-Encore
Vinyl
I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop feeling the pain. I just didn't know what was happening. Why did Lyra do that? What was she thinking? Where is Octavia?
That's all I could think about as I lay there on the ground next to the overturned table in Sugar Cube Corner. I could hear Colgate talking to the Cake's, apologizing for this. I could hear them responding with an "It's okay."
But I wasn't really paying much attention to that. In fact I didn't really care if they were even talking about me, I just wanted to find Lyra, and give her a piece of my mind!
Why did I have sex with her? Why?!
I couldn't even believe myself. How did that even happen? Why did I let her? Why did I enjoy it? Why? Why? Why?
My blue mane slightly moved over my burning wet cheeks. Cold chills were sent down my body for a sudden moment. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything right now. All I wanted was to find Octavia. I wanted to find Lyra. I wanted everything to go back to normal.
I had always felt bad for Lyra of course. She was my best friend, and I knew she had it hard, but did she really have to bring me into the midst of it? Did she really have to put me in this position? It was as if she wanted to make my life as miserable as hers. It was as if she wanted me to feel her pain....
She did want me to feel her pain. That's the problem. She wanted somepony to feel what she was feeling, and it had to be me. It had to ruin me, and Octavia's relationship. It had to break our hearts, and tear away our bond...
Oh, Lyra....why?
This isn't how it is supposed to be. This isn't how I wanted it to be. It was supposed to be a fun day. It was supposed to be Lyra's birthday. We were going to have so much fun with the others, but I just had to ruin it....I just had to have sex with her....
Happy Birthday, Lyra...
One Week Later...
"Lyra was a mare that everypony knew as a great, and caring friend. She was the pony that everypony knew for her high spirits, and her carefree attitude. Everypony knew that Lyra was a great companion, and she was a pony that anypony could trust with anything. Lyra was truly a great mare, and she will be dearly missed."
I could barely concentrate to what the Pastor was saying. Everything he was saying was a lie. Lyra wasn't caring. Lyra didn't have high spirits. She didn't have a carefree attitude. She wasn't a great companion. Nopony could trust her with anything. And....she won't be missed.....
I began to shrivel up in tears at the very thoughts of my words. How could I think such things?
My white body trembled in my seat, and I could feel Colgate put a caring hoof on my shoulder. I just couldn't bare this. This sermon was going on for too long, and there was no way I could last another second sitting here; listening to these lies. I shuffled under my hind legs, and wiped my red eyes. Tears stained my fur coat, and I could hear other sniffles, and sobs coming from ponies behind me. I knew it was probably Daisy, Lily, and Rose.
All the other ponies seemed so calm and collected. These ponies didn't know Lyra like I did. They weren't her best friend. They didn't know what she went through. And they surely didn't know that she killed herself.
Everypony here believed she simply slipped into that lake, and drowned. But I know better. Lyra could swim. And it was all too much of a coincidence.
The sad thing was, Colgate found her body. Two days after Lyra's birthday, and after the whole ordeal with me and Octavia, nopony had seen Lyra. I was too upset myself, but Colgate went by her house many times. When she finally gave up knocking, she tried to enter on her own. The door was left unlock, and as she searched, there was no sight of Lyra anywhere.
It just so happen that Colgate thought to visit that lake. It was just fate that brought her there. But how...how does Colgate stay so calm? Lyra was her oldest friend, and finding her like that must have been horrible...
The service was finally over, and most ponies were up talking in soft voices. Mourners mourned in the corner, and a small line was lined to see Lyra's casket.
I finally got my turn, and looked down upon the brown box that held my dearest friend.
It was closed of course, and I was partly glad, but part of me wanted to open it up. I wanted to see my friend again. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to hear her laugh. I wanted to hold her again. I wanted....her back....
I began to break down. Tears fell from my face onto the wooden casket. I placed my hooves down upon the box, and laid my head upon it, and wept. I had never cried so much in my life. I had never felt so much pain in my life. It was almost unbearable. I could hardly breath, and I just didn't want to believe that this was reality. I just wanted to rewind life. I wanted to go back as far as possible, so I could spend more time with her. So we could play together, and eat together. Sleep together, and laugh together. I wanted to be with her again. I wanted her to come back!
Why did you leave me, Lyra?! Why!?!
I continued to cry out all of my tears, my head still laying upon the casket. I could hear hoofsteps approaching me from behind, and I felt several hooves placed upon my back. Ponies that I didn't even know were now comforting me in my time of need, and I couldn't stop crying. No matter how much I wanted to stop, I just couldn't. I was weak. I was selfish. I was responsible.
One Month Later
I covered my face from the sunlight as my sleep began to wear off. Tossing and turning wasn't doing me any good, yet I couldn't find myself to stop. I grumbled softly and lifted a hoof to my sticky face. As I looked in front of me and saw a strange mare sleeping in front of me I almost jumped out from the bed I was sleeping in.
Eventually I began to remember the night before. I looked at the nameless mare that I had sex with last night. She was kind of pretty in a way, but I didn't love her. I didn't even like her. I don't even really remember how I ended up going to her place. But here I am in this strangers bed. I could still smell her odd scent all of me, and I couldn't find myself to be attracted to it. It just wasn't the same.
It had been a while since I had went back to work, but last night was the first time in over a month. I guess I just got carried away with the cider, or maybe I came here on my own free will. But nonetheless, I don't remember really.
Was it even good sex? Did I make her feel good? Did she make me feel good? Were we happy?
I couldn't answer any of those questions. All I could feel right now was shame. How could I had let myself sink to this? I didn't use to have sex with every mare I laid eyes on. I wouldn't even look twice at somepony else other than Octavia...
But that was the problem. I hadn't seen Octavia ever since Lyra's death. I didn't even see her at the funeral. Was she there? Probably, but I was too busy wiping my face to notice her. Why didn't she talk to me? That was easy...because she hated me...
I have no idea where Octavia is now, and deep down I know that I worry every waking second about her. I can't help but want to cry every time I think about her. Every time I think about Lyra.... Everything is my fault...
"Vinyl..."
I heard a rustle under the sheets, and my bright red eyes turned to the unknown brown mare. She was still asleep, yet for some reason she managed to call out my name. What did that mean? Why would she do that? The only pony I ever heard calling out my name in their sleep was Octavia....
That was when she loved me... Did this mare love me too?
I softly and quietly pulled myself out of the bed. I turned to make sure the mare was still asleep, and when I could confirm that she was I was out of that strange house as quickly as possible.
I shut the door lightly behind me, and ran for it. I ran like I would never see the light of day again. I ran for my home. I ran away from the love of another pony. I ran away from her. Because...I didn't love her back.
The music pumped loudly through my ears, but I couldn't find myself enjoying it as I used to. I couldn't bop my head up and down. I couldn't tap my hooves. I couldn't sway from side to side. I couldn't do anything but have a fake smile upon my muzzle, and pretend that I was having a good time mixing for the ponies on the dance floor.
I could agree that the music was awesome as usual, but I couldn't appeal to it at the moment. I couldn't appeal to anything anymore.
My eyes grew weary as I tried to keep myself from falling asleep. It was almost impossible to drift away into a slumber in this loud club, but I was so tired that I could probably accomplish that.
I remember me and Octavia's first dance together. It was right here in this very club. I can remember our first kiss. We were little fillies, and I kissed her. Running away soon after, we never met again until we were older. But even so, we were still able to remember that first kiss we shared. We were still able to remember each other...Why did I let you go Tavvy?
I leaned my head down slightly as I closed my eyes. Hidden behind my shades, I doubt anypony would notice if I were to fall asleep. But I knew that soon the music would stop playing if I stopped DJ-ing, and I didn't want to disappoint the clubbers. They seemed as if they were having such a good time. They seemed happy...
I opened my eyes once again, and kept them open. I wasn't going to let myself fall asleep and ruin their fun. I wasn't going to allow myself to ruin somepony else's happiness. I wasn't going to do it!
I kicked up the music a notch, and blasted the bass louder than ever. I could see the ponies react in a joyful way. They began to dance more upbeat now, and they managed to bang their heads up and down as well. I watched as a real, small smile placed itself upon my face. That was the first true grin I had in a month.
I could feel my heart flutter to the sound of my music, and I began to join in, and nodded my head wildly up and down.
I'm not sure what it was, but something caused me to open my eyes at the exact moment. Right in time to see two mysterious stallions behind the dancers, suspiciously looking around. I lifted my tinted shades a little just enough to see them more clearly. I could see that they weren't talking to one another, but one lifted his hoof up, and hoofed over some bits to the other. Immediately afterwards the other stallion hoofed him a bag. What was in it? I couldn't tell, but whatever it was I was not going to have it in my club!
I quickly jabbed the auto-mix button on my wub board, and jolted from my stand. I swiftly made my way to the two ponies in the back, and I could see that they were beginning to notice me approaching them.
Their eyes lit up, and I could see that the one with the bag was starting to make a run for it. I wasn't going to let him get away! I wasn't going to let them do this in my club, and get away with it!
My heart was pumping quickly as I suddenly took a leap in the air, and landed upon the large black stallion. His hoof released the bag on contact, and I swiftly grabbed it from the ground before any of the other ponies could see what it was. The dancers were all stopped, and circled around the two of us. I didn't really want them to get involved, but there wasn't much I could do now.
"What the hell is this?" I lifted the bag of powder to the black stallions face. He looked almost terrified, but I could tell he was trying to hide it.
"It's....It's...."
He couldn't even say anything. He couldn't admit to his wrongdoings. I lifted my head to see if the other stallion was still here, but he was no where in sight. He must have gotten away. Damn it!
I slowly got off of the stallion, but I kept my glare upon him.
"If I ever catch you buying, or selling this shit in my club again, I'm going to kick your ass, and throw you in jail! You got that?!" I kicked at his side before he could respond.
All he could do was nod his head rapidly at me. Sweat was running down his forehead.
"Now quit embarrassing yourself, and get the fuck outta' here!" I kicked him once more, and this time he jolted up from the ground, and galloped like lightening out of the double doors.
I could hear commotion coming from the club ponies, but I turned to them with a smile of reassurance.
"Everything's alright! Let's not waste anymore of this beautiful night!" And with that they began to talk with laughter again, and dance to the beat of the music that was continuously playing.
I looked down to the contents in my hoofs. What was this exactly? I had never seen anything like it before. I knew it was drugs, but what kind? What did it do? Why would it drive a pony to paying so much for it? Was it really that good?
I looked around slowly, and as I saw nopony was looking I slyly hid the bag of white powder next to me as I walked back to my DJ board. I leaned down behind the table, and reached for my black purse. I stuffed the powdery drug inside one of the compartments, and zipped it closed.
I sat back up straight, and made sure nopony had seen me. They all seemed as if they weren't paying me any attention, and so I began to continue mixing my songs, but I couldn't get the illegal substance hidden inside my bag off of my mind...
Colgate
I swirled my hoof in the cold water of the large lake that I once played in. I could see my rippled reflection mutating my face on the waters surface, and I couldn't help but think that I really looked that way. I knew that physically nothing was wrong with me, but deep down, mentally I was messed up.
It felt as if it were altering my appearance. It felt as if I no longer looked the same on the outside. I felt like a completely different pony. Why?
Why couldn't I cry for my friend? Why couldn't I let a single tear drip from my eyes? Why couldn't I feel the pain? What was wrong with me?
The wind softly picked up, and my dark blue mane flowed in the cool breeze. It automatically sent static-like chills throughout my entire body. I lifted my eyes from my reflection in the pool, and I turned them towards the clouds that were covering the sun in the sky. They were a dark gray, and they hung unusually low today.
I didn't know that the pegasi had scheduled for a storm today, and I honestly wasn't sure if I even cared. I could feel small droplets of water hitting my back and shoulders, but I didn't budge. I wasn't going to leave this lake for anything.
Memories of that day flashed before me, and I couldn't help but let them flow. I couldn't make them leave. I knew they would never leave...
Vinyl's screams from Lyra's birthday were still echoing throughout my ears. I was overwhelmed by all the stress that day had caused me. I thought that it was going to be a good day. I thought maybe Lyra would even let go of the past year, but she had to announce the most unheard of thing ever.
I haven't seen Octavia in two days, and Daisy told me that they couldn't catch her when she ran out. So where on earth is she? Perhaps she ran away with Lyra. Where did she go?
I walked away from Lyra's empty home. After two days of knocking on the door I decided to just try to enter on my own. Seeing that the door was already unlocked I let myself in only to find no sign of Lyra anywhere.
It was almost heartbreaking that two of my friends were missing, but I wasn't going to let myself feel down about it now. I wasn't going to give up on them two. I was determined to find them. I just knew I would.
Hoofstep after hoofstep I walked my way down to the edge of Ponyville. I wasn't sure exactly where I was going, or what I was going to find, but I kept on walking anyways.
I could feel a nostalgic chill throughout my body as I laid my eyes upon the lake. That was the lake that Lyra and I learned how to swim in. I remember we almost drowned in there once. We were so young, but somepony heard us crying out, and we were saved. I remember that so clearly. I was almost too afraid to go near the water ever since then, but Lyra loved the lake even more.
I guess it was an adrenaline rush for her, but whatever it was I thought she was crazy for it. But that was Lyra for you. She was always a strong mare. Even though lately she has been going through a tough time, she is still strong to me.
My hooves grew closer to the water, and my eyes were able to see more of it.
A strong sweet smell filled my nostrils as I approached the gleaming lake. Wind was causing slight ripples in the pool of water, and it looked so peaceful. I had never seen the lake from this point of view before. I was trying to see it through Lyra's eyes. What had she seen that was so amazing about this place that she couldn't resist to come here? What was it about the water that drew her in so much? What was it that she could see that I couldn't?
I let my hooves sink deep into the soft dirt surrounding the area. It felt soothing against my blue fur, and I could almost fall asleep from where I was standing. I felt so calm.
I opened my large dark blue eyes, and took a deep, long look at the water below me. I couldn't move. I couldn't shout. I couldn't think. I couldn't breath. I couldn't feel.
What was this? Under the water a bright color shined. Was it merely a reflection? No. It was something underneath the surface. Something resting at the bottom. Something large. Something like...a pony?!
I wasn't sure of what to do. Should I jump in a rescue the drowning mare? Should I run and call for help? Should I walk away as if nothing happened? What was I suppose to do at a time like this? How was I suppose to react to this? I wouldn't know for I had never experienced such intensity and fear in all my life. But I had experienced nearly drowning before, and somepony was there to help me. To help us. Am I that somepony now?
There was no more time for me to ponder. I ran for the edge, and jumped straight into the water that I had feared for such a long time. The one thought on my mind was Lyra's bravery. If Lyra was able to love the water with no fear, than neither should I. I need Lyra's bravery!
I sunk deep into the cold liquid and tried opening my eyes. The saltiness of the water was burning them, but I needed to see where I was going. I forced to keep them open long enough for me to grab the drowning pony, and pull her to safety.
I approached the brightly colored coat, and lunged forward as quickly as possible. I could now feel my hooves around the mare, and I struggled to pick her up. She was not a little filly at all. She was probably my age, or even older. I could feel this by her weight, but I wasn't going to give up on her. That pony never gave up on us back then. Lyra wouldn't give up. So I will not give up.
I put all my strength into it, and finally I was able to grip onto the mare, and throw her over my shoulder. I kicked off from the ground, lunging me upwards towards the surface. With the heavy mare in my arms, I drug myself and her out of the freezing cold lake.
I toppled over onto the dirt surface, causing me to nearly drop the mare.
Water dripped from me, and I gasped rapidly trying to catch my breath. When I could now breath normally again, I turned my head to the mare next to me. Did she pass out?
I hadn't notice it until now that she was a turquoise blue. Her mane had two different colors as well. Some white streaks filled on top of the turquoise pieces.
My eyes widened as I finally realized this. My heart was racing immensely as I slowly forced my eyes to look down to the ponies cutie mark. Deep down I knew what was coming. Deep down I already knew the truth. But I didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't want to look. I didn't want to prove myself right. I couldn't!
My eyes grew beady at the sight of the mares flank. Surely it was a golden lyre that was marked there. Surely this was the pony that I feared it was. Surely I was right...
I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't feel anything. My whole body, including my inner feelings were numb. I couldn't do anything, but glare down at Lyra's lifeless body. I couldn't think about anything. I couldn't hear anything around me. All I could do was look at her. Look for a sign that she was alive. Not finding any sign of life. Not able to help. Nothing. I couldn't do anything. Anything to save her. Anything at all...
The rain poured heavily against my body. Each single drop pierced through my skin, and ripped me on the inside. Each cold drop dripped down my spine, and ran through my mane until it was soaked. Each drop fell down my face until I was unrecognizable.
I couldn't move from this spot, for this was me and Lyra's place. This is where we would be forever together. Me and my dearest friend.
At least now I looked as if I were crying.
Rose
"Daisy would you hurry up with that order?" I stabbed the floor underneath me with my hooves. Pounding the ground rhythmically, intentionally trying to show Daisy that I was rushing her.
Lately we had all been out of line, but that didn't give Daisy, or anypony for that matter, an excuse to drag behind. I wasn't going to stand for any lagging, not in my flower shop!
"Daisy!" The sound of my screaming voice almost made myself cringe. However, I stood tall and waited for her usual reply.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!"
I slightly rolled my eyes to the side. That's not the first time I heard that one...
Although it was usually a lie, this time I could see Daisy running around the corner of the flower assorting room with a bouquet in hoof.
I tried to cover my surprise, and continued to glare at her with my stern eyes that I had lately been keen to using.
"See?" Daisy shoved the flowers in my face to indeed make sure I could see them; in which I most definitely could.
"Yeah, yeah. Now actually give it to the customer this time. And make sure they pay correctly! Forty-six bits for those!" I made sure my voice was audible as Daisy disappeared out the door to tend to the buyer.
I turned my head slightly to the side, and then walked towards the stairs. I turned around once more to make sure Daisy was taking care of business outside. Seeing that she was I turned to the staircase, and began to walk upwards.
As I reached the second floor of our home, I looked around at the several doors that were in the hallway. Most of them were shut. The bathroom door was open, and the light was also on. What have I told Daisy about leaving unused lights on... With my small rage, I approached the doorway of the upstairs bathroom.
I reached the edge of the door, and turned my head inside. There wasn't anypony there.
I lifted my hoof inside just enough to flick the light switch off, and then I slowly shut the door making sure I could hear the slight sound that meant that it was completely closed.
I didn't use to be so picky about how everything was left around the house, but it's kind of a reliever to me to make sure everything looks perfect. I feel like a huge stressing pressure has been lifted away from my back when I see that everything is neat and in shipshape.
My ears slightly twitched to the sound of Daisy entering the front door, and exiting again. Probably forgot something....again.
I pulled one creamy hoof to my forehead and slowly massaged my temple. My red mane fell in place over my green eyes, and I slowly turned my head up to the pink door in front of me.
I light yellow sign hung on the door. The name Lily was painted upon it in a pastel pink paint. Small stickers of lilies were circling around the name and made it stand out much more.
I hadn't tried going in there today. It's too hard for me to. Every time I go in there, my heart shatters. I know I should go, but I'm afraid to. I'm afraid to feel hurt. But...she's hurting worse than I...
I slowly considered either knocking on the door, or just walking away back downstairs as if I never came up here. Which was the best choice? Which was the right choice?
Lily hadn't left her room ever since the funeral. It had been so hard on her, but it had been hard on all of us. I wasn't exactly sure why she wasn't at least trying to move on. I wasn't exactly sure why she acted the most hurt. All of us were feeling pain from Lyra's passing, but she seemed to be the one who was affected the most.
It pained me to see her in that state. I wanted nothing more but to curl up next to her, and let her snuggle into my arms. Comforting her was what I dreamed of doing, but I wasn't sure how to. I didn't know how to comfort a pony who felt so much pain and had so much sorrow within her. How was I suppose to comfort the pony that loved me?
Months ago, after finding out about Lily's secret crush on me, I couldn't help but wonder each day if I felt the same way back. I wasn't exactly sure how it made me feel. I wasn't afraid, nor was I disgusted. I didn't really feel anything back then, but ever since she had been acting this way I had wanted nothing more but to place a loving kiss upon her sweet pink lips. I had wanted nothing more but to wrap her in my arms and whisper to her that everything was going to be fine. I had wanted nothing more but for her to say she loved me. I had wanted nothing more but her.
So why was I standing here in front of her door, hesitating whether I should go in or not? Why was I standing here, knowing that she was hurting, and doing nothing about it?
I couldn't ignore the fact that she was dying inside. I couldn't let that pass me by, and now wasn't the time to back away like I have done so many times before. Now was the time for action!
I built up every inch of courage inside my little petite body, and I moved my creamy tan hooves in the direction of Lily's room.
My heart was pounding inside my chest, and I could feel the pulse in my throat as I grew closer and closer to the pink door.
I reached out for the door with my right hoof, and made my way to the door nob in all intention of opening it.
All my trains of thought were suddenly shattered by a very annoyed, very high pitched voice from down stairs.
"Rose! Come help me!!" Daisy's loud demand beat anything I could ever manage out of my mouth. As I slammed my outreached hoof onto the ground I rolled my eyes ever so slightly.
I guess I could always try again later...
With another glance at the colored door, I turned my hind quarters towards the staircase, and loudly trotted downstairs. Inside I hoped that Daisy could hear the utter annoyance she had caused me, and I hoped that she could see that I never wanted her to scream at me, or demand me to do something for her ever again. But for now it was an exception for it was for my business in the long run. So I sucked in my anger, and followed up on what Daisy needed me to help with. At least I could get my mind off of Lily for the time being. Maybe she would come out of her room soon anyways...
Daisy
My mind drifted into another direction tonight as I lay in my bed. I could see the light in the hallway seeping through my slightly cracked bedroom door, and I could hear somepony in the bathroom across from my room. The water drained down and splashed against the sink, and in my ears I could hear a long sorrowful sigh.
It could be no other pony but Rose.
I had been so caught up in my mind lately that I could hardly think too well anymore. My mind was either thinking about Lily or Lyra all the time. I never had the chances to think about Rose except for the times when she would yell at me for slacking during work.
I could tell with utter sincerity that Rose was very stressed out ever since Lyra's death and Octavia's disappearance. I could tell by the way she looked off in to the distance with that dreamy, yet sad look upon her face as if she were going to burst out into tears at any given moment. I could always tell when she was upset. I had known her for too long to not notice when she was down.
I knew that she would always try to push herself and others when she was depressed. I knew that was her way of trying to forget. That was her way of trying to let go of the past.
She hadn't always been so angry, or mean to me. So this is also a reason why I could tell how she was feeling. She tried not to show her emotions, but it's too obvious to me. I will always be able to tell.
The only thing is, I'm not sure how to talk to her about it. I'm not even sure she would want to talk about it. She would probably deny all feeling of sadness, and just shake it off with some excuse that I would know good and well was a lie. That's just how Rose is.
I wasn't sure what I was going to do about her. I know it was hard for her, but deep down it was also hard for me. I could feel sadness every now and then. I had even quietly cried myself to sleep some nights when Lyra's death was more recent. I wonder if Rose cries herself to sleep at night...
I wonder if Rose is crying....
"Daisy?"
I quickly jumped at the sudden voice at my doorway. My body trembled for a moment until I could regain my cool. I hated when ponies would sneak up on me when I was in deep thought, but I knew that whomever was at my door had no intention of frightening me.
I pushed my covers off of my head, and turned up to the door.
Large black pupils was all I could see.
I lifted one of my soft pink hooves to the lamp next to my bed, and switched it on to reveal the mare in my doorway that called out to me.
As the light turned on and the room was lit up, I looked back up to my lime green door.
My heart froze instantly at the sight before me. Nothing.
Nothing was there. Nopony was in sight. Nopony was there. But who then did I just see? Was it all in my head? Was there really somepony there? Was I just hearing things? Seeing things?
I could feel my body trembling once more and I turned my head to the other side of my room. Searching swiftly from each corner making sure that there was surely nothing there. I could see that nopony was in my room. Fear began to retreat from my body, and left me more confused than anything.
I turned my legs to the side of my bed, and lifted myself out onto the floor. I slowly arched my neck forwards, trying to see out my door. I could barely make out anything. The hallway light was no longer on, and nopony was in the bathroom anymore. Maybe it was Rose that came by my door. Maybe she saw that I was asleep, and walked away? Maybe. Hopefully...
I reached my head forward in the hallway, making one last check to confirm that there was truly nopony there. It was dark, and I could see no sign of light anywhere from the several doors lined against the walls.
Curious enough, I walked outwards, and turned to the door that was roomed next to mine.
It was shaded pink, and the sign hanging on the door stated that it belonged to Lily.
I truly had missed seeing Lily's happy face. I felt badly for her. I knew that she was taking everything so hard, but why did she have to lock herself away from me and Rose? She even has a crush on Rose, but she still won't confide in her. She won't confide in me. She just stays away from us as if it were our faults.
I knew good and well that she didn't think that, but I couldn't help but let it cross my mind that she was blaming us for something.
The pony didn't even hardly eat at all. I wasn't even quite sure what she did in there all day.
Rose would occasionally talk out to her in a subtle voice. She would even slide food under the door when we would eat. Celestia knows if she actually eats it or not.
In my heart I was really concerned for her, but I wasn't the kind of pony to comfort anypony else. I could barely comfort myself when the time was needed for me to.
I took one last glance at Lily's door, and then turned my sights onto another door. This one was a creamy white. Yet another sign hung on the wooden gate. This was Rose's room. This was her domain in which I had never entered before.
I had been living with Lily and Rose for fifteen years, and I had not once ever stepped hoof in Rose's quarters. She was a very private pony, and her door was always shut no matter what. I wasn't even exactly sure what it looked like in there. Maybe it looked like my room. Maybe it was a secret dungeon, or a evil lair that she is hiding in there. Maybe Rose is a criminal mastermind that keeps ponies locked away under her floorboards. Or maybe she's a huge thief, and has bits and gems stashed in her dressers and under her bed.
I let my mind wonder into these ridiculous scenarios for a while. Trying to let my thoughts drift into a more comedic direction, trying to assuage the tension building up in my chest.
These thoughts didn't last very long though as I turned my hooves in the doors direction. I neared the door and on contact pressed one ear against the barrier that separated me from Rose's secrets.
My other ear slightly twitched as I tried to strain my hearing. I couldn't hear anything on the other end. Did Rose install sound proof walls so I wouldn't be able to hear her victims screaming out for help as she forced them to do extra hard sexual flowering labor?!
I quickly shook my mind of that one. It was the most absurd thing I had ever thought of, and quite frankly I was proud of it.
With a small grin of my strange pride, I pressed harder against the door. This time I was able to pick up something. A small squeak-like sound.
Was that Rose?
I wasn't quite sure, and I couldn't tell really what it was. Maybe it was just the house settling. It was a pretty up in age home, and sometimes the floors and walls would creak loudly in the night, but this sounded just a little bit different. It sounded more like a sniffle, and a weak, silent cry.
I was pretty sure that was exactly what it was, and now I knew the answer to my question I had mentally asked myself earlier.
Oh Rose....I wish I could help you....
The next morning, I got myself up earlier than I usually would. Sometimes I would lay in bed until lunch time, unless Rose would come and push me out of bed manually, which was usually the case. But this time, I got up on my own.
I quietly opened my bedroom door. As I peaked out, I saw that all the other doors were still shut, and I heard no sign of anypony downstairs.
I thought that would be the case, considering I got up extra early today.
Last night, after hearing the utter cries from Rose, I went back into my room and stared at the ceiling for the longest time. I'm not even exactly sure how much sleep I actually got, but whatever amount it was, it wasn't enough. But fairly enough, I had told myself that I would do this for Rose, and I would be doing this for Lily as well.
I tip-hoofed down the stairs, making sure I wasn't making any noise at all. When I was able to see the window from down the stairs, I could see that it was so early, that Celestia hadn't even raised the sun yet.
I took a long, silent yawn, and then I proceeded into the kitchen.
Being upon arrival, I could see that a mess was left in the kitchen as usual. Rose never really cooked, yet she always managed to make a mess in here.
I shook my head slowly as I took a long look at what use to be my favorite room. Back when all of our friendships were lively, I use to cook every moment I could for them.
I wouldn't say that I was the best cook in all of Equestria, but I enjoyed to cook for ponies. It was just something that I learned to love over the years, and I liked to see other ponies enjoy something I created for them.
I missed those days. It was something I wished could be mine again. The life that we use to all share, is now nothing more than a dreaded memory of loss and pain. There's nothing I, or anypony, can do about it unfortunately. I can't bring back what's been taken away, but I can do something. I can try to repair the damage to this family; to this friendship. I can try to make things right again. I can try to build up what once was...
That's all I can do...I can try...
The kitchen was now spotless. The smell of my old cooking was filling the room, and I stared over the product of my early morning labor.
It brought back so many memories as I taste-tested the omelets that I use to make. As I thought, they were delicious. The taste was so nostalgic that it almost brought tears to my eyes, but I had shed too many tears. I wasn't going to let myself cry anymore.
I turned my head to the stairs. Nopony had disturbed me since I woke up this morning, and that was just perfectly fine. I didn't want Rose to come down stairs, not yet anyways. I didn't have to worry about Lily coming down though.
I turned back to the food, and I filled all three plates with the delicious breakfast that I had prepared. I couldn't wait to see Rose's expression, and Lily too. I was going to get them to eat it, and they would see that there is no use in sulking around for the rest of their lives. They need to open their eyes to the future, and dwelling in their past isn't helping them what so ever.
I set the table, and made sure everything was perfect. It needed to be perfect for them, absolutely perfect.
With one last glance at the meal, I turned back to the stairs and began to make my way upstairs. My eyes first set on Rose's door. She would be the easiest to awaken; Lily has been unresponsive to us ever since the tragedy...
Despite the ratio, I walked over to Lily's door first. I glanced at it for a moment. As I began to lift my hoof to the door, I stopped at the sudden voice behind me.
"Daisy? What are you doing?" Rose was standing in front of her closed door. Her face seemed to be a bit puffy, but I wasn't going to say anything, Rose would not like that if I did...
"I...I'm tired of you two acting this way! You need to grow up, and move on." I bit my lip as soon as the words left my mouth. I wasn't trying to be so hateful about it, but it just seemed to slip out.
"Move on from what, Daisy?" Rose began to approach me slowly with an angry look. I could tell she wasn't happy at all for me mentioning it, especially because she could hear my anger towards Lily as well.
"I...nothing...I made breakfast.." I quickly turned my head away from Rose as I tried to change the course of the conversation. I didn't want to end it in a fight, and I certainly didn't want my perfect meal to go to waste.
We sat there for a few moments. My eyes directed themselves towards the floor. I could feel Rose staring straight at me. Her eyes pierced straight through me; it was especially difficult to not look back. However, Rose broke the silence, and began to walk down the stairs.
"Thanks." She called out to me as I heard her hoofsteps go down the stairs.
I couldn't help but smile. I knew that she truly did appreciate my efforts, and I was glad that she at least tried to express her gratefulness.
As I heard her hoofsteps fade away into a faint trot, I turned back to Lily's door. The more I stared at it, the more I wanted to give up and turn back around. Though I felt strange standing there for some odd reason, I lifted my hoof again, and began to knock on it softly.
My soft knock was ignored. I heard nopony, or any signs of anypony for that matter. For the most part, there was no response, as usual.
I would usually give up at this point. At least she would know somepony was thinking about her, right? Well that may be so, but I wasn't going to walk away like I use to. I wasn't going to give up on her like Rose did. I wasn't going to allow that.
I stood my ground for the first time, and began to knock once again, this time much louder. There was still no answer, and I heard nothing but the creaking of the floorboards under my hooves. My mind wanted to explode for a moment. I was sick and tired of ponies ignoring what I had to say lately, and I was definitely not going to have it anymore. These ponies needed to grow the hell up!
I took my hoof once more to the door, and began to rapidly beat down on it as hard as I could. The noise banged through the entire house, and I could faintly hear Rose coming out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was all about.
I didn't stop; however, I continued to beat on the door, this time with both hooves. I could feel it weakening under each beating, yet Lily still wouldn't respond to me.
My frustration began to grow furiously, and I couldn't stop myself from raging upon Lily's bedroom door.
Pound after pound, the door began to creak. I could tell that if I continued to bang on it, that it would eventually open. Unfortunately, it seemed as if that was exactly what I would have to do.
I hit it a few more times, and with one kick, the door sprung open and slammed against the wall inside of Lily's room.
"What the hell are you doing, Daisy!?!" Rose raced up the stairs to see what I managed to do. Her jaw dropped at the broken open door, and me standing in front of it with my eyes wide staring at the contents inside.
I didn't answer Rose. I didn't even turn around to look at her. I couldn't move at all. All I could do was open my mouth, and I was able to manage one small word.
"Lyra?"
Bon Bon
It wasn't usually like me to feel weak. I wasn't really that kind of pony. I hardly knew what weakness was, after all I was the kind of pony to achieve what she wanted whenever she wanted it. I guess you could say I was a determined kind of mare. Either that or a very selfish one.
As I looked up at the sky, I figured the latter was the most accurate.
I wasn't myself lately. I guess nopony was really themselves lately; everypony had good reason to be so odd as well as myself. I couldn't ignore the fact that I had done something awfully wrong. I couldn't just wipe away the past and move on with my sorry life as if I were a saint. As if I were some sort of godly pony that had never done wrong in my entire life.
If I were to say such things, I would be lying like I had never lied before. There was something that I had done that I could kill myself for. There was something so unforgivable that I would probably be haunted by it for the rest of my pitiful days. I had done something so horrible, and I had ruined the life of another mare. I had destroyed somepony else's life, and no matter how badly I wanted to, I could not fix the things that I had done. At least I couldn't now.
Was this really something I should be dwelling on for the rest of my life? Should I really burden myself with all these memories and feelings? Some ponies would tell me no. They would say that it wasn't my fault, and they would say that I couldn't do anything to have prevented it. But if somepony were to tell me that, I would turn away from them and say that they were lying. I would tell them that there was something I could have done and that it should have never happened in the first place. After all it was me that ruined everything to begin with. I made the pony I love the most suffer, and for what? Excitement? Sex? Thrill?
I wasn't exactly sure what it was that made me do what I have done. I couldn't answer any questions that my mind was raising to my attention. I knew that all my old friends probably hated me, they probably never want to see me ever again, and they probably blame me for her.....for Lyra's death....
Even I blame myself....
If there was anything in my power to bring her back, I would do it. If there was anything I could do to fix things between us, I would do it. If there was anything I could do to go back in time and stop myself from deceiving her, I would do it, and I would punish myself in the process because there is nothing more that I deserve than punishment. Punishment for the things that I have done.
I killed her.
I truly believed with all of my filthy little heart that I had killed Lyra. It was my fault anyways that she committed suicide. It was my fault that she abused her body for an entire year. It was my fault that she was heartbroken.
I turned back around to look at the front door of my home. I had initially come outside to grab the morning paper, but in the process I let my mind sink into deep, depressing thoughts. I had reminded myself like this at least once every morning about my stupidity, selfishness, and my complete negligence.
It was true that I deserved the worst punishment a pony could ever receive. I tried my best to give myself this well deserved punishment everyday, every moment, every second I could with painful memories, questions, and abusive words towards myself.
I needed to feel the pain that Lyra felt. I wanted to feel that pain that I had pushed upon her. She never deserved that. She never deserved any of that, but it was me in the long run who had forced such pain upon her, and now what? Now she was dead and it was all my fault.
I turned down to the paper under my hooves and I snatched it up with my muzzle. I turned back around to my door and went straight back into my house and shut the door behind me.
I walked into my kitchen and set the newspaper down onto the dining table. I never actually looked at the paper, but I knew Berry Punch did every so often, so I would retrieve the paper for her every morning. I let my eyes glance down at the front of the black and white print. I didn't really read anything, but I looked at the picture. I couldn't exactly tell what it was since it was folded in half, and quite frankly I didn't really care to know. I turned my head upwards and trotted over the staircase and began to make my ways upstairs.
I entered into my room to find Berry still sleeping under my covers. I silently stared at her for a few moments without blinking. I didn't exactly know how I felt at that moment. It was definitely not love that was inside of my chest at the moment. It was much more hatred than anything, but was I selfish for feeling that as well?
It wasn't truly Berry's fault for anything that had happened. I couldn't blame her for making me do the things that I had done, but I couldn't help but want to. I felt like if I could say that everything was Berry's fault, then I could finally find peace within myself, but that wasn't right of me. I knew that nothing was anypony else's fault but mine. I was the one that had responsibilities that I didn't take care of. I was the one with a fillyfriend who had sneaked around with Berry Punch, the drunkard of Ponyville.
What was it that actually made me do the things that I did? Lyra Heartstrings was the most wonderful, loving, and most beautiful fillyfriend anypony could have ever asked for, so what was it that made me cheat on her with a low life like Berry?
I already knew the answer, even though it wasn't satisfying. It was a stupid excuse more or less...
I remember one night last year I had went off with a few of my friends to a bar while Lyra was home knowing nothing of the sorts. I remember how I got so drunk that I could barely think at all. I hardly knew where I was, and I don't even think I could remember that I was with somepony. I do however remember Berry being there. I don't believe she was drunk, at least not yet that is. We ended up sleeping together, and after that everything went down hill between us. I had a small strike of adrenaline and excitement in my life and I took it head on. Not even stopping to think about what I was doing to Lyra. Not even caring....
I could never forgive myself for that. There was nothing in this world that could ever convince me that this was not my fault. So with that thought I turned my back away from Berry who was seemingly still asleep in my bed. I walked out of my room and back downstairs.
Little did I know that Berry Punch was very much awake and questioning silently.
I could hear hoofsteps coming from upstairs. It sounded as if somepony were pacing the floors and it was beginning to get on my nerves. I couldn't concentrate on the floor under my hooves with all that racket. I couldn't mentally punish myself while my ears rung from the constant trotting back and forth, and with a sigh, I turned back to the stairs and began walking.
As I trotted up those stairs I felt nothing but annoyance and agony. I really did have no other choice but to tend to every need that Berry needed. I felt as if I was obligated to make sure she was okay before myself and before others. Why? I really had not the slightest idea. I didn't care about her anymore, yet I couldn't find myself to kick her out and get rid of her and those memories already.
Perhaps it was another way to punish myself. Sometimes I didn't even understand my own tactics in my punishment, but I had a feeling that my heart was doing all the work as I sat back and took it all in. My heart was the only thing that had stopped me from kicking Berry Punch out of my life for good. Her memories lingered along with her as I continued to sleep with her every night in that cold bed that felt so empty I could die. I forced myself to keep her near me. I hated her but I couldn't push her away.
I looked up as I finally reached the top floor. The pacing was ringing through my ears and as I folded them back in attempt to muffle the sound as much as possible, I walked over to my room and pushed open the door with a mighty force.
My eyes somewhat gaped at the sight before me. I didn't know what to think, however, I didn't really know if I wanted to think at that moment. All I could see was a blur before me and in the back of my head a sharp pain was stabbing at me. It took me some time to actually be able to focus solely on what brought me up those stairs..
I blinked a few times at the pacing mare before me. All I could see was a golden lyre and eyes like no other as I turned back my head and fell to the floor.
Darkness seeped in as Lyra walked over me and kissed me on my forehead. Silence kicked in and then I fell into the deepest and most tranquil sleep.
Vinyl
My head was roaring with ecstasy as I leaned over my bed. I smiled roughly as I tilted myself back for a slight moment to help the feeling circulate. I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was real or just a fantasy that my mind was creating. Maybe my whole life is just a made up story.
I cackled at the thought. My body began to warm up quickly as I leaped forward onto my blankets and began to roll slowly atop of them. They looked so colorful and happy. I just felt the need to hold on to them tightly like a child would. I felt their comforting softness against my fur and it made me feel really happy inside. I had never felt so happy in my life.
I turned over on my back and looked up towards the ceiling. I smiled at it as I started to see little circles floating around above me. It reminded me of bubbles or something. It was something like that at least. Whatever it was though, it was pretty funny to look at.
I pulled my hooves over my stomach and looked back down. I began to sit back up on my haunches and I leaned my muzzle towards my hooves. I inhaled deeply the rest of the powder that was resting in my hooves and I took a slow float back down upon my soft and inviting blankets.
I felt a sudden burst of exhaustion come over me, however, I couldn't come to close my eyes. They glued straight towards the ceiling. It wasn't exactly that they refused to shut, but I refused to shut them. I suddenly felt a shiver down my spine and the warmness in my body began to deflate. I was starting to see more clearly and for some odd reason I no longer felt the excitement inside of my body. It was as if the drug had worn off, but how could it that quickly? I could already think straight. There was no way it could just disappear like that out of my system as if it never entered.
I slowly sat up on my bed and looked over to the bedside table that had the white powder supplied upon it. I was tempted to reach back over for another round, but something stopped me inside my chest. A huge force seemed to be pushing against me, completely not allowing me to reach forward.
I was starting to get freaked out, but maybe it was just a side affect from the drug. Maybe that's all it was. Yeah. That was it definitely.
I breathed in deeply and smiled. I no longer felt that strong force upon me and with this I reached forward for the powder. I was almost about to reach for another dose but suddenly I was stopped by a voice like no other.
"Don't."
There was no way in hell I couldn't recognize this voice. There was no other pony with a voice like that. It was so nostalgic and painful that I could hardly bear it.
"Lyra?" I called out into the dark nothingness. I looked around frantically for a sign of her but I could see nothing. What was this? Another side affect? Was this powder some sort of hallucinogen?
"Lyra?!?" I began to curl up in a feeble position. I brought my hooves around my legs and I fell over onto my side. I couldn't help but cry. I just had to let it out somehow.
"LYRA!!!"
I couldn't stop myself from screaming for her. I just couldn't bear this loss. It was something that I had never had to feel before. I never once knew what sadness truly was until I lost her. I took everything and everypony for granted and I still do even though I've been affected by the outcome.
"Octavia..."
One memory just led to another as I cried on my bed. I lost two of the most important mares in my life and I've done nothing at all to cope with it. I've hurt myself worse rather than try to help myself and the thing was, I didn't really care up until this point. I could now fell all the pains shooting against me at once as I curled up closer.
I opened my eyes slightly only to land them straight towards the drug. I quickly jolted up and without a second thought began to inhale as much as I could. I slowly fell over and closed my eyes as all I could see was the blurry face of a familiar mare.
Daisy
My eyes were still glued to the room.
"Lyra??" I called out as I was frozen to the ground underneath me.
"Daisy! What are you doing? Are you mad?!" Rose shoved me out of the way as she raced in towards the room. She swept up a pony into her hooves and shot angry eyes towards me.
I watched as Lily's limp body rested in Roses embrace. I wasn't sure what I saw but whatever or whomever it was, it wasn't Lily. Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me but I could almost swear that I saw Lyra in there....
"Get the hell out of the way Daisy! You useless piece of shit!" Rose rushed passed me with Lily still.
I stared back at her. I wasn't offended for some reason, but I wouldn't say that what Rose said didn't hurt me.
"You can't do anything right! Always messing with matters that are not of your concern!"
Rose's words just flew by me without me hardly noticing she was ranting at me. I listened to her hoofsteps as she made her way downstairs probably to get Lily something to eat. She did look awful I suppose as I try to look back at her. Her ribs were showing slightly and she just looked sickly. What was she doing in her room all that time anyway?
I turned my head back to the direction of Lily's room. I didn't know exactly what to think. It wasn't really as bad as I had imagined before, but it also didn't look like a very fun place to lock yourself away in. It was gray in there mostly. Darker than my room that is and probably darker than Rose's even though I've yet to see her room.
With that in mind, I turned my nosy-self right over to Rose's room. Her door was of course shut but I doubt it was locked. I perked my ears slightly. I could hear Rose downstairs making a racket, and probably a mess, in the kitchen.
With a smirk of excitement, I tip-hoofed over to her door. I wiggled the door nob a little with my hoof to discover that it was indeed not locked. I turned once again to make sure nopony was coming, and when I was sure nopony was, I opened Rose's door.
My mouth was halfway smiling, however, I wasn't sure if that was the correct response. I slowly pulled the door back shut as I turned away from Rose's room. My mouth was still open, still smiling, and my eyes were slightly twitching.
I now knew that my previous assumptions as to what was in her room were all not true. It wasn't dead bodies, stolen bits, or sex slaves, however, it was about one hundred pictures of Lily on every corner of the wall.
I shivered slightly with a quick feeling of awkward. It wasn't really the greatest knowing that Rose was actually obsessed with Lily, but it wasn't too bad either. I guess it was doable and there wasn't really anything to get worried over. I did however snicker slightly at the childishness that I never knew Rose had.
I ran a few thoughts through my mind as I stood in the middle of the hallway. Rose was back to normal, yelling at me and such. I was able to finally see Rose's room and Lily was now out of hers.
I felt like today was a nice day to cook breakfast after all.
Colgate
3 Months Later
My mind shuffled as I sat in SugarCube Corner. I quietly watched couples come in and leave and sit and eat. It was kind of a relief to sit back and observe for a chance. I hadn't lately had the chance to relax in a long time. I hadn't seen any of my friends ever since the funeral which was around four months ago, and I wasn't exactly sure why.
I guess they had all moved on in different directions in each of their lives. I couldn't blame them for wanting to move forward unlike myself who has been stuck in the past for quite some time now.
I guess it wasn't much of a bad thing for wanting to replay my memories, but it wasn't really the right thing. I guess everypony else had learned that except me. However I couldn't really find myself to try to start over. There wasn't much use in that. I was now a pretty old mare and I couldn't really see myself taking a fresh start. I can't speak for everypony, but for myself I would much rather live this way, watching and observing as other happy ponies live on.
It use to be the thing I loved to do most, you know? I loved to closely look at somepony and be able to figure out what they were feeling inside, and I guess that love lingered on within me to this very day.
I leaned my head upwards a bit and focused on the ponies at the register. It was as always the happy Pinkie Pie. She smiled as she served everypony with her fun personality. She brought a bit of a smile to my muzzle as I turned away and let my heavy eyes watch as more ponies entered in through the door.
One after the other came pilling through the door. It was starting to create quite the line and I could see that Pinkie Pie was now more happy than ever. If ponies enjoyed something you loved then that would be something to smile about wouldn't it?
With that thought I let myself sink down in my chair. I slowly tapped my hoof at the end of the table and with my other hoof I circled around the rim of my tea cup.
And that was usually my daily routine. Sit around in SugarCube Corner with a spot of tea, watching the door as if expecting somepony, but of course I had nopony to expect.
I would say that on a usual case, but something different happened today.
As I took a sip of the hot tea I heard the door open. It was nothing unusual to hear the door opening and closing constantly, but something made me look up this time as if I knew who it was that was entering. Of course at the moment I had no earthy idea who it could be, but as my eyes finally settled on the pony that had entered, I nearly dropped my cup.
I quickly jumped out of my seat and it made quite a ruckus; however, it hit the attention of the entering mare.
I gleamed at the gray pony who had just so happen to walk into SugarCube Corner at the perfect time. I had not seen her in so long and I had began to forget her existence in my life, but as my eyes stared at her, memories of our good times began to slap me in the face.
Octavia's large purple eyes made their way over to me. They sparkled as they use to in the moon filled sky and with a twinkle of a tear, her lips curled up in the most saddest smile I had ever seen.
I finally remembered her lovely face and the times we shared with all of our friends. So much time had flown by since then and now I am left with nothing, but maybe, just maybe that will all change.
Bon Bon
My head jerked up quickly as I snapped back into reality. I quickly felt up my face with my hooves but there was nothing there for me to feel. I stood up as fast as possible and ran into the room before me. I turned my head from side to side as I tried to search for my love.
There was nothing but an empty room.
My heart began to slow back down to it's normal speed as I realized that what had happened was all my imagination. I sighed slowly with a tinge of sorrow as I let my eyes droop back to their gloomy selves.
I sniffled a bit and then I finally realized that Berry was no longer in my bed where I had left her. Where had she gone so quickly that I had not acknowledged her leaving?
I slowly approached my bed with a feeling of fear as my eyes laid upon a folded piece of paper.
I reached for it with one creamy hoof and I began to open it up. My eyes adjusted to the font and I began to read silently what was written there for me to see.
Bon Bon,
I hope this finds you well. I was able to read your expression lately and I could tell that I was no longer wanted around. I don't blame you for wanting me to be erased from your life but then again I feel the slightest bit hurt by it. Though I guess I'm not the right mare for you and you aren't the right mare for me. We are two completely different ponies and I guess I did screw up a good relationship for you. As I woke up this morning I laid in bed longer than usual because I couldn't bring myself to get up and face you another long and painful day. I didn't want to leave you but I didn't want to stay with you either. I heard a thump on the ground and as I looked up I saw that you had passed out on the floor. I guess it was the opportune time to leave. I hope you wake up soon, and I hope you're not hurt from the fall. Have a good life, Bon Bon.
Berry
My eyes widened at the letter. It was so poorly written that I wanted to rip it to shreds. What kind of pony leaves somepony else on the ground passed out without helping them?
I started to try to calm myself as I looked towards the good side. Berry was gone out of my life now. I didn't have to feel the burden of keeping her near my company all the time and I could finally let her memories die away. I slowly sighed a bit of relief this time and I crumbled the letter in between my hooves.
I let myself sink down into my bed and I sat down and looked at the floorboards underneath me. I smiled for the first time in a very long time as I felt a sweep of joy overcome my body. However, I couldn't help but feel lonely all at the same time. Now with Berry gone I had nopony. I was now all alone with no friends or family to look forward to seeing. There was nothing more I could do but stay alone for the rest of my life unless I wanted to start my life over, or end my life...
I could sense the happiness quickly retreating from my body and all I was left with was a lonesome pit in my stomach and the feeling of complete despair. Why did it take me so long to finally realize the misery that I had brought upon my own self? Had I denied this feeling of depression for this long up until now?
How was I going to live like this? I couldn't go on in this lonely world without my Lyra or my friends. There was nothing more to live for. I had already ruined everything I had ever once loved and now I have nothing.
I want to be with Lyra. I want to go where she is now. I can't live without her in my life! I have nothing without her! I need her!
I stood up from my bed and walked over to the doorway.
I want to be where she is now....
I need to end my misery the way she ended hers...
Then my life would be complete....
I tried to pull my body forward. I stumbled and landed on the wall next to me. As I tried to help myself back on my balance my ears perked suddenly by a familiar tune coming from behind me.
I quickly turned my head back to see my music box sitting on my bed. It was the one Lyra had given to me for Hearths Warming Eve last year. But how did it get on my bed?
It was sitting, open, upon my blankets. The melody was playing softly and the sadness began to attack my body.
"She doesn't want me to do it.....She doesn't want me to do it....." I began to chant quietly as I fell to the floor. My eyes poured tears and they dripped down from my cheeks.
The music continued to play. It seemed as if it were getting louder.
"Why won't you let me? I want to see you!" I cried out. I tried to open my eyes but the force of the waterfalls were too strong.
The lyre melody was ringing through my ears and as it did memories began to play through my mind. So many happy memories. None of which were sad or depressing. All memories of me and Lyra and our friends and all the good times we shared. The laughs and the conversations. The joy and the fun. Some memories I had even forgotten about up until this point. It was as if my life were flashing before my very eyes, but only the side of my life that I would want to remember for the rest of my days.
Was this a sign from Lyra? Was she telling me something that I needed to know? Was she stopping me from taking away the one thing she no longer has?
I began to lift my eyes to the music box as my tears began to cease. I now finally saw what Lyra was trying to tell me.
"Alright, I won't do it. I will live for you. I will live for both of us, because there is nothing you deserve more than a happy life. The life you always wanted for you and for me. And there is nothing more I desire than to make you happy my dear Lyra."
I stood up from where I was laying and I made my way over to the music box upon my bed. I smiled and lifted a hoof to the lid. I slowly let the melody die down and with one last note, I closed it and the music died; however, I could still hear it singing within my heart for the rest of my days.
Vinyl
I once had a dream that I was happy. I lived along with Octavia and Lyra and we never had a single worry in the world. It was nothing but sunshine all the time and laughs to share with one another; however, that dream suddenly shifted into a nightmare and there was nothing that surrounded me but darkness and cold. There was no Octavia and there was no Lyra to comfort me. I knew not of what happened to my happy dream, but I would never forget it.
And then.....my heart stopped.
Octavia
One Month Later
It had been a while since I smiled. Every night I was tormented with the same memory. Seeing Vinyl in her bed frozen cold with no sign of life to be found. It was the most traumatizing thing I had ever witnessed, and there was nothing else in this world that could shake me more than that did.
Seeing it repeatedly in my mind wasn't much help either. I wasn't able to sleep much and eating was a bit of a problem for me. I had been seeing a psychiatrist lately trying to help cope with my deformed life. It didn't seem to help me much, but it did keep me alive. I don't think I would had made it very far after than incident if it weren't for Colgate to support me.
That's where I was now staying. Colgate had took me in and let me live with her until I was able to rebuild my life, however, I am unsure of how soon that will be. She told me I could stay as long as I needed, but I just don't know if I feel comfortable doing that.
Everywhere I go I seem to find painful memories there.
But lately all I could see was Vinyl's body and the thing that comes to mind is murder. I feel I had killed her. Not intentionally, but if I hadn't have left her than she wouldn't have reduced to drugs and she would have never overdosed.
Now I feel like I'm in Bon Bon's hooves.
Are we really murderers? Who can say... All I know is that it feels that way....
If only one could shout for an encore in life. Why can't mistakes me undone? Why can't life replay for a second round?
It's simply because that's the way of life.... I guess there are things that can't be erased and you can't get a second chance at. As unfair as it may be, there is really nothing I or anypony can do about it.
I could wish for Vinyl back in my arms every day and night if I wanted to, but that would get me no where simply because it's impossible to have somepony that is already gone. Wouldn't that have been helpful for us all these last few months to know? Wishing the impossible is useless and begging for miracles is just as wasteful. If only we all knew that sooner.
Isn't that how tragedies usually end?
There was always a way that something could have been prevented; however, it was avoided to the extent where everything had to fall apart. And that is how life works.
I will not wish for Vinyl. I will not pray for her to return. I will not beg for a miracle of some sort. But no matter how much I will try to move forward in life, I will never stop missing her.
The End
