Harmony Scrolls: Ravings of a Culture-Shocked Necromancer

by LostGuardianNexor

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Lyra, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 1773

When Josephsus, a skilled Argonian necromancer, stumbles into the land of Equestria by accident, hilarity will ensue as he tries to adjust to life amongst talking horses.

I never wanted this. To live amongst these strange creatures so different from the proud horses of Skyrim. They are so understanding, so caring, that it makes me ill to recall.

Akatosh, curse this wretched realm I now call home and the adorable creatures that inhabit it.

--

1st-Person Skyrim/My Little Pony crossover.

Published 2013-02-21 17:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-21 17:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1

The mudcrab scurrying around my feet bubbled mindlessly, it's pointed legs clicking across the stones. Kneeling down, I slowly stroked the rough carapace of the giant crustacean, a smile ghosting my face that disappeared the moment the large crab burst into bright flames and dissolved into a pile of ashes. My minute of company had passed, and now I was left to wander this riverbank in hope of finding somebody - even these mudcrabs had become welcome acquaintances once they were raised as zombies.

My boots crunched the muddy sand beneath me with an annoying squish, and soon the cold water splashing against my feet became too much to bear. I traveled up a nearby hill, hoping to find my bearings. Riften was a long ways behind me, and I was more than happy to be here - anything is better than those cramped walls. A wolf's howl pierced the silence, and soon I found a few animals wandering around the plains I had discovered. A rabbit got close enough for me to blast Sparks into, and I cooked the animal with my magic and ate it where I found it. I kept the fire going, hoping to keep the wolves away while I got used to my new situation.

My name is Josephsus Crowl. I was raised in Riften by a family of Nords, and for what it's worth, I loved it there. Why did I leave? Well, why wouldn't I? Nords hate abhumans like me. It just seemed like a reasonable decision to leave once I was well-trained enough to take care of myself. Trust me, I've loved every minute of exploring Skyrim. It truly is a breath-taking province.

I decided to set up my camp where I had caught the rabbit, laying my head on a bedroll my mother had given as a gift before I had let. It didn't make it any easier to sleep, but it did feel like my parents' spirit had went with me on this quest. I tried to sleep, but after an hour I found no peace amongst the starry skies above. I found myself surveying my surroundings, and giving a brief shiver when a cold wind blew past. Argonians detest weather like this, but I've learned to tolerate it living in Riften. My parents, being Nords, never understood my plight.

Then I saw something ghosting my peripherals. A brief glimmer of bright green. A spell? No, it was too frantic. A creature? Maybe. It moved sporadically enough to be alive.

Standing up, I approached. It simply bobbed up and down, as if it was waiting for me to get closer. I took another step, and it started to buzz away. Against my better instincts, I followed.

It flew into a forest of boulders and the occasional dead tree, and I followed as quickly as I could. It had quite a lead on me, but I caught up the moment it stop in a circle of stones. The world was silent aside from my breathing, but suddenly the bright ball began to hum softly. The hum was joined by others, a few more balls of light floating from behind the stones to circle the original. The wisps were light blue, and soon they began to spin around the green wisp in their center.

My eyes widened when the ring they formed solidified into a glowing ball of magic. Lightning crashed around me, the stone beginning to glow before I was overcome by a fire of pain.

Then nothing for what seemed like forever.

I awoke in a daze, my body aching from the strange experience last night. I opened my eyes, a pained groan escaping me before I tried to get on my feet. Looking around, I felt stunned by my new surroundings. I stood in the center of a circle of houses, and there were eyes everywhere. Peering from every corner and shadow, eyes stared at me in confusion and terror. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, something emerged from one of the houses.

I screamed on reflex, terrified by the creature walking slowly toward me. It looked like a horse, but it couldn't be. It was far too small to be one of Skyrim's horses. It seemed almost like a pony. It had lavender fur too, and a mane that looked like it was styled. A bright pink stripe in the hair also struck me as odd. Protruding from her hair was a horn, and there I froze.

A unicorn?

It noticed me staring at its horn before it smiled weakly. "...Hello? I'm Twilight Sparkle. You?"

I fell on my ass, staring in fear with a dropped jaw. "J-Josephsus of Riften." I found myself exiting my state of shock. It wasn't that odd, when I thought about it. Strange creatures live all over Skyrim. Why not unicorns?

But talking unicorns? Must be magic.

"Riften? That doesn't sound familiar.." She rubbed a hoof against her chin. "What exactly...are you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Argonian. What else?"

She stared at me dumbly.

"You don't know what Argonians are?" I wasn't particularly surprised. Abhumans in general are hard to find in Skyrim.

"Ooh! Do Argonians like to party!?" A cheery voice squealed before I found myself pinned with a bright pink pony on my chest, staring me down with huge blue eyes.

"Uhh, yes?" I answered, a little unnerved by her smile.

"Well duh! Of course Argonians like parties! Everypony likes to party!" She giggled before stepping off of me. I then noticed that she was surprisingly light for a horse. I could probably lift her without any trouble. How odd. "Every...pony?" I was confused by the term.

"Everybody." Twilight answered. "Don't mind Pinkie Pie. She's just...Pinkie Pie." She sighed in dismay when Pinkie bounced away.

"Where am I?" I finally asked, mentally slapping myself for not asking that in the first place.

"Equestria of course!" Twilight answered, the smile she had fading when she saw my confusion. "You're not from this world, are you?"

"Depends: How obnoxious are Nords?"

"Nords?" She looked confused.

"Yup, I'm not from here." I sighed, putting my hands on my snout in annoyance.

"So then it was the Gate of Vaandor that brought you here.." She suddenly went blank, her eyes wide. "Your home is called Skyrim, isn't it?"

I slowly nodded, and suddenly a light-aquamarine unicorn tackled me like Pinkie had only a minute ago. "YOU'RE A HUMAN?" She grinned wildly before pointing to every...pony else with a smug look. "I TOLD you they were real! In your FACES!"

"Lyra, you're making a scene.." A cream pony muttered from nearby.

Lyra seemed to ignore her. "I have been dying to meet a human! Now, what's it like being a human? Do you like clothes? Having hands? Not being able to use magic ever get you down?"

I stared at her, dumbfounded. "Uhh...Yes, Yes, and I can use magic."

Everypony gasped, Twilight stepping forward. "You can?"

I nod. "And many other in Skyrim."

"I guess there's more to humans than even I understand." A smooth voice came from behind, and I saw all the ponies bow. Looking behind me, I saw a massive white unicorn with long flowing hair...and wings.

A...pegacorn?

"Young human, I am Princess Celestia." She started, bowing her head momentarily to me as a greeting. "I have heard legends of humans, but I never suspected them to be so..reptilian."

"I'm an abhuman. It means I'm a different breed of the same creature. Sorta like how dogs have different breeds." I shrugged as if it were really that simple.

Celestia nodded in understanding. "In any case, I welcome you to Equestria." And with her words, I noticed a new light in the eyes of the ponies who surrounded me. They trusted me, as if Celestia's blessing was my pass into a peaceful existence here. Had they ever met something here that they didn't like? I feared what may of happened to that poor soul.

"How long will you be staying?" An orange pony with curly dark-orange hair asked, intrigued by me.

"Only until I can find a way home." I quickly answered. "It might not be the best place to live, but Skyrim was where I was hatched and I'd never leave her behind."

Twilight seemed troubled by that. "Well, uh, that could be a problem."

I raised a brow, immediately concerned. "Why?"

"That gate only allows travel to here. Nopony's found a way to Skyrim as of yet." Celestia admitted, and I lost the calm face I had put on.

"WHAT!?"

And so that's how I ended in Equestria. The one known as Lyra has taken me in while Twilight and Celestia search for a way to get back to my realm, but I have little hope that they will succeed. I am still growing accustomed to how Equestrians act in their saccharine-sweet society, though I had learned of its darker side.

Lyra has told me of the Everfree Forest, where the clouds move on their own like back home, and I wish to see its mystery. Monsters and magic for me to explore and witness with impunity, and I'd be the only soul brave enough to journey deep into its shade.

I had learned my advantages while adjusting to life here. Firstly, I'm twice the size of a normal stallion and can carry four times the average pony's workload. I've spent time lifting apple-filled barrels down on a nearby ranch, where my strength allows me to easy knock the fruit from the trees with one kick.

I've also noticed that my magic is more potent than most unicorns, who are only capable of a limited list of spells pertaining to their occupation. Only Twilight knows more than me, and she's promised to show me new Equestrian magicka to use when I return.

How useful it will be against Skyrim's monsters, I am not fully sure. Perhaps I'll turn a dragon into flowers.

Equestria may be a realm entirely different from Skyrim, but I have made peace with the fact that I might never leave. Celestia has granted me citizenship, and the ponies don't fear me like I'd expect them to, so I can wander freely as I wish. I've grown acquainted with those who call themselves "The Elements of Harmony" and I've learned much about this country - Pinkie's theory of its creation, however, I still put under scrutiny.

I will update this journal when I find the time, as per Celestia's suggestion. Perhaps it will make a grand fable when I return home.

Until I return,
Josephsus Crowl.