Fallout Equestria: The Butterfly Effect

“Slacker!” yelled Juniper.

“Slave Driver!” I yelled back.

“Lazy legs!!” she yelled louder.

“Slave Driver!!” I yelled even louder. *WHOMP*

“Ya already said that!!!” she screamed, retracting her leg.

“And I’ll say it again!!!” I screamed, rubbing the top of my noggin.

We glared into each others’ eyes. Her authoritative demeanor battled against my stubborn will. Who. Will. Be. Victorious?!

.

..

...

*Blink*

Damn it...

“HAH!” Juniper danced a little victory dance as my shoulders slumped. What was it gonna be today? More barrel pushing? Running around all of Twoton 20 times again? Wrestling a sand turtle? “Now hurry up an’ take those buckets ta the trough. Fill’em ta the brim with water then bring’em back here.” Filling up some buckets? That’s it? This’ll be... Shit.

“Juniper, those buckets are massive! At least a cubic foot a piece!” She slung the pair of buckets over my back, resting one on either side of my flank. “Don’t you know how much that weighs?!”

“Don’t go usin’ yer fancy mathematics on me! I know it’s gonna be heavy, Saplin’, an’ that’s why yer gonna do it. If ya don’t build up yer strength, how are ya supposed break through a brawler’s defenses?”

“There’s gotta be another way to do this...” I groaned.

“Trust me when I say there’s only one way ta build up yer whole body’s strength: hard, physical labor. Now hurry up, and don’t come back until yer buckets are full!” With a swift buck to the haunches, I rocketed out the door.

*Sigh* Well, at least the trough wasn’t too far away. Just a few feet away, wedged between the saloon and the hotel. There’s something odd about it though, that I can’t quite... Ah, it’s backward! Why’s the nozzle facing away from the road? I trotted over to turn it back the right way, but the damned thing wouldn’t budge. Oh well, I’ll just go around to the other side then. It just lengthens the walk back by a few dozen feet. I made my way behind the building and...

What the hell is this?

A pad lay in front of me with 4 spots on it, presumably for a set of hooves, and an arrow pointing toward a blank wall. A large square labeled “Place Buckets Here” was covered by a set of hanging beads like the ones leading to the backroom in the saloon. I slid the buckets into place, and something clicked. The slots in the pad slid open, revealing 4 smaller pads. Like an idiot, I stepped onto the pads in the slots. After a few moments, something else clicked. The pad suddenly collapsed at my hooves, splitting at the slots and clasping around my lower legs. I struggled to break free, but I was trapped. The wall slid into the side of the saloon revealing--

Ho. Ly. Shit.

The pad rolled forward slowly, letting me take in the monstrosity that I was being integrated into. On my right, the buckets were resting on a ramp of rollers. The closest one sat on a switch and leaned against a  button. Above that one was the actual nozzle. In front of me was a system of pulleys and slabs of metal with numbers on them. The slots which held me in place slid over single pad which suddenly sprang up, lifting my fore hooves.

“What the FUUUUU--”

“Oh, I see yer at the pump.” Juniper looked out her window down at me with as big a grin as physically possible on a pony.

“--CK is THIS?!” I finished.

“That, my dear Saplin’, is the pump. Just fill the buckets, and you’ll be released.” I leaned forward to press the pad, but it was much more difficult than using the hoof-pump that usually accompanied the pump. I actually had to get low and push hard on the damn thing. “Havin’ a hard time? Good. That thing’s designed ta take yer weight inta account, so ya can’t just let gravity do it fer ya. Yer gonna have ta put yer back inta pushin’ that water through. Have fun!” Her eyelids made ridiculous upside-down U’s and a split-faced grin spread between her cheeks as she disappeared back into the bar.

“I’m gonna KILL YOU, JUNIPER!!!” I pushed that pad with all my might furiously, hoping to finish the job quickly so I could go murder the mare. I went like that for fifteen minutes, but the weights in front of me fought my progress, preventing my pushes from moving very far. I looked over at the bucket. All of an inch had been pumped into the base. Shit. This is gonna take a while.

Something like 5 hours later, I finally finished, allowing the pad to lower from under my hooves. “Finally done! Now I can-- WHAA!” My hind legs raised up awkwardly into a bucking position. I looked back to find the pad still there. “You’ve. Got. To be kidding me...” I looked to my left. There, at my side, the second bucket lay waiting to be filled. “Damn it...” My forelegs buckled and gave way, unable to hold me up any longer.

***

“I’m just a step away. I’m just a hoof away. Losin’ all hope today (fallin’ off the edge todaaaay!),” I could hear Juniper humming to the radio as I dragged my body through the door. Not a bad voice, but her thick accent didn’t do much for the song. “A pony only, not superpony (not a super pooony!) Someone save me from the waste! It’s just another waaaaar. Just another friendship toooorn. Just a step, ‘til it’s done. Just another day in Eque-stri-a. I need a HEEEEROOO!” Insert random purple pony mane-shaking shenanigans here. “Ta save me now! I need a hero (ta saaave meee noooow) A HEEEROOO ta save my life! Save me from the wasteland just in time!”

I lay on the floor, watching Juniper’s antics behind the bar. Eyes shut, rocking out to some nearly inaudible music which flowed from her flailing, PipBuck clad forelimb, pounding the air drums with a pair of forks.

“‘Wasteland Hero’ by DJ-Sk1lyt.” Her head whipped toward me, her face turning a lovely shade of maroon.

“H-how long have ya been watchin’?” she stammered as she hastily put away the forks.

“From the beginning of that song. You were so focused on your air drums that I couldn’t help but let you continue.” Her maroon deepened. It was almost cute, except she looks old enough to be my mom.

“So I like music. Can ya blame me fer that?”

“Not at all. If my legs weren’t so tired, I probably would’ve joined you.” Her embarrassment subsided a little bit.

“I didn’t know you were a musical pony. I never heard ya listening ta the radio before.”

“I love good music almost as much as you love mixing drinks. I just couldn’t get the radio to work on that PipBuck.” I pointed to the electrical nightmare that now resided on Juniper’s foreleg.

“It’s wonderful! This little fella’s got a radio, a map, EFS... Why, the only it cain’t do is mix a drink!”

“For you maybe. For me, the only thing it could do was give me a headache.”

“Oh, it can still do that,” said Juniper as she walked over and whacked me with it.

“Gee, thanks for that. Now all of me is sore.” I struggled to my feet. “Save me from the barmare just in time...” I muttered in rhythm.

“Did you say somethin’?”

“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all,” I replied innocently. If you look closely, I’m sure you can see my halo.

“This is D-Rails, and that was DJ-Sk1lyt with his remix of ‘Wasteland Hero’!”

“Called it,” I said with pride. Juniper smirked as she helped me to my hooves.

“Since the music’s stopped, it’s that time. That’s right, it’s time for the news! You know the Arena over near Stable 12? Base of operations for our protectors, the League? Some of you may recognize it as the place where they held that grand tournament just a week ago. Too bad it won’t be holding any more for quite a while. Somepony went and blew the place to pieces! You heard me right, blew it to pieces.

According to my sources, there was a loud, whip-like crack just before the entire stadium rumbled violently, shattering into a heap of rubble. My source claims to have seen the silhouette of a pony through the dust before it turned and disappeared into the wasteland. Was it the action of a single pony that destroyed this landmark? It sounds ridiculous, but if my sources are to be believed, that’s exactly what happened.

Who could the saboteur have been working for? Steel Rangers? Reapers? Enclave? All we know is thanks to that pony, we’re defenseless against invasion from the powers that be until the League can set up a new base of operations. If you know anything about the identity of the mysterious enemy, or if you know anypony with a reasonably sized fortress, give me a shout.

That’s it for now! Get your ears ready for...” My mind disappeared into memories.

I remember the League. A group made solely of previous Arena Champions; the best of the best. They approached me two years ago, offering me a choice. Either join them, or leave the Arena permanently. Naturally, I chose to leave. I was sick of fighting, and the opportunity gave me the chance to escape Pantelones, so I announced my resignation then and there.

Two years later, that damned yellow casino owner holds his phony tournament. That’s not how you become the Arena Champion. You have to become your species champion before beating every other champion in 1v1 combat. If you lose against even one of them, all the matches are voided, meaning you have to face every one of them again. It took 6 years of sweat and blood to reach that level, and then he announces you can do it in two months? Maybe somewhere, deep in my core, I was outraged that he would make a farce of what I did legitimately, and that the League would let him. Maybe that was part of the reason why I destroyed the Arena.

I didn’t know I was destroying the home of those responsible for protecting this section of the wasteland.

“What’s on yer mind, Saplin’? Ya look like ya’ve seen a ghost. Are ya alright?” A concerned expression crossed Juniper’s face.

“Maybe I have. A ghost of the past,” came my reply.

“Ya know how ta deal with ghosts, right?” she asked with a smirk. Oh no...

“If you say laugh, I’m gonna--” Please don’t...

“EXACTLY! Ya gotta giggle at the ghostly!” I groaned as Juniper started singing.

***

“Slave driver!!” *WHOMP*

“We went over this last week!!!” Juniper screamed, pulling back her hoof.

“And apparently again this week!!!” I screamed back, rubbing the bump on my noggin.

“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” We glanced in tandem at the buck standing at the door.

“Not at all, sir!” Juniper said, suddenly becoming her usual, amiable self. “What can I do fer ya?” I grumbled off to the pool table to busy myself until Juniper put me to work.

“I’d like to come in out of the rain, if you don’t mind...” Indeed, the stallion was soaked to the skin.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry! Please, come in! Take off yer coat and have a seat!” The blue unicorn wore a large, beige trench coat to protect himself from the rain. On top of that, he actually asked to come into a bar. He was definitely not a local.

“Thank you. This is quite the place you’ve got, here,” he said as he hung his coat and sat at the bar.

“Sure is! I got the finest saloon in the wasteland!” she exclaimed proudly.

“Indeed. I’d say this is the best looking bar I’ve ever been in, next to the Wine’n’Dine in Trifecta.” Hmm... Can’t tell if he’s a smooth talker, or genuinely impressed.

“Hmph! Yer Trifectan bars may look nice, but I got the best selection o’ brews you’ll ever see. I blend’em myself with everythin’ ya can see behind me!” Juniper said, waving to the rows of liquor behind her. “Would ya like ta try one o’ my specialities? On the house!”

“No, thank you. A water is fine,” the buck declined. “My name is Hardy. I’m a detective from Trifecta. May I ask a few questions?”

“Alright. Fire away.” Juniper pulled up a stool and sat behind the bar, sliding the water to Hardy.

“How many travelers have come through here recently? Say, within the past week?” The detective took out a pad and pencil from a pouch previously hidden by his coat before sipping the water.

“Just a couple locals, and her in the hood,” she said, pointing at me. “Business has been slow.”

“Did anything about any of them strike you as odd?”

“Well, she’s a little bit... odd, compared ta other travelers.” Me? Odd? What could possibly be odd about me?

“Care to elaborate?” Hardy probed. I didn’t like where this might be heading.

“Well, most come through lookin’ fer a good drink, or ta sell whatever junk they’ve collected while out there in the wastes. She came in lookin’ fer a place ta call home. She also a little... well, you know.” I could see Juniper’s eyes rolling from here. A little what?!

“I see. Thank you very much. Do you mind if I ask her a few questions?”

“Ask away, though it’s up ta her if she answers ya.” Juniper glanced at me and nodded. That’s the signal. Child-mode: Activate.

“Of course.” The detective took his water and trotted over to the pool table where I was playing. “Greetings, Filly. May I ask some questions while you play?”

“No you may not,” I replied, disgruntling the detective. I set the pool cue down and grabbed a nearby chair. “You may ask while I listen attentively.” *slide plop stare*

“Yes. Well. Thank you,” he stammered, slightly disconcerted by the stare. “How long have you been here in Twoton?”

“Would you like that in weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, or some combination of the aforementioned intervals?” I asked, putting on my best look of naivety. Oh, this is going to be fun!

“Ah... days, if you please.”

“Well, I don’t please! I’m no whore!” *burhumph! sputter sputter* “Oh, are you alright? You choked on your water!” I could see Juniper trying unsuccessfully to conceal her mirth.

“Yes, I *cough* see that.” He drew out a hoof-kerchief and wiped off his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was calling you a whore. I only meant for you to tell me how many days you had been in Twoton.”

“OH! Well why didn’t you say so?” His eyes rolled. “I’ve been in Twoton for 12 days.” I nodded profusely, grinning from ear to ear.

“And where did you live before you came here?”

“Ooooo... That’s a good one. You’re good at this, Mister, but not good enough! I lived in my bedroom.”

“Uhh... And where was your bedroom?”

“Right next to the kitchen.”

“That’s not what I meant...”

“Then why did you ask? Silly Detective!” Ah, the sweet thunk of a well-placed facehoof.

“In what town are your bedroom and kitchen?”

“I don’t have a bedroom and kitchen.” Technically, I didn’t come from a town either, though I suppose Stable 12 was structured similarly.

“But you just said you did!” he protested.

“I still don’t have a place of my own yet, so how could I possibly have a bedroom and kitchen?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders.

“Ugh...This isn’t getting anywhere,” he grumbled.

“FALSE!!” I cried, startling him as I threw my head back and launched a hoof into the air. “You’ve learned that I lived in my bedroom, which was right next to the kitchen. Then I came here, and I’ve been here for 12 days without a bedroom and kitchen. Use the noodle Celestia gave you!” I said, tapping the poor investigator on the head for emphasis. “And I’m not a whore. I gave you that one even without a question!”

“I suppose...”

“Great! That means it’s my turn!” I exclaimed cheerfully.

“What do you mean, it’s your tu-”

“To ask questions, silly! You got to ask 5 questions, so now I get to ask 5 questions, and don’t even think about leaving until I get my chance.” I shoved my snoot into his. “Got it?!” He sighed and nodded. “Now then... What to ask, what to ask...”

“How about--”

“Don’t interrupt! Why are you investigating me? And don’t even THINK about lying to me, because...” My cheerful expression distorted into one of dark confidence. “...I. Will. Know.”

“Now, Saplin’, let the poor buck be. He’s just doin’ his job is all,” said Juniper.

“But...but...” I put on my best weepy-eyed pouty face.

“No buts,” she said evenly. Damn. Not even a waver in her resolution. “I’m sorry, Mr. Hardy, fer Saplin’s behavior. She’s a good kid, but she’s a bit slow and not altagether there, if ya catch my meanin’.” Juniper whirled a hoof next to her ear.

“What do you mean, I’m not altogether here?” I gasped in horror and patted myself down. “Where’s the rest of me?! Mr. Hardy, you’ve gotta help me find the rest of me, or I’ll never be altogether agaaaaaaain!”

“Yes, well. Thank you both. You’ve been most helpful.” He hustled away from me, not even putting on his trench coat before darting out the door.

“Hey! You said you wouldn’t leave until I got to ask my questions!” I yelled as he scurried away.

“Saplin’!” My ears drooped as I walked back inside. Juniper and I stared at each other, face-to-face.

.

..

...

*Snicker*

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!”

“OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!”

***

“Quit weavin’ an’ just punch already!” Juniper said angrily.

“Sorry!” Old habits die hard, I guess. I fired a punch into her massive hoof.

“Hmph! Pathetic! Yer leg may be gettin’ thicker, but ya still punch like yer tryin’ ta tickle me!” *Sigh* “Hey, where do ya think yer goin’?! I’m not finished with ya yet!”

“I’m going inside, Juniper...” I said sullenly. “We both know I can’t do this. It’s been almost a month, and I haven’t gotten any stronger, any better at brawling. I giv--” *WHOMP*

“Don’t. Ya. Dare! You say those 3 words, an’ I’ll string ya up an’ drag ya through the market, ya thievin’ liar,” she raged. “Quit tellin’ yerself yer not stronger, an’ quit stealin’ yer hope an’ packin’ it away like an unused toy. Ya are gettin’ stronger, Saplin’. Ya just don’t have anythin’ ta compare ta, that’s all.”

“I have you, and you still won’t budge an inch when I attack.”

“Hell, Saplin’. Ya’ve been focusin’ on buildin’ yer brawlin’ fer only a few weeks. I’ve been workin on it my whole life. We’re in two different leagues, so quit comparin’ yerself ta me like yer some kinda superpony who’s supposed ta be at my level in a jiffy. It’s gonna take time an’ trainin’. A lotta time an’ trainin’.”

“But I’ve only got your word that I’m actually getting better. I know you’re an honest pony, and that you’re probably telling me the truth, but that doesn’t change how pathetic I feel when I throw a punch.”

“That’s ‘cause ya don’t know how ta throw a punch.”

“I’ve been throwing punches since I was 8! Don’t tell me I can’t--”

“Ya don’t know how ta throw a brawler’s punch,” she interrupted. “Sure, ya’ve got that little jab o’ yers. A good, quick, technical hit. Useful fer yer old style, where ya had ta hit that openin’ ‘fore it disappeared, but it don’t got any power behind it. Here, let me show ya what I mean.” Juniper walked over to a sack hanging behind the Berry Bomb. She stood on her hind legs and launched out her hoof.

*Smack!*

“Th-that was incredibly fast!” I could barely follow the speed of the strike!

“So what? Tell me, did the sandbag move?” I took a second glance.

“Now that you mention it... It hardly budged.”

“Exactly. That’s the way you fight: swift attacks, but no power. That’s not how brawlin’ works, Saplin’. This is brawlin’!” She reared up again and, for a moment, the world seemed to move in slow motion.

Her entire body flexed, contracting like an enormous spring, then all at once, it launched forward. Her rear hooves planted solidly into the ground, forcing all the energy stored in her hind legs forward as they extended. That momentum transferred through her body and into her shoulder, adding to the power already being released as it uncoiled. Finally, the energy from her legs, body and shoulder merged and funneled into her foreleg, creating a massive of power just waiting to be expelled. That mass struck the bag...

...What bag? What used to be a scorpion-hide sack warped around Juniper’s hoof like a ball of jelly. The chain which held it in place stretched and shattered just before the bag itself exploded like a balloon, sand and leather transforming into a cloud of dust and debris. If I had to put my reaction into a single word, I think the appropriate term would be ‘dumbstruck’. And then she turned her head toward me.

I was paralyzed.

The blue-maned mare walked toward me, every muscle in her body rippling with strength. The ground seemed to pulse with every touch of her hoof, as though it was afraid of joining the settling cloud. As she approached, my mind screamed at me to move. ‘Do something!’ it cried. ‘That hulking mare is coming straight for you!’ it warned, but my body refused to listen. Finally she stood before me, massive and powerful. Our eyes locked...

*WHOMP!*

“What’re ya starin’ at, ya kooky little filly?” I shook my head, snapping back to my senses.

“Sandbag! You just... One moment it’s... and then it’s... BOOM!!” I stammered.

“Yer gonna be just as strong an’ more by the time I’m through with ya, kid! Trust me,” she proclaimed, ruffling my mane. A thought occurred to me, which I didn’t much like.

“When we fought, you were holding back weren’t you?” Please tell me you’re not like that Alicorn..

“Well, yea,” she said, as though that was perfectly obvious from the beginning. “If I’d used half my strength against ya, ya’d have been a greasy spot with two eyes buggin’ out. That’d be bad fer my reputation.”

“Oh... I see...” I didn’t like that image. With me being brown and green, that greasy spot wouldn’t have looked too good.

“Anyways, did ya see the difference in strikes? Or am I gonna have ta find another punchin’ bag?” she asked, glancing at me with a look that sent chills down my spine.

“Yes, I saw!” I quickly exclaimed, not wanting to see what (or who) she would use as her next victim.

“Good! Now show me what ya’ve learned!”

***

Business went on as usual. The house packed out every Saturday and Sunday, full of locals and travelers staying in the hotel. More than a few times during the weekends, there would be a reasonable bar fight. Juniper, now that she had somepony to deal with her ‘unruly customers’, sat back and watched as I gained experience with my new style. During the week, though, it was a dead zone. The occasional traveler might come through, but all the locals stayed at work, servicing caravans and junk sellers.

So what did I do during that time?

I trained. Any time Juniper didn’t have me doing some crazy strength building exercise or collecting materials for use in her drinks, I worked on that strike and its variations. Left side, right side, double forehoof, bucking, all using the same motion for power transfer, from planting my hooves to following through. I finally felt like I was getting somewhere, when-

“Trifecta? Why?” I asked.

“‘Cause I need supplies that ya can only get there. At least in these parts o’ the wasteland.” Juniper handed me a list of things to collect and a bag of caps. “Now that I’ve got ya, I don’t have ta shut down the Berry Bomb ta get what I need.”

“I’m going alone?”

“Of course yer goin’ alone! I cain’t hold yer hoof the entire time, now can I? Now get a move on! I need ya back in a week!”

“Alright, I’m going, I’m going.” I made a mental inventory of what I needed for the journey. List? Check. Caps? Check. Food? Medicine? Map? Pouch? Check, check, check, and check. Cloak? Double check. I wasn’t going to botch my first time out alone!

Well, first time since leaving the Stable.

I pulled out the map from my pouch and searched. Trifecta... Trifecta... Ah, found it! Not too far from here. About half a day’s trot, if I go straight there. Unfortunately, the ‘straight’ route would take me right through scorpion territory. Not sure if I wanna do that, considering our history together. The next shortest route cuts pretty close to a few raider camps. Not sure I wanna do that either, but going around would take two days without any trouble. So do I choose raiders or radscorpions? Or take the long way hoping for a lucky break?

Ugh... I can see why Juniper said I have a week to get back.

I decided to take the long, safe route. No sense in tempting fate, right? It’ll take 4 days of travel time, but that still leaves me 3 days to find everything I need. The list isn’t even that long, so I might have some leisure time to see the sights, eat a Trifectan meal. You know, have some fun.

Only trouble is how long two days actually takes when you’re traveling alone. Walking, trotting, thinking, plodding along, the occasional wild wee beastie. Not much happens out here, it would seem.

Unless you count staring at that beautiful, yet terrifying vastness known as the night sky. That is something that will never get old and dull.

Z..z..Z

“Today, we’ll be going over the various forms of magic. Did you know that everypony has magic, including Pegasi and even Earth ponies? You can tell because in history, everypony has a cutie mark that magically appears once a pony finds his or her special talent. But different types of ponies have different types of natural magic as well. Can anyone tell me what Earth pony magic is? How about you, Nectar?”

“Their magic is in their bodies, making them really strong and tough!”

“That’s exactly right! Hmm... What about Pegasi? Sapling?”

“They have wings and can walk on clouds! I learned about them in The Book Of Littlepip, Miss Mercy!”

“Very good, Sapling. Now, what about Unicorns?” Everypony raised a hoof, hoping to be called next. “Oh, so many eager little ponies! Hooves down. I have a feeling most of you were going to say ‘levitation’ right?” I could tell she was right by the murmuring of my classmates. “Well, you would all be right! Levitation is the most basic spell that a Unicorn learns.”

“Are there more spells than just levitation, Miss Mercy?” asked a pink classmate.

“Absolutely, Krispa! We Unicorns aren’t strong like Earth ponies, or able to fly like Pegasi, but we can learn a variety of magic that the other ponies can’t. Some ponies can find jewels in the ground, like the Element of Generosity, Rarity. Others, like the Cake family, can make the best smells and flavors in the entire Stable. There are even Unicorns whose special talent is learning more magic! The most powerful Unicorn in known history is Twilight Sparkle, who was apprentice to the Goddess Celestia herself.” Ooo’s and Ahh’s spread across the kindergerten classroom.

“Was she really that strong?” asked a nearby colt.

“Indeed she was, Alfalfa. It is said that she could not only levitate things as large as an Ursa...” the class gasped in horror at the mention of that fairy tale monster. “...but also teleport, become a Fire Pony, and even turn gravity on its head. And all of that while barely older than a teenager!”

“I’m going to be the strongest Unicorn in history!” Everypony looked over at the vocal filly. It was Sagely, a deep green filly with a blazing yellow mane and tail.

“That’s quite a goal, Sagely, but you’ll have to master levitation like Sapling before you can start learning other spells.” It was true. Sagely could hardly lift her quill to take notes, and everypony knew it. Tears welled in her eyes as titters erupted around the room.

“Once I can levitate, I’m going to learn all the spells I can! Then you’ll all see!” I felt sorry for her as she wept her way out the door.

“Oh dear, I probably shouldn’t have said that. I’ll have to talk with her parents this afternoon to apologize. Anyways, back to the lesson! Twilight Sparkle was the single most gifted Unicorn when it comes to magic, but there was an even more powerful magic that helped her do all of those things. Can anypony guess what it was?”

“Uh...”

“Hrm...”

“Well...”

“The answer, my little ponies, is friendship. Her friendship with ponies like the famous Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie helped her become the Sixth Element of Harmony: the Element of Magic. That’s all for today. Tomorrow’s lesson will be cutie marks, so be sure to study!”

Z..z..Z

*Crack! Crack! Tatatatatatatatatat! Ssshhhhhh Boom!* I awoke to an incredibly noisy morning.

“What in the wasteland was that?!” I climbed a nearby hill to see the chaos on the other side. I watched in amazement as my first gunfight played out. On the left, a crew of raiders hid behind carts and walls, firing their rifles and shotguns. One of them, I’m assuming the leader, used grenades as well. On the left, however, was a group of 5 heavily armored (possibly cybernetic?) ponies. The largest one used a machine gun/missile launcher combination, while the rest just used machine guns.

“Stand down, you filthy vermin! The Steel Rangers will tolerate no resistance!” the leader said as it launched a missile toward the scattering gang of raiders. Steel Rangers, huh? Their weapons seem a bit overkill for dealing with a group of raiders, but who am I to interfere with rockets and 400+ bullets?

“Get out of here, invaders! This is our part of the wasteland! Go back to Hoofington or Manehattan, wherever you’re from!” The lead raider lobbed a grenade from behind an overturned cart, detonating at the Steel Ranger’s hooves. It collapsed, its glowing eyes going dim.

“Crusader Orion!” one of the subordinates cried. “Are you alright?!”

“I’m fine, Flitter. My armor will reboot in a second, so worry about your enemy!” he ordered. The knight obeyed, renewing her spray against her foes.

“Don’t make any sudden moves, filly.” Shit... “Turn around nice and slow.” I turned to see 3 more Steel Rangers behind me. “What are you doing here? Spying for your raider friends?” Child-mode: Activate.

“I have raider friends? I didn’t know that! Where are they?” The rangers exchanged several glances.

“Those raiders down there aren’t your friends, then?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, they never invited me to a party, or played kickball with me, or anything! In fact...” I gasped. “I don’t even think we’ve met! Those rude ponies!”

“Kid, I don’t like your tone. If they aren’t your friends, why are you here?”

“Because you’re asking me questions, DUH! Silly superpony!” The two in the back visibly chuckled, though wisely remained inaudible.

“What about before we started asking you questions?”

“I was watching the fight down there.” I pointed over the hill.

“Then you were spying on us!”

“No I wasn’t. You were behind me. How could I have been spying on you if I wasn’t looking at you? Actually...” I put my snoot right into the leader’s glowing visor. “I bet YOU were spying on ME! What do you have to say for yourself, mister sneaky-pants?”

“What should we do with her, Brawny? She’s a bit weird...” one of the others murmured.

“We treat her like any other traveler on this road.” The lead pony turned back toward me. “You’re coming with us to see Crusader Orion.”

“Okay! I’ve got some words to say to your boss, you sneaky metal spy-ponies!” The steel pony led me down the hill as the other two followed. The battle was over. The raiders were utterly decimated. Crusader Orion was back on his hooves, as though taking a direct hit from a grenade was little more than a minor annoyance. His armor didn’t even look that badly damaged.

“Are you sure you’re alright, sir?” I recognized the voice that asked as Flitter.

“I’ll be fine. Just gather some scrap metal from the raider outpost so I can repair.”

“Right away, sir!” Several of the rangers hustled to loot the camp.

“I caught your three flunkies spying on me!” I roared at Orion as we approached. Visibly startled, he turned to face us. “Are you going to punish them?”

“And who is this, Brawny?” the Crusader asked of my escort, completely ignoring me.

“We found her watching the battle from the hill, sir.”

“Spying on us?”

“Possibly, sir. She seems a bit kooky, but I didn’t want to take any chances.”

“Proving your worth on your first assignment. Good work.” If my captor’s face hadn’t been covered by his helmet, I would’ve said he was beaming. Orion turned his head to face me. “What’s your name, girl?”

“I’m not going to answer any of your questions until you answer mine!” I scolded.

“You’re not in any position to make that statement. Why were you spying on us?”

“Nope! Not gonna answer!”

“You will answer me! I am Crusader Orion!”

“It’s good to meet you, mister Orion!” I took his hoof and shook it wildly in greeting. “I’m sorry, but I said I’m not going to answer any of your questions until you answer mine.” I closed my eyes and crossed my hooves. The stallion grumbled.

“No, I’m not going to punish my subordinates for doing what I told them to do. Now answer my damn questions!” he roared.

“Okay!” I exclaimed cheerfully. “My name is Sapling, I wasn’t spying on you.”

“Then what were you doing on the hill?”

“Getting captured by your subordinates.”

“What were you doing before that?”

“Watching the fight.”

“And before that?”

“Going to Trifecta.” Murmurs arose from the group as glances were exchanged. Something must be going on. The few ponies which were sent to find scrap metal returned. Orion deposited the junk into his suit. I watched in awe as it whirred and repaired itself.

“State your business there.”

“Ah-ah-ah...” I said, waggling my forehoof. “You already asked 5 questions, so now it’s my turn to ask 5 questions! That’s how the game is played, mister silly Orion!” *chic-click*

“I’m in no mood to play games, girl.” There I stood, staring down the barrel of an automatic machine gun.

“That’s cheating! Mr. Cheater McCheaty Pants!” I pouted, stomping my hooves. Here’s hoping these metal ponies have a sense of the term ‘better nature’...

“Sir, you can’t shoot her! She’s just a simple-minded pony! She’s no threat to us!” Brawny exclaimed. The Crusader glowered, but retracted his weapon. Thank Celestia for that.

“Fine. Ask your questions.”

“Okay! And don’t even think about lying because I. Will. Know.” Not only will I know, but Juniper’s not here to stop me! “Who were you fighting?”

“Just a group of raiders.” A straightforward answer.

“Why were you asking me all those questions?”

“To find out your intent.” Another straightforward answer. He’s cooperating more than Hardy did.

“What’s happening in Trifecta?” Again with the glances.

“That doesn’t concern you.”

“FALSE!” I cried, startling the ponies surrounding Orion as I thrust my head back and launched a hoof into the air. “I’m going there soon, so it does concern me. See? I told you I’d know when you were lying!”

“Very well. The city is on lockdown by order of our Senior Paladin.” Senior Paladin, huh? Then Orion’s not the Pony in charge.

“Why is it on lockdown?”

“Because our Senior Paladin ordered it.”

Nice dodge. “Ooo... You’re good at this.”

“You’re not so bad at dodging questions yourself.” Uh-oh. I think he’s caught on.

“Last question: What do you do with ponies you think are spies?”

“I arrest them.” Suddenly 7 sets of guns were pointed at me. “Don’t try to escape. It would be even more stupid than you pretend to be.” He placed a pair of hoofcuffs over my forehooves, forcing me to either walk on my hind legs, bounce with every step, or...

“Oh, how exciting! I’ve never been a spy before! How does this game work?” Juniper is NOT going to be happy...

***

The time passed slowly as we trekked. Nopony felt any need to say anything, with one exception. I continued my charade of being a simple pony and drove my captors nuts out of pure spite, talking their ears off and tapping their armor, listening to the noises each part made. Finally, the monotony of the wasteland was broken. There, in the distance, lay a small skyline: Trifecta. In front of the city was a camp containing more armored  Steel Rangers. A fancy looking armor and two knights met us as we approached.

“Welcome back, Orion. I trust your mission was a success?”

“The camp was completely obliterated, Paladin Cygnus,” he confirmed.

“Hi! I’m Sapling. Have you seen my mom?” I popped my head up from the back of a facehoofing Orion.

“Then who is this with you? And why is she on your back?”

“This is Sapling. We caught her spying on us as we fought the raiders.”

“Woooooow! So many superponies!” I said with a look of wonderment. “Are they your friends, mister Orion?”

“Do you often give spies ponyback rides?” Cygnus asked in disbelief.

“Don’t let her fool you. She’s not as simple as she acts.” Cygnus looked over at the other rangers. Most wouldn’t return her gaze, but a couple just shrugged.

“If you say so, Orion. Take her to a holding cell. I would like to question your little spy.”

“OOO! Do I get to play ‘5 Questions’ again?” I hopped in glee, bouncing on Orion’s back, much to his annoyance.

“You played games with her? I didn’t know you had such a soft spot for--”

“She wouldn’t cooperate otherwise!” he fumed. “Believe me, you have no idea how many times I wanted to shoot her on the way here.”

“Knowing you, I can venture a guess.” The Paladin turned to me. “Come along, little Sapling. Let’s go play ‘5 Questions’.”

“YAAAAAY!!”

“Let me warn you now, Paladin Cygnus. She’s very good at dodging the answers you want to hear.”

“I’m sure she won’t be any trouble. Will you, Sapling?” I beamed her with my biggest I’ve-got-a-halo grin. “Come along, then!”

***

Cygnus and I questioned each other for the better part of an hour. I learned that the only obstacle preventing a full sweep of the area by Steel Rangers was the presence of the League, but thanks to some internal investigation, they were currently occupied. Trifecta was just the first stage. There was an unused Stable somewhere inside that would act as a base of operations. I also learned that rival factions had begun to move as well, including a branch of the Talons, the Reapers, and the New Caledonian Alliance. The Enclave seemed to be holding back for now, due to internal affairs, but movement on their part seemed likely as well. It was only a matter of time before this area became a war zone as factions vied for control in the League’s absence.

In return for the above information, she learned that I had seen Orion fighting the raiders, and explosions were pretty, and Brawny was a sneaky superpony who spies on traveler ponies, and Orion cheats by using guns when playing question games, and I work for Juniper, who is a barmare in Twoton, and she had sent me to get supplies from Trifecta for the bar.

“Let me see your list of ingredients. We may be able to send you back without going into the city.” I gave her my paper. Confusion spread across her face as she read.

“‘Radcarrot extract x6’. ‘Apple Cider x2’. ‘Sarsaparilla x6’... ‘Scorpion tail x12’? Why in the wasteland would you need scorpion tails in a bar?”

“Trade secret!” I said with a genuine grin. “I can’t tell you that ever!”

“Ah, I see. And what about this last item: ‘Fist of the Cocktail’?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen her use something like that before.”

“I see. I’m sorry, Sapling, but we can’t help you.” My ears drooped as she returned the list. “However, if you promise to do something for me, I’ll let you into the city.”

“Really?! That would be great!”

“I thought you would like that. I want you to deliver this package to the mayor of Trifecta. His name is Monarchos. Can you do that for me?”

“Okay!” This package looks identical to the one that pony from the chem shop gave me... The only time Juniper ever lied to me was right after I gave her that package.

“You’re such a good little pony! Now follow me for a little bit.” Paladin Cygnus led me into the camp. There were 3 large tents that acted as barracks for squads 8 ponies strong plus a tent for Cygnus. There was a small armory for restocking ammunition and a medical tent as well. A mess tent for eating, a games hall for when the rangers weren’t on duty, an outhouse. All the amenities of home, only portable!

They even had a jail. It was little more than a barred cage, but effective nonetheless.

“Now be a good kid and wait here while I talk to the nice ponies, okay?”

“But I have to get my things and go back to Juniper! She’ll be terribly upset if I don’t come back with these ingredients!” I held out my list.

“Now now, Sapling. You can get your things when I let you go.”

“Okay...” I sat sullenly in the cell.

“Make sure she stays put,” she ordered the guard on duty.

“Aye, ma’am.” Heh, that was Flitter’s voice. The Paladin trotted into the mess tent. Flitter looked at me and groaned. “Why do I have to be the one stuck watching you?”

“Well I don’t like you either, missus guard! I’m gonna pester you.” the guard ignored me. “IIIIIII’m gonna peeeeeeester youuuuuuuuu...” She twitched. So I began to tap one of the bars of my cage. *tinn. tinn. tinn. tinn. tinn. tinn. tic... tic tic...* A dissonance point?

“Would you quit that?” she groaned. “It’s bad enough I have to watch some stupid filly without her bothering the crap out of me.”

“Bothering the superpony! Bothering the superpony! WEE!!” I cheered, tapping the other bars of my cage.

“I said quit it!” she yelled, turning angry eyes toward me.

“BOTHERBOTHERBOTHERBOTHERBOTHER!!!” *TI-TI-TI-TI-TI-TI-TI-TI-TI-TI-TIC*

“Cut it out, already!” She strode toward the cage and struck it. Suddenly, there was a gun in my face. “Don’t make me shoot you!”

“You already lost your chance.” *THUD! Badathumpsshhh* Test of Juniper’s punch on a pony: complete. Result: pony reels and falls backward. If you ask me, I’d say that’s a successful application of the strike. I guess I really am getting stronger!

“What the hell?!” I heard from outside. Her head’s sticking out of the tent... Not good! *tic... Crack PISSHHH* I grabbed a piece of the rod that remained largely unshattered and stuffed it into my pouch. Then I slipped through the gap in the cage and scurried under the tent wall just as another ranger burst inside.

“Jailbreak! Jailbreak!” A moment later, a loud alarm went off. I dared to look back as I ran and saw several unarmored ponies give chase as others rushed into the armory. *crack crack crack!* Shit! Bullets! I swerved as best I could to make myself a difficult target, but I knew it would only be a matter of time before they got lucky. I ducked behind a tree that, fortunately, stood nearby as the shots whirred past. Then there was silence.

“We had a deal, Sapling!” came a voice a few moments later. It was the Paladin. “Don’t you want to get into the city?”

“You locked me up! I said I would help, and you locked me up! Meanie Paladin!”

“You said you would stay put. Were you lying to me?” she asked disapprovingly.

“Nope. I stayed put until that mean guard shoved her gun in my face. Then I got scared and ran.” I could hear her sigh from here.

“She’s got a point, Orion...”

“But Paladin! Did you see what she did to Flitter?! 3 of her teeth are cracked!”

“Tell miss guard I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make her lose teeth!” I glanced out to see what was going on.

“Shut up, Sapling!” More gunshots drove me back into hiding.

“Stand down, Orion! It’s better to have a guard missing teeth than a dead innocent.”

“Innocent?! She assaulted one of our own!” I could almost feel the rage flowing from his pores.

“She was threatened and scared! She merely reacted like any child would.”

“But Paladin Cygnus--”

“Orion, go and tend to Flitter,” she interrupted. “If you’re worried about this escapee, then I will personally take custody of her. She won’t give me any trouble, and I need her in Trifecta. We have a deal, after all.”

“Wait, you actually made a deal with her?!”

“She’s going to deliver the package,” she said calmly.

“Oh... I see.” Wow, what a tone change. What’s in this little box that would make him react like that? “But that doesn’t excuse assault!”

“Then I’m pardoning her. Come on, little Sapling,” Cygnus said beside me. “Let’s get you into the city.”

Footnote: Level up! Level 3

New Perk: Mind of a Child -- When dealing with untrusted strangers, you appear to be a ‘simple’ child. New speech options available.

Stats milestone: 50 Unarmed