“We don’t serve your kind around hear!”
“What kind are you talking about?”
“You know. A god.”
“If you wont serve Trixie her Apple Jack Daniels than Trixie might have to kick some moose flank!”
“bring it…”
The bartending moose reached for his double barrel fully auto rocket launcher from under the counter and Pointed it at Trixie. Silence filled the den as the moose and Trixie had a stare off. The moose’s face was sweaty as the clinched the gun. Trixie used her amazing unicorn magic to open a portal behind the moose that the moose did not notice.
The moose fired his gun, rockets flying toured Trixie. The mare cleverly jumped out of the way as she open another portal were she once stood. he rockets flew threw one portal and out the other causing the moose to exploded, catch on fire, and fall into a PIT of DOOM that Trixie opened under the flaming moose. All the other pub participants chanted Trixie’s name. Trixie reached behind the bar counter and grabbed a bottle of Apple Jack Daniels, guzzled it down, slammed it to the ground, and exited the pub stumbling.
As Trixie was walking away from the pub it exploded, probably because she forgot to close the PIT of DOOM. Trixie did not look bake at the explosion because she has seen many, and explosions were `getting boring for her. Any way her mind was pondering on where her next destination was going to be.
Trixie was on a quest to find an alicorn named Zoë who was said to make the best alcoholic super drink that has ever burned the trout of a pony. Not much was known about Zoë other than the fact that she was an alicorn, but not a princess, and that she mad a ridicules drink. Her location was a mystery. The ponies that have stumbled across her location was far to drunk when they left to remember how they got there in the first place. Trixie has been going from bar to bar looking for clues on the alicorns whereabouts ever since she herd about her, but wherever she went the story was the same. Nobody new, and the bar would explode for some reason. She new she would have to continue her quest though. There was just no way she could resist.
“Trixie, Trixie!” A voice came from behind Trixie. It was Snips and Snails. “ Trixie there is a major problem!”
“What is it this time, cant you see that the Grate and Powerful Trixie is busy?”
“There’s a troll in Ponyville, you have to vanquish it!” Snips yelled… or was it Snails? I don’t know Trixie wasn’t listening. All she herd was troll, Ponyville an vanquish.
“Challenge excepted.” as if it was really going to be a challenge for the Grate and Powerful Trixie.
Ponyville was just a town over form where Trixie was. She grabbed snips and snails and threw them on her back. She started galloping toured Ponyville with determination in her eyes. Trixie has had problems with trolls before, and has much experience with them. She knows the best way to deal with a troll is to just ignore it but in some cases you have to just take on a troll head on.
She arrived in Ponyville. A twenty foot tall troll was attacking the center of town. The Troll had big leather boots, gaggles, a steam powered auto hammer, and a cape. He was totally steampunk. Twilight, Apple Jack, and Rainbow dash was at the seen getting there ass kicked buy this colossal troll.
“ Leave it up to Twilight and her friends to suck it up” Trixie murmured as she sized up the troll. He sneaked toured the center of town thinking of the best way to make an entrance. Where would every pony see her. She clamed on top of a building near a large group of panicking Ponyville civilians.
“Don’t fear every pony, Trixie is hear!” Trixie announced to Ponyvilles civilians. She ran up to the troll unnoticed as the troll threw Rainbow dash into Apple Jack knocking them both to the ground. Trixie tied the Trolls shoe laces together, and as he tried to step the troll went down. Trixie tried to open an other PIT of DOOM as the troll feel, but there can only be one PIT of DOOM open in the universe at once. She probably forgot to close the one in the pub, and it was probably destroying the town that the pub once stood in. So instead the troll just fell to the ground with a big thud! Thinking fast Trixie grabbed some rope, and tied it to the Trolls feet. The troll swung at her with his auto hammer, but Trixie kicked the hammer back into the trolls face. She used her magical powers to fling the troll around with the rope around his feet. Do to all the swinging the troll got sick and barfed all across Ponyville, not spilling a drop on Trixie of cores. She released the troll, and he went flying into the PIT of DOOM in the town over. The Town was saved thinks to Trixie’s awesomeness.
The Crowed cheered as Trixie used her unicorn magic to grab Twilight, and brought her close to her. Trixie gave Twilight the most Amazing Magical Kiss Twilight had ever experienced in her life. Fireworks went off as Queen played in the background. Fuck Ya! Trixie always get the girl in the end, But wait! It wasn’t the end. She still was on the quest for Zoë. Maybe Twilight would know something of her location being a complete nerd and all.
Trixie released Twilight “Were could I find the alicorn known as Zoë?” She demanded Twilight as she backhanded her.
Twilight was still dazed about the Kiss, and was questioning her sexuality. “The alicorn named Zoë? It sounds very familial. I think I might have a book about her. To the Library!” Twilight yelled pointing in the library’s direction.
Trixie, Apple Jack, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash raced to the Library. Trixie in the lead of cores. Trixie conjured up a portal at the door because she has no time for doors. She jumped in waiting for the others to ketch up. Spike was on the computer listening to Slipknot, but Trixie didn’t want’ a hear that pussy metal crap, and quickly changed it to Dying Fetus. After a few minutes of awesome head banging the other ponies arrived.
“Spike, I need a book. Alicorns of Equestria please” Twilight demanded from her dragon slave. He ran up the latter and grabbed a small book off the liberty shelves. He jumped down, and ran back to Twilight.
“Hear you go Twilight” Spike handed Twilight the book she had requested. “Any more I could do?”
“That will be all for now.” Twilight opened the old dusty book. “Zoë, the Alicorn that is not a princess. rumor goes, she lives deep in the Haysead Swamp south of Baltimare. Although no pony knows for shore that she is there. That’s all they say about location”
“Than Haysead Swamp I will go!” Trixie yelled
“Be careful. On doesn’t simply walk into Haysead Swamp.” Apple Jack said with caution “There are many evils in that swamp and just walking in is suicide.”
“Maybe for you a normal pony,” Trixie explained, “but you forget that I’m The Grate And Powerful Trixie! No swamp could scare me.”
“O ya, I forgot about that.” Apple Jake said in sham.
Trixie was off to Haysead Swamp Running faster than a Rainbow Dash with a Jetpack strapped to her back flying threw a wormhole. She stopped at all the bars, pubs and Majors on the way. She wanted to be good, and drunk to prepare herself for get good, and drunk. Trixie wasn’t to familiar with the swamp. Most ponies avoided it because of the dangers lurking in its murky waters. She arrived at the swamp in no time, or so it seemed, but for all Trixie knows it could of took weeks. She was to drunk to remember. All she remembers is how amazing she was getting there.
She entered the Swamp searching for any sign of Zoë, and her super amazing brew. Haysead Swamp was know for having some big scary monsters like super wolfs, and hydras, but just a month ago Trixie beat dark souls. She knew if she could beat that she could beat anything. So she Trotted threw the forest. It was a foggy evening. Sounds of braking branches, and leaves shuffling echoed threw the swamp. The fog was getting thick. So thick she could hardly see her hoof in front of her face.
Trixie cast a spell to clear the fog when she saw it. It was no other than the Meca Dracula Werewolf Space Gorilla, or MDWSG for short. MDWSG was one thousand times harder of a challenge than an ursa major, but Trixie was up for the task. She new MDWSG from her chilled hood. He attacked her and her parents when she was just a filly. She always wanted revenge but never had the chance.
First thing she did was tried to open the PIT of DOOM under MDWSG but had no luck because she still haven’t closed the first PIT of DOOM she maid, and it was probably destroying a good portion of Equestria. Trixie didn’t have time to thank about that. MDWSG swung a right cross and knocked Trixie to the ground. He Jumped on her and tried to suck her precise pony blood. Trixie’s strong amazing legs kicked MDWSG off of her and she flipped back up.
“I should have killed you when you were young” MDWSG howled to Trixie
“I’ll make you pay for what you did to my parents” Trixie said in the most intimidating voice. “ How dare you Rick Roll them. They didn’t disserve that. No body disserves that. And to make it worse you made them loose the game every 30 minutes of there life.”
“That’s nothing compared to what I have prepared for you” MDWSG said
MDWSG shot his shoulder mounted rpg at Trixie. Trixie did a roundhouse kick, and flung the rocket back at MDWSG knocking him into the ground. MDWSG ran toured Trixie preparing to pounce on her or something. Trixie used her unicorn magic to shoot a blast of sun a MDWSG. The beautiful ray pierced MDWSG metal vampire skin. He melted to the ground as Trixie stood above him. A crowed of people appeared around Trixie and cheered as she tea bagged the remains of MDWSG.
The crowed disported except on pony. Zoë the alicorn! Trixie ran up to Zoë in aw. The Pony had a read and blue main with a gray coat. She stood tall and peaceful. Her cutie mark was the Jolly Rodger. She Turned around and nudged Trixie to follow her. Trixie galloped behind her. Her hart was pumping fast for she was anxious to try that famous brew.
“I have been waiting for you. I herd that you have been wanting to try my dink. I must worn you, you take one table spoon, and you will get drunk. Tack two table spoons, and you will get wasted. Take Three table spoons and you will pass out far from hear with little memory of you trip.”
“I understand.” Said Trixie.
“Well with no further ado hears my Brew”
They arrived at Zoë’s house It was a big hollowed out tree in a clearing in the swamp. Zoë handed Trixie a bottle of her famous Booze. Trixie severed the moment as she stared at the bottle. It was a clear liquid. She held the bottle to her lips and took a swig. It tasted good to the lips and burned her throat as it mad its way to her stomach. She herd her liver cry as the booze mad its way threw her system. It put hair on her chest, and make her drunk as Zoë said. She looked at Zoë with much approval.
“That was amazing” Trixie said
“Thinks, I’m glade your enjoying it, now lets celebrate.”
A bunch of ponies appeared from the woods as Zoë put on some bad ass Omnipony, Uperpony, and Renerd on the pa system. Trixie summoned some fire worked as the awesome techno party went on threw the night. About halfway threw the party Trixie took her secant swig of the wonderful brew. As Zoë said the secant swig made her wasted. She sat next to Zoë on the A blanket laying on the ground. Trixie gave Zoë a big awesome hug as she thanked her again for the drink. Zoë hugged back but went a little south with her hands. Trixie didn’t mind do to the alcohol. So Zoë started to kiss Trixie, and Trixie kissed back. They left the party to go inside Zoë’s house. After a few hours of innocent wrestling with Zoë, Trixie felt herself sobering up.
Trixie reached for the bottle. “It probably wont hurt to have on more sip. She pressed the bottle to her lips and took a sip. Sweet sweet booze. She put the bottle down and tried to take a step, but fell to the ground. She was out could…
BEEP BEEP
Trixie woke up to the sound of medical equipment. She had a terrible headache “Where am I?” She asked. Her vision was blurry and could only make out faint shapes as she looked around the room.
“ Your at the Ponyville hospital” a voice said next to her. She couldn’t quite make out the mare but could make out the voice. It was Twilight. “ You had an accident at the rock farm. You’ve been in a coma for the last few Weeks. I finally found a spell to wake you up”
“Think you Twilight sparkle. Although I was having a wonderful dream.”
She thought about her dream. It seemed so real. Then she started crying. All that hard work she had spent trying to find Zoë. All wasted. Never existed. The most exiting amazing spectacular moment of her life was just a gone. She continued crying.
“Is everything alright? Are you in pain?” Twilight asked Trixie hastily.
“Yes everything is okay. Just a little confused.” Trixie explained.
“Well if you need anything just ask. I want to stay with you until you make a full recovery to inshore my magic worked. Oh, that reminds me. Well while you were out you got this box in the mail. Here you go”
Twilight handed the box over to Trixie. It was a small package brilliantly rapped in a Apple Jake Daniels rapping paper. There was no name on it. Trixie opened the box and looked in side. Zoë’s brew. She opened the bottle and sniffed it to confirm it was true. At the bottom of the box there was a note. Trixie opened the note.
“Call me (wink)”
Trixie always gets the girl.