The Old Green Mare

What would you do it you’ve lived for, like, eleventy one years and then all of a sudden *poof* you’re a filly again?  How would you handle it?  I’d probably eat corn on the cob again for the first time in ages…

~~GS~~

“Hi Applejack… Applebloom…” Twilight Sparkle said as the trio of Apples trotted into the library. “What brings you here with… I’m sorry, you must be their cousin, but I don’t remember your name.”

“Uh, Twi…” Applejack started to explain, but she was cut off by the green filly sporting an apple pie for a cutie mark.

“I’m Granny Smith, whippersnapper, and you met me the first day you came to Ponyville.”

“But… you’re… how? How?  How…?”

“Who?” said Owlowiscious from across the room, but nopony paid any attention.

“That’s what we’re here tryin’ to find out,” said Applebloom.  “She’s still acts like ol’ Granny Smith, and has her cutie mark and everything, but…” There was a bit of resentment in her tone when the pale yellow filly mentioned the cutie mark.

“I wasn’t old before, and I sure ain’t old now,” Granny grumped.

“She’s still as cantankerous and crotchety as ever,” Applejack admitted.  “But that’s why we came to you.  We don’t know how it happened.  She just woke up like this.”

“Would y’all stop talking about me as if I weren’t even here?” Granny barked.  “I may look like a filly, but I’m still yer Granny, and I think I deserve to be treated with a bit of respect here.”

Her granddaughters flushed in embarrassment.

“We’re sorry, Granny Smith.  We’re just worried about you is all,” Applejack said.  “And if anyone can figure out what sort of curse you’ve got on you and why, it’s Twilight here.”

“Well…” now it was Twilight’s turn to flush pink. “I appreciate your trust in me regarding magical anomalies, but I’ve never seen anything like this before.  At least not in…”  Twilight stopped.

“What was that last part, sugar cube?”

“I think I have to write to Princess Celestia about this.  Applejack, I need you to go check on Fluttershy for me.”

“Fluttershy?  What does she have to do with—“

“It’s probably nothing.  Just trust me, please.  Applebloom,” Twilight turned to the filly.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“I need you to go into the Everfree Forest and visit Zecora.  She might have some perspective that we don’t.”

“Take Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle with you,” Applejack said as the two sisters exited the library.  “I’ll feel better knowin’ that you’re not in that forest by yourself, even if it is only to visit Zecora.”

“What about me?” Granny Smith asked once her granddaughters were gone.

“With your permission, I’d like to talk to you.  Get some specific details about everything that happened to you before you went to bed last night.”

“That’s rather personal.”

“Yes, but even what seems like the most insignificant detail could be a clue.  For example, have you been in the Everfree Forest yourself within the past day or so?”

“Missy, I haven’t been in the Everfree Forest in years.”

“Ok, so that probably rules out any chances of you stepping in poison joke,” the lavender unicorn noted on a piece of parchment.

“That stuff is nasty.  There was a clump growing in one of the orchards before the last reunion.  Thank Celestia for Big MacIntosh finding it before any of the Apples trotted through it, or it could have spoiled everything.”

Twilight shuddered as she thought about the ramifications of an entire clan of Apples suffering the effects of poison joke, remembering the experience she and her friends had with the blue flowers.  Hearing that Applejack's brother had found some growing at Sweet Apple Acres meant that the insidious weed could probably grow anywhere.

“That’s one of the reasons I sent Applebloom after Zecora.  She has a remedy for it, just in case.”

“Well, that won’t be necessary.  I know what poison joke would do to me, and this ain’t it.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t wanna bore you with the details, but I had more than one experience with poison joke when I was a careless filly, and once when I was older and should have known better.  Poison joke is like a stand-up comedian that never gets any new material, if you know what I mean.”

“But doesn’t it affect everypony differently?”

“The effect it has on each individual pony is always different, but if a pony is foolish enough to get it again, the effect is the same.  That’s how I know that this can’t possibly be poison joke.  Plus it ain’t very funny, is it?”

Twilight remembered Rarity with her shaggy mane and coat, and Fluttershy’s deep, yet gorgeous stallion voice.  She couldn’t help but smile.

“You see?  Now, I won’t be tellin’ you what happened to me, but it made Applejack’s grandpappy laugh like you wouldn’t believe.  Hay, if you saw me like that, I wouldn’t blame you for laughing yourself.  So that’s how I know.”

“I have to say, Granny Smith, I’m amazed that you’re so… composed.  If something like this had happened to me, I’d be freaking out right now.  How are you keeping it together?”

“You think I’m composed?” the green filly laughed. “I’m terrified.  But compared to Timber Wolves, Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Celestia knows what else, this seems rather tame, wouldn’t you say?”

“I see your point,” Twilight replied.

“But the truth is, I don’t know what to think about this,” Granny Smith admitted.  “I don’t know how long I’m going to be like this, or if it’s permanent.  If you can’t ‘fix it’ like Applejack said, will I age like a normal filly or will I be a filly forever?  There’s a selfish part of me that doesn’t want you to try, because then I’d go back to being an old green mare again.”

“That’s not necessarily selfish, Granny Smith.”

“So you’re going to tell me I’ve been given a gift?  That I’m supposed to learn from this somehow and appreciate it?” the green filly’s reddish orange eyes blazed with irritation.

“I… no… that’s not what I was saying…” Twilight stammered.

“Maybe it is, maybe it ain’t,” Granny Smith sighed.  “All I know right now is that I don’t know what to do about it.”

The purple unicorn nodded cautiously.

“Miss Sparkle? May I request a favor from you?”

“Of course, what can I do for you?”

Nothing could prepare Twilight Sparkle for what the filly was about to ask.

“Please don’t make me go back to school.”

“School!?” Twilight gasped.  “You said yourself that you only look like a filly.  Besides, after talking to you, I can tell that you’re the same Granny Smith in there.  Why would I, or anypony else for that matter, make you go back to school?”

“You know some of the books I’ve borrowed from you over the last couple of years, Miss Sparkle.”

Twilight actually tried not to think about some of the books Applejack’s grandmother had borrowed from the Library.  She had rather... eccentric tastes.  Fifty Shades of Neigh was one of her most recent withdrawals.

“Get yer mind out of the gutter, young’un.  You can’t blame a widowed mare for being lonely sometimes,” the filly said wistfully.  “But that wasn't the genre I was thinkin' of. I’m talking about some of those science fiction types.”

Twilight remembered now.  How could she have forgotten?  Granny Smith, the mare who often complained about newfangled contraptions such as the megaphone, was a fan of Haybert G. Wells.  When Twilight had voiced her surprise at the elderly mare’s choice of The Invisible Mare, Granny had simply responded with a smile.

“But what does that have to do with—“

“I’ve read all of the books about this sort of thing.  Every time somepony like me ends up looking like a filly, the adults always force them to go to school. Every. Single. Time.”

“You’ve… done your homework on this subject.” Twilight said flatly. “No pun intended,” she added as an afterthought.

“Well, I never thought it was gonna happen to me, but not that it has, I beg you, please don’t make me go back!”  Granny Smith’s puppy dog eyes were as big as dinner plates.

“If it means that much to you, I Pinkie Promise,” Twilight assured her, going through the motions (and being cautions with the cupcake part this time).  “If you see Cheerilee, just convince her that you’re you.”

“How in tarnation am I supposed to do that?”

“You’re a grown mare,” Twilight teased.  “And you’ve read a lot of science fiction.  I’m sure you can think of something.”

"Well, alrighty then," the green filly said.  "I think I'm gonna head back to the farm to think for a bit.  I should probably go see Big MacIntosh as well.  He was already out workin' so he hasn't seen me yet today.  And you have a letter to write to the Princess."

"Yes, ma'am.  I'll be sure to let you know what she writes back."

Granny Smith trotted out of the library.  If Spike weren't currently helping Rarity with a project, Twilight would have asked her assistant to help her send that letter immediately.  She tried to figure out how exactly to phrase it...

Dear Princess Celestia,

I think Pinkie Pie and I may have caused a disturbance in the natural order of things...

She was grateful when Applejack interrupted her.  She had brought Fluttershy with her.

"Um... Hi Twilight.  I hope I'm not keeping you from anything," said the bashful yellow mare.

"Hi Fluttershy.  Did Applejack explain to you what happened?"

"Not really..."

"I figured it would make more sense coming from you, especially since you didn't tell me how she was involved in this," Applejack said.

"Something about Granny Smith?  I hardly ever see her, myself," Fluttershy said, peeking out through her pink mane.

"It's nothing for you to get yourself worked up over... at least I don't think it is," Twilight Sparkle hesitated.  She decided to just come out and ask.  "You didn't happen to turn into an alicorn, move into the Everfree Forest and try to become the protector of youthful innocence by any chance, did you?"

Applejack stared at Twilight.  She glanced over at her Pegasus friend.  This was certainly exceeding her weirdness quota for the day.  Fluttershy giggled nervously.

"Did Discord put you up to this?"

"No... is he still living with you?"

"No, but he stops by every Tuesday for tea.  That just sounded like something he'd say."

"Well, let me tell you the whole story. It'll explain why I asked Applejack to check on you," Twilight said.

Just then, Applebloom burst in, along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

"Zecora wasn't home," Sweetie Belle said.

"She left a note saying that she would be back tomorrow," Scootaloo added.

"Why are the three of you covered in sap?" Applejack asked.

"We kinda got sidetracked on the way back," Applebloom admitted.  "Where's Granny Smith?  These two wouldn't believe me when I told them what happened..."