Rosario + Vampony

by CountDerpy

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, DJ P0N-3, Death, Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 4321

Vamponies, Demons and Strange Magic Creatures! How much can a normal pony handle!?

Doctor Whooves is the most average pony in Equestria. Average grades, same boring school, no girlfriend. Even the average pony can fail all their high school entrance exam. With no other options, he is forced to enter into Everfree Academy, a private school located deep within the Everfree forest. The school, however, is far from average....and he is going to find that out the hard way. Will he survive in a school built for the supernatural residents of Equestria?

Published 2013-02-06 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-10 00:00:31 UTC

The One Who Smells of Muffins and Blood or The First Day

The One Who Smells of Muffins and Blood or The First Day

The carriage rolled away from the small building that housed a small brown, totally average pony by the name of Whooves. He sat back in his seat, a team of dark cloaked ponies pulling the vehicle to its destination, the drive even creepier than the team. The carriage sped away from Ponyville at high speeds, but Whooves had no way of knowing which way it was going. Maybe it was to a private school in Canterlot, or maybe a prestigious school out of the country, some place that would accept his failing entrance exam scores. Any place than what he thought it was.

This is surely starting off a strange week. Whooves thought as he stared out the window and remembered how this week started...

"Doctor! Get down here!" Time Turner called to his son, his wife Infinity standing next to him, trying and failing at hiding her excitement.

Whooves descended the stairs as slow as possible. He knew that they had seen his test scores, he knew that they knew that meant 4 more years of intermediate school and several hundred hours of retesting. All of that would cost money that they really didn't have. He reached the bottom and walked through the doorway into the kitchen. "What is it?"

"A golden opportunity has arisen for you, a sign from heaven as it were!" Time stood and walked over to his son, sliding an old looking piece of parchment towards the shaky colt.

"What the hell is this?" Whooves lifted the paper up to his face for a better view.

Everfree Academy Application Review Form

"Everfree Academy? This is the answer we have been looking for?" He looked up towards his parents who were nearly dancing with glee.

"You bet it is. It says that you can only gain entrance to this school through an extensive application review, so it doesn't matter that you failed every single one of you entrance exams!" Time smirked, a small twinkle reflecting off his pearly white teeth.

"Where...where the hell did you even find something like this? I've never even heard of this place!"

"Well that is an interesting story. You see, I was walking home last night after a "late night" at the "office", and this strange looking stallion was walking in front of me. Well he kept muttering to himself, so i thought that I would get around him...but I ended up ramming right into him. I got up and tried to apologize to him, but he was gone and this is what was left."

"So, you expect me to go to some school... that you got the application...from a drunken weirdo."

"Yes. Yes I do."

Infinity walked up beside her husband. "It beats being an academic reject for the next few years, right?"

"Mom, you're in on this stupid Idea too!?" Whooves stood there for a moment realizing the battle had been lost. "So this is really the only option."

"Mhm."

"Ugh...fine...."

Whooves sighed as the carriage pulled unto a small dirt road that led deep into the Everfree Forest. That’s odd , he thought as the team of dark ponies raced the carriage deep into the forest. He looked to the driver and noticed that he was being watched by him.

“On your way to Everfree Academy, I see.” The driver gave a small chuckle and lit his cigar without ever bringing a lighter to his face. This only added to his creepiness. He was tall for a pegasus pony; his features sunk in and darkened as if he were dead. His teeth were black and gritty, probably from years of smoking. Whooves however was focused on the driver’s eyes. It’s not that they weren’t there or weird, but they seemed to glow they looked straight at you, and they were looking straight at him. “Well I hope you have said your goodbyes, boy.”

“What in the name of Celestia are you talking about?” Whooves asked cautiously, prompting another dark chuckle from the driver. This really didn’t help to calm his nerves, but figured that all really nice places had creepy “help.”

“No reason, it’s just that. Well, to put it simply, we are about to reach the academy.  Take a good look, my boy, for it just might be the last thing you’ll ever see.” The driver chuckled again, this time it was deeper and darker than the others had been, sending a chill through Whooves’ whole body. He sat back and felt a weight fall upon him.

This isn’t right, something is amiss. First this team of creepy ponies and this dark carriage, then learning the school is actually in the Everfree Forest. Well, I actually should have seen that one coming; I guess it’s not called the Everfree Academy for nothing. But this driver, there’s something about him I just can’t put my hoof on it, but whatever it is I don’t like it

After several more minutes, the carriage stopped at the edge of a large lake. It was a beautiful sight; a jewel admits the darkness that consumed every inch of the forest. It was the first thing to catch Whooves eyes as he stepped out of the carriage. It helped to relieve his anxiety, but no sooner did he turn around to face the school did it return. It was a massive school, probably bigger than even Canterlot Royal High, and that was the largest school in all of known Equestria! It was dark too. Unlike everything else in Equestria that shined like a gem, the school stood out like a dark mountain in a sea of dead trees.  Even the forest around the school seemed to have a different feel to it than the rest of the Everfree Forest, darker and more sinister than even the darkest and deepest of holes.

What kind of place is this!? This can’t be the school, this just can’t be! Who in the wide world of Equestria would ever build a school this creepy and this deep in the Everfree! This has to be a mistake. I know, I’ll just get back on the carriage and go home. Mom and Dad will just have to understand that I can’t do this. It’s just too creepy!

He turned around to step back into the carriage, but it was no longer there. In his moment of anxiousness, the vehicle had sped away into the darkness that surrounded them, even in broad daylight.

“…Buck me….” Whooves started down the trail that led up to the school. It was a dark and winding path that weaved its way through the forest.  The tree lining the path were all dead and decaying, the smell of rotting wood and death lingering over the road. Occasionally, a headstone or mausoleum would appear just a few feet from the road, hidden in the tangled mass of trees that surrounded the path. As he approached the school, they became more frequent.

He stopped in the middle of the road. “I can’t do this! This is a strange and deranged place and I can’t stand it. I will not go to some damn monk school or some religious cult school hidden this far away from civilization. It can’t be healthy for any pony. That’s it, I am walking ho-“

“WATCH OUT!” A voice called from behind him. It was a light and airy voice that stood out from the rest of the scenery. Whooves turned to face where the voice was coming from, but didn’t see anything.

“Hello? Who said that?” He spun around still seeing nothing until it hit him, literally. Something slammed into him from behind, sending him flying a few hundred feet into a tree. It was over and done with before he even had time to react to the situation before him. He felt the wood of the tree as his head slammed into it before he fell into darkness.

Several minutes later, Whooves awoke the sound of crows at his hooves, dirty scavenger that pecked and pulled at his flesh to survive. He kicked them away and stood. “Oww, my head. What the hell was that, a damn wrecking ball?”

“Nnnn…sorry, I didn’t see what was happening. I’m alil anemic so I don’t always fly straight. A-are you ok?” The same voice replied to Whooves statement. He turned to look for the source again and saw it. A light grey pegasus lay a few feet away, trying to regain her footing and stand. Her mane was blonde and was nearly straight, or would have been if she hadn’t just crashed into him at high speeds. He noticed her eyes right away, One was focused on him as she stood, the other turned away and moving around as if it had a mind of its own. She was not much taller than he was, but her wingspan dwarfed him by a mile. She wore a small rosary around her neck, a chain of silver pearls wrapping around a black choker that clung to her neck. She was beautiful, and he noticed it.

“Y-yeah, are you ok?” Whooves asked, distracted by her beauty and not caring about the line of blood dripping from a cut on his face. He walked over to her to make sure she was alright.

‘Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for…for…” She stared at the line of blood, her eyes widening as she got closer. She tried to fight the urge but even the sight of it had awoken a primal hunger within her. She collapsed against him, her coat seeming to lose its color. “N-no…it’s happening again.”

Whooves noticed this right away and held her up as best as he could. “Hey, are you ok?” He looked deep into her eyes and saw a coldness staring back into his own. Her beautiful eyes now filled with hunger and regret closed as she leaned closer to his neck.

“I’m sorry for this. Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you for wha-“He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before a sharp, burning pain entered his neck. He sat still, fear taking over his mind as it pieced together what was going on. Her pale coat, here large beautiful eyes and the lustful hunger behind them, even the pleasant sent of her mane. She wasn’t a regular pony. After several moments he felt the pain leave his neck and stared at Derpy. Her muzzle was stained with blood, two fangs jutting out from behind her upper lips. They sat there and stared at each other for a few moments before he began to back away from her.

“S-stay back. Please don’t hurt me.” He cried desperately, only to gain a giggle from the mare.

“I’m not going to hurt you silly. Why would I?” She smiled and started rummaging through her bag.

“You’re a vampony aren’t you?” He asked cautiously.

“Yeah.” She glanced over to him. “I-is that a problem? Do you not like vamponies?”

“Not like vamponies! Don’t be ridiculous.” He blurted out in a state of panic and shock, afraid to see what would happen to him is she became angry or upset.

She shot him a small smile, and even though he was afraid of her, even he thought it was cute.

“I’m so glad. I’m new here so I was worried I wouldn’t make any new friends. Also, I’m not ridiculous, I’m Derpy.” She giggled and pulled something out of her bag. “Muffin?”

“What?”

“Do you want a muffin?” She held out her hoof, a dark chocolate raspberry muffin sitting on it several inches from Whooves’ face. Ok, a cute vampony just tried to eat you and now she’s offering you muffins….POP QUIZ

What do you do?

A. Run home to mommy

B. Quietly walk away

C. Scream in terror and chant in ancient languages, begging Faust for a quick death

D. Take the muffin and forget everything that just happened

I like the sound of D

Whooves reached out and took hold of the muffin. “Thank you...uhh. I’m sorry; I don’t think I caught your name.”

“I already told you, silly. I’m Derpy.”

“…Derpy?” He asked, confused by her name. It seemed as if that was an insult more than a regular old name.

“Mhm, Derpy Antania Hooves.” She took a bite of her own muffin and chewed it happily. “What’s your name?”

Whooves stood up after realizing he was still laying on the ground in shock. “My name is Doctor Whooves.”

“Doctor Whooves? That’s a weird name.”

“Derpy is an odd name too.”

“No it is not! I happen to love my name, thank you very much Doctor.”

Whooves rolled his eyes and silently ate his muffin before gathering his things. “Well, I better get going before I’m late.”

“Me too.” She gathered her things and took off ahead of him. “See you later Doctor. Let’s hang out after the opening ceremonies and stuff!”

Before he even had time to respond, she was gone from sight. He sighed silently before walking off towards the school again.

Did she say vampony?

Homeroom

Everyone in the class had taken their seats as the large bell on the top of the building solemnly rang out across the land. Whooves sat in the back next to a large window as he scooped out the rest of the class. Most of the other students looked normal, save the two empty desks and a small blue manned mare a few seats away. The teacher however, seemed far from normal. Her curly pink hair that had two areas poking out, giving the illusion of cat’s ears, and her light pink coat stood in stunning contrast to the rest of the room. She seemed bouncy and airy, like she just came from a party after drinking 30 energy drinks, but she was the teacher none the less.

“Welcome to Everfree Academy! I will be your homeroom teacher for the next four years. My name is Pinkie Pie, but you may call me Ms. Pinkie.” She stood up and pulled down a list of rules that hung above the chalk board. “Now as every pony knows, Everfree Academy is not a normal school. This school is exclusively for monsters and other supernaturally born ponies.”

Even though he was not paying her much thought, the last 2 sentences hit his ears like a freight train. Did she just say ‘monsters’? No, she couldn’t have said that. That’s impossible! Monsters don’t exist!

“First we must go over a few rules. The first rule is that you are not allowed to release your normal pony disguise while on school grounds unless a special situation arises. The first part of co existing with normal pony society is to blend into society and keep your cover.”

Ok, this is getting too weird. She’s taking this joke way too far.

“Secondly, you are not allowed to reveal your true nature to any pony here. In society, if you we’re to reveal that you are a monster to a regular pony, they would have a field day. Witch hunts, angry mobs and genocide have all started when some pony spills the beans.”

Ok, some pony has to speak up. This joke has gotten out of control

He raised his hoof and started to speak before he was interrupted by a colt sitting a few desks over. He wasn’t the worst looking colt ever, but he wasn’t the best. He was short and white with huge muscles; his wings were tiny and looked like they could barely lift his body off of the ground.

“Miss. Can’t we just kill and eat every pony that is not a monster.” He spoke up, prompting a few silent conversations to spark all over the room.

Whooves sat motionless and silent. It was one thing that the teacher was going on about monster, but now the students too. This was either the biggest and worst prank in all of Equestrian history or…it was real.

The One Who Smells of Muffins and Blood or The First Day (Part 2)

Ms. Pie giggled at the stallion's comment. "Silly, you know that this is the most protected building in all of Equestria. Even if a pony where to discover the location of our school, even by accident, they would be executed on the spot." She said with a light hearted chuckle.

Whooves was shaking like a madmare. No....this can't be...if they find out that I'm a pony... they'll kill me! He lowered his head to his desk, making sure that if they were to notice his normalcy, his death would be quick. Unfortunately, from his perspective, his wish never came. The attention of the room shifted from the teacher's lecture to the entry way as the thin door slid open.

Whooves only noticed the voice that echoed through the room, but knew immediately who it was.

"S-sorry I'm late, I kinda got lost after the ceremonies and ended up in a well." The voice said in a light and airy tone, a small giggle hidden behind it's embarrassment.

"It's alright, just find a seat anywhere." Pinkie said, a smile easily visible in her tone. "Thank you for being so polite."

Whooves slowly raised his head, looking to confirm his suspicions about the voice. His eyes instantly fell upon the same grey mare that slammed into him earlier. The entire room's eyes had fallen upon her, all of the stallions and mares in awe of her beauty. She had even gained the attention of the large white stallion with the unquenchable thirst for pony death.

She continued her walk down the rows of desks until her eyes fell upon Whooves. They instantaneously lost their embarrassment and lit up bright with excitement. "Whooves!"

He glanced back up from his desk, just in time to see Derpy's form launching at him like a rocket. He didn't even have time to react before a brick wall of mare slammed into him...for the second time today.

Whooves finally came too a few minutes later, but the scenery had greatly changed from the classroom he had been in moments before. He now found himself walking down a large hallway full of the strange inhabitants of the school, a heavy pressure on his shoulder. He turned his head slightly, a blonde mane nearly slapping him in the face. He wasn't sure that what was going on was a curse or a blessing, as he turned his head away from the strange mare that had found his being several times today.

"This is a nice place, isn't it Whooves?" Derpy asked, her head tilting to allow her large blonde eyes to fall upon the brown pony.

Whooves looked at her, their eyes connecting just long enough for Whooves to realize one irrefutable fact about Derpy.

She was beautiful....

"Whooves?" She said, making sure that she got hold of his attention.

Whooves shook his head before looking back at her. "Yeah, it is I guess."

He knew that he wanted to say more than that, but under the given circumstances, he wasn't in the right state of mind to say anything else. He was more focused on staying alive and the angry glares and murmurs that were directed his way from the horde of jealous onlookers that filled the halls.

The two continued to walk down the hall until a figure thwarted their plans of continuing further. "Hello there."

Whooves looked up at the stallion, his happy thoughts of survival instantly changing to feelings of dread while his mind spelled out his last will and testament.

The stallion glanced at Derpy with a grin. "The name is Bulk Biceps, don't forget it and don't laugh." He grinned as walked towards them. "So, what is a beautiful mare like you," he said as he pulled Whooves away from Derpy and held him up by his hoof, "doing with a weak thing like this?"

Whooves stared in shock at Snowflake. No way! He's lifting me like I'm a feather! What the hell is he!?Before his mind could completely register that he was being flung to the side, the large concrete wall of the hallway was smashing against his face.

Snowflake gave a halfhearted chuckle before turning his attention back to Derpy. "Why don't you ditch the stick and come hang out with a real stallion? Eh?"

Derpy scoffed before walking over to the Doctor and helping him to his hooves. "Sorry, I don't hang out with jerks." She said as she started of down a side hall, nearly dragging Whooves as she went. Before to long they were out of sight, and the commotion in the hall had all but died down.

Snowflake smirked. "Well you better enjoy that twerp...while he lasts. Hehehe."

"Wow, that was a close one." She said looking over at the semi conscious stallion that was now propped up against the wall. "Wasn't it?"

Whooves stumbled a bit to regain his ground before looking back at her with a fake smile. "Yeah it was.... Hey Derpy, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Why are you helping me out? I mean, I'm just an average guy...nothing special." He said. Hell, I've never even had a real conversation with a girl before now!

"Don't say that!" She snapped. "You're hardly average to me!"

Whooves was shocked to hear some pony say that, especially a girl. "R-really?" He said as a bright red blush spread across his cheeks.

"Of course. Besides you.....you...."

"I what?"

"You......already let me drink your blood!" She said with a giggle. " It was a lot better than I have drunk out of transfusion bags! Oh the flavor..the smell...it was almost as good as my mother's triple chocolate banana blood muffins!"

Whooves was shocked, but this time not in a good way. "WHAT AM I! THE 5:00 SPECIAL AT THE CAFETERIA!"

"Well...no.....but you were the first..." She said as she kicked at the ground with her hoof and blushed. "You're the first pony I have drank from, and a girl never forgets her first time."

Whooves blushed again and felt his hooves go jelly legged as he stood there, staring at her. His heart was beating at a thousand miles an hour, and his head was rushing. "Derpy...I..."

She giggled before pushing him away. "Oh, stop it! You're making me blush!" She started off down the hallway towards the exit. "Lets finish exploring! Come on!"

Derpy took off ahead of the Doctor, while he slowly pulled himself out of the intention that his body had made in the wall after being pushed away. Wow, she's...so strong...

A few hours later...

Whooves was glad when the pace of the day had finally slowed down. After running around the school grounds and into creepy students, seeing strange art work and sculptures that were in every courtyard, and having a brief encounter with a drink machine the he was sure that it had tried to bite his hoof off, it was a well needed break. At least it is almost time to settle down for the night...I wonder what the dorms are like.

He lost his train of thought when Derpy squealed a few feet ahead of him, the sound alarming him as he ran over to her. "What is it!?"

"Look!" she said as she pointed her hoof toward a clearing through the trees. Whooves looked over, his eyes widening at the sight of a large, run down, and more than likely haunted building that sat in the middle of the clearing. It was surrounded by a large and very spikey gothic cast iron fence, the gate rusted and barely hanging on by a single hinge. He looked back over to Derpy, who had the largest smile on her face. "Those must be the dorms!" She exclaimed with glee. "Have you ever seen a building with such....personality!"

"Personality!?" He nearly yelled. "Are we both looking at the same run down dump!"

"What do you mean? This building is a monsters paradise!" She said giving him a curious look. "By the way, what kind of monster are you?"

Whooves froze dead in his tracks. He hadn't been expecting to be asked that, and it was a question he  did not have an answer for, knowing what it would mean if he told the truth. "Me...I'm a...I'm a..."

Derpy gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot it was against the school rules to tell! Just forget I asked okay?"

"Oh, It's ok! It's fine! No harm done!" He said with a laugh, playing it off as if it were nothing more than a misunderstanding. This did however get him thinking about something. "But, I have to say, you look like a regular pony all around. Are you really a..Vampony?"

Derpy giggled. "Oh, you know I am! I may look normal right now, but when I take this off, I get REALLY scary." She said as she pointed to the cross that hung around her neck.

"What do you mean? What is that?" Asked the Doctor.

"This is my Rosario. It's a cross with a bead that helps keep my power locked away. I don't like causing much trouble, so I don't really mind wearing it." Derpy said with one of the cutest smiles that Whooves has ever seen.

She's so cute....so smart...so serious...there is no way she can be...or is she...I don't know what I should think here.

Derpy approached him and smiled. "Of course, even with her power locked away, a girl still needs blood." She giggled and hissed playfully.

"Um...Derpy?" He said, blushing bright red as a hoof wrapped around the back of his head and pulled him close.

"Gotcha!" She whispered before sinking her fangs into his neck. Whooves eyes widened and before he knew it...

His scream could be heard a mile away.

The One Who Smells of Muffins and Blood or The First Day (Final)

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On Music Theory and Emotional Eating or Wub the Siren!

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