The Beheading of Count Chocolate

by deathtap

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 2406

Count Chocolate has been caught as one of the ring leaders of an attempted coup against our favorite princesses. The sentence? Death!

After a series of amazing detective work by the Royal Guard, Count Chocolate was caught. Being one of the ring leaders in an attempted coup to assassinate the Royal princesses, his sentence was obvious from the start. Even faced with his impending death, the others in his coup are still at large.

Still, the princesses with their kindness and forgiveness (ahem) have given the despicable Count a choice. If he names his accomplices, his life will be spared. Sadly the Count is renowned for his fierce loyalty, one that could rival that of the Element of Loyalty herself. How will the princesses convince the stubborn Count to tell them what they want to know, or will he willfully face the axe.

Published 2013-02-14 13:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-14 13:20:01 UTC

The Entire Tale

"Talk! Talk you... you... you evil stallion, you!" Luna barked.

"Never!" Count Chocolate spat back. He hacked a loogie and spat it on Luna's face.

The princess tried in vain to dodge it, but it had landed right on her neck. "Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew..."

"Serves you right!" the Count laughed.

Using her magic to peel the offending splatter from her body, she held it with her magic for a moment before throwing it back at the stallion, specifically aiming for his left eye. It missed, but barely. He shouted in anger and struggled against his bonds.

"Equestria doesn't need you! Equestria doesn't need either of you! Get out of my country, you stupid so-called princesses. This is a country of ponies, for ponies! We don't need rulers! We can govern ourselves..."

"Tell us who your accomplices are! Tell us who was working with you!" Luna said ignoring the Count's rant.

"Are you deaf? I said I'd never give them away! Never! We will never allow ourselves to be discovered! We will never bow down to you!"

Luna sighed, turned and exited the cell. The door slammed shut behind her as the pegasus guard latched it.

"I take that it didn't go so well?" Celestia asked her sister sweetly sipping on a cup of tea. She expertly used her magic to pour her sister one and floated it to her.

Luna shook her head, "I must be losing my touch. I had failed to intimidate him in the slightest! Even threatening to unleash Nightmare Moon on him didn't seem to faze him at all. He just... he spat on me! Tia! Stop laughing! This isn't funny!"

"My dearest sister, when you've been alive for as long as I have-"

"I have been alive for as long as you have, dear sister. Just I spent some of that time in a lunar prison, in case you had forgotten." Luna sniffed and turned away from Celestia in annoyance, "You've been alone for far too long. You forget that I am only a few years younger to you."

"I never meant it like that, Lulu. Just..." Celestia sighed, "it's just I find it frustrating. You get one of this coups every century. I've had to deal with ten of them in your absence that now I just look forward towards cutting their heads off."

"Tia!"

"What? It's true! You can't help them nor reason with them and their line of thinking will only lead to more dissent, which always lead to more conflict and... it's always the same thing, every single time, and all that it accomplishes is harming our beloved kingdom and those that we are sworn to protect. You learn to give up trying to have them see reason to the point where I have come to the only conclusion that I see fit."

"Which is?" Luna asked before taking a sip from her cup.

"That it's time for them to lose their top. If they're not going to use the heads they were given, we might as well relieve them of it."

Luna did a spit-take, shocked to hear such words uttered by her dear sister. Celestia had prevented the tea from reaching her using her magic to form a shield. "Surely there are other ways besides," Luna gulped and gripped her throat, "beheading."

"Well, it's written law, far more ancient than us, dearest sister. The punishment for High Treason is death by beheading. I can show you the book of law where it's form if you'd like. Twilight is borrowing it, but I'm sure she'll-"

"No, no. It's fine. I believe you. So, what shall we do now?" Luna asked looking at the door to the cell with apprehension. She did not want to have the Count beheaded, but if that was the only way to secure the safety of her followers and ensure that no further ponies would be harmed, then what choice did she have? Was it really necessary?

There was some shouting from the inside as one of the guards tried his hardest to get Count Chocolate to talk, but he too was getting nowhere. After a while there was an almighty smack, followed by shouts then silence.

"Is there no way to spare him?" Luna asked after a long moment of silence.

Celestia wrapped a comforting wing around her younger sibling, "Yes. If he confesses and gives the names of his co-conspirators then he would have earned clemency. He would be placed in prison for a time, but at least he would be alive. That, or he loses his noggin. This is what I would prefer, although the second option still does appeal to me."

"Tia!"

"What? It does! You heard him! He thinks that he can lead our followers better than us when we have ruled this kingdom for over a millenia. We've got a lot of experience in the job! You think that he can possibly help this land any better than we? He'd condemn our subjects to an age to jealousy and anger forcing it back to an age of anarchy and ignorance. That, and he can't raise the sun."

"No. I suppose you're right. Allowing him to live would only spread dissent and inspire others to take up his mantle. The best thing would be to... behead him... only..."

"I know, dearest sister. I know! The first time I had to do this, I was none too pleased as well."

"Now?"

"Now I look forward to it. I just wish he'd confess to Blueblood being a part of this. Ooh, I would love to see his head roll."

Luna gasped, "Tia! He is our nephew!"

"That, and many other things that cannot be said in polite company. You haven't had the pleasure of spending time with him. When you do, I vow that you'll wish that he was scheduled for the chopping block instead." Princess Celestia looked at the door to the cell as two guards exited closing it behind them with a heavy thud, the bolts clanging into place.

Luna looked at them expectantly, but they both shook their heads sadly. They knew how much Luna wanted the Count to confess and were disappointed that they could not give her good news.

"Then it is time. Bring him before the court, we shall dispense some much needed justice." Celestia stood up and proceeded from the dungeons.

Luna followed still with a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Count Chocolate, you are accused of High Treason against Her Royal Highness Princesses Celestia of the Lucid Sun and Her Royal Highness Princess Luna of the Ethereal Moon, Rulers of the Kingdom of Equestria, the punishment is death. How do you plead?" the judge announced.

"I do not plead. I am guilty! But my guilt is not towards this land, for I have not betrayed my beloved Equestria. No, I am the only one here innocent. You accuse me of High Treason against those you call your princesses, when in fact I am the one that should lead you! You are the traitors! You here who has stood by and allowed this crime to pass. Equestria is a land where mortals should rule! We should be the ones able to choose our own fate, to choose our own destiny! Not be watched by the two of them like children for our entire lives!" The Count glared at the princesses sitting on the balcony overlooking to the proceedings. "So, yes, I plead guilty to the crimes stated."

Luna sighed, "It really is hopeless then?" she whispered quietly.

"We shall see," Celestia replied. "Just wait."

Hours had gone by as the defense attorney tried his very best to defend the stubborn Count. Eventually the final verdict was passed. The defense had done all they could to avoid the inevitable, but the Count had practically signed his own demise by not allowing his own lawyers to do their job and repeatedly stressing how guilty he was.

The verdict was read aloud by the judge, a sentence that had not been passed in Equestria for a hundred years. Guilty for the crime of High Treason, death by beheading. The gavel slammed down. Now even if the princesses wanted to intervene, they could not. The only way the Count could save his own life would be to confess his conspirators.

The drum roll of the snare drums sounded as the Count marched towards the chopping block. All around him the ponies of Canterlot booed and sneered at the traitor; they loved their princesses, they cherished them.

The princesses walked out onto their balcony getting a clear view of the executioner's stand just the the Count arrived on it. Two of the guards next to him released his harness and placed an iron collar around his neck with was held by two chains that was attached to strong ropes. They pulled the ropes through two pulleys and pulled at the same time. The Count's head lowered down and was firmly locked into place on the block. Deep grooves on it revealed a history of ponies taking their final breathes here. Despite his earlier bravado, the Count licked his lips nervously and swallowed hard.

"D-d-do your worst!" the Count shouted, spittle exploding from his lips.

The crowds shouted angrily. An egg found its way through the air, smashing against the Count's body. Some other pieces of debris also flew through the air, but Luna was having none of it. Using her magic, she formed a barrier that stopped the projectiles dead in their tracks.

Despite that, the crowds still tried to throw things at him.

Celestia stood up and raised her hoof into the air. The crowd at once stopped and a great silence washed over them. She took a deep breathe, and in her Royal Canterlot Voice said: "Count Chocolate of Abtenauer, you might still be given mercy should you choose to willingly turn over those that conspired with you to take over this kingdom by force, to harm others for your own personal gain, to cause destruction, mayhem and murder against the ponies of this land. If you confess the names, then the court, to which we are now bound to adhere to, shall look upon your sentence with leniency. You shall be granted a stay on the axe, and you will live."

"You think that I will accept your charity?" the Count shouted. He threw his head back and laughed, "Never! Our cause is righteous! We shall never surrender ourselves to you or your sister!"

"Are you sure? You still have a chance to end this," Celestia said, her patience wearing thin, "just give us the names of your accomplices."

"Never! They will continue to defy you after I have died, and we will overthrow you!"

Celestia shrugged, "Or they will fade away into obscurity and eventually be caught by the Royal Guard. How do you think Shining Armor caught you?"

"Ha! You think that your petty threats can move me? My allies will never, ever, ever give in to you!"

"Sister, if I may... can I try to persuade him?" Luna asked, "One last time?"

"Sure. I don't see what good it will do, but help yourself."

"Are you going to tell us?" Luna asked in her Royal Canterlot Voice.

"No!" the Count barked back.

"Are you really sure?"

"Yes!"

"Are you really, really sure?"

"Yes!"

"So you'll tell us?"

"Never!"

"Even as your death is imminent?"

"Yes! I will never tell you!"

Luna sat back down and shrugged, "Well, I tried."

"Very eloquent argument, dearest sister."

Luna pouted and turned away from Celestia, "It was worth a shot."

At the far end of the courtyard, a large door slowly swung open and a huge minotaur walked out carrying a very large, very sharp axe in his hands. Swinging the axe, he let it lean on his shoulder as he walked into the daylight from the shadows. He had a mask over his eyes and cheeks made of black cloth so that only his eyes and muzzle were visible along with the horns on his head. With slow, deliberate steps, he made his way towards the Count, who never took his eyes off the massive blade. When he stepped onto the executioner's stand, the wooden planks creaked from the combined weight.

The silence persisted.

Standing in front of the prisoner with his back turned, the minotaur paused in front of the crowd facing the princesses on their balcony.

"Do you want to do the honors, dear sister?" Celestia whispered through the corner of her lips.

Luna shook her head.

"Very well," she whispered quietly before raising her head towards the executioner. "Off with his head!" she stated in the Voice.

The minotaur bowed and turned towards the Count. He walked all the way around the Count so that he was now in between the executioner and the princesses. He placed the axe on the ground between his legs and spat into his hands, rubbing them together. Then, picking it up by the handle, he raised it up and over his head.

"Your last chance. Please see reason!" Luna begged.

The Count laughed, "I'll see you in Tartarus!"

Twisting his body slightly, the minotaur pulled the axe in a large arc towards the exposed neck of the Count. Down came the blade.

"Wait! I will talk! I will tell you everything! I will-"

The blade cut through cleanly.

"You're not eating, Lulu?" Celestia asked.

"How can you eat after that?" Luna replied, shuddering in disgust.

Celestia sighed, "Don't get me wrong, I don't ever like taking another pony's life, ever. But the law is the law, and even I have to respect it. Plus he was really begging for it. How many chances did we give him to change his mind?"

"He was going to confess! I heard him before... if only I had cast my magic faster..."

"Oh Luna, you still haven't learned. They always confess at the last minute like that, it's impossible to stop."

Luna shrugged and sighed, "I guess it's true what they say."

Celestia furrowed her brow, "What do 'they' say?"

The dark blue alicorn grinned and looked up at her older sister with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

"Don't hatchet your Counts before they chicken."

Author's Note

I have got to stop writing these.