Gummy and Discord take on everything.

by JeckParadox

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Iron Will, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Gummy, Random
Length: 4613

A pack of strange creatures, monsters, and household appliances had flooded out of Tartarus, and only Discord and Gummy can put them back where they belong.

Twilight failed to tell Celestia that Cerberus, the guardian of Tartarus, had left his post all those episodes ago, only now has Celestia realized the threat to her Land, and has taken drastic action to stop it. She decided to release Discord and have her Elements of harmony teach him about the Magic of Friendship, so that he could deal with them.
Also, psychic Gummy is helping him for community service.

..A random thing I felt like writing, this is where all things ridiculous that spew from my brain will be kept, tamed, and then let loose in the Pacific ocean.
A cover image would be welcome.

Published 2013-02-09 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-11 02:48:11 UTC

Discord Vs. Gummy

"Yes, Princess, I'm ready to use my magic for 'good'," he bowed to Princess Celestia, getting only a raised eyebrow in return. "Instead of evil.... Most of the time."

"Congratulation on your success ponies, I definitely sense a big change in Discord." She bent down toward Twilight. "I'll leave the elements with you Twilight, just in case." Discord looked at the two of them nervously.

Then Twilight babbled for a few seconds, when Fluttershy, his first real friend, nudged him. "Go on, say it."

"oh... ah... alright... friendshipismagic."

"See, he can be a real sweetheart once you get to know him." And literally everyone there but Fluttershy turned away awkwardly. "What?"

"Oh well, so, Celestia, by 'good' what did you mean?" Discord asked curiously.

"Solving world hunger by summoning food for everypony?" Twilight asked.

"Building houses from nothing for the poor?" Fluttershy asked.

"Making the world into one gigantic party?" Pinkie asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not, my little ponies, I have a different use for Discord in mind." Celestia turned toward Discord. "You see, Discord, beside me and my sister, you are the strongest being in Equestria."

"Beside?"

"Fine. You are the most powerful being in Equestria, who happens to only be able to defeated by me and my sister."

"Or six completely ordinary ponies."

"The Bearers are far from ordinary, their bond of friendship is-"

"Yes I get it, I said the magic line, didn't I? Now then, what is so important you'd risk them-" He jabbed a thumb at every pony there except Fluttershy. "- and your rule by releasing me?"

Celestia looked to the side. "You see... Twilight, do you remember your escapade in time travel?"

"yes...."

"Well, what you seemed to put very little emphasis on was the fact that Cerberus left his post."

"Welll, we took him back there, so the problem seemed resolved."

"Wellll, Tartarus holds the most dangerous monsters and criminals in Equestrian history, Cerberus is the one who guards the only exit. An exit that opened three feet wide for approximately four hours."

Everyone there stared at her. "And you're only now doing something about it?!" Twilight yelled out.

"I wasn't aware of the situation until only a few days ago! In that time I have confirmed twenty inmates have escaped... twenty one including the being that had escaped even before then." She turned toward Discord. "I need you to use your mastery of magic and chaos to re-capture them all and throw them back into the depths from whence they came."

"...You taught me the magic of friendship..."

"Yes?"

"So i could fight monsters?"

"Yes."

Discord's head became a hamster wheel with a large ferret inside it. It ran for two seconds before being flung out of the wheel and exploding somewhere in the distance. "Makes sense to me." Discord finally replied. "So, where are they?"

"They've spread out across the world, but that shouldn't be a problem considering your method of transportation."

"Alright, but which one is the closest, do you think?"

Celestia looked down nervously. "It is right here in Ponyville."

Everyone gaped at their Princess. "D-don't you think a monster on the loose in Ponyville would take priority over Discord?!" Rainbow Dash finally said.

"I cannot defeat him without Discord's help, and so far, it hasn't hurt anypony.... we haven't found any bodies at least..." Celestia then let out a girlish yelp and jumped into the air. "There! There it is! Discord catch it!" They all followed her outstretched hoof toward a green alligator sitting on the ground, uselessly biting it's own tail.

Pinkie dodged in front of her pet. "Silly, that's just Gummy, he's always been here."

"Exactly! The conspiracy is years old!"

"Gummy's one year old... as a of a few months ago at least. We went to his party." Rainbow said, suspiciously.

"I... I... Pinkie sighed. "Gummy you explain." She turned to the alligator, who continued to stare off toward nowhere, utterly silent. But it's gaze eventually seemed to land on Celestia.

Then lasers came out of it.

Discord blinked as Celestia began flying around in circles while on fire. "Huh."

Gummy then turned toward Discord, but he was quickly lifted up and put on his belly. "Bad Gummy, remember what we said about looking at ponies directly?" Pinkie scolded.

Gummy didn't seem to register anything.

"Now, apologize to the Princess so she won't throw you back in prison."

Celestia returned from her flight soaking wet. "What happened to you?" Discord asked smugly.

"I got lit on fire. So I jumped in a lake."

"Aren't you fire-proof?"

"I use flame and solar magic, there's a difference." She turned toward the alligator. "So... 'Gummy'... do you mind telling me on how you came to Ponyville."

"Princess... Gummy can't speak." Twilight whispered.

"Of course not, at least not physically, he'll speak to me telepathically. He's a master-level psychic."

Gummy's eyes blazed hot pink, and a wave of words washed over all of them as the world turned... gummy. {Can you understand me now Celestia?}

Twilight screamed. "What is happening?!"

Celestia turned toward her student. "...Gummy... is making psychic connection with all of us so we can hear him. This is the true measure of his power."

Pinkie didn't seem phased. After all, she talked to Gummy like this all the time. Discord noticed the complete lack of surprise on her face. "That explains way too much."

"Why is the universe made of gum?!" Rainbow shouted.

"We are almost within Gummy's brain. Just like his own thoughts, he holds our consciousness here." Celestia turned toward Discord. "Quickly! Destroy or capture him without letting him harm us!"

Pinkie stood in front of Gummy. "i won't let you!"

{What now Celestia? One of your secret weapons is my loyal servant.} Pinkie raised an eyebrow. {Fine, not servant, ally, comrade, friend, companion, nakama, protector... whatever, but she's on my side and not yours!}

"Curse you Gummy." Celestia said quietly. "Pinkie, please come back to us, that thing is a monster, he was thrown in Tartarus for his crimes, and he has since broken free and tried to kill me!"

Gummy responded by lighting Celestia on fire, and she disappeared, or rather, became gum like everything else. "What the?!"

{I broke my connection with her, now then.} everyone there but Discord began floating. {What are you going to do Spirit?}

Discord looked at Fluttershy, then back to Gummy. "You wouldn't dare, Pinkie is with them."

{Oh?} all six of the ponies were thrown into the distance. {Can you catch them all at once while battling me?!}

Discord snapped his claw and the six of them were sitting safely on the ground, made of gum, free from gummy's mind. "Duh."

Discord then burst into flames.

((-------))

Houses were lifted from the ground and thrown in random directions, and depending on who was the one throwing or being thrown at, either turned to some sort of harmless confectionery or was ripped apart by psychic powers. The Mane Six and Celestia watched in awe and terror as Ponyville was destroyed by the two monsters.

And occasionally Discord would burst into flames.

"Princess, isn't there anything you can do to stop them?!" Twilight asked hopelessly.

"Well, if Discord wins he'll be able to restore the town, if not... I don't want to know what ...Gummy... would do."

A giant cake was sliced in half by a telephone pole, revealing the hundreds of spiders waiting inside for the chance to ambush, but were quickly imploded. "Fine move Gummy, how did you forsee the spiders?"

Gummy turned to look at Discord, causing him to burst into flames again. {I sensed hundreds of spider-like minds coming into existence inside the cake you conjured.} Gummy's mouth turned up slightly. {They're all gone now.}

"OR ARE THEY?!" Discord screamed while snapping both claws and his tail. The spiders de-imploded and continued their ambush. Gummy ate two of them, then killed the rest with laser-fire. "Huh, guess they are. Oh well, this has really been fun, but now It's time to get serious." Discord summoned a balloon sword. "En'Garde!" Gummy shot a laser at it, causing it to pop right next to Discord's ears. He rolled around on the ground for a few seconds, waiting for his hearing to return. Gummy however decided to not waste any time, and picked up Sugarcube Corner.

"Nooooo!" Pinkie yelled out. Gummy noticed her wailing, set the house down, and picked up the Joe's Donuts across the street. "Yes! Yes! That one!" Pinkie cheered. The others looked at her strangely. "What, there's one on every corner, and they run quality family run bakeries like Sugarcube corner into the ground!" She cheered as it exploded against Discord.

"M-Mah Donutopia! It's ruined!" Donut Joe cried.

Gummy picked him up and threw him at Discord too. At this point Discord's hearing had returned, and simply smirked at Gummy as various objects smashed against him uselessly. "What? Is this all psychic powers amount to? No mind rape, just throwing stuff at me?"

{...You really just said that?}

Discord smacked himself in the face as his mind was consumed by madness. Then Gummy keeled over, fuzzing at the mouth. "And you really just tried to make the spirit of Chaos go insane. Ha!" He bent down and picked up the small alligator by the tail. "So, Celestia, you want to take him?" He said, teleporting in front of her.

"Oh Me no! You throw him in." She conjured a solid gold badge shaped like her Cutie Mark. "Show this to Cerberus and he'll open the door a crack for you to toss him in."

"Huh, it's as easy as that?"

"Don't rest now, you still have to catch twenty more."

"Could I have a list or something?"

Celestia nodded. "I have one prepared... also, please note something..."

"What?"

"A good number of the monsters... came into being during your rule."

Discord smirked. "Then I should be able to unmake them, shouldn't I?"

"No, you can't. Your chaos might have brought them into being, but their power is their own, and almost all of them can in some way, shape, or form, stand up to you on even ground in the field of battle."

Discord frowned. "This list... is it the real one? This seems like a romance I'd write."

Celestia frowned. "What? Romance- nevermind. I understand that the list might seem crazy, but like I said. You made up most of them."

She pointed toward Gummy. "In the ranking the psychic would be number 21, in strength, as well as the fact he was the first to escape." She bent down to the unconscious alligator. "I'm sure he'll enjoy being back in his own cell."

"Wait!" Pinkie screamed, running over to where Gummy was lying, twitching. "What was so terrible that he had to be thrown into Tartarus?!"

Celestia sighed. "Have you ever been to the Kingdom of the Sea Ponies?"

"No...."

"Gummy has. Once."

Everyone there backed away from Gummy. "B-but still. Don't you think he could work it off? Community service?" Pinkie offered.

"No." Celestia said simply. But Twilight nervously joined Pinkie and stood between Celestia and the gator.

"Sorry Princess.. but Pinkie's my friend, and Gummy is her pet. I won't stand by while you take him away."

The rest of the Mane Six walked up and joined the two of them. "We'll stand by Pinkie in that."

Celestia looked upon them with some confusion, and then shook her head. "If that's what you decide, then i'll commend you for your loyalty and friendship... but Gummy is too dangerous to be left alone to his own devices."

{If I might make a suggestion, perhaps I could be of use in your mission? I'm familiar with those in the list... most of them at least. And you have the order of danger wrong.} Gummy shredded the paper, then put it back together, with his name in the #1 position... followed by the name of the former #1. {I'd be willing to throw the rest of them back in Tartarus if you let me off the hook.}

Discord stroked his beard for a second. "Meh, I'm alright with it. Come on! Let's go after #2."

Gummy shook his head. {No. He'd murder us, then eat us. Then cover Equestria in us.}

Discord read the name. "He doesn't seem that threatening."

{Then go ahead by yourself, I'll go to Tartarus where it's safe. Unless you succeed, then it'll be safe back out here and I'll escape again.}

Celestia shook her head. "Well, this is your mission Discord, do it as you see fit, but first, fix the town."

"Fine." He snapped his claw and the town was back to normal, except covered in polka dots. "Bye." And he snapped his other claw, and he and Gummy disappeared with a flash.

((---))

"What was the name of number 2?" Twilight asked.

"I dare not speak it."

"Why?!"

"He's too terrifying."

"What is he?"

"I can't describe him."

Pinkie gasped. "Is he some kind of abomination that nothing can comprehend!?"

"No... his name is his description."

"Talking about me?" Slenderman asked innocently.

"No, go back to the forest and wait til Chapter four."

"aww..."

Author's Note

Wow... this made much more sense than i wanted it to.

D&G Vs. Land Shark

D&G Vs. Land Shark

"Any requests?" The violinist asked the crowd. One large patron got up and handed a piece of sheet music.

"If you'd please."
When the Devil is too busy
and death's a bit too much
they call on me by name you see,
for my special touch.
To the gentleman I'm Miss Fortune,
to the ladies I'm Sir Prise
but call me by any name
any way it's all the same!

A tail swished and teeth bared.
I'm the fly in your soup,
I'm the pebble in your shoe,
I'm the pea beneath your bed,
I'm the bump on every head,
I'm the peel on which you slip,
I'm the pin in every hip.
I'm the thorn in your side
makes you wriggle and writhe!

He turned and pulled out two revolvers from his belt, the ponies in the bar all gasped, and reached for their own weapons, but they all ran when swords began getting launched from the twin guns.
And it's so easy when you're evil,
this is the life you see
the Devil tips his hat to me.
I do it all because I'm evil,
and I do it all for free
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need.

He roared and there was only a barmaid, the musicians, and a single stallion left in the saloon.
While there's children to make sad,
while there's candy to be had,
while there's pockets left to pick,
while there's grannies left to trip down the stairs!
I'll be there,
I'll be waiting round the corner,
it's a game i'm glad i'm in it!
Cause there's one born every minute.

"Hey there." The stallion said, pulling out a shotgun and putting it up against his gills.
And it's so easy when you're evil!
This is the life you see
the Devil tips his hat to me.
I do it all because I'm evil,
and I do it all for free
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!

He turned around and opened his mouth as the exploding bullet entered it.
I pledge my allegience, to all things dark
and I promise on my damned soul
to do as I am told
for Tartarus has never seen
a soldier quite like me,
not only does his job but does it happily!

He chewed the bits of steaming metal as the stallion's eyes became pin-pricks. He bared his teeth again, a cheerful grin upon his face that would haunt the stallion for the rest of his life.
I'm the fear that keeps you wake
I'm the shadows on the wall!
I'm the monsters they become!
I'm the Nightmare in your skull!
I'm the dagger in your back,
an extra turn upon the rack!
I'm the quivering of your heart,
a stabbing pain, a sudden start!

The entire four seconds of it.
And it's so easy when you're evil,
this is the life you see
the Devil tips his hat to me.
I do it all because I'm evil,
and I do it all for free,
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!
And I do it all for free
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!
And I do it all for free
your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!!!....

The Barmaid looked upon the scene, and shivered, but then the Beast turned back to her. "So..."
It gets so lonely being evil
what I'd do to see a smile...
even for a little while.
And no one loves you when you're evil...
I'm lying through my teeth!
Your tears are all the company I need!

She galloped from the building, shrieking, as the Beast helped himself to the alcohol that lined the shelves. What better to go with a bounty hunter? The musicians finished, and then fled for their lives. "Pity, that bounty hunter had a tip on him." He then gave a hearty laugh, ate another bottle of rum, and slithered along the ground out the doors.

_ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~
<~]]___----| ~~~~~~~~~

"So, the second one on this list is-"

{Stop! If we say his name... he'll kill us.}

"What?! Why, how?"

{He just will, it's fate. I myself have never written or spoken his name!}

"Can you think of his name?"

{Of course.}

"You're speaking to me telepathically. Why can't you say it telepathically?"

{He'll just know! Gah!} The alligator swished his tail. {Where is he though?}

"Somewhere called "Appaloosa." He's a well-known criminal there, wanted for the murder of three stallions, as well as every pony who ever made a wanted poster about him, and a small portion of the population."

{Most likely everypony who said his name, or wrote it down.}

"Oh come on! I'm the spirit of Chaos! I should know what is and isn't possible, because that's the line I personally cross every time I move."

{Don't try it Discord, seriously.}

"Land Shark."

"Hello." Discord shrieked as a sword pierced his skull. He pulled it out and crushed it into pepper between his paw and claw.

"That hurt- the what..." Before him, was a Shark. On land. Yeah. It was also wearing a Cowpony hat and vest, as well as a belt to holster his twin revolver pistols, but one of them was held up by his front left fin, smoke coming from the barrel. A half-burned cigar was stuck in his lower jaw among the razor sharp teeth. "What? What?!" Discord created a journal. "I don't remember making you."

"You were really, really drunk." The Shark responded, firing another sword into Discord's head.

"Huh."

{Kill him! Kill him!}

"ooh, hello Gummy." Land Sharkgb ihyv p bghbtgn;mo4j r ntefrn

Sorry, had to dodge a sword, he promised he'd stop as long as I finish the chapter.

"Ooh, hello Gummy." Land Shark said gleefully. "I haven't seen you since that day in Tartarus when I-"

{PROMISED TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.} Gummy yelled psychically, killing several insects.

"Fine. So, what are you doing with my creator?"

{We are going to hunt you down for your crimes against Equestria!}

"But not yours?" Land Shark said humorously.

{Nope. Discord, take him out!}

Discord smirked. "I took you out of this world, I can bring you into it!" He snapped his finger and there were two Land Sharks. The smirk disappeared. "I think I did something very wrong."

The first Land Shark looked at the second for a few moments. "Nope." He fired three swords into the new Shark and then ate him. He then turned toward Gummy and Discord.

{Retreat?}

"Never!" Discord prepared to snap his claws again when an expertly fired sword sliced it clean off. "uh... never?" The other claw was shot off. "...someday?" His tail was shot off. "We'll call it a draw then?" Land Shark roared and Discord flew away as fast as he could.

Gummy looked up into the gaping maw of Land Shark. {N-no hard feelings, right?} Land Shark opened his mouth and a stream of fire washed over Gummy, he floated himself away, scorched to a crisp. {We'll remember this!}

_ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~
<~]]___----| ~~~~~~~~~

"We need a plan."

{Yes, how do we kill a shark?}

"... I dunno, blowing it up, suffocating it, stabbing... same thing as anything else really."

{How do we kill an immortal Shark?}

"We can't, it's part of being immortal." Discord reattached his hand. "See?"

{Fine. So how do we capture him?}

"Can't you lift him up with your psychicness?"

{No... Land Shark is- oh crap.}

"Right behind you." The Shark laughed maliciously, pulling out his guns and putting them up to Discord and Gummy's foreheads. "I'm not going back to Tartarus boys, sorry. I got bored there very easily." He pulled the triggers with his fin, and Watched with disappointing as Discord was pierced by a balloon sword, and Gummy bent the sword around him.

"GUMMY use psycho cut!"

Gummy let out a computerized screetch as a black and pink slash appeared over Land Shark for a second. Land Shark was knocked backward several feet. "It was supereffective! GUMMY gained 5232 experience, GUMMY reached level 52. GUMMY would like to learn the move Brave Bird, delete another move and learn Brave Bird?" Discord continued to narrate.

{No! B! Cancel!}

"GUMMY forgot how to use 'Psychic', and learned 'Brave Bird'!" Discord cheered. Gummy tried to throw him to the ground with psychic power, but simply lit on fire and crashed into him instead.

{Oh Celestia it hurts!}

"It wasn't very effective, GUMMY took recoil damage." Discord smirked, but was interrupted by a sword to the head. "Really! That doesn't work, I thought it would have occurred to you the third time I didn't die."

"But it's still fun." He said, smiling a terrifying smile. "Now then, should we battle til the end of time, two immortals continuously trying to kill each other with the powers bestowed upon them by the forces of Chaos, or should we go to Appaloosa and slaughter their foals?"

Discord grimaced. "Apparently I'm not a happy drunk."

Gummy sighed telepathically and used that weird pink slash of mind power again, knocking back Land Shark. {Come on! We need to make a plan to take him out now!}

"Ooh! I know, we need to find his motivation, and then use it to trick him!" He turned to land Shark, who had rolled himself back onto his belly. "Why are you killing ponies?"

"Because I'm @#$%ing evil. I sang a whole song about it. I had a violin in the background and everything."

"Huh... not sure how to work with that."

{I have an idea!} Gummy said. He turned to Land Shark, then fired his eye beams into Land Shark's eyes. {TELEPORT US NOW!} Discord nodded and snapped his claw, teleporting the two of them to the Crystal Empire.

"AGGGHHH I'm blind!" Land Shark screamed. Then he rolled his eyes back. "That's better." He's a shark. "Now to wait for the immortality to kick in and heal me."

_ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~
<~]]___----| ~~~~~~~~~

"So... I need your assistance in dealing with... 'evil for the sake of evil' types."

Cadence nodded. "Well as you know, Sombra worked the ponies of the empire to the bone in the giant Crystal mines, for no reason. Gems grow in the ground, and Crystal Ponies make them grow the same way Earth Ponies make trees grow. He also made the Crystal Ponies step on posters of me, become part of his experiments, and literally showered them in spells that make you live your worst nightmares."

"How did you get rid of him?"

"I killed him."

"Huh... I already tried that, he's immortal."

"Oh... have you tried encasing him in stone?"

"ooh! I like that idea, bye!" Discord then teleported off.

Cadence shook her head. "That Draconequus is going to be trouble, I know it." She noticed a green reptile he left behind. "Aww! Who are you little fella?" She looked him in the eyes.

And burst into flames.

\ ^ />>>>
< “ }}}\ />___

// \ // \ }}}

"I have you now Land Shark!" Discord cried, Land Shark nowhere in sight. Discord then turned around to see the Beast. "Eek!"

"Hello."

"Girls!"

"What?!" Land Shark turned around to see Six ponies with six very glowing jewels floating into the air. "Oh crap." A giant helix Rainbow beam crashed into him, teleporting him to the Moon.

"Crap! You had it on the wrong setting!" Discord cried. "Oh well, what harm could he possibly do up there?... Just to be safe... Land Shark."

He looked around in every direction, not feeling a sword hit him. "Oh thank Celestia, we're out of his range now." He petted his beard for a second, "Now, I'm sure I'm forgetting something..."

/ /
~~~ / [0 > |>\
___\ [o > | /

\ \

Gummy looked over his subjects without visible emotion. {hello, ponies of the Crystal Empire. I... am the powerful, the respectable, the pleasurable, the invincible King Gummy! And I am your new ruler!}

"Where's the Prince and Princess?"

{Why do you care? But if you must know they are half way to Las Pegasus, tied up on the last train. But anyway, I'm the leader now! Fear me!}

"Crystals?" A deep voice came from the crowd, followed by several shrieks as King Sombra stood, surrounded by an aura of shadow. "Crystals Crystals Crystals!" He threatened.

Gummy made eye contact, causing him to light on fire, then used that pink slash thing Discord replaced his psychic power with. The Crystal Ponies cheered as they saw the unconscious body of their once feared dictator. {Someone get him out of here... I hereby rename this land.... Gummy-topia!}

{___0 \____

/ / \ >>>>>

"Well, the Moon is beautiful this time of night." Said Land Shark, watching the blue and green jewel of a world spin below him. He growled. "I am stuck on a rock! I will not stand for this! Discord, Gummy, I declare that I will someday kill you, I will have my revenge!"

A purple shadow came from out of a crater and looked at him suspiciously. "Land Shark!" Cried the shadow, only to be dispursed by a sword shot. "Ow! I'm trying to talk to you!"

"Sorry."

"I offer you a way to get off this rock, and a way to give you unstoppable power!"

"I'm already pretty unstoppable, but getting off this rock is good."

"Allow me to take control of your body, and become Nightmare Land Shark! Your power will be greater than an Alicorn's, even greater than Discord!"

"I have a better idea." Land Shark jumped at the shadow and swallowed it whole. "You taste terrible." He then sprouted wings and a horn, turning a deep black. His eyes became bright green, and a flowing blue ethereal mane sprouted unceremoniously from his skull and the tip of his tail fin. "I AM ALICORN LAND SHARK, FEAR MY POWER!"

Author's Note

I made this series solely for Land Shark.
Also, recognize them?

_ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~
<~]]___----| ~~~~~~~~~ Shark!

\ ^ />>>>
< “ }}}\ />___

// \ // \ }}} Alicorn!

/ /
~~~ / [0 > |>\
___\ [o > | / Discord!

\ \

{___0 \____

/ / \ >>>>> Gummy!

I'm now an artist. :]