Unintended Consequences

by Daedalus

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 14445

Twilight Sparkle does human-summoning Science. He gets into Shenanigans.

Twilight Sparkle did Science, and a human came out. Unfortunately for everyone, this human was not in the best of mental health. Going by Aristotle, he sets out to do cool stuff, but he mostly ends up in the "weird" territory. Check it out! Rated T for occasional innuendo and implications.

NOW CANCELLED FOR LACK OF INTEREST ON MY PART. SORRY, EVERYONE. BUT I WILL BE POSTING A NEW STORY SOON, IF THAT HELPS.

Published 2013-02-12 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-29 06:32:57 UTC

Bacon Is Wonderful

Spike walked into the kitchen. Something smelled...different. Not in a bad way, by any means, but it was an odor never before encountered by this particular dragon. Spike immediately noticed upon his entrance that the person staying with him and Twilight was cooking something, which explained the smell.

"Hey, uh, what was it again? Oh, Aristotle, right. Eh, what are you cooking? Smells weird."

The man in question, who had been very busy, looked up in surprise before noticing Spike and answering his query.

"Hi, Spike. I am cooking BACON!"

This was delivered in a silly dramatic voice.

"That's bacon?" was the reply Aristotle got for his trouble. "'That's bacon?' This is only the best food ever! Unless you're a vegetarian, then it would be pizza. Anyway, I take you haven't had any of this sort of bacon before?" Seeing a nod, he continued."Bacon is the meat from a pig's back, I think. You're a dragon, I think you'll like it. Here you go." Spike was hesitant to accept the proffered meat; he hadn't ever eaten meat before. It seemed wrong to engage in carnivorism, but he ate the bacon to be polite.
It was pretty good, and Spike said as much. Aristotle was happy about this and started rambling about how he could now be Spike's "bro" or something before suddenly speaking in a more focused manner.

"Spike, as a male who has lived only with females, you are ignorant of the ways of men. Allow to be your guide to masculinity , and I will make sure that you can be a man when the time comes. Also, I hear you have connections with society's elite, which would be helpful for my job."

Spike, who hadn't been listening much until the part where things made some sense, asked,"You have a job? No one told me."

In answer, the man rambled some more, but this time it was more to the point. "Since I'm the only person here, I kinda represent humanity as a whole, so that's officially my job title:Humanity's Ambassador to Equestria. I've never been a diplomat before, so I need a lot of help, which I think you can provide. I've been reading a lot of this library's books, but it's not the same. At least it pays well and doesn't demand much of me. Anyways, would you mind being my guide to the circles of society I need to move in?"

Spike thought about it for a minute, and he came to the conclusion that Aristotle was close enough to Twilight having a bad day that he needed to protect the world from the human's potential danger. And he was interesting in the same way Twilight was. Spike agreed and decided to ask why Aristotle was cooking bacon that day.

"I got my Carnivore License today. Thought I'd celebrate. Here's yours. Dragon citizens automatically get them. Your License was caught in some backlog, I guess. Or someone important doesn't want you eating meat. I don't know. Beside the point. Can we be bros?"

Spike replied,"I don't see why not."

"Spike, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship. Let's have some bacon." So they did.
Then Twilight Sparkle walked in.

"What are you two eating, meat? I'll just go now;I'm feeling sick."

Spike stood up to explain, but he was held back by his new bro. "Leave her, Spike. As an herbivore, eating meat is beyond her understanding. Have some more bacon." Bacon proved to be an effective cure for sadness. And then Spike became a carnivore.

Author's Note

Yeah, it's pretty weird, huh? I get a bit rambly at times. I wanted to keep things focused, so this is a bit short. I forsee this as a series of short vignettes. Is it good? Is it bad? Did it hurt you to read this? Did it cure your ailments? Let me know!

Poker Night

Spike and Aristotle walked to the entrance to the Bro Cave, which was actually the underground complex below Ponyville they hung around in. Spike was listening to Aristotle tell him about the expedition he had recently gone on with the Cutie Mark Crusaders to explore uncharted lands that had ended with them defeating King Sombra shortly after the whole "Crystal Empire" thing. It was an interesting story, but it is a story separate from this one.
"So we made it back through the Macintosh Hills and reported to Canterlot just as you were returning from the Crystal Empire. That's about it."

Spike asked,"How'd you get there before us? You had farther to go."

"Magic, Spike. What else would it be?" Aristotle answered."Anyway, we need to get into the Bro Cave and open the Duck and Dragon."

"How did you get a license for it anyway? I thought Ponyville didn't allow gambling."

"The casino isn't technically in Ponyville. You should know that, Spike. Now then, we have to put on our fancy clothes. Good thing we have an automatic laundry system, am I right?"

So the two descended on an elevator deep underground, and tuxedos were donned. Sombra chose that time to appear in corporeal form again. He began ranting about the inanity of trying to evade the law on ridiculous technicalities, but he was reminded that Spike and Aristotle had enough blackmail material gathered to do a lot of things, and Princess Celestia was a regular at the Duck and Dragon, so they could operate a casino a twenty feet below Ponyville if they wanted. They had royal approval, which effectively meant carte blanche. Sombra went back into Aristotle's head, and the two partners in crime walked into the casino section of the Bro Cave.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were already there setting things up. Surprisingly, they had things well under control and only a little messy.

"Hey, girls. How are things coming? We open in ten minutes, and the tournament's a new thing. We need to make sure that's ready." Aristotle asked. Apple Bloom was the only one free to reply. "Hi, Ar'stotle. We've been gettin' that ready for a while, and it's goin' pretty good. Tables for the normal stuff're ready. Tournament sign's good to go. The staff is fine. We should be ready in five minutes or so."

"Good to hear. Thanks, Apple Bloom. Spike and I need to rehearse our announcer routine. We'll be back when it's go time."
Fifteen minutes later, Spike and Aristotle stood on a large stage which held poker tables and wrestling mats. A decently sized crowd was milling in front of the stage. Spike began to speak.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts! May we have your attention please? Thank you, and welcome to the First Annual Duck and Dragon Poker Wrestling Tournament!"

All of this was said in a silly announcer voice Spike had worked on for a week. He continued.

"Now then, some of you are probably wondering what Poker Wrestling is. Aristotle?"

The man in question picked up the ball and began. "Contests enter in pairs. One will play in a poker tournament, and the other competes in a wrestling tournament. The teams who win each tournament are given prizes. A team can win both, one, or neither. Isn't there something else special about this year's tournament, Spike?"

"Yes there is. The referees for the tournament are none other than the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony themselves! Could you introduce them?"

"I'd be happy to,Spike. First: The Element of Generosity. Rarity!" Rarity looked decidedly uncomfortable, but it was subtle enough that no one noticed. "Second: The Element of Laughter: Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie Pie was wearing a silly luchador mask. "Third: The Element of Honesty. Applejack!" Applejack was a bit sad. She had wanted to compete, but couldn't. "Fourth: The Element of Loyalty. Rainbow Dash!" Rainbow Dash was trying to play up the crowd with some success. "Fifth: The Element of Kindness. Fluttershy!" Fluttershy was very nervous and whimpered softly. She had also taken some anti-anxiety medication at Aristotle's request, but it wasn't helping much. "And lastly: The Element of Magic. Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight was feeling both awkward and excited at the same time. She wanted to look good for Princes Celestia.
Spike began speaking. "Referees, can you remind everyone of the rules?"

Twilight answered, "No biting, no gouging, no scratching, no punching, no kicking, no flight, no communication between players unless strictly allowed by the rules of the individual sports, no magic except for telekinetically holding cards, staying down for a count of ten is a loss, one round per match, and standard poker rules. That's all I can think of." Spike and Aristotle shouted together, "Then let's get ready to RUMBLE!" The tournament began.
Princess Cadence ambled on over to a betting booth and asked the bookkeeper,"What are the odds on Iron Will?" The bookie said,"20 to one for a win, 22 to one for a disqualification, and 5 to one for scaring a referee."
"That's very detailed," Cadence remarked.

"We offer very thorough betting, Your Highness. It's part of our service policy," was the response the bookie gave her.

"All right," Cadence said."I'll put 50 bits on Iron Will scaring a referee, and I'll put another hundred on...Twilight Sparkle having a breakdown."

"Thank you for your business, ma'am."
That tournament ended with The Great and Powerful Trixie winning the poker half of the tournament and 5,000 bits in prize money, and the wrestling half was won by Gilda the Griffin (not to be confused with Gilda the Griffon), who was Trixie's partner and claimer of 5,000 bits. The Duck and Dragon made a profit of 300,000 bits, mostly from royalty betting on unlikely events that did not occur, including a giant squid attack, Twilight Sparkle turning the wrestling mat into strawberry jelly (she turned it into grape jelly), and Applejack becoming an Alicorn during the tournament somehow (2,500 to one odds). King Sombra was delighted at the depletion of the national coffers, and the rest of the staff was happy that the tournament had gone as well as it had and Princess Celestia's plots to make Applejack into an Alicorn and profit from the long odds of that event happening had failed again. The staff meeting after the casino had closed resulted in making the tournament a sure thing the next year in a unanimous vote.King Sombra's assent was surprising, since he normally voted no to anything for the sake of bothering everyone else. The First Annual Duck and Dragon Poker Wrestling Tournament was a resounding success.

Author's Note

Going through my old stuff again, realized this doesn't match up with any other part of the whole thing. Thus, I have decided to use Author Fiat to declare that continuity between chapters will take the 2001 route: things will be in continuity with each other as much as is necessary. Most things should fit together fine, but if it doesn't, I have conveniently explained the gaping holes in an Author's Note no one is likely to read.

Let's Build a Hangout

Let's Build a Hangout

A few minutes after Chapter 1, Twilight left the library to do whatever she had planned out the week before. Spike and Aristotle spent a while talking about various things. Eventually, Spike asked, "Do you think we should have a place to hang out or something? Feels like we'll be spending a lot of time together."
"Yeah, we could build something outside of Ponyville or buy a building. It could be our Bro Cave."
"Bro Cave?", Spike asked. Aristotle answered, "You know, like a man cave, except it would be for us bros, so it would be a bro cave. Anyway, I found a good area just outside the town-" He was cut off by a loud rumbling sound. Then Rainbow Dash shouted, "Stampede!"

The pair (the dragon and the man) looked out a window and saw nothing. They looked out a different window and saw a huge cloud of dust that was getting closer and coming from the same direction as Rainbow Dash's shout. Then they saw Applejack and a dog divert the stampede from Ponyville. Spike and Aristotle turned to each other, and both simultaneously said, "Let's put it underground."
Having agreed to put the Bro Cave underground, the duo decided to go through the library's selection of books to see if they could find any laws about underground buildings. It turned out that they would have to get a building permit from the nearest town, which was Ponyville, to build beneath the earth, even though they were planning to build at a depth that put them outside of the hamlet's jurisdiction. This process of obtaining an underground construction permit normally took a week or so.
While waiting for a reply to their request for a permit, unfortunately, Applejack, having gone for a week without any sleep and thus not in the best state of mind, caused several minor disasters that, to Aristotle and Spike, meant mainly they would have to wait for all of Applejack's mess to be cleaned up. That was long enough for them to decide to expedite the process with the magic of having friends in high places. A construction team was hired, and with several months of work, the construction the Bro Cave was finished.

Also, an Ursa Minor nearly attacked Ponyville, but Fluttershy was able to convince it to go home. The Great and Powerful Trixie had turned herself into a woman to compete with Aristotle on the bipedalism front, so she was living with him to learn the ways of humanity and cool sorts of magic. Aristotle tried his hand at actual diplomacy with a dragon and nearly convinced him to accept Pinkie Pie as a sacrifice in exchange for leaving, but she smelled too sugary sweet for the dragon's taste. Aristotle was chewed out for that, and no one accepted his defense of "I was sure she'd be fine". Aristotle was later knocked out by a griffon headbutting him, which was deemed an appropriate punishment for some reason.

Spike conspired with the man to mess with Twilight's first slumber party, and Rarity would forever remember the day as "Frizzy Friday", which considerably disheartened Spike. He got better upon meeting, along with Aristotle, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were both confused by and interested in someone who didn't care about having a special talent (Aristotle) and agreed to try being diplomatic attache`s the next time the Earth Embassy had business to conduct. The Running of the Leaves was coming up when the Bro Cave was completed.
"You know," Spike observed."We'll need furniture."
"Yeah, but what do you do with an underground complex that runs throughout Ponyville twenty feet below? We could set up a city in here! Come to think of it, we could set up a casino in here. We're not in Ponyville technically, and we've got room. Yes. How about we set up a casino in the Canterlot side and leave the rest as a hangout. What do you think?"
Spike thought for a few minutes before replying. "Okay. I could use more money. Need gems, after all. But... how're we gonna get the word out, and how do we get the money to set it all up?" Aristotle replied quickly.

"It's easy. We use word of mouth. As for the other question, I get a lot of money as a diplomat, and I haven't used much of it. My schemes haven't really gotten up and running yet. Also, did you have any ideas for a name?" After much discussion, they settled on "The Duck and Dragon". Soon enough, the place was full of ponies from places without legalized gambling. The elite and riff-raff mingled at The Duck and Dragon, and it was rare to find that the Royal Family was not represented in the clientele on any given night. The casino later gained a house band in Apple Core (a group comprised of Aristotle, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and Spike). The owners (beside the founders, The Great and Powerful Trixie and Discord were major stockholders for reasons best left unsaid) became filthy rich. The Bro Cave later included the various products of Aristotle's plan to create and direct an industrial revolution in Equestria, along with Spike's Hoard, Discord's Playpen (which was coincidentally the name of a bar Shining Armor frequented), and Trixie's Pillow Fortress (a daycare center The Kind and Apologetic Trixie started as atonement for the wrongs she had done others as The Great and Powerful Trixie). The Bro Cave was a monument to the lives of its owners.

Author's Note

I decided to do something of a montage. Did it work? I also practiced comedic asides. Were they successful? If you've been following this story for a while, you may notice some retcons in the new edit.

Please Transform Responsibly (Part 1)

One day in her library house saw Twilight practicing magic. Spike was offering encouragement.

"Come on, Twilight. You can do it!"

She steeled herself and concentrated. After a few seconds, Spike grew a mustache and rejoiced.

"Ha ha, it works! Growing magic. That's number 25. 25 different types of tricks and counting. And I think this is the best type of trick so far. Hello, Rarity. What's that? Aw, it's nothin'. Just my awesome mustache. Heh heh."

Twilight interrupted Spike's reverie with, "Sorry, Romeo. As attractive and enticing as you look, it's just for practice, and it's gotta go." The mustache ceased to be, despite Spike's protests. Twilight laughed at his misery.
Aristotle entered the room and asked, "Hey Twilight, you mind giving me a mustache? Might be nice to have."
His request was declined, since Twilight was done with magic for the time being and wanted to take a walk. She was joined by Spike, who was stuck on how talented Twilight was, and Aristotle, who was trying to tell her about his forays into rune-based magic and ritual magic since she had wanted to know if humans could do magic. He had been somewhat successful, though it was limited by shaky hands and sloppy handwriting. Unfortunately for Spike, he was barreled into by Snips and Snails, the frontrunners for the title of "village idiot" that year (and the three previous years' winners for that matter), who were excited about a new unicorn coming to Ponyville reputed to be the most powerful unicorn in the land. The three decided to check out the new unicorn's show.
"Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of The Great and Powerful Trixie!" A blue unicorn wearing a hat and cape literally burst onto the stage and continued her speech.
"Watch in awe as The Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!"
Firecrackers exploded to the delight of the crowd, though they disliked Trixie's narcissism. Spike attempted to flirt with Rarity, but realized he had left his mustache at home. Twilight's friends mostly expressed contempt for Trixie's tendency towards grand displays of ability in a manner that made Twilight feel awful.
Trixie noticed the presence of "neigh-sayers in the audience" and challenged anyone to outdo "the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria". Twilight was appointed Most Magical Unicorn by Spike, but she refused to accept the honor, citing personal conflicts that made it impossible to claim the title in good conscience. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash had goaded Trixie into claiming that she had defeated an Ursa Major with accompanying fireworks. Upon claiming the office of Best Unicorn in Ponyville, Trixie said smugly,"Don't believe The Great and Powerful Trixie? Well then, I hereby challenge you Ponyvillains. Anything you can do, I can do better."
Aristotle was sorely tempted to reference a song he had heard once, but he decided it was better to let Trixie finish what she was saying.
"Any takers? Anyone? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine to have ever lived?"

Twilight was begged to show up Trixie, but she hesitated, even after being called out directly by Trixie to outdo the show mare. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity took up the gauntlet, and all were hoist by their own petards in embarrassing fashion.
At one point during the display, Spike, trying to get Twilight to do something, said that "someone with magic of their own" was needed. This gave Aristotle an idea. After Rarity's mane was dyed green and made a literal and metaphorical rats' nest, he approached Trixie, stating simply,"I can do something you can not, Great and Powerful Trixie."
Trixie asked,"What is that, and what are you?"
"I am what is known as a human, though I prefer the term person." Twilight took this time to answer the calls of her laundry, which had recently learned to talk and needed washing rather badly. Trixie said," Yes, Trixie read about you in the newspaper, hooman-"
"That's human!"
"Whatever. What is it you can do that The Great and Powerful Trixie can not?"

Aristotle simply said,"I can stand on two legs as long as I want." He was called upon to prove this, and three hours later, Trixie, having stopped standing on two legs after 15 minutes, decided the only way to outdo the human was to become one. She readied her all-purpose transformation spell, and with two bangs and a slide whistle, the unicorn was gone with a woman in her place.

To Be Continued

Author's Note

Having looked around for some advice with my writing, this is the result of using it. I also decided to expand on an event previously mentioned that I hadn't gotten around to recounting in detail. There are also more paragraph breaks this time. Trixie's mispronouncing "human" is probably a reference to something, but I forget what. Moreover, I'm splitting this story into parts! This is an intentional creative decision and definitely not me running out of steam near a convenient cliffhanger spot. I need time to flesh out the rest of this tale, which will probably grow as I go on like the other chapters I've written. Hopefully, irrelevant tangents will be kept to a minimum. I'm not Victor Hugo, after all. And as always, let me know how I did!

Aristotle, Dream Crusher

It was the night of the Grand Galloping Gala, and and Twilight Sparkle and company were on their way to Canterlot in a carriage she had made for them. Also, Aristotle was there. He had gotten in as Prince Blueblood's "plus one". For his sake, since he had been summoned to the pony realm after the whole "Ticket Affair", everyone else was talking about what they wanted to do at the Gala.

Pinkie Pie was rambling excitedly about how the Gala would be the bestest party ever or something like that. Aristotle told her that it would be a stuffy, boring event that was more about mingling than fun. She didn't care. Applejack, slightly irritated at Aristotle's newest attempt to make Pinkie Pie depressed, decided to mention her plans to get rich by selling her family's specialty, food. Aristotle naturally deflated this dream by pointing out the likelihood of free food being provided at the Gala. Rainbow Dash, her jimmies considerably rustled by Aristotle's trolling ways, decided to push it aside for the sake of her friends' happiness (Rainbow Dash is said to possess self-awareness for one day of the year, and this was that day) and told the man about her intention to impress the Wonderbolts, so Aristotle, being the devilish and genre savvy individual he was, regaled Rainbow Dash with an explanation of the fact that celebrities at public events are always busy doing things that did not include hanging out with fans, even the ones who had saved those celebrities' lives.

At this point, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight were worried that their own hopes would be forcibly deconstructed. Spike wasn't worried about himself, for his hopes were modest enough. So when Fluttershy's lack of experience with Canterlot animals, Prince Blueblood's hatred of traditional gender roles that led to the most uncouth behavior one ever saw, and Princess Celestia's probable busy schedule were used as a +5 Sword of Disembowelment on the Shambling Mound of the combined wishes of Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight, Spike leaned back and smiled to himself.

As fun as it was to crush hopes and dreams (it really isn't if you're not a sadist; the ranks of sadists do not number Aristotle), it had come to an end sooner or later. And so, with their ~~friends~~ acquaintances left behind weeping in the carriage, Spike and Aristotle went over their plans for the night.

First, they would meet up with the Cutie Mark Crusaders to provide the Gala's music. (This was the case because the originally scheduled band mysteriously ended up in Saddle Arabia three days before they should have arrived in Canterlot, and Princess Luna suggested Apple Core as a replacement since she liked their music.) Secondly, Apple Core would start off the night playing appropriate music and gradually move to other, cooler genres. Thirdly, Apple Core would escape the inevitable angry mob on their jetpacks. Fourthly, they would all head to Pony Joe's Donut Shop when the coast was clear. Fifthly, they would meet up with Trixie (by now reasonably adjusted to being a woman and not a mare) flee Equestria and explore strange new lands for the next five years or so and be infamous pirates. This plan was too big to fail, so it necessarily crashed and burned big time.

To elaborate, things started off on the wrong ~~foot~~ hoof when Princess Celestia was immediately suspicious of Twilight and Co.'s absence. She put her suspicions aside to deal with the perennial crowd of admirers and sycophants, so Apple Core was in the clear after that. Apple Core's plan was a success up until the "escape on their jetpacks" part. Spike had forgotten which way was up, so Apple Bloom, being the strongest one available, had to carry him. As to be expected, the trip to Pony Joe's shop took a while. Twilight and Co. were already there and completely hammered, so Apple Core left without a single doughnut. When they went to rendezvous with Trixie, she was, even if it was justified by her previous dearth of friends, too insistent on ensuring everyone's safety for anyone's comfort, considering the time pressure. The good ship S.S. Platypus sailed out of Manehattan Harbor into a horrifyingly large storm, and the three-master was beached on a small deserted island with no trees to supply wood for the necessary repairs to the hull. Apple Core (and Trixie) spent the next five months getting a patch job done so they could sail back to Equestria. When they got back, everything was fine, since Discord hadn't shown up yet. No one really remembered that they had problems with the equine Robinson Crusoes. Spike and Aristotle sent a letter to Princes Celestia about what they had learned.

Dear Princess Celestia,

We have learned that it's not a good idea to crush someone's hopes and/or dreams and not expect bad things to happen.

Sincerely, Spike and Aristotle
P.S. Please don't ask how we learned this.

Author's Note

I am doing some editing, and this chapter needed it. Hopefully, it is now tolerable.

Halloween Was First!

It was the middle of fall/autumn, so that meant Nightmare Night had arrived once more. Twilight Sparkle had been working on her Star Swirl the Bearded costume for a long time (in fact this was the 7th time she had used this idea), and she knew her first Nightmare Night in Ponyville was going to go perfectly. That was when the giant lunch box creature jumped into her house.

"HUZZAH!", it shouted. "I knew I'd find you! I have the nose of a bloodhound, you know."
A blue-haired woman lounging on the air itself somehow popped in and added,"The nose and brain of a bloodhound. I'll be taking her, Balrog."
Spike, who'd been standing there in his costume (which he refused to explain, leaving Twilight to ponder what a cap and tank top could possibly represent), attempted to jump in and save Twilight from being kidnapped, but Balrog blocked him and complained that "Misery" always left him with clean-up duty before challenging Spike to a fight while Misery teleported away with Twilight. Spike declined, and Balrog leaped away shouting,"HUZZAH!".
Outside the library, Twilight and Misery reappeared. Misery took off her costume, revealing Trixie as Twilight's abductor. After being put down, Twilight complimented Trixie's costume and learned that Balrog was Aristotle. Aristotle was the only one who knew what the whole rigmarole represented, but Trixie and Spike were happy to play along. As all three got into their costumes for the rest of the night (Spike was Brian Epstein, Aristotle was John Lennon, and Trixie was Yoko Ono; the Cutie Mark Crusaders were Paul, George, and Ringo.), Aristotle explained to Twilight that he had an important announcement to make, and she had to get a stage ready.
Upon taking the stage, Aristotle announced to Ponyville's assorted inhabitants that Princess Luna was arriving that night for an informal visit, so everyone needed to be relaxed around her and not at all scared or mean to her, or bad things would probably happen. Aristotle directed that last part to Ponyville's premiere prankster pair, Pinkie Pie and Prainbow Pdash. Especially Pinkie Pie, who wasn't always good at the whole "recognizing the effects your words and actions have on others" thing. Everyone panicked.
Eventually, things calmed down, and all were ready to welcome the princess, even Pinkie Pie, who was strangely insistent on acting scared of Princess Luna until it was explained to her that it would only be fun for Pinkie Pie and no one else. Aristotle decided to try and reenact the music video to Thriller with Luna, but no one was interested. Twilight taught Luna about fun, except Aristotle butted in with a song about fun. It was very catchy. Luna had fun, and it was made an edict that Nightmare Night would henceforth commemorate Princess Luna learning the concept of fun and would include a recitation of the song Aristotle had sung. Twilight wrote a letter about her experiences to Princess Celestia.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that your friends can help you out in ways that surprise you and that fun is a universal concept. Aristotle sang a song about it that was very catchy. Would you like a copy of it?

Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.

Author's Note

So, Halloween episode seven months and ten days too early, Cave Story and Beatles references, and a letter to Princess Celestia from Twilight. Some firsts here. Also, SpongeBob reference. Gotta mention the F.U.N. Song, after all. So, how went the story? It feels like no one is interested in reading this anymore, much less commenting on it. I'm losing my sense of self-worth a little, I have to say. Please say if this story is still decent or not. I need to know what to improve.

Cutie Marks Are For Chumps

It was one of those days when the weather is nice but things are happening. Important things. You know what I mean. Shining Armor was very pretty that day and defending an important research outpost from hostile forces that wanted to do bad things with the experimental spells produced at the "Big Dome", but that doesn't matter to us, even if Shining Armor was at sparkling levels of prettiness.
Anyhow, Aristotle was playing "anthropologist and put-upon unpaid intern" with Spike by attending a cutie mark acquisition party. The idea of magically appearing tramp stamps signifying a pony's particular natural talent was fascinating. Sadly, the filly of the hour was Diamond Tiara, one of the most xenophobic ponies that side of Appleoosa. Moreover, Applejack's sister, who had proven to be one of the least xenophobic ponies that side of Appleoosa a while back, was getting picked on for her own lack of a cutie mark. Aristotle was about to step in when two other fillies with unmarked hips jumped in and mooned Diamond Tiara and supported- Apple Bloom was her name, yes. Those three bore watching. The research team moved out.
Apple Bloom was excited to have friends who were also blank flanks. She wasn't alone anymore! And they could look for their cutie marks together! This was the best thing that had happened to her in a long time. Then Twilight's tenants-that was the right word, wasn't it?- walked in on the three. Aristotle started speaking to all three. "I see none of you have those tattoos that are so important to everyone around here. Can any of you tell me why they're important? Oh, and what are your names? I probably should have asked that first, huh? I'm Aristotle, by the way. And don't say you saw me in the newspaper. I get that enough already." After giving the answers to his questions and explaining some bits of what they wanted from life, the newly-formed Cutie Mark Crusaders were shocked to hear Aristotle laugh and proceed to explain how people find their place in the world and that Scootaloo clearly had wings that were too small to fly. While this gave them some new, more long-term ideas for getting their badges of placement in society and put Scootaloo's life into a very different perspective, the fillies were still dead set on finding the easiest solution to their problems, so Aristotle suggested using body paint or tattooing by a certified professional. This suggestion was carefully considered.
Since the idea had been floating in the back of his mind, Aristotle also proposed forming a band. The Cutie Mark Crusaders collectively went, "Sure, why not?" and only realized later that they were going to be putting in a more serious time and effort commitment than they had expected if they wished to pursue that avenue of Cutie Mark Acquisition, but Scootaloo was adamant that she would sing in a rock band, by the Princesses!, so the others agreed to it, which would seem surprising for Sweetie Belle, but she was hoping it would be more of a studio band, and Aristotle made it sound like that was the case. And so, Apple Core was formed and began holding regular practice sessions in the Bro Cave. Also, the Big Dome was successfully defended by Sparkling Armor, but that's not important right now.

Author's Note

Been doing some editing. My early Author's Notes are terrible in hindsight.

Chapter 1:Explication

Discord, Spirit of Chaos, Disharmony, and Fishy Sticks, had recently been defeated by the Elements of Harmony after breaking free of his statuary penitentiary. That was all but a select few knew about the matter. Aristotle, having called various friends over to the Bro Cave, was about to educate them.

"As you probably know, the Spirit of Chaos just broke out of his cage and got smacked down by the Elements of Harmony. What you haven't heard is that he's gone for good. He got permanently banished from this plane of existence by Harmony, Spirit of Order. After doing that, she took direct control of Twilight Sparkle and friends, along with the Royal Sisters, and she's consolidating her power in Equestria and making things nice and orderly. If left unchecked, Harmony will have total control of everyone in the world that can be mind-controlled. The capacity for independent thought/action will disappear. That's why you're here. Harmony has just gotten started with her plans, and I trust you all enough to help me foil them and, if we're lucky, do to her what she did to Discord. She's anchored here by the Elements of Harmony, which the Bearers are now wearing full time. Any ideas?"
Prince Blueblood asked, "How do you know all of this? I see no distinction between what you are saying and the ravings of a garden variety lunatic."
Spike answered him. "We were there. It happened, it will happen. Just listen to what he's saying."

Trixie (now known as Kate for various reasons) suggested trying to give everyone immunity to mind control, but she remembered that one couldn't really do that, since it was a product of certain biological factors that could be changed only at the risk of serious health problems or death. Scootaloo wanted to say that causing random chaos everywhere seemed like a good idea, but Apple Bloom caught onto her and tackled Scootaloo when she started talking. Sweetie Belle asked if there was a way to make Harmony use up all her power at once so she would leave long enough to destroy the Elements. This gave Blueblood an idea.
"We start a large war. This kingdom has many enemies. The Changelings, Griffins, Griffons, the Dragon Clans, King Sombra if he truly exists. All of them have grudges against Equestria. The current...shift in administration would drive them mad with war fever if they knew of the situation. You simply need to look in a library to find their locations. The chaos caused by all of them warring for the same land would draw Harmony's attention like nothing else. I can supply funds for any expeditions to those places while keeping the 'home front', as it were, safe. What do you think?"

Aristotle, technically in charge of this endeavor, had no better ideas, so he agreed. The Organization, as they chose to name themselves, would work out a plan and division of labor, then the War on Harmony would begin.

Author's Note

So, I'm writing a multi-chapter story with a (hopefully) cohesive plot. I know, right? Anyway, this kind of an "alternate continuity" to the main story, but I'll be focusing on this mostly in my writing. I'll be showing as many fronts of the war as I reasonably can. I bet this idea doesn't come up often, hmm? Let me know what you think! If you have story ideas, put them in the comments. I want to know what you want from this, loyal readers. By the way, I'll put an explanation of Trixie's name change in my blog as time permits.

Chapter 2: Inception

History of the Aristotelian Liberation by Kurt Strongclaw, excerpts

While the many accounts given by Aristotle the Liberator and Spike the Lawgiver themselves possess some inconsistencies due to the effacing action of time upon the memory and the varying purposes behind each recounting, the core details of the Emergence of Harmony were the same every time, allowing a reconstruction of the event that is accurate generally, albeit with the larger part of the particulars likely fated to be the subject of eternal speculation. What follows is the most accurately sketched history of the matter, as far as I have been able to determine, though the gaps are considerable.
First of all, the Spirit of Chaos, Discord, escaped from his long confinement in stone imposed upon him by the ponies who would become Equestria's Royal Sisters. Having free run of the world, Discord chose to take revenge on his old enemies through the current Bearers of the Elements by hiding the physical Elements from them and forcing them into a game of his devising that ended with each of them forsaking their respective Element.
Sometime after Discord's victory, Aristotle and Spike made Twilight Sparkle, the Chief Bearer, take up her Element again, though I, nor any source I have found, can not discern how they accomplished the feat. Twilight Sparkle proceeded to rally her fellow Bearers against Discord, and they all, Aristotle and Spike following from far off, confronted him.
While the Elements began the process of reinstating Discord's imprisonment, Aristotle attempted to draw Discord's attention away from the true threat by throwing a rock at him, but Aristotle's aim was poor, and the rock struck Twilight Sparkle on the head, where she wore her Element. The disturbance summoned Harmony, who went on to permanently excise Discord from this plane of existence and possess her Elements' Bearers. When Aristotle inquired as to who Harmony was and what she was doing, the Spirit was bound by her nature to inform him of the truth saying, "I am Harmony, Spirit of Order and eternal foe to Discord. He is sealed from the world now and forever, and in his absence I am free to bring total order to this land and all others. No independence of thought will mar my perfect design, and all who can resist my powers of mental control will be destroyed if they will not cooperate with me. Do not resist if you desire life. I leave you now to gather my power together, as I have been weakened by my recent efforts slightly. Think on what I have said."
Moved by concern for both their immediate circle and all intelligent beings, Aristotle and Spike began to gather allies to their cause and end the threat of Harmony for all time.

Author's Note

You'll notice that I presented this as part of a fictional account of the story's events. I'll do this when I feel like changing things up a little. Kurt Strongclaw, for those wondering, is a griffin historian who I intended to be something like Herodotus in historical significance (author of the primary source on an important war) and writing style. As I write more of Strongclaw's prose, some of the tangents Herodotus is known for should appear. Anyone else who has read The Histories, please let me know how accurately I write in its style. And as always, let me know what ideas you have!

Leave the Job to the Professionals!

Rarity was supremely busy. She (and her friends, of course! She couldn't forget them, now, could she?) were going to the Grand Galloping Gala in- oh, was it six or seven months? She had forgotten to keep track of the time, that was how busy she was. But to go to the premier social event of the season required the best couture that could be found, and Rarity would be the pony to provide it. As it was, she could only just manage to get any sleep, and only because she had contracted Aristotle to help sew her prototypes together. He was the only one she could trust not to betray her secrets and in possession of the required dexterity for sewing. And the song he hummed while working was quite pleasant to hear.
The real problem, Aristotle had noticed, with this clothing was that it was for fur-covered animals. The dresses would get too hot to wear, and ponies somehow had a taboo against removing clothing in public. That and the dresses' intended wearers seemed dead set on trampling Rarity's- the Boss's, rather, artistic vision into the dirt by offering suggestions that paid no heed to the rules of good taste. Rainbow Dash would ask for her dress to be "cooler". What did that even mean? Applejack had no conception of clothing worn purely to look good and wanted to dress like a farmhand. Twilight took the factual accuracy of her dress's star map far more seriously than even Aristotle, noted pedant, considered reasonable. Pinkie Pie bothered the man on a metaphysical level, so he refused to deal with the mad pink horse. Fluttershy criticized his sewing. Aristotle was still learning how to sew, for Sun Wukong's sake! Who would expect any modicum of competency from him, let alone the stitching the Boss had proclaimed adequate (high praise, from her)? Enough was enough. Aristotle was going to lecture these nitpickers. Lecture them so hard. So. Hard.
In a few days, Rarity stopped receiving complaints on her work. Her couture turned out the similar to if Aristotle hadn't been there, just sooner. And Twilight Sparkle wrote in her next friendship letter that she had learned to never anger someone who is normally nice to you. The results could be scary.

Author's Note

I'm back again! This was an exercise to try to get used to writing once more. Let me know how I did. By the way, the song Aristotle is mentioned to hum is Putting It Together by Barbra Streisand. It's like Art of the Dress, but about music instead of clothing, for those not in the know. Hopefully, I should get back to writing more often in the near future. So, offer comments, critiques, complaints, suggestions, and anything else you think I should hear. See you soon!

Karkat Hates Brainwashing

It was a sunny day in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle was freaking out about being tardy with her regular letters to the ~~Man~~ Mare, and the sun was ticking down the hours left in the day like the moon was about to crash into Equestria. Meanwhile, the "Man 6", as Aristotle and Co. were starting to be called in Ponyville (and the title of the Apple Core album that officially introduced Karkat and Spike as members of the group after some earlier guest appearances), were worried over the unicorn's erratic behavior. When Twilight began cackling madly, Karkat moved to active surveillance. What could she be planning?
He didn't have to wait long to find out, as Twilight exposited on her plan to provoke a "friendship problem" that she could solve in public. After his experiences fighting for the collective free will of the planet, Karkat had become sensitive to mind control like that. As a matter of fact, he had already removed all mind control spells from the Ponyville Library, leaving the counter spells for public use. Karkat knew he had to take action.
Aristotle began watching his honorary brother (much easier than "alternate future self") when he put on his Assassin Robes, a sign that something was up. Upon seeing the man he might have been stalk up to his best pony friend (not that that was saying much; Aristotle had few friends), hidden blades flashing in the sunset light, Aristotle tackled Karkat to the ground, asking what the deal was. Following an explanation, Aristotle started yelling at both Karkat, who insisted he wouldn't have done any permanent damage, and Twilight, who was in awe of the friendship letter she could get out of this mess. She wrote to the Mare asking for a less stringent schedule in exchange for roping her friends into writing their own letters. As the Mare had already gotten a couple of satisfactory letters from Spike and Aristotle, she readily agreed. And things were peachy until Pinkie Pie was hospitalized for a week by Karkat for slandering Princess Luna, one of his few friends, during Nightmare Night. And then things were peachy again, because Karkat paid off his debt to society by doing constructive work for the community: providing free public education, which, unfortunately for the correctional system, the man enjoyed doing.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned not to be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I learned that it's okay to let friends know when they screw up.And I learned that you should try to talk out your problems first, even if violence is startlingly effective for getting your way.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle, Aristotle,and Karkat.

Author's Note

A late New Year's present for you all! Some of this might be in bad taste, but I never claimed to be in good taste. I think I have an idea of Karkat now: (hopefully) comically violent and impetuous with Aristotle reigning him in. Also, we have moved into Season 2 material! I have already gone through the first 4 episodes, so I have good progress. As time goes on, I'll eventually get through the season, skip Season 3 except to look at Karkat and Sombra and wave Princess Twilight away never to be treated upon by me again, and move into Season 4. Good plan?

Time Travel Trouble

It was another day in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle had just been visited by a future version of herself who looked like Snake Plisskin, so she went to visit the resident time travel expert (who really wasn't much of an expert) Karkat.
After hearing the situation, Karkat said, "Knowing you, she was warning you not to worry about the future or something like that, just loosen up and everything should be fine."
Then, the world twisted out of place for a second before snapping into its proper place once more. Karkat was unconcerned, telling Twilight that this was the straining of time that he had used to travel into the past in the first place, closing the time loop that was evidently involved. Twilight resolved not to pursue temporal studies until stupid paradoxes like that no longer gave her such bad headaches.
In other news, Aristotle had been traveling Equestria to make setting up future plot points easier by being able to refer to a period of time without much detail to it. He had signed a new singer to the record label he put together for Apple Core named Cheese Sandwich who mysteriously sounded like Weird Al Yankovic. Aristotle chalked it up to weird coincidence and headed to a town he had heard of called Dodge Junction in hopes of becoming the town's sheriff. Spike, meanwhile, was trying to prove that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had cutie marks in stealth that hadn't been noticed because they were invisible cutie marks. He was ultimately unsuccessful, as none of the CMC could be quiet for any substantial period of time. Taking a philosophical attitude, the dragon went bowling.

Author's Note

Hello again! Not much related to the actual title this time. And yes, I am trying to undermine as many of the character study episodes as is reasonable! Though this one relied on self-deprecatory humor a bit more than I plan to in the later chapters of this story, I just got inspired from watching the new episode is all. Rarity's character study getting undermined should be interesting, and I plan something extra for that one, so watch for me getting around to that one!

Wedding Crash-OH NO YOU DON'T

Twilight Sparkle and friends, which included the Man 6 that were not Karkat or children, were having a picnic. Then Twilight got a letter about her brother that no one knew about except her and the 2 men in the world. Also Spike, but no one likes Spike. Except for me. It also informed everyone that Karkat was heading security for the event, as Equestria's military was a joke. Aristotle decided to visit, knowing that Karkat was a trouble magnet, and Aristotle wanted to field test his new cyborg body.
At Canterlot, Shining Armor was touring the local strip joints as part of his stag party, so only the bride and Karkat were there to meet them. Twilight decided she was an imposter, but Karkat told her everything was under control. Eventually, Twilight was vindicated, so Karkat, who'd been able to see through the bug-pony-succubus-vampire's disguise the whole time, cowed the imposter with a display of the power he'd gotten from the Equestria of Future Past. Aristotle went with the Mane 6 to mop up the army. Celestia still got Worfed, unfortunately, so Karkat mocked her for a while before remembering he had some business to take care of up north and wouldn't be back for at least several weeks, so he left. Aristotle's cyborg body worked very well, as it happened.

Author's Note

A late Valentine's Day gift for you! I probably put too little in, but what can you do? So yeah, cliffhanger. What is that nonsense? Something I'll write later. It's been a while since I wrote a chapter with dialogue in it, eh? I need to do that at some point.

Meet The New Boss

Of all the things Shining Armor and Cadence had been on the lookout for while traveling to the Crystal Empire, a fully operational customs station was not one of them. King Sombra, yes, windigoes, definitely possible, but signs of a functional government were completely out of left field for the Royal Couple. After putting down "diplomacy" as their intentions, they were taken to meet the "Head of Provisional Government". This turned out to be everyone's favorite character in this story, if everyone's favorite character in this story is Karkat. Mine is probably Kate or Spike, but I'm the Narrator, so don't mind me.
After introductions and some joyful pointing out of his nice suit, Karkat exposited on what was going down. After the Royal Wedding, he had headed up north to where he knew from his timeline (Equestria-811) the Crystal Empire was to be ready for its reappearance, which he knew the timing of since he had personally witnessed the event while dealing with his King Sombra. Karkat proceeded to dispose of this timeline's (Equestria-616) Sombra. The Crystal Ponies, being grateful for the deposition of a much-hated tyrant, had proclaimed Karkat to be in charge of the place. Not really wanting to mess things up on a national level yet again, the man had agreed to the post only until the Crystal Ponies had formed their own government, which he had to help with due to no Crystal Pony knowing much of anything about government. Currently, Karkat was working to make a system something like that of the American government, because it was what he knew best, while looking for international recognition of the Crystal Republic, as it was now called.
Being fairly out of their depth at this point (and possibly slightly impaired in judgement from the toils of travel and/or the high number of reflective surfaces in the ramshackle conference room), the Royal Couple decided to consult with Princess Celestia on the issue. Two weeks later, Equestria officially recognized the independence of the Crystal Republic. Celestia had enough trouble running the territory she already had, and delegating looked more and more unattractive. She would hold off on creating more Alicorns for a while. Karkat, as it happened, was elected President of the Crystal Republic for a total of two four-year terms and stepped down after his 2nd term to give the masses actual involvement in their government. He was well-regarded by history for not ruining a fledgling nation and giving it the opportunity to develop itself. The Crystal Republic eventually became a leader in architecture and electricity-based technology. Turns out Crystal Ponies are piezoelectric. Who knew?

Author's Note

So, this happened. Thought it was an interesting twist on the Crystal Empire. In Karkat's timeline, he had met with and absorbed the power of King Sombra as part of his plan. In fact, that event is what gave him his current appearance and inspired his current name. If anyone is interested, I would be willing to give an outline of the main points of the constitution of the Crystal Republic. Also also, I have now set up an explanation for the eventual lack of Princess Twilight when I get to covering everything after the Season 3 Finale. One last thing: I have put in a reference to something in the chapter that I won't name directly here, but it and something I plan to mention later (that should be a bit more obvious) will set up a fairly momentous event I've had planned for a while. Guess in the comments section, and I'll PM anyone who guesses correctly and tell them what I'm planning. Do keep it a secret if you're in the know, please.

Karkat-Brand Weed Killer

It was a normal day in Ponyville. Mysterious black vines were steadily encroaching on the townsfolk, Twilight Sparkle was neither a princess nor in possession of wings, and Discord was there. He had been reformed a few weeks back courtesy of Karkat and the Crystal Republic's Room 101. No one but them was really sure what had happened, because what happens in Room 101 stays in Room 101 (book a trip today!). Karkat was in the middle of negotiating a treaty with Princess Celestia that, for reasons unknown, involved a marriage between Luna and Aristotle, who was already in common law marriage with Kate accidentally. He was feeling sadistic towards his "brother". Oh wait, there were mysterious black vines steadily encroaching on Ponyville and consuming all in their path, weren't there?
It turned out that the vines were evil Discord's fault, as opposed to the current, kind of all right Discord they had now. They were meant to eat some sort of magic tree that had sprouted the Elements of Harmony. Discord, being the trickster we all know and sort of like, hadn't actually given the Mane Six any of this information, instead telling the Man Six, who rushed off into the Everfree Forest to fix this, dragging a protesting Spirit of Chaos with them. After observing the Magic Tree of Doom's, as Sweetie Belle had named it, condition, the Man Six were forced to beg, cajole, and steal the Elements of Harmony from their Bearers. The Mane Six had learned a lesson in staying friends after their initial reasons for friendship had disappeared, and the Man Six had gotten interested enough in the Everfree Castle to start planning an expedition into it with the (former) Element Bearers. Just as Discord had planned. That sly devil.

Author's Note

Hey guys, it's me again! The title doesn't have much to do with the chapter this time, but the chapter sets up some things I needed out there. Namely, the lack of Princess Twilight, the political situation Karkat's in, and the furthering of a subplot I've had planned for some time now. Let me know what you think, and give suggestions for future stories. Be seeing you!

This One's Kinda Magical.

A couple weeks before the last chapter, the Royal Family (and the Element Bearers in full regalia for some reason) met with Karkat (accompanied by Aristotle) in the Crystal ~~Empire~~ Republic to begin negotiating the treaty that was mentioned last chapter. The first night there, a unicorn Aristotle didn't know broke into his room, apparently looking for something. Aristotle thought her mane was nice, and he said so, which caused the unicorn to blush. Sunset Shimmer, the mystery thief, still managed to steal Twilight's Crown of Girliness and escape into a magic mirror. Aristotle and Karkat went after her, because such an incursion could not go unpunished.
After taking stock of their surroundings and surveilling their targets, the 2 men agreed that Aristotle would, on the following day (they had been informed of the time limit on the portal and made Majora's Mask jokes), cause a distraction, and Karkat would go and actually steal back the Diadem of Femininity. Aristotle wasn't very good at things like "stealth" or "subtlety" or "knowing when to shut up".
The next day started off as a fairly normal one for Canterlot High: Sunset Shimmer keeping the people down, excitement for the upcoming Prom/Dance/Whatever, that sort of thing. But at lunch, things took a turn for the, uh, weird. Yeah, let's go with that. A man crashed through the ceiling, shouting,"MR. SENTRY! I am...I forgot my name, but I am the first representative of the League of Sunset Shimmer's Heroic Ex-Boyfriends! To date her, you must fight and defeat all of us. What say you?"
Flash(Woah-Oh! Savior of the Universe!) Sentry informed the obvious lunatic that he had recently broken up with Sunset Shimmer, promoting an offer to join the League. The application was held immediately, and the special skills demonstration ended in the crazy guy and Flash(Woah-Oh! He'll save every one of us!) Sentry having what could only be described as a sword fight with guitars instead of swords. This lasted most of the lunch period, with the prospective Leaguer informed that he would receive a letter within a business week if he was accepted. Meanwhile, Karkat stole the Precious Thing.
As their surveilling had taken a couple days, the Super Human Brothers only managed to beat their deadline back into the portal by a couple of hours. Sunset Shimmer was once more trapped in a world she never made, and Twilight had her Tiara of Womanhood back. Somehow, the Crystal ~~Empire~~ Republic hadn't lost any face from the incident, and good times were had by our (debatably) intrepid heroes.

Author's Note

So this happened. I don't know where I was going with this. I wanted to put in a scene with Karkat and Aristotle discovering the Human!CMCs' YouTube channel and commenting on it, but I couldn't figure out how to make it work. If you have ideas on how that might have gone, put them in a comment, along with any ideas about future chapters in general. I write for you all, so I like to know what you're interested in seeing. I can't promise I'll use every suggestion, but I'll consider them all. Count the references and get swell prizes!

Origin Story

It was an average day in the Everfree Forest, except that the Old Castle was currently occupied by several restorers. These restorers were the Man Six, who had decided that with nothing else in urgent need of doing, they might as well be archeologists for a while.
Spike, who was there to catalog any interesting find, was currently reading the newest Power Ponies issue, though he'd have preferred to take a look at some Earth comics. Unfortunately for him, Aristotle had trouble getting more than issue or two at a time into this world, and Karkat was no help in the matter, so Spike had been spending his time reading old Marvel comics, since Aristotle preferred that particular publisher and wanted to read them too. Naturally, Spike had picked up his reading material from the House of Enchanted Comics, so we all know where this is going.

VORTEX SOUND!
Upon coming to, Aristotle noticed that he felt heavier and a buzz at the base of his neck. He also noticed Spike was dressed like Captain America and every member of the group was together on a rooftop.
"Hey, Spike, Karbro, Assorted Friends, how you all doing? Oh, uh, Spike? You're dressed like Captain America. Just thought you'd like to know," Aristotle put out there.
"You like a cross between Spider-Man and Iron Man," Spike noted. "And Karkat looks like Doctor Strange. Hey, Sweetie Belle looks like the Black Widow. Don't recognize Scootaloo or Apple Bloom, though."
Aristotle broke in. "Apple Bloom seems to be wearing the She-Hulk's costume. Scootaloo, if I have it right, should be Ms. Marvel. Or Binary. Or Warbird. Or Captain Marvel. Carol Danvers. Too many names, that one."
The Man Six, being used to these kinds of shenanigans, quickly came to a conclusion on what was going on and who they were. Aristotle, it turned out, was Iron Spider.
Once it was determined what was what, Spike recalled," WemayhavetofightaMedusaslashJokerripofftogetoutofthisplace."
"What."
"IgotmybookfromtheHouseofEnchantedComicsbutIthoughtitwasjusthyperbole."
"Who were the heroes supposed to be?"
" Kind of a Justice League ripoff with the Hulk and a Cyclops slash Crystal mashup."
"Well, let's show this would-be world-beater what some real heroes can do. Say the battle cry, Cap."
"Okay...

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!"

Author's Note

To be continued next time! So yeah, I like comic books, and I'm a Marvel fan. I wanted to mix thing up a little since the Man Six and Mane Six correspond to different heroes. Aristotle gets Spider-Man with the Iron Spider armor for being jokey with serious feelings of guilt for Karkat's actions below the surface and a tech head. Karkat is Doctor Strange for his Mastery of the Mystic Arts and driving need to atone. Spike is Captain America for being unpowered but still somehow cool. Scootaloo is... Carol Dancers for her love of flying and deeper psychological issues (Danvers had a Demon in a Bottle arc. Iron Man helped her deal with her drinking problem.). Apple Bloom is the She-Hulk for her lack of confidence and (presumed) Earth Pony Strength. Sweetie Belle takes up the role of the Black Widow because it's silly. All of the characters I've picked have been Avengers at some point, though Doctor Strange was only a member of the Secret Avengers, so that one's a little iffy. Until next time, keep saying,"Make mine Unintended Consequences!"

Equestria's Mightiest Heroes

After Captain...Equestria? Yeah, let's go with that. After Captain Equestria's rousing assemblage, it was quickly determined that no one felt much like doing the painstaking reconnaissance of the Mane-iac's base, so Doctor Strange was pressed into the service of using his mystical powers (actually the Eye of Agamotto, but who cares?) to do it instead.
This revealed a small army of henchmen and a Mane Untidy-Inator, which was really just sad. I mean, Equestria's Mightiest Heroes against a Mane Untidy-Inator isn't much of a contest. Overkill, really. Still, our heroes had a good time of it, since it was a chance to get used to the permanency of their new identities (courtesy of the somewhat good Doctor, at Spike's insistence). Iron Spider ended up making an "I need an adult" joke, only to get the expected reply of "I am an adult!" The She-Hulk made a naughty tentacles wisecrack as well. Mane-iac leaves herself open to a lot of jokes.

Later on, our intrepid sextet, having left the comic book world, resolved to band together in times of crisis. Crises that would require them, of course, were thought to be rare. Little did they know what was just around the corner...

Also, Aristotle bought out the House of Enchanted Comics and started up an unofficial Equestrian branch of Marvel Comics through them. It brought in more money than he expected, though not much of a profit. Too cynical for most ponies.

Author's Note

Thus, the original team-up is over, and the foreshadowing is in place. I've had the next and last part of this story in mind for a few months now. For those of you who read these notes, here, to generate buzz, is the title of the next chapter: Crisis Crossover. The brainstorming for this arc actually began around December, when Rarity Takes Manehattan aired, which is another hint as to what's going to go down. After Power Ponies aired, I got the idea for the superhero thing, which dovetailed nicely with what I had already planned. If I pull this off, it will be a most glorious triumph of storytelling. Or I'll fail spectacularly. Either-or. Thus, I won't post anything for a while. The idea I have deserves nothing less than the best I have to offer. So, until then, be seeing you!

Crisis Crossover (Part 1)

It had been a few weeks since Equestria's Mightiest Heroes banded together, and the team was now in Manehattan in civilian guise to sign Apple Core(remember that?) to a label for wider distribution. The She-Hulk and Black Widow, though, were on a lunch date. Let's check in on them, shall we?
Our two heroines were sitting out side and eating lunch when the spy asked, "So how are you adjusting to all this? It's been weird for me, since this really isn't what I'm used to."
This got a reply of, "It's been weird for me, too. My voice sounds different, m'neck hurts from having to look down all the time to talk to ponies, but...Honestly, I like bein' the She-Hulk more than bein' Apple Bloom. I feel like I c'n actually do things, y'know? And I really like that feelin'."
"I get that same feeling. I still don't like that transition from pony to human, but I'll just have to deal with it, I guess."
Their conversation continued for some time in a much less interesting vein until a flaming rock fell out of the sky and hit the two women.
Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice with the rest of the team...
The other members of the..Pony Avengers? I got nothing...noticed at the same time as the previously mentioned flaming rock the Sensational, Spectacular, Amazing Spider-Man fall out of the sky and land right in front of them. He just managed to raise his head, look at Scootaloo/Ms. Marvel, and weakly ask, "Care-Bear? When'd you get here?" before passing out.
The reaction was unanimous: "Well...this'll be interesting."

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

Hey, it's me again! I wanted to put something out there, so here is a cliffhanger! For those curious, I'm using a Marvel Universe that has been heavily customized. If you'd like details on it, some things may get mentioned in the story, but I'll send anyone who asks a copy of my notes on it. I've yet to do anything with it, so feel free to make use of it. As always, feedback is much appreciated. Be seeing you!

Crisis Crossover (Part 2)

After the Webhead woke, he was faced with an expository lecture of what was what.
"So, let me get this straight. This is a country ruled by ponies," Spidey began.
"Yeah," Aristotle answered.
"Humans don't exist here at all, except for you and your friends."
"You know it."
"You're not actually my counterpart in this universe, just a...promoted fanboy."
"I wouldn't say fanboy, but the rest is fine."
"The woman with you isn't actually my girlfriend's analogue, just a little girl pony in a copy of her body with her powers."
"Waiwaiwait, GIRLFRIEND?!?"
"We met at the cleanup after Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman's wedding. We stayed in touch, and after she became a superhero, her therapist said talking to another hero about it would be a good idea, so we started talking more...it went from there. Carrie's probably the best thing that happened to me, really."
"Yeah, I can imagine. So, introspection-y stuff aside, what great threat do you think brought us together? We have to've met so we can team up to fight something. Just how this sorta thing works."
"I dunno, I just came here by accident. Right as I was swinging away from our place, a glowy portal opened up right in front of me. It's not usually that blatant, so I didn't react in time to not eat pavement. Don't tell anyone, okay? My image is bad enough as it is."
Aristotle would have it was cool with him, and the rest of his friends would have agreed with him (you simply don't spread word of something that embarrassing around, heroes have standards about that sort of thing), but more Ominous Flashes of Light showed up, one bringing Iron Man, the other heralding the arrival of Doctor Doom. Both turned to Spider-Man and spoke in unison.
"Spider-Man, have you seen an Infinity Fractal around here?"
The reply was shared among several members of the addressed group.
"What are you two talking about?"

To Be Continued..

Author's Note

So now we have a threat! For those who aren't familiar with what an Infinity Fractal, that will be explained next time, but suffice it to say that it's a Plot Device. They're from the Super Hero Squad Show, as are the Iron Man and Doctor Doom that show up. Can anyone guess where the Fractal is?

Crisis Crossover (Part 3)

"Simply put, Infinity Fractals are pieces of the Infinity Sword. Being around them means something will happen, and that something tends to be wacky," Iron Man explained.
Seeing as how enough wacky things happened in Equestria as it was, our heroes set out searching the area for the Plot Device. It was found, because the scene had previously mentioned, at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's lunch date. Spider-Man was shocked at the sight of "President She-Hulk". This factoid surprised everyone else, as who would vote for her? That problem was soon cleared up, and Iron Man and Doctor Doom soon left after giving out a few autographs, though Equestria's Mightiest Heroes had two new permanently human members. Not all their problems were solved, since there was still a hole in reality, a vagrant Spider-Man, and now two scantily clad women popped out of the Reality Hole, fighting each other with swords and shouting at each other in a language none of the onlookers could understand.
"Great. Just great. What are they even doing?", Karkat groused.
"Fighting. And shouting, I guess. Sounds kinda like Japanese. Remember Ryoga? Cause their shouting kinda reminds me of when he popped up before he recognized the English we were speaking," Spike replied, feeling a little sarcastic today.
"For the benefit of the ignorant Spideys in the audience, who?", the Wall-Crawler asked.
"Japanese guy we met a while back. Sense of direction so bad he wandered past the boundary between worlds and into our house. Turns out he was cursed a couple different ways, so we helped him out and sent him on his way," Aristotle answered. "But, um, you mind restraining those two shouty types? We need to get them back where they came from, and that won't go well if they keep moving."
"On it." With that, Spidey-Man moved into action, covering the possible exhibitionists in sticky goo so as to keep them in place while Karkat did that voodoo that he did so well and sent the two mystery women, who were still shouting themselves hoarse at each other, back to their home world. Then the same was done for Spider-Man. His phone, it turned out, had interplanetary cell service, so he called home and explained the situation before randomly appearing at his place. With the various visitors taken care of, Aristotle and Scootaloo, who was a little out of it after a dentist appointment, thus forgetting where her house was, decided the Reality Hole would look great on the mantelpiece, so they dragged it back to the Bro Cave, where it lay inactive until Karkat began using it to summon fighting game characters for the various Sort-Of-Pony Avengers to test their combat skills on. And there was much rejoicing.

The End...Of This Story

Author's Note

Anticlimactic, huh? Truth be told, I forgot where I was going with this, so I just sorta ended it. I can't write fight scenes, anyway. If anyone's curious, the two swordfighters are characters from Kill La Kill, which I watched the entirety of nonstop last Thursday (the 17th), so it's still on my mind. Ryoga is from Ranma 1/2, an old (1987-1996 was the original run) martial arts/comedy/sorta romance manga-with-an-anime-adaptation. I was tempted to make the Reality Hole a Hellmouth, but there are enough Buffy crossovers as it is, I think. Oh yes, Karkat is the Sorcerer Supreme of the plane the story takes place in, so he can totally do everything I had him do, since dimensional incursions fall under the mandate imposed by the Vishanti, or Dormammu wouldn't be a Doctor Strange villain. I'm tempted to write him squashing Tirek like a bug since Tirek would be upsetting the balance of magic and all, but the Vishanti didn't help Doctor Strange with Sise-Neg (though Sise-Neg created the universe and set up much of history while traveling back in time to the beginning of the universe, so he might get a free pass), so what do you all think? Let me know in the comments, and I'll go with the people's decision. Until then, be seeing you!

Humanity Ensues (PTR Pt.2)

Last Time on Unintended Consequences...

[Trixie] readied her all-purpose transformation spell, and with two bangs and a slide-whistle, the unicorn was gone with a woman in her place.

We now return to the story in progress.
"Please put some clothes on," Aristotle begged.

Unfortunately, transformation spells do not provide clothing. They do, however, provide fairly attractive bodies when applicable, which was the case with Trixie. Thus, any holes in any pony's knowledge of the human figure and/or humanity's standards of female beauty were filled in. Trixie felt many eyes on her, and she wasn't comfortable with the fact that her eyes were now drawn to Aristotle in the worst way she could imagine. He actually seemed handsome. A far too common side effect of cross-species transformation magic is temporarily falling in love with the template for the transformation, meaning Aristotle had another, though impermanent, addition to the group that was interested in him, which already included Princess Luna, Rarity the Earth Pony, and Lyra the Toothpaste Unicorn (not to be confused with Lyra the Music Unicorn).
Snips and Snails took the opportunity to wrap up the show for the day, saving everyone time and plot holes. Trixie found that she couldn't access her magic, which probably explained her hair and eyes being colors that people actually have in real life. Thus, to do something nice and keep an eye on her, Aristotle offered Trixie use of his place until she could be restored to her original form, unless she wanted to stay human, in which case she could stay as long as she felt like. Trixie felt that the trade-off of hands and a potential tutor in cooler magic (since it had been offered by Aristotle to help her out if she decided to stay human) for mediocre magic ability was too good to pass up. She elected to retain humanity. Thus was The Great and Powerful (soon to be Kind and Apologetic) Trixie welcomed to the Society of Bros.

Author's Note

I mostly made this up as I went along. It probably shows. Also, I just want to say, no romance for Aristotle; he's not interested in that sort of thing, but it happened anyway, so he's dealing with it. He spends his time on too much other stuff to pursue romance. Editing has brought more retconning!

De la terre à la lune

One day, Aristotle decided to go the moon. He had no reason other than "Why not?". Some of his acquaintances were okay with the idea. Thus, he began the process of putting together a space agency and a means of proving to everyone in real time that he had done it.

Though Aristotle had some familiarity with how human space travel worked, he was not at all an expert, so he needed a staff to actually do things while he supervised the whole project. The ESA (Equestrian Space Agency) was staffed with the best and brightest of all the relevant fields, including many races, though some members of the Equestrian government did try to dissuade Aristotle from both visiting the moon and hiring changelings or griffins. Naturally, the team for the actual mission to the moon included Aristotle, a changeling, and a griffin. Mission control was headed by Twilight Sparkle, who was also organizing the efforts to set up what would later become known as the first television broadcast in the world (well, that world, at any rate). After much hard work putting together a spaceport at Horse Shoe Bay and a spacecraft to go with it, the Apollo 11 mission (This was something Aristotle was particularly insistent on.) was ready to launch.
The Discovery was similar to the Saturn V in design except for some changes to the lunar module to allow all of the team to set foot on the lunar surface, and the fuel system was altered to use the available fuels, magic and more magic. Dr. Twilight Sparkle's thesis (written at the age of 2, no less) had been on the subject of magic as an energy source, which proved serendipitous. The launch was attended by huge crowds of many races, all excited to see what would happen. Spike began the countdown.
Apollo 11 went perfectly. Discovery separated properly, and the lunar module touched the moon's surface about a day later (that moon is close to its planet). Aristotle was the first to step on that ground, and he copied Neil Armstrong, though no one watching the broadcast would have noticed. The team explored the moon for an hour or two before leaving for home, but not before leaving a plaque with text inspired by the original Apollo 11 mission's plaque set on the moon. It was a milestone in history and the first of many exploratory missions. Aristotle and his friends and colleagues would be remembered for that, if nothing else.

Author's Note

So, space travel. I apologize if this isn't as good as my work usually is. I have been busy with other things lately and have not had much time to work on this. Also, I have included 7 references to space things. how many did you notice?

Chapter 3: Resolution

Aristotle picked up the rock and took aim. Hopefully, this would distract Discord long enough to but the Element Bearers time to do their non-specific thing.
BOOM!
Suddenly, a man appeared and knocked Aristotle over, shouting, "I'll explain later!". Discord tasted the rainbow, and Aristotle turned to look at his assailant. The man looked like a more weathered Aristotle, except for the gray skin, yellow eyes, and silly outfit.
"You gonna explain?", he asked.
The mystery man led Aristotle back to the Bro Cave, talking as they went.
Later...
" So lemme get this straight. You're Days of Future Past Me, who threw a rock at Discord, but hit Twilight instead, which loosed a Spirit of Order. Then, you learned this Spirit wanted to enslave everyone on the planet, so you decided to start a war that nobody could win and went north on your own while our friends tried to open diplomatic channels to get potential combatants, though none of them succeeded and only Spike and Sweetie Belle survived...somehow. You made a bargain with an ancient evil unicorn king that resulted in you looking like and going by Karkat. You made another deal with some Spirits that resulted in you getting Edward Kenway's skills, weapons, and equipment, as well as the ability to build anything as long as you could justify its ability to function. Having accomplished all this, you assassinated the former Element Bearers one by one before heading on to kill the Royal Sisters, which you managed to do after an intense, cool-looking battle that lasted two hours. The fact that all of that happened made you sad, so you time traveled back to now in the hopes that I could be helped. Well... Thanks, I guess. Didn't know I had it in me to do all that. Looks like you'll be sticking around, huh Karkat?"
"Pretty much. I need to heal from all that, so I think I'll get my Rachel Summmers on and mysteriously stick around through Plot Contrivance, mess around with stuff, all that."
"I should be mad at you, but I always wanted to live a comic book plot out, so welcome aboard!"

And Karkat happened. The End.

Author's Note

So, this plot is wrapped up now. TBH, I wanted to start writing in Seasons 2 and 4(not 3, though), so I found an end to this. Future Aristotle(Karkat) will stick around until he's not interesting anymore. Then time will throw him back to where he belongs. Once again, let me know what you think! I'll try to work with the new things I've introduced, so keep an eye out. Be seeing you!

CAPITALISM!

It was getting to be cider season in Ponyville, and Aristotle was watching the Apple Family go about the process of making maybe-alcoholic drinks for everyone -er, every pony. Spike was discovering his heritage with Karkat in tow, and Kate was going through various interesting bits of human cultures using the computer with a functional Internet connection that Aristotle somehow had (it was probably cartoon physics) and used to keep up-to-date on his pop culture references. A fairly average day overall.
Suddenly, a pair of unicorns in what looked to be a magic-powered car drove up to Sweet Apple Acres. The drivers got out and sang a classic "shady huckster" song. These ones sounded actually earnest though. Aristotle was interested in their machine, so he took them aside, gave them an in with an influential friend of his, and sent them on their way to Canterlot. The Apple Family was happy to be rid of competition, Aristotle was happy to help push Equestria ever closer to an industrial revolution, and Rainbow Dash never got any cider that year. She did, however, get some the next year, reserved for her by Applejack.

Author's Note

I'm back again! This was not as long as I had hoped, sadly. I wanted Aristotle to ramble a bit in giving the Flim Flam Brothers a reference, but it didn't come. His influential friend, if anyone is curious, is Blueblood. In this story, Blueblood is interested in new technology, among other things. Also, on a side note, I would really like a coauthor to help flesh out ideas so I don't keep producing chapters like this and the last few. They're far too short and undetailed for my taste, but the details won't come to me. If you're interested, leave a comment on the story or PM me.

Crisis Crossover (Epilogue)

In the days following the Manehattan Incident, as it came to be termed, Aristotle and Spike began overseeing the cleanup of the area, due to a local law that said they had to. Karkat, meanwhile, inadvertently found himself addicted to anime in the course of finding out what those Mysterious Shouty Women were going on about. Apparently, they had been anime people. The world was getting too strange for him.
The Equestrian government revised its inter dimensional incursion protocols to be better prepared for the next such incident, though being a government initiative, this did not work out nearly as well as was hoped. Twilight Sparkle went into conniptions at Aristotle accidentally paradigm shifting all of Equestrian knowledge for the third time. The Hole in Reality's Wall was kept in the Bro Cave's basement, as there's not really much you can do with something like that. It later became the site of several other short-lived crossovers and eventually led to the Circle of Humans gaining a new addition in the form of a worn out sailor suit that could move on its own, but since it didn't do very much else, it was largely ignored. Poor guy.

Author's Note

Guess who's back, back again. Felt I should wrap Crisis Crossover up, and this happened. I should probably point out that Karkat isn't all that sane; horrible trauma does that. Also, guess what the last part references and win a prize! The prize is an imaginary pat on the back, but that's not important.