Dead Pony Rising: Off the Record

Chapter Six

Equestrian Series of Poker

“20,025… 20,030… 20,035…” Twilight said as she was going through the massive sack of bits that Flank had collected at the many casinos he had gathered the bits from. “20,045… and 20,050 Bits.” Twilight finished.

“That’s it?” Flank asked. “I was breaking down slot machines left and right all day today.”

“I’m sorry, Flank,” Twilight said, “But my mathematics are rarely wrong. And, besides, you’ve got to remember that those slot machines only carry so many bits. Most of casinos money is located in the vaults Discord was stealing from.” Flank fell onto his haunches.

“Great.” He said. “I’ve got four hours to make 980,000 Bits. How am I going to get all of that in such little time?” Rainbow Dash was still floating near the computer monitors; waiting patiently for something to happen. The flapping of her wings was carrying a gentle and cool breeze over to the distressed earth pony.

“Maybe I could fire up those drills again and try to break into the vaults myself.” Flank said. “That just seems like the most logical course of action.”

“Yeah, but then you’ll become the thing you’ve been trying to stop.” Twilight mentioned. Flank just grunted and placed his head in his hooves.

“Whoa…I’ve got something.” Rainbow Dash said, peaking Flank’s interest. The old stallion pulled himself up off the floor and trotted over to what Rainbow Dash was talking about.

“What’d you see?” Flank asked.

“About five gryphons just made their way into this gambling room inside the Kingdom de Gryphon Casino. Looks like they’re about to have some kind of poker game…this could be your chance Flank.” Rainbow Dash said.

“What do you mean that this is my chance?” Flank asked.

“I recognized those gryphons.” The Pegasus explained. “Gilda used to talk about them quite a bit. They’re a team of poker playing gryphons that travel across the country playing games of poker with ponies, zebras, and other creatures. They have a T.V. show that gets very high ratings. I’m pretty sure that if you beat them, they’ll give you a huge pot of bits. Are you gonna’ try?” Flank thought about it for a moment.

The possibility of getting hundreds, maybe even thousands, of bits made him think about attempting this mission. Every little bit counts when it comes to a ransom.

“I’ll do it.” Flank said. “Twilight, help me get these bits into a wagon, I’m gonna’ need some collateral.”

*** *** ***

“And, welcome back once again Equestria to a special edition of Equestrian Series of Poker, here on the gaming network. I’m your host Gerald and we’re on our way to getting started.” Said a slightly overweight gryphon into a camera on one side of the room.

That’s about the time Flank burst through the door and quickly slammed them behind him. Breathing heavily, covered in blood, he looked an absolutely terrible sight. Three of the gryphons drew out automatic weapons and aimed at the defenseless pony.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” One asked.

“My name’s Flank West…and I’m here to challenge you four to a game of Blackjack.” He said, spitting some of his own blood to the floor. The five gryphons stared at him.

“Really?” One in the front said. “You’re here to challenge the Gilded Gryphons?”

“Yes, and I’ve got twenty-thousand bits as collateral if you accept my offer.” Flank said as he trotted the wagon over to the stunned gryphons. “I had a unicorn count through, twice, and she came up with exactly twenty-thousand and fifty bits.”

“Boss,” One gryphon said, “we should take the offer.”

“Why?” His boss asked.

“One, we’re filming a special edition episode in zombie infested casino and, two, a challenger approached with thousands of bits. Think of the ratings.” The boss gryphon placed a talon against his chin and started thinking over what was just handed to him. After a few moments of careful consideration, the gryphon turned to Flank.

“Okay, you’re in.” He said with a slight grin. “Take your bits over to those wagons near the back.” He said as he pointed a talon to two massive black wagons near the back of the room. Flank just smiled as he trotted over and placed his wagon next to the other two. His heart fluttered when he noticed the size of the wagons themselves in comparison to his. Oh yeah, there were a lot of bits in there.

“So,” he said as he trotted to the center of the room, “how much are we playing for? Fifty thousand? One hundred thousand?”

“Try one million bits.” One gryphon said as he took his seat. “Winner takes all.” Flank’s heart nearly skipped a beat as he took his seat at the table. This just seemed too good to be true… and a little too convenient at the same time.

“Alright,” the dealer said, “simple game. The game is Royal Blackjack 21. Celestia and Luna are high; aces are low.” The dealer then started dealing two cards from a deck in his claws to the three players. Flank was upset after viewing his cards; Celestia and a two. The first gryphon tapped his claw against the table and the dealer threw him another card.

“Aw, horseapples!” He shouted as he threw his cards to the table; a ten, a five, and a seven. The second gryphon said and did nothing. Flank took the moment to tap his hoof against the table and was dealt an ace of spades. Flank tapped his hoof again and, once again, was dealt an ace of clubs. His brow started to furl and sweat leaked down his forehead. He tapped his hoof against the green table and was dealt…

A six. 21.

“All in.” He said as he pushed all of his chips in front of him. The other gryphon who said nothing turned to face Flank.

“Sure you wanna’ do that, kid?” He asked. Kid? The gryphon pushed all of his chips forward. “All in.” He said as well. “Luna’s Nine Hearts.” He laid out his two cards; Luna and a nine of hearts.

“Joke’s on you, pal.” Flank said. “Read ‘em and weep.” He presented Celestia, two ones, and a six. Every creature in the room gasped at what they just saw.

“Nopony has ever gotten a higher card combination than me.” The gryphon said. “The last one who did was an earth pony by the name of Ace Spade, back in Las Pegasus…and that was over a year ago.” Flank just smiled. If he could out card the best…he had hopes of winning the million bits and saving Rebucka.

*** *** ***

The game had quickly changed drastically. Flank won, literally, every single game that he played. It had gotten to the point where the dealer and the other gryphon left the table and let Flank deal with the ‘Gryphon That Never Lost’. The game had gone from professional… to straight up personal. The knowledge gained from the gambling magazine proved to be quite useful.

“Royal Family!” The gryphon shouted as he laid down Celestia and Luna cards.

“Sun Twins.” Flank casually said as he placed two Celestia cards down. The gryphon’s temper was flaring big time. His feathers were starting to glow red and his entire body was shaking in pure anger.

“That’s it! I quit!” He threw his cards down and walked away from the table. Flank just smiled as he gathered up the remaining cards and trotted over to the three wagons of bits.

“Well…this is really going to get ratings up.” Said one of the gryphons. “Zombies, challenges, and rookies overtaking masters.” Flank checked his watch and realized it was nearing six thirty at night. In a rush, he galloped over to the gryphons and asked them if they needed somewhere safe to go.

“No, not really.” The boss said. “We’ve got a nice little hideout in the Celestial Sisters Hotel. Just take your bits and leave…before Guy over there gets too angry and tries to kill and eat you.” They all looked over at the fuming gryphon as he slammed his head repeatedly against the wall in pure, unadulterated rage.

Flank nodded in understanding and trotted out of the gambling room and onto the main floor of the Kingdom de Gryphon Casino. Next stop: the Everfree Nightclub.

*** *** ***

The massive faux leather doors leading into the nightclub were locked from the inside and Flank had no way of getting in. His watch struck seven o’clock and Flank rapped his hoof against the door; trying to get anypony’s attention.

The door swung open and a Pegasus pony stuck his head out to see who it was.

“He’s here.” He said to a unicorn floating up a gun at Flank’s face.

“Hooves up.” The unicorn said as the gun cocked itself. Flank instinctly lifted his hooves up as the unicorn kept the gun pointing at him. “Check the wagons…make sure it’s all there.”

“Got it, Bullet.” Said the Pegasus. The winged pony made his way over to the wagons and start sifting through the many sacks of bits. Each one was labeled with “50,000” in big, bold letters across the front. The Pegasus wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed since it took him five minutes to add up all the sacks together.

“Yep,” he finally said as he hooked himself up to one of the wagons. “It’s all here.”

“Discord thanks you for your contribution.” The unicorn said.

“Where is she?” Flank asked.

“Your…fillyfriend’s…in there.” The unicorn said with a sadistic smirk. “Have fun.” He finished as he hooked himself up to the other wagon and the two ponies started galloping away from the nightclub and into the Zebra Zavana Casino. Flank sighed angrily and made his way into the obnoxious nightclub.

He slowly trotted over to one of the many couches and sat down to wait patiently for Rebucka.

As he was trying to relax, a mysterious mare slowly trotted up to the door and locked the hatch. Flank reached over to a half-drunk glass of mysterious alcohol. Another mare rushed over to another side of the room with another pony tied up by her front hooves and a gag in her mouth. Flank finished off the drink and threw the glass across the room to see if it would break. It didn’t shatter.

Instead, one of the mysterious mares had caught it.

“Hmm…enjoy that drink, Flank?” She asked. Flank pulled himself up from the couch…recognizing the voice of the pony. She slowly trotted into Flank’s POV…carrying a polished katana sword with her unicorn magic. “Nice work Flank, for once.”

“Where’s Rebucka?” Flank asked. It was one of the pony twins he encountered just before the outbreak started; the one wearing a gold sequenced dress.

“Discord doesn’t really appreciate all of your interference, Flank.” She said while lifting up the sword higher. “You really need to learn to mind your own business.”

“You set PURE up.” Flank said. “You talked that idiot protestor into doing your dirty work.” The other pony twin galloping behind him…Rebucka tied up and gagged. The pony in silver sequence slowly slid her hoof up Rebucka’s neck slowly and sensually.

“Too bad she couldn’t just take our tape and leave it at that.” She said. The silver pony pulled down Rebucka’s gag and then slid her tongue down Rebucka’s throat and the two started kissing. Flank stood there, gawking at what he was looking at. The silver pony threw Rebucka to the ground and lifted up her own sword into the air. “Never look a gift horse in the…mouth.” She continued adding a very sensual emphasis on the word ‘mouth’.

“You’re letting her go…right now!” Flank said angrily.

“I’m getting tired of hearing you talk, Flank.” The gold pony said. “I always saw you more as the strong, silent type.”

“The very, very silent type.” The silver pony said. Flank looked over at the gold pony and noticed she was aiming the sword for Flank’s chest. He looked over and saw the silver pony aiming for his head.

“On the count of three, sis’.” The silver pony said. “One.”

“Two.” The gold pony said.

“Three.” They both said. The swords flew through the air; flying at Flank. Flank ducked down onto his stomach as the katana swords flew over his head. The silver pony dodged her sister’s sword…but the gold pony wasn’t as quick. The sword’s trajectory was off course and landed square in her throat. She fell to the floor as blood started gushing from the newly opened wound.

“Gold Tail!” The silver pony said as she galloped over to her downed sister. She kneeled down and carefully placed her hoof in her sister’s hoof. She looked up and over at Flank with an evil glare in her eyes.

“What have you done?” She asked as Flank pulled himself up. “She was my…other half. But you’ll pay.” Flank grunted after she said that. “You will never get out of here alive, Flank. We promise that…all of us.” She pulled the katana out of her sister’s throat and placed it a few inches above her underbelly.

“I’ll never be complete, again…never.” She said as she started trembling.

“No, don’t..!” Flank started to say. But the silver pony jammed the katana into her gut and started twisting, insuring she would not survive. She fell to her side and was face-to-face with her dead sister. For her last few moments on Earth, she slowly stroked her sister’s mane. Flank looked on with tears welling up in his eyes. He brushed his face with his hoof and trotted over to Rebucka, who was still tied up. He kneeled down and started untying the ropes around her hooves.

“Come on, Rebucka,” Flank said, trying to lighten the mood, “we’ve got a story to cover. Are you just gonna’ lay here all night?”

“It’s about time.” She said. “You’d almost think you liked me being tied up.”

“That’s not the thing that I liked the most.” Rebucka jumped up on her hooves buried her nose in Flank’s face.

“If you say anything, to anypony, anywhere, I will kill you myself so Celestia’s guards don’t have to.” He stared at her for a moment and then trotted over to the dead pony bodies.

“They were your source, seriously?” Flank said.

“I know…I’m sorry.” Rebucka said massaging her hoof. “But they had the tape…it spoke for itself. Maybe this will make it up to you: I heard them talking earlier, Discord’s got another chariot coming, this one driven by Pegasi. He’s getting out of the city as we speak…we need to catch him.” Rebucka said as she started picking the lock to the Everfree Nightclub.

“A chariot? We can’t let that parasprite get away.” Flank said.

“Not without an interview.” Rebucka said as she swung the door open. “That chariot is landing on the roof of the hotel.”

“Well, let’s get our flanks in gear.” Flank said as he galloped out of the nightclub.

*** *** ***

Flank galloped up to the elevators that led up to the rooftop. He had gotten to the hotel in a matter of minutes, his passion for ending the whole debacle fueling his legs. He was about to push the button, when Rebucka galloped in and stood next to him.

“Not without me, Flank.” She said. “You won’t scoop me this time.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it.” Flank said. “So, how should we approach this? Professionally or O.K. Corral style?”

“Whatever you want, Mr. Stallion-of-the-Hour Flank West.” Rebucka said. “This is your mess to clean up.” The little monitor on the elevator slowly kept ticking up number by number. The tension in the small cramped room just kept getting bigger and bigger as they counted down the numbers in their heads.

The bell rang and the doors swung open. Flank pushed Rebucka behind him and told her to stay put. He galloped out onto the rooftop and saw Discord using his magic to levitate the bags of bits into the chariot. One Pegasus was placing them in the appropriate order and accidentally dropped one, the dumb one that Flank saw at the nightclub awhile earlier.

“Hey, careful with the bits, foal.” Discord said. “We don’t have much left over after yesterday.” The Pegasus carefully sat down the last sack and noticed Flank standing on the other side of the chariot landing pad.

“Hey, look boss.” He said pointing a hoof at Flank. Discord turned around and started grimacing.

“Not possible.” He said. “Not going to happen. We’re taking off, now!” Discord then jumped into the back of the chariot and ordered the Pegasi to hook up and take off.

“You’re not going anywhere, Discord!” Flank shouted. He looked around and only found a massive, metal crane sitting boringly on the roof of the hotel. “I hope you’re getting this on tape, Rebucka!” Flank shouted.

Flank looked on as the Pegasi started flapping their wings and the giant mass started lifting off the roof. In a panic, Flank rushed over to the small service crane, leftover from construction, and grabbed the swinging hook with his mouth.

He galloped as fast as he could, leaped up high in the air, and attached the hook to the back of the chariot. He fell to the ground and rolled to the side. The Pegasi then flew forward into one direction and the hook and rope pulled tight against the back of the chariot.

The sudden jolt broke the chariot from the harnesses and the mass of gold started falling back to the hard earth. The Pegasi continued to fly, from fear of dealing with a pony that brought down an entire chariot without using his hooves. Discord jumped out from the chariot and tried to fly after them, but the chariot clipped his wing and he fell to the ground. He fell hard on his head and was knocked unconscious.

Flank slowly trotted up to him as the chariot hit the roof and toppled over the side of the building. A few bits flew up and started hitting the ground with force. One hit the roof and flew up, almost hitting Flank in the face…but he caught it with his teeth. He spat it into his hoof and stared at the golden piece of currency.

“Well,” Rebucka said, walking up with her camera, “that was one hay of a show.” She stopped next to Flank and stared at the knocked out Draconequus.

“I guess ratings must’ve been down.” He said, still holding the bit.

“Is he alive?” Rebucka asked.

“He sure is.” Flank said. “Don’t worry; you’ll get your interview sooner or later.” Flank then threw the bit and the small piece of gold smacked Discord in the face with it. He sighed, “This jerk better not be heavy.”