Chapters Prologue
No Regrets
Prologue
“Princess Celestia, I need to ask you something important.”
“Go ahead, Twilight.”
“It’s about… being an alicorn.”
The Princess of the Sun kept up her smile, draping a wing around her protégé. “I believe I know what troubles you.”
Twilight looked away, her face growing hot. It had been several weeks since she had officially become a princess. Celestia, Luna and Cadence had all chipped in with their advice on stepping into the shoes of royalty. From posture and poise, to the art of keeping oneself collected in a time of crisis, to detailed information about how the monarchy governs each sector of Equestria, everything had been laid out to her, crystal clear.
Her friends had all helped to make the life-changing event that much more wonderful. Each of them in turn showed their support, showering her with praise and frequently dropping the ‘princess’ title to make her swell with pride. Rainbow Dash was determined to teach her how to fly like a Wonderbolt while Pinkie Pie had designed a whole new brand of princess-themed cakes. Everypony was proud of her. Everypony was happy for her. They were doing everything that they should, except…
Nopony made any mention of the burden that came with her newfound ascension to royalty. They all knew the truth. They all knew how astronomical this change was but like an unspoken rule her immortality was a mandatory taboo. None of them even dared to hint at such things, including Twilight herself. And she wasn’t sure if it was simply paranoia, but there had been several times where one of her friends would stutter, falter, or retract their words. When she thought about it, she realised just how easy it was to notion the inevitability of death in everyday conversation.
“Ah’ll probably be runnin’ this farm ‘til the end of mah days!”
“I’m not gonna waste my life with small fry!”
“I hope that in generations to come…”
The more she looked back, the more she could sense the obvious disparity. She knew that it was because her friends cared about her, but could they also be jealous? Did they wish for eternal life? Did they talk about her in secret, damning their mortal bodies? Did she deserve this? Did they deserve this?
All she had to do was talk to them. All she had to do was bring it out into the open and it would be a relief to them all. No longer would they have to tread on eggshells, hiding their true feelings. But then, what if she didn’t like what they had to say? What if they didn’t like what she had to say? Over and over, every eventuality that her mind could bring forth was spun, twisted and stretched until she couldn’t take it anymore. Perhaps it was better to just ignore the subject and go on as if nothing had ever happened. It wasn’t as if waiting it out was a problem for her…
“It is okay, my child,” Celestia assured, nodding her head sagely. “To tell you the truth, I expected this sooner.”
Twilight forced a smile at her mentor, her heart aching with every moment. “Is it absolute? Am I really going to live forever?”
“Perhaps not forever, but the lifespan of an alicorn far exceeds that of any other living creature.”
Twilight’s head drooped, her smile falling to a look of pure disdain. “So it is true. I always knew it was, but it’s strange to hear about it, knowing what I am.” The lavender pony took a deep breath, trying her best not to let her emotions take over. After all, it was ‘un-princess-like’. “I know it’s for the good of Equestria. Why have a ruler who needs to be replaced when you can have them live on? I knew about all this before I even became a princess, but now that it’s happened and it’s final I feel so…” She looked up into Celestia’s eyes, wishing that she could put every ounce of her inner turmoil into words. “I don’t know what I feel.”
“I understand, Twilight,” the ruler replied warmly. “It is not easy; it never has been. You fear what will happen once your friends grow old, yes?”
A lump formed in the alicorn’s throat as she imagined the graves of her friends laid out in front of her, their coffins being lowered into the dirt from whence they came. “I’m terrified,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “And with all due respect, Princess, some days I wish I could die with them.”
Celestia’s expression grew more concerned, her usual demeanour fading into a look that Twilight had never seen on her idol. “Come with me,” she said firmly, rising to her hooves. “I want to show you something.”
There was a pang of fear in the young mare’s heart as she paced after the princess. For a moment, she was convinced that Celestia was furious with her for admitting her true feelings. After all, what would the ponies of Equestria think if she made them public? Anypony who might wish for their own demise was undoubtedly unfit to be a ruler.
She was led through the winding halls of the Royal Palace until they reached Celestia’s own chambers. “Come inside,” the princess said with a stern look.
Her pulse racing faster than ever, Twilight gulped nervously and obliged. To be called into the sanctity of Celestia’s own room meant that she should be scorned away from the ears and eyes other pony-folk, that she should suffer the full wrath of the most powerful pony on earth!
The white alicorn sighed, pulling on a cord with her magic and filling the room with sunlight despite the fact that there were no windows. The marbled floor was an almost dazzling pearl and the walls were somehow colourless, yet reflected a rainbow of colours across the contents of the room. In the centre was a massive four-poster bed with deep-red silk drapes.
Twilight was led past this, to a row of finely polished mahogany drawers, their edges lined with golden accents. Celestia opened one right at the far corner using her magic and brought out a colossal, leather-bound tome. There was no visible insignia or indentation on the cover, but the well-worn pages and branching creases across the spine made it clear that this book was incredibly old.
Celestia took to Twilight’s side, the young mare now more curious than ever. “This is something that I’ve never shown anyone, not even my sister,” The Princess of the Sun began, slowly opening to the first page. It showed a pencilled picture depicting five of the Elements of Harmony, the familiar symbols replaced with different coloured orbs. The Element of Magic — the crown that stood atop Twilight’s head at that very moment — was curiously absent. “I believe that you are the first who would truly benefit from this book.”
“How do you mean, Princess? If it’s about the Elements of Harmony, I thought that I’d learned all there was to know about them.”
“In a way, you have,” Celestia replied, giving her student a comforting smile. “But there are some things you do not know about their history.”
“I thought they were created to defeat Nightmare Moon.”
“That is not entirely correct, Twilight. Nor were they created to defeat Discord before that. The Elements were created by my mother, Queen Galaxia, as a way of maintaining peace throughout Equestria. She was the original Element of Magic, but that title was eventually passed down to me shortly before her death.
“The other Elements can only show their true power if the bearer shows an affinity for the appropriate trait. This has meant that finding a group of ponies who can represent honesty, kindness, generosity, laughter and loyalty is not always possible. It requires what I like to call a ‘spark’ — a magical tampering of pony-kind’s life-force — to usher in the birth of acceptable bearers. I believe that you have already learned something about this from Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight nodded her head solemnly, glancing over the open pages of the book. This wasn’t the truth that she had expected. “The sonic-rainboom, how we all got our cutie marks. So… this was all planned?”
“All except for one thing. You .”
Twilight gulped nervously. “M—me?”
“That is correct. The ‘spark’ of the other five elements was entirely intentional, but your sudden burst of magical power was not . You showed incredible prowess at such a young age, something that I had never witnessed before. And yet, your powers only grow stronger.”
Twilight furrowed her brow, taken aback by this new revelation. “So… if you never planned for me, how would you have chosen the Element of Magic?”
Celestia paused for a moment, her eyes glimmering in the sunlight which magically filled the room. “Nopony would have been chosen. The previous Element of Magic would have taken your place. Me .”
“You!?” Twilight gasped in surprise, her jaw dropping. “But… I thought...”
“I am aware that it must be a shock, but I have been the Element of Magic countless times over thousands of years. Only with the help of mortal ponies capable of wielding the other Elements have I been able to fend off all manner of foes throughout the ages. After my mother, Galaxia, I would be the second Element of Magic, making you the third.”
Twilight looked away from her mentor for a moment, tears forming in her eyes. Everything that she’d been told about herself — her destiny — was nothing more than a means to an end. Celestia finally found a pony capable of being the Element of Magic and had decided to grant her immortality. For the good of Equestria, if Twilight remembered the Princess’ words.
“But… but why didn’t you just make a ‘spark’ instead?” the young mare questioned, her emotions involuntarily seeping into her words. “Why haven’t there been other bearers?”
“There were two previous attempts to promote a new Element of Magic but both ended in catastrophic failure. Power corrupts, and magical power in particular can corrupt some far beyond even my own reach. You already know of one of them — King Sombra.”
“Sombra was going to be an Element?” Twilight said in awe, thinking back to her triumph over the fiend.
Celestia nodded. “I’m afraid so. His powers drove him mad, eventually compelling him to prolong his lifespan and cast a shroud across the entire Crystal Empire. The other one I mentioned has been stricken from the history books for good reason.” The Princess frowned slightly, her expression growing sterner. “We no longer speak of her.”
“I see,” whispered Twilight, wondering what horrific tragedies this other pony could have caused. Given that Celestia was willing to share facts that no other pony knew of, for this one mare to remain a secret was unnerving. “So, why me? Am I not in danger of being corrupted?”
“Of course not, Twilight. Admittedly, upon first witnessing your magical abilities there was some cause for alarm. However, while teaching you all these years I finally realised that there was no need for worry. I have been there to guide you since your first entrance exam and I have absolute faith in you. Otherwise, I would not have allowed you to become what you are now.”
Twilight blushed. “Thank you, Princess.”
“I am glad that you’re able to take this information on board, Twilight, but this was not the main reason I brought you here.” Celestia opened up the book again and turned a few pages, revealing what Twilight initially mistook for a photograph, but was actually a meticulously drawn picture of five ponies stood together outside the gates of Canterlot. However, it was easy to mistake this as the scenery behind them was vastly different to the Canterlot that she knew. The Royal Complex was missing several spires, the buildings were more sparsely placed and the roads were paved with jade-coloured bricks.
“When was this taken? Or I guess I should ask; when was this drawn?”
“This was Canterlot as it stood just over a thousand years ago, and these were the Elements of Harmony that helped me banish Nightmare Moon.”
“Oh my goodness…”
Celestia turned another page, revealing more pictures. Some of them showed the aforementioned bearers with their husbands and children, their smiles as bright as the sun that shone behind them. Another page was turned, and one final picture showed all six Elements of Harmony together, Celestia stood proudly behind them, not looking a day younger than she was at that very moment. It was difficult for Twilight to fathom that this was a thousand years old. Each of these ponies was now dead, as were their children, and their children’s children, and…
Twilight’s curiosity had now morphed into gut-wrenching sadness. She didn’t know what Celestia was trying to prove, or why she was being shown this in the first place. A lone tear trickled down her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Princess. I don’t think I can look anymore.”
Undeterred, Celestia draped a wing around her student and turned another page with more pictures of the previous Elements. “I am not doing this to hurt you, Twilight. I wish to help you.”
“But all those ponies are dead, just like my friends will be. How… how do you deal with it?”
“I deal with it by keeping my memories close to my heart. Failing that, I keep them here, in this book. I do not wish to be saddened by the passing of my friends. Rather, I wish to remember all the great times we shared and the bonds that we made, things that might truly last forever. I was lucky enough to meet these wonderful ponies and watch them grow, find love, have children of their own and live wholesome, fruitful lives. I keep this book to remind me that these were ponies worth remembering, that the joy I felt from times we shared outweighs any heartache of their passing.” Celestia huddled closer to the distressed alicorn, stroking a hoof through her mane. “So long as you can remember that, dearest Twilight, life doesn’t have to be so bad.”
The former unicorn attempted a smile as Celestia browsed through the rest of the book, telling her stories about ponies like Sugar Rush — a cheery-looking mare with a red and white stripy mane, much like a candy cane — and Tour-De Force — a legendary pegasus stallion with immense strength. She mostly just listened to these tales, only making a few fleeting comments. These ponies looked so happy, so full of life .
Despite the heavy weight still latched onto her heart, Twilight found herself smiling truthfully. Her mentor was right. There was no need to get depressed, especially since all her friends were still alive — still there for her. Why mope around when she could be making sure that her friends led the lives that they deserved? Being upset would accomplish nothing.
“Thank you, Princess,” Twilight said with a respectful bow.
No longer was she filled with sadness. With a new sense of duty she felt that she could take on anything. There was no need to dwell on what would come. For now, she would live for the present.
This new, focused mind-set invigorated her, viciously quashing her doubts and worries.
At least, it used to be this way.
Chapter 1 – Bonds
Five years later
For centuries, the Grand Galloping Gala was organised by Princess Celestia and her personal assistants. However, for the first time ever, that job had been handed to somepony else. Princess Twilight Sparkle had been given total control of the affair after proving her worth when helping Celestia the previous year.
She had made some slight changes to the usual proceedings, though nothing too drastic. For once, foals were allowed to attend. While this was met with some concerns from her subjects, ultimately, her word would always win over theirs and the new rule was pushed forward. This meant that Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Applebloom could be present, though Applebloom had decided not to come for one reason or another. It was a shame, but Twilight was sure that she would be able to make an appearance next year.
As the alicorn put on her royal attire — an exact replica of the gown that she’d adorned during her coronation¬ — the memory of her first trip to the Gala flooded her mind. She couldn’t help but chuckle as she remembered the pure terror of finding the main hall wrecked by her friends, followed quickly by a sterling appraisal from Celestia herself. It was funny how things worked out the way they did.
“Almost done,” she muttered to herself as she carefully adjusted her crown. It was necessary to be extremely precise when doing this or it was in danger of falling off, something which had happened during a visit to the Crystal Empire whilst giving a speech on maintaining stability, of all things. Her royal guff was only outmatched by Cadence’s impromptu fit of giggles, a moment that would be remembered by many as ‘The day the world saw how juvenile princesses could be.’
Satisfied that she was now ready for the eyes of the public, Twilight took a deep breath and left her personal quarters. She was met by her two personal guards — Scimitar and Claymore — who stood to attention and smiled as she passed them by.
Scimitar had a full-white pelt and soft red mane, and was the younger of the two. He was a little more talkative, and appeared to genuinely love his job for what it was, more so than the ramifications of protecting royalty. While Twilight had never had the opportunity to see him outside of his current role, she imagined him to be a bit of a joker judging by his occasionally cheeky grin.
Claymore had a light-grey pelt and black mane and was a lot more serious than his colleague. In many ways, he respected her the most, and was undoubtedly devoted to his work. He had worked for Princess Celestia for many years and had come with the highest of recommendations, though he wasn’t the best of ponies when it came to lightening the mood. Still, he was what most guards should strive to be.
It had taken a little while for her to get used to the idea of bodyguards, and the two pegasus stallions had initially acted incredibly formal at all times, sometimes not so much as saying a word unless she asked them a question beforehoof. It was awkward in those days, but after some time together and a bit of hard work, she managed to get them to loosen up just a little. Still, there were some days where she wondered how they would treat her if she wasn’t a princess, if they were just friends. Would they laugh and joke alongside her, no longer being afraid of saying something out of line?
If I wasn’t a princess
“Evening, Princess,” Claymore greeted with a quick nod. “Ready to meet our guests?”
“Yes, of course,” she replied, slowly trotting her way down the marbled hallways of Canterlot Palace. “I take it that all the preparations have gone according to plan?”
“Yes, your highness,” Scimitar answered. “Everything’s gone without a hitch. I believe your friends are waiting for you in the lobby. Thankfully, they haven’t started a fight this time.”
Claymore gave his colleague a stern look but Twilight merely chuckled at the remark. She could remember last year when Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust met once again, the wavy blonde-haired pegasus starting out on a heated rant. Despite trying her best to ignore the threats, Rainbow Dash’s brash nature lead to her pushing the mare away, accidentally sending her flying into a nearby buffet table. From here, Lightning Dust went all out, and the two ponies had to be broken up by the royal guards.
“Yes, well we wouldn’t want that to happen again,” Twilight grinned. “Though I’m guessing Miss Dust won’t be making an appearance any time soon.”
“Of course not, your highness,” Scimitar answered again. “There are strict orders to detain her on sight.”
“Excellent.”
The three ponies made their way down a large staircase that led to the main foyer. It was here that Twilight had experienced her ‘worst night ever’, and had been stuck greeting guests alongside her idol and mentor for almost the entire evening. However, this was her Grand Galloping Gala, and there was no way that she would resign herself to a glorified receptionist. If anything, she would want to be a part of the festivities as much as anypony else.
A large crowd had already gathered, mostly residents of Canterlot (made obvious by their ‘prim and proper’ demeanour more so than their attire) followed by a few cardinals, countesses and chancellors, and finally a few visitors from afar. The turnout appeared to be even greater than previous years, which Twilight supposed could only be a good thing.
Two trumpeters awaited her at either sides of the staircase and let out a short burst of fanfare, gaining everypony’s attention.
“Presenting her royal highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle!” one of them chanted, resulting in a string of bows and murmurs of approval from the crowd. Twilight smiled and raised a foreleg in salute, her silver horseshoes gleaming in the light from the surrounding chandeliers. A silence came over the room and she took a step forward to address her guests.
“It is with great pleasure and honour that I welcome you all to the annual Grand Galloping Gala. I hereby wish for you all to have the best night ever, so please enjoy yourselves! I know that I shall be doing the same.”
Her statement was followed by a round of applause and smiles all around. Taking her cue, Twilight slowly began to make her way down the steps, her two guards at her side. Everypony around her looked ecstatic to merely even be in her presence. She was adored and revered in more ways than one, though this was merely commonplace for her nowadays.
“There’s no need to stay by my side for now,” she told Scimitar and Claymore, looking to each of them in turn. “All I require is your protection. I have no doubt that you can do so from a veritable distance.”
“Yes, Princess,” the two guards answered in unison, taking a bow and hanging back while she sauntered through the restless sea of ponies. She would be approached by many a delighted citizen that night, but none were as important as the five friends waiting anxiously in the courtyard. It wasn’t often that she had the chance to spend time with them all at once, and at such a momentous occasion.
Of course, there were times when she wished she could go back to the days of old, living happily in Golden Oaks library. It fell far short of the wondrous collection of tomes in the Canterlot archives, but it was quaint — homely even. Still, she couldn’t be prouder to stand as one of the pillars of Equestria alongside Celestia, Luna and Cadence. It genuinely was a dream come true.
Twilight trotted through the main foyer doors — smiling politely to everypony on her way — when she was startled by a pony barrelling down from the skies and landing right in front of her.
“Gee, what took you so long?” Rainbow Dash teased, shaking her head with a smirk across her face. “Who knew the royal underpants took three weeks to put on? Must be a new record.”
“Nice to see you too,” Twilight replied, rolling her eyes. “I see you’ve not changed a bit.”
“Me? Change? I’m too fast for change!”
“I guess…” Since when does that make sense? Twilight mused, but said nothing of it. Truth be told, she was simply thrilled to see her daring friend again. She noticed that Rainbow Dash was wearing a new outfit that bore some resemblance to traditional Wonderbolt attire, but the fabric had a reflective property to it, and darker streaks of blue.
“I know, pretty cool, right?” Rainbow Dash commented as she saw Twilight looking over her. “It’s made from this new fibre-mesh stuff that’s totally snug and reduces wind resistance. But enough about me, are you gonna join our friends or what?”
“I’d like nothing more,” Twilight answered, and spread her wings. Flying wasn’t something she had much opportunity to do anymore, but it quickly came back to her as she glided over the crowds after her impatient friend.
The courtyard decorations certainly made for an interesting sight; it wasn’t often that the outside of the palace was lit up in this way. More to the point, the steady hum of chatter and smell of freshly cooked food from the buffet tables awakened her senses. The air somehow felt cleaner today, as if every breath invigorated her more than usual.
After a fairly short flight, Twilight eventually saw her friends huddled in a group at the far side. Celestia was with them, speaking to Applejack and Fluttershy who were listening attentively. Pinkie Pie was shovelling cake down her gullet and attempting to get Rarity to try some, but the dainty unicorn was merely wincing uncomfortably. Not far from them, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Spike were chatting away feverishly, cheerful grins on their faces. The three of them had grown so much in just a few years, and Spike now stood at the height of a typical pony.
Spike was still her faithful assistant, but he no longer dogged her as he did once before. His duties were split between all three Princesses living in Canterlot, and he even had a dorm to himself. Twilight wasn’t sure, but recently he’d been going through his ‘teenage years’, getting restless and grumpy. On the flipside, he was more outgoing, and appeared to have a soft spot for Sweetie Belle. His fondness for Rarity had dwindled ever since the mare’s first string of colt-friends, (something that Twilight didn’t know very much about, but had no interest in finding out. She considered that it was probably better not to know) but had made good friends with the Cutie Mark Crusaders during his occasional visits back to Ponyville. Whether Sweetie Belle might actually feel the same was less of a cute thought now than it was a possible concern. Not that she wanted to know about any of that either.
“Look who I found prancing about,” Rainbow Dash announced as she touched down beside the group.
“Twilight!” Pinkie yelled, and managed to leap twenty feet into the air and grab the startled alicorn to the ground. The excitable earth pony wrapped her forelegs around into an even tighter hug. “I’ve missed you so much! I can’t wait to tell you about all the fun I’ve been having! Did you hear that Sugarcube Corner got an award for best cakes? It was amazing ! I haven’t calmed down since!”
“I’m… happy to… see you to…” Twilight managed to gasp out, using her magic to pry away the party pony. Pinkie’s hugs needed an insurmountable amount of magic to break. “But I’m also happy when I can breathe.”
Catching her breath, Twilight took a moment to gaze over her friends, each of them wearing beautiful dresses crafted by none other than Rarity. The exception was Spike, who was wearing a dashing tuxedo especially tailored for him by one of the Royal dressmakers. Given his rapid growth, maintaining his selection of outfits was almost a full-time job in itself.
“Perhaps I should take my leave, my little ponies,” Celestia announced. “By the way, Twilight, I am most impressed with the festivities. Your organisational skills are truly second to none.”
“Thank you, Princess,” Twilight said, blushing at her mentor’s compliment.
“Perhaps next time you can manage it and be on time,” Celestia added.
“Huh!? I’m… I’m sorry for—” For a moment, Twilight thought that she was being disciplined, but Celestia’s smirk told her that it was just a friendly bout of poking fun, something that was fairly rare for the Princess of the Sun. It had only really become apparent during the last few years, now that they were both practically equals. “Sure, I get it,” Twilight finally stated, offering a sheepish grin. “I guess I did get a bit carried away with trying to make sure everything went according to plan when I should have been worrying more about meeting up with my friends.”
“Oh, it’s OK, Twilight,” Fluttershy said as she stepped forward, wrapping a hoof around Twilight’s neck. “We know you wanted this to be perfect, and it is! Everything is so beautiful here.”
Twilight’s other friends quickly gathered round into an intense group hug. The bond between them was as strong as ever; it was as if she’d never left Ponyville in the first place. With Sweetie Belle’s encouragement, Spike begrudgingly entered the fray, ushering a few giggles from the surrounding mares as he pretended not to enjoy the moment.
“It’s great to be back together again,” Applejack commented with a nod, ruffling Twilight’s mane playfully. The lavender alicorn couldn’t help but get flustered, basking in the fulfilling glow of her friends’ company. “Now what’s say we get this party started?”
“Oh, Applejack!” Pinkie exclaimed, looking strangely cross. “That’s my line! I’m the party pony around here! You’d better not be trying to steal my destiny!”
“Gee, Pinkie, Ah’m sorry,” Applejack replied, stifling a giggle. “The party don’t start ‘til you say so.”
“Darn straight!” Pinkie bellowed, stomping a hoof down defiantly. “And thusly I decree that this party has now… started!” Her usually cheerful demeanour quickly returned as she bounced around giddily, almost knocking over an elderly stallion who was walking by.
“Hey, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash whispered. “On your six. I think there’s somepony who liiiiiiiikes you! He’s been checking you out this whole time!”
Twilight blushed, but turned around anyway to see what Dash was getting at. As soon as she realised who the mare was referring to, she immediately face-hoofed. “Rainbow, you do realise that Scimitar’s my personal guard? It’s his job to watch over me.”
“I… I knew that!” the pegasus stammered, trying to retain an air of confidence. “But… but who’s to say I’m wrong?”
“I must admit,” Rarity began, gazing wearily into thin air. “It would be quite the romantic dream, would it not? The lowly guard bottling up his feelings for the one he serves, desperately building up the courage to express his love. He’d write you the most beautiful poetry, shower you with gifts that even the most regal of ponies could not acquire, and you’d fly happily into the sunset…”
“Hate to break it to you, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash chided. “Do you know how ridiculous and cliché that sounds? And for the record, I’m not sure Twilight should be taking relationship advice from someone with so many notches on her bedposts that she’s practically sleeping on a pile of sawdust.”
“How dare you!?” Rarity exclaimed, poking a hoof in Dash’s face. She apparently hadn’t noticed Sweetie Belle and Spike bursting into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. “And who are you to say such things? Are you saying that you could give out better advice than me? Hmm!?”
“I never said that ,” Rainbow Dash argued, seeming content with how her little joke went down. “If anything, Fluttershy and Pinkie would make better role models.”
Fluttershy visibly shook with terror, quickly leaping behind Pinkie Pie. “Leave me out of this!” she shrieked.
“Don’t be so shy, Fluttershy!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Oh wait, except that the word ‘shy’ is in your name. If you weren’t shy then I wouldn’t have to be pink, and I love being pink! It’s like the best colour ever!”
As her friends chatted away, Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle to herself, slowly garnering the attention of everypony else.
“What’cha laughin’ at, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry,” Twilight replied, bringing her laughter under control. In truth, simply watching her friends bicker and joke made her happy, in a funny sort of way. She was reminded that despite everything that had changed over the years, her friends were still the same loving, dysfunctional band of merry ponies that they ever were. After so long since the last time they’d been together like this, she was touched by how natural it felt to be in their presence, as if they’d been beside her each and every day.
It was still strange, and often endearing to think of how much her friends had achieved over these few years, things that she wouldn’t have even imagined back in the day. About two years ago, Fluttershy and Big Mac got married. It turned out that the two of them had been having a relationship in secret for a while, and when word first got out that they were together everypony assumed that they had only just begun to meet up, prompting a string of ‘sagely advice’ — primarily from Rarity — on how best to pursue this relationship. Under immense pressure from her friends, Fluttershy let slip that she’d been dating Big Mac for a long time and had managed everything all on her own. Everypony was shocked, especially Applejack, who didn’t seem especially pleased that she of all ponies had been kept in the dark. However, the two mares quickly made up and became even closer friends.
Pinkie wasn’t yet married, but it seemed like an eventual inevitability. Just over a year ago was the Equestrian Bake-Off — a contest for aspiring bakers and pastry chefs alike — Pinkie’s main competition came in the form of an earth pony stallion by the name of Chocolate Chip. Despite being intense rivals to begin with — hurling abuse at each other and doing their best to psyche one another out — everything changed when Chip’s entry was ruined by an ant infestation. He was so distraught that Pinkie couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, eventually agreeing to help him bake something even better. Chip’s ‘crazy cookie’ as it was called eventually won the contest, but he dedicated his prize to Pinkie, and the two of them kissed on the spot. (Though perhaps a little too passionately for the foals who were present)
At least, Twilight assumed that this was all true. She’d not been there to witness it. It was a shame, but as long as her friends were happy, that meant everything.
“So what do you say we get this show on the road?” chimed Pinkie Pie, leaping into the air with untold fervour. “We ain’t got all day! First stop, the buffet!”
“Sheesh, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You’ve practically cleared entire tables of buffet food. How can you even think about more food?”
“’Cause… what goes in must come out, Dashie!”
The rest of the group exchanged a series of uncomfortable looks. “I don’t even wanna know how that’s your explanation,” Rainbow said with a sigh.
“Actually, I was thinking of having a dance,” Twilight suggested. She noticed Rarity smiling sheepishly at the thought. “And don’t worry, I’ve improved a lot since that one time.”
“Well thank heavens ,” Rarity let out unsubtly, looking physically relieved. “I dare say a dance sounds like an excellent idea. Who knows, I could meet my Mister Right!”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash gave each other a knowing look, trying their best not to laugh. Everypony hurried along to the dance-floor except for Spike, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. “We’ll catch you guys later, OK!?” the purple dragon called over.
“Sure thing,” Twilight replied. “Just keep yourselves out of trouble, OK?”
“No worries,” Spike shot back, waving casually. The two teenage mares said their goodbyes and began walking alongside their draconian friend. “Remember,” he whispered. “If anypony asks, you’re both eighteen. Got it?”
“Wait, what was that?” Rarity asked the group, her ears pricked up. “Did he just… are they…!?”
“Ah’m pretty sure they’re just tryin’ their hoof and claw at getting’ some punch,” Applejack said with a sly grin. “Can’t say Ah never tried the same thing when Ah was their age, an’ Ah’ve loved cider ever since!”
Rainbow Dash grabbed the stock still unicorn by the tail and dragged her along, etching deep hoof-marks into the soft ground. Twilight’s group of friends were garnering a few discerning looks from the surrounding ponies, but the Princess wasn’t in the mood for caring about public appearance. Strutting off towards the ballroom housing the world famous Treble-Clef Orchestra, she was determined to have a night to remember. And for all the right reasons , she thought to herself.
The night got off to a good start — Rarity had finally begun moving again by the time they’d reached the dance-floor — as the six friends started up a conga line and prompted others to join. While at first a little sceptical, the Elements of Harmony did manage to invite (and coerce) others to join their line. It wasn’t every day that somepony got to dance with a princess, a Wonderbolt, a famous fashion designer, a province-renowned pastry chef and… well, the other two .
Twilight thought for a moment as she considered each of her friends. In their own way, they had all managed something remarkable. Despite not gaining any kind of monetary or fame-filled achievement, Fluttershy was still the first to find love and the first to get married. And if Twilight’s guess was as good as she thought it was, she’d also be the first to bear a foal. It was a fitting endeavour for such a kind-hearted mare. Spike had turned out to be an excellent assistant for every royal in Canterlot and Applejack…
Twilight paused for a second — momentarily disrupting the conga line — as she thought about her farm-pony friend. For all of Applejack’s good deeds over the years and her cherished support towards all of her friends, the orange earth pony was still doing as she had always done. She ran the farm, she bucked apples… Nothing had really changed. And yet, of all the ponies in this tightly knit group, Twilight couldn’t help but think that she deserved the most. It was true that she’d seen less of Applejack than the others, though not for a lack of trying on the country mare’s part.
After an exhausting few minutes the conga line dispersed, leaving behind a volley of laughter between the usual stuck-up Canterlot crowd. (Not that Twilight was privy to insults and generalisations, mind you) The musicians — who had taken it upon themselves to perform a unique and fast-paced melody for the occasion — took a bow as an applause emerged, gradually building up to cheers of approval. They took to their seats once again and started with a softer, more notably ‘classic’ symphony.
“OK, now let’s do it again, but backwards!” Pinkie bellowed, receiving only looks of dread and mirth. Disappointed by the reaction, Pinkie folded her forelegs together and frowned. “Seriously guys!? The reverse conga is Chip’s favourite! Or is it the reverse co—”
“Well I must say, that was quite the workout,” Rarity exclaimed, fanning herself dramatically. Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to comment but was quickly cut off by Applejack’s swift hoof. “I daresay you should host more events like this, Twilight.”
“Well I can’t make any promises, but I’ll see what I can do.” Twilight ruffled her wings and stretched out her limbs. It wasn’t often that she would engage in physically strenuous activities, and the need to take a pew struck her like a lightning bolt. “I think I’d better take a breather for now,” she sighed, relaxing against one of the cushioned white-oak seats that lined the edge of the ballroom.
“Pfft! What a wuss!” Rainbow scoffed as she leapt into the air and performed a quadruple loop-de-loop, landing with untold grace and looking as if she’d expended but a single drop of energy. “Just because you’re a princess doesn’t mean you have an excuse to be lazy!”
“That is no way to speak to royalty,” Rarity piped up, having had enough of Rainbow Dash’s behaviour that evening. “Or indeed a friend who just happens to be royalty. If Twilight should indeed wish to put her hooves up we should accommodate that need.”
“No need to put it quite like that ,” Twilight said with a blush. “I’m not here to chain anypony down.”
“Well I think perhaps you expect too little from us, dear Twilight. However, you can rest assured that I wouldn’t dare stray from your imposed ideals if my lif—” Rarity stopped mid-sentence and bolted from the group with hurricane-like speed, stopping on a dime next to a familiar, high-class unicorn. “Fancy Pants? Well fancy meeting you here?”
Rainbow Dash sighed, gesturing towards her as if to say, ‘you see?’ “Well I’d hate to be a party pooper—”
“They’re the worst ponies ever!” Pinkie interrupted, waving a hoof angrily.
“—but I’d rather keep the party swinging than take a break. Grand Galloping Gala is only once a year, right?” The pegasus took to the air, a mischievous grin on her face. “Let’s tear this place up!”
“Let the tearing commence!” Pinkie yelled, leaping up and giving Rainbow Dash a bro-hoof. The two ponies barrelled excitedly towards the door, knocking over an entire platter of hors d'oeuvres from an unsuspecting waiter — which Pinkie then caught in her mouth, munching away with swollen cheeks.
“Want me to lasso ‘em?” Applejack asked half-jokingly, rolling her eyes as Twilight face-hoofed. “You’d have thought they’d grown outta that by now, shucks.”
“It’s alright,” the alicorn replied, taking a deep, calming breath. Cadence’s old trick was just as useful as it had been since day one. “It can’t possibly end as badly as last time.”
Fluttershy had bashfully trotted through the two mares’ path of destruction, offering a sincere apology to anypony that had been knocked over or left in a distressed state, of which there were many. Twilight marvelled at how much the timid little pegasus had grown. The memory of their first meeting — with Fluttershy unable to even introduce herself — passed before her eyes. Everything was simple back then, wasn’t it? So much has changed. So much, except…
“Applejack, how have you been?”
“Can’t complain,” the farm pony remarked casually, casting a disapproving glance towards Rarity, who was practically draping herself over Fancy Pants. “Same old, same old, Ah guess.”
“And you’re OK with that?”
Twilight’s response caught Applejack by surprise, the earth pony turning to give her full attention. “Ah don’t quite see what yer gettin’ at.”
Twilight sighed, motioning for her friend to take a seat next to her. Applejack did so hesitantly, as if expecting some kind of bad news. Observing the look on the mare’s face, Twilight stretched her lips into a sincere, friendly smile. “Applejack, we don’t really get much chance to talk like we used to.”
“Same fer all of us though, ain’t it?” she shot back, almost a little to o quickly.
“Very true, but I’ve probably spoken to you the least.”
“Well Ah do apologise on account of those tress in need of buckin’. Ah’ll certainly try harder in future.”
“That’s… that’s not what I was getting at. How can I put this…?” Twilight scratched her forehead, as if trying to extract her very thoughts. “Even with all my duties as Princess I still think about you all. That’s something that’s not left me ever since I ascended. But I… I’m worried about you, Applejack.”
“Worried?” The earth pony blushed, shifting her gaze away momentarily. “Ah appreciate your concern but Ah don’t really know what yer talkin’ about.”
“Maybe I really do have nothing to worry about, but I’d rather be sure than just assume something like that.”
Applejack nodded solemnly. “Can’t argue with that Ah guess.”
“Good. Now I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but Applejack…” Twilight took a deep breath, placing a hoof on the mare’s shoulder. “Do you need help?”
“Help? With what?”
“Perhaps you can tell me .”
Applejack paused for a moment, her face bearing an incalculable emotion. “Ah’m confused.”
“Are you happy with your life, Applejack?” Twilight blurted out. “Don’t you wonder if you deserve something more? I want what’s best for you, really, and well… The rest have us have done so much, and I can’t help but feel that you’re—”
“Ah don’t know if Ah like what I’m hearin’,” Applejack huffed with a flash of anger, pushing away Twilight’s hoof. “You pityin’ me? Is that it? Poor old Applejack wastin’ her life away on the farm? Ah guess you think you’re better than me!”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all!” Twilight exclaimed, garnering the attention of a few passing ponies. Still, she didn’t care about that. “Applejack, I want you to look me dead in the eyes and tell me with complete honesty that you’re happy with your life, that you don’t wish for something more. If you can do that then I’ll drop this subject and never speak of it again. You have my word.”
For almost a minute nothing was said between them, the two mares staring off into the crowd as everypony else was enraptured in conversation. Rarity seemed to be receiving some desired attention from Fancy Pants, while Claymore and Scimitar stood diligently at the other side of the ballroom. Finally, Applejack took a deep breath and spoke.
“Why d’you have to bring up somethin’ like this now, Twi?” she asked in a half-whisper, twiddling her hooves awkwardly. “Ain’t today about just havin’ a good time?”
“Maybe I thought some things needed to be said, regardless of what’s going on. And how often do I get a chance to speak to you one-on-one like this?”
The earth pony shuffled in her seat. “Ah guess so. It’s just… ponies helpin’ me out? Ain’t somethin’ Ah’d like to get used to, ya know.” She smiled to herself, bringing her gaze back up to the concerned alicorn.
“Some things never change,” Twilight grinned. “So I’m guessing there’s something you want to tell me?”
“Not sure if Ah want to, but what the hay, Ah don’t seem to have much choice in the matter. And you’re right, anyway.”
“About what?”
“Certain things,” Applejack replied sourly, appearing lost in thought. “Things Ah maybe haven’t thought of in a long while. Can we… can we maybe talk somewhere a bit quieter?”
Twilight nodded, leading the way outside. Perhaps the most fitting place would be none other than the Royal Canterlot Gardens, she concluded. Applejack plodded by her side, looking very much unlike the confident, brazen mare that usually inhabited the farm pony’s body. But this was all for a good cause.
Though the Royal Complex was certainly buzzing with activity, the gardens were practically empty save for the odd couple taking a romantic stroll. It was a shame really, since this was the time of year when the gardens were at their most beautiful. Lining some of the trees were magical lanterns that slowly shifted through different colours. The gardeners had kept the topiary sculptures in tip-top condition, and with the distant chatter and occasional bouts of classical music coming from the main palace, everything cohered into a most pleasant atmosphere.
The two ponies took to a lone bench under a towering chestnut tree. While they weren’t completely alone — Twilight’s personal guards stationed themselves at a respectable distance away — Applejack was already appearing more at ease, a relaxed sigh escaping her mouth.
“Ah’ve gotta admit, this place makes me kinda jealous,” the farm pony remarked, taking a look at her surroundings. “Best Ah can do with a hedge is tear at it like a weed.”
“There goes my plan to employ you as head gardener,” Twilight joked. “Now… What did you want to tell me?”
The farm pony took a deep breath, the smile dropping from her face. “This is kinda hard for me to put into words — Ah never was a champion linguist as you can prob’ly guess — but Ah’ll give it mah best shot.”
“Take your time,” Twilight said softly.
“Right. Well, you were askin’ me about if Ah was happy with everythin’ in mah life, and Ah can’t say Ah’m not, but then again, it’s about more than that, ain’t it? Ever since mah folks passed on Ah knew Ah wanted to carry on the family tradition and run the farm, just like mah family has done for generations. That side of me ain’t changin’ no time soon. It’d make ‘em proud, you know? But maybe… Oh, Ah don’t know…”
“Know what?”
“When I done accused you of pityin’ me, it was ‘cause Ah’ve done the same thing. There ain’t no use hiding it; you’ve all gone on to do great things. As for Big Mac an’ Fluttershy, darn it, you should see ‘em sometimes. It’s like they ain’t got a care in the world. Ah’m happy with mah life, but… Ah ain’t that happy.”
“So... You want what they have?” Twilight asked, trying to pick her words carefully.
“If you’re talkin’ about findin’ mahself that special somepony, Ah dunno. When Ah was younger it just seemed like the sort of thing that was just gonna happen, like it was just one of those things that was a part of life. Truth be told, Ah can’t bring mahself to find somepony just for the sake of it. Ah’ve been on a few dates in the past couple years, but nothin’ ever came of ‘em. Honestly, Ah only agreed to them ‘cause Ah felt like Ah needed to if Ah wanted to be normal like everypony else.”
“But there’s no need for you to feel pressured into having a relationship.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that Ah do feel that way sometimes,” Applejack said glumly, crossing her forelegs. “Otherwise, Ah’m just doin’ what Ah’ve always done. Just workin’ on the farm, workin’ on the farm. It’s painful for me to even say this, but…” The mare blushed slightly, her gaze drifting off into the distance. “Ah’m jealous of you.”
“Jealous?” Twilight exclaimed.
“Don’t be actin’ so surprised,” Applejack commented. “And it’s not just you. You were right. We’ve all done so much, except for me.”
Twilight could see the earth pony’s eyes begin to water. Without hesitation, she wrapped her hooves around her friend and pulled her into a tight embrace, one that Applejack reciprocated fully, clutching her tightly and resting her head against the alicorn’s shoulder.
“I’m here to help you, Applejack. I want nothing more than for my friends to be happy. Whatever it is you want just tell me and I’ll do everything in my power to make it happen.”
“That’s just it,” Applejack choked, a tear falling down her cheek and onto Twilight’s fur. “Ah don’t know what Ah want.”
The two ponies held each other for another minute or so, both wrestling with their emotions. Twilight had predicted that her friend might have been stuck in a rut, but to see her break down like this tore at her heartstrings. Applejack had always been the boldest, most confident member of the group. Had she been in terrible pain this whole time? Even the Element of Honesty must have secrets, Twilight told herself, holding the distraught mare even tighter.
“Then I’ll help you find what it is that you want,” Twilight said firmly, releasing her grasp a little and looking into her friend’s tear-filled eyes.
“An’ you won’t tell anypony about this, right?” There was a hint of desperation in Applejack’s voice.
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
“Good, ‘cause… Ah think that’s for the best. For now, at least. Ah need to get mah head straight. Some things have got me thinkin’ about the future, what’s gonna happen in fifty years’ time.”
Twilight felt a lump form in her throat.
“Ah don’t wanna look back an’ think that Ah’ve done nothin’ with mah life, ya know?”
Twilight hesitated momentarily, her mind being brought back to Celestia’s book. Nothing had been said since that day; nothing to remind her of the truth. How could she even relate to Applejack’s predicament? She’d almost forgotten about all this, and now…
Twilight snapped herself back to reality, smiling to her friend and nodding sagely. “You don’t need to worry about that. You’ve done more to be proud of than you know.”
“Thanks, Twi.” Applejack gave another quick hug, a small grin appearing on her face. “It feels good to get things off mah chest.” She hopped down from the bench, looking more cheerful than she had that entire evening. “What do ya say we get back to the party? Can’t leave our friends hangin’.”
The rest of the night went smoothly, despite Rainbow Dash almost getting into a fight. (The other mare supposedly ‘turned her nose up at her’ which was enough to get the cocky pegasus riled up) Rarity’s attempts to woo Fancy Pants were cut short once she’d spotted Spike and Sweetie Belle ‘acting suspiciously’, but her accusations were met with the pair admitting that they’d lost Scootaloo to a drink-induced frenzy and were desperately searching for her. Thankfully, the teenager was found with Fluttershy, whose sympathy towards the young pegasus was only matched by her unspoken fury towards Spike and Sweetie Belle for letting this happen at all. Most surprisingly, Pinkie had been behaving herself, subjecting the rest of them to just ‘moderate’ levels of fun.
Applejack stayed at Twilight’s side for the rest of the night. She never was the type to show such obvious signs of thanks and affection, though Twilight guessed that she was never the type to expel her pent-up emotions either. It was only natural that she would feel drawn to the pony doing their best to help her, but that’s what Twilight was afraid of. Being relied upon by the citizens of Equestria to keep the province in check was nothing compared to being relied upon by a friend in need. And this wasn’t some small problem that could be settled by friends working together or with a simple act of kindness. Hay, even the day her friends’ cutie marks switched she had only needed to bring them together and let the rest happen on its own. But this was something that Applejack had entrusted to her, and only to her. A problem with no real answer, and that wasn’t all…
“Ah don’t wanna look back an’ think that Ah’ve done nothin’ with mah life, ya know?”
Twilight took a deep breath. No . She wasn’t about to let her petty inner turmoil ruin the time spent with her friends. After all, that’s what she wanted from this night in the first place, right? To make the most of her time with her friends? In a hundred or so years that’s all she would have to remember—
“My goodness, Princess Twilight! It is a real pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise.” Twilight gestured for the stallion — a white-coated earth pony wearing a tuxedo — to rise.
“My name is Broadsheet, and I was hoping that perhaps I could… Well, if it’s alright with you… Since it would be such an honour and…”
“To the point please,” Twilight said with the utmost politeness.
“M-many apologies,” the stallion stuttered, bowing once again. “I’m a photographer for a local newspaper, you see. I would be thrilled if I could snap a picture of you and your friends. I would even be willing to give all of you a copy, just to show my gratitude.”
“Ooh! A picture!?” Pinkie piped up, leaping out of nearby tree and startling the two of them. “That would be super-duper!”
“That’ll be a yes,” Twilight said with a smirk as the pink menace zoomed across the forecourt, rounding up her friends in a frenzied blur.
“W-where am I?” Rarity asked confusedly, her eyes rolling as she stumbled about dizzily. “Fancy Pants? What have you done with your mane? It looks positively fabulous!”
“Get off!” screamed Rainbow Dash as Rarity brushed a hoof through her mane. “I’m not Fancy Pants, you crazy mare!”
“I think I’m… I’m gonna be sick…” Scootaloo groaned, leaning onto Spike’s shoulder for support.
“What’re you doing!?” the dragon exclaimed. “Don’t be sick on me!”
“Oh, we’re having our photo taken?” Fluttershy whimpered, eyeing Broadsheet’s camera. “Oh no, what if I look hideous? I think my mane is out of shape. Will this photo be all over the newspapers!? Meaning everypony in Equestria will see me like this!?”
“Settle down, everypony!” Twilight ordered, instantly simmering down her crazed mob of friends in one fell swoop.
“Ah do love it when ya do that,” remarked Applejack with a half-grin.
As Twilight and her friends lined up in front of Broadsheet’s camera stand, the young princess took a look from side to side at all of her friends. This was what she treasured most, right? To be alongside the very ponies that had turned her life around, made her into the noble mare she was today?
“OK, everypony. Just move in a little closer.”
Of course, these were the moments that she would remember in years to come, the ones that she would cherish. She had formed unbreakable bonds with these ponies. She relished their company. To be with them was to live life the way she always wanted. What I always wanted…
“Now say cheese!”
So why do I feel so—
“Cheese!”
There was a brief flash, followed by sighs of relief. Broadsheet tapped a few buttons on the side of the metallic camera box and stood back proudly as several reams of paper slid from a compartment on the back. The stallion held one close to his face with a critical eye, a smile forming on his face.
“They’ve come out wonderfully!” he exclaimed, gazing over it excitedly. “The wonders of modern technology, eh?”
His upbeat comment was met by Scootaloo unceremoniously vomiting across the freshly cut grass. “I don’t feel so good…” she mumbled.
“I hope you’ve learned a lesson today,” scowled Rainbow Dash, looking over her adopted sister. “You need to learn your limits!”
“But I thought you said limits were for losers,” Scootaloo replied groggily.
“Um, did I say that? Oh, well, I uh…”
Twilight fought the urge to face-hoof as Broadsheet looked on at her friends with a degree of disgust. “Here you are, Princess! I do hope you deem it to be acceptable.”
Twilight took the photograph handed to her with her telekinesis and gave a polite nod. “This is more than acceptable. In fact, it looks…”
“Is… Is there something wrong?”
“No, there’s nothing wrong. It honestly looks… wonderful .”
The night was coming to a close. It hadn’t been eventful in the traditional sense, but it had been interesting to say the least. Twilight said her goodbyes, wishing them all a safe return. Pinkie reacted the most irrationally, crying melodramatically into her shoulder and blabbering about something incomprehensible. However, she was instantly brought back to normality at the mere mention of cupcakes.
As Twilight slinked up to her room on the upper floor of the Royal Complex — saying goodnight to Claymore and Scimitar in the process — she looked down upon the photograph that she could barely tear her eyes from. It would be a memento, a sign of time well spent with her friends. Things might have changed, but their friendship was still the same. It was a heart-warming thought.
Pacing into her room, Twilight took a small roll of tape from one of her drawers and stuck the photograph to her bedside mirror. She smiled as she thought of its significance, that she would wake up every morning and see her friends’ faces, albeit without Applebloom or Big Macintosh. It’s such a shame they couldn’t come , she thought to herself as she scooted into bed. It was then that she spotted her other photograph, one that rested on one of her cabinets in a dull and slightly dusty frame. She floated it across to her, remembering the day that it was taken. It was just after she and her friends had defeated Nightmare Moon and brought Luna back to her original splendour. That was so long ago, and yet…
Twilight’s smile faded in an instant. Her hooves shaking, she slipped the old photograph from its frame and brought it up to the mirror, to the photo that had just been taken not more than a few hours ago.
Decay.
It was the first word to spring to mind. How many years had it been since she’d met her friends? Seven? Eight? It felt as if it had only happened yesterday. But signs of the passage of time were there. Their faces… Oh Celestia, their faces … It was the subtle fading in the shade of their fur, the creases and wrinkles that now adorned their living form. Whittled away… Soon to be dust, soon to be dust, soon to be…
But there was one exception. Twilight looked between the two pictures at her own visage, a lone tear trickling down her left cheek. She was perfect. Flawless. Nothing had been lost. The same youth. The same beauty. In that moment, memories of Celestia’s book flooded back to her. The feelings of remorse and terror that had plagued her — the feelings that had been pushed down for so long now bursting to the surface in a torrent of heart-scathing dejection, every glimmer of happiness drowning in a sea of misery. The Princess had lived countless years without attaining a single mark of aging. But in those photos, her friends… They grew old. And so did the next group of friends. So quickly, in but the blink of an eye to an immortal being. And the next. And the next. And so on and so forth forever and ever and ever and ever and—
There was a knock at the door.
“Twilight? You in there?”
I can’t let her in. I can’t let her see me like this. “Y-yes?”
“Ah just wanted to speak with ya real quick before Ah head back. Hope ya don’t mind but Ah don’t really want the others hearin’ about it.”
The door began to slowly creak open.
No! Don’t come in! “Applejack, I would really love to talk, but—”
“But what? What in the hay is goin’ on in there?”
The door was pushed open further, and Applejack’s curious-looking face peered from behind it. Her demeanour dropped in an instant.
Tell her to leave! She can’t possibly be here at a time like this! Tell her that you’re OK!
“Sugarcube? Oh mah gosh—”
“I’m not OK,” Twilight whimpered. “I’m… I’m really not OK. Applejack…” The alicorn slumped to the floor, sighing deeply. “Looks like we both need help.”
Applejack ran to Twilight’s aid and embraced her, pulling her close into her chest. “It’s gonna be alright, Twi. Just tell me what’s wrong and Ah’ll do mah best. After all, you’re doin’ the same for me.”
Wordlessly, Twilight raised the two photographs with her magic and floated them in front of Applejack. The farm pony took a few moments to look over them before turning back to her friend.
“Ah’m not sure Ah understand.”
“I’m immortal, Applejack,” Twilight whispered. “I’m… I’m going to live forever.”
There was a long silence between the two mares. Finally, Applejack spoke up. “Ah know, sugarcube. Ah wish Ah could say somethin’ but… Ah hoped — we all hoped — that you were OK with that.”
“I thought I was ,” Twilight croaked, wiping away another batch of tears. “I had myself convinced for so long. I can’t… I can’t keep lying to myself anymore.”
“You don’t have to. You need somepony to talk to, just say the word. But Ah’m afraid it’ll have to wait for now. Ah… Ah really need to get goin’, sugarcube. Ah’m gonna be late as it is.”
“Please don’t go!” Twilight cried, latching herself onto Applejack’s midsection.
“Ah need to get back home. Ah’m real sorry, an’ Ah promise to—”
“Please ,” Twilight pleaded, the thoughts of countless centuries spent without her friends flooding her mind. “I don’t want to be alone.”
Applejack took a deep breath, finally conceding. “Alright, Twi. I’ll do this. For you .”
Big Macintosh opened up the front door, an oil lantern held between his teeth. His wife stepped inside with a warm smile.
“How is she?”
Big Mac shook his head sadly, and Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around him in a loving cuddle. He dropped the lantern to the floor and returned the hug. “Where’s Applejack?”
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said glumly. “She wasn’t with me when the rest of us took the train. She said she had to speak to Twilight, so I guess she’s running late.”
“Ah hope she gets here soon. Ah don’t know if she has much time left.”
In the adjacent room Granny Smith was led in a small four poster bed, her head propped up with a mountain of pillows. At her side sat Applebloom, who had one hoof wrapped around her grandmother’s foreleg. The young filly perked up as Big Mac and Fluttershy crept inside, but quickly became concerned with her sister’s absence.
“Who’s there?” Granny Smith rasped, barely finding the strength to turn her head.
“It’s Macintosh and Fluttershy,” Big Mac whispered back, placing the lantern next to the bedside and giving Applebloom a quick hug. “Applejack should be here soon.”
Fluttershy nodded assuredly, doing her best not to be overwrought with emotion at the sight of the withered mare. “Yes, I have a feeling she just missed the train, but there was another one scheduled a little later. She’ll be here, don’t worry.”
“That’s good to hear,” Granny Smith noted, a smile coming to her face. She couldn’t see much beyond a mishmash of colours and three blurry figures, but it was enough to know that she was among family. “I always was a fighter. Don’t think I can’t hold on for little AJ.”
Applebloom buried her face into the bedcovers and began to weep. “Ah don’t w-want you to go…”
“You’ll be fine without me,” Granny Smith said as softly as she could, gently placing a hoof on her granddaughter’s head. “Us Apples take care of our own, an’ you’ve got some o’ the finest siblings you could wish for.”
As the hours passed, the old mare became more delirious, her vision slowly fading. She still kept talking to them as if everything was fine, as if she would be ready to spring out of bed the next day and order them around as she’d always done. Soon, the signs became obvious. Big Mac and Applebloom each said their own personal farewell in turn, telling their Granny how proud they would make her, how much they had learned from her — and most of all — how much they loved her. Eventually, her time came. Big Mac, Applebloom and Fluttershy held each other tightly as Granny Smith’s eyelids fell and she took her final breath.
Applejack never got to say goodbye.
Chapter 2 – Fallen Apple
Twilight’s mind muddled between sleep and the waking world for a minute or so. The usual sensation of urgency she felt most mornings was overshadowed by a sense of contentment at remaining at rest. Before even opening her eyes she could feel a comforting warmth and hypnotic rise and fall in pressure across her back. Slowly coming to, Twilight opened her eyes, the everyday colours of the royal chambers pervaded by an obscure, orange hoof.
Smiling to herself, Twilight unthinkingly brought Applejack’s hoof closer to her face stroked her cheek against it. Memories of the night just gone sprang to mind. At first, she could only think of the two photographs that had caused an emotional breakdown. As a princess, it was necessary to keep her deepest emotions tucked away, which was never a problem until — for whatever reason — keeping them hidden just wasn’t possible. She’d been so sure of herself all these years. Ever since that day with Celestia, she was convinced that nothing was amiss, that she could find solace in her memories while countless centuries passed by. Now though, her self-doubt had toppled that unwavering confidence like a battering ram.
And yet, in that particular moment she felt at ease. She could hear Applejack’s steady breathing behind her and feel the somewhat ticklish sensation of her breath against the crown of her mane. Cradled in the farm pony’s warm embrace, Twilight couldn’t help but feel submissive, subservient even. Given her prestigious title and status it was a rare feeling. With the possible exception of Celestia, all ponies across the land looked up to her as a guiding hoof, someone belonging to a plane above their mere existence. But there was a comfort in feeling lesser than somepony else, an opportunity to be cared for, to be able to make mistakes. A chance to be less than perfect.
Applejack let out a noise not unlike a hum and snapped Twilight to attention. However, despite shifting in the bed slightly Applejack still seemed to be asleep. Twilight let out a mental sigh of relief. She almost didn’t want this experience to end. As embarrassing as it was to finally realise it, this was the most intimate affection she’d ever received.
In a moment of foalish wonder, Twilight brought Applejack’s hoof to her mouth and gave it a brief kiss. Surprisingly, the orange mare didn’t so much as stir. Well that was weird. Why did I even do that? Twilight mused, letting Applejack’s hoof fall back onto her cheek. It’s a good thing she wasn’t awake or I’d have some serious explaining to do.
As time passed the sun slowly crept up over the horizon and beamed through the velvet curtains, casting an amber glare across the room. As Twilight began contemplating what her plans for the day should be — as if on cue — Applejack let out a short breath and awoke.
“Hey, you awake, sugarcube?” she whispered, causing Twilight to flick her left ear involuntarily.
“Mm-hmm,” Twilight responded, silently chiding herself for not pretending to be asleep for just a little while longer.
“Ah gotta say, Ah ain’t had such a good night’s sleep in years.”
Twilight blushed as Applejack sighed contentedly to herself, the mare’s chest bowing against her spine. “Oh, r-really?” Twilight mumbled, searching desperately for an appropriate response. “M-me too?”
“Guess there’s some real perks to bein’ a princess. Ah can’t tell if it’s this mattress, or maybe these pillows. Ah just can’t put mah hoof on it.”
“Y-yeah, they’re, um…” Twilight trailed off as Applejack shifted beside her, burying her head deeper into the pillow. She soon became aware that she’d been holding her breath, and quickly exhaled.
“Oh well,” Applejack said with a yawn, bringing her hoof back up and scratching at her unkempt mane. “Guess we’d better oil the springs an’ fire up the old muscles.”
The orange earth pony sat up straight, tilting her neck until a gratifying click rang out and rolled her shoulders one after another. Grabbing her trademark Stetson from the dressing table, she tossed away the duvet and stretched out her hind legs, letting out a satisfied grunt.
Twilight propped herself up against the headboard and rubbed her eyes. Her left wing ached tremendously, though she expected that was from being restricted by Applejack’s foreleg throughout the night. Flexing it back and forth a few times did ease some of the tension, but it would be a while before it was back to normal. Admittedly, she seldom took to the skies unless it was absolutely necessary, so this was hardly a setback.
Twilight finished her impromptu workout to spy Applejack waiting patiently at the foot of the bed, smiling just the way she always did. It might have sounded odd, but in many ways Twilight envied Applejack. Always stubborn, she could imagine the earth pony being offered wings or a horn, and turning them down with a simple shake of the head and a “thank ye kindly.” Twilight couldn’t even imagine getting through life without her magic, and being confined to the ground was a thing of the past. If she lost her horn and wings she’d feel like a cripple, while hard-working ponies like Applejack got through life without either, taking care of entire orchards just fine.
“You alright there?” Applejack asked curiously, cutting through the silence.
“Feeling a lot better, thanks,” Twilight replied, scooting out of bed and moving to the bedside mirror. Taking a quick glance, she could see a few strands of golden-blonde hair peering out through her mane. She gave it a quick brush and turned back to her friend, who was gazing around at the various paintings on the wall of famous ponies from history, including a portrait of Starswirl the Bearded.
“Can’t say this fancy stuff appeals to mah tastes.” Applejack smirked, turning back to Twilight. “Ah gotta be honest, pictures of some moody old wizard ain’t gonna do much to cheer you up. Maybe Ah should get Pinkie and Applebloom to come re-decorate. Guarantee they’d brighten the place up.”
“And see crudely drawn moustaches on all of my paintings?” Twilight shot back with a grin. Admittedly, Applejack did have a point. “How is Applebloom, anyway?”
“Doin’ just fine. Says she wants to be an interior designer or somethin’. Ya know, Ah sure do reckon any colt-friend she finds will be in for a shock when they see that adorable little mare ploughin’ through DIY like it ain’t no bother.” Applejack took a deep breath and smiled to herself. “Ah’d really best be goin’, Twi.”
“So soon?” Twilight asked disappointedly.
“Ah’m afraid so.” Applejack walked over and gave Twilight a quick hug. “You take care o’ yourself. Ah guess you’ve been goin’ through a lot, and… Well, Ah’m always willin’ to lend an ear if you need help.”
“You too.” Twilight draped a wing around her friend. “I promised to help, didn’t I? You know, whenever you get some free time, we should do something together. Being a princess does have its perks; anything you want to do I can probably arrange.” She paused, staring into Applejack’s hopeful green eyes. “I’m sure I find something that makes you happy.”
“Alright, enough with the mushy stuff,” Applejack said with a roll of her eyes. “Ya got me blushin’ over here. But thanks, Twi. Ah really do appreciate it.”
Applejack quickly got changed back into her dress from the night before — feeling slightly awkward to be wearing it after the Gala but not having much choice if she wanted to take her belongings with her — and the two friends made their way through the Royal Complex. Twilight gave a polite nod to her personal guards, unaware of their perplexed glances to each other at the sight of their princess leaving her room with a mare sporting a suspiciously frayed mane. Scimitar raised his eyebrows suggestively, to which Claymore thwacked him around the head.
Twilight accompanied Applejack to the train station, still feeling strangely upbeat from her friend’s act of immense kindness. Taking care of her like a mother would a scared little filly… She was determined more than ever to find a way to repay her. After all, if there was anypony who deserved a joyful life, it was Applejack. Heavens knew how she’d be able to let her go…
“Sorry Ah couldn’t stay any longer,” Applejack said as they reached the platform, rows of smartly-dressed citizens lined up with luggage in hoof. “Ah must say Ah wouldn’t have minded a tour o’ the big city, but duty calls.”
“It’s OK, I understand. I’m just glad you could spend the night with me. I mean…” Twilight face-hoofed, her cheeks growing red. “Well, that came out a bit wrong.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Applejack said dismissively. “Ah couldn’t leave you like that, could Ah? What are friends for?”
Within a few minutes the train arrived. The two friends said their goodbyes and shared a tender hug before Applejack stepped on, finding herself a nearby seat. Twilight waved enthusiastically as the train started up, slowly chugging its way into the distance. She sighed and turned on her hoof, politely smiling to a group of ecstatic foals and making her way back to the palace, meeting up with her personal guards along the way. There were duties to attend to, of course, and her daily breakfast with Princess Celestia, a tradition that would surely carry on forever. Twilight shuddered at that thought and let it go, taking a deep breath.
“Morning, Princess,” Scimitar greeted as the two stallions marched to her side. “Sleep well?”
Claymore shot his colleague a disapproving glace which the younger guard shrugged off. Twilight was somewhat confused with this exchange but answered his question all the same. “Quite alright, thank you.”
“And did your friend sleep OK?”
“Stop it, Scimitar!” Claymore ordered, taking both ponies by surprise. He cleared his throat and regained posture. “Apologies for raising my voice, your highness. I simply don’t feel that my fellow guard was being entirely respectful to you.”
Twilight scrunched up her face confusedly. “He… wasn’t being respectful?”
“That is my own opinion,” Claymore professed. “I of course hold your opinion higher than anypony’s, but I feel that a line must be drawn. Your private life should never be up for discussion.”
Twilight’s cheeks grew hot as she looked to Scimitar. The stallion was tensing his lips, just barely stifling a laugh. “That’s… That’s not what happened,” she protested.
“No explanation is necessary, your highness,” Claymore affirmed, his steely demeanour unperturbed by Twilight’s suspicious response.
“I think it is,” Twilight replied, trying desperately not to let her anxiety show. “My relationship with Applejack is entirely platonic, and I will not stand for any false assumptions that it is anything more than that. I merely offered my friend the privilege of sleeping in the Royal Quarters, a favour to support her during a difficult time. I am sure you are both aware that she is not in the best of conditions, hence our conversation in the gardens yesterday evening. Understood?”
“Understood,” the two guards said in unison, and the walk carried on.
I can’t believe they thought that! Twilight mused. Though I guess it must’ve been peculiar seeing us both come out of the bedroom this morning. Me and Applejack? Dating? That’s the most far-fetched thing I’ve ever heard . A rouge thought of Applejack curled up next to her passed by, but Twilight was quick to extinguish it. No. It’s just preposterous. Impossible, even .
Bringing her mind back to more important matters, Twilight considered that aside from what her guards obviously thought had happened, there was no denying that something between her and Applejack had changed. It was enough to see the head-strong earth pony lose her cool — effectively breaking down in front of her — but being asked not to speak of the matter at hoof to anyone else put her in an awkward position. Just how was she going to help her? Applejack wanted more from life, but had no idea about what ‘more’ meant. Twilight had a feeling that this may have been a problem for several years, maybe even before she came to Ponyville. Just thinking about her friend being in pain all this time sent a warm flood of guilt across the back of her head. When she voiced her suspicions to Applejack at the Gala she never expected the mare to be so distraught by it. But at least now that it was out in the open, something could be done about it.
But why did I get so hysterical? Twilight mused silently as the three ponies neared the palace gates. She considered the phenomenon known as emotional synchronisation. Could Applejack’s intense emotions have triggered something inside of her? Seeing her close friend in such a state wasn’t exactly going to make her happy, but perhaps there was something more to it.
Twilight tried to think back to the last time she’d suffered such an outburst, sifting through years of memories. However, only one moment stuck out to her: The day Celestia showed her that book. And yet, even then she had recovered from it quickly. Now, however, the pain hadn’t gone away. Truth be told, her heart still ached. Applejack’s company had helped somewhat, but not enough. It seemed tragically hopeless for the pair of them. Twilight had no idea how to help Applejack, and there was no way Applejack would know how to help her .
Twilight once again considered seeking guidance from Princess Celestia on the matter. She had more knowledge and experience dealing with immortality than anyone… So why don’t I want to speak to her again? It was a question that Twilight couldn’t quite answer herself. Despite making logical sense, her gut instinct fought against the idea. Maybe it was because the very method Celestia had used to cheer her up had eventually become the reason for distress. Looking at photographs of long-forgotten ponies from the past was like examining a collection of fictional characters. Understanding the principle of treasuring their memories seemed simple enough, but it hadn’t felt real . But looking between the two photographs of her beloved friends was as real as it got.
It was at times like this Twilight wished she believed in an afterlife. As a foal, her family was fairly religious, and passage into ‘the great beyond’ was considered an irrefutable fact. However, as the years passed Twilight found herself falling from those beliefs and finding her own, much more depressing ‘truth’ to believe in.
Twilight sighed under her breath and soldiered on, wishing for a moment that Applejack was at her side, spouting words of encouragement. She’s a better mare than I could ever hope to be…
Applejack took to the nearest seat as the train sprang into action. After a few minutes of shuffling uncomfortably in her dress she eventually took it off completely, leaving it folded up on her saddlebags. That garnered her a few curious looks, but she wasn’t in the mood for caring. She still had a problem with pretty dresses; things hadn’t changed much in that regard.
Running through her mind was a list of chores that would need seeing to the moment she got back. Staying in Canterlot had never been part of the plan, but she’d left early enough to have time for just about everything. That might take her into the late evening, but that was OK. The biggest trouble would be coming up with a suitable excuse for not arriving home the previous night. The Apples were notorious worry-warts when it came to family, so she hoped to the high heavens that Big Mac hadn’t put together a search party.
Still, she couldn’t possibly have left a friend in need. Twilight had been there to bear the brunt of her pathetic life problems, so it was only fair to return the favour. If anything, at least Twilight’s concerns were coherent. Getting depressed over nothing made Applejack feel utterly worthless. Surely everypony wanted a little more from life; there was no such thing as being truly content. So why am Ah so darn upset about it? Applejack cursed inwardly. She’d been taught to look on the bright side of life, but apparently that wasn’t enough. And now Ah’m getting’ more depressed thinkin’ about how depressed Ah am over nothin’. Way to go, AJ.
Within an hour or so the train pulled up to Ponyville station. Losing all concern for the state of her dress she tossed it haphazardly over her back before putting on her saddlebags, an act she quickly regretted as the fabric slowly massed itself into a crumpled heap at the base of her neck with each step, becoming more uncomfortable than if she’d simply worn it.
The long walk back to Sweet Apple Acres provided her with just the rejuvenation she needed. Canterlot was a busy, stuffy place. With the exception of the Royal Gardens and a few patches of green, the city was bereft of flora and fauna. The air in Ponyville was somehow cleaner, more natural. It was no surprise that life in Manehattan hadn’t suited her; this place really was home .
Sweet Apple Acres came into view, to which Applejack steeled herself, ready to apologise for her absence. She didn’t want to incriminate Twilight in any way — she couldn’t allude to the dwindling mental state of a Princess of Equestria without some serious repercussions — but she didn’t want to outright lie. And so, she would just tell them that she didn’t feel so well, and couldn’t turn down Twilight’s offer to stay in a deluxe palace suite. That was sort of the truth, which would have to be good enough.
As she walked closer, she could already imagine Big Mac overreacting. Ever since Granny got sick a week ago they all took it upon themselves to take care of her, but it was Big Mac who got a bad case of paranoia, seemingly convinced that the bolshie old mare was at death’s door. Granted, she wasn’t exactly in the best shape, but Applejack had seen her pull through worse and come out the other side kicking and dancing. “Yer only as old as ya feel,” she had always said. Just thinking about it made Applejack smile.
Big Mac wasn’t even pleased with her going to the Gala, but when she explained to him just how much it meant to her he finally conceded. Applebloom also wanted to go — especially since it was the first time she would be allowed, along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo — but caught a case of the Big Mac blues and decided to stay. Not that Applejack wasn’t proud of her little sister for doing that. In fact it just showed how much she cared about her family, a trait that every Apple was destined to have.
Taking a deep breath, Applejack opened the door. “Howdy, folks!” she called out through the empty corridor. She passed through to the living room and dropped her dress and saddlebags. A quick stretch and she continued on through to the kitchen. Nopony there, so she wandered upstairs, wondering for a moment if her siblings had snagged themselves a cheeky morning snooze courtesy of her absence. Applebloom had never been one to appreciate the early morning breakfast call, something that only became more prominent during her teenage years.
Applejack put her ear to Applebloom’s door, the clear sound of a snoring mare resonating through the wood. Aha! Caught you! Applejack promptly kicked the door open. “Wakey wakey! Rise an’…”
To her surprise, Applebloom wasn’t the only one present. Big Mac and Fluttershy were both stood at Applebloom’s bedside, their faces overwrought with sleep deprivation. It reminded Applejack of the time she refused help from her friends and tried to tackle the entire orchard alone, only to spend her waking moments in a daze. Applebloom opened her eyes to the noise and let out a yawn. Instead of looking up at Applejack with the usual demeanour of a disgruntled teenager, her expression was one of immense worry. Applebloom, Big Mac and Fluttershy looked between themselves for a moment before finally turning back to face Applejack.
“What’s goin’ on?” the orange earth pony asked, trying to decipher the situation. “Applebloom, yer not sick, are ya?”
Applebloom shook her head solemnly, once again turning back to Big Mac. He stroked through her mane and nodded. Wordlessly, he gestured for Applejack to come towards him. She did so hesitantly, her mind swimming with questions. She’d not seen her brother like this since…
Big Mac wrapped his hooves around her in a tight hug, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Granny’s g-gone…” he sobbed.
Nothing else needed to be said. Applejack’s heart sank inside her chest as the truth dawned on her. Tears she didn’t know existed suddenly burst from her eyes. She wanted to believe that this was just a bad dream, that she was still led in Twilight’s bed, just on the verge of waking up. But that wasn’t true.
After a few moments, Applebloom clambered from her bed and joined them, as the three remaining Apples in Ponyville embraced each other, their cries echoing throughout Sweet Apple Acres. Peering up through the mounds of grief and sadness Applejack felt something else — another emotion that grew more powerful with every second.
Regret.
Ah’m so sorry, Granny. Ah’m so sorry…
Twilight delicately churned her fork through the main course in front of her — butternut squash and pear ravioli with rosemary sauce. It was an undeniably well-crafted dish bursting with flavour, but Twilight couldn’t bring herself to finish it. She prodded one of the pear chunks, flirting with the idea of another bite. She was far from full, but the feeling of base hunger was missing. It became apparent that depression still lingered at the back of her mind, as much as she wanted to pretend that it had subsided.
“I trust your dish is up to standard,” Princess Celestia said from the other side of the table, tending to her mouth with a napkin.
“Oh it’s great, believe me,” Twilight quickly replied. “I’m just not feeling very hungry right now.”
Celestia paused, examining her protégé with a close eye. She smiled and continued with her meal, pouring herself another drink from a china teapot. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes as Twilight simply stayed seated, nodding politely as the remains of her meal were taken away.
Celestia motioned for the kitchen staff to leave and cleared her throat. “I think last night’s Gala was a success, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes, of course. It all came together in the end, didn’t it? No mishaps or catastrophes this time.” Twilight let out a nervous chuckle.
“That certainly was a bonus. Did your friends enjoy themselves?”
“Yes, I think so.”
Celestia pondered this answer for a moment, made wary of Twilight’s lack of enthusiasm after such a momentous occasion. “Is that all? Surely you must have a few interesting stories. Go on, tell me all about it.”
Twilight sighed and opened her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Celestia.
“Unless there’s something else on your mind?” Celestia looked down at her protégé with a warm, caring smile. “Remember, you can talk to me about anything.”
Twilight shifted her gaze away, realising that she’d been rumbled. “Well, I was just thinking. If it’s alright with you, of course.”
“Anything you want, Twilight,” Celestia assured.
“Well, you see… I was hoping that I could spend some more time with my friends. One of them could really use my help right about now, and I want to be there for them. I know I have my duties, and if I didn’t see to them it would mean either you or Luna would have to…” Twilight looked up to her mentor with reddened cheeks, feeling small and insignificant in that moment. “You can see where I’m going with this.”
“I see,” Celestia replied, furrowing her brow. “I’m sure I can do something.”
Twilight blinked. “Really? Just like that?”
“Just like that,” Celestia chuckled. “Don’t forget that not so long ago, I was the only princess in Equestria.”
“Well, that is true. But if there’s four of us now, how did you manage it alone?”
“Not quite as easily,” Celestia said with a smirk. “But I wouldn’t say that I was alone . I’ve had many advisors over the years whom I could trust, as well as chancellors and lords who helped me immeasurably in running this province. We still have that now, to an extent.”
Twilight smiled as she thought of Spike, whose role had steadily grown in importance over the years since her coronation. He was still prone to his jewel-munching habits, but he made a fine messenger, and had adapted to just about any task that was thrown his way.
“I can’t promise a total reprieve,” Celestia continued. “But I wouldn’t dream of getting between you and your friends. If they need your support, I shall see to it that you have the chance to be there for them.”
“Thank you, Celestia. It means more to hear you say that than you could ever know.”
“She’s finally asleep,” Big Mac muttered, taking a seat next to Applejack. “Ah’d say she needs it.”
Applejack nodded in agreement, wiping under her eyes. A deathly silence emanated throughout their home. Nothing but a mantelpiece clock could be heard. That is, until Mac sighed and asked his sister the inevitable.
“Where were you?”
Applejack winced, her attempts at bracing herself for that very question having failed. “Ah stayed with Twilight, Mac. Ah was tired, an’ she offered me a place to stay. Please, don’t make this any harder for me. Ah never wanted this.”
“Ya knew she was ill,” Mac said bluntly. “Mare of her age? Doesn’t take a genius t’ figure it out. Ah knew you shouldn’t a’ gone in the first place.”
“But Ah never expected thi—”
“Ah kept tellin’ her you were on your way,” Mac muttered, a fresh tear rolling down his cheek. “Ah had to believe you were comin’, AJ.”
“And Ah wish I’d been there,” Applejack replied, resting her head on the stallion’s shoulder. “Ah knew how she’d been but… D-did she say anythin’ about me?”
“She said she loved ya,” Mac said softly. “An’ that she was proud of ya. She meant it, an’ all. Darn it, sis. If only you’d been here—”
“Ah said Ah wanted to be!” Applejack cried, leaping to her hooves with clenched teeth. “Would ya just drop it!? Hell would Ah know Granny was gonna die!?” She slumped against the back of the sofa, rubbing her hooves down her face. “Don’t ya think if Ah could go back, Ah’d have done the right thing? If Ah’d known Granny needed me more than Twilight…”
“Wait, what?” Big Mac asked gruffly, his eyes wide. “Twilight needed you? The heck is that supposed to mean? First you say you was just acceptin’ an offer, but that ain’t it?”
Applejack clamped her eyes shut, damning herself for alluding to the truth. “She’s in a bad place, alright? Let’s just leave it at that.”
Mac snorted angrily. “She’s in a bad place? Princess on top o’ the world takin’ precedence over your sick Granny?”
“Shut up!” Applejack bellowed, staring daggers into her brother’s eyes. “Ah screwed up, alright!? May Celestia damn me for not sensin’ Granny Smith’s impendin’ doom! Ya think Ah don’t feel bad!?”
Big Mac’s cheeks flared up, tears building on his eyes. “You’re not the one who had to sit with Granny Smith, tellin’ her over an’ over that you were on yer way. You never saw it in her eyes when she realised she’d never see you again.”
“Because Ah never got that chance! How d’you think Ah feel!?”
“Of course you had the bucking chance!”
The living room door slammed open as Applebloom stormed in, tears streaming across her coat. “Enough!” she screamed, stomping a hoof against the floor. “This ain’t how Granny would want us to be! What’s wrong with you!?”
Both Applejack and Big Mac hung their heads shamefully. A piercing silence hung in the air for several seconds, the two eldest siblings berating themselves for tarnishing what should have been a tender family moment.
“Ah thought you were asleep,” Mac finally muttered.
“Like Ah could sleep with you two bickerin’ like whiny foals,” Applebloom stated defiantly, shooting her brother and sister with a damning gaze. “Applejack? Just so you know, Ah don’t blame you for anythin’. Ah’m sure you had your reasons.”
Applejack lowered her gaze, a single tear trickling down her cheek and dropping to the floorboards. Sure, she did have her reasons. Twilight had comforted her when she let loose, and it was only natural to return the favour when Twilight broke down herself. But was that really the right choice? Why didn’t Ah face the truth? Applejack said internally. Why did Ah lie to mahself? Why did Ah think Granny would be OK? Why didn’t Ah worry hard enough?
By the time Applejack had come back to her senses, Applebloom had taken the spot next to her and was gripping her foreleg, stroking her shoulder in a motherly fashion. “Go easy on her, Mac,” Applebloom said with a sad smile. “She loved Granny too.”
Mac nodded to himself. “Ah know.”
Applejack smiled, but she knew that something was still underlying between them. All of Big Mac’s fears and worries had come true. His sister — the one who’d stood by him ever since their parents passed — had ignored his cries simply because she didn’t want to believe that he was right. If she’d taken his word over Twilight’s she could’ve been there for Granny. They could’ve been there for her as a family, just like she would have wanted.
Applejack held Applebloom close, her throat growing dry as she wracked her brains, trawling through her memories. But, it was to no avail. She hung her head in shame as the realisation came to her. She couldn’t remember the last words she’d said to Granny Smith.
And she never would.
After some eventual convincing, Applebloom finally went back to bed. With some time to themselves, Applejack and Big Mac conceded to the unfortunate task at hoof. Wordlessly, the two siblings headed into Ponyville proper, trying to act as casually as possible. A few ponies might have offered a greeting, but Applejack barely noticed. Things needed to be done.
The funeral directors were kind folk, keeping a calm tone as they explained the process in detail. Cremation was an option, but a burial — as expensive as it was — seemed to be the most logical choice. Granny Smith was a pony who nurtured fruits grown from the earth, so it was only natural that she be returned to the soil that she slaved over for so long.
Choosing a casket felt like a guilt trip in every sense of the term. The more basic designs were affordable, but with that came the necessary respect for the dead. Granny could do without a portrait of the immortal sisters watching over her as she was laid to rest, but she deserved something special, even in death. Or at least, that’s all Applejack could think of doing to compensate for her failure.
In the end, they chose a delicately polished oak casket with golden accents. It was beyond their realistic budget, but that somehow didn’t seem to matter. Big Mac raised had his eyebrow at the price but said nothing. Applejack wished he could have been more communicative, but guessed that was easier said than done.
The venue for the funeral was quickly set as an area of Sweet Apple Acres known as The Farfields, with six days until the proceedings would take place. Some hymns were chosen — none of which Applejack knew too well — while the music to Granny’s descent would be up to some of the more musical members of the Apple family. Applejack assumed they’d be all too willing. They had been at the last Apple funeral, so…
Every moment that she sat there, Applejack wanted to break down and cry. Her innate desire to adhere to social standard kept the tears at bay, but did little to alleviate the pain. It felt as if she was floating above herself, watching these events unfold as a passive observer. It just wasn’t real . Of course she’d suffered the passing of her parents, but she’d been too young to understand it all. These kinds of responsibilities had never fallen to her, and at the time, they had Granny Smith by their side.
The walk home wasn’t much better. Big Mac was as stoic as always — perhaps even more so — which only made Applejack worry that he hated her. Of course he was her brother, and a good, upstanding stallion in his own right, but he wasn’t being the affectionate, kind pony that she needed him to be right now. Even sparking up a simple conversation seemed stupid. What was there to talk about besides their dead grandmother?
“Did Granny mention her will?” Applejack asked shakily as they began the trek along the dirt path leading to Sweet Apple Acres.
Big Mac slowed for a moment, a short sigh escaping his lips. “No,” was his immediate answer, and the journey continued on. Nothing else was said.
It was then that Applejack scoured through her memories, remembering every instance where the farm took a financial hit, whether it was the result of a storm, settlers bringing competition, crop infestation… Granny had been able to help them out, pulling from her secret savings. And then about two years ago, when the family faced trouble, she had nothing left to give besides her hard work and moral support. She’d given them everything . Applejack mouthed a silent “thank you” under her breath as they arrived home, hoping that somehow, Granny could hear her.
Ever since her parents passed away, Applejack had always been told that they were always watching from the sky, always listening through her prayers. As a foal, Applejack believed this without question. She would tell them about her day, make promises and even wave goodbye to the night sky before she slept. Everything she did was to make them proud of her, and she was always so sure that they’d be smiling just beyond the horizon. It filled her with immeasurable joy.
As she got older and that stone-clad belief began to fade, the joy faded with it. She was still happy to prove her worth on principle — even if Mummy and Daddy weren’t looking down on her — but something was amiss. Something had been lost, even if she wasn’t sure what it was. And despite her best efforts, one pony had unearthed the side of her that she’d tried to bury for so long. Princess Twilight.
Heart heavy in her chest, Applejack sat to the table with her brother as they pored over a list of their extensive family. With stacks of cards, envelopes and a quill each to hoof, the task of doling out funeral invitations was underway. The Apples had never invested in any kind of printing equipment under the impression that they’d never need it. However, it only made things more agonising as Applejack painstakingly wrote out the same message to her relatives, detailing the loss of Granny Smith and her upcoming funeral. Each completed letter only drove the truth home harder. In some twisted way it reminded Applejack of the time she had to write lines in detention at school.
Dear Apple family member, Granny Smith is dead.
Dear Apple family member, Granny Smith is dead.
Dear Apple family member, Granny Smith is dead.
Applejack rested the quill for a few moments, catching her breath as a torrent of tears came spilling down her face. Big Mac looked up sympathetically, but Applejack waved a hoof at him dismissively, making out that she only needed a moment to recuperate. Applejack took several deep breaths and tried again, reaching for another stack of envelopes. However, with a trembling hoof she only managed to knock them to the floor by accident. Letting out an angry shriek, Applejack thumped on the table, buried her head in her hooves and began to cry softly.
Big Mac dropped down from his chair and pulled his sister in a tight hug, stroking the back of her mane. “Come on now,” he whispered. “You can do this, AJ. For Granny.”
“Ah know, Mac. Ah know…”
One day later
Hmm, this could be good. I’ve always wanted to know more about it so maybe that one could… No, no, no. Knowing Applejack she’d fall asleep before it was over. What was I thinking? Twilight tossed the leaflet entitled Gigaparsec — Canterlot’s Planetarium to the floor and levitated a pamphlet depicting various landmarks towards her.
In the day since she’d last seen Applejack, Twilight had requested information on attractions in and around Equestria, determined to find something worthwhile to do with her friend. In her mind, a simple friendly visit wouldn’t suffice. Applejack needed cheering up, and the first step to helping her would be to find something enjoyable to do. If everything went as planned, she could solve Applejack’s problems all while spending quality time with her beloved friend. At the very least, she could expect to find a reason to smile.
What Twilight hadn’t expected was a mountain of paperwork delivered to her door by an enthusiastic purple dragon. Supposedly after Twilight’s brief request Spike had caught wind of her wishes and practically ordered the palace’s workers into overdrive, insisting that every last amusement park, holiday destination or possible outing was found immediately. For a dragon whose duties were technically spread equally between all of the princesses and even beyond, it was typical of him to overreact to anything Twilight said. It was endearing, sure, but more often than not slightly counter-productive. Sifting through the mounds of tourist hotspots was a gargantuan task, even for the speed-reading bookworm.
So far this morning she’d spent just over an hour sifting through the tower of paper and card, but hadn’t gotten any closer to making a decision. She’d come across a translated piece of text about a winery in Cheval famous for its chardonnay. It seemed to make for an appropriate choice. Applejack was a dab hoof at growing all kinds of fruit and vegetables, so she’d undoubtedly find something to be interested in at the vineyards. Not to mention the prospect of exquisite wines, which Twilight found all too enticing.
There was information on a tour of its facilities along with a list of its most popular brands, along with details of exclusive wines with price ranges beyond triple digits. As princess, paying for such things wouldn’t be a huge problem. Twilight giggled at the thought of her and Applejack getting lashed on drinks costing more than a royal chariot.
“Ah do have t’admit, this here char-donney really hits the spot.”
“It’s pronounced ‘chardonnay’, Applejack. Not to be confused with the less acclaimed pinot blanc, of course. They’re both very similar in terms of the grapes used to produce them, though chardonnay grapes produce a more golden colouring when ripening… Are you even listening?”
“Listenin’? Sure. Takin’ notice? You know Ah ain’t got the know how ‘bout that stuff. So long as it makes mah tongue tingle and mah legs go all wobbly, not much else Ah care about.”
“I thought as much. Any better than Granny’s famous apple cider?”
“That ain’t fair, Twi. Not with how much you done paid for these things. But ya know, Ah think it’s all goin’ to mah head. Feelin’ kinda sleepy.”
“Do… Do you need to lie down?”
“Well if ya don’t mind, maybe Ah could just rest mah head on your shoulder for a little while.”
“Well… I don’t have a problem with that. Um… You get as comfortable as you want.”
“Well thanks, Twi. It sure is nice spendin’ time with you. Ah could just rest here fer—”
Twilight’s daydreaming was interrupted by a knock at the door. Shaking her head to rid herself of any remnant of that stupid imaginary event, Twilight levitated her crown into place. “I’ll be right on out,” she called.
Claymore was there to greet her, a stern look on his face. He gave a momentary salute and cleared his throat. “You have a visitor, your highness.”
“What visitor? I didn’t organise a meeting,” Twilight replied prudently. She’d only just managed to be rid of a few key duties, and those leaflets weren’t going to read themselves. As much as she hated to be rude, in the end, the princesses had precedence over virtually everyone in Equestria and beyond. Sometimes, it was all too tempting to take advantage of that fact. “How urgent is it?”
“It’s one of your friends, if I’m not mistaken. Made quite a fuss to see you this morning. I believe she’s in the throne room with Princess Celestia at present.”
Twilight’s ears perked up. Friend? Talking with Celestia? Applejack? Could it really be Applejack? Twilight straightened herself up and nodded sagely to her guard. “Thank you, Claymore. I shall get right on it.”
“Of course, Princess.” Claymore gave a quick bow and returned to his post as Twilight trotted eagerly along the marbled floor of the palace, her mind abuzz with speculation about Applejack’s return. It was a big surprise — though hardly an unwelcome one— from the kind of level-headed mare who held courtesy and planning in high regard. Alternatively, it could just be that she’d lost something while at the Gala, which didn’t seem like Applejack either. Twilight pondered on all kinds of possibilities as she strode onwards, wondering for a moment if she could arrange an impromptu visit to the vineyard she’d just been reading about.
Twilight turned the corner towards the main throne room and cantered in through the open doors, the four surrounding guards saluting as she entered. It was then that she spotted Princess Celestia speaking with…
“Rainbow Dash?” Twilight said aloud, sounding unintentionally disappointed. “I… I mean, Rainbow Dash! What brings you here?”
Rainbow Dash turned away from Celestia, revealing the most morose expression Twilight had seen on the multi-coloured pegasus in years. She gave a weak smile. “Hey, Twilight. This is, um… Well, it’s not good news.”
Twilight cocked her head, feeling a pang of anxiety pulse across her heart. Celestia’s own solemn expression was enough to send shivers down her spine. “Oh? Well, what is it?”
Rainbow Dash handed over a small envelope which Twilight took with her magic. As she deftly tore it open and began to read through it, Rainbow Dash spoke again in a nervous tone. “I tried to get here as soon as I could. You could’ve waited for the postal service, but you know how things are with them. We… We could get flying there now if you…”
The trembling pegasus trailed off as Twilight dropped the card to the floor, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “When did she pass?” she asked, feeling as if she knew that answer already.
Rainbow Dash hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath. “It was the night of the Gala. Shall we… Shall we get moving?”
Twilight let out a weary sigh. She knew now what this meant. Applejack’s insistence to leave first thing in the morning, her emotional troubles, her hesitance at staying the night… It all made sense now.
“Twilight? Come on, let’s go.”
“Of course.”
The two friends spread their wings and took flight to Sweet Apple Acres. Throughout the journey they talked at length about Granny Smith and all that she had done, her charming quirks and the legacy that she would leave behind. Twilight didn’t care to mention that all she could think about was Applejack. Her friend had been there for her when she’d broken down at the thought of losing her loved ones, and now...
Yet despite every ounce of grief, worry and guilt in Twilight’s mind, one emotion stood above all others.
Regret.
I’m so sorry, Applejack. I’m so sorry…
Chapter 3 – A Way Out
It was just another normal day. The sun hung in the sky, a few rays peeking out from behind greyish cloud clusters. Groups of pegasi dotted the heavens, some darting their way to or from Cloudsdale. A cool breeze blew across Ponyville, rustling the petals and leaves of surrounding flora. A group of foals in the distance ran alongside one another, chatting animatedly with smiles plastered on their faces. Closer to view, a family of squirrels made a break from the treetops to forage hickory nuts that had tumbled across the dirt path leading towards Sweet Apple Acres. Stores would open. Friends would meet. Lovers would kiss and hold hooves, staring dreamily into each other’s eyes. School-foals would play while their mothers reminded them to be careful lest they graze their knees. Somewhere else, a stallion would be walking his dog. The sprockets and cogs that lay beneath the town kept on turning. It was just another normal day.
Applejack peeled herself away from her bedroom window, too grief-stricken to look out for another second. It wasn’t as if she’d expected anything different. “Life goes on,” was what ponies always said, and in a sense it was a comfort. Nothing could ever truly come to an end. What was left behind from a pony’s life would go on to inspire those around them, and they would in turn find solace in having known them. And yet…
Granny Smith was dead. She was gone from this world, and nothing had changed. Daily life would continue as it did, and most ponies wouldn’t bat an eyelid at the news. Things were as they had always been, and always would be. The world wasn’t going to stop and stare for some old crone who'd kicked the bucket. And Applejack couldn’t take that.
Things would have been different if she’d been there in Granny’s final moments; that much she was certain of. But there was no use dwelling on it. There was no changing that fact (Ah should’ve just stayed, Ah could’ve been there.) no matter how many tears she shed. There was simply the task of taking the past in her stride and moving on. Towards the way life used to be. Towards just another normal day.
“Applejack?”
Big Mac’s call cut Applejack sharply from her reverie. “Yeah?”
“Breakfast is nearly ready. Applebloom is makin’ pancakes.” Mac pawed at the floor for a moment. “Ah’m sorry, AJ.”
Applejack sighed, slowly turning to her brother. “For what?”
“What Ah said. Ya didn’t know what was gonna happen. Ah never should’ve…” Mac clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “Ah’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Applejack replied half-heartedly. “You were right.”
Big Mac tip-toed over to his sister and wrapped a foreleg around her neck, pulling her into a tight hug. And yet, Applejack didn’t reciprocate. She didn’t even look at him. As a fresh wave of sadness washed over, Big Mac felt a tear trickle down his cheek and drop to the floor. He planted a kiss on Applejack’s forehead and pulled her closer, yet she still didn’t react. “Forgive yourself, AJ,” he finally whispered. “Granny would want you to.”
“Ah know.”
Applejack felt weak. Useless. Pathetic. She was supposed to be the most dependable pony ever. She’d gotten past the death of her parents and moved on to form a new life. She was strong and confident. She was braver than just about anypony. But Ah’m not, Applejack wanted to scream. She didn’t feel like the Applejack that everypony always referred to, the one they all adored. She was lost. She’d been losing little pieces of herself for the past few years, but now that she’d missed Granny’s final moments… Ah’ve lost too much, croaked a voice inside her head. Ah ain’t even mahself anymore.
“C’mon,” Mac said as he brought his hoof back to the floor. “Can’t leave Applebloom waitin’.
The enormous stack of pancakes that awaited was ridiculous enough to almost make Applejack crack a smile. Almost. Applebloom had wasted no time in serving up one of the biggest breakfast feasts of any Apple family meal. She looked contented as she impaled the close-to-toppling pile with six inches of birch and lathered on a generous helping of syrup.
“Just in time,” Applebloom said with a small smile, planting three plates on the table as her siblings approached. “Ah thought it’d be nice to, you know… We ain’t had Manehattan style pancakes in a while.”
“They look delicious,” Applejack said. Applebloom nodded in response and pulled up a chair for herself. Oh how much she’d grown.
A few bites in and Applejack started to feel a little better. The taste reminded her of a little excursion to Manehattan that she and her family had taken a few years back to pay their distant relative Toffee Apple a visit. They got a few odd stares for being the stand-out ‘country bumpkins’, but most ponies there were more than welcoming. They stopped in at a little restaurant at Toffee’s recommendation and were treated just a coin’s toss from being royalty. There they had gargantuan meals that even Big Mac would struggle to get through, so they each settled on pancakes. The owner (who Applejack assumed was of Chevalian descent) paid Granny Smith much attention, which she took as gracefully and maturely as a country mare could be. By blushing profusely and talking about ‘hoe downs.’ Those were good times.
“You like ‘em?” Applebloom asked, looking on somewhat worriedly.
“They taste even better ‘n they look,” Applejack replied, flashing a grin before shovelling another piece into her mouth.
So… What was there to be so upset about? She and Granny had parted on good terms, and there was plenty that they’d done for one another. These feelings would fade; that much was certain. But against everything that made sense, in this moment, things were worse than when her parents passed.
Mama and Papa. They were the world to Applejack. She would never forget them. Some ponies — the ones who were fortunate enough to not have lost anyone beloved — might wonder if one would ‘get over’ their loss. But it wasn’t quite like that. It was like a great weight being planted on your shoulders. The weight never got lighter; you just got stronger , until eventually that weight was a part of you.
How long since Ah visited Mama and Papa?
With her parents, it was different. Things were different. That foalish belief that they were just beyond the clouds listening to everything she said. All she had to do was go to school, talk about what she’s learned, help with apple-picking, clutch on to her father’s Stetson day and night, and that was enough to make them proud. Everypony else showered her with presents of all kinds. Winona was one of ‘em. She was a real cutie when she was just a pup.
Would Ah even remember their faces if it weren’t for all them photos on the walls?
What had she accomplished since then? Sure, she’d played her part in protecting Equestria as the Element of Honesty, but was that really what she’d always wanted? Peace reigned nowadays, and bolshie bravado in the face of ‘evil’ was surplus to requirement. And maybe that was the crux of her dilemma, the one that had plagued her for so long.
Won’t it be the same with Granny?
What would she have said if she’d been there in Granny’s final moments? That she’d make her proud? How? She wasn’t even proud of herself . She hadn’t been for years. Everypony she knew had progressed with their lives as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps it was. But now wasn’t the time to dwell on self-loathing and jealousy. The funeral wasn’t far off, and Granny deserved the best service they could provide. As for what lay beyond that…
Ah miss her. Ah miss her so much…
“That was mighty tasty,” Applejack said courteously as she pushed away the empty plate.
“Ah can make more if ya like.”
Applejack shook her head. “Nah, Ah’m practically fit to burst as it is.” She wiped at her eye instinctively and let out a yawn. It was then that she noticed a lone plate smeared with batter in the sink. Applebloom had cooked for four.
“AJ?” Big Mac muttered from behind. “We should prob’ly get some work done ‘fore anypony gets here. Ah think Fluttershy’s gonna be ‘round soon.” Applejack nodded solemnly, just managing to crack a smile. “Applebloom? Wanna give us a helpin’ hoof?”
“Why sure!” Applebloom dropped her fore-hooves from the kitchen side and hopped to the door. “Ah’ve been getting’ better with mah apple-buckin’, y’all see!”
“S’long ya don’t hurt yourself,” Big Mac said with a grin.
Together, the three ponies walked side-by-side towards the north side of the orchard. Regardless of the fact that their smiles were forced and their cheeriness faked, Applejack did at least feel her spirits rise a little. She was hurting — oh Celestia, she was hurting — but she knew that all was not lost. They were still a family, and families were there for one another. Big Mac and Applebloom meant more than anything else in the world. Together, as siblings, as a family , they could get through this. Despite the pain that had built over the years, despite her regretful failure to be there for Granny’s passing, despite her lack of self-worth, despite the torrent of emotional breakdowns just waiting to happen, despite…
Applejack took a deep breath as she felt a tear trickle from her right eye. One thing at a time, sugarcube. “So how’s about you show me your apple-buckin’ skills? After all, you did learn from the best.”
Applebloom lined herself to the nearest tree and bucked it as hard as she could. The apples fell. Just as they always had, just as they always would.
Applejack cried once more.
“How’s she holding up?” Twilight asked. She and Rainbow Dash were soaring just above the eastern edge of the Everfree forest. The entire flight had almost been like a dream, but nearing Ponyville made it immediately apparent just how real it was.
“Applejack? It’s hard to tell.” Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow. “I only saw her briefly yesterday when she was busy writing up the funeral invites. She tried to make out that she was fine, you know how she is, but I’m betting she’s not doing so good.”
She’s going to hate me, Twilight thought. If I hadn’t have… She would’ve at least been there for her. “Yeah, I expect you’re right.” Twilight spent a few moments staring pensively into the distance, the signature windmills and thatched roofs of her once hometown coming into view. “I’ve never done this.”
“Hm? Never done what?”
“I’ve never had to be there for somepony who lost a loved one.” And that’s all you’re going to experience year after year after year after… “I don’t know what I should even say.”
“It’s never easy,” Rainbow Dash said with a sigh. “Main thing is just to be there for them, I guess. Just don’t ask ‘how are you doing?’ It mean, it’s what we all want to know, but once you say it you realise how stupid it is to ask that. I’m talking from experience with that one.” Rainbow Dash hung her head, looking dejectedly into the distance. Twilight refrained from conversing any further.
It didn’t take long for the two friends to reach Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight felt another pang of guilt as she tried to remember the last time she’d even visited the Apple family, noticing how different it seemed from her last memory. Sure, the layout was the same, but drifting in from above she could see new patches that were fuller, more teeming with life. Presumably the sections of the orchard that were home to the saplings, but they weren’t saplings anymore, and given the approximate growth of apple trees at the current climate… Twilight bit her lip. It had been too long.
Rainbow Dash dove towards the ground first, doing so more slowly and deliberately than would usually be expected of the athletic mare. Twilight followed seconds later, her mind tearing through possible things to say like a foal speeding through the pages of a flip-book. The night of the Gala was still fresh in her mind, the emotions of both herself and Applejack spilling out onto one another. The two ponies that everypony thought of as strong and reliable, the most hard-working mare in Ponyville and an Equestrian Princess no doubt, reduced to scared little fillies crying in pain. And then there was a moment of unadulterated bliss as Applejack curled up next to her, wrapped a hoof around her body and told her that everything was going to be alright, that they could help each other through everything. Above all, Twilight felt loved . She hadn’t felt so happy in years. But all that was at the cost of one of her best friends (and maybe something more ) losing her only chance to say goodbye to Granny Smith, the mare that had raised her for most of her life. Twilight almost vomited. In fact, she nearly wished she had.
Rainbow Dash and Twilight landed just shy of the front door, both giving each other an affirmative expression to venture onwards. Rainbow Dash tapped gently on the front door and quietly called through. “Hey, it’s Rainbow and Twilight.” She paused for a moment. “We can come back later if you want.”
A steady clip-clop of hoof-steps could be heard from inside, and eventually the door opened. Big Mac’s head peered out. “Hey Rainbow,” he said with a fraction of a smile. “Twilight.”
The sound of her own name made Twilight’s stomach turn in knots. There was something about his voice. Not just from the grief of his loss, but something else. He knew. He definitely knew. “Hey Mac,” Twilight replied, feeling her heart cartwheel inside her chest under his penetrating glare.
“Hello again, big guy,” Rainbow Dash said as she gave the bulky stallion a hug, running a hoof caringly through his mane. Mac had his eyes clenched shut as he reciprocated, forcefully holding back the tears.
“Thanks for stoppin’ by,” he said as they both dropped to their hooves and Rainbow Dash stepped inside.
Twilight moved forward, ready to greet Big Mac as her friend had done. For everything she was guilty of, she owed Mac something . A lot could be said through a simple embrace, and she had so much to say, so much to apologise for. But as she stepped forward Big Mac’s eyes met hers and his stance shifted, if only a little. Twilight stopped in her tracks.
“Applejack is in the livin’ room,” he said stoically as he pushed the door open and gestured for her to enter. It sounded like an order.
Twilight walked past him, feeling tears about to emerge. “I’m… I’m sorry,” she whispered, placing a hoof on his shoulder. She wanted to say more but the words never came.
“Thank you,” he finally muttered. It sounded sincere enough. He placed a hoof of his own atop Twilight’s crest, if a little reluctantly. “Ah do appreciate you bein’ here. Just… Take care o’ AJ.”
“I will,” Twilight replied. In fact, I’m going to do everything I can for her, just as I promised.
With that awkward encounter over, Twilight walked down the hallway towards the living room. Pictures of various Apple family members plastered each wall. Some were from the days before she’d even lived in Ponyville, an adorable picture of Applebloom at just a few years old catching her eye. Most had been taken during an Apple family reunion, it seemed. And many, by no coincidence, showed a happy old mare by the name of Granny Smith. Twilight steeled herself, took a deep breath, and opened the living room door.
On the opposite side of the room was a rocking chair. Granny Smith’s rocking chair. Twilight looked away the instant she set eyes on it. A pony is dead , she said inwardly. Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat beside the now roaring fire, the pegasus’ foreleg wrapped around her distraught friend. Applejack looked up.
“Twilight?”
Twilight let out an involuntary gasp. Applejack’s face said it all. The fur on her cheeks and shoulders were matted with tears. There were bags under her bloodshot eyes, far worse than anything she’d suffered from overworking herself. Her mane splayed out messily beneath her Stetson; even her ponytail appeared frayed and dishevelled. Her bottom jaw quivered as their eyes locked, and she burst into tears. Unable to hold herself back any more, Twilight followed suit, charging forward and wrapping herself around her friend. It didn’t take long before Rainbow also succumbed to the waterworks.
“I’m so sorry,” Twilight gasped, stroking a hoof across Applejack’s mane. The orange mare was holding her so tightly it hurt, but that was good. She deserved to let it all out. “If I hadn’t—”
“No ,” Applejack hushed. “Don’t you dare.”
At that statement, Rainbow Dash recoiled, looking curiously between them. Twilight didn’t know how much she knew, but she must have known something . Every one of her other friends — along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo — had taken the train back to Ponyville together. They all knew that Applejack had gone back to the palace, and it was more than likely that they knew she hadn’t made it home in time for Granny Smith’s passing. So then, did they know why ? Rainbow Dash’s confused expression answered in the negative.
The three ponies sat wordlessly for the next few minutes, huddled up next to each other. It reminded Twilight of the night she and Applejack spent together, but this was far less comforting. Neither pony had an ounce of joy to their being. There were no musings on what great things might lie ahead, no hypothetical futures to wonder at, nothing to cast aside the cold, harsh reality.
Rainbow Dash broke the silence. “She was a good pony.” Her hoof met Applejack’s. “That’s one thing we can all agree on, right?”
Applejack nodded, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. “Ah reckon so. Certainly the most stubborn mare who ever lived.”
Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle. Not so much because of what Applejack said, but because she’d smiled. It felt so good to see Applejack smile. The sad part came when that smile faded just as quickly as it had appeared, when Applejack’s lips wobbled uncertainly before growing taut, signalling yet another downpour. Twilight kissed Applejack’s forehead and pulled her even closer. It just felt like the right thing to do.
Applejack blushed and wiped at her eyes with a free hoof. “Ah feel so silly,” she mumbled, shaking her head disdainfully. “But thanks. Ah need this more than ya’ll know.”
She doesn’t hate me. Twilight repeated those words over and over, desperately trying to push away the guilt still boring through her thoughts. She doesn’t hate me. “I’m… We’re here for as long as you need us,” Twilight whispered, shooting Rainbow Dash a quick smile. The pegasus mare appeared agitated, but took the recognition with a matching grin of her own. “That’s what friends are for, right?”
Applejack clung onto Twilight’s neck, a maelstrom of emotions ripping through her with incomprehensible force. Every ounce pent up anxiety and sadness came gushing out, only to be replaced by a seemingly endless supply, dropped off just as fast as she could expel it. However, there was also a sense of joy and relief pulsing and flat lining somewhere in between. She could feel the same nurturing care and understanding that she felt when she let loose her deepest anxieties in the Canterlot Gardens. Twilight was there for her. Really there for her. Not to discredit Rainbow Dash – who sat to her left, gently caressing her shoulder — or any of her other friends, but Twilight had been a source of help since before she could even admit to needing help. All those years pushing stress and anxieties deeper beneath the surface, only for Twilight to pry them open with little more than a few words. That had to count for something.
“Is Applebloom around?” Rainbow Dash asked out of the blue. “I couldn’t stop by without seeing her for a while.”
Applejack cleared her throat, finding her voice more quickly than expected. “Pro’ly in her bedroom. Ah expect she’ll be happy to see you but Ah’d suggest knockin’ just in case.”
“Of course,” Rainbow Dash said, slowly getting to her hooves and flicking back her mane. She paused for a few seconds, eyeing the two mares with an air of examination. Pressured by the silence, she smiled apologetically. “You take of yourself.”
“Ah will.”
Applejack watched as Rainbow Dash left the room, catching a quick glance over her shoulder before she shut the door behind her. Twilight squirmed beside her. “Did you want me to check up on Applebloom too?” the alicorn asked nervously.
“If ya want to,” Applejack replied curtly. “Though Ah reckon a few things ain’t been said yet.” She straightened herself up, readjusting the Stetson that had slipped from its rightful place.
“Right.” Twilight tapped her hooves together like a disciplined foal under a teacher’s gaze, her ears flattened. When she spoke, she became the Twilight of days gone past, long before she’d ascended to royalty. It was both endearing and terrifying at the same time. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Not least of all because I begged you to stay in Canterlot on the one night you should’ve been with your family. If you didn’t want to see me because of that, I’d completely understand. But obviously, you do . So…” Twilight trailed off, bashfully wiping sweat from her brow. “I have no idea what else to say,” she muttered lamely.
“What you’ve said is just fine,” Applejack said with a generous smile. “But Ah’d like to add somethin’. You weren’t at fault, Twilight. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”
“I know. I understand, rather.” Twilight chuckled nervously, but her demeanour grew serious in a flash. “It’s just easier said than done.”
“You’ll get there,” Applejack soothed.
“Now you’re the one comforting me ? I can’t have that.” Twilight precariously unfolded her left wing and wrapped it around Applejack’s torso.
“Ah’m glad you finally found a use for them things,” Applejack said, flinching as the feathers tickled her fur. She rested her head against Twilight’s shoulder. “Twi?”
“Hmm?” Twilight responded with, feeling her heart melt as Applejack’s eyes closed, the beautiful farm-pony relaxing her warm body against her completely. Her heartbeat quickened as Applejack trembled beside her and exhaled slowly, taking her emotional fervour down to a mere simmer.
“Ah remember Granny had this old sayin’. Sure, she had a lot of ‘em. Some were a little off the wall.” Applejack paused for a moment as she reminisced. “She used to say that the importance somepony has ain’t what you can do with ‘em, it’s what you can’t do without ‘em. Mah Granny meant a lot.” On the cusp of crying again, Applejack reined in her emotions and continued. “But there’s some things Ah can do without her. One o’ them things is make her proud.”
“She was already proud,” Twilight murmured. “She still is.”
Twilights words didn’t appear to have the desired effect, as Applejack’s face grew even more solemn. The alicorn felt sweat forming across her forehead as she questioned her mistake. Had Granny Smith said something to her some time before she passed? Something about being disappointed? Was that why Applejack was so emotional at the Gala? Or was it the notion that she’s still with her? I only meant to… I don’t believe, but I thought Applejack might—
“Ah guess you’re right,” Applejack said softly, her expression unchanging. “Maybe this’ll give me the motivation Ah need to get mah life movin’.”
“There’s no rush,” Twilight said. “No matter how much you feel pressured into changing your life, who’s to say it needs to happen right away? You’ve got time…” Twilight croaked unintentionally, an image of a worn, tired Applejack in her twilight years flashing before her eyes, greyed hair drooping from her mane. With an effort, she banished that thought into the deepest recesses of her mind. She has time .
The fire beside them had started to die down as silence reigned once again, both mares suffocated by their own dark thoughts. For Applejack, her mind wandered back and forth between her dearly departed Granny Smith and the future that awaited her. Discovering the missing piece that had started her depression was key. The problem was knowing where to look. The obvious answer would be to find a husband, but that was a depressing notion in itself. Was she really just lonely and pathetic? A common mare whose only purpose was to couple with a stallion and do her duty as bearer of the next generation? Part of her did want to have foals. The concept of being a mother was alien, but also heart-warming. But if the answer was really that simple, why didn’t it feel that way? It was all so confusing.
Twilight held a mental battle of her own, wracking her brains for a way to give Applejack the happiness and self-satisfaction she so desperately craved. The hard-working farm pony deserved more than just about anyone. For her to live the rest of her life in sadness (while it passes me in the blink of an eye ) would be criminal. But there was something else that Twilight couldn’t help but think of as the two shared a tender embrace. They were together. And it felt so right. Their friendship had seen some surprising turns over the years. After setting up permanent residence in Canterlot, the days of old when six friends revolved their lives around each other had ended. They were close, yet ever so distant. And now Twilight wanted nothing more than to close that gap. Applejack was important . Too important to ignore. Too important for something she’d spent her entire adult life believing to be utterly sacrosanct. Too important for mere friendship.
Fear and confusion. The two emotions Twilight wanted to feel the least of all as a princess of Equestria, and here they were in full force. Holding them back was either too difficult or too pointless. She wasn’t sure which. Her eyes flicked to the barren rocking chair on the other side of the room and a flurry of visions entered her mind, the most prominent depicting Applejack at the end of her life, with nothing but an abandoned chair to represent her. All the while, Twilight would live on. Years would pass. Centuries would pass. And the mare that meant so much would just be a part of history. But worst of all, what if Applejack never found that little something in life? Time’s up. You had your chance, and now it’s gone.
Was it selfish to dwell on such scenarios? She wasn’t the only alicorn alive today, and even then, there were others facing a similar fate. Like Spike. The average lifespan for a dragon was roughly five hundred years, but records showed some dragons to have lived as long as six hundred and fifty years. They’d never spoken of such things before, but Spike was most likely aware of it. So then, having known for so long, did he accept that fact? Had he been suffering in silence, too embarrassed to talk about it? Twilight’s guilt rose to new levels. She made a mental note to speak with him as soon as she got the chance. Hopefully, they could both find solace beyond suffering.
The fire died out.
“Thanks for bein’ here, Twi,” Applejack mumbled, letting out a relieved sigh. “Don’t think Ah’ve forgotten what we talked about the other night. Ah can tell you ain’t.”
Twilight blushed, a smile forming. “You really can read me like a book, huh?”
“Ah wouldn’t say that.” Applejack took a deep breath before pulling herself away from Twilight and clambering to her hooves. She stretched out her weary limbs and wrenched her neck with an almighty click . “Well Ah’ve got a real hankerin’ for a drink. Cider sound good to you?”
“If I’m planning on getting to Canterlot in one piece, I probably shouldn’t. Despite what Rainbow Dash says, alcohol and flying don’t mix.” Twilight extended her wings, wobbling them erratically in demonstration.
“You could always stay.”
Twilight retracted her wings in surprise. “S-stay?”
“Oh! No, it’s alright, sugarcube.” Applejack shook her head dismissively, a warm smile on her face. “Ah forget it ain’t that easy anymore. You’ve done more than enough in comin’ here, an’ Ah wouldn’t wanna impose on your… erm… princessin’. Darn it, what’s even the right term here?”
I have to, Twilight said inwardly. I can’t go yet. I have to be here for her. In a flash, any concern over her royal duties fell by the wayside. Right now, she was working on a different kind of logic. “No, it’s quite alright, actually!” she said in a panicked voice. “It’d only be fair, really. You stay at mine when I’m feeling blue, I stay with you when you are.” Twilight smiled anxiously, knowing all too well how strange she’d sounded.
Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “And you’re sure you don’t need to get back?”
Twilight nodded. “Celestia already said she’d offer me a reprieve considering the circumstances. I don’t think she’d be at all surprised. And anyway, my wings are aching from my journey here. So… if it’s alright with you?”
Applejack shot her a cheeky grin, sending Twilight’s pounding heart into overdrive. “Ah wouldn’t have offered if Ah didn’t want you to. Besides, drinkin’ alone ain’t healthy. You can prob’ly stay in Mac’s room tonight. Ah think he’s goin’ back to the cottage with Fluttershy this evenin’. Can’t really blame him. Oh, though Ah should check with Applebloom first. She might want to be alone with me tonight, all things considered.”
She’s not the only one, Twilight mused, quickly snapping herself out of it. What’s gotten into me? I’m here as a friend. I’m not falling for Applejack, I just really like giving her hugs. To make us both feel better! Yes! That’s it! Twilight knew that everything could be rationalised appropriately. “I completely understand.”
“Alright.”
The two mares left the living room to find Rainbow Dash sauntering downstairs. The cyan mare stepped towards Applejack and pulled her into a hug. “Sorry, AJ. I should really get going.”
“No worries, sugarcube. You got places to be. Ah understand.”
“We should both be there next week. You take it easy until then.”
Applejack let out a nervous chuckle. “Ah’ll do mah best.”
“Of course.” Rainbow Dash let go of Applejack and turned to face Twilight. “Hey, could I speak to you for a moment? In private, I mean.” Rainbow Dash directed her eyes to the front door.
“Umm… sure,” Twilight replied curiously.
“We won’t be long,” Rainbow Dash assured Applejack. “I’ll have her back inside in a jiffy.”
“By all means.”
Twilight followed Rainbow Dash outside, wondering what in Equestria was so important. It wasn’t like Rainbow Dash to be subtle, which only increased her worry. As they stepped onto the path, Rainbow Dash closed the door firmly behind them and began flying upwards. What is she doing? Twilight thought to herself. Has she forgotten I’m even here? Mentally shrugging, Twilight followed her friend into the sky, the two ponies eventually landing on a white, fluffy cloud about a hundred feet or so off the ground. Rainbow Dash ruffled her wings restlessly and shot Twilight an amused grin.
“What did you want to talk about?” Twilight asked.
Rainbow Dash’s grin simply grew wider.
“What? What is it?”
Still, her friend gave no answer.
“Honestly!” Twilight snapped, delivering a stark frown. “This is hardly the time for your foalish mind-games! Did you need to speak to me or not?”
“I did,” Rainbow Dash said with a nod. “I was about to say I’m happy for you.”
Twilight blinked. “Happy? For me?”
“For both of you, really.” Rainbow Dash flexed her wings casually as she kept on speaking. “I mean, everything between me and Soarin’ is great right now, Fluttershy and Big Mac are properly married and I’m betting Pinkie and Chocolate Chip are gonna follow suit soon enough. Rarity? She’s had half the stallions in Equestria.” Rainbow chortled, seemingly not put off by Twilight’s icy glare at insulting their friend. “So like… This is good.”
“What’s good ?”
“Are you seriously not on the same page? I can understand if you’d be embarrassed, but we live in an age of equality. Quite frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t figure it out sooner.”
Twilight opened her mouth to refute her friend yet again when suddenly it all fell into place. She gasped, clutching her front hooves to her muzzle. “Me!? With… With Applejack!? Are you actually saying this? Right now!?”
“Listen, I’m totally cool with it,” Rainbow Dash said with a shrug. “Sure, you’re an egghead princess and she’s a hard-working cowgirl, but I can totally see it happening!”
“But I like stallions!” Twilight barked defiantly, feeling immediately embarrassed. She’d never expected to have to make that kind of statement in her life. “What? So just because I gave her a hug I must be attracted to her? What kind of logic is that!?”
“Right,” Rainbow Dash snorted. “Just a hug. For just one moment, Twilight, stop worrying about what everypony thinks of their ‘precious princess’ and talk to me about this!”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Twilight harrumphed, becoming increasingly aware that her cheeks were growing hot. Oh darn it, that’s all I need. She’s getting completely the wrong idea!
“We all know she stayed with you in Canterlot,” Rainbow Dash said in proclamation, like a detective revealing their trump card against a prime suspect.
“Why are you bringing that up at a time like this? Granny Smith just died , if you hadn’t already forgotten.”
“Hey, I’m not being insensitive!” Rainbow Dash fumed. “I just want my friends to be happy. Is that a crime?”
Twilight merely glared in response.
Rainbow Dash sighed dejectedly. “So what did happen between you two after the Gala?”
“It’s none of your business, actually ,” Twilight said scornfully. “It’s entirely between me and Applejack, and no, not in the way you’re envisioning it.” Twilight cleared her throat, feeling confidence flow through her as she rightfully commanded the conversation. “Applejack and I both required some assistance from each other, and through an unfortunate twist of fate she had no choice but to stay in Canterlot, missing out on the one chance to say goodbye to her grandmother. How you can turn such a tragic event into a bout of scandalous accusations is beyond me, Rainbow Dash .”
As Twilight’s monologue came to a close, the previously cocky pegasus dipped her head guiltily, her ears flattened and her energy sapped. “You’re right,” she squeaked. “I’m so sorry. All this has happened, and… Well, you must feel awful .”
You don’t know the half of it , Twilight muttered silently. “I do feel guilty about it, but what’s done is done. Apology accepted.”
“And I shouldn’t have sprung this on you so soon,” Rainbow Dash continued hurriedly, her eyes wide and apologetic. “I was making assumptions based on things I thought were true, but they obviously aren’t. It’s such a shame, though.”
“A shame? What do you mean by that?”
Rainbow Dash recoiled as if she was an unruly puppy about to be punished by its master. “You have to promise you won’t get mad.”
Twilight sighed. She knew she couldn’t possibly turn down her friend’s request, even if she had no idea what was coming next. “Alright. I promise.”
Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “So when I was talking about me and Soarin’, Fluttershy and Big Mac and the rest of us, I didn’t mention you or Applejack. Because, you know . Neither of you are, how can I put this? Neither of you have been in a committed relationship.”
Twilight felt an involuntary pang of annoyance at her friend’s statement but refused to let it show. She was right, after all. “Go on.”
“When I said all that stuff about you and Applejack, I was kind of hoping that you two were together. When you guys disappeared after the conga line I made a joke about you making out, and when you came back together I almost blurted it out in front of you. And then when she didn’t catch the train with us, I got that same feeling as before. Rarity and Fluttershy got all anxious when she didn’t show up, but I was the one who told them not to worry, because I thought maybe my hunch was right. So when Fluttershy told me Applejack hadn’t come home that night, I really believed it. Heck, I didn’t even think for a second that it could have been something else.”
Twilight held back a blush as she remembered waking up the morning after the Gala, Applejack’s foreleg wrapped around her. It was weird, wasn’t it? They weren’t little fillies anymore, snuggling at slumber parties to stave away the cold or protect themselves from the big bad ghosties that lived under the bed. But Applejack had acted as if nothing was out of place. Nothing really was out of place, Twilight considered. It was different, but not completely devoid of normality. Did that mean something? She shook those thoughts away as the silence dragged on to uncomfortable levels. “Well I can understand why you might have thought that.”
“Guess I shouldn’t have assumed. I’d gotten all excited that Applejack might have found a way out after all.”
“A way out from what?”
“From… From this .” Rainbow Dash gestured her hoof down towards Sweet Apple Acres. “I know you won’t tell her I said this, but I’ve been waiting so long for her to find a special somepony. She’s been on dates with a few stallions, but a minute later and she’s back where she started. So when I thought you might be her special somepony, I got crazy happy, because I knew that out of anypony you’d treat her the way she deserved to be treated. I even imagined an enormous wedding in Canterlot, like the one your brother had. Only, you know, without the changelings.” The pegasus mare finally perked up, a smile spreading across her face. “Seems kind of silly now, huh?”
Twilight shrugged, trying to ignore the chill that ran down her spine. All this time she’d been a princess, her life in Ponyville becoming but a memory, had Applejack been lonely? All of Applejack’s friends had found special someponies with such relative ease. Oh, but that wasn’t entirely true. There was one exception. “It’s not so silly when you put it like that,” Twilight admitted with a sigh. “Who wouldn’t want their friends to be happy?”
The two mares fell silent again, the gravity of the situation dawning on them. How easy could it possibly be to make Applejack happy at a time like this? The thought of Applejack getting married made Twilight smile. She remembered Fluttershy at herwedding, crying tears of happiness as Big Mac held her at the altar. Ponies whooped and cheered as they kissed. Even Big Mac beamed from ear to ear. It was the happiest Fluttershy had ever been. It was the kind of happiness that all good friends deserved. That Applejack deserved.
“I think I’d better split,” Rainbow Dash announced, spreading her wings. “Scootaloo is probably wondering where I am. You gonna be alright flying all the way back by yourself?”
Twilight let out a nervous chuckle. “Actually, I’m staying here tonight.” Rainbow Dash had already started grinning like a Cheshire cat. “But no grand assumptions this time, understood? I’m just here for some friendly support.”
“Loud and clear, Princess Apple-lover!” Rainbow Dash cried with a fake salute.
“That’s enough of that,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “And don’t spread any scandalous rumours, understand? The last thing I need is for something like that to hit the front page of The Canterlot Times.”
“Alright, alright. I was just kidding around.” Rainbow Dash floated upwards. “In all seriousness, take good care of Applejack, will you?”
“I will, don’t worry.”
“Then later!”
With that, Rainbow Dash darted off in a flash, making a beeline for the other side of Ponyville and leaving Twilight to straighten her mane after the living blue hurricane had blown it asunder. Still quite the exhibitionist, I see, Twilight thought to herself as her friend became just a spec in the distance. She knew where she would end up, though. It had been about a year since Rainbow Dash had moved from Cloudsdale to Ponyville, mainly to look after Scootaloo, who was entirely incapable of flying. It was quite the sacrifice considering how proud she was of her hometown, but one that Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to regret. Or was it two years ago? Twilight asked herself. A wave of fear passed over her as she realised how unsure she was. Had time really passed so quickly since she’d moved back to Canterlot?
Coming back to her senses, Twilight leapt from the cloud and glided towards the Apple family home. There were more important matters to attend to. Coming to a quick stop just outside the half-open door, she knocked politely before stepping inside. Applejack and Big Mac were waiting for her at the other end of the hallway.
“Hey, sugarcube. What was that all about?”
“Don’t ask,” Twilight replied, letting out a sigh. Judging by Applejack’s expression, that answer was more than enough.
“Well alright. By the way, Applebloom says she’s fine with you stayin’. Matter o’ fact she’s excited to show you some stuff she’s been workin’ on.” Applejack glanced towards her brother. “An’ Big Mac was just leavin’.”
Big Mac hesitated for a moment, nodded, and gave Applejack a quick hug goodbye. As he walked down the hallway towards Twilight, he stopped for a moment. Twilight smiled at first, ready to say her own goodbye, but her smile slowly disappeared. Mac’s demeanour was pensive, focused as he stared into her eyes. His jaw was clenched in what Twilight could only decipher as anger. It was similar to his appearance earlier that day, but… Something was wrong.
“You be good to AJ,” he said dryly, barely above a whisper. Twilight tried to mumble something in return but found herself overpowered, almost threatened by the hulking stallion in front of her. “Ah don’t want—”
“Mac! ” came Applejack’s voice all of a sudden. She stared at her brother accusingly. “Ah said, you were just leavin’.”
Twilight shrunk back apprehensively as the two siblings stared at each other for a few seconds, Applejack shaking her head ever so slightly. The atmosphere grew heavy, nothing but the consecutive tick of a wall-mounted clock and Twilight’s own racing heart disturbing the deathly silence. Just as she found herself ready to apologise for whatever wrongs she may have done, Big Mac exhaled, creeping towards the front door and shutting it behind himself without another word. When Twilight looked back to Applejack, she noticed a tear ready to fall down the mare’s cheek.
“What was that about?” Twilight asked tentatively.
Applejack shrugged, wiping at her eye in the process. “Don’t ask.”
Twilight didn’t think she had to. It was obvious since her arrival that Big Mac blamed her. How could he not? But still, even considering the circumstances, Mac had always been a thoughtful, gentle giant, hadn’t he? He was as kind and understanding as any of the Apples, which made his actions all the more unnerving. So perhaps the loss of Granny Smith had hit him harder than she could ever understand, to the point where he couldn’t bear the fact that Applejack had missed out on that final goodbye. Twilight may have bested all powerful tyrants like Discord and King Sombra, but never had she felt so small and powerless than in the moment just passed. But that didn’t make Mac a bad pony. No. Not at all. It was merely a testament to his suffering. To their suffering.
As if on cue, Applebloom came sauntering down the stairs, an adorably wide smile across her face. It was almost enough to hide her tear-stained cheeks. Both Twilight and Applejack put on a cheery façade as the teenage filly leapt towards Twilight with her forelegs outstretched.
“Twilight!” Applebloom exclaimed, hugging her tightly.
“It’s good to see you, Applebloom.” Twilight stayed silent as she searched for some appropriate words. Like Rainbow Dash had pointed out earlier, asking ‘how are you doing?’ seemed almost insulting at this point. Would mentioning Granny Smith be hurtful? Possibly, but pussyfooting around the subject might be disrespectful in its own right. “I’m so sorry about what happened, Applebloom. You’re a brave little filly.”
“Thanks, Twilight. Ah’m sad, but… Ah think Ah’ll be okay.”
Applejack cleared her throat from behind them. “Applebloom? Didn’t you have somethin’ you wanted to show Twilight?”
“Oh right!” Applebloom released her grip and began dragging Twilight up the stairs by the hoof. As much as she’d grown, there were still remnants of that ten year old filly Twilight could remember as clear as day. “It’s up here. Ah’ve been workin’ on it for weeks!”
Twilight smiled back. “Lead the way.”
As the mare and filly traipsed upstairs Applejack let out a desperate sigh, her smile dropping in an instant. Grabbing a tankard from the top shelf, she depressed the pump on the cider barrel that lay on its side by the far wall, supported by a makeshift rack fashioned from leftover logs. She sat at the table and brought the tankard to her lips, drenching her throat in the sweet golden liquid. It was tepid, but delicious.
Just like Granny used to make.
The temptation was there to simply drown her sorrows, drinking into oblivion. If Applebloom and Twilight weren’t here, she’d likely do it. Alcohol was a depressant; everypony knew that. But that hardly mattered right now. It would be easy enough, and considering all that had happened, who would blame her? But she knew she couldn’t. Not yet, at least.
Big Mac’s words circled around her mind. Never had she remembered him being so… cruel . He was sympathetic, but also angry. So very, very angry.
“Ah hope she ain’t just clingin’ onto you, takin’ advantage.”
“Mac, Twilight has done nothin’ but support me.”
“So coercin’ you to stay in Canterlot was her way of supportin’? Almost feels like she was preyin’ on you.”
“Why are you even bringin’ this up again? So… what, she’s not allowed to have problems of her own? Is that it? Ain’t like she’s bringin’ ‘em up now, anyway.”
“That ain’t the point. All of a sudden she wants nothin’ more than to spend time with you, right at the point she hits the tiniest bit o’ trouble. ‘Cause she knew you’d listen.”
“Do you remember who this is? Mac, this is Twilight we’re talkin’ about. Don’t give me crap ‘bout her not bein’ a true friend.”
“Everythin’ she got was practically handed over to her, an’ yet she turns to you for help.”
“That ain’t true!”
“Two years in Ponyville, a few friendship lessons after never havin’ friends before and all of a sudden, princess. Master o’ friendship, no doubt. Top o’ the world, just like that. And now she ain’t satisfied? She even know what hard work is? What loss is?”
“What kind of friend would Ah be to not help on just account o’ that? An’ she’s worked hard to get where she is. Has done since the beginnin’.”
“She was privileged an’ still is. Livin’ the high life in that palace, an’ now she gets depressed? Enough to beg you to stay, to stop you from seein’ your family?”
“Please don’t do this, Mac. Ah love you, but you’re makin’ me hate you right now. It ain’t fair of you to disrespect mah friends like this. What the hay has gotten into you!?”
“Applejack?”
The orange farm pony was startled from her reverie as Twilight and Applebloom came into the kitchen. Looking down, she noticed a now empty tankard. She’d only remembered taking two sips. “Oh, right. You two want somethin’ to drink? Ah’ll even let you have some cider, if you’d like.” She motioned towards Applebloom.
“Thanks a million, sis!”
Applejack set down another two tankards and filled each up in turn. “So what did you think?”
“Very impressive,” Twilight answered. “Honestly, the craftsmanship is better than most professionally made sculptures I’ve seen, and the way it’s been polished almost makes it look alive.”
“It’s actually lacquer, not polish,” Applebloom corrected, taking a small sip. “Ah’ve wanted to make sculptures for a long time now, rather than just stickin’ to DIY. Ah was kinda put off at first, mostly ‘cause some ponies think only unicorns can do that kinda stuff.”
“And I think you’ve proved them quite wrong, hasn’t she, Applejack?”
An’ even Applebloom has found somethin’ in life. “She sure has,” Applejack replied, swigging back another mouthful. She eyed her two companions still hesitantly lapping at their drinks. “Don’t be shy, sugarcubes. There’s plenty more.”
The next hour or so passed by in a slight haze, like a dream steadily being forgotten, piece by piece. It was hard for Applejack to concentrate; so many things still buzzed around her mind like indecisive bees. Thankfully, Applebloom did most of the talking, detailing Twilight on things she’d been up to in the past year. A few little escapades with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, some stories about her college work… Twilight seemed genuinely intrigued, even throwing a few yarns of her own into the mix. It was nice, not talking about death. Normal, even.
It was at this time more than any that Applejack wanted to be involved, but felt utterly incapable of doing so. Sitting at the table, chatting away (or at least, getting by with occasional remarks and conversational autopilot) served only as a means to pass the time. It had been one thing after another, and the pain had only grown with each passing minute. Big Mac hadn’t helped. He’d been by her side for longer than she could remember, but now all he’d done was cast doubt in her mind.
Another empty tankard. Rinse and repeat.
She was at least glad to have Twilight there with her. Out of all of her friends, she embodied everything she needed right now. Was it immoral to consider the others unfit for helping her? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she no longer feared being wholly honest with her. Ironic, of course, considering her Element. But there were limits to everything; there could be no denying that.
It was when Twilight began looking at her worriedly that Applejack shepherded Applebloom to bed. It wasn’t particularly late, but Applebloom didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she readily welcomed the idea of rest at the expense of missing out on ‘grown-up talk’, if one could even consider it that. Twilight spoke first.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way.” She moved her seat closer. “But I think you should make that one your last.”
Applejack looked down at her cider, not sure at this point how many she’d even had. But Twilight was probably right, after all. “Alright. Ah… Ah’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Twilight said softly, clinging onto one of her hooves. “I’m just looking out for you, that’s all. Call it excessive worrying.”
“Well you always were famous for that,” Applejack replied, garnering a small chuckle.
“I guess you could say nothing’s changed in that regard.”
Applejack smiled for a moment, but then it was gone. Precariously, (yet rather clumsily considering her inebriated state) she rested her head on Twilight’s shoulder and felt a large purple wing wrap itself around her. It was a selfish thing, she considered, to beg a princess to stay for the sole purpose of being a shoulder to cry on. But words felt useless. She was tired, getting drunker by the second and desperate for happiness. What else even was there?
What happened next was another, more distant mirage of shattered memories. She could remember Twilight’s voice. Not her words, but certainly her voice. She talked about how things would eventually get better, that she was going to make them get better. It might have just been a case of altered hearing from the cider, but Twilight seemed scared. No, perhaps that wasn’t the right word. Torn seemed to fit a little better. Applejack remarked at the amazing things a pony could truly hear if they closed their eyes and loosened the grip on their consciousness. And listening to Twilight helped.
At some point Applejack spoke back, but what of, she ceased to remember. Probably something along the lines of how much this all meant to her, and maybe some things Granny Smith used to say when times were tough. She might have shed a few tears, but it was far from her previous balling.
It was hard to say how long they spent together in the kitchen. It could have been minutes; it could have been hours. Eventually though, Twilight helped her to her hooves and led the way upstairs. “Thanks, Twi. Ah’ll be fine.” That was all she could remember saying for sure. Soon enough, she found herself in her own bed, tossing and turning as her head grew heavy, refusing to settle. There was the faint glow of moonlight from the window and a smattering of stars surrounding it. It briefly reminded her of the nights she’s spent talking to her parents. Not long after mumbling a prayer in memory, darkness took over and she fell into a restless slumber.
Twilight sat alone in Big Mac’s room, concentrating on meditative breathing exercises as tears streamed down her cheeks. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. She had no idea what had just happened. After taking Applejack to her room and closing the door behind her, everything had come crashing down. Fifteen minutes later and her crying still hadn’t stopped.
Part of it had to be the seclusion she felt of being in Big Mac’s room. Considering his earlier behaviour, she was the last pony he’d want anywhere near his home, let alone his bedroom. The claustrophobic experience of walls closing in had forever been a mere hypothetical concept in Twilight’s eyes, until now. It was almost suffocating.
The culmination of events so far also played their part, but the real kicker was Applejack. Three sheets to the wind or not, the mare she spoke to downstairs was unlike the Applejack she knew. And the things she said (Ah need help, Twi. Ah beg you. Ah love ya so darn much. You’ve always been good to me.) painted Applejack as a helpless mare that Twilight knew she wasn’t, (Ah love ya, Twi.) that deserved to find her footing once again. She deserved a way out.
Like a puppet on a string, Twilight found herself pulling back the bed-sheets and slowly sneaking her way along the hall, heart thumping loudly inside her chest and shivers of fear at every creaking floorboard. Silence and darkness accompanied her as she stood before Applejack’s room, her breathing shallow.
What are you even doing here? scolded a voice from somewhere. What are you going to do? A minute or so passed, and the voices subsided. Maybe they were too confused to even continue. Twilight cautiously twisted the doorknob with her magic, half-expecting a loud clack to emanate throughout the house. There wasn’t one. With that done, she pushed open the door with the utmost care. Bathed in moonlight, she could see Applejack twisted among the sheets, snoring quietly. Her Stetson had fallen at her bedside. She looked… somewhere between peaceful and troubled. It was impossible to tell. But one thing was for certain; she looked beautiful.
Okay, so now what? Twilight thought, finding a unified voice in her mind this time. What did you expect? Her forelegs outstretched, welcoming you into an embrace? What are you doing here?
Twilight thought she knew, but hadn’t decided whether she couldn’t admit it or simply couldn’t believe it. Regardless, there really was nothing she could do. Sighing quietly in defeat, Twilight closed the door back up and crept into Big Mac’s room. From there, she sat upright in bed for a while, trying to piece everything together. Different things sprang to mind. The promise she’d made to Applejack, Big Mac’s glare, the Canterlot Gardens, Celestia’s advice from years gone by, the sunlight pouring through the palace windows, and Rainbow Dash’s confession. Rainbow Dash…
What if Applejack’s way out… is me?
Twilight buried her head in her hooves. Nothing was any clearer. But one thing had changed. Twilight felt something rise up inside her, something both she and Applejack desperately needed.
Hope.
And then she closed her eyes until morning.
Chapter 4 - Moving Forward
Chapter 4 – Moving Forward
Twilight crept along the path in front of her, fallen leaves rustling and crumpling beneath her hooves. There was a soft breeze flowing through her mane and the tweeting of birds somewhere in the distance. Twilight gazed at the line of trees either side of the path, their branches stripped bare signifying autumn in full swing. The sun hung low in the sky behind a gargantuan cloud, patches of mauve and apricot dotting the heavens.
Twilight kept walking, her mind and body endowed with nothing but peace and serenity. The surroundings were alien yet familiar, a sense of déjà vu washing over her. Eventually the line of trees came to an end and Twilight found herself standing not far from the edge of a cliff, looking over Ponyville. She could see her old treehouse, Sugarcube Corner, the town square, and even Fluttershy’s cottage at the edge of the Everfree forest. Distracted by the view, it took a few moments for Twilight to notice the pony stood several yards away.
“Applejack?” Twilight said aloud. She walked up towards her friend who stared intently into the distance, a solemn expression on her face. Twilight stood next to her. “It’s a nice view, isn’t it?”
Applejack responded with a half-hearted nod, not so much as shifting her gaze.
Twilight bit her bottom lip, distressed by her friend’s vacant expression. “I do often miss living in Ponyville. It’s a nice place to live, don’t you think?”
Applejack nodded again, this time emitting a faint sigh.
“Is there something wrong?” Twilight looked between Applejack and Ponyville a few times. “Do you not like living here? Is there somewhere else you want to go?”
Applejack smirked. “Last time Ah got that thought was when Ah moved to Manehattan. Never did fit in ‘round those parts. It’s pretty diff’rent. Some might say it’s like comparin’ apples to oranges, an’ well…” Applejack cleared her throat, slowly turning towards Twilight. “Ya know where Ah stand on that matter.”
“You could always go on a trip somewhere, see what Equestria has to offer.” Twilight placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “You don’t know what’s out there. You might just surprise yourself.”
“Maybe. But what if Ah try so hard an’ still fail?”
“You can’t think like that, Applejack. Your family wouldn’t want you to. Granny Smith wouldn’t want you to.” Twilight wrapped her foreleg more firmly around Applejack’s nape, stroking gently against her cheek. “I don’t want you to.”
Applejack gazed into Twilight’s eyes, smiling. “So what do ya want instead?”
Overcome with emotion, Twilight pulled herself into Applejack’s embrace and launched herself into a kiss. Applejack responded in kind and the two mares locked lips, each with a hoof caressing each other’s mane. Applejack’s Stetson fell to the ground, revealing her luscious blonde locks in full glory. Twilight broke off the kiss and took a step back, holding a hoof to her mouth. She shook her head.
“This is crazy,” Twilight muttered, staring deeply into Applejack’s emerald eyes. There was nothing but silence. That, and the beautiful mare before her. “You’re a mare. And my friend. I… I don’t even know why I’m doing this.”
The earth pony mare chuckled. “But it feels right, don’t it?”
“Yeah,” Twilight whispered, giving Applejack an affectionate nuzzle. “It does feel right.”
Upon the second kiss, Twilight was gradually pulled from her slumber. The unfamiliar surroundings slowly came into view and for a short while Twilight simply assumed she was in Applejack’s bed, the two mares giving in to their feelings after the events on the cliff edge. She smiled to herself, running her hooves across what she assumed to be her friend’s chest. However, she quickly realised that she was alone, merely caressing her duvet. Piecing together her memories, Twilight let out a distressed sigh. It had all been a dream.
Sitting up straight and rubbing her eyes, Twilight spent the next few minutes trying to rationalise everything that had happened. She’d kissed Applejack. Not in the real world of course, but in her dreams. What does this mean? Twilight pondered, her eyes drawn to a family photograph of Applejack on Big Mac’s dressing table. She was there for me when I needed somepony, that’s it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be wrapped in the hooves of somepony who cares about me. But kissing her… Twilight spent a while longer staring at the picture, her heart fluttering erratically. She threw her head into the pillow and uttered a pained groan. But I don’t want to think about her in that way! I can’t! I won’t!
As Twilight pulled herself out of bed, a conversation from the previous day sprang to mind. Rainbow Dash had wanted it to be true, for her and Applejack to be together. But that didn’t make sense. Who could possibly imagine it? Was that really the direction life would take? It seemed senseless, but then Twilight thought of everything else that had happened in such a short space of time. She’d become a princess. She’d moved to the Canterlot Palace. Fluttershy and Big Mac had gotten married. Spike had grown up. The cutie mark crusaders had grown up. And Granny Smith had died.
Twilight knew that had the dream have been real and had Applejack been beside her as she originally thought, she’d have been happy. She’d still be curled up next to her, whispering about the crazy yet wonderful series of events. And the thought of kissing Applejack was a pleasant one. She was undoubtedly an attractive mare.
So I find her attractive, Twilight mused, fussing over her mane opposite a wall-mounted mirror. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can think of lots of ponies that are attractive. Handsome and pretty faces aren’t exactly a rare sight in Equestria. I’ve just been spending a lot of time with Applejack, and I’ve been thinking about her a lot because of the Gala and everything else that’s happened. My mind just extrapolated those things while I slept. That’s all there is to it.
Deeming herself to be presentable, Twilight opened the door. Looking down to the other end of the corridor, she noticed that Applejack’s door was open. Curiously, she crept forward, half expecting to find Applejack still curled up the way she’d been left the night before. The bed was empty. On a small chest of drawers beside it stood a brass alarm clock reading quarter past eleven. Twilight shook her head dejectedly. It was hardly a respectable time to wake, especially for a prudent princess such as herself.
The house was eerily quiet, the creaking and moaning of floorboards echoing down the hall. Trotting downstairs, Twilight soon saw Applejack sat at the kitchen table, staring out of the window with a miniature loaf of bread nestled in her left hoof. Her ponytail was frayed and somewhat misshapen.
“Morning,” Twilight said quietly. “Sleep well?”
Applejack didn’t respond. Twilight’s smile faded, her heart skipping a beat. Anxiety quickly set in as she stepped towards her friend, the mare’s bleary eyes barely open and bloodshot. Applejack’s jaw hung loosely, a line of saliva below her lip. The half-eaten loaf of bread was barely kept within her limp grasp.
“Applejack!” Twilight cried.
“What!?” Applejack screeched, her eyes snapping open and her forelegs sent into a mad flurry, the bread toppling to the floor. She looked at Twilight with a terrified expression, but quickly hung her head, breathing a sigh of relief. “It’s just you, Twi. Oh, dang it.”
“Are you alright?” Twilight asked, levitating the bread back onto the table.
Applejack waved her hoof assuredly, taking deep breaths. “Tired,” she finally answered. “An’ hungry. Must’ve fallen asleep in this darn chair.” She looked up at Twilight, showcasing her dishevelled expression in full. She rubbed her head, wincing. “What time is it?”
“Just gone quarter past eleven,” Twilight replied, taking to the chair opposite.
Applejack let out a nervous chuckle. “Shoot. Guess Ah’ve been out longer ‘n Ah thought. Got mahself to blame for mah current condition Ah s’pose.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Twilight assured. Applejack, however, appeared entirely unfazed, staring pensively into empty space. Twilight changed the subject. “Is Applebloom here?”
“Ah saw her off a few hours ago. She’s gone somewhere with Sweetie Belle an’ Scootaloo. Did ya know they still hang out at that old treehouse? Ah’m glad she ain’t outgrown everythin’ .”
“She’s a good filly,” Twilight said, watching as Applejack took a small bite of bread. She looked broken, possibly even more so than the previous day. It was painful to watch. “And she’s brave, just like her sister.”
“She certainly is brave,” Applejack muttered. Once again, the compliment was left ignored. “Ah’m proud o’ her every day. An’ she’s been a real angel all things considered. Real stubborn with her emotions though. She hides herself well, much like Granny Smith in fact.” Applejack paused for a moment before continuing. “She don’t like cryin’ in front o’ me or Mac. The old Apple family pride Ah guess. Ah’m glad she’s got friends she can be honest with, kinda like Ah do.” Applejack smiled to herself. “Where are mah darn manners? How’s about ya take a nice bath an’ Ah’ll fix ya somethin’ to eat?”
“Sounds great,” Twilight said with a polite nod.
“Bathroom is second on the right. You can use one o’ the towels in the cupboard under the sink. Just watch out when you’re turnin’ the hot tap or it’ll give ya a load in the face.”
Or how about you join me? “Sure. I’ll be back down soon.”
Twilight didn’t want to let on, but she was more than thankful at a chance to cleanse herself. It was an unfamiliar feeling, being exposed without a proper morning routine. The Apples didn’t have a polished chrome showerhead or an assortment of lathers and creams as found in the Royal Suite, but it was certainly enough. Intent on saving Applejack a few bits, she used a simple heat-inducing spell in a bath full of cold water and lowered herself in. It was the least she could do.
Applejack rubbed her eyes and sighed wearily. Grabbing another loaf of bread she cut two thick slices and set out to wash some cress in the sink. She got to thinking. It was difficult to know what to want in this veritable calm after the storm. Sitting around and moping didn’t accomplish much. She didn’t want her family and friends to spend every moment treading on eggshells, readying their shoulders for her to cry on. Similarly, it was too much to play pretend and act like everything was normal, like everything was fine. For one thing, normal wasn’t fine. But where was the middle ground? Just having somepony be there?
Twilight seemed to understand, regardless of whatever Big Mac had said. Looking past the crown, the wings or the title of princess, they weren’t so different after all. They both bottled up their innermost secrets, and given the chance to expose them to anypony of their choosing they’d decided upon each other. And somehow it made sense.
The night of the Gala was special. If it weren’t for the passing of Granny Smith, Applejack would’ve remembered that sooner. With all that had happened since she’d not taken the time to fully look back on it. Despite all the tears and the anguish it was one of the happiest days in recent memory. The funeral could take precedence over everything else for now, but after that, wouldn’t it make sense to focus on that memory, of that night, and move forward? It was a strange, foalish thing for two grown mares to share their sleeping space as an act of friendship. But perhaps it represented the pinnacle of honesty, for two friends to ignore all social standards and give each other the warmth and comfort that they needed. And if that was the case, if they were willing to make that leap, then the level of trust that they shared could not be understated.
Ah hope we can help each other, Applejack said inwardly, putting the finishing touches on Twilight’s sandwich. An’ even if we don’t find that answer we’re lookin’ for, at least we’ll have tried together. An’ maybe that’ll be answer enough. Hopefully.
Twilight plodded back downstairs and gladly accepted the meal, looking a lot more refreshed. Applejack thought it endearing how Twilight could carry herself with such regal poise, but at the same time accustom herself to the world of the commoners. Twilight wouldn’t want ya thinkin’ of yourself like that, Applejack reminded herself.
The funeral was just four days away. It was both plenty of time and no time at all to prepare. The invitations, ceremony, flower arrangements and wake had all been dealt with, which left only a few minor details. And her eulogy. Applejack knew what she wanted, but didn’t know where to start. It didn’t help that at the back of her mind she was plagued by thoughts of financial worry and possible debt. It felt cruel to worry about money at such a time, but it was inevitable. One bad harvest or tainted crop could potentially spell an immediate death sentence on the farm. They’d come close on a few occasions, namely right after her parents passed away. Those were tough times, especially for Granny Smith.
“Ah feel like goin’ for a walk, Twi,” Applejack said abruptly. “An’ Ah could use some company.”
The two ponies trekked along a well-trodden dirt path bearing west from Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack taking the lead. Twilight found it strangely liberating to be the one following instead of leading. They traced a route along the outskirts of Ponyville, the market stalls and stores bustling while some ponies pulled bundles of hay and various wares in wagons. Weather ponies circled above, strategically reforming cloud clusters and darting across the heavens. There were no overpowering corporations here, just hard-working folk, many of which stuck to family businesses or self-built endeavours. It was a world apart from the streets of Canterlot.
The two remained fairly tight-lipped, but not uncomfortably so. The heavy atmosphere felt suitably lifted simply by being outdoors. Applejack did make a few comments along the way, mostly pertaining to Ponyville’s recent changes. A new family moved in here. A new set of buildings there. Zecora had apparently even managed to set up a reputable business of her own, where groups of school-foals had constantly attempted to break her stream of rhymes, which they’d supposedly managed a few times after sporting purple clothing while carrying oranges and silverware. A lot had changed in just five years. Twilight felt a pang of guilt. This used to be home.
The route twisted past a familiar lake and a small wooded area, the leaves a spectrum of oranges, reds, browns and yellows. For a short while Twilight hoped for rows of leafless tress like the ones from her dream. A thought passed that she and Applejack were effectively alone. Which meant that something like that could very well happen. Twilight’s pulsed quickened.
“A’course Applebloom an’ the trouble-makers still roam the land,” Applejack began with a smile on her face. “Still the cutie-mark crusaders in everythin’ but name.”
“What do they call themselves now?”
“Just ‘The Crusaders.’ Ah kinda like the ring it has to it, almost like superheroes.”
“So what do they crusade for now that they have their marks?”
Applejack chuckled. “Nothin’. Everythin’. Just ‘cause they found their talent don’t mean they’re gonna let go what brought ‘em together in the first place. It’s mostly whatever crazy adventure they can think o’ goin’ on. They’re always travellin’, mostly just to see what’s out there. Ah s’pose the journey meant more than the destination for ‘em.”
“Maybe they’re still on their journey?” Twilight suggested, picking her words carefully.
“Just glad they ain’t gone on any adventures lookin’ for colts, at least none Ah know about,” Applejack said with a smirk. “But you’re right. Maybe that’s the whole point.”
“Hm?”
Applejack sighed, slowing her pace almost to a crawl. “We used to do the same, didn’t we? Little adventures an’ excursions all over the place. Even when things went wrong it wasn’t all that bad.” She stared dejectedly into the dirt, tears about to form. “But when all that ended, y’all found your own paths. Ah know Ah should just be content with what Ah have. Granny was.”
Twilight placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder as they came to a stop. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of in standing up and saying you want more. It’s only the means in which you try and get there that makes you good or bad. And I have no doubts which one holds true for you.”
Applejack smiled weakly. “You’re a good princess, Twi. You’ll make somepony real happy someday.”
Twilight’s heart jolted. She simply smiled back at the friendly comment, a fire rising in her cheeks. The fur on her chest prickled. All too suddenly, she felt an inexplicable surge in her brain, like a powerful machine springing to life, with little left over for speaking or acting. An idea presented itself and solidified in a matter of moments. Once it was over, Twilight regained her ability to think. And just in time.
“Well lookie at miss bashful,” Applejack taunted. “Not that there’s any…” Applejack trailed off, frowning in deliberation over her next words. Her gaze shifted back and forth until she met Twilight’s eyes once more, if a little uneasily. “What Ah mean to say is, Ah mean it as a compliment.”
“Well thank you,” Twilight replied. She hoped she was playing it cool. “I’ll take it as a compliment, as intended.”
Applejack smiled back and the two walked onwards in silence. Now there were too many questions, too many suspicions in Twilight’s mind. She knew that if her reaction to such a simple comment was any indication, it meant that she’d been lying to herself. She also knew that she should have realised this sooner. Dreams about kissing was near enough the most obvious indicator anypony could wish for, or indeed, dread.
I like Applejack, she said inwardly. There. I admit it. I like her. Which I guess makes me bisexual. Did not see that one coming... Okay, focus. How long have I liked her? I don’t know. Maybe I always have and I’ve been too stupid to notice. No, that can’t be right. But my feelings can’t just have appeared out of thin air. Or maybe they did. Which is worse? I don’t know. Ugh, this is so frustrating!
Twilight stayed trapped in her thoughts for a few minutes more as Applejack led her on wordlessly. And so she started to wonder. There was a chance that Applejack might feel the same way. And maybe, just maybe, Rainbow Dash had been right about all of this. And why shouldn’t she be? Wouldn’t it be an endearing last step for their little group, for the two remaining mares who haven’t found love to find it with one another?
Love? Twilight questioned. The word had surrounded her since foal-hood yet she knew very little about it. She could understand the love between family and friends but actual romantic love was mysterious, somewhat mythological in her eyes. She had seen love between other ponies but never felt it, and until that point it never seemed to matter. It couldn’t be quantified or even identified. How could somepony say with definitive accuracy what love was?
But Twilight kept her focus. This wasn’t about love, this was about happiness, and that was a much easier emotion to explain. Would trying to pursue a relationship result in happiness? The mere thought of telling Applejack the truth sent shivers up her spine. They had been friends for nearly eight years. What would she think? Twilight tried to imagine if the shoe was on the other hoof. If Rarity confessed that she had feelings for me, I wouldn’t know what to think. I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it. I’d wonder if she imagined us together in her private moments. Being friends would be too difficult. I wouldn’t know whether to give her space or act like nothing was different. Our friendship would change, and not for the better.
Twilight glanced over at Applejack. It wouldn’t be far-fetched to see her act in a similar way. Nopony could take that kind of news and shrug it off like it was nothing. And as for the plans to help Applejack find her place in life, even so much as mentioning ‘feelings’ could ruin everything. At best, she could grin and bear it without an issue, all while refraining from physical contact lest she give the wrong impression. At worst, it could prove too large a barrier and the very closeness the two found at the Gala would be diminished. And if that happened, who would be there to help Applejack with the very things that tore her up inside? Especially just after Granny Smith’s passing. No… Keeping quiet was the right choice.
There is another possibility, a voice from the back of Twilight’s mind piped up. What if she feels the same way? What if… you’re the key to her happiness?
“Here we are,” Applejack declared solemnly, breaking Twilight from her trance. She’d barely even noticed where they’d been heading. They were stood just outside one of the orchards connected to Sweet Apple Acres, in front of a large oak tree. Beneath it were two stone crosses with the names ‘Pink Lady Apple’ and ‘Cortland Apple’ chiselled on the front. The bunches of flowers on each had withered away.
“Your parents,” Twilight said.
“Sure are,” Applejack said as she stepped closer to the headstones. She sighed. “It’s been a while since Ah came here. Too long, perhaps. Ah know Mac comes here sometimes an’…” She trailed off, holding a hoof to her face. “Sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Twilight whispered. “You let it all out. Don’t worry about me.”
“With all due respect, Ah wasn’t talkin’ to you, Twi.” Applejack stared intently at her parents’ final resting place. “It’s mah folks Ah owe an apology.” She took a deep breath. “Hey, Ma and Pa. It’s been a while, ain’t it? Ah’m sorry Ah didn’t come here sooner. Ah ain’t never gonna forget ya’ll. Movin’ on don’t mean pretendin’ things never happened.”
Twilight watched with a mixture of curiosity and sorrow as Applejack continued talking to her dead parents, telling them about Granny Smith and the missed opportunity to say goodbye. A tear escaped down Applejack’s cheek but Twilight did nothing to interrupt, comfort or console. To do so would feel out of place. Applejack had barely mentioned her parents in the entire time Twilight had known her, and even then it was only fleeting. And now she was talking directly to them as if she stood alone at the edge of the field where nopony could listen in on her innermost thoughts. But Applejack had brought her here for a reason, and Twilight was beginning to understand why. In some strange way it both scared her and strengthened her resolve. Thankfully, the latter rang true more than the former.
Another tear ran down Applejack’s cheek as she neared the end of her speech. “Ya wanna know somethin’, Twi? In spite o’ everythin’, Ah’m not feelin’ too bad right now. Better than Ah was, anyway.”
“Well that’s good news,” Twilight replied. “And that speech of yours was beautiful.”
Applejack smiled. “Ah didn’t bring ya all the way up here for no reason.” She closed the gap between herself and Twilight. The two mares were barely a yard apart. “You’ve done a lot for me already, but Ah’m afraid Ah need more.”
“R-really? What do you m-mean?” Twilight stuttered, the heat on her cheeks rising. This only intensified as Applejack stepped ever closer, their noses almost touching. Twilight was frozen in anticipation, her mind swimming with imaginings of her friend pushing out her lips and begging to be loved. She let out a sharp gasp as Applejack suddenly leapt forward, wrapping her hooves tightly around her neck.
“Somehow Ah just know you can help me,” Applejack whispered. “Just you bein’ here fills me with hope. That’s why Ah brought ya out here. Ah wanted you to see me in these moments, to understand how Ah truly feel. Despite bein’ the Element of Honesty Ah’ve hidden a whole lotta things from just about everypony. But maybe Ah need somepony else to hear me out. An’ Ah can trust you, Twi.”
Twilight returned the embrace, brushing through Applejack’s mane. She wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, and how every second spent with her only reinforced her feelings. But that was neither here nor there. “I’m always here for you, Applejack. Always .”
“Ah’m glad to hear it,” Applejack whispered, wiping at her eyes. She took a deep breath and uttered a tiny chuckle. “We’d better get back Ah suppose.” She turned to her parents’ gravestones. “Stay put ‘til Ah get back, ya hear?”
This time it was Twilight’s turn to laugh, and the two friends began the trek back the way they came.
Later that day
Twilight gazed over another neatly stacked bundle of pamphlets. The mountain from before had been reorganised so far, but Twilight had made no headway in coming to a decision. Sifting through the various wonderful places around Equestria left her feeling sour, especially since many of them were bereft of the luxuries she was accustom to every day. Being out of her depth was one thing, but Twilight couldn’t comprehend any decision that would give Applejack a new lease on life. It simply couldn’t b that easy.
You’re just overthinking things, Twilight said inwardly, taking a deep breath as she sat at her bedroom desk. Nothing is going to magically make everything all better, and something is better than nothing. Applejack will be happy to have any kind of break, and that’s a start.
Twilight hopped down from her chair and began pacing back and forth. After a few moments her eyes fell on something behind her bedside cabinet. Curious, she levitated it in front of her face, only to recognise it instantly. It was the photo taken by Broadsheet on the night of the Gala. She concluded it must have been dropped there amidst the tearful conversation she’d shared with Applejack. It had caused her great pain to see it before, the faces of her friends noticeably worn next to her own. But now something else stood out that mattered more than anything. Applejack was smiling. Not the fake, weak smile Twilight has seen over the past two days, but a hopeful smile. A smile that would be worth moving mountains just to see again.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. “Twilight? It’s me,” Spike called. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” Twilight answered, tucking the photograph into her top drawer.
Spike crept inside warily, dressed up in his usual black business suit. Even at three heads taller than an average pony Twilight still found him adorable. He clawed the back of his neck anxiously. “So how are they holding up?”
“Not so great,” Twilight replied solemnly, sitting on her bed and gesturing for Spike to sit next to her. “Applejack’s in a bad way. We walked up to her parents’ graves this morning and she said some things. Mostly apologies.”
Spike sat glumly beside her. “What about Applebloom and Big Mac?”
“Applebloom’s holding up pretty well, all things considered. As for Mac…” The image of Big Mac’s furious eyes sprung instantly to Twilight’s mind. “He’s not himself right now.”
“It just seems so strange, you know? Like it came out of nowhere, unexpected. At the Gala, Sweetie and I were talking about why Applebloom might not have been there. Turns out Applebloom mentioned something to her about Granny but didn’t make a big fuss or anything. I feel so guilty, having fun while all that was happening.”
Twilight rubbed Spike’s back affectionately. “You’ll get to see Applebloom at the funeral. I’m sure she could use every friend she has right about now.”
“I know. I just wish there was more I could do.”
Twilight nestled herself into Spike’s chest as he draped arm around her. “We can only do so much, Spike. Don’t let it get to you.” So easy to say, Twilight mused. Yet so difficult to follow. As her mind swam with thoughts of the upcoming funeral, Twilight remembered something. “Spike? I’ve been meaning to ask you something. It’s been on my mind since the Gala.”
“Oh. Oh, ” Spike said nervously, his cheeks glowing red. “Look, I want you to know that I’m not overstepping any boundaries, even if it seems like it. What Sweetie Belle and I have is… special , but we know not to take things too far, and—”
“No Spike,” Twilight interrupted. “That’s not what I was asking.” A grin spread across her face. “You and Sweetie Belle? Really?”
“Wait, what!?” Spike exclaimed. He shook his head in frustration. “I just spilled the beans and you didn’t even know !?”
“Well I do now,” Twilight said with a chuckle. Noticing Spike’s sullen expression she decided not to probe any further, even if she was itching to know more. “But that’s for another time. I wanted to talk to you about something more serious.”
“Right,” Spike replied, sighing with relief. “What is it?”
Formulating the question was easy, but Twilight had a hard time spitting it out. It felt like she was breaking some kind of taboo, an untouched subject that she and Spike had never even hinted at. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. It didn’t work. But she needed to say something . “Spike, the night of the Gala, I cried myself to sleep. That’s why Applejack stayed, to console me.” Spike raised a claw to his face in shock. Twilight continued, feeling tears threatening to escape as she did so. “We’re going to outlive them all, aren’t we? By hundreds of years, at least.”
The two stayed silent for about ten seconds, their eyes locked. Beyond her control, a tear escaped Twilight’s right eye. Spike slowly wiped it away with his claw and spoke. “Do you want me to be honest, Twilight?”
“Yes,” she answered without hesitation.
Spike turned away momentarily, seemingly too afraid to speak to her face. “The day you became an alicorn I was so happy. Before that, I would have these scary thoughts about living on without you as this big, mean, lonely dragon. So… I was happy that you could always be there for me. I knew our other friends couldn’t always be there, and that’s upsetting, but you matter the most. And now…” Spike turned towards her, looking lost as he thought of what to say next. “Now I can have you by my side until the end, but you’re in pain. You… You cried yourself to sleep, Twilight. I don’t know what to think about that.”
“I know it’s early days,” Twilight muttered, forcing herself not to cry. “I just wanted to know how you felt about it, so we could support each other.” She bit her lip. “I wasn’t expecting that to be your answer.”
“I’m sure we’ll get through it,” Spike said. “I mean, we all have to deal with it sometime, one way or another. It’s just one of those things.”
“I know.”
“I’d try not to think about it, otherwise you’ll just go crazy. I wouldn’t want to spend every day worrying about the future. You know what they say, life’s too sh—” Spike cut himself off. “Sorry. Bad joke.”
“It’s okay,” Twilight replied, despite a small part of her wanting to thump his side for such a comment.
“But Twilight, I’m a little confused. Your... well, situation is much more similar to Celestia’s. Why don’t you talk to her about this?”
Twilight uttered a nervous chuckle. “Because I know what she’ll say.”
Spike merely raised his eyebrows and nodded. Clearly, he wasn’t about to question that statement.
“Spike?”
“Mm?”
“I’m sorry for bringing it up. I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
Spike grinned and ruffled her mane playfully. “Don’t sweat it.” He paused for a moment, looking to one side. “But like I said, it’s probably best not to think about it.”
Twilight gave a weak smile, quickly combing her mane back into place. It was obvious that talking to Spike about her woes was pretty much out of the question. Forcing him to discuss something that he felt so adverse to thinking about would be cruel, especially considering that he had his own set of problems to deal with. If his growth over the past few years was anything to go by, death wasn’t the only thing that could separate him from his loved ones. Feeling guiltier with each passing second, Twilight thanked Spike for his support, as well as the various pamphlets he’d helped to collect. She thought to lighten the mood with a jibe about his apparent crush on Sweetie Belle — maybe even an empty threat about a truth spell — but it didn’t feel appropriate. In his emotional state, he might take such comments to heart.
As Twilight watched Spike pace down the pearly white hallway, she sighed. There was no easy answer to her problems. She thought to consult Luna, but was too afraid to deal with such a conversation. This was, after all, the mare who had spent a thousand years in isolation. It would surely be an insult to ask for her advice on such issues. In fact, the only friend who had made a dent in her turmoil was Applejack.
Applejack… Applejack… Twilight repeated internally. You think you’re worthless but you have worth beyond measure. She was the mare that Twilight yearned for, the one she couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how hard she tried. Supressing risqué thoughts about Applejack was a new habit, spurred on by her insistence in having the utmost respect for her friend, even beyond the real world. If only she were here now.
“Your Highness?”
“Yes?” Twilight asked automatically, turning to see one of her personal guards — Scimitar — stood by the door.
“If I may, Princess,” he began, relaxing his usual upright stance. “You’ve been collecting details of a fair few Equestrian attractions. Might I make a suggestion?”
“A suggestion?”
“It’s for your friend, isn’t it? The one who stayed a few nights ago?”
Twilight nodded uncertainly. “Applejack.”
“Applejack, that’s right,” Scimitar said. “Well, I was thinking about your predicament when I remembered somewhere I’d visited a few years ago with an ex filly-friend.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow disgruntledly. “I believe I made it quite clear last time that Applejack and I are j-just friends.” Even while speaking with maximum authority in her voice, Twilight couldn’t help but falter as the memory of her dream sprang to mind. Just friends indeed…
“I know that, your highness. Apologies once again for ever having said otherwise.” The off-white stallion bowed his head respectfully before continuing. “I would only recommend this place for the right reasons. It’s a resort on the coast of East Flankshire called Calcolt Manor. It has a health spa, live music, swimming facilities, not to mention a nice selection of surrounding restaurants, beaches and entertainment venues. It’s a bit of a hotspot for griffins, assuming that wouldn’t be a problem for either of you.” Scimitar blushed and bowed again. “Which… obviously wouldn’t matter. But in all honesty, it’s the one place I would recommend to somepony who’s been through a tough time. I can tell you more about it, if you would like, your Highness.”
“Please do,” Twilight replied, her smile broadening. Things were looking up.
Four days later
Twilight stepped down from the royal coach, Spike, Celestia and Luna right behind her. The journey to the funeral site had been quiet, barely a word save for the odd comment from Celestia about the day she first met Granny Smith. Luna had been deathly silent, which as Twilight had learned over time meant she was deep in thought. Spike had said a few things about Applebloom and how sorry he felt for her.
There were already around forty ponies or so stood in a group upon their arrival, most of them from the Apple family. In a stark contrast to the sombre occasion, the sun was shining brightly. By all other accounts it was just another beautiful, picturesque day in Ponyville. Twilight quickly spotted Applejack, Big Mac and Applebloom stood near the centre, talking with Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.
“Here goes, I guess,” Spike muttered to Twilight as the royal sisters strode towards the others.
Twilight followed after them, quickly catching up to her friends. Applebloom was the first to spot her and gave her a big hug as they exchanged greetings. She was sobbing uncontrollably. It was the first time Twilight had seen Applebloom so overcome with distress, likely the weight of the situation finally dawning on her in full force. Spike quickly cut in, dropping onto one knee as the young mare clutched at his chest. Twilight watched him whisper something in her ear as she heard another familiar voice.
“Glad you could make it,” Applejack said with bleary eyes.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Twilight replied. And then they held each other as they wept.
Not much was said between then and the first hymn, the Apples exchanging respectful glances with each other and comforting those who were in tears. Applejack, Big Mac and Applebloom shared embraces with various friends and family members before the cart carrying Granny Smith’s coffin was pulled into place and ponies were assigned seats by two unicorn stallions in relative silence, a young mare playing a violin leading with a sorrowful melody. The seating was nothing more than rows of simple wooden benches, along the lines of those used in primary schools. Twilight sat between Rarity and Spike in the second row. After a minute or so of ponies shuffling around, the priest in front of them — a middle-aged earth pony stallion — tapped his hoof gently on the wooden stand. As everypony fell silent, he spoke.
“We are here today to remember a remarkable pony. Granny Smith Apple was not just your average mare, she was in many ways a pioneer who has left a great legacy behind her. At the founding of Ponyville she was there alongside her family, planting the seeds that would grow into the illustrious Sweet Apple Acres. In a sense, this entire community owes her for her hard work. Without the farm that we can all bear witness to today, Ponyville could never have hoped to become the great village that it is now. I would think it impossible to find somepony who has not tasted the apples grown here, or the cider that spawned its own annual festival.
“But she has done more than that. She has raised Applejack, Applebloom and Macintosh: three fine grandchildren. Though I never had the pleasure to converse with Granny Smith myself, from those I have spoken with I believe I have some idea of the fun-loving, caring mare that she was. For example, I spoke to a young filly who said, ‘she must be hanging out with some really cool angels.’ I think she may be right.”
The priest finished his speech and the congregation began the first hymn of the procession, ‘Bless Thy Soul.’ Twilight struggled at first, having heard the hymn only a few times in her life. They sang of the passing into the next world, of a blessed soul rising into the heavens and into the great beyond. They sang of eternal happiness and reward. The song itself was beautiful, a fitting send off to a great pony. Twilight only wished she could believe what she sang was true. In fact, she envied those that did.
As they reached the second chorus Twilight glanced up towards Applejack, partly wishing she’d had more meaningful things to say on such a day. Applejack wore a long, silky black dress. On any other day Twilight might have called it beautiful, but more important things took precedence over her appreciation. Twilight could only wonder what was going through her mind.
Applejack held back a sob as the congregation finished the final verse. She supposed the hymn would do well to instil hope into the hearts of her family, particularly Applebloom. She wondered how her unshakable faith from her youth had eroded over time. She wanted to believe that Granny Smith was just over the next hill, waiting for her beside Mama and Papa. It would be cause for celebration as a tired old mare finally found peace with the son she’d mourned for so long.
But that was it. It was merely a thought: a heartfelt wish made so as not to incriminate the existence of being. If true, it would be the greatest gift ever conceived. Applejack wished with all her heart that she could believe in it once again, that she could leave her doubts behind and move forward with newfound confidence. She wanted a sign. She wanted something to aid her at such a time, yet all she was left with was the soul-crushing notion of life without respite. That maybe, just maybe, death was the end. That perhaps the mare who had cared for her and taught her valuable life lessons was now nothing more than a rotting pile of bone and meat. It was too horrible to consider. So why don’t Ah believe otherwise?
Silence fell as the hymn ended. The priest stepped up to the stand once more. “I now invite Applejack, the eldest granddaughter of the dearly departed to the stand.”
Applejack felt a friendly nudge from Big Mac. His smile gave her some comfort as she traipsed to the platform, a written speech clutched between her teeth. She carefully placed the parchment onto the stand, taking a moment to gaze upon the family and friends that surrounded her. After a quick glimpse at the polished mahogany casket to her left (Ah’d do anythin’ to have ya back. Ah can see your face, clear as day. ) Applejack cleared her throat and looked down at her speech.
“Most of y’all know how much Granny Smith meant to me, mah brother an’ mah sister. She was more than just our Granny. She raised us when our folks passed away, doin’ everythin’ she could for us. To see your own child pass is somethin’ no mother should bear, an’ yet she showed more courage than just about anypony Ah’ve ever known. Ah coulda thanked her every day an’ it would never have been enough.
“This is the kinda time where ponies say, ‘Ah’m sorry for your loss.’ Only thing about that is, Ah like to think about how much we’ve gained thanks to her. Ah feel beyond grateful to have known Granny Smith, an’ the times we’ve spent together won’t be forgotten that easily. She always gave so much and asked so little even when everythin’ was against her, right ‘til the end.
“Granny always talked a lot — anypony can attest to that — an’ while she had a habit of ramblin’ on about the good old days, she was also full of wisdom. The best piece of advice she ever gave me was to hold mah head high an’ be proud of whatever Ah’ve achieved, ‘cause there’s no small feat in bein’ good to your fellow pony. An’ Ah’m sure we can all say she practiced what she preached.
“Today is a day we all feel the sorrow of seein’ her leave us, but Ah like to think the joy she brought outweighs that. Today, may we show our respect by mournin’ her death. Tomorrow, may we show our respect by celebratin’ her life. May we remember everythin’ she did that made us who we are today.”
Applejack stepped down from the stand, pacing slowly back to her seat. She wasn’t sure at what point she’d started crying: it could’ve been at any time. Big Mac rubbed her hoof affectionately, whispering the words “You did good. Granny ‘d be proud,” into her ear.
And so it was onto the next hymn, just like that. The way time slipped by at light speed was maddening. Applejack had spent days agonising over every word of her eulogy, looking back on all the years Granny Smith had raised her, everything she’d done for her summed up in a short memorial service at the Farfields. The previous week had felt like an eternity, but that morning had been a blur. Everything Granny’s life had been leading to was slipping away, every chance they had to stand together and remember a great mare condensed to a passing visit. There were places to go, ponies to see. Time would move on.
“In sure and certain hope that the departed may find eternal rest…”
Going.
“We commit her body to the ground. Equus to Equus…”
Going.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…”
Gone.
Granny Smith was lowered slowly into the ground, destined to spend her days after life next to her only son. A lime-green marble headstone stood upright, surrounded by white lilies, roses and apple tree leaves. It was the least they could do. Applejack’s chest tightened as she uttered a silent farewell. Goodbye Granny. Ah promise to make you proud.
Apple family members and friends alike surrounded the grave, giving their respects as the first shovelful of dirt was dropped by a unicorn undertaker. Celestia herself walked up to Applejack and her siblings, giving them her personal blessing. Most were crying. Big Mac wasn’t, but Applejack had a feeling that would come later.
Pinkie had been the first of her friends to walk up to her, being unusually silent. She whispered something about how beautiful the speech was before wrapping Applejack in a warm embrace. Rainbow Dash and Rarity stepped up next, the fashionista’s makeup running in a way that would’ve been comical under different circumstances. Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to know what to say while Rarity barely stopped for breath, complimenting the memorial service, floral decorations and talking about the great things Granny Smith had done in between matting her eyes with a lavishly decorated handkerchief.
And so they all stood huddled in groups, quietly rambling and laughing nervously amongst themselves, gearing up for the trip to the Apples’ barn. Granny’s wake would prove to be not unlike the usual family reunion, which Applejack supposed would be the right way to go about it. Family was, after all, what Granny Smith had dedicated her life to. But it felt too soon. Applejack clamped her eyes shut, almost fit to burst as a maelstrom of emotions and memories surged through her.
“Listen here, Applejack. Your Mama and Papa are lookin’ down on us right now. They’re still gonna be lookin’ after you, day an’ night.”
“But Granny… Ah just wanna seem ‘em again… Why did they have to go?”
“Sometimes that’s the way things work out, little one.”
“But it’s not fair!”
“Ah know. It ain’t fair on any of us, ‘specially your folks. But it’ll get easier, Ah promise you.”
“How? How can it if they’ll never come back?”
“They’re in your heart, ain’t they? You’ll be carryin’ ‘em around forever an’ ever. Iff’n you be a good little filly an’ make ‘em proud, they’ll be real happy. Everythin’ is gonna be alright, Applejack. Ah’m…”
Applejack’s reverie was cut short by Twilight’s hoof caressing her mane. The alicorn pulled herself in close as Applejack sobbed into her nape. It was a moment Applejack almost wanted to last forever. She tried to speak but her words were muffled into nothingness. Twilight hushed her soothingly, running a hoof down Applejack’s back like a mother to a foal.
“Everything’s going to be alright, Applejack,” Twilight whispered, planting a small kiss on her forehead. “I’m here for you.”
“Ah know.” Despite all the sadness and the worry, Applejack couldn’t help but smile. Maybe what Twilight said was true. Maybe one day, everything would be alright. “Ah love ya, Twi. Ah really do.”
Chapter 5 – Making Plans
After a few minutes of mournful chatter everypony soon made their way to the Apples’ barn. Granny’s wake was a simple affair: little more than a few cider kegs, rows of wooden tables and a banquet of apple themed treats lined up near the entrance. Applejack had considered the inclusion of games and other activities to keep the youngsters’ attention, but that idea had been quickly abandoned. From the looks of it, some of the younger colts and fillies took to chasing each other and joking around just outside the barn anyway. That was okay. They weren’t old enough to understand, and Applejack wouldn’t wish to impede on their fun.
Applebloom sat with Sweetie-Belle, Scootaloo and Spike on an adjacent table while Big Mac spent some time talking with other family members by the far wall, Fluttershy stood dutifully by his side. It was obvious how much the couple just wanted to cuddle up to each other and cry it out; Fluttershy’s constant nuzzling and kisses against Mac’s neck told it all. In a way, Applejack felt envious. More than ever, in that very moment, she wished she had a special somepony. Failing that, just somepony to hold her tight and make the bad feelings go away. Applejack’s mind turned to the night of the Gala, where she had fulfilled that role for Twilight. A temptation to ask for a return of the favour surfaced, but for some reason it just didn’t seem like the right thing to do. Who would make a request for a princesses to stay overnight as a ‘cuddle buddy?’ It was simply ridiculous.
But it’d still be nice, wouldn’t it? Applejack asked inwardly. Twilight sat by her side, quietly nibbling on a slice of apple strudel. The mare hadn’t said much save for a comment about how Granny would have been proud of the rousing speech. She looked as if she wanted to say more, but remained suspiciously pensive, the occasional tear trickling down her cheek. Applejack thought of how guilty her friend must feel for unknowingly depriving a final family goodbye. She wanted to offer reassurance, but succeeded only in staring blankly. It wasn’t worth bringing up a matter that had already been discussed, no matter how much it might play on their minds.
Catching Applejack’s glance, Twilight gently wrapped a wing around her shoulders. An’ Ah remember you sayin’ you couldn’t stand them things, Applejack thought, a brief smile brought to her face. Twilight smiled back before bringing her wing to her side and concentrating on her meal once again.
The heavy atmosphere of the funeral had been lifted considerably in a short space of time. A collective sigh of relief permeated the building, ushering in a few laughs and joyful discussions from each corner. The procession was over. The stress leading up it had passed. There wasn’t anything else left to worry about. It felt both damning and liberating all at once, like a dove experiencing its first taste of flight in the confines of a bird cage after years spent walking in the outside world.
Applejack wiped at her eyes and sat upright, feeling the gaze of others silently beckon her back to the real world. Rarity was avidly describing her newest would-be colt-friend to Rainbow Dash (who responded with a mixture of faint interest and sarcastic jibes) while Pinkie had somehow gotten into a heated discussion with Celestia about her plans for a new confectionary line, insisting that Canterlot’s finest bakers couldn’t possibly hold a candle to either Chocolate Chip’s culinary skills or her own. The earth pony stallion blushed a little and muttered something about not being that good, before Pinkie insisted with absolute decree that he was just being humble. To Pinkie’s delight, Celestia seemed fairly knowledgeable on the subject. A distant cousin by the name of Bramley came to greet Applejack and expressed her deepest condolences, all with a very sincere smile. Applejack thanked her and the two got into a brief conversation about life on the farm, which ended with a very formal goodbye. It was all rather pleasant, aside from the obvious grief.
“You must’ve worked really hard to do all this,” Twilight finally said after several minutes of silence.
Applejack shrugged. “Couldn’t ‘ve done any less, really.”
Twilight shook her head, frowning. “Don’t downplay it, Applejack,” she said with a sigh. “You don’t need to be humble, not with everything you’ve been going through.”
“Force o’ habit, Ah guess,” Applejack replied with a half-smile. “You know me.”
Twilight gripped Applejack’s hoof with her own and chuckled. “Yeah. That I do.”
“But there’s one thing Ah could really use from you right about now more than anythin’.”
“Oh? Really?” Twilight asked, looking surprised. “J-just… say the word and I’ll make it happen.”
“A cider. An’ full to the brim,” Applejack requested. She inhaled and exhaled in an overly dramatic fashion and placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, holding back a smirk. “It’s what Granny would have wanted.”
Twilight burst into an awkward chortle before nodding in affirmation and plodding over to the upturned cider kegs, a tankard held in her telekinetic grasp. Hearing Rainbow Dash mention her name, Applejack brought her attention to the rest of the group.
(Ah love ya, Twi. Ah really do.)
She didn’t mean anything by it. She didn’t mean anything by it, Twilight repeated internally, drilling the words into her own skull. Ever since Applejack had said those fateful words, Twilight couldn’t get them out of her head. But she wasn’t about to go down without a fight. The word ‘love’ has many meanings, and Applejack meant she loved you platonically. That’s all that was. What, as if she would suddenly profess her undying love for me? That would be (the best thing) utterly ridiculous.
Twilight meandered through the maze of tables and ponies, making a deliberate effort not to stray towards Big Mac. Though the stallion was preoccupied with conversations and hadn’t turned her way, she could practically feel his eyes about to dart towards her with an angry glare. He didn’t, of course. It was just another bout of undue paranoia. But the fact that he held a grudge against her was obvious, and Twilight was unsure of how to approach that problem. There was a chance he might forgive and forget once enough time passed and the Apples began to recover from their loss, but there was no knowing how long that could take. It was one of many issues that stood in the way of dating Applejack.
You shouldn’t even be thinking that! Twilight scolded, pushing further thoughts from her mind. She stepped up to the cider keg and filled the tankard, garnering polite greetings from two middle-aged stallions. It was funny how most country folk eschewed unnecessary formalities when confronted with royalty and merely acted with a degree of added respect and the odd bow. In contrast, Twilight felt that many Canterlotians took the phrase ‘worship the princesses’ a little too far at times.
After some brief small talk, Twilight traipsed back the way she came. Applejack was beginning to look a little chirpier, which in turn raised the alicorn’s spirits a little. She thanked Twilight as the cider was set down on the table and took a long, hearty gulp. Twilight thought she could see Rainbow Dash sporting a rather suspecting grin out of the corner of her eye, but chose to ignore it. It didn’t help to already have one nosy mare hoping to bring them both together.
And then Twilight had a brief thought spring from nowhere. It was so simple that she had no idea why she hadn’t thought of it before. Applejack bore the Element of Honesty. She was the most honest pony Twilight had ever known, and any time she had told fibs, she’d either been remarkably easy to see through or had conceded to tell the truth out of guilt. It could really be that easy, Twilight thought. All somepony would have to do is ask her if she considered me as more than a friend and she might come straight out with the answer.
But you’re forgetting a big problem with that, another voice from the back of her mind said. That means either asking her yourself, which could be disastrous, or confessing your feelings to somepony else so that they can ask her. Rainbow Dash might have suspected it, but you told her otherwise, remember? Who’s to say Applejack would admit something like that so easily to a mare so well-renowned for opening her big mouth? And who else could you possibly tell? Lest we forget that Applejack may well have a hard time even admitting it to herself, being the stubborn mare that she is? Oh, but never mind all that. You’re not supposed to even be thinking about dating her because it’s so farfetched.
Twilight rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration.
“You okay, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“I’m fine. Just a bit of a headache, is all.”
The wake lasted for just over two hours before ponies started taking their leave. In some ways, Applejack hadn’t wanted it to end. This day was to define the culmination of Granny’s seventy-nine years on the earth. Having the entire family in one place, brought together for Granny’s sake was almost like extending her life somehow, as if their collective memories were keeping her spirit alive and well in the midst of all the laughing, joking, consoling and drinking. Once they were all gone only a deathly silence would remain, and the farm would need tending to once again. They could only stand still for so long. The rest of the world was still turning, by all accounts. Had to happen sometime.
Braeburn was one of the first to say goodbye. He held Applejack in a hug so tight she thought she heard her spine click. He babbled a little, repeating the phrase “she had a good life” several times and insisting that whatever they might need, he’d be there for them. A little easier said than done what with living in Appleoosa, but Applejack was grateful for the offer, and knew it to be wholly sincere. She couldn’t imagine what she might need from now on except for money, on the off-chance that the farm got into serious trouble. And she knew deep down that asking for money just wasn’t in her nature, and especially not from family who would be dealing with similar day to day problems.
Most ponies managed to do a decent job of tidying up after themselves, which was welcome. Not that the Apples were renowned for leaving a mess after family reunions and the like, but it was a lot easier to appreciate help at this time. Apple Fritter and Golden Delicious had suggested to Mac that they begin taking tankards and bowls back to the farmhouse for washing up. “That’d be mighty kind,” he’d replied, and trotted off to the kitchen to lend a hoof. Fluttershy took some time away from her husband to speak to Applejack and Applebloom. She said little (which was to be expected from the mare, as quiet as she was) and in many ways, Applejack couldn’t think of much that could be said. The funeral was over. The wake was coming to a close. Any and all important messages of condolences and support had been doled out to the point their meaning might go stale. “She’d be proud of you,” was one Applejack had heard over and over again. They meant well — of course they did. And they were probably right. But those words still hurt. Because at the end of the day, she’d only be proud of her for being herself, and that wasn’t something Applejack could agree on. ‘Cause Ah could’ve been so much more.
Soon, there were no more than fifteen ponies left in the barn as the wake began to die down and last goodbyes were said. It was somewhat of a surprise that Celestia and Luna had stayed for this long, as they surely had important duties to see to elsewhere. The Princess of The Night in particular looked a little out of place, and hadn’t seemed to know what to do with herself over the past hour or so, letting out a few discrete yawns.
Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Chocolate Chip and Rarity headed off together along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Their goodbyes weren’t drawn out considering Applejack would probably see them all within the space of a week. She couldn’t remember why Soarin hadn’t been able to show up. Rainbow Dash might’ve mentioned a reason, (probably some important Wonderbolt business) but memory failed her. Still, she wasn’t about to take offence from that. Her friends had all been there for her.
Twilight had been exceptionally quiet. Whatever it was, Applejack had a feeling that something else was going on. But now wasn’t the time to find out. Twilight wouldn’t want to worry her, not right after Granny’s funeral. And Twilight was one tough cookie. In fact, Applejack had more faith in the young princess than she had in herself.
With the wake officially over, Twilight had decided to give the place a tidy-up, using her levitation to stack stools in the corner and push the benches against the back wall. With this done, she took the two brooms that Applejack had provided and efficiently swept the dust, chipped wood, hay, grass and other odds and ends into the centre, where Applebloom was waiting with a rubbish sack. The barn was almost back to its initial, bare state.
“We’ll be waiting in the carriage,” Celestia whispered as she walked past, Luna having already made her way outside.
“Right,” Twilight replied, glancing over to Applejack. The farm pony was sharing an embrace with her sister. “I won’t keep you for long. I only have a few things to say.”
Celestia nodded sagely. “As you wish.”
Twilight tried to shake the feeling that her former mentor had caught on to her newfound feelings. She knew that Celestia was no mental slouch and had proved her overarching wisdom on a number of occasions. And despite knowing her for most of her life, there was still a kind of enigmatic aura that surrounded her. She’d opened up to her, of course, but she was also far from being read like a book. Whether Celestia suspected it or not, it was unlikely that she’d make an effort to step in and either promote or prevent any potential romance. Regardless, Twilight desperately hoped that she didn’t know. At least that way she wouldn’t feel as if somepony was judging her for making all kinds of potentially wrong decisions. Like begging Applejack to stay that night, she thought guiltily.
“Now why don’t ya run on inside an’ Ah’ll be in soon,” Applejack said to Applebloom, patting the younger mare on the back and gesturing gingerly with one hoof. Applebloom did as she was told and trotted outside, flashing Twilight a quick grin as she did so.
There was a moment of awkward silence between the two friends before Applejack let out and exasperated sigh. “Ah guess it’s over,” she said, smiling weakly, the previously unheard breeze and creaks of the barn’s woodwork reinforcing her statement. “To tell ya the truth, it’s kind of a relief.”
Twilight nodded. “I can understand that.”
“An’ really, everythin’ kinda went the way Ah envisioned it. All the little worries Ah had about stutterin’ through mah speech or certain family members gettin’ drunk to a punch never happened. It’s a good feelin’.” Applejack stared into Twilight’s eyes for a few moments before chuckling awkwardly. “An’ Ah just knew you were gonna hang around after it all, even ‘fore the burial.”
Twilight blushed. “I’ll chalk that up to ‘Apple sense’ then,” she said, smiling. “You’d better keep that one a secret from Pinkie or she’ll have you for plagiarism.”
Applejack rolled her eyes mirthfully. “Ain’t that the truth.” In an instant, her eyes grew serious and sombre. “So, uh, Twi? What did you wanna talk about?”
There was a moment of silence as Twilight formulated the words in her mind. She took a deep breath, remembering the reasons for what she was about to ask. I’m not doing it just to be close to her, she said inwardly. This has nothing to do with my feelings. Applejack is my friend, first and foremost. This is for her benefit… no, our benefit in overcoming our problems. We can help each other, as friends. That’s how it is. That’s how it needs to be. “Well you see,” Twilight began, clearing her throat. “I had this idea of going somewhere, just the two of us. That is, if you’re interested…”
Twilight stepped down from the carriage and immediately headed for her quarters. Celestia and Luna had called off all meetings and diplomatic tasks until the next day because of the funeral, so there was little else to attend to. Supper had been prepared, but Twilight wasn’t hungry. Or, more accurately, she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to consider eating.
Despite getting the exact answer she wanted from Applejack, Twilight couldn’t help but feel deflated during the journey home. She considered that most of that was probably down to an emotionally strenuous day, not least in part due to Applejack’s heartfelt eulogy. She’d hidden it well, but the moment the parchment hit the stand Twilight came close to bursting into tears. And then there was Applejack herself, who would spend the night alone, then wake the next morning and be forced to carry on like before. At least this time she didn’t drown her sorrows in alcohol.
It was already late in the evening by the time Twilight had finished with the formalities and let her head hit one of the many satin pillows at the end of her bed. She looked up at the set of bookshelves on the near wall and considered picking out a novel to burn through before going to sleep. However, her mind was too abuzz with the day’s events to concentrate on such a task. So instead, she simply lay there, staring up at the ceiling, with nothing but a bedside lantern slowly flickering away beside her. Moments such as this were particularly rare for the young alicorn, not only because of her responsibilities but also her natural tendency to keep busy.
Twilight sighed deeply and stretched out her wings across the entirety of the bed space. Using her levitation spell, she slid the bedcovers out from underneath her and gently draped them across herself. Once she was comfortable she relaxed both her body and magical grasp, and began to think. Applejack had said yes. Not only that, but she’d looked genuinely excited as she said it. They would both be spending the weekend together in a hotel just north of Calcolt Manor, thanks to Scimitar’s recommendation. From what Twilight had seen after scouring brochures, it seemed like a nice place, and one that was distinctly unlike both Ponyville and Canterlot. A pleasant escape to somewhere unusual; it could very well be exactly what they needed.
Closing her eyes, Twilight imagined herself lying on the hot sands of an open beach, the sun radiating its perpetual warmth. She could hear the distant squawking of seagulls and the waves lapping at her hind hooves. There was nothing else. No other ponies, no other distractions. This is what Twilight wanted, what she felt she needed from the upcoming excursion. All except for one thing.
Applejack appeared at her side. “This sure is a pretty relaxin’ place. Ah wonder if there’s a toffee apple stand nearby.”
Twilight smiled as she visualised her friend peering into the distance, nothing but sand and a long road lined with multi-coloured beach houses behind them. “Just lie down already.”
“But Ah can’t relax if Ah don’t have mahself a toffee apple. Oh well. Hey, what do ya say we go for a swim?”
Twilight briefly opened her eyes and giggled to herself. What a stupid imaginary scenario. You don’t even know if Applejack likes swimming, and she’s not that obsessed with apples. The alicorn turned over on her side and closed her eyes once more.
“Apples, apples, apples,” said the imaginary Applejack, now doing a backstroke just off the shore. “Ah sure do love apples.”
Twilight rolled her eyes at her mischievous subconscious and shook away the thought. Pulling the bedcovers in tight against her chest, she began to construct the mental scene again, this time concentrating on the details. She was led on a beach towel this time, with a palm tree hanging down above her, blocking the sun from her eyes. She had a book beside her, one by an author named Tassel Windrush. A pier stretched out into the ocean to her left, built next to a jagged rock formation. Ponies dotted the beachfront, their hooves crunching through the sand and thudding against the wooden planks of the pier. The sounds of the water, wildlife and the hum of activity morphed together into a melodic ambience. As the complexity of her surroundings gradually intensified, so too did its clarity, the awareness of her existence in the royal chambers slowly fading somewhere between reality and the dream-world as Twilight teetered precariously on the cliff edge above the land of nod.
With her mental landscape complete, Twilight turned to Applejack, whose Stetson was pulled down over her eyes. “Don’t you just love it here?”
Applejack gingerly tipped her hat up with a hoof, exposing a cheerful wink. “Ah sure do. There’s just somethin’ about this air; clean ain’t even the word for it.” Applejack sighed contentedly and looked towards the ocean. “Ah’m glad we came here, Twi.”
“Me too.” Twilight twiddled her hooves together nervously. Now what should happen next?
“So Twi,” Applejack said, sitting up. “Ah’ve been thinkin’ about what you said, an’ Ah’ve decided to do somethin’ a little different.”
“Oh?”
“A kind of risky endeavour. Somethin’ to put the spark back in mah life an’ give me a new purpose.”
“Well that’s great!” Twilight exclaimed. “What is it?”
“…”
“What is it?”
“…”
The daydream shattered.
I have no idea. This is going nowhere. For the life of me, I can’t think of a single thing. What would Applejack want to do? This is what I need to figure out. She needs guidance from… from me? I can’t even come up with a make-believe scenario where that happens. How am I supposed to do it in real life? I promised her. For Celestia’s sake, I owe her.
With a pang of annoyance, Twilight opened her eyes. All she wanted was to envision the best outing possible, to imagine a weekend away, dealing with Applejack’s personal problem in the process. And if not completely solving it, at least making some kind of headway, some kind of dent in the poor pony’s crushing depression. And she couldn’t do it. Twilight’s own problems occurred to her, but she couldn’t bring herself to pay those any heed. For now, it hurt more to think about Applejack’s predicament than her own.
Turning over on her side, the alicorn wracked her brains for a solution. Something somepony had said, an off-hoof comment, details about Applejack, the reasons for her despair, a thought she’d had—
“But it feels right, don’t it?”
The dream. Applejack was happier in the dream. (We both were) A swirling mess of haphazard subconscious musings had given Twilight a better answer than all of her conscious thought could muster. It didn’t bear thinking about. In fact, even the mere memory of that dream made Twilight flush with guilt. But she still couldn’t help but like it.
Easy, Twilight. A dream beyond your control is one thing, but deliberately fantasising about (doing things) making moves on Applejack is another. What would she think about that? What would anyone think about a princess of Equestria imagining (kissing) being romantically involved with one of her best friends? It’s not right. It’s not going to help the situation. It’s not even worth considering. And it’s… something no-one else will never find out.
Twilight peered her head over the edge of her duvet, as if expecting someone to be lurking in the shadows of the palace and looking into her head. Mind-reading magic was rare and unwieldy, but still not impossible. Even the most basic spells of its type were almost universally abhorred by all schools of magic. In fact, without proper training it could either give incorrect readings or even impair the caster’s grasp of their own mind, and lead to them forming false memories derived from those belonging to the subject. Though some argued that it could be useful in criminal investigations, the preferred method was to use evidence in conjunction with truth spells and potions, which held far fewer legal implications. No official mind-reading spell guides existed, but many were suspected to be in circulation or to have been taught in secret. Which meant it was unlikely to happen, but it could happen.
Twilight rubbed at her forehead, mentally chastising herself for being so paranoid. Nopony would dare try reading the mind of an Equestrian princess, especially not one who was heralded as a master of magic with tremendous perception of magical energies. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was justifying those thoughts to herself.
Applejack deserves more respect than that, was the alicorn’s most prominent thought on the matter. The easy solution there, then, was to simply replace Applejack with somepony else. But how? And why? What good would that do? And wouldn’t that be completely against the point?
Feeling tired, but ever so restless, Twilight got up and began slowly pacing back and forth. A princess of Equestria on the day of a friend’s funeral, and here she was getting frustrated over a daydream. “I’m so pathetic,” she muttered to herself, glancing to her mirror and the sullen mare staring back at her. “And now I’m talking to myself. Just great .”
Taking a stop in front of her reflection, Twilight’s eyes were drawn to a particular photograph on her bedside cabinet. The one from the Gala. She picked it up. No emotions surfaced at first; the picture was the same as it had always been, just a group of friends smiling for the camera. It had only been a week since it was taken, but it felt like an age had passed. In a sense, that’s exactly what had happened. The night spent with Applejack, the revelation of Granny Smith’s death… It was like a new chapter had begun in her life, a change as jarring as the day she began her new life in Canterlot as a princess. But that change had been controlled. Celestia was there to make things as easy as possible, and her every worry had been catered to almost on a whim. There was an answer for everything, no matter how daunting things appeared. Thanks to Celestia…
Twilight’s train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. Startled, she put the photograph out of sight and checked her appearance in the mirror. “Who is it?”
“It’s me, Twilight,” answered Celestia from the other side. “May I come in?”
Twilight felt the prickling of hairs on the back of her neck. It was unusual for Celestia to pay her a visit in her own chambers, especially at this hour. Something was up. Twilight quickly levitated a book towards her, flicked to a random page and hopped into bed, trying to appear as relaxed as possible. “Of course,” she replied, doing her best to hide her anxiety.
Celestia entered the room with her usual effortless grace, with that same caring smile she wore every day. Her eyes narrowed as she peered through the dim light, quickly focusing on Twilight.
“Is everything okay?” Twilight asked concernedly, closing the book and putting it to one side.
Celestia broadened her smile and approached the foot of the bed. “There is nothing for you to worry about. Rather, I just wanted to check up on you.”
“Oh,” Twilight said blankly. “Well I’m fine. Just, erm, just reading a book like always.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow curiously. “Yes, I can see that. But given how you’ve shut yourself away in your room straight after we arrived, I have to at least check .”
Twilight averted her mentor’s gaze, her cheeks growing hot. “I just wanted some time to myself to… think about things. And it’s been a long, tiring day.”
“It has indeed, and you are more than entitled to a rest. I’m just a little concerned that you seem unwilling to talk about your feelings.” Celestia ventured closer, taking a seat at Twilight’s side. “Even on the way there you barely said a word.”
“Maybe I just don’t really feel like talking about it,” Twilight admitted, a persistent feeling of dread at the back of her mind. Where is she going with this? Please tell me she hasn’t figured it out. “This was Applejack’s loss, as well as her family’s. I’m sad, of course, but the most important thing for me now is to be there for her, and if I can make her feel better about this, even just a little, then I don’t really have much reason to be sad anymore.”
Celestia nodded. “And that is a truly wonderful thing you’re doing for your friend. I am sure she appreciates your support. Still, that doesn’t mean I can’t make sure that you are doing alright.”
“Like I said, I’m fine,” Twilight affirmed. “I wouldn’t say I’m feeling great , but that’s surely par for the course after going to a funeral.” She chuckled casually, hoping to end the conversation as soon as possible.
“So there’s nothing you want to talk about?”
It most definitely isn’t something I’d want to talk about, Princess. “No, nothing at all,” Twilight said calmly.
Princess Celestia paused for a moment before nodding contentedly. “Alright. But don’t forget that should you ever need to talk to somepony, any time, you can count on me to lend an ear, no matter the problem.”
Twilight breathed a mental sigh of relief. “I know, Princess. And I’m grateful for that.”
The two ponies enjoyed a brief embrace, after which they exchanged thanks and goodbyes, and Twilight was left alone and in silence once more.
Celestia gently closed Twilight’s door behind her and paced along the marble corridor, giving a respectful nod to a guard stationed nearby. She turned a corner and began trotting up an enormously tall flight of pristine, pearl-coloured stairs towards the upper floors of the palace. Spreading her wings or using a teleportation spell would certainly shorten the journey, but the princess was in no hurry. Not only that, but walking along at a relaxed pace gave her a chance to collect her thoughts.
After a few minutes of pleasant silence, Celestia finally reached her destination. Pushing down on the handle, she opened up the large stained-glass door in front of her and stepped out onto the balcony. What greeted her on the other side was a glorious vista of all of Canterlot, the distant magical orbs of yellow and blue from street lamps dotting the streets far below. Save for a few pegasus guards touring the city’s perimeter and some activity near the city’s most popular taverns, Canterlot was settling in to welcome the night.
“Hello, Tia,” Luna greeted.
“Good evening, Luna.”
It was customary for the two royal sisters to meet at the highest point of the palace during overlap of the day and night cycles, or if they simply wanted to enjoy each other’s company. It represented a brief respite from their roles as rulers of Equestria, and their subjects would seldom interrupt them out of respect. A constant magical barrier protected the tower, though the precise information was known only by a select few mages and guards. Suffice to say, a would-be assailant would have an easier time breaking into a bank vault than managing to assault them on the balcony.
Celestia stood next to her sister, taking note that it was almost time for the moon to pass over the mountain. She sighed. “I’ve just spoken with Twilight.”
“Oh?” Luna remarked. “How did that go?”
“Better than I expected, really.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “You sound almost… disappointed.”
“Well, no. I wouldn’t say that. I’m just surprised.” Celestia smiled sheepishly. “Though I guess I shouldn’t be. I sometimes forget how many years have passed since she ascended. Maybe she’s just growing quicker than I give her credit for.”
“So she’s alright, then?”
“From what I can tell, yes. She did seem a little anxious to talk to me about any of it, but from what I’ve seen of her during this last week and especially today, I feel like she truly understands her own potential to overcome problems without my aid.”
Luna placed a hoof on Celestia’s shoulder. “I know what you’re thinking, but that doesn’t mean she has no need for your guidance.”
“I know that,” Celestia replied. “And I’m ever so proud of her. She, well… She reminds me of myself in many ways. The way she talked about being there for Applejack, about it being her loss makes me believe that Twilight is more than ready for her future.”
Luna shot her sister a cheeky grin. “You still sound disappointed.”
“Alright, maybe just a little ,” Celestia admitted with a soft chuckle. “I can’t help it, I guess.” Her tone and demeanour quickly grew sombre. “It’s just my natural instinct to try and care for her, even if I’m not needed. I feel I should be there, always, in some way. After all, I… I love her as if she was my own daughter.”
Luna’s eyes widened in shock. The news itself wasn’t exactly a surprise, but to hear Celestia say such a thing, her words soaked in emotion, was different altogether. “Tia…” Luna gasped.
“And I don’t mean that lightly,” Celestia continued. “In all the thousands of years I’ve walked upon Equus, I’ve never met a pony who meant as much to me as she does. Sometimes I wish I could just express how I feel but it’s so difficult, especially now that she’s a princess.”
The two sisters stayed silent for a few moments, both staring out into the distance, before Luna spoke up. “Twilight thinks just as highly of you.”
Celestia sighed. “Perhaps.”
Luna looked at Celestia concernedly. “Tia, she does. She’s idolised you since the day you both met.”
“That’s what makes me worried,” Celestia replied solemnly. “She’s been distancing herself from me over the past few years. Subtly, but noticeably. We talk more than we used to simply because we reside in the same palace, but it’s more… Well, I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s different somehow. And I thought after going to a funeral and being reminded of all the inevitable funerals to come, she’d rely on me to help her through. I just worry that as time passes we’ll grow further apart.”
“Then you need to talk to her,” Luna said matter-of-factly.
“Maybe. In due time. I think she’s got enough on her plate right now.”
“How so?”
“She wants to spend more time with Applejack to help her over her grief. I’d feel like an intruder if I got in the way of that.” Celestia glanced to the skies. “Luna? It’s almost time.”
“I’ve got it under control, Tia,” Luna said as she readied the blanket of night to fall over Canterlot.
“Of course you do,” Celestia replied. “I’ll head back down and leave you to it.”
Celestia began making her way towards the door when Luna spoke up. “And Tia? You really should stop worrying. Twilight isn’t going anywhere, is she?”
Celestia smiled. “No. I guess not.”
Twilight tossed the book aside and flopped gracelessly onto her bed. She began relaying the previous conversation over and over again, questioning her responses and whether she’d accidentally said anything suspicious, anything that Celestia might have picked up on. After a few minutes of mulling things over, something occurred to her. A faint sense of guilt and uneasiness swept over her in a flash. Would it actually matter if Celestia knew the truth? If she knew about her feelings for Applejack and the dilemmas that faced her? The Princess of the Sun had known countless ponies of all races and creeds. She was also one of the kindest, most understanding ponies that Twilight knew. Celestia couldn’t possibly look down upon her just because of her sexual orientation.
I hate that term, Twilight thought, feeling all too embarrassed. It sounds like I’m categorically defined by my choice of other ponies’ private parts. And it’s not even about that!
As for her particular interest in Applejack, Celestia would surely see no problem with that either. It might create somewhat of an awkward scenario, but Celestia would only be supportive. Maybe she could even relate to the situation, of having feelings for someone who she shared a close friendship, or even just with somepony with whom she’d have difficulty expressing herself to. Since she was centuries old, (or perhaps even several millennia, Twilight didn’t know) there was a considerable chance.
The option was open to simply speak with Celestia and listen to what she had to say. It’d be difficult at first, but there was always the chance of receiving some sagely advice. What’s the worst that could happen? Twilight asked inwardly. But the more she thought about it, however, the more unappealing it became. It just didn’t feel right . Even Rainbow Dash, in some strange way, felt as if she’d make a better candidate, and she was about as brash and outspoken as a pony could get. On the surface, it made no sense, but Twilight’s gut feeling said otherwise.
A conversation she’d had with Spike just a few days previously sprung to mind. He’d pointed out that her lifespan predicament shared more in common with Celestia’s than it did his. But Twilight had spoken to him , as if there was no other alternative, and even when he brought this up she threw the notion aside because…
“Because I know what she’ll say.”
And that was it. Celestia always knew the most appropriate response, to say what needed to be said in that moment. A simple (blanket) statement that made sense and gave everything purpose. Which perhaps, Twilight concurred, wasn’t what she wanted, even if it just so happened to be right. What if she deliberately wanted to go against Celestia’s wishes? It would just place another expectation upon her. In conclusion, speaking to Celestia wasn’t so much of an option after all.
So for now, it was better to keep it a secret until she could work out her feelings and what she wanted to achieve. In that moment, it meant being the best friend to Applejack she could possibly be, regardless of anything else. That was paramount.
Putting out the bedside lamp with a magically generated breeze, Twilight curled up into the bedcovers and tried getting some sleep. The build-up of overthinking and emotion had given rise to a troublesome headache, so some rest was in order. There was plenty to look forward to. Twilight conjured up the most relaxing scene she could muster, and quickly fell asleep with Applejack’s imaginary hoof tucked under her left wing.
Six days later
There was a knock at the door. “AJ? Can Ah come in?”
“Sure thing,” Applejack replied, casually sifting through her wardrobe.
Big Mac gently opened up the door and stepped into Applejack’s bedroom. “You, uh… need any help?”
“Mac, since when did Ah last need help packin’ a darn suitcase?” Applejack remarked with a roll of her eyes. She carefully pulled out her Gala dress and began folding it on her bed, an open suitcase and a small beige saddlebag at the ready. As her brother’s silence dragged on, she shot him an irritated look — his eyes half-lidded and anxious — and brought her hooves back to the floor. “C’mon, out with it. You’re givin’ me the darn creeps.”
Mac cleared his throat. “Ah just wanted to check up on ya, since you’ll be goin’ soon.”
“Ah’ll be back in two days ya colossal worrywart!” Applejack chided, stuffing the dress into her case with more ferocity than she’d intended. “Celestia knows Ah’ve been gone longer ‘n that before. What d’you wanna do next, check mah mane for nits? Make sure Ah’ve done mah homework!?”
“Uh…” Mac pawed awkwardly at the floorboards, his gaze shifting between the walls. Despite Applejack’s efforts to ignore him and simply carry on with the task at hoof, she quickly conceded and let out an exasperated sigh.
“Alright, Ah’m sorry, Mac. Ah shouldn’t ‘ve yelled at ya. But land sakes, ever since Ah told you about this trip you’ve treated me like Ah need supervision.”
Mac finally looked up. “Well Ah did mention needin’ to take care o’ the farm work, which—”
“For a start,” Applejack interrupted, pointing a hoof towards him, “There’s always work needin’ to be done on the farm, an’ Ah ain’t even goin’ for that long. We’ll catch up, we always do. Ah just so happen to want a little break from all that, an’ not like you’ve had your share o’ that in the past to spend time with Fluttershy. An’ anyway, it’s quite obvious it ain’t even about that, is it?”
Big Mac shuffled on his hooves, but didn’t answer.
Applejack leaned down onto the bed and buried her head in her hooves. “Ah’m not abandonin’ you all, alright?” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “Look, Ah’m hurtin’ too, okay? It ain’t never gonna be the same without Granny. An’ Ah know you just want us all… us both … to be where ya can see us. But Ah just so happen to think that maybe a bit of time away from the farm, to relax with a good friend o’ mine, is just what Ah need.”
“Ah didn’t come in here to change your mind,” Mac said, leaning on the opposite side of the bed. “Hay, Ah couldn’t stop ya from goin’ even if Ah tried.”
“Oh. Okay.” Applejack briefly scratched the back of her neck. “So what did ya want?”
The corners of Mac’s mouth perked up. “Ah just wanted to say, make sure ya have a good time. Ya deserve it an’ all.”
Applejack smiled back. “Well thank you kindly.”
“But just… be careful out there.”
“An’ there it is,” Applejack replied, tutting.
“Ah’m serious.”
“Ah know ya are. It’s what makes you such a darn softy. But Ah’m pretty sure if we do run into trouble…” Applejack tapped her chin thoughtfully. “What with it bein’ the rape capital of Equestria, y’know.”
“What!?” Mac bellowed, his jaw nearly hitting the floor.
“It was just a joke,” Applejack said with a snicker.
Mac quickly regained composure, his cheeks glowing red. “Ah knew that.”
“But it’s mah way of sayin’ not to worry. Let’s not forget Twilight is practically a powerhouse at this point. There’s few ponies more capable of lookin’ after me than she is, right?”
“Uh… sure,” Mac said, averting her gaze.
You’ve really got it in for her, ain’t ya? Applejack thought to herself as she tucked a black Ponyroid camera into her saddlebag. It could just be the fact she kept me behind after the Gala. He was more tore up than Ah was about not seein’ Granny off.
“Ah’ll leave ya to it then,” Mac said, taking his leave.
“Yup. Ah’ll be down soon.”
Mac closed the door behind him.
But maybe that’s not all it is, Applejack considered. What if Ah’m missin’ somethin’? What if she said somethin’ to offend him? Celestia knows how touchy he’s been since Granny — rest her soul — passed away. He might’ve taken somethin’ the wrong way. But what if he was ticked off with her before all this? Fluttershy might’ve told him somethin’ about her which got him riled up. But she’s the last pony who’d go all tattle-tale on one of her friends! An’ surely Ah’d know about such a thing! Applejack took a deep breath. Whatever it is, Ah know Twilight don’t deserve that sorta treatment. Whatever he thinks o’ her, it’s all in his head. Here’s hopin’ it don’t last long.
After a few more minutes of deliberating on which belongings to take, Applejack finished packing and plodded downstairs for a bite to eat. It was coming up to nine o’ clock, and despite already having had breakfast at half past six, she needed a little something extra to tide her over for the four hour train journey to East Flankshire. Not to mention, she was giddy with excitement, and that was enough to start her belly rumbling.
Applebloom was sat at the kitchen table, mulling over an absurdly large textbook with an intense expression on her face. It wasn’t an especially uncommon sight; Applebloom would soar through the practical projects of her college course, but struggled academically. Not that she was in danger of failing or getting bad grades, but it took a lot more effort to break out the other side successfully.
“Mornin’, sis,” Applebloom said with a brief smile, before burying her nose back in her book.
“Mornin’,” Applejack replied, reaching for an apple from the fruit bowl. “Gettin’ on alright?”
“Well Ah’m studyin’ down here for a change ‘cause it’s all too temptin’ in mah room to just slack off. At least here Ah can’t escape from it. It’s a little borin’, but yeah, it’s not goin’ too bad.”
Applejack nodded and left her sister in peace. Another apple and a daffodil sandwich later, and her hunger had subsided. With around half an hour to spare before Twilight’s arrival, she took to a seat beside the living room fireplace. She had one last look through her luggage, checking this time that she had enough bits. Twilight had already told her not to worry about it, that it was ‘her treat’, but it never hurt to be prepared. Satisfied, she tipped back her head and tried to relax, waiting for the inevitable knock at the door with the mantelpiece clock in the corner of her eye.
Big Mac didn’t say anything as her heard Applejack trot towards the door and exchange excited greetings with Twilight. He didn’t say anything as he hugged his sister goodbye, noticing the golden, almost gleaming two-horse carriage being pulled by two burly pegasus stallions just outside. He managed a meagre “Eeyup!” as Applebloom wished the two mares a safe journey and an amazing trip. When the door finally closed, he watched from the living room window as Twilight and Applejack were whisked into the sky. And then silence.
Applejack knew — he could tell — about his mixed feelings concerning Twilight. That was fine. Twilight wasn’t a part of his life, and didn’t need to be. She wasn’t a bad pony; he knew that perfectly well. She wouldn’t have become a princess in the first place if she was. But that didn’t make her infallible. To Mac, she represented a fulfilled wish that Applejack never got, but inarguably deserved. And if that was it, well, there’d be little to fault. But Mac’s gut feeling told him that there was something worth worrying about, even if he couldn’t quite pinpoint it. And every time he saw Twilight that feeling resurfaced, strong as ever.
Sighing, Big Mac concentrated on the tasks left to take care of on the farm, the promise of spending some much needed time with Fluttershy that weekend spurring him on. Worrying about Applejack wasn’t going to get him anywhere, after all. All he hoped for was that he was wrong.
