The Sun may Rise, but the Daughter reigns.by Hipster Pony Raven HornChaptersChaos at DawnMidday MoonTales of TwilightMidnight SunChaos at DawnLuna and I have finally defeated Discord; the land of Equestria is thanking us hoof over head. I have to admit though, I feel sorrow. Though the citizens are overly grateful, praising their new ‘princesses’, a part of me feels remorse. I think Luna has her suspicions. She may be young but she has a certain insight at times. Discord was the first, well, he isn’t exactly a pony so I guess I’m going to have to adjust my word usage. Discord was the first creature that seemed to accept me. Even though negotiations broke down (in part I think due to Luna’s temper), I still think Discord was more receptive to what we were talking about than any of us really wanted to admit aloud. Then there was the… thing. He knew, and he’d often use it as a jab towards me. The teasing always seemed to irritate Luna, possibly because she always wanted to protect me. Still, despite his ribbings, his teasing, his jokes, he still treated me in a way that I had longed to be treated my whole life. He treated me in a way that only Luna ever had after somepony someone found out. I hope that one day, in the future, I’ll be able to find the right pony to be able to help Discord. I feel that there is good in him, that he really understands. I know if I voiced these opinions to Luna she’d scoff at me. To her if somepony, or someone (again I have to be mindful of Discord not really being a pony), did something wrong then they shouldn’t be forgiven. Though her temper does worry me at times, I hope no ill comes of it. --Excerpt from Princess Celestia’s personal diary, volume 2-- I sighed slightly, easing myself onto an oversized pillow in my study. It had been a tiring day, reassuring the court that Discord had been reformed for the third time since his official declaration to me. My horn tingled with the glow of magic as my teacup levitated towards me. I smiled after taking a sip, feeling the warming sensation of the tea in my throat. I really treasured these brief moments of peace. I hummed to myself, floating over a large book with a quill clamped inside of it. I smiled, cracking the book open, starting to write down my thoughts. ‘Well well well my dear Celestia, you must be committed to the role if you’re keeping a diary.’ My quill paused. I recognised that voice. I closed my eyes, chuckling a bit. ‘You have quite the collection here, but only three-hundred forty eight volumes? I would have thought you would have written more, what with the most interesting life you have lead. The unique challenges you’ve faced.’ ‘Discord, I assume you have a reason why you’re coming to visit me in my private chambers,’ I said, finishing up my thought in the book. ‘Well my dear Celestia, I just want to spend some time with you,’ Discord said. I looked around to see him going through one of my diaries. ‘I just want to know you better. After all, I am in your debt.’ ‘Discord, it isn’t polite to read through a lady’s diaries,’ I scolded, raising one of my eyebrows. ‘Oh of course, pardon me. I forgot you are a lady now aren’t you? Though from this you sometimes forget that too, don’t you Princess?’ Discord smirked as he closed the book. It vanished, returning to its proper place on the shelf. ‘Very interesting, how you still doubt yourself after all this time.’ I closed my eyes, a slight flush on my face. ‘Discord, if you only came to tease me about my past then I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’ ‘Oh but my dear Celestia, you really can’t be sore at me?’ He chuckled a bit, sounding a bit hurt. ‘I mean, I’m here accepting you for who you are. I’m not like those ungrateful parents of yours, who never would understand.’ My eyes shot open, glaring at where Discord was sitting, or where he was sitting last. When I failed to spot him sitting in the chair I turned my head in search for him. ‘Discord, don’t talk about my parents like that. You have no right to-’ ‘To what? Make an observation? Tell you the truth? Come now princess, you should know me well enough that I do lots of things you say I have no right to do.’ I twisted my head around to look at the draconequus who was lounging on my back, shrunk down to more easily fit. I stood, shifting so that Discord would slide off my back. ‘Discord, I have great respect for my parents, they did their best to-’ ‘Raise you? Then answer me my dear, if you really respected them that much why did you run away?’ I gritted my teeth, breathing heavily. I opened my mouth to speak, but Discord only shrugged. ‘I’m only trying to help. You can’t keep running away from these things you know.’ ‘Discord, I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.’ I was trying to hold back the anger in my voice. ‘Very well, just think about it.’ Discord said, shrugging and turning to face away from me. ‘After all I’m reformed now, I need to help those who need it. A damsel in distress, or so to speak.’ And with a snap of his fingers he was gone within a flash of light. Even after Discord had gone I continued to stand, staring at the place he had been. I couldn’t believe him, so nonchalantly talking that way about my mother and father. The nerve of him. I shook my head, getting up and starting to pace around my room. My parents were good, hard-working ponies. They just… didn’t always understand. I didn’t want to leave them, but Luna and I both agreed that it would be the best. I loved my mom, she was always there when I needed her. And Dad… well he did teach me the basics of magic. And they both would tuck me in at night when I was just a foal. My heart sunk at the thought of them, and at the thought of what Discord had told me. What if, what if it was all just some sort of fantasy? What if I was really just deluding myself, and I should have never left my parents. What if I should have stayed as their son… I sighed, collapsing on my pillow. Look at yourself Celestia, moping like a little filly. The thought only served to bring me down more. You’re the princess of the most powerful nation in the world, thousands of ponies look up to you. Think about how Twilight would feel if you just gave up. My eyes stung as I closed them. But what if... what if everything that I thought I was, everything I am. What if it is all a lie? How am I supposed to live with myself? Why should anypony look up to me if I’ve been lying to everypony for over a thousand years. How would Twilight look up to me if I told her the truth. Oh Luna, will there be anyone I wouldn’t be afraid of telling other than you? Luna… The thought sprang to my mind. She had always been a source of comfort to me, my younger sister who was always there to help me when we still lived with Mom and Dad. I got to my hooves, using my magic to wipe my eyes free of tears. I’ll go talk with Luna, she always knows what to say. Yeah, I’ll go talk with Luna. She’ll be able to help me with this. I was going to have a talk with my sister. The topic? One I thought I had buried long ago. Midday MoonLuna… oh Luna why? What happened? I was so certain that we’d rule together… I was so certain I could rely on you. But… now you’re gone, you’re gone and I sent you away. How could I be so blind? How could I not see the signs? The place we made our home, a secluded forest where I could finish my transformations and still be able to rule over our country. I know, you did your best, but the ponies seemed to fear you. I tried to warn you, I thought you heard me. But now, now I’m alone. I’m alone and cold Luna. Your turn on me, it cut me like nothing else. Not even running away from Mother and Father pained me as much as the deed that I had to force myself to do. You, no, that wasn’t you. I refuse to believe it, I refuse to accept it. Whatever it was that was controlling you, it was not you. The one-thousand year seal is my only hope, that in time I can find some way to free you… it was my fault that you left, and I will find some way to bring you back. It’s the same you would do for me… that you have done for me. All those times you covered for me with our parents, all those times you got into trouble when the blame was really on me. Covering for me and my experiments with your clothing, my verbal slips, and trying your best to answer my questions. When we ran away, I thought it would be better away from Mother and Father. I thought that as long as you were with me we could do anything, and we did. We figured out a spell to make me look more feminine while we sought a more drastic measure to fix me. Then we found Discord, and defeated him together. We were made royalty, we built our own palace, and all this time you kept sacrificing yourself for me. Oh Luna, if I knew you felt the way you said you did last night… if I knew that you wished for more praise, for more acceptance, more love, I would have given it to you without hesitation. I should have seen this coming, your change in attitude lately… I merely thought you were annoyed with your son. Forgive me Luna, forgive me please for being so blind. I feel like a scared filly, one who just wants her sister to come through the darkness and nuzzle her and let her know the monsters aren’t real. But no, I’m not a filly, I’m not even really a mare. I’m just a stallion who looks like a mare, who has a vain dream to become one. Luna, I once told you when we were foals that I’d give everything to become a mare proper. I was young and foolish, I hadn’t contemplated what that would feel like. Now I know, I’ve lost our parents, I’ve lost you, and now I feel like I’m losing myself. Luna, you were always there, guarding my dreams at night and protecting me. And last night as I dreamed I thought you had come to visit me even through your imprisonment in that darkness and on the moon. But the dream became a nightmare, as the darkness enveloped you and took you away. And I just stood there and watched, helpless and scared. Luna, I never wanted to lose you. I never wanted my becoming a proper mare to come between us. I never wanted to become their princess and let that drive between us. Luna, I will wait for your return. I shall never forget you Luna, please… please don’t forget me. —Excerpt from Princess Celestia’s Diary Vol 4 I approached Luna’s room slowly, becoming more hesitant the closer I got. Was I ready to bring this up again? Wasn’t it good enough that Luna accepted me, and didn’t question anything when she returned? Shouldn’t I just let dragons sleep and be on my way? I stopped outside her door, biting my lip and debating with myself. I lifted my hoof, ready to knock but no, I couldn’t do it. I put my hoof back down and turned to go. I sighed, I guess I wasn’t ready yet after all. Tears started to run down my face, despair washing over me. It was the biggest problem I had with myself, the biggest secret of my past. I thought, maybe after Discord ruffled my feathers I could talk with Luna. We hadn’t really talked as sisters since her return, more like old friends. I know I had changed a lot since then, but I missed those talks. ‘Tia?’ I looked up, trying to blink the streaming tears out of my eyes. ‘Tia is something wrong? Do… do you want to come talk for a minute?’ ‘I’m fine Luna, honestly. I’m sorry to have bothered you.’ I started walking down the hall head held high when I heard my name called again. ‘Celestia, I know something is bothering you. There are water drops on the floor, come on.’ I stopped, finally turning to face my sister. She smiled, her eyes soft and warm as they were all those centuries ago. My face grew into a small smile, and I rushed forward draping myself over Luna. ‘Luna, oh Luna…’ ‘There there, come on inside. We’ll talk. I’ve found some amazing herbs that have been cultivated since I’ve been gone. You chew on them and they calm you, and taste so fresh afterwards,’ Luna said, patting me on the back. I followed her in, sitting down on one of her over-puffed pillows as she trotted over to her own pillow. I saw her horn glow as a tin filled with what smelled of mint floated over to me. I pulled a few leaves out, chewing on them thoughtfully. They really did help a pony calm down some. ‘Alright, so Tia. What is bothering you? In the two years since I was freed I have not seen you cry as you used to. You have turned into such a strong mare, ruling this country for a thousand years without me.’ She smiled. There was no tone of bitterness, no accusatory tone. We were just a couple of sisters, sitting there, talking over my problems. But the thing was, that was my problem. Was I really her sister? I wasn’t born so, I wasn’t raised so, so who was I to decide that I was something like that? I didn’t know how to bring up such a sore topic of our past. I just looked at the floor, chewing on the mint. How was I supposed to say that I felt I was living a lie? That I was deceiving everypony just to give myself some small comfort in myself? ‘Tia, come on. I cannot help you if you don’t say anything.’ Luna got up, nuzzling me gently. ‘Come on, whatever monsters you’re facing, I am sure they are not real. But never the less, lets fight them together.’ I’m not sure if it was the nuzzle, or if it was Luna talking the way she used to when I was alone and scared at our parent’s house. ‘I’m doing nothing more than living a lie!’ I blurted out, before collapsing to the ground sobbing. I could feel Luna’s reassuring hoof stroking my back, her warm body cuddled next to mine as I lay there, sobbing into my hooves. When I finally started to calm down, I looked up. Luna was still there smiling as kindly as she ever had. ‘You are still worried about that? After a thousand years? You silly little filly.’ I sniffed, swallowing. ‘Nopony else knows, I… I just don’t know if I’m the mare I always wanted to be, or if I’m just pretending and deluding myself. I look like a mare, my body for the most part acts like that of a mare’s, but what if it is all a lie? What if I am doing nothing more than covering up my true self? What if-’ I stopped, Luna had held her hoof up. ‘Tia, when we were foals you confused me immensely. I admit I was jealous that you were the son and I was the daughter. You were showered with gifts, spoiled beyond belief, always treated with favour. And I was always second hat, younger, female. I never got the attention that you did, never got the love you did. Like the moon during the day, it is always there but barely seen, so I was hidden by your radiance.’ I lowered my head again. I never wanted our parents to spoil me, I never wanted their praise. Just their love and acceptance, instead of judgement. ‘But, I loved you. So when you asked me that first time, what it was like to be a girl I knew there was something different. Something special. When I let you wear my dress the first time, since we were not that far apart in size yet, and you were caught I took the fall. Because I knew, my sister needed to be protected.’ I had heard these words before, but somehow they seemed more real this time. And there was something different, I couldn’t quite place it but Luna seemed to have changed it somehow. ‘My very special sister, who my parents did not understand. My very special sister, who was growing to hate her body every day. I did not know what went on through your head, just that it had to have been hard. So I suggested one night that we just run away, get away so you could live as you wanted to live.’ It hit me, why the words seemed so different. When she told me this, she didn’t refer to me as her sister until after I had started changing. Until then she had always called me her brother when she talked about us as foals. I looked at Luna, tears sitting in my eyes not yet water-falling down my face. ‘You argued, fought with me. But in the end you agreed that we would run away, make it on our own. We escaped into the world, travelled as far as we could. That is when we started experimenting with body-changing magic. Trying to get you to look more like a mare and less like a stallion. We were successful enough that when we entered Equestria for the first time the ponies there thought we were the princesses that were foretold to save them from chaos.’ I swallowed, wondering what was coming next. Typically when Luna told me these stories we glossed over Discord, neither of us feeling too proud of what happened there. ‘I felt so happy for you sister, seeing other ponies see you as you truly are, even if you were not perfect yet. Then we met Discord…’ Luna halted, looking at the floor. ‘When he was released from our spell, he made certain that I remembered what we did to him, and that it was my fault that negotiations had turned south. He saw through what we had done, pegging what you were born as, but remember Celestia that he never once called you anything but a she outside of just our private company. No matter what, he still kept your secret. Even after his release.’ I shifted around on the spot. This was all very true, Discord for all his chaos always toed the line, especially since outing me could completely destroy my credibility as a leader. Though there is a part of me that wonders who would believe Discord if he did publicly out me, seeing as he’s such a practical joker. Sometimes to a bad degree. ‘Then there was the time we were in the castle of the two pony sisters,’ Luna continued. My stomach seemed to be caught in some some sort of vice. She had never talked before about this time in our life. Beyond apologising for everything she did, she never opened up about it. ‘We had discovered magic that would more freely allow you to pass as a mare, changing everything to nearly perfectly mimic that of a mare’s body.’ Luna looked away from me, taking a deep breath. ‘I did my best to hide it for the longest time, but my jealousy was growing. I spent almost all my time dealing with the subjects, you only made a few appearances. I was the one doing almost all the work, and again I was eclipsed by your radiance… speaking of which I like what you’ve done with the Eclipse, having the moon go in front of the sun. The first time I saw it, and learnt you did it for me… I cried… but going on. My jealousy was growing, and something about that forest was only feeding it.’ Luna gulped, and suddenly I found I was the one who was holding her. ‘After a while, there were times when I felt I didn’t love you. That I could get rid of you. If the ponies were so afraid of my beautiful night, then I’d keep it up longer, until they learnt like you had there was nothing to be frightened of. Then there were times my head was clear, but remembering everything, and just wanting to escape and flee from that dark place. But… I couldn’t abandon you and…’ ‘Shhh… shhh…’ I cradled Luna to my chest, wrapping my wings around her. ‘It’s alright, I know that wasn’t you, you did nothing wrong.’ Cradling my shivering sister was an interesting experience for me. I usually wasn’t the one comforting between the two of us. Even after her return she hadn’t shown much weakness. The two of us just stayed there, Luna curled up inside my wings. It felt… good, like a mother comforting her child. I was the big sister, comforting her scared little sister for a change. Time seemed immaterial, it was just me and her, and I was feeling so happy to be this close with my sister again. It was as though a piece of my soul was starting to fill in, but there was still some part missing. “Tia…’ I looked down at Luna’s soft voice. It seemed so out of character to hear her sound so meek and humble. She typically was very commanding, even when she was comforting. ‘Tia if you need any more proof, go ask Twilight about this. Your student is wise, and she may show you what I cannot.’ ‘But Luna… what if she doesn’t accept me, what if she rejects me? You know we have a lot riding on her.’ I said, looking back. ‘I’ve told you about my plans.’ ‘You will think of a way to discuss it with her,’ Luna said, snuggling a little closer. ‘You were always the smarter of the two of us.’ Tales of TwilightThe time for my beloved sister’s return is drawing closer. Just a few short years… I feel that the only way to help her is by showing her the light and breaking her free of the darkness that has ensnared her. I have searched, but all the books in Canterlot have no spell that would be strong enough even if I myself were to cast it. I have even scoured over Starswirl’s personal grimoire, thinking that perhaps in there something would appear to me, but the only spell with that kind of potential is unfinished. However, there might just be hope. Earlier today I took on a personal student, Twilight Sparkle. She was attempting to gain entry to my school for gifted unicorns, and from the accounts of the judges she wasn’t doing that great of a job at it. However when an extremely rare Sonic Rainboom appeared in the sky, I watched as a burst of magical energy came from the testing room, and a giant dragon head broke the roof. When I investigated I found that the chaos was caused by none other than this little filly. The poor girl was terrified that I was going to be mad, but when I offered her a position as my personal student she went wild. To add to her excitement she also gained her cutie mark. I recall when Luna got her cutie mark. Despite what many historians might say regarding our roles in moving celestial bodies, Luna’s talent is not moving the moon. It is dream diving, a strange but wonderful magical talent that I eagerly await for her to be able to use upon her return. Luna was so excited, she said now we could play twice as long because we could play while we slept. It wasn’t long before we realised the strain it had on her, and that she wouldn’t be able to do it for long at her age. Still, she was able to sculpt my dreams enough just once to make me feel like I was a real filly. Later on she managed to discover how to bottle dreams, allowing them to be relived at a later time. Such a feat had never been replicated since her banishment, even by the most accomplished of Dream Delvers. She even bottled me that dream she made of me as a real filly for a gift. It is the most precious gift my sister has ever given to me, and I won’t let any harm come to it. I don’t feel I need it anymore anyway, I see that joy, that innocence, when I look at Twilight Sparkle. The care, freeness, I am jealous to be honest. Over one thousand years I have ruled this country, nearly all that time I have done it alone. Twilight seemed so confident and honoured to have been chosen when I spoke with her. Even though I have made numerous tough choices, gained wisdom of ages, and knowledge vast as the sea, I have never been so confident. I have kept the facade up that I am the omnipotent omniscient ruler of Equestria in a, quite possibly futile, attempt to keep those ponies who rely on me feeling safe and confidant in my ability. That is all that is keeping me going anymore, is that sense of responsibility. Just like my dad taught me, stallions need to be able to shoulder tough responsibility and appear strong at all times. Though I’m not a stallion anymore, I’m a mare. The Princess Celestia. I shall keep searching for a way to save my sister upon her return, though something tells me this Twilight Sparkle just might be the key. Please Luna, wait for me. I’ll figure this out. I’ll find some way to get you back, and then I’ll finally be able to protect you and give you everything you could ever want. Please, just a few more years. -Excerpt from Celestia’s Diary Vol 197 I was alone in my study, enjoying a cup of some of my favourite tea. A nice blend of Rosemary and Thyme, with just a hint of Jasmine. My work for the day was essentially done, having set the whole day aside for taking care of the sun. Most ponies don’t realise that Luna and myself had very little to do with the raising and lowering of the sun. Just some maintenance here and there to make sure that they didn’t do anything crazy, but otherwise they mostly just kept on doing what they did best and spinning across the sky. A polite knock came on my study door. ‘Come in,’ I said with a fair idea as to who this pony was. A purple unicorn slowly opened my study door. I smiled as my student, Twilight Sparkle, entered the room looking as though I was going to chop her head off or something. ‘Princess? Is something wrong? You said that I should come as quickly as possible. Did I fail something? Do I need to write more reports? Do I-?’ I held up my hoof with a small smile on my face. The stream of questions stopped, leaving Twilight only able to look worried in silence. It was of course just like her to expect the worst. ‘No, nothing of that nature. Twilight my student, I merely wish to speak with you for a while.’ Twilight blinked, then a smile crossed her face. It was as if our years apart had not happened, and we were just having one of our afternoons together. Just the two of us, sitting and talking. My student lay down across from me, grasping the teacup in her magic as I poured her a cup. ‘Thank you for the tea.’ Twilight smiled, taking a sip. ‘It’s most delicious, as it always is.’ I nodded, deciding to simply listen to Twilight for a while before speaking my mind. It warmed my heart as Twilight started on talking about all the things she learnt recently. Her talks about the wondrous sights she’s seen, the fascinating spells she’s discovered, they made me both so happy and so sorrowful. ‘Princess? Is something wrong?’ Twilight asked, causing me to blink a moment. I had become so lost in my mixed feelings that I must have lost concentration on the conversation. Something of my inner thoughts of what I was preparing to tell her must have leaked upon my face, as Twilight’s look of concern from earlier had returned. ‘No, no nothing is wrong,’ I said before smiling and taking a sip from my cup. ‘Though I do have a question for you Twilight.’ My student immediately straightened up, leaning closer so not to miss anything. ‘What makes a mare a mare?’ Twilight cocked her head in confusion. I had not asked her a question on some strange magic, or even anything that she could immidiately pull up some fact from some obscure book she had been perusing recently. A few moments of silence passed as I could feel my own heart beat in anticipation and nervousness. I knew her answer wouldn’t be directed at me, but some part of me felt that she was judging me as she thought. Her answer came slowly, and I worked hard not to show my anxiety on my face. ‘What makes a mare a mare? I guess… I guess how she sees herself right? Isn’t that some basic philosophy? We are only who we think we are, right?’ I nodded, somehow hearing those familiar words coming from Twilight made them seem all the more real to me. Still, clarification would always be good. Ambiguous words could always be twisted around, as my past dealings with beings such as Discord, or even my own sister, had shown me so clearly. ‘So, you are saying that a mare is more than just what her body is, right?’ Twilight frowned, clearly trying to wrap her head around the problem that seemed to just elude her. ‘I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at Princess, but yes. A mare can be short, tall, fat, thin, purple, pink, blue, yellow, white. None of these things change the fact that she is a mare, right?’ I nodded again, too nervous to speak. I was afraid that if I said anything I’d give away who I really was, and that Twilight would hate me forever. Twilight waited for a moment for a response, but when I failed to she continued. ‘A mare is only what she thinks about herself; if she thinks good of herself, then she is a confidant mare. Isn’t that right? I mean, it’s nice to hear that you’re a good mare from outside, but so long as you know you are good, you are. Right?’ ‘Twilight, you’re rambling a bit. Allow me to focus your thoughts for a moment.’ Twilight straightened up, looking at me with such intensity that I could have sworn that she could see through all the spells that I had created with Luna over a thousand years ago. Everything I had done to make myself look like a mare, so that I could possibly have a moment of happiness. ‘What would you say to a mare, who claims she is a mare and truly believes that she is one, but otherwise has the body of a stallion?’ My nerves shot through the roof, this was the moment of truth. Whatever Twilight said, that would be the final word of it. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but Twilight’s words would either confirm everything I had hoped for not only her but myself, or shattered everything that I had thought and revealed that everything I had built upon was nothing more than an elaborate web of lies that I had crafted to make myself feel better. ‘I suppose I would say hello to her,’ Twilight said, frowning a bit. ‘I’m not sure what else I’d say to her, I mean it’d be a bit strange but mares come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, so why not looking like a stallion? Princess? PRINCESS!’ Twilight dropped the teacup she had been keeping hovering mid-air, spilling its contents on the rug beneath us. She rushed to my side as tears flowed freely down my face. Twilight would never know the service she had just performed for me, she’d never be able to understand just how much her words meant to me. The joy, the happiness, the peace. ‘PRINCESS! Is everything alright? Should I get the guards? Should I get Luna? Is there something I can do? Anything?’ ‘Nothings wrong Twilight,’ I said, using my wings to wipe my tears. I could actually feel myself shaking as Twilight wavered close. ‘Actually, I feel so happy right now. I’ll tell you everything later. Right now, just know that you have done so much for me.’ I pulled Twilight close with my forehooves. She was so much like the daughter that I always wanted to have, but could never have had. ‘Ok Princess… Ok…’ Twilight hugged me back as I held her close. I was just me, no matter who I was born as, or anything in my past. It didn’t make me any less of a mare. I finally felt something that I never thought I’d ever be able to feel. Complete. Author's Note Well... it's been a while since I updated this hasn't it? Yeah... yeah... yeah... even worse when you consider that this chapter has been sitting half-finished since the last chapter was updated. All that I needed to do was edit it, which I've since done so enjoy! Also, feels. THE FEELS! That could just be me though. Midnight SunThis week has been long, hectic, and draining. Over the course of it, I’ve had to confront myself a multitude of times. I felt paralysing fear, confided in my sister, asked my student a question I myself didn’t know the answer to, and for the first time in over a millennium I managed to forgive and accept myself. Who could have thought Discord would have done something that would have set off such a positive series of events? I have to wonder if he knew that this would be the result… After all he was the first one to know after Luna, and he still referred to me as a mare. With all the interactions I had with him, even with the jabs and the jokes he still took it serious. At least as serious as Discord took anything. Today… today was really a momentous day. Today was the first day I have awoken and not felt like I was lying, cheating, deceiving, or misleading my people. Today, I truly felt I was the mare I always wanted to be. No second thoughts, split moments of doubt or worry, or even strange pangs of guilt as when I was trying to hide it from myself during my millennium of solitude. Today I am complete… and it seems so fitting that I am ending my two-hundredth diary volume with this glorious note. From two-hundred one and onward, I am a Mare. I will no longer be defined to myself by something I had no control over. That thought is finally gone, dead forever more. Sleep well Helios, I’m sure in another life, another time, you could have been a great son. But you, you just aren’t me. You are not who I am. My name is Celesita, and I am the Princess of Equestria. I am not Princess because I was born to be so; I am here because the ponies here willed it to be. And I am only here as Celestia because of my desire to take control of my own life. In the end, I realise that every day ponies believe me to raise and lower the sun. And every day they are not disappointed, as the sun rises while their princess reigns over them. Their princess… or princesses now would be more correct. But still… only two now survive who know my secret, at least to my knowledge. Neither have divulged it… and for that I am deeply grateful. But that thought that I was their Princess seemed so bittersweet to me. I felt as their Princess I should keep nothing from them, or their trust in me would be baseless. Or at the very worst based upon lies and deceit. But now… now it simply seems sweet. I now realise, I am who I always was. Celestia, Princess of Equestria, Patron of the Sun and the Day, and sister to Luna, Patron of the Moon and Night. I am known as the Daughter of the Sun, the Celestial Flame Bearer, and one of the most powerful beings on the planet. I realise now, that every day the Sun may rise, but his Daughter reigns. His Daughter keeps watch over the children of Equestria, protects them, and lets them know that they are loved, and cared for. And His Daughter is no more or less because of how she was born, even if it took a pony who’s life seems to be a mere drop in the ocean compared to her own. Thank you Twilight, I will never forget you. Excerpt from Celestia’s Diary, Vol 200 A small smile crawled across my face as I put my quill down, closing the 200th volume of my Diary. Today, was a good day, though the past week was still spinning in my head. Discord, Luna, Twilight. They all seemed to be such unlikely allies in this particular quest. Thoughts spiralled around my mind as I shelved this particular volume next to the most recent in my, now quite honest, spectacularly long Diary. I never thought when I started it so long ago that this would be the end result. As what was just a place to keep my thoughts, a safe place to express myself away from my parents, would have ended up storing so much of my life. The image of myself rippled in the window’s reflection of my room as I turned away from the shelf. I never would have thought, nearly one-thousand one-hundred years ago, that I’d be standing here as a full-bodied mare, nearly indistinguishable from a normal mare. Yes, I am slightly bigger, and I am a bit more blocky, but most ponies don’t notice minor things like that. My smile widened as I looked at myself. It seems so strange that this would give me so much joy, happiness, and peace. It used to be that my reflection caused guilt, uncertainty, sorrow, or even rage. It seemed as if I couldn’t get out of my mind what I’d look like today if I hadn’t gone through and modified myself, if I hadn’t sweat and bled to get to where I am now. My smile shrunk slightly, as I turned and headed towards my favourite pillow. I didn’t want to do now what I knew I must. I levitated the first volume of my Diary over to me. The book smelled of must and was clearly ancient. If it hadn’t been for the magic entwined throughout it it’s likely it would have decayed centuries earlier. The levitation spell had already dislodged a decent amount of dust, and I cleared the rest with a light blow. The book was old, bound in thick leather, something that many ponies in modern times would find appalling. Particularly when we have such effective things as cardboard and magical book covers as a substitute. But it was made with the traditional means at my disposal so many centuries ago. I cracked the first page, the pages had yellowed significantly, but the ink upon the page was as crisp as ever. ‘This Diary Belongs To Helios. NO READING’ popped out from the first page. The memories filled me with so much pain. But I knew, this was the last thing I had to do. I had to remember, so that I could move on. As the page turned, the words leaping off the page and immediately sparking painful memories. ‘Dear Diary, I managed to make you today with my own binding and paper. You are one-hundred percent mine, and no one else's. I made you, so I could tell you things I’m not comfortable telling mom or dad. Even Luna mustn’t know…’ I chuckled slightly, as Luna had already suspected something odd even before I wrote this. ‘I’m… different, I’m not really sure how to say it but… I feel like I was born wrong. I just don’t feel right, and I just know something is up. This isn’t like thinking my parents aren’t mine, it’s like saying me isn’t mine… did I say that right? Perhaps I’m not… me? I know it seems strange Diary but you’ve got to believe me…’ Reading through the first volume was hard. Every page, every word, brought back more painful memories. But I kept going. Many times I wanted to put the book down, just try and forget it all. But I couldn’t. I knew that remembering, and knowing that these things in the past were just that, past, was important. When I finished the volume, tears were running down my face. All the memories… Luna being punished for dressing me up in a dress, my parents denouncing that I could be anything but male. All culminating to the final entry with my whole hearted desire to die, for I couldn’t take living anymore. I shelved the book, though I did not touch my tears. They ran freely down my face, dripping into pools on the floor. Though as painful as it seemed, the tears seemed to be relaxing me. I was finally letting go. I would never be the son that my parents wanted. I may never tell the ponies of Equestria who I was born as. And I may never be able to have children of my own one day. But none of that matters as much as who I am, and that I am comfortable with who I am. I am Celestia, a Princess of Equestria. Author's Note And so Sun Rises Daughter Reigns comes to a close. Finally, now I won't feel so guilty working on other things. Thank you all for reading this, and thank you PC for editing this last chapter when DP had to go on trip and was unable to fulfil his duty as my primary editor. THANK YOU FOR READING!
Chaos at DawnLuna and I have finally defeated Discord; the land of Equestria is thanking us hoof over head. I have to admit though, I feel sorrow. Though the citizens are overly grateful, praising their new ‘princesses’, a part of me feels remorse. I think Luna has her suspicions. She may be young but she has a certain insight at times. Discord was the first, well, he isn’t exactly a pony so I guess I’m going to have to adjust my word usage. Discord was the first creature that seemed to accept me. Even though negotiations broke down (in part I think due to Luna’s temper), I still think Discord was more receptive to what we were talking about than any of us really wanted to admit aloud. Then there was the… thing. He knew, and he’d often use it as a jab towards me. The teasing always seemed to irritate Luna, possibly because she always wanted to protect me. Still, despite his ribbings, his teasing, his jokes, he still treated me in a way that I had longed to be treated my whole life. He treated me in a way that only Luna ever had after somepony someone found out. I hope that one day, in the future, I’ll be able to find the right pony to be able to help Discord. I feel that there is good in him, that he really understands. I know if I voiced these opinions to Luna she’d scoff at me. To her if somepony, or someone (again I have to be mindful of Discord not really being a pony), did something wrong then they shouldn’t be forgiven. Though her temper does worry me at times, I hope no ill comes of it. --Excerpt from Princess Celestia’s personal diary, volume 2-- I sighed slightly, easing myself onto an oversized pillow in my study. It had been a tiring day, reassuring the court that Discord had been reformed for the third time since his official declaration to me. My horn tingled with the glow of magic as my teacup levitated towards me. I smiled after taking a sip, feeling the warming sensation of the tea in my throat. I really treasured these brief moments of peace. I hummed to myself, floating over a large book with a quill clamped inside of it. I smiled, cracking the book open, starting to write down my thoughts. ‘Well well well my dear Celestia, you must be committed to the role if you’re keeping a diary.’ My quill paused. I recognised that voice. I closed my eyes, chuckling a bit. ‘You have quite the collection here, but only three-hundred forty eight volumes? I would have thought you would have written more, what with the most interesting life you have lead. The unique challenges you’ve faced.’ ‘Discord, I assume you have a reason why you’re coming to visit me in my private chambers,’ I said, finishing up my thought in the book. ‘Well my dear Celestia, I just want to spend some time with you,’ Discord said. I looked around to see him going through one of my diaries. ‘I just want to know you better. After all, I am in your debt.’ ‘Discord, it isn’t polite to read through a lady’s diaries,’ I scolded, raising one of my eyebrows. ‘Oh of course, pardon me. I forgot you are a lady now aren’t you? Though from this you sometimes forget that too, don’t you Princess?’ Discord smirked as he closed the book. It vanished, returning to its proper place on the shelf. ‘Very interesting, how you still doubt yourself after all this time.’ I closed my eyes, a slight flush on my face. ‘Discord, if you only came to tease me about my past then I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’ ‘Oh but my dear Celestia, you really can’t be sore at me?’ He chuckled a bit, sounding a bit hurt. ‘I mean, I’m here accepting you for who you are. I’m not like those ungrateful parents of yours, who never would understand.’ My eyes shot open, glaring at where Discord was sitting, or where he was sitting last. When I failed to spot him sitting in the chair I turned my head in search for him. ‘Discord, don’t talk about my parents like that. You have no right to-’ ‘To what? Make an observation? Tell you the truth? Come now princess, you should know me well enough that I do lots of things you say I have no right to do.’ I twisted my head around to look at the draconequus who was lounging on my back, shrunk down to more easily fit. I stood, shifting so that Discord would slide off my back. ‘Discord, I have great respect for my parents, they did their best to-’ ‘Raise you? Then answer me my dear, if you really respected them that much why did you run away?’ I gritted my teeth, breathing heavily. I opened my mouth to speak, but Discord only shrugged. ‘I’m only trying to help. You can’t keep running away from these things you know.’ ‘Discord, I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.’ I was trying to hold back the anger in my voice. ‘Very well, just think about it.’ Discord said, shrugging and turning to face away from me. ‘After all I’m reformed now, I need to help those who need it. A damsel in distress, or so to speak.’ And with a snap of his fingers he was gone within a flash of light. Even after Discord had gone I continued to stand, staring at the place he had been. I couldn’t believe him, so nonchalantly talking that way about my mother and father. The nerve of him. I shook my head, getting up and starting to pace around my room. My parents were good, hard-working ponies. They just… didn’t always understand. I didn’t want to leave them, but Luna and I both agreed that it would be the best. I loved my mom, she was always there when I needed her. And Dad… well he did teach me the basics of magic. And they both would tuck me in at night when I was just a foal. My heart sunk at the thought of them, and at the thought of what Discord had told me. What if, what if it was all just some sort of fantasy? What if I was really just deluding myself, and I should have never left my parents. What if I should have stayed as their son… I sighed, collapsing on my pillow. Look at yourself Celestia, moping like a little filly. The thought only served to bring me down more. You’re the princess of the most powerful nation in the world, thousands of ponies look up to you. Think about how Twilight would feel if you just gave up. My eyes stung as I closed them. But what if... what if everything that I thought I was, everything I am. What if it is all a lie? How am I supposed to live with myself? Why should anypony look up to me if I’ve been lying to everypony for over a thousand years. How would Twilight look up to me if I told her the truth. Oh Luna, will there be anyone I wouldn’t be afraid of telling other than you? Luna… The thought sprang to my mind. She had always been a source of comfort to me, my younger sister who was always there to help me when we still lived with Mom and Dad. I got to my hooves, using my magic to wipe my eyes free of tears. I’ll go talk with Luna, she always knows what to say. Yeah, I’ll go talk with Luna. She’ll be able to help me with this. I was going to have a talk with my sister. The topic? One I thought I had buried long ago.
Midday MoonLuna… oh Luna why? What happened? I was so certain that we’d rule together… I was so certain I could rely on you. But… now you’re gone, you’re gone and I sent you away. How could I be so blind? How could I not see the signs? The place we made our home, a secluded forest where I could finish my transformations and still be able to rule over our country. I know, you did your best, but the ponies seemed to fear you. I tried to warn you, I thought you heard me. But now, now I’m alone. I’m alone and cold Luna. Your turn on me, it cut me like nothing else. Not even running away from Mother and Father pained me as much as the deed that I had to force myself to do. You, no, that wasn’t you. I refuse to believe it, I refuse to accept it. Whatever it was that was controlling you, it was not you. The one-thousand year seal is my only hope, that in time I can find some way to free you… it was my fault that you left, and I will find some way to bring you back. It’s the same you would do for me… that you have done for me. All those times you covered for me with our parents, all those times you got into trouble when the blame was really on me. Covering for me and my experiments with your clothing, my verbal slips, and trying your best to answer my questions. When we ran away, I thought it would be better away from Mother and Father. I thought that as long as you were with me we could do anything, and we did. We figured out a spell to make me look more feminine while we sought a more drastic measure to fix me. Then we found Discord, and defeated him together. We were made royalty, we built our own palace, and all this time you kept sacrificing yourself for me. Oh Luna, if I knew you felt the way you said you did last night… if I knew that you wished for more praise, for more acceptance, more love, I would have given it to you without hesitation. I should have seen this coming, your change in attitude lately… I merely thought you were annoyed with your son. Forgive me Luna, forgive me please for being so blind. I feel like a scared filly, one who just wants her sister to come through the darkness and nuzzle her and let her know the monsters aren’t real. But no, I’m not a filly, I’m not even really a mare. I’m just a stallion who looks like a mare, who has a vain dream to become one. Luna, I once told you when we were foals that I’d give everything to become a mare proper. I was young and foolish, I hadn’t contemplated what that would feel like. Now I know, I’ve lost our parents, I’ve lost you, and now I feel like I’m losing myself. Luna, you were always there, guarding my dreams at night and protecting me. And last night as I dreamed I thought you had come to visit me even through your imprisonment in that darkness and on the moon. But the dream became a nightmare, as the darkness enveloped you and took you away. And I just stood there and watched, helpless and scared. Luna, I never wanted to lose you. I never wanted my becoming a proper mare to come between us. I never wanted to become their princess and let that drive between us. Luna, I will wait for your return. I shall never forget you Luna, please… please don’t forget me. —Excerpt from Princess Celestia’s Diary Vol 4 I approached Luna’s room slowly, becoming more hesitant the closer I got. Was I ready to bring this up again? Wasn’t it good enough that Luna accepted me, and didn’t question anything when she returned? Shouldn’t I just let dragons sleep and be on my way? I stopped outside her door, biting my lip and debating with myself. I lifted my hoof, ready to knock but no, I couldn’t do it. I put my hoof back down and turned to go. I sighed, I guess I wasn’t ready yet after all. Tears started to run down my face, despair washing over me. It was the biggest problem I had with myself, the biggest secret of my past. I thought, maybe after Discord ruffled my feathers I could talk with Luna. We hadn’t really talked as sisters since her return, more like old friends. I know I had changed a lot since then, but I missed those talks. ‘Tia?’ I looked up, trying to blink the streaming tears out of my eyes. ‘Tia is something wrong? Do… do you want to come talk for a minute?’ ‘I’m fine Luna, honestly. I’m sorry to have bothered you.’ I started walking down the hall head held high when I heard my name called again. ‘Celestia, I know something is bothering you. There are water drops on the floor, come on.’ I stopped, finally turning to face my sister. She smiled, her eyes soft and warm as they were all those centuries ago. My face grew into a small smile, and I rushed forward draping myself over Luna. ‘Luna, oh Luna…’ ‘There there, come on inside. We’ll talk. I’ve found some amazing herbs that have been cultivated since I’ve been gone. You chew on them and they calm you, and taste so fresh afterwards,’ Luna said, patting me on the back. I followed her in, sitting down on one of her over-puffed pillows as she trotted over to her own pillow. I saw her horn glow as a tin filled with what smelled of mint floated over to me. I pulled a few leaves out, chewing on them thoughtfully. They really did help a pony calm down some. ‘Alright, so Tia. What is bothering you? In the two years since I was freed I have not seen you cry as you used to. You have turned into such a strong mare, ruling this country for a thousand years without me.’ She smiled. There was no tone of bitterness, no accusatory tone. We were just a couple of sisters, sitting there, talking over my problems. But the thing was, that was my problem. Was I really her sister? I wasn’t born so, I wasn’t raised so, so who was I to decide that I was something like that? I didn’t know how to bring up such a sore topic of our past. I just looked at the floor, chewing on the mint. How was I supposed to say that I felt I was living a lie? That I was deceiving everypony just to give myself some small comfort in myself? ‘Tia, come on. I cannot help you if you don’t say anything.’ Luna got up, nuzzling me gently. ‘Come on, whatever monsters you’re facing, I am sure they are not real. But never the less, lets fight them together.’ I’m not sure if it was the nuzzle, or if it was Luna talking the way she used to when I was alone and scared at our parent’s house. ‘I’m doing nothing more than living a lie!’ I blurted out, before collapsing to the ground sobbing. I could feel Luna’s reassuring hoof stroking my back, her warm body cuddled next to mine as I lay there, sobbing into my hooves. When I finally started to calm down, I looked up. Luna was still there smiling as kindly as she ever had. ‘You are still worried about that? After a thousand years? You silly little filly.’ I sniffed, swallowing. ‘Nopony else knows, I… I just don’t know if I’m the mare I always wanted to be, or if I’m just pretending and deluding myself. I look like a mare, my body for the most part acts like that of a mare’s, but what if it is all a lie? What if I am doing nothing more than covering up my true self? What if-’ I stopped, Luna had held her hoof up. ‘Tia, when we were foals you confused me immensely. I admit I was jealous that you were the son and I was the daughter. You were showered with gifts, spoiled beyond belief, always treated with favour. And I was always second hat, younger, female. I never got the attention that you did, never got the love you did. Like the moon during the day, it is always there but barely seen, so I was hidden by your radiance.’ I lowered my head again. I never wanted our parents to spoil me, I never wanted their praise. Just their love and acceptance, instead of judgement. ‘But, I loved you. So when you asked me that first time, what it was like to be a girl I knew there was something different. Something special. When I let you wear my dress the first time, since we were not that far apart in size yet, and you were caught I took the fall. Because I knew, my sister needed to be protected.’ I had heard these words before, but somehow they seemed more real this time. And there was something different, I couldn’t quite place it but Luna seemed to have changed it somehow. ‘My very special sister, who my parents did not understand. My very special sister, who was growing to hate her body every day. I did not know what went on through your head, just that it had to have been hard. So I suggested one night that we just run away, get away so you could live as you wanted to live.’ It hit me, why the words seemed so different. When she told me this, she didn’t refer to me as her sister until after I had started changing. Until then she had always called me her brother when she talked about us as foals. I looked at Luna, tears sitting in my eyes not yet water-falling down my face. ‘You argued, fought with me. But in the end you agreed that we would run away, make it on our own. We escaped into the world, travelled as far as we could. That is when we started experimenting with body-changing magic. Trying to get you to look more like a mare and less like a stallion. We were successful enough that when we entered Equestria for the first time the ponies there thought we were the princesses that were foretold to save them from chaos.’ I swallowed, wondering what was coming next. Typically when Luna told me these stories we glossed over Discord, neither of us feeling too proud of what happened there. ‘I felt so happy for you sister, seeing other ponies see you as you truly are, even if you were not perfect yet. Then we met Discord…’ Luna halted, looking at the floor. ‘When he was released from our spell, he made certain that I remembered what we did to him, and that it was my fault that negotiations had turned south. He saw through what we had done, pegging what you were born as, but remember Celestia that he never once called you anything but a she outside of just our private company. No matter what, he still kept your secret. Even after his release.’ I shifted around on the spot. This was all very true, Discord for all his chaos always toed the line, especially since outing me could completely destroy my credibility as a leader. Though there is a part of me that wonders who would believe Discord if he did publicly out me, seeing as he’s such a practical joker. Sometimes to a bad degree. ‘Then there was the time we were in the castle of the two pony sisters,’ Luna continued. My stomach seemed to be caught in some some sort of vice. She had never talked before about this time in our life. Beyond apologising for everything she did, she never opened up about it. ‘We had discovered magic that would more freely allow you to pass as a mare, changing everything to nearly perfectly mimic that of a mare’s body.’ Luna looked away from me, taking a deep breath. ‘I did my best to hide it for the longest time, but my jealousy was growing. I spent almost all my time dealing with the subjects, you only made a few appearances. I was the one doing almost all the work, and again I was eclipsed by your radiance… speaking of which I like what you’ve done with the Eclipse, having the moon go in front of the sun. The first time I saw it, and learnt you did it for me… I cried… but going on. My jealousy was growing, and something about that forest was only feeding it.’ Luna gulped, and suddenly I found I was the one who was holding her. ‘After a while, there were times when I felt I didn’t love you. That I could get rid of you. If the ponies were so afraid of my beautiful night, then I’d keep it up longer, until they learnt like you had there was nothing to be frightened of. Then there were times my head was clear, but remembering everything, and just wanting to escape and flee from that dark place. But… I couldn’t abandon you and…’ ‘Shhh… shhh…’ I cradled Luna to my chest, wrapping my wings around her. ‘It’s alright, I know that wasn’t you, you did nothing wrong.’ Cradling my shivering sister was an interesting experience for me. I usually wasn’t the one comforting between the two of us. Even after her return she hadn’t shown much weakness. The two of us just stayed there, Luna curled up inside my wings. It felt… good, like a mother comforting her child. I was the big sister, comforting her scared little sister for a change. Time seemed immaterial, it was just me and her, and I was feeling so happy to be this close with my sister again. It was as though a piece of my soul was starting to fill in, but there was still some part missing. “Tia…’ I looked down at Luna’s soft voice. It seemed so out of character to hear her sound so meek and humble. She typically was very commanding, even when she was comforting. ‘Tia if you need any more proof, go ask Twilight about this. Your student is wise, and she may show you what I cannot.’ ‘But Luna… what if she doesn’t accept me, what if she rejects me? You know we have a lot riding on her.’ I said, looking back. ‘I’ve told you about my plans.’ ‘You will think of a way to discuss it with her,’ Luna said, snuggling a little closer. ‘You were always the smarter of the two of us.’
Tales of TwilightThe time for my beloved sister’s return is drawing closer. Just a few short years… I feel that the only way to help her is by showing her the light and breaking her free of the darkness that has ensnared her. I have searched, but all the books in Canterlot have no spell that would be strong enough even if I myself were to cast it. I have even scoured over Starswirl’s personal grimoire, thinking that perhaps in there something would appear to me, but the only spell with that kind of potential is unfinished. However, there might just be hope. Earlier today I took on a personal student, Twilight Sparkle. She was attempting to gain entry to my school for gifted unicorns, and from the accounts of the judges she wasn’t doing that great of a job at it. However when an extremely rare Sonic Rainboom appeared in the sky, I watched as a burst of magical energy came from the testing room, and a giant dragon head broke the roof. When I investigated I found that the chaos was caused by none other than this little filly. The poor girl was terrified that I was going to be mad, but when I offered her a position as my personal student she went wild. To add to her excitement she also gained her cutie mark. I recall when Luna got her cutie mark. Despite what many historians might say regarding our roles in moving celestial bodies, Luna’s talent is not moving the moon. It is dream diving, a strange but wonderful magical talent that I eagerly await for her to be able to use upon her return. Luna was so excited, she said now we could play twice as long because we could play while we slept. It wasn’t long before we realised the strain it had on her, and that she wouldn’t be able to do it for long at her age. Still, she was able to sculpt my dreams enough just once to make me feel like I was a real filly. Later on she managed to discover how to bottle dreams, allowing them to be relived at a later time. Such a feat had never been replicated since her banishment, even by the most accomplished of Dream Delvers. She even bottled me that dream she made of me as a real filly for a gift. It is the most precious gift my sister has ever given to me, and I won’t let any harm come to it. I don’t feel I need it anymore anyway, I see that joy, that innocence, when I look at Twilight Sparkle. The care, freeness, I am jealous to be honest. Over one thousand years I have ruled this country, nearly all that time I have done it alone. Twilight seemed so confident and honoured to have been chosen when I spoke with her. Even though I have made numerous tough choices, gained wisdom of ages, and knowledge vast as the sea, I have never been so confident. I have kept the facade up that I am the omnipotent omniscient ruler of Equestria in a, quite possibly futile, attempt to keep those ponies who rely on me feeling safe and confidant in my ability. That is all that is keeping me going anymore, is that sense of responsibility. Just like my dad taught me, stallions need to be able to shoulder tough responsibility and appear strong at all times. Though I’m not a stallion anymore, I’m a mare. The Princess Celestia. I shall keep searching for a way to save my sister upon her return, though something tells me this Twilight Sparkle just might be the key. Please Luna, wait for me. I’ll figure this out. I’ll find some way to get you back, and then I’ll finally be able to protect you and give you everything you could ever want. Please, just a few more years. -Excerpt from Celestia’s Diary Vol 197 I was alone in my study, enjoying a cup of some of my favourite tea. A nice blend of Rosemary and Thyme, with just a hint of Jasmine. My work for the day was essentially done, having set the whole day aside for taking care of the sun. Most ponies don’t realise that Luna and myself had very little to do with the raising and lowering of the sun. Just some maintenance here and there to make sure that they didn’t do anything crazy, but otherwise they mostly just kept on doing what they did best and spinning across the sky. A polite knock came on my study door. ‘Come in,’ I said with a fair idea as to who this pony was. A purple unicorn slowly opened my study door. I smiled as my student, Twilight Sparkle, entered the room looking as though I was going to chop her head off or something. ‘Princess? Is something wrong? You said that I should come as quickly as possible. Did I fail something? Do I need to write more reports? Do I-?’ I held up my hoof with a small smile on my face. The stream of questions stopped, leaving Twilight only able to look worried in silence. It was of course just like her to expect the worst. ‘No, nothing of that nature. Twilight my student, I merely wish to speak with you for a while.’ Twilight blinked, then a smile crossed her face. It was as if our years apart had not happened, and we were just having one of our afternoons together. Just the two of us, sitting and talking. My student lay down across from me, grasping the teacup in her magic as I poured her a cup. ‘Thank you for the tea.’ Twilight smiled, taking a sip. ‘It’s most delicious, as it always is.’ I nodded, deciding to simply listen to Twilight for a while before speaking my mind. It warmed my heart as Twilight started on talking about all the things she learnt recently. Her talks about the wondrous sights she’s seen, the fascinating spells she’s discovered, they made me both so happy and so sorrowful. ‘Princess? Is something wrong?’ Twilight asked, causing me to blink a moment. I had become so lost in my mixed feelings that I must have lost concentration on the conversation. Something of my inner thoughts of what I was preparing to tell her must have leaked upon my face, as Twilight’s look of concern from earlier had returned. ‘No, no nothing is wrong,’ I said before smiling and taking a sip from my cup. ‘Though I do have a question for you Twilight.’ My student immediately straightened up, leaning closer so not to miss anything. ‘What makes a mare a mare?’ Twilight cocked her head in confusion. I had not asked her a question on some strange magic, or even anything that she could immidiately pull up some fact from some obscure book she had been perusing recently. A few moments of silence passed as I could feel my own heart beat in anticipation and nervousness. I knew her answer wouldn’t be directed at me, but some part of me felt that she was judging me as she thought. Her answer came slowly, and I worked hard not to show my anxiety on my face. ‘What makes a mare a mare? I guess… I guess how she sees herself right? Isn’t that some basic philosophy? We are only who we think we are, right?’ I nodded, somehow hearing those familiar words coming from Twilight made them seem all the more real to me. Still, clarification would always be good. Ambiguous words could always be twisted around, as my past dealings with beings such as Discord, or even my own sister, had shown me so clearly. ‘So, you are saying that a mare is more than just what her body is, right?’ Twilight frowned, clearly trying to wrap her head around the problem that seemed to just elude her. ‘I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at Princess, but yes. A mare can be short, tall, fat, thin, purple, pink, blue, yellow, white. None of these things change the fact that she is a mare, right?’ I nodded again, too nervous to speak. I was afraid that if I said anything I’d give away who I really was, and that Twilight would hate me forever. Twilight waited for a moment for a response, but when I failed to she continued. ‘A mare is only what she thinks about herself; if she thinks good of herself, then she is a confidant mare. Isn’t that right? I mean, it’s nice to hear that you’re a good mare from outside, but so long as you know you are good, you are. Right?’ ‘Twilight, you’re rambling a bit. Allow me to focus your thoughts for a moment.’ Twilight straightened up, looking at me with such intensity that I could have sworn that she could see through all the spells that I had created with Luna over a thousand years ago. Everything I had done to make myself look like a mare, so that I could possibly have a moment of happiness. ‘What would you say to a mare, who claims she is a mare and truly believes that she is one, but otherwise has the body of a stallion?’ My nerves shot through the roof, this was the moment of truth. Whatever Twilight said, that would be the final word of it. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but Twilight’s words would either confirm everything I had hoped for not only her but myself, or shattered everything that I had thought and revealed that everything I had built upon was nothing more than an elaborate web of lies that I had crafted to make myself feel better. ‘I suppose I would say hello to her,’ Twilight said, frowning a bit. ‘I’m not sure what else I’d say to her, I mean it’d be a bit strange but mares come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, so why not looking like a stallion? Princess? PRINCESS!’ Twilight dropped the teacup she had been keeping hovering mid-air, spilling its contents on the rug beneath us. She rushed to my side as tears flowed freely down my face. Twilight would never know the service she had just performed for me, she’d never be able to understand just how much her words meant to me. The joy, the happiness, the peace. ‘PRINCESS! Is everything alright? Should I get the guards? Should I get Luna? Is there something I can do? Anything?’ ‘Nothings wrong Twilight,’ I said, using my wings to wipe my tears. I could actually feel myself shaking as Twilight wavered close. ‘Actually, I feel so happy right now. I’ll tell you everything later. Right now, just know that you have done so much for me.’ I pulled Twilight close with my forehooves. She was so much like the daughter that I always wanted to have, but could never have had. ‘Ok Princess… Ok…’ Twilight hugged me back as I held her close. I was just me, no matter who I was born as, or anything in my past. It didn’t make me any less of a mare. I finally felt something that I never thought I’d ever be able to feel. Complete. Author's Note Well... it's been a while since I updated this hasn't it? Yeah... yeah... yeah... even worse when you consider that this chapter has been sitting half-finished since the last chapter was updated. All that I needed to do was edit it, which I've since done so enjoy! Also, feels. THE FEELS! That could just be me though.
Midnight SunThis week has been long, hectic, and draining. Over the course of it, I’ve had to confront myself a multitude of times. I felt paralysing fear, confided in my sister, asked my student a question I myself didn’t know the answer to, and for the first time in over a millennium I managed to forgive and accept myself. Who could have thought Discord would have done something that would have set off such a positive series of events? I have to wonder if he knew that this would be the result… After all he was the first one to know after Luna, and he still referred to me as a mare. With all the interactions I had with him, even with the jabs and the jokes he still took it serious. At least as serious as Discord took anything. Today… today was really a momentous day. Today was the first day I have awoken and not felt like I was lying, cheating, deceiving, or misleading my people. Today, I truly felt I was the mare I always wanted to be. No second thoughts, split moments of doubt or worry, or even strange pangs of guilt as when I was trying to hide it from myself during my millennium of solitude. Today I am complete… and it seems so fitting that I am ending my two-hundredth diary volume with this glorious note. From two-hundred one and onward, I am a Mare. I will no longer be defined to myself by something I had no control over. That thought is finally gone, dead forever more. Sleep well Helios, I’m sure in another life, another time, you could have been a great son. But you, you just aren’t me. You are not who I am. My name is Celesita, and I am the Princess of Equestria. I am not Princess because I was born to be so; I am here because the ponies here willed it to be. And I am only here as Celestia because of my desire to take control of my own life. In the end, I realise that every day ponies believe me to raise and lower the sun. And every day they are not disappointed, as the sun rises while their princess reigns over them. Their princess… or princesses now would be more correct. But still… only two now survive who know my secret, at least to my knowledge. Neither have divulged it… and for that I am deeply grateful. But that thought that I was their Princess seemed so bittersweet to me. I felt as their Princess I should keep nothing from them, or their trust in me would be baseless. Or at the very worst based upon lies and deceit. But now… now it simply seems sweet. I now realise, I am who I always was. Celestia, Princess of Equestria, Patron of the Sun and the Day, and sister to Luna, Patron of the Moon and Night. I am known as the Daughter of the Sun, the Celestial Flame Bearer, and one of the most powerful beings on the planet. I realise now, that every day the Sun may rise, but his Daughter reigns. His Daughter keeps watch over the children of Equestria, protects them, and lets them know that they are loved, and cared for. And His Daughter is no more or less because of how she was born, even if it took a pony who’s life seems to be a mere drop in the ocean compared to her own. Thank you Twilight, I will never forget you. Excerpt from Celestia’s Diary, Vol 200 A small smile crawled across my face as I put my quill down, closing the 200th volume of my Diary. Today, was a good day, though the past week was still spinning in my head. Discord, Luna, Twilight. They all seemed to be such unlikely allies in this particular quest. Thoughts spiralled around my mind as I shelved this particular volume next to the most recent in my, now quite honest, spectacularly long Diary. I never thought when I started it so long ago that this would be the end result. As what was just a place to keep my thoughts, a safe place to express myself away from my parents, would have ended up storing so much of my life. The image of myself rippled in the window’s reflection of my room as I turned away from the shelf. I never would have thought, nearly one-thousand one-hundred years ago, that I’d be standing here as a full-bodied mare, nearly indistinguishable from a normal mare. Yes, I am slightly bigger, and I am a bit more blocky, but most ponies don’t notice minor things like that. My smile widened as I looked at myself. It seems so strange that this would give me so much joy, happiness, and peace. It used to be that my reflection caused guilt, uncertainty, sorrow, or even rage. It seemed as if I couldn’t get out of my mind what I’d look like today if I hadn’t gone through and modified myself, if I hadn’t sweat and bled to get to where I am now. My smile shrunk slightly, as I turned and headed towards my favourite pillow. I didn’t want to do now what I knew I must. I levitated the first volume of my Diary over to me. The book smelled of must and was clearly ancient. If it hadn’t been for the magic entwined throughout it it’s likely it would have decayed centuries earlier. The levitation spell had already dislodged a decent amount of dust, and I cleared the rest with a light blow. The book was old, bound in thick leather, something that many ponies in modern times would find appalling. Particularly when we have such effective things as cardboard and magical book covers as a substitute. But it was made with the traditional means at my disposal so many centuries ago. I cracked the first page, the pages had yellowed significantly, but the ink upon the page was as crisp as ever. ‘This Diary Belongs To Helios. NO READING’ popped out from the first page. The memories filled me with so much pain. But I knew, this was the last thing I had to do. I had to remember, so that I could move on. As the page turned, the words leaping off the page and immediately sparking painful memories. ‘Dear Diary, I managed to make you today with my own binding and paper. You are one-hundred percent mine, and no one else's. I made you, so I could tell you things I’m not comfortable telling mom or dad. Even Luna mustn’t know…’ I chuckled slightly, as Luna had already suspected something odd even before I wrote this. ‘I’m… different, I’m not really sure how to say it but… I feel like I was born wrong. I just don’t feel right, and I just know something is up. This isn’t like thinking my parents aren’t mine, it’s like saying me isn’t mine… did I say that right? Perhaps I’m not… me? I know it seems strange Diary but you’ve got to believe me…’ Reading through the first volume was hard. Every page, every word, brought back more painful memories. But I kept going. Many times I wanted to put the book down, just try and forget it all. But I couldn’t. I knew that remembering, and knowing that these things in the past were just that, past, was important. When I finished the volume, tears were running down my face. All the memories… Luna being punished for dressing me up in a dress, my parents denouncing that I could be anything but male. All culminating to the final entry with my whole hearted desire to die, for I couldn’t take living anymore. I shelved the book, though I did not touch my tears. They ran freely down my face, dripping into pools on the floor. Though as painful as it seemed, the tears seemed to be relaxing me. I was finally letting go. I would never be the son that my parents wanted. I may never tell the ponies of Equestria who I was born as. And I may never be able to have children of my own one day. But none of that matters as much as who I am, and that I am comfortable with who I am. I am Celestia, a Princess of Equestria. Author's Note And so Sun Rises Daughter Reigns comes to a close. Finally, now I won't feel so guilty working on other things. Thank you all for reading this, and thank you PC for editing this last chapter when DP had to go on trip and was unable to fulfil his duty as my primary editor. THANK YOU FOR READING!
