Nosebleed

by AspergerGoodness

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1485

Pipsqueak's nose starts bleeding, and Sweetie Belle tries to help out.

Pipsqueak and Sweetie Belle date each other. As they kiss, Pipsqueak gets a nosebleed. Hilarity ensues as Sweetie Belle tries to help him out, while both having never known what a nosebleed is.

Original concept and slapstick section were based on the Beavis and Butt-Head episode of the same name.

Haters and possible murderers are welcome.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-26 08:39:51 UTC

Nosebleed

  "I'm home, sis!", said Sweetie Belle, as she opened the door to her house after coming back from school.

  "Oh, hello, Sweetie Belle.", said Rarity, as she got downstairs. "You were bringing a friend along today... where is he?"

  Sweetie Belle turned around, to see that there was nopony outside.

  "Pipsqueak?", asked Sweetie Belle.

  Pipsqueak's head could be visible through one side of the door. He then slowly walked inside.

  "Come on in.", said Rarity. "Don't be shy."

  "Um... hi, Rarity.", said Pipsqueak, in a low voice.

  "I suppose you two want to be left alone. I'll be upstairs, working on those dresses. If you need anything, just talk to me."

  "No problem, sis!", said Sweetie Belle.

  "Yeah...", said Pipsqueak. "... what she said."

  "Have fun!", said Rarity, as she went upstairs, leaving the kids alone.

  "So...", said Sweetie Belle. "... have we got any homework due?"

  "I don't think so.", said Pipsqueak.

  "Okay then! What should we do first? Maybe we should play housekeepers, or Hopscotch... or watch TV."

  "It's up to you."

  "... okay... maybe we should talk until you get used to things around here..."

  "Yeah... good idea."

  Both kids remained silent for a moment. Sweetie Belle made circles with her hoof, while Pipsqueak looked around the house.

  "... well...", said Sweetie Belle. "... Miss Cheerilee told me this should work..."

  "Work with what?", asked Pipsqueak.

  "She told me to say something to you. I think it was 'I love you'... if I'm not mistaken."

  "Um..."

  "Oh yeah, I remember. I love you, Pipsqueak."

  Pipsqueak moved his eyes around a little.

  "... me too.", he said.

  "Yay!", exclaimed Sweetie Belle. "... so we're a couple now?"

  "I guess so... what do couples usually do?"

  "I think this is a good start."

  Sweetie Belle leaned over to give Pipsqueak her first little smooch. It felt kinda funny, as both have never kissed before. Pipsqueak's expression turned shocked. Nopony in their classroom had ever kissed before, so being first-kissers was more than just an accomplishment.

  "It felt kinda good!", said Sweetie Belle. "We should do that again sometime!"

  "Yeah...", said Pipsqueak, stunned by how fast everything was happening. "... we really should."

  "Is there something wrong?"

  "No, no, I'm fine... perfectly fine."

  "There's something on your nose..."

  "Oh, is there?"

  Pipsqueak touched his nose with one hoof. He soon panicked as he saw his hoof covered in red.

  "I'm bleeding!", panicked Pipsqueak.

  "You are?!", panicked Sweetie Belle. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

  "It's fine."

  "Oh, really?"

  "NO! I'M GONNA DIE!"

  "Don't panic! I'll figure this out!"

  "MAKE IT STOP!"

  "I'm sure you'll be fine! Just... just keep quiet!"

  "PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!"

  Sweetie Belle smacked his face, trying to keep him quiet. Note that neither of them knew what a nosebleed was.

  "Thanks.", said Pipsqueak. "I needed that."

  Sweetie Belle walked in a circle, trying to think of something to stop Pipsqueak's nose from bleeding, adrenaline rushing through the kids' bodies. Pipsqueak tried to contain all the blood dripping out of his nose by wiping it with a piece of cloth he found nearby. Suddenly, Sweetie Belle got an idea.

  "Pippy, I've got an idea!", said Sweetie Belle.

  "What is it?", asked Pipsqueak, his voice struggling with the blood that was clogging his nose.

  "Look at me."

  They both stared at each other for a while.

  "... BWAA!", screamed Sweetie Belle, scaring Pipsqueak's heart off, making his nose spray blood all over the place.

  "What was that for?!", asked Pipsqueak.

  "Um... sorry. It always worked with hiccups... wait here! I've got another idea!"

  "I hope it works this time..."

  Sweetie Belle went to the kitchen, and came back with a paper bag.

  "What's that for?", asked Pipsqueak.

  "You'll see."

  Sweetie Belle covered Pip's head with the paper bag, in an attempt to make the blood stop flowing, therefore stopping his nosebleed.

  "Now breathe.", said Sweetie.

  Pipsqueak started breathing, and very soon started struggling. Sweetie Belle took the bag off of his head after his screaming started to lower.

  "Sorry.", said Sweetie Belle. "I didn't think it was going to work anyway..."

  "Shouldn't you call Fluttershy to help?", asked Pipsqueak, his face covered in blood.

  "I don't think she'll want to go near you in that condition. Hey, I thought of another thing we should try!"

  "What is it?"

  Sweetie Belle brought a glass of water from the kitchen. Pipsqueak was upside down (like Belle asked him to), being supported by a wall. Sweetie Belle got a worried expression as she heard Pipsqueak's noises of worrying.

  "Don't worry, Pipsqueak.", said Sweetie Belle. "I'll end your suffering as soon as I find out how. Here, try drinking this water with your nose."

  Sweetie Belle poured the water into Pipsqueak's nose, only to have him coughing for a few seconds, falling down to the floor.

  "Oh Celestia, I'm running out of ideas...", said Sweetie Belle, starting to panic. "... I saved this one for a last resort."

  "I don't know if I can take this anymore.", panicked Pipsqueak, laying down on the floor, blood all over the place.

  "Cheerilee taught us about this on that day when you were too sick to come to school. I think it's called the Henrick maneuver."

  Sweetie Belle embraced Pipsqueak on his back and tried squeezing him. The only thing that happened was more blood to come out from his nose.

  "That's it... I've got nothing else to try.", said Sweetie Belle, before having the greatest idea she had ever gotten in a while.

  "Please tell me that's a good sign.", said Pipsqueak, as he saw Sweetie Belle's expression.

  "Don't go anywhere. I'll be back soon."

  Sweetie Belle went to the corner of the living room, where the family telephone was. Rarity told her to not use it if not for an emergency, but if that wasn't an emergency right now, she didn't know what else was.

Operator, may I help you?, asked a voice on the phone.

  "Yeah.", said Sweetie Belle. "Somepony's bleeding over here!"

Excuse me, miss, but if this is an emergency, you should dial NINE-one-one. This is FOUR-one-one, for information.

  "Oh... sorry."

  Sweetie Belle reset the phone and tried again.

Operator, may I help you?, asked the same voice.

  "What was that number again?", asked Sweetie Belle. The voice sighed.

It's NINE-one-one. Here, let me call it for you.

  "Okay."

Operator, may I help you?, said a different voice.

  "Pipsqueak is bleeding!"

Where is he wounded?

  "... his nose."

He's bleeding through his nose. Is it broken?

  "No."

So he's having a nosebleed?

  "Uh-huh."

A nosebleed is not an emergency.

  "... okay."

  Sweetie Belle went back to where Pipsqueak was. He had already given up on panicking, and just laid there, awaiting his death.

  "It's okay, Pipsqueak.", said Sweetie Belle. "It's not an emergency."

  "Whew...", sighed Pipsqueak in relief.

  Rarity decided to go downstairs to see if everything was right. She did hear some rather strange noises, but she thought it was from outside, until she was worried enough to go check the kids out.

  "Sweetie Belle?", said Rarity, as she started to see a few signs of red in the living room. "Is everything ok-- OH MY GOD!!!"

  Rarity immediately panicked at the sight of such a bloody mess. And worse of all, Pipsqueak was laying down on the floor, covered in his own blood, while Sweetie Belle looked at her sister with a panic expression.

  "WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA HAS HAPPENED HERE?!", screamed Rarity, a bit disgusted from such a strong sight.

  "It's not our fault!", said Sweetie Belle, panicking again. "We kissed and then his nose started bleeding, and so I tried to help him out, and I tried scaring him, and drinking water from his nose, we even tried the Heinrich maneuver, but nothing seems to work, and it doesn't help that there's blood all over the place, and--"

  "I get it."

  "You do?"

  "Yes. Sweetie Belle, that's a perfectly normal thing to happen. I'm surprised at how it's never happened to you before. Is he still bleeding?"

  "Yeah...", sighed Pipsqueak.

  "I'll call Fluttershy to help. Sweetie Belle, clean this mess while I'm gone."

  "Will do.", said Sweetie Belle, relieved that everything was okay.

  "And also... we'll talk about that 'we kissed' part later on."

  In the next day, Sweetie Belle was sitting next to Pipsqueak at the lunch table in school recess. Along with them, there was Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Peppermint Twist at the other side of the table.

  "So you two are together now?", said Twist.

  "Yeah.", said Sweetie Belle, as she leaned her head to Pipsqueak's shoulder.

  "How was it?", asked Scootaloo.

  "How was what?"

  "You did kiss, right?"

  "Oh... yeah. We did."

  "How was it?"

  The young couple looked at each other, with smiles on their faces.

  "A bloody mess.", said Sweetie Belle, getting a few confused looks from her friends.