PAYDAY : Wait A Minute...

by PBY_Jacko115

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8672

What happens when you take robbers and put them in a world of techni-color ponies? Wait a minute... THAT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL!

Wolf, Dallas, Chains and Hoxton. Some of the best in their expertise, of course with help from Bain. However this 'expertise' doesn't involve a power fluctuation and an explosive material setting off prototype military canisters.... It's time for a payday.... Guys? Guys!? What happened? Wait a minute...

A big thanks to ShadyHorseman on DeviantArt for the cover page.

A crossover with PAYDAY : The Heist and MLP : FiM

PAYDAY : The Heist belongs to OverKill Software

My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro Studios.

Published 2013-02-05 20:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-13 14:11:37 UTC

Plasma + Uranium = KABOOM!

“All right guys, here’s the deal. There’s a diamond inside of this military base that some really high up people want for big cash. You will be posing as patrol guards so you’ll need split up. Wolf, try to keep it calm.”
The four ‘guards’ split apart from each other and head in a picked direction.

One with weary eyes and a Handle-Bar moustache had picked a route directly for the precious gem.
Another with a bald head and Honest Abe beard headed towards the guard break room. Sitting down he took note of the lone security camera looking over the bustling room. “In the break room. I might need some much needed assistance.”
The third of the party with a clean shaven face and short bob-tail took a route perpendicular to that of the first, leading him to the CO’s office.The final member of the group was an African-American with a military buzz cut and slight shadow. He acted like he was in his own territory, saluting at high ranking officers and nodding at those of lower rank than his disguise.

The first man reached his destination, the place riddled with guards and cameras. He walked out and spoke into the ear microphone, “The place has got a shit-load of cameras, and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle all the guards. Hoxton, go find a power box and shut it down. Chains, you know the military, come with me once Hoxton’s cut the power.”

“Got it mate”, A Sheffield accent replied through the mic. Not a few seconds later a, “Roger” came through, gravely in return.

Meanwhile, the second member just watched the break room, hearing the entire conversation. Had no one heard his request for assistance? Doesn’t matter, once the lights went dead, he’d just use his STRYK. He mulled over the thought that he couldn’t bring his AK as it would be too outstanding for a military facility and instead opted for his AMCAR-4. Also concerning him was inability to bring the GL-40. A guard carrying a grenade launcher? Oh sure the others definitely wouldn’t notice his giant ass, explosive weapon. Instead he had to bring a Compact-5. Why not a Mk. 11? Or a Locomotive 12 G?

All together, he was pissed. Everyone but him could bring along their signatures since they were actually deemed usable by the military. He looked at one guard in particular, his breath catching his throat. Slowly, but shakily he brought his hand up to his mic.

“Guys, they have Cloakers… Fuckin’… Cloakers.” He said as calmly as possible; however in his state it more like a quiet shriek.

“Wait, I thought this was military. Bulldozer I understand, but Shields, Tazers and Cloakers?”

“Wait, hold on Dallas, did you say Tazers? And Shields? AND people in giant tacky suits that are extremely hard to kill!?”

“Yeah, saw a couple Tazers back on the way to the diamond and saw a shield lounging around the damned thing. Stay calm Wolf, Hoxton will get over to your position when the power goes out.”

Hoxton cut through the conversation with his own input, “Don’t worry Wolfy, I’ll hold your hand.”
Scowling internally at the joke, he sighed and dropped his hand. He looked up to see the Cloaker standing over him, making him slightly squirm. The Cloaker sat, a bottle of PowerAde in his hand.

“So… you’re part of the new guards. Sound a tad foreign there bud.” The Cloaker said, sitting down in a chair. “So tell me, where ya from?” Oh, Bostonian accent… Lovely.

“Sweden.” Wolf replied near inaudibility.

“Say again rookie?”

“Sweden, sir.”

“So your Swedish, eh? What’s your name?”

“Kjell Bondevik.” The two sat there, Wolf staring at the table and the Cloaker keeping a close eye on the robber. Several moments passed, tension in the air when finally, Wolf got up from his vantage point and left. Leaving the break room, he turned the corner and ran right into an over reactive Shield who, in turn, busted his nose as a reflex with his name implied equipment.

Staring down, the Shield offered his words of concern. “Well shit… You alright?” The Shield said looking down at the crumpled Swede. Meanwhile, Wolf was holding his nose and going over the possibilities. A, completely ignore Dallas’ plan and shoot everyone, or B, go to the infirmary and get his nose patched, along with stealing a few morphine syringes and THEN shoot everyone.

“Hey buddy, I said are you okay? Your nose loo-“, Wolf took a choice not within his mental checklist. The Shield currently had a fully-automatic weapon aimed at his head, and there was no way he could bring his protection up fast enough to block the bullets that were waiting at a fingers command. Slowly getting to his feet, Wolf had donned his Demon mask and looked down at the captive Shield. He brought his un-occupied hand to his mic and calmly spoke.

“Hoxton, cut the power now. Dallas, find a vantage point, and Chains… Start unloading into everyone nearby. Enough time has passed.” With that, Wolf unloaded into the Shield's eye-popping face. Turning around, he walked back towards the break room. Reloading his sidearm, he brought up his AMCAR-4 and shot an oblivious soldier who just walked through his destinations door. With the body being a door stopper, he unloaded into everyone in the break room, making sure to hit the Cloaker who had grabbed his sidearm let loose a round that went flying past his head.

With gunshots heard, Hoxton shot the power board with his M308, and turned to a nearby bewildered Tazer, quickly dispatching him. He ran through the halls, ignoring everyone, pulling on his Weeping Clown mask. Switching his primary rifle for his short barreled Locomotive 12 G, he put a shotgun slug through a nearby soldier’s knee, effectively putting him out of action. Turning a corner, he faced the backside of Bulldozer. Walking backwards, he placed a trip mine on the wall and activated the laser. Hiding behind crate at a safe distance he cried out, “OVER HERE, YOU LUMP OF AMERICAN FAT!” Turning around the Bulldozer charged, and as soon as he breached the laser, a pound of concentrated C4 blew past his armor, turning his insides to mush.

Running down the maze of corridors, Hoxton met up with Wolf, who had just finished off another Cloaker with his STRYK. The two nodded and went off towards the room Dallas had mentioned. Soon enough they saw the older gentleman with his Smiling American on, mowing down anyone stupid enough to arise from cover with his Brenner 21. No one noticed a Cloaker sneaking up over head, looking warily down at the three. While he remembered something about 4 members, the 4th wasn’t there. Shrugging off the missing robber, he jumped down, quickly kicking Hoxton in the gut while pointing his gun at the back of Dallas’ head.

He turned to see Wolf contemplating whether to shoot or not. While his eyes were masked, Wolf’s body language proved that right now, the Cloaker wasn’t leaving. With Dallas as a hostage and Hoxton holding his gut, all the Cloaker needed to worry about was the Swede… And the Swede didn’t even have to shoot. Instead, a .44 caliber flying through the air at magnum force went through the goggled enforcers shoulder, disabling use of his firearm. Another ripped through the air, this time hitting his back.

Chains was reloading his Bronco .44, a white and purple Dark Clown mask on. Before he arrived, Chains had ran through the hallways, picking a helmet off a nearby crate and sticking to his disguise. Splitting up with another soldier they prepared to breach the door Chains came through, when the soldier soon had a 12 gauge shotgun shell take off his head. Chains then breached the door to reveal the events that recently transpired.

“Guys, watch where you shoot, apparently the military was shipping some experimental plasma containers that are full of not just plasma but along with Uranium and some other radioactive ores. Also make sure the power doesn’t go out, becau-“ Bain didn’t get to finish his message, the result of Hoxton’s destruction of the power box took effect and resulted in the plasma and Uranium to haphazardly collide together with the other ores.

The resulting mixtures along with the heated air from bullets flying resulted in an explosion that wiped out the entire floor.

Meanwhile in a completely different and yet to be discovered place, a certain pink pony had a strange feeling.

Author's Note

And no, they will not magically land in Equestria. Instead... Wait a minute... That's giving away details, DON'T TRICK ME!!!

Pinkie's Got A Clue!

Something didn't feel right, not at all right. A strange sixth sense entered her mind as something unknown happened, beyond the knowledge of the space-time continuum.... How did she know these words? None the less, she continued on her daily circuit, seeing what fun was being had within the quaint town. Walking by the several market stands within the town square, she saw one of her old time (Around a year would be considered old time on her standard of time.) friends trying to enjoy a nice, delectable.... Hopefully she liked it soggy, because as soon as she was about to take a bite, rain poured down like hellfire, cataclysmic to all in it's path.

Now that she was finally free from that strange poetry part of her mind, Pinkie just watched her friend, Twilight silently rage at the rain cloud that Rainbow Dash had brought out of nowhere in order to keep with the weather schedule. For now, all was right with Ponyville, Chrysalis was defeated some time ago, Sombra had been destroyed by the the Crystal Heart, and Discord was reformed..... Actually, that's still a maybe, chaos is never sure after all. But for some odd reason even her Pinkie sense couldn't explain, something strange, (And possibly quite bad) was about to happen. Normally this wouldn't be of any concern, but the bad jives it's been sending her way was extremely bothering.

Supposing that asking the quiet librarian wasn't too bad of a source of information, she disappeared into a cloud of muddy dust and vanished into the tree's built in balcony window.

"INCOMING!!!!!!!" She screamed on the way down, just to spot a magically appearing pillow pop out of nowhere and soften her high speed velocity. Instead she burst through the pillow with a punch like Super Stallion would do to the bad guys in the comics that just recently were released. However, a cake appeared this time causing the physic-breaking bundle of insanity to instantly stop and slowly stop around the cake. Content with her entrance, she turned to see a tired looking, and wet, Twilight Sparkle looking at Pinkie with an agitated look on her face.

"What is it Pinkie? I've been trying for hours today to perfect this spell, and then Rainbow Dash dropped a thunderstorm out of nowhere, and how are you not wet?" Finished with her sentence, Twilight sighed and drooped her shoulders, signaling for Pinkie to start her part of the conversation.

Dramatic intake of breath aaaaaaand, "I've got this really wierd feeling that something bad is going to happen but I don't know if it's bad or not, so I decided to go to you to see if you had any way to solve it!" Now with her troubles out of the way, she looked upon her unicorn friend, to see her utterly confused trying to solve what Pinkie said within such a short span of time.

Honestly, this going through time and space thing was getting really boring to Wolf. They had been here for who knows how long and throughout the entire way, everyone stopping their shooting seeing as how the bullets seemed to disappear as soon as they left the barrel. So now, a bunch of soldiers and four bank robbers were floating through the space-time continuum. Now everyone just stayed within their own corner of there travel group. However, one Cloaker was giving Wolf the stink eye and Wolf was desperately trying to hide behind Dallas, even as he was smoking a cigarette in everyone's face. One Tazer was actually trying to 'swim' towards Dallas, possibly in an attempt to take the tobacco filled stick.

"So... Any idea what the hell happened?" Another Cloaker spoke up from the back of the group.

Many considered his words while Wolf just hid more behind Dallas, who was hiding an irritated look behind his mask. A Bulldozer slowly raised his hand, until he was hit with a shield from the individual with the same name. He shook his head at his armored ally, and the Bulldozer lowered his hand. Another soldier was raising his voice when he simply disappeared. Everyone scattered from the area that sucked in the soldier, Wolf now holding Dallas in a Full Nelson, using him as a body shield. Soon more and more people were sucked in, until all that was left was Wolf, Dallas, and two Tazers. Looking at each other, the Tazers tried to 'swim' away until they to were sucked up. All that was left was Wolf and Dallas now.

"Dallas, though we might die, I just want to say, I stole your cigarettes during the Slaughter House. I was freaking out, and I thought they would help! I'm sorry man!"

"I stole your laptop when you were stuck in the shower and uploaded a shit load of porn on there as a prank! It's okay, right!?"

"You son of a bi-..." Wolf didn't get to finish his sentence as he was sucked up with Dallas into an unknown fate.

"And that's why I have a really funny feeling." Pinkie finished her explanation. Twilight sat there dumbfounded at Pinkie explanation. However, even if Pinkie was uncertain, her Pinkie sense was almost always indicating a bad thing, usually something within the next few days or minutes.

"Since I'm trusting out previous encounters with your sixth sense Pinkie, I'm going to send a letter to Princess Celestia about our predicament." After a quick search for Spike, a letter was sent to the solar ruler of Equestria. Moments later, a letter arrived via Spike's burping. After reading the letter, Twilight set to her work, which Pinkie shall demonstrate in a school house rock style jam.... Apparently not, as Twilight set several telescopes and prepared..... An amount of coffee too large for literature description.

"Oh god, my fu-...... I'm going to kill Bain." Hoxton looked up from his face down position to see everything gone and all that's left is a kevlar vest, dress pants and a shirt. Nothing else was with, not his rifle, or B9-S or his Locomotive, just the clothes on his back. However he was in a good position to scope out the landscape. What he saw, brought him near to *manly* tears.

"I'm in a goddamned kids book aren't I? What's next, a giant chimera?"

"What's a chimera? The only thing I know about is a Manticore."

Hoxton jumped, the body belonging to the voice jumped, Hoxton fell down the hill, and soon enough, panic started to spread when a nearby pegasus weather patrol spotted Hoxton.

"Huh, is that all? New Pinkie sense added, hairless apes appear from nowhere... Oh well." And soon enough, Pinkie went off, paying no mind to the British heister laying in pain at the bottom of the hill.

Author's Note

I was actually surprised at the amount of favorites I got. So I'm going to continue on with this story. Also, if you want to, send a PM to contact and put your own input of how the story could be helped. I do have a list of things I'm not going to use though, such as : O.C's, death of characters until deemed okay by me, and other choice things.

So keep supporting and FOR THE LUNAR EMPIRE!!!!

Solars are an admirable force to reckoned with also.

P.S. : 18 favorites so far guys. Hopefully it gets better. Sorry if the last 2-300 words are fucked up, I'm really tired writing this...... That and I have Caravan Palace playing on my headphones. Sooooo yeah.

What Kind Of Name Is Dallas?

"Psst, wanna know a secret Wolf?" Dallas squeaked under the lying on top of him.

"Yeah, what's that Dallas?" The swede replied, his own voice hoarse from the 20 foot fall after the were barfed from the continuum.

"You need to lose weight..... A lot of it."

"At least I'm not an old man."

"I'll still kick your ass into Sunday."

"Whatever old man." Finally, Wolf rolled off Dallas, facing the sun.Both laid there, in pain and exhaustion as the sun roasted them. Suits aren't exactly summer weather. Soon, a shadow blocked Wolf's view of the sky, and he was lifted off the ground. Surprisingly, no hands were felt as he was lifted and carried into the unknown.

Dallas too was felt being lift off the ground, this time onto a back of an animal. Bent over the back of the animal, Dallas lifted his head to see Wolf in a strange purple aura. Now confused as to Wolf's situation, he turned his, painfully so, to see a Stetson and blonde ponytail blocking his view of what was carrying him. Dropping his head, he let the animals carry him to wherever they were going. But if things got scratchy, he could still feel his Crosskill .45 in his holster swinging against his leg.

"Oh bugger fuck, my ribs." Hoxton complained as he lay at the bottom of the hill he took a tumble down. Whoever it was that talked and made him fall down the hill, when he got up, he was going to give it the beating of a lifetime. Slowly picking himself up, he saw rows upon rows of trees in the distance. And with common knowledge and the current environment, he pieced together that an apple orchard laid before his eyes. And when he got done, one of the apple trees were gonna be left without a few of it's fruit.

Making his way towards the orchard while holding his undiagnosed ribs, he eventually made it to the field, although when crossing a road, he had to make a dive when the sound of a carriage was nearing. Making the dive hurt his ribs bad enough that he couldn't look at who was in the carriage, but the sound of hooves made it evident that horses or ponies were pulling it. Now near a tree, he started climbing in a painful attempt to make towards the delicious red fruit above him. Just as he was to grab one of the fruit, a loud crack filled the air, startling Hoxton and making him fall to the ground.

"I have to things to kill now. Greeeaaaa-ooooh." Hoxton finished in a moan of pain. More trotting reached Hoxton's ears as he got up as fast as he could, which took about 10 seconds, he sneaked towards the main trail in the orchard. There, he saw a uni-... wait a second... Digression aside, holding Wolf in some kind of magical aura and Dallas was being carried by an orange pony... wearing a Stetson. Dallas was clearly asleep as his snoring ripped through the air like his signature weapon. Wolf however, was slowly turning his head in every direction, and stopped when he spotted Hoxton in ditch beside.

Hoxton weighed his choices, going after the unicorn would leave a stronger and more fit regular to deal with, but hitting the orange first would probably have the unicorn try to kill him with magic... He had time for the second choice. Picking a decent sized unripe apple from the ground, he chucked it at the orange pony, hitting its Stetson of it's head. Bewildered, it stopped and dropped Dallas to the ground, waking the older gentleman. With Dallas awake, at least Hoxton had a better chance. Picking another apple up, he chucked it at the unicorn, hitting her square in the temple, making it drop Wolf. Now with both of his compatriots available to fight, Hoxton stepped out with his mask still on.

"Alright, hold it up. Dallas, tell me you got a gun." Hoxton said, an apple in each hand. Dallas replied with swinging his Crosskill up to the Orange pony's head.

"Wolf, do yo-" A crack filled the air as Wolf pulled his STRYK from his holster. The orange pony got into a charging stance as the unicorn got into a different defensive position. The sound reverberated for a while throughout the orchard. "Excellent, I've seemed to have lost mine. Now, if you don't mind, I'll be ta-... Wait a minute, I'm talking to a horse, er, pony. They can't understand me." Hoxton slowly walked towards the two ponies. He looked in the eyes of the orange one, and turned around. "No need to put 'em down. Come on guys, we gotta find Chainsy."

Chains found himself in the middle of dinner... A really fancy dinner. But with Chains being Chains, well... Heisting sure does aggravate someone's hunger. So naturally, he grabbed one of the slices of cake on the table and scarfed it down. After cleaning his face and finding his mask in someone's soup, he dried it off and quickly put it on. Military has taught him one thing, never lose your gun. Luckily, Chains happened to buckle everything to his person before the mission, thus allowing him to have all his weapons. Looking around, he saw shocked faces of... ponies.

One in particular stood out, a pure white with wings and a horn, along with a tiara. Paying no mind, he walked out of the room, just to find several armored ponies form a line and block off his exit. Rolling his eyes, he pulled his Compact-5 up and riddled one off the ponies with 9mm bullets. Standing shocked, they were left exposed to Chains onslaught as he continued on his way, knowing that seeing something like that for the first time was going to leave you shocked for awhile.
As he made his way out of the way out of the place, he reloaded his weapon and brought up his Reinbeck.

He made it into a room that was filled with stained glass paintings. Paying them no mind, he tried to find an exit, only to find none. Turning around, he saw VERY angry white pony with wings and a horn along with an ungodly amount of guards.

"I surrender." Chains said, almost immediately, pulling his hands up. After white, everything went white for Chains, as he was engulfed in some kind of glowing field.

"So, what happened to you, Hoxton?" Wolf asked, looking at Hoxton in his current state. His shirt ripped up and his pants covered with mud, along with his Kevlar.

"Well, I took a tumble down a hill, jumped in some bushes, fell outta tree and... took a 20 foot fall from the sky." Hoxton replied, an edge of pain to his voice. They continued down the road until Hoxton suddenly went flying, landing a good few feet away. Wolf and Dallas turned around to see a steaming orange pony wearing a Stetson.

Looking at each other, Wolf and Dallas nodded, charging the pony, intent on paying back the damage.

"What kind of name is Dallas?" A large stallion spoke towards the tied up Chains. Chains had been questioned for the past hour and a half, on his origins, intentions and life. All in all, standard police procedure and mind numbing boredom. Still, he answered their questions, mostly with lies.

"It's a name of a city and a regularly used name by humans, problem?" Chains replied, complete and utter boredom to his tone. The interrogator stared at Chains, a blank face and a cocked eyebrow his only features.

"Yes, onto another question. Why did you kill Sergeant Cloud Barricade with your weapon?" The question made Chains pause. He had taken a life without being attacked first. Now he was the thing he hated most, a hypocrite. Silence filled the air as Chains contemplated his reason for killing the guard.

"As to the reason for killing your guard," Chains finally answered to the question, "I had no intelligence on whether you were hostile or not. My thinking made it aware that the death of one of your comrades would send you into shock, giving me time to escape. Apparently, traveling in unknown territory can nearly kill you." The stallion took in his answer and nodded, standing up and making to leave the room. As he left, Chains was left alone to himself. He couldn't escape this time, and now he was going to most likely fall into death's hands. Looks like the 'invincible' ex-soldier is going to finally die.

Author's Note

I feel sorry for Hoxton. He keeps getting hurt. First a tumble, then a bush jump, falling down a tree, then getting bucked by Applejack... I feel really bad for abusing Hoxton so much. Also, tell me if it's going too fast or slow, what I should do to help the story and whatnot.

P.S. - I'm also accepting PS3 PAYDAY : The Heist invites every weekend and Fridays. Also, looking for somebody to beta read or collaborate with. You must've written a story to collaborate with this story.

ERU... What's that mean?

Wolf and Dallas bolted the door as magic bolts zoomed past them, while Hoxton was leading the orange pony with Wolf's STRYK to her head. They were hunkered down in the barn beside a large farmhouse. Recent events transpired as so, Dallas and Wolf both receiving bucks to their bodies, Hoxton getting up, swiping Wolf's STRYK, pistol whipped the orange pony, shit loads of Pegasi with official uniforms come out from nowhere yelling, 'ERU!! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!!", unicorns showing up with the same uniform of the Pegasi. The end result leaving them all inside a barn with pissed off ponies outside.

Now, they played the waiting game.

"Y'know," the orange stetson wearing pony began, "if ya ju-"

"Yadda yadda, I know. What's next, a giant ass horse that's like royalty gonna show up and use her all superior powers to force to give up?" The statement hung in the air, Wolf, Dallas and the pony terrified. Wolf and Dallas for the sole reason that everything bad Hoxton could say happen, will happen. The pony for the fact that she knew that's what exactly was going to happen.

"Uh... Look, just because I'm gonna accept fate, I'm Dallas, that's Wolf and the idiot you bucked on the road holding a gun to your head is Hoxton. Your name is...?" Dallas said, face-palming while Wolf just waved.

"Applejack... Uh, Hoxton, right? How exactly did you know that the princess was goi-"

Dallas cut her off, "He just happens to have a curse that whatever bad he says is going to happen, will."

Childishly, Hoxton replied with a middle finger. Wolf replied both holding both and crossed his arms and said, "Let the power of Christ come fuck your shit up Hox."

"Come on," Hoxton said innocently, "that's just a myth!"

"Diamond heist, you said that a Cloaker was going to kick Chains in the balls for touching your BEEEF mask. Not 30 seconds later, that's exactly what happened."

"Well that was just coincidence."

"First World Bank, you said a sniper was going to take somebody's ear off. Look at me, I HAVE ONE FUCKING EAR!!"

"Come on, just beca-"

"At the slaughterhouse, you said the truck was going to never fall through the roof.... They had to get 5 helicopters to lift it out after we escaped."

"Okay, that one was comple-"

"IRS, you said I would be the first person to be in a possible life or death struggle after being shot.... I was shot in the throat with Chains holding my neck so I wouldn't bleed."

With Wolf's point proven, everything went silent. Applejack however looked at the three robbers like the completely insane. Dallas however motioned with his hands in an attempt to day he wasn't with them.

Chains sat in the room, alone. Behind magic proof and one way windows, Princess Celestia was conversing with the guard that had interrogated him. The guard relayed the information to it's fine point and Celestia thought it through with an un-opened mind. To her, the human sitting within the the room was that of pure evil, no one with such a mind could ever possibly murder anypony that ruthlessly. She gave her judgement of the situation, and returned to the throne room, a messenger waiting for her.

"Yes, what would you have for me?" She said in a neutral tone, previous events restricting her motherly side as of now.

"Your highness, a letter from the Equestrian Rescue Unit arrived, stating that high emergency personnel have been sent out to Sweet Apple Acres in regards to the Element of Honesty. Apparently, our 'friend' had some association with the kidnappers as they were attacked by a weapon similar to that of the prisoners." The royal messenger waited for a response, moments later he was granted with Celestia disappearing.

"I truly feel sorry for those poor stallions. May Celestia have mercy." The mailpony finished, trotting off as to avoid the repercussions when she would return.

"So... basically, a giant winged unicorn is going to come here and royally hand our asses to us?" Dallas said, looking out the upper windows of the bar, the occasional magic bolt whizzing by. "Because, the way I see it, I'm gettin' too old for this shit."

"I don't know what you mean by handing your mules towards ya. I mean, why would she roy-"

"It's a figure of speech, it means she going to beat us up." Wolf cut Applejack off, answering her question. Hoxton sat on a bale of hay, STRYK still pointed at Applejack's head, a warning if she dared to attack of escape. Applejack huffed and laid down, getting comfortable in the rough hay littering the floor. Dallas peaked his head out the window to see all the ponies outside either saluting or bowing. This wasn't good for them at all.

"Hoxton, if we survive.... I'm going to murder you." The American said, a threatening tone, to Hoxton

"You love too much to IF about it."

"You right, come here and give me a clear shot at your knees." Dallas finished the conversation, still looking out the window, the sun's heat upon his back... Wait a minute, his back wasn't in... Oh shit.

"Now I'm seriously too old to deal with this shit. Guys, might as well give up, she's here." Dallas turned around, seeing the most pissed off face he's ever seen. Only taller than him by a few inches, having to look up at something instead of looking down was a tad intimidating. Wolf looked up from his position to see the royal princess staring down Dallas. He relaxed into the bale of hay he was on and watched what was to happen. Dallas continued to look up at the royal crown, almost like a Queen in front of a King, out of way of the Bishop and too far from the Knight.

"Alright, alright. Let me guess, this is where you put your grueling punishment upon us other than death? I mean, we have a hostage that very important and most certainly Chains is somewhere and most likely on his way."

Back at the palace, Chains was putting a metal pin he hid in his pants waist band to good use. Magic or not, no cuffs can beat the best lock-picker. Chains wasn't the best lock-picker.

Author's Note

I fixed the part about Celestia being a meter taller than Dallas. Horses are what, 5ft something at shoulder height? And ponies are basically more compact horses, so I think an Alicorn is around a horses' height.... I think.

P.S. : Somebody help me write this damned story.... AND GIVE ME DISLIKES!!! It isn't THAT good, is it? I mean, shitty story and no dislikes, I'm very disappointed. But seriously, I'd really appreciate it if somebody would like to help or something. Writin' these things are hard.

P.P.S : :duck: I don't know if emiticons work in author notes but uh.... Have a Rarity duck-face for the views and likes.

Edit : I fixed that last paragraph about Dallas' unending paragraph and his psychic knowledge of Chains being held in jail and explained that too.

The Bain of Their Excistence

“Police and military officials litter the scene, after a whole floor of a government protected establishment was completely wiped out. Details are yet to be released, but the military suspects that the attack was not one of terrorism, as no evidence of such acts has shown up.” The reporter droned on to the camera as the environment buzzed around him. No one knew of the cause of the explosion, but one thing was certain; everyone on that floor was missing. No bodies, only blood and the faint smell of burnt metal. One man in a large black raincoat stood far back, a scarf and hat hiding the ski mask he wore.

His entire team, four people of excellent talent, just disappeared. Nothing just poofs off the radar like that, especially not an entire floor of military personnel. Walking forward, he passed discussing officers and private detectives. He could feel the weight of his B9-S pound against his chest as he walked, ready to pull it out should he become… Suspicious, per say. Finally arriving within the room that held the precious item he sent his team in for, he looked about the room.

Several people were taking notes of the area and many guards were strewn about the perimeter. He turned towards a wall of burnt and destroyed containers, a radiating smell of burnt metal coming from them. Looking around, the man approached the containers, his stomach beginning to disagree with him as soon as he was within touching distance.

‘Great, looks like they really fucked up. I should leave before the radiation starts killing me. I’ll be back, call in some favors that people owe me.’ With that thought, the man turned around and left, a red bombshell pin left behind on a crate.

“So, uh… You gonna keep staring at me demonically or…?” Dallas stated, getting tired of the staring match that was instigated between him and the ruler of this world, and yet, for reasons unknown, Hoxton and Wolf weren’t even helping. Not even a sound was peeped as he and the Alicorn stared at each other. Both eyes held wisdom within, but Dallas’ contained a certain degree of tiredness, the Alicorn’s holding anger and… what seemed a hint of fear.

“I’m Princess Celestia, co-ru-“ the Alicorn began to say but was cut off by a certain Swede yawning and stretching, mimicking the movement of a person’s mouth with his hand. Dallas took this interruption to quickly lean out the windows and hold up a middle finger, a stray magic bolt hitting the wood above. Quickly retreating back inside, he saw Wolf making a fool of himself in order to taunt the princess. Sighing, he took his sidearm and held it up towards Wolf’s head. The Swede caught the American raising his arm, his signature sidearm leveled at him, signaling him to stop his shenanigans.

“Sorry about that, but your Princess Celestia? Huh, what kind of name is Celestia? Got some kind of thing to do with the Sun?” Dallas semi-apologized for as he now question the origins of the Princess’ name. At this rate, it seemed that everyone was going to stay in the barn for a while.

“This is Liam Kelstrumn, I’d like to speak with Largitori Veritas. No, I’m not some kind of creepy spook… You feel like getting dropped from a helicopter? No? Then get your damned boss.” Bain had been trying to call one of his inside contacts for awhile, his subordinates giving him trouble, however. But finally, he’s been able to get his intentions fulfilled.

“So, the infamous Bain seeks my help again. You should really stop using fake names, I’m getting to old for this horseshit of trying to find out your real name.” A rather youthful voice came through, pride and confidence evident.

“Oh yeah? Too old? You’re four years younger than me. Four years! By the way, we should stop digressing.”

“Yeah, you’re right. So, what do ya want Bain?”

“I need muscle… And I need it now.”

“What kind of muscle? We’re tal-“

“Just… muscle. My regulars have went missing, and by missing I mean poof. You hear about that explosion in Oklahoma?”

“Yeah, prototype radiation containers caused the explosion and… I know what you’re up to.”

Silence spoke for Bain as the line remained silent.

“You really think that you’re going to get some of my guys killed, Bain?”

Again, silence reigned the robbers side of the phone. The information mole sighed and clacking could be heard through the speakers as he typed away on his computer.

“Sorry, but… These guys are pretty top notch. They just don’t ‘disappear’ either. I’d at least like to know what happened.” Bain spoke through the phone, his silence game ending.

“Alright fine,” the mole finally collapsed against Bain, “I owe you for that info mishap during the Garnet heist. I swear those codes were literally hours old.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Just get your boys over to Death Valley, fuckin’ place is drier than my ex’s lips.” With that, Bain ended the conversation. Putting his head against the dashboard of the his helicopter, he sighed and brought his phone up again.

“*Ring ring…. Ring ring… Ring ring…* I’m sorry, the number you called is no lon-“ The automated tone didn’t finish as the connection was cut. Bain leaned back, cramped bones barely cracking as he somewhat stretched.

“Oh come on you piece of shit, just get into that final sweet spot, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-…… SHIT!!” Chains yelled as he missed the spot completely and the locks were completely reset. He had been there for the past hour or two, recent events still to yet reach the castle’s ears. He groaned of disdain, and once again restarted his quest to get the cuffs off him. For odd reasons, the guards have been ignoring his continued verbal assault to the cuffs, assuming that he couldn’t do anything against them other than make curses towards them that would make the drill sergeant at the training center blush.

“So… When is the next shift gonna start? I’d rather get home as fast as possible.” A guardspony asked towards his partner as two other guards walked by.

“Should be here in a few minutes. Why, got a place to be?” The second guard replied, a flat tone to his question.

“Yeah, the wife’s been pressuring me to take her out. Means well and all, but these shifts have got me up all night and day, so when I get home, the bed is the first one I greet.”

“Take it up with the princess. Assumin’ she ever simmers down, that prick that killed ol’ Sarge Barricade got her REAL riled up.”

“Yeah, something about a metal stick filling him full of holes. Heard the C.O. of the squad almost broke down.”

The conversation died as both guards took a solemn look and stared at the ground. However, the smooth silence was interrupted as a chink and a deep laughter filled the air.

Author's Note

Also, I'm sorry for the long wait, but I've waited for the Beta Reader to review the chapter and after a while and an apology for the tardiness of the review and explanation of his inability at the moment to, I've decided to upload this anyway. I hope you enjoyed.

Find the Easter Egg, and I'll make either a story of your favorite shipping (No clop :P) or a drawing of your favorite video
game character on dA (Deviant Art).

First two to find it wins.

Also here's my song and quote for the chapter.

Quote : "It takes twenty years of peace to make a man... However, it only takes twenty seconds of war to destroy one." - King Baudoin of Belgium

Song :

CHAAAAIIIINS!!!!

"Oh buck... We should run now." The scared guard said as a chair scraping was heard and evil dark laughter resonated through the halls.

"Y'know... I think you're right." The other guard then ran as a pounding against the door commenced and several guards ran in the direction of Chains cell. Finally the ancient wood gave in as the door swung open and a giant man holding a chair with his handcuffs still attached to one hand.

"Which one of horses took my guns?" Chains was heaving from the assault on the door. Many of the guards were trembling but some of the older held a face of shock as the word 'horse' was thrown. How dare he insult them?

"I'll show ya who's a bucking horse!" One of the gutsier guards yelled back as he fired a magic bolt at Chains. The robber ducked in time and stood back up, his face filled with annoyance and a subtle undertone almost saying, 'Seriously?'. Nonetheless, He lifted the chair and threw it at the group, at least grabbing him some time if it didn't hit anybody. He ran the opposite direction and looked into each of the cells to see if one was an armory.

For some odd reason, a denizen from above granted his wish when the armory was open and all his stuff was on a table. Grabbing it, he rushed out the room and towards the main entrance of the castle flipping off some retiring night guards as he was on his way. When he finally reached the gates, it was a sight to see. There, a human was running awkwardly with several guns and a small duffel bag filled with more stuff along with a large amount of the guard also running after him, including some very pissed veterans.

"So uh.... Should we do something? I mean, they've been in there a lo-" A young stallion spoke to a superior officer before a hoof was stuck in his mouth.

"Son... If I were you, I'd just sit down and wait. First, Celestia's angry and I feel sorry for the poor bastards in there. Second, A storms a-brewin'.... One Discord himself would be proud of. So shut up and get some sun." The officer pulled his saliva covered hoof out and wiped it on another member's shoulder. Sighing, the member took out a flask, and drank.

"Enough of this, you have harmed my subjects and now you must face the consequences of such." Celestia said as she charged up her magic. Dallas went wide eyed and jumped out of the second story window as his compatriots escaped as well. The sight was enough to make one wonder why they lived as three hairless apes wearing suits were running from an exploding barn.

"So, you're telling me that the individual that teleported in, and killed a guard has escaped the grounds and running through Canterlot while almost half the guard battalion is chasing him? Who in all of this world would allow such... Such....." The messenger cowered in fear as Luna lashed out at him verbally.

"Y-yes m-m-ma'am. T-the p-p-priso-n-ner escaped a-and h-he uh...."

"Alright, you may go, I see the point. Carry on, I shall take care of this problem." Luna cut off the scared soul and moved over to a laid out map of Canterlot.

"Let us set a plan for our guest."

It was quiet in the library, no sound reverberating. No crashing Rainbow Dash, no logic and physic defying Pinkie Pie, no overreacting Rarity, just wonderful sile- *CRACK CRACK CRACK*.... Alright, that thought was just thrown out the window. Twilight rushed over to the balcony and got on her telescope to see three clothed apes running over a hill with... Law Enforcement and PRINCESS CELESTIA!? She ran back down the stairs and out the door, circling around the house to watch the spectacle in eye sight. There were three clothed apes, wearing various masks, running across a field while a large group of law enforcement and Princess Celestia chased them.

Bewildered, Twilight went back inside and went straight to the bathroom pulling out a small orange bottling from the mirror cupboard. On the bottle read : Naproxen (Warning : Side affects include rebounding headaches). This was the fifth pill today, the fortieth pill that week.

"So, which one of you guys wants to potentially go into a different universe or possibly die first?" Bain spoke as several mercenaries stood with him mixed expressions upon their faces. No hands raised, probably because they were tightening around their rifles.

"Now, come on! Remember, I'll drop from an helicopter right into the Mole's office." Almost instantly, hands raised. And thus began a small war eni, meni, mini, moe. Eventually though, a merc was thrown into a room full of containers and containers of unknown substances. Confused, the merc looked around the room, puzzled as to why he was in it. A loud drone filled the room and the power within the room flickered. The merc's gun misfired as he bumped against a container, igniting a fire radioactive explosion.

500 yards away...

"Huh, shame it didn't make a bigger boom." Bain grunted. He turned around and smiled. "Who's next?" Fear filled the eyes of everyone there.

Author's Note

So, in case you didn't find the Easter Egg, and I only have one winner because he was so close, it was the red bombshell pin. The red bombshell can be found within PAYDAY : The Heist itself, most notable on the Sentry Gun. It's the logo for Overkill Software.

I couldn't get a second winner so yeah... Not much here. Whatevs I don't care, I don't want to give out gifts anyway! Mr. Meanies all around me. Humpf!

P.S. : Sorry for the short chapter, I'm running out of ideas, HELP!!

Welcome To APPLEO- Ow!

"Oh..... Fuck it, oorah." The dark and eerie sewer laid before him. The darkness was about as enticing as fermented herring dipped in cat piss. Still, the man pushed on, taking shallow breaths to avoid the stench. This was Chains straight after running around Canterlot for almost an hour from the royal guard and local police force. One in particular wearing a Hawaiian shirt and aviators caught him off guard. Dust fell from the ancient ceiling as everyday busybodies walked around the surface above.

A grate revealing a view of the surrounding area showed itself for what seemed like forever ahead. Grabbing the ancient filth covered bars, he grunted as he pushed against them. The gave in to Chains strength, making the world outside the mountaintop city free to him. First things first, try and find his fellow members. Hopefully they were having better luck than him.

"OH SHIIIIIIT!!!!" Dallas yelled as several beams of magic whizzed by him. Many just barely clipped his brown plaid suit, scorching the once, and still, tacky piece of fashion. Wolf and Hoxton ran alongside him, although Hoxton was slightly ahead from his more lithe size. Wolf was in the rear occasionally shooting bullets back, none of them hitting on point.

"Hey Wolfy, got a plan!?" Hoxton yelled, quickly jumping to the left to avoid a bolt of magic.

"In the forest! It's easier to get rid of them!"

"I don't know Wolf, it's unnaturally dark in there!" Dallas interrupted, pointing out the forest up ahead was indeed darker than it should be. Hoxton wasted no time as he took a right and crossed a bridge, pushing a pony over the side in the process. Dallas crossed and soon did Wolf who stopped and fired a stream of bullets at their pursuers, who took cover from the deadly bits of lead. He then dropped a yellow brick onto the bridge and soon joined with his friend. Bringing up the detonator, he mashed the trigger, the walkie-talkie attached sending an electric current that caused the compounds to ignite and destroy the bridge.

".... They fly to, you realize that, right Wolf?" Dallas deadpanned as the smoke covered their retreat.

"I completely forgot. Oh well, no more bridge, their loss." And with that, they ventured into the dark and foreboding forest full of terror.

"And you're the last one. Welp, have fun!" The mercenary didn't have a chance as he was kicked into the deadbolt locked room. Bain looked through the shock-proof window and waved before high-tailing it back to cover. He pressed a detonator and blew the contents inside to nothingness.

"I ain't going in there," Talking to no one in particular. "I got business to run. After all, I did say CimeNet runs deeper than people think" Behind the ski mask, Bain smiled as he threw a camera into the room. "Maybe.... We'll make greatest heist the world has ever known. We're going to kidnap aliens." He then proceed the blow the abused room up again.

The scenery around Chains changed from a peaceful grassland to a blistering desert reminiscent of the Old West. Panting and throat dry, Chains kept walking slowly, head hung down. He collapsed, breathing heavily, not caring about the sounds that approached him and the shadow that covered his body. He was lifted by the unknown creature and carried off. Chains fell unconscious from the heat that bombarded him.

A few hours passed by and Chains awoke to the sounds of deep voices discussing a matter. He groaned as he sat up, stretching his cramped limbs. Opening his eyes, he saw two buffalo staring at him, one wearing a rather magnificent headdress and the other just a headband.

"Oh, you have got to be shitting me." Chains said, disbelief upon his face.

"Okay, anyone know what the fuck that thing is?" Dallas said pointing at the creature who was hissing at them, staring deeply into his eyes.

"Sorry mate, beats me." Hoxton replied shrugging his shoulders. Wolf just grunted as he fired his STRYK at it, completely decimating it. They moved up and upon closer inspection, it seemed to be a snake with a chicken's head. The thing moved a little bit and Dallas ended the notion with a well placed curb stomp.

"I don't get it. First that giant as all hell scorpio-lion thing, then a pack of wooden wolves, and then this? What's next a dragon, because that'll just be wonderful." Hoxton said, still looking at the remains. The American just sighed and started following the path again, not waiting for his accomplices. Overhead, pegasi were flying, trying to spot the robbers in the dense forest. Of course unknowingly to the robbers, the were currently in the Everfree Forest, deadly by pony standards, by human standards, more like target practice.

They continued to walk through, and they kept walking, and walking.... And walking. Eventually the forest ended and was replaced by a desert with a town in the distance. With Dallas as the unspoken leader, they went towards it, preparing their arms for the probable bloodshed.

Author's Note

PAYDAY 2 CAME OUT!!!! If y'all wanna play with me on PS3 my username is : PBY_Jacko115

LET'S ROB SOME ****ING POLITICIANS!!!!

I got lazy and I made some revisions thanks to MoonSaber sending me mail to hurry the fuck up. Or that's how I read it anyways. Enjoy, I'm going to go play PAYDAY 2.