Il Diario della Luna - Journal of the Moonby EOWChaptersIt won't last long, right?Descent // AscentI don't think that was decafIt won't last long, right?I couldn't tolerate that affront, nopony liked my beautiful nights. I tried to rebel, believing to be right, but lost the battle. I betrayed my sister, my dear sister Celestia and I refused to let the Moon set. She... She only defended herself and she did the only thing she could do. Now I'm on the Moon. Alone. Day 1 I've been punished for how I acted. At the end I deserved it... I was so blinded by envy that I couldn't control myself. I'm really sorry big sister... Day 2 I have no idea how long this imprisonment will last, I hope not much. In the last hours I haven't done nothing, I stayed sat over a rock weeping until it was completely wet. How many hours I have been like that? It's difficult to keep track of time without a clock or a reference, I tried to guess but the only way seems to observe the movement of our planet. Oh, if only I had the strenght to do it... +++ I stood up and began to walk in circles, trying to dispel the thoughts that were slowly crowding in my mind. They pulses and wiggles, alternating chaotically and showing me various moments of my and my sister's life, until the moment envy took over. Those memories are giving me so much pain, physically and psychologically. I would like to get rid of them, I would put an end to all these regrets. I'm so sorry ... Day 3 Destiny is so ironic to me. The Darkness that led me to the betrayal disappeared at the same time I arrived here. I wish I had a way to communicate with Celestia and tell her that I am healed, I would... Yeah, I would but I can't... I have to pay for this punishment for not having been able to control my frustration. +++ Today I was able to look at the Earth. A wonderful and charming sight, one that you'll never forget for the rest of your life, one that will be impressed with fire in your eyes until you breathe. A view as beautiful as bitter. At least for me. I couldn't resist. After less than five minutes that I watched I felt the need to turn away from it. I cried again. Day 4 I'm cold, so, so cold, but this is the last of my problems. I accepted the fact that I'm going to stay here for long time and I started to look around to get an idea of the place around me. I wish I hadn't done it. I realized I was alone and my real enemy wasn't Cold up here. It was Nothing. The total Void around me. There is no noise, no shouts of joy, no wind among the rocks, nopony. Only gray rocks from here to the horizon. I wish I could have somepony to talk to, something to do, or at least something of any kind. The Boredom, the Loneliness ... Here's what I have. +++ I moved the lunar dust in front of me and I've formed many small heaps and shaped them that they might be perfectly conical, smoothing them with my hoof until I was satisfied. I watched them for a while like an artist with his works, then I destroyed them and started again. It's a silly thing, but it helps me pass the time. I feel I'll go mad if this thing goes longer, I hope this imprisonment doesn't last long, I don't know how much I can resist. Survive this silence is very difficult, the only sound that accompanies me is my heartbeat, always equal to itself, monotonous and redundant. Tu-Tum. Tu-Tum. Tu-Tum. Day 7 After a hard week, I finally overcome the phase "remorses and guilty feelings". I tried to bring to mind the happy and joyful moments, hoping that they’ll come soon to take me back to Earth. I just have to wait. It won’t last long, I'm sure. +++ I heard a voice. The sounds have changed. My heart, slow and rhythmic, has become rapid and unpredictable. I think it’s due to the emotion of hearing a voice other than my own, or at least... I could not define it, it was a voice. I can’t remember even if it was male or female. I just hope it wasn’t my imagination. Day 15 I took a breath of fresh air and exhaled, enjoying the view. I decided to live this experience as a long lasting holiday, so I walked a long time looking for the highest mountain and I went to it’s top. The horizon widened so much, revealing a world all gray, but various and all to be discovered. The only missing thing was someone to share this moment with. I haven’t heard that voice anymore. + + The biggest problem is to pass the time, there is not much to do besides exploring, today I visited the whole mountain and found a cave with inside lots of beautiful stalactites. Gray. When I came out the Earth was in front of me, in all its beauty. It was bright, reflecting sunlight. I wondered how Celestia was doing without me, now she must raise both the Sun and the Moon. Celestia... That brief thought was enough to make me waver. I kept out remorse for a whole week, I thought I could make it to the end but that moment had been enough to shake me completely. I cried again. Will never stop those tears? Day 21 No one has returned. Strangely I need to get back the place where I landed. Why? Dunno, maybe because I need a place to call "home" even if I'm alone here and the entire moon is my home. The only thing I know is that my heart tells me to go back there every time after each walk. Oh, by the way, it continued to speak through rhythmical tu-tum. + + It hasn’t been difficult to go back there, it was enough to follow my steps backwards. Here on the moon, there is neither wind nor rain, no clouds, and there are no pegasi to check them, so nothing can erase your hoofprints. I recognized the rock on which I stopped crying on the first day and I decided to build upon it a small house. The material isn’t missing and I have the magic to do it. To work! Day 28 I finished building the house. It took me so long to let her standing up by herself, without cement or similar adesive it would have been impossibile. I cannot use magic forever! It’s not a big house, just four walls and a roof, a bed made of softened stones by magic where to sleep, but as soon as I went inside my heart has warmed. Tu-tum. + + Why? I wonder and say: WHY!? Because every time I notice something odd I see reflected a warning to my envy? Here on the Moon is always night, every hour. There is no atmosphere, so the sky does not turns blue at the passage of the sun. What a mocking thing. I struggled so much to bring eternal night, and now here I am, in the eternal night of the Moon, punished for my betrayal. The night is beautiful, the stars shining but... I have nopony to share it with ... + + THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE! I heard it again! This time it lasted longer, I did not understand what she said, but this time I'm sure it was a female voice. I can’t remember how it was, it seems that my brain erases it immediately after that I heard it Day 46 It 's been a month and a half since I came here. The tour of the satellite goes well, today I came back from exploring an underground cave. Go down was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced in recent times, I have to thank my wings if I managed to get to the bottom. I thought I would stay down there forever when the soil has crumbled beneath my hooves and made me fall for several feet before I could stabilize on flight. Luckily the exit wasn’t blocked, or I couldn't have gone back to my house. But ... The spectacle that I saw down there will remain forever one of the most memorable moments of my life. Of the crystals, of many colors glowed under the light of my horn, creating a rainbow of colors dancing throughout the cave. Something wonderful, that I stayed to look at for hours. Something I had not seen in a long time. Something different from the usual gray of the Moon. + + I miss that color. I came home for just two hours and already want to go back in there again to see the show of lights. Cursed be the moment when I saw it. Now how can I stand here in the gray without rethinking that symphony warm and engaging? To hell these rocks, I'm going back in there, I think I'll make it my new home! Day 51 I stayed down there five whole days. Or at least, I think it was five days, I have not counted the time, I was too busy watching. I've tried different combinations of light, I moved throughout the cave, experimenting with new shows and I acted as a director of the orchestra. An orchestra driven by the beautiful lights of the crystals and the echo of my hoofsteps, echoing suavely. I examined individually each crystal, I touched, smelled and tasted them. I also heard the tinkling produced by some when I tapped them, trying various places and changing the power of my touch. Ah, how many songs and how many different works! I did not give the title to any of these and I do not think I will, they would all be entitled "experiments with the heart" or something like that. When I finally learned the shape, sound, smell and taste of each crystal I closed my eyes and layed down, exhausted but happy, then I slept I do not know how much. Day 52 The last two days can be summarized as follows. I played the orchestra, I rested. I played the orchestra, I told myself that I should go home. I played the orchestra, then I listened to the beat of my heart. Tu-tum. He tells me that I must return to my home, my real home. Oh my, not the palace of Canterlot, there I can’t... My heart tells me that I have to go back to that comfortable bed of soft stones and rest properly. In fact I was so taken by the orchestra of lights and sounds that I forgot to make me a good bed, so now I have a sore back. I’ll go home. + + As soon as I got out I covered my eyes. Not because there was so much light, it really was not brighter than the crystal cave. But the gray, it’s candid reflection in my eyes dazzled me. I really lived here the last two months? In this gray? + + I’m torn between going back in there and get back to my hut. I opted for the latter, because I feel that if I stay in there my sanity will suffer heavily. If I get mad… when Celestia will come here to get me back she won’t resume me with her, eh! Day 79 I chipped a stone and gave it the shape of a pen. With it I started drawing on the dust, after having it first accurately leveled and made suitable for the purpose. I spent hours and hours moving the improvised pencil, drawing everything that was going through my mind. I filled an entire mountain of sketches of art and, not content, I signed them all. Never be that they come to check and seeing these drawings, they think "one with a similar sense of art deserves amnesty." I'm glad because theres a new sound to accompany the Tu-tum of my heart and the clop-clop of my hooves, the Scrib-Scrib of my pen, pencil, brush or whatever the hell it is. I only know it does Scrib-Scrib, so she told me. Day 91 Three months that seemed like an eternity. I sit on the roof of the house and looked at the earth. Now they’ll come, I'm sure. “Three months will be sufficient", will be telling my sister. While I’m thinking this, I heard again the Voice. She calls me. This time, I can understand her words. She says that today isn’t the day in which they’re going to take me back and rather I should prepare to bring eternal night when I’ll get back on earth. But what you want to know? You're just a voice coming from somewhere. Do not turn over the hoof in the wound, it’s because I wanted that damn endless night that I'm here. Alone. Alone with Tu-tum, Clop-clop and Scrib-Scrib. Voice, I have to raise you from my companions, You bring me to mind unpleasant memories you know? Do you like it if I make irony on your dead cat? Behold, be quiet and do not dare to do spirit. Ah! As if once there I would repeat the same mistake! She replies that I should rather be angry with Celestia for being punished and expelled. In short, she kicked her own sister for one stupid fight! I reply explaining that I asked for it. + + Oh, my god, what I'm doing? I'm talking to myself? The voice I hear is clearly mine... at least I think. Or not? What do I believe? Day 92 On the roof of the house. Are they coming or not? Day 93 On the roof of the house. Are they coming or not? Day 94 On the roof of the house. Hello, Celestia? I'm here, I'm waiting. Day 95 On the roof of the house. S.O.S. dispersed, They haven’t found me. I'm here, damn it, don’t you see me? I'm sorry! Day 96 I get off the roof of the house. Seh, good night. And after five days finally find the peace to sleep. Before, I was too busy watching the sky face up hoping to see somepony arrive. Instead... At least Tu-tum didn’t stop doing tu-tum, and Clop-clop has been quiet for the whole time I was up there on the roof. Scrib-Scrib I don’t hear him for a while, maybe tomorrow I will make some drawings and I'll ask him what has happened while I was waiting in vain. Descent // AscentI’ve been alone on the Moon for I don’t know how, punished for my behaviour. I faced the loneliness and cold in my heart. I’m here, still waiting for them to come and bring me back. Day 392 At the end, after a year and a month they didn’t come to bring me back. The whole mountain of artistic drawings has revealed to be useless and I’ve cleared the ones made on the dust. At first I cancelled only one, but the sound of my hoof scraping the lunar dust was sweet, almost melodious. I took pleasure and I started to remove all those sketches made with Scrib. I don’t know if he took it well, but should be happy, now I’ve doubled the surface on which I can use him! Day 407 I made a doll, patiently shaping it from a rock. She’s rough and I still have to work a lot on her. I think I’ll call her Pebble, since it actually is a rock. Gray. I found it two weeks ago into one of the many caves of the Moon, when I saw it I said to myself, oh well, I don’t have much else to do. What attracted me to this curious piece of stone was its shape, it looked like a pony, a pony sketched and roughly designed. I felt as if it was up to me to take it and improve it. I picked up the stone, and then I took it out, I sat on my bed of soft gravel and started sanding, sanding and sanding again. Then I sanded some more. And some more. In the end I got something that looked much more like a pony than it did before, now it has a head and four legs! I placed Pebble on a bedside table, comfortably obtained from a larger, square shaped stone. Obviously it was gray. Looking better at my creation I see that it has a leg longer than the others, so it’s slightly leaning on one corner. I don’t think that this changes a lot anyway. After that check I went back to the crystal cave and took some, placing them in my room. I feel like a scientist who brings her work “of discovery” at home! I remember that one, along the way, has fell and broke. At first I was very angry, then I saw it as an opportunity to "explore" new sound combinations. +++ I walk back and forth in front of the cabinet. Pebble, I say, where are you from? She tells me she’s from the land of black and white as ambassador. Why are you here? Because I want to serve the Princess of the Night. Good answer, just happened is almost night, we sleep together? With pleasure. +++ I hold the doll close to me. It's small, about half of a normal pony, but keeping it between my legs... I do not know, it sounds heartening. Tu-Tum. How much is that I have no physical contact with anypony? At least one year and two months, the last time among other things it was not even a good thing. My sister who exiled me to the moon... Day 418 I’m starting to feel sick. I really need to see somepony, in this year I did nothing but draw and play, play and draw, sculpting occasionally and then I spoke to my heart, to my hooves and to a strange voice that makes itself heard more and more frequently. From up here, on the Moon, I cannot even enter the dreams of ponies, the first thing I always did, making sure no one did nightmares and entertaining myself seeing things more bizarre and funny. There were also things grotesque and unsuitable, I remember once I was a filly and saw a... I mean, no, better don’t remember such things… I admit, I’ve done some strange things sometimes, but after being alone for so long they were just tricks to pass the time and relieve the sadness. I'm not crazy. But I'm afraid I'll become if I don’t invent something soon... Day 500 If I kept the count well today we should be good to about 480 days since my imprisonment began. I sit and watch the Earth. The blue of the oceans is always a wonderful show, now I can taste it without being beset by excessive remorses or obliterating nostalgic memories. The voice is calling me, loud and clear. My heart is pounding. The thrill of hearing a second voice, not coming from my imagination makes me heart beat faster. Tu-tu-tum. She asks me what I'm thinking, I say that I think back to my sister and my friends that I left there. Yeah... I miss them too... She says she's sorry that I haven’t had a chance to say goodbye and I don’t reply, I just bow your head and throw down a few tears. The lunar dust stays there to filter into the ground my tears, I bet if it was fertile here would have grown a rose. I loved the roses, especially the hard to find blue. Midnight blue. My unusual companion stays in silence for a while and then asks me if I still love my sister. I nod and I explain that I have always respected her and that I always loved her so much. I still remember how much I liked to feel her hug, when I was little, I cried and she comforted me. She claims that instead Celestia was starting to forget me and probably to her didn’t made neither hot nor cold the fact of sending me here. It is not possible, though... Even if, in last few years we were a bit apart, she was more and more involved with the management of Equestria and there were problems everywhere here and there. A draconequus throwing chaos, a black-hearted unicorn... All stuff that my sister, taking me with her, has faced. I explain to the voice that I'm sure it’s only my impression and that she still loves me. The voice doesn’t speak, but I feel as if she’s watching. Straight into my soul. Day 515 I run out of things to do. I’ve already made a lot of drawings and I don’t know what else I can represent. Listening to my heart or my hooves makes me feel crazy and I’ve played around enough either with Pebble and the colored crystals. Music, drawing, exploration... All done ad nauseum, I need something new. Now that I think about... I hardly ever flown! I get up, pompous as the discovery and immediately I rise in the air, doing a couple of simple pirouettes. I had almost forgotten the beauty of the flapping of wings. Flap, flap, flap, flap. Tu-tu-tum, tu-tu-tum. The heart beats again wildly, The joy of the air on my face (or at least, the air I imagine flows on my face, because here on the Moon there’s no air), This strengthens my spirit. +++ After flying over the entire lunar surface I'm going back to my warm, so to speak, house and I lie happy on the bed. I get close to me Pebble and put a paw on her shoulders. I tell her everything aloud, as befits the rank royal that belongs to me, describing her all the emotions I felt. She hangs a little to one side. She finds it odd that I stayed almost three years without flying and she’s right to ask me why. Why I haven’t flown before? I really had so much to do that I didn’t think about it? Why I'm speaking to a doll made of stone? Day 580 TO HELL! They aren’t going to pick me up yet? It's a hell of a year and nine months that I'm here, where are they? WHERE ARE THEY?! Who knows why, but the voice makes hear herself the most in the moments when I think of Celestia or when I'm angry. This time she makes me note that this is because my sister doesn’t care about me at and that she’s going to leave me here very very long, something that could last a thousand years. Tsk, a thousand years, even if I did something SO dramatic. Ok, I refused to lower the moon, and perhaps this deserves a severe punishment? Yes, the voice says. I don’t think so. We'll see who will win the day, I say. I hear her disapproving what I say and she claims that I should invent something lasting and not be ashamed to talk alone or with dolls or with my heart, not with other strange stuff. Have some fun and leave behind these worries and mental dilemmas, she said before disappearing. Day 602 I decided to try recreating the atmosphere of when I was down there as a princess. I sculpted a throne of stone wonderfully inlad and full of fancyful doodles, designed by myself. I sit on it, taking Pebble close to me and ask her how is going the realm. All goes well, milady, your dear sister is thinking about everything, she tells me. I don’t like this. Isn’t something I can do? I asked placind my head over a hoof, while I point my eyes toward ceiling pretending an annoyed expression. Could milady create me a companion, I feel so lonely, she explains, divagating completely from our speech. But poor filly, I under stand her… I know what means feeling lonely, expecially here on the Moon. I ask if she preferes an earth pony, a pegasus or an unicorn. None of those three, she doesn’t want friends? Seriously? What happened to seriousness here? Pebble, I under stand that you suffered bizzarre traumas from your broche when he locked you into your bedroom, but that doesn’t justify senseless dialogues. Finally I ask for a cup of tea, I stand up and pretending to be my faithful servant, I fill myself a cup of lunar dust. I sit back on throne, thanking Pebble and smelling the infuse. Ah, I say, what a nice and warm aroma, there’s some mint in this, isn’t it? Is vanilla this I taste? I drink, for feint obviously and thank her for the warm drink. In here is always good to drink something warm, isn’t it? Yes, her majesty. +++ I left my mind at the mercy of unbridled imagination and allowed her riding the whole day. Pretending all this has revealed unexpectly funny and bizzarre, even if at the beginning I felt dazed. I don’t want to become completely crazy, I, but I don’t think i would go crazy if I proceed without haste and keep polling the plug to imagination sometimes. Till I’ll be able to distinguish the true from false I won’t go mad and I can continue to have fun and pass the time. Just like on vacation! Day 603 This morning I said bye to Pebble and left her to do housework, that I'll do them myself when I come back, thanking her. I went towards the bottom of a crater, holding in my hoof Scrib, my beloved pen/pencil/paintbrush, that to be honest is an oblong rock. I really want to draw something and I’m sure that even Scrib will be happy. On the trip I’ve alternated flight and walking, both Clop-clop and Flap-flap have enjoyed so much, while Tu-tum… well he keeps saying the same sentence every second, without changing. I’m sorry to say so, but I don’t gave often attention to him. I flilled the crater with drawings, all of them portraying me as “Queen of everything that goes from here to horizon and even beyond”, a title a bit long that I abbreviate in “qoetgfhtoaeb”. Now that I think “qoetgfhtoaeb” is even more difficult to remember of “Queen of everything that goes… and so on”, so I discard the idea. Let's say that “Queen of everything that goes from here to horizon, over the horizon and even beyond, then just of everything” is shorter and of impact. +++ Ah-ha! The fun has been doubled! Guards, at attention! You, put the uniform in order, have a button unbuttoned! I say those sentences aloud, walking back and forth. I’m aware that this isn’t real but, hey, when happens I have another chance to rebuke those stern guardponies? Between a clop and a tum I see in the dust the picture of Tia thanking one by one all those loyal guards. When needed she always had the right word sto cheer up each of them, she was able to pull up the moral of everypony that felt unsure or scared for the future. She’s always been a great leader, capable of taking in her hooves the situation, even in the most difficult circumstances. I’ve never been able to do so. In fact… It wasn’t only that no pony liked the beautiful night I wore, I admired and envied everything of my sister. Her nature, her movings… all in her was perfect. Everything. May god strike me deadif I didn’t think at times to fall in love with her, for how much she was charismating and charming! Full of emotions, I jumped and flew at great speed, then slowing down and let me fall, slowly, enjoying the low gravity. While falling, seeing the Earth upside down, I think at our great undertakings. We faced King Sombra in the Crystal Empire, segregating him, but he had the time to curse his own reign, so as not to let us win. Discord had been even more difficult, we had to deal with a spirit eally whimsical and unstable, that removed order from everything. Opponents that we were able to defeat only tanks to the experience and personality of my sister, mi dear big sister Tia. +++ Luna, you know, you should stop commiserating yourself, you’re better than your sister, but nopony wants to recognise this to you! The voice returns, this time Tu-tum responds to surprise with a beat, I don’t want to talk to her after our last debate. I intimate her to be quiet before I get angry, but she continues to insist that I should quit thinking and have some fun, like I was doing before with the guards. I decide to ignore her untli she speaks no more. I would never said that I would liked to listen again to the silence. Day 609 I flutter here and there, bringing Pebble with me. I these last days we become very good friends. I place her over a rock and sit down next to her, improvising a dialogue. Some laughs escare me when she tells about her father Clayey and her mother Quartzy, it’s a shame that the two of them are to be found only on Earth, isn’t it? Sigh. Tu-tum. I look at the dool of stone beside me. I admit, it seems a bit stupidto talk with a rock, but trust me, it’s the only way to survive up here. I realized that without a little imagination, without pretending that there is somepony with me, it’s impossibile to last long in a situation like mine. So… if it helps I can quit whenever I want, I’m not crazy. I just need to “insert myself” in an imaginary context. +++ I draw a little on the ground, with my faithful Scrib, while Pebble watches me curiously. Only one thing I don’t like much… she makes no sound, unlike my other friends, but at least I can identify her with a shape. It’s a strange thing, the only suonds she makes are her rubbing on the ground and the brief “thump” when I set her somewhere, because of the hoof a little longer than the others. I have to file it one day, I’ve to do it. But not today, cause I’ve to complete this drawing. +++ Tling, tling, tintintang, tlilili tlang tlang. Lights, Sounds, Colors. The sweet music of lunar crystals accompanies me at night before going to sleep, lulled with its bizarre rhythm always different. Pebble watches me admired as if she too wanted to play. I make her levitate with magic and tap her hoof, the one slightly long. She seems to be enjoying so much and I don’t want to stop her. I don’t want to lose my first (and only) friend in this damn of a place, from where only god knows when they’ll let me free. Already the first twenty months have been hard, but I’m sure that if this is going to last an tundre years I’ll always be here happy and proud to be the Princess of the Night. And what if this going to last longer? Nah, Celestia isn’t that cruel! Now… Pebble… Would you like to see my realm? My new, fantastic realm! I don't think that was decafI am a princess without a kingdom to rule. I've been alone for so long and for so long I have waited in vain. No one has taken me with him, nor has come to visit me. But what do I care? I’ve a lot of friends here. And also a great kingdom. Day 610 See dear Pebble, this is my castle. I know it is not much, it's four walls with a table and a bed. But there is the throne, do you see it? Quite suitable for a royal residence, isn’t it? I look at her, she has the same face as before. What a fool, I think, she’s made of stone. I take Scrib and ask him if, kindly, he wants to draw a smile on the doll of stone. He accepts without another word and allows me to make a mouth to Pebble. Now that I think about it, how did she speak before? I need to find an explanation, this inconsistency is really wrong. But I'll think about it later, now I have something else to do. After giving a new mouth to Pebble so she can wonder when I show her the beautiful expanses of the royal estate, that the Marquis Waddebuck has kindly given me for my birthday. The garden no, it isn’t here, it is in Canterlot. But being unable to bring it here I had to "pretend" that these stretches of gray rocks are the garden. The important thing is that it has amazed my friend. I figure it's time to turn off the imagination. I put the stone statue beside the bed and try to sleep. Day 702 Architect? The palace continues as decided? No? Damn it! I paid you with one of those damned crystals from the cave. I put on a fake sulk and crossed my legs, sitting on a chair. It's a stone, eh, I know. I remember that time Celestia asked an architect to redo my room, for the National Day of Sisters. I only remember one thing about that time: never trust an architect pegasus. They closed my room for renovations and I moved in to my sister’s one. It was so small for the two of us and that damn bad stallion didn’t let me to get into my room! Tia put there temporarily a table and a bed, I took a pillow and sat down on it. This is my throne, I said, at the time I was not yet a princess and I was just a little filly. If I think about it... I should have expected that the Blast IV spell was not to be used in a closed room. I sent to hell the pegasus architect and returned home. Sbam-Strush, the new companion, the sound of the door that welcome me as soon as I open it. I greet him back and sit on the throne, squinting my eyes. I'm tired, I had to solve a lot of practices today. + + Who would have thought that while I was half asleep the Voice was coming to me? Nopony, because there's nopony here, only those stupid characters created by my imagination. I should try to calm down. Listening to the Voice instead I'm doing well to have a little fun with them, they were more friends to me than most of my old servitude. They aren't real, I explain to the Voice. They exist in your heart, like me. Like you? You are real, they aren't. And what if tell you that also I'm part of your imagination? I doubt it, look, I cannot imagine you whenever I want. That's true, she says, but only because YOU decided so, you self-compelled to evocate me only when you really needed it and you didn't expected it. That sentence left me a bit puzzled. Possible that I've deliberately limitated my mind, without even knowing it? Why should I do such a thing, it's stupid, isn't it? Next, she adds, why don't you come back to play with us? The Architect is waiting for you, then you should show your kingdom to Sbam-Strush, he hasn't seen it yet. I remain still, without answering. No, it's just something unnatural, I mustn't fall under the thumb of my own imaginations, by now are... Dunno, two years, I think, that I'm here alone and I had to use these stupid imaginary friends. How long will I stay here? I have to get away from them all, at least for a while, to preserve my mental sanity. I got really lost in my immagination. Day 715 After a week spent to manage supplies for the long journey. An aimlessly one. I mean, in fact, I have half a mind on where to go, there must surely be an unexplored cave, maybe I can get to the center of the Moon. I leave the house and greet, in order, Pebble next to the bed, Clop-Clop, I took off my shoes from hooves, Scrib, which I placed on the table and then Sbam-Strush, since I've last closed the door so that no one came inside while I was away. Unfortunately I can't rip my heart, which means that he will come. Tu-Tum. + + I'm heading for the horizon, distinguishing the bizarre shapes of the rocks thanks to the pale light that the Earth reflects from the Sun. The Sun.... Sometimes I can see it from here, at this moment I can't see it though. One thing I can say, it makes me weird to see the morning star... at night. Here, as I have already noticed a long time ago, there is no atmosphere, so while the Sun shines in the sky, the sky doesn't becomes blue, but it remains like if it is at night, with all the stars scattered here and there. If Celestia was here we would made a laugh, she would've raised the sun and I would have kept the night. Sigh. You can't have everything in life, eh? Unfortunately a normal pony can not survive up here. Tu-Tum. + + I deliberately chose not to fly, for not having to hear Flap complaining about being left at home, and unfortunately it costs me a lot of effort. Even be without shoes is annoying, I wasn't used to this and my hooves already hurts. It isn't an easy thing, I'm walking now since two whole days. I crouch under a rock that looks like a roof and try to sleep. For every heartbeat I remember leaving everything at home, all my "friends" are there. I'm sure they have realized that ... Hell, they are fake, shove it in your head! But .... I feel lonely. Very, very lonely... Day 716 Phew! Finally I arrived at the cave that I had to explore. I pick up a pebble from the ground (why I think of a doll of rock while I do it?), and I throw it into the pit inside the cave. It takes like a minute till I can hear the sound, how bucking much is deep? I take a deep breath. I jump. If this hole here brings me to the center... Maybe I'll find some answers. I don't know if there will be those answers and if will serve for something. But my heart tells me so. Not Tu-Tum. My heart. They are two different things. I spread my wings and savor the fall plunged into the darkest darkness, a black so heavy that seemed to crush me to the ground. Despite falling more slowly it seems to me one of those flights swooping down from the Canterlot mountain, those who I did to better learn to fly. Hehe, once I had almost risked my neck, I remember, I jumped down the waterfall, but I estimated wrongly the opening time. I fell into the water and the rapids carried me up to the Great Jump, that high and uninterrupted waterfall that leads to the lake below. If my sister hadn't arrived... Brrrr! I opened my wings, I feel I am close to the ground. Vaulting into the air and landed, I made my horn glowing. Before me there is an unusual scene, a labyrinth of tunnels, there are either to right and to the left, some going down, some up ... Ah, no, that one is where I came. Well, which one shall I take? I must go down, so I should take one pointing down. And if it starts downward and then rises? Woah, it is difficult to choose, more than I thought. If I get lost I'll be in trouble, what should I do? I pluck up courage and I take one at random. + + Uh, I went right before, so to go back I have to turn... Wait, I turned here or at the next fork? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!? Day 720 It's one week that I'm here. Yeah, I discended ten days ago and I was there from the moment I stopped here a fortnight ago. It's been twenty days since that time. I would like to return to myself of thirty days ago and say not to go. But I'm here. Alone. In the dark. The light spell is exhausted. Hehe. ... Fuck. + + Flap-Flap? Would you keep me company? I move my wings, I flap them faster but ... Nothing. Flap-Flap doesn't makes himself hear. It will be ... It will be because I betrayed my friends? Yeah. But... But they are not real! They are just ghosts that I created with my imagination to escape from loneliness! And by running away from them what you got? That sentence burns within me and hurts me like a flame in the chest. I bend down, with head between my forelegs and I begin to cry. Oh, I cry, I cry a river. A river of tears as that one in which I nearly drowned many years ago. Alone I would be dead, if there wasn't been Celestia to protect me. Yeah, alone... All alone... No, no, no. I must resist. If... If I accept them as real beings they... I... I'll become crazy? Or maybe I already am? + + Find your way, find your way. Here I already passed? It's hard to say, I can't see anything. I'm thirsty. I'd like a coffee. Pebbles would have prepared me... NO. Enough thoughts, stop ... Tu-Tum. AAAAAAAARGH!! Day 730 I roll on the floor laughing. Day 729 What had I done the day before? I laughed, yeah. Why? I started to shake a rock. Then I put its content into a cup. Ah, I love coffee! I put a bit of sugar, I shake and drink it. I Spit. It tastes like sand! Oh, it's sand. Moondust, precisely. I scratch a little my head. I turn around. I turn around again. Yay, I didn't do anything useful! But wait ... Damn, it was not decaf! Day 731 Why I came down here? I can't remember, it happened a year ago. I think It was a year ago, I guess. And I think ... I think I left someone behind. No, don't try to remember! But I want to know who... No, don't! C'mon, do it! Damn, STOP IT! I appeased the voices in my head and I made some order. I have to make order, I must or I go crazy. Then I take a sip of coffee, not decaffeinated (Ugh) and gulp. This time mixed with less sand than before. Maybe it's just that I had to get used to it. So, I was rearranging my mind. I've those memories that I shouldn't remember and some stuff that I left behind. A part of me says that I should remember, the other says I should not think about it and a third voice, that of the mysterious mare, supports the first. Two against one, but I where I stand? I want to remember or not? What... what I've left behind? And why am I here? + + I get up, my head has finally calmed down and I can easily think about where to go. So, if I follow the wind maybe I can figure out where the air comes from. Damn, if it were not so dark, even with the light I see nothing. I even forgot the place I had to reach, maybe I've always been here and now I have to get out. Ah, no wind, I think, realizing that even licking the hoof I can't feel the air flow. So, I think I swallowed lunar sand in the past few days believing it was coffee and it doesn't make me very happy. And... the strange thing is that I remember I've come here to escape the madness or something like that. Memories... Yeah, memories... Why the more I think the more I feel alone? I... + + PEBBLE! TU-TUM! FLAP-FLAP! CLOP-CLOP! SCRIB-SCRIB! ARCHITECT! SBAM-STRUSH! I... FOR... FORGIVE ME! Day 732 I slam my head everywhere. Why, why, why? Why I fled from my friends? Why haven't I trusted them? Why am I here alone when I could be there to have fun, to be pampered a little? The architect will have finished the palace, right? I know that he is a good person from the bottom of my heart, I can feel it. No, calm. Calm down. You came here to get away from your fantasies and not go crazy. But... If i don't imagine a little I end up worst than crazy! Well, do it for a while, but do it! It's the Voice, that mysterious voice that I forgot it's following me. I forgot a lot of things. Too many. But why of courtesy, I should do so? Because I finally understood, she said, that they aren't looking for you, it's you who're looking them. You need companions that are around you, real or not. You must be able to express your own soul pouring it in them. I swear I didn't understand anything of what just said the voice, but I think she's telling me I should ... I should let myself go at the visions. It's only two years that I'm here, who knows how long I will stay. Not for long, right? Day 745 Somehow I get out of the cave, in some way yes, because ... Oh my God, when I flew up to come out from the abyss, I heard it. It was Flap-Flap! He was with me and he helped me! You're my hero Flap-Flap, thank you! I mean, I don't lose that much my composure usually, but after five months down there my heart was filled with emotions. Tu-Tum. And this time to beat were both my friend Tu-Tum and my heart. If I'm not mistaken I had decided that the two of them were two different things, eh! When I step out of the cave I remain blinded. Not for the light, but for the gray that envelops me in the middle of a vast expanse of monochromatic rocks. That familiar feeling, yet so fresh. I take a deep breath, I get close to a rock and touch it with the hoof. And I feel it. I feel the energy of the satellite, the magic of the place. A thing that down there was missing. Here's what I went to look for, it was my heart (not Tu-Tum) that pushed me to deprive me of everything to understand how are important even the most trivial things. Now, after a year in that dark cave, I realized that I can love this place, I have to let my emotions free to flow till the bottom. If they will come to take me back they'll make me sane again in some way, my sister is the greatest magician of all time, after all, isn't she? Day 718 But what shall be happened to my dear friends while I was gone? Well, from what I understand they've given themselves to the mad joy for a few days, then when they saw I wasn't returning they were worried to death, for example Scrib-Scrib has drawn and then erased his drawings, drawn and erased again. I arrived he had deleted everything. Sbam-Strush did very little, but I hadn't yet decided his personality I think that he will close one eye. Clop-Clop he did some tipical dances of southwest and the Architect ... Oh, he ... Day 801 I walk on the grass, stroking the primroses. I open the door slowly. Strush. I enter the house and close. Sbam! So Princess, she likes her new house? Asks the Architect. Of course, by golly! I'll call it the Castle of the Great and Almighty Queen Luna, Queen That Is No Longer Princess! I say slamming a hoof on the table. Clop! Isn't better something simpler like Castle of Greyrock? It's the voice that suggest. I smile and try to touch her, then remembrance that she's intangible. Thank you very much, it is thanks to you if I knew what was important for me up here. Now ... Give me a cup of coffee. Of real coffee, not the gray sand. Oh, and possibly decaf!
It won't last long, right?I couldn't tolerate that affront, nopony liked my beautiful nights. I tried to rebel, believing to be right, but lost the battle. I betrayed my sister, my dear sister Celestia and I refused to let the Moon set. She... She only defended herself and she did the only thing she could do. Now I'm on the Moon. Alone. Day 1 I've been punished for how I acted. At the end I deserved it... I was so blinded by envy that I couldn't control myself. I'm really sorry big sister... Day 2 I have no idea how long this imprisonment will last, I hope not much. In the last hours I haven't done nothing, I stayed sat over a rock weeping until it was completely wet. How many hours I have been like that? It's difficult to keep track of time without a clock or a reference, I tried to guess but the only way seems to observe the movement of our planet. Oh, if only I had the strenght to do it... +++ I stood up and began to walk in circles, trying to dispel the thoughts that were slowly crowding in my mind. They pulses and wiggles, alternating chaotically and showing me various moments of my and my sister's life, until the moment envy took over. Those memories are giving me so much pain, physically and psychologically. I would like to get rid of them, I would put an end to all these regrets. I'm so sorry ... Day 3 Destiny is so ironic to me. The Darkness that led me to the betrayal disappeared at the same time I arrived here. I wish I had a way to communicate with Celestia and tell her that I am healed, I would... Yeah, I would but I can't... I have to pay for this punishment for not having been able to control my frustration. +++ Today I was able to look at the Earth. A wonderful and charming sight, one that you'll never forget for the rest of your life, one that will be impressed with fire in your eyes until you breathe. A view as beautiful as bitter. At least for me. I couldn't resist. After less than five minutes that I watched I felt the need to turn away from it. I cried again. Day 4 I'm cold, so, so cold, but this is the last of my problems. I accepted the fact that I'm going to stay here for long time and I started to look around to get an idea of the place around me. I wish I hadn't done it. I realized I was alone and my real enemy wasn't Cold up here. It was Nothing. The total Void around me. There is no noise, no shouts of joy, no wind among the rocks, nopony. Only gray rocks from here to the horizon. I wish I could have somepony to talk to, something to do, or at least something of any kind. The Boredom, the Loneliness ... Here's what I have. +++ I moved the lunar dust in front of me and I've formed many small heaps and shaped them that they might be perfectly conical, smoothing them with my hoof until I was satisfied. I watched them for a while like an artist with his works, then I destroyed them and started again. It's a silly thing, but it helps me pass the time. I feel I'll go mad if this thing goes longer, I hope this imprisonment doesn't last long, I don't know how much I can resist. Survive this silence is very difficult, the only sound that accompanies me is my heartbeat, always equal to itself, monotonous and redundant. Tu-Tum. Tu-Tum. Tu-Tum. Day 7 After a hard week, I finally overcome the phase "remorses and guilty feelings". I tried to bring to mind the happy and joyful moments, hoping that they’ll come soon to take me back to Earth. I just have to wait. It won’t last long, I'm sure. +++ I heard a voice. The sounds have changed. My heart, slow and rhythmic, has become rapid and unpredictable. I think it’s due to the emotion of hearing a voice other than my own, or at least... I could not define it, it was a voice. I can’t remember even if it was male or female. I just hope it wasn’t my imagination. Day 15 I took a breath of fresh air and exhaled, enjoying the view. I decided to live this experience as a long lasting holiday, so I walked a long time looking for the highest mountain and I went to it’s top. The horizon widened so much, revealing a world all gray, but various and all to be discovered. The only missing thing was someone to share this moment with. I haven’t heard that voice anymore. + + The biggest problem is to pass the time, there is not much to do besides exploring, today I visited the whole mountain and found a cave with inside lots of beautiful stalactites. Gray. When I came out the Earth was in front of me, in all its beauty. It was bright, reflecting sunlight. I wondered how Celestia was doing without me, now she must raise both the Sun and the Moon. Celestia... That brief thought was enough to make me waver. I kept out remorse for a whole week, I thought I could make it to the end but that moment had been enough to shake me completely. I cried again. Will never stop those tears? Day 21 No one has returned. Strangely I need to get back the place where I landed. Why? Dunno, maybe because I need a place to call "home" even if I'm alone here and the entire moon is my home. The only thing I know is that my heart tells me to go back there every time after each walk. Oh, by the way, it continued to speak through rhythmical tu-tum. + + It hasn’t been difficult to go back there, it was enough to follow my steps backwards. Here on the moon, there is neither wind nor rain, no clouds, and there are no pegasi to check them, so nothing can erase your hoofprints. I recognized the rock on which I stopped crying on the first day and I decided to build upon it a small house. The material isn’t missing and I have the magic to do it. To work! Day 28 I finished building the house. It took me so long to let her standing up by herself, without cement or similar adesive it would have been impossibile. I cannot use magic forever! It’s not a big house, just four walls and a roof, a bed made of softened stones by magic where to sleep, but as soon as I went inside my heart has warmed. Tu-tum. + + Why? I wonder and say: WHY!? Because every time I notice something odd I see reflected a warning to my envy? Here on the Moon is always night, every hour. There is no atmosphere, so the sky does not turns blue at the passage of the sun. What a mocking thing. I struggled so much to bring eternal night, and now here I am, in the eternal night of the Moon, punished for my betrayal. The night is beautiful, the stars shining but... I have nopony to share it with ... + + THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE! I heard it again! This time it lasted longer, I did not understand what she said, but this time I'm sure it was a female voice. I can’t remember how it was, it seems that my brain erases it immediately after that I heard it Day 46 It 's been a month and a half since I came here. The tour of the satellite goes well, today I came back from exploring an underground cave. Go down was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced in recent times, I have to thank my wings if I managed to get to the bottom. I thought I would stay down there forever when the soil has crumbled beneath my hooves and made me fall for several feet before I could stabilize on flight. Luckily the exit wasn’t blocked, or I couldn't have gone back to my house. But ... The spectacle that I saw down there will remain forever one of the most memorable moments of my life. Of the crystals, of many colors glowed under the light of my horn, creating a rainbow of colors dancing throughout the cave. Something wonderful, that I stayed to look at for hours. Something I had not seen in a long time. Something different from the usual gray of the Moon. + + I miss that color. I came home for just two hours and already want to go back in there again to see the show of lights. Cursed be the moment when I saw it. Now how can I stand here in the gray without rethinking that symphony warm and engaging? To hell these rocks, I'm going back in there, I think I'll make it my new home! Day 51 I stayed down there five whole days. Or at least, I think it was five days, I have not counted the time, I was too busy watching. I've tried different combinations of light, I moved throughout the cave, experimenting with new shows and I acted as a director of the orchestra. An orchestra driven by the beautiful lights of the crystals and the echo of my hoofsteps, echoing suavely. I examined individually each crystal, I touched, smelled and tasted them. I also heard the tinkling produced by some when I tapped them, trying various places and changing the power of my touch. Ah, how many songs and how many different works! I did not give the title to any of these and I do not think I will, they would all be entitled "experiments with the heart" or something like that. When I finally learned the shape, sound, smell and taste of each crystal I closed my eyes and layed down, exhausted but happy, then I slept I do not know how much. Day 52 The last two days can be summarized as follows. I played the orchestra, I rested. I played the orchestra, I told myself that I should go home. I played the orchestra, then I listened to the beat of my heart. Tu-tum. He tells me that I must return to my home, my real home. Oh my, not the palace of Canterlot, there I can’t... My heart tells me that I have to go back to that comfortable bed of soft stones and rest properly. In fact I was so taken by the orchestra of lights and sounds that I forgot to make me a good bed, so now I have a sore back. I’ll go home. + + As soon as I got out I covered my eyes. Not because there was so much light, it really was not brighter than the crystal cave. But the gray, it’s candid reflection in my eyes dazzled me. I really lived here the last two months? In this gray? + + I’m torn between going back in there and get back to my hut. I opted for the latter, because I feel that if I stay in there my sanity will suffer heavily. If I get mad… when Celestia will come here to get me back she won’t resume me with her, eh! Day 79 I chipped a stone and gave it the shape of a pen. With it I started drawing on the dust, after having it first accurately leveled and made suitable for the purpose. I spent hours and hours moving the improvised pencil, drawing everything that was going through my mind. I filled an entire mountain of sketches of art and, not content, I signed them all. Never be that they come to check and seeing these drawings, they think "one with a similar sense of art deserves amnesty." I'm glad because theres a new sound to accompany the Tu-tum of my heart and the clop-clop of my hooves, the Scrib-Scrib of my pen, pencil, brush or whatever the hell it is. I only know it does Scrib-Scrib, so she told me. Day 91 Three months that seemed like an eternity. I sit on the roof of the house and looked at the earth. Now they’ll come, I'm sure. “Three months will be sufficient", will be telling my sister. While I’m thinking this, I heard again the Voice. She calls me. This time, I can understand her words. She says that today isn’t the day in which they’re going to take me back and rather I should prepare to bring eternal night when I’ll get back on earth. But what you want to know? You're just a voice coming from somewhere. Do not turn over the hoof in the wound, it’s because I wanted that damn endless night that I'm here. Alone. Alone with Tu-tum, Clop-clop and Scrib-Scrib. Voice, I have to raise you from my companions, You bring me to mind unpleasant memories you know? Do you like it if I make irony on your dead cat? Behold, be quiet and do not dare to do spirit. Ah! As if once there I would repeat the same mistake! She replies that I should rather be angry with Celestia for being punished and expelled. In short, she kicked her own sister for one stupid fight! I reply explaining that I asked for it. + + Oh, my god, what I'm doing? I'm talking to myself? The voice I hear is clearly mine... at least I think. Or not? What do I believe? Day 92 On the roof of the house. Are they coming or not? Day 93 On the roof of the house. Are they coming or not? Day 94 On the roof of the house. Hello, Celestia? I'm here, I'm waiting. Day 95 On the roof of the house. S.O.S. dispersed, They haven’t found me. I'm here, damn it, don’t you see me? I'm sorry! Day 96 I get off the roof of the house. Seh, good night. And after five days finally find the peace to sleep. Before, I was too busy watching the sky face up hoping to see somepony arrive. Instead... At least Tu-tum didn’t stop doing tu-tum, and Clop-clop has been quiet for the whole time I was up there on the roof. Scrib-Scrib I don’t hear him for a while, maybe tomorrow I will make some drawings and I'll ask him what has happened while I was waiting in vain.
Descent // AscentI’ve been alone on the Moon for I don’t know how, punished for my behaviour. I faced the loneliness and cold in my heart. I’m here, still waiting for them to come and bring me back. Day 392 At the end, after a year and a month they didn’t come to bring me back. The whole mountain of artistic drawings has revealed to be useless and I’ve cleared the ones made on the dust. At first I cancelled only one, but the sound of my hoof scraping the lunar dust was sweet, almost melodious. I took pleasure and I started to remove all those sketches made with Scrib. I don’t know if he took it well, but should be happy, now I’ve doubled the surface on which I can use him! Day 407 I made a doll, patiently shaping it from a rock. She’s rough and I still have to work a lot on her. I think I’ll call her Pebble, since it actually is a rock. Gray. I found it two weeks ago into one of the many caves of the Moon, when I saw it I said to myself, oh well, I don’t have much else to do. What attracted me to this curious piece of stone was its shape, it looked like a pony, a pony sketched and roughly designed. I felt as if it was up to me to take it and improve it. I picked up the stone, and then I took it out, I sat on my bed of soft gravel and started sanding, sanding and sanding again. Then I sanded some more. And some more. In the end I got something that looked much more like a pony than it did before, now it has a head and four legs! I placed Pebble on a bedside table, comfortably obtained from a larger, square shaped stone. Obviously it was gray. Looking better at my creation I see that it has a leg longer than the others, so it’s slightly leaning on one corner. I don’t think that this changes a lot anyway. After that check I went back to the crystal cave and took some, placing them in my room. I feel like a scientist who brings her work “of discovery” at home! I remember that one, along the way, has fell and broke. At first I was very angry, then I saw it as an opportunity to "explore" new sound combinations. +++ I walk back and forth in front of the cabinet. Pebble, I say, where are you from? She tells me she’s from the land of black and white as ambassador. Why are you here? Because I want to serve the Princess of the Night. Good answer, just happened is almost night, we sleep together? With pleasure. +++ I hold the doll close to me. It's small, about half of a normal pony, but keeping it between my legs... I do not know, it sounds heartening. Tu-Tum. How much is that I have no physical contact with anypony? At least one year and two months, the last time among other things it was not even a good thing. My sister who exiled me to the moon... Day 418 I’m starting to feel sick. I really need to see somepony, in this year I did nothing but draw and play, play and draw, sculpting occasionally and then I spoke to my heart, to my hooves and to a strange voice that makes itself heard more and more frequently. From up here, on the Moon, I cannot even enter the dreams of ponies, the first thing I always did, making sure no one did nightmares and entertaining myself seeing things more bizarre and funny. There were also things grotesque and unsuitable, I remember once I was a filly and saw a... I mean, no, better don’t remember such things… I admit, I’ve done some strange things sometimes, but after being alone for so long they were just tricks to pass the time and relieve the sadness. I'm not crazy. But I'm afraid I'll become if I don’t invent something soon... Day 500 If I kept the count well today we should be good to about 480 days since my imprisonment began. I sit and watch the Earth. The blue of the oceans is always a wonderful show, now I can taste it without being beset by excessive remorses or obliterating nostalgic memories. The voice is calling me, loud and clear. My heart is pounding. The thrill of hearing a second voice, not coming from my imagination makes me heart beat faster. Tu-tu-tum. She asks me what I'm thinking, I say that I think back to my sister and my friends that I left there. Yeah... I miss them too... She says she's sorry that I haven’t had a chance to say goodbye and I don’t reply, I just bow your head and throw down a few tears. The lunar dust stays there to filter into the ground my tears, I bet if it was fertile here would have grown a rose. I loved the roses, especially the hard to find blue. Midnight blue. My unusual companion stays in silence for a while and then asks me if I still love my sister. I nod and I explain that I have always respected her and that I always loved her so much. I still remember how much I liked to feel her hug, when I was little, I cried and she comforted me. She claims that instead Celestia was starting to forget me and probably to her didn’t made neither hot nor cold the fact of sending me here. It is not possible, though... Even if, in last few years we were a bit apart, she was more and more involved with the management of Equestria and there were problems everywhere here and there. A draconequus throwing chaos, a black-hearted unicorn... All stuff that my sister, taking me with her, has faced. I explain to the voice that I'm sure it’s only my impression and that she still loves me. The voice doesn’t speak, but I feel as if she’s watching. Straight into my soul. Day 515 I run out of things to do. I’ve already made a lot of drawings and I don’t know what else I can represent. Listening to my heart or my hooves makes me feel crazy and I’ve played around enough either with Pebble and the colored crystals. Music, drawing, exploration... All done ad nauseum, I need something new. Now that I think about... I hardly ever flown! I get up, pompous as the discovery and immediately I rise in the air, doing a couple of simple pirouettes. I had almost forgotten the beauty of the flapping of wings. Flap, flap, flap, flap. Tu-tu-tum, tu-tu-tum. The heart beats again wildly, The joy of the air on my face (or at least, the air I imagine flows on my face, because here on the Moon there’s no air), This strengthens my spirit. +++ After flying over the entire lunar surface I'm going back to my warm, so to speak, house and I lie happy on the bed. I get close to me Pebble and put a paw on her shoulders. I tell her everything aloud, as befits the rank royal that belongs to me, describing her all the emotions I felt. She hangs a little to one side. She finds it odd that I stayed almost three years without flying and she’s right to ask me why. Why I haven’t flown before? I really had so much to do that I didn’t think about it? Why I'm speaking to a doll made of stone? Day 580 TO HELL! They aren’t going to pick me up yet? It's a hell of a year and nine months that I'm here, where are they? WHERE ARE THEY?! Who knows why, but the voice makes hear herself the most in the moments when I think of Celestia or when I'm angry. This time she makes me note that this is because my sister doesn’t care about me at and that she’s going to leave me here very very long, something that could last a thousand years. Tsk, a thousand years, even if I did something SO dramatic. Ok, I refused to lower the moon, and perhaps this deserves a severe punishment? Yes, the voice says. I don’t think so. We'll see who will win the day, I say. I hear her disapproving what I say and she claims that I should invent something lasting and not be ashamed to talk alone or with dolls or with my heart, not with other strange stuff. Have some fun and leave behind these worries and mental dilemmas, she said before disappearing. Day 602 I decided to try recreating the atmosphere of when I was down there as a princess. I sculpted a throne of stone wonderfully inlad and full of fancyful doodles, designed by myself. I sit on it, taking Pebble close to me and ask her how is going the realm. All goes well, milady, your dear sister is thinking about everything, she tells me. I don’t like this. Isn’t something I can do? I asked placind my head over a hoof, while I point my eyes toward ceiling pretending an annoyed expression. Could milady create me a companion, I feel so lonely, she explains, divagating completely from our speech. But poor filly, I under stand her… I know what means feeling lonely, expecially here on the Moon. I ask if she preferes an earth pony, a pegasus or an unicorn. None of those three, she doesn’t want friends? Seriously? What happened to seriousness here? Pebble, I under stand that you suffered bizzarre traumas from your broche when he locked you into your bedroom, but that doesn’t justify senseless dialogues. Finally I ask for a cup of tea, I stand up and pretending to be my faithful servant, I fill myself a cup of lunar dust. I sit back on throne, thanking Pebble and smelling the infuse. Ah, I say, what a nice and warm aroma, there’s some mint in this, isn’t it? Is vanilla this I taste? I drink, for feint obviously and thank her for the warm drink. In here is always good to drink something warm, isn’t it? Yes, her majesty. +++ I left my mind at the mercy of unbridled imagination and allowed her riding the whole day. Pretending all this has revealed unexpectly funny and bizzarre, even if at the beginning I felt dazed. I don’t want to become completely crazy, I, but I don’t think i would go crazy if I proceed without haste and keep polling the plug to imagination sometimes. Till I’ll be able to distinguish the true from false I won’t go mad and I can continue to have fun and pass the time. Just like on vacation! Day 603 This morning I said bye to Pebble and left her to do housework, that I'll do them myself when I come back, thanking her. I went towards the bottom of a crater, holding in my hoof Scrib, my beloved pen/pencil/paintbrush, that to be honest is an oblong rock. I really want to draw something and I’m sure that even Scrib will be happy. On the trip I’ve alternated flight and walking, both Clop-clop and Flap-flap have enjoyed so much, while Tu-tum… well he keeps saying the same sentence every second, without changing. I’m sorry to say so, but I don’t gave often attention to him. I flilled the crater with drawings, all of them portraying me as “Queen of everything that goes from here to horizon and even beyond”, a title a bit long that I abbreviate in “qoetgfhtoaeb”. Now that I think “qoetgfhtoaeb” is even more difficult to remember of “Queen of everything that goes… and so on”, so I discard the idea. Let's say that “Queen of everything that goes from here to horizon, over the horizon and even beyond, then just of everything” is shorter and of impact. +++ Ah-ha! The fun has been doubled! Guards, at attention! You, put the uniform in order, have a button unbuttoned! I say those sentences aloud, walking back and forth. I’m aware that this isn’t real but, hey, when happens I have another chance to rebuke those stern guardponies? Between a clop and a tum I see in the dust the picture of Tia thanking one by one all those loyal guards. When needed she always had the right word sto cheer up each of them, she was able to pull up the moral of everypony that felt unsure or scared for the future. She’s always been a great leader, capable of taking in her hooves the situation, even in the most difficult circumstances. I’ve never been able to do so. In fact… It wasn’t only that no pony liked the beautiful night I wore, I admired and envied everything of my sister. Her nature, her movings… all in her was perfect. Everything. May god strike me deadif I didn’t think at times to fall in love with her, for how much she was charismating and charming! Full of emotions, I jumped and flew at great speed, then slowing down and let me fall, slowly, enjoying the low gravity. While falling, seeing the Earth upside down, I think at our great undertakings. We faced King Sombra in the Crystal Empire, segregating him, but he had the time to curse his own reign, so as not to let us win. Discord had been even more difficult, we had to deal with a spirit eally whimsical and unstable, that removed order from everything. Opponents that we were able to defeat only tanks to the experience and personality of my sister, mi dear big sister Tia. +++ Luna, you know, you should stop commiserating yourself, you’re better than your sister, but nopony wants to recognise this to you! The voice returns, this time Tu-tum responds to surprise with a beat, I don’t want to talk to her after our last debate. I intimate her to be quiet before I get angry, but she continues to insist that I should quit thinking and have some fun, like I was doing before with the guards. I decide to ignore her untli she speaks no more. I would never said that I would liked to listen again to the silence. Day 609 I flutter here and there, bringing Pebble with me. I these last days we become very good friends. I place her over a rock and sit down next to her, improvising a dialogue. Some laughs escare me when she tells about her father Clayey and her mother Quartzy, it’s a shame that the two of them are to be found only on Earth, isn’t it? Sigh. Tu-tum. I look at the dool of stone beside me. I admit, it seems a bit stupidto talk with a rock, but trust me, it’s the only way to survive up here. I realized that without a little imagination, without pretending that there is somepony with me, it’s impossibile to last long in a situation like mine. So… if it helps I can quit whenever I want, I’m not crazy. I just need to “insert myself” in an imaginary context. +++ I draw a little on the ground, with my faithful Scrib, while Pebble watches me curiously. Only one thing I don’t like much… she makes no sound, unlike my other friends, but at least I can identify her with a shape. It’s a strange thing, the only suonds she makes are her rubbing on the ground and the brief “thump” when I set her somewhere, because of the hoof a little longer than the others. I have to file it one day, I’ve to do it. But not today, cause I’ve to complete this drawing. +++ Tling, tling, tintintang, tlilili tlang tlang. Lights, Sounds, Colors. The sweet music of lunar crystals accompanies me at night before going to sleep, lulled with its bizarre rhythm always different. Pebble watches me admired as if she too wanted to play. I make her levitate with magic and tap her hoof, the one slightly long. She seems to be enjoying so much and I don’t want to stop her. I don’t want to lose my first (and only) friend in this damn of a place, from where only god knows when they’ll let me free. Already the first twenty months have been hard, but I’m sure that if this is going to last an tundre years I’ll always be here happy and proud to be the Princess of the Night. And what if this going to last longer? Nah, Celestia isn’t that cruel! Now… Pebble… Would you like to see my realm? My new, fantastic realm!
I don't think that was decafI am a princess without a kingdom to rule. I've been alone for so long and for so long I have waited in vain. No one has taken me with him, nor has come to visit me. But what do I care? I’ve a lot of friends here. And also a great kingdom. Day 610 See dear Pebble, this is my castle. I know it is not much, it's four walls with a table and a bed. But there is the throne, do you see it? Quite suitable for a royal residence, isn’t it? I look at her, she has the same face as before. What a fool, I think, she’s made of stone. I take Scrib and ask him if, kindly, he wants to draw a smile on the doll of stone. He accepts without another word and allows me to make a mouth to Pebble. Now that I think about it, how did she speak before? I need to find an explanation, this inconsistency is really wrong. But I'll think about it later, now I have something else to do. After giving a new mouth to Pebble so she can wonder when I show her the beautiful expanses of the royal estate, that the Marquis Waddebuck has kindly given me for my birthday. The garden no, it isn’t here, it is in Canterlot. But being unable to bring it here I had to "pretend" that these stretches of gray rocks are the garden. The important thing is that it has amazed my friend. I figure it's time to turn off the imagination. I put the stone statue beside the bed and try to sleep. Day 702 Architect? The palace continues as decided? No? Damn it! I paid you with one of those damned crystals from the cave. I put on a fake sulk and crossed my legs, sitting on a chair. It's a stone, eh, I know. I remember that time Celestia asked an architect to redo my room, for the National Day of Sisters. I only remember one thing about that time: never trust an architect pegasus. They closed my room for renovations and I moved in to my sister’s one. It was so small for the two of us and that damn bad stallion didn’t let me to get into my room! Tia put there temporarily a table and a bed, I took a pillow and sat down on it. This is my throne, I said, at the time I was not yet a princess and I was just a little filly. If I think about it... I should have expected that the Blast IV spell was not to be used in a closed room. I sent to hell the pegasus architect and returned home. Sbam-Strush, the new companion, the sound of the door that welcome me as soon as I open it. I greet him back and sit on the throne, squinting my eyes. I'm tired, I had to solve a lot of practices today. + + Who would have thought that while I was half asleep the Voice was coming to me? Nopony, because there's nopony here, only those stupid characters created by my imagination. I should try to calm down. Listening to the Voice instead I'm doing well to have a little fun with them, they were more friends to me than most of my old servitude. They aren't real, I explain to the Voice. They exist in your heart, like me. Like you? You are real, they aren't. And what if tell you that also I'm part of your imagination? I doubt it, look, I cannot imagine you whenever I want. That's true, she says, but only because YOU decided so, you self-compelled to evocate me only when you really needed it and you didn't expected it. That sentence left me a bit puzzled. Possible that I've deliberately limitated my mind, without even knowing it? Why should I do such a thing, it's stupid, isn't it? Next, she adds, why don't you come back to play with us? The Architect is waiting for you, then you should show your kingdom to Sbam-Strush, he hasn't seen it yet. I remain still, without answering. No, it's just something unnatural, I mustn't fall under the thumb of my own imaginations, by now are... Dunno, two years, I think, that I'm here alone and I had to use these stupid imaginary friends. How long will I stay here? I have to get away from them all, at least for a while, to preserve my mental sanity. I got really lost in my immagination. Day 715 After a week spent to manage supplies for the long journey. An aimlessly one. I mean, in fact, I have half a mind on where to go, there must surely be an unexplored cave, maybe I can get to the center of the Moon. I leave the house and greet, in order, Pebble next to the bed, Clop-Clop, I took off my shoes from hooves, Scrib, which I placed on the table and then Sbam-Strush, since I've last closed the door so that no one came inside while I was away. Unfortunately I can't rip my heart, which means that he will come. Tu-Tum. + + I'm heading for the horizon, distinguishing the bizarre shapes of the rocks thanks to the pale light that the Earth reflects from the Sun. The Sun.... Sometimes I can see it from here, at this moment I can't see it though. One thing I can say, it makes me weird to see the morning star... at night. Here, as I have already noticed a long time ago, there is no atmosphere, so while the Sun shines in the sky, the sky doesn't becomes blue, but it remains like if it is at night, with all the stars scattered here and there. If Celestia was here we would made a laugh, she would've raised the sun and I would have kept the night. Sigh. You can't have everything in life, eh? Unfortunately a normal pony can not survive up here. Tu-Tum. + + I deliberately chose not to fly, for not having to hear Flap complaining about being left at home, and unfortunately it costs me a lot of effort. Even be without shoes is annoying, I wasn't used to this and my hooves already hurts. It isn't an easy thing, I'm walking now since two whole days. I crouch under a rock that looks like a roof and try to sleep. For every heartbeat I remember leaving everything at home, all my "friends" are there. I'm sure they have realized that ... Hell, they are fake, shove it in your head! But .... I feel lonely. Very, very lonely... Day 716 Phew! Finally I arrived at the cave that I had to explore. I pick up a pebble from the ground (why I think of a doll of rock while I do it?), and I throw it into the pit inside the cave. It takes like a minute till I can hear the sound, how bucking much is deep? I take a deep breath. I jump. If this hole here brings me to the center... Maybe I'll find some answers. I don't know if there will be those answers and if will serve for something. But my heart tells me so. Not Tu-Tum. My heart. They are two different things. I spread my wings and savor the fall plunged into the darkest darkness, a black so heavy that seemed to crush me to the ground. Despite falling more slowly it seems to me one of those flights swooping down from the Canterlot mountain, those who I did to better learn to fly. Hehe, once I had almost risked my neck, I remember, I jumped down the waterfall, but I estimated wrongly the opening time. I fell into the water and the rapids carried me up to the Great Jump, that high and uninterrupted waterfall that leads to the lake below. If my sister hadn't arrived... Brrrr! I opened my wings, I feel I am close to the ground. Vaulting into the air and landed, I made my horn glowing. Before me there is an unusual scene, a labyrinth of tunnels, there are either to right and to the left, some going down, some up ... Ah, no, that one is where I came. Well, which one shall I take? I must go down, so I should take one pointing down. And if it starts downward and then rises? Woah, it is difficult to choose, more than I thought. If I get lost I'll be in trouble, what should I do? I pluck up courage and I take one at random. + + Uh, I went right before, so to go back I have to turn... Wait, I turned here or at the next fork? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!? Day 720 It's one week that I'm here. Yeah, I discended ten days ago and I was there from the moment I stopped here a fortnight ago. It's been twenty days since that time. I would like to return to myself of thirty days ago and say not to go. But I'm here. Alone. In the dark. The light spell is exhausted. Hehe. ... Fuck. + + Flap-Flap? Would you keep me company? I move my wings, I flap them faster but ... Nothing. Flap-Flap doesn't makes himself hear. It will be ... It will be because I betrayed my friends? Yeah. But... But they are not real! They are just ghosts that I created with my imagination to escape from loneliness! And by running away from them what you got? That sentence burns within me and hurts me like a flame in the chest. I bend down, with head between my forelegs and I begin to cry. Oh, I cry, I cry a river. A river of tears as that one in which I nearly drowned many years ago. Alone I would be dead, if there wasn't been Celestia to protect me. Yeah, alone... All alone... No, no, no. I must resist. If... If I accept them as real beings they... I... I'll become crazy? Or maybe I already am? + + Find your way, find your way. Here I already passed? It's hard to say, I can't see anything. I'm thirsty. I'd like a coffee. Pebbles would have prepared me... NO. Enough thoughts, stop ... Tu-Tum. AAAAAAAARGH!! Day 730 I roll on the floor laughing. Day 729 What had I done the day before? I laughed, yeah. Why? I started to shake a rock. Then I put its content into a cup. Ah, I love coffee! I put a bit of sugar, I shake and drink it. I Spit. It tastes like sand! Oh, it's sand. Moondust, precisely. I scratch a little my head. I turn around. I turn around again. Yay, I didn't do anything useful! But wait ... Damn, it was not decaf! Day 731 Why I came down here? I can't remember, it happened a year ago. I think It was a year ago, I guess. And I think ... I think I left someone behind. No, don't try to remember! But I want to know who... No, don't! C'mon, do it! Damn, STOP IT! I appeased the voices in my head and I made some order. I have to make order, I must or I go crazy. Then I take a sip of coffee, not decaffeinated (Ugh) and gulp. This time mixed with less sand than before. Maybe it's just that I had to get used to it. So, I was rearranging my mind. I've those memories that I shouldn't remember and some stuff that I left behind. A part of me says that I should remember, the other says I should not think about it and a third voice, that of the mysterious mare, supports the first. Two against one, but I where I stand? I want to remember or not? What... what I've left behind? And why am I here? + + I get up, my head has finally calmed down and I can easily think about where to go. So, if I follow the wind maybe I can figure out where the air comes from. Damn, if it were not so dark, even with the light I see nothing. I even forgot the place I had to reach, maybe I've always been here and now I have to get out. Ah, no wind, I think, realizing that even licking the hoof I can't feel the air flow. So, I think I swallowed lunar sand in the past few days believing it was coffee and it doesn't make me very happy. And... the strange thing is that I remember I've come here to escape the madness or something like that. Memories... Yeah, memories... Why the more I think the more I feel alone? I... + + PEBBLE! TU-TUM! FLAP-FLAP! CLOP-CLOP! SCRIB-SCRIB! ARCHITECT! SBAM-STRUSH! I... FOR... FORGIVE ME! Day 732 I slam my head everywhere. Why, why, why? Why I fled from my friends? Why haven't I trusted them? Why am I here alone when I could be there to have fun, to be pampered a little? The architect will have finished the palace, right? I know that he is a good person from the bottom of my heart, I can feel it. No, calm. Calm down. You came here to get away from your fantasies and not go crazy. But... If i don't imagine a little I end up worst than crazy! Well, do it for a while, but do it! It's the Voice, that mysterious voice that I forgot it's following me. I forgot a lot of things. Too many. But why of courtesy, I should do so? Because I finally understood, she said, that they aren't looking for you, it's you who're looking them. You need companions that are around you, real or not. You must be able to express your own soul pouring it in them. I swear I didn't understand anything of what just said the voice, but I think she's telling me I should ... I should let myself go at the visions. It's only two years that I'm here, who knows how long I will stay. Not for long, right? Day 745 Somehow I get out of the cave, in some way yes, because ... Oh my God, when I flew up to come out from the abyss, I heard it. It was Flap-Flap! He was with me and he helped me! You're my hero Flap-Flap, thank you! I mean, I don't lose that much my composure usually, but after five months down there my heart was filled with emotions. Tu-Tum. And this time to beat were both my friend Tu-Tum and my heart. If I'm not mistaken I had decided that the two of them were two different things, eh! When I step out of the cave I remain blinded. Not for the light, but for the gray that envelops me in the middle of a vast expanse of monochromatic rocks. That familiar feeling, yet so fresh. I take a deep breath, I get close to a rock and touch it with the hoof. And I feel it. I feel the energy of the satellite, the magic of the place. A thing that down there was missing. Here's what I went to look for, it was my heart (not Tu-Tum) that pushed me to deprive me of everything to understand how are important even the most trivial things. Now, after a year in that dark cave, I realized that I can love this place, I have to let my emotions free to flow till the bottom. If they will come to take me back they'll make me sane again in some way, my sister is the greatest magician of all time, after all, isn't she? Day 718 But what shall be happened to my dear friends while I was gone? Well, from what I understand they've given themselves to the mad joy for a few days, then when they saw I wasn't returning they were worried to death, for example Scrib-Scrib has drawn and then erased his drawings, drawn and erased again. I arrived he had deleted everything. Sbam-Strush did very little, but I hadn't yet decided his personality I think that he will close one eye. Clop-Clop he did some tipical dances of southwest and the Architect ... Oh, he ... Day 801 I walk on the grass, stroking the primroses. I open the door slowly. Strush. I enter the house and close. Sbam! So Princess, she likes her new house? Asks the Architect. Of course, by golly! I'll call it the Castle of the Great and Almighty Queen Luna, Queen That Is No Longer Princess! I say slamming a hoof on the table. Clop! Isn't better something simpler like Castle of Greyrock? It's the voice that suggest. I smile and try to touch her, then remembrance that she's intangible. Thank you very much, it is thanks to you if I knew what was important for me up here. Now ... Give me a cup of coffee. Of real coffee, not the gray sand. Oh, and possibly decaf!
