“That could ‘ave gone better,” started Applebloom, edging out the silence between the trio of fillies.
“Could have been much worse!” added Scootaloo optimistically, her oversized smile betraying her words.
“I’m not sure there is an apology strong enough to make up for that mishap, even Rarity would be unable to talk her way out of this mess. Did you really have to argue with the beavers, Scootaloo?” chided Sweetie Belle, turning to her friend.
“Yes! He kept making funny faces at me! Sticking out his teeth at me and-“
“Sticking out his teeth?! That’s not even possible!” Sweetie Belle yelled, her tone becoming unbearably high. “Do you mean his chompers?! Because those are supposed to stick out!”
Scootaloo stopped, confusion grasping at her short attention span.
“You sure? Because I think they were all just doing it in unison.”
“No! No they were not.”
Scootaloo fell silent, searching for a solution to force the situation into a better light.
“At least that’s one less lake they will have to cut up next Winter Wrap-up Day!”
Sweetie Belle scrutinized her, deciding she must be serious. She poked a hoof into Scootaloo’s chest as she spoke.
“Then you can explain that to Applejack, as it’s her southern field you just flooded.”
Applebloom shook her head as she passed the arguing fillies.
“Not AJ ya have ta worry ‘bout, that wasn’t a field we use.”
Scootaloo wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead.
“So I’m clear then?!”
Applebloom shook her head.
“Nope, you hafta talk to Fluttershy.”
“That’ll be a cinch!” she laughed with a dismissive wave of her hoof.
The girls stared at her silently as Scootaloo trotted ahead.
Applebloom leaned in close to Sweetie Belle.
“You reckon she’s seen Flutter-rage yet?” she whispered, her eyes still wide with doubt.
“No. She’s only been on her good side, the fluffy side.”
A smile crossed Applebloom’s muzzle as she thought.
“This is gonna be good! Five bits says I’ll hear Fluttershy at Sweet Apple Acres.”
“I’m not taking that deal. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Celestia shows up thinking we’ve been attacked.”
Applebloom blew a raspberry.
“Pffft! We both know she ain’t gonna come herself, that’s what she has Twilight for an’ all.”
Sweetie Belle laughed, a high squeal that startled the birds from the surrounding trees.
“You know the story of Job?” Applebloom asked, grinning in her knowledge. “Yeah, that’s Twi. Discord just hasn’t lost yet.”
“I’d feel bad for Twilight if she didn’t treat Spike so harshly.”
“Rarity just basically ignores him and he keeps comin’ back to ‘er.”
“Maybe it’s a dragon thing.”
“Or maybe yer sister is just a frigid-“
“Hey girls!” Scootaloo cried from a hill in front of them, breaking the pair out of their plummeting discussion.
They quickly trotted over to join their final member, curiosity piqued.
“What do you make of that?” Scootaloo posed, pointing to a green unicorn hiding behind a bush at the base of the hill. A gold lyre cutie mark on her flank stood out in sharp contrast to the surrounding foliage.
The trio watched as the unicorn peered through the bush at a cream-colored earth pony feeding some ducks near the pond’s edge.
“What is that pony doing?” Sweetie Belle asked excitedly, egging the other two on.
“Let’s go check it out!”
The pair quietly followed Scootaloo down the hill, edging up behind the loosely camouflaged pony.
Scootaloo stepped closer, the sense of adventure filling her.
“Whatcha doin’?!” she shouted, allowing the unicorn to observe the unsuspecting pony from above the bush for several seconds.
She crashed down about where she had ascended, only on her face. She hastily recovered, bits of grass and rock falling from her cheeks as she pushed a hoof against Scootaloo’s mouth.
“Shhh! Why did you scare me like that?” she whispered heatedly.
Scootaloo pushed the hoof away, instantly wiping her own hoof over her tongue in disgust.
“Ah dowt know what uvf done wit dat hoof! Cwazy mutha-“
“Why are you watching that other pony?” Sweetie Belle asked, taking over while Scootaloo continued to freak out.
The unicorn quickly looked at the earth pony through the bush then back at the girls.
“I’m, uh…I mean we, we’re playing-um…playing hide and seek!” she answered in an animated fashion.
Sweetie Belle looked at the other mare before turning back with incredulous eyes.
“Yeah…that pony has no idea you’re here. You’re stalking her,” she stated flatly.
“No! We’re-I mean-fine! I’m stalking her. Happy?”
A mischievous grin crossed all three faces while Scootaloo regained her composure.
“Not yet. What’s it worth to you?” the pegasus asked, keeping a safe distance from the pony’s hooves.
The unicorn raised an eyebrow.
“Worth to me? I don’t…wait, are you blackmailing me?”
Sweetie Belle shook her head.
“No, no, no. That is such an ugly term.”
The unicorn appeared to relax, clearly misjudging the three Hell-spawn she was dealing with.
“We prefer, soliciting monetary assets for continued silence,” she finished with a grin.
“SMACS!” Scootaloo cried.
“Smacks?”
“Yeah, right in the face!” she responded enthusiastically.
“Or in the coin purse,” added Sweetie Belle.
The unicorn’s eyes pivoted over the three fillies, waiting for them to laugh it all away as a joke.
“Ha-ha-ha…ha…oh, you’re serious?”
Applebloom looked at Sweetie Belle.
“Show ‘er we mean business.”
Sweetie Belle poked her head around the bush, taking a deep breath.
“HEY YO-“
The unicorn grabbed the filly and pulled her back as several ducks took flight, the poor mare looking around nervously for the source of the commotion.
“Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Fine! I’ll pay!” she whispered fearfully, looking through the bush to see if the mare had fled. “How much?”
“What’s it worth to ya? We aren’t gonna be low-balled by some criminal.”
“I’m not a criminal!” she hissed. Applebloom scoffed.
“Stalkin’ is a serious offense, one that ponies don’t take lightly round heya.”
A growl crossed the unicorn’s mint face, clearly regretting being bullied by three little girls.
“Fine, but you are going to have to pay for this one day when you try this with somepony that won’t bend to your will.”
“Says the sociopath,” muttered Scootaloo coolly.
“Stalking is not a sign of sociopathic activity!”
“She says to three ponies that don’t care.”
The unicorn snarled, the blood rushing to her face in anger. She stopped and took several deep breaths, knowing time was a factor.
Sweetie Belle looked at her with a threatening gaze.
“Low-ball us and I scream.”
“Thirty bits, then.”
The girls looked at each other, knowing smiles emblazoned on their face.
“Forty,” Scootaloo countered.
“Thirty-five!”
“Thirty-seven!” Applebloom demanded, putting a readying hoof on Sweetie Belle’s back.
“Alright! Alright! Fine, but I’m only going to pay you after I’m done.”
Applebloom raised an eyebrow.
“Done with what?”
The unicorn allowed her eyes to betray her.
“Done….watching! Now go away!”
“Why dontcha just go talk ta her?”
“I-what?! You can’t just go talk to somepony randomly.” She looked at the victim by the pond. “You know how weird that would be?”
The Crusaders glanced at one another, the same message traveling through their eyes.
“Yeah, ah guess that does seem pretty pathetic. Stalking is much better.”
The unicorn nodded, her tail beginning to sway as she stared at the earth pony.
“Unless…”
“Now what?!” The unicorn moaned.
“What if we got you two ta meet somehow? We set up somethin’ that allows you to talk ta her?”
“Because you feel bad for blackmailing me?”
“Oh, no. Because we know you have more gold and we want it.”
The unicorn looked the three over, biting her lip.
“What are you planning?”
“That’s not part of the deal. Fifty bits and we help you,” Scootaloo explained, eyes narrowed.
“Fine, but don’t make it embarrassing for me!” she hissed, returning to her watching.
The girls huddled up as they discussed their plan, each with an evil grin dominating their features.
“I think we should try cute first, soften her up a bit,” Sweetie Belle proposed, looking for offers from the other two.
She rolled her eyes as they remained silent.
“I suppose since I am Rarity’s sister, I’m most qualified,” she muttered sarcastically as she bounced her curls.
“I thought you were going for cute? Not ‘notice me! I’m innocent!’?”
“Same thing! Rarity always gets her way, though sometimes she disappears for a little while before she gets her way. Never with the same pony either.”
“Yeah, ah guess that makes you the best for this,” Applebloom said, suppressing a giggle.
“What do you need us to do?”
“I need you two to stay here and get the stalker ready.”
Sweetie Belle quickly ruffled her hair, causing its elegant curls to become a mess of pinks and purples. With a confident huff, she crept around the side of the bush and towards the pond’s edge.
~
“What she doin’?” Applebloom asked nervously, staring at Sweetie Belle.
“I would have thought she would run in crying.”
“Me too, that’s how she gets AJ to let ‘er out of helpin’ on the farm.”
“I hope she has a plan. Oh, there she goes!”
~
Sweetie Belle stopped beside the water’s edge, taking a seat and silently looking at the earth pony.
The ducks stopped their feast and turned to the intruder, a few quacks drawing the pony’s attention to the young filly.
“Oh, goodness,” she wailed, her voice reminding Sweetie Belle of the cows mating. “You look lost. Are you lost?”
Sweetie Belle nodded, scrunching up her face as the waterworks started.
“You look hungry, want some bread?” she asked, her voice making Sweetie Belle cringe.
“No!” she wailed, allowing the tears to flow freely for effect. “I. Want. My. MOM!”
“Oh, no! Don’t cry little one.” She dropped the rest of the bread on the ground and rushed over to the balling filly. “I’ll help you find her. What does your mother look like?”
Sweetie Belle ran a hoof across her nose, coughing a few times before responding.
“She-she is a green uni-unicorn with yellow eyes *sniffle*. I just want my MOMMY!”
“Oh, sweetheart. Shhh. Don’t cry, I’ll help you find her.” The earth pony pulled her close, hugging her tightly as Sweetie Belle pondered reasons for why her voice sounded so stallion-ish.
“What is her name?”
Sweetie Belle could hear the girls gasp from the bushes as her eyes opened wide.
“Um…um-“ she cried, trying to come up with something fast. “Minty Stalker?”
“Alright dear, let’s see if we can find her.”
The two trotted down the path, Sweetie Belle keeping the flood gates open as her victim called out for a name that the real unicorn didn’t understand.
“Miss Stalker! I have your daughter!”
~
“She’s not real good at that, it just sounds bad,” Scootaloo sighed.
Applebloom pointed at the green unicorn still staring through the bush as her fake name was yelled across the plains. “Guards might show up before that stalker pony gets the hint. She hasn’t moved yet.”
“Hey, criminal!” Scootaloo whispered as she tossed a rock. “That’s your cue! They’re calling for you!”
Rage flashed over the mare’s face.
“Minty Stalker?! Are you serious?!”
“What? We don’t know your name, you didn’t tell us!”
“It’s Lyra!” she hissed.
“Well Miss Lyra, that’s yer cue ta get yer daughter!”
Lyra took a moment to collect herself before stepping out from the bushes.
“This is going to be awesome! That Lyra criminal is clueless!” Scootaloo laughed.
“There’s my daughter!” Lyra exclaimed as she made her presence known. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
A loving grin spread across her muzzle, fading quickly as the earth pony spun and closed the distance between them with a less-than-friendly growl emanating from her.
The earth pony reached Lyra, turned, and bucked her in the face as Sweetie Belle abruptly stopped her crying.
“Your daughter looks like she has been out here for days! How dare you be so happy when you are so careless! You are the worst mother in the world and I will report you to the guards as soon as I get back to Ponyville!”
~
“That’s a reasonable response…” Scootaloo muttered as she watched the scene unfold.
“It does seem like we shoulda seen this comin’. Though I ‘spect it’s Lyra’s fault for being…like that.”
~
The unicorn picked herself up, seeing the earth pony charge at her again before taking off past the pond with her assailant in close pursuit.
“Get back here! I’m not done with you!”
Sweetie Belle chased after them, loosing sight of the pair over the hill behind the pond. She stopped at the water’s edge, soon joined by her two co-conspirators. An exasperated sigh left the three fillies as they sat and thought about how the events failed to go as planned.
“You’d think the town would ‘ave learned not ta trust us with match-makin’ after what happened last year,” Applebloom stated.
“What? Big Mac and Cherilee hit it off fine after that,” Scootaloo answered confidently.
“She has a restraining order against him.”
Scootaloo dismissed the statement with a wave of her hoof.
“Pffft, she’s just playing hard to get.”
Applebloom sighed.
“Yeah, that must be it.”
“You think we will still get paid?”
Sweetie Belle and Applebloom looked at Scootaloo cynically.
“Oh, just wondering. I mean we said we would introduce them. We managed that part.”
“Ah don’t think this is what she had in mind for the meeting.”
“How were we supposed to know her victim was crazy?”
“She was just being protective. You don’t have any family, you wouldn’t understand,” Sweetie Belle muttered flatly.
“Oh…well maybe one day-“
“No!” her friends said together.
A silence fell between them, pierced only by occasional screams from below the horizon.
“Stupid birds,” Scootaloo grumbled as a few of the ducks took flight before them. “Make flying look so easy.”
“It is easy! Even my sister was able to fly! So that’s just sad on your part…”
“I wonder why they took off like that, there’s still bread here.”
An angry noise sounded from behind, causing the three to spin around, finding themselves outnumbered by a group of angry geese.
One reached out and clamped onto Sweetie Belle’s nose as the other’s made noises that sounded suspiciously like laughter.
“Ow!” Sweetie Belle yelled as she rubbed her snout. “I’m going to turn you into a pillow! You fluffed up inbred!”
They seemed to understand what was threatened as the group moved forward as one, biting out at the fillies as they turn and fled from the giant birds.
~
“Mean geese-es-es!” Scootaloo moaned as the Crusaders entered the Ponyville town square, various bruises adorning their coats.
“Geese!” Sweetie Belle shouted, rubbing her hoof over the swollen end of her nose.
“No, because there was more than one!”
“That’s why-“
“Girls! Look!” Applebloom was pointing across the square where a familiar mint pony was sitting at a table, doing her best to blend into the other patrons.
Sweetie Belle shot across the open space towards the unicorn, her friends calling out after her as they followed suite.
“Where are you going?!”
“I introduced them, I want my money!”
“But you said-“
“MONEY!”
The three stopped in front of the mare, her menu hiding them from her sight.
Sweetie Belle cleared her throat loudly.
“Money, please.”
The menu fell to the table as Lyra momentarily forgot where she was. Red flashed across her eyes.
“Money?! No way!”
“Hey! I did what you paid me to do. I introduced you two!”
“That wasn’t what I meant and you know it! So you three can just go play in traffic!”
She lifted the menu back up to cover her bruised face, relishing in her supposed victory.
Sweetie Belle casually wiped some dirt from her shoulder before speaking calmly to the cornered mare.
“Either you pay me what you owe, or I scream out that you lured us here with promises of candy.”
The menu slowly fell from the mare’s grasp and tumbled to the ground as she looked at the young con-artist glaring up at her.
“You almost get me arrested, which I only escaped because she had to get to work, and now you’re telling me you still want to be paid?! No! Not unless you fix this!” she added as the filly opened her mouth to scream.
Sweetie Belle thought for a moment, pondering her next move.
“You said she had to get to work? Where does she work?”
“At the book store over there.” She pointed to her right at a glass fronted building settled between a pharmacy and a small grocery store.
“Let me just consult with my agents,” Sweetie Belle muttered as she turned from the scowling mare.
Scootaloo was the first to speak as the fillies huddled into a tight circle.
“I don’t know much about books, but Rainbow Dash said something about them being flammable.”
“How is that supposta help?”
“No, no. Scootaloo is actually right. I have an idea.”
She turned back to the mare who looked less than amused to be a part of their antics any longer.
“Fine, we will fix this. We have a plan for you to be a hero.”
Lyra eyed her suspiciously.
“What do I need to do?”
“Just keep watch. If we tell you what to look for then it will look staged.”
The filly put on her most innocent expression, one that would make even her sister proud.
“Alright, not like I have a choice but I’m in. I’ll keep watch.”
The three fillies turned and trotted towards the store.
Once out of earshot Applebloom leaned in closer.
“So what’s the real plan?”
“Applebloom, you find that earth pony and get her to the back of the store, away from the exits. I don’t care how, just find a way. Scootaloo, you wait near the entrance for me to come out. I’ll tell you what to say when I return.”
“How will I know when ahm supposed ta leave?”
“You’ll know when you smell smoke. Buy time so the mare leaves with you.”
Lyra watched from across the square as two of the fillies hurried inside, leaving the orange one sitting at the door. She cocked an eyebrow as she stood up, slowly making her way towards the building ahead of her signal.
She was steps from the book store when she saw the white filly zoom out the door, a massive grin on her face. She stopped next to Scootaloo and motioned for the unicorn to hurry.
Lyra rushed inside, leaving Sweetie Belle to lean in and whisper Scootaloo’s lines to her. Seconds later, a small explosion blasted out the front window as the right side of the building erupted into flames.
Applebloom appeared along with the earth pony as Sweetie Belle ducked behind the brick wall.
“I *cough* I don’t know what *couch* just happened! Did you see *cough* anything?!” the earth pony asked as she spotted Scootaloo beside the door.
Scootaloo pointed behind the earth pony at a green unicorn scrambling out of the burning building.
“She did it! I saw her!” she yelled as loudly as she could manage.
Lyra looked up to see a hoof leveled at her.
“YOU!” the earth pony bellowed, giving chase once more as the green unicorn attempted to flee through town.
“Get her! She set my store on fire!” was yelled as the towns folk turned as one and pursued the minty unicorn.
The Crusaders sat outside the door of the burning shop as the last of the village ponies joined in the chase.
“So what was that for? Now we wont get paid for this!” Scootaloo whined as realization set in.
“Nopony tells me I wont get the money I worked for!” she yelled after the village pariah. “Doesn’t matter anyways,” Sweetie Belle responded dismissively, levitating a brown bag out the smoke-filled store behind her. “I cleaned out the register before starting the fire. At least a hundred gold bits in here!”
“Wow!” her fellow crusaders exclaimed in unison.
They trotted along the path leading towards the center of town.
“By the way, how did you make that explosion?!” Scootaloo asked, her excitement spilling out.
“I burned the chemistry books,” she responded with a grin.
“That’s awesome! Do you think we will get our cutie marks out of this?!” Scootaloo put forth enthusiastically.
Her compatriots looked at her with cold indifference.
“Who cares?!” Applebloom declared. “We have gold now. To the ice cream store!”
