The Test

Chapter 9:  The Test

Carrot Cake laid awake in his bed, horrified at what he had done.  His heart was racing and he was taking very shallow breaths.  He had been panicking like this ever since that kiss.  Pinkie Pie had blessedly not made the situation any worse; in fact she seemed quite levelheaded about it, if a little unsure about being near him.  But Carrot Cake knew how unforgivable his indiscretion had been, and he was deathly afraid that his wife would discover what he had done.  It just so happened that his panic almost gave him away.

“You seem awfully upset,” Cup Cake said, turning her body over to face him.  “Is something wrong?”

“Everything’s fine, honey,” Carrot Cake said.

“I can hear you breathing, you know.  It sounds like you’re having an asthma attack.  And look.”  She placed a hoof on his heart.  “Your heart is racing.  Did something happen today?”

“Everything was just peachy.”

“Are you sure?  Because I know I’ve been treating you awfully lately and I understand if that’s made you a little scared.”  Carrot Cake sighed in relief, finally finding some excuse to jump on.

“I’ve treated you badly, too,” he said, “and it isn’t okay.  We’re supposed to be bonded for life, through the good and the bad, and I’m sorry for forgetting that.”

“I’m sorry, too.”  Cup Cake snuggled against Carrot Cake and rested her head on his shoulders.

“Maybe I shouldn’t bring this up again,” Cup Cake said, “but I want you to know that I never cheated on you.  And I know you would never cheat on me.”  Carrot Cake’s heart was racing again, but he did his best to keep his frightful state from showing on his face.

“I’m sorry for accusing you, then,” Carrot Cake replied.  “I should have trusted you from the start.  Those twins are a miracle, and I don’t want to think for a second that they don’t belong to me.  That would be too painful.”

“I know, honey.  At least we definitely know they’re mine.”  The two of them chuckled.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m tired,” Cup Cake said.  “I think it’s time to hit the hay.”

“I’m right with you.”  The two of them laid their heads on their pillows.  Cup Cake quickly fell into a slumber, but there was a nervous feeling in Carrot Cake’s stomach that kept him from sleeping.  Those babies…were they really his?  Had there ever been nights where Cup Cake was away around eleven months before the twins were born?  Carrot Cake couldn’t recall; he supposed that with the hubbub of running a shop, the days bled together, so eleven months was no different from two years ago.

In reality, there was only one way to really know.  And he had just the time to do it, as he had the day after tomorrow off from work.  Cup Cake and Pinkie Pie had graciously offered to take over the shop to give Carrot Cake a well-deserved break.  But Carrot Cake wouldn’t be resting or relaxing.  His intent was clear.

I need to get a paternity test.

***

Carrot Cake wasn’t the only one who was having trouble sleeping that night.  In her room, Pinkie Pie was lying awake in bed, staring at the dark ceiling.

That kiss…it had been so sudden.  It happened so fast that she hadn’t had time to think about it.  But now that she was alone in her room, it was the only thing on her mind.

Of course, it had reviled her as soon as it happened.  Carrot Cake belonged with Cup Cake, and anything that threatened that was harmful in Pinkie Pie’s eyes.  But that wasn’t what was bothering her the most.

Did I…did I like it?

It had only been for a few seconds, and on the surface she had been repulsed.  But deep down, she had felt her heart flutter the moment his lips made contact with hers.  It was a brief flash of excitement that was now haunting her.

No, no, I couldn’t have liked it that way.  Mr. Cake is like a father to me.

But he’s not your real father, is he?

Well, no, he isn’t.  But I’ve never thought of him in that way.

You never really knew him before.  But he opened up to you, and you opened up to him.  Don’t you think that can lead to something more?

But…but I shouldn’t have liked it!  Mr. and Mrs. Cake belong together.

They’ve been having trouble for a long time.  Didn’t you listen to what Mr. Cake was saying?  He wants you, and why shouldn’t he?  You’re a beautiful mare.

But I don’t like him…do I?

I don’t know, do you?

Pinkie Pie didn’t have an answer.  She finally decided that since it was never going to happen again anyway, that it was a waste of energy to worry about it.  She was finally able to fall asleep.

***

“Are you sure you want to bring the babies with you on your day off?” Cup Cake asked.  Carrot Cake had them in the bag on his back, their heads sticking out of the deep pockets.

“Of course.  This way you’ll have one less thing to worry about.  Besides, I love my foals, and I want to spend as much time with them as I can.”

“Okay, honey, whatever you say.”

“Bye, Mr. Cake!” Pinkie Pie cheered.  “Enjoy your day off!”

“Will do, Pinkie,” Carrot Cake said.  Now that the shock of the kiss had passed without any further untoward advances, Pinkie Pie had visibly become more relaxed in the past couple of days.  Now she seemed to be her cheery self, and the horrifying act was quickly becoming a fading memory.

Carrot Cake had a long walk to the doctor’s office.  He had set up a meeting for 10:00 the day before at the doctor’s office.  They had been more than happy to accommodate him, for in reality they didn’t see much clientele.  He would be seeing Stethoscope today, and he trusted the doctor, for he was a good pony at heart and had been very kind to him over the years.

Still, as he was headed for the office he began to have his doubts.  What will I do if I find out these aren’t my foals?  Do I leave her and become broke, living the rest of my life barely making ends meet?  Or do I stay, knowing that our marriage is a lie and letting a burning resentment fester for the rest of our days?

And what will I do if these are my foals?  I’m still left feeling nothing for my wife, and I will have no reason to leave her.  Besides, I don’t think I could make it on my own.  I don’t have the business skills she does.  All I have is a passion for baking, but that can’t get me anywhere if I don’t have any money smarts.

Oh, what a mess I’ve made for myself!  It seems I’m damned if I am the father and damned if I’m not.  I just hope Cup Cake doesn’t find out about this.  If she found out I didn’t trust her, she’d be devastated.

Carrot Cake was so lost in his thoughts that he bumped into a pony and knocked her over.

“I’m so sorry,” he said.  “Oh, hi Twilight.”

“It’s all right, Mr. Cake.  I was just on my way to get some quills.”  Twilight helped herself off of the ground.  “What are you doing outside the bakery?”

“It’s my day off, and I wanted to spend it with the babies for a little father-foal bonding time.  I’m going to the park.”

“How nice of you.  The bakery was actually on the way, and I thought I’d run into you there, but it was nice to see you here instead.  Take care!”

“Bye, Twilight.”  Carrot Cake walked onward, realizing about a minute too late that the park was over on the other side of town.

***

What’s Carrot Cake up to? Twilight thought.  He’s not heading towards the park, so that means he lied to me.  Why would he do that?  And what do the foals have to do with it?  Twilight turned around and saw Carrot Cake walking off in the distance.  She immediately started to walk in the same direction, being sure to keep her distance.

What are you doing following him?  It’s really none of your business.

I want to know what he’s lying about.  I just know this has something to do with Pinkie Pie.

You’re just overthinking things again!  Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?  Does Princess Celestia have to drill it into your skull with her horn?  Twilight let that image rest in her head for only a second, and then quickly shrugged it off.

Just remember, Twilight, you’re doing this for Pinkie Pie.  Twilight didn’t have to follow much longer to find out where Carrot Cake was going.  He entered the doctor’s office at the far end of town, glancing around before walking into the threshold.

What could this mean?  Why would he lie about going to the doctor’s?  And again, how does this have anything to do with the twins?  Twilight knew this couldn’t be a simple checkup, or Carrot Cake would have had no reason to lie to her.  She ran through the list of possibilities in her head.

Maybe one of the twins is sick and he doesn’t want to alarm anypony.  But then he would just bring that one with him, and I doubt both of them are sick.  And surely Cup Cake would be accompanying him if it were that serious.  So why would Carrot Cake take the twins with him to the doctor’s that’s so bad that he would lie to me about it?

It took about a minute before the horrible epiphany sank in.  Twilight immediately turned around and trotted quickly for the bakery.  She entered roughly and bumped into a few customers trying to get to the counter.

“Hey, you have to wait in line, lady!” one of them called.

“I’m not ordering anything!” Twilight called back.  She saw Pinkie Pie at the counter and walked up to her.

“Pinkie Pie, as soon as you close down the shop I want you to come to the library.  I have something important to tell you.”

“Um…okay,” Pinkie Pie said, looking a little scared.  Satisfied that she would come, Twilight left the bakery as quickly as she had come in.

What does Twilight want to tell me?  Oh well, no time to worry about it right now.  I’ve got customers!

***

Carrot Cake waited awkwardly in the waiting room, avoiding eye contact with the other ponies in the room.  Hopefully they would think this was just a normal checkup, as Stethoscope was also in charge of pediatrics.  One of the ponies had bandages wrapped around her head, and Carrot Cake didn’t want to begin to think about why they were there.

After about twenty minutes of waiting and fretting, one of the nurses stepped into the waiting room.

“Carrot Cake?” she asked.  He stood up and walked briskly to the door.  The nurse led him to Stethoscope’s office, where he sat for a little while longer, this time by himself.  It wasn’t long, however, before Stethoscope walked into the door.

“Hello, Carrot Cake,” he said.  “Good to see you again.”

“I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“Don’t worry.  I’m not here to judge or ask too many questions.  This is an awkward procedure for everypony that comes in here, and I find it best to keep all personal quandaries out of this office.  Does that help you feel better?”

“Actually, a little bit.”

“Good.  I’ll just need to extract your blood and then the blood of each of the twins.  Have they been vaccinated yet?”  The vaccinations were handled by the nurses, as there were not enough doctors to handle the influx of young foals needing protection from certain diseases.

“Yes, they’ve gotten their shots.  Pumpkin was an angel, but Pound was fussy about it.”

“And how do you feel about needles?”

“Squeamish, to tell you the truth.”

“Well, it’s best not to look while I’m drawing a sample of your blood.  I promise it will be quick.”  Stethoscope had three vials set up waiting to draw the blood.  He started with Carrot Cake, who looked away and closed his eyes.  He winced as the needle went into his leg, but it was only a few seconds before the blood had been drawn.  Stethoscope reached for a small bandage, but Carrot Cake shook his head.

“No no, that’s all right,” he said.

“I don’t want you to get infected.”

“I’ll be fine.  And the babies will be fine also.  We keep a clean house.”

“Whatever you say,” Stethoscope said, taking a vial over to Pound Cake.

“We’ll get the fussy one over with,” he said.  He injected the needle into Pound Cake’s tender leg and he began to cry.  The needle was out in no time at all, and Carrot Cake took Pound Cake in his hooves and patted his back in an attempt to soothe him.  While he was doing this, Stethoscope drew Pumpkin Cake’s blood with no trouble at all.

“Well, we’re all set here,” he said.  “We’ll have the results ready in a couple of weeks.  How would you like us to deliver them to you?”

“Oh,” Carrot Cake said, thinking hard.  He hadn’t figured out how to keep the paternity test a secret from his wife.  “Just mail it, I guess,” he finally decided.  Note to self, remember to always check the mail.

“That’s reasonable.  You have a good day, sir.”  Stethoscope opened the door and beckoned for Carrot Cake to step out of his office.  Carrot Cake left the doctor’s office feeling more apprehensive than he did when he went in.