Half Baked - Ideas And Curing The Blues

by apple short

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sex, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 2749

Half Baked comes up with a plan to get some love at the apple family reunion only it does not all work according to plan.

Half Baked comes up with a plan to get some love at the apple family reunion only it does not all work according to plan.

Published 2013-03-20 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-20 23:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Half Baked was Being in the sun and he was all sad in the open because when he was in his world it was upside down in that way.

“fucking this is upsetting me violently at least a little bit.” He said with pissitidy to rival a griffon being teased with the promise of equalitude and then not getting a place to live on the map of Aquestria but forced back to its own land with a cruel and laughing aha from a maniacal and twisted leader of death. (Like Discord)

Things were not to be much satisfied lately for this poor manpony and he could feel it with some legitamits and unforchantable understanding. his world was meshed like stranded oats and it ground him to the earth like a blow torched pegasus or a fat parasprite that has became unable to burp babies.

"My world is like a chopping block of worry!" He smacked the dust with his mane and pouted more usually! "I am not even gothic so why is emo stuff happening to me!" He cried readily and it flecked the shame away from him in childish whippets and stringy urgency. "Am I not to be of a pleased way and loved even when the family of my world is together here in a place for being a provider of love for us all so we can charge and go back out into the depths of the world renewed with hope and not subscribed to sadness?" the question hung alone and then all of the tumbleweeds blue by. (Get it it they BLUE by! :D Cause he is Blue! XD)

Half Baked then ran away to sleep for a moment and missed most of the reunion and Applejack being the leader of it.

Spike was running along the edge of the everfree and taunting Discord with his awesome scaled breakdancing. "You are a loser Discord!" He whistled and flipped around. Suddenly he stopped. "Discord why are you not getting pissed at me for mocking your suckiness?" He rumored?

"I am cured of bad chaos because of the Fluttershy so be nice to me now because we are friends and I am accepted as a loving beast to share the world with." He wiped the chocolate rain from his eyes. "Even Angle the bunny pet has accepted me so you are the last dick not to be kind to me meaning you are now the bad guy Spike!" Discord jumped around gleefully.

Fucking no I am not a bad type of dragon!" Cried out Spike recoiling mortally terrified with his claws shooked and he clenched his fists to where they dripped blood!

"Fucking yes you are!" Screamed Discord laughing and chuckling to where his belly rumbled and his horns twisted in a hypnotising way. "You are teasing me when I am good making you the new bad fucking maniac of chaos!"

"No!"

"Yes it is true Lol you are a meanie and a loser!" Discord gave Spike the loser L sign on his head.

Then Spike coiled his tail around him and smoke drifted from his nose in foreboding fear at his shaken state of reality. His claws twitched in clicks and he felt each scale against him wriggle in dismal annoyance and with a shattering boom of fire erupting from his lips like a Changaling dying from lovelessness he recieved a note from Lessy for his master Twilight and the hero (and spikes best effing friend) Prince Martin Willis. "ugh." said spike and ran away to cry and feel bad about turning into a villain while delivering the letter.

Fluttershy appeared and she was so mad she walked normal instead of shy dropping her head. "That was um mean Discord and um you should apoligize cause um it looked like um you really fucked um up his mind."

"Fine." Said discord rolling his body but keeping his eyes still. Then he ran after the traumad Spike.

BUT Then Half Baked woke up from the crustyness of his saddened and destroyed world state and he ran outside to yawn. "Yawn." He yawned. "I hope everyone else is feeling happier." He felt bad like a diamond dog among nondiamondish gems.

And he surveyed the reunion of other apple kin that he knew like a rock outcropping jutting through the sky while animals prance about it with merriment in eplostaticalastical rhythmic hoof beating to the theme music of an epic quality. (The theme music would be like this. Bum bum (deep pause) bum ba bum bum (a slight pause that makes the deep pause look stupid for trying to be deep when it is already in an epic song) then a high pitched like bum ba bum bum bumpa bum! This would all to be sounds just like the century 21 tv station opening song sounds only with nature things like birds and shaken trees afraid of going bald instead of drums)

“I need to come up with a way for me to have plenty of sex or my balls will explode like massive blueberries!” HE MUMBLED SHAMEFULLY. “I am sure to find at least one apple person here who I can lickkissbutthug.” He cried out with a rent tongue and lifted his arms to the sky with gashed teeth and grinding heart of dying need!

“Cheer up yall ponyhowdy.” It was applejack and she appeared beside him with the cider. “Because I will make this the effing best day ever for sure yall so dont be a dick and get sad or I will be ruined as an apple member.” She sipped the cider and winked in seductiveness and her tail screeched elegance but remained with the earth. “You should be the happiest most fantasmatic pony here because you also agree blue is a cooler color for apples than red and I have made them. Pony howdy blue!” She licked him on the face and her tongue made each hair on his nose stand up and moan before falling down in a way that made his neck stand up.

“Ya but whatever because like you know these things are like impossible to like well just you know.” He was so wanting to kiss her but he sucked at talking to ponies fully because he could only do things half way in that way for him to do things. So he just stuck his hoof in her butt. “This is best sex I ever

and so it became a violin try.

What is with these moments yall posses!" She was touched in a beyond psychic way and drove her points into his flesh with each kind of cheek squeezes. "you have always been weird because you are blue. Which means that you are only a half apple family member since we are the colors green yellow red and orange mostly!" It stung Half Baked like getting rubbed against by a stranger on the train. A dirty and probably homeless stranger that will not stop his laughing and self whispers when he contacts against you. "And your dad was probably a effing ponyhowdy hobo brick layer or lemon grower." She smacked a hole in his eye! "Yall are being an fucking dick and we cannot bang!" She whispered it so not to be heard by the hardworking line of union goers at her party so they would not be dismayed to breaking and could have fun quilting and stuff instead of being dismal.

"that hurt my eye you know." Half Baked screamed so loud Applejack had to grab his face and crush it in her hooves gently so to not alert the reunioners. "Fucking double ow." He boomed deep and it shook around the area!

"shut up yall are a loser mhmm!" She begged him angrily in a still sexy tone of sounding way that was upsetting to her but she had to use anyway dispite not liking to drag his feelings into it with her seductiveness. But it would get him to listen cause he loved sexiness. "You are not even fully one of us Apples but to get the love of me you cannot. Because in that small way we are family only a little! And dude yall know that being my relative means we cant be making love much. It would be insects!" Applejack gulped sadly and tried to unhoof stuck her butt because she seriously meant it and she loved him and wanted to be a good person anyway.

"I just love you and wanted to get love to cause we love the color blue so much and are friends!"

“Seriously what the ponyhowdy hay to think you are trying to doing yall?” Applejack was pissed but kept his hoof in her but without slipping away from him with a moody disgust and sexy shiver because it was giving her a chance to butgasm and that took her mind from fearing failure of violent passion that gripped her like luna gripped her sanity in caustic strands of tattered revulsion. As they spread weightless in the endless victories her mind could perceive like virtue against tyrannical and banished ideals to die in screeching laughter each night that she spied from the moon on Aquestria whole in a spiteful view of remembered love to much coated with jealousy to be perceived. The same Of were Applejacks fears of being a horrible leader on the day the apples celebrated family.

(also she let him stay because he was blue and she loved the color blue and so did he so they were always friends growing up when they saw each other on farm togetherness days for apple lovers. Plus very few ponies are blue so she does not get to love someone of that awesomenicity.)

Half Baked blushed and tried to remove his hoof. “I am sorry but you know I always love you somewhat.” She twitched her iron cheeks of spasming love so hard her butgasming jammed his hoof sourly inside of her. And he tried to pull it out in frantic oops though in a way that was like a vulture trying to flee the rampaging lion whose kill she had just eaten but her fat feet got stuck in the bones of the dead deer and so she just cries bird sounds knowing death is coming to bite her effing head off. Because lions do not share for shit.

Suddenly Applejack butgasmed big. “Woot.” She said and sipped the cider sliding away from him and unstucking him to her. “Yall werent half bad.” She said forgiving him.

“Fucking quit it with the half jokes!” He glared so deep his eyes spit flames like spike when he is destroying his enemies as the black hearted son of death.

Suddenly he had an scheme to put into place and he giggled triumphantly with such force the air whistled around his mane and his feet banished the earth to be below him. “Have you played pony applebucking applejack?”

“No yall she said.” Unsure but intrigued like a ladder should be when an idea is thrown at them from a friend who they are leading.

“This is ponyapplebucking!” He jumped in the air with gleeful plan in actualizational identifcatabazing power. “mmph.”

Then he ran up to applejack and smacked her in the face with his rear end. “Huzzah!” He cheered. “Plan a plus worked.” HE grinned between his front legs and back legs to look at the shocked head of Applejack. And he viewed the pleasure of his testicales when he smacked them like soggy glasses or wet cereal onto the face of Applejack.

“what the buck yall better ahh!” She did not finish her sentence since the blue balls fell in her mouth and she sucked them because they tasted good. “Sweetcrisper yall better stop mmm but yer balls are awesome so wait a moment.” She then chewed on the stringy viens that looked like otter pops that ran like ice roads along his blue dingaling.

Then Half Baked gripped the stautue corners of her plot (but totally in a kind way not as to be unfit for sexy viewing for it was to still looked plumpis) sides of her stringent but like fairies playing grass flutes to tease babies to death when they roam and sloshed his hoofs deeper inside of her with gleeful maleligance and it shot out with a popping sound of suction cupped loving like for as a clam that is spitting out pearls because it is being slave trained by rarity to fashion sew its gems together.

Applejack then for to rub her place away licked an eye across his weenie and they both orgasmed.

“Now feel the super duper Half Baked banana slamming hoof jamming magic cramming dick docking for my favorite relatives cock stocking!” He was pleased at the rhyme but not much because his stupid friend Jonathon said it sounded gay even though it wasn’t. So he cannot come over Saturday to play video games and minifigure wars because he is being an asshat slutpuppit idea killer. (Fuck you Johnathon for real you cannot for to come here this saterday loosing hatter!)

Then he pulled out an old brown banana that is not good for eating only cooking and shoved it in her girl part.

“Wait yall whatt!” Applejack was too alte in her protestable scream and it was to be like a phoenix egg being grasped by a dragon only to be saved from meaner dragons and not dashed to death before life had even beat into it a memory of kindness. As she felt the mush squeeze from the banana and fill her up and cook in her like a sexy pie and she orgasmed in shloppy goodness.,

Then just when Applejack was gonna get up Half Baked turned his neck over towards her but and began eating the fruit from her sexy tool. “Yum it tastes so warm and baked.” He said between banana bites.

She blushed till she turned red like a crab and licked his mane caressing the strands with malignant dignity and forced forgetfulness onto him with tons of harshness like a fish swimming in air or a bird drowning in cheese sauce trying to reach the nachos at one of a baseball game stand.

Then Applejack let him put his horse weenie in hers and they made love and became happy. “Woohoo I love you.” Half Baked said with epic smugness and indifferent habitual care.

Applejack took a step back and sighed. “Well I guess you’re the only happy reunioner because I am sucking at the rest of them.

“Thanks.” He said sad for her but happy he had gotten laid. “that cheered me up and the reunion is a success!” He screamed in extra critical honesty.

She looked around and saw that since she was not being super bossy everyone was having a great time playing. “Yall are right!” so they kissed and made love and he licked her earholes and rubbed his eyelashes across the grooves in her feet and she kissed his but and chewed on his tail and mane and the came and were pleased.

Then she went to go sip cider and be an awesome leader. And Half Baked thumbed himself up and was full of cheeriness in his huzzahs for being able to succeed with a plan and get love.

Back at the treehouse of Twilight and Prince Martin Willis Spike was busy thinking things through about being mean to Discord but then Discord showed up and they became friends again belly danced for the fidgeting Lyras claw love after the and Prince Martin Willis let Spike make love to Twilight once for learning a good lesson and Twilight agreed it was cool. So they made love and became happy.

But granny smith was expectant of the flow of general good that day and she sat down to accept the washing of pony magic through extra sexy friendship that had occured on all.

Author's Note

Authors note: Some Minor Editing By Johnathon. (but very little it was allowed so as for not to ruin my artistnessity I more just let him watch me and suggest a path for traveling through my fingers with words he echoed that i typed with knowledge!) Also Jonathon you really cannot come over to play this Saturday you dick. (If you come anyway though bring your halo figures since my mom only gots me the the pony ones.)