Rainbows Don't Make Me Cry

by Craftygun1

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 13136

It's approximately half a year after the Changling siege on Canterlot, and everything seemed fine and dandy, but for unknown reasons, Rainbow Dash goes missing for a full month, but when she came back, she wasn't exactly the same...

It's approximately half a year after the Changling siege on Canterlot, and everything seemed fine and dandy, but for unknown reasons, Rainbow Dash goes missing for a full month. But when she came back, she wasn't exactly the same…
In other words….

"Sun shines, Grass grows, Birds fly, and buddy…I hurt ponies!"

(Warning, the following story contains insults, sometimes strong language, flirtation between two mares, skull fracturing, baseballs to the knee, excessive drinking of radiation in a can, and just pure awesomeness altogether, you have been warned…)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-12 04:00:49 UTC

Chapter 1: Makin' it Look Easy

Zecora continued looking around, her eyes settling on different kinds of herbs on her way path. She was looking for Poison Bloat. I special kind of herb from the Poison Joke family that did simply what it's named for. Bloating.

Her eyes finally settled on the red plant she was looking for. She grabbed onto her potion from the insides of her saddle bag, a gift from Rarity herself, and delicately picked up the Poison Bloat, trying her best to not get the juice of her plant over her hooves. She placed the ingredient in a special secondary pouch before checking her hoof for any red stain the flower may have given her. She sighed, thankful that it had not gotten on her.

She began her way back, before hearing very loud rustling in a nearby bush. She froze, stock still, and listened. Maybe it was just another wild animal? Or maybe it could have been a thief? A fillynapper perhaps? She gulped as she looked over her shoulder, to see a very large mechanism of some sort pointed directly in her face. She began to laugh, before the mechanism aimed down and emanated a VERY loud sound, striking fear into her heart as she was silenced immediately.

She looked down at where the mechanism was pointed earlier. There were way too many holes in the ground for modern day prototypes of weaponry to catch up with. Zecora gulped again as she looked down the barrel of what she was assumed a 'Gun', newfound respect for the mechanism.

"If I may inquire..." She began slowly, making sure the stranger heard her as well. "What exactly is it that you desire?" She was met with cold, hard silence, before the possible assassin grunted in acknowledgement. "Where's th' closest town?" The mare asked Zecora. Zecora blinked, trying to make sure she was hearing that correctly. Why in all of Equestria would a mare be holding a weapon? It would have made sense if a stallion held me for information... She thought for a moment, before looking around. She could easily trick the threat into going a different direction from Ponyville.

"If it is directions you need for the journey, then you may need not to worry. To the west, from there you'll see, for the very best, a place to be!" Zecora said, an obvious lie. She just hopes the mare would fall for it. The mare was quiet, before the gun lowered from Zecora's face, to reveal a blue coated pony, a one sided, brown saddlebag of some sort wrapped around her body, a square cap covering her face. "Thank's 'Pally'" she said with sarcastically, as she turned and waved her rainbow hued tail goodbye. Zecora took a moment to let that sink into her brain.

There's no way that could be Rainbow Dash...None at all...

She was a lot friendlier then that, and Zecora had known her for a long time, before she disappeared she was never like that. Zecora sighed as she took out her map and compass from her saddlebag and looked at the directions. She then gasped as she realized her large mistake. The direction she had sent the strange pony was not deeper into the woods...

But towards Sweet Apple Acres...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Applejack bucked another tree, continuing her work from where she left off. The apples fell accordingly into the baskets placed strategically around the tree. She stood herself straight and sighed as she wiped away whatever sweat had accumulated from her hard days of work. Another season done with until the next month. Applejack put as many of the baskets as possible over her back and she looked around. "Applebloom! Come out here! I've got a basket fer ya!" She yelled out for her little sister.

Applebloom popped her head through a nearby bush, before running up to her sister and placing a hoof over her mouth. "Be careful Applejack! The strangah' might come n' get ya next! I jus' saw 'em run up and beat up Big Macintosh!" She said, fear trembling every inch of her voice. Applejack moved her little sister's hoof away from her mouth before giving her an odd look. "Ya sure ya didn't imagine it?" She asked as she began walking in the general direction that Big Mac said he would be going himself, so that they could all get the trees in the shortest amount of time before meeting back in the middle.

"I'm serious, sis! Saw it with my own two eyes!" She said, pointing to her eyes with her hoof to make sure Applejack could grasp the intensity of the situation herself. "Bah, Jus' illusions sugarcube! Ain't no one single pony can tussle wit' Big Mac other than me, and win!" She said as she tried to calm down her little sister. Applebloom gulped as they ventured deeper into the orchards. "Are ya sure sis? I mean, what if he actually DID beat 'em out inta' next week?" Applebloom said, worry deep within her voice. Applejack opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the large sound of Metal hitting wood...

Hard...

Applejack and Applebloom quickly lowered their stance in pure instinct as they took cover behind a tree. No bird could make a sound that loud, and especially not with metal. They began moving from tree to tree before they saw the the two. Big mac was charging at the pony that was attacking him, only to miss completely.

"Come on! Are ya even tryin' tough guy?!" Said the mare as she swung her bat in her hooves tauntingly at Big Macintosh. She flicked her tail as the Big Mac himself ripped up a piece of the earth with his hoof as he dragged it towards him. "I thought Applejack n' her friends snuffed you Changlings outta Canterlot..." he said as he readied himself for another round. "I dunno what the hell that is, but it don't sound like somethin' I'd wanna run inta'!" The mare said as she swung her bat around one more time, before setting it down and leaning on it. Her hoof casually ran into her saddlebag, which was more than within hoof's reach. She pulled her arm halfway out, but stopped herself as she waited for the Big Mac to make the first move.

"Don't pretend like ya' don't know what I'm talkin' about! I know you're jus' another disguise!...A strange one at that but yer still tryin' to decieve us!" Big Mac said, determined to make the changling show its face like a real stallion would. The mare only laughed. "Do I look like I smoke cigars and wear paper masks? You're freakin' more idiotic then a box a' rocks!" She said tauntingly as she leaned off the metal bat and poked Big Mac's nose with it playfully, before jumping away from him. Big Mac charged forward again in a more unexpected manner. This was apparently thought ahead of by the blue mare as she took out a small can at just the right moment and she just plainly...Sipped it...

Everything seemed to slow down for the mare. The charging heavyweight, first at originally too fast to dodge speeds, seemed slower then a snail. The mare's eyes had gone small from the adrenaline rush the small orange can in her bag had produced, and she rolled out of the way in the nick of time in a rainbow-hued blur, like she was never there. "Missed me!~" She said playfully as she dodged a buck from her enemy. She dodged another charge like it was a paper airplane flying right at her. "You're like a car crash in slow motion!" She quickly popped up behind Big Mac, with a wooden bat in her hooves now, as she struck him right across the back of the head, nearly knocking him out. He stumbled around a bit as he tried to look at his attacker one last time.

She lined up her bat next to his head,

She twisted her body to the right as she lined up the shot, still making eye contact,

She swung, and it was good!

She sent Big Mac flying into a nearby tree, like he was just another baseball. She laughed, pointing at Big Macintosh's unconscious body. "Hahaha!~ You just got owned, you fat balled bastard!" She laughed some more, before feeling a very loud crack in her back.

Goodbye, muscle control...

She fell down as her body was sent into complete shock, just by the force of whatever wrench just hit her right in the center of her spine. Before she lost consciousness, she saw the four orange hooves of the attacker, and then she fell victim to the ever growing darkness that was unconsciousness...

Chapter 2: Meet the Big Mac (Part 1)

Scout laid his head down on the cloud of comfort he so desperately wanted.

Not for any deep reason though, it's just that getting blown up, shot at, bled to death, set on fire, and occasionally, all of that at the same time, adding the fact that there were doppel-ganger robots of him and his friends and were trying to kill them, it just didn't leave a lot of space for sleep, but thanks to Mann. Co.'s special technology Medical Gun, that problem was solved years ago.

But still, it didn't hurt to find a place to nap every once in awhile.

Yet, something didn't feel right... It didn't feel like an actual cloud. Felt more like an actual bed really...

And right now, something was licking his face, and ruining the experience.

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes to see Winona licking her awake. "Aw what the hell!" She said as she picked up the dog and placed it on the ground off the bed. She grimaced painfully as she slowly leaned back into the bed, the pain in her back more than agonizingly painful. "Regret everythin'...." She said as she held onto her head in pain. The cloud seemed like hell compared to the comfortable bed she was in right now actually.

And it's weird, you would think beds in hell would be made out of spiders...

or spikes...

or spikey spiders...

Spikers....

"Er...Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?" She asked as she looked over at her friend, who didn't notice her until now. "JESUS!" She screamed as she literally jumped off the bed, only to land on her back and cause even more pain to it. She groaned as she crawled back onto the bed, not even half a second before Applejack got up. Applejack helped her friend get onto the bed again and patted her on the head. "I'll get ya some ice packs, don't go runnin' off on me like ya did last time!" She said, a serious tone in her voice. She ran off to grab a couple of icepacks from wherever it was that they kept them in case of emergencies.

Rainbow Dash sat up slowly and tilted her head. "Er...Last time?" She asked nopony in particular as she tried to process this in her head. She didn't really leave at all, did she? She reached for her cap, only to notice it wasn't there at all. The headpiece and hat were on the table next to her, obviously messed with. The mouthpiece to the headphone was disconnected from the receiver. That was going to take a very long time to fix again...

Good thing it didn't melt in her ear, like last time though. THAT took YEARS to fix and took forever to get out of the side of her skull, replace the eardrum, and still live through all of it.

She heard a scream downstairs, no time to think about how much money fixing her headpiece was gonna cost, somepony needed help! She jumped out of bed, adrenaline surging through her body which in turn numbed all pain in her back as she placed her cap on her head, along with the earpiece. She grabbed onto her bag on the nearby chair and reached in. Her Force of Nature was gone, and so was her wooden bat and baseball. Bonk and a steel bat would have to do...

She slung the bag around her shoulder and ran for the exit, then downstairs.

And all hell was breaking loose....

There were all different kinds of bugs in the room, but the biggest population of the same species in there were changlings. They were cornering a family of four. Applejack, Applebloom, Granny Smith, and Big Macintosh. Was Rainbow Dash gonna let a bunch of bugs overcome an outnumbered family? Hell to the *no!***

She took out her bonk and banged her bat against the corner of a wall, making a very large dent in it, not even considering the very loud noise it made. The changlings stopped and looked at their enemy, before letting out a combined buzzing induced laughter. Rainbow Dash just spat out whatever was in her mouth and into the nearest changling's face, angering it greatly. It was the first one to charge into battle, and the first one to get knocked out as it barely saw the steel bat make contact with its eyes, before sending it flying into a bunch of other changlings, like a bowling ball knocking down a bunch of pins.

Then all hell broke loose, for real this time.

Rainbow dash was being attacked left and right by all types of changing figures, There were Appleblooms, Applejacks, Big Macintoshes, Princess Celestias and Lunas, even Rainbow Dash herself wanted her own head on a silver platter! The real Rainbow Dash however had sneaked away from the fight. She needed her shotgun, otherwise there was no victory against these things. There were simply too many of them and as much as she hated to admit it, they were getting too fast for her.

She needed to push them away into the next dimension over. And right there, in all it's shining glory was....

Not her weapon at all, but instead a broken one, fixed together with some black tape and Crit-a-Cola. One of her backups in case she lost her infinite amount of Bonk from her bag. It wasn't the best weapon, but the mini-crits would help anyw- Oh, nevermind, that doesn't do that now anymore, does it? Oh well... No time to be picky. She picked it up and fired the first two shells of the gun into the large horde of fakes. She took out quite a lot of them without barely even trying! But then they figured out Hey, that changling just died without someone beating them to death! They all stopped stock still as they looked back at their opponent. She turned around and swayed her flank at them tauntingly.

"Come and get some, ya freakin' wusses!" She yelled as she ran up a wall, reloading her last two spent clips, an angry (And arguably lust driven) horde chasing after her maliciously, The need to kill and the want to...well you get the idea. Rainbow Dash ducked,bobbed and weaved out of the way of multiple changlings, popping a cap into one of them every now and then, but she was still trying to conserve ammo. Just a couple more minutes was all she needed to-...

Oh...too late for that then...

She took a swift kick to the face, not paying attention to what was around her, but just in front of her. She got slung into the wall, her gun flying to the other side of the room as she began to get cornered.

This was it, not only was she going to get raped out of her mind, but she was going to die, right then and there. Sucks to be her right now. She closed her eyes as they began to close in on her, only to hear a yelp of pain, and a buzzed cry for help, which was quickly muffled out by sheer pain as the plea for help was crushed, just like the changling's skull.

Rainbow Dash opened one eye and saw her former opponent standing there in all of his soviet-like and familiar glory.

Big Mac was there to help her this time...

Chapter 2: Meet the Big Mac (Part 2)

Changlings came from left and right, but Big Mac was too strong for them all to overcome him. Strange as seeing how before he was trembling in the corner. he just saw the hat on Rainbow Dash fall off and all he knew was rage.

Oh yes, pure, fully blooded, FULLY FULL CHANGLING *BUTT KICKING RAGE!***

There was no changling that could beat him! Nothing could stand in his way! No little Changling can stop a Big Stallion like him! Not even their queen who was...

standing right in front of him....

He was knocked out of the way, as all the fighting slowly ceased to a halt, some changlings were beating up their own kind, while some were about to pile onto Big Macintosh. And even some were going to pounce on Rainbow Dash. "I've had enough of you foolish foals doing this fun work while I'm left to watch from the distance!" She looked over to Rainbow Dash, who was slowly working her way towards her weapon on the other side of the room. She was stopped by the hoof of her newest enemy.

"Escaping, are we?" Chrysalis said as she picked up Rainbow and stared into her eyes. Her eyes flashed green as she looked deep into Rainbow's soul. "Now then, be a good girl and help hold down the big stallion over there?" She said as she placed Rainbow down gently.

Rainbow Dash blinked, before rolling over to her gun,taking the advantage and reloading it. "Seriously? You aren't even going to hypnotize me first? You're a big dumb bug, aren't you?" She said as she fired the two shells into her face.

Queen Chrysalis blinked. "What the-" She took a swift shot to the face as all of her changling army started buzzing to her aid.

Rainbow Dash ran over and helped Big Mac onto his hooves. "Eeeyup...." He said shakily as he moved away from the growing ball of changlings as they crowded over to see if their queen was alright.

Queen Chrysalis got up from under all her minions and stared at the two ponies, her face stuck in anger. She puffed smoke out of her nose before going into an all out charge, which Big Mac and Rainbow Dash dodged with ease. "Yo, what the hell man?! Could ya be any mo' unoriginal?" Rainbow Dash said as she reloaded her recently dispatched bullet back into her cleverly named, Soda Popper.

Chrysalis screamed in pure anger as she was consumed in fire, then disappeared into nothing. Not even ash was left where she was standing. Rainbow Dash blinked as she looked to the other Changlings, who were doing the exact same thing, just without screaming in pure anger.

"Alrighty....Someone betta' start explaining what the hell's goin' on..." Rainbow Dash said as she eyed everyone in the room. Applebloom was first to speak up. "Well we were jus' mindin' our own buisiness n' then them Changling's came in an' smashed up everythin'!" She said, flailing her hooves around for dramatic effect.

"Pfft, the damn backstabba's I don't care about, I kicked their flank back t' the next dimension, I was talkin' 'bout my force-a-nature here..." She said as she held her gun out towards them. "Surprised ya managed to make it still work, but next time ya mess with one o' my weapons, I'll crack open yer skull, got it?" She said with a hardened tone as she began to remake her weapon back to it's original shape, discarding of the tape and soda cans.

"But ya'll gotta admit, what me n' yer big friend ova there did was pretty awesome!" She reared back on her hind hooves and held her hand up. "How 'bout it guys? High five?....Er....Hoof?" she said with a grin. It took awhile, but Applebloom finally caught on as she jumped on top of a chair and jumped towards the high hoof, smacking it proudly, before face planting into the ground. "Yeah, the lil' tyke know's what's up!" Rainbow Dash said as she picked up Applebloom and set her in a proper standing position, then patted her on the head.

"Alrighty, Who, or what are ya exactly?" Applejack said as she pulled Rainbow Dash's face towards hers. "You seriously don't know who I am? I thought it was pretty obvious, I mean, I am, single-handedly the most awesomest thing out there." She said bluntly. Applejack groaned. "Well, ya got the attitude, but I ain't buyin' it! I wanna know exactly what you are!" She said, stomping her hoof into the ground. Rainbow dash chuckled as she placed her front hooves together.

"Uhh...I- I don't even know where to start with you, I mean, do ya seriously not know who yer talkin' to? I mean, do you have any idea, any idea who I am?" She said, waiting for a response.

"it ain't much of a big de-" Applejack began, before being cut off. "Basically...Kind of a big deal" She said, before looking at her arm and flexing it a bit. "Oh man...That's beautiful..." She said softly to herself. She got back into her conversation seconds after, "Alright, get this. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines and Brotha'....I hurt people..." She said, a sharp hint of venom in her voice, causing the Apple Family to step back in unison. "I'm a force-a-nature!" She said as-a-matter-of-factly, that hint of venom increasing slowly.

"If you was from, where I was from, you'd be fucking DEAD!" She spat at the ground, then wiped off her muzzle, standing proudly as she stood there, arms crossed.

"B-BEHIND YA'!" Applebloom screamed instinctively. Rainbow Dash was fast to act, as a Changling who stayed behind bit into thin air, where Rainbow Dash's neck was previously. He then bit into the hard metal of Rainbow Dash's steel bat. "Home-fricken'-run!" She said, as the Changling then bit into the hard wood of the ceiling, flew through it, his mouth still full of wood, as he then liquefied his diet with some clouds.

"WHOO!" Rainbow Dash screamed energetically, her wings flapping open as she pumped both her front hooves into the air in victory. She then placed both of her hooves back in their normal pony walking position as she began trotting out the door. "If ya need me, I'll be lookin' fer a more populated area!" She said as she opened the door, only to get stopped by a purple unicorn with wings. This caused Rainbow Dash to jump back in surprise.

"R-Rainbow Dash?!" Twilight exclaimed, as she ran over to hug her friend. She held her long lost friend in the tightest hug ever. She was pushed away seconds later. "Yo what the hell man! I don't even know you!" She said as she readjusted her bag over her shoulder. She then walked out, sniffling up a bit as she sneezed, a cold coming on.

Twilight blinked as she looked over to Applejack, who was just staring in pure amazement at the event that just took place before her.

"Applejack...We may need to do some investigations..."

Chapter 3: Shapeshiftin' Rats

Rainbow Dash continued her walk down the road, boredom playing its dastardly deeds on her mind. "This sucks..." She said as she kicked a rock out of her way. She got up on her hind hooves and stretched out her back, which got fixed when she was thrown into the wall during the changeling attack at the farm. She sighed as she walked over to a rock and sat on it, reaching into her bag and taking sips of her Crit-a-cola. It didn't pack as much of a punch as the Bonk, Atomic punch did, which made it wonderful for a normal drink

The road was calmer then she expected it to be. She wasn't sure why, but she kept imagining every place she went to be full of mercenaries wielding rocket launchers, machine guns, flame throwers, and some with shovels too.

But she found none of that. It was truly peaceful...

And she hated it...

It wasn't normal, it wasn't what she was used to. This was no place near home. It looked nothing remotely to the delicate walls of war. It was too peaceful, too safe...

But if this was what it was, then she might as well have to deal with it...

A few miles behind her was Applejack, Applebloom, and Twilight, all walking down the road. Twilight had found a pair of binoculars in a tree. Why? Because Pinkie Pie. How? Because Pinkie Pie...

Twilight stopped her little rag-tag group as she jumped into a bush silently and peered through the shrubbery, her eyes never moving from her target. Rainbow Dash was sitting on a rock, taking a break and drinking some soda in some kind of tin container. "Are ya sure we should be doin' this Twi? Shouldn't we try n' approach her upfront insteada sneakin' up on 'er like this?" Applejack asked. "Applejack, who's the student of Celestia here?" Twilight asked, looking back to her companion. Applejack sighed. "Here we go again, you're usin' that excuse more then once Twi, give it a break..." She said, concern for her friend showing in plain sight.

Twilight groaned. "Listen Applejack, if we spook her, she might end up running off and then we might not see her again forever! This is a once in a lifetime chance Applejack! We gotta find out what happened to her and fix her, or else if not...then who knows what may happen..." She said, a small shiver down her spine. She looked through the binoculars again, and saw that Rainbow Dash wasn't there anymore. "Huh? Where'd she go?" She said as she looked around for her rainbow maned friend, only to see her 2 inches away from her face.

"Yo wassup?" She said casually, but her face was one of pure suspicion. Applejack, Twilight and Applebloom all jumped in complete unison at the sudden appearance of their friend. Rainbow Dash adjusted her square cap and headpiece as she eye them all. "Alright, why were ya' spyin' on me?" She said plainly, tipping her cap over her eyes a bit to mask off some of the slowly burning rage that resided inside.

Twilight gulped. "Er, bird watching?" She said, with a sheepish smile. Rainbow Dash blinked, not exactly the excuse she was looking for.

"Bird watchin'?" She asked, a bit confused.

"Bird watching..." Twilight responded, not skipping a beat in the conversation.

"Bird watchin'..." Rainbow Dash said as she rubbed her chin, staring deeper into Twilight's soul, still unsure of her excuse.

"Eeeyup" Applejack said, trying to get her friend to back up a bit.

Rainbow Dash nodded. "Ya betta' not be lyin' then..." Rainbow Dash said, as she began turning around and walking away. Everyone breathed out in relief. That was quite a close one! They were afraid she might have beat them to a bloody pulp! They all began to move out of cover as they watched their rainbow maned friend take the long walk back to town.

"Well, we won't be doing that for awhile..." Twilight said as she began trotting down the road. "Er Twi...Be careful out there, ya hear? Me n' Applebloom are gonna go back to th' farm." Applejack said as she began trotting the opposite way, Applebloom following her closely behind. "You stay safe too Applejack!" She yelled back to her friend as she continued trotting, before speeding into a gallop. The faster she got out of these woods, the better. She slowed down to a small canter, her endurance taking a large toll on her as she slowed down even more.

She sighed, it has been quite a long while since she had ran, and a VERY long while as a matter of fact. She had been too busy trying to handle many things in Equestria that would normally be done in a snap by Rainbow Dash.

And now, Rainbow Dash needs to be helped out of her made up personality. Whatever had gotten into Rainbow Dash, it didn't smell good to Twilight. It was a fishy smell...

You know, the kind where there's a holy mackerel being slapped across your face at speeds incomparable by the normal pony's hooves kind of fishy smell...

Well that, and the odd smell of a strange bug in the area that was in a nearby tree ready to strike the slow moving target that was Twilight....

Hey wait a second...

Twilight jumped back away from the tree as the area she had been standing in was attacked viciously by a changling disguised as Applejack, no doubt about it. It lost the disguise as it stared at Twilight, a mix of pride and anger attacking each other viciously for dominance over that changeling's feelings.

It soon disappeared into the nearby bushes, and Twilight quickly surrounded herself in the best magical shield she could muster.

CRASH!

The shield broke instantaneously! Twilight was knocked back into a nearby tree, causing a very large thud, followed shortly by a large amount of apples falling on her and her assaulter. She got out from under the pile of apples and leaped out as fast as she could, and turned to face her enemy that was still trying to escape the evil clutches of the army of apples!

She was greeted by the light tap of a steel bat being nudged into the back of her head gently. She quickly jumped and turned around to see Rainbow Dash, chewing on some gum. "Yo, ya need some help?" Twilight sighed, as she started to nod, only to see that there was not just one changeling to take care of, but in fact, it was a well planned ambush and trap hybrid.

Twilight and Rainbow dash gulped. It was two against twenty. They didn't have big mac to help them out now.

They were surrounded, and about to be held captive by a bunch of "Shape shiftin' rats!" Rainbow Dash yelled out as she reared back on her hind hooves and readied her bat. She wasn't gonna go down without a fight....

But, that fight didn't last very long....

Goodbye, muscle control...

Chapter 4: Plan "B"

Twilight and her Rainbow companion had been unconscious for a very long time. They don't know how long, but long enough for them to start waking up in their newly refurnished jail cell, now apparently using an actual sitting rock!

Twilight, despite this magnificent turn of events, groaned as she looked over the dark and caved out walls that surrounded her. Her horn was strapped down tight with some kind of fabric that canceled out her magic from any type of use, and her wings were tied down to her body. She looked to Rainbow Dash, who was just waking up from her recent head injury. She got up wobbly and tried to flap her wings, which were tied down to her body, same as Twilight, but in the most uncomfortable way possible.

"I'm tellin' ya...definitely a new one for me..." She said as she sat and leaned against the wall, groaning from the major headache that was forming again, since her mind began to regain feeling from the numbness it had felt before. "Next thing ya know, I won't be runnin' anymore..." She said as she got up and gently walked to the bars of her jail cell. She poked her head through a wide enough opening for her to look around.

"'Ey pal, yeah you, over there, bug face, look at me when I'm talkin' to ya!" Rainbow Dash said as she became instantly aggravated with the Changeling guard that kept the cell secure. It hissed at Rainbow Dash, but she didn't even flinch. The second that Changeling turned around and looked at Rainbow Dash, she began her instantaneous flow of questions.

"Aight' first thing's first, where the hell are we, why the hell are we, and how the hell are we?" she began. The Changeling only blinked, before hissing and turning his head away. "Hey! I said to look me in the eyes when I'm talkin' to ya'! Disrespectful mutant! I bet your queen hates you for that!" She said, trying her best to obviously annoy the love bug.

Twilight sighed. "Dash, maybe we shouldn't..." She was stopped as she began to hear the buzzing of the Changeling guard. It was working, obviously. Maybe she would just wait this out until Rainbow Dash came to her senses...

"Listen pal, the more you keep actin' like a wuss, the less of a... um... man bug, you are, now turn around and have an argument with a guy and keep nature flowin' ya' lady bug!" She said, smacking the changeling in the back of the head with her hoof through the bars. It turned around, ears producing steam as it got into Rainbow Dash's face.

"I know what you're trying to do! It isn't working, and it never will work! Now go back to your cell before I come in there and shut you up!" The changeling said, his voice more then menacing, scaring Twilight into the back of the jail cell, but Rainbow wasn't letting up.

"Come on then, ragequit! I dare ya'! Make us both happy ya two faced, backstabbin' rat!"

The changeling guard was just about to open the cell, but stopped himself, as he got a smart know-it-all grin on his face. "Oh no you don't! That's not gonna work 'pal'!" The changeling said as it resumed position.

Rainbow Dash sighed, defeated as she walked over and sat next to Twilight. "Damn..." She said as she kicked a rock, bored already. "Almost had 'em..." she mumbled, crossing her hooves over her chest in complete irritation.

Twilight patted Rainbow Dash on the back. "Its okay Rainbow Dash, you tried your best, and I respect that...but I'm afraid there isn't any hope in getting us out of here..." She said. She sighed as she played with a rock in her hooves.

"The hell are ya' talkin' about? You quittin' so soon? Ya might wanna think before ya give up first, because ya' do know how to think, right?" Rainbow Dash said, patting her associate on the back. "Listen bud..." she began in a soft voice as she leaned into her friend and whispered. "I got a plan B...but ya' gotta promise not to freak out when I do it."

Twilight blinked. "Depends on what it is..." She said as she looked at her friend curiously. What exactly was she thinking?

She was about to find out, as she soon felt the soft and light touch of Rainbow Dash's hoof trace Twilight's jaw. Twilight, being completely new to this kind of feeling, instinctively flinched her head away, only to slowly lean it back in. It was actually kind of relaxing to her. The hoof went down and traced down her shoulder and across her arm to her hoof, and she could feel it being held gently.

Whatever was going on with Rainbow Dash right now, it definitely was something new...

And she sorta liked it.

Rainbow Dash leaned in, and Twilight could feel her breath gently touch Twilight's lips tauntingly. She was put in a complete trance. All of this was so sudden, the advancements of her marefriend made her uncomfortable, but excited at the same time. She stared into Rainbow Dash's eyes, that rose colored iris almost hypnotizing her completely. Twilight closed her eyes as she was held into a deep kiss.

It felt so wrong but it was so good at the same moment. This was definitely not something the books could have taught her, ever. Twilight could hear the cage begin to open up slowly, and hoofsteps began to get closer to her current position, but Rainbow Dash didn't let up. Twilight then heard a sudden chuckle, as if it was right next to them. The voice of the laughter held a certain kind of buzzing in it, one that sounded a lot like a changeling.

Twilight cracked open her eye, just to see who would interrupt the moment, only to find that Rainbow Dash was already a step ahead of her. She was quickly and suddenly backed out of the kiss as Rainbow Dash kicked herself off her and got into the air, before jumping off the wall and lunging at the Changeling guard, holding him down on the ground in a vicious and lethal chokehold. The changeling was barely able to breath as he kicked and bucked effortlessly in all directions he could with all his hooves, but to no avail.

The changeling's body began to give up under his holder, as he began to lose all oxygen in his lungs. He soon found himself choking for air, trying to beg for dear life but that only provoked a murderous smile on Rainbow Dash's face. The changeling's eyes rolled into it's sockets as it slowly began to lose life, before it fell limp, twitching a bit as Rainbow Dash let up on her murderous chokehold. She looked over to Twilight, who was blushing furiously at her friend. Her brain was still trying to process what had just taken place before her.

Plan 'B' had taken place in front of her apparently, as her hoof was linked into Rainbow Dash's as she began to drag her friend out.

"Come on, we got escapin' to do!"

Chapter 5: Meet the Cardboard Box

Twilight was still shivering a bit. She never expected to actually be kissed so lovingly by Rainbow Dash, even if it was just part of her escape plan. They snuck behind multiple patrolling Changeling guards with quick ease. "So, how did you learn to be such a good kisser? I-I mean, not that I wanna take this to some strange relationship or anything! I just wanna know!" She asked, gulping down hoping Rainbow Dash didn't get the wrong idea. Twilight always thought of Rainbow Dash as a friend, nothing more and nothing less.

"Sush it, horn-head!" She said, shoving a hoof in Twilight's mouth to shut her up. She looked around the corner, and then quickly retracted her head back like a turtle. "Alright, not going that way, but apparently, that's the only exit..." She said, slowly peeking back over. "We need some way to hide us and sneak us through...somethin' like....like..." She looked over Twilight, and a smile was on her face. "like THAT!" She said excitedly. Twilight looked over to see a large sized, cardboard box. Twilight blinked as Rainbow dash ran over to the box and picked it up. "Come on! Get in the back, man!" She tried to encourage Twilight.

Twilight only blinked. And sighed, facehoofing. Was this really the same Rainbow Dash she knew? Wouldn't she want to find some dynamite and blow them out of the path or something? That seemed more like Rainbow's kind of way to solve problems, since she was horrible at sneaking, and Twilight knew that ever since Rainbow tried to steal one of her daring do books. But that was BEFORE she disappeared suddenly, and came back with that strange attire and accent. She, reluctantly, shrank herself in the back of the box, and Rainbow dash lowered herself, to keep the box straight.

They began trotting, although Twilight had no idea where Rainbow was going, she had a feeling it was going around the guards.

Suddenly, they stopped. "O-Oh god...I-I'm g-gonna..." Rainbow Dash was stammering, before she let out a great sneeze. Everything was a lot quieter now. I mean, it was quiet before but now, it was REALLY quiet! Twilight was just about to pray to Celestia that the guards wouldn't find them...but they did.

"Awww.... Poor little boxxxx..." Said a guard. "Yeah...Itsssss pretty cold out here..." Said another one. Were these two for real right now...?

Twilight couldn't help but begin to breath heavily, mostly out of fear of laughing hysterically. She didn't want them to catch on that whatever they thought of this cardboard box wasn't that at all...

"Well then, itssss porbably jussst making itsssss way out, better let it..." Said the second guard, pushing the box gently forward. Rainbow Dash didn't even bother to say thanks, she just began cantering forward, and Twilight followed suit.

The second they were outside, Rainbow Dash unequippoed the box off of them, and she was shivering, her eye twitching in fear. "Jeez man! That was freakin' CLOSE!" She said, as if her heart was about to jump out of her chest.

"Yeah, you can say THAT again!....Now tell me, what's your name?" Twilight said. She knew this obviously wasn't Rainbow Dash, so she might as well ask...

"Oh, Me? Nobody important..." She said, getting up on her hind hooves, which seemed to be a new thing for her, and she began stretching out her back.

"No'body'? Don't you mean no'pony'?" Twilight corrected Rainbow Dash.

"Pfft, sorry pal, I don't speak no pony slang! I'm more inta' the new american words, ya know?" Rainbow responded. Twilight only blinked, obviously very confused, then she sighed.

"Alright then...But if I had to call you something, what would it be?" She asked. She had to find some kind of name for this stranger, since, as she said before, this wasn't your average day Rainbow Dash.

"Scout..." She said, before looking around. "Those...um...Changelings...should be comin' outta there to look for us, ya wanna get movin' or what?" She said, as if it was normal to be chased down nonstop by things like changelings. Twilight sighed.

"Alright, but you're following me, got it?" She said, and Rainbow Dash only nodded. It was simple enough, just follow this pony around to wherever she wanted to take her, then leave and go check on that strange cave she woke up in to see if she can go back home, and then profit! Very easy concept, no way you can screw up something like that, right?.....Right?

=Strange cave inside Everfree Forest=

Celestia stood there, looking at the strange...thing...in awe. It was some kind of portal, but she didn't know what. There were two of them, both the same color, and they both stood right next to each other. She looked to one of her royal guards, and the royal guard nodded. They found the strange portals two hours ago, and Celestia was unable to sense these portals and the cave they were in, which was definitely new. She held her chin up, and made her decision. Celestia was going to walk in.

She took in a deep breath, and calmly, but hesitantly strode into one of the portals, and she began what seemed like an endless fall. She didn't scream, she only stayed resolute, eyes squinted with determination, before she felt a strange itch in her brain. She scratched it with her hoof, and looked forward. She saw the exit, but she stopped seconds later before exiting. She looked back and saw something...very big...and.....very...very angry staring into her soul. She was grabbed hold, and she felt incredible pain, she fought against the creature, but to no avail. What was going on?! Why was this happening and why did this portal appear?! Was this the end for Celestia...?

Thankfully not, as she was spewed out of the portal seconds after her defeat and brush with death. She groggily got up, minutes after, and saw the guards staring, wide eyed at her, ready to rush over to her aid. She slowly and yet hastily got up, and looked at the ponies in confusion. She mumbled something, then began to laugh. "Little ponies....Is funny to me..." She said, with a small snicker, putting her hoof to her snuzzle in mild amusement. The royal guards looked at eachother, then back to the princess.

She was wearing some kind of body vest, with something wrapped around her body and over her shoulder, and on her back, she had there holstered, a big metal giant.

That giant's name was 'Sasha'.

Chapter 6: Did you think I would forget about YOU?

This Celestia was really bothering everypony. The way she was talking with that accent was really creeping everypony out, and it was beginning to sound less and less like Celestia and more like a maniac wielding a chainsaw who has a soft spot for little birds or something... "Where is little cart headed?" She asked, looking to her companions for answers. "The Castle, your highness! Don't you remember?" The carriage driver said, keeping his eyes on the sky. Celestia nodded. "Dah... Where is dat?"

This...was gonna take awhile....

=Twilight's Library=

"Soooo...what the hell are ya' even doin'?" Rainbow said, whilst Twilight rummaged through the books on the shelves. This was going to work. It had to, this was the only spell that could properly fix Rainbow Dash and end this madness from getting worse. "A-ha!" Twilight exclaimed, as she quickly opened up a book. "Here we are. Rainb- Er, Scout! Stand right there!" She said. Scout looked down at her hooves, then back up to Twilight with confusion. "A'ight...." she said, as she stood still...

Twilight put the book down on an open page, and her horn began to glow that purplish aura. Scout flinched as the bright light reminded him vaguely of a certain trip to a fellow mercenary's house. Just before a wave of magic erupted from the tip of Twilight's horn. Scout nimbly jumped out of the way. "DAMN WIZADS! I SHOULDA' KNOWN BETTA' THAN TO FALL FOR THAT!" She yelled, as she reached for a weapon. Forgetting she had lost her weapons back at that prison cell, she resorts to the only tactic she could at the moment. She used the only thing she had...her legs...and she ran as fast as her legs would carry her. She broke through the door, and ran into the open town of Ponyville.

Ponies left and right were being shoved and knocked around as a speeding Rainbow Scout passed right by them, and sometimes even right through them. After gaining a large amount of distance, she almost collapsed, as her breaths jaggedly made their way out of her windpipe. She had barely noticed the crowd around her that had gathered, concerned for what this may mean...

"W-What are you lookin' at?" Scout said, in an attempt to be tough. It seemed to work...

...Or so she thought, as she turned around to see Celestia standing right before her, a perplexed look on her face. "Woah, sorry, didn't see ya' th-"

"Aha! I get it now!" Celestia said in a thick, russian accent. "This is big prank! Scout! Why are you dressed as little pony?" She said.

Scout blinked. What was she talkin' about?

Before she could answer, Celestia picked up Scout. "Nevermind! Heavy finally glad to see little man again!" she said, as she hugged her lost companion tight. "This is first time Heavy feel something for little Scout!" She said. The crowd was somewhat amused by this display of affection. This was when Scout finally noticed the clothing, and the most conspicuous thing there...Sasha.

"Alright, alright, break it up you two!" A guard intervened their reunion. "We came here looking for Twilight so th-"

"Seriously dude? You know that damn wizad's gonna put some kind of hex on ya or somethin', right? You're wastin' you're time with 'er, hell, I just came from there afta' she tried to kill me!" She said.

The guard was as puzzled as everyone else there. That fishy smell was coming up again. "She tried to what?"

"Yo, are you brain-dead in there or somethin'? Lemme clear this up for ya..." She took off the guards helmet. "SHE JUST UP N' TRIED TO KILL ME WITH 'ER FANCY SHMANCY MAGIC TRICKS!" She screamed.

The guard blinked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This couldn't possibly mean what he thinks it means...Right?

He coughed. "Are you sure about that?" Just as he was saying that, Celestia was quickly alerted of something.

"IINNNNCOOOMIIINNGG!" She boomed, as she tackled everyone out of the way. Her hind hoof was nicked by the incoming blast of magic. Everyone gasped, as Twilight made her way into the middle of the crowd.

"Alright everypony! Get back! That's NOT Rainbow Dash!" Twilight said, as she attempted yet another shot.

"Nyet!" Heavy said, as she got in the way. "I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and DIS'...Is going to HURT!" She got up on her hind hooves, and clopped her front two together, as she took a boxing stance.

"No, not you too!" Twilight said, as she took a step back. She gulped, as she took a defensive step forward. These two were past the point of reasoning...

But, they were her friends. She couldn't just fight full force. She just wasn't a fighter!

But on the other hoof, she had to do this. She didn't have a choice. She got ready for whatever might come.

She had faith in herself!

Which soon quickly diminished, as she was left hooked into another building. Fighting is now out of the option, she had to get the jump on them. In the dust and smoke, she limply attempted to hide from her pursuer.

"POW! Haha!" Heavy said, as she stood proudly. Everyone had quickly evacuated the area afterwards. Heavy squinted through the dust and smoke. She didn't see the body. This was 'big problem'.

She stepped through the broken wall. "Little wizard baby wants Heavy to play hide-and-seek?" She called out, before crushing a nearby pot. "Very well!"

While that happened on the inside. Scout was still attempting to get back on her hooves. "Man that guy wasn't joking about the heavy part...." A guard stood up beside her.

"Sweet Celestia, you were right!" He said, astonished. "She's lost it!"

"Which one?" Scout replied, before cringing in pain. "Hold that thought, I need to take a seat somewhea'..." She said, as she sat herself down in a strange way. "Yo, if any of ya' are doctors, I think I'd wanna have my checkup now..."

"HAHA!" Celestia suddenly screamed, as she threw a weak Twilight out of the building. Scout reacted as fast as possible, and weakly attempted to stop her.

"YO MAN, WAIT UP!" She said. But she was too weak to attempt a rescue, and that murder in Heavy's eyes were really creeping her out.

"Heavy warned you dis would hurt." She said, as she readied herself for the final blow...

Twilight whited out upon impact...

=An empty white room=

"Argh! Vas is los?"

Huh? Voices? "W-Who's there?!" Twilight desperately called out.

"Oi! The bloody image blacked out on us! Merasmus, fix it!"

"Give me a moment, will you?! I'm trying!"

"Dammit Merasmus! You are the worst wizard ever!"

Wizard? What were these ponies talking about?! Who's Merasmus?!

"Nobody asked you about your opinion, Soldier! And in my defense, you're the worst roommate ever!"

"Alright ladies, break it up, will ya?! Give the bloody man some time already!"

Silence reigned the confines of the room.

Merasmus sighed. "Great, it appears our visual connection has been cut. Must be a bad signal..." He said, as he attempted to fix the signal on his magic orb. "Is this thing even plugged in?"

"Argh! Our comrades are in zere, while ve're stuck fighting a full team out here!" Medic grunted, as he adjusted his coat. "I have no time for this right now! It's either ve have our team here now or ve vill fail every single mission we are handed!"

"Calm down doc'. We'll find a way, just wait a sodding moment..." Sniper sighed, as he rubbed his chin in thought.

"Argh! Why can't we just get in there and show those frilly ponies how America handles things?!" Soldier complained.

Merasmus sighed. "That isn't how that works, Soldier. We need to find you a host in order for you to traverse their world, otherwise the portal won't register!"

Soldier grunted in anger. "Argh! Why is magic so overly complicated?!" He said... Then he came up with a great idea. "I GOT IT!" He claimed. "Move over Merasmus!" He said, as he shoved the wizard out of the way. He peered into the orb, as he channeled it to another receiver. He shifted from body to body in that pony world, until he found a pony in grey, with a luscious yellow mane and beautiful wings. Perfect!

Soldier coughed, as he began to speak. "Little gray pony! My name is Barble Blapkins! I am a wizard from another dimension and I need a valiant hero to help me! Will you be that hero?" Soldier asked.

=Derpy's household=

Derpy looked up at the sky with fascination. Wow, she's never been asked to do something so important! Why, this is the best thing to happen since she saw that big red, juicy muffin fall out of that tree! It tasted sweet!

Derpy nodded. "Okay Mr. Babble!" she said, with a great big grin.

"Good! Muaahahaha! Now then, trot towards your left!" The magical wizard said in a commanding voice.

"Yessir!" Derpy replied, as she continued to her right.

"No, I said LEFT maggot!" He scolded.

Derpy giggled. "Whoops! Looks like I'm not the only one that made a mistook! I'm a pony! not a 'mageet'!" She said, as she corrected herself and continued left.

"Hehe, sucker...." Soldier said under his breath.

The communication was shut off by Soldier, but the visual was still there.

"Soldier? How the..." Merasmus started his sentence, appalled. Soldier answered it, getting the gist of his question.

"What? You're away from home most of the time that I learned to use this thing! I can seriously make my own sitcoms and no one would think the wiser! It's amazing!" He said with a mischievous grin. "They're easily twenty times better than the ones you watch on here!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK" Merasmus shouted.

"MAKE ME YOU *SHITTY WIZ-"***

Soldier was suddenly shut up, as a fizzing sound came from the magic ball. It was their previous connection attempting to come back into view.

"H-Hello? A-Anypony out there?" A shaky voice emanated from the orb...

Chapter 7: Don't Panic

"Oh

My

God..."

Scout stood there, dumbfounded. Heavy just killed someone...

Oh my god, Heavy actually killed someone...

Scout didn't actually expect Heavy to KILL her! After checking Twilight's pulse, she started freaking out. "Oh god, this cant be happening man..."

Heavy butted in. "What is problem? Scout has killed other team many times. Is not big deal..."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YA' MEAN THIS AIN'T A BIG DEAL?!" Scout screamed. She gulped, as he went over what may happen.

She could just get away with it Scott free. Maybe her and Heavy can still run. They can't possible have a thing like forensics here, right?

No, that can't work, there were witnesses. Those damn guards were watching the entire thing. Oh god, they must count as police here.

Okay, worst case scenario, they may or may not get thrown in a dungeon forever. These ponies are probably too peaceful to pull off an execution, right?

Heavy sighed, as she propped up the deceased Twilight. "Is not big deal. Heavy got this." She said, as she pulled out a sandwich, no, not just a "sandwich". She pulled out the sandwich. "Sandvich make little pony strong!"

Scout sighed. He knows it doesn't work for dead people, right?

The guards had been staring for awhile now. They were too scared to move forward. These two ponies couldn't be the same Rainbow Dash and Celestia... Could they? Perhaps it's best to see if Luna can attempt to fix that. As the second strongest alicorn in Equestria, she has to be able to do something...

One guard whispered to the other, and that guard ran off into the carriage, riding off towards the castle. The other guard stayed to keep watch on these two.

=The Strange Cave in Everfree=

After what seemed like hours, Derpy and the magical wizard had finally made it to the cave!

"Now listen Derpy..." Mr.Babble started slowly. "I need you to be very careful. Once you go in there, we can't talk anymore. You'll be on your own, can you handle that soldier?"

Derpy saluted. "Aye Aye, Mr.Babble!" She slowly trotted in, as a fizzling sound rang softly in her ears. It was pretty dark, but the outside light gave her enough to see the outlines of the caves innards. She looked around, as she saw a very strange light at the end of the cave. It was red, and it was swirly. Like a cotton candy machine! Mmmmmm... Cooooottaaannnn Caaaannnndddyyy. Not as good as Muffins though! Those are really good!

Derpy took a confidant step forward, and the portal opened up, almost inviting her in. She could almost see the end of it from here! It looked like the inside of a barn! Did Mr.Babble live in a barn? Is he a pony too? There was only one way to find out! She stepped in...

And out stepped a completely new mare. "Ya did good son, real good..." Derpy said, seemingly to herself. She now has a vest and rounded soldier hat, with a rocket launcher attached to her back. This, as we know, is Soldier.

Suddenly, a voice echoed through the portal...

"Oi! You in there mate? You alroight?" This was Sniper. As he was saying this, a walkie-talkie was thrown through the portal. "We won't be able t' communicate without these! Merasmus says we can talk to eachotha' wit' em as long as the portal stays open! Make sure ya' bring our teammates back!"

Soldier nodded, and saluted. "You got it! Tell your kangaroo wife I said 'Hello!' Nyahehehe!" He ran down the cave, ready to get into action, as he ignored the angered cries of his teammate. Suddenly, as he exited the cave, he bumped into a blue unicorn with a slick, silver mane. She looked to the Soldier, then looked back down at the ground and walked off...

"Huh? Not even a small sorry?" Soldier blinked, and began walking over to this strange figure. "Hey! Are you even listening?!"

The unicorn flinched. This pony was loud... "S-Sorry..." She said shakily, as she walked off.

Soldier blinked. Wow, that was kinda harsh. "N-No, no...I'm sorry, okay? Listen, let's start over, My name is..." Soldier stopped himself, and then restarted. "I'm Barble...Barble Blapkins!"

The pony finally looked up at Soldier. "Trixie..." She hung her head again and began walking away. Yeesh, this girl was a bummer...

But Soldier wouldn't let up. It's the unamerican thing to do! "Really now? You got a job or something?"

"Used to..."

Soldier leaned in. "Used to...? Come on! Out with it So-, er, Trixie! Trust me, I'm your friend here!" Soldier kept the ruse up. If she couldn't guess he wasn't who he really was, he may have found an easy 'tour guide' to follow around! You've outdone yourself AND a spy, Solly! You deserve a promotion! He thought, as a small chuckle escaped his lips.

Trixie looked up at Barble. This was one strange mare.... "Well...I used to work in showbiz. I was 'The Great and Powerful Trixie'..." She got up on her hind hooves and did a careless pose, before limply falling on the ground, coughing a bit. "Anyway, nopony wanted me in any town in Equestria after some...incidents... I don't have a job anymore and...blah...blah blah..." She trailed off.

Soldier was...kinda amused by that story. "Really now? So does that make you a wanderer?"

Trixie blinked, and looked at Barble. "A wanderer? I mean, I guess. I don't really have anywhere to go."

"Well, you should now that it's pretty dangerous out here!" Barble said.

Soldier blinked. That wasn't him....

That was *NOT** him!*

He sniffed the air. "Alright Spy! I've had it up to here with your tricks! Come out and face me like a MAN!"

Trixie looked up at Barble. Okay, this mare just went from weird to insane. "Who are you talking to?"

That's when she saw her. A second Barble. Okay, now THIS was confusing.

"There you are, you shape-shifting hippie!"

=Canterlot=

The guard had finally made it to Canterlot. It was a pretty long trip, but it payed off in the end. Luna was already out and about. Now was his chance. The plan him and his partner came up with went as follows.

1. Get Luna from Canterlot

2. Use her magic to disrupt the portal

3. ????

4. Profit

This was going to work. He knew it in his bones!

Luna was eating a strange triangular sandwich which had a very chewy part of it. And it was EXTREMELY chewy! Not to mention delicious! It was almost as if it's some kind of secret ingredient from another world. She attempted to swallow down parts of the strange food in her mouth. She finished off the olive that was carefully placed on top with a tooth pick, before throwing it away. She suddenly found a guard standing next to her. "Oh, hello there!"

The guard wasn't at all hesitant. "Princess Luna! My apologies for interrupting your lunch time, but this is extremely urgent! We need you to help us!"

Luna blinked. "May I ask of which business I must partake that my sister cannot?"

The guard whispered in her ear, before she blinked. "Pfft, Preposterous! There cannot be such a thing!"

The guard sighed. "Please, just come with me princess..."

Luna sighed. "As you wish. Let us make this quick!" She said, as she followed the guard to the carriage. As they were approaching Everfree. Luna spotted it, no, she felt it! It was an immense power! One unmatched by any unicorn, or even alicorn alike!

Perhaps that guard wasn't jesting...

Suddenly, Luna heard a full-blooded battle cry...

Solly was deep in battle with the Spy. He wasn't going to let the Spy pull off another 'cloak and dagger' trick on him! This was the last time he'll let that Spy fool him or anyone else ever again!

Wait a second... He just disappeared in some kind of green smoke. "Alright, come out here, crouton!"

Suddenly, he felt a bite in his shoulder. "DAMMIT MR. CUDDLES, NOT N- Oh, it's you..." He said, as he looked to the fake Soldier. He shoveled the Spy into next week. "Gotcha', crouton!"

Suddenly, a loud booming voice shouted from behind him "WHO GOES THERE?!"

Jesus, that almost blew out his eardrum. Soldier turned around, and saluted. "Lieutenant General Barble Blapkins, doing my job, ma'am!" He dropped the salute. "Now, what's your business with me?"

Luna blinked. This was one informal 'Lieutenant General'. Could she be talking about the wonderbolt academy? No, the Wonderbolts don't fight like this...

"We have reason to believe that there is a strange disturbance going on here. We must ask, upon official request, that you leave this premises."

"No can do, Private. I've got my duty to fulfill here." She said, with another salute.

Trixie walked up behind Barble, and whispered in her ear. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

Soldier chuckled. "Ma'am, I've dealt with these people before, I know what I'm doing." He stood firm. "As the commanding general of this operation, I must order you to leave!"

Luna had a small laugh. "Oh, surely you jest! You cannot talk down a princess, you surely know that!"

"Princess Sminshmess, my orders are what goes around these parts! You can ask my unit that!"

Luna blinked. This was getting ridiculous. There was know way she was going to let this happen. "Alright, it's either you move, or I'll move you by myself!"

"Bring it on, Hippie!" Soldier snarled, as he readied his shovel. Trixie gulped, and stepped away from the fight. This was going to be big...

=Ponyville=

Heavy was making sure Twilight was chewing the sandwich, before holding her chin up, so that the food would slide down her throat. "Little pony should wake up in couple minutes."

Scout tapped her hoof on the ground. "This betta' work man, or we're friggen screwed" Scout was very anxious to make sure Twilight wasn't dead. If she was dead, that meant being in another cell. Scout wasn't ready to kiss Heavy to get out of one of those situations...

As Scout was thinking this, Twilight coughed. Bits of sandwich flew out of her mouth, and she groaned in pain.

"Oh thank god, she ain't dead! Perfect! Come on, let's beat it befo' she notices us!" Scout was really anxious to run right now. He's had enough of this place of ponies. He wanted HOME dammit! The thing is... She's not sure how to go back.

"Gah! This place sucks!" He hit himself. What the hell was that?

Scout coughed. "Listen Heavy, I'll just... be right back." She awkwardly walked away. Heavy shrugged, as he attempted to bring the pony back into existence.

Scout was behind a building, thinking to herself. She just hit herself but... she didn't do it on purpose.

"Alright, this place is gettin' to me, I gotta get the hell outta' here" Suddenly, she hit herself again. "STOP THAT!" she screamed at her arm, before covering her mouth and looking around. Okay, no one saw that... "Alright, what the hell is goin o- OW!" She just hit herself again, and then a second time. "GAH! WHO'S DOIN' THIS?!"

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

The words echoed in his mind. It was his voice but...It wasn't his accent. Somethin' was up.

"Nah, you gotta' get outta' MY head!"

She hit herself on purpose. It only just made her feel stupid.

"Stop hitting me!"

"Hey, you're hittin' yerself hea'!"

Suddenly, Scout got a huge migraine. Her head hurt so much that she fell onto her knees. "Alright! Jesus man, I take it back!"

The migrane only got worse. Scout felt like she was going insane! She could barely see what was going on through tears welling up in her eyes. That's when it all suddenly stopped. That voice rang in his ears.

"O-Owwww.... W-Why did you...Do...that...."

"What the hell are y- Ah... Whatta' ya talkin' about I thought you did that!" Scout groaned. "L-Listen, Since you're a voice in my head, lemme just think this out wit' ya...Who are ya' anyway?"

"Who do you think it is?! My name is Rainbow Dash!"

Chapter 7.5: a Moment Away From the Ponies

"Beep, boop, bleep, bloop, I have come to take American jobs. Bloop, Blarp. Robot Noises."

the Red Soldier danced around in his robot suit, making more robot noises, whilst the rest of the team joined in, wearing their own Halloween costumes.

"OCKTOBERFEEEEEEEEEEESSSSTTTT! Ohhhooohoo!" Medic came out with beers for everyone, as they made a satisfying clink for everyone. Another battle had been won! This had to be the best month of their lives! The Blu's didn't stand a chance without those major players in there! They no longer had a Scout, Heavy, OR Soldier! All the elements were right! Nothing could stop the Red team!

Everyone cheered in delight, as Scout came out in his mummy outfit. "Yo, aren't you guys even the slightest bit scared?" He asked.

Everyone looked at him. "Scout, ze only terrifying thing here, is zat outfit! Now ZAT...Is how you make a mummy costume!" Spy said, as he gave a pleased applause. Scout facepalmed.

"No, I mean, don't you think there's a reason why they're team memba's are gone? I mean, no offense, but I think we should hold the celebration' 'till we actually get one fair and square..."

"Ha! Since when does little Scout play fair?" Heavy said, taking an audible chomp onto his sandvich. Moist and delicious.

Scout groaned. "You know what? I'm goin' ova' there to see fer' myself!" Scout said, as he pulled up his mummified sleeves, and walked towards the exit. Everyone gave a laugh.

"See you in the respawn room then, Mumma's boy!"

Everyone started laughing, all except Scout, who plugged out those idiots. They didn't know that he was actually friends with his other self. Of course he would be worried! He hasn't been at any of their meeting places and it was getting really awkward with both of their Spies following him to see what he was doing. He pretended not to notice, but sometimes it's hard to do it when you can plainly see a disguised Spy outside of the battle.

Scout sighed, as he kept walking towards the enemy base. It was a suicide mission, but he had to find out something about his friend. Halloween was coming up, and he felt like spending it with none other than him, himself, and his friend who was also him. He made it to the base, surprisingly safe. Not a sound was inside the building. It was kinda creepy...

He kept marching through the base, looking for at least one red to talk to. That's when he heard it.

The Spy had just uncloaked behind him.

Scout learned to notice these things after a while, so what he did next only came naturally. He tackled down the Spy, who had his knife perched over his back. The knife clinked onto the ground, as the Spy gave an audible Oompf!

Scout helped the Spy up. "Sorry about that...but I wasn't going to run back her afta' gettin' backstabbed." He said, sniffling a bit and wiping his nose.

The Spy just glared at him. "Vatever it is you vant, make it quick. If it's insults you wish to throw, then go ahead. I at least hope zat you keep our disadvantages in ze battlefield in mind." He said, crossing his arms.

Scout chuckled. "Yeah, as much as I wanna be an A-hole about it right now, I can't... Ya see, that's why I'm here anyway..." He began to explain. The Spy pulled out a cigarette, and began to smoke it, motioning for Scout to move on. With the new light formed from the cigar, you could see that Spy... hasn't slept... at all. Man, that's starting to creep me out...

Scout continued. "Anyway... I wanna help find your friends..."

Spy dropped his Cigarette from his mouth, his mouth wide open, as smoke slowly shifted between his teeth and outside his mouth. "Pardon me?"

Scout coughed, and readjusted himself. "I... wanna help... find your friends... Get it?"

Spy blinked. "What?"

Scout sighed. "How can I make it any clearer than that?"

Spy couldn't understand. "No... no no no, zis is some kind of trick..."

Scout groaned. "How can I prove I ain't lyin' to ya?"

Spy shrugged, before his eyes opened up. It took him a while to think it up, so he put his hands on his waist, and nodded to Scout. "Strip"

Scout blinked, before jumping back. "WAIT WHAT?!"

Spy nodded. "Just ze shirt. I need to know you are not wearing some kind of vire... And ze headphones, zey must go."

Scout blinked, then nodded.

"Well... this is kinda odd but... 'aight... makes sense, I guess..."

He then started to take off his shirt, revealing the oily, lean ribs that covered his stomach, and the nice taaaaAAAA- OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH.

Spy stopped Scout. "Okay, zat's enough, I believe you now."

Spy shuddered. He could still see that small, slender body, with his slick, hairless skin and... Urgh! Pull yourself togezer!

Scout blinked, "Oh thank god..." He sighed, quickly hiding his body under his clothes yet again.

Spy sighed. "But, ve need no help finding our friends...we know where zey are..." He said, with a sigh.

Scout grabbed onto Spy's vest and pulled him close. "Where are they?! They captured or somethin'? I'm gonna smash open some heads if I have 'ta! Tell me what I gotta do!"

Spy blinked, then narrowed his eyes. "You have to become a pony..."

Those words hit Scout harder than any beating from a big red guy could before, and he began to chuckle, which turned into an uncontrollable laugh, as he began rolling on the floor. "OH GOD MAN, MY RIBS ARE HURTIN' ALREADY!" He screamed, as he laughed even more uncontrollable. He looked at Spy, who had a dead straight serious face on him.

Scout simmered down. He knew Spy can't just say that without laughing. "Oh shit...you're serious, ain't 'cha?"

Chapter 8: Too Much Chaos?

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I have done absolutely nothing ever since I got out of this rock. I was still wondering why I was out in the first place

It's not like you just magically come out of statues whenever you feel like it... No, there must be a sustainable and abundant amount of...Oh...whats the word I'm looking for? Ah, yes, chaos!

Why was I in a statue again?

Well, last hearth's warming eve can atest to that! But don't ask about that...

But yes, good ol' chaos!

Oh, that word sends a chill down my spine every time I even THINK about it! Oh, but what do you all care? You're about loving and tolerating and all that not-so-fun crap. Well, how about I tell you what I saw happening with all this newfound chaos?

It all started with that gray pony who kept calling herself a Soldier.

She flew without wings! Without magic, that's an impossible task! The trail of smoke that followed her smelt quite a lot like grounded up coal and sulfur. Giving chase to the pony was Luna, that wannabe princess that was attempting to be better than her sister. I think she might have given that up a while ago... No matter, this Soldier had my attention at the moment!

=Canterlot Gardens=

"GIVE UP NOW AND YOU WILL *NOT** BE HARMED!"* Soldier screamed, hoping that the angry magical pony would stop soon.

"Hast thou lost her MIND?!" Luna screamed back, as she stuck the landing infront of Soldier. "We cannot fight here!"

Soldier cracked his hooves. "Whats the matter? Do you have a stash of frilly training bras somewhere? I'd be glad to STRANGLE YOU WITH THEM!"

Just before things could lead to another rocket jumping chase, Discord himself showed himself infront of Luna. She stood back, frightened. "I'm terribly sorry princess, but I simply cannot allow you to destroy such a... fascinating... creature!" He said, very mockingly.

Luna gasped. "Discord! You are not thinking of turning back on us, are you? I thought you changed for the better!"

"And now I'm not! Isn't it wonderful? And now I have a new compani-"

"Companion?! Now you hold your all four of those limbs that belong to different animals together, soldier!" Our solly commanded.

Discord, who was genuinely frightened by this creatures tone and the fact that she sounded absolutely nothing like a she, decided to follow his order to the textbook definition... at least to soldier's command.

Soldier stood on her hinds, and looked at Luna. She saw fear in those eyes. If she knew she could control whatever this creature is, she would be absolutely terrified! Then he can get on with his job! After making sure that other person was taken care of... What was her name again? Snoopy? Nah, it was probably droopy... she definitely was a lot of that... Where was I? Oh yeah, control the big thing that looks like it was sown together by Frankenstein's creator himself.

"Alright you maggots, this is how it's gonna play out!" Soldier started off, as he began marching back and forth. "I am now in control of this 'Discord' that you speak of, and I shall continue to control him until I have gotten what I rightfully deserve!"

Luna gulped, and Discord squealed in delight.

"World domination?!" Discord and Luna said at the same time, keeping their emotions opposite, respectively.

"What? No, I mean, Yes! Totally! World domination! Whatever makes you fear me more!" Soldier said, with a grin. Then he glanced to discord. "Except for you... you can like me..."

Discord whispered to Luna. "I already do!" He giggled in delight, like a little school girl, while Luna trembled in fear. There was only two ways this would go. Somepony gets the elements of harmony pronto, or Celestia ultimately becomes defeated by these two ruffians.

The latter was not comforting to Luna, and she gulped.

Soldier smiled, as he whistled for discord. "Here boy!"

Discord, completely mesmerized by Soldier's unruly behavior, obliged happily. "Onwards, my steed!" Soldier said. "We're off to grab my...erm... Minimins!..." He then confirmed with discord if that was the right word that had just been used right then and there. To say the least, Soldier was not making a good last impression right now...

And off they rode, down the hills of Canterlot (Kinda) and over the Forest of Everfree (Kinda) and straight for... um... wait, what does the map say again?

Ah, right, *Ahem* (Kinda).

=Ponyville (Kinda)=

Heavy was furiously shaking Twilight. "WAKE, UP, LITTLE, PONY, MAAAAAAAN!"

Suddenly, Twilight grabbed onto Heavy. "I know why you're here!" She screamed, but not as loud as Heavy did.

"Da?" Heavy responded casually, as if she hadn't been shaking and yelling at a partially unconscious pony.

She attempted to shake the Heavy pony, but failed. "We need to find that portal! Maybe then, we can get you back home!"

"OOHHHH PRIIIIINCEEESSSSS!"

The familiar sound of Discord's voice boomed over them.

And ontop of Discord was Soldier himself. "Mission 'Honey, I'm home!' has been accomplished! Executing phase 2!"

Twilight smacked Soldier. He groaned, wiping his cheek. "Ow! Hey that hurt!"

Twilight sighed. "There's no time for whatever you're doing, Soldier!"

"Hey, how did you know my na-"

"Watch out, Luna on our six!" Discord said.

"Ah crap, Turn face, magical multi-limbed creature!"

Discord followed command, as Soldier readied his rocket. "Say your prayers!"

Twilight then continued to tackle Soldier. "Stop right there! I can't let you do that!"

Luna safely landed. "Stop right there, criminal scum!"

Heavy sat patiently, eating away at his newly spawned sandvich. He munched happily as he watched the following conversation going on. It dragged on for a while, taking a long time to explain itself, which is why the author put this line of text here to make up for the stuff you probably thought was already going to happen...

"And that's why we can't be fighting eachother, deal?"

Soldier and Luna looked at eachother, and crossed their arms, looking away and refusing eye contact. "Sure..."

Twilight sighed, glad to have got that out of the way. Discord sighed as well. "How dreadfully boring..."