Mr. Timn the Librarian

by Caleb Roy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Spike, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 2285

Twilight meets a Mr. Timn. Mr. Timn loves ponies.

Twilight was studying like any other day of the week. Only this time, she would be visited by none other than Mr. Timn.

Published 2013-02-08 06:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-08 06:40:01 UTC

Mr. Timn the Librarian

Twilight read her books like she did every day at noon, only this time she would be visited by none other than Mr. Timn.

"Hey Pony, you going to Pwn me?", said Mr. Timn.

"Ummmmm... who are you?", replied Twilight.

"I am just your friendly neighborhood stalker... Care to join me?", answered Mr. Timn with a smile.

"Ummm... did you just say you're a stalker? How did you find me? And, if your a stalker, whats my name?", questioned Twilight.

"Your name is my name, but only doubled. Get the math or is it too algebraic for ya'?", answered Mr. Timn.

"Oh I understand math, but who are you?" again questioned Twilight.

"I will answer a question with a question, so why did the Chicken cross the road?", Mr. Timn concured.

"Ummmm", replied Twilight.

"Listen, Pony! The chicken never crossed the road, the chicken was run over by flying goats from the district of 13... Are you sad? or are you one of those satanists?", Mr. Timn broke in utter response.

"Umm I think you mean Sadists, and No I am not a sadist, but I really should get back to studying.", replied Twilight

"No a Sadist is a person who eats pie, you however, only come on Tuesdays.", Mr. Timn voiced his opinion.

"How did we come to the topic of Tuesdays? Who are you? SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!!!", Twilight yelled.

As Spike comes down the stairs, Mr. Timn would eyeball him in the most polite of manners...and then he got a little...Creeeeeepy.

"Who's that? Your slave? what are you one of them slave drivers? You probably don't even feed the dragon, no you probably let him starve...Pizza.", Mr. Timn did have a way with words.

"Ummm Twilight, who is that creepy thing?". Spike with held no question.

"I don't know Spike? he just came to the window and--", Twilight began.

"Have you ever wondered what its like to pick someone else's nose?", Mr. Timn interrupted.

"Umm No--", replied Spike most questioningly.

"Neither have I, but now I really want to know why? In fact, give me one of them books that you read.", Mr. Timn was curious.

"Ummm, I don't even know you, How do you expect me to give you a book? Look you seem a little weird, I think you should leave.", Twilight politely asked Mr. Timn to go.

"Did you know that I was president for a year? probably not, that's because they don't reveal that information up there in the chilly places of Hawaii! Hawaii is a state you know? 12th one enacted in the Confederate States." Mr. Timn was on a roll.

"Look, you should really leave, hey Spike go and call the cops." Twilight said.

At the mention of the words cops, Mr. Timn in a fitful of rage grabs Twilight who now has a visage of being scared.

"Spike! Help! Spike!", Twilight shrieked.

"No one can help you now, you want to know why? I'll tell you why because Hasbro needs a new line of toys, and more princesses so they are going to transform you into an alicorn! the bronies are angry and I, well, I live in the backyard of Chuck Norris!! No one messes with Chuck Norris you want to know why?", Tis true, Mr. Timn did live in Chuck Norris' backyard.

"Why? *Twilight was frightened for her life*", she asked.

"You don't want to know why, but I will tell you anyways because I am just that despicable. Chuck Norris is not messed with because Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes." Mr. Timn was on the bingo.

"Wait, how come that isn't in my studies?", Twilight asked briefly.

"Chuck Norris is my best friend that's why I live in his backyard." Tis true, Chuck Norris and Mr. Timn were good friends.

"Let go of me!" Twilight was getting angry.

" I only let go of those who ask." Mr. Timn was a troll, in fact.

" I just did.", twilight responded.

"No you didn't, you demanded, demanding isn't fun." Mr. Timn was right the game of demanding was not fun... I played it once.

"Don't make me use my magic, buster" Twilight was getting angry.

"Magic has no effect on me, I play Pok'eman" Mr. Timn did play.

Twilight would not admit it, but she knew that when you crossed paths with some one who played Pok'eman, you should never aggravate them.

" I have a level four Charizard, you only have a level 99." replied Mr. Timn.

" Wait, how did you know that I had a level 99?", asked Twilight with great mystery.

"I watch you! I watch you everyday! In fact, I have always been here for I live on your roof." concluded Mr. Timn.

" You told me that you live in Chuck Norris's backyard? so where do you really live?" replied Twilight.

" Chuck Norris owns practically everything, including libraries, that's why he once said, "The British are coming!"" Tis true, Chuck Norris did coin the phrase "the British are coming"

"Ok, this is just getting weird look could you please let me go, Spike! Are you calling the cops!?" Twilight screamed to Spike.

As Twilight turned around to see why Spike had not yet called the cops, a mysterious man appeared, he could only be described as looking like this: Spike was in this man's hands crying for mercy.

"Oh hey, it's you my buddy, Chuck Norris, hey Purple horse this is my buddy, Chuck Norris the one who I was dissing right before you." answered Mr. Timn in amazement.

" Where's my payment?" demanded Chuck Norris.

The story must be stopped here to say that when Chuck Norris spoke, a planet blew up somewhere. May we, as we continue to hear Chuck Norris speak, honor the indigenous dead and dying all over the universe... You are not forgotten poor souls!

"I don't pay strangers, Mr. Chuck." replied a Mr. Timn.

"AHHHHHH NO ONE USES THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME" Chuck Norris was angry with Mr. Timn's voice.

"He didn't even speak that lou----" started Twilight.

"Silence!! How dare you defy the Chuck" Chuck Norris retorted.

"You know the chuck is my favorite part of the cow." replied Mr. Timn (and that it was, Mr. Timn just loved the chuck).

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... You must pay!!!!!", Writhed Chuck Norris.

"How much? I have about 20 dollars on me, and I am sure this pony has about 300 bits", retorted Mr. Timn.

"You can't just take from my house. Both of you need to get out right now.", retorted Twilight.

"GET OUT!!! I own this place... I bought it from Charles Nelson Reilly in that game of Monopoly we played." Yes, Chuck Norris did buy that piece of property.

"I remember that game. I stole that pizza from you when you weren't looking.", Mr. Timn was smiling.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA", Chuck Norris was enraged.

At this, the teletubbies enter.

"La la la la la let's play. Are you the vaccuum? No. La la la la yay more incessant singing. la la la la", sung the telletubbies.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA", Chuck Norris again screamed.

Again at this we find that the poor teletubbies burst into confetti followed by a faint scream of child's joy. Let us forever remember this moment as the time when the teletubbies were finally destroyed, and peace and harmony was again restored to Mercury. Besides that, Chuck Norris collects his payment after a game of tag. Twilight and Spike are frozen in time while Chuck Norris and Mr. Timn settle their debate. Chuck Norris leaves through a portal (he makes his own portal guns you know), and Mr. Timn goes back to Twilight.

"So did you miss me?", Mr. Timn was back.

"Okay that's it... I am done with you, Magic time...", Twilight was furious.

"Wait!!! I have news from the future... You will become an alicorn, Morgan Freeman will be your new voice, and Spike will steal all of your belongings to go live in a shoe with Mother Hubbard. Okay, you can use your magic now.", Mr. Timn did know the future well.

Twilight, furious at Mr. Timn, unleashes a barrage of magic leaving smoke, dust, and ashes. It seems that Mr. Timn was sent back to wherever he came from, and so Twilight proceeds to continue in her studies.

"Well, I don't know what that was all about Spike, but I can't wait to get back to reading." sighed Twilight happily.

"Ya Twilight that was crazy whatever it was, and in fact... AHHHHHHHH", Spike saw something he could not believe.

"What is it Spike? What how did you get back here?", Twilight was again filled with horror.

It must be reiterated to the reader that Twilight sent Mr. Timn back to his humble abode. It must also be reiterated to the reader that one of Mr. Timn's humble abodes was, in fact, Twilight's library.

"I live back here, Mrs. Cheese Pizza." retorted Mr. Timn.

"You live back here, how the hay did you get back here? and for that matter, why can't you just leave." questioned Twilight.

"Because she never put a ring on it.", Mr. Timn retorted back.

"A ring? Are you alright in the mind?", again questioned Twilight.

"Fair Question, I'll have to get back to you on that, in the meantime let's get back to those sushi roles from Antarctica, I mean man were they ugly." It was true, those sushi rules were disgusting.

"You should never judge a book by its cover.", replied Twilight calmly.

"Unless that book says, "Handbook", then you know they're lying to you." Mr. Timn was right.

"Handbook, what's that book about?" Twilight was curious.

"It's a book about handbooks. Get the picture or do I gotta draw it for you." Mr. Timn was a good artist, but he had no time today.

"Alright, look, I don't have time for this, could you just go. I mean seriously this is just horrible. This day was suppose to be for studying, but instead it turned into a who knows what. I don't even know half the things you are saying, and, for the love of pete, I--", Twilight was always getting interrupted.

"You love Pete! What are you cheating on me? I thought we had it good, but now you're just somebody that I used to know." Mr. Timn was in shock, someone ditched him for Pete.

"For all I know, you stole that from somewhere." Twilight said snobbishly.

"I did, but don't tell anyone... shhhh it's a secret, only about 23,000,000,000 people know!! They will never find out. Mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha." Mr. Timn was known for stealing.

Mr. Timn, as always, broke into maniacal laughter. His laughter was oh so maniacal that a song was written about it, given to a Mrs. Lady Gaga, turned down to a Mr. Justin Bieber, and finally, became a nursery rhyme, about why we should not follow stupid people's actions. Anyway, I digress, for the zombie apocalyspe won't happen for another two thousand years...until then you may want to stock up on Barnie dvd's, they will be in the utmost short supply when the zombies come, and I truly could not imagine someone going without Barnie... It would be the worst possible thing.

"Look, I am just going to ignore you, and hope that you leave, I seriously think that you are on something, and I think that you need to see a psychiatrist." Twilight was right.

"I am a psychiatrist...In my MIND...." Mr. Timn prolonged the mind, and he was in fact a psychiatrist.

"Right, okay well... this has been interesting, but--" Poor Twilight always getting interrupted.

"Do you hear that?" Mr. Timn heard something he could not believe.

"Ignoring you, remember?" Twilight continued to ignore.

"Its a group of dragons peeing on your garden. Now what type of dragons pee on your garden without first asking my permission?" Those Dragons really should have asked Mr. Timn first.

"I don't really care." Twilight really didn't.

"I'm going to get me peeing on that garden pony, and I'm going to get me peeing on that garden!!!!!" Mr. Timn was fanatical.

At this, Mr. Timn dashes to Twilight's gardens. However, as he is crossing the street, a lone Chuck Norris appears, and gives Mr. Timn the stare. The screen fades out to a black and white, and random words appear on screen which read, Mr. Timn: ???-2013, may he rest in peace...For Tommorrow (who is still the pitcher). Goodbye, Mr. Timn, and enjoy your studies Twilight, enjoy your studies.

"When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris. I always have the last say." And that it is true for Chuck Norris always must have the last say.

Author's Note

I truly hoped you enjoyed it... I am not sure if I was comedic enough, however, if I get enough likes, then perhaps there will be some more Mr. Timn's. Also, here are the vids of the original guy who made Mr. Timn. His name is Julian Smith.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pac6VwyPAws
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0pC8-R33zk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1ooP59iykI

These are the three original vids... if you don't find my story funny I would still watch these because they are funny. If I were you, I might even read these first more for the voice of Mr. Timn and the narrator.

Also, If you really enjoyed this story then comment that you want more, I mean I could go through every one of the Mane 6 so let me know.

Also, sorry about the quote thing... I originally had it written like a play, but apparently you can't have things written like that.