Warning; go and Read Family Secrets: The Reveal before reading this. Or else this fic will not make any sense. This fic is in a parallel universe from my previous story, and diverges by chapter five.
After coming all the way to the dragon kingdoms, only to discover that Fluttershy's father was dead, the girls decided that cheering her up was in order.
Somehow, the topic of cheering Fluttershy up had turned into a game of cards, followed by a game of belching.
Crackle and Hotshot had come around, and while they both had an impressive range and heat, Fluttershy had a singer’s lungs. She took a long draught of rainbow juice, let it stir in her stomach for a while, then took a deep breath and let one rip! The resulting stream of fire lasted a full minute, and singed the roof of the cave.
“My turn!” Pinkie Pie took a draught of rainbow, and her face cycled through various colors before finally belching a small lick of fire. “Waauugh, that was so spicy!” Pinkie Pie moaned.
“It’s an acquired taste.” Fluttershy grinned bashfully.
Rainbow Dash looked disdainfully at the jar in the middle of the table. “Rainbow juice actually has negative wing nutrients. It’s toxic to Pegasuses. I can’t believe you’re actually drinking the stuff! I can’t believe you’ve been drinking this stuff since you were a baby! How can you even fly at all!?”
“I had a good teacher.” Fluttershy grinned.
Rainbow Dash nodded. “That’s right, the best.” She beamed.
“Can I try some?” Spike asked.
“Oh no.” Twilight shook her head. “It’s way too spicy for you.”
“Okay, I understand.” Spike nodded somberly. Then he grabbed the jug and took a shot anyway.
“Way to go little buddy!” Hotshot crowed.
“Ooh, you said he’s a pony right?” Crackle asked. She shook her head. “He’s going to feel that.”
Spike did seem to feel that. His face went through less ranges of color than Pinkie Pie, but that was probably because he had scales. And then he unleashed a fireball that made Fluttershy’s shot look like chilly autumn morning.
The entire room was covered in black soot, including its occupants. Spike was rolling around the ground, holding his
stomach and moaning in pain.
Twilight glared at Rainbow Dash. The narrowed eyes were all the expression to be made out from the soot covered face. “I blame you for this.”
“Me?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What did I do?” Then she leaned down to the dragon. “Hey, props little guy. That was awesome!”
“Radical!” Hotshot added.
“Bodacious!” Crackle supplied.
“That was the biggest fireball I’ve ever seen!” Vulcas shook the soot off of him. “I’d give it a nine.”
“Like you’d give Rarity a nine?” Pinkie Pie winked at Vulcas.
Hotshot blushed. “Dude, you said you wanted Cute Monster Girl magazines for researching your sister’s culture.”
“I think we agreed not to mention this topic ever again!” Vulcas and Rarity glared at their respective friends.
Applejack kept her hat covering her face for the entire conversation. “Full house.” She laid her cards down.
Everybody looked at the fire blackened cards. “How can you tell? They're all black?”
"You callin' me a liar?" Applejack glared at him.
Hotshot immediately put his cards down, in the same state as Applejack’s. “Royal Flush!”
“I had a Royal Flush!” Crackle said angrily.
"You calling me a liar?"
"I had a royal flush too!"
"Me too!"
“Look, a muffin!”
“Where!?”
While they were distracted, Hotshot tossed the cards off the table. "Must've been my imagination. Anyway, I had the Royal Flush!"
There was a knock at the doorway. Lady Babbage entered the room. “I’m sorry to interrupt. But Tarzan is here for his pre-bridal meeting with Fluttershy.”
“Can I beat him up?” Vulcas asked.
“I doubt that would go over well, so no.” Fluttershy’s mother tucked her under a wing. “They’ve requested the other ponies keep a respectable distance as well.”
The six of them exchanged looks.
“We’ll be just around the corner the entire time.” Twilight said, and the others nodded in agreement.
Rarity began to fuss over Fluttershy’s hair. “Now, Fluttershy, remember, you can always say ‘no’ any time.”
Fluttershy nodded.
“If he won’t take no for an answer, then we will have words with him. Trust us, this ‘Tarzan’ character will regret messing with one of the Elements of Harmony.”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Now go out there, and see if he has better manners than a certain pony prince.”
Fluttershy squeaked, and was pushed out to the cave’s foyer.
Crackle and Hotshot whispered good lucks, and Lady Babbage and Vulcas accompanied her. The others alternated poking their heads out from behind a curtain.
Lord Krastos escorted his ‘son’ in through the entrance. “Lady Babbage, how delightful – ”
“Get out!” Lady Babbage snapped.
Lord Krastos looked hurt. “Are we not Mirror-matches? Have I not left you alone in this period of mourning?”
“Not even on your best day have you been welcome in my home. Out Lord Krastos!”
The Lord smirked. “You should thank me. Lord Smooze wanted Fluttershy to marry his own son, and I know how she objects to Garble.”
“Knights.” Lady Babbage ordered.
“They are loyal only to Smaug.” Lord Krastos said.
“And charged with protecting the innocent. Smaug wanted Fluttershy to meet Tarzan, not you. They would not be neglecting their duties if I ordered them to have you thrown out.”
Lord Krastos admitted defeat, and left with a bow.
Tarzan strutted towards Fluttershy undeterred, and began the smooth motions of the mating dance. Well, as smooth as they could be when danced by a pony.
“Um… hello, I’m Fluttershy.”
“I know.” Tarzan said, continuing the dance. “And you already know my name of course. We were destined to be together.”
“Um… no…” Fluttershy was annoyed. “I know your name because Smaug told me.”
“Destiny!” Tarzan repeated. “You were destined to be my queen, just as I was destined to be the strongest dragon of them all!”
Fluttershy frowned. This wasn’t going like she was expected. She didn't know what she expected, but it wasn't this. “I don’t want to be queen. Maybe we should get to know each other first before -”
“If you didn’t want to be queen, then why are you so attracted to me – the future king?” Tarzan plucked a rose from out of nowhere and put it between his teeth with a sly grin. He seemed to not notice the matching scowls on the faces of Fluttershy’s family.
“I’m not.”
“Come on, let’s go outside for a walk.”
“The Knights won’t let me outside.”
“They will if you’re with me.”
“No.”
“Playing hard to get?”
“Very, very, very hard to get.”
“Then it’s your good fortune that I am very, very, very hard.”
Vulcas suddenly grew a mischievous smirk. “Hey Mr. Hard, guess what? She can’t be your queen, because she has a Pack Leader.”
Tarzan’s eyes widened. “What!?” He stomped his hoofes on the ground. “Unacceptable! Fear not Lady Fluttershy, I will destroy pretender who dares to be your superior, and by extension mine! FOR I AM TARZAN THE MIGHTY!!!!!”
~0o0~
Lord Krastos waited outside with the Knights, playing a game of cards to pass the time. As he waited, he heard a muffled boom, and Tarzan came flying out of the cave’s entrance, singed black.
“What did we learn?” He asked, without looking up.
Tarzan coughed. “Magic is strong?”
“Magic and mind Tarzan.” Lord Krastos blew a healing spell towards Tarzan. “Magic and mind. The two strongest forces in the universe. Try using your strength more carefully, and fighting Vulcas instead of –”
“No!” Tarzan got up. “Second round Twilight! YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!”
He rushed back into the cave, and Lord Krastos sighed, as he heard a second muffled boom. "Of all the ponies in the world, I chose the one who is clinically brain-dead." He muttered.
~0o0~
After Twilight had finished defeating Tarzan for the day, she stormed off in an angry huff. Spike didn’t need to look very hard to find her. Predictably, she was in the library. He couldn’t actually see her, but it was pretty clear to anyone who knew anything whose magical aura it was making books fly around.
Spike belched to summon his handy dandy mountain climbing kit from home. Smiling his newfound ability to use magic spells, and thanking Twilight for teaching him, he began to climb up the dragon-sized study desk.
He was huffing and puffing when he reached the top. Twilight looked almost as bad as he did, her hair ruffled and her eyes manic as she flipped frantically through a book.
“Aaaaargh! This makes! No! Sense!” She screamed, slamming the book down on an ever growing pile.
“Yo.” Spike waved as he pulled himself over the top of the desk.
Twilight started with surprise at the interruption, then kindly helped Spike all the way up and onto her back. “Oh, hello Spike.”
“What’s wrong Twilight?” Spike asked, trying to steady his breathing.
Twilight let out a feral snarl, usually only uttered by mother Manticores. “This library makes NO! SENSE! It’s not the Duey Decimal system, or the Celestia system, or even the Starswirl system! They’re not even in alphabetical order!!!”
Spike looked around. He took note of the titles of the books in the pile Twilight had made, then the holes in the shelves where they no doubt came from, and then the vast expanse of books that was about twelve times the size of Princess Celestia’s personal library.
“They’re arranged by color.” He said.
Twilight looked at him, startled. “What?”
“Color.” He pointed to the books. “Each color represents a different subject. You’ve got greens of various shades for various types of fiction, reds for history… from the look of that pile I’m guessing you’re trying to find law books? I’d look over in the blue section. Navy blue, probably.”
Twilight observed the library, and with a shock, realized Spike was right! Either she was more tired then she thought or… “Clever Spike, did you figure that out in ten seconds flat?”
Spike polished his claws on his puffed up chest. “Well, it is my special talent after all.”
Twilight giggled, and set Spike down, kissing him on the forehead. “Thank you my number one assistant. I’ve just been so frustrated with this whole thing.” Twilight frowned, and began taking blue books off the shelves. “It’s just… first I’m mad with Fluttershy… then I’m kicking myself for being mad at fluttershy… and then I’m infuriated by that… that…”
Spike happened to be flipping through a dragon thesaurus on the desk. “Thug? Muscle-bound Mammoth? Barbarian? Ill-kept doxy? Wait, what’s a doxy?” He turned a page over in the dragon dictionary next to it.
Twilight sighed. “Yes. Hopefully, I’ll be able to find something to help her, but this is all happening so fast, I’m afraid I’ve gotten a little…”
“Frazzled? Scrambled? Scurrious?” Spike grinned sheepishly as Twilight turned her ‘How did I not see you were Rainbow Dash’s foal?’ look on her.
“Yes Spike. All of those.” She sighed, and began browsing through the lawbooks.
Spike was going to continue making a nuisance of himself, when something caught his eye. It was a book, a book called ‘The Dragon Princess’. Twilight had probably mistaken it for a book on monarchies, despite it clearly being a fiction book judging by the color.
Eh, Twilight was busy with important stuff for Fluttershy anyway. He waddled over to the book and opened it.
It was an enchanting story. A story of a young and handsome dragon prince who got lost in the ‘Sunworld’ and met a unicorn. Initially, he was frightened, but she soon proved that not all ponies were vicious egg-eating monsters, and they fell in love.
Spike sighed. “Hey… Twilight?”
“No, I haven’t found anything yet Spike.” Twilight said flipping through the books.
“No no, it’s just… do you really think I have a chance with Rarity?”
Twilight froze. A single bead of sweat ran chillingly down the side of her face. Her heart clenched up, and a swarm of butterflies took up residence in her stomach. So… this was what it felt like to tell a foal that Celestia doesn’t bring them presents on Hearth’s Warming.
“I mean, of course I have a chance with her. But now that I know who I am… what I am… do I have even more of a chance with her? Do I… yannow… exude an aura of intrigue and mystique?”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. She’d dodged another rocket. “I don’t think Rarity’s the type of girl who puts more weight on what’s outside than what’s inside.” She said, hedging her bets. “Um… and I think you’re too young to exude any sort of aura yet.”
Spike sighed with disappointment.
Twilight sighed with relief, that she could put off telling Spike his true chances for one more day.
Unseen by either, a cerulean hoof reached out and grabbed the dictionary Spike had left out.
Rainbow Dash grinned and rifled through it, looking up the word ‘Exude’. She then looked up ‘Aura’. She put the dictionary back, and crept out of the library. She’d talked to Applejack, and then Pinkie Pie, and discovered that this ‘crush’ on Rarity had been going on for a while. Far too long to be ‘just a crush’. If Rainbow Dash knew one thing about romance, it was that the guy who stuck around long enough got the girl. After all, everypony fell for Daring Do, but only Hard Core stuck around ‘till book eight, when she kissed him. But this was going too slow! Who cares about waiting five years, Spike had waited long enough!
And with Celestia as her witness… Rarity would fall in love with Spike.
She was going to be the Best! Dad! Ever!
~0o0~
Pinkie Pie hopped through Fluttershy’s cave. She looked into one doorway. There was her good friend Rainbow Dash, cackling madly and spreading out pranking supplies on a table. “Hey Dashie! Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Nope. Busy.” Came the terse reply.
“Half a minute?”
“Nope.”
“Half of half a minute?”
“Nope.”
“A quarter of half of half a minute?”
“I don’t know enough about math to understand what you just said.”
“Just a sec?”
“Nope.”
“Half a sec?”
Rainbow Dash growled. “Pinkie! I’m Buuuussyyyyyy!!!”
Pinkie frowned. “But Dashie! This is important! This is about Fluttershy and Gil –”
“This is important too!” Rainbow Dash yelled. She snickered, and rubbed her hoofs together in anticipation. “Rarity won’t know what hit her – Rainbow Crash, super parent!”
Pinkie Pie tilted her head, concerned. “Are you okay Dashie? Who’s Rainbow Crash?”
Rainbow started. She packed everything up, quickly, and fled.
“Awwwww, Dashieeeee…” Pinkie Pie sighed, her hair drooping. Then it popped up again. “Oh well! I’ll just ask somepony else!”
She hopped away down the hall and poked her head in the library. “Hey, Twilight!”
Twilight looked up in a panic and thought fast. “Pinkie Pie! Applejack has a present for you!”
“Yay!” Pinkie abandoned Twilight and looked for Applejack, honing in on the aviary.
“That was really mean Twilight.” Spike observed with a frown.
“I know.” Twilight sighed, and flipped the page. “But this is important research for Fluttershy! I can’t deal with Pinkie Pie’s randomness right now.”
Pinkie Pie rushed to the Aviary, eagerly awaiting whatever Applejack wanted to give her, when suddenly her pinkie sense acted up.
She stopped. “Beware of opening doors?” She wondered. She looked at the door in front of her. It was a push door. Hesitantly, she inched the door open, and peaked inside.
Hotshot was there, holding Applejack’s hooves.
“I… I never thought I’d feel this way about some fuzzy mammal.” Hotshot admitted, leaning forward.
“Just don’t you start dancing at me.” Applejack grinned. “C'mere you...” She leaned forward, her lips almost touching Hotshot's…
Pinkie Pie closed the door. Reality had yet to settle in, so she was more confused then anything else.
“Okay… that happened.” Her eyebrows waggled, and her hind hooves twitched. Then her eyes shot wide open in realization. She opened the door for another quick peak, then closed it again. “And… it’s still happening.”She realized, a hint of shock creeping into her voice. "Shouldn't have opened the door."
She shook off the shock and shrugged. “And they call me random. Oh well, I guess this means no presents.”
She trotted down the hallway, and Applejack and Hotshot peeked out of the door, only catching a glimpse of Pinkie Pie’s tail.
“Okay, she’s gone.” Applejack whispered.
Hotshot sighed in relief. “Thanks for that. Her voice makes my ears ring.”
“Yours and mine both partner.” Applejack shifted uncomfortably. “We speak of this to no one.”
“Agreed.”
Pinkie Pie bounced on down to the room where she knew Rarity would be. She found her in the parlor, trying to delicately make use of a dragon-sized needle and thread to create the perfect wedding dress for Fluttershy.
“HI RARITY!!!”
“Gawaaah!” Rarity almost dropped the needle as Pinkie Pie approached. “Oh… Oh dear. Um… hello Pinkie Pie darl –”
“Rarity!” Pinkie Pie was so close to her that their noses almost touched. “I need advice! And I can’t ask Fluttershy, because she’s all mopey on account of the draconian conspiracy, and I can’t ask Rainbow Dash because she’s trying to pull some sort of prank, and I can’t ask Applejack because she’s… busy… and I tried to ask Twilight but I think she’s also busy in a different way than Applejack was busy, not that Applejack was busy in a random way!”
Rarity didn’t even bother trying to process all of this. At ‘I need advice’ she guessed the situation, and with a heavy sigh put the needle and dress away where she thought Pinkie Pie would be able to do the least damage to them. “I’m listening darling.”
Pinkie Pie beamed.
“Alright, so! What would you do if you knew a reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy big secret about somepony, and this reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy big secret is important, and it can help a good friend of ours. But the secret is the secret of a friend of mine, so I’d have to choose between which of my friends would get hurt the most. I can’t keep the secret, and I didn’t even Pinkie Promise but not keeping a friends secret is the best way to lose a friend forever!”
Rarity calmly took all this in. Then her eyes widened, and she pointed behind Pinkie Pie. “Oh my! What’s that?”
Pinkie looked where she pointed and thus missed Rarity’s rather un-ladylike action of removing her ear plugs and tossing them behind her throw pillows. “I don’t see anything!” Pinkie said, spinning her head around.
“Ah, it must have been my imagination, pay it no mind.” Rarity waved the matter away. “Now, Pinkie. As I understand it, you have a dilemma quite similar to one Twilight had previously.”
Pinkie Pie bounced up. “Ooh! Maybe she’ll let me read her friendship report!”
“I doubt it will come to that dear, I can recite it off by heart.” Rarity laid a calming hoof on her shoulder. “Now dear, Twilight had made a promise to me that she wouldn’t tell Fluttershy I didn’t want her to be a supermodel. She also promised Fluttershy she wouldn’t tell me the dear was unhappy being a supermodel. In the end, it would have turned out better if only Twilight had said something, or better, never made those promises in the first place.”
Rarity sighed. “You see Pinkie… sometimes you have to do what is best for your friends, even if your friends don’t think it would have been best. If you’ve been charged to keep a secret, but you believe it would be better off for them if one more person in confidence were to know… well, I know you believe not keeping secrets leads to losing friends, but sometimes it’s just the opposite, otherwise how would I have friends?”
Pinkie Pie looked into Rarity’s eyes, confused. “But you always keep your Pinkie Promises.”
“Oh, I do, of course I do.”Rarity hastily assured her. Then she sighed. “But I don’t keep secrets.” Rarity confessed longingly. “I really wish I could, but even when I keep my Pinkie Promises I still find ways to nudge other ponies towards gossip that I wouldn’t tell them outright. I’m far too generous about information.”
Pinkie crossed her eyes in thought. “So your saying I should tell?”
“I’m saying you should do what you think is right.” Rarity exclaimed. “Better to make a choice than be stuck with the doubts and ‘what-could-have-been’s.”
Pinkie Pie frowned. “But that’s why I need help! I can’t make my choice!”
Rarity sighed. “Honestly. All right Pinkie darling, let me put it this way. Would it be funner if you did tell or if you didn’t tell?”
Pinkie Pie beamed. “Oh, well, I don’t think either option sounds like fun, but telling is definitely fun-er!”
Rarity nodded. “Very well then.” And then it occurred to her that she wasn’t just talking to a friend; she was talking to Pinkie Pie. “And dear, I know it’s not any of my business, but may I inquire as to what secret you feel compelled to tell?”
Pinkie began hopping out of the room. “Oh! It’s a joke!”
“A joke.” Rarity resignedly retrieved her earplugs. “You got yourself worked up by a joke?”
“Mmmhmmm!” Pinkie Pie nodded. “I haven’t worked out what the punchline is yet, but it goes something like this; A Dragon, a Griffon, and a Pegasus, walk into a party…”
~0o0~
Princess Luna awkwardly landed on the crumbling precipices of Mt. Erie. Griffons came and went, but the cave she stood in front of was resolutely closed. The solid stone door had the number 108 on it. Swallowing back her shyness and trepidation, she knocked on the door.
A part of the door slid open and an eye glared out. “Whaddayu want?” A harsh voice asked from behind it.
Princess Luna bristled. She was a princess! Who would dare talk to her so? “I am Princess Luna.” Luna felt compelled to say. “And I have a message for you from Princess Celestia herself.”
The eye stared at the princess for a second. “… Well, alright, let’s have it.”
Princess Luna had the distinct impression she was being shrugged off, but maintained her composure. “The message is, Fluttershy is in danger, and needs your –”
Princess Luna was interrupted as the door slammed outwards, knocking her into the cliff face. Angrily pushing the door back, and prying herself from the new princess shaped dent in the cliff she glared at the Griffon.
“Shy? In danger?” The griffon named Gilda let out a bloodcurdling lion’s roar. “Nobody picks on the flutter but ME!” She took of angrily, soaring into the sunset.
Princess Luna, a bit flustered, politely closed the griffon’s door, and began combing her mane and coat. A small coughing ‘ahem’ interrupted her, and she looked up to see the rather rude griffon hovering over her. “Um… where is Fluttershy again?” Gilda asked.
