "The Stare" again. "Hey, uh don't cry, Fluttershy. I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at the fact I ran into Opalescence and got knocked out. That's all."

Fluttershy looked up at Samael, tears staining the fur on her face. "Really?" She squeaked.

Samael smiled. "Sure. Like I said before, I'm not going to make fun of you or anything."

Fluttershy smiled back at Samael meekly. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, I am not the most trusting o-of ponies, and my friends say I have issues with my courage and that sometimes I should stop being so nice andhow I'm too forgiving and yet at the same time howI cannot really trust very many ponies. Some say I talk too softly and that I cry a lot, but I don't seeanything really wrong with that. It's just that I'm really, really,really,really,extremely,not outgoing and that I'mvery, very sensitive..." Her words withered away into nothingness as her quiet sniffles turned into sobs. Samael felt bad for Fluttershy, but couldn't find any words to comfort her. With an awkward silence between them, Fluttershy squeaked and flew down the stairs, bawling uncontrollably.

"Horseapples." Samael swore. He solemnly picked up his saddlebag and headed downstairs. The first floor of Fluttershy's cottage was very much the same as the second floor, except instead of beds there were sofas and chairs. On one of the chairs, Rarity's chubby white cat, Opalescence, slept. Not wanting to wake her up, Samael crept to a doorway where Fluttershy's sobbing could be heard. He rounded a corner, into a kitchen. Past this kitchen was a spiral staircase. At the top of the staircase stood a white bunny, trying to get in the door, which was closed. When Samael came up to the bunny, it turned around and glared at Samael.

"Did ya do this to my girl, punk?" The bunny's expression said.

"I didn't mean to! It wasn't really my fault, I swear!" Samael defended himself.

"Then why is Flutters crying her poor eyes out?" It asked Samael angrily.

Samael sighed and then said, "It's because she said something and then I laughed at-" WHAM!!! Samael was kicked hard in the chest by the bunny, and tumbled down the stairs. Down he went, smashing into the stars with just about every part of his body. Miraculously, his glasses stayed on and were unharmed. Unfortunately, he landed right on his saddlebag! By Luna's beard that hurt! Samael thought as he got back up. His head began to throb again, and his legs now ached from the fall.

The bunny that kicked Samael hopped down the stairs, hatred in its eyes. "Leave my Flutters alone, kid! Leave here now, and don't think of comin' back!" It said. Samael didn't have to be told again. He quickly rushed out of the house and ran down the dirt path until the cottage was no longer in sight. He slowed his pace, heaving as he did. He sat down in the dirt and opened his saddlebag. The napkin was ripped, but that didn't matter. The flowers from the Crystal Empire, however, were ruined. They had shattered completely!

No... My flowers... Her flowers...

Samael quietly and carefully picked up the shattered remains of the flowers and held them in his trembling hooves. They sparkled and shimmered in the afternoon light, but all Samael could think of was how awful things turned out to be. One minute he was having a nice conversation with a complete and utter stranger, something he'd never done before, and the next his dreams were obliterated completely, not unlike what were once roses that now were in his hooves. It was now, overcome with grief and sadness, that Samael cried. This wasn't the type of cry he usually had. This was not a silent whimper or a quick sob when he felt lonely. No, this was a cry of despair and anguish. He screamed aloud in pain at what he had done, and what he now cannot do. Never again will he be able to talk to Fluttershy. What will he tell Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily? What about Big Macintosh? Would they all make fun of him? Would they shun him? Then, there was Rarity. Samael had spent a large amount of money on the flowers he meticulously picked out just for her, and now they were like glitter. I can't possibly ask for more flowers from them... Now, Rarity will never know of my feelings, my love, my devotion I would give her.

"I'm a failure at life." He said aloud. "I'll never deserve anypony like her. I'm not worth it. My life has always been a bucking joke. A joke for everyone to laugh at..."

His anguish increased further, and his hooves could no longer hold the crystal shards, so he put them back in his saddlebag. His body violently shook, his sight was blurred, his head ached even more, and, saddest of all, his heart ached. Samael didn't care anymore. He didn't care about anything. Yet, at the same time, he cared about everything. He just wanted to sit there, on that quiet road between ponies he loved and a pony who may or may not hate him. He looked into the saddlebag one last time, but didn't close it, as he became mesmerized by the shards of crystal. Their reflection blinded him, and Samael was transported to a dark place in his mind. It is a place he rarely visits, but it is always there, haunting him.

"Come on, son. Drink it. Take a sip. Real stallions drink it. You wanna be a real stallion, don't you?"

"It'll make ya feel good.... Like floating on a cloud like the pegasi..."

"Once ya start, ya won't stop.... It's the way to happiness, son, when everything else has gone to shit..."

"Stupid fillyfooling whore!!! Get outta my house, ya dumb cow!"

"What're ya crying for?! Ya gonna cry like her, ya sissy? Damn, stop cryin'! Just. Like. Her!"

"Quit bawling like a mare!...... She left cause she's a whore, that's why!...."

"I'm done with you and your bucking attitude, boy! You wanna be with your mommy? Then GO!!!"

"You're not even my son anymore!......NO! Hell, your bucking NAME'S gonna change!! Ya remember that griffon bitch? Yeah, the one that ran off with her? What was her name?! SAM, that was it it!"

"From now on.... Come on, get up, ya wuss!! It didn't hurt that much...."

"From now on.... YOU HEAR ME TALKIN'?"

"From now on, when somepony asks your name, you're gonna respond to SAMAEL, got it? Cause let's face it, you're too bucking weak to get a manly name like mine! You're too bucking effeminate! Crying all the time and locking yourself in your room! BUCK YOU!!!"

"How long ya gonna wallow in your self-pity, there, champ?"

"Hey! Did ya hear me talkin' guy?" Samael, still perplexed and mesmerized by the crystal shards, snapped slowly back to reality. A voice blended with that in his mind. The voice came from above him.

"So, uh, how long are ya gonna sit there and wallow in self-pity? Ya gonna answer or not? Heeellllllloooo???" The voice asked again. Samael looked up, and, wiping the tears from his eyes, saw a cyan, rainbow-maned pegasus looking down at him.

"Go away." Samael retorted.

The pegasus just giggled and said, "I'm afraid I can't do that. I'm not just gonna leave a pony who's obviously depressed about something and melodramatically grieving over it to wallow alone!"

Samael really didn't want any company right now. "Why bother?"

The pegasus sighed and lowered herself from the sky a bit, now hovering about five feet above Samael. "Well, because it seems to me you've got problems." Her once goofy expression turned into a stone-cold grimace. "Problems with one of my friends." She nodded her head in the direction of Fluttershy's cottage. "Besides, I was headed over to her house anyway for our weekly lunch together."

"Well isn't that just dandy." Samael quipped angrily.

The pegasus face-hoofed, then spoke again in a demanding tone. "Jeez, guy. Look, I kinda overheard you mumbling about somepony not lovin' ya, and though I don't know squat about relationships, I can't just leave somepony in emotional peril! Especially not a resident of Ponyville!"

Samael looked up, surprised. "How do you know me?"

"I don't. I've just seen you around a lot. Come to think of it, you're not very social, are you? I mean, I hardly see you with anypony, if at all! I mean, another thing is, it's kinda hard to miss a pony that looks as weird as you! No offense. I mean, it's not like everypony can look as awesome as me, right?"

Oh, this is rich. I trade the meek kind one for the obnoxious gloater who won't shut up or leave me alone. Yay for me.

The pegasus looked down at Samael. "Ahem." She cleared her throat loudly. "So, ya gonna tell me who this mare is that will never love you, or what?" Samael refused to answer. "I'm not leaving until you tell me." She landed on the ground. Samael still didn't answer. "Fine, I can play your little game." So she sat down and crossed her forehooves, staring into Samael's eyes.

"Why don't you go check on Fluttershy?" Samael asked, hoping to shake this annoyance off. "I'm sure she needs a shoulder to cry on."

The pegasus chuckled, smirking. "No thanks, she's got Angel, her pet. Besides, I think you're the one that needs a shoulder to cry on. The name's Rainbow Dash, by the way."

Not wishing to be rude or stoop down to Rainbow's level of cockiness, Samael said his name to her.

"Hmm. That is a pretty odd name for a pony. It fits ya, though. It's weird, kind of out of place, makes me think of-"

"SHUT UP!!!" Samael roared in Rainbow Dash's face. "LEAVE ME THE BUCK ALONE, WILL YOU???" He threw himself at Rainbow, knocking her on her back. Samael lifted a hoof up, ready to strike.

Rainbow Dash, with a mix of excitement and fear in her eyes, asked, "What's her name, Tough Guy?"

"RARITY!" He bellowed, rage blinding his judgement.

Rainbow was stunned. "Really?" Her eyes sparkled for a moment.

Samael raised his hoof higher. "Yes!" He hissed with quiet malice. "Yes, I love her, and my day has been ruined for reasons I cannot even begin to explain! I'm a mess, and I'll never get to express my love because I'm too afraid!"

Rainbow lifted her face so close to Samael's that their muzzles touched. "Afraid of what?"

"I'm afraid of being rejected, okay? I'm afraid of not having any friends, of being a total nopony! I can't face her because she might not like me, and I know she won't like me! That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of being..." Samael lowered his hoof. "I'm afraid of being forgotten."

Rainbow grinned wide, and wriggled out from under Samael. "Well, you know what they say? You never know," she lifted herself in the air with her powerful wings, looking toward Ponyville. "until ya try!" She then flew off toward Ponyville.

Samael watched her leave, but then gasped as he realized the awful truth: She's flying off to tell Rarity about me!

In horror and complete bewilderment, Samael picked up his saddlebag and rushed toward Ponyville, but Rainbow Dash had a much larger head start. No, no, no!! This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! This must be a nightmare!

There's the boutique! Samael thought as he stumbled toward Rarity's home. He was out of breath, coughing and sputtering, his fur drenched in sweat, eyes tired from the crying. Every step he took felt like a mile, his injuries hindering him severely. Maybe Rainbow forgot about it... Maybe I can still make it... All it will take is five steps. Come on, Samael! This is the point of no return!

Step.

Keep calm, Samael.

Step.

Maybe... Maybe there's still hope...

Step.

There's no turning back!

Step.

Whatever happens... Whatever happens... No matter what....

Step.

Just, reach out, and open the do-

Suddenly, the door to the the boutique opened, and what Samael saw chilled his blood. In front of him stood a female unicorn with a body whiter than snow. She wore a pair of red, jewel-encrusted, moon-rimmed glasses. Her deep blue eyes showed elegance and wisdom. Her body was perfect. The only thing not absolutely pristine was her curly, dark purple mane, which was ragged and slightly unkempt. She stared down at Samael's small, weak figure, and smiled warmly. To Samael, however, this warm smile was both the most beautiful and most horrifying thing he'd ever seen.

"Ah. You must be the pony my friend Rainbow spoke of. Welcome to the Carousel Boutique. My name is Rarity."

Author's Note

Oh, MAN was this chapter fun to write!! Fluttershy is easily fun to do, but obviously I had to do A LOT to change the font sizes and make sure everything was alright. Hope ya liked this chapter! This is where things really get interesting...
-Ghost

Chapter 4: Wilting Roses and Broken Hearts

What We Haven’t Had

Chapter 4: Wilting Roses and Broken Hearts

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

* * * *

Roseluck watched as her friend Samael walked out of her shop and into the streets of Ponyville. I really hope he's happy. I hope he finds happiness with that special somepony... He deserves it, much more so than I. She stared out at the door Samael walked through, sadness flooding her thoughts. She was glad Samael had finally been able to pick something out for that mare, whoever she was. She must be beautiful if he's willing to buy flowers from the Crystal Empire... Suddenly, a voice from behind Rose called out to her. It was gentle and loving.

"Rose, whenever you're ready, Lily and I will be waiting in the back. Just come in when you're ready." It was Daisy. Rose nodded, but didn't look back. She sighed heavily, and stared at the door for a while longer before turning into the hallway leading into the shop. Daisy was gone, probably waiting, fixing tea or something to pass the time. Rose sighed again, and began to sweat. Her knees shook slightly, but she took a few steps forward, trying to remain calm. A picture on the wall caught Rose's attention, however. It was of the three flower ponies on the day they all received their cutie marks. Rose was in the middle, her forelegs wrapped around her two friends, a rose between her teeth, grinning. Daisy and Lily planted kisses on Rose's cheeks playfully. A few months ago, this would've looked adorable, but now... Now it's just disturbing. Her focus shifted, and Rose saw her reflection in the glass. She didn't realize just how shitty she looked. From the way Samael had talked to her it seemed like she was beautiful, perfect. How did I forget to even finish combing my mane, and why the hell didn't anypony say anything about my looking so hideous?

Small, dark circles were under her eyes, a sign of the sleep she'd lost over the past few weeks. Her eyes burned from the tears in her eyes, and her face was wet from crying. When Samael was picking out flowers, she tried not to get emotional, to keep the tears back, but it was for naught. Why am I so sad? I should be happy. For Sammy, and for Daisy and Lily for willing to talk to me. Hell, I forgave them in front of Sammy! I told them I forgive easily. So why does it feel like I didn't mean it? Why does it feel like I lied? Why do I feel so... Empty? She stared into her reflection, taking in the memories that poured out of her mind, memories of happier times...

* * * *

"Aww come on, Rosie, it'll be awesome!" Lily extended a rose to Roseluck's muzzle, tickling her nose with it. Rose giggled, breathing in the sweet scent of the flower in front of her. Lily gave her friend a mischievously playful look, smiling from ear to ear. "Pleeeaaaaasssseeee?" She pleaded, staring into Rose's eyes.

Rose rolled her eyes, then looked around her. It was a marvelous day; the sun was high in the sky, birds were excitedly chirping in the air, and everything was perfect. They were in the rolling hills in between the Everfree Forest and Ponyville. The sky was blue, with not a cloud in the sky, and everything was perfect. To Rose's left, Lily anxiously awaited an answer, while in front of Rose, Daisy and another pony were setting up a camera.

"Now, all you have to do is set the timer, like this, if you want to have a delay before the picture is taken. But for now we're just gonna have you snap the picture by pressing this button. Simple, right?" Daisy was directing the other pony, a young colt, on how to work her camera. She pointed to the little knobs and switches as she talked, going into excessive and unnecessary detail on how anything and everything worked on it. "Okay, I think I've gone through everything. You understand what to do?" She smiled at the colt, who had the camera in his hooves, balancing it on a tripod.

"I think so." He said to Daisy. Daisy nodded and hurriedly ran to where Rose was standing. She beamed at Rose, glancing at her new cutie mark now and again.

"Are you girls ready?" The colt asked. All three looked to him. "Are you ready, Roseluck?" He stared into Rose's eyes. Those pale blue eyes stared into her warmly, sending shivers through her body. That colt, her friend since kindergarten, was none other than Samael Sundance. He was klutzy, sure, but earnest, in a way. He always knew what to say to calm Rose down when she was ever in trouble. She grinned at him, marveling at his ever-growing body. He was becoming quite the strong stallion, even though he was smaller than most ponies his age. Rose didn't mind. It was kinda adorable, in a way. Adorable. What an odd word.

Daisy turned to Rose, a friendly shimmer in her eyes. Rose looked at Lily, who was still waiting a response. "Rose." She said, a hint of whining in her voice. "Can you put the rose in your mouth? Pleeeeaaassee?" Rose was about to respond, but then Samael cut her off.

"Lily, Rose can make her own decision. It's up to her whether or not she wants to put a flower in her mouth." He chuckled, glancing at Roseluck, "either way, she'll look just as pretty." Those glasses. Those eyes. So beautiful. Samael, Daisy, and Lily awaited Rose's answer expectantly. Lily made a dog-like, high-pitched whimpering noise, still holding the rose in her mouth. Daisy nudged Rose on her shoulder.

"Think about it, Rose: This will be the one and only day we'll get our cutie marks! We have to make it special with something we'll remember forever! No matter what!" Daisy exclaimed contentedly, giving her friend a wink. "Besides, I agree with Sammy. However, I also disagree. I think you'd look even prettier with that rose in your mouth!"

Rose pondered the offer for a moment longer. If she went through with this, she'd probably look like an idiot. But, on the other hoof, Rose probably looked like an idiot when she was around her friends, anyway. Plus, Daisy had a pretty valid point. This would be a day the three, well, four of them would remember for the rest of their lives! It had to be a day of happiness, of joy! Roseluck looked back, once more, to Lily. Without thinking, Rose took the flower from Lily's mouth with her own. The two ponies' lips brushed against each other. Rose felt Lily's lips part as she breathed a sharp, surprised gasp. Instinctively, Lily's teeth let go of the rose, using her tongue to push it out of her mouth. Rose happily took the gift, her eyes closed now, concentrating on holding the rose without snapping its stem. Lily's lips were warm against Rose's. Soft.

Rose, the flower in her mouth, pulled away from her friend and opened her eyes. When she opened them, she saw Lily with her mouth agape, eyes wide. Her breathing was uneven, hard, and her cheeks were red. Her eyes went from surprised to confused to sad in a matter of seconds. She tried to speak, but nothing came out of her mouth.

"What is it, Lily?" Roseluck asked with her teeth clenched around the flowers' stem. "What's the matter?" She didn't understand why Lily looked so pained at first, but then she realized what had happened.

Lily swallowed, tears forming in her eyes. "You... You kissed me." She said meekly. She tried to speak more, but her words faded into whimpers as tears flowed down her cheeks. "I... I'm sorry!" Lily then turned and fled down the hill, sobbing uncontrollably. Rose was stunned, paralyzed. She felt a gust of wind rush past her as Daisy ran toward her friend, yelling her name in desperation to try to catch Lily. Rose turned to Samael, and dropped the rose in her mouth in shock.

Samael looked worried, but did not follow Daisy. Rose took a step forward, toward where her friends went. "Don't do it, Rose." He spoke, an edge to his voice. "Daisy will take care of her. She's always been able to calm Lily down the best when she gets like this. You know how Lily is, always panicking in the worst of times." His face was stern now, "Just give it time." He trotted toward Rose, his eyes mesmerizing Rose with his gaze.

Rose sat down on the grass, while Samael sat beside her. She spoke with her head down, her eyes studying her hooves. "I just didn't know I did something wrong. I didn't realize we were kissing or whatever until after I had the rose in my mouth." Samael put his hoof on Rose's shoulder. A faint shiver tingled through Rose's spine. His hoof was warm, comforting. Why then, did it feel so cold, so foreign?

"It's not your fault, Rose. She just wasn't expecting it, is all. You know as well as I do that Lily is as hyper as she is emotional. Like I said, just give those two some time alone, like us two. Lily's gonna calm down, we'll snap that photo, and we'll have tons of memories to cherish."

Rose looked up at Samael. Her face was a mere six inches from his. "You don't think things will be awkward now between us? She won't hate me?"

Samael laughed and shook his head. "No. In a few days, we'll look back on this and laugh at it. It'll be another perfect moment in our almost-perfect lives." He was always so openly optimistic. Rose wondered if he was like this with his friends, with her, why he always seemed so nervous and insecure in public. "You'll see. I promise."

I promise.

I promise.

That's what he said. He promised.

He was right. Lily did come back, buzzing like a bee. Her and Daisy's tails were intertwined, as usual. We snapped the photo, laughing about a dumb mistake both Lily and I made. We were all so happy. The sun shined. We found our talents. And everything was perfect.

* * * *

Back to reality. Back to pain. Back to the now, where time flows and does not stop. Back to her, Roseluck, the older, wiser, more manic-depressive but very much still sane Roseluck. Back to where everything was clear, but where some things were still shrouded in a fog of mystery, a fog that terrified as much as it blinded. Rose heaved a sigh, and looked to the door where her friends waited. No more of this. No more sadness. I cannot, I will not, let myself be consumed. I need to restore what I once had.

She stepped toward the door, her heart thumping quickly, pounding against her body, as if wanting to break free from the confines of its cage. Just a few steps, and everything will be okay. I must do this. She finally came to the door, her breathing erratic, mouth dry. She took another step, placed a hoof on the door, sighed, and stepped through the door to meet her fate, to conquer her fear, to settle that which has been unsettled, and to right the wrongs in her life. Now was the time for change. Now was the time for Roseluck, the once beautiful Roseluck, the once so-sure-of-herself Roseluck, to become whole once again. Now was the time for Roseluck to take responsibility of her own actions! Now was the time for Roseluck to find herself. Now was the time to end it all.

* * * *

Roseluck skipped merrily through the door of her house, where her parents and grandmother awaited. Her heart leaped like a rabbit. She then yelled at the top of her lungs once she had crossed the threshold. "MOM! DAD! GRANNY PETAL! I'M HOME!" A voice shouted something in a room across the hallway of her house. She instantly ran toward the voice, into the family living room, where Rose's family sat for their youngest family member. Sitting on a couch together were Rose's parents, Sapphire Sunflower and Thistle Berry, and in a rocking chair was Granny Petal. Grampie Leaf had passed away a few years before Roseluck was born.

Her mother, Sapphire, spoke in an excited voice. "Hello there, Rosie! How does it feel to have had your first day with a cutie mark?"

"OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH! IT FEELS-" she stopped suddenly, realizing she was still yelling. Then she pondered how exactly she felt now that she had her very own cutie mark. "Actually, I don't feel any different. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I FEEL SUPER-DUPER HAPPY!"

Thistle chuckled at his daughter's excitement. "Well, growing up you normally don't feel very different right away, but in time you'll notice changes in your life. This is just one of 'em. But anyway, how was your day, my little petal princess?"

Sapphire snickered, while Granny just groaned. "Dad! Come on! I told you not to call me that! I'm not that little anymore! I'm a pretty grown-up mare now!"

"Well then, how about I call you my BIG petal princess?" He asked, a gleam in his eye. Sapphire nudged him playfully, rolling her eyes when Thistle looked to her. "Anyway, answer my question. Did you have fun?"

"You bet I did! Daisy and Lily both got their cutie marks, but I think you already knew that, probably cause I told you that this morning, but that's beside the point! We got our cutie marks, and we showed them to Sammy Sun after we showed them to you, and he was all 'Wow!' and I was like 'I know, right?' and we had tons of fun! We showed our classmates and Miss Cheerilee, and she was all 'That's fantastic!' and I was like 'I know, right?' and then we played in the fields after school." She paused to take a deep breath, then continued.

"So we were playing and having fun and stuff, when Sammy came up with a great idea! he said we could use Daisy's camera to take a picture and save the memory forever! When me, Lily, and Daisy thought of that we were all 'That's such a cool idea!' and he was like 'I know, right?'. So we took the picture after some other stuff happened, and we were all on the grass when us three girls came up with this great idea! Wanna hear it?" Her parents nodded expectantly, while Granny simply blinked.

"Well, Daisy and Lily and me thought it'd be great, since we're all really good at taking care of flowers and stuff, that we could run our very own flower shop right here in Ponyville! There are renovations being made to the town, and there is some space to build a load of new houses. We were thinking of saving up the money and buying a house that would also double as a store and the three of us could live together and we'd have fun forever and ever and the best part is we'd never have to leave Ponyville once we'd get back from school!"

Rose's parents gazed into the eyes of their daughter with joy on their faces. Rose awaited an answer from them, but it was Granny who spoke up. "You mean you want to live with those two?" Her wrinkled face was devoid of all expression.

"Well, yeah! They're my best friends in the whole world, other than Sammy, but he doesn't count since he's a colt and not a mare like me."

"Hmm. You do know what they are, right? I assume you've heard the rumors about those two?"

Thistle's eyes grew wide. "Granny!" he exclaimed. "You know that's no subject to bring up to her now, right? And besides, who cares about those rumors? Even if they were true, they'd still be nice, loving ponies, and they'd still be Rosie's friends!"

"Wait, what are you guys talking about?" Rose asked, curious.

Granny blinked slowly. She pursed her old, dry, wrinkled lips. She leaned in closer to Rose. "Rose, have you ever seen any suspicious behavior among your two friends?"

"Granny!" Now Sapphire was appalled. "Please, stop this now!"

"Did you ever see them nuzzle each other a little too affectionately? Ever see them glance at each other from across a room? Pass notes with hearts and little drawings on them? Did they ever blush at each other? Sit close to each other? What about seeing them wrap their tails and intertwine them?"

"GRANNY!" Thistle stood up. "Stop this at once! Rose, go to your room!" His eyes burned with malice, hatred fueling a raging inferno about to explode.

Rose looked back and forth between her father and Granny. "But-but I-"

"Tell me, Rose!"

Sapphire now stood up, as well, tears swelling in her eyes. "Rose, please, do as your father says."

"She deserves a right to know of them! We have a right to know!" Granny rose her voice to match that of Thistle's.

"NO! Not yet, she doesn't! Rose! To your room, NOW!"

"No grandfoal of mine will be subjected to living with fillyfoolers! I shall not allow her to be tainted by their lifestyle!"

"Rose, please!"

"Tell me, Rose!"

"Rose!"

"Rose!"

"ROSE!"

"ROSELUCK!"

No more... Please.

* * * *

Rose entered the room Daisy and Lily were in. They were seated at a round wooden table, a pot of tea steaming in the center. Her friends looked tired, worn out, but nonetheless ready to talk. Roseluck was ready, as well. Rose sat down at an empty chair across from her friends. There was an uncomfortable silence between the free friends. They just stared at each other, none of them making any approach, each too nervous to start the conversation. Roseluck reached for the tea pot and poured each of them a cup. Daisy and Lily quietly took their cups in their hooves, muttering a thanks. A clock tick-tocked in the back of the room. Daisy cleared her throat. Rose put the cup to her lips, wrapping them around the edge and preparing to take a sip.

"Don't worry." Lily said quietly. "It's not spiked this time." Daisy giggled nervously, and Rose had to smile at her comment. The three friends looked at each other, Rose put down her drink, for it was probably too hot to drink anyway. She looked at Lily, a sly smile spreading across her lips.

"So, Lily." Rose began. "You said earlier that I licked something of yours really well. Care to explain?" Rose didn't want to impose on Lily by asking such a sexual question, but Rose was actually a little curious as to what Lily wanted to say a few hours before. Plus, it may lighten the mood a bit. Maybe. Hopefully. If they were to talk about what had happened, they had to at least talk about the actual incident that had occurred.

Lily glanced nervously at Daisy, who had a hoof over her mouth, trying to suppress laughter. "Well," Lily began, "uhm, it wasn't what you think. You never actually licked me... down there... That position is reserved for Daisy only." She blushed furiously.

Roseluck scoffed. "Geez. Thanks for the visual." She said sarcastically. "Now I know what I'll be getting off to tonight." Lily and Daisy looked at what she had just said, stunned. Roseluck broke out into laughter. "I'm sorry! I just... Pfff.... I had to! Come on, girls, that was funny! I'm just trying to lighten the mood a bit! But seriously, Lily, what was it that made you so hot and bothered?"

Daisy shook her head, laughing as well. Lily blushed even harder, scrunching her face up in embarrassment and slight annoyance. "Well if you must know, I uh, I don't normally tell ponies this, but... You can't tell anypony, but uhm, I have a hoof fetish." She put her cup of tea to her lips and sipped it nervously.

Daisy was now howling with laughter. Lily scowled at her. "Really?" Rose asked, laughing as well. "Wow, Lil, I never knew you were into that! Oh, Celestia that's priceless!"

"It's not funny!" Lily pleaded. "I'm sure there's something weird and unusual that you get off to, Rose!"

Roseluck rolled her eyes. "Lily, do you know who you're talking to? I'm not into that! You know you two were my first time! I'd never even touch myself at all! Like I said, I'd rather wait until I meet somepony that I really love. Like Sa-" she stopped mid-sentence. Her friends looked confusedly at her. Rose's mouth went dry. Her chest hurt. Her sight became blurred with tears, and she suddenly felt an overwhelming sadness overcome her.

Daisy spoke first. "Rosie? What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Samael. It's him. It's always been him."

Roseluck's friends still looked confused. "What do you mean by that?" Lily asked.

"After all this time, I can't believe I never noticed it before. It wasn't really the booze; it wasn't about my first time being with two other mares, let alone my two best friends; and it wasn't about wondering if I had always been a fillyfooler. It had always been about one thing: My feelings for Samael."

"Rose, we still don't know what you mean. Please, explain to us." Daisy prodded her friend gently, placing a hoof on Rose's. When Rose's crying prevented her from speaking, Lily pushed Rose's cup toward her. Rose took a sip of the warm herbal liquid. It warmed her throat, sending shivers through her body.

Rose stared straight ahead, tears falling from her face. "When I was questioning myself, hating myself, I had always thought that it was some sort of evil inside me that had awakened my rage. I thought of myself as dirty, as a scum of the earth who had no hope for salvation. I was angry at both of you, and I still am, to an extent, but I realized it's not your fault, but that it's mine. Remember when I said I was easy to forgive, but not forget? Well, I still forgive you for your mistakes, and even though I can't forget what happened, we'll look back on this and laugh at it. It'll be another perfect moment in our almost-perfect lives.

"My sadness was not caused by wondering if I had an attraction toward mares. No, rather it was the fear that I would never find true love with the pony I have loved my whole life. It just took me until now to realize that I was afraid of not being able to love Samael. The one pony who, other than my parents and friends, has treated me with kindness. I love him. But now, I'm just a broken mirror, shattered on the floor. I'm like a flower that wilts when it's cold. It's all because his heart belongs to somepony else."

Rose looked up to the ceiling, squeezing Daisy's hoof and finding comfort in Lily, who was now gently rubbing Rose's shoulders. "I wonder what he's doing right about now. He's probably confessing to that girl, whomever she may be, pouring his heart out to her, giving her flowers, talking in that awkward little way he does. She's probably talking to him sweetly, either letting him down gently or embracing his love and giving her own. I really hope he's happy, because that's all I want. If he's happy with himself, I'll be happy with myself. At least, I hope so.

"Did I ever tell you girls of the first time I realized I loved him? Well, I feel like telling you anyway. It all started one year at the Running of the Leaves..."

* * * *

Roseluck sprinted through the forest, the orange glow of the sun warming the hairs on her back. Cool air swiftly entered her lungs, in and out, in and out, in a cyclic rhythm. Her hooves slammed against the dirt, dust flying through the air with every step. Leaves flew by her, reds and oranges and browns and yellows all rushing past her in a blur of motion. She felt weightless, invincible. But she wasn't alone. Samael was running beside her, keeping up with her steady pace. He did not have his glasses on, for he had put them in a satchel he was running with. What was all in the satchel, Rose didn't know. He said it was a secret whenever she asked about it. They were running in the back of the pack, for they had started late, but that didn't matter. From here they could watch the millions of leaves in the forest drop to the ground in a dazzling array of color. Rose and Samael had never really been the athletic types, but they had each other, and that was all that mattered. If one felt tired, the other promised to slow down and help. If one wanted to go faster, the other would keep up as much as possible.

They were about halfway through the race at this point. They were hot, sweaty, and every bit as tired as non-athletic competitors ought to be. They were coming up to a rocky section in the forest, with many stones, holes, and loose rocks. They had to cross a stream, well, more like a brook, to continue the race.

Samael looked to Roseluck. "Now remember Rose, you have to be careful where you step on this next part. The rocks here vary in size and can be dangerous if you fall." His words came in between breaths. Rose nodded, and asked if they should slow down. "That's all up to you," he said.

"Naw, I don't wanna slow down!" Rose said back, a smirk on her face. "No way would I wanna stop this! It's such a rush!" They continued huffing and puffing until Rose felt the ground change beneath her hooves. The soft dirt was soon replaced with many pebbles, then rocks, jagged and helter-skelter on the ground. Roseluck was now skipping rather than running, trying to avoid as many rocks as she possibly could. This is great! It's like going on an awesome adventure! She thought as she ran,now ahead of Samael by a few yards. But, because she was going so fast, and because she was not careful, Rose lost her footing and tripped on a rather large rock! She tumbled toward the ground, and when she hit, her hip twisted violently, and she skidded across the ground, scraping her legs and body.

She couldn't tell exactly what had happened after that, but Rose knew she was injured, badly. Her head throbbed, and she felt warm liquid run down her legs. It was as if her whole body had six or twelve different heartbeats, all in different places. In her delirium, she heard Samael scream her name.

Rose couldn't speak. Rose hurt too much. She just lay there, by the brook, trying to stand back up. When she did, however, a horrible pain caught her at her hips and she crumpled to the ground once more.

"Rose!" Samael sat down beside her in a panic. "Oh Goddess, Rose! Rose, can you hear me? Say you can hear me! Answer me Rose, please!!"

Roseluck was in severe pain, but she still could talk. "I... I hurt. My hips."

Samael took off his satchel and looked over his friend. He calmed down almost instantly when he realized she was safe, for the most part. "Horseapples, you're bleeding a lot... So much... Okay." He muttered partly to himself.

"What?" Rose exclaimed. Bleeding? A lot? "How much? I'm not going to die, am I?"

Samael looked Roseluck in the eye. "No, probably not, but there is a problem other than your scrapes and cuts. You've got a gash on your forehead, your front legs have some flesh scraped on them, and as for your hips..." He observed her body, looking over it intensely. "Damn. I'm afraid your left hip is out of place. Okay then." He opened up his satchel and pulled out several objects. The first was a roll of gauze wrap. Next came some bandages, a small amount of medical tape, a few bottles of water, and what appeared to be a bottle of liquor.

Rose wanted to say something, but Samael interrupted her. "I knew we'd run past this place. I came prepared, just in case something would happen to you or I. Now you need to listen carefully. The cuts aren't too bad, so we need to focus on your hip." His expression was unreadable. He was thinking.

"Wait!" Rose exclaimed. "What are we going to do?"

Samael looked back to Roseluck. "You don't drink much, do you?"

What a weird question. I don't have time for this, Sammy, I'm dying!

"You're not going to die, if that's what you are thinking, Rose. Now please, answer my question: Do you drink?"

"No, I've never had any alcohol before. Why, what does that have to do with-"

"Good." Samael said as he opened the bottle of liquor. "This will make things much easier." He put the bottle to her lips. "Drink."

"What?!" Rose exclaimed.

"Please. Just trust me. Take a swig." Rose did as she was told. The liquid tasted foul and indescribable, but when she swallowed it, it burned. A lot. Rose felt as if her insides were melting away. She coughed, sputtered, and wished for the burning to stop. "Quickly, take another. I need to manipulate your hip, but I can't do it unless you're numbed a bit. But don't go too fast." She did so again, and began to feel lightheaded. Numb. She then took another. Then another. After the fifth big gulp her body felt tingly.

Hee-hee. That's a funny word. Tingly. I feel sick and dizzy and why is Samael touching my leg and oh my he's gonna pop it back into place. Okie dokie, then. Oh, damn, that hurts! Was that my hip that made that popping noise? I think it's fixed now... Well, I guess that wasn't so bad. I guess. Is he rubbing my legs? Nope, he's just using that water to clean the blood. Okie dokie. He's coming closer to my face, now. He looks so beautiful. I feel tired. I think I'll just close my eyes and rest for a bit. My head hurts. My everything hurts... So... Beautiful...

* * * *

Roseluck awoke underneath a tree. Everything was surrounded by an orange glow. She was still near the brook, for she could hear rushing water in the distance. She looked around her, at the odd quietness around her. Her legs were stiff. When she looked down she saw that there were bandages and gauze wrap around where she had been hurt. Her head ached, and she was still a little tipsy, but that was okay.

A voice behind Rose startled her. "So you're finally awake." It was Samael. He looked as if he'd been awake this whole time, watching her sleep. "I was wondering when you'd wake up." He spoke to her gently and softly.

"Oh, uh, yeah." Rose said. Samael lay down beside his friend. "Did you do all of this? Bandage me up, take me up here in the grass, the shade, take care of me?"

Samael looked at Roseluck as if she was joking. "Well of course I did. I couldn't just leave you there. You're my friend."

"But, wouldn't it have been better and safer to call somepony to help?"

Samael shook his head. "No, it would've taken too long. Besides, I'm pretty good with medicine."

"How did you learn to do all this? Healing me and stuff, I mean."

Samael just laughed. "I wouldn't call it healing. Just some simple medical techniques I've learned over the course of my short life." He stared out into the distance, gazing blankly at the trees ahead. "I used to go through these trails a lot when I was younger, even when you, Daisy and Lily went to that college I would come here often. Especially when you girls weren't around. When my dad wouldn't be home, and sometimes even when he was, I'd sneak out and take my mom's medical and nursing books with me. They're the only thing I have to remember her by. I'd come out here and read, and I'd practice on anything I could find, from trees to animals to even myself when I'd... Get hurt. It was good practice when I'd get cut or bruised or a broken bone."

Rose had never seen Samael like this before. He was so calm, like he usually was in private, but something was different about him. He was more melancholic, more reminiscent. "Where'd you get the alcohol from, though?"

Samael looked back at her. His face shimmered in the red-orange glow of the sun. "I would steal some of it from my dad's cabinet. It's not like he'd miss it anyway, since he always has so much of it. I guess it's an acquired taste. You get used to it, kinda like how you get used to a lot of things in life. Eventually, you just learn to accept things the way they are and go with the flow."

Roseluck felt a shiver run down her spine. It was getting late, and when it got late in autumn, it got cold. Out of impulse, Rose snuggled up to Samael to keep warm, to share body heat. He smelled lightly of alcohol and apples. So soft. So warm. So beautiful. And it was beautiful. Rose and Samael lay there, keeping warm against each other as they watched the sun set together. They sighed together, breathed together, and eventually fell asleep together, in peace. Nothing else in the world existed. It was just them, the sun, and nature. And it was perfect.

It was but another perfect moment in our almost-perfect lives. And it was in that perfect moment, that instance of sweet serenity, that I realized that I had fallen in love with the kindest pony I had ever met. It was the moment I fell in love with Samael Sundance.

Chapter 5: Serenading Daisies and Remorseful Roses

What We Haven't Had

Chapter 5: Serenading Daisies and Remorseful Roses

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By GhostWriter17

* * * *

"So, that's it, then?"

"I guess so, Daisy." Roseluck had finished her story of her and Samael. I can still remember how he felt when I was against him on that night. "I'm sorry for being so bitter earlier. It was rude of me to avoid you girls for so long. I just thought I could handle these things by myself. I guess that was not the case. I guess I was wrong. I guess I really do need some friends right now." She turned to her two friends, still beside her. "Thank you for talking to me."

Lily scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Puh-lease! We hardly did any of the talking! It was you who yapped on about your feelings! Sometimes, it's best for you yourself to talk about your feelings rather than have somepony else talk to you about them."

Daisy nodded. "She's right, you know. You have spent the past hour or so talking of your feelings. It wasn't that you had a problem, necessarily, or that you were a freak; rather, it was the fact that you had bottled all these repressed emotions for weeks on end, not telling anypony." She sighed, relieved. "It's not healthy to do that, Rose. You were just unsure of your feelings toward Samael, and, to me, at least, it's obvious you were, and are afraid of losing him. Am I wrong?"

Roseluck looked to Daisy now, and answered her question. "No, you're not wrong, Daisy. I guess I was also afraid of losing you two. You're the best friends anypony could ask for, and I love you girls to death..." She paused, then smiled. "...Even if it means having to put up with your dumb, crazy shenanigans!" The three mares all laughed together, embracing the moment. "You know, maybe it's for the best that all of this happened." She stared down at the now empty cups before them.

Lily leaned in to Rose, cheek-to-cheek with her friend. "What ever do you mean, Rosie-pie?" A huge grin was plastered on her raspberry-colored face.

"Well, I mean, everything that's occurred has been good, in its own way. This whole mess with you two has shown me that I truly do have feelings for Samael, and I've been trying to repress them for some reason all this time. Also, if Samael gets that mare of his dreams today, then I'll be able to try and move on. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to get with any stallions or colts for very long. Maybe it's because I've sealed my heart off over the years, hardening it, keeping it safely locked, until the day would come that Samael would tell me he felt the same way I felt about him.

"Sometimes things don't work as planned, I guess. Maybe it's for the best. Ya know, over the course of my life, I was kinda forced to shut my emotions out and not accept them. My Granny, while generally wise and kind, didn't like change. She was afraid of it, stuck in her old ways. Things like fillyfooling, coltcuddling and the industrialization of Ponyville just didn't set right with her. She wasn't evil, just stubborn, and feared things she couldn't quite understand. She's gone now, but at least I still have my parents." She sighed heavily. "Goddess, I haven't visited them in months. They moved away to Appleloosa to get away from the buzz of urban life. I guess it was just too much for them. I love 'em to death, but maybe part of the reason they moved away was because of Granny's passing. I never bothered to ask them much about it, and Granny wasn't my particular favorite family member, so it never came to my mind. Maybe the sights and sounds of Ponyville reminded them of her, maybe not. I don't know."

Daisy stood up, stretching her legs. "Well, maybe you should, one day, go and visit them, and talk for a bit. It'll probably be helpful." Lily got up as well, cleaning up the empty cups, smiling, bouncing around and as bubbly as ever.

"Yeah!" She exclaimed, balancing the tray of dishes on her nose. "My parents are kinda dead, so I can't have that chance."

Daisy's face suddenly hardened. She swallowed hard. "Lily. Did you just say what I think you said?"

Lily put the tray down on a counter by the wall and turned to face Daisy. "Well, yeah, my parents are dead, didn't Rose know that?" Before Rose could answer that she did, in fact, know, and before Daisy could say anything, Lily went on to talk of her parents. "Well, anyway, it was a few weeks after I got my cutie mark." Her eyes still glimmered, shined. "My parents and I were in our little cart, on our way to get my monthly subscription of anxiety-type pills, cause I have a problem, you see. Well, it had been really windy on that day, and it was raining really hard." Roseluck nodded to Daisy, who went to the medicinal cabinet. Roseluck proceeded to walk, slowly, toward Lily, who was still talking quickly.

As Rose got closer, however, and Lily went on with her story, her eyes lost their shine, her face twisted in a pained grimace. "My uncle, who drove the cart for the day, was finding it hard to see. Uncle galloped along the road, but he hit a hole, twisting his leg." At this point, Rose was standing right next to Lily. "We bumped, and the cart flipped. My mom wrapped her hooves around me as we tumbled along. Then, we fell down a cliff." Tears streamed down her cheeks relentlessly. "I saw dad's face, twisted in horror. His neck snapped right in front of me! And mom flew out of the cart, and I hit the ground and got knocked out and when I woke I knew they were all dead and there was nothing I could do about it and it was all my fault and had I not been the buckingfreakthatIamnoneofthiswouldhavehappenedandIamsosorrymommyanddaddyImissyousomuchanddammitIcan'tevendoabuckingthinginmylifebecauseeverythingbadthathashappenedismydamnfaultandImissthemsomuchI-" as her words slurred together she wailed in agony, an inner pain so intense, so gut-wrenchingly heart breaking it would move anyone to tears. But now was not the time to wail with Lily, for her sorrow had turned erratic. She stomped her hooves on the ground, shrieking in pain, thrashing around the room. But Rose was ready. Before Lily could do any harm to anything or anypony, she tackled Lily, pinning her to the ground.

Lily kicked and screamed on her back, trying to break free of Rose's grasp. She swung at Rose, and it took all of Rose's strength to keep her hysterical friend down. "Daisy!' She yelled, still struggling. "Can you find the medicine? Do you know where it is?"

Rose heard a rustle to her right, and Daisy called out. "I found it!" Rose quickly glanced over to see Daisy with a glowing vial in her hoof.

"PLEASE LET ME GO!" Lily wailed once more, pushing against Rose, who was now forced to push nearly all of her weight on top of her friend.

Rose leaned in close to her friend. "Lily, please, try to calm down. Please, you must."

"I can't! I'm an awful pony and I...I..." Her thrashing and kicking suddenly ceased, and she simply stared into her friends' eyes, breathing heavily. "My heart... It's just so empty, shallow!" Daisy was now beside Rose, kneeling to Lily. The vial was still in her hoof, a glowing green liquid pulsing from the inside.

Rose looked over and asked Daisy, "Is she better now? Can I get off o-"

"No!" Daisy snapped. "She's still having an anxiety attack, it's just her energy is drained. Goddess, I hate it when this happens to her. Lily," Daisy now sounded calmer, more gentle. "Sweetie, you're going to have to drink this, okay?"

Lily, eyes crazed and grief-stricken, studied the vial. "But... but I don't wanna. I'm a bad pony, and I can't even protect mommy and daddyandI'mjustsouselessand-" She started to become hysterical once more, so Daisy began to gently stroke her lovers' mane and speak over Lily's sobbing. Meanwhile, even though Lily wasn't violent as she had been before, she was visibly shaking, a cold sweat coating her fur.

"Shhh, baby." Daisy cooed, concern in her eyes. "It'll be okay, I promise. Just open up and drink this like a good girl, okay?"

Between her sobs, Lily cried out to Daisy. "But... But I-I'm n-not a good girl! I d-don't... Deserve it..."

"Sweetie, you are a good girl. I love you, Lil. Trust me, please?" Daisy tried to carefully put the vial to Lily's lips, but Lily turned her head away, crying out "No!" when she did so. "Rose, please hold her so I can get this medicine in her." Rose did as she was told. She flattened herself more on top of Lily, and used her forehooves to gently keep Lily's head in place while also stroking her mane, trying to keep her calm. Daisy, meanwhile, pressed the vial to her friends' lips until they reluctantly parted, allowing the glowing liquid to pour into her mouth. Lily was forced to swallow the liquid, and gasped after she drank the last drop.

Daisy sat up, breathing a sigh of relief. "You can get off her now. The medicine should work any second now." Indeed, as Rose sat up and lifted herself off of Lily, Lily almost instantly calmed down. Her eyes glowed a dark green color, and her breathing slowed. Her eyes were no longer panicked, and her crying ceased. She sat up, looking around the room. Her expression changed from confused to somber in a matter of seconds, however, when she saw the empty vial in Daisy's hoof.

"Oh no..." Lily exclaimed. "I did it again didn't I?" Daisy and Rose nodded. Rose had been around Lily when she had had nervous breakdowns and anxiety attacks before, but never had it been so serious as to use their magically-enhanced Adivan, specially-made for an emergency such as this. Lily was always a bit of a sad case. She'd always been prone to anxiety attacks, but ever since the deaths of her parents and uncle, she could add post-traumatic stress to her list of mental problems. The problem with Lily wasn't ever what her problems were, but rather what happened to her when those problems arose. She'd shut down. She'd have the mentality of a young filly. She'd be a completely different pony. But thankfully, Daisy had always been, and always will be there to comfort her.

Lily stepped shakily toward Daisy. "Daisy... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..." She began to cry again, collapsing in Daisy's arms. "I didn't mean to... I'm so so sorry."

Daisy, crying now as well, soothed her lover in her warm embrace. "I know you didn't sweetie. It happens to everyone. Rose, why don't you go upstairs, wash yourself up? No offense, but you haven't been looking your best lately." Rose nodded and turned around toward the nearby staircase and walked upstairs. As she made her way up, Rose could have sworn she heard the soft serenade of Daisy, and pictured the two swaying softly together.

Rose lingered a moment to listen to Daisy's song, "Carry Me Home" by The Fillies.
She sang:

The mourning dove sings, with two broken wings;
"Carry Me Home, I'm Not Afraid.
The Stars in My Eyes Were Shimmering Lies.
Carry Me Home, Don't Let Me Fade Away."

Rose sighed as the warm water sprayed over her, covering her body. She let the droplets roll off her back, embracing the heat, the steam, and how relaxing it all was. She let her mind drift to places recently visited, but Rose herself needed to think things over. What's my next move? I need to prepare myself... For the best and for the worst. I guess I need to learn about opening up to others... And staying in touch with them.

Mother and Father are probably worried sick about me... I have been avoiding them lately. I've never really talked to them about Lily and Daisy, and I probably should. I guess I've always had a problem talking to other ponies other than my friends. Will I ever find love? Will Sam be the one? How should I open myself up to others if he isn't? Will my lover and I ever be as close as Daisy and Lily? Goddess, I don't know...

I may forgive, but I never forget. Should I forget, but never forgive? Am I just overthinking this? So many questions...

Rose, now clean, feeling and looking much better trotted down the stairs back into the dining room. Daisy and Lily, however, were nowhere to be found. The door to the entrance of the shop, however, was left open. As Rose came closer to the doorway, she heard several excited voices. She went through the hallway and, standing in the doorway into Ponyville were Daisy, Lily, and Big Macintosh.

"Yes, ma'am." Big Mac said excitedly, well, as excitedly as the gruff stallion could muster. "I'll be sure to get ya the next shipment as soon as possible."

Lily chimed in. "Thanks bunches, Big Mac! Seriously, you and your family make the best apples in the whole world!"

Big Mac politely mumbled half to himself, saying "Well, we don't technically make them..." He cleared his throat and spoke louder this time. "But, ladies, it's been a pleasure doin' business with y'all. If you'll excuse me, I have more errands to run." He dipped his head respectfully and walked off into Ponyville. Daisy carried a basket of fresh, plump apples in her mouth. When she turned and saw Rose, she dropped them. "Oh, Rose, you look absolutely radiant now! Big Macintosh just came by and delivered the apples we ordered."

Lily nodded her head in excitement. "Yeah, he even said he saw Sammy earlier, but he didn't say where Sammy was going, which is kinda a shame, but I guess we'll find out who he visited sooner or later!"

Roseluck smiled at them both. "That's pretty funny, girls! I honestly do feel a lot better, to be honest. But, I can't stay. I have to get home to pack and clean my rather... Neglected house."

"Pack?" Her two friends asked inquisitively.

Roseluck nodded. "Yeah. I've decided, just like Sam, that I'm going to turn my life around. I'm gonna leave in a few days to see my parents, pay them a surprise visit. If that's okay with you two?"

"Of course it is, dear." Daisy said. "But, since you're going home, could you deliver something for me?" She trotted to the back of the room and salvaged a basket of Clothers, cloth-like flowers used in the making of dresses and sometimes for decoration. There was a large bouquet of them, all with various shapes, textures, and lengths. It was a rainbow of cloth. The interesting thing about Clothers was that if you cut off the buds or leaves, they would grow back and you could use more of their cloth to make what you wanted. "Now, I know we said we wouldn't deliver anything or really work until tomorrow, but I think we can make an exception. These Clothers are to be delivered to Rarity Belle, and since you pass her house on your way home, I think it'd be an easy delivery."

Rose inspected the Clothers and shrugged. "Why not? I'll do it, then!"

"Thanks a lot," Daisy said. "We'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Rose said as she picked up the basket, putting it carefully in her teeth.

However, Rose was soon assaulted by a mass of fur and kisses on the cheek. It was, of course, Lily. "Awwh, you're just soooo sweet, Rosie! What would we do without you?" Her voice suddenly lowered to a whisper, however, and Lily softly spoke in Roseluck's ear. "I just wanna say thank you. For everything." Lily pulled back, a huge grin plastered on her face. Roseluck grinned back and nuzzled her friend, burying her nose in Lily's cheek. She smelled faintly of strawberries.

Roseluck pulled back and walked toward the door. "Well girlth," she said with the basket in her mouth, "I'll thee oo thoo tomorrow." And so she was off. Roseluck began her journey through the streets of Ponyville. The warm mid afternoon air warmed her fur, and Roseluck basked in the sunlight. Everything around her seemed to shimmer, to glow, as if there was a wonderfulness that Roseluck had forgotten. She trotted happily toward the Carousel Boutique, smiling and saying hello to all of the passersby. Before she knew it, Rose was in front of the Boutique. She went toward the door and pushed herself inside. As she pushed a hoof against the door, however, Roseluck paused. She thought she had heard somepony yell a "No!" from far away, but quickly dismissed it as she pushed her way through the door.

Inside the Boutique, there was what was normally there: The usual assortment of ponniquins, cloths, and easels were scattered across the room in an organized chaos fashion, but the shop's owner was nowhere to be found. Through a door that led to the kitchen and back of the Boutique, however, Roseluck heard laughter. There were... Two voices? One distinctly male, and the other female. Not wanting to be rude, but not wanting to just drop off the bouquet for no reason, Roseluck called out to the ponies in the kitchen.

As soon as Roseluck spoke, however, the laughter ceased. "Excuse me, is Miss Rarity Belle here? I have a delivery for her." Roseluck, in the eerie silence, heard some rustling in the kitchen. Then, the door opened, and a beautiful, snow-white mare stepped out, eyes closed. It was definitely Rarity. No other pony in Ponyville was so elegant as she.

"Yes, dear, it is I." Rarity stepped out to face Roseluck. "I am the Rarity Belle. Welcome to the Carousel Boutique. How may I hel-" she stopped dead in her tracks when she opened her eyes and saw Roseluck. She froze, paralyzed, mouth agape.

"Is it okay to come out?" The male voice from the kitchen asked.

Rarity fumbled her words, still staring at Rose in shock. "Aga-uhm, well, I mean, aherm- yes!" She smiled confidently, but then, wide-eyed, proclaimed, "NO! Whatever you do, do NOT com-"

But Rarity was too late, as now the stallion that was in the kitchen now stepped out in the open. Who this pony was shocked Roseluck and sent shivers down her spine. It was unthinkable. It was horrible. It appalled Roseluck at how this, of all things, happened. The stallion standing in front of Roseluck now, was both the most beautiful and horrifyingly disgusting creature she had ever seen. How cruel fate can be. This beautiful pony, in this unfathomable moment, was none other than Samael Sundance, Roseluck's one and only true love.

Chapter 6: Of Love and What We Haven't Had, Part 1

What We Haven’t Had

Chapter 6: Of Love and What We Haven't Had, Part 1

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

Time moved in slow motion as Samael stood there in front of Rarity. She seemed enormous, imposing, like a wall that was about to crumble atop him. She was beautiful, horrifyingly so, and there was nothing Samael could do now. He was trapped, with nowhere to turn, and nowhere to go. If he ran, surely that Rainbow Dash character would catch him with her much faster stamina and speed, not to mention the injuries Samael had sustained over the past few hours.

The graceful unicorn looked down upon Samael, still warmly staring into his eyes. "Please, come inside, my dear." She stepped back into the boutique, allowing Samael entrance. Samael's knees shook. His mouth foamed from the exhaustion, his head was not his own, bobbing up and down from exerting himself to such a degree. He took a nervous first step into the boutique. His breathing was erratic, shaky, and his lungs stung with every breath. When his hooves hit the ground, the pressure forced his legs to shake even more. It felt as if the world itself was on top of him, threatening to crush him. Finally, he was inside the boutique, a magnificent store filled to the brim with what can only be described as organized chaos. But before Samael could take in his surroundings, a certain pegasus flew into him and wrapped her right forehoof around his neck. Her arm was warm... For some reason, it eased Samael, if only slightly. Rainbow, hovering in the air, used her left hoof to turn Samael's face toward her. She looked him right in the eyes, a worried expression on her face. She then leaned in and whispered softly in his ear.

"Look kiddo, don't be so nervous." Her tone was, strangely, understanding, gentle, almost. Samael was about to ask what she meant by this, but the pegasus went on. "Don't worry, Sam. I told her nothing of your attraction." She then pulled away from Samael, who was now dumbstruck. She giggled mischievously and winked at him. "I'll be outside, floatin' away on a cloud above the boutique. I'll make sure nopony gets in. You can count on me. Now go get 'em, tiger!" But before she flew away, she leaned in again. "Just, uh, don't get your hopes too high. Rare's a bit... Sensitive. Personally, I think she's kinda weird, but whatever. I think it has something to do with the fashion business in general. Everypony in it has at least a couple screws loose. Anyways, I wish ya the best, kid!" She then slid her arm off of Samael, who suddenly felt cold once her arm was away. He wanted to plead to her to not go, to not leave him to his own devices, but the pegasus just went through the door, closing it behind her with a wink.

Never before had the shutting of a door sounded so horrifying.

So, here he was. This was it, the event to end all events in Samael's life. Never before had such an event occurred that had caught Samael off guard this much. Well, there was one moment... That other horrible moment that changed Samael both mentally and physically. He pushed it out of his mind. There was no time to dwell on the past anymore. Now, it was time to live up to the promises he'd made to himself, to Rose, to Big Mac! No matter what happened to get him here, he had to go through with his plan, lest he wished to regret this day for the rest of his life. He breathed in and out slowly, sweat dripping from his neck.

Rarity turned to look to her visitor. Her sapphire eyes shimmered, as if they themselves were made of the beautiful mineral. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where I, Rarity Belle, am the shooting star to all of your wishes!" Her voice made Samael want to melt into the cracks of the spotless, shining floor, not only out of his fear, but also out of the hostesses' magnificence. "However," she continued, "it seems to me, from what my friend Rainbow said, that you wished to speak to me, and thus planned to be here for quite some time." She eyed him over, raising an eyebrow. "However... Considering Rainbow obviously caught you off guard, for whatever reason, you arrived here in a less-than presentable fashion. Therefore, I shall allow you to freshen yourself up firstly in the guest washroom. Please, follow me."

Samael obeyed without saying a word. Rarity, sauntering with every step, seemed to be teasing Samael with her every move, almost as if she knew his secret. Rarity led Samael through a small, circular hallway along the left edge of the building. Samael had hardly any time to look at the various pictures and accessories adorning the walls, for Rarity had begun to speak once more, putting Samael in a trance with her honey-sweet voice once again. "You will find everything you may require in this washroom, I assure you. We here at the Carousel Boutique go the extra mile to be sure each and every one of our customers are given only the best w-" she suddenly turned around, looking at Samael curiously.

Shit! Samael thought, frozen in his spot. Did... Did I say something? I don't think I did. Maybe I mumbled something rude or she asked a question that I didn't hear and didn't answer to it? Maybe she thinks I'm a loser! I really hope I'm not a loser! MAYBE I- Rarity giggled. Oh Celestia, that laugh scares me in the best way possible...

Rarity giggled again. "Oh, my apologies! I have not been having the best of days today!" Oh wonderful. She can add half-crazed-stallion-nervously-asking-what-she-thinks-of-me-because-this-stallion-has-repressed-his-feelings-for-Celestia-knows-how-many-years to her list of awful things! "I completely forgot to ask your name!"

"Really?" Samael asked aloud without meaning to.

Rarity's eyes widened in surprise and confusion. "Why, yes! It is the job of the hostess to greet her customers and ask his or her name right away! It is only the proper thing to do, and I apologize sincerely for it."

Samael was, like several other times today, dumbfounded. He stumbled on his words, half mumbling, trying not to look Rarity straight in the eye. "Well, uhm, I, uh, I accept your apology, I guess. I mean, I did not think it was really that big of a deal, because I don't really know many ponies anyway. At least, I don't really think I do, I mean I haven't really paid much attention to it and maybe I should but-" he took a deep breath to try and calm himself "-my name is Samael Sundance."

Rarity stared at Samael warmly, mouthing his name silently. "Samael... That is quite an interesting name you have there."

Samael looked down at the floor. "Yeah, it certainly is interesting, all right..." He apprehensively began to glance up to Rarity. To his surprise, she looked rather worried.

"Well, I think it's a beautiful name!" She chirped enthusiastically. "It's unique in every sense of the word! Why, I'd say it's one-of-a-kind! You should be proud of a name such as yours, darling! Please excuse the horrendous pun, but a name like yours is, well, a "rarity"!" She laughed nervously at her bad joke. Instinctively, Samael's lips curled into a wide, snickering grin. He didn't mean to, but he laughed, probably harder than he should have. Rarity laughed again as well, and the two stood there, in the hallway, laughing on about nothing as if they were good friends. "Well, anyway, I think we have delayed long enough. Let us proceed and get you to the washroom!" And so they did just that. Not another word was spoken, yet there was something comforting in knowing that Rarity had a sense of humor.

Inside the washroom, Rarity showed Samael that this place had 'all he needed to be as exuberant as possible'. Then, she left him alone. Samael let out an enormous sigh of relief. Now, at least, he did not have to worry about acting like a fool so much. Their little conversation in the hallway had, admittedly, calmed him down considerably. It's not like Rarity was some sort of a goddess or anything. Well, okay, to the eye, she was most certainly a goddess, a marvel. However, Samael had to remember that she's just a pony. She's no Princess. She's simply a beautiful, wonderful, amazing, lovely unicorn who just happened to look like a goddess. Nothing more, nothing less.

The washroom was, as expected of a place called the Carousel Boutique, extravagant, but humbly so. The walls were adorned with a beautiful pink wallpaper, with candles hanging from the ceiling to light the room and to give it an intimate, almost romantic, feel. There was a marble sink with a round, jewel-encrusted mirror, with several open cabinets beside it, to Samael's left. The cabinets held many types of colognes, perfumes, lotions, gels, mousses, pomades, and makeups, all of which Samael had never even heard of! In front of Samael was a marble shower (Big surprise there) with various shampoos and conditioners. Samael had to admit, Rarity had excellent taste in the quality of not only her choices in decoration, but also her choice of products. To Samael, this was hardly a surprise. Rarity had always been one to choose both style and substance.

Regardless of how much Samael wanted to gawk at the lush grandness of his surroundings, he did not want to keep his love waiting for very long. My love. It sounds so foreign, yet so... So... Comforting. With thoughts that set his heart aflutter and an ever-faster beating heart inside him, Samael took off his slightly-mangled saddlebag, set his glasses on the sink, stepped into the shower, and cleaned himself off. The warm water relaxed his aching muscles, giving him much-needed reverie. As he washed himself off with what seemed to be the best and most stallion-worthy products, he let his mind wander to other places... The aromas surrounding him, the serenity of being here, in the shower, in a place that faintly reminded Samael of Rarity, and, with that, also led him to think of somepony else who was very dear to him...

Hush little Songbird, don't make a sound.
One day, I promise, I shall come around.
And if I don't then do not fret.
One day Mother Songbird will find you yet.
Sleep, my little Songbird, for I am here.
Even in your dreams I'll still be there.
So, my little Songbird do not cry.
You'll soon find your wings and one day fly.

Mother?

Yes, little one?

Why am I a Songbird if I'm a pony?

Well, it's because Songbirds are special. You sing that song to someone you find special. That special someone is your Songbird. You are special to me, so you are my Songbird!

So does that mean that you can be my Songbird, too, because you're really really special to me?

Yes, dear, I can be your Songbird. I can be whatever you want me to be.

Could you be a goddess, Mommy?

If you believe it to be so, my dear.

Is Dad your Songbird, Mommy?

Yes, dear. He is my Songbird, and I love him very much.

When I get older, can I sing that song to you and Dad, since you two are my Songbirds?

Of course, my sweet. That would be lovely!

Could I also sing it to Aunt Samael?

Of course you can. I'm sure Sammy would love that. Remember: You can do whatever you want, be whoever you want to be.

Mom?

Yes, dear?

If Samael is my aunt, then why is she not part of the family?

Because she's not actually related to us, dear.

Why do we call her an aunt, then?

Because she's a very special friend.

But why does she look so weird?

Well, it's because she's a griffon, my sweet.

Are griffons nice like ponies?

Is Aunt Samael a nice griffon?

Yeah.

Then there are nice griffons out there.

But, are there bad griffons?

Yes, there can be. But there are also bad ponies, too.

Why are there bad ponies and griffons?

I don't know, sweetie. Some ponies and griffons can be bad for different reasons.

Do bad things happen to bad ponies?

They can. But bad things happen to all ponies, good and bad.

If bad ponies do bad things, should bad things happen to them?

Well, no, because sometimes a pony is bad because of the bad things that has happened to them. Sometimes I feel sorry for some of them. Other times, I don't know how to feel about other bad ponies who are bad just to be bad.

So, I shouldn't think bad things about bad ponies?

Well, that depends on how you think.

Mommy?

Yes?

Is it okay if maybe I don't think the same as you?

Of course, my dear. You can think whatever you want to.

So you won't get mad?

Of course not. I could never stay mad at you.

Mommy?

Yes, my dearest?

Will you be my Songbird forever and ever?

Yes. I will forever be your Songbird, and I'll always be here for you.

Mommy?

Yes?

I love you.

I love you, too.

Goodnight, Mommy.

Goodnight, my little Songbird. May dreams give you wings...

"...And may wings give you flight." Samael whispered softly to himself, a tear running down his cheek. Why does this always happen? Every time I think of Rarity or end up thinking of her, it always brings me back to my foalhood... Why? Nevermind that. I should stop obsessing over it and just enjoy the rest of my shower.

Samael stepped out of the shower, body clean and mind cleared. He felt renewed! Surely, now, I can take on anything, right? All I gotta do is keep calm. Just remember to stay cool, don't freak out, and don't buck anything up. If I do... Well, the worst has already happened, so it couldn't get any worse, could it? At this point, nothing really mattered to Samael. He began this day with one goal in mind, and he was determined to see it through.

Samael took a towel and dried himself off, checking himself in the mirror. What he saw, his white mane with a dull purple streak through the middle, his seaweed-green coat, and even his blank flank, were the things that defined him. As much as he utterly despised his outward appearance, maybe, he thought, Rarity could look past that and see who he was as a pony. After all, his friends, Rose especially, have constantly reminded him of his kind heart. All he needed to do was show it. Sure, he was far from perfect. Sure, his past isn't exactly desirable. Sure, today hasn't been all rainbows and gumdrops, but he at least made it this far, throughout all he has faced today. That had to count for something, right? With an optimistic attitude in mind, Samael combed his mane until it wasn't totally frizzy, combed back with a few strands hanging loose, and prepared himself to truly, finally, face Rarity. He put on his large blue-rimmed glasses, grabbed his saddlebag, and began his trek down the hallway to what would either be his salvation, or it could be his everlasting doom.

The hallway Samael had been in before was much like the entrance of the boutique, now that he had more time to look at it. Draped windows lined the outside of the curved hallway, and on the other side were a few other doors along the way and pictures. These pictures interested Samael. Many of them were of Rarity. Some pictures were of her and some outfits she'd made on the front of a magazine. Others, she'd professionally posed in a rather beautiful dress, catching Samael's eye with her natural beauty. Then there were the pictures of her and her friends and family. The friends didn't matter too much at the moment, but the family photos did. Rarity, in one picture, was shown smiling wide with a small filly that resembled her immensely. Was she a sister? Niece? Cousin? Daughter? Samael was unsure, but he would be sure to ask Rarity about it in time. After looking at the pictures and mentally preparing himself some more, Samael headed toward the entrance of the boutique, heart thumping loudly against his chest.

When Samael stepped into the main room of the boutique, he breathed a weary sigh, as he could now take in his surroundings without an annoyingly obnoxious pegasus bothering him. With its many ponniquins, draped in various different cloths, all in different stages of development as far as becoming a wearable piece of clothing, littered the room. Many piles of as-of-yet unused cloth were pushed up against walls, all sorted in different ways. Samael took note to not disturb anything in any of the rooms, for it seemed that Rarity was chaotically organized. However, there was no sign of the unicorn at all.

"Miss Rarity?" Samael called out to nowhere in particular, listening intently for a voice. Just then, Rarity's voice was heard from a door in the back of the room.

"I'm in here, darling! In the kitchen! Please, come in!" Samael trotted to the door and upon opening it, was bombarded by the scents of... Cake batter and frosting? Indeed, in this kitchen of Rarity's, there was cake being made. By Rarity. The seamstress had cleaned herself up, just as Samael did. Her mane was now in its usual curl, and she seemed to radiate in all of her glory. She truly was a sight to behold. She wore a slightly flower-coated apron to protect herself. The kitchen was large. Rarity and all of the kitchen were to Samael's left, while a small dining table was to his right.

"Hello again, Samael!" Rarity greeted her customer with a quick, caring glance, taking off her apron and gently putting it away, possibly to be washed later. "You just missed the grand cake baking! I just finished putting it in the oven! I hope you like vanilla, Samael!" Samael loved vanilla cake. It was his favorite flavor! "You, I might add, look quite lovely now that you have cleaned up. Do you feel any better? You seemed rather sore when you came in..." She looked to the ground and trailed off sheepishly.

"Oh, thank you, uh, Rarity." Samael said, grateful for the comment, blushing. "You look radiant, as always. I do feel better, though. Your house is pretty amazing."

"Thank you, Samael. I try my best to make this place comfortable and presentable to ponies, while also making it feel like a home. Please, come, sit down." She directed Samael toward the table, where two tea cups were filled to the brim with herbal tea. "I hope you like tea. I know I should have asked, but I remember somepony saying to me once that you rather enjoy green tea on particular days. I do hope you like it."

Samael sat down across from Rarity nervously. Is she planning something? How did she know I liked tea? Of course, I like it now more with some liquor on the side, but still... "Thanks again. But, uhm, I have to ask: What is the cake for? And how did you know I liked tea? And why are you treating me like I'm super special or something? I just don't understand. Shouldn't you be working on your outfits? Is your shop still open?"

Rarity's eyes suddenly widened rather comically. "OH DEAR CELESTIA'S BEARD! I FORGOT TO PUT THE "CLOSED" SIGN ON THE FRONT DOOR!" She hastily stood up, but Samael stopped her.

"Wait!" He exclaimed. "Rainbow Dash said she'd look out for anypony who tried to come in, so you don't need to change the shop's sign." It seemed rather foolish to say this, but it was just a sign. Nothing bad could truly come out of leaving the "Open" sign up, right? After all, Rainbow seemed loyal enough. Rarity contemplated for a second before sitting back down, calming herself.

"Well, I'll have to thank Rainbow Dash for doing that." She looked down to her cup of tea, eyeing it. "I guess I may as well talk now. There is no sense in dragging it out any further." She took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. "This is going to be a long story, Samael, but I may as well tell it.

"Rainbow came in here saying that you were coming in for a visit, wishing to talk to me about something rather important. I asked your name, and, when she told me, I knew what I had to do. It was now the time. Samael," she began, looking straight into his eyes. "I do not know what you came here to talk to me about, of all times. But I do know that, in a sense, I've been waiting for this very moment for a long time. However, depending on what you wished to say to me will influence on what I tell you. You came here flustered, in shock. I needed you calm and collected. From other experiences I have had, I know that a flustered pony is one you do not want to engage in serious conversation with." She sipped her tea.

Samael looked to Rarity, keeping his gaze on her, and soaking in every word she said. "So, to give me time to plan things out, I had you take a shower, not only because of hygienic reasons, no offense, but also because I needed the time. I just had to make sure everything was in order. I had to be sure every little detail that I could remember was absolutely perfect. I baked the cake because Pinkie Pie is out of town at the moment."

Samael was confused, so he spoke. "What does Pinkie Pie have to do with this? I hardly know her. The only times we really see each other are at parties or on my birth... Day..." It hit him, suddenly. A shiver ran through Samael's body. He did not say anything more. Rather, he wanted the truth to be known by what Rarity had to say.

"Yes," Rarity confessed. "I knew it was your birthday, Samael. I knew and, when I heard your name, I just had to do something about it. You simply cannot have a birthday without a birthday cake, after all! Besides, your happiness, right now, in this moment, is far more important than simple business that I could finish tomorrow, no matter how worried I am about it all. Like I said before, there is a reason I know of your birth date. There is a reason for my knowing one of your favorite drinks, and even your favorite flavor of cake. There is a sad, sad reason behind all of it." Her ears drooped, and her eyes lost the shimmer they once had.

What is she talking about? How does she know so much about me? Should I ask Should I just tell her the truth? I don't know what to do right now! I do not want to try and comfort her, only to make things awkward. What if she's not done telling her story?

Before Samael could figure out an answer to his own questions, however, Rarity spoke once more. "What I may say to you could, and probably will, surprise you. But first, I need you to tell me what was so important. I need to know why you came here, on your twenty fifth birthday, to talk to me. So please, tell me. Speak, and I shall listen."

This is it, Sam. The moment of truth. This is what you've been waiting for for almost your entire life. The love of your life is finally in front of you, sacrificing her time and willing to talk. Why you love her, or when you fell in love with her, you do not know. All that matters is the now. The present. This is my best of times, and it is my worst of times. This could very well be what I haven't had all along. This is it. The end is finally here. So do it, Sam! Stop staring at her eyes like they remind you of someone special to you! Just go out and say it! Write your own destiny for once!

Samael, as he battled himself internally, formed the words he so longed to say to Rarity in his mind. What he was about to say, admittedly, he wish was more poetic, but flowery language was not needed at this time. He had to be blunt and to the point. No beating around the bush.

Samael took the cup of steaming hot tea in his hooves and pressed it to his now trembling lips. The warm, flowery-tasting liquid flooded Samael's taste buds, making him tremble even more. He swallowed his taste of the tea, putting the cup down slowly. He felt warmed by the liquid, comforted. It reminded him of his mother: Soothing, gentle, kind. It cleared his thoughts.

Samael was now ready. He looked Rarity straight in the eyes, her caring gaze calming him further. "I, too, for possibly different reasons, have waited for a moment like this, to talk with you, for a very long time. I do not know why you wished to talk to me, but, I want you to promise me something." Rarity respectfully nodded, listening closely. "I do not want you to speak while I tell my story. If you interrupt, I may not say exactly what I have wanted to say."

Samael took a deep, controlled breath. Then another. Then he began his tale. "I do not know when I first had feelings like the ones I do now. There was not a time in my life that I don't remember these feelings being in me. This whole day, I have thought of one thing, and one thing only. I wished to talk to you. Why? I asked myself that before today, many times. All I could think about today was you, Rarity. Not once did I ponder why I had feelings such as these, or what had maybe caused them. Rather, I simply went with my gut and told myself that, no matter when or why, these feelings I had were real. I couldn't ignore them any longer." He paused, heart beating so loudly in his chest he was almost afraid that Rarity could hear its feverish beating.

"Miss Rarity. For as long as I can remember, I have had feelings for you. Feelings that, to what I can guess, can only be described as romantic. Each and every day that I catch a glimpse of you, I sense some sort of kindness within you. It reminds me of love that I so desperately want. It reminds me of what I have not had in such a long time. Your very presence could make me feel so many different emotions, all at once. I would feel fear, embarrassment, love, joy, sorrow, and even guilt. All this time, however, I do not know why I have felt this way toward you.

"Yes, Miss Rarity, I am what I can only describe as infatuated with you. You remind me of someone I knew long ago, but do not know now. You remind me of her so much, it almost frightens me. It feels like an unconditional love that is simply beyond my control. You are the only mare to ever steal my heart away, and, the saddest part of it all is that we have hardly spoken to each other in any way in all these years. I would spend days watching your daily activities, your finesse, your grace, and your happiness. That may seem a little creepy, I admit, but I just could not help it. I've always seen you as some sort of a goddess. Beautiful. Serene. Perfect.

"I have never loved anypony more that I feel that I have loved you. Yes, I have close friends that care for me. I don't have very many friends, but I do care for them. But, I have not developed any romantic feelings for any of them. Maybe it was because I have held you and you alone close to my heart. I like to read romance novels a lot in my spare time. They have always given me a feeling of hope. Hope that, one day, I may speak to you as I am now. I do not know how you feel about all of this, about some stranger you hardly know personally coming out and professing his love to you, but, in the end, I only ask of one thing. Regardless of how you may feel about me, I wish to get to know you better as a pony. I realize now that, maybe I do need to be more outgoing than I have. I need to stop being so insecure of things and wallowing at the bottom of a bottle every night. I need to learn to let go of my past that secretly, quietly, haunts me. All I ask is that you, Miss Rarity, be my friend, at the very least."

Samael had not noticed it before, when he was speaking, but he noticed now that Rarity was crying. Tears gently cascaded down her face, staining her pure white cheeks. She did not sniffle. She did not move. She just sat there, looking at Samael, crying. Samael had no idea of what he should do. Not knowing what else to do, he reached his hoof out to Rarity, whose hooves were clasped tightly around her cup. She shivered at his touch when he caressed her hoof.

"I am sorry." Rarity began. "I am so terribly, terribly sorry." She inhaled sharply, trying to compose herself. "I was afraid of something like this. I, too have a confession, Samael. I ask for you to do the same thing as I. Do not speak, only listen." She trembled some more before sighing heavily, almost as if a heavy weight had been lifted off her.

"I... I have had experiences with love in the past. Not as many as one might think, but a couple instances, nonetheless. I have had my heart broken. Shattered, really. I went to this gathering, this elegant party of sorts. For many years I had dreamed of meeting the love of my life at that party, hoping, waiting anxiously for the day that he would swoop me up in his arms and carry me away. 'Twas a rather childish fantasy, now that I think of it. Before then, on that fateful night, some years ago, I had never actually been in a relationship before. Not really. To my friends, I may seem elegant and well educated in the art of romance, but, alas, it was, and always has been, a ruse. On that night, at that party, I did in fact meet the stallion of my dreams. At first, he seemed charming. A little stuck up, but I imagined he'd warm up to me in due time. Little did I know that he was an insensitive jerk. Needless to say, we did not hit it off too well, and my heart was left in a million pieces, broken.

"That was truly my first and one of my last real dates with romance. I am a hopeless romantic because I essentially know nothing of the subject, but one day hope to. Thankfully, to keep my sanity, I have always had my little sister and my work to keep me busy after that incident, so that I may not dwell on something as trivial as love. That's not to say I despise the notion of love. On the contrary, I am quite fond of it. Yet, at the moment I am not looking for it. There is, of course, one other instance of love that I must mention. It is, in some ways, similar to yours. There is someone I know that is deeply, madly in love with me. He is sweet, kind, gentle, but a little childish. He, unlike you, it seems, finds it difficult not to express his outward feelings for me. However, he is a bit young and, interestingly enough, he sees me the same way as I saw that stallion. As someone who was perfect. Someone who would love me forever. Someone who I'd live happily ever after with.

"Of course, such fantasies never truly come true. This other someone still believes that one day I may open up to him. However, he's more interested in being with me simply because he thinks I am flawless." She laughed quietly, half to herself. "You should see the way he works for me. It is rather adorable and quite amusing at how he worships me so."

Rarity sighed contently, her tears no longer falling from her face. Her eyes were reminiscent, gazing off into memories only she could have. "Nevertheless, this is not about either of those two. This is about you, as much as it is I. I will tell you now, that I do not have any romantic feelings for you, Samael. But, knowing that I have had my heart broken as well, I could help you with your problems. I know it must be earth-shattering to have the pony of your dreams tell you she does not feel the same way, and I am deeply, awfully sorry for that. Truly, I am."

Samael thought he would cry. He thought he would be a blubbering mess if this moment had ever come. He had always imagined some sort of overwhelming sadness would overcome him. He had imagined his life never being the same, losing what little color his life may have had. But none of those awful, terrible feelings never came. Not one. Samael actually felt relieved now that he knew the truth. He was saddened, yes, but not entirely woeful. It was a strange feeling, one he had not expected. It was a bittersweet relief that washed over him. All of those nights he spent sleepless, obsessing over his fears would now be gone. No longer would he have to worry of impressing her, or not telling her things. For now, in this moment, Samael knew that he had not gained a lover, but something more: A friend.

Rarity continued on with her story, for she was not yet finished. "However, there is something else I must tell you. Another story. A long one. One that I have wanted to tell you for years. However, each and every time I thought about it, I could not bring myself to tell you it. Sometimes I thought that you were too young to know. Sometimes I was scared to tell you. Other times, I just told myself to wait for you to come talk to me. I noticed how you would look at me. I noticed how you looked upon me with a fantastical awe, the way a filly does its mother. But now, the moment I have dreaded has come, and I must tell you my true story. I must tell you a secret, one that I have been harboring for many years. It is a rather sad story, and it may explain your infatuation with me." She paused to look directly at Samael. "Are you ready?" She asked. Samael nodded, unsure of what she was about to say.

Little did Samael Sundance know that this story would change his life, and define the rest of it, for the rest of his days...

Chapter 7: Her Reason

What We Haven’t Had

Chapter 7: Her Reason

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

Life can bring us many challenges, Samael. We all face difficult decisions. For many years, I have met many a special pony. You, Samael, are no exception. All ponies, however, can be considered as special, unique. Twenty two years ago, something happened to me. To you. To someone very special to you. Now, however, is the time for the story I must tell...

It was a glorious day in Ponyville, of that I was sure of! The sun was shining gloriously over the land, warming everything with its glorious gloriousness. Was 'gloriousness' even a word? No matter. All I knew that today felt glorious! Nothing could go wrong, truly! I breathed in the fresh morning air as it entered my lungs. It. Was. Refreshing. Nevertheless, there were things that needed to be accomplished, to be done. Today was going to be a busy day, for sure.

I opened the saddlebag on my back, opening a list of what needed to be done for the day. I'll admit, it was not my best writing. Some of the swirls were a tad too swirly, and nothing was really very even, but that was unimportant. The list read as follows:

~~1. Wake up to a (hopefully) glorious day!~~
~~2. Make breakfast.~~
3. Go to Samael's house to discuss her "plans".
4. Visit Rain Shimmer and Ella Sundance.
5. Go home and work on current projects.
6. Try to find the time to spend time with Opal (preferably dinner).
7. Make a list for tomorrow's activities.
8. Get through the day with a smile. Always.

Right. Samael. She was always a tough one, that griffon. Most griffons were fairly stubborn, and Samael was bound to be no exception. However, she seemed pleasant enough, so it shouldn't be much of a problem. Not at all.

You may remember this griffon, Samael. The one who shares your name, the darling, if slightly brutish, griffon, she. I went through Ponyville on that absolutely FABULOUS morning and knocked on Samael's door...

Samael's house seemed to be just like any other house in Ponyville. Maybe it was because the owner wished not to attract any attention to herself, being a griffon. I did not know and, at this moment, I did not care. The door, not to my surprise, after I knocked, opened. I was met with the glare of a hauntingly beautiful griffon.

"Rarity, thank the Goddess. Please, come in. We have a lot to discuss." The griffon known as Samael let me through, into her house. She walked me to her humble, if rather plain, kitchen table, and we sat down. Samael, with her large, powerful wings tucked neatly at her sides, amber colored feathers, and crimson red eyes on her head. Her body was that of a lion, with finely trimmed, groomed fur. It simply shone so well under the light! It was so clean and healthy looking! Truly, Samael cared deeply about her looks. That was something I could appreciate!

"So, you know why you are here, right, Rarity?" The griffon asked, staring intently at me. I nodded. "Good. Now, listen carefully, Rarity. I need you to make garments for myself, Ella, and Rain. They must be multi-layered, insulated. We must be able to withstand cold, ferocious weather. But, we must also be able to carry supplies. Oh, and before you ask, or rather, insist," she paused, putting a claw on the table, "it does not need to be fashionable. Where we are going, fashion will be the last thing we need to be worried about."

I was rather puzzled. "Wherever are you going off to? Also, correct me if I am wrong, but Ella and Rain have a son, correct? Shouldn't I make something for him if you are to be traveling?"

Samael's eyes widened suddenly. "NO!" she exclaimed, "You mustn't do that! We are leaving to head north, to where my species live. There has been an outbreak, a virus. Ella and Rain shall accompany me there, but we are going to leave their son behind. He cannot grow up where we are going, and would surely die on his way."

"If the virus has affected griffons, why are you going? Wouldn't you be affected, as well?"

"No, Rarity. I am immune. My red eyes are an indication of this. I am going there to see if there is a cure of some sort, something we can do to help. Ella is one of the best nurses in all of Equestria, renowned all across the country. Rain is a brilliant chemist, and will help with making cures or, at the very least, antibiotics or other medicines. We need them. My people need them."

"I see... What will happen to the son?"

Samael looked down somberly. "I do not know. The parents will not tell me of their plan. Believe me, I would change things if I could, but I cannot. You must speak to them yourself. It is not my place, no matter how close I am to Ella, to decide what must be done with their son."

"That is so unfortunate! It's so... So sad." I turned my head away, as well, tears welling up in my eyes. I could not imagine such a burden as leaving a young one alone.

"Yeah, it is. Look, I need you to do this, Rarity. You're the only one I know who can. I have all our measurements on this piece of paper." She took, from under one of her wings, a large sheet of paper with various measurements and models for the three clients. "I shall pay up front, for all three of us."

I looked over the paper, ideas already flooding my mind. There were so many possibilities, so many variations in which I could make their garments! However, I had to think of survival, first and foremost, whilst also making the garments comfortable. "That's fine, my dear," I said, putting a hoof over her claw in reassurance, "I shall not fail you."

Samael, slightly uncomfortable, shifted her claw so it was wrapped around my hoof. "I know you won't, Rarity. I thank you. Honestly, for everything you've done, I thank you. Here," she pulled a fairly large bag of bits onto the table from under her, "this is my payment. Just take it, it should be more than enough." She seemed extremely sad, as if I were some best friend she had just lost. But the truth of the matter was that I hardly even knew Samael. Samael had always been a bit reclusive, but I never once prodded. I am quite sure she had her reasons for not sharing things with other ponies. I took the bag of bits and put them into my saddlebag.

"No, my dear, thank you! It is very brave for such a strong, independent and, dare I say, beautiful griffon such as yourself to do something like this!" She blushed when I said that, turning away slightly. "I promise not to let you down! I will have the clothes ready in a week at most."

"Thank you, again, Rarity. We were actually planning to leave within next week. I'm sorry for not informing you earlier. But nevertheless, it's outstanding that you say you'll be able to make the clothes in a week. Just... Don't overwork yourself, alright?" I reassured her that I would be alright, and that she should rather be worrying about the journey she was about to partake in instead of my health. With a few more words of encouragement and thanks from Samael, I left and set off to my second destination for the day.

Samael was, to my surprise, one of the kindest griffons I'd ever met. However, considering the danger of her mission, the enormous stress that had to have been weighing on her shoulders, and the obviously unknown fate of her best friends' son, I was hardly surprised at her attitude. If you had truly known her, Samael, I am sure she would have made a wonderful friend to you... Unfortunately, there was a complication with my second destination. It disheartens me to say this, Samael, but when I stepped into your home, I was not suspecting what I found, and what I found was a rather frightening sight...

I trotted up the hill that led to the house of Rain Shimmer and Ella Sundance. I had known Ella for quite some time, and we had been very good friends for several years. I must confess that I was quite surprised when she had told me she was betrothed to a stallion, considering her rather... Questionable past. I in no way judged Ella Sundance, and I could understand that she had to do what she had to do to get through medical school. Even so, it still came as a shock to me.

The hill that ran up to Ella's house was rather large, ever so slightly secluded from the rest of Ponyville. Most ponies would be fine with living comfortably in the bustling streets, but not Ella and Rain. No, they spent extra money to extend one of the roads and build a house on a hill. That being said, it was obvious that the two ponies enjoyed the seclusion, the tranquility, the calmness. However, unbeknownst to me, some terrible things were happening inside that house... Terrible things that I was about to witness.

My reason, Samael, my poor, poor Samael, for all of this, stems from what I was about to witness on that previously wonderful day. You must be strong, Samael. Please, be strong. It pains me to recall the memory, but it must be done. All of this madness inside of you, inside of me, whether you realize such madness or not, must be quelled. I cannot hold my silence any longer, and I must free you from your burdens, the burden of the feelings you have for me. I can only pray that what I am to tell you does not break your heart beyond repair...

Chapter 8: The Confession of Rarity Belle

What We Haven’t Had

Chapter 8: The Confession of Rarity Belle

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

****

Samael... It is time. Are you ready? Are you truly, completely prepared for what is to be said? Your heart must be able to take it, for I fear that if your heart is not strong... You will surely break.

"How could you do that, Rain? How could you be so bucking careless and stupid?!" I heard a voice filled with hatred behind the door which I stood. I had hoped not to intrude on Rain Shimmer and Ella Sundance if they were having problems, but I simply had to talk to them. They were, after all, the ones to arrange this urgent meeting.

It is normally not my way to intrude on others when a conflict is on the rise, but, whether it was out of nervousness, time, or a gut feeling, I knocked on the door... Sometimes, I wish I hadn't. Other times, I am grateful to Celestia that I did. Nevertheless, I cannot erase what has been stitched in the fabric of history…

The screaming female silenced. I gulped. Silence. I waited, standing at the door, teeth clenched, mouth dry, breathing heavy. How I wanted to turn tail and run. How I wished I could take that knock back. How I wished I had not heard slow hoof steps coming toward me. It was too late. The door slowly opened. In the doorway stood a beautiful mare, with an orange coat and thin-haired mane. Her mane was several different shades of red, draping around her ears and back, giving it an almost wet look. Her soft features were only accentuated by her delicate eyes and blue-gray irises. She looked slightly ragged, most likely from the screaming, however, her face brightened when the mare realized it was I in the doorway.

"Oh, Rarity, hello! Rain," she called behind her, "Rarity's here!" She stepped back, a bit of worry in her eyes, and allowed me entrance. "Please, uhm, follow me." She said, leading me through her rather large house. I was absolutely astonished with her appearance. I had never seen her look so befuddled and haphazard. It worried me, to be quite honest.

I followed Ella through a few large rooms, mostly those for lounging, adorned with beautiful tapestries and furnishings unlike those I'd ever witnessed. I would describe them, but, alas, my memory has failed me on such an insignificant detail. Ella eventually brought me to her kitchen, an elaborate space with the finest of -- never mind. The detail that I truly remember was the rows of various alcohols and liquors lining the shelves of the kitchen. One of the bottles was shattered on the floor in a far corner. Rain, a lanky but fairly well-looking stallion, with dark brown eyes and blue-green coat and a long, luscious mane, sat at a table, shaking and breathing fairly heavily. I sat across from the couple. A frightening silence pervaded throughout the room. Nopony dared move.

We three just sat there looking at each other for a few odd, awkward, long seconds, until Rain spoke up. "You, uh, came here to see us about the trip, right? Rarity, is it?" His speech was slow, his voice low.

I snapped out of my gaze. "Oh, yes! I'm sorry; I apologize greatly for that, uhm, awkwardness that just happened there." Ella sniffed. Rain coughed. I eyed them both fairly frantically. "Right. So, I talked to Samael already, and I wished to confirm with you of the plans."

"Do you need payment for m- our share?" Ella inquired.

I waved a hoof to them. "No, that need not be necessary. Samael paid for everything, and then some." The couple looked surprised, their eyes widening. "You didn't know she'd pay for it all?" They shook their heads. "Well then, I guess this is a surprise for all three of us!" I looked to the space in between of Ella and Rain. As professional as I had tried to be in the past, I had not yet at the time grasped the courage to hold eye contact with my clients for long periods of time. "I know that what you are about to do in the coming weeks is dangerous, and I wish you all the best. However, I do not mean to pry, as it's really none of my concern, but what will become of your son?" Ella looked down. Rain gulped. "I mean, Samael said that she was unsure of whether he's going on the journey with you, and-"

"He's not going." Ella whispered softly. "Neither is Rain."

"What?" I exclaimed. "But Samael said-"

"Samael doesn't know yet," Rain answered, hardness in his voice, "and I'm going to be taking care of the boy."

I was dumbfounded. "But why?" I asked, "Shouldn't you be going with them, Rain? I thought they need you to help?"

"We don't." Ella exclaimed. She glanced at me. "I don't need him to do my job."

"And I don't need her." Said the other.

"I'm sorry Rarity, but we simply can't be around each other. We're getting divorced..."

"And in a way, this journey of hers is the final nail in the coffin. Like she's leaving me forever, both physically and in spirit."

"Because of the journey, he has rightful custody over our child, as the journey shall be long and arduous."

"There simply is no love..."

"Only pathos."

I knew not what to say. I simply stared at the two ponies in front of me. Ella, with her head down once more, was bathed in a glimmering light from an open window behind her. Rain, however, was draped in long shadows, making his somber expression seem even more morose. "I- I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I-"

"There's no need to apologize, miss." Rain began, "It's really our fault anyway. She's just a selfish, narcissistic witch."

"And he's a hateful nihilist." Ella argued quietly.

"I'm old."

"You're a drunk."

"You're the one who raised our son to be the way he is."

"You didn't do a damn thing."

"I worked to keep a roof over our heads while you did nothing."

"I worked with Samael all this time to help the betterment of her species."

"You quit your job for a lost cause."

"I quit my job to do what I always wanted."

"And what was that?"

"To make a change in the world. I don't see you doing that."

"You're right. I'm simply existing."

"You're pathetic."

"And you break my heart."

The two simply sat there, unmoving, silent. Goddesses, I thought, this is horrible. I decided to speak up. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." I didn't know what else to say. There were no words for the pain radiating from these two souls.

"There's no need to apologize, Rarity." Rain said, "You're young. You know not yet the pain of all of this. We should be the ones apologizing." He gazed at me, half of his face now illuminated by the light. "You cannot change the past. What's happened has happened. We've both made mistakes. It's maybe better this way, for all of us. I know that you've just begun your career as a... Whatever you call it, but I know that you can go far. Please, keep them safe, and do good. That's all I ask, be good."

"Says the pony that spends his nights concocting alcohol." Ella scoffed, "Jeez, putting your great skills of chemistry and science to good use, there."

Rain said nothing.

"Right. Well, uh, I thank you both for your time in all of this. Please, Ella, if you can, come by my Boutique in a week or so. By then everything should be ready, with hope." I got up from my seat, shaking slightly. "Well, then. If there is nothing else, I guess I shall be off, then?" I stared at the two sad-looking ponies for a minute longer. They sat there, silent. "Yes, well, please be sure to tell your son when he comes home from school that Rarity said hello!" I tried so very hard to sound happy. "Oh, uhm, by the way, if you do not mind my asking, what is his name, anyway?"

Ella's lips were the first to move. But no sound came from them. It was as if she had said nothing.

"Oh, that's a wonderful name!" I said.

Why could I not remember your name? It's a question I may never know the answer to, dear Samael. I am sorry. I am so very, very sorry. I am sorry for what I have had to tell you, what I've had to recall. I apologize for not remembering every detail, or possibly skipping over something in my conversations with your parents and Samael, if I did. Twenty two years is a long time to recall such memories like these, horrible memories that you'd rather not recall. I am sure you know the feeling well, my dear. Nevertheless, I must continue on, and tell all the truths that I can remember, for your sake, Samael…

It was now early afternoon. I needed to get home and start making the clothes for Ella and Samael, no matter how awful I felt. No matter how heavy my hooves felt. No matter how weak my legs felt. No matter how tired I seemed to be. No matter what horror I had just witnessed, the horror of tragic love, I had to finish the job. I had to. For every pony’s sake, and mine.

I entered the Boutique, my home, quietly. I closed the door behind me and flipped the sign on the door to "CLOSED". It was time to work. I had to. Opalescence appeared in front of me. I had no idea if she'd been there the whole time or somehow managed to sneak in front of me without my knowing. Opal could sense my anxiety, I knew it. For such a young, slender, almost sickly-looking cat, she was very intelligent. I hoped she would not get fat and become cranky and spoiled. I stroked her back and scratched behind her ears half-heartedly, not really in the mood for playing.

"Oh, Opal," I said not only to her, but also to myself, "whatever shall come out of this incident? I know love can be difficult. At least, I would assume it would have its ups and downs. I mean, surely such a horrible thing could never happen to me, right?" I sighed. "Oh, where did Ella go wrong? Was it simply their conflicting opinions of the matter at hand, or did they never truly love each other? They always seemed fine to me. What about you, Opal? What do you think?"

Opal purred as I stroked her more, but as I asked that she stared right into my eyes inquisitively. "Oh, you're absolutely right, Opal. I should never allow myself such heartache as what Ella must be feeling. I mean, who truly needs the love of a stallion, right? Oh, as wonderful and glamorous and amazing as that would be, and how it would set my heart a flutter, I must focus on my true priorities: I should focus on my work and making a name for myself! Of course, looking for the special pony to be my true love wouldn't hurt much, either, but I cannot put my happiness in too much jeopardy! After all, I've a reputation to uphold, and one that I must continue if I am ever to one day go to Canterlot and be truly noticed by the fashion world! Maybe there's a nice, young, dashing prince in Canterlot somewhere for me. But I don't very well yet know, now do I? No, I don't.

"Nevertheless, I have got to get to work, Opal, dear. I'm sorry for venting about such things to you, really I am. It's just that, well, sometimes it is nice to have someone to vent to. Sometimes it is nice to have a friend." With that I set out to work.

And work I did. I slaved for hour after hour, drawing and redrawing the designs best-suited for Samael's original sketches and wants. Hours turned into days, and sketches turned into diagrams, and diagrams led to cloth being ordered, fabrics and any other supplies I needed for the project. Day after day I worked, hardly spending time on anything else. I rarely went outside. I rejected other offers for requests, something I never do, and vowed not to do since. Simply put, my time management skills back then were not what they are today. For a whole week I toiled in the madness of such a daunting, yet oh so simple task.

The pieces all did fall into place, I can assure you that much, yet it took time and massive amounts of energy. Samael on occasion would come over and check on my work, and thankfully give me someone else to talk to other than Opal. She told me that soon after I had left the Sundance’s house that Ella had packed most of her things and was now living with her. I did not know what to think or say to that. Samael did mention that there were some books Ella had left behind at the house, but said she wouldn't be going back for them.

I was stressed immensely. I could not get my poor friend Ella off my mind, and what I'd witnessed at her house. I thought constantly of her son, and what would become of him in the coming weeks, how he'd handle losing his mother for two very different reasons, one of which even I couldn't explain. I cried most days. I vomited a few times. I found it difficult to sleep, so very difficult. Sometimes I would just throw my hooves into the air and scream, and then I'd sit and stare at my unfinished creation for hours before finding the strength to work again. Finally though, one day before it was to be shown to Ella and Samael, I had done it! I had finished the outfits with money and supplies and sanity to spare. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, smiled a bit, cried in joy, and made myself some well overdue cucumber sandwiches!

I must say, I was so very proud of those two creations. For all the sketches and diagrams I drew and threw out and inked and colored and measured and ripped apart, for all the supplies I wasted and tore and used and reused, for all the sweat, blood, tears, and time I'd used in the project, it was all worth it. Even though my heart was happy, the situation still had a twinge of sorrow in it. The outfits were borne out of grief and sadness, not truly love or generosity. The outfits were, as Samael wished them to be, not at all glamorous or fashionable, but were wearable. Multiple layers of heavy fabric and insulated fibers, pockets both inside and outside the coat, a hood for wind protection, and some boots, gloves, scarves, and miscellaneous articles thrown in for good measure.

Sure, they were brown as dirt, but even dirt has its beauty, right? Well, okay, that's not terribly true, but that is not important, either, I must confess. I so wished to check on Ella and see what she had been up to, but I decided against it. I figured that I would see her tomorrow regardless, and thus decided to spend the rest of the day preparing for her arrival and finishing up any other, less stressful, projects I had yet to complete.

However, that one day went by blindingly fast, and before I knew it, the day of truth had come. I prepared everything that morning, an early morning, mind you, the sun had yet to rise, and I made sure everything was in its proper place. Then, soon as I flipped my window sign to "OPEN", the sun began to rise, and I waited patiently.

I did not have to wait long, as soon after the sun's light streamed through my windows did the door open to reveal my two expect guests. Samael walked in first, looking fresh, awake, and as radiant as ever. Sometimes, even though some griffons I've heard of were rather brutish and disgusting, I can't stress enough at how beautiful Samael was. She was slender, yet muscular, walking confidently with much finesse and grace. She nodded to me as she approached her respective outfit, eyeing it up and down. Then, Ella entered the Boutique. To my surprise, she looked as beautiful as I'd ever seen her. Words cannot describe how wonderful and healthy she looked! She strolled into the Boutique with a wide grin on her face, but her eyes deceived her smile. Both wore saddlebags on their backs.

"Hello, Rarity," the mare greeted, "I see that everything is ready."

"Yes, dear, it very well is!" I quipped cheerfully. "Come, have a closer look, will you please?" Ella obliged fairly cheerfully and, like Samael had done, began to examine their gear.

"This is fantastic work, Rarity," Samael complimented, lifting some of the cloth to look inside some of the pockets and feel her way around the ponnequin, "and I really do appreciate the extra gear and supplies you bought us!" She seemed extremely pleased, her red eyes practically bugging at the sight of every new compartment or hidden object in the coat. Ella calmly, blankly, looked through hers.

"It was my pleasure, dear!" I chirped. "Why, after the circumstance of, well, one less traveler, I decided to put those extra bits to good use! I'll admit it made things a great deal harder, as I had absolutely no idea what I was doing as far as preparation was concerned, but thanks to your notes and insight throughout the week I believe what I have for you is adequate. At least, I hope so."

Samael glanced back and forth from her gear to me, then said, rather annoyed, "Adequate!? You think that all of this is simply adequate!?" She pointed a claw, a rather sharp claw, "Why would you ever call this 'adequate'?" Her feathers ruffled, making her seem positively enormous! I shrank back in fear. "This gear... Is quite possibly..." Her breathing was heavy, her eyes burned into my retinas. She huffed and puffed, voice screeching like some horrible monster every time she uttered a syllable! "This gear that you've given us, for our long, deathly journey is quite possibly the most perfect thing I could have ever asked for!" She instantly calmed down; her voice at the last several words of her speech sounding about as cheerful as that pink pony that throws parties constantly.

I blinked, not moving a muscle.

The griffon blinked back, still smiling.

"What?" She asked.

I stood back up to my full height, still shaking a little bit. "Oh, nothing, dear, but thank you for the compliment nonetheless. However, I do think that there may have been an easier way to go about this, as far as the sizes and measurements are concerned. I mean, of course once measurements are made it's an easy process but I feel I may be better suited for something more... Personal."

Samael cocked her head. "Personal?"

I nodded my head as I approached the ponnequin beside Ella. "Yes, personal," I began, "I believe it may be better for my business, more beneficial, to be give a more intimate touch to my work. After all, these ponies and other creatures I am to work with aren't uncivilized ruffians, of course! Therefore I must make sure to treat such creatures as living beings! Maybe I'll measure and fit them right here in the Boutique!" I squealed with joy, clopping my hooves on the ground. "Oh, how wonderful it would be to get to know my customers better! It shall be surely stupendous, I do think! What is it that you think, girls?"

"I think it's absolutely wonderful, dear," said Ella, "I've always told ___ that we are all Songbirds, and that all Songbirds have a voice to be heard." She blushed and shied away from me in embarrassment. I put a hoof around her neck gently to ease her. To my surprise, she leaned into it and rubbed her nuzzle into my chest! She shuddered quietly under my foreleg.

"Oh, Ella, it'll be alright, I promise. I know things are terribly difficult now, but they've got to get better, you'll see." I didn't really know what exactly to say. I was never terribly good at comforting others or helping them. I should change such a trait of mine.

Ella pushed me away forcibly, heaving heavy gasps with every movement. I stumbled on my hooves as the pressure of Ella's hooves hit my chest, but I quickly regained my balance. Ella was a wreck. The tears flowed down her soft cheeks, leaving a wet, black trail of makeup in the path. Her body shook and convulsed as if she no longer had control of it. She struggled to breathe with each desperate gasp of air she took, only to release it again in another forceful sob. She heaved a dry cough of pain, trying to yell out her frustrations, yet there was no sound. I was harshly reminded of a horror story I once heard: I have No Mouth, and I Must Scream.

Samael and I tried to approach the ball of fury, the mass of sadness in front of us, but we could not reach her. She ran away from us, collapsing against a wall near the kitchen. She wailed an incomprehensible jumble of sorrow, no words, no tangible sound, and no mouth.

"Ella, please," Samael approached, cautiously, "just let us come near. We can figure this out, it'll be okay. W-"

"No! You just don’t understand, do you? It’ll never get better, dammit! Nothing ever will, no matter how much I do, no matter where I go, it will never be okay, Sam! It’ll never be okay because I know that regardless of what the buck I do with my life I know I’ll never be able to come back here to see my son grow into the stallion I want him to be! I’ll never be able to get my life back! Do you know what it’s like to lose your family based on a decision you made?”

Ella’s erratic, heavy breathing was all that sounded. She stood defiantly weak, hateful regret scorching her mood. Samael stalked toward her, her eyes burning once again with intense fire. As the griffon moved ever closer to Ella, I tried to come between them, to mediate the conflict, but Samael raised a talon at me. I understood. I could only watch.

“So, you think you got it bad, huh?” Samael began, “You think you’re the one who’s hurting? Really? Last I checked, you weren’t the one who may very well be one of the only ones capable of helping out your species, having your life being the difference being prosperity of your species and damned extinction. Last I checked, you are not one who has to suffer simply because you exist! I left my home years ago to get away from the torment and evil! Now, years later, I have to go back to save their sorry asses based on the theory that I may be able to help them! You had a choice in this matter. I didn’t.”

“What, you want me to pity you, just because your whole life has apparently sucked? Don’t you remember that I was the one who nursed you to health and taught you how to survive in this place? I was your only friend in the whole world, and I’m risking my existence for your whole species. My life could still be fine were it not for my decision to help you!”

“Mule.”

“Dodo.”

“You’re a sorry excuse for a pony.”

“And you’re quite a bitch for a savior.”

“Ya know, I’ve slaved over you lately, poured all my energy into making you feel good, and for what? So you can yell at me and flip out after all this time?”

“You’ve no idea what I’m going through.”

“You’ve no idea what I’ve been through.”

“At least I have a brain.”

“At least I have a soul.”

“What soul?”

“The one that takes pride in the filth that is my species. What brain are you talkin’ about?”

“The one that can save the filth that is your species.”

“You broke my heart.”

“And you took mine in its place…”

At this point the two had simmered down and were reduced to petty insults and whispers of hatred rather than shouting in the name of destruction. The pony and griffon stared each other down, having simply run out of things to say to and about each other. Their faces each changed from looks of loathing to those of pity. Gazes softened, and they both stared at each other in sorrowful silence.

Celestia, never had I felt so helpless. But I had to do something. “Dears, I think we should all just calm down and, uhm, discuss this over tea?”

Samael’s eyes looked my way. “How in the Shire will that help?”

“Animosity solves nothing. After all, as Princess Celestia once wrote in her address to reform the country of Saddle Arabia after the Revolution of Horses, ‘there is always an alternative to conflict’.”

Now it was Ella whose eyes turned toward me. “Well I’ve had more than enough discussion to last a lifetime. I’m sick of this.” She began to head toward the door. Samael ruffled her feathers and extended her wings as if to spring into action, but I held a hoof out to stop her.

“So you are just going to give up, Ella?” I began, “You, the Prodigy of Ponyville? The one who could cure any illness? The very mare who trained Nurse Redheart?” She stopped in her tracks with a hoof to the door. “I’m disappointed in you, friend. You would never leave a pony behind in their time of need. You did it not when I was down on my luck, when the future seemed uncertain; and again you did not retreat when faced with the curious case of Samael.

“You were the one to find the cure for Meratitis. You were instrumental to the survival of this town when the Great Blizzard hit. You, like many in this town, have done wonderful things, things not many ponies would go through. And now, after all the tribulations you have suffered from, you are just going to walk away? What would Rain say?”

“He’d laugh in my face, then spit on my rotting corpse of a body.”

“Well then, what would your son say?”

Ella turned to face me. “He’d look at me like he may one day look upon his father, if he does not change his ways. He’d hate me.”

“So, he does not hate you?” With every response, I stepped half a step closer to the door.

“No. He loves both Rain and I. With all his heart, his heart… My heart… If he were to hate me...”

“Your heart would surely break.”

“Yes.”

I stepped closer to her. “And would you want that?”

“No. Nothing would cause me more grief.”

“And what of Rain?”

“He can go to Tartarus. It’s all his fault.”

“It is?”

“Well, no, I suppose not. We’re both to blame.”

“Why do you think that is, dear?”

“We were young, reckless, and stupid…”

“Is that all?”

“No.”

“Are you thirsty?”

“Very.”

“Good!” I was now right next to her. Her hoof was on the door handle, mine over hers. “So what do you say we go into the kitchen and drink some tea over it?” I smiled at her.

“That would be… Nice.”

And so it was. I led Samael and Ella to the kitchen, magic setting up the water to boil, as they sat down at the table across from each other. I set three bars of dark chocolate in front of them. "One for each of us," I said, "I have heard that chocolate made from the southern regions of Equestria is used as a relaxant. This particular treat is a favorite of mine. If you do not like, I can take it away?" I sat down between them.

Samael pawed at her bar of chocolate, eyes reduced to thin slits. The dark confection was broken into squares set atop one of my mother’s glass plates, arranged like a pyramid. "This looks expensive..."

Ella sniffed hers. "It smells expensive..."

Samael grabbed her bar. "It feels expensive..."

Ella took a small bite of hers. "It tastes expensive..."

"Like money..." Samael chided, chewing.

"Chocolate covered money!" Ella mused.

They both looked at me after simultaneously swallowing. "Is this expensive?" They asked.

I had to laugh. "No dears, not really at all! Granted, given the chance, I would indulge in more extravagant delights, but my current budget has other plans. Therefore this local brand will have to do." I took a bite of my chocolate. It was bitter at first, but then melted into a velvety goodness I savored.

"Frankly, I love these," I began. "They remind me of home, no matter how detached I wish to be from them. Besides, my mother will be trying to conceive another foal in a few years, well, more like fourteen, it's her favorite number, but I must be prepared to try and enjoy the simpler things in life."

"Sometimes simple things are the best worth remembering," Samael said, her chocolate nearly gone now.

"I agree, but Rarity," Ella said, "why go through all this trouble to make it seem so, well, special? I mean, the fancy glass plates, the arrangement; it's a bit much, don't you think?"

"All a part of the experience, Ella!" I said. The kettle squealed. "Ah, there's the water. Excuse me." I stood back up from my chair and proceeded to finish the tea, bringing cups for all of us. "Now we can finally have our discussion."

Memory can be a fragile thing. I'm honestly surprised I can remember what I have. Yet, maybe it was the chocolate and tea, the soothing atmosphere, and the casual conversation, but I cannot remember too many specific details of what happened… All I remember was discussing Samael and Ella’s rather rocky relationship… After that we discussed the terms of what their journey and what was to be done about you, though Ella did not go into any specific sort of detail. She said that would come later, she said, right before they left. I had not known what she meant, but, one night later, on the stormy night Samael and Ella were to depart, I was paid a visit from the pony…

It was about seven o’clock when she came through my door. I had closed my shop early because of the storm, but kept the door unlocked in case a passerby may wish to get out of the gloom for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure why I had the shop closed if the door was unlocked, but none of that was important. The day had been a constantly melancholic one, and now, in the thralls of the setting Sun, the stormy clouds tinged with a sad, sad orange glow as rain filtered rainbow streaks through space, I was paid one last visit to her. Ella quietly opened the door, hood up and dripping wet, dressed in what I made her, with a weary smile on her face. She surprised me, for I was organizing my new shelves and laying out designs for a new stage to with mirrors to work on my clients, and I squealed when she entered.

“Ella, dear!” I exclaimed as I wrapped my hooves around her in an embrace, an embrace she warmly welcomed. “My, my, how well that fits you! You look as wonderful as ever, despite the circles under your eyes and your clothing.” I stilted a laugh. She returned it.

“I just came back one last time to say thank you for everything, not just about yesterday. I can’t thank you enough.” She looked down to her hooves. “I know maybe not all that I’ve done has been right, and I’ve made lots of mistakes, but its thanks to you Sam and I aren’t fighting anymore. I think maybe we just needed someone as… wonderful as you. But I do have one more request.” Ella led me to the kitchen table.

“I want you to do something for me,” she began. “I want you to take care of him, my son. Watch over him, make sure he’s safe. And I also want you to give him these.” She opened one of the fuller pockets of her suit, and one by one took out large text and notebooks and placed them on the table. “These are all my books from when I was a nurse. I want him to have these to remember me by. In each book is a time you are to give these to him, but don’t give them to him explicitly. Hide them somewhere he will find them, away from Rain. I don’t know what he’ll do with them if he were to find them, or if he’d keep to his promise, so I’m trusting you for this duty. Give him the smallest one, at the top of the stack, first and observe him. When he finishes it, give him the next one, and so on. I don’t know how you should go about getting the books to him. Maybe hide them in the forest. You’re familiar with the Running of the Leaves?”

I nodded. “Yes, I had to walk the track once to make sure no precious gems or minerals would be trampled in the dirt. It was quite silly, actually.”

“Good,” Ella said, “there’s a small bank by the place where the trail crosses a brook, where the ground gets rocky, close to the edge of the thickest part of the forest. On top of that hill is a single tree, Samael and I have been there a few times, but he likes to go there a lot to get out of the house alone. Maybe hide one of them there. It’s really up to you how you go about it. I can’t bear to do it myself. But, there’s one thing I really want you to remember, Rarity.” She then proceeded to take out a large, paper-filled, leather bound notebook from the pocket.

“This,” she said, “is everything. My whole story. Everything I’ve collected truly on an emotional level through my life. It’s the final step. Give this to him when the time is right. You’ll know the moment, I’m sure. I trust you with these, my friend, as a parting gift. It well may be that we’ll never meet again… At least, not in this lifetime. I may never return.”

“I know that, dear. Believe me, I know.”

“Thank you.” We embraced once more. The silence was uncomfortable. I could hear our hearts beat rhythmically in time with each other. It was surreal, to say the least.

“You’re welcome. Goodbye.” I followed her back to the front of the Boutique. The pale glow of the Sun bathed the room in an otherworldly light. It was then I got angry at myself. The blinds weren’t drawn, yet the store was closed. How ridiculous of me. I’ll never forget how radiant Ella looked as she opened the door to the trickling rain outside, her hood drawn back, and how the light cast an aura around her, made her eyes brighter, almost as if she were an angel walking into the Light Beyond.

She turned to look me in the eye, and for the first time in years, she seemed to be truly content. Alive. “Goodbye, Rarity,” she said with a youthful confidence I’d not heard in a long time, “May dreams give you wings.”

“And may wings give you flight.” I returned. And a tear fell from each of our faces. And the pitter pattering of rain grew heavier. And the light faded from the sky, as it solemnly faded from her eyes. And for a moment she stepped back, as if afraid. And I stepped forward, ready to take her into my arms. And she sighed. And the door closed.

And I never saw her again.

I Have No Tears, and I Must Cry.

****

“So is that it? That’s everything?” Samael sat and looked across the table from Rarity. Her gaze was to the side for Samael, unable to look him in the eye.

“No. Not everything. The worst of it is still to come.”

“What do you mean?”

Before Rarity could answer, the oven’s timer went off. “Oh, the cake is done!” Rarity ran up to the oven and, in a flurry of moments, she took the cake out and onto the counter and used her magic to wrap a cloak of blue magic around the cake.

“What was that for? Using your magic on the cake, I mean.” Samael asked.

“Oh, it’s a near-instant cooling spell a friend of mine taught me,” Rarity said, sounding somewhat exasperated, “it’s very advanced though, at least for me. It takes quite a bit of concentration. Thankfully, it allows me to ice the cake much quicker using a much simpler levitation spell.” She then coated the vanilla cake with smooth chocolate icing. “Your favorite flavor, I presume, based on what your mother has told me.”

When she had finished, Samael spoke up again. “Yeah. Speaking of which, do you still have that book you, uh, talked about?” A prickling sensation ran through Samael’s body, an instant itching that allowed salty, hot liquid to come from the pores in his skin, his palpitations quickening with every passing second.

“Why, yes I do, Samael. Let me go retrieve it for you.” Rarity went to leave the kitchen, but stopped and said, “With this, all will become clear.”

Then Samael was alone. His heart whispered in his ear, telling him to run. The lights wanted to drown him out in white light. The cake wanted to devour him. His breath told his brain to stop. His brain told his soul it wanted to turn into a gooey mush and leak out his nose, and his soul wanted to run away and not experience what was about to happen. All will become clear. But Samael did not move. He stayed where he was, gooey brain and all. There would be time to run and not think about things. There would be time to lock himself in his house. There would be time to burn his books like his dreams. There would be time to drown himself in a flurry of drinking and jump off the mount-

Rarity had returned. No backing out now. “I kept this as safe as possible,” Rarity spoke as she came to Samael, the book cloaked in magic, “I kept it in this the whole time. I only ever read it once.” The book, placed on the table, was encased in a glass container. The book was quite thick, thicker than Samael had pictured, and stuffed to the seams with papers. There were several loose sheets of paper behind the book. They seemed newer than any of the pages Samael could see from the book.

“What are those papers?” Samael asked, pointing to the papers in question.

“Those are mine, Dearest. I wrote those so I wouldn’t forget.” She brought the cake to the center of the table and sat down in her seat.

“Forget what?”

“Anything. Everything. I wrote about your mother, Samael, you, Rain, and myself. It’s not as important as what is in that book, however. I do not want you to open the case. I do not want you to read it here; read it at home.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s what I believe would be the right time. As I said earlier, I am not yet done with my story. The final, true confession, Dearest, is still to come. And if you are thrown into a crazed frenzy, a madness of the mind, then it shall be all my fault. You’re distressed at what you’ve already heard, and if you break from what I am about to tell you, then you would not have been ready, and I will have failed dear Ella. But it is now too late to turn back. Let’s enjoy some of this beautiful cake first.”

“Y-yeah. It smells delicious.”

Rarity chuckled. “Yes, it does. Simple, but refined. It’s the favorite flavors of my Sweetie, as well.” She sighed, and then levitated two plates, forks, and a utensil to cut the cake with. They each ate a piece of the cake in silence. It was one of the best cakes Samael had ever tasted.

“Now then,” Rarity said after finishing her piece. “It’s time.”

****

It was my solemn duty to protect you, Samael, and I had to carry on that duty. It was several weeks, I believe, maybe a couple of months, after Ella had departed. That was the first time I had met you. Well, the you that is the you of today. The “new” you. I had come to Cheerilee’s School for Young Fillies, Colts and Equestrians to talk to her of her recent building of the new school building, but I was really there for you…

The time that had passed since Ella and Samael’s departure had been a blurry one for me. Days either crawled by in my worry or sadness, or they sped past in a haze of numbness. But I had to, like anyone else in Ponyville, keep moving on with my daily life, no matter how difficult it was. It felt as if everypony else was taking the duo’s leaving better than I, as if, for them, it was easy to forget. But not I. No. I couldn’t forget. How could I?

I had to clear my head. The daytime was rather beautiful, after all. I had to stay happy. Or at least, look like I was. I trotted up to the bright scarlet building that was Cheerilee’s school. I trotted up the wooden steps, admiring the smell of fresh paint, and was about to open the door, when suddenly a bell rang and mountains of fillies and colts stampeded over me! At least they were kind enough to say sorry when they trampled me. Thankfully, I suffered no injury. I heard a giggle in front of wear I lay, face planted in the wood. I looked up and saw two pairs of hooves, one slender and feminine, Cheerilee, and the other smaller, shorter, and green.

“Are you alright, Rarity?” The pair of slender hooves asked me. The other pair stood shaking in place.

I slowly got up. "Yes, I think I'll be fine, thank you." I looked at the faces that belonged to those hooves; they were Cheerilee and a young colt I did not recognize. Cheerilee had a wide smile, the colt wide eyes.

"I'm so sorry about that, Rarity," Cheerilee began. "I didn't know you were right outside and when I opened the door they all just burst through!"

"It's quite alright," I said. I looked back down to the young colt, who still gazed at me through those large blue glasses of his. "And who is this young one?"

"This is -” she stopped, took a breath, and then continued again. “This is Samael Sundance, Rarity. Say hello, Samael."

Samael just stared at me in wonderment.

"Samael," Cheerilee started, "please say something to Rarity."

Samael cleared his throat, and then said, "Are you a Songbird?"

"What?" I asked.

“Are you a Songbird?”

“Uhm, I’m not quite sure how to respond to that.” I said. Samael kept staring at me. “Well, Samael, I can tell you right now that I’m not a Songbird, I’m sorry to say.”

“But your voice is like a Songbird’s. So you’ve gotta be one. Any pony can be a Songbird.”

Cheerilee tapped Samael’s shoulder, and he looked up at her. “That sounds very fascinating, Samael! How about we discuss it together while I walk you home?” She turned to me. “I’m sorry about this, Rarity, but I should not have agreed to meet about things straight after school. I always walk Samael home after school.”

“It’s no trouble, Cheerilee, honestly! Maybe I could walk with you two?”

Cheerilee looked apprehensive. “Well, while that would solve the problem of us two having to get together later, are you sure you wanna do that? We wouldn’t be able to really talk about much until he’s dropped off, and I wouldn’t want to burden you or anything. Besides, he seems to have taken an odd liking to you.” She looked down at Samael, and, as did I, I saw that he was again staring at me. His irises flicked in all directions, as if he were studying me, enraptured by me.

I laughed. “Oh, no, Darling, it’s no trouble at all! Besides, many a pony has been captured by my natural beauty, and I think it’s just a wonderful thing that he should find me so interesting. By the by, I could use an excuse to get out of the house for a while longer.”

Cheerilee cocked her head. “Are you sure? You look a little pale. Well, pale in regards to your coat, I mean. Weak might be a better word. You sure you’re up to it?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “I think I’ll be able to handle it. I’m not ill so much as I am exhausted. Besides, staying cooped up in that dreary house would be a detriment to my complexion and my sanity.”

Cheerilee smiled at this. “As you wish. Samael, would you mind if Rarity came along with us?”

Samael shook his head ever so slightly.

“Then let’s head out! Samael, could you go and get my saddlebag?” Samael nodded and disappeared into the school, leaving the two of us alone. Cheerilee smiled at me, a knowing look in her eyes. I’m sure I was a mirror image of her. Nothing was said. There was no need to say anything. Not yet. We understood each other.

Mutual melancholy.

Samael quickly came back with a far-too-large-for-his-size saddlebag on his back, stumbling and tripping as he ran to his teacher. Cheerilee quickly took the saddlebag, thanked him, and put it on her own back. “Now then,” she said, “it’s time.”

We set off on the countryside streets along the edge of Ponyville, the town in the distance to our right down a hill, a lush green forest to our left. Samael trotted along to my right with Cheerilee beside him.

“So, Samael,” I began, “what was it that you wanted to talk about? About the Songbird?”

Samael looked up at me once again, a gleam in his eye. “Any pony can be a Songbird. You could be one. It’s in a song my mom would sing to me before I would fall asleep. A Songbird is some pony that is very special to you, some pony you know, she says.”

“Oh, Samael, that’s beautiful!” I said.

“Yeah.” He looked forward again. “She also said that some ponies could be gods or goddesses, if I wanted them to be. Just like a Songbird. I think you’re a goddess, Rarity.” He smiled at me.

“That’s so very sweet of you, Samael, thank you! But you don’t know me very well, I’m afraid. So how could I be a Songbird to you?”

“Because I do know you. Because you’d come over some days when I was really little and talk to mom. You’d hold me and you and mom would laugh and sing together. Plus, I see you a lot.”

I stopped walking. “What do you mean?” Cheerilee and Samael looked back.

“I saw you in the forest a few times. You we-” Samael stopped talking, pursing his lips shut. “Never mind.” He said, and continued walking again.

Cheerilee trotted up to me, we two staying behind Samael. “Ask him about that. Do you know what that’s about?” She whispered.

“No, I don’t think so,” I lied. “but maybe he’ll open up with some more coaxing.”

“What would you be doing in the forest?”

“I recall having to go look for something, a scarf, maybe, that blew out of my hooves. Other than that incident, I am not sure…”

“I’ve tried to get him talking about things lately,” Cheerilee said, “but he just won’t talk about it. That or he’ll give me some roundabout answer.” She smiled at me. “You should use your charms to try and get him to talk more. It’ll do him some good, I think.”

“Perhaps,” I agreed, “and maybe he is not confessing his feelings because you’re here.”

Cheerilee looked down. “You could be right.” Her ears drooped. “Should I leave you two alone then?”

I looked ahead. Samael was still walking ahead of us, occasionally glancing back and smiling. “Normally I would say no to such a thing, but maybe it is for the best.”

“Alright then. Samael!” Samael stopped walking and turned to face Cheerilee. “I’m sorry but this walk has taken longer than usual. I need to go and, uh, wash the homework! I didn’t realize what time it was. Rarity will finish taking you home.”

Samael beamed. “Okay! Have fun washing the homework!” He waved a goodbye to Cheerilee, who began walking the other way.

“Goodbye, Samael! See you tomorrow!” She said, “Take care of him, Rarity!”

I waved a similar goodbye to Cheerilee, and the two of us were alone. This isn’t quite what I had in mind when Ella told me to watch over him, but I guess I would need to talk to him sooner or later, I thought.

“So, Samael, now that Cheerilee’s gone, would you mind explaining where you saw me in the forest?”

“Well, it wasn’t too long ago, and it was in there.” He pointed a hoof toward the forest to our left. “I’ve seen you a couple of times. Do you want me to show you where?”

“Of course, my dear, that’d be lovely.” My companion gazed into my eyes once more.

“Great!” He said. “Follow me!” And so I followed him through the forest, having to keep up with the trotting colt with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. “Come on, it’s just a bit more ahead!” He called back to me. I recognized the area as he said that. No longer were we in a mass of shrubbery and plant like, that which knows no bounds of growing, yet isn’t as overrun as the Everfree Forest; rather, we travelled now along the dirt path I recalled from before, and I was reminded of Ella. And as we came closer to the sound of running water, as the dirt became rockier, as the trees thinned out more and more, I could only think of Ella.

As we approached the brook, the sun high in the sky, I saw Samael basking in the sunlight, atop a lowly hill high above the rolling glades. Well, high enough above them to see much of the forest, that is. Samael’s green-and-purple mixture of a coat shimmered in the afternoon sun, his chest rising and falling deeply as he breathed in and out, eyes closed in the exultation of the moment. I slowly trotted up to him, not wanting to disturb him. As I came closer, he opened his eyes a bit and gazed down to me.

“It’s like I’m a god,” he said, “up here, I’m free. Over everything, my mom said, beauty can be the most freeing thing. Or, something like that. Power. It doesn’t make me feel small. It’s like I can scream to the highest heavens and be heard! You know what I mean?”

I was now right beside him. “Yes, I think I can,” I said, my voice nearly above a whisper. “It’s beautiful.”

“You should know. You were here before. Right under the tree.”

“It’s just that I didn’t notice this view, the quiet of the place.” It indeed was quiet. The wind was like a song of time, stuck in its own attraction; no beginning; no end; only now.

“What were you doing here? It was, like, a month ago.”

“Oh, I was just walking, trying to clear my thoughts, and I happened to stumble upon this place.”

Samael gazed up at me. “But you didn’t just come here once. I’ve seen you lots of times.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, there was that time you were here by the tree, and other times I think I’ll see you behind the bushes. Or I’ll see you nearby in town sometimes and you’ll look over my way, stuff like that.”

“Oh, well I’m sure the meetings in town happen to be simple circumstance. A chance meeting, you see.”

“But what about in the forest?”

I put a hoof around Samael’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re not seeing things? Maybe it was a stray animal, or another pony roaming around. I do know there’s a hermit-type, very meek, who spends much of her time with animals, or so I’ve heard. Could it have been her or somepony else?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m sure it was you. It’s like you’re following me. Watching me. And I don’t know how to feel about that. Are you doing that? Watching me?”

Should I lie to him? Tell him the truth? I sighed and sat down in the sun-warmed grass. He sat with me. I looked ahead, past the hills, the trees, the brook, and into the everlasting distance. The distance of eternity. That point where the sky and ground met, that point that none have ever reached. “See that point, there in the distance?” I pointed with my right hoof to that place, my other hoof still around Samael. “Where the sky and land meet, that is infinity, my dear.” He said nothing. He snuggled up against my breast.

I continued. “The infinite expanse before you, that’s a bit like life, dear. All through our lives we’ll be chasing something, someone. A dream, a memory, an answer, anything. Always forever running, further and further into that infinite expanse. As we keep running and get older, we realize that everyone else in our lives is right there running with us, forever. Some of those that we’ve met will stop running, and we may never see them again. We may slow down, but until the moment we pass on from one world to the next, we keep going. And yet, I think we never reach that tiny space, that expanse that we long for. Sometimes we feel as if there is not a point to our senseless running. Sometimes we break down. And yet still we trudge on, like birds soaring endlessly into the night.” Celestia that was pretentiously purple.

“Do you understand what I mean?” I asked. Honestly, I had not the faintest clue what I had said, but wondered if it would be enough for him.

He sighed, snuggling into me farther. “I think so. We’re all chasing something. Maybe you’re chasing me? Like a Songbird to a song?”

I smiled. “Yes. That’s right.”

“And you do it because that’s your answer?”

“Maybe it is. Maybe you’re a question that I have to find an answer to.”

“A question? What kinda question?”

“A question of faith, my dearest. Of love, commitment, and honor. I do it because of someone I care about. Someone I care about very much.”

Samael smiled. “I wish I’ll be able to remember this moment forever.”

“Samael, I hope you do. Just remember this one thing.”

“What’s that?” He asked.

“Remember that every day is filled with moments. This is one of those moments. A… Uhm… A perfect moment in our almost-perfect lives.”

“Hmm.” I felt Samael’s warmth fade away from me. “I have to go home now or dad will get mad. I’ll come back to you, back here, if you wait for me?” He smiled at me again as I looked to him. “There’s some sandwiches under those roots there in a bag. There’s also some books you can look at, too.”

I didn’t want to let him down, and I didn’t have anything else to do for the day, so I said that would be wonderful. Great, he said.

And then he was gone. And then I was alone. And then I sighed. And again I thought of Ella. And again I sighed. And I missed the games when we would play. And I missed her beautiful smile. And I missed her sweet-as-sunshine mane, as I used to call it. And I missed her touch, her embrace. I missed our nighttime whispers, our secrets to each other when we were fillies, of colts and simple things and dreams and lost causes and anxieties and hopes and love and life and everything. And I missed the time when things were much simpler, the time when we didn’t have to worry about anything at all. Nothing but us, when the infinite space was only as infinite as our small scope on the world, when infinity seemed impossible and anything was everything. And all we needed was each other. Now that infinite space seemed so far away, unreachable. And I knew I would never see her again, after holding on and hoping. And I called her name in the afternoon light, screaming to the heavens and not giving a damn about anything else in the world. I only wanted her. I wanted my friend. I wanted everything to be alright. I wanted to feel joy again. And I yelled. And I kicked myself. And I hated her. And I hated myself. And I hated it all. And I was exhausted. And I collapsed against the tree. And I looked up again, gasping, the branches filtering sunlight like some holy painting. And I shook my head. And I gave up. And I breathed.

And for the first time since the night Ella left, I wept.

I wept for quite some time; I am not sure how long I did. It felt good. I just let my emotions flow. And I was fine. I found a strange catharsis in the act. My mother did always say it was good to cry now and again. It was odd for me to cry like this and think about it; normally, I would wail in uncouth fits of melodrama like a filly. A silly filly. But now the tears were real. They weighed me down and shut me up. Yet most of all they set me free. And I was fine. And I was happy.

I breathed in and out once more, wiping the tears from my face, and rinsed my face in the brook. Maybe I was stark-raving mad to do so. I didn’t care. I couldn’t let Samael see the makeup all over me. It had to be done. I went to the tree again, and looked down at a root jutting out of the ground. Under the root was a small crevice. I reached inside, and pulled out the items Samael said would be in there. I didn’t touch the sandwich. Ugh. I did, however, open the large textbook, wrapped carefully in several layers of cloth. It was just how I had left it when I put it by the tree all those weeks ago. Maybe I should have been more careful with when and how I delivered the book. Maybe I shouldn’t have been as obvious in my watching the colt. It was done.

I carefully leafed through the text, Equestrian Ailments and You: A Guide, and with each page I skimmed through I became more aware of the fact that Samael may very well need my help. I was unsure of what my purpose would really be, but I had a feeling that one day I would be instrumental in his development as a pony. It had to be fate. Destiny. I’d always been a firm believer in such fantastical concepts. Thinking of Ella and Samael made me smile.

My smile faded when the colt came to me. Mangled fur. Tired eyes. Wet face. Alcohol on his breath. On his coat. In his blood. In his soul. He looked utterly horrid. Defeated. Black.

Samael crawled up the hill toward me. “Samael. Goodness, what in Celestia happened?” I called to him. He darted his eyes toward me. His glasses were lopsided on his face. He eyed me as if he hadn’t seen me there, a doe startled by lights. “Samael?” I asked again.

He crept toward me, fear, wonder, exhaustion all in his figure. There didn’t seem to be a shred of happiness or joy in him. He simply came to me, and lay down beside me, closing his eyes.

“Samael?” Nothing. I reached a hoof out to touch him. He whimpered and shrank away. “Samael, it’s alright. I won’t harm you. Please, Dearest.” He perked up.

“D-dearest?” He asked.

“Yes, that’s right. It’s what I call some ponies. Now come over here and tell me what happened to you. Maybe I can help.”

His glassy eyes darted back in forth. “Oh… Okay.” Without actually getting up, he crawled to me and, like before, place his head on my breast, snuggled under my foreleg. I wanted to say something, but nothing came out. He shivered beneath me, and snuggled his face into me. He was crying.

I used my hoof to brush his mane. “Shh,” I cooed, “It’s alright. It’s okay. Just let it out, Dearest. It’ll all be fine. I’m here for you.”

“Mommy…”

“What was that?” I asked.

“Mommy. I miss Mommy.”

“I know, Dear. I miss her, too.”

“Mommy? I need a Songbird.”

“What? You want me to sing to you?”

“Please… Please sing the Songbird Song.”

Goddesses, forgive me. I sighed heavily, still petting him as he cried into me even harder. I began with a soft hum, and then began to sing to him.

“

Hush little Songbird, don't make a sound.
One day, I promise, I shall come around.
And if I don't then do not fret.
One day Mother Songbird will find you yet.
Sleep, my little Songbird, for I am here.
Even in your dreams I'll still be there.
So, my little Songbird do not cry.
You'll soon find your wings and one day fly.

”

All that was left were our tears. “Mommy,” Samael began, “thank you.”

“But Dearest, I’m not-”

“Mommy?” He looked at me now.

“Yes?” What was I to do?

“Can I be a Songbird?”

“Of course you can. Anypony can be a Songbird.”

“How can I be a Songbird if I’m worthless, Mommy?”

“Because… Because Songbirds are special. And you’re special.” I said.

“Why am I special? I’m not special. You’re the only special one. You’re the only Songbird.”

“That’s not true, dear. I’m not the only Songbird. You’re another one, too.”

“Are you a goddess?” He asked me.

“If you believe it to be so, my Dear.”

He looked away. “You are a goddess.”

I said nothing more. I simply hugged him tighter, but I always felt it was not enough. I just couldn’t get close enough. I wanted to hug not his body, but his soul. I wanted to heal him, so bad. So bad.

He spoke up again. “Will I ever sing the Songbird Song?”

“Of course you can, Samael.”

“What if all other Songbirds are dead?”

“Then you can sing it to me.”

He paused with a ‘humph’. “You’ll always be here, Mommy?”

“Of course, my Dear. I’m always here.”

“What if I’m a bad pony?”

“You’re not a bad pony, Samael. You never have been.”

“Why do bad things happen to me?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes bad things just happen.”

“If I’m not bad, then why is my name not mine?”

“Your name?”

“What was my name? Before Daddy took it out of me?”

“Your name?”

“My real name.”

“My Dear, your real name… Your real name was Hope.” I lied.

“Hope?”

“Yes.”

Samael pushed away from me clumsily. The sun was now sinking, casting a pink and orange glow across the land. Never has a sunset looked so sad. Samael stared blankly out to the sun. He said one thing more:

“Hope can die.”

“I’m sorry, Samael.” It was all I could say. He looked at me, pity in his young eyes, sending shivers down my spine. I now finally saw the fall of innocence that was Samael Sundance. All I could do was watch as he took his mother’s book and began reading it. No. He began to study it. Memorize it. He read through the book as if it held all the answers in the world, as if it was the only thing that mattered.

“Samael…” I tried to walk toward him, but he waved a hoof in front of me.

“No. I’ll be fine, Mommy. I don’t need you anymore.”

“But Samael, I-”

“You’re there for me. So you’re there for me. I’ll always love you, Mommy. Until I die, I’ll never forget this. I’ll always love you.”

“Samael, for the last time, I’m not your mom. Your mom is gone. She went away.”

“She went away…” He echoed. “ I know. But you have to be her. Why else would you be following me?”

“I… Samael, that’s not wh-”

He turned toward me, his eyes watering once more. “You’re my Mommy. And you love me. And I love you, Rarity. I don’t know why, but I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll love nopony else but you… Mommy.

“I’m a bad pony. I’ll only cry alone. Daddy says I’m weak. And I am. I need to be tough. I don’t need my old Mommy, and I only need you. You were always my Mommy, and you always will be. Now go. Go away.”

“Samael, please, I can-”

“Go!” He roared. The pain and fury in his being destroyed me. All I could do was back away.

I turned tail and began to leave him, as he wished. But before I left, I said, “Samael, just so you know, there was something your mother used to always say: ‘May dreams give you wings.’ Do you know the rest?”

“May wings give you flight. That’s how it goes. Goodnight.”

“G-goodnight, my little Songbird.”

And so I left him, confused, hurt, and forever changed. I don’t know why I said the things I said, and I still had to process what had happened. The only thing I knew to do was to run. I ran as far and as fast as my hooves could carry me. I ran so fast I had no idea where I was going, so I was surprised when I found myself at the front door of Cheerilee’s house.

I had nowhere else to go. It was dark. So I knocked. After a few moments, Cheerilee, dressed in a pale evening robe, opened the door. Her eyes caressed me in worry.

“Goddess, Rarity, what happened? Is everything alright?” She stepped away from the door, letting me through. “Please, come in.” As I entered her house, I heard the faint music of Bill Sawins’ “In My Hair, Alright!”, a true classic of days gone by. I saw the green wallpaper and thought of how beautiful the forest can be. The soft furniture, finely decorated, reminded me of my mother and father. A glass of wine on a table helped me recollect the days where I wished I could happily drink with all the classy Canterlot locals and chat about all the nothings going on. How fabulous the past was.

Cheerilee led me to a small two-pony couch, and we sat in it. “What happened to you?”

I sighed. Everypony seemed to do that anymore. “It was Samael. He told me things. Horrible things…”

She put a hoof over mine. “Like what?”

I sighed again. And then I told her the whole story, from the moment of her leaving to now, but I left out exactly what I was doing in the forest, and my knowledge of Ella and the book. “And now I’m here,” I finished, “and I have no idea what to do. Bill Sawins was gone, replaced by Jewely Crews’ “Questions In A World Of Blue”. How fitting.

Cheerilee stood up. “I’ll go get some drinks. I think we need them.” She retreated to her kitchen. Jewely’s voice soared in my mind, her “Questions” eerily similar to mine. I know I’ve been selfish. I know I’ve done questionable things. Nopony’s perfect. But am I doing the right thing? Why? Is this all my fault?

Cheerilee soon came back balancing a tray of wine and glasses in her mouth. She uncorked the bottle and poured the purple liquid into the glasses, handing me one. We sipped. Why did you go?

“So,” she began softly, “what should we do about all this? I mean, you’ve been watching over him. Why?”

“I promised a friend I’d keep him safe.”

“Ella.”

“Yes.” I said.

Cheerilee sipped her wine again. “You two were always close. I remember you two hanging out all the time. And now Ella’s just gone.”

“And Ponyville seems none the wiser. It’s as if everyone’s just forgotten about her. And what of Samael’s old name? Everypony just accepted it? Just like that?” I looked at her. My mind was reeling.

“Well,” Cheerilee began, setting her wine down, “you have to remember that this is Ponyville we’re talking about. Strange creatures come here all the time, and many ponies just up and leave, and we have to move on. Our whole town was basically founded on the premise of ‘Hey, this looks nice! Let’s live here and make business!’ and we’ve come to accept these sorts of things, even name changes. We don’t have a society like those in Saddle Arabia, governed by rules, regulations, and a system allowing for things that we’d call ‘foal abuse’. It just doesn’t happen. As long as Samael is fine and suffers no discernible injury, we can’t do anything about it. You know that. Besides, a lot of ponies have respect for Rain; he helped boost the Apple family business by giving away his secret formula for brewing gin with cider and making it work! It’s a huge hit in Appleloosa, I hear...

“The point is, Rarity, I don’t think you can do anything. I certainly won’t.” She placed her hooves on my shoulders. “The best thing I think for Samael right now is that we’re there for him when he needs us. Mostly me, though, since I’m his teacher and will see him more often during the day. Besides, you said he seemed drunk. So maybe any injury was self-sustained, or this only happens when he gets drunk.”

I shook her off. “But what if that wasn’t it?” I said. “What about what he said about his ‘Daddy’ being mean to him? That should be enough evidence, correct? It was probably Rain that was drunk and hurt Samael like that.”

“But Rarity, you have to think like this: What if Rain doesn’t get drunk all the time? What if that was the only time it happened, or ever will happen? Maybe he just had a fit of rage and Samael happened to be there. Losing a lover is difficult to cope with, Rarity. Maybe he’s still sorting things out.”

“But-”

“You’re still sorting things out, aren’t you? You’re each just going about it different ways. Besides, with your logic, I’d say you’re a crazy cat-mare that makes dresses while getting drug money because the sun scares her. Or something like that.”

I gaped at her in awe. “You can’t be serious, Cheerilee. Do you realize what you’re saying?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I do. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Rain is being abusive. But unless it has a true detriment on Samael, I cannot intervene, and neither can you. That’s just not how it is gonna work, Rarity. I’m sorry.”

That’s just how it is gonna work, Rarity. That’s all you gotta do, Rarity. Keep your distance and keep quiet, Rarity. Don’t intervene, Rarity. You can’t do a thing about it, Rarity. That’s what I had to do. So that’s what I did. I spent the night at Cheerilee’s; I didn’t want to go home.

Honestly, I had no idea what to do. So I reluctantly followed Cheerilee’s suggestions. Through the years I stayed in the background, ethereal in my existence. I cared for you. On nights when I’d sneak out to see you asleep under that tree, I’d treat some of your wounds. Some nights you’d wake up in a haze; some nights, you’d be angry; some nights, you’d be sad; some nights, you’d ignore me; all nights, you loved me. Day after day, year after year, I watched you grow from the shadows, but never since that night had I truly conversed with you, not in a way you truly may remember, that is. Yes, Samael, the sad and horrible truth of all this is that you grew to love me, and, in a way, I you. Yet, even though I believe I have failed in some respects, you have surprised me in how you turned out in the end. You are a wonderful, kind pony, Samael, and I am sure you would’ve made your mother and father very proud.

For that is both the greatest blessing and the greatest sin, Dear. To be so wonderful, to have not let the world see your darker side, hiding it so well; to be lovely, and yet not be loved like you should. Instead you project love to your friends, and even to me. I am sorry the circumstances of your infatuation with me are less than desired, and I pray to the Goddesses you be alright, but know this: I shall always be there for you, Samael Sundance. I always have, and always will be, your Songbird.

Author's Note

Woo! It's FINALLY here! Thank you all for your patience, and don't forget to comment, please!

And I am 100% sure there are TONS of errors in here, so pointing them out would be a blessing!

Love always and forever,
-Ghost

Chapter 1: Of Misunderstanding and Friendship

What We Haven’t Had

Chapter 1: Of Misunderstanding and Friendship

A My Little Pony Fanfiction

By: GhostWriter17

"Damn it..." Samael Sundance looked himself in the mirror. White mane. Dull purple streak through the middle. Seaweed-green coat. Large, blue-rimmed glasses. Pale blue eyes. Blank flank. Everything was just wrong about him! "Nothing is right. Why do I bother with myself?" Samael left the restroom he was in, once again frustrated with himself. Every night was like this: Samael would be alone, locked away in his home. It was the same routine, one Samael repeated so often he could do it sleeping. He would come home from the job he didn't have, and lock the door. Then he'd clean himself up, then walk downstairs to his cellar. There, he'd find his secret stash of liquor, custom-made. It wasn't very strong, and Samael wasn't an alcoholic. He'd just take a few shots and crawl up to his room, wishing things were different. In his room, alcohol in hoof, he'd sit and read classic romance novels. At least he didn't spend the whole night drinking, right? Just a few hours, alone, indulging himself in plights that weren't his own, that's what Samael did.

Samael was a hopeless romantic, but was too shy and awkward to reveal himself as such. He never showed this romantic side to anypony, not even his closest friend, Roseluck. He was far too insecure to delve into matters of the heart, for Samael had deemed himself unworthy of a blessing such as love.

A story of love gone wrong was in Samael's hooves on this night. He was feeling particularly morose about himself at this time, and wished to read a story that reflected those feelings. This particular story was one of Samael's favourites: It told of a young couple who, against all odds, find love with each other. They battle ferocious demons, clash with their family members, and eventually run away to live a happy life elsewhere. That's when the couple commit suicide. Why? It's never explained. It's actually shocking, bizarre, and it comes out of nowhere. But Samael loves it. Contrived and confusing though its ending may be, Samael finds some sort of peace reading the story of two lovers who kill themselves for no reason. It's a bit beautiful, in a way, how split-second decisions can change, impact, or even end a life.

So here Samael is, sipping his favourite liquor and solemnly reading, when he comes to a realization. A split-second decision that is sure to change his life. Will it be for the better, or will the winds of fate harm Samael?

Life can be cruel sometimes...

Of course, when is life not cruel?

Look at my existence, how poor it is...

I work odd jobs for ponies, barely getting by...

Rose... She knows me better than anypony.

She's my friend....

Why, then, do I feel so alone?

Why, when I'm in the world, outside, I'm okay?

Why do I feel happy then?

And why am I never happy at night?

Alone.....

Rarity....... Why have I fallen in love with you, of all ponies?

Why must my heart yearn for yours?

Is it love I need?

Is it... What I haven't had? What I'm missing?

My birthday.... Tomorrow...... Twenty five years........... I must.....

I must turn my life around.

Tomorrow.

Just a few more hours.......

It'll all be better......

No more awkwardness........ No more name calling........

No more shyness......

No more feeling sorry for myself at night......

Tomorrow.

I'll be somepony else..........

To those who do not know me, I'll be more outgoing......

I must......

For Roseluck.......

For my family........

For Rarity.......

No matter what......

Tomorrow.

Samael awoke to a beautiful day. It was perfect, how the sun was shining above him, how his house glowed in the rays of Celestia’s grand.... well.... sun. When Samael looked himself in the mirror, even his mane didn’t seem too horrid today! Why, if everything went as planned, today would be the greatest, most wonderful, most stupendous day of his life! For today was the day that he, meek old Samael, would be brave enough to confess his affection to the beautiful Rarity at Carousel Boutique! Yes, he could not hide his feelings for the unicorn any longer! He had to do it, lest he would be driven mad with love. He didn’t want to wait any longer! Ever since they were young, Samael always had an eye for the mare with the purple mane. But today, the day of love’s confession, wasn’t just any ordinary day for Samael. No, it was something more: His twenty-fifth birthday!

For years Samael had told himself to be more assertive, more outgoing, more passionate about his feelings toward others, a lesson his parents had always tried to teach him, to no avail; unfortunately, Samael’s fear would always get the better of him. But today was a new day, the start of a new life, and maybe, just maybe, that new life would begin anew with the mare of his dreams!

Oh, how glorious it would be that he, Samael Sundance, son of Rain Shimmer and Ella Sundance, the blank flank of Ponyville, the loveless sap, the nerd with no spine, would find love today! With a positive outlook, Samael stepped out of his small home and out into the streets of the countryside town.

Out in the morning sun, the streets were busy with the usual hustle and bustle of a bright summer day. Samael breathed in the fresh air with a heavy sigh. Smiling, he turned left, away from the Boutique. Even though it was his birthday, Samael didn’t expect to receive much from anypony other than family via mail. Regardless, Samael felt like giving more than anything today. He wanted to get Rarity something to truly show his affection, but he was unsure of what to get her. Just then he recognized the pale yellow coat of his friend Roseluck. Of course! What better way to show affection than to give a girl flowers!

“Rose!” He called out to his friend, whose raspberry-colored mane shimmered in the light of the day. “Rose I haven’t seen you in a few weeks. What are you doin’?”

Rose smiled as he came closer, looking ever so slightly nervous. “Hey Sammy Sun! Happy birthday! I’m off to work at Lily and Daisy’s house. Sorry I didn't get you anything, I’d been, uh, sick the past two weeks with food poisoning. Why do you ask?”

Samael shuffled a bit, but didn’t break eye contact with the chartreuse eyes that inquisitively stared back at him. “Well, I wanted to buy a bouquet of flowers from you girls. I-I wanted to give them to-”

Roseluck’s grin suddenly enlarged to face-encapsulating proportions, eyes beaming with excitement. “Holy Celestia, Sammy! You finally have a special somepony! Oh my GOSH that’s FANTASTIC!” She embraced Samael in a giddy hug, wrapping her hooves around his neck, nearly toppling her friend over. “I’m so happy for you. I always hoped that one day you’d find somepony who loves you.” She broke her embrace, realizing Samael was becoming uncomfortable, and was also blushing.

“Who is it? What’s her name?” She asked politely, excitement still in her voice. Samael tried to answer, but didn’t get the chance. “Oh, unless it’s a he. If so, what’s his name?” Samael, bewildered and getting embarrassed, tried to speak again.

“Now don’t worry, Sammy. I’m not going to judge you, not like those nasty guys from school all those years ago. You know I’m always here for you if you need anything. Oh, please please please please please tell me his name! Or if it really is a she, then just forget I even said anything and tell me her name!” Samael was getting irritated at this point. “Oh, don’t look at me like that Sammy! If you do not want me to tell anypony then I won’t. I promise.”

The green pony breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Rose, but I can’t tell you who she is, not yet. You see, I haven’t actually confessed my feelings for her just yet. But I’m going to tell her today and hope for the best.”

Rose smiled wider. “Well you came to just the right pony, my man! Come on, we cannot waste any more time talking! Your true love awaits us!”

Rose trotted through Ponyville with Samael. Numerous passers by gave Samael nods of approval. Most said ‘Hello’ and moved on with their day. Many, however, mumbled something to him that he couldn’t quite catch. They all seemed to be saying the same thing, based on the movements of their lips, but the colt was unsure of what they were saying to him. There was a lot of noise on the street, and all the hustle and bustle started to confuse Samael as to whom he was speaking to, who was speaking to him, and generally what was going on.

Thankfully, the two ponies quickly came to Lily and Daisy’s house, which doubled as a garden and flower shop. Rose quickly pushed into the shop, and Samael followed behind. He closed the door behind them, and looked around at the shop. The floor was wooden, the walls had brightly colored flowers on it, and the ceiling was....well....a ceiling. Samael never had an eye for fashion, color matching (which is unfortunate since he himself was a badly colored mess), or interior design; therefore, everything seemed bland and not very eye-catching. The only eye-catching thing in the shop was, of course, the cascades of flowers surrounding the pony. There were flowers everywhere. There were flowers in every corner, on the tables, on the shelves, and in boxes. The sheer amount of flowers was utterly suffocating.

Rose turned back to Samael. “Sorry it’s so crowded, Sammy. We’ve had a lot of orders over the past month and we’re pretty swarmed for storage space.” Suddenly Samael started to feel bad for giving these already busy ponies more work, and wanted to turn tail and leave. Rose seemed to sense his concern. “Don’t worry, most of the flowers have been organized and boxed already.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden to you, Rose.” Samael said.

“No, it’s not a problem at all.” Rose smiled. “Look around you. If you pay more attention, it is really not so cluttered.” Samael complied, and indeed, the shop didn’t seem so cluttered. Now, with greater awareness of his surroundings, he saw that everything was quite organized. The boxes were placed so ponies could still maneuver around the shop, and the flowers scattered around the room were organized by species, type, and the name of the customer. He looked back to Rose, who led Samael through the entrance room, into a hallway, and through a door into the actual shop. But before they went through the door, Samael had to ask a question.

“Why were all those flowers in the entrance and not back in the shop?”

“Well, the first room is usually one we use for late-night lounging.” Samael scrunched his eyebrows. “You know, a lounge room. When the girls and I wanna hang out before we go to bed? When we want to read a few books, swap tales, drink tea, and sometimes...” She looked down, studying the ground solemnly. “Other recreational activities.”

“What do you mean?”

“I... uhm, well...” Rose closed her eyes and swallowed nervously.

Samael trotted up next to her and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Hey, Rose. It’s alright. I don’t know what you meant about ‘recreational activities’, but you can tell me anything.” He put another hoof to her chin and lifted her head up. Tears started to well in her big green eyes. “Honest. C’mon, you suspected me of being a coltcuddler. You told me you’d keep my secret if I told you, and I’ll do the same with your secret, whatever it may be.”

Rose’s tears welled up and streamed down her face, soaking her pale yellow fur. “Well, Daisy and Lily are, uhm, more than friends. They don’t live together just because they have a passion for flora, or because they’ve been friends since Kindergarten.” Samael knew where this was going, but he let his friend continue. “They do this because.... because...because they’re fillyfoolers.”

Rose turned away again. “Okay.” Samael grinned.

“Okay?” Rose questioned. “How is that okay?”

Samael giggled. “I didn’t say ‘okay’ because it’s okay to be a fillyfooler. I said it to acknowledge the fact that they love each other and to tell you that I’m listening. Besides, it is none of my business of who or what another pony likes. It doesn’t bother me that they’re a couple or anything. What does bother me, however, is why you’re so upset about something like that.”

Rose choked, her quiet crying turning into a loud and near uncontrollable sobbing. “It’s not them... Well, it is but I-I-I.....” She heaved in a large gasp of air before continuing. “I can’t talk about it!”

“Of course you can, Rose. You can talk to me about it, whatever it is. I’m guessing by ‘recreational activities’ you meant that that had something to do with Daisy and Lily.” His friend nodded. “I’m also guessing it had to do with something of a rather sexual nature?”

Rose lifted up her head again, and calmed down a bit. She wiped the tears from her face, taking a few shaky breaths all the while. “Y-yes. I had always known that Daisy and Lily were rather fond of each other, but I wasn’t ever sure about just how fond they were until two weeks ago. They were my best friends from school, other than you, of course. They’d always talked about having their own establishment here in Ponyville together. I always thought of it as a childhood fantasy for us. The kind of fantasy where every day you’d spend time with your childhood friends doing something you all loved. It was a perfect fantasy: Each day we would see each other, and none of us would have to leave our hometown; because of this, there would be no tearful good-byes to be had.”

Rose chuckled to herself. “When we all got our cutie marks, and all of them had something to do with flora, we were ecstatic!”

“I remember that day.” Samael said to her, smiling.

Rose beamed at him, then continued. “It was a miracle that we all had the same passion, and the mark to prove it, as well! Right after we graduated from school, we all left for Canterlot to study nature and the care-taking of plants."

"When we graduated a few years later, we bought our own shop back here in Ponyville." Rose continued. "We set up shop and the rest is history. Anyway, Lily and Daisy built this place so all three of us could live together, but my parents don't allow me to stay over all the time. Something about 'keeping in touch' with them. I think they suspected Lily and Rose of being fillyfoolers, and were afraid we were getting too close, if you know what I mean."

Samael nodded. "Yeah, I know. Please continue."

"Okay. Well over the past four years I've owned this establishment with L and D, and it's been the best years of my life! I always felt that Lily and Daisy were more than friends, and I never asked them about it, out of respect. You know how homosexuality is a touchy subject." The yellow mare paused, then resumed her story.

"I mean, the evidence of the two being a couple is kinda obvious, don'tcha think?"

"Not really." Samael said. "They never seemed very different from any other group of mare friends around here. Look at those Elements of Harmony, they always hang out like Lily and Daisy but I don't think they're fillyfoolers."

Rose pondered for a moment. "I guess you are right, but nonetheless they have always been close."

"That's true." Samael agreed. "But please, continue with your story."

"Alright. Well one night the three of us decided to sit down and relax after work, like we usually do. Now I don't drink a lot, but on that particular night Daisy decided to slip some tequila into everypony's tea." The mare shuddered a little, her soft lips dry from worry. She apprehensively licked them.

"We drank our tea, read some magazines, gossiped, and had a good time. Buck me!" She swore. "I knew that tea tasted off! Dammit Sam, I could smell the alcohol in it, but I paid no mind to it! I had, I dunno, four or five cups of the stuff! My friends had a little less than I. Buck this!" She bucked the wall with her left forehoof, but not so hard to damage the wall. Rose's eyes watered once more, and she collapsed to the ground.

Samael knelt down in front of his friend. "Rose. Please, keep it together. What happened?"

Rose lifted her head to look at Samael, malice burning in her eyes. "You wanna know what happened? I got bucked by other fillies, that's what happened! I was drunk, the two started flirting, then they flirted with me me! Next thing I know I'm making out with Daisy while Lilly starts rubbing me in places I've never let anypony rub me before! We were a sloppy, heated mass of hormones and lust, and you know what? You know what, Samael Sundance!?" She was practically screaming at this point.

The pale yellow pony breathed hard, sweat dripping off her brow. She had referred to Samael by his full name, something she hardly ever did.

Rose, heaving with anger and frustration, whispered in Samael's ear. "I loved every bucking minute of it." Her hot breath pushed against his fur with her every breath. Just as suddenly as she came, Rose pulled back and once again stared at Samael. Her voice was still in a whisper. "I woke the next morning and couldn't believe what I had done. I fell asleep with Lilly cuddling my body and Daisy's face right in front of mine. I was so ashamed I didn't come back here since then. I told everypony I was just sick, not that that was far from the truth."

"So you were so upset you spent weeks at home wallowing in your own sorrow?" Samael asked.

Rose was taken aback. "No, not like that! I just felt uncomfortable, confused. How in Tartarus would you feel if you had sex with your stallion friends one night?"

Samael thought for a moment. "I'm not sure, Rose. I don’t really have any close stallion friends, but if I did, would it help if I asked them to come over to my place, get drunk off our asses and do it?” He chuckled half to himself, trying to lighten the mood. Rose wasn’t amused. “Were you just confused about your sexuality?" He continued, more seriously this time.

Rose rolled her wet, tear-stained eyes. "Of course I was! Who wouldn't be? Maybe...Maybe I just enjoyed it because I've been so alone." Samael knew where this was going. Rose never really dated anypony before. Maybe some dinner with a coltfriend here, a quick kiss from the occasional stallion there, but nothing ever serious. "Maybe I just had a sexual urge that needed fulfilling. I’ve looked back on my life over the past few weeks. I never fell in love; and I never bothered to clop because I felt my body needed more than my own hooves for pleasure. I think, in a way, L and D knew that. They must have known I needed some healing."

"I've read of a thing friends do with each other, mares and colts alike." She continued, her voice calm once more. "It's called sexual healing, where one close friend helps another find out who they are by way of casual sexual activity. But then again, what if it was just a crazy night filled with sloppy sex?"

Samael laughed. "Then that's all it was. It may have also been a joke that turned into a night of rolling in the hay, so to speak."

Rose was about to respond when another female voice interjected. "Maybe you're both right." Samael and his friend turned to the doorway that led to the shop. The door was open, and two mares stood inside. Daisy and Lily. Daisy, the pale magenta pony with lime green eyes and mane, trotted happily toward the two rather stunned ponies.

"We didn't do it just for fun, Rosie. We also didn't do it because you needed 'sexual healing'." She said as Lily, the pale raspberry-coated pony, laughed.

"Whee-hee! Who ever came up with such a weird term like that!" Lily chuckled. "We just spiked your tea because we figured you needed to take a load off! You are always so anxious anymore! Besides, you deserved that break you gave yourself!"

"Wait, so neither of you are mad I left?" Rose asked. Her friends shook their heads. "I guess I did need some time off. I don't know how you two keep going everyday without keeling over."

Lily laughed again, and put her arm around Daisy's shoulder, nuzzling her partner. "It's cause we got love, Rosie! Other than seeing us each day, you don't have much else to live for. There's a difference between loving somepony you work with and loving what you work."

"I'm still confused." Rose sighed.

"What about, honey?" Daisy questioned.

"Everything! I think I've read over twenty books on sex, homosexuality, and everything in between since I have been gone! I do not know what to believe in! Do I call myself a fillyfooler? Do I still like colts? Am I not socially active enough to find out? I-"

"Hey hey, slow down, girl." Lily coined. "We don't think you are at all a fillyfooler. I'll admit though, you'd make a damn fine one! I wish you were as sober as we were that night we bucked, cause you, my dear, have got one heck of a tongue! Dear Celestia, the way you licked my-"

"I think she gets it, Lil." Daisy stopped her lover from going any farther. "The point is, we couldn't just tell you to take time off, you are too stubborn to just do that. So we spiked your drink to soften you up. Our plan was to get you drunk and then have you sleep it off for a couple days. But then I accidentally drank too much and started to mess around with Lily here. Then, well, you know the rest."

Samael spoke. "So you were being ignorant and a bit stupid about what you were intending to do? It seems to me your plan wasn't well thought out. Secondly, you emotionally scarred poor Rose!" Samael was getting angry. How could Rose's best friends do such a thing?

"No, you don't understand." Daisy said. "Even though we bucked our admittedly dumb and foolish plan up (‘That’s not all we bucked up!’ Lily exclaimed), this experience has actually helped Rose."

"Yeah! She lost her virginity!" Lily giggled.

"Shut up, Lil! Think about it: She's read book after book on things like fillyfoolers and sex, right?" Samael and Rose nodded. "She also said she's never talked to Lily and I about being fillyfoolers, which we can confirm ourselves. Because of her experience, she now knows, in a way, what life is like for us. She now also will be able to feel comfortable talking to us about our more private lives better. Without that fateful night, Rose may not have had a sexual experience for Celestia knows how long! She knows now what it feels like to be loved intimately. That is why you are so sexually confused, Rose. Your first intimate encounter just happened to be one with your best friends! You are not a fillyfooler, Rosie. You just don't know if you're in love with fillies, or are more in love now with your two closest friends. You know in your heart that you love us, but not in a sexual way. You love us emotionally. That is why you suddenly got the urge to know all there is to know about ponies like us. You care for us, therefore you wanted to understand us. Now you do. So, in a way, you are now closer to us than ever."

Rose was stunned. She had just had an epiphany. Daisy was right, in all she said. "I-I'm just-"

Lily reached and put her hoof to Rose's lips. "Shh." She cooed. "Don't talk. We can talk about all this later. Tell ya what, we'll get birthday boy here what he wants for his special somepony, then you, Daisy, and me will talk about what we've been through while waiting for lover-boy to come back with the good news. Besides, we need a day off, as well, and those flowers up front don’t need immediate attention! A little procrastination never hurt anypony, right? Samael will be our only customer for the day. Sound like a plan?"

Rose smiled, but still seemed nervous. "Okay, but please, you girls know me. I'm easy to forgive, but I don't forget as easily. It may take time for me to feel....Comfortable around you girls." That was when Samael noticed that Rose was visibly shaking. He gave her shoulder a consoling nuzzle. She awkwardly returned it.

"Thank you." She whispered to him.

Lily looked to Samael, eyes beaming. "Well, Sam, we need to get you some extra-special flowers for your birthday! And Rose? Don't worry about it. It's understandable that you would be traumatized by something like this. We..." She glanced toward her partner, and they both drooped their ears. "We're, once again, sorry for the pain we've caused you."

Samael stared at Rose, awaiting a response. Her eyes lost some of their shimmer, and blankly stared ahead. "It's alright." She said flatly. "Like you said, we'll talk later. After Sam leaves, it'll all be sorted out, right?" She pushed past Lily and Daisy, then looked back at Samael, looking him straight in the eye. Her expression was still fairly unreadable. "Samael will find love, I'll come back to work with a closer bond with my best friends, and everything will be just peachy." She smiled, but something felt off about her smile. "Once this is sorted out, life will go back to normal. Back to the way it was. Right, Samael?"

Samael slowly nodded. Something's not right. But I can't talk to her now. I'll have to remember to come back after visiting Rarity to see how everything went. I just hope their little 'talk' goes well. One thing at a time, Sam. One thing at a time.

Samael looked at the three mares in front of him. "So," he said gingerly. "how about checking out those flowers?"