Cheating Death Act II: Five of a Kind and One Joker

by WIL_I_ZIN

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Other, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 21411

After the events of 'Cheating Death', Felix must now deal with the concequences of being the first representative of his species to Equestria. With Death as a 'chaperone' how badly could he screw this up? Short answer? A lot.

Equestria is a land filled with many amazing myths, legends, ponies, creatures, and monsters. But what happens when something new is thrown into the mix?

After the events of 'Cheating Death', Felix awakes to find he had survived his excursion into Equestria. Now a much different man then when he first set out, Felix decides to go and explore the Equestrian countryside. Change isn't the only thing that followed Felix though, as Death, or Harvey Stir in this universe, has been made his guardian until the ramifications of his actions can be fully calculated by the celestial bureaucracy. Harvey Stir keeps a close eye on him, hoping that Felix won't cause any major problems.

Such as, being involved in a bank robbery, starting random musical numbers, getting captured by a murderous cult, setting fire to a nest of changelings, or inadvertently releasing a dark god of destruction from ages long past...

...Not that any of that would happen... right?

---
Special thanks to: Hortense, Wazaga, Fantoche the 13th, Sallythemanatee, munomana, and Alamais.

Published 2013-02-19 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-11 17:25:41 UTC

Chapter 1 - Arrivals Awakenings and Assumptions

Chapter 1 - Arrivals Awakenings and Assumptions

Cheating Death Act 2: Five of a Kind and One Joker

Chapter 1 - Awakenings Arrivals and Assumptions

By WIL_I_ZIN

Edited by Alamais

Princess Celestia, Alicorn of the Sun, Diarch of Equestria, sat firmly on her throne in the grand hall of Canterlot Castle. To any gazing upon her, it would appear that she was giving the petitioner in front of her the most rapt attention possible to his proposal. This couldn’t be farther from the truth however, as Celestia's mind was elsewhere. Specifically, it was 300 kilometers to the east and 3 planeshifts to the south, currently enjoying the finer tastes of the pool stallion universe. After having to guide and rule over her ponies for nearly two millennia, there were a few things she had learned about her little ponies that helped her be more efficient. And to also keep her sanity in place.

The foremost lesson that she had learned was that ponies are stupid. Now, far be it from her to call any of her subjects idiotic, she loved them all dearly, but with age comes wisdom and Celestia was quite considerably... wise. Though she did miss the thought of having a birthday cake with candles, the great fire of 3158 EF snuffed out any idea of that ever happening again. To the original point, compared to her, Celestia's subjects didn’t have the same amount of experience that she did. This lead to a LOT of audiences sounding very similar and downright repetitious. Thankfully a combination of meditation, sweet binging, and an excessive amount of patience was what helped her overcome the usual day.

Secondly, ponies from noble houses are stubborn. If a noble was in the way of a class 5 tornado that was filled with fire and lightning and guided by an unholy demon from the pits of Tartarus, the noble would insist on the maelstrom moving to the side as it was blocking his evening sun tan. While the ‘upper crust’ did help provide a massive amount of jobs and money for Equestria with their running of major corporations, that still didn’t entitle them to be such snobs, Celestia thought.

And finally, never tempt fate. When you least expect everything to go wrong, something will, and it will be a sight to behold. Her sister becoming upset that ponies don’t seem to appreciate the work that she puts into the night? Goes crazy and has to be put into a 1000 year time out on the moon. Then, when all is seemingly peaceful after your sister is brought back and cured of the crazies by a group of delightful young mares? An old demigod foe breaks out of his prison and wreaks chaos across the land. And following that, after said demigod is imprisoned again, you think you’ll be able to enjoy the upcoming wedding of your niece? NOPE, invasion of an entire brood of changelings coming to take over Equestria. And by the creator, the carapaces were everywhere after that.

Celestia sighed internally, if it wasn’t the same old-hum-drum-day-to-day, it was a world ending scenario that she would have to deal with. Once, just once, she wished something interesting would happen that WOULDN’T cause a huge calamity or uproar among her subjects. Speaking of subjects, the one in front of her was still talking. She had to at least give him points for being verbose, but as it was only one in the afternoon there were plenty of other ponies that needed to be seen. There was also the other point that he had been by three times in the past two months to make the same proposal, just with different phrasing each time. She decided that she’d better nip this in the bud before it went on any longer.

“Excuse me, Mr. Smelt.” Celestia interjected, the stallion immediately stopped his speech and looked up to Celestia nervously. “While I do agree that opening a new factory in Fillydelphia would be an excellent opportunity to increase the amount of employment opportunities for my citizens, I must unfortunately refuse such a proposition until the output of hazardous chemicals in the air surrounding the city decline. Any further heavy industrial building will further aggravate the problem, but if you are able to bring to me proof that the new factory you are proposing will have little to no outward pollution, then we will have more to discuss.”

The stallion stood there for only a few seconds processing her response. He looked as though he was about to add something, but he stayed his tongue. “Very well, your majesty.” He respectfully bowed and left with a brisk trot out the large throne room doors. After the doors were shut, Celestia let out a very audible sigh.

Would it be too much for her to be at least a little wrathful like the days of old? At least then when she said no the first time, they’d get the freaking point. If they didn’t, well, the sun was a great place to work on their oh so precious tan. And then she wouldn’t have to listen to the incessant, nagging, irritating, and droning, heads-stuck-so-far-up-their-own-rear-ends-that- ‘Breathe, Celestia’ She told herself. ‘Think positively...’ She then thought of all the things on Equis that made her happy. ‘Apple pies, bright blue skies, breezy meadows in July... ahhh.’ Celestia sighed. She was glad she took those meditation classes, otherwise she probably would have already gone mad, and crashed the sun right into the castle. She sighed again, as her day was nowhere near done and she already felt exhausted.

“I guess asking for an interruption would be too much to ask wouldn’t it.” She lamented to no one. As soon as the words left her lips, a weaving stream of smoke and green fire spiraled through one of the windows and right toward Celestia. The smoke stopped just in front of her and coalesced into a ball, then with a burst of green fire popped into a scroll. The scroll then began to resonate with a golden glow, as Celestia grabbed it with her magic and broke the seal, unfurling it.

A warm smile came to her lips when she realised it was from her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. It was always a mood lifter for her to hear about her student’s growth into a more knowledgeable and social pony. She wondered briefly why the letter was rather early, as Twilight usually sent her ‘friendship reports’ in the evening. As Celestia read further down the letter, her expression changed from that of her usual warm smile, to one of confusion, then wide eyed realization.

“Surely Twilight couldn’t be talking about...” Celestia said to herself and let the sentence hang in the air. After a moments pause, Celestia read the letter a second time, and then a third just to be sure. Then after she was absolutely sure, Celestia sighed heavily slumping against her throne. Out of all the things she could have expected for her student to discover, this was not one of them. Celestia knew far too well what her student and her friend had found, and now that such a being had come to her domain, she could only guess as to what this would entail for her kingdom.

Straightening up, she cleared her thoughts. Celestia may have not been prepared for this, but she would do all she could to be sure her subjects were safe from whatever would come of this clashing of two worlds.

“Guards.” Celestia called. As soon as the words had left her mouth two of her command appeared before her. “Alert the royal physicians and prepare an escort of the highest security. Tell them to be ready for departure in 15 minutes. Day court is hereby closed for the rest of the day.” The two guards saluted and galloped off to follow her orders. Celestia meanwhile sat, stewing in her own mind for a minute. Then, directing her speech to no one in particular, and with as much annoyance as possible, she spoke, “Ask and ye shall receive, indeed.”

Felix awoke suddenly to a rhythmic beeping sounding through the room he was in. The feeling of warmth radiated around him as his senses slowly came to him. The smell of sanitization was heavy in the air, like someone had been too liberal with bleach all over the walls. Felix attempted to move his arms and legs but found that something was blocking them, or more accurately, was holding them down. His struggling caught the attention of somebody as he heard approaching footfalls on the floor. Felix tried to open his eyes, but couldn’t, as it felt like little weights had been placed on his eyelids, making it too hard to open them. The footsteps stopped before his bed, and he felt the sheets laying over him being smoothed out and pulled back over his shoulders. Felix tried to say hello to whoever was there, but all that came out was a raspy groan.

The other presence gasped and nervously stumbled back from what Felix could guess with her rapid footwork. For a few seconds the beeping of some machine was the rooms’ only musical accompaniment. Felix heard the other sigh and briefly mutter in a feminine voice “Just my im...” The rest was unintelligible. He heard the other begin to walk away, and summoning another bout of strength was able to croak out a weak message.

“W-wait.” Felix gasped out raspily. At this the footsteps stopped and the presence gasped again. Quickly the other moved to his bedside and put a hand to his head. It didn’t feel like a hand to Felix though, much too hard. “H...hello?” Felix asked to the presence.

“Oh my. You are awake!” said the feminine voice “And you’re burning up too.” The female removed her ‘hand’ from his forehead and walked over to something. The sound of water running over something sounded, soon followed by the wringing out of a cloth of some sort. Felix then felt that same cloth laid on top of his head. The cold shocked him a little, but the female’s soft reassurances helped him relax. “Its okay.” she calmly said “You’re alright now.”

“I... had the strangest dream.” Felix sorely recalled to her. “I was hit by a train and I died, but I wound up in a forest and ended up fighting a monster.” Felix’s head was swirling around with images that flashed before his mind, offering little sense to him. The female walked back over to where she got the cloth, and the rushing of water could be heard again as it filled something. Felix then felt a glass at the edge of his lips.

“Here, drink up.” offered the voice, and Felix, being ever so parched, obliged. He greedily drank the water as its cool presence nurtured his cracked and sore throat, all the while the voice offering its own sweet assurances. Felix paused drinking to continue.

“And then I punched a train in half... and then I died again...” Felix trailed off not understanding his own words. Felix then went back to drinking as the female rubbed the cloth on his head while he drank.

“Don’t worry,” said the female voice reassuringly “you’re fine and safe in good old Canterlot Castle.” Felix's eyes shot open and the world sharpy came into focus as he exclaimed, spraying water out of his mouth in shock.

“CANTERLOT CASTLE?!”

Quickly, memories of all that had happened to Felix came rushing back at him like a tsunami of recollection. He remembered everything, the train, his death, him screwing with Death, his ‘adventures’ in the Everfree, and how he died... again. Felix still struggled to bring his hands to his face, only to look down and see that his arms were, as he previously thought, strapped down. After a few jerks to prove that they wouldn’t come off easily, he looked over towards the source of his female companion to discover she was in fact a pony.

She was a light green cream colored mare. Her white and light blue mane was done up in a bun and atop it rested a nurses hat that you would expect to see out of old 1950s movies. Aside from his general observations nothing stuck out too much about her. To Felix, she looked more realistic than what the cartoon had painted the ponies to look like, yet they were still eerily similar. Not in a way that would be horrifying to the normal human eye, just different. Her eyes were big, that much was a given, but the depth the eyes had was quite marvelous, much like staring into a geode.

The nurse was also dripping wet from Felix’s spit take, she stood there stiff paralyzed in shock from his sudden outburst. Felix’s continued glaring into her eyes didn’t help, as she felt as if her hooves had suddenly been glued to the floor. “Um. Sorry.” Felix apologised to the mare, which thankfully shook her out of her stupor.

“Oh, um...” the nurse hesitated, not quite sure how to proceed. Years of medical training, yet there was nothing that even remotely covered ‘what you should do when a comatose alien wakes up under your care’ in her skill set. So she did the next best thing that any sapient being would do when presented with an unsolvable and awkward dilemma. Run away and get someone else to fix it. “I’ll be right back with the doctor.” She quickly uttered as she scampered out the door, her wings fluttering as she ran.. “Don’t go anywhere!”

Felix sat there dumbfounded and looked down at his arms tied to the bed and scoffed. “Yeah... sure thing.” Felix took this moment of peace to examine his surroundings, what little there was of, to be honest. His bed sat up against a fairly large, white walled room. Ahead of him was a large rectangular mirror that showed his reflection, and the wall behind it. There were machines and monitors all around him and multiple cords dangled from them and trailed over to himself.

The door that the nurse had left through was to his left, and it seemed to be the only portal to the outside world as he could see no windows and no other doors in this room. There was a large oval shaped tub to his right, with one of those detachable shower heads, but the curtain and the tub itself looked rather small to him. The last remaining detail was a small potted plant in the corner, it seemed to really tie the room together.

“So, finally decided to join us in the land of the living, hrm?” remarked a deep and rather cheerful voice. Felix looked to his left to see a new visitor, a dark chestnut brown unicorn colt wearing what looked like a classic doctor’s ensemble, complete with a head mirror disk on his forehead. Behind the doctor the nurse Felix saw earlier was wheeling in a tray filled with a multitude of medical tools. Sensing that the doctor was waiting for a response, Felix cleared his throat.

“Oh, um. Yeah... where am I?” Felix asked the doctor. The doctor stiffened a little, and his eyes went wide. Then a smile formed on his muzzle and he let out a small chuckle.

“When Nurse Ratchet said you spoke Equestrian, I hardly believed her. Guess that goes to show even I haven’t seen everything.” he said with bemusement in his voice. His facial features then shifted to a more serious face. It was easy for Felix to tell, pony facial expressions were very exaggerated. “Unfortunately, I can’t quite tell you exactly where you are due to orders by the crown, but don’t fret, you are fine and safe here, no harm will come to you and this I swear to you upon my word as a doctor.” the doctor spoke, saying the last part of his promise with one hoof over his chest.

“Oh, well, thanks then I guess, Doctor...?” Felix questioned leaving his sentence hanging.

“Stable Condition.” answered the doctor. If Felix wasn’t tied to the bed, he would have facepalmed so hard he would have broken his nose. “Now then,” the doctor began as he moved to Felix’s side and brought up a clipboard with his magic “you’ve been through quite a lot. I’m frankly surprised you healed as quickly as you did, all things considered.”

“I was beat up that badly?” asked Felix. His eyes mesmerized by the clipboard being held with the doctors magic, it wasn’t as pronounced as on the show, but a faint blue colored aura could be seen shimmering around the floating clipboard.

“You’re lucky to be alive more than anything.” the doctor said as he paged through the sheets of paper on the clipboard. “You had multiple lacerations all over your body, the ones of your chest were especially deep, cutting right through some of your upper abdominal muscles. You had a festering hole in your back that had become infected. And then there was the manticore poison that was flowing through your veins, that really threw us for a loop, as you had enough of that toxin in your blood to kill an elephant!”

Felix’s eyes went wide at the revelation, he knew he had got poisoned but there was that much in his system? How did he even survive?

“But by far the most amazing thing-” Stable Condition continued “was the fact that you were dead when you arrived in the ER.” Felix’s face blanched in disbelief.

“I was... dead?” Felix repeated back.

“Indeed!” the doctor exuberantly responded. “And apparently you had been 10 minutes before you had even gotten to the hospital to begin with. No resuscitation spells or electroshock spells would jumpstart your heart, so the doctors were about to call it. Then suddenly, BAM! Your heart started beating again and you were breathing! It was a miracle by all manner of the term in my professional opinion.”

Felix was a little shocked by this news. Sure he expected that he WAS dead while he was out spirit walking with Death, but he didn’t expect his coming back to this world would be so... dramatic. Felix’s face turned up in a small smile. “I guess I’m one lucky guy then?”

“Lucky doesn’t even BEGIN to describe it.” Stable Condition commented. “After you were checked over and found to be stable, the doctors tried to use healing magic on you to close your wounds and remove the poison, but they hit a snag.” Dr. Condition lifted up the sheet and pointed with his hoof to the massive bandages that covered his chest. “It seems that you are heavily magic resistant; any magic cast upon you has no discernible effect. We had to go the old fashioned route and sanitize and treat your wounds, while we flushed your system with as little anti toxin as we could. We were afraid of causing any adverse reaction you see, seeing as how we know next to nothing about your physiology.”

“Oh, sorry about that.” Felix automatically apologised saying it more out of habit than of actually being sincere.

“Oh no need to apologise, it’s not like you purposefully meant to get in this rough of shape after all. Unless its a hobby of yours to be tangoing with manticores.” Stable Condition asked, then laughed heartily at his own joke. “But seriously, it was very touch and go with you at the beginning. After the first week however things settled down considerably, and what was quite amazing is your bodies natural healing rate in my professional opinion.” Felix raised an eyebrow at the doctors explanation.

“Um, do ponies take a long time to heal or something?” Felix questioned. The doctor tilted his head slightly and looked up and down Felix’s body.

“Well without magic, our bodies’ natural healing would take at least 3 months to repair itself after the extensive damage you received. However for you it only took two weeks.”

“TWO WEEKS?!” exclaimed Felix. The doctor and the nurse backpedaled from his outburst while Felix’s mind raced. That’s impossible, he thought, no one could heal that fast. “I need to see.”

“What?” the doctor asked confused.

“I need to see my wounds, take off these bandages.” demanded Felix. The doctor's face hardened at Felix’s order.

“Sir, right now you have a lot of scar tissue all over your chest, it would be a very bad idea in my professional opinion to-”

“Actually,” Nurse Ratchet interjected, interrupting the doctor “he’s due to have his bandages changed later today, I could just do them now.”

“Oh, well then in my professional opinion it would be alright.” the doctor approved. Felix rolled his eyes at the doctor's easily switchable attitude while the nurse went over to the cart she wheeled in and grabbed a large knife in her hooves. Felix eyed the knife warily as it was brought close to his chest. The nurse saw his frightened expression and smiled warmly at him.

“Now don’t you worry, I know how to change bandages like the back of my own hoof.” she claimed with sincerity. Nurse Ratchet lowered the knife slowly to the bandages and was just about to cut them, when she stopped. “Oh silly me, I have the knife facing backwards.” Felix’s heart responded by doing the mambo at 180 bpm. “Okay, here we go.” Felix closed his eyes, begging to an indifferent God that he wouldn’t be stabbed like a Bates Motel victim. “And there we go.” Felix heard from the nurse snapping him out of his momentary panic attack.

Felix looked down to see that he bore some rather impressive-looking scars across his chest. Three deep gashes could be seen along with a whole slew of smaller scars that made his chest look like a New York intercity highway map. Felix of course responded like the mature 26 year old he was.

“Cooooooool. I look like the Nameless One’s long lost brother!” he quipped, chuckling.

“Who?” the doctor said holding the sanitizer for the nurse.

“Oh, just some legend from my home. So how l- Aaaughhhhhh.” Felix groaned as the nurse rubbed the alcohol onto his scars, clearing them of any bacteria, but also making Felix feel like his chest was on fire. “Annnnnnd that’s going to sting in the morning.”

“Oh quit being a foal, I’m barely touching you.” the nurse admonished as she began to apply anti bacterial cream. The pain slowly receded to a calm cooling sensation and Felix relaxed back a bit.

“So,” Felix questioned turning to the Doctor “It only took two weeks for the scars to form? How long have I been out then?”

“You’ve actually been out for a little over a month.”

“A month?” Felix repeated with an arched eyebrow. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why are my scars this sensitive after they formed so quickly... And did you say a MONTH?”

“Those were the words that left my mouth, I’m quite sure, in my professional opinion.” Doctor Stable Condition quipped back at Felix.

“Ha ha.” Felix dryly laughed back at the doctor. “It... just didn’t feel like I was sleeping for that long.” Felix felt cool air rush to his wrists and he looked down to see that the nurse had removed his restraints. “Oh, thanks. That was getting rather uncomfortable.”

“Sorry about them dearie,” apologised the nurse “They were more for your own protection, you were always flailing around in your sleep.” The nurse held up a roll of new bandages and some gause. “Now do you want to try to sit up a little?”

Felix lifted up his hands and grabbed onto the railing on both sides of the bed. With surprisingly little effort he was able to pull himself into sitting straight up. The nurse immediately went to work while Felix sat there staring off into the distance.

“Okay I call bull.” he claimed.

“I’m sorry what?” asked the confused nurse.

“There is NO way I should have been able to do that. I’ve been in bed for over a month, not to mention all, these.” Felix explained motioning to the scars on his chest. “I shouldn’t have the strength to do this let alone feel barely any pain.”

“So this level of healing isn’t the norm for your species?” the doctor asked intrigued.

“Not unless I’ve suddenly gained an adamantium skeleton.”

“Is it also a norm of your species to say weird things like that?”

“...Actually it is, bub.”

“There we go,” prompted the nurse as she tied off his bandages with a metal clip “Fresh wrapping, now be sure you don’t do any major stretching or you may rip them.” Felix laid his hands on his chest and rubbed around his torso feeling the bandages. Pulling the sheets back he found that thankfully he was at least wearing a makeshift pair of pants, thought from the uncomfortableness he figured that was ALL he was wearing. he made a mental note to get some better clothes when the time was appropriate.

“Well thank you ma’am.” Felix grinned to the nurse.

“Please, Ma’am is my mother, call me Ratchet.” the nurse giggled, holding out a hoof towards Felix. He returned her hoofshake while glancing at her flank, noticing she indeed did have a ratchet as a cutie mark.

“I bet there’s an interesting story behind that name.” he proposed.

“You’d be right, dad always did want me to go into the plumbing business.” she replied with a hearty laugh. The doctor coughed into his hoof gaining both Felix and Rachet’s attention.

“Now then,” the doctor said turning to Felix “There is a lot to go over now that you are up.” Felix grimaced at the doctor’s words.

“Why do I get the feeling I should have stayed asleep.” Felix groaned flopping back down into his bed.

“Oh nonsense,” the doctor chided “Its nothing too serious. Just a few forms for formality’s sake.” Then, from seemingly nowhere, Stable Condition pulled out a large stack of papers at least 2 feet tall and dropped them on the table next to Felix’s bed.

“A few?” Felix asked incredulously.

“Well its not often we get a...” the doctor explained stopping when he couldn’t find the word. “Well, how silly of me, I never even asked what your species was, or even what your name is!” Felix chuckled a little at the doctor’s faux pas.

“Its Fe-”

“What is the creature doing out of its restraints?” snapped a shrill voice. Felix and the others in the room turned toward the new voice to see its source. An oily, lanky, light grey unicorn stallion. His mane was rather unkempt and looked like it hadn’t seen shampoo in the past two weeks. He wore a white coat that had pens and paper sticking out of every nook and fold of it. The expression on his face was that of shock and disgust, and it was directed right at Felix.

“Oh, Dr. Practice,” addressed Stable Condition “how... nice of you to join us.”

“Don’t try changing the subject Condition. What is it doing unrestrained? I gave specific orders for it to be contained at all times.” Doctor Practice demanded as he moved up to Felix’s bedside.

“Now, Mal, I’m sure that-” the nurse began to explain to him, only to be cut off by Doctor Practice.

“You will refer to your superiors, especially ME, as DOCTOR. Understood? Nurse?” he shouted, the last word oozing with disdain. Nurse Ratchet glared right back at him with just as much anger.

“Understood... Doctor.” she spoke mimicking his exact tone back at him. “As I was saying, I was changing his bandages and seeing as he was already awake I took them off to mak-”

“Why wasn’t I notified? I am the head of this operation, and I specifically ordered that if the subject was to ever become conscious, I was to be told IMMEDIATELY.” Dr. Practice ranted.

“Practice,” interjected Dr. Condition “He only woke up just a few minutes ago, and I decided checking on his condition was paramount to you being notified in my professional opinion.”

Felix decided he did not like this pony. He would like to take this pony and throw him out of the nearest window. However seeing as the room he was in had no windows, he put it on his to do list.

“If I wanted your opinion, I would just ask some fresh out of university bedpan assistant and get the same result.” Responded Dr. Practice as he used his magic to take the clipboard away from Dr. Condition. Correction, Felix now loathed this pony. Windows were too good for him, maybe a tall staircase filled with broken glass and nails would be more fitting. “Now, nurse, I want the subject re-restrained and moved to testing room number one.”

“With all do respect doctor, he’s in no condition to be tested.” Nurse Ratchet argued.

“The subject is awake, that is all that’s needed. And if I’m not mistaken his physical injuries have been nearly healed anyway. So, the sooner you prepare it for transfer, the sooner I can get to doing my ACTUAL job.”

“Is being a dick you’re job?” spat Felix. “Cause you certainly are quite good at it.” Dr. Practice sputtered in disbelief at the verbal insult by Felix.

“This-this, subject, will keep its mouth shut for the remainder of the testing period!” shouted Dr. Practice.

“I’d like to see you try...” Felix threatened pointing menacingly at Dr. Practice. The two of them glared into each others eyes, while Nurse Ratchet and Dr. Condition looked on warily. Dr. Practice refused to back down however and turned back to the doorway.

“Guards!” he called out. Less than a second later, two gold armored white stallions trotted into the room. “Hold the subject down while I restrain it.” The guards immediately moved over to Felix’s bedside, but before they could do anything Felix himself laid back and positioned his limbs next to the restraints.

“Fine, fine,” he said defeated, but still obstinate “Have it your way, jerk.” While Felix hated this guy’s guts, he wasn’t about to risk a physical confrontation with some goons just yet. Besides how bad could a few ‘tests’ be? Felix then felt the restraints tighten around his limbs, and then they tightened a little further provoking some irritation and another dagger like stare at Dr. Practice. The bad doctor ignoring Felix’s discomfort, turned to Dr. Condition and Nurse Ratchet and directed them to leave.

“You are relieved of your duties for now, if I have need of any of your assistance, my intern will notify you... speaking of which, NOTE!” Dr. Practice shouted toward the doorway. A new figure scampered in with multiple notebooks and writing utensils being held in a magical aura around it. The figure in question was a young stallion who could almost be mistaken for a mare with his lanky figure. His voice however was definitely male, nasally and nerdy.

“Y-y-yes sir, Dr. Practice?” the new pony wavered.

“Note I want you to take the subject to testing chamber number one, I will be there shortly. The guards will escort you.” ordered Dr. Practice. “As for the two of you, I think you can find the door by yourself hrm?” Dr. Practice then walked out the door and down the hall. The intern moved to the back of Felix’s bed and began to fiddle with the locks holding it in place.

“Egads. I have to deal with that jerk now?” Felix groaned to Dr. Condition.

“While I will admit that Mal can come off as a rather... sensitive pony, he is a genius in the medical field of new species classification.” explained Dr. Condition. “And he has shown to always get results... even though he is a bit of a flankhole about it in my professional opinion.” Felix felt the bed shift and the intern popped out from underneath the bed.

“Alrighty, you ready to go?” the intern asked with a chipper voice. Felix was surprised at the interns shift in attitude.

“Um... I guess?” Felix responded semi-bewildered. The bed began to move across the the ground, the intern pushing it from the head of it. Felix gave a slight wave goodbye to Dr. Condition and Nurse Rachet as he passed through the portal into the hallway. The hallway was a bright white both with tiles on the floor and the speckled ceiling. Bright white lights adorned the ceiling, though similar to fluorescent lights it seemed like there was a flame trapped within its glass. Much like his room there were no windows to the outside that Felix could see.

“I’m sorry about Dr. Practice.” Felix was surprised to see the intern was the one who had said it. The intern was now walking alongside Felix’s bed, his horn glowing from pushing the bed along the hall.

“Why are you apologising for that... asswad?” Felix asked incredulously.

“What does a group of donkeys have anything to do with this?” querried the intern. Felix blanched.

“Uh, nevermind.” Felix said not wanting to try an explain the colorful language of english. “But seriously, why are you defending him? He’s a total jerk.”

“Well I know he’s kind of rude, but Dr. Practice is quite nice when you get to know him.” the intern expressed with a smile. Felix of course gave the intern his best you’ve-gotta-be-shitting-me face.

“Really?”

“Um... yes.”

“REALLY?” Felix asked a second time with more force.

“Oh alright, he isn’t.” divulged the intern. “He’s a borish, brutish, bumbling, bigoted, blockhead! I’ve been his intern for the past six months and I don’t know if I’m going to make it the full seven! If he’s not berating me for doing something wrong, he’s yelling at me for doing something right, but making it seem like a blind legless earth pony could do better!” Felix just sat in the bed eyes wide at the outburst of the intern. The intern himself sudddenly realised what he was saying and crouched low with his eyes darting back and forth. “OhmaiCelestia, please tell me I didn’t say that outloud.”

“Oh you did, but I wouldn’t worry about it.” Felix assured him.

“W-why not? If he heard that, I’m screwed! I’ll have to repeat this whole internship, and good luck finding someone with the pull like dr-” the intern began to rant before Felix cut him off.

“What I meant, was that I don’t think he could hear you anyway. Guys like him are so into their own egos, they tune out the world around them.”

“You... You think he didn’t hear me?”

“Yeah I’m pretty sure. It’ll just be between you, me, this hall-” Felix answered, shifting his focus to the other ponies following them in the hall. “- and the guards currently escorting us. Ain’t that right boys?” Felix received an indifferent snort from one of the guards as a response. “I think that means yes.”

The intern chuckled slightly, the mood in the hall changing for the better. “My name is Quick Note by the way.” the intern told Felix.

“Felix. Felix Jackson.” Felix returned to Note. “So, why am I being thrown right into these tests? I mean, shouldn’t I be like meeting someone in charge or something?” Felix tried to be as vague as possible. His foreknowledge about Equestria could lead him into some corners if he let slip he knew more than he was letting on.

“I’m honestly not sure why.” responded Note with confusion. “You are the first... um...”

“Human.”

“Human, that I’ve ever heard of. If I were to guess, Dr. Practice is using the fact that you are a non classified species as a way of getting you as a test subject.” Note hypothesized.

“Well that’s even worse!” Felix exclaimed. He turned to the guards and began to question them “Hey, you! You’re supposed to be a police force of some kind. Can’t you tell that this SCREAMS unethical?!”

“Actually they’re posted here by the crown with explicit instructions to be sure no harm comes to you.” interjected Note. “And how are tests unethical?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Frelix responded melodramatically “How many pints of blood do you think he’ll remove from me? Will it be before or after the vivisection? And can I at least be unconscious when he decided to anal probe me?” Note’s face shifted to that of shock and horror, while the guards themselves only changed to a wide eyed stare.

“W-...w-w-what would make you believe we would do those kinds of tests to you without some form of consent? That’s just... unthinkable!” asked a horrified Note.

“Eh. It’s what my race would probably do.” Felix nonchalantly responded.

“That’s terrifying.” Note said.

“Eh, cut us some slack. Up until a while ago for me, most of humanity thought we were alone. The only sapient beings in existence. We wouldn’t be used to asking something new and weird for consent.” Felix explained. Note seemed to take this heavily and looked ahead deep in thought on Felix’s words. They walked for a while before Note broke the silence.

“How could your race think that you were the only intelligent beings on Equis?” inquired Note. “I know that most of the grand oceans and beyond are unexplored area to the Equestrian kingdom. But you at least must have met one of the other civilizations.”

“We kinda live... far away. REALLY far away.” Felix told Note. Sure he was omitting that the distance was a planeshift away, but admitting that right now probably would get him locked up in the looney bin or have him be experimented on.

“Yeah I thought so.” replied Note. He stopped in front of two large double doors and moved next to a small device that was next to the doors. Placing a hoof on it caused it to glow a white light. The glow then faded and was replaced with a bright green light and a small chime. The doors swung inward and Felix’s bed moved to the inside.

The new room was a large one, the ceiling easily being twice Felix’s own height. Much like his original room there was a large mirror stretching along one of the walls. In the center of the room was a table filled with paper and assorted items. Around it stood two chairs, one of which looked like two stools, one of which was larger than the other. Felix’s bed stopped and was pushed up against one of the walls.

“Well, well. You happened to arrive exactly on time for once Note.” spoke a voice behind the group. Felix didn’t even need to turn his head as the voice was enough to remind him who it was. “I guess even you can be right once in awhile.” said Dr. Practice as he moved into view. Moving over to the table, Dr. Practice sat on the smaller stool and began to shuffle through the papers on the desk. The guards that had been following Note and Felix now stood by the double doors, stiff as a pole. “You may prepare the subject.” commanded Dr. Practice to Quick Note.

Felix saw the restraints around his limbs go loose followed by the cooling sensation as fresh air touched his once-confined limbs. His right arm in particular felt very heavy, Felix thought it must have been because of how tight they were. Quick note walked up to his bed and motioned for Felix to get up. “Come on now, slowly, don’t want you falling over.” Note softly told Felix. Using the metal bars of the bed to help himself sitting upright again, Felix swung his legs over the side of the bed and let them drape. The thought of how easy this was for him to move his previously wounded body crossed his mind again, but a gruff cough from Dr. Practice signalled that patience wasn’t one of the doctors virtues.

Slowly and with great care Felix allowed his legs to slide down and land on the floor. Admittedly because the bed was already close to the ground and we was taller than the average pony he didn’t have very far to fall. Pushing himself off the bed, Felix stood for the first time after his coma. Only to nearly fall forward onto his face. Luckily, Quick Note moved in front of Felix, allowing Felix to use Note as a brace.

“Thanks.” Felix said to Note. Note Smiled back at Felix and moved with him slowly over to the stool. Felix’s steps were short and jagged as he carefully moved across the room.

“No prob-” responded Quick Note before Dr. Practice interrupted him.

“If you are done wasting my time, would you take a seat already?” he curtly spat not even looking up from the folder he currently had his head buried in. Felix shot him another death glare, and turned to Quick Note to see him make a ‘please-at-least-try-to-put-up-with-him?’ expression. Rolling his eyes and sighing Felix sat down on the larger stool. Even though it was bigger than the other one, it was still rather small for Felix, leaning too far in any direction might make him slip right off.

After making sure Felix wouldn't fall off, Quick Note trotted over to the table and levitated up a large stack of papers and a quil. Taking the right side of Dr. Practice, he stood ready to write down anything that would happen. Dr. Practice lowered the folder he was reading and levitated out of the pile of objects a small personal recorder. It looked like one of the old tape deck ones you would see in modern crime dramas, thought Felix. The magic surrounding the recorder pushed down a button and the tape starting to run.

“This is Dr. Practice recording the first session with the unidentified subject that was found on the outskirts of the Everfree.” spoke the doctor in a droning voice as he went through other papers on his desk. “I will proceed to put the subject through the Standard Equine Tests of Intelligence to determine the subjects overall cognitive ability.”

“The subject has a name you know.” Felix deadpanned while scowling at Dr. Practice. The doctor paused only a moment before continuing.

“Subject has shown to be able to speak Equestrian, no discernible accent. Whether this is an act of parroting or actual communication has yet to be determined.” continued Dr. Practice. It was less than 5 minutes into the testing and Felix already wanted to jump across the table and throttle the stallion like a dead chicken. The doctor took two sheets of paper and handed one of the copies to the intern. “I shall now attempt to communicate with the subject.” The doctor cleared his throat and then began to speak slowly and in broken English to Felix, while performing exaggerated leg motions directing to himself and then Felix. “I am, Doctor Practice. You are?”

“Irritated.” Felix said with as much contempt as possible. The doctor had to do a double take and then frowned, while Quick Note did his best to hold back his laughter. The doctor straightened up and returned Felix’s gaze.

“What is your name?” Dr. Practice simply questioned.

“Felix C. Jackson.”

“Your species?”

“Human.”

“Your occupation?”

“Answering your moronic questions apparently.” Felix quiped with a smirk. In response, Dr. Practice slammed his hoof on the desk sending a few papers flying.

“I will not have you make a mockery of me or these proceedings.” Dr. Practice said curtly. “Have I made myself clear?”

“...Crystal.” Felix responded with no tone or emotion in his voice. The doctor eased back onto his stool and continued. The questions resumed, never venturing beyond the need for short answers, though Felix had no desire to divulge anything more than the minimum to the aggravating doctor. The questions were almost the same standard one you would find on a job application. When it came to the question of how he arrived in Equestria, he claimed ignorance and said he didn’t know how. Thankfully the doctor didn’t press further on the issue.

Soon the questions were done and the real testing began. First was simple arithmetic, the doctor gave a short explanation on what the plus and minus signs were, but Felix didn’t need any instruction as it was already in English to him. After completing how many he could in five minutes the doctor swiftly moved onto the next test. Dr. Practice pulled out a series of cards with pictures on them and shuffled through them.

“I will now attempt to test the subject Felix Jackson’s visual recollection.” Dr. Practice said to the recorder, while pulling out one of the cards and showing it to Felix. “What is this?” He asked holding up a picture of a pumpkin.

“A pumpkin.” droned Felix. Out of all the childish tests this was the one that felt the most degrading to his intelligence. The doctor put the card down and held up another.

“What is this?”

“A dog.” The card was set down and another was lifted in front of him. “A house.” And another. Felix’s eye twitched. “An apple.” And another. “A fish- Alright this is just ridiculous!” Felix shouted. “I know what things are alright? I’m not some dumb kid, I can talk alright? Heck, I can soliloquise in the most verbose language possible while describing my utmost irritation with this moronic academic analysis.” The doctor frowned and ignoring Felix, grabbed another card and showed it to Felix.

“What is this?”

“It’s a flash card you moron.” Felix shot at Dr. Practice. Silence rang through the room as both Felix and Dr. Practice glowered at each other, pure hate could be felt radiating off the both of them. The silence was interrupted by Quick Note coughing to gain attention.

“Um, how do I grade that one, Doctor?” he asked sincerely. Dr. Practice’s eye began to twitch and he sighed with an aggravated grunt. The doctor decided to move onto the next test, which involved taking a few set shapes and trying to combine them to form a new shape that were outlined on pieces of paper while timed. Felix actually enjoyed this one as it felt more like a game he used to play on the computer while he goofed off.

The tests then shifted to the doctor verbally describing something and Felix had to guess what it was. Though they started out easily like “Its a sphere and it bounces on the ground.” which the answer was a ball. To “No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?” which the answer was silence. Felix having spent hours playing old RPGs was quick versed in the art of riddle play, and was having a blast. Dr. Practice however, was not. The way Felix was easily solving some of the more difficult, and in some cases not even on the test, questions was starting to grate on his nerves. Sure, he was supposed to be testing Felix’s intelligence, but he loathed how Felix exuded this aura of superiority with each answer.

“I am weightless, but you can see me. Put me in a bucket, and I'll make it lighter. What am I?” asked Dr. Practice, his teeth clenched and his eye rapidly twitching.

Without even missing a beat, Felix quickly responded, “A hole.” and smirked. “Really doctor, these are the best you can do? I swear I’ve heard more difficult questions from a two year old.” The doctor slammed his hooves on the desk causing it to shake and nearly break.

“Listen here you... you FREAK!” howled Dr. Practice. “I will not have you insulting the testing procedure! If you are such a genius, then tell me why you decided to go brawling with a manticore?!”

“I-” was all Felix could say before Dr. Practice interrupted.

“Of course you can’t, you are nothing more than another brutish, mindless, and misshapen being like all the rest.” the doctor continued to rant. “The very fact that I am wasting my time on such an idiotic pursuit of classifying you should have you thanking me!” Felix clenched his fists, this pony was really starting to push it. “And your constant interruptions and mockery of these proceedings shows me just how brainless a monster like you can be. I will not have the name of science be besmirched by a witless, gelded, malformation!” The doctor seethed with anger as his hooves pressed into the table.

Felix stood there only for a moment before responding. “Well, I’m sorry you feeeaaaaaaaAAAGH!” he screamed as he fell to the floor and began to writhe in pain. The doctor shot up shocked, and ran around the table to get a better look at him. Felix was clutching his leg and screaming bloody murder about the pain he was in. Quick Note rushed to Felix’s side and tried to ask him what was going on, but to no avail as Felix continued to wail.

The guards took a defensive stance and shouted “Orders, sir!?” The doctor looked back and forth between the guards and Felix on the ground, for once he was at a loss for words.

“I-...I-I...” stammered Dr. Practice. Meanwhile Quick Note was trying his best to get Felix to respond and tell him what was going on. A million things shot though the interns mind, did they move him too soon? Was the testing so strenuous that it caused a blood clot or a massive hemorrhaging? He was no expert on medicine, he was training to be an anthropologist. Felix continued to scream, but opened his eyes briefly to see Quick Note standing over him. While still screaming, he smiled and winked at him.

Quick was taken aback, he didn’t quite understand at first, but slowly comprehension hit him and he decided to play along. Quickly he turned around and ordered the guards. “Guards! Get Dr. Condition and Nurse Ratchet Immediately! He’s having some sort of seizure!”

The guard hesitated for a second, they looked to Dr. Practice for confirmation. The doctor after realising what they were waiting for yelled at them, “You heard him! I’ll not have my project fail because of his death! Get them now!” The guards saluted and ran out of the room, the doors slamming behind them. The doctor sighed and moved back to his desk to lean on it and plug his ears with his hooves. “Note, if you can, shut that Celestia damned thing up!” Surprisingly, Dr. Practise heard the screaming cease, and he sighed in relief. “Good work, Note.” groaned Dr. Practice as he massaged the his temples. “Did you gag the son of a mule or... did... you...”

The doctor trailed off, his sight falling on Felix hovering over him, his glare boring into the doctor's eyes. “What are you- guards! GUAR-!?” the doctor cried out, silenced by Felix grabbing him by the throat and lifting him up.

“I think they are rather occupied at the moment, Mal.” Felix told Dr. Practice, saying his name with as much displacement as possible.

“My name is Dr. Practice you frea- GAK” was all he could say before Felix squeezed on his windpipe.

“You are going to shut that Godforsaken mouth of yours and listen for once in your miserable excuse for an existence!” Felix roared into Dr. Practice’s face. “I don’t appreciate you insulting me, or my people, or my intelligence. And if you even think about calling me a monster...” At this Felix grinned manically. “You’d be right.” He threw Dr. Practice into a corner and watched the doctors body flop to the ground. The doctor scrambled to his hooves but found himself cornered by Felix.

“Qu-qu-quick Note! Help me!” screamed Dr. Practice. Felix laughed devilishly at his cries for help.

“He can’t help you, he’s busy napping.” Felix said jabbing his thumb in the direction of a motionless Quick Note on the floor. Felix moved closer to the doctor causing him to back up against the corner of the wall and quake in fear. “Now you are going to be a good little pony and listen.” Felix began only to be interrupted by Dr. Practice lighting up his horn and blasting him with a bright beam of magic. The ray hit Felix, but did absolutely nothing. “Hehehe... Tickles.” Felix giggled melovantly. “Lets take care of that” Felix said as he grabbed the doctor’s horn and forced his eyes to look right at Felix.

“You know, the reason my race isn’t known by you, ponies, is that we haven’t considered you worthy to be contacted. We have spent the past 20,000 years building empires that expand across our land and have power that make your precious Equestria, look like a backwater stone age tribe. We have invented weapons that can kill instantly from leagues away, armor that can’t even be pierced by the strongest spell, and created an explosive force so powerful, that a SINGLE one would turn any of your cities and the surrounding area instantaneously to ash. We’ve had clashes amongst our own that had death tolls numbering in the millions, and those are the smaller wars. We have been fighting and killing for so damn long, that we’ve become really, really good at it. If we were even planning on showing ourselves to you, your races would already be subjugated under our rule. We’ve already done it to every other race we’ve met; with us being the apex predator of the world, none are more ruthless than us. After all, the rest are dead.” Felix narrated to Dr. Practice, the doctor’s visage growing more and more horrified.

“If I wanted to, I could snap your neck and walk right out of this room, but I’m feeling generous and let you go with a warning.” The doctor began to show a sliver of hope in his face before Felix continued. “But if you ever show your face to me again or insult me in any way, I will personally take your horn and shove it SO FAR up your own anal cavity that the only way you are going to levitate ANYTHING is by opening your DAMN MOUTH!” The faint trickle of water could be heard and Felix grinned even more evil than before. “Do I make myself clear?” he echoed the doctor’s words right back at him.

“C-c-crystal.” Dr. Practice stammered out. Felix then leaned in as close as possible.

“Good. I’d hate to have to kill and... eat a mind as bright as yours.” Felix said baring his teeth and running his tongue along them. The doctor screamed in a high pitch tone before going limp in Felix’s hand. Felix then let go of the unicorn’s horn and let him fall flat into a puddle of his own sweat and piss. Looking over the massive emotional damage he just inflicted made him burst into laughter. He stopped when he felt a proding sensation on his back. Felix turned around to see Quick Note looking warily at him.

“You um, you weren’t really going to... eat him, were you?” he asked with trepidation. Felix reacted by spurting out another laugh.

“No! Of course not, no.” Felix told Quick Note while trailing off in his laughter. “He’d probably taste terrible.” Quick Note’s eyes widened in fear, but Felix stopped his reaction there. “No. Seriously, no. I don’t eat anything that can talk. It’s not polite.”

“Oh, well... that’s good.” the intern half heartily laughed. “Um, what are you going to do now?”

“Now?” Felix repeated. He thought about it for a minute. “Well I guess you’d better take me back to my room. I don’t think the doctor is in any condition to be testing anyone at the moment.” Felix smirked at Quick Note and proceeded to stumble back to his bed. Quick Note took one last glance at the passed out Dr. Practice before chuckling and heading to Felix’s side to offer him aid.

As the bed went through the doors and headed down the hall back to the room, Quick Note thought of something. “Did you really mean all those things you said? About humans and those weapons?” he asked slightly nervous at making Felix angry by asking. Felix sighed and looked at Quick Note with a forlorn expression.

“Humans are a weird bunch okay? We do everything in extreme, whether good... or bad.” Felix said somberly.

“I... I see.” hesitated Quick Note.

“Hey, if it makes you feel any better, the chances of humanity as a whole ever coming here is nigh impossible. I got here by a fluke, so you don’t have to worry about any of those dangerous things ever coming to Equestria okay?” Felix reassured him.

“You sure?”

“You’d have a better chance of seeing a pegasus fart rainbows.” Felix quipped, which broke the tension and made Quick Note burst into laughter. Soon Felix felt the laughter become infectious and he laughed along with him. They both stopped suddenly when they heard a loud cough of someone trying to gain their attention. Felix and Quick Note looked up to see that the guards who had ran to get the doctor and nurse had returned and were tapping their hooves as if waiting for an explaination.

“I was under the impression that we were running to come to help with you as you were having a seizure on the floor.” Dr. Condition expressed to Felix. “And here we are surprised to find you laughing in the halls. Care to explain?” he asked raising one of his eyebrows.

“I, uh... stubbed my toe!” Felix said improvising an answer.

“You... stubbed your toe?” Dr. Condition asked confused.

“Oh yes, it was horrible.” Felix explained with as much emotion as he could. “I mean, you ponies have hooves, you can’t possibly know how sensitive toes are. Why, when a human stubs one its like being hit repeatedly with a large rock. That’s also on fire!” While Felix explained, one of the guards leaned over to the other.

“Any idea what the heck a ‘toe’ is?” he whispered to the other.

“I have no idea, but whatever it is, I'm glad I don't have one.” responded the other guard with a whisper of his own.

“And what of Dr. Practice? Why isn’t he with you?” asked Dr. Condition.

“Oh, him?” Felix said nonchalantly “I was doing so well at testing that I wore him out, we decided it was best if we both took a rest and got to it later.”

“Really?” asked a disbelieving Dr. Condition.

“Really.” Insisted Felix. “He was practically falling asleep before we left the room.” Dr. Condition looked suspiciously at Felix and then at Quick Note who in return smiled nervously. After a few seconds of scrutinizing, Dr. Condition smiled.

“Well, it’s a good thing Dr. Practice finally listened to my advice.” he said as he turned around to lead them back to Felix’s room. “He should really do it more often. That stallion would have a lot less stress if he listened more and talked less, in my professional opinion.” Felix smirked at Quick Note before answering.

“The world would be worse off without you doc.” Felix chuckled.

Quick Note leaned in towards Felix while no one was looking and whispered, “I’m so going to get fired for this.”

“Was it worth it?” Felix asked.

“...Completely.” Quick Note responded with a grin.

It was only a few minute later that they reached Felix’s room and had him wheeled inside. The nurse asked if he would like any food or water and Felix’s gut answered for him with a growl. Both Dr. Condition and Nurse Ratchet laughed heartily at the humor of the situation while Quick Note nervously looked at Felix, hoping he wasn’t too hungry. The group left Felix in his room, the nurse promising to return soon with some nourishment. With silence once again his companion, Felix let his mind wander.

So here he was, in Equestria. A land that, up until not too long ago, Felix thought was fictional and couldn’t possibly have existed. However, dying proved that to be wrong, and then coming back to life and dying within Equestria doubly proved him wrong. And now thanks to something written down in the Celestial Bureaucracy, he was stuck here. While that might have made some upset, it didn’t affect him too much.

This was a new world for him. How many people get the opportunity to see and experience a brand new world, one full of a whole menagerie of creatures and beings from man’s mythology? Felix had decided the moment he was sent back that he was going to make the most of it. And by whatever God ruled this universe, he was going to do it. Felix sighed, content on his current situation, sure he had probably upset a high ranking scientist and scarred him for life, but the stress relief was worth it. After all it’s not like it could get any worse, right?

“So this is the shit hole they stuck you in, eh? Well, its not too bad, that potted plant in the corner really ties the room together.” said a new, yet familiar, gruff voice. Felix sat up in his bed and looked over to the doorway to see a new figure standing in front of it. It was a grey unicorn stallion with a dark, nearly black red mane. The stallion wore a cloak of a darker shade of grey, with a simple gold clasp holding it together on his chest. “Still can’t believe you were out for a whole month. I mean seriously, it was just a fight with a manticore, you’d think after all the other shit you went though that would be a pittance.”

Felix racked his brain trying to figure out who this guy was. His voice was eerily familiar, yet he couldn’t quite place it. The stallion moved to Felix’s bedside and continued to talk.

“Oh, what? Are you shocked speechless at seeing me again? I didn’t know you found me that attractive.” joked the stallion. Felix was even more confused by the ‘again’? Felix had never met a stallion with this kind of coloring before, especially one with a... scythe for a cutie mark? … ‘A SCYTHE FOR A CUTIE MARK?’ Felix’s mind screamed.

“DEATH!?” Felix actually screamed. The stallion grinned devilishly at Felix.

“Well, well. You got it in one. Not bad kid, not bad at all.” he complimented Felix like you compliment someone for having a nice hairstyle. Felix was taken aback, he didn’t quite know what to say and was at a loss for words.

“But-but...but why... why are you here?” Felix finally managed to ask.

“Oh kid,” Death laughed and then sighed “did you REALLY think that after that stunt you pulled, that you’d seen the last of me? Whelp, we’ve got a lot to go over, so we’d best get started right away.” Felix groaned in annoyance. He really needed to stop tempting fate like that.

Author's Note

And so starts the grand tale of Felix in Equestria, wooooooo. Or more accurately, its a grand tale of Felix in a hospital ward, woooooo. This chapter took longer then I wanted to write, but I'm satisfied on where I leave it off. I still plan on trying to update weekly or baring some unseen force, at least bi-weekly. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, this is the longest piece of writing I've done in my life, and actually the most dialogue I've ever written too.

Anyway Felix's crazy adventures are just beginning.

Why has Death returned?
How does Celestia know of humans?
Does Dr. Condition find these author comments to be pretentious, in his professional opinion?
Will any of the audience members get this dated sitcom reference?

Find out on the next chapter of Cheating Death Act II: "The Reaper is my Co-Pilot" !

Chapter 2 - The Reaper is my Co-Pilot

Cheating Death Act 2: Five of a Kind and One Joker

Chapter 2 - The Reaper is my Co-Pilot

By WIL_I_ZIN

Edited by Alamais

Felix had expected many things since landing in Equestria. He expected to be treated like an oddity, an outsider. He expected they would probably want to scientifically study him and make sure he wasn’t a threat to them. He even expected that Princess Celestia herself--or maybe her personal student Twilight Sparkle--would come visit him. What he didn’t expect however, was to see again the person... pony... being that he had just recently had a war of wills against within the Everfree forest.

“Death,” Felix asked groaning and mashing his hand into his face “What the Hell are you doing here?”

“Ah the question of the millenium,” responded Death with sarcastic enthusiasm. “Tell me Felix, what do you think you did back there when I was originally filling out your paperwork for reinsertion the first time?”

Felix became pensive for a moment. When he died the first time (which was a really odd thing he thought he'd never have to think about), Death was about to send him back to Earth because he wasn’t supposed to die then. When Death had first met him in limbo, they also had picked up the soul of a pony from Equestria. Felix, realising that Equestria was real, decided to trick Death and have himself sent to Equestria instead of Earth.

“I just messed around with some paperwork of yours and got sent to Equestria,” Felix plainly answered. “Oh nice job by the way, you dropped me off in a killer forest, real nice.”

Death responded with a smirk. “Oh trust me, you being sent there of all places, was random chance, though in hindsight it still didn’t help much.” Death complained. “Even though you were surrounded by so many things that wanted you either dead or broken or eaten or all three, you still refused to die. People like you make my job a living hell, you know that?”

“Eh, it’s what I do best.” Felix responded grinning and shrugging his shoulders.

“Indeed.” Death became more serious as he continued “But back to the original point, you didn’t just ‘mess with some paperwork’ Felix, you changed fate.”

“...I did what now?” Felix asked giving Death a skeptical look.

“You changed fate, Felix, and that’s not something that happens easily. Originally, it was your fate to go back to Earth, fix your messed up life, and then have a family with four kids, and die at the age of ninety-one of a heart attack.”

“And you’re telling me a simple paperwork error changed that?!” Felix questioned with a tone of shock in his voice.

“No. The paperwork only helps us keep track and speed things along. You did it yourself, Felix, you changed your own fate by altering your path,” Death explained while Felix stared right at him, absorbing his every word. “When you changed your reinsertion, the bond to your old fate was weakened, and when you had lived in Equestria for more than 24 hours, your soul was then bound to this plane. That was the straw that broke your fate’s back.”

“So, if my old fate is gone, is that why I was sent here?”

“Partially. You were sent here mostly because your body was near the point of no return. Without a soul to guide it, a body can decay rapidly. That’s why I had to rush you back as quickly as possible, lest you not have a body to come back to.”

“Oh, well thanks for that,” Felix said smiling at Death “didn’t know you cared.”

“I don’t,” Death flatly said. “If it were up to me, I would have let you fly around as a poltergeist. Sadly, I’m a good little reaper and I prevented that from happening. The second reason you were sent here is that your soul is now bound here. Like it or not Felix, Equestria and Equis are now your home.”

This was quite a bit for Felix to take in. While he had understood a little of what Death had told him before he was flung back into his body, it was only now that he was starting to realise the gravity of the situation. His whole previous life WAS now and forever gone, the only things that would remain of his own world would be the memories and experiences that he had imprinted upon his soul and mind. The news of finding out his old fate was rather disturbing to him, yet also exciting. Exciting in that since he was going to have lived that long he probably would have had a pretty good life, but disturbing in how... planned it sounded. As he thought on it, he remembered that there was still one unanswered question.

“If my old fate is gone,” Felix pondered out loud “then what would my new fate be?” Death grimaced and formed a nervous look on his face, this made Felix feel uneasy; whatever the news, it wouldn’t be good, he thought.

“That’s... where it gets complicated,” Death explained warily, “as of right now... you don’t have one.”

Felix was shocked, not because of the news, but more because out of all the answers that he could have expected, THAT wasn’t one of them. “I... don’t have a fate?” he echoed back.

“Yes.” Death responded with a nod.

Felix took a moment to ponder this before asking another important question on his mind. “What, the heck does that mean?” he asked completely befuddled.

“What it means, is that you have no ultimate destination. Fate is not to be confused with destiny. A being's destiny is their defining traits and behaviors summed up into a single element. For example it could be someone's destiny to be a hero, or a baker, or even a wizard. Destiny is what a person is best at being. Fate on the other hand is what a person is meant to accomplish. For example starting a revolution, or creating a masterpiece of art. Fates, unlike destinies, are always fulfilled, but fates are loose and very flexible to existence. Maybe it’s that’s baker’s fate to be crowned king, but how would it happen? Would they marry into royalty? Or would they be part of a coup meant to seize power? Whatever the course of action, it was that person’s destiny to be a baker, and it was their fate to be crowned king. The actions leading to both of these are what defines a mortal’s soul. And sometimes, destinies are never discovered, but fates will always happen no matter what.”

“So what happens when a person is fateless?” Felix asked the obvious question.

Death’s face darkened at this and he looked at Felix with the most serious expression imaginable. “Rarely do the fateless exist, and with good reason. A fateless being affects all that it touches: it can warp and even destroy the original fates of all the lives he interacts with. Because of this, whenever a fateless being is born, we strive to be sure they become as secluded and introverted as possible, lest they cause an entire land to become unhinged at the seams.”

Felix didn’t like where this was going, the way Death was looking at him didn’t help matters either. “And do you plan on doing that to me? Locking me up somewhere, away from all the residents of this land like some dangerous criminal?” Felix asked accusingly. Felix and Death stared directly into each other’s eyes. The unsteadiness was palpable within the room, like the taste of dark chocolate with habanero sauce.

To Felix’s surprise, Death backed off, smirking. “Again, you suggest something I would love to do to you Felix, but alas, it’s not meant to be,” Death said forlornly. “No, the higher ups have decided on a more... outlandish solution.” Death said, the last two words with as much distaste has possible. “They’ve decided, instead, to have someone be permanently placed as your supervisor, someone to make sure that you don’t go around altering all the fates that have been set in motion. A chaperone, if you will. Though in my opinion, ‘babysitter’ seems more apt.” he grumbled.

Felix stroked his chin in contemplation before snickering, “And let me guess, you were the lucky winner they chose.”

“Wow,” deadpanned Death “however did you come to that ingenious conclusion.” Felix chuckled at Death’s lack of enthusiasm. “If it wasn’t bad enough, they also told me to treat this like an extended vacation!” Death fumed. “Vacation? ME?! I’ve been doing this gig for the past two thousand years and I haven’t had a single blemish on my record. But you let ONE Center-Universe human screw with your papers, and BAM, you’re suddenly given a pink slip and a low-grade task they should have given to a cherub! That’s not a vacation, that’s a demotion and a mail room job!”

Death finished his tirade by stomping his hooves firmly into the ground as he finished. His nostrils flared and his eyes burning with rage. The spectacle didn’t last, as he seemed to realise how he was behaving and straightened up before wiping his forehead and sighing.

Felix took this moment of calm to add in his own two cents. “Why don’t they just make me a new fate? If not having one is this much trouble, why not just make a new one and be done with it?”

“Oh, you don’t think we’ve TRIED that? Every time one is written, it’s immediately burst into flames and turned to ash in seconds. No matter what is written, nothing sticks,” the disgruntled reaper explained. “So until they can find one that will stick, I’m to follow you around and be sure you don’t fuck up too much.”

Felix contemplated everything Death had told him, and it was quite a doozy. He tumbled back and forth ideas and thoughts within his mind before deciding what he should do next. Before the surprised reaper could react, Felix grabbed him and put him in a headlock. “Aw, little reaper guy actually cares about me doesn’t he?” cooed the condescending human as he gave Death the mother of all noogies.

The ponified reaper struggled to get free, but the suddenness of the assault left him unbalanced with no firm ground to get any leverage on. “Piss off! I’d rather have you thrown into the damned river of damned souls!” he shouted indignantly.

Felix paused in his attack to ponder Death’s words. “So... technically, they’re double damned? Can you do that? Can you be damned twice?” Felix asked in a childish voice before resuming his administrations of the dreaded noogie. “Silly reaper, that’s not possible in the least.”

“Do you WANT me to kill you in the most gruesome ways imaginable?” shouted the embarrassed reaper. “Hell, just for you I’d think up some new ones!”

Felix once again stopped his assault on Death's head and tapped him on the nose. “Now my little reaper, if you could do that, you already would have, wouldn’t you?” the human asked with a smile.

“Gah... I-” Death started to speak, but couldn’t find the words to finish.

“If I had to guess, it’s that same paperwork you loathe isn’t it?” Felix hypothesized. “There’s some clause or something that prevents you from treating me like your personal punching bag, and I’m guessing that as long as I don’t have a fate, it’s also your job to keep me alive, isn’t it?” Felix booped Death’s nose at the end to emphasize his point.

Death roared in anger and darkness flowed off of him. Felix immediately let go and Death bounded away to the other end of the room. The dark tendrils of wispy smoke formed into a scythe which he grabbed with his telekinesis and held it at the ready. “If you ever do that to me again, I’ll cut your body into a thousand tiny pieces, and I won’t CARE how much paperwork I’ll have to fill out to reassemble your body, because it will have been worth it!” Death spoke in a voice that sounded like the very bowels of the underworld opening up and screaming forth darkness from the nether pits of the universe.

Felix responded by leaning back into his bed and resting his head on both of his hands. “Well, at least you’re honest about it.” he responded plainly.

Death stumbled for a second before pointing the blade at Felix. “That’s it?! I threaten you with something that would have most other mortals quivering in their boots or soiling themselves, and you aren’t even fazed?!” the reaper shouted both confused and slightly insulted. ‘Am I losing my touch?’ he thought.

“Oh, it was a good threat,” the laid back human responded. “That thing with your voice? Shivers down my spine man. But overall, I’m not that afraid of dying again, been through it twice and really, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

Death face-hoofed with his foreleg. Out of all the humans he was tasked to keep watch of, it was one of the crazier ones. He dissolved his scythe before moving closer to Felix’s bedside, but not so close that he couldn’t avoid another grapple attack by the deranged human. “As I said, I’m here to be sure you don’t screw up other beings’ fates,” the reaper said, continuing his explanation. “As for protecting you, I do just have to keep you alive.” Felix smirked on getting that right. “But do keep in mind, there are SO many things much worse than death, and you’d be surprised what you can live through.”

Felix immediately lost the smirk and swallowed hard. “Well then, there goes my idea of jumping off cliffs.” Felix chuckled. Then a thought came to him. “Hey Death, If you’re so pissed about this whole thing, why did you heal my body?”

The reaper’s eyes bulged for a second and shifted rapidly. “I have... no idea what you are talking about.” he adamantly denied.

“Oh come on,” goaded Felix, “I’m torn to shreds, poisoned, and wasn’t my leg broken? I shouldn’t have been walking this easily if my leg was snapped in two.”

“Actually it was just dislocated...” Death began before cutting himself off.

“AH, HA! So you DID do something didn’t you?!” the human giddily accused.

“Alright FINE, I may have temporarily increased your healing rate. But my reasons are my own,” he replied in a huff.

Felix gave him the biggest smile he could manage without dislocating his own face. “Awwwww, you really DO care, don’t cha?” Felix gushed in the most saccharinely sweet voice possible, while batting his eyes. Death blanched and kept his distance. Felix snorted and began to laugh heartily. “Hahaa, oh gawd, the look on your face, absolutely priceless.” Before Death could respond, a deep cough was heard from the doorway. Both Felix and Death turned to see a royal guard standing in front of the open doorway waiting for their attention.

“Her majesty, the honorable Princess Celestia, requests your presence in the throne room at your earliest convenience,” said the guard with authority.

Felix and Death shared a glance and Felix grew a large smile on his face. “Well hot damn, I get to meet the princess this soon?” he exuberantly expressed. “I mean, I knew I was going to see her eventually, but not this quickly.”

Felix was quite excited; he was going to see one of the most famous characters of the MLP:FIM universe, and she had personally requested that he come to her! His mind raced thinking of all the things she would want to talk about. And then his mind raced thinking of ALL the things she wanted to talk about. What if she knew about the darker aspects of humanity? What if she was a tyrannical leader in secret? What if she secretly thought humans were attractive and I was to be her slave for eternity?! … Felix then realised he was listing off bad HiE cliches. He knew Celestia was a wise and good-tempered person... pony... at least, what the show had shown of her seemed reasonable.

“You have the next 15 minutes to prepare yourself, I shall wait outside,” said the guard and he immediately turned around and left through the doorway, leaving a smiling Felix and a disgruntled Death.

“Well, there goes explaining everything before she sinks her claws into you...” mumbled Death.

“Claws?” Felix asked slowly losing his smile.

“Only speaking metaphorically,” Death corrected, but then gained his own wicked grin. “...Or AM I?” Felix leaned away from the reaper, who was currently creeping him out. “I am. Seriously, you may act tough, but man are you easy to scare,” teased Death.

“At least I'm not afraid of being hugged,” retorted Felix.

Death scoffed and made his way out the door. “Just hurry up and clean yourself, you smell horrible. Like you, died, or something,” Death said over his shoulder before bursting into a series of guffaws as he closed the door behind himself. Felix gave him a one finger salute and proceeded to get out of his bed. As before it was surprisingly easy for him to move, considering his previous injuries. He was actually quite thankful Death was a little nice- last thing he wanted to do was spend the next 6 months in rehabilitation while outside was a whole new world.

Moving over to the tub was a simple feat; however, Felix realised that cleaning himself wouldn’t be. The tub was on the small side, and the shower head only went as high as his neck. While the size and shape made sense for the normal patient that it would be cleaning, for Felix it would be a challenge in hygiene. Since he was short on time and still had bandages all over his chest, Felix decided cleaning his messy hair would be top priority.

Grabbing one of the bottles that he guessed was shampoo, Felix set it within reach and turned on the water, only to be greeted with a blast of cold rain cascading down on top of him.

“Son of a- bagel shop!” Felix screamed catching his language. He was in Equestria now. Whether or not that had as colorful a language had yet to be determined, and he didn’t want to ostracize himself with his... colorful language just yet. Quickly he jammed the lever all the way to the right to make it warmer, only to have the temperature suddenly shift to scalding hot. Felix shouted in shock and scrambled to shift the lever to a less painful setting.

“Having trouble with modern plumbing?” asked Death from the doorway.

“Go jump off a cliff, which is all of Canterlot, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding one,” Felix spat back at him without turning his shoulder. Detaching the showerhead from its holder Felix brought it down and began to soak his head with the warm water. As the feeling of warmth spread from the back of his head and down to his face, some of the stress he had been holding in melted away. He decided that as soon as these bandages were off, he was going to find the nearest hot tub and soak for days, just to relax.

Felix then grabbed the shampoo and began to lather his hair with it. It smelled vaguely of vanilla and sandalwood—a rather nice combination, he thought. He then rinsed his hair and squeezed the remaining water out trying to avoid getting any on his bandages or in his eyes. Then, taking on of the nearby towels, he began to dry his hair with reckless abandon. After a creating enough friction that would ignite a small forest fire, Felix removed the towel and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair poofed out to both the left and the right while remaining perfectly flat on top, a very messy look. He also noticed a light beard forming on his face.

“Man,” he complained “One month in a coma and this is all the face fuzz I can grow? Genetics is a bitch.” He threw the towel over the shower curtain railing, and stood up stretching. Felix thought he didn’t smell too bad, and if he wanted he could clean himself more thoroughly later, for now there was a princess in waiting! And a good gentleman never keeps a lady waiting. As he was about to leave, he realised he was only wearing the pants he woke up in, and there was no closet for this room either.

“Hey, where are my other clothes?” Felix asked poking his head outside the room.

“They were taken and cleaned for sanitation reasons,” Answered the guard.

Felix waited for him to elaborate... he didn’t. “So, can I get them back?” he asked.

“I do not know where they are,” The guard responded. “However, the doctors were instructed to give you this, should you so desire.” The guard pulled out a folded piece of red cloth and handed it to Felix. Taking the cloth from the guard, Felix unfolded it to reveal a bright red cloak with gold embroidery on it. It felt somehow, familiar to him. Sliding it on, Felix swore he heard the song ‘Separate Ways’ in the distance, but it was just his imagination. The cloak was a nice fit for Felix, it stopped right at his knees and made him feel rather stylish. Why with this cloak he could go on a epic... quest of some sort. Maybe through a desert, some ruins, and climb a mountain—and look snazzy all the while too.

“If you’re done feeling pretty, I think we should go,” snarked Death.

Felix chuckled and gave the pony reaper the one finger salute. “Right behind you,” he said.

The guard, ignoring their antics, turned around and began to lead the way down the hall. Felix and Death followed with Death walking slightly behind Felix. The hall soon came to two large double doors guarded by a group of four guards. Felix was rather surprised, such heavy security for little ol’ him? Was he really that much of a threat that required a high level guards? Then again, he kind of arrived in a condition that you wouldn’t get from picking daisies. Unless the daisies were man eating and 50 feet tall... and breathed fire.

The guards in front of the door looked at the one escorting him and immediately stood aside, the door swinging away to reveal an elevator. The escort guard walked onto the lift and Felix and Death followed. The other guards closed the gate on the front of the lift and hit a button on the side. The lift jerked upward and then slowly gained momentum as it began to rise. Lights in the elevator shaft wizzed by faster and faster as they ascended. Felix began to wonder just how far down they had been keeping him as the elevator began to slow to a stop. A soft ding rang out as the gate opened along with an elevator door, exposing the new level they were on.

“We will be taking you via carriage to the Castle, follow me,” ordered the escort guard as he left the elevator and took a left. Felix took this moment to look around further, but was disappointed, as all he saw was more hallway. He and Death continued to follow, but thankfully for Felix’s boredom they didn’t have far to go before they came to a door leading to the outside. The lack of other ponies was starting to become a little worrisome for Felix, but he rationalized that it was probably just the guards trying to limit his contact with the general populace.

Passing through the doorway, Felix shot up one of his hands to block out the sunlight beaming down into his eyes. The rays of the sun felt harsh at first, but then felt like a welcome relief. He took a deep breath and reveled in the fresh air. He may have been conscious for only a few hours, but after having his body cooped up for over a month, the fresh air was just what he needed. “Ah, now that’s more like it,” he spoke to no one in particular. He felt a slight jab in his side, which he found was Death trying to get his attention.

“You can smell the roses later, we got places to be,” Death said shortly. Felix rolled his eyes and followed the guard to the carriage that was parked outside the door. It was one of those sky carriages that he remembered Twilight rode in back in the season premiere of the show. He also saw that there were no harnesses in the carriage itself.

“Um, aren’t there like, seat belts or something in this thing?” he asked warily as he stepped into the sky vessel.

“Nah, they consider falling overboard to be a part of the process of natural selection,” answered Death. Felix stared at the reaper, half terrified and half unsure. Death chuckled darkly at Felix’s discomfort as the the pegasi guards began to pull the carriage into the air.

Felix was amazed that the carriage was staying upright; Isaac Newton was probably rolling in his grave over this blatant disregard for physics. The human was clutching onto the side of the carriage with all his might, and hunkered down low, trying to keep as much of himself in the vehicle as possible.

“Oh stop being such a nancy,” chided Death. “I thought you would love to be flying in Equestria.”

“I like flying, I just dislike the idea of falling,” grumbled Felix. Slowly, he stood up, not letting go of the side, and looked down. Vertigo was the first thing to hit Felix, followed by the exhilaration of seeing all of Canterlot below. The city was huge compared to what was shown in the show. The entire city sprawled up and down the mountainside, and even into the plains below. Spires of smaller towers poked through the city skyline, and roads like multiple rivers wound their way down the mountain. Felix then looked to where they were headed and said what anyone else would say in his position, “Mother of God...”

Ahead of them was Canterlot Castle, and out of all the things Felix had seen the show get only partially or half right, this was by far the most off. Nothing in a 2d cartoon could hold a candle to the architecture and splendor of the majesty before him. The castle was at least three times the size of what it had been suggested to look like, with more spires and towers dotting the side of the mountain face. It was carved into the mountain more than sticking out of the side of it and two waterfalls fell from the mountain, into the castle, and then fell into the valley below, creating a mist below refracting a multitude of light into streaks of rainbow.

Calling the castle pristine would be an understatement. The stone that made up the walls and towers was of the purest ivory, and the trim was decorated with the brightest shining gold. The whole superstructure shimmered in the midday sun, its reflection bouncing off the waterfalls and reflecting its light onto the ground below. It was such a bright visage, Felix was half-worried he would go blind staring at it.

“Quite a sight, huh?” asked Death. “I will admit, that when it comes to shock and awe, these ponies sure do have it down.”

Felix could only nod and smile with excitement. He had never had an experience like this, flying into a city which radiated light, and it was enthralling. “It’s... astoundingly beautiful.”

“Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can kid. We’re going to be landing soon, and architecture will be the last thing on your mind.”

Felix turned to Death with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean by that?”

“You’ll see,” he said as he took the hood of his cloak and put it over his head. True to his word, the carriage passed over the walls of the castle and began to descend into the courtyard. The main staircase leading up to the front doors into the castle became larger and larger the closer they got. The carriage rumbled as it touched the ground and slowed to a halt at the foot of the stairs. One of the guards disconnected from the carriage and stood at the foot of the steps waiting for his charges to hurry along.

Felix realised he was still holding on to the carriage's side with a vice grip, and let go of it, hoping no one would notice the slight indentations his fingers had left there. He laughed nervously, as he stepped down out of the vehicle and walked over the Death. The reaper just rolled his eyes under his hood and they both followed the guard up the stairs.

When Death got to the top of the large staircase, he noticed Felix was lagging behind. “What’s the matter? A few steps too hard for you?”

“Oh fuck-*gasp* you man,” Felix yelled up at Death as he slowly ascended the stairs. “You weren’t in a coma, and these are NOT a few steps!”

“Well, if you weren’t so out of shape, you wouldn’t have anything to complain about.”

“Hey!” exclaimed Felix, “I am not fat! And I’m not so out out of shape that I can’t kill a beast 4 times my size,” Felix countered as he finally reached the top of the stairs gasping for breath. “And secondly, I don’t have any damn shoes! You try walking around with no foot protection...and without hooves.” Ahead of Felix were the gigantic double doors that lead into Canterlot Castle proper; two guards stood like still statues on either side of them. The escort walked up to them and after an exchange of glances he continued to the door and began to push it open.

“Come along fatty,” chuckled Death as he followed him through the doorway.

“I’m NOT fat!” Felix called out to him as he slowly walked to the giant doorway. “I’m just not used to climbing so...many...” Felix passed through the doorway, into the entrance hall to the castle. Said hall lead straight to the throne room, but it was up yet another flight of- “stairs...ffffuuuu-” Felix caught one of the guards giving him a raised eyebrow. “-uuuuudge. Yes, fudge. that’s what I meant.”

“Sure it was porko,” called back Death as he went up the new—and possibly larger in Felix’s opinion—staircase.

“Are you really going to start calling me every slang term for being fat? I’m not even fat to begin with!” Felix said as he made his way over to the bottom of the stairs.

“Don’t tempt me,” the hooded reaper said with a smirk. He turned and continued to walk, leaving a disgruntled Felix at the bottom of the steps.

“Gah... who designed this place, Sombra?” grumbled Felix as he began to slowly walk up the incline. After an exhausting 3 minutes, which felt more like an hour, Felix lay on the top step in an exhausted heap. “Couldn’t... you have just... teleported me?” he asked, trying to catch his breath.

“Eh,” shrugged Death with a smile, “it looked like you were having fun.”

“Gentlecolts,” said their escort, now in front of yet another, slightly smaller set of double doors. “The princess awaits inside.” The guard pushed open one of the doors and motioned them to enter. Felix scrambled to his feet and brushed off his cloak while hurrying over. Death followed him through the doorway and it slowly shut behind them.

The hallway that stretched in front of them was indeed the Royal Throne room, stained glass windows adorned both sides with ivory pillars stretching from the floor to the ceiling. Banners of both the sun and the moon intertwined the pillars and a large, bright red carpet ran down the center of the room, creating a great feeling of symmetry. At the far end of the room, a white alicorn sat on a raised golden throne. She was busying herself with a long scroll.

As Felix made his way closer to the throne her features came into view. She was considerably taller than the rest of the ponies Felix had met, but she was not larger. Her frame was that of a thin and delicate mold, yet had strength and a strong constitution underlining it. The most striking thing about her was her mane—you’d have to be blind to not notice it. It swirled with the multitude of colors of the aurora, flowed in a non existent breeze, and shimmered like a geode. This was without a doubt the Keeper of the Sun, Princess Celestia. A practical deity was standing in front of Felix, and he could not be more excited and terrified at the same time.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Jackson, we have much to discuss." Celestia spoke with authority and no trace of emotion as she looked beyond the scroll she was reading. Setting the parchment down, Celestia bore down on him with an expression that was unreadable. God help him if she challenged him to poker.

"The... honor is all mine, Princess," he sputtered in reply. Celestia was an intimidating presence within the room. While she may have stood just an inch above Felix's eye level, it was the power that radiated off of her that made Felix's legs suddenly take on the consistency of Jello. The pure, raw, unadulterated, and overwhelming strength that emanated from Celestia's being was something Felix had never felt before. It was like standing knee deep in a rushing river, and he had to steel himself to the ground, lest he be swept away by the current. Celestia seemed to notice his discomfort, and the feeling of foreboding lessened.

"Forgive me," Celestia expressed, her visage softening, "I forgot that humans are not as used to magic as my little ponies are. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable."

"No, it was just," Felix responded struggling to find the words, "unexpected. I didn't think I could actually feel magic, let alone that much of it, considering it doesn't affect me."

"Fire cannot harm an ifrit, yet the creature can still feel it, nevertheless," She responded with a slight smile.

"Good creator, not more than 5 minutes here and she's already speaking in parables," Death grunted from beside Felix.

Celestia turned her attention to him and a frown formed on her face. "And who might you be young stallion? Remove your hood so I might see your face." Celestia made the request calmly, though Felix felt it was more of an order.

Death responded with a hearty laugh. "Oh, the young one am I? I guess that makes you the withered old hag," Death said pulling down his hood, "doesn't it now, Celly?"

Celestia's face flashed with a range of emotions, first of shock, then irritation, then of smugness. "Harvey Stir." Celestia spoke with an air of remembrance. "Well now, yours is a face I would never have guessed to see again."

"Trust me, if I wasn't required to be here, I wouldn't be," he groaned casting a side glance at Felix.

Felix however, was shocked at the causal way these two were speaking, as if they were old friends. "You- ... You two know each other?!" Felix practically shouted in befuddlement. "H-How?! And... and... Your real name is Harvey Stir? ... Seriously?" Death, or Harvey, puffed up his face in indignation.

"I always thought it was an adorable name," added Celestia. "As for how we know each other, well that's-"

"None of HIS business," Harvey spat out, with a death glare at Celestia. Harvey looked like he was on the edge and nervous as could be.

Celestia grinned and continued. "-because he used to date my dear sister."

...

"WHAAAAAAT?!" Felix shouted breaking the silence that had hung in the air when Celestia had spoken. He turned to Harvey with the biggest shit eating grin possible and asked, "You and Luna were a couple?!"

“WERE. Now if you don’t mind, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover and-” spoke Harvey before he was cut off by Celestia.

“Why Harvey! You’re using contractions. What prompted that sort of change?” she asked. Felix suddenly realised Celestia was right. Back when he first met Death, the reaper always spoke without using any contractions. It even caused Felix himself to flub a few of his own sentences. “Now what could have happened to have you speak plainly?” Celestia asked again.

“...It was...grumummm,” grumbled the Reaper into the ground.

“Come again?” she prodded leaning in closer.

“They turned me... into gamoml,” he answered only slightly louder than before, but still unintelligible.

“They turned you into a mortal?” guessed Celestia with a devious smirk on her face.

“...Yes.”

“Oh, how exciting!” Celestia told Harvey warmly. “I always told you spending a few millennia as a mortal is a wonderful way to relax. Glad to hear you took my advice.”

“It wasn’t by choice!” snapped Harvey. “I would think YOU of all would know that. Didn’t you get the notice?” Felix looked back and forth from both Harvey and Celestia. Something was amiss here, why would Luna date Death of all things... people... ponies?

“I'm afraid I haven’t received anything of the sort yet. In fact, the only reason I was able to know of this young man’s presence in Equestria was that he happened to come into contact with my personal student.”

“Twilight saw me!?” blurted out Felix, who immediately slapped his hand over his mouth. Outside Felix stood as still as a statue, on the inside however ‘Ohhhhhhh shit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit. She never said Twilight's name.’

“I don’t believe I ever said her name... did I?” Celesta spoke as a small glare formed on her brow.

‘Whelp, I’m screwed,’ thought Felix.

“Yeah. That’s the reason Celly,” Harvey explained as he nudged the slightly trembling human. “You know about dimensional traveling regulations?”

“I know that its extremely frowned upon...” she recalled. Then she seemed to get his implications. “You mean he-?”

“Yeah, he’s a dimension hopper.”

“Well, we’ve had a few cases like that happen before. Not a human though mind you, but its nothing new.” She glanced at Felix when she said ‘human’. “Let me guess, he from one of the outlying planes, possibly from the Sigil?”

“Higher,” responded the reaper.

“Oh, so he’s from one of the Universes with all those ‘super-heroes’. I always did love those creations, so silly with their bright colors and spandex,” Celestia guessed, chuckling to herself.

“Higher,” Harvey’s face began to harden.

“The plane of sword and sorcery?”

“Higher.”

“Ah, the Alter-center planes then.”

“Higher.”

“That’s impossible Harvey,” said Celestia with a matter of fact tone in her voice. “There IS nowhere higher that he could have come from.”

“Oh, there is.” Harvey sighed wistfully.

“No, there isn’t, Harvey. The only thing above that is the Center Universe and there is no way that-” Celestia cut herself off as her eyes went wide. She looked to Felix, then back to Harvey, then back to Felix again. “...no...”

“Yep,” responded the reaper, he braced himself for what he knew was coming. Felix was not so lucky however.

“YOU BROUGHT A HUMAN FROM THE CENTER UNIVERSE HERE?!” Celestia boomed with all the power of the Royal Canterlot Voice. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU’VE DONE?”

Harvey only straightened his cloak and spoke right to Celestia in a much less bombastic voice. “Technically, he brought himself here.”

“WHAT?” she shouted looking over at a now nervously smiling Felix.

“Oh yeah,” explained the reaper pointing an accusatory hoof at Felix. “This guy dies and it wasn’t even his time, so I go and try and send him back, and what does he do? He screws with the return form and he winds up in the middle of YOUR forest of living monstrosities.”

“Then why didn’t you just send him back?” Celestia asked now with her Royal caps lock disengaged.

“Because he had to be DEAD for me to do that,” Harvey explained with as much aggravation as possible.

“Hey, isn't my fault you suck at killing,” quipped Felix. “Though to be fair he did eventually get me.”

“Then why is Mr. Jackson still here?” questioned Celestia.

“Because there was an old clause that said if a new soul was in a different Plane than its home for more than one whole day, its new home would be where it currently was,” Harvey said simplifying the skullduggery that was celestial bureaucracy.

Celestia looked a little taken aback. “Since when was that added?!”

“Hell if I know. All that matters is that this idiot is now stuck here and I’m supposed to be sure he doesn’t muck things up,” the reaper said plainly.

“That still doesn’t make complete sense,” Celestia thought out loud. “Even if he did something like that on your watch, that isn’t nearly enough of a reason to have an angel of death as his handler.”

“He’s fateless.”

Celestia just stood there, eyes staring off into the distance. She began to rub the temples of her head with her hooves, hoping to relieve some of the tension she what recieving. Unfortunately, all her previous methods of calming herself down in stressful times were not working.

“Celly,” sighed Harvey “I know you're upset and th-”

“Upset?” Celestia shouted at Harvey. “Upset doesn’t even BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT! You dropped not only a Center universe human in my world, but he also happens to be FATELESS?! Harvey if I didn’t know better—and wasn’t immortal—I’d say you’re trying to kill me.” She took a deep breath and groaned. “I could use a drink right about now. Not like it’d do anything though. Curse my metabolism of celestial might,” she mumbled to herself, though it was loud enough for Felix and Harvey to hear.

“Um, I know what being fateless means, Harvey—hehehe—explained to me what it meant. But what does being from the “Center Universe” mean?” asked Felix of both Harvey and Celestia.

Harvey sighed and elaborated. “It means, kid, that you are from the source, the trunk of all the other universe’s branches. Every legend, myth, fact or fiction, exists at some point in space and time for your world. You being here presents a problem on so many levels, it would take too long to even begin to list them. You already provided an example already too. You know about Celestia, her student, and even this world. That alone is a problem of many proportions.”

“Your knowledge, even second hand, is dangerous,” added Celestia. “You hold the legends and myths that govern this world. What that could do... even I can’t fathom.”

Felix’s expression fell from his usual smile and frowned at Celestia, “Okay... that’s it. Who are you really?”

She was rather surprised at his questioning. “Excuse me?”

“Oh don’t try denying it. Something is up here.” Felix said as he began to rant. “First off your SISTER, Luna, dated this guy?” Felix said jabbing a thumb at Harvey. “And you said he was an Angel of Death? Since when does Luna date powerful beings and how do you even know what an Angel of Death IS? Furthermore, how do you know about all these other dimensions and even my ‘center universe’? Or how about how you know about all this ‘celestial bureaucracy’ mumbo jumbo and how do you understand everything he’s saying when I’m barely keeping track!” He ended his rant by crossing his arms and impatiently tapping his foot. He was slightly ticked off at Celestia for her little explosion earlier and his confusion on just what was going on added to his irritation. He wanted answers.

Celestia straightened up and stared at Felix, “I am a Princess of Equestria, I am tasked with a many great things and knowledge about what is beyond my realm is one of them.”

“Bullshit,” Felix called out. “You know more than you’re letting on. The Celestia I know of isn’t some all knowing being about the workings of the universe. Sure she’s a wise and good leader, but not someone who would know this much about the universe. Just who the heck are you?”

Celestia looked sternly at Felix, her eyes glaring into his. Suddenly she sighed and looked away. “While I may be different from what you may have expected Felix, I am still Celestia eldest Princess of Equestria.”

“Bu-”

“But,” she continued, “That is not all I truly am. Are you sure you wish to know?”

“Yes,” Felix responded.

“Are you SURE? Once I have told you, you will be forbidden to speak of it to anypony or anyONE,” asserted Celestia. “And if you do, the price you pay will not be pleasant.”

“...I’m sure,” Felix said being more unsure about anything then he had ever been before in his life. “Its something I need to know, or else it’s going to annoy the heck out of me for the rest of my life.”

“Hope it’s a short one,”grumbled Harvey. Felix shot him a look but turned back to Celestia waiting for her response. She looked one last time into his eyes, and there she found his insistence. She sighed and closed her eyes.

Light began to fade from the room, was the sun setting? No. It was getting darker all around, no, even that was wrong, the room wasn’t becoming darker. Celestia was becoming brighter. MUCH brighter. Her whole body shone with a radiating brightness that pierced even the already existing light streaming in from the windows. Slowly her body shifted form and shape within the light, it was hard to make out what was happening as it was too hard to see over the glare.

Then existence exploded into brilliance.

The whole throne room was set ablaze with pure energy and shining ethereal power. In front of Felix now stood a creature immeasurable and near-indescribable in mortal terms. She had 3 faces upon her head, each one with eyes of gold looking into the veil of the beyond, her otherworldly mane now ablaze with fire so hot, it blazed with the intensity of the creation of the universe itself. Her horn as long as a sword and sharper than any lance stood atop her head, gilded with a flowing aura of magic as it spiraled around her horn and into the beyond. Her wings were outspread in full view—all six of them—reaching in every direction, with each feather luminescent like shining diamonds.

Her visage burned into the very corners of his mind. She wasn’t just glowing with light, she WAS light. All of it, streaming everywhere in all of its truest form. It was magnificent...and horrifying. He couldn’t look away, she was too beautiful, too enthralling, and too overwhelming to do so. He screamed, in confusion, in jubilation, and in terror. His wailing ceased when his voice gave out, as she lifted a forehoof to his shoulder and laid it upon him.

“Do Not Fear Me Felix. For What You See Is Not Seen By Mortals Often.” She spoke. Her voice a harmony, a chorus of many voices, all singing, yet still speaking in perfection. “Do You Know What It Is You See?”

His voice locked up as he tried to find the words. But none left his mouth, there was no power behind his speech, he couldn’t find the will to do so. She smiled lovingly at him, and he was filled with a warmth that spread through his whole body.

“You Need Not To Say. For You Have Already Told Me With Your Eyes.” She said as she ran her hoof under his chin. She tilted his head up to look her directly into her eyes. “You Are Blessed, For Many Do Not See The TRUTH In Whole Of Their Existence.”

Then everything disappeared.

Felix stood there, dumbfounded at what he... saw. His brain reeled itself over the events over and over, and over again until he could deny it no more. What he had seen, what he had felt, no, what he KNEW was the truth without a single doubt.

“You’re... an angel,” he spoke as he slumped into a chair that appeared behind him.

“Archangel technically, but who’s really keeping track,” smiled Celestia.

“How...why...wha-” Felix stammered trying to find something to say.

“Most ponies find it easier to organize their thoughts if they take deep breaths...” she chuckled.

Felix took her advice and took some long and deep breaths as he tried to clear his thoughts. Though it didn’t work much, it provided him a chance to come up with a question. “What are you doing here?”

“Vacation.”

“...Vacation?” he repeated back at her. All feelings of anxiety immediately left him, replaced by confusion.

“Yes. As I said to Harvey, it's a nice relaxing—though not always— excursion. I decided to take one and unwind after the last time I was on your universe,” she explained.

“And what happened las-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” tsked Celestia, “That would be telling.”

Felix gave her the stink eye, but she just smugly smiled back at him. “Okay then, so you know Harvey, because you, Luna and he are the same species?”

“Well, to call us a species is rather a gross oversimplification... but yes, I guess you could say so,” she said while tapping her hoof to her chin. “Though, to say that we are Angels at the moment would also wrong. Since we are on vacation, we had to take... a step down from our old selves. So we are much like Harvey in his current regards. Either way, while we could revert back at any time, I still quite enjoy guiding and protecting my little ponies, and the same extends to all creatures within my borders. No matter how aggravating some of them can be...” Celestia grumbled the last line while looking away from Felix and Harvey.

“Oh whew, that’s a relief,” Felix said, relaxing. “I was worried you were going to throw me out of a window or imprison me.”

“And did I ever say I wouldn’t?” she countered.

“...Eyhahaha,” Felix laughed, “very funny Princess. You had me going for a second there.” Celestia’s expression however did not change as Felix’s laughter died away. “You are joking, right?”

Celestia looked down onto Felix with both disteem and...regret? “Felix. You are a danger to my citizens, not only as a human, not only because you know of us through your origins, but most importantly, because you are a fateless.”

“HEY!” shouted Felix with anger. “I’m not some crook or mass murder! I haven’t done anything against you or anyone... pony.”

“It is not a matter of what you have done Felix. You are a threat, even by standing here in this room you have already affected the lives of my citizens, even ones that are near to me. I will not risk their lives by letting you go freely into Equestria,” Celestia was still in body, but her eyes burned down upon Felix like a hot blade ready to strike.

“So, you’re going to imprison me over something I MIGHT do?” Felix growled at Celestia.

“I’m not without sympathy,” Celestia spoke, her tone soft and motherly. “You will be cordoned off to the castle grounds, but nothing beyond. I will be able to be sure you don’t affect anypony's fate this way.”

Felix jabbed his hand, pointing right at Celestia. “It sounds like you're afraid of me more then anything. Is that it, Celestia?” He spat with contempt.

Celestia glowered down on Felix, the two of them seething distaste for each other. “You think I fear you?” she asked with scorn.

“I think that’s exactly what his words meant, sister,” jutted in a new voice from behind Felix and Harvey. Everyone in the room looked to find the source of the voice was the other diarch of Equestria, Princess Luna. “I, for one, am inclined to agree with his statement at the moment.” Luna walked past both Felix and Harvey, giving only a short glance at the reaper before she moved next to her sister on the throne.

“Luna, you know what would happen if we let a fateless loose,” Celestia admonished her sister.

“Do I? The last time I remember a fateless got loose, nothing terrible happened,” Luna thought out loud her hoof tapping her chin.

“If you call having to stop an invasion of mind-controlling parasites created by an artificial intelligence that thought itself a god, ‘nothing’,” chided Celestia.

“Sister, I believe you are letting your emotions get the better of you,” said Luna.

“Luna, I-”

“Did he not also save your student's friend, fair Fluttershy, from a Manticore?” interrupted the night princess. “Such an action should prove his good character, should it not?”

Felix was surprised, having thought it was his sister that he saved. However, he was hallucinating heavily back in the forest, so it must have been someo-pony else. It would also explain how he woke up in Fluttershy’s cottage back before he died a second time. He chuckled internally at that last part, ‘Since when did dying become so cheap for me?’

“Luna, what he-” started Celestia before she was interrupted again by her sister.

“Furthermore, if you insist that the human might be a danger for something he hasn’t done yet, then maybe I should be sequestered as well,” Luna stated stomping her hoof for emphasis.

“What on Equis are you talking about?” responded a confused Celestia.

“Oh? You didn’t hear?” Luna told with mock shock. “There are rumors floating around that I’m just biding my time, waiting to plunge the world into nighttime eternal again.”

“Luna, even you know such rumors are baseless lies told by those morons in the aristocracy.”

“Ah, but there is the chance that I might anyway, is there not my sister? It would be best for you to isolate me. Then you will be able to observe me and be sure that it never comes to pass,” Luna droned, raising her eyebrow on the last sentence and looked right at Celestia.

The sun princess opened her mouth to retort, but stopped. Her words failed to come forth and she took a deep breath before speaking. “Luna, I know what you are trying to impress on me, but I can’t take the chance. He doesn’t know how dangerous he is.”

“Hey, worst thing about me is my horrible jokes,” interjected Felix.

“Not to mention the smell,” added Harvey.

Luna turned to them and laughed at their commentary. “Do you not see sister? He is no more dangerous than a foal.”

“A foal with a loaded crossbow,” scoffed Celestia.

Felix stepped forth and bowed on one knee, the action surprising the rest of them. “Celestia,” he said with conviction, “I swear to you that I would not bring disaster to any of your subjects. I have no desire to hurt nor harm, nor to cause strife.” He looked her right in the eye. “That said, I have no plans on being ordered around or letting myself be thrown to the whims of others. Give me to the chance to prove this to you, to settle your doubts, as I will have no problem proving them wrong. After all, if you’re an angel, you should know humans better than anypony else.”

Celestia sat there, her mind contemplating her sister’s and Felix’s words. Anxiety nipped at the back of her mind. She knew much about humans, and their ways of being liars that even rivaled the Beast himself. She also knew that they were capable of great acts of good. She sighed internally, she had taken her reprieve from her duties in Equestria for a reason, and humans were that reason. She really didn’t have the time for this either, tomorrow was the gathering of the the major noble houses of Equestrian Society and with Felix here it would only complicate things. Wait, the gathering... yes, that would be a good test indeed.

“Alright then, Mr. Jackson,” Celestia said, much to everyones surprise. “If you wish to prove it to me, there is an upcoming meeting of the nobility. If you can prove to me and to them the honor and merit of yourself and humanity, then I will be willing to let you loose beyond the castle.”

Felix was a little shocked, he didn’t expect her to change her tune so quickly. True most of what he said was straight out of his acting lessons... he wondered if she recognized that? If she did, it meant she was probably up to something. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

“If you fail, you will stay within these walls for the rest of your life.”

Luna was about to object to the outlandish stipulations, but Felix answered before she could.

“Deal,” he agreed with a smirk. Felix knew the odds were against him, but if being able to deal with the nobility would earn him some respect, then by joe he was going to do it.

“Hope you know what you’re getting into kid,” Harvey whispered to him. The reaper didn’t like it, he knew Celestia was playing this guy like a fiddle. Her emotions were all over the place, going from benevolance to anger at the drop of a hat, and even showing Felix her true form? Most normal men would go crazy after viewing that. And she used all of that emotional pressure to have Felix make a snap decision. Celestia always was the more devious of the two sisters. True, having Felix in one place would make his job easier, but he was not going to be stuck in this castle with... her, any time soon.

“Well then,” Luna said to them all, “I think it would be a grand idea to retire from all this doom and gloom for lunch wouldn’t you agree?” As if to agree with her, Felix and Harvey’s stomach rumbled in hunger. Luna chuckled at their response. “I shall take that as a yes. See you in the dining hall sister.” With that said, Luna teleported out of the room in a flash of blue light.

“I trust you can escort your charge to the dining hall Harvey,” Celestia said as she lifted back up the scroll she had previously been reading.

Harvey turned and walked toward the doors out of the throne room, Felix following not too far behind. As they exited, Felix took one last look back at Celestia on the throne, before Harvey called to him and he rushed to catch up.

Celestia set down the scroll and deeply sighed. Lunch was going to be an awkward affair.

“Well that was interesting,” said Felix as he followed Harvey through Canterlot Castle.

The reaper turned to him and snorted, “You’re lucky you caught her on one of her good days.”

“Then I would hate to see her bad side,” Felix gulped. Harvey only grunted in reply. “So, Harvey...” Felix drew out the last word, letting it roll on his tongue.

“Yes?” the annoyed reaper responded.

“You and Luna-”

“Yes, we WERE together, and that’s ALL I’m saying about it,” he spat.

“Touchy subject?”

“...Very.”

“Alright then...” Felix backed off. He decided to wait and crack open that Pandora’s box later. “So, do you think I have a chance?”

“Hrm?” grumbled Harvey.

“The challenge.”

“Ah,” said the reaper “No. You’re screwed. Royally.”

Felix smirked, “Oh what? Think I can’t handle a few prissy nobs?”

“There aren’t going to be only a few,” corrected Harvey, “she said all of Equestria, and last I remember there are a total of over 150 noble families all ranging in importance and power across the country.”

Felix’s face paled slightly, “Oh...”

“And lets not forget that their heads are so full of themselves they barely have two braincells to rub together,” Harvey added “Dealing with them is like paddling up a river with no paddle... and the river is made of razor blades.”

“Well, you’ll help me right?” Felix practically begged.

“I don’t think I’ll be much help,” the reaper said shrugging his shoulders. “I haven’t been a mortal in ages, I never bothered to read up on any of that etiquette crap.”

“Well fuck,” Felix groaned. “So, I’m boned then huh?”

“Unless you get a tutor before tomorrow you are,” Death laughed. “And it would take a miracle to find one that would take you on.”

“Spiiiike! Are were out of doughnuts again?” called Twilight the Princess of Friendship to her dragon assistant. Her head was within their refrigerator trying to find some sort of unhealthy, but oh-so-delicious snack food.

“We ran out yesterday when you pulled one of your all-night reading sessions.” deadpanned the dragon as he walked into the room with a scroll in hand. “By the way, this just came for you.”

Twilight closed the fridge door, grabbed the scroll with her magic, and began to read it. “Dearest Twilight Sparkle, The creature that you and your friend Fluttershy found within the Everfree has awaken- Oh my goodness! Spike, it woke up!”

“Color me shocked,” snarked Spike.

Twilight—ignoring his comment—continued to read, though not out loud. After she had finished, she quickly galloped to her room down the hall and grabbed a few items, shoving them into her saddlebags. Then running back into her library, she began to rapidly pull some books off the shelves and shove them within her bags as well.

“So, what does the letter say?” asked a confused Spike running alongside Twilight.

“I’m to report immediately to the castle; the Princess wants me to be one of the first to try and communicate with it!” she said exuberantly. “Eeeee, this is so exciting! First contact with an undiscovered species and ‘I’ get to be part of it!” She finished stuffing her bags to the brim with books and grabbed Spike with her magic. “And of course I’ll need my number one assistant as well,” Twilight said with a smile.

“Of course you do, you’d probably forget to lock the castle doors if I didn’t tell you,” ribbed Spike to Twilight as they left Twilight’s castle.

“Oh Spike, I am not THAT scatterbrained,” chuckled Twilight. Spike however raised his scaly eyebrow and looked back at the castle. He coughed, grabbing her attention, and pointed back to it. Twilight took only a second to realize what he meant, then sheepishly trotted back to the castle doors and locking them. Some snickering from her passenger earned him a glare.

“What? I didn’t say anything did I?” Spike said with an extremely innocent voice and a mischievous grin.

“Come on wise guy,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes before launching to the air and flying away towards Canterlot, “we got a creature to interview.”

Author's Note

Whelp, there ya go folks, this was by far one of the hardest chapters for me to write. I had to get a lot of world building out of the way, so the rest of these chapters can concentrate on the characters themselves. And I half expect that some of you will be upset with my choice of Celestia and Luna's true identity. I say to that... Well think on it. How else could Luna know Harvey, or Celestia know of humans, or have Celestia and Luna considerably more powerful then both Twilight and Cadance? Well that's the answer I came up with. And it would also explain Celestia's mood swings, as even if you are some all powerful being, emotions still can make you irrational. But eh, enough explain myself. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because from here on out, exposition dumps are no more!

Looks like Felix is in quite the predicament!

Will Felix pass his test?
Will we every find out what happened between Luna and Harvey?
How will Twilight react to meeting Felix?
Where the heck is my wallet? ... oh, wait, here it is... Nevermind!

Find out on the next chapter of Cheating Death Act II: "Pessimistic Princesses and Cultivating Civility" !