Mind over machine

Chapters

What cause have I to feel glad
My new self
Filling the gap
The subconscious mind is a powerful thing

What cause have I to feel glad

I used to be a normal pony.I had normal everypony kind of problems.I had dreams,ambitions, things I wanted to do......
I look back at it now and......laugh.I was a fool living the life I wished I could have back.All I wanted was to be back to normal.....Now?I never want to change back! I was given immense power and I fucking love it!,but it was only a matter of time before it corrupted me.Ponies see me now and tremble in fear,hide under the carcasses of their deceased friends,wish and prey for this nightmare to end.You ask them about me they'll say i'm a mechanic monster,an omen,the spawn of discord himself.This isn't true.I wasn't always like this.She did this to me,but she will die for it if it's the last thing I do!I fought back the change but could only hold it in for so long.I wasn't just sweet one minute and monster the next.They all saw it,but they chose to ignore it.....In order for you to understand I must take you back to my past to the accident that started this......change.....
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sun was shining,the birds were chirping a joyful tune and everypony was going about their daily business.This was a great day.I remembered it very well.
"Come on Lilly!"Lightning Dasher called to me."Were gonna be late!Quit daydreaming."
I was very absent-minded that day.I didn't know why I was in that state.I guess I was just admiring the beautiful day.
"Lilly!"
"oh.coming Dasher"I galloped as fast as my hooves could carry me to keep up with him. Pegasai were unbelievably fast compared to us earth ponies, but Lightning Dasher was special.He was really fast and he was even in a race with all the fastest flyers in Equestria.He came second to an amazing pony called Rainbow Dash who won by a landslide.We were off to a royal celebration of Princess Luna's birthday in the town hall.Princess Luna and princess Celestia were both going to be there,along with a lot of famous ponies.I was really excited.If we were lucky, maybe we could talk to them.
We arrived just on time and saw the princesses' carriage arrive.It landed majestically and the two Alicorns stepped out.I gazed in awe and wonder as I watched them enter the town hall.Luna smiled at the crowd and even looked at me for a second.The party was great! there was games,dancing,cake and the famous apple family catering was really delicious.It was apparently put together by the famous party animal Pinkie pie.I didn't see her though,she was probably in the VIP area entertaining the princesses.That was just my luck I guess.I did however meet lots of new ponies there and we all had a great time.The party lasted well into the night and we even got to watch princess Luna raise the moon!There was a firework display put on by a pony called Trixie that was truly amazing,but shortly after that it was time for everypony to leave.I was partied out.Me and Dasher both had our tummys filled with cake and food.We were practically crawling home.Little did I know then that the next 24 hours of my life would be my most life changing,painful and horrific to ever happen to me.
We both heard a loud crack behind us as we turned around I was hit by a loose apple cart.It had smashed me into a wall and disfigured my body beyond all reason,splattering blood everywhere.
"LILLY!"Dasher screamed.He began to try pulling the cart off of me with no success.I could see the fear and worry in him.
A bunch of ponies leaving turned and saw what was left of me crushed against a blood spewed wall.They approached me,even the princesses.Lightning Dasher continued to try to free me.I could see him crying as he began to realize he wasn't strong enough to free me.Some began to cry,others just put their hooves in front of their filly's eyes telling them not to look,princess Celestia however, just called her guards over.
"get this cart off of that pony and put her in our carriage quickly!"
Four of her guards aided dasher while two other tried to get everyone else to move along.
I felt faint.I was afraid to look down at myself and just continued to look at my surroundings.Celestia had a very odd look in her eyes as she stared at me.It penetrated me to the core and paralyzed me with fear.With an almighty heave the cart gave way and I dropped to the ground.I fell in a pool of my own blood and crushed apples.Dasher ran to my side and tried to comfort me.
"You're gonna be ok Lilly.I promise.Your gonna be ok...."He said trying to talk past the crying.The way he said I promise frightened me like he knew I wasn't going to be ok,but he was lying to me and himself anyway.I went against every fiber in my being and looked down.My body was ripped to shreds.My legs were detached from my body and my torso was ripped up to my chest in an almost perfectly vertical line.I could see most of my bones were shattered.I saw blood oozing of me like a fountain.I began to feel the unbelievable pain that came with all of this now.It was unholy to say the least I shouldn't have even been alive,let alone conscious. The guards approached me and pushed Dasher out of the way.They lifted me up and put me in the carriage,my blood tainting the beautiful white coat of paint.I could hear Dasher screaming for me as he was pushed back by the guards.
Luna and Celestia got in and I felt the carriage take off.
"why her, sister?"I heard Luna ask
"Because I see our next test subject"I heard Celestia laugh
"but she's not even a pony anymore....just flesh and a brain"Luna replied
"exactly.That's all we need"
it was after I heard those words that I knew I was fucked
"But what if she doesn't survive?She's only an earth pony after all"
"Don't question me Luna!When were done with her.She won't even remember ever being a pony."
end of chapter 1

My new self

I wasn't fully aware of what was currently going on after that...I woke up in my bed.I assumed it was just a horrible nightmare and just ignored it.I couldn't shake the weird feeling I was having however.I went into my bathroom and splashed some water on my face, in an attempt to try to forget about it.I looked in the mirror at my self and jumped back in fright of what I saw.I had scars all over my face,some of my mane was even torn off....
"Maybe it wasn't a..dre-"
"Um.Hello?"I heard a scared voice squeal from downstairs.
I put on a hooded cloak to cover my face and peeked downstairs....
"hello?"I whispered back to the voice
"Lilly! oh thank Celestia your alive.Why aren't you in the hospital you poor dear.Um are you ok?"
"Who are you?"I whispered again.My voice even quieter then last time.I was still unable to see the source of the voice
"Oh.I'm sorry.Lightning Dasher just gave me the key so I could take care of your cat fluffy.Don't you recognize my voice?"The figure slowly crept up the stairs.I turned my head so it wouldn't be visible.It was Fluttershy.
"I'm so sorry I frightened you.You scared me a bit too.Don't you think you should be in bed?"
"Why w-w-what h-h-happened to m-m-me?"
"sweetie don't you remember?You were hit by an apple cart.You were really hurt.I saw Celestia take you away.I thought she took you to the hospital.I guess I was wrong."
I felt a shiver crawl up my spine as and slowly stopped my movement.I wasn't dreaming! But if I wasn't dreaming how did I get back here?There were so many questions rushing through my mind at once I wasn't sure what to believe anymore.
"Um.why are you wearing that cloak?Here.I'll help you to bed."Fluttershy said in a caring and friendly manner
"NO!"I pushed Fluttershy back with all the force I could summon.My voice sounded odd.It was almost metallic. I looked over to Fluttershy. I had pushed her into a wall.There was an indent in the plaster where she hit the wall.She flopped to the floor and began to cry.
"Fluttershy! Oh Celestia what have I done.Are you ok?did I hurt you?I'm really sorry"I didn't know what to do.I tried to help her up but when I touched her she flinched
"M-m-m-m-my wing.It really hurts!ow oh...um...ow"She cried
"P-please let me help you.I'm really sorry.I don't know what came over me."I looked at her wing.It was flattened.The bones were crushed indefinitely.I tried again to help her but she just kept flinching in fear
"Please.No.I think I need to go to the hospital too now."She whimpered.I panicked and ran outside to get someone.The first pony I saw...Carrot top!
"carrot top! come here quick.There's been an accident!"
"i'd say just look at you"she replied jokingly
"I'm serious."I said as I pulled her into my house.I showed her Fluttershy.
"she won't let me near her.can you please take her to the hospital."
"wow.What happened to you? you look like you were hit by a train."carrot top asked.
"oh.um nothing.It was just a little accident"Fluttershy said shaking as she tried to stand up.
The two left and headed to the hospital.What did I do?I just attacked the most harmless and most kind pony in Ponyville just because she tried to help me.What was wrong with me.I sat down and tried to think about it for a minute.I took off the cloak and wet upstairs to my bedroom.I looked in my mirror and saw my body.My legs were back on my body but they were.....shiny?I touched one of them with one of my hooves and It made a metal clanking sound.I also noticed the massive scars across my torso and all the stitches.I took a second look and realized I had wings!Metal wings painted the same color as my fur.I appeared more metal than pony.What in the hay was going on?I tried to touch my eyes and noticed one of them was glass! This didn't feel right.I backed away from the mirror shaking my head in disbelief.
I couldn't remember a thing so what happened?I needed to find answers.I went downstairs,put on the cloak again and stepped outside.It was bright.Too bright for me.I walked down the road to Lightning dasher's house.Maybe he knew what was going on.
All I could be certain of right now was that I wasn't who I thought I was.
end of chapter 2

Filling the gap

I felt so odd.I could still feel things,but I was part metal.I had to try to figure it out.I arrived at Lightning's house and here was nopony home.I wondered where he could be?
"I'm sorry can I help you um....."I heard a voice say from behind me.I turned around.I was Lightning.I kept my head down so he couldn't see my face
"Hey dasher.It's me, Lilly."
"Lilly?!What are you doing here?Oh I was so worried about you.How are you able to stand didn't your legs get...It doesn't matter your here now, and your ok I presume?"
"Trying to keep it easy but yeah I-I-I'm ok I guess.Depending on how you define 'ok'."I said in a grim voice.I really wished my stuttering would stop.It only happens when I'm nervous but it really gives my nervousness away.
"Look I was just about to leave to help rainbow dash with some weather patrol but I'd better just stay with you.It has only been three days since....you know.Come on in."Dasher said unlocking the door.We both entered and we sat down on the couch.Dasher gave me a hug and then put his hoof on my back.I could sense he knew something was amiss
"Are you sure your ok?"He said.I could hear the concern in his voice.He really cared about me.
"No.I just didn't want to scare you.This is what happened to me"I took off my cloak to reveal my changed appearance.He stared at me with amazement,fear and sympathy as his eyes began to scan the rest of my body.
"Lilly.you're......you're..."He was speechless and unable to come up with words to describe me
"A p-p-pegasus I know.It's so weird but look at my scars and my metal flank and..."
"No!"He interrupted."You're an Alicorn!What did Celestia do to you?"
"What! no i'm not."I said doubtfully
"You are.Look."Dasher lifted my hair up and pointed me to a mirror.I could see the horn.My mane must have been covering it.I gasped in shock.
"Oh my goodness."This is becoming more and more strange."I grabbed him"Tell me everything you know about what happened in the past three days to me!"I was shaking him violently trying to get to the bottom of this.
"Your guess is as good as mine.Look I'll tell you everything I know.You were hit by an apple cart that had broken breaks and slammed you into a wall.I tried to get you out but you were stuck tight.Princess Celestia got the guards to help me free you..."
"Yes,yes yes I know all of that.What happened after she took me away"I said impatiently.
"Oh.Well....I tried to get to you but the guards pushed me back.I saw the princess take you back to Canterlot.I flew there the next day and tried to look for you in the hospital, but you weren't there.I tried to get into the castle but the guards said the princess was busy.When I asked why he said it was classified.I returned home and gave Fluttershy the key to your house so she could take care of fluffy and then just waited until you got home.I have no idea where she took you or what she did.That's all I know."I sat back down in the chair and curled myself into a ball.I began to cry.It was feeling so many conflicting emotions today and they were all coming out at once.
"I woke up in my bed.I got up and Fluttershy was there.Do you know what I did"I said my words slightly muffled because my head was buried in my fur.
"What.What did you do?"
"I broke her wing..."Dasher took a deep breath and let out a sigh.
"Was it an accident."He asked
I attempted to nod my still buried head.He gave me a big reassuring hug.I didn't know what to do.Everypony in town would treat me like a freak if they saw me and knew what I did.I thought about all the things I could do to avoid everypony.
"Do you want to stay here tonight?"Dasher asked me.I wasn't sure what to do now so I just said
"Yes."
We gave each other one of the longest hugs we'd ever given
"Don't worry.We'll figure this out together. No matter what anypony else says your still beautiful to me."
End of chapter 3

Author's Note

This was kind of the more sweet approach I had to this chapter (I had a draft where she kills him:/ , but this seemed more appropriate to there complicated love situation) Anyway....I hope your enjoying this so far everypony :)

The subconscious mind is a powerful thing

That day really got me down. I felt extremely depressed and insecure all day about my appearance and how people would react to me. I practiced flapping my metal wings for most of the day. It felt weird having new parts, but Dasher helped me to learn and I really neglected my new horn which I knew dasher would know nothing about, maybe twilight or somepony else could help me with that soon. I had gained full control over my wings, but felt uncomfortable when they were retracted, and I still couldn't get the hang of flying yet, but I was doing good for a beginner. When it got late we went to bed. The guest room was being painted so I had to sleep with dasher, I didn't mind, I was actually kind of glad because his company gave me some comfort. I lay down in the bed. I closed my eyes, preparing for a relaxing,calm sleep where I could ignore my problems for a while and drift into dreamland. It took me several hours to get comfortable,and I kept disturbing dasher but I eventually got to sleep....

As I drifted off I began see images flash before me. I dreamed it was the night of the accident. I was Being lifted by guards into the royal castle. My body in pieces and the two princesses following closely behind me. It was a very vivid and familiar dream. The dream suddenly faded and I reappeared in an unknown place with what was intact of me strapped to a table. I was secured with leather straps and there were lots of ponies in medical attire whispering among each other and setting up and preparing something. The princesses were there too. They were looking at me. I tried to scream for help but I was too weak and focusing on trying to stay concious. I almost fell unconcius trying to fade from reality, but the pain hit me in an agonising manor that would not let me pass out even if I wanted to.
"Are you sure you want to do this? All the other test subjects were in almost-perfect health and were....well intact,and still only one subject survived. This pony seems to be having trouble staying alive as it is."Luna said to her sister.Hearing his worried me. I was so afraid of what they were going to do. I began to cry but made little noise and the tears could not be seen from all the blood that was on my body
"Exactly little sister. She should be dead by now, but she hangs on. That's the sort of pony we need. Don't worry. You always worry. Trust your big sister for once, or maybe you'd like to spend another thousand years on the moon? "
Luna was about to reply but stopped before she did and just put her head down and let her sister continue.
"I'm glad you see things my way little sis." Celestia smiled with a devilish grin. She turned to me and then to the ponies dressed in medical attire
"Do it."she said sternly and then walked out of my sight.
I awoke and screamed. I woke up dasher who was very disorientated after just being awoken. I began to cry. I turned to dasher who was rubbing his eyes and hugged him. Being around him was the only time I felt comfort. He began stroking my mane trying to calm me down. He wiped the tears from my eyes and once I was calm I told him what had happened.
"Hmm. That sounds like quite a vivid dream." He said with a puzzled look on his face.
"E-e-everything felt s-so real, as if I was there." I said still a little frightened
"Well....maybe you were."
I looked at him, confused by what he as saying.
"what do you mean?"
"I mean you were taken by the princesses to a so-called hospital and nopony not even you knows what happened to you, I mean it would explain your....."
"appearance." I said finishing the sentence for him
"look I know it's tough and I can't begin to imagine how you feel right now but I think if you want answers your gonna have to go to Canterlot. You're in now state to go alone, I'll go with you too we'll discover this together, but maybe we should go in the morning." he joked.
I just smiled. I was in no position to joke around but that was no excuse to bring dasher down. I felt bad even bringing him into this, but there was no stopping him once he set his mind on somthing. I guess next stop Canterlot.
It was time to get some answers.
End of chapter 4