The Badlands

by re- Yamsmos

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Romance, Adventure
Length: 3569

The Badlands. A war-torn, barbaric valley that marks the borders of Equestria and Griffon Territory. Just an old pony's tale. Right?

(This story has undergone extensive changes.)

Legend tells of a deep, ravaged valley, tucked between the borders of Equestria and Griffon Territory. Legendary bounty hunters and slave traders duck down in this valley, where anypony who enters never comes back out. Some say the reason is because of death, while others believe the wanderers have succumbed to the prospecting and dangerous warfare that lies within. Some say that even the Princesses themselves bear no knowledge of its existence.

But everypony knows of its appropiate name: The Badlands.

This tale has been told through centuries, and many paranoid ponies believe it. Nimble Bolt is a pony who knows it as just a fairy tale to frighten certain individuals of all ages. But one night of heartbreaks, injuries, and one helluva barfight leads him, his Unicorn friend Ara, and a certain cyan Pegasus into this fairy-tale of a land, where they must work together…. and make The Great Escape from the hellish Badlands themselves.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-18 10:14:18 UTC

Smashed

The heavy aroma of sweat, sex, and cider greeted the stallion as he limped into the bar, hat hung over his eyes and his ears flat against the sides of his head. Looking up toward the ceiling, he was greeted to the sight of a fan lazily rotating, creating and distributing a light breeze throughout the bar.

Sadly, it didn't do much for the smell.

Turning to his right, he found an empty stool at the counter next to a large, sickly green pegasus who sat hunched over the polished wooden table in front of him. Giving a small chuckle at his fortune, the stallion took his seat with an amused look. Reaching up to place his hat onto the counter top, he suddenly noticed the approach of a light blue Unicorn, who ran a hoof through his jet black mane as he likewise spotted him.

"Nimble Bolt," he started, emphasizing each syllable of his name as if it couldn't go without, "my favorite customer! Just what are you doing here this time?"

Nimble gave him a blank look. He knew that the bartender said that to everypony, but decided to keep his mouth shut. He was right after all.

"I'm just here for cider. Why else would I come into your bar?"

The bartender stuck his hooves out, pushing the air in front of him multiple times, "Please please, I apologize. Why don't you tell me what happened while I get you a drink?"

Nimble rolled his eyes,

Chapter 2: Well Hung

Vierrin didn't really know why exactly she threw that first bottle; she always unwillingly took the role of peacekeeper in situations, but a barfight? That was way out of her comfort zone. And why she got so angry at Nimble? She didn't really understand that either. Sure, he was drunk and making a scene, but she didn't have to throw him into the bucking floor! She never would've done that, not to Nimble, not to anypony! Although.....maybe it was the cider? After all, that was her first time actually drinking; she occasionally drank at parties or get-togethers, but she never asked for more than one cup. Yeah, maybe it was the beer.....

She ducked back down behind the counter, temporarily pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind. Breathing a sigh, she wiped a bead of nervous sweat from her forehead, pausing to cast a very nervous glance at Nimble, who rested behind the counter as well, swigging from a bottle of beer. Igniting her horn and throwing the bottle over their cover, she lay on her barrel, slowly crawling her way to her friend's half-sober figure.

As Nimble turned towards her, he noticed that she had placed her free hoof over her mouth, silently telling him to be quiet, lest they bring attention to their secret hideout. Nopony had seen them dive behind the board, giving them a long time to ready themselves for the hell that was the rest of the very spacy room.

Nimble felt nervousness slowly creep into his thoughts himself, and as he waded through his warbled thoughts, he felt atop his head, not feeling the comfortable, warm fabric of his Stetson. His Stetson!

"Psst. Vierrin!" he asked, shifting over to his right. The unicorn shushed him again, but Nimble had to retrieve his hat, "Vierrin! Get my hat!" he said, hushing his voice as told.

With an annoyed look and a facehoof, she lit up her horn again, feeling around for the lost article. Nothing. Groaning in annoyance, her magic felt further down the counter, still no hat. Nimble, who had spent the time with his forelegs crossed like a foal would while pouting, noticed the lingering wait, and huffed loudly, blowing a loose black hair out of his eyes. A glass bottle, five chips in its glass casing, flew over the counter, landing on the crouched Vierrin. As she gave a yelp of pain, they both heard the fighting escalate, seemingly because it was the first actual blood of the evening.

As Vierrin winced, she rubbed her back feeling a growing bump. Dammit. Gonna have to check that later.. She thought, focusing back at the task at hand. Looking back over at Nimble, she found him glaring over the top of the counter, his tail twitching in unnatural ways.

Half-knowing what the issue was, she gulped the large lump in her throat, "Nimble? Are you alrigh-"

"You bucking son of a bitch. You bucking son of a bitch!" With a loud war cry, he flared his primaries, preparing to launch himself over the counter. Swallowing yet another lump, Vierrin peeked sheepishly over the counter and saw what he was mad about; a light brown pegasus with a jet black mane and a firework as a Cutie Mark was vaulting over a small wooden table, a dark brown Stetson in his teeth.

"Uh oh....."

Nimble launched himself at breackneck speed, his black and white mane flaring in the fan breeze. Eyelids closing shaprly over his sockets, time itself seemed to slow for him. All around his slowly flying body, mayhem ensued as ponies around the bar sluggishly bashed, threw, or even drank beer bottles by the dozen, shards of glass flying everywhere as each one hit its target. Unconscious bodies of ponies lay still on the floor below, occasional blood drops appearing here and there. Five bottles gradually flew over and under him, struggling to reach their respective targets across the wartorn room. Thrusting his wings a second faster, time came back as he tackled the stallion with his hat, knocking the headgear off and into the wall. Turning around, he fired his hindlegs into the Pegasus' muzzle, a loud CRACK! soon following. Growling menacingly in his face, Nimble flew off towards his Stetson, leaving the mahogany stallion to lie on the floor and contemplate his drunken ideas.

Breathing a still raging breath of relief, he found his hat on top of an unconscious mare, who looked as if she were dead. Not wasting time, Nimble lowered is head down over the brim, and clenched it tightly with his teeth. Flipping it over in his mouth, he raised his head yet again, letting the Stetson go as it hovered over his poll. Nimble allowed his nerves to calm down, knowing that the storm inside of him had passed. Turning around, the "dead" mare's beer bottle in his teeth, he asked:

"Who's first!?"

Chapter 3: The Fan

Rainbow Dash was tired. After spending a long, tiring day at work, bucking clouds and clearing rain, she wanted nothing else to do but plop herself on a cloud and doze off. And that's exactly what she did, but she didn't sleep very long. She was rudely awoken from her slumber by the sound of laughter, glass breaking, and the strong smell of cider, even as she lay on her cloud bed. Rubbing the sleep from her magenta irises, she slowly peeked over the side of the cloud, eyes narrowing in annoyance.

"Shut the hell up!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, rolling back over to drift off to sleep again. Hearing nothing from below and thinking her mission complete, she closed her eyelids, preparing to return to dreamland. Instead, she heard a low poof! and looked over to her right, finding something floating on her bed. A dark green aura surrounded it, and after her eyes adjusted, she noticed it was a bottle.

SMASH!

"Celestia dammit. Fine! I'm coming down, you assholes!" The Pegasus rubbed her strucken head, pushed the glass back into the hole, and stretched her wings, ready to address the situation below. Looking over the side of the cloud once more, she spotted her presumed objective directly below her bed. Celestia dammit. She thought as she lifted off and towards her favorite bar.

~~[]~~

Chaos. That's all that could be said of The Drunken Rabbit as of very recently. About half of the participants from the beginning of the barfight were unconscious, glass littered the floor, and at least nine windows were smashed to pieces. Discord would be proud, were it not for the two ponies that were defeating both teams.

"Vierrin! There's one on the right!"

"On it!"

TSSS!

"Get back, dammit!" The unicorn yelled, pulling her friend down from behind an overturned table. The pegasus looked back at her, clearly annoyed of her constant bickering.

"Nag nag nag! We're beating them both, aren't we?" He questioned, pulling two bottles out of their ammo rack. He had recently became sober again, and after witnessing what he had unquestionably started, immediately began the pushback.

Vierrin looked at him, breathing a sigh of regret. "We shouldn't've even come here," the white unicorn stated, slamming her hoof against the wooden table that was their cover, "I mean, if we didn't, ponies wouldn't be fighting, and Clean Shake would be getting more business, now, he just has more things to clean up and a crowd of pacifist ponies outside." She whimpered, feeling a deep sense of dickery for starting the clash.

Nimble looked over at her, his mahogany Stetson clung tightly in both forehooves. Glaring at her, he gripped the hat tighter, noticing the Unicorn's slightly glassy eyes. "Vierrin. Don't you dare beat yourself up like that. It was not your fault. If anybody's it was Rosy's. If she hadn't've dumped me like the slut she was, I wouldn't've come here and annoyed you, so don't beat yourself up, okay?" he reasoned, an apologetic look on his face. He reached a hoof over to his friend and wiped off the only tear she bled, gaining a sniffle of approval from the mare. Nimble replaced his Stetson, roughly stabbing it onto his poll. Retrieving the two bottles, he leaped over the table, eyes narrowed as he quickly scanned the room.

Only two ponies remained. One was an orange Earth pony with a sky blue mane and a pair of green, drunken eyes. The other was a burly, black Unicorn with a neon green mane and five bottles encased in a dark green aura around him. Nimble thought through his mind at unimaginable speeds, trying very hard to decide which to take down first. Eenie-meanie-miney-mo. His mental hoof landed on the Earth pony, who slowly turned toward him, a broom grasped between his teeth. No goin' back now. Damn.

"Okay, look. Let's you and me just get this over with- oh shit!"

The stallion slammed into him, causing the Pegasus to fall to Equestria. Giving a loud mmph!, Nimble felt his head crash onto the floor, followed by the thorough ass beating from the manderin stallion's broom.

~~[]~~

The mare gave a sigh. Every time. Every damn time, something incredibly bucking stupid occured in this Celestia damned bar. Shaking her head, Rainbow Dash pushed the door open, swiftly ducking as a broom flew through the spot her head recently occupied. Nonchalantly staring at the sight before her, Rainbow blew an orange fetlock out of her right eye, taking the time to look at the sorry Pegasus that lay on the ground, his face being beaten into a pulp- Wait, she knew that stallion. Nimble Bolt, age 22, born on February 17th, previous coltfriend of her friend Cloud Kicker. She liked him, he was a pretty funny stallion, and was never afraid of challenges. Well, might as well help him. She thought, cracking her neck on both sides before getting up and trotting over to the still raging Earth pony.

"Yo, loser." She called, tapping lightly on the stallion's raised elbow. He turned, attention now focused on the rainbow-maned Pegasus behind him. Not giving him time to think, the cyan mare reared, bucking the stallion's muzzle and causing a fountain of blood to flow freely from his nose. As the Earth pony lay on the floor, forelegs draped over the front of his face, Rainbow looked toward the Pegasus that lay on the ground, who was a little less for wear, but still chuckling at her heartily.

"What's so funny?" She asked, brow raised in annoyance.

The stallion turned his head to the left, coughing up blood, "You missed one."

Rainbow turned her head, only to be met by the wooden handle of a broom. Reeling in pain, she ducked as another swing flew over her head, slamming into a nearby stool. Punching the Unicorn's barrel five times, she followed up with an uppercut to his chin, knocking the poor pony off his hooves. Fluttering over to the downed magic-wielder, Rainbow took his weapon in her hooves, bringing both forelegs high over her head. After a moments hesitation, she bashed the Unicorn's face with the handle, a resounding PSH! signifying the stallions defeat.

The mare slowly got up from her position over top of the now unconcsious stallion, looking over at the stallion who still lay on the ground. A white unicorn now lay over him, breath coming in as short and hitched. Oh hell. Rainbow thought, trotting over to the couple who sat silently on the cider drenched wooden floor, the only sound being their labored breathing.

"Hey, your uh, your coltfriend gonna be alright?" the Pegasus mare asked, idly scratching the back of her head.

The Unicorn glared at her, mouth opening in protest, but the stallion beat her to it.

"I ain't her coltfriend, miss. She's just a friend, for your information." The stallion managed to sputter, holding his left hoof over his mouth as he coughed up phlegm.

"Thank Celestia. I didn't wanna drag your ass all the way to the hospital if you were hurt."

"Filly, please. I may have gotten my ass handed to me, but I sure as hell didn't lose my battle-hardness." he stated proudly, putting both hooves on his thighs and giving a cocky grin.

"Well, you may as well help me get him up. He's useless just lying on the floor like this." The Unicorn motioned to Rainbow, who trotted calmly over to the two.

~~[]~~

"By Celestia, you're damn heavy." Vierrin grunted, pulling more of the stallion's weight onto her side. Dash, meanwhile, was not at all hindered, having spent long hours lifting weights for not only her wings for the past month. The trio had managed to walk the distance from the entrance of the bar to Sugarcube Corner, but that was not by much, considering the two were only twenty feet apart. The mares, who were having a very hard carrying the Pegasus, breathed heavily with every three steps, neither believing how much the stallion weighed. As the trio marveled in the silence that the Ponyville streets brought them. Taking a minute to rest at Nimble's insistence, the ponies satisfylingly breathed the fresh autumn breeze that ran through the air.

Unbeknownst to them, three pairs of eyes - two pairs yellow and the other pair green - watched their every move, remaining motionless behind the large piece of shrubbery that was their cover. The only thing on the trio's minds was to complete their latest contract, get back, then relax until their paycheck came in The Pub, but they knew it would be harder than that. The cyan one, identified as Rainbow Terror, was the fastest flier in Equestria, something everydog back home knew. The red one, known as Light-On-His-Hooves, was very skilled in a fight and almost seemed invincible. And the white one? Don't even mention her. The stories that spies told them was that she was very vicous when it came to magic, especially levetation. Luckily for them, all three could be easily approached with a stealthy entrance, so their natural-born sneakiness would help them through this more than they thought. Rearing back, they decided to wait until they could take them away from anypony else's sights.

After a prolonged frollick in the park, the ponies continued their journey to drop off the injured Pegasus at the local motel. After all, the stallion noted, it was just a few punches. The mares just rolled their eyes at this, and shifted their weight to better suit Nimble's. Rainbow Dash took the long, silent walk to study her two odd companions.

Nimble Bolt was an average weighted Pegasus, with a dark red coat that barely hid the various gashes, bruises, scuff marks, blood, and booze he had picked up in the recent hour. A sweaty, blood-ridden black and white mane slightly covered his swollen left eye, which Rainbow noted as being straight blue after looking at the stallion's right. The Stetson that was worn loosely over his head was damp with booze and sweat, something the mare was not unfamiliar to. Allowing her eyes - just this once - to gaze at his cutie mark, she spotted four black hoofmarks leading up to his croup. His long tail, the same colors as his mane, swished back and forth idly. His wings folded neatly by his sides, he looked as if he had been through hell and back.

Vierrin was a white unicorn on the skinny side, a brilliant teal mane in a braided ponytail hung behind her head loosely, with a short tail to match. Her cutie mark, an intricate triangle with runic-looking designs circling around an eyeball. Her body bore much less bruises than her friend's, save for a few cuts here and there. A noticeable bump formed across the back of her head caught Rainbow's eye. Must'a gotten hit by something.

As the motel grew larger on the horizon, Nimble breathed a sigh of relief that the mares repeated, all three happy to get the chaotic night over. "Hey, what's your name?" Vierrin asked, looking over at the other mare. Brandishing a cocky grin, she flew up in a flash, destroying every cloud that hung over their heads in what Vierrin noted took at least ten seconds. Flying by the duo again, she made a large circle around the nearest apple tree, causing each and every fruit to fall out and onto the grass below. Returning to her previous spot, she extended a hoof toward the mare and the stallion, the former of which held an astounded look. Laughing heartily as both shook her cyan hoof, she proudly said, "Name's Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in all of Equestria. How about you guys?"

"I'm Vierrin, Vierrin Heartstrings, and this guy's Nimble Bolt. Pleased to meet ya."

"Pleasure's all mine. Ponies like you guys are hard to come by; that was a pretty sick barfight. Haven't seen one for a long time. So Vierrin, you Lyra's cousin or somethin'?"

Scoffing, the Unicorn replied, "Nope. I'm her sister. Younger sister, to be specific. She talk about me behind my back?" she asked, a small hint of annoyance creeping into her voice.

Chuckling lightly, Rainbow exclaimed, "She's always talking about her little Vie, I mean, you're like Discord to her! You're awesome!" She threw her a hoof, which Vierrin returned.

~~[]~~

Waiting near the ponies destination, the three figures waited, their weapons ready. The night sky covered their maneuvers as they shifted from their cover. This would be too easy, they soon realized as their bounties came closer...

~~[]~~

As they neared the motel, a large shadow shifted next a trash can, causing a loud clang! which gained Rainbow's attention. As she let go of Nimble's left arm and slowly flew over toward the noise, a low whistling sounded through the air. The mare felt a piercing sensation stab her neck, and after reaching for it, she felt something metal. It felt like a dart that she usually saw being used by Unicorns in some bars. She soon realized it was lethal, after feeling a relaxing feeling coursing through her body. Rainbow's eyes widened, and she struggled to stay on her hooves, but ultimately succumbed to the sleeper darts, crashing toward the floor in a heap.

Vierrin, seeing this, engaged her magic, beginning to create a shield spell. Too late. A dart of her own flew at her, scoring a shot on her shoulder. Gritting her teeth in pain, she too fell over, eyes shutting in response. Nimble, of his own accord, stood his ground, watching for any movement so as to interpret his attackers tactics. Seeing a slight movement, he flew to the right, successfully evading a dart that flew harmlessly into Luna's sky. Another dart flew, barely grazing his left foreleg. That was too close. He thought, zooming down to avoid yet another projectile. What he didn't know was that only two of his three attackers were engaging him, and the other was behind him. Feeling something tug at his tail, he wheeled around, expecting a pedestrian to be cowering behind him. Instead, a Diamond Dog with a weapon composed of two arms and a long wire stood before him. It aimed at his neck, and as Nimble struggled to fly away, it pierced his flank, causing his lower body to go completely numb. Trying his hardest to fly toward Canterlot, two more darts flew at him, hitting his exposed neck and foreleg. Keeping his eyes wide in retaliation, he plummeted to the ground, loudly crashing on a large rock. His attackers came in closer, and Nimble struggled to stay awake as they began to shoot more ammo at his body, further increasing the difficulty to keep his eyelids open. Relenting, the last thing he heard before he plummeted into blackness was the word,

Badlands....