Chrysalis Catches Cold

by M1ghtypen

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Shining Armor, Prince Blueblood, Queen Chrysalis, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4054

Only days before her wedding, Chrysalis is subjected to a chemical assault by a nefarious floral arrangement. The resulting sneezes will shake Equestria to its very foundations. Or maybe not.

For a changeling, hiding is the only way to survive. Watch as the changeling queen struggles to remain hidden, her body constantly ravaged by sickness. Can she find a cure before it's too late? Plague has come to Equestria, and Chrysalis is Patient Zero.

Actually it's more like allergies or something. What a drama queen.

Published 2013-02-08 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-08 06:20:01 UTC

There Will Be Mucus

A pink alicorn trotted around the banquet hall with a distracted, irritated expresion. She stopped for a moment to smell the bouquet of flowers that would serve as both decoration and garnishment for her wedding cake and immediately backpedaled, holding a hoof to her nose as her eyes began to water. The urge to sneeze slowly faded and she decided that, while it was very pleasing to look at, she would steer clear of that end of the room until she could find a suitable replacement for the bouquet.

Servants scurried to obey the princess’s commands as though their very lives depended on it. The palace was slowly being transformed, dressing up for a party that would be remembered for hundreds of years. Royalty did not marry often, and certainly not to a commoner, even if he was captain of the royal guard. It was the sort of scandal that was so incredibly mild that the public adored the couple all the more for it.

The palace was putting on quite a party dress. Princess Cadance was extremely busy with the preparations while her husband, ever the loyal soldier, carried out his duties. She wanted the wedding to be absolutely perfect, and trusted few other ponies with its preparation. Her days were now a whirlwind of activity that left her completely drained, but she always made time for her Shining Armor.

Usually the two just sat in the royal library and relaxed in front of the fireplace. Tonight Cadance was a few minutes late, but Shining Armor was waiting for her like an obedient dog. The comparison amused her as she sunk onto the couch next to him and collapsed against his side. “I’ll be glad when your sister and her friends get her,” she said. “I need the help.”

“Nopony organizes like Twiley,” Shining Armor assured her. “I know they’ll make your job a lot easier.” He pulled Cadance close and, for a few minutes, the library was silent.

Cadance caught a glimpse of her reflection in a mirror hanging nearby. With a devious grin she channeled a small amount of magic into it and watched as her reflection took on a life of its own. The real Cadance, trapped far beneath Canterlot, gaped in utter horror as her future husband cuddled with an impostor.

Chrysalis watched the princess pound on the scrying glass from the other side, silently mouthing her love’s name. Seeing the prissy pink princess taken down a notch made her laugh and brought a warmth to her hearth that no amount of stolen love could reproduce. She loved winning.

“Something funny?” Shining asked.

‘Cadance’ dropped her spell and shook her head. “Just thinking about how Twilight is going to react when she finds out we’re getting married. I can't wait to see her face.”

Shining Armor nodded, his eyes slowly becoming unfocused as he stared blankly ahead. His irises changed color ever so slightly, taking on a greenish tint. “Just relax, darling,” Chrysalis soothed. She gorged herself on his love and sighed contently. “A girl could get used to this.”

A tickle started to grow in her nose. Chrysalis fought off the urge to sneeze, but only just. “Are you feeling alright?” Shining mumbled. “You’ve been working too hard. You need rest.”

“I’ll rest on our wedding night,” Chrysalis said. After a moment she added "That had a rather unfortunate implication, didn't it?” Shining Armor chuckled.

“I should go,” she sighed. She tottered to her hooves and swayed wearily for a moment. “There’s still so much to do, but I think you’re right. I need to sleep. Goodnight, my love.” The cheesy words left a foul taste in her mouth, but she spat them out anyway. If her tone was slightly off, well, Shining would hardly notice. He was already falling under her spell and would be putty in her hooves within a few days.

Chrysalis made it all the way to her room before a violent sneeze shook her body. Green flame erupted from her body and her disguise vanished, leaving her completely exposed. In a panic she hastily cast the illusion again and made certain that nopony had seen. The last thing she needed was for one of the palace staff to discover her true nature and go blabbing to one of the princesses.

“All better!” she assured herself. “Perhaps that pathetic oaf of a stallion was right; I have been working a little too hard lately.” Chrysalis began preparing for bed, brushing her teeth and paying special attention to her fangs. She removed her makeup, shined her hooves, and finally began brushing her mane in front of the vanity mirror.

The day was finally over, and the changeling queen allowed herself to relax. She hummed absently as she worked on her mane, a dreamy smile revealing fangs that sent her appearance plummeting into the uncanny valley. “This day is going to be perfect….”

Her nose began itching. “Uh oh.” Chrysalis sneezed and, once again, her disguise exploded into a green fireball. “This is going to be a problem,” she sighed, examining the lump of melted plastic that had once been a hairbrush.

Chrysalis decided that, since there was little she could do about her illness without calling undue attention to herself, she would get some rest. Everypony knew that getting plenty of rest was a great remedy for all sorts of illnesses. Hopefully she would feel better in the morning.

*****

Chrysalis woke to find that her disguise was still in place. She took a deep, cleansing breath of morning air and sighed happily. Whatever had troubled her the previous night had obviously cleared up on its own. Chrysalis sat up in bed as one of Cadance’s attendants knocked politely on the bedroom door. “Your breakfast iz ready, miss.”

“Bring it in!” Chrysalis called. She smiled as Duster brought in her usual meal. A tray balanced on the mare’s back held eggs, an English muffin, and oatmeal. Duster was a very bland pony; her dull brown coat and similarly colored mane left a lot to be desired, her special talent was unremarkable, and she was not graceful like a unicorn or lithe like a pegasus. Her figure was pleasant, but she was as boring as a pony could possibly get.

Still, Cadance had taken a liking to the little earth pony. They were good friends, despite the obvious problems that came from becoming too attached to an underling. Chrysalis had never understood the temptation to become friends with subordinates since they always ended up disappointing her within a few weeks. Then she’d have to behead them or think up an even worse punishment and feel dreadful about the entire ordeal for the rest of the day.

At least this one was mildly competent. “Vill zere be anysink else, miss?” Duster asked.

“I don’t think so,” Chrysalis said with a sleepy yawn. She tried to take an appreciative sniff of her eggs and discovered that her sinuses were becoming congested. A familiar itch was beginning to build in her nose. Chrysalis clenched her jaw and fought the sneeze as hard as she could, but it was a losing battle. “Y-you need to leave!” Chrysalis hissed. “Now! Go! Get ouh…hahh…haaAACHOO!”

Green light bathed the room as, once again, Chrysalis’ disguise collapsed. Her breakfast went up in flames along with a sizeable chunk of the bed. She stared dumbly at Duster for a moment, unsure of how to act now that she had sneezed away her cover.

Duster was likewise stunned, and Chrysalis decided to act before the mare had time to come to her senses. She leapt from the luxurious four poster bed and seized Duster’s head in her magic. She pulled the pony closer until they were staring into each other’s eyes. “You’re lucky that I can’t afford to leave a mess,” Chrysalis muttered as her eyes began to glow a sickly green. “Go to sleep. Forget what you saw.”

“I don’t…vanna.” Duster closed her eyes and went limp.

Chrysalis lugged the earth pony into Cadance’s huge closet and buried her beneath a pile of dresses. She concentrated on forming a new disguise, this time as a bland earth pony. Several minutes later, after she had donned the maid’s uniform and brushed away the soot, ‘Duster’ walked out of the royal bedchamber with the mostly undamaged serving tray balanced on her back.

As if fate itself was toying with her, Chrysalis trotted right into Shining Armor. “Oh!” he said with a pleasant smile. “Good morning, Duster. Is Cadance awake?”

Chrysalis did her best to smile innocently. “Noooo, she…uh, she iz no feelink vell. You go, yah?”

Shining raised an eyebrow. “She’s sick? Did she ask for medicine or a doctor? I could get the royal physician if-”

This time Chrysalis made sure to tone down her accent when she spoke. “No, she iz just resting. She asks not to be disturbed.”

“Oh, I see.” Shining said dejectedly. “I’ll come back when she’s feeling better. Tell her that I stopped by.” He trotted away at a brisk pace, obviously in a hurry to return to his duties. Chrysalis sagged with relief as she watched him go. “Nopony goes in,” she told the guard by the door. “Ze princess insists.”

Chrysalis casually trotted toward the kitchen to get rid of the serving tray. On the way she thought about what to do next. Sure, she could lie low until her cold subsided, but there was a lot of work to do before her wedding. She wanted everything to be perfect for the fall of Equestria, and she couldn’t afford to spend an entire day pretending to be laid up in her room. More importantly, somepony might decide to come and check on her. That would be a disaster.

Her stomach rumbled and reminded her that she hadn’t gotten to eat breakfast. Chrysalis decided that she might as well grab something to eat while she was returning the tray to the kitchen,.

A field of remarkably powerful magic pulled on her tail and stopped her in her tracks. “There you are!” Blueblood exclaimed. “Where have you been? The castle’s west wing is a shameful mess and I can’t get anypony to pay the slightest amount of attention to it!”

“B-But I vas just-”

“Silence!” Blueblood demanded. We’re going. Now.” He allowed Chrysalis a moment to catch her balance before setting off for the opposite side of the castle. Chrysalis followed meekly, cursing her luck and wondering what form of horribly gruesome torture she would reserve for this inbred fool of a prince. I think I'll eat him, she decided. That sounds like a good plan. The moment I'm in power, this fool is bug food.

After they were out of sight Blueblood underwent a strange transformation. He stopped next to a linen closet and threw the door open before shoving its contents aside to make room. “In here.” Chrysalis had no choice but to do as she was told. Acting out of character would have raised suspicion, but inwardly she seethed at the idea of moving even one inch closer to him.

She was shocked that Blueblood had picked Duster of all ponies for his illicit rendezvous. She wasn’t terribly attractive, and there were other mares in the castle that didn’t have anypony important to complain to. Duster was a close friend of Cadance, who was a force to be reckoned with in her own right even if she chose not to involve Celestia or Luna.

Blueblood shut the door and plunged them into darkness. “Sorry about the cramped quarters,” he whispered, and pulled her into a kiss. Chrysalis reluctantly played the part of an innocent mare that was being taken advantage of. It wasn’t the first time she’d been forced into such a role by picking the wrong disguise.

Blueblood finally pulled out of the kiss. “Is something wrong?” He asked. “You seem unhappy.”

What was that supposed to mean? Of course Duster wouldn’t be happy! Surely no mare in Equestria would put up with Blueblood willingly. He was a lout, a pig! He had to have something held against her, perhaps a shameful photograph or two hidden away somewhere. There was no other explanation.

It was time for an experiment. Chrysalis playfully bumped his nose with a hoof and rested against his admittedly impressive frame. “You just caught me off guard.”

Blueblood immediately relaxed. “My apologies. How is the princess treating you?”

“Like a workhorse,” Chrysalis griped. “She’s been so obsessed over that wedding lately that the rest of us are struggling to keep up. Not everypony has the endurance of an alicorn, you know.”

Blueblood planted a kiss on the end of her snout. “You may remember that I come close. You’ll handle it,” he assured her. “You always manage somehow. When will you be finished tonight?”

This was simply too much. Prince Blueblood, a true cad in public, was secretly a hopeless romantic carrying on an affair with one of the palace staff. Chrysalis was glad that it was too dark for him to see her face, because she couldn’t hide her smile. She was afraid that, if she allowed herself to laugh about it later, she might never stop.

“I don’t know,” Chrysalis said truthfully. She had no idea what sort of schedule Duster kept. Honesty, as her mother always said, was the best policy if you could be dishonest about it. “Whenever she’s finished with me, I suppose.”

“I see. If you manage to get away, I’ll be waiting.”

Chrysalis held him back when he tried to leave. She wasn’t quite done being amused. “May I ask you something?”

“I suppose, but make it quick. We shouldn’t be here for very long.”

“Why do you love me?”

“We talked about this,” Blueblood sighed. “Don’t you believe me?”

Chrysalis ran her hooves through his mane and put on her most seductive voice. Flirting was an art that she had spent centuries perfecting, and she was not shy about using her talents. “I do believe you, but I like hearing you say it.”

Crysalis opened herself to Blueblood’s emotions, figuring that she might as well have a snack since she’d missed breakfast. The torrent of adoration that assailed her caught her completely by surprise. It wasn’t as strong as the love Shining Armor had for Cadance, but it was no less pure.

Asking Blueblood why he was in love had been a mistake. He quickly began listing off Duster’s pleasing qualities, which evidently encompassed every single thing about her. Chrysalis was all for being amused, but this was getting tedious. “We really should be getting back,” she whispered tentatively. “Once more question?”

“Anything.”

“Why don’t we go public? We could get married and have a wedding of our own.”

Blueblood seemed shocked. “You know perfectly well why! I am expected to marry a princess, or at least some posh mare from a stuffy rich family. What if you lost your job, or were sent to work someplace else? We might never see each other again and I’d be roped into marriage to…well, who knows? She might be as bad as me!” He forced a laugh.

Chrysalis put on her best I’m-disappointed-but-I-still-love-you voice. “I understand.” Blueblood hugged her and she leaned her muzzle against his neck, just as a frightened mare would in such a situation. His mane, a bit long for a stallion, began to tickle her nose. “You should probably step back,” she warned.

“What's the matter?” Blueblood asked. “Did I say something wrong? Are you angry?”

“No, but you might get burned.”

Moments later Prince Blueblood stepped out of the closet amidst and avalanche of towels, washcloths, and other toiletries. He lifted the mess up in a field of emerald magic and tried to place it neatly back where it belonged. The real Blueblood mumbled incoherently from the back of the closet. Chrysalis placed the final few towels on top of him and made sure that he was properly hidden from sight. “Goodnight sweet prince!” she giggled, imagining all the trouble she could cause with what she’d learned.

Now that she was no longer hungry Chrysalis was free to think of where she would go next. Shining Armor had mentioned a royal physician, which sounded like her best bet. With a spring in her step and a smile on her disguised lips Chrysalis set off for the infirmary.

She didn’t make it very far. The castle’s walls and ceiling shook as a deafening sound knocked her flat on her face. It took Chrysalis a moment to realize that the sound was a voice, and that it was addressing her. “Fair nephew!” Princess Luna thundered. “Thy presence is requested!”

No! Chrysalis thought in a panic. She desperately looked around for somewhere to hide, but hiding was no longer an option. She had no choice but to play the part and hope that Luna wouldn’t notice anything amiss. She followed the princess of the night to her personal quarters, trying all the while to get into character. I am smug. I am selfish. I am a total buffoon. Okay, I can do this.

Chrysalis cleared her throat importantly and tried to toss her mane in a self-obsessed way. “What is it now, auntie?” she asked, her voice dripping with disdain.

“We have a new charge for you!” Luna shouted. She waited for Chrysalis to pick herself up off the floor and smiled apologetically. “We are sorry for deafening you. Ours is an old habit and hard to break. Sister has requested an assembly of delegates from Saddle Arabia. We would ask that you conduct the expedition yourself.”

Why would she ask Blueblood to go on a diplomatic mission? Chrysalis wondered. He’s the least diplomatic pony ever! He has the worst manners in all of Equestria, counting the barnyard animals and most of the vermin. His ego is so big that it has its own, slightly smaller ego! If personal pride had mass-

“You may also wish to take a servant. This assignment may require an extended stay abroad. We do not wish you to be terribly uncomfortable…or lonely.” She winked slyly and levitated a letter from her desk. “These are the requests that our Sister has set forth. Review them.”

Chrysalis accepted the letter and tucked it into her collar. “I’ll think about it,” she muttered. Luna seemed content with her answer and allowed her to leave. Chrysalis hurried away, trying to think of where she could find the royal physician. She couldn't ask somepony in her current state; Blueblood was a notorious hypochondriac and it would seem strange that he couldn't find his own way.

There was an easy solution, if she was willing to take the risk. Chrysalis ran to Blueblood’s quarters, tossed the letter onto his desk, and prepared to change her shape. She sneezed halfway through the first spell and had to try it again to get the result she wanted.

Several minutes after Blueblood had entered his quarters a different pony left them. He was a white pegasus, newly appointed to the royal guard and still learning his way around. Nopony would think it strange that he couldn’t find the royal physician without help.

Chrysalis wasted no time. She stopped a passing servant and asked for directions, trying to look as much like a lost puppy as possible. It seemed to work, and she hurried away before anything else could delay her.

*****

The royal physician was an ancient little stallion, half blind and stone deaf. His medicines were mixed with shaky hooves from bottles that were seldom labeled. His weak eyes meant that, even if he remembered to label his medicine, he could hardly read it.

Chrysalis found it hard to believe that such a helpless pony could mix Kool-Aid properly, let alone medicine. It took her at least ten minutes to communicate what she wanted, and another ten for him to find the right ingredients to mix. She was seriously starting to consider calling off the entire invasion, and it would all be because of one hopelessly inept pony unable to understand that she wanted a cure for her sneezes and not a splint for one of her legs.

Finally, it was done. Chrysalis accepted a bottle of chalky tablets and thanked the old stallion for his help. She tucked them under her snowy white wings and made for her room. Getting in was surprisingly easy; she told the guards that she was delivering Cadance’s medicine, left the bottle on her nightstand, and walked back out of the room. She then made sure that nopony was watching before flying in through the window and assuming her old disguise once again.

It was good to be royalty again. Chrysalis flopped down in a chair next to her bed and took a closer look at her medicine.

The tablets were irregularly shaped. Some were bigger than others, some were different colors, and some looked more like pebbles than pills. Hopefully these won’t poison me, she thought unhappily. When I’m in control, that physician is the first to go. I’m not even angry, I just can’t let him accidentally murder anypony that comes to him for help.

Chrysalis heard a noise from her closet and remembered Duster. Duster and Blueblood, sitting in a tree. Chrysalis giggled when Duster stumbled out of the closet, blinded by a dress that had somehow become draped over her head. K-I-S-S-I-N-THE BED!

Chrysalis lifted the mattress with her magic and flipped it over to hide the burns just as Duster freed herself from her fabric prison. “Vhat has happened?” she asked drowsily.

Honesty is the best policy if you can be dishonest about it. “You fell asleep in my closet,” Chrysalis said. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I think so, yes.” Duster tried to straighten her uniform only to find it missing. “Or perhaps not. So sorry, Mizz Cadance. Perhaps I should see ze royal physician, no?”

“That would be a good idea.” Chrysalis said. “Just make sure to explain exactly what you want as loudly as possible. Repetition might be necessary.” They shared a laugh, and Chrysalis felt Duster’s affection top off her already full belly.

Chrysalis decided to have a little fun before bed. “Blueblood was looking for you,” she said casually. “My guards had trouble turning him away. You know how pushy he can be.”

“Y-Yes, I do.” Duster cleared her throat awkwardly. “May I ask why?”

“I wasn’t really paying attention. He said something about wanting somepony to polish his shower curtain rod. Honestly, he can be so pathetic at times. It’s a wonder that he can dress himself in the morning.”

Chrysalis could see the exact moment that Duster finished puzzling through the innuendo. “I-I must go,” the maid said timidly. “Sleep well, Miss Cadance.” She hurriedly trotted away, cheeks burning red and ears drooping in shame as though the entire world could see all of her carefully guarded secrets.

After shutting the door and making sure that she wouldn’t be interrupted Chrysalis took her medicine. She then brushed her mane, cleaned her fangs, and preened her wings. She went to bed still thinking about Blueblood and Duster. This day wasn't perfect, but it could have been worse, she reflected. At least it was entertaining.

Her nose began to tingle and her eyes watered. Not again! She thought frantically. She at least had the presence of mind to leap out of bed lest her transformation cause another burn.

Her sneeze wasn’t accompanied by a flash of green fire. Instead a glob of luminous green goo splattered her dresser. In seconds it hardened into a tough, translucent shell. Great, she thought. How am I supposed to hide this?

*****

I wanted to do something silly and lighthearted, so here it is. No idea when something else will be up, but surely it won't be too long.

I know that people like to think of Blueblood as being a huge jerk, but I saw him in a different way: he seems to be afraid of a relationship. Maybe he's afraid of being pushed into a relationship that he doesn't want. Or he's secretly a superhero. I think I like that explanation almost as much as the affair with the maid.