Discord gets SERVED!!

by BakaOniisan

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Discord, Alternate Universe
Length: 4196

After a very pervert act against Twilight, Discord is prosecuted for the sole lawyer: a drunk dragon. But his hopes grow up learning that the judge is a friend: Chrysalis. Who will win this judgment? Discord or Twilight?

To start, let's see this dimension: EVERYONE is friend! Sombra, Chrysalis, Discord, Twilight, Spike, etc ... Everyone! They all live like a big family in a large mansion where Celestia is the head of the family. And Spike is 15 years old, but for every one he's still the "little dragon", and I think that's all.

After a very pervert act against Twilight, Discord is prosecuted for the sole lawyer: King which is drunk this day. Twilght's lawyer is Spike. But his hopes grow up learning that the judge is a friend: Chrysalis. Who will win this judgment? Discord or Twilight?

Featuring King from Dragon Training

LOT of dialogue, no much narration... sorry.

Published 2013-02-10 23:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-10 23:40:01 UTC

Discord get SERVED!

“Oh my! I tripped!” Discord exclaimed, while falling on the back of Twilight, and putting his hands at places ... very intimate.

The unicorn was speechless, she know that the demon was attracted to her that lately he looked at her with lusted, but THIS! It was harassment! She took the hands of the draconequus off her and banged her hoof on the cheek.

“I’m sick of your shit!” she yelled before getting far far away from Discord.

The demigod of Chaos stayed there, stunned about what just happened, that’s when Spike jumped from nowhere and gave him a paper.

“HA! See ya in court, dude.” He exclaimed before disappearing into the darkness.

Discord looked at the paper, “find a lawyer?” he read, Sombra jumped from nowhere and yelled: “You got SERVED!”

In the court

King and Discord where walking down a hall, dressed in a dark suit and tie, the dragon approached his client and exclaimed:

“Don’t worry mate! With me on your side, there’s no way we’ll lose! *hic*”

“Dude…, are you drunk?” asked the accused one.

“Who me?” smiled with stupidity the lawyer.

“OH MAN!” shouted Discord.

Hearing this, King ran away.

“Stop yelling’ at me!!” he yelled.

“I wasn’t…”

Then the dragon fell on the floor and giggled. “Hahaha, I fell!” escaped from his mouth.

Discord face palmed, “I’m so screwed…”.

In the courtroom

“OBJECTION!!!” yelled a little purple dragon dressed in a blue suit and green tie.

The room stayed silent for a while…

“ Tee hee. Oh shit, we haven’t started yet… Why do you not tell me these things?” Spike asked of Twilight who was glaring at him, and who by the way, was dressed in a nice dark blue dress.

The door opened and two characters came forward into the room, they went to sit at their places, that is to say, the table of the accused.

“Hello Spiky.” smirked King.

“OH CRAP!” exclaimed “Spiky”.

Everyone in the room stared confused. Spike grabbed his head with both hands: "OH BUCK!" he exclaimed again, with a dejected air.

“Are you ok?” she asked

“Just look at him! Cocky, freakin’ dragon… With those sparking, orange-flame eyes…, that beautiful light green crest…, those strange form horns! GAH! The wimmens… they just love his charm!” explained the purple dragon to the unicorn.

“… If you say so…”

“Heha, tea time!” laughed King.

King placed a teapot and a cup on the table, he filled it. Then pulled out a metal bottle from his inside pocket of his coat, and poured its contents into the cup. Discord notices and asked:

“Are you putting whiskey in your tea?”

“Noooo, my friend, it’s rum!”

“Oh man! My first loss and it’ll be to THIS guy!” cried the messenger of Celestia's faithful student.

“WHAT LOSS?! You can’t lose!” exclaimed Twilight

“But King always wins!”

Some minutes later

Garble entered in the room as the bailiff. He approached the judge’s bench and sighed:

“All rises. Court now in session. The honorable Judge...” Someone sat down in the place of the judge. “Chrysalis presiding...”

“HEHEHEH! Hey, fags!” Chrysalis smirked.

On seeing her Twilight and Spike exclaimed: "Chrysalis?" King coughed while he drank, but Discord, he jumped with joy while singing a "Chrysie ~!"

“Hey girl~!” flagged the draconequus.

“Hey baby~!” responded the changeling.

“OBJECTION!!” yelled Spike by standing up, which annoyed the judge.

“OVER-RULED!!” she yelled. “Did I say you could speak?!”

“No, ma’am...” he whispered. The purple unicorn lost all her hope to win.

“Sit your ass down!”

“Yes, ma’am...” he sits down.

“Hehe, Pwned.”

After a few seconds of silence, Chrysalis calmed down and asked:

“Ok, guys, what’s the dealio?”

Spike stands up again.

“THAT DRACONEQUUS IS A RAPIST!!” he yelled, designating the said rapist.

“Oh my goodness!” The judge exclaimed with a surprised look. “Is this true, Dis-Dis?”

King approached his client and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Your Honor, clearly my client is being falsely accused of these lewd acts.” The dragon explained, Discord started to pout, “Someone as beautiful and intelligent as you could see that...”continue King

Chrysalis pattied her mane, “Yeah... I know I’m intelligent and beautiful. Good call. Alright, kiddo, call your first witness.”

Twilight’s hope began to fly away like a pegasus. Spike, him, was shocked in front of so much favoritism. He sighed:

Spike: “For my first witness, I call Sombra to the stand...”

The door opened violently, a gray unicorn came into the room and yelled:

“Watch out people! SEXY is finally back!”

All stallions glared at him, but he didn’t gives a shit about that, he still advanced in the room. Twilight, on seeing him, panicked and grabbed the collar of her lawyer.

“WHY would you call him?! Sombra hates me!!”

“Oh shi-! Seriously?!”

“He tried to KILL US, you ASSHAT!!” she yelled.

The first witness approached the bailiff who handed him a book on which the pony placed his left hoof and put up his right one.

“You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... or Chrysalis will maim you...?” asked the red dragon.

Sombra turned to the audience with a smile, "I do!" he said, making a magnificent wink. Three mares fell down, unconscious. He went and sat down at the witness chair. The purple dragon came and began to question him.

“So, Sombra...”

“Yep?”

“Isn’t it true... That Discord is a bucking... rapist?” he asked

“He has never touched me in-appropriately!” exclaimed the unicorn. Spike face palm, “If you ask me, Twilight’s just an ungrateful, snobby whore!” added Sombra

“No more questions...”

“King, any questions?” asked the judge.

“No, ma’am!”

“Aright then! Witness may step down.” She said, “Bye Somb’.”

“See ya, Chrys!” f exclaimed the stallion while exiting the room.

Twilight glared at Spike, because of his stupid idea to bring someone who hates them, they’re further into the sh-.

“Ok, next witness!” she said while patting her mane.

“I call Trixie to the stand...” Spike said, feeling safer than before.

“GOOD! Trixie will back me up!” enthused Twilight.

A blue unicorn opened the door and approached Garble. This one looked down at her, and by seeing how small she was relative to Sombra, he smirked.

"Ooooh! You swear to tell da twooth, the whole twooth, and nuttin but da twooth?” he mocked as if he was talking to a baby.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is not five years old, you ass!” she yelled to the dragon.

“Roh! Such bad language!”

“I DO!”

She went to sit at her place; everybody in the room laughed when seeing that when she sat down, her horn was the only thing visible behind the bench. The judge leaned towards the witness and asked her if she needed to kneel on some books to see over the bench. The bailiff held in his laugh. Trixie reluctantly accepted. Spike approach her.

" So, Trixie... You agree that Discord totally raped Twilight, right?”

“OF COURSE!” yelled the mare, “That demon is constantly up her ass! Figuratively AND literally speaking!”

Spike smiled, and went to sit in his place.

“No. Further. Questions.” he said, settling comfortably.

“Stupid smurf!” muttered the accused rapist.

“Cross-examination?” asked King. The changeling nodded, so he approaches the witness.

“So, you say that my client is up Twilight’s ‘ass’ constantly?”

“Yes! He’s a bucking pervert!”the mare exclaimed.

“Is he ‘up her ass’ at this moment?”

“....................................................................” said Trixie.

“Answer the question, love....” smiled the green dragon.

“No... no, he’s not...” whispered the blue unicorn.

“So you lied to the court?” noticed loudly the lawyer.

“OBJECTION!!” yelled Spike, indignant.

“Denied.” Singed the judge

King returned to attack.

“Isn’t it true that you are so bloody short you need to kneel on some books to peek above the bench?”

Trixie was surprised and upset by this question. She was about to explode.

“Your Honor?” asked the lawyer.

“Answer the question!” she said.

“......”

Spike face palm, “Aw shit...”

The witness jumped on the table and began to strangle the dragon.

“I’m gonna bucking kill YOU, I SWEAR TO CELESTIA!!” she yelled.

Every pony in the courtroom was afraid about this outburst, while King was saying something like: “This mare is unstable!”

“ORDER!” yelled the judge by hitting two times the table with the hammer *doink-doink*. “Bailif, get this pony outta my courtroom!”

Garble grabbed the unicorn and put it on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes while Trixie continued to roar on the green dragon. The Judge crossed her arms, pissed off.

“Jeez, Spike, your witnesses suck!”

“I-I have one more!” worried the little dragon, “My star witness, Pinkie Pie!”

“Oh, THIS should be good…”

“Am I a pretty star?” asked loudly a pink mare behind Chrysalis.

“How the hell? Get down!” she yelled to the third witness.

Pinkie jumped off the bench and asked where was the bailiff, "He said he was too tired of this shit so he left!” yelled a brown and dark-mane pegasus. The changeling had no choice but to ask another bailiff: Rainbow Dash (which had reluctantly accepted the job). The blue pegasus handed the book.

“You swear to tell the truth?”

“Sure do, Dashie! Pinkie Promise!” laughed the mare and she went to sit at the witness stand. Spike approached her.

“So, Pinkie, You’ve seen Discord touching Twilight a lot, huh?”

“Yep. They like wrestling!”

“Wrestling?” wondered the lawyer.

“Yeah! Like what Thunderlane and Caramel do with me!” exclaimed the earth pony.

Upon hearing this, everyone gasped, except King who spat his tea on the ground before bursting into laughter and Discord who laughed a little, turned and said: “You dog!”! Chrysalis only said: “Oooooo~ Drama!” the thing was, Thunderlane was single, so the fact that he had some crazy nights with Pinkie, OK! No problem! But Caramel… He was in couple with Applejack for almost a year and a half! Everyone looked at the orange stallion that became scarlet; he looked to his right, where his girlfriend stared at him with a cold smile, a demonic aura escaped from the mare.

“I know I wasn’t supposed to tell, but I Pinkie Promise to tell the true to Dashie!” tried to explain the witness.

The cow-mare caught the ear of her future ex-boyfriend and took him out of the room. It was at this time that Caramel began to scream.

“I swear baby! It’s not true! I swear! HEEEEEEELP!!”

Then the door closed… Spike was frustrated: he had just learned that someone he trusted had cheated on one of his best friends with another! He was very upset,! And without thinking, he took all this rage on his witness ... what a jerk!

“Isn’t it true Discord touches you?!” he yelled.

“Yes, but he just wanted to be a massage person!” she looked scared, “Why are you yelling at me, Spikey? It’s not nice! I don’t wanna play with you no more!” she cried. Every single creature in the room glared at the little purple dragon while the pink mare sobbed exiting the room.

“Your first witness turned on you, your second was a psycho, and your third ran out of the courtroom calling you a ‘meanieface’…” recapitulated the Judge, “WOW! Approach the bench, both of you…” she ordered to Spike and Twilight, “You’re both fags! Now go back to your seats!” she yelled while the two of them gloomed. “Anyone you wanna question, King?” she asked to the green dragon.

King rose, “Y-yes, ma’am.” He raised his arm and then lowers it to his client, shouting: “I call my client, Discord, to the stand!”

“How much ‘tea’ did you have?!” yelled Discord.

The draconequus swore to tell the truth after a threat of punches in the face by Rainbow Dash. Hey, he’s maybe a demigod of Chaos but he can still feel the pain. Once on the witness stand, he coughed nervously, his lawyer approach him.

“So, Twilight is saying you sexually harassed her?” the green dragon asked.

“Yeah…”

“Is this true?”

“No way!” exclaimed Discord. He continued: “It was just like surprise sex that she didn’t know she wanted!” he said happily.

“Is that so?”

Twilight was about to explode, there was veins dancing the samba on her forehead.

“So this is all a misunderstanding?” asked again King.

“Of course! We love each other, me and Twily!”

The concerned was about to cast a spell that would blow the rapist demon into pieces, fortunately Spike was there to hold her down. She had to be calmed down ... in spite of the hatred look in her bloodshot eyes.

“A ‘misunderstanding’ he says…” said quietly the big dragon.

“Cross-exami-“tried to ask the little dragon, but to slow: King returned to attack his client.

“Where were you on the night of the 15th?!” he yelled.

“What?” answered Discord with almost a heart attack

“Answer the question!! YOUR HONOR!?”

“Uhm…” Chrysalis was stunned about this; she leaned toward the accused, “Answer him…, before he kills us all.”

“But today it’s the 14th.”

King fixed him with an angry and stupid look, *HIC* he said, and suddenly he smile and started to laugh, “Hehehe…
King: They call him Slendermane and he doesn’t even have a mane… hehehe….. OBJECTION!!” the dragon yelled.

“You’re objecting yourself?” asked the changeling, “You should sit down, King…” she advised.

The dragon glared at his client, “No further questions, your Honor…” he went to sit in his place, “You’re up!” he said to the little lawyer.

“DAMN, he’s good” commented Spike.

“GOOD?! He’s drunk!” she yelled.

“I wish I was drunk…” murmured her lawyer.

“You don’t even have the legal age to drink, Spike.” Sighed the unicorn.

Spike had an idea, he put one hand inside one of his suit pocket, “Ok… I think I got this!” he approached Discord, takes out a paper from his pocket and slammed it on the table in front of the draconequus.

“Misunderstanding? Explain THESE!” the accused takes the papers and take a look at them,

“Well?! Huh?!” asked Spike.

“These are nice…, but what do naked Rarity pics have to do with anything?”

“Wait. What?”

Spike leaned on Discord while the latter showed him the pictures, bleeding from the nose.

“Nice shot!” exclaimed the accused rapist.

“Hehe! Oh! Those are nice!” commented the little dragon. Both of them were red faced like tomatoes.

“Power over space is awesome! Jeez, I’m jealous!” laughed the draconequus.

Every stallion in the courtroom, even the drunken King exclaimed in a chorus, “I wanna see!!”
Suddenly a hammer went crashing on Spike’s skull.

“Hurry the buck up, kiddo!” yelled the Judge.

“That’s why you can’t get laid…” though the little dragon, taking back the pictures, and slamming another,

“OK, EXPLAIN THIS!!” Discord look at IT.

“Ooooooh!” smiled, blushed, the bleeding nose draconequus.

“Is Twilight aware of these pictures?” asked Spike.

“PICTURES?!” yelled indignantly the purple unicorn.

“Wait, what were you doing in my room…?” asked angrily Discord

“Uh Oh!”

King hit the table, drunker than ever, “Objection! Permission to approach the bench?” he asked.

“Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” yelled Spike in his mind.

Chrysalis raised her nose from her Ponyendo DS, “Yeah, what the buck ever…” The green dragon approach the bench,
She continues…“Alright, what do you want dragon?”

“Your Honor, the prosecution obtained those images illegally without a warrant!” He turned to his little rival, “Trifling through my client’s things! Without permission! He should be ASHAMED!”

“I sympathize with the defendant! The pictures are out!”

Spike fell to his knees, a spotlight on him, and a destroyed look on his face. While King raised his arms over him, smiling mischievously, “Faiiluure~!”

The two dragons returned to their places, “You idiot!” said the unicorn to her lawyer, Spike was jabbing one finger in each hand with the other, with a desolate look on his face. In the other table, Discord was smirking while King was standing up and poking the little dragon’s shoulder with… his chair? “OI! Oi! Spiky! You fail! FAIL!”

“Okay, let’s review shall we?” said the Judge, “Dis-Dis, you’re an accused rapist. Twilight… you’re a prude. Spike’s an idiot!” the little dragon slammed his face on the table, “King… is one HELL of a good lawyer when he’s smashed!”

King was lying on the floor, laughing a: “Hehe! One more rum!”

“Ok! Any questions before my final ruling?” asked Chrysalis.

“YES! I have a bucking question!” yelled the purple unicorn, what made Spike wonder, “Yes, well, why I’ve not gotten a chance to speak?” she asked.

“Oops…” thought the little lawyer.

The changeling called out Rainbow Dash, “You! Rainbow-mane slave cop! Get me my doink-doink!”

“Your what?” asked the pegasus cop.

“My hammer.”

“Oh! Okay, here it is.” She handed the hammer to the Judge.

“Thank you.”

“No prob.”

Chrysalis: “Well, I’ll tell you why, Twilight. Apparently…”a murderous look upon her face., and lifteing her hoof which held the hammer, she threw it with all his might aiming for the forehead of the purple unicorn who just wanted to talk a little ... “No one gives a shit about what you have to say!” she yelled in front of the shocked audience.

Twilight fell to the ground unconscious. Sombra emerged from under the chair of the purple dragon to shout a "PWN'D!" and Spike, angrily took the hammer from the ground and struck violently the chin of the gray unicorn, yelling a “SHUT THE BUCK UP SOMBRA!!” and then there were two unicorns unconscious on the ground, two! The young lawyer laid the hammer in his coat, “Better recognize it, bitch!” he whispered.

“That was the first thing you did right. I’ll allow it.” Said quietly the Judge.

Spike lifted the body of Twilight, and said happily, “Ya hear that?! I did something right!”

“Well, I’ll be back!” said Chrysalis," Calling a recess!" and she went out of the room.

King jumped out his table, yelling: “First dibs on the monkey bars!!” and he ran out of the room, direction: the bar for rum!

Six minutes later

The courtroom was empty, King returned to the room, drunk as ever, clothes undone.

“Well, King, you look like YOU had fun!” said Spike to his elder.

“Tee hee hee…” laughed the drunken dragon, with a stupid smile on his face.

“I’m soooo bored, when I think I could be sleeping on a cloud at this hour…” thought Rainbow Dash not far away.

Twilight awaked and put one of her hoof on her forehead, “What a waste of time…” she thought. What she didn’t see was that Discord came dangerously to her with a perverted smile on his face. He approached closer and closer to the unicorn and no more than a few centimeters, when he tried to plant a kiss on the young unicorn, but this one pushed him with all his strength.

“DAMN IT, DISCORD!!” she shouted.

“Bow-chika-bow-wah~!” singed King by seeing this, with no reason in particular.

“Ok, ok, bitches, I’m back” exclaimed the Judge, “I’ve made my fin-“she could not finish her sentence because when she laid her eyes on the lawyers and their clients, she got a funny show: King (still drunk) was hugging a unconscious Sombra,”Hush, little baby, don’t cry… “; Discord was holding his cheek which was red; Twilight was rising up to her right hoof “Come back to see you jerk, just come back” she screamed to the ‘rapist’ and Spike was smiling to see Discord hurt.

“What the hell happened?!” asked to herself Chrysalis, “I left for like… 15 minutes! You know what? Whatever, the buck ever! I’ve made my final decision.” Every one shut up, sit down and stay silent. “Alright! In the case of ‘Discord’s a buckin’ rapist!-“she stopped, “Oh THAT is subtle, Spike… I find the defendant………… Guilty!”

Twilight and Spike knocked their heads on the table, the draconequus jumped shouting a “YES!!” and King just yelled: “Less sslehbate wiff RUM!”

“Wait… You just said ‘guilty’?” asked Discord.

“I WON?!” shouted the little dragon, happy with tears on his eyes, while the purple mare was shocked about what she heard.

“Less ssleh-bate wiff rum anywehs! *hic*” yelled the green dragon.

“D-don’t you mean innocent? Right?” asked the draconequus.

“What? Are you serious? YOU? Innocent? HAH!” screamed Chrysalis, “No, no, Discy! I dragged out your victories and Spike’s failures to rub salt in the wounds! And do you know why?” she asked.

“…”Discord was shocked: he’s been betrayed!

“OH! OH! ME! I DO, I DO!!” screamed Spike, he really wanted to know everything.

*HIC* said the drunken one.

“I’ll tell you why… You know how I told Spiky the pictures were out because I sympathized with you? Yeah! Well, just before this trial, I was looking for my favorite perfume! They weren’t where I left it… nooooo. So someone had to take it. It was clearly either Rarity or YOU, and since Rarity is afraid of me that left just YOU. So I went to your room! And guess what I found?”

The room was silent, *Gulp!* did the draconequus, looking away and ashamed.

“THAT’S RIGHT! I found my perfume! In your room!” she yelled with a sadistic look. “So when Molestia came to me and said…”

Chrysalis Vision

“Chrysie, you’re far more gorgeous and intelligent than I. You be the Judge! Gaaah….”said stupidly Princess Celestia.

“Ok.” Respond the changeling.

End of Chrysalis Vision

“I couldn’t resist this great opportunity to raise up your hope and then SHOOT YOU DOWN, BITCH!!”

“I’ve never been so attracted to a changeling in my LIFE!” commented Spike while Discord was crying and getting a panel with a big FAIL written on it, an arrow came out from the panel and planted himself in his skull. (A way to Discord to show that he’s really DEAD!)

“Now for my favorite part of a trial!” said quietly but sadistically the Judge.

Spike put his arm around the neck of the accused, with a cheerful face, “Oh! Oh! This is the part where you get punished!” he smirked.

King was snorting and giggling on the floor.

“For the ‘bucking rape’ of an ‘Element of Harmony’ and the princess’s faithful student you get…”

Discord took a frightened look as if he was going to be statue again. A mischievous smile appeared on Twilight’s face. Spike was smiling, King on the floor, the public silent. Chrysalis opened her mouth…

You’ll get your answer after this brief commercial break!

No pony has been sent to space to become a star.

"What was that?" asked Chrysalis

"An advertisement ..." Spike replied, "But why a advertisement came into our heads?" he began to think.

Discord looks around, “they’re busy with the commercial break… it’s my chance!!” he thought before running for the exit, but when he was about to open the door, a hammer was thrown to meet his skull, “OW! Dammitt, Chrysalis!” he yelled to the changeling.

“What’re you bitchin’ at me for?! I didn’t do it!” she objected.

“Hey the hammer! Who took it from my suit?” exclaimed the purple dragon.

" But then that mean…”began the draconequus with a large bump on the back of the skull.

“That’s right. I t was me! I’m sick of everything you put me through. Now I’m going to teach you about respect!” said the purple unicorn with a dark aura around her.

“Slave cop, this is gonna be EPIC!”

Few hours later, in the manor where everyone lives

Fluttershy climbed the stairs to reach Twilight’s room and tell her that dinner was ready. After knocking three times, she opened the door. She saw the purple unicorn talking about magic with Trixie ... with Discord lying on the ground and holding his private parts. He was crying with pain: “Oh… Oh GOD! No… What’re you… oh my goodness! I’m sorry! I’m SORRY!”

“Oh my… I… Don’t know exactly what’s going on, but dinner’s ready if you’re hungry. If it’s okay with you.” The yellow pegasus said.

“Okay. We’ll be down in a minute, thanks Fluttershy.” the blue unicorn answered.

A few minutes later, everyone was at table, dinner was good, and then Celestia noticed:

“Has anyone seen Discord?” she asked.

“Come to think of it… I haven’t seen him since the trial.” Spike answered.

“He probably pissed off the wrong mare.” Sombra commented.

“Yeah! Saying hello by sticking his hand down pony’s parts is NOT GOOD!” laugh Chrysalis by drinking a glass of water.

“Geez, what happened to me today?” asked King.

“You were drunk…” said Rainbow Dash in response.

“Oh.”

“And you were a lawyer.”

“For who?” asked the dragon.

“For Discord…”

“Boy, sure I was drunk!”

“You were a hell of good lawyer, believe me.”

“Ooh, so I guess I won.” He said with a smile on his face.

“No you lost.”

“…”

“He was with Trixie and I…” started Twilight.

“Yes, we had quite a conversation…” continued Trixie.

“About respect…”

“He must be exhausted.” Conclude the blue mare.

In another room, where the lights did not work so in the dark, Discord was crouched in a corner, gently rocking himself and murmuring: “I’ll be a good boy… Teehee… A good boy… Yes… A good boy……..”