Songs of Sorrow
by
Syvvak
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vinyl felt empty and hollow as she walked down the streets of Manehattan. She had lost someone close to her, and her thoughts echoed in her mind, strangely void of emotion. She didn’t know why it hurt so much when she found out she would no longer be able to be with the only pony she had ever loved. It had been five years since they broke up, but finding out Octavia had gotten married brought up feelings Vinyl had buried deep.
Why didn’t I try to fix things? Why did I have to be so selfish?Thoughts like this were all that ran through her mind as the day drew to an end, the sun sliding behind the buildings, throwing their shadows into the streets, chilling the grey city and giving it a more sombre tone. A light breeze blew, mussing her blue mane and kicking up loose snow, whirling it around as the streetlights overhead pulsed to life.
The flickering of the streetlamp caught Vinyl’s attention. Is it that late already? Vinyl stopped in the middle of the street to ponder what to do. I should probably go home. I need to relax and forget about Octavia. But it was OUR home. Vinyl hung her head as tears started to well up in her eyes. She wiped them dry on her white hoof before trying to pull herself together.
She looked around for a street sign to get her bearings. When she finally found it, realization struck her. “The Pub is just up the street. Haven’t seen Leaky Top in a while,” she mumbled as she gathered herself.
Her mind made up, Vinyl continued her walk up the street until an unremarkable building with illegible wording above the door was just a few steps away. He won’t mind if I come in a little before they open, Vinyl thought as she pushed open the faded black door.
“Sorry, we’re closed,” she heard a voice call from a storeroom. “We’ll open up in ‘bout an hour if you wanna come back.”
A smile tugged at Vinyl’s lips as she looked around the bar. All the memories she had in this place came flooding back to her; but the ones with Octavia overpowered the rest, pushing to the forefront of her mind. The smile faded in an instant, replaced by a sorrowful frown. As tears fell from her eyes, a light grey unicorn stepped out of the storeroom, brushing his dirty-brown mane out of his eyes to better see who was there.
His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Vinyl standing in the doorway. “Vinyl, it’s you! I haven’t seen yo...” His voice drifted off as he noticed her crying.
“Vinyl, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He rushed over to comfort her, embracing her in a hug before leading her towards the bar, using his magic to pull out a stool.
As Vinyl sat down, Leaky walked around the bar to get her some water. He passed her a large cup as she mumbled a thank you and wiped her eyes before taking a long pull from the glass. Leaky waited until she took the cup away from her muzzle before trying to talk.
“So... how’ve you been? I ain’t seen you in a while.”
Vinyl slid her cup back to Leaky. “Fine. Working, as always. You? How’s the bar doin’?”
“Good. I’m doin’ good. The bar’s doin’ good.” He paused, trying to find a way to ask what he wanted without sounding rude. “So... what brings you here?” he asked, nervously shifting from hoof to hoof.
Vinyl looked away as her vision started to blur. “Nothing particular” she said after a minute of thought. “Can’t I just drop in to say ‘hi’ now and again?”
“Usually when a pony does that, they don’t start off by cryin’ in my doorway,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. Despite his best efforts, he saw Vinyl cringe when he said it. She turned around on the barstool, taking in the room: the fading red-and-black wallpaper, the old pool table, the booth she would sit at when she would come to watch Octavia perform. She would sit there the whole night, just watching her mare stand there and work her magic. When she finished, Vinyl would always cheer the loudest, pounding her hooves on the table and yelling, causing Octavia to blush as she joined her at the booth. As she would sit down, Leaky Top would bring them both a meal. They would converse over dinner before heading home.
Vinyl hadn’t even noticed the tears start to roll down her face as she turned back around. Seeing the fur under her eyes matted down, Leaky Top reached under the counter to grab some napkins. Taking the proffered napkins, Vinyl dried her face as she tried to pull herself together again. She set the used napkins on the bar, finally looking up to meet Leaky Top’s worried gaze.
“I guess that’s true,” she said, her voice unsteady. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “I guess... I guess I finally realized I let the best thing that ever happened to me just... walk away. And now, I can never get her back.”
Leaky knew what she was talking about. He had read the paper that morning. When he saw that Octavia had gotten married, he didn’t expect this to happen. He didn’t even think about how Vinyl would react.
“I didn’t even apologize,” she said, breaking Leaky Top out of his thoughts. She didn’t even try to stop the tears as they rolled down her face. “I wanted to, but I didn’t think she would forgive me; just yell and shut the door. Why would she want to be with a selfish DJ?”
“Vinyl,” Leaky said, trying to calm the distraught mare, “she was the cellist for the Canterlot Orchestra. She left that to be with you. How could you think she wouldn’t want to be with you?” This seemed to have the opposite effect he intended.
“Right. How could I forget I ruined her life?” Vinyl asked, her voice dripping with bitter sarcasm.
“W-well, you didn’t ruin her life,” he stammered, trying to salvage the situation. “I mean, look at her. She has a decent job, she is happily marri- shit.” He knew he screwed up.
Vinyl started bawling. She put her front hooves on the bar and rested her head on them. Leaky Top could only stand there and look on as her shoulders were racked with sobs. He didn’t know if he could do anything to fix what he said. He stood there for a minute before thinking to apologize. “V-Vinyl. I’m sooo sorry. I didn-”
“I-I know,” Vinyl mumbled as she raised her head. “It’s fine.” She used her forehooves to try and wipe her face dry to no avail. Setting her hooves back on the bartop, Vinyl looked down at the floor and mumbled, “I could really use a drink.”
Leaky looked at her, shocked. “I thought you quit shortly after you and Octavia got together?”
“I did.”
They just sat there for a couple moments, staring at one another. “So...”
“Things change, Leaky,” Vinyl said, her gaze not faltering.
“I don’t really think you should be drinking right now, Vinyl.”
“I don’t think that’s your choice.”
“W-well,” he stumbled for an excuse, “we aren’t open. I’m not allowed to sell alcohol while we’re closed,” he said with a small smile, pleased with his quick thinking.
“Then I’ll just sit here ‘til business starts,” Vinyl said, nonplussed.
“I exercise my right to not serve you on the grounds that you are in no state to be drinking and could potentially become harmful to yourself and others.” Leaky Top was upset that it came to that, but figured it was probably the best course of action.
Vinyl shot him a glare filled with anger and hurt. She got off the barstool without a word. As she turned around and head for the door, she spoke to Leaky. “Got it. I’ll just pick some stuff up on my way home.”
“Vinyl,” Leaky Top said as she reached the door, his voice filled with sorrow. “Please. I don’t want to see you do this to yourself.”
“Don’t worry.” She place her hoof on the door and turned back to face him. “You won’t.”
With that, she pushed the door open and walked through without looking back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pictures rattled as a door was flung open with a blue aura, mercilessly slamming into the wall. A pair of saddlebags flew through the opened portal, followed shortly by an enraged white unicorn. Vinyl slammed the door shut as she passed through. She then walked through the living room and into the adjoining kitchen, grumbling to herself the entire way. Opening the refrigerator, she looked around inside.
“Stupid empty fridge,” she growled, taking out her last bottle of whiskey and closing the door as she turned around. She popped the lid and downed half of it as she walked over to the couch and lay down. “Stupid stallion. Thinks he can tell me to stop drinkin’. Ha! I’ve been working my flank off for him the past two years. If he expects me to sit around and not drink while I relax... Ha!” She used her magic to turn on the radio, randomly switching the station as she let her mind wander.
“Vinyl, I think you need to take a break,” her manager had said.
“Why?” Vinyl asked, confused. “I’m at the top of my game!”
“You have been a bit ‘unstable’ lately.”
“Unstable?! How?” Vinyl looked at the stallion like he had just broken her favorite record.
“Last week you beat a stallion up for bumping into you,” he said, trying to keep a calm face.
“He did it on purpose and it caused me to break some of my records!” Vinyl shouted in defense. “And he groped my flank!”
“Last month you almost beat up a stage technician for plugging in the wrong wire.”
“It could have seriously damaged my equipment!” she shouted indignantly.
“Look. There are over 30,000 bits in your account. Take that and take a year off,” her manager said sternly, leaving no room for discussion. “You deserve it. You have been working almost non-stop for the past two years. I know it must have been tough finding out Octavia got mar-”
He was interrupted as a white hoof connected solidly with his muzzle.
Vinyl turned around and calmly walked out the door. “See ya next year.”
“And stay away from the booze, Vinyl!” the stallion shouted, rubbing his throbbing muzzle.
“Sstoopid manager, tellin’ meh whatta do. I’ll drink all da booze ah want,” Vinyl grumbled. She put the bottle to her muzzle to take another pull, only for nothing to come out. “Stupid empty bottle.”
“That was the new single off of Octavia Philharmonica’s new al-”
The radio was silenced as the empty bottle propelled by Vinyl’s magic shot through it, damaging it beyond repair. “Sstoopid radio. Sstoopid OctAvia.” Vinyl got up from the couch and stumbled back into the kitchen. “Leafin’ meh and marryun ssome other pony.” She looked around for something alcoholic to no avail. Giving up, she headed to her bedroom.
“She dunno wah she’ss missun. She mussta furgottun how good we had it.” Vinyl collapsed on the bed haphazardly. “I didn’t,” she whispered to herself, her voice steady once more. “I could never forget you. Never.” Her voice started to drift as she started falling asleep. “I wish I could sometimes...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Octavia stopped at the top of the steps to the second floor of the apartment complex. It has been eight years. She just stood there as she looked down the hall at the door marked “246”. Eight years to tell her that I am sorry. Eight years to admit I was being selfish.“If she even cares,” she whispered to herself, straightening up.
As she raised a grey hoof to take the first step, a wave of nervousness swept over her. What if she does not forgive me? As she took another step, butterflies overtook her stomach. What if she just yells and slams the door in my face? Another step; she started to sweat. What if it had not even affected her?
As her she arrive at the door, another thought caused her to shudder. What if she never even cared? She never tried to apologise. She didn’t try to make things right. What if it had all been a lie? These thoughts gave Octavia pause. The thought of Vinyl’s rejection, even after all these years, scared her.
Octavia turned to leave, too afraid to face that fear, but one more thought struck home. But neither did I. “What if she had been ready to apologise, but thought I never cared?” At this revelation, she turned back to the door. Time to make this right. She raised her hoof and knocked on the door. After a minute without an answer, she went to knock again. Maybe she is not home or awake.
As her hoof hit the door a bit harder this time, it popped open. She must have had a long night at work. Octavia thought back to all the times she would wake up and the door would be left cracked open, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips. Or came home drunk. She nudged the door open and looked around inside. “Vinyl,” she called, not seeing or hearing the unicorn. “Vinyl, it is Octavia.” Not receiving an answer, she shouted, “Vinyl, I am coming inside!”
Stepping inside, Octavia closed the door and turned on the light. Wow, other than the mess, it is exactly how I remember it. She turned into the living room as she called out to Vinyl. “Vinyl! It is Octavia. We need to talk.” Looking around the room, she saw nothing out of place except for dozens of empty bottles of varying sizes lying around.
“She probably just threw a big party last night,” Octavia said, trying to keep her mind from a harsher explanation. “Yeah. That is probably it. She always did love to party.” She gave a small chuckle, trying to lift the dark thoughts on her mind, and brushed a hoof through her ebon mane to make sure it was presentable. She trotted through the main room to the kitchen. More bottles littered the floor, counters, and table.
Seeing that Vinyl wasn’t there, Octavia turned to leave. She stopped as she thought she saw something familiar amid all the bottles. She walked over to the table, pushing bottles to the edges. She smiled fondly, sadness in her lavender eyes as she lifted a crystal vase from amidst the debris. Vinyl was adamant about spending so many bits on something she found virtually useless. After some begging, and promising favors, Vinyl finally gave in and let Octavia buy it.
Octavia put the vase back on the table, holding back tears. She kept this, after all these years. She kept it even though she hated it. Octavia turned once again to leave, but froze at a sudden revelation: she had taken the vase with her when she left. As she walked to the bedroom, she tried to think of a reason why Vinyl would go out and buy something she couldn’t stand. She put a hoof on the handle, taking a moment to brace herself. She wasn’t exactly sure what she would find, but she knew the room itself would bring back memories of her time with Vinyl.
Twisting the handle, she pushed the door open. This room was like the rest; littered with dozens of bottles, but otherwise exactly how she remembered it. From the embroidered curtains she had bought for Vinyl in Canterlot to the old wooden bed frame Vinyl refused to get rid of, nothing had changed. The bed was even made up how Octavia did it every morning: the left side folded down and a spare blanket folded at the foot. Vinyl never made the bed, she thought with a hint of sorrow and confusion.
She turned toward the bathroom on the left side of the bed, hoping Vinyl wasn’t face down in a puddle of her own puke again. Opening the door, she wasn’t prepared for what she saw when she flicked on the light: it was clean. One of the things that had always bugged her the most was a dirty bathroom. Vinyl had always left used towels lying around, empty bottles and jars of hair gel and paints littering the floor after preparing for a big party, personal effects scattered across the floor. She had even left her mixing equipment set up by the shower once, claiming she had been listening to music as she bathed. Now, dirty towels were in a basket, empty containers in the trash can, and the floor almost shined. Exactly how she had always wanted it.
She shut off the light and closed the door as she stepped back into the bedroom. As she walked towards the exit, she saw picture frames on a dresser by the door. She walked up to see them better, and her breath caught in her throat. They were all of her and Vinyl. Her and Vinyl after her first performance at The Pub. Her and Vinyl at a fancy restaurant. Her and Vinyl cuddled up on the couch.
The last one was too much for Octavia. As her resolve broke, years of pent-up emotion flooded out. “Why did I come back when she was gone? Why did I not try and fix us? How could I let this happen?” Her voice trailed off into a whisper, covered by her sobs.
Trying to gather herself, Octavia wiped her eyes, sniffling. Once she had calmed down, she stood up and straightened her pink bowtie, running her hoof over it in reminiscence. The same one she got me for our anniversary. At this, Octavia almost broke down again. She swallowed her sorrow, walking out the door and to the last room in the apartment: the study.
Stopping at the door to prepare herself for another onslaught of memories, Octavia took a moment to think. Do I even want her to be here? Will I be able to confront her if she is? Do I just act like this never happened if she isn’t? Well, I have come too far not to at least try. Here goes everything. She took a calming breath and opened the door.
Octavia swept her glance across the room. Papers and bottles littered the floor and desk, pictures sat on shelves, and a few disks were scattered around the room. Not seeing Vinyl, Octavia walked around the room to pick up the disks, not understanding why Vinyl was so careless with them. She grabbed the three she saw and took them to the desk. As she laid them on the desk, she glance at the labels; Missed Chance, Shattered Heart, and Hollow Soul. Octavia had a good implication of what the songs were, just from the titles.
Knowing she had to make things right, though she could never fully fix it, Octavia walked around the desk to leave Vinyl a note. As she made it to the back of the desk, she paused, letting out a surprised gasp. Vinyl was sprawled out belly down on the floor, facing away from Octavia with something clutched in her right hoof. Octavia let out a relieved sigh, with a hint of resignation. It is best to just get this over with now since she is here. Octavia cleared her throat before speaking.
“Vinyl. It is Octavia. Your door was open so I came in. We need to talk.” When Vinyl didn’t respond, she repeated herself a bit louder. When a response still wasn’t forthcoming, she nudged her raising her voice to a near shout, “Vinyl! Wake up, we need to talk.” As Vinyl lay there, unmoving, Octavia started to get worried. She nudged her harder and started shouting. “Vinyl, come on. It isn’t funny anymore. Get up, Vinyl. Vinyl! GET UP!”
Octavia became frantic as she got down to roll Vinyl over. As she knelt, she saw Vinyl’s purple sunglasses lying on the floor, shattered. She gasped, tears rolling down her face. As she rolled Vinyl over, she looked at her face. What she saw would haunt her every moment for the rest of her life; Vinyl’s features were contorted into a look of abject sorrow, the fur on her face matted down by tears. It was stricken with remorse, longing for better days.
Octavia shook Vinyl, crying for her to wake up. Tears poured from her eyes as she ran a hoof down Vinyl’s side in search of one of hers. When she found it, she grasped it, hoping that Vinyl would feel her and come back. But, instead of the soft hoof she remembered, she was met with a piece of paper. She removed her other hoof from Vinyl, resting her head in her lap, and uncrumpled the paper. What she saw made her stare in shock.
This is my fault. All my fault.
She dropped the paper, pulling Vinyl into a hug. Tears ran freely from her eyes, soaking the alabaster mares coat and dripping onto the faded picture.
A picture of a grey earth pony holding a cello bow. The pink of the cellist’s bow and cutie mark were dull. In the corner at the bottom was one word. The first thing Octavia had ever given to Vinyl:
Her autograph.
Author's Note
I need to thank RushingAutumnLeaves for allowing me to use this idea that me and TheAzureAzoth came up with in her comments and for quickly replying when I would ask for information regarding the story.
I also need to thank Reader of the Night, ScribbleScript, and Noc for pre-reading it for me.
And I need to blame the other admins at The Jazzy Fillyfoolers for keeping me from working on this.
I hope you enjoyed the story. If you see any mistakes, please point them out.
Also, I think that Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley feat. Allison Kraus seems to fit this story pretty good.
