The Conversion Bureau - How I Learned to Teach Newfoals

by Berry Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe
Length: 9743

Juicy Fruit is sent to earth to teach newly converted ponies but who is teaching who?

Juicy Fruit is sent to Earth to teach the newly converted ponies. But she finds herself learning as much as her students. Originally written in a single day for The Speed Fic Event.

Published 2012-01-25 20:38:19 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-07 22:36:01 UTC

Chapter 1

﻿Title: How I Learned to Teach Newfoals

Author: Berry Pony

"Huh, what?"

"Juicy Fruit, you're being reassigned. You will report to the Bronx Conversion Bureau tomorrow."

I stared at the head of the Ponyville Weather Services. The old blue pegasus closed my folder and looked at me.

"But why?"

"Orders from Celestia."

"Celestia? But I've never met the princess! She doesn't even know I'm alive!"

The old blue pegasus opened my folder again. "Let's see now. One year ago at Running of the Leaves, you were seen crashed out on a hillside, exhausted. The princess was attending and caught sight of you. She wanted to know who the blitzed-out mare was.”

"Hay," I protested, "I was pushing myself to win and just ran out of energy at the end. But come on now. Being tired is no reason to send me to this... Bronx Conversion place."

"There’s also the drinking," the pegasus added, picking up a piece of paper. "Celestia has received reports that a plum-colored mare with a mulberry mane has been seen imbibing around Ponyville. This pony has a strawberry and grapes cutie mark. Sound familiar?"

I glanced at my own strawberry and grapes cutie mark.

"The princess feels that a stint working in the Conversion Bureau," said the blue pegasus, "will help make a better pony out of you." He flipped the paper across towards me.

I glanced at the paper. "There's got to be some mistake! Ah, wait a sec! Celestia's made a mistake. She's been hearing about Berry Punch, not me! Berry has the same plum-colored coat and mulberry mane as me but she's an earth pony." I flared my wings, "not a pegasus."

"You want to tell Celestia that she's made a mistake?" the blue pegasus asked. "Do you want to be banished for thousand years to Mount Snowsmore?"

Far to the north, with winds over 120 miles per hour and temperatures always below freezing, the station at Mount Snowsmore is the worst place for a weather pegasus to be assigned. I shivered. "It's not fair. I don't see why I have to go to this Bronx place."

The blue pegasus pushed the paper towards me. "Juicy, it won't be forever. Go to this Conversion Bureau, learn what you can and come back."

I picked up the paper and slipped it into my saddlebags. Tomorrow would find me at a conversion bureau

Early the next morning, I stood on a beach in Equestria. My few belongings were packed in my saddlebags. Around me, earth ponies and unicorns were unloading carts and stacking boxes. A unicorn stood on small dais, directing the traffic.

"Excuse me," I said as I trotted up to the unicorn, "but where do I go?"

"Let me see your papers," the unicorn snapped.

I reached around and pulled out my orders.

"Bronx Conversion Bureau," he mused after reading my orders. "You will find the personnel and supplies for that site waiting over there." He lifted a hoof and pointed at a place halfway down the beach.

"Thank you," I said as I took back my orders. Then I looked around at the boxes and bundles. "Supplies?" I asked, "Why are we bringing so many supplies?"

The unicorn paused. "I've heard that humans have so polluted their world that nopony can eat anything or drink anything from there."

"Humans?"

The unicorn stared at me. "You don't have any idea of what's happening, do you?"

"Nope. I just got orders to report to the Bronx Conversion Bureau."

"Go!" the unicorn sighed. "Perhaps the Bronx Conversion Bureau can fill you in.I've got my work here, trying to bring order out of chaos. Off with you!"

Chastised, I wandered up the beach to the place where I was told to wait. There was nopony else there but several pallets of apples and a crate of some purplish fluid in small bottles.

After a while, a cyan unicorn and a green earth pony showed up. "Is this the 10 AM shipment to the Bronx?" the cyan unicorn asked her partner. "Is everything ready?"

The green earth pony nodded.

The cyan unicorn took a stick from her saddlebag and began drawing a circle around the crates and me.

"Those P42X vials," the green pony said, "it'd be better if the pegasus carried them. We don't want anything broken in transport."

"Are you saying my teleport spell isn't safe?" the cyan unicorn said after spitting out the stick.

"Ummm," the green pony started, "better safe than sorry."

"Teleport?" I began.

The cyan unicorn's horn began to glow and the crate of purplish fluids rose and settled on my back. "Now, hold tight," she warned.

"Teleport spell? What's this about a teleport spell?" I demanded.

The cyan unicorn's horn began to glow again.

"It's too dangerous for you or supplies to fly directly to the Bronx. That's why we're going to teleport you directly into the conversion bureau building," the green pony said.

"Dangerous?" I started to say. Then the world twisted and the beach fell away. I spread out my wings to catch myself when I crash-landed on a smooth floor, my hooves sliding away from underneath me and my breath knocked out of me.

"Oh good," a voice said, "they finally sent us a pegasus."

I was still trying to catch my breath as the crate of P42X was lifted from my back. When my eyes were able to focus again, I saw a yellow unicorn stallion giving orders.

"Take the ponification serum to the head technician's office," said the yellow unicorn, "and sweep up this loose sand. Finally, we're in business!" Then the yellow unicorn peered at me. "My name is Golden Circle. I'm the director of this conversion bureau. And you are?

"Juicy... Juicy Fruit," I said weakly.

"Welcome to the Bronx Conversion Bureau. You'll be in charge of teaching the newfoals how to fly. Teaching Flight Class 101."

"Newfoals?" I asked as I stood up again and stretched my wings.

Golden Circle sighed. "How much do you know what the conversion bureau does?"

"Nothing. A day ago, I was busy herding rain clouds over Ponyville."

"Right. Okay. I guess the best way to start is to attend one of my standard introductory lectures. I'll be giving one this afternoon. This will give you time to get settled in. Desert Rose!"

"Yes?" said a young tan-colored earth pony, putting down her broom.

"Take care of Juicy's paperwork, show her to her quarters and teach her where she can find the cafeteria, the lecture room and the greenhouse out back." Then Golden Circle turned to me. "I should warn you," he said, "not to fly anywhere outside of this building. I know how you pegasi are - but it simply isn't safe to be outside."

A few hours later, I was standing outside the lecture room. Golden Circle smiled reassuringly at me and pushed his way into the room. Several other ponies from the staff followed. I swallowed hard and walked in.

Golden Circle stood facing thirty creatures sitting in chairs. The staff ponies gathered to the side, smiling and putting up a brave face. This was my first time that I had a chance to see humans. The initial impression I had of them was that anything that tall had to fall over - or spend all their time thinking about not falling over. I now understood why everything in the conversion bureau seemed made to a gigantic scale. They didn't vary much in color but wore an astounding variety of clothes. They smelled of old meat, burnt weeds and machines.

Golden Circle walked up to the podium and waited for the audience to be quiet. He started by greeting the humans and explained why they had come to the conversion bureau. He told them how the human race could not continue on their current path and how the ponies could help them. Humans could not handle the magic coming from Equestria so becoming a pony is crucial to surviving the peaceful aura radiating from Equestria. "Our plans are to ponify you, the sooner the better. Trust me, it's easier than it looks. Expect this to happen when you least expect it. Thank you."

The room broke into scattered applause.

"If you have any questions," Golden Circle added, "please come up and ask our staff."

Several humans stood up and approached the front of the room. Two of them walked up to me. I cast a quick glance at the staff door and tried to quell my rising panic. My wings rose and spread.

"What's it like to fly?" the taller human asked.

"Cool! I've never seen a flying pony before," added the shorter and probably female human.

"Fly?" I looked over at the other staff ponies but they each had their own audience. "It's just something I do," I stammered nervously. "I never thought about it before."

"I wanted to fly but my eyesight wasn't good enough," the taller human said. "That was before they fully automated flight and took humans out of the cockpit."

Eyesight? Automated flight? Cockpit? None of those words made any sense.

"Jason wants to fly so bad," the smaller human added. "He wants to be a flying pony when he's ponified. I'll be happy with any type of pony. But, tell me, do ponies of different types - I mean a regular pony and a flying pony - can they make out? If not, I also want to be a flying pony - but the ones with a horn can do magic and I think they look cool."

"I don't know anything about the ponification process," I began. "Perhaps Golden Circle can explain that part." I looked up at the taller human. "If you do become a pegasus - that's the right term for us 'flying ponies' - you'll be in my class and I'll teach you everything there is about flying."

"And as for different types of ponies," I said, turning to the smaller human, "there's many a relationship between earth ponies, pegasi and unicorns." I looked over at the director. "But look, you can ask Golden Circle yourself about the ponification process."

As they wandered off, I made my retreat through the staff door. Outside the lecture room, I shook out my wings and took a deep breath.

"Is that your first meeting with humans?" asked Desert Rose, putting down her broom.

I nodded.

"A bit overwhelming and a bit demanding?"

"Yep."

"You'll get used to it," said Desert Rose. "They really aren't that bad, once you get to know them. And once we ponify them, they aren't as imposing or smell so strongly." She picked up her broom and trotted away from me.

I trotted into the cafeteria, requested a whole grain apple salad and took my tray to a table to enjoy.

"Can I join you?" Desert Rose asked.

I waved her to my table and dropped my muzzle back into the salad bowl.

"We should be getting our first newfoals this morning."

"Newfoals?" I asked.

Desert Rose raised her head to look at me. "I keep forgetting that this is all new to you. Newfoals are we call humans that have completed their ponification process. Really, we can't call them humans anymore - they're ponies now. We have to take the newfoals and teach them how to fit into Equestria, to truly become earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi."

"I don't know. I'd think that a human-"

"They are ponies now!" Desert Rose insisted. "They might be unable to keep up in a field, unable to cast magic from their horns or to fly, but that's something that can be taught. We teach our own foals, don't we?"

"That is-"

"You will be teaching the newfoal pegasi. Do you want a group of pegasi with dusty coats and feathers dropping from their wings, walking everywhere in Equestria? Do you?"

"Never!" I snorted.

Desert Rose smiled. "Who knows? Some of those newfoals might yet surprise you."

The cafeteria doors slammed open and a white pegasus with a blue mane came in running, slipping and sliding her way past the tables to come crashing in a heap near the windows. She started to get onto her hooves, lost her balance, fell, and turned over a nearby table of hay fries and dandelion sandwiches.

Everyone else, both pony and human stood up and applauded.

"I think that's your first student," Desert Rose said.

The white pegasus sat up on her hindquarters, looking around sheepishly.

I walked over to the white pegasus. "Welcome to the ranks of the pegasi. First class is in the greenhouse after lunch. Be there!"

The First Lesson

How I learned to Teach NewFoals – The First Lesson

By Berry Pony

The Bronx Conversion Bureau cafeteria was a cavernous room on the ground floor with large plate glass windows. In the light of a pale gray sky, the windows showed a view of the wall of the adjoining building. Ponies and humans found themselves dining in a small corner of the echoing space.

I was licking out the bottom of my bowl of apple salad when Golden Circle stepped up to our table. The yellow unicorn glanced over at Desert Rose and turned back to me.

“Juicy Fruit?” he began. “I don't know if Desert Rose filled you in but we have been given several human volunteers to help us with the Conversion Bureau.”

The tan earth pony looked up from her plate of alfalfa spouts and rolled oats. “Not yet, Director. I still have to go over the rest of the paperwork with Juicy Fruit, assign her living quarters and fill out a Form H-15B Work Visa.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Human... volunteers?” I asked. My wings rose in concern.

“Human volunteers. There are only eight of us ponies here at the Bureau and with everything going on, we needed the additional help. One of them is waiting in the lobby even now,” Golden Circle said. “I want you to go over there and introduce yourself. Come now.”

I took the tray in my teeth, walked over and dropped it onto the dirty dishes stack and then followed Golden Circle out of the cafeteria. We left the cafeteria and turned down the hallway towards the lobby.

“Ah, there you are,” said a pink unicorn with a golden mane and tail, stepping out to block our way. “I'm so disappointed in you, Director. You used the standard speech.”

“Well... it is the speech that Twilight Sparkle wrote herself,” Golden Circle started.

The pink unicorn looked upset. “Have you really read the thing? 'Our plans are to ponify you, the sooner the better,' to quote you in the meeting.” She stamped her hoof. “You're going to scare the humans into doing something stupid.”

“Juicy Fruit,” Golden Circle interrupted. “I'd like to introduce you to Daybreak. She's the unicorn in charge of the ponification process. She is also the one responsible for requisition and procurement of supplies. Daybreak,” turning back to the pink unicorn, “Juicy Fruit will be in charge of teaching our new pegasi.”

“Charmed, I'm sure, “ Daybreak quickly said to me before tearing into the director again. “You know as well as I do that Equestria and this world are merging but the process will take hundreds of years – maybe a few thousand years. 'Expect this to happen when you least expect it' my flank.”

“But -”

Daybreak advanced on the flustered director. “We are going to rewrite that speech – explaining that we provide an option to humans looking for a better life. A life with new opportunities, choices and adventure. A life that includes flying pegasi, magical unicorns and powerful earth ponies. Clean skies and clear waters. That kind of thing.”

“But,” the yellow unicorn protested. “We're going to take over their world. Humans can't survive in Equestria -”

“Hundreds of years,” Daybreak interrupted. “Maybe a few thousand years. Equestria is expanding very slowly. Humans have plenty of time if they don't wipe themselves out in massive fighting or die out from pollution or something. We - ponies and humans - are going to be living and working together for a long time. And maybe even, given enough time... the horse will learn to sing.”

“Huh,” I said, “Singing horses?”

“It's a human story from long ago,” Daybreak answered. “Long ago, a human had broken some law – I think he was a thief - and was captured by his king – or caliph – or shah. The sources aren't clear. Anyway, before the king could sentence him to death – the humans are so bloodthirsty – the thief said 'Give me a year and I'll teach your horse to sing.' The king amused, granted the thief a year to teach his horse to sing. So everyday, the thief was in the barn trying to teach the horse to sing. Friends came by and asked the thief, 'Why are you doing this? Horses can't sing.' The thief replied, 'Who knows? I may die. The king may die. And perhaps, the horse will learn to sing.' The moral is that with time, solutions may be found. Time which we don't want to shorten with alarmist speeches.“

“Daybreak has been studying human stories and history since she arrived here,” said Golden Circle, trying to change the subject. “She's even written a short paper on 'An Introduction to the Human World for Equestrian Ponies.'

Daybreak reached into her saddlebags with her magic and pulled out a thick sheaf of loose papers. “Here is a copy.” The papers floated over to me. “You'll find them useful in understanding humans.”

I reached out to the papers, grabbed them with my teeth and tucked them under my wing. “Thank you.”

Daybreak turned back to the director. “I'll be in my office. We'll work on the speech now. Are you coming?” She trotted off.

Golden Circle hung his head and looked back in my direction. “Juicy Fruit, you'll meet with your volunteer? In the lobby? I'm going to be... busy for a time.”

I nodded.

The director followed the pink unicorn down the hallway.

I turned and trotted into a vast expanse of space. Other than a white unicorn with a green mane at the reception desk, the only one in the large lobby was a female human sitting in one of the waiting chairs. The female human stood up as I entered. Darker in color than most of the humans I had met at the meeting, she had dark brown skin, black hair and brown eyes. Crossing the lobby with big steps, she stopped in front of me, leaned down and said, “Oh my god, are all you ponies this colorful?”

“Huh?” I stuttered as I jumped backwards, my wings ready to take flight. The sheaf of papers I had tucked under a wing, fluttered all over the floor.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I'm beginning to think that all ponies are bright, pastel colors like you. Let me try again. My name is May Howard and I'm a student of cultural anthropology at CUNY – that's the City University of New York – and I'm going to be your volunteer. So, anyway, happy to be here.” She put out a hand.

I looked at May's hand.

“I guess that you're not familiar with our culture.” she laughed. “We shake hands – or hooves, perhaps – when we get introduced to someone.”

I gingerly put out a hoof and let May take a hold of it. Her hand felt soft and clingy as it wrapped itself around my hoof. It was also surprisingly warm.

She shook it. “At this point, you say your name. It's expected.”

“Juicy Fruit...” I said, “My name is Juicy Fruit.”

She let my hoof go. “That's good. Hand-shaking is an old human custom. It shows that you have no weapons in your hands. No weapons means that you come in peace.” May smiled and straightened up again. “I've met ponies and helped a unicorn with writing a quick guide to humans for ponies – ah, I see you have it already. But I've never met met a flying pony before.”

“I'm a pegasus,” I snapped. I started to look around for the pages of Daybreak's guide.

“Here, let me help you,” May said. “After all, I volunteered to help you ponies.” She started to gather the various pages together. “It's odd to see information written down like this. We – that is, us humans only use paper for ephemeral purposes. Tissue paper, toilet paper, towels – that kind of stuff. Everything else we put onto tablets.”

I paused in my hunt for pages. “Toilet paper? What's that?”

May looked nonplussed for a moment, then broke out laughing. “I guess you ponies wouldn't need toilet paper.” She fished another page from underneath a chair and added it to her stack. “It's a thin sheet of paper that you use to... in the bathroom. But tablets are much nicer. You never lose anything, you can store a whole library of information on them and this is the nicest part – your pages are always in order. Here, let me show you mine.”

May sat down on a chair and reached into her bag to pull out something that looked like a thin book. It apparently had no binding, title or pages. She pressed something on the side and an image appeared on the cover. “Here, to start it up, you run your finger across the screen. Try it with your hoof,” she said, holding it out.

I hopped into the neighboring chair and raised my hoof. “Like this?” as I dragged my hoof tip across the screen.

Nothing happened that I could see. I tried again and again. Then I changed fore-hooves and tried with my other hoof. “I can't make it work.” I said as I prepared to push on the screen harder.

“Wait,” May said quickly. “Let me see. Too much pressure on the screen will break the tablet.” She rescued her tablet from me and ran her finger across the device. A chime ran softly, the screen cleared, and showed a image of books and file folders. “I guess the thing requires the touch of real human skin to activate. Sorry, Juicy Fruit. I guess I know why ponies prefer real books and real paper.”

I glanced at the tablet's clock and panicked. “Oh, no, my lesson. I have to give my first lesson in the greenhouse. Like right now.”

May turned off her tablet and handed me her stack of pages. I snatched the pages from her hand with my mouth, dropped them on the chair with the other pages, and after checking to see that I had all the loose pages, took the sheaf of pages and tucked them under my wing again. Then I turned to head to the greenhouse.

May easily kept up with me, her long strides matching my trotting legs. “I'm really excited to be working with ponies. You know, I'm working on a paper, studying you all. Margaret Mead, eat your heart out,” she laughed. “She only worked with Samoan natives when she wrote her famous book. I'm going to be working with a completely different, non-human species. Woooo!” She grinned.

We turned the corner, passed the entrance to the cafeteria and down a broad hallway. “If you're going to be studying us,” I said as I trotted along. “why not become a pony?”

“I've considered it,” May said slowly. “First of all, as you've seen, ponies can't use tablets. All of the research materials are now online. Almost of the books, all of the journals, all of the movies and music can only be accessed with a device like I have. There's a few real books or records or discs left – but they are mostly for the collectors. Too expensive for a student like myself.” She laughed. “I'd be reinventing the science of anthropology from scratch if I went pony. Would it even be anthropology? What's the name of the study of ponies? Hippopology?”

We pushed our way through a pair of double doors to arrive in a green field of grass. Tall trees surrounded the meadow and hid the panes of glass of the greenhouse. Bright lights hung from the rafters and lit the field, providing more light than the gray, murky skies above. Behind us, the double doors swung shut.

“Besides, there's the whole question of becoming a pony,” May continued. “I'm not sure that you are same person as before. What changes? How can I be sure -” She stopped and looked around. “Wow... you ponies know how to make a place nice.”

At the far end, I spotted a small group of pegasi and humans waiting. “May, excuse me, I think that's my class,” I said as I took Daybreak's guide in my mouth, spread my wings and took to the air to land in front of the class.

There were three new pegasi in the class including the white pegasus with the blue mane that made such a memorable debut in the cafeteria earlier. The two humans were Jason who wanted to fly and his girlfriend. I put the guide down and turned to the class. “Welcome to Flight 101.”

May arrived, running across the open field to stand nearby.

I had no idea what to say next. “Welcome... to Flight... 101,” I repeated slowly. Now what?

The First Lesson - Continued

How I learned to Teach NewFoals – The First Lesson Continued.

By Berry Pony

“Welcome... to Flight... 101,” I repeated slowly. My mind was suddenly blank.

I was standing in a grassy field in a large greenhouse attached to the Bronx Conversion Bureau.
Outside the greenhouse, the wind blew ominous black clouds across the sky. The rafters creaked and the glass panes rattled. Inside, I eyed my eager students. Before me were three new pegasi that didn't yet know how to fly. Then, there were two humans, Jason and his girlfriend, who wanted to observe. In addition, standing nearby was my human volunteer, May Howard, who was there to assist me.

“Err, excuse me for a moment.” I said quickly. I backed away from my class and sidled over to May. Raising my left wing to screen us from the view of the class, I looked at May. “What do I say? What do I do? I've been so busy with moving from Equestria to this place and getting all settled in – I completely forgot what I was sent here to do.”

“I don't know anything about flying,” May began, putting down her tablet. “Wait a moment. You know flying... but you don't know how to teach it. Hmm... how did you learn to fly?”

“I don't really remember. It just seemed that I always knew how to fly. At first, I wasn't very fast. I couldn't fly very far. Every year, my mother would send me to summer flight camp to learn to fly faster, and further. My teacher at flight camp was an old mare that formerly served with the Royal Equestrian Guards. Sergeant Lightning Storm was a strict, and exacting instructor. She yelled at us a lot. And loudly too.” I shivered. “I still have nightmares about her from time to time.”

“But I'm sure that you did see very young pegasi foals try to fly.” May wondered. “Much like human babies taking their first steps, what did you see young pegasi foals try?”

I thought it over before replying. “My baby brother... he would jump up and down in his crib, buzzing his wings. A few days later, he started to fly all over the nursery.”

“There you go,” May said. “Just teach them the same way.”

I folded my wings against my sides and turned back to the class. “Thank you for waiting. Now if the pegasi would line up here,” I pointed out a spot with my hoof, “we can get started.” As the three pegasi lined up, I looked back to May for reassurance.

She gave me a smile and started dictating something into her tablet. Jason and his girlfriend sat down nearby.

I took my stand in front of the line of pegasi and spread my wings out. “Welcome to the ranks of the pegasi. Of the three races of ponies, we're the only ponies that can fly. Us pegasus aren't gifted with the magic of the unicorns or the quiet strength of the earth ponies. Instead, we have the wide open skies. From the earliest times, when pegasi lived as a tribe of warriors in our cloud cities, we have ruled the skies. Today, I will start you on the path to joining us in the air. Are you ready?” I took a long breath. “I WANT TO HEAR, 'YES MA'AM' from you recruits!”

The three new pegasi looked bewildered. May looked up.

“I CAN'T HEAR YOU,” I yelled. Lightning Storm would be proud of her student.

“Yes... Ma'am,” the new pegasi chorused. They suddenly wondered what they had signed up for.

“LOUDER!”

“YES, MA'AM,” the three new pegasi shouted.

“That will do,” I said. “For the first exercise, we will begin using your wings. Your wings are attached to your shoulder blades. The primary parts of your wings are the primary, the secondary and the tertial feathers. Your primary feathers - your pinons - are your longest feathers,” I added, showing my right wing and pointing out the various feathers. “The secondaries are attached to your humus and the tertials to the radius – these are closest to your body.” I folded my wings with a snap. “Primaries, secondaries and tertials. Covering them and providing them with a leading edge are the alula feathers. These are the parts making up your wing. Learn them.” I paused.

“I CAN'T HEAR YOU,” I yelled at them.

“YES, MA'AM”

“You will spread your wings,” I ordered, “and show me your alula, tertials, secondaries, and primaries.” I continued to lecture as I took them through the first steps in unfurling their wings, spreading their wings out and taking a initial few flaps. Then I took the new pegasi up to the top of the gentle slope.

“Line up there. Good. Now the point of this exercise is to use those feathers. On my mark, you will slowly flap your wings, leap up and hover. Then you will touch down and fold your wings. Do you understand?”

The white pegasus seemed hesitant. “How am I supposed to hover into the air – there's no way that I can create enough lift-”

“Watch me. I'll demonstrate.” I unfurled my plum-colored wings, gave a small hop, and flapped into the air. “It is what you get by being a pegasus. Think of your wings as just like legs and flying as running. Only much faster and much better. So, are you ready?”

“YES, MA'AM”, shouted my class.

I gave the signal and the three attempted to follow me into the air. At first, the three were jumping up and down but in a few minutes, they started to spend more time in the air. I remained hovering for a while, giving advice and encouragement.

“Good. Keep practicing until you can stay in the air.” I touched down and watched them struggle to hover. “Don't work your wings so hard,” I said to the white pegasus. “Relax, let them carry you.”

Jason was confused. “It's that easy? Just hop into the air and you're airborne? Don't you need to be flying at a certain speed to avoid stalling?”

“Honey, what's stalling?” his girlfriend asked.

“Charlene, stalling is when you lose lift flowing over your wings – and start to fall out of the sky,” Jason answered.

I flicked an ear toward Jason while watching my students get used to flapping their wings in the air. It took me a moment before remembering that Jason had mentioned trying to become a flyer.

“Jason, their way of flying is not like yours,” May spoke up. “Forget what you learned about aircraft. None of that will help you when you're a pegasus.”

Jason started to say something but stopped.

I turned back to my class of new pegasi. “That's enough.”

The three pegasi touched down gratefully, breathing hard.

“Line up again.”

My class struggled to form a line. “For this exercise, you will start here, fly into the air, fly over to this point.” I said while trotting to a spot about 10 paces away. “You will touch down, turn around, fly back and touch down. You will fly slowly and close to the ground.” I trotted back, shaking out my wings. “I will demonstrate.” I hopped into the air, flew slowly to the other spot, landed, turned around, took to the air and flew back. “To fly somewhere, rather than hovering, you merely need to lean forward a little. Are there any questions? Good. You,” I pointed at the white pegasus with my hoof.”Start when you're ready.”

The white pegasus flapped her wings, rose into the air, leaned forward, forgot to keep her wings moving and came crashing to the ground, face first.

“What did we learn from this lesson?” I said as I walked past the rump of the fallen pegasus. “Keep flying to stay in the air.” Grabbing the white pegasus by the tail with my teeth, I pulled her back to her hooves. “Next.”

The blue pegasus rose into the air, wobbled a bit and slowly flew across the field to the landing point. He touched down, turned and flew back to a cheering class. Then, it was the yellow pegasus' turn to fly to the far landing point and back. The white pegasus made her flight, flying very carefully and close to the ground. With each flight, the new pegasi gained a little confidence in themselves.

“So you can fall out of the sky,” Jason mused.

“Of course you can,” I replied. “If you stop flying, you will fall. If you are out of control, you will fall. If... there are so many ways to fall out of the sky, I can't count them all. All that I can do is teach my little newfoals how to fly safely.”

After a while, the three new pegasi looked exhausted from their efforts. “That's enough for today.” I finally shouted. “Line up again.”

As the pegasi lined up, breathing hard, I turned to May. “Could you find us some water? Warm water would be best.”

May looked up at me before putting down her tablet. She nodded and walked away, followed by Charlene.

“You have all made a start on the path to the skies.” I said to the class. “I want you to walk around to cool off. Don't lie down; your muscles will stiffen up and hurt. Water will come. Drink slowly and in small amounts. You have done well.” I paused.

“Well?” I stood waiting.

“YES MA'AM,” my class chorused.

“Next class time... err, tomorrow, sometime. Check wherever these things are posted. Dismissed.”

May and Charlene returned, carrying four buckets of water. I thanked them and watched as my class refreshed themselves. I walked away and sat down in the grass.

May and the other humans joined me after a short while. “For your first time, you didn't do too badly,” she said.

“Thank you. They're flying as well as one month old pegasus foals. I can teach a little bit more and they can get a little more practice in flying here but... in the long run, I need to take them outside for some real flying.”

We all looked up where the storm was about to break. The wind howled and the dark clouds splattered heavy droplets of rain against the panes of glass. “Your weather service has a powerful storm planned for this afternoon. When is it scheduled to end?” I wondered.

“What? Weather? What are you talking about?” May asked.

“Oh, the weather service. You know, the ones that arrange the rain and weather. Some of the pegasi that I'm teaching here will probably join the weather ponies.”

May stared at me. “We... don't control... the weather.”

The storm broke; rain began to drum unceasingly on the roof of the greenhouse. The wind pushed the sheets of heavy raindrops around.

“You don't have a weather service,” I said. “Then how do you clear away winter on Winter Wrap Up Day?”

“What's Winter Wrap Up Day?”

“That's the day that we gather into teams to clear away the remnants of winter; pegasi sweep the skies of the winter clouds, earth ponies and unicorns remove the unmelted snow... I guess, if you don't have a weather service, you just let the snow melt?”

“Winter just ends,” May laughed. “Two months of snow, freezing days and gloom ends in three months of gray slush, mud and gloom. But spring, when it finally comes, is even more glorious!”

The three pegasi had already left the greenhouse. Several earth ponies trotted in, followed by Desert Rose. Desert Rose asked them to wait before coming up to us. “Juicy Fruit, are you done with your class?”

“Just finished,” I replied. “Is that your class?”

“Yes. Applied Earth Pony 1A. My students are going to learn the subtle art of caring for plants and animals.”

The storm outside sent a blast that echoed throughout the greenhouse. The rain's drumming on the roof panes redoubled in strength. We looked up at the greenhouse roof.

“I do wish that the humans controlled their weather,” Desert Rose said. “But their weather service only reports on the weather conditions instead of doing something about it.” She turned to May. “They're reporting that there's water over the seawalls at the Bruckner Expressway, Pelham Bridge Road and the Throgs Neck Bridge are underwater and they've closed the major airports due to flooding. You'd better leave now if you're going home.”

May shook her head. “My little Nissan Electro-Cube would never make it.” She turned to look at the storm raging outside. “Could I stay here... for the night?”

Desert Rose nodded. “I can arrange that.” She looked over at Jason and Charlene. “Aren't you supposed to be in your Life in Equestria class?”

“Well, you see-” Jason began.

“CLASS! RIGHT NOW!” Desert Rose barked, stamping her hooves.

The two fled the greenhouse.

“Honestly, this Conversion Bureau is more like running a school than anything else,” the tan earth pony snorted. She turned back to May and I. “See me after my class,” she said before trotting back to her students.

I glanced at the papers that Desert Rose had left me. “I've been assigned Apartment 301 up in the west wing. My saddlebags are still in the lobby so I... guess I'll see you around?” Gathering up the sheaf of papers and the paperwork I'd have to fill out, I tucked them under my wing.

May collected her tablet. “If you don't mind, I'd like to come along. Maybe help you unpack. It's not like there's a lot of places I can go right now – what with the roads under water and rain coming down.”

“Okay...” I answered slowly.

We left the greenhouse and started walking toward the lobby.

“Speaking of schools,” May began. “You wouldn't mind coming to speak to my sister's class sometime? Amy's a teacher at a local high school and is always looking for new and interesting people to talk about their work.”

I dropped my head. “Me? You want me to talk about a future career, working for the Weather Patrol?”

“Sure. How about it?” May smiled.

“I... don't know.”

“Please think about it. Amy and the kids would love to have you.”

In the lobby, I retrieved my saddlebags and we went in search of my living quarters.

Room 301

How I Learned to Teach Newfoals -Room 301
By Berry Pony

“It doesn't look very inviting.”

“It's a hospital room, Juicy Fruit. They just fixed it up to house ponies while they're staying here.”

May Howard and I were standing outside Room 301 in the west wing of the Bronx Conversion Bureau. May was a tall, slender black woman, a student at CUNY who planned to study ponies for her degree in anthropology – and I was a plum-colored pegasus mare with a mulberry-colored mane and tail. I had just finished teaching my first class of new pegasus to fly and was looking forward to relax in my quarters.

We had left the lobby, turned down the hallways toward the west tower and looked for stairs leading up. May had suggested using the elevator – which she had to explain first. The elevator itself was a bit cramped and I had fought down a moment of panic as the doors closed. May studied the touch pad before tapping '3'. With a shudder, the elevator started up. Startled. I opened my wings, jumped into the air – and the elevator floor rose to slap me down. I fell down. May broke out laughing. I regained my footing as the elevator dinged. The doors opened. I stepped out onto the third floor, telling May that we would never do this again. The next time, I would use the stairs.

Looking over the room, I asked, “It's rather large. And why two beds?”

“I think it's rather small. You're all of... about 48 inches tall. (1.2 meters) That's the size of a young human girl. The room – like the rest of the hospital – is scaled for an average human height. May grinned, flicked on the lights and entered the room.

The storm outside beat on the window. The room was long and narrow, featuring two beds, two closets, a long set of shelves and drawers running down one wall and a single door which might be the bathroom. Shelves over the beds showed where equipment might have once stood.

May sat on the bed closest to the door. “I figured you'd want the bed closer to the window so that you can see what is happening.”

After dropping off my saddlebags on the other bed, I walked across the room, put my hooves on the window sill and looked out. Heavy rain drew a gray veil over the view. Dim lights showed through the downpour. Wind splattered raindrops across the window. I gave a sigh. “I almost wish I was out there in that storm. Can this window open? I want to feel the wind, taste the rain. I've been cooped up inside since I've arrived here and I want to get out.” I examined the window, looking for levers or pull ropes.

May got off the bed and joined me. After studying the window, she shook her head. “I don't think it does. See, this building is designed to be climate controlled and the designers didn't want anyone to open windows. Many buildings are constructed this way.”

“Isn't there anyway to go outside?” I gave May my most appealing, pitiful look.

May thought for a moment. “Perhaps there is an external stairway.” She walked across the room and back out into the hall. “It'd be at the end of this hallway.”

By the time I dropped down from the window sill and followed May out of the room, she was already at a door at the end of the hallway marked, 'Fire Exit'. She pushed it open to let in a swirl of wind and rain.

“Here's your way outside,” May shouted over the howl of the wind. She struggled to keep the door open.

I spread my wings and flew quickly down the darkened hallway, past May to land on the stairway landing outside. The storm blew at my mane, the rain drenched my coat of hair. The excitement, the energy of the storm was.... awesome. I closed my eyes, relaxed my wings, and leaned into the wind.

“Better not get locked out here,” May said, putting her back against the door and bracing against the pressure of the wind. “This door can only be opened from the inside – and locks automatically when it closes.”

I raised my head and let the wet wind blow across my face. The rain smelled a bit dirty. The wind brought traces of oils and fires and smoke to my nose. But the storm was cleaning the air and blowing the stink of the city out to sea.

“Juicy Fruit?” May said after a few minutes. “How much longer are you...”

I glanced at May. She was trying to keep dry as she fought to keep the door open. “Okay, I'm coming.”
Reluctantly, I left the energy of the winds and rain and stepped back inside.

May let the door slam shut and studied me for a moment. “Oh no. No, no.” she said as she began to backpedal away from me.

I shook myself off in a spray of rainwater that covered the hallway floor, the walls and May. She glared at me before striding back to Room 301. I followed.

Once in the room, I hopped onto the bed, laid down, opened my saddlebags and began to take out items that I would need for my stay at the Bronx Conversion Bureau. May disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a towel to finish drying her hair. She sat down next to me and began to study the things I had unpacked.

“Feather oil?” she asked as she picked up a small tube.

“Feathers have to be oiled to keep them working properly. The oil is best when applied after using soap in the bath.”

May fished around my belongings, picking up and setting aside a variety of brushes, hoof picks, toothbrushes and liniments before coming across a stack of books. “I see you brought some books from Equestria. Going to do some studying?” she said as she began to flip through the pages.

“Something to read between classes,” I answered. “A bit of astronomy, some mathematics, a few books from the Daring Do series, and of course, a book of maps. Gotta know Equestria from the air if you're flying.”

May held out the book she was looking at. “I don't understand. This book,” she showed the third in the Daring Doo series, “is written in what seems to be English. I'm able to read it.”

“It's a great series. The heroine is this young pegasus mare that hunts for artifacts all over the world. I like it a lot. The author writes under a pseudonym however. No one knows who the author is but I suspect that the author is a unicorn or an earth pony. That's the only reason that Daring Doo's wing always seems to get injured and...”

May flipped through the pages before picking up a guide to cloud formations. “This one, I can almost make out. It looks vaguely Greek in its letters.” She put it down and selected a book on astronomy. “And this, I can't make heads or tails out of it. It's all little stylized pictures.”

“We have three ways of writing,” I began. “The earth pony script – which most books in Equestria are written in. Pegasus script, which looks similar to the earth pony script. And the unicorn script which is more pictographic in nature, is mostly used for magical and learned texts.”

“Same language, different scripts,” May mused. “So it's like Japanese. They use kanji, hiragana and katakana to write their language.” She looked at the book. “Except they will use all three scripts in the same book – whereas ponies use mostly one script.” She flipped a few pages and stopped at one page. “Even if I can't read it, the illustrations are interest - ”

I looked up. May was staring at a illustration of the major constellations of the northern sky. She looked shocked. Pulling out her tablet, May quickly tapped on several items before stopping on a view of stars. “Just where did you say you ponies came from?” she asked slowly.

“Equestria.” I replied. “I came from Ponyville.”

“Then why you have the same stars in the sky that we on Earth do? I can see the same three stars making up Orion's belt in your book that we have in the sky above Earth. The constellation is even named the same – it's labelled here, 'Orion' in English. And here, I can see Sirius marked on your star map as a bright star.” She paged ahead in the book. “And here, the stars making up the Big Dipper – or Ursa Major – point to Polaris in the same way in your book that they do on Earth.”

“I... don't know. I'm just here to teach new pegasi to fly.” I protested.

“You said that you had maps.” May said. She put the tablet and the book down and began riffling though the rest of my collection. Pulling out a large thin volume, she opened it and flipped through a few pages before stopping. “Oh my... god,” she said, looking at the map of Equestria and the world. “It's Earth.”

“How could that be?” I asked.

“It's starting to make sense. If you ignore the possibility of parallel dimensions and alternative histories – there are way too many points of congruence – the common language, the understanding of many cultural references - then the only thing left is that... you're from a future Earth. And considering language drift, I'd say not the distant future.” May turned and looked me in the eyes. “How much do you know about your past?”

“Um. Not much more than we've learned in school. Not much at all. We covered the founding of Equestria and the rise of the two princesses...”

“No. I mean earlier than that. Where did you ponies come from? What fossil records, what digs revealed your past history? What was your earliest civilizations like?”

“I...”

She began picking up and flipping through my books before throwing up her hands. “Argh! You didn't bring anything on archeology. Nothing on paleontology. Or even paleoarchaeology. The only thing is... this fictional series of an archaeologist and these maps of an Earth.” May gathered up the books and stacked them neatly on the bed. “I guess, I'll look through this Daring Doo series. There might be some hints here.”

May grabbed the first the Daring Doo book and threw herself into a side chair. Opening the book, she scanned the pages quickly, stopped, read a few lines, flipped through a few more pages, stopped, then flipped back to the first chapter and began to read.

I took the sheath of papers that Daybreak had prepared on human culture and began to study them.

Hidden by the storm raging outside, the day slipped into evening.

Concerning History and Magic

How I learned to Teach Newfoals – Concerning History and Magic
By Berry Pony

“This doesn't make any sense!” May exclaimed.

On my bed, half-asleep with the notes on human culture spread all around me, I looked over at May who was curled up in a side chair with my copy of Daring Do's adventures.

May closed the book and set it aside. “Dragons, manticores and minotaurs. This reads more like a Dungeons and Dragons Monster manual than an adventure story. I'm supposed to believe that dragons and the like actually exist in Equestria?”

“Dragons,” Daybreak interrupted, “do exist as well as all the other monsters.” The pink unicorn entered our room with a pair of pink glowing cafeteria trays floating behind her. “You missed the dinner call so I thought I'd bring a meal up to you.” The dinner trays floated to a small table, their magical glow fading. “I hope you like alfalfa cubes, corn, flaked oats and an apple. May, I brought you a salad. Don't expect me to bring all your meals from now on. The cafeteria serves dinner at six.”

May stared at the dinner trays. “How.. how'd... how'd you do that?”

“Do what?” Daybreak asked.

“Made the trays fly?”

“Daybreak's using her magic,” I said. Standing up, I stretched my wings and hopped over to the table. In the downdraft, the pages of Daybreak's notes went flying around the room.

“Is... is it rare?”

“Oh, magic's common on Equestria,” Daybreak said calmly. “Most unicorns like me can do some magic. Pegasi and Earth ponies have their own magic as well, not as obvious.” She started collecting loose pages.

I buried my nose into the plate of alfalfa.

“But there's no such...” May started. “We've never had anything like magic on Earth. People have been looking for it for a long time but there's no evidence that magic or something like it ever existed.”

Daybreak turned and looked at May. “There's magic on Earth just like there is in Equestria. The same magic. Your own literature, folk tales and myths tell of magic users. It's just that over time, humans lost the ability to sense the existence of magic.”

I continued to chow down on my dinner.

“Are you telling me that all the things that Sir James Frazer wrote about in 'The Golden Bough' actually has its basis in actual magic?” May asked.

“Let me pose a question,” Daybreak began. “Why are there stories about magic - so many stories - when magic never existed? Why does every culture have myths about magic users? Something happened a long time ago and those people that could see magic died out. Probably about the time that humans gave up hunting for cities.”

May grinned. “Perhaps. But that doesn't explain why ponies can do magic. Or where you ponies came from. Juicy Fruit doesn't know. Where could I find some information on the very early history of Equestria?”

I stopped licking off my dinner plate. “Canterlot?” I suggested before turning my attention to the large golden apple.

Daybreak gave the matter some thought. “Well, the Royal Library at Canterlot might have some information but the palace itself isn't very old, being founded when the three tribes of ponies bonded together to form the original Equestria. But I'll make some inquiries.” She placed the few pages of notes that she had gathered next to my bed. “I'll be going now.”

May looked over at me and back to Daybreak. “Seeing as I'm going to spend the night here, are there any problems with me sharing this room with Juicy Fruit?”

I tried to swallow the apple quickly.

“I don't foresee any problems,” the pink unicorn said. “If Juicy Fruit doesn't mind?” She looked at me.

Inhaling, I choked on the golden apple.

“No problem at all.” Daybreak continued. “Breakfast is served from seven to nine. Good night!”

I got the last of my apple down as Daybreak left the room.

May smiled and began to collect the rest of the scattered pages of my notes. “I really, really hope you don't mind...” she said as she handed me the sheaf of notes. “This will be so much fun.”

Something poked me in the ribs. I shifted and tried to return to my dreams of clouds and blue skies.

“Get up, you lazy pegasus,” a voice insisted. “We barely have enough time to get to breakfast as it is.”

I opened my eyes slowly to see a human looming over me, getting ready to poke me again with her book. I screamed, flailed my hooves around in my bedsheets and managed to crash to the ground.

“Serves you right,” May continued. “Now, let's get a move on.”

“May?” I inquired as I stared out of my impromptu bedsheet cocoon.

“The same,” she replied as she stepped around the thoroughly messed bed and helped me untangle the sheets that had wrapped themselves around me.

I stood up, shook out my wings and reached for my mane and tail brush. “Let... me get -”

“No time.” May grabbed my brush from the side table and with strong, quick strokes, began to make my mane presentable.

I leaned into the brushing and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling.

“There!” May said. “I used to help get my sister ready for school the same way. But this is a one time deal – the next time you oversleep – you're on your own.” She turned, took my tail and brushed out the knots and tangles. “And done!”

“Thank you, May,” I said, giving my tail a trial swish.

May tossed the brush onto the side table and picked up her overnight bag. Her own bed had been neatly made. She turned back to me at the door. “If we hurry, we can still make breakfast.”

In the cavernous cafeteria, the serving ponies were starting to clean up after the morning rush. The sun showed weakly from a gray overcast sky – a flat pale light that showed not the slightest hint of the sun's warmth. I made my request for a bowl of warm oatmeal, pears and apples to a cyan and magenta earth pony. He served me from almost empty serving bowls and warned me that in the future, I might not be so lucky. May waved me to a table where she had already laid out her breakfast.

“What's on the schedule for today?” May asked.

I raised my head from my bowl of oatmeal. “I'm not really sure. I guess... continuing to-”

“There you are,” Desert Rose shouted. “I've been wondering what's been keeping you.” The tan earth pony crossed the cafeteria and stopped before our table. “Golden Circle wants you to know that next class of beginning fliers will start classes the day after tomorrow. And he's got your class of pegasi in an Equestria customs and manners class this afternoon. May. if you are interested, Daybreak's about to start her 'Introduction to Equestria 101: History and the Land' class for humans. It'll be a weekly course for people considering becoming ponies.”

“That does sound interesting,” May quickly said. “Come on, Juicy Fruit, let's go to that.”

I thought longingly about my room and bed. “I thought... if I don't have any classes to teach...”

“That's the spirit!” May grinned. “And I can ask Daybreak some of these questions that I've been thinking about while waiting for you to wake up.”

---------------This is as far as I got. From here – the story goes onto hiatus – I'm sorry.