In Shadows and Silence
By: SilentBelle
The yellow filly looked down
While waves rushed and crashed below
The thin rope she trod upon
Slippery like the water's flow
Before she could even move
The ocean raised and grabbed her
In a binding strangle hold
She fell, taken by water
Unpleasant lulling fills her mind
Sickness has become hers to find
Wishing against the ocean's groan
To seek shadows and silence, alone
* * *
Apple Bloom awoke, as a fever breaks over a lengthy period of time, only it was suddenly that she realized she was no longer asleep. With a smooth flutter of her eyelids, she realized that it was night, a dark softness filled the room that she was in.
Next, she noticed that she was in a bed, comfy and expensive, not quite what she was used to waking up in. But the sheets seemed to gently caress her in a soothing manner. Now this type of bed, I could get used to, Apple Bloom thought, but where am I?
She extended her search, peering out into the concealing darkness for some clues. An open window as a gray silhouette in the room of darkness spoke to her in the language of soft waves and carried the soft scent of brine.
She couldn't remember why she was here in this room. Looking around some more, her eyes managed to adjust ever so slightly. There were two other beds in this room, just as luxurious as hers and she noticed their blankets and sheets were disheveled and hanging loftily from their mattresses.
She squinted toward the base of those splayed sheets and could see something at the base of the bed. It was metal that glinted, catching upon some hidden light-source. Is that Scootaloo's scooter? She remembered something now, like a puzzle piece clicking into place.
“I can't believe they agreed to let us share a room,” she heard Sweetie Belle practically squeal in excitement.
“Shh,” Scootaloo shushed, “do you want to wake her up? You saw what she was like on the boat.”
“Oh, sorry,” the still-excited voice whispered, “but you have to admit, it's really great that we got a room to ourselves.”
“Yeah,” Scootaloo's voice held a small note of concern to it, “it is pretty awesome.”
The two voices faded from Apple Bloom's mind as abruptly as they had started. She looked around in confusion and got up into a sitting position. “Sweetie Belle,” she called out gently into the dull darkness, “Scootaloo, are either of ya out there?”
It was then that her eyes discerned the shadowy shape of a door which was left ajar.
Now why would the door be left open like that? Did they go outside? Maybe they decided to go crusading tonight. It wouldn't be the first time that we had decided to go out and try to get our cutie marks when we were supposed to be in bed, fast asleep.
Apple Bloom couldn't help but feel slight exasperation at having been left out of such a crusade. Well, that just means I have to catch up with them, that's all.
With her mind made up, the filly leaped from her bed, leaving the bedding in as much of a disheveled pile as her fellow crusaders had left theirs, and made her way to the ajar entrance. It was a heavy wooden door, when she pushed it open a little wider, Apple Bloom let out a slight yelp, for it creaked much louder than she expected.
Her eyes darted around nervously, then she shot the door a sheepish glare. There's nothing to be afraid of, she told herself, it's just dark because it's nighttime. Craning her head past the door frame, she looked out into what she determined must be a hallway. Still, I wish I knew where I was. Giving both directions a cursory glance, she spotted a soft golden glow off to the left, coming from a rectangular opening, while the right side of the hall way petered off into darkness.
To the left, she decided and stepped out of her room, I bet they went that way.
The filly slowly made her way to the softly glowing light at the end of the hall, her eyes darting left and right as she did so. Numerous polished wooden doors passed by on either side of her. Whatever building she was in, it was large. Larger than any building in Ponyville anyway. Finally, she got close enough to discern the light source. There was a topaz crystal hanging from some metal fixture anchored to the ceiling. It gave off a steady glow and filled this room with enough light to make out some finer details.
This room was considerable less lavish than the hall she had just left, even the door to this chamber had been made of a worn metal, a far cry from those polished wooden doors she had just passed. To her left, she saw a staircase with missing tiles that descended into darkness. I'm not on the first floor then?
She looked hesitantly at the staircase, and felt a small sense of vertigo as her stomach tightened reflexively. It took only a small moment and a few deep breaths for her to make up her mind.
“You can do this Apple Bloom,” she told herself, hoping her own voice would alleviate the harsh silence that accompanied her. 'Can do this Apple Bloom,' the words echoed back to her softly from below.
Shaking her head, she walked down the stairs at a brisk pace, while being careful of where she placed her hooves. Each movement echoed coldly upon the ceramic tiles of the stairs. It was only a short way before she reached their bottom and she spotted another door. This one had a push-plate on it's front.
Tentatively, Apple Bloom stood up on her hind legs and pushed the door open. The door swung open easily without a sound. Too easily, for the filly stumbled out into the awaiting night, carried by her extra momentum. She landed upon her back, and her senses were nearly overwhelmed.
The sound of waves caught in her ears, and a small sliver of a moon peered from behind a cloud, it's silver light so faint, yet she could see a bit beyond the silhouette of her own hooves. Then there was that smell, the salt on the air, something about it made her stomach churn, but she rose to her hooves and shook herself off. Where am I?
As if bidden by her own question, she remembered a swaying sensation, uncomfortable and uneven. The creak of wood pressing against wood, her legs grew weak at the sensation. But the scene only intensified in her mind. Waves echoed in her ears and she heard herself elicit a groan.
“Hey Apple Bloom, are you okay?” she heard a raspy voice ask in concern.
“Scootaloo?” she tried to mumble as she fought at the sickening feeling. But she heard a ghost of her own voice reply instead.
“Thanks Scootaloo, ah'm fine.”
“It's too bad you're feeling so sick, we were planning on crusading for our pirate cutie marks. But I guess we'll hold off on that until you feel better. Crusading's only good when there's three of us to do it.”
“Ah'm not sick!” her own strained, ethereal voice replied in response. “Just, go. Ah'll be okay.”
Apple Bloom slumped to the ground as the feeling of nausea faded. She gasped at the air, filling her lungs with it's salty tang, hoping the feeling wouldn't rise again. “No!” she managed to shout in a strained voice. “Don't go Scootaloo! Where are we? Tell me Scootaloo! Scootaloo!”
She sat there a moment and contemplated her surroundings. Looking around, she saw a fairly expansive cropping of trees, that seemed almost to be shedding darkness from their branches. The small light of the moon didn't seem to even touch upon a single branch or leaf of those trees. She felt sand was beneath her hooves and a few patches of grass could be seen in the moonlight. She was even more certain than ever that she had never seen this place before.
A stray thought came forward unbidden. Could this be a dream?
“Oh, and if it's a dream, does that change the situation you are in? And if it is a dream, does that mean that you are safe? You can see, feel, taste, touch and hear how is this any different than if it were reality?” a gravelly voice called to the filly. She couldn't make out the direction it came from. “Surely you remember the wish you made that caused all of this.”
“No! No, ah never made any wish! I wouldn't wish for a dream like this,” she argued back at the voice. “Ah never wanted anythin' like this.”
“Oh come now, little filly, I am only trying to help you fulfill your wish. But what could that wish be, I wonder? What darkness lies within your mind little filly, that you would wish for such a fate?” The voice chuckled, a sound like grinding rocks, which slowly dissipated.
Is this all really my fault? Apple Bloom wondered as she looked around.
That's when she spotted her. Under the low moonlight, she saw Scootaloo dart from beneath a bush and into the small thicket of woods that surrounded half of the building she had come from.
“Wait, Scootaloo!” she shouted as she gave chase. She had only passed the first few trees into the woods before everything sunk into an inky blackness. The leaves of the trees covered the moonlight and she slid to a halt.
“Oh, hey Apple Bloom. What's up?”
The filly jumped at the voice. If she could see, she was certain the orange pegasus would be in front of her.
“Scootaloo! Why'd ya run off like that?”
“Run off like what? A chicken? I'm not a scaredy-pony like you Apple Bloom!” Her friend's voice held a sharp, accusing tone to it.
“What? No, what's gotten into you Scootaloo?”
“Where do you get off? You and Sweetie Belle are always calling me names all the time! Chicken and dodo. What? Do you think it's funny that I can't fly yet?” Scootaloo's voice cracked. “Because I don't! You're just as bad as Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.”
Apple Bloom felt her jaw drop and tears forming in her eyes at the harshness of her friend's sudden rebuke. “Ah- no, ah never meant anythin' by that. It was a joke, ah'm sorry. Ah'm so sorry, I didn't know it hurt yer feelin's.”
“Save it for somepony who cares!” With that she heard the pegasus trot off, deeper into the woods.
But Apple Bloom did not give chase, she just sat there silently choking on her tears, mystified at what just happened. Aren't you my friend Scootaloo? What happened to you? Then blinking fiercely, she came to a conclusion. That wasn't Scootaloo, this is just a dream, a bad dream, a nightmare.
“Apple Bloom, was that you crying?” a nervous voice asked out from the darkness in the distance.
“Sweetie Belle, not you too!” Apple Bloom pivoted to face the direction of the new voice and blinked her eyes free.
“Oh, did you want to be left alone? I'm sorry.” She could imagine her fellow crusader turning around, as if to leave, with her head downcast. It made her heart ache.
“No, ah'm sorry Sweetie Belle, ah didn't mean to lash out at ya. Please, don't go.” But she's not real either, the thought came unbidden, she'll just try to hurt you. “I don't want to be alone out here.”
“Oh, that's okay then, I can stay with you,” Sweetie Belle's soft voice replied demurely. “But what are you doing out in this dark wood all alone?”
“Ah, wasn't alone. Scootaloo was out here with me.”
“Oh? She's gone then? I guess she wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore either.” As she spoke the words, Apple Bloom saw a small spark vibrant in the deep darkness around her. In the next moment, a bright greenish light poured forth from what Apple Bloom suddenly realized was her friend's horn. The earth pony was astonished, her friend couldn't do that before.
“Blimey, Sweetie Belle, are you usin' magic? Since when could you use magic?”
The other filly blushed slightly under the light of her own magic. “Well, I've been able to do it for a while now,” she replied sheepishly.
“Why didn't ya tell us you could use magic? That's so cool!”
“That's not all,” Sweetie Belle replied, “look at what I got.”
Apple Bloom did look, and she had to blink a few times to make sure what she was seeing was real. Upon her friend's flank was a cutie mark. It looked like a musical marking, though she wasn't sure what it was called, after all she didn't know much about music herself.
“Oh wow! That's...” she began enthusiastically, when a vivid memory took the fore-front of her thoughts.
The image of a candy cane on a tan-coloured flank. “Isn't it thweet?”
Twist.
Something churned in her gut as the mental image halted her mid-sentence.
“What's wrong Apple Bloom?” the unicorn's voice called out nervously. “It's the cutie mark isn't it?”
“Well...” the yellow filly managed, but couldn't quite put her hoof on her own sudden apathy.
“So it's true, I can't be a Cutie Mark Crusader anymore,” she spouted out, and continued before Apple Bloom could get a word in edgewise. “You know, ever since I got it, I realized something, I look at it, and all I see is a cage. Like that music note is all I'm good for, like my destiny has come and taken me away from both of you.”
“Sweetie Belle, ya know we wouldn't just abandon you.” Then the image of Twist appeared once again and Apple Bloom's voice tightened as she followed through. “Ya can still come on the crusades.”
“But what's the point?” Sweetie Belle asked in desperation and turned away from her friend. The next moment fell into darkness as the unicorn let her magic fade out.
“Sweetie, wait, don't go!” She cried out into the darkness and heard only the silence of shadows as her response.
What's the point? She wondered for a moment before settling on her previous conclusion. This is a dream, she told herself, it doesn't have a point.
“Is that so? And what of your dreams, sweet filly? Are they so meaningless to you? Is what you wish by night not what you strive for by day?” a low gravelly voice questioned, in a rumble which she felt as a tremor in the ground beneath her.
“Show yerself!” she cried out in tempered frustration. “Who are ya, and what do ya want from me?”
“Perhaps ah should be askin' ya the same question.”
A gasp escaped her mouth. It was unnerving to hear her own voice calling back to her. And, just as strangely, the darkness around her dissipated slightly to naught but gray shadows. Out of those shadows, just before her, a silhouette stepped forward. She found herself looking into those same amber eyes that she knew to be her own.
“But, how's this possible? Ah, can't be talking to mahself.”
“Ya said it yerself, didn't ya?” the imposter replied smugly. “This is just a dream, it doesn't hafta be possible. But ya were wrong 'bout one thing. There is a point to this dream.”
“What?” she asked the imposter, “what's the point?”
“It's yer fear of course. Can't you see yer shakin'?”
Apple Bloom looked down in surprise, suddenly noticing her quivering legs. She felt it, suddenly, like water suddenly spilling forth from the cover of a boiling pot, it had been there all along, but only now was drawing her attention. She felt a knot of fear in her chest, tight and restricting.
“Yer afraid of your supposed friends. Tell me, what happened to yer last friend before ya met Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle? You know who ah'm talkin' about,” the imposter coaxed, a cruel smile spread across her face. “Tell me about Twist.”
She didn't want to. No! She had decided not to think about her, ever since she had joined the crusaders. As if in response to her determination, the coil of fear in her chest only tightened, and she let out a small whimper as she collapsed to the shadowy floor of the forest around her.
“Twist,” Apple Bloom said softly, “she betrayed me. We were suppose ta go to the Cutesinera together so I wouldn't have ta be alone. Ah know it wasn't her fault, but she still betrayed me, she abandoned me!”
“But then ya found yer new friends. They were the same as you. They wanted ta get their cutie marks, an' they didn't want to be alone neither.”
The coil within her spun deeper as if in reaction to the words, and her thoughts poured forth as she her head came to a rest upon the be-shadowed ground. “But what do they actually want? Ah can't help but wonder. Will they leave me when they get their cutie marks? Will they leave me alone to find mah own once they get theirs? Am ah the only one that thinks these thoughts?” The filly gazed up at the now-expressionless imposter that stood above her, locking gazes with her twinned amber eyes. “Ah never admitted it before, not even to mahself, but ah'm scared.”
“What are ya scared of?”
“Mah friends,” she admitted, “they're gonna be like Twist aren't they? They're just gonna leave me when they find their talents. Or what if ah get mah talent first? They'll never accept it. We're suppose ta get our talents together, but it never happens that way. No ponies ever get their talents together. We're not gonna find one thing that we are all special at, ah jus' know it.” Her pained voice didn't seem to affect the other Apple Bloom's expression, she just stood there wearing a passive, yet pensive gaze. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders, we're built on nothin' but a big lie.”
“So then, what are these friends to ya, if they're just built up from one big lie?”
“They're...” the filly trailed off as visions of their crusades filled her mind. “They're everything to me. If ah didn't have them, ah wouldn't be anything, couldn't be anything. They help me be who ah am.”
“So ya'll are the one who's usin' them then? And if they are gone, like right now, what does that make ya?”
Apple Bloom curled up tightly into a ball and shut her eyes against the invasive imposter, but the question lingered. What am I?
“Apple Bloom!” she heard Scootaloo's voice in the darkness.
“Is she okay?” this time it was Sweetie Belle, her voice squeaky with concern.
That's it! She realized it, and she felt something inside her, beside that coiling snake of fear, a bubbling energy dwelt within her. She pulled at it, like grasping a helping hoof, and pushed herself up from the ground. Opening her eyes, she faced her mirror image and stared at her, directly in the eyes, unflinching.
“Yeah, y'all can call it 'usin' 'em', but that doesn't matter, ah'm their friend. Even if they're gone, ah'll always be their friend. Ah'm nothin' if ah ain't their friend. Sure it may be scary not knowin' what's gonna happen, but knowin' that they'll be by my side until our final crusade, that gives me all the courage ah need to go on. Even past that, even if they leave, they'll always be a friend ta me, and ah know that'll never go away. Ah'll carry them with me, in mah memories and in mah heart.”
A look of surprise filled the other filly's eyes, then a smirk crossed her face. “And now ya know.”
“Ah've always known. Ah just never realized it. Ah never knew what it was that kept me goin' all this time, but now it all seems so simple.” Apple Bloom reach a fore-hoof out to the image of herself. “Thanks fer showin' me.”
When her hoof touched the other filly, a mirthful laughter spilled forth in her voice. Small cracks spread out from the false Apple Bloom, where her hoof had touched. “Tell me, Apple Bloom, do ya still fear your dreams? Or will ya seek, in this darkness, a comforting embrace?” as she spoke the words, her body began to crumble and, as it did so, her words became warped, growing deeper and more rumbling. “For remember little filly, I'll be alongside you for longer than any other. In the darkness, you need only seek my voice.”
“Yes,” she replied to the diminishing voice, “ah fear these dreams, they're scary, but ah'll still come by and seek ya out, 'cause yer mah friend too.”
The ground rumbled humorously and before her eyes, the black and gray grew brighter until naught but light remained before the filly.
* * *
“Apple Bloom!” an excited Sweetie Belle called out.
“You're awake!” the accompanying orange pegasus exclaimed, a smile crossing her face. “That seasickness really knocked you out for a while. How are you feeling?”
An easy smile was the first response she felt. “Sorry, girls, for worryin' ya. And thanks fer stayin' with me.”
“Hey, we can't go crusading without all three of us!” Scootaloo said dismissively.
“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle added, “exploring is something we have to do together.”
“Thanks, girls, yer the best,” the yellow filly said sincerely, as she made to get out of the strangely comfy bed. “Ah feel like I've been layin' in here for hours. Now ah really feel like movin'.” Looking about the filly recognized the room, it looked just like the one from her dream. “Where are we, exactly?”
Her two friends smiled and shouted in exuberant unison. “Haywaii!”
A smile effortlessly formed on her muzzle as the memories came back to her. The planning, the coaxing of their sisters, and the long boat ride over to the island. In spite of the sickness she had felt, Apple Bloom looked forward with anticipation to the vacation ahead of them. “Alright girls, let's get our cutie marks,” she shouted her rallying cry, although her stomach growled in dissent, “but first, some breakfast.”
Together the three fillies left their room, bedding in disarray. And a feeling of levity seemed ambient upon the warm morning breeze. For one filly in particular, that warmth gave an appreciated balance to her, playing counter to that coil of fear that dwelt within her.
End
