John something or other: change title.

by WrathOfGod519

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human
Length: 3912

Chess game of the gods, I dislike it.

:D

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-22 21:20:56 UTC

Prologue

The store was closing, thus marking the end of an otherwise uneventful work day. Just the way john liked them, perfectly boring, he liked his job working the counter at Walmart, it gave him a lot of time to think and to contemplate. He had no cares nor responsibilities and for that he was grateful, it was funny that most would despise such a low paid and under-skilled job, but not john. He adored it, the simplicity of it all and the lack of stress.

"Oh shit!" well almost in any case. The sound of tins impacting the floor made john grimace as one of his co-workers accidentally walked backwards into a stack of them. John had saw what was about to happen a mere moment too late as he glanced up from his phone. Across from the counter stood one of his co-workers, some guy named Mark. Bit of a clumsy bloke in johns opinion. The young man was cradling his hands in his face as he seemingly tried to muster up the energy to clean up the mess he made. John briefly pondered how he could offer help to the guy, he hesitated  thinking about the awkward silence that would take place while picking up the cans due to johns quiet nature. Then he realized he had to do the decent thing, he asked "um... need any help?"

The man dropped his hands and looked up, still frustrated at the prospect of staying behind for longer then need be. He sighed, "oh shut up john, I can fix my own problems". He promptly turned around and began picking up cans.

John sighed in relief and went back to his phone to finish his game of Tetris, glad his help as not needed. In retrospect he mused, he was also kinda glad the teenager had been so rude about it as for starters he did not need to help, and secondly he wouldn't feel bad for him. It was also the fact that there'd be an awkward silence while picking up the cans, john hated those. The fact that he'd been told to shut up had never really registered, or rather it had. But john thought about why Mark would have acted that way, besides being a teenager the guy had been late multiple times to his part time job. The manager had told him he was fired if he didn't get his act together. Now John felt bad for the guy 'oh well, live and learn I suppose'.

Still in his employee uniform he started making his way to the doors, the complex was empty save for the people that worked there. Upon spotting an attractive co-worker, Susan, john felt his adrenaline spike. He never really talked to her and knew for a fact she'd never considered him boyfriend material, he was fine with that and resigned to being polite towards her in an attempt to garner a meager friendship, if not only so that there'd be less awkward moments. He was sure he'd eventually built up the courage to befriend her, but for now he'd just ride his moped home.

The walk towards the door was excruciating for john, as the female employee was finishing up work in the till closest to the door, he could see she was texting somebody on her phone, john forced himself to look up and off to the side, the paranoia of being caught looking at her body getting to him, besides he berated himself for what he perceived to disrespectful (or at least that's the excuse he made up, in actual fact his shyness and meekness had given him such poor luck with the opposite sex that him to give up on pursuing a relationship, he knew that if you didn't try you couldn't fail and crash horribly. Of course john never had to admit this to himself). He knew he was going to have to politely say goodnight to her, he thought back to all the times he had to psych himself up in similar situations when ordering food at the local fish and chips shop, the hot woman attending the counter had caused him to make a fool of himself. He resolved not to repeat the mistake.

Only 5 meters from the door now, his heart rate was rising and he was building up quite a sweat. Social anxiety was getting to him, it was now or never. John took a deep breath, steeled himself and slowed down when approaching her till but didn't stop, he half heatedly opened his mouth and pointed his head in her general direction but not fully facing her, instead focused on the off yellow support beam that stood to the right of the door. He let loose an empty breath but kept on walking without saying a word. He couldn't tell but he desperately hoped Susan did not notice. He sighed in relief upon stepping outside into the cool, refreshing nights breeze, glad the ordeal was over and looking forward to the night of microwaved pizza and video-games that awaited him. Maybe he'd lurk a few websites or chat on Facebook for a while. Life was good.

The facebook chat bar pinged signalling a new message:

"Party Pete: Yo john how it hangin man, hows about you come clubbing with us for once, maybe we'll pick up some hot birds and finally get you laid"

John looked at the message somewhat apprehensively, he was enjoying a quiet night in.

"John: Maybe later man, I got some important word that needs doing, y'know how it is"

Another message pinged.

"Party Pete: Raiding the Lich kings lair again I see? Dude, fuck common man, I'm starting to get worried about you, you never come out with us"

John grimaced, he had a minimized tab of world of Warcraft off to the left, he was in fact going to kill the Lich king, he was just using facebook as a way to pass the time while his fellow guild members caught up.

"John: Look man I'm really sorry but I can't, anyway I really have to get back to this. I'll see you later".

john opened another tab and ignored the reply which he would get to later, he figured he'd have just enough time to check his E-mails before claymorel34 turned up from his lunch break. Opening his inbox, there sat one unread message in an otherwise immaculately empty void of E-mails, he briefly wondered why he bothered checking before he remembered the excitement her felt when he received new mail.

Taking a sip of diet coke he rubbed his hands together eagerly and clicked on the message:

Greetings participant:

You have been chosen to go on a once in a lifetime trip to the magical land of equestria, you will experience action and adventure beyond your wildest imaginings. But beware, there may also be a few... perils along with way. Sorry to keep this short but just sign here to show your agreement then return the E-mail to the sender.

____________________________________________________

Good luck, the benefactor.

John stared at the screen blankly, had someone found out he liked MyLittlePony? Was this some joke from his internet friends? Oh god what if it was a trick to name and shame bronies.... 'no that's just silly' he thought to himself. 'it must be someone from equestria daily trolling people or conducting a social experiment after looking up our e-mail addresses'.

But beware, there may also be a few... perils along with way

He briefly paused to reread part of the message and began to consider why anyone would insert a pause into an E-mail like that, was the guy trying to be ominous? Yea it had to be a joke.

He decided to humor it, if they were indeed collecting statistics on bronies fantasy urges to travel into a magical land filled with pastel cartoons then he might was well be honest, whether they were or not . He typed his World of Warcraft username on the page, then everything when black.

Chapter 1: Awakening

You know I kind of like non-existence, no worries, no cares. Just nothing but the bare minimum of brain activity required to be considered alive, you don't remember anything, you perceive nothing, even the endless black does not register, you have absolutely no sense of time passing. What could have been millenium might as well have been a few seconds, and vice versa. But sooner or later you have to wake up.

The first thing that comes to mind is the coldness brushing along my back that I soon recognize to be wind. It makes me want to curl up, the small movement of my arm tells me I'm resting on it, and that it is resting on what appears to be rock... if I'm not mistaken. That can't be right...

I open my eye's, throwing a quick glance left and right, which translates into up and down since my head is sideways... anyway there it is, it may be blurry but I'm definitely resting on a rock. I blink in bewilderment, my vision swims into view. A scraggy lump of rock gutting out of arid grass growing in shallow soil. Bits of mountain heather growing in haphazard piles along the mountain slope, just meters away from what appears to be a sheer drop.

It was around this point that I truly began to wake up, I noticed another gust of chilly air hitting my back, I noticed my arms had gone dead from being rested on, I noticed I was on top of a fucking mountain!, lifting my head I found that my vision seemed to be zoomed in, as if someone had cut out a chunk of my eyesight, secondly I noticed everything seemed to be clearer then ever before. Weird. No seriously I should be freaking out right now, this is weird, I have no idea where I am.

I look down at my claws... those are new... oh look at that I'm naked, and scaly....

Another gust of wind hits me causing me to shiver, but I just sit there crouching on all fours too bewildered and confused to move. I think I've been overloaded... I'm so strangely calm, which is strange because I usually freak out at the littlest thing, like talking to women, getting a mothers day present ect.... I think it's all too much for me to handle right now, I fel mentally numb. For the next 30 seconds I kind of sit there in the cold staring blankly at my claws... then it hits me "Oh Jesus fuck ...I've been transformed... into some kind of Otaku otherkin" Que the freak-out.

I begin hyperventilating, everything is sickeningly wrong, I was just in my small apartment. Now I'm on top of the mountain in what I can only assume to be the middle of Europe. Also I'm now a lizard apparently. I hate lizards. I jump to my feet to find I can't walk on two legs anymore, which I found out by falling backwards. Now that just brings up a whole new problem, it's came to my attention that I'm laying on what I can only assume to be wings. I also spotted a tail back there a second ago. I'll make an informed guess that I'm some kind of dragon, with red scales and yellow underbelly.

One again this is entirely to much, so I sit on my haunches (I guess that's what they're called) and think about what I was doing before I got sent here, because I really cannot deal with what's happening. Oh no.... my guild-mates are going to be pissed, I forgot to log out from World of war craft... I can imagine it now.. "Oh hey guys, look, Etrith is still AFK, I guess we can wait another half an hour for him to get his shit together" Oh god, they'd be so disappointed, I've let them down.... Now they'll have to spend another day looking for a replacement...

It never occurred to me that sitting on top of a mountain and talking to myself to help play out fictional scenarios in my head was weird. Never the less it didn't stop me, a coldness ran through my entire being, it was worse then any cold gusts of wind. I had left several links to fimfiction open.. including one to equestria daily... my friends will think I'm some kind of pedophile... they've probably already found out in the time I spent passed out.

I think back to the last and only guy who declared himself a brony, bit of a weirdo, wore a pink hat with pony stickers... but I still admired his bravery, but the freedom to be yourself came at a terrible cost. I overheard the girls at work talking about him, the rumors that he jacked off to little girls ran rampant, alongside that were the claims of him being a 'faggot' to quote mark, and the not entirely unfounded suspicions that he might be autistic... that's it I'm fucked. I can't ever go back... they'll think... they'll... oh god I can never go back! It just now hit me, that goddamn E-mail was not a prank, it was... I'm not sure what it was... maybe some supernatural entity messing with mortals who dwelled in the lower plains of existence... Fuck aliens... maybe this was some kind of computer simulation...

I think I went off on a tangent there, but here I am stuck on a mountain, no idea where I am, and I've been transformed into a dragon. Y'know it really can't be a coincidence that I blacked out just as I signed the E-mail... I'm going to go and make a guess about where I am, 5 quid says it's equestria....oh great now I'm talking to myself again...

I think I must have just sat on that ledge for more than half an hour, in any case my legs had started to stiffen before I finally decided to get a move on. As it turns out that rocky cliff was actually just a ledge that dropped a few meters before turning into a very steep and rocky hill. I didn't climb down, that'd be silly. Instead I took what looked like a path some 10 meters back, it lead off down and around the mountain, which was more like a gigantic rocky hill then a mountain, still wouldn't want to fall down and get cut to ribbons.

Further up the land seemed to peter out and was obscured by trees, pine trees if I'm not mistaken. Really the journey so far has just been a blur, I think I started 10 minutes ago and I think I'm still somewhat overwhelmed. I feel like I'm walking on autopilot, despite walking manually on all fours. This is going to take some serious getting used to, seriously I've tripped up 11 times now, good thing my scales are scrape resistant... god this is weird. And another thing this tail seems to have a mind of it's own, it just sways around randomly without input, I don't like it. Likewise the wings sit uselessly across my back, they seem to fold up on their own, for which I am thankful, at least not everything is going wrong. Did I mention it's still freezing cold?

Wait a second... what was that... I think I heard something... shouting I think. I pick up the pace as fast as my new legs will take me, and as fast as I dare to push them. It fades into better clarity, it sounds like angry squawking, and what sounded like a girl shouting angrily. I didn't think I could have moved any faster, I scramble up the hill, on the other end a sheer drop.

I can hear the voices clearly now...

"common you basterds" shouted the slightly cracking voice of a young female. A few distinctly male chuckles rang out, Oh no... I immediately began to assume the worst...

"Haha, well Leon, I do not think we can let zee pony go, oh what a shame" did I just here that right.

"Yes, she'll give away our position.. what a shame, what a shame indeed"

I lifted my head over the crest of the hill, to the left I saw the grim sight of two griffins who had cornered a young unicorn mare, her back was against the wall formed from where the drop curved into a gagged U shape. 'Oh my god they were going to slice her throat open... I.. I don't know what to do...' I thought to myself, my first instinct was to call for help, but it was quickly quelled when I realized there was no help. I was the only one who could do anything, I climbed up further and hesitated, nobody had spotted me yet, they were all to preoccupied.

I saw the unicorn mare was levitating a rock "I said common yer basterds!" she shrieked, obviously terrified of her approaching death, this was it, I had to act now or she would die horribly... Still I hesitated, I was scared... scared of what might happen, I can't handle myself in a fight, I've never fought anyone before. When the chips are down and it's do or die, i guess I'll just fold every time, I feel disgusted with myself, I'm a coward. No, I think I'll just back away and prey her death is quick and painless, this is none of my business- it is at this point I slip on the rough Scree coating the hill as I try to back up. Down I go.

I'm silent as I scramble down the layer of broken rock, trying hopelessly not to land flat on my face, which is done up in quite the grimace. I'm so unbelievably scared and shocked I can't say anything, my heart is racing. I catch sight of the griffins, they look like deer caught in headlights, an expression not all that dissimilar to my own, unarmed they flee.

I hear them curse in some foreign language, I believe it was french. Then they took off, rapidly beating their wings as if their lies depended on it. Desperate to get away.

I get to my feet, still somewhat bewildered but glad I didn't have to fight anyone. I almost got a chance to sigh before a rock bounced off my face. "AH shhhh-" I manage not to swear as I clutch my snout in my claws. The mare is still backed into the corner, her face holding the manic expression of panic and fear. Oh jeez she just picked up another rock, this one the size my my fist. "Wait!" I shout before ducking under the projectile's path, that would have caused some serious damage, I could have lost an eye. And just like that I'm panicking again.

The beige mare snarls at me "your not gonna eat me", he voice is cracking yet resolute. Despite the fear that grips me I can't help but feel kind of bad for her. Her hairs a mess and tears are running down her face. And oh Jesus Christ she just picked up another rock.

"Wait! wait, calm down, can we please just talk this out miss?" Thankfully she hand't thrown the rock thus far, so I took this as an encouraging sign.

"Listen, I- I don't want to hurt you..." she seemed to tense and ready the rock to throw, I better rephrase that.

"I am NOT going to hurt you, please just put the rock down" I made a calm down gesture with my hands-er claws.. whatever. This seemed to be going well all considered, she seemed to be relaxing somewhat, but still kept tense and ready to deliver another painful head-shot.

"Then what DO you want dragon" I noticed that despite her brave tone of voice her legs were shaking in what could only be fear.

"I uh... well... basically I was just passing by and you looked like you needed help" Yes that's right I saved her, and it was totally intentional, yes... and nobody shall know otherwise.

Her voice quickly took on a tone of disbelief "you.. saved me.." she seemed to stop to consider that for a moment, meanwhile dropping the rock.

"But why would you help me, Dragons EAT ponies" I sensed the disgust in her voice at that last part, A thought crossed my mind... I sincerely hope I won't be discriminated against in any future endeavors, because that would suck... I realize she's staring at me waiting for an answer.

"Uh.. no, I've never actually eaten peopl-ponies before, nor any other thinking being for that matter" did ponies count as people? "... that's horrible" I added as an afterthought. She approached gingerly, curiosity gradually beginning to overpower distrust and fear. She still looked quite weary.

"You're a strange dragon aren't you" At this I kind of just sat awkwardly, unsure of how to respond. i glanced off to the scree pile I had just slid down, I noticed what appeared to be tracks in the broken rock giving the impression that a pony had made a desperate yet futile attempt to climb up it. Not an unsupported theory really.

I look back Oh god she's still staring... "uh"

Now her eye's are narrowing, I don't know what she's doing uh...

"w-what do you mean by strange?"

"Well for one I thought most dragons were supposed to be massive, you're tiny!" Well I wasn't that small, now that I was on the ground i could plainly see that I stood just over half a foot taller then her. The question didn't really bother me.

"and secondly you really don't act like a dragon". That's because I wasn't one... I began to stare into the sky in thought, I wonder if I'll ever go home. I don't even care if everyone will think I'm a child hungry pedophile, I'll gladly take the heat if I could just get to go back to my apartment and world of warcraft.... where'd that pony go...

Looking around yields nothing, then I hear the clopping of hooves some distance behind me. "h-hey... wait up!" I shout before galloping after her. I've managed to catch up but she's ignoring me.

"Leave me alone" She says coldly, now why would she say that after I saved her life. I keep following regardless, trying to think of something to say.

"But I'm lost" I reply.

"I don't care, just go away!" again why would she... oh,OH. She was almost murdered by griffins just moments ago, makes sense I suppose, I'd want some time to clear my head if I almost got mugged. I drop back a few feet until I'm trailing her by 7 feet, I'm sure that's enough space.

The seconds tick by and she eventually stops, turns and stares at me with a cold expression of annoyance, I too stop, giving her my best apologetic look. She sighs heavily in despondent exasperation, our eye's lock, her frowning face meeting mine. I break eye contact and look at the grass to the side. She says nothing before continuing on down the rocky path, I end up following, this time from 9 feet. This is going to be a long walk...