Backstage

by Phil Srobeighn

Rating: teen
Tags: Scootaloo, Random, Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy
Length: 1340

Four ponies getting ready to rock out (dialogue-only short).

One band. Four mares. Eight wings.

One night. Thousands of fans. Ten minutes to curtain.

One story. 1,337 words. 100 percent dialogue.

Published 2012-01-24 18:50:43 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-24 18:50:43 UTC

Backstage

“Come on you guys. There’s not much time!”

“Hold your humans, we’re coming!”

“Fastest pony in Equestria my flank.”

“Hey! I don’t have to take that from a drummer.”

“Ouch. Just for that, you have to come over here and help me tighten this set up.”

“Sure, but after that you’ve gotta come over here and help me make sure we’re all in the right amps.”

“Ugh. It’s almost curtain, and we still have to do all this? Where’s the other two?”

“Our rhythm guitar is in the dressing room putting on what I have to guess is war paint. Did you see her school talent show performance?”

“Yeah, I was there for my daughter’s dance routine. Please tell me she’s toning the makeup down.”

“…well… let’s just say that the band had to make some deals to get her to not force herself into doing vocals.”

“Ugh, that was worse than the makeup. I guess we will have to deal with it. Speaking of vocals, where is our vocal lead?”

“Probably got her head down a box somewhere. That silly little filly can get so nervous she can get when she’s about to go on stage.”

“I’d think she’d be used to it – wasn’t she a supermodel at some point not long ago?”

“Ugh, Don’t remind me.”

“Why? What’s wrong with her being a model?”

“We grew up together.”

“So, wouldn’t you want her to go on to be successful?”

“Yeah…”

“So why was it bad?”

“Look, some of us don’t have the bits to subscribe to Equestria After Dark. Some of us can only afford pop culture magazines with cute fillies in low tops. So imagine all you can find is a girl you’ve known since you were little when you’re looking for a mag to cl-”

“Hey, there’s our little bass player!”

“Ha! As if. I can barely keep my hooves on this beast. I’d hate to see what I’d have to do to hold a full-sized bass. I don’t know how that one famous rock-farmer girl does it.”

“You know, she’s the sister of one of our friends, you should ask her before our next gig.”

“Hey, what were you two talking about just now?”

“…um… what do you mean?”

“Just now, before I came in, you were talking about a girl you knew since she was a filly and some sort of magazines.”

“…um…”

“Nothing, Squirt.”

“Aw, come on! Was it something grown-up mares can only talk about? I wanna know!”

“…umm…”

“Seriously, it was nothing Squirt. Just drop it.”

“It wasn’t about me, was it?”

“No!”

“No!”

“Then was it about-”

“Squirt. Just. Drop it!”

“Heh. Fine. Just don’t let our other band member catch on that you’re talking about her in a conversation for only grown-up mares and their so-called shoulder massagers.”

“That’s it! You’re getting’ a beating!”

“Wait! Ack-”

“Hey! You two! Stop! You shouldn’t get violent! Stop grabbing her mane! Watch the wings! You’re going to break that guitar! Just- stop- wait- Alright, don’t make me use this! I’m going to if you don’t break up that ball of violence! Okay! You asked for it! Here it comes!”

“Oof!”

“Woah! Iron plot! Watch where you drop that flank of yours!”

“I gotta keep you two from fighting! The show’s about to start!”

“Okay! Okay! For the love of Pete! Sheesh, you okay, Squirt?”

“Are you kidding!? That was amazing! We should wrestle some more!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, you’ve still gotta get plugged in. And you, why don’t you take a break from fisticuffs and go find our singer with that legendary speed of yours?”

“I’m on it! Be back in ten seconds flat!”

“…nine …eight …seven…”

“What are you counting down for?”

“When that mare says ten seconds flat, she means it! She’ll be back at any moment! She’s so awesome!”

“Um… sure… I think this time it was just an expression.”

“Oh… like ‘For the love of Pete?’”

“Uh-huh.”

“…what does that mean anyway?”

“I think it’s an old human religious thing.”

“…oh. Humans. They must have been… odd.”

“Tell me about it. I still don’t quite understand this holding drumsticks thing. It was nice to learn something new and fun, especially taking lessons from that cute mare at the bakery, but still, these things are… odd.”

“Oh, don’t get me started. You should have seen my guitar lessons. That unicorn who’s married to the confectioner? Her cutie mark should have been a human hand for all she obsesses about the things.”

“Oh, I know who you’re talking about. What’s her name again?”

“She kept switching between a couple; it was hard to keep track.”

“…and they think I’m a strange mare.”

“…hey …can I look out the curtain and see if my friends made it?”

“No, it’s not ‘proper stage etiquette.’”

“Sounds like you’ve heard that line before.”

“Yeah, something like that. Anyway, are you talking about the two fillies you hang around with all the time?”

“Yeah! The Cuti-”

“No, please, I don’t think I can take the name-yelling. I’ve heard it well enough before.”

“I’m sure they’ll be out there!”

“Are they pegasai?”

“…oh. Didn’t think of that. Guess they won’t be here.”

“Hey! Look who I found trashing her dressing room with the amazing power of her voice.”

“Oh? Was I trashing it? I’m sorry.”

“Ha. I doubt you were.”

“Actually, she was. You should have seen it. But don’t be sorry! I’ve been trying for years to get you to scream! Where’d you learn that?”

“Oh… it was a trade from the Princess after I taught her to be quieter.”

“That flank-shocking- Well, good you did. With that cutie mark of yours you’d think you’d be all butterflies-in-the-stomach; it makes me proud to see you come out of that cocoon of yours.”

“Chrysalis. When it’s a butterfly it’s a chrysalis.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m not a moth!”

“Right, you’re a tree.”

“I’ll never understand you two. Or the four mares you are attached to the hip to.”

“Hey, we have to stick together to save the flanks of the rest of you when disharmony rears an ugly, eldritch head.”

“And you never let us live it down.”

“Hey! Those six are awesome! Especially our two! That’s why I wanted to name our band ‘Elements of Rock!’”

“Now, now, these girls were right, a pegasus-based name is much better for our band.”

“Yeah, and if I remember correctly, your first submission was something along the lines of ‘The Our-lead-guitarist-is-the-most-super-ultra-extreme-awesomtastic-pony-ever Band?’”

“Awesomazing.”

“Whatever.”

“There, there girls. We should stop fighting. It’s almost time for us to start the show! Who’s going to introduce us to all those nice ponies out there for our first song?”

“Why don’t you do it? Show those ponies out there the yelling I’ve coached you to perform after all these years.”

“Me!? Oh, I don’t think I could go first… I want the music to start before I start that singing. Why not our little one?”

“Me!? The last time I did any music-related vocal performing it ended in disaster. You should do it! You are the most super cool pony ever!”

“Me!? I mean, I am awesomazing, but… I don’t think I should be the first thing they hear. Somepony else… should go first… so I can… show how awesome I am by coming up from behind!”

“hehehe.”

“Hey! Again, I shouldn’t have to take that sort of abuse from a drummer! Why don’t you do it!”

“Well, it is my job as a drummer to count us in; might as well give us the full shout out. Besides, it doesn’t sound like you three are going to be any help. Alright, let’s get this show on the road! Final check! Ready?”

“Ready when you girls are!”

“I couldn’t even be 20% readier than I am!”

“Attitude and pizzazz. Attitude and pizzazz. OK, yeah, let’s rock!”

“Okay, I’ll count us in!”

“Lift the curtains!”

“HELLO CLOUDSDALE! WE ARE WYNGBÖNER AND WE ARE GOING TO ROCK YOUR MUFFINS! TWO! THREE! FOUR!”