It was a decision she did not make lightly, nor was it a decision she spent many days and nights pondering over. No, nothing that complex or thought-provoking. Simplicity would easily describe her meanderings on the subject. A pony with perhaps too much time on her hooves. She had given this idea time to come to fruition, for it certainly was not a decision to be rash with.
When did this thought enter her mind? She could not tell. Such a silly thing, time. So straightforward and unyielding. Forever seemed like a curiosity now rather than an endearing quality a pony might attribute to their love for another. She actually gave out a laugh. Listen to her. All this time spent thinking was finding her coming up with the most ridiculous musings she had ever heard. The soft, chilly grass cradled her in a blanket of memories. Laughter from more pleasant times echoed around her, playing softly on the breath of the night wind.
She sat up and felt the kiss of the breeze rush past. Had she been wearing her hat, it would surely have sailed away on invisible hooves. But not now. Applejack used to wear it and she was not her. Applejack was strong, brave, kind, and never quit. None of those traits belonged to her.
Silently she strode through the fields which once beheld a grand display of Ponyville's prized produce. What a nice place it used to be. Surely if Applejack were still around, she could do something. Fate never was very kind to her. Times were happy enough, but why must it always end? It is a question without an answer, or at least an answer she was willing to accept. Without even realizing it, a few sparkles slid down her cheeks and caught in the wind.
Her gaze drifted around as she walked. Barren trees with cracked bark and frail branches littered the landscape. Dusty and rough trails wound around in a playful pattern, the main traveling straight from the once-bright home to the town of Ponyville. She walked and she thought. It was easy for her mind to wander these days. Applejack's mind didn't wander; her head was always calm and focused. It was simply more proof Applejack was gone.
“Applejack...” Rarity started, but could not find the right words to continue with. She expected as much. In truth, she didn't know what to expect Rarity to say. “You can't be... serious.” Worry and confusion barely described Rarity's expression. Usually so eloquent and refined with her choice of words, now the unicorn had barely the vocabulary to vocalize her racing thoughts and fears.
“Yup, I'm serious all right.” She smiled at Rarity with as much warmth as she could muster. It was true, she was serious. Everything made sense now.
“You-you can't possibly expect me to allow this!” Rarity halfheartedly threatened. She looked Rarity in the eyes to show the unicorn just how much this meant to her. She knew she was being selfish. Applejack was not selfish; just more proof of the mare she once knew being gone forever. “Applejack, please!” Though still lost with no understanding, Rarity could see the sincerity from her friend.
“Please stop, Rarity.” She turned her head slightly to face a mirror. The orange pony looking back was such a stranger. “I'm not her.” Rarity was speechless. Words proved quite the elusive prey it seemed as she stuttered frantically, her eyes darting all around looking for some object that held all the right things to say.
She turned to leave Rarity for the last time. The unicorn blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “If you aren't Applejack, then who? Who are you then?!” It sounded a bit like a challenge. Rarity was challenging her deny herself. Perhaps the unicorn thought she was not fully convinced on her course of action. Silly Rarity.
Right as she was about to slip out of Carousel Boutique, she turned her head back around to catch another glimpse of Rarity. Her smile still hung on her face without a sliver of doubt. “Heh, I guess I'm just ready to go is all. No more to it.” The white unicorn stood motionless, no strength left to argue. Her misted eyes called to her, begging her to reconsider, pleading for her to stop. A closing door was her only response.
She walked around her homestead. Never inside, although she had gotten as close as the front door. Now was not the time for second guessing this decision. Twilight had done enough of that for her. So young in heart Twilight was. It was cruel of her to tell Twilight. Hay, it was cruel of her to tell her friends at all. But she wanted each of them to know there was nothing they could do or say which could dissuade her from her path. She needed to let them know this was what she wanted and ultimately her choice to make. They were such good friends. There was no way she'd let the chance they'd blame themselves happen. Applejack may be gone, but that didn't mean she didn't care for her friends anymore.
All this thinking made her chuckle a little to herself as she crept into the barn. These thoughts swam around her and she felt old all of a sudden. She had such little meaning anymore. How naïve she had been. Time passed her by and it took her this long to realize what should have been easy to understand. If only things were always easy to understand. For the longest time, things around the farm didn't seem right.
Sure she had tried her hardest to keep it going. But something was different. Loneliness was prevalent on Sweet Apple Acres. Granny had passed on. Bic Mac was hit hard by that and he decided to leave for time to think. Such a wonderful brother, he deserved have time to himself. Her sister finally found her cutie mark. What a fond memory that was. Hearing her sister laugh and hold a smile large enough to make Pinkie jealous is a picture that will never fade. Her talent was not so useful for farm labor, though. And soon, she could see how painful remaining at the farm was to her little sister. Apple Bloom only stayed there to be with her. It was her fault Apple Bloom was sad.
She did what she needed to do for her sister's sake. She told Apple Bloom to leave. Of course, her kind-hearted sister refused to abandon her. However, she promised to ask her friends for help on the farm and when Applebuck Season came around, she'd write to Apple Bloom asking her to come home to help with the harvest. It was the solitary good fib she'd told in her entire life. A lie certainly was easier for Apple Bloom to take right then and her sister happily left with a glistening grin.
The farm was much harder to manage on her own than she'd imagined. Such a shame it took her so long to figure out the truth. Her friends did offer to help her out when it was obvious she was over-working too much once more. However, this time the truth dawned on her. She rejected their help, but stopped working. It was pointless. From the whispers of the earth, she could finally understand. The farm was decaying. To other ponies, the farm was a blossom which would never wilt. But it was not the rich soil or warming rays of sunshine that kept the farm in such a splendid condition. It was the love and unity of the family that resided there which kept the orchard healthy. Now with its source of growth gone, Sweet Apple Acres was dying.
She explained as best as she could to her friends the revelation. She could only sigh that none of them truly understood. But they were always supportive of her, despite her failure. Her cutie mark had symbolized her place. She belonged on the farm with her loving family, keeping the ground fertile and the trees healthy. Applejack did such a fine job keeping everything together. Now Applejack was nowhere to be found.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had thought her ill at first. What a funny idea. In fact, all her friends were convinced something was wrong with her. Such nice friends to care so deeply for a failure of a pony. She had let the farm die. She had let the bond of her family die. And she had let Applejack die as well.
Was she depressed? No. True, she was upset things had gone the way they had, however, she felt perfectly fine in her mind. She was content to go. There was no sadness remaining. Nothing was left behind within her when Applejack had died.
She sat in the middle of the barn. Her friends would be angry with her she had slipped out of Fluttershy's cottage. They would not let her leave as Twilight sent a letter to Princess Celestia asking for help. None of them would accept what she knew she needed to do. She was never very graceful, but she had managed to quietly sneak away. It would not be long before they noticed and came running. Maybe she shouldn't have told them about the black berry.
It was a strange occurrence when she happened upon the small, deadly fruit one evening while contemplating what to do with her useless life. She knew a little about fruits and berries and this one was famous for its poison. A poison which tasted sweeter than zap-apple jam. It held the pony in an embrace and did not relent. It was not instant, but it did take hold fairly quickly. And there was no cure. Perhaps she was simply imagining things, but she felt the farm crying for her. Her home was dying and it was asking her to come with it. The orchard itself had found the solution to her dilemma and was offering it to her kindly. Without hesitation, she stashed the berry inside the barn, in a small, brown sack in the middle.
Everything was quiet. The world hushed as one nameless pony who used to be worth something lifted death to her muzzle. Right as her mouth closed around the solution to her dreary feelings, the barn door creaked open. Her head snapped over to see a large red stallion and a smaller, cream-colored pony...
Or at least, that is what she would have liked to see. How nice it would have been had her family come back to help her. Maybe even Applejack could have revived with their love. Times would have been good again with plenty of laughs and smiles to keep the orchard in pristine condition. But as she expected of fate by now, it was only the wind of a lost time. Such a silly thing, time. She swallowed and felt peace greet her as she laid down. The images of the world began to blur together. Everything was going to be fine now. Finally, time stopped making sense and forever became instant.
Only one strange thing confused her. Small droplets of rain fell next to quite a few sets of colored hooves. Cyan, pink, white, yellow, white again with golden horse-shoes, and lavender. How could she forget?
She never even apologized for making them sad. What a terrible pony she was. Her voice was so weak, but she hoped they heard her. “Sorry y'all... I'm just... not as strong as... Applejack... was. She... was lucky... to have... such nice... friends...”
Author's Note
This story was not planned. It was the result of me listening to sad violin music and deciding to write a sad story. I simply opened up a text doc, chose my character (of course it's her, she's my favorite pony!), and just wrote what came to mind. I remembered seeing the picture a while back and thought it would fit nicely.
