My new life... HAS PONIES?!

Having the entire bottom half of me stain free I leaned back into the water and scrubbed my sides, chest, and back. Having that finished I took a deep breath and dunked my head into the liquid; having less trouble to remove the red substance. Feeling refreshed I stepped out of the river and wiggled my body dry; somewhat how a dog does it. I made it back to my breakfast. Hearing the shells start to crack I pulled them away from the fire and broke them in two.

Both half shells contained a yellow yolk flouting on a clear substance. “Well, here goes nothing” I said plugging my nostrils. I lifted the shell to my mouth and downed the warm and slimy “treat”. The taste was horrible; like someone took rotten milk, spinach, and burnt popcorn blended them together and injected it into an egg. Not feeling hungry anymore I tossed the second egg shell back in the cave.

Ready to continue my quest I put out the fire and headed out not completely sure of were to go. Two and a half hours of aimlessly wandering passed and I stopped in front a wooden rickety bridge. Under the bridge was a cavern. To my estimation it was thirty miles down. At the bottom I could see a lake of molten magma flowing east of the cavern.

“Shit. Is this really the only w-” I was cut off by the bridge collapse as I stepped my right hoof on it. “Unsecond thought. I’ll just fly over.” I took ten steps backwards, arched my back, expanded my wings, and ran. As I approached the edge I jumped. Losing the momentum, I fell down the cavern feeling the heat touch my nerves. A quarter of the way down I commanded my body to point straight down.

The position given caused the wind to blow through my coat and most importantly my wings. Just before hitting the side of the cavern I motioned my wings upward. Barely grazing the side I flapped my limbs and aimed straight up to the dark blue sky. Exiting the “death pit” I moved to the other side and continued on to my journey. “Man, I hope I don’t have to do that again” I thought looking back to the demolished landmark.

Walking for thirty yards I became board. So to keep me entertained I started thinking of my full situation. “First: I was late for school because somehow my car started leaking oil. Second: I found a strange castle ruin in the middle of the forest. Third: I was trapped inside the ruin until I found a door leading to a world populated by talking ponies. Fourth: I had to find a job and raise money for fluttershy’s wing surgery after finding out that she was pregnant for over the normal amount. Fifth: I got drunk at a ‘pinkie party’ and woke up outside on a bush. Sixth: Princess Luna dragged me to an open field and shot at me with her wight beam. Now I’m in a Pegasus body, princess celestia ‘recruited’ me to serve in this war, I fought a manticore, killed it, saved a whole town of slaves from some changelings, woke up in a cave, killed a chicken lizard, turned the rest too stone, cleaned up, stepped on the bridge and fell down a cavern full of lava, barley made it out, And now I’m here. Talking to myself like a mad man” I said to myself not paying attention to anything, but my thoughts. After a wile of walking and thinking a faint sound of yelling could be heard followed by the scent of sweat. I got closer to the noise until I could see a giant wall surrounding the base a tower; the wall was guarded by at least ten changelings on each side as two hundred others guarded the insides.

On all four corners of the wall anti-areal guns; each connected to a line of barbed wire siting on the top part of the wall. “I guess flying in is out of the question” I thought ducking down trying to stay out of sight of the changeling passing by. As she passed I got back up and looked around some more to see that the wall was not entirely finished. There were several cracks in the structure but only two that could get me in. one was close to the top and the second was behind some bushes.

Since I didn’t want my organs penetrated by the changeling’s swords and spears because they would detect me if I took the one out in the open I took the one behind the partly dead bushes. I squeezed through the hole only to get my back left leg stuck in between three rocks. “God damn it!” I whispered realizing the danger of my predicament. I sat down and grabbed my leg. I struggled to break free, but to no avail.

I hoped that it didn’t have to come to it, but there was no other way without alerting the entire fortress. I motioned my body to a standing position. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes. “Ok on three. One… two… three!” I thought forcing the trapped limb out. The damn thing was stuck in there good; it took about six pulls to get it out four to stretch the muscle, break some of the skin, and twist the bone.

I place a hoof over my mouth as the other one held the limb. I couldn't hold it any more. I screamed into my hoof causing the sound of pain to be muffled. A gourd looked in my direction and shrugged with a “eh.” Luckily there were bushes to cover me and my entrance.

After losing some of the pain in my leg I crouched down causing a small amount of the pain to come back. Ignoring it I looked around and saw the only way in the tower was through the front door. Unfortunately in between me and the metal door were about thirty yards of armed guards, eight mounted machine guns, and three tanks. “Jesus Christ!” I thought “No wonder the princesses wanted my help. These guys have more fire power then japan has natural resources.” I began pacing back and forth thinking of a way to approach this.

An idea hit me like a ton of bricks. I clutched the handle of my dagger and walked up behind a guard that was in full body armor except one area; her through. Grabbing her I covered her mouth. She kicked and screamed into my hoof as I dragged her back to the bushes. Behind the bushes I jabbed the dagger into her neck.

Blood squirted out of several vanes as I proceeded to motion the blade to the other side. The sticky crimson substance ran down her chest plate and continued to drip on the dirt. I slipped her deceased body out of the strange, blood stained, armor and placed it onto my person. “Oh, man. Is that the smell of apple cinnamon pie” I said to myself sniffing the helmet as I put it on my head. She might not be an ally, but she knew how to pick out some damn good perfume.