Viewer Discretion is Advised
Viewer Discretion is Advised
In short, what the flying feathers was going on!? You were just going to play the Wii ∩ you were given for your birthday when your mother gave a blood curdling scream. No, really, when you burst in there, the jug of milk she had been holding was now stuffed full of parmesan. That didn’t even make any sense. Regardless, you identified the source of the problem immediately.
A fire? No.
Burglar? No.
Pinkie Pie party invitation? Not even close.
Your mother’s belly swelled like it had three and a half watermelons inside of it? Bingo.
“Mom!?” you scream in terror, half thinking she was going to explode. “What’s happening!?”
She flaps her wings as she begins bawling her eyes out. “My stomach! It just ‘Poof’ like this and now I’m fat. All the wasted efforts of my diet and-“
“I don’t think this is the time to worry about a diet, your belly is huge!”
“Son, what did we talk about when talking to women?” she scolds, putting the issue at hoof aside for one moment.
“I don’t think going around their personal appearance matters right now.”
You both stop your bickering as you see her stomach stretch.
“S-son. S-someth-thing is m-moving inside of m-eee.”
Oh crap, she’s going to freak out and probably hurt herself. Ok, think. “Mom,” you begin, “I need you to take deep breaths.” You mimic the action with her. You approach her, tip-toing for safety’s sake, and you hold out a hoof. She takes it and somehow firmly grasps it. “Ok, I know this is really weird right now, but we’re going to get you to a doctor and find out what’s happening.”
“That won’t be necessary, citizen.” Followed shortly by the interruption, a dazzling blue, tall figure stepped out of the shadows and proudly stood in the middle of the kitchen. You could have recognized her with your eyes closed. Even if only having heard her voice once before, you were in awe to see the real Princess Luna standing in front of you. She wasn’t looking at you or your panic-stricken mother, but the belly of said mother. “I see, so this is what you meant.”
“Hello, Luna.” The stomach spoke. To you, it sounded regal enough, but there was a hint of youth to it.
“Celestia, stop this nonsense. Please remove yourself from this innocent mare’s stomach. This is well beneath you.”
You look at your mother’s face. She’s close to fainting.
“The only thing that’s beneath anything is me and this mom. I told you, Luna, I’m going to be reborn again!”
Still holding on to your mother’s hoof, now squeezing with enough force to crack a cinder block in half, you ask, “Princess Luna… what the fuck is going on!?”
“Seraph! That’s no way to talk to a princess!” your mom manages to scold.
“You tell her, Seraph!” Celestia cheers, bobbing from side to side.
“Please stop moving around.” Your mother’s face goes green like she’s about to barf.
“But you’re like a fleshy hammock! Weeeeeeeee!”
“Stop it!”
“Ugh, fine. Party pooper. Speaking of…”
Hurk!
You look wide-eyed at Luna. “Again, what’s going on here!?”
Princess Luna sighs. “Every few hundred years, an Alicorn goes through a cosmetic ritual to keep up their appearances, both literally and metaphorically speaking. It rejuvenates the body to allow for another hundred years of existence without saggy eyes or a dulled mane.”
“Ok, so how is she inside of my mom’s… you know.”
“I might have over-did it,” she sheepishly admits, rubbing a hoof down her neck. “I think she has become a child again and… Celestia was quite abusive of her magic as a child. It wasn’t until our father, who runs the Solar System now and cannot return for obvious reasons, straightened her out that we got her personality kinks out of the way.”
“That still doesn’t explain why she’s inside of my mom.”
“She’s always wanted to be born ‘properly’. Her fascination with that died eons ago, but I guess this brought it back up again… extremely if I might add. I wish I could discuss more of this but you can find all the information you need at the local Library.”
You nod and reassess your mother. She’s not doing so well with her belly sagging almost to the floor now and her feet covered in her lunch. If the mentally disturbed princess keeps it up, breakfast was soon to follow. “What do we need to do?”
“Our father had a way with words in coaxing her out of these kinds of situations. We just need to replicate that.” She takes a deep breath and coughs. “Celestia, this is your sister speaking. I hereby demand that-“
“Tbbbbbbbbbt!”
Did she just… give a raspberry in my mom’s stomach?
“Celestia! Don’t you dare do that again young miss. I’m going to count to three and you better get out of this mare.”
“No! You can’t make me! I wanna be born like the real ponies do and you can’t stop me.”
“One!”
“NNNO!”
“Two!”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Two and a haaaalf.”
“Mmmno.”
“Celestia.”
“No! I won’t!”
“You’re acting like a spoiled child!”
“Stop counting… or I kick!”
“Th-“ You and Luna both gaze into each other’s eyes as the seriousness of the threat settled into your heads. From that position, the young Princess Celestia could do some serious internal damage, not that she hasn’t done some already.
Your mother stops squeezing your hoof and swallows down some of her remaining vomit. With a shaky voice, she begins, “Hey, Princess,” she coos. “It’s me, the mare you’re inside of.”
You watch as your mom bends over to look at her own belly.
“Since you’re inside of me right now,” she says softly and weakly, “I guess that makes you my daughter… and me your mommy.”
“Really?” she says, awe-struck.
“Yes. And do you know what good little girls do when their mommy asks them something?”
“They… do what they say?”
“That’s right, you’re such a good little girl. Now, mommy needs you to get out of her belly, ok? It really, really hurts.”
You hear a sniffle from inside. “O-okay. Can I say I’m sorry mommy, for all the trouble I’ve caused?”
“Of course you can sweetie, after you’ve come out of me. I don’t understand magic or our princesses, and I still don’t know what’s happened these last couple of minutes and I’m sure when I’ll do I’ll need extensive therapy… but I’m not mad at you.”
A couple more sniffles from the stomach. “Do you- you really mean it?”
“I do.”
I have the coolest mom ever… she’s probably going to pimp slap Celestia when she gets out.
The sound of skin shuffling presides for a moment followed shortly by silence. After one more attempt, Celestia speaks up.
“Uhm, I’m stuck.”
“You’re… stuck?” Luna questions.
“I can’t move my leg out of this weird way and I don’t know the spell.”
Your mother and Luna look at each other awkwardly. Luna speaks up, blushing immensely. “Do you… need someone to go in there and get you out?”
Eww, oh gross! Nasty!
“Uh-huh.”
Luna receives a very awkward nod from your mother. Princess Luna walks behind your mom and looks at her… thing. Averting her eyes, Luna magically shrinks her right hoof to a very thin, rod-like appendage. “O-ok. Here I come.”
You look away as well, deciding to face the kitchen door while all of it is going on. You decide to look at the clouds through the window and try to make shapes out of them while you hear squirting noises and awkward moans come out of your mom.
Suddenly, the top of a tan-brown fedora pierces your vision. You’d recognize it anywhere. Before you even realize what’s about to happen, the door in the kitchen opens.
“Honey I’m…”
You turn around for just a second to see how bad it really is. Luna is standing on her hind legs and pulling Celestia out of your mom who is wincing in pain. Celestia is about half way out, but she is only about a fifth of her original size, if even that, and her mane is completely pink and peppered with crimson blotches. You know where the crimson is from.
Your mom looks up and meets the gaze of her husband.
“…going to see a doctor.”
The door closes and you are all left to the awkward situation once more.
“Well,” Celestia grins, “I guess he just couldn’t stomach what fun his wife gets into.”
“Or what gets into her."
Happy ending. Yay!
What the fuck did I just write?
Author's Note
Get it? It's the Wii ∩, like the shape of a horseshoe? Well I thought it was clever anyways. Let's get this straight, this was never meant to be a serious story. Why I even wrote this is beyond me. It was all for a really bad punchline. If you unfollow me for this piece of... "literature", I completely understand.
