Pony Jokes for Brony Folks.

by Firebirdbtops

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 12243

Whatever crazy ideas my brain can throw out.

A few jokes I tossed together, all written by me. Beware, giggles may be lurking.

Published 2013-02-17 09:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-02 05:00:53 UTC

A low blow

A while back, in a foals nursery in Baltimare, there were three sisters. Diamond Dust, Ruby Tuesday and Pearl Hog. Feeling sorry for the youngest of the fillies, because her name invited much teasing from the other charge she watched, the nanny took the four foals to Big Macintosh's favorite fast food place. Pearl was rather ungrateful, but the two other siblings and the fourth foal, Star Buck went to play around while the nanny waited in line and ordered the food. Star was an energetic filly, and loved teasing Pearl, so when the nanny's eyes were turned, she went over and kicked Pearl in the leg. Pearl ran to her sisters, crying about the horrible treatment she got from Star. Diamond and Ruby loved their sister dearly, so they decided to help her get even with Star. The three of them went into the ball pit that restaurants of that type maintain to keep the foals from causing a scene, burying themselves and waiting for Star to follow them. They didn't wait long, and soon Star attempted to deliver another kick to Pearl. To her surprise, Diamond and Ruby popped out and kicked her instead. Star ran to the nanny, and explained the whole situation, just as the nanny had reached the counter to order their food. When the cashier asked her what was wrong, the nanny waived his concern off. "It's nothing, she tried to kick them in the balls, but the jewels family kicked back."

Let's wing it.

After drinking a few mixed drinks with a red bull, Zecora the zebra grew wings. She didn't quite get why, but at least she kept her stripes. Looking for a cure for the strange phenomenon, she decided to fly to Twilight Sparkle's library. After all, if anypony knows how to deal with being alicorny, it would be Twilight. So, she said goodbye to the bull, and flew off. On her way there, she passed by the city of Cloudsdale. Having never flown like this before, Zecora decided to take a look around. She toured the whole area, finishing off when she got to the docks. Over there, everypony was fishing, and enjoying the afternoon. Feeling like she had explored enough, Zecora flew past the fisherponies and set off towards Twilight's again, but before she had gone more than a few feet, she got tangled in someponies fishing line, and the hook got stuck between the rings that she always wears around her neck. After the Fisherpony reeled her in, and untangled her, she was free to leave, except for one thing. The fisherpony said to Zecora "Take off, zebra!" to which she pointed at her neck rings and replied "No problem, Mr. Fisherpony, but first you'll have to unhook it for me."

Hoofwear idiocy

After a fulfilling day of pranks with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie's hoofwear decided that it had supported her through too many joke related getaways. In fact, her last joke, which consisted of covering random, unsuspecting ponies with black ink, had been quite successful when you considered how many ponies she had played it upon. but it had necessitated no less than seven strategic retreats. She was sure that they wouldn't be too mad once they figured out the ink washed away immediately in soap and water, so all in all, the situation was still pretty funny. Still, she needed a new set of horseshoes now that hers had become defunct. Asking around town proved fruitless, so she decided to ask where she could find some fruit as well. Sweet Apple Acres was her next stop, because they had plenty of delicious fruit. As she arrived, she noticed that Granny Smith had been busy in the kitchen, preparing for a bake sale at Applebloom's school the next day. She had made plenty of appletastic treats, including pies, tarts, fritters and cobbler. Pinkie, mouth watering with the smell of all the baked goods, trotted up to Granny as she was carrying the last dessert over to the basket she planned on using to take the food to the school, and quickly covered her in ink. The shocked and darkly stained senior could only stare incredulously at the party pony as she asked for a set of new shoes. Taking her silence as an invitation to continue talking, not that she needed one, Pinkie decided to explain her reasoning to the befuddled Apple. "Everypony knows that when you want new horseshoes, you need to ask a black Smith and a cobbler."

Knock knock knockin on Sombra's door

It is well known that, within Equestria, it is the Crystal Empire that has the ponies that are drawn to beauty the most. Everypony living there appreciates good art or craftsponyship, from the regal castle attendants with their crystal uniforms, to the ponies on the streets with their crystal meth...ods. So, it comes as no surprise that when he ruled, King Sombra had hidden away some of the finest art pieces the Empire had to offer, in an effort to further demoralize his subjects. When Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and her husband, Prince Shining Armor came into residence in the castle, one of their first decrees after the defeat of the previous king, was to recover the stolen cultural artifacts. Unfortunately for them, the pieces were locked up within the room that once held the Crystal heart, and the only pony capable of getting past the door, Twilight Sparkle, was currently occupied with her own affairs in Ponyville. Knowing that the curse upon the entrance was one that showed the deepest fears of the pony trying to enter it, the royal couple set their guards to the task. Each one of the brave stallions and mares of the equal opportunity crystal army attempted to enter, but were so overcome with fear, they had to withdraw. This went on for most of the morning, and well into the afternoon, until the kitchen staff came around with several glass bottles of preserved fruits to feed upon. Noticing the lack of progress, the royal chef asked if there were any way he would be allowed to help. Given that the door wouldn't actually hurt the chef, the soldiers didn't bother to dissuade him. The chef walked up to the archway that had stymied so many before him, and without more than a few moments pause, walked through. A while later, after the chef had traversed the excessive stairs and returned with some of the art that was sequestered away, the prince came before him. Demanding to know how the chef had managed to conquer his inner fear enough to gain entry, the still exhausted chef gestured at the leftovers of the lunch he had brought to the soldiers. Unable to catch his meaning, Shining Armor inquired what the fruit had to do with anything. The chef attempted to catch his breath for a while, before explaining, "It was simple. I just left the door a jar."

Pet problems

Quite Frankly was a truthful stallion. He may even have been a runner up for the element of honesty. He always spoke his mind, and acted upon whatever he said. So, when he decided that he wanted a pet, it was only a few minutes later that he had traveled to a pet store being run out of a white house. Quite Frankly asked the clerk to see the animals, in hopes of finding the perfect companion. Fortunately, there was no singing allowed in this store, because Quite Frankly had a terrible singing voice and it would have upset the prospective pets. Moving from one selection to another, Quite Frankly was not pleased. None of the animals, be they bird, fish, dog or other appealed to him. Finally, the clerk decided to bring him to the section of the store that housed a mother deer and her newborns. The new foals were extremely cute, but the mother was not for sale, because she had a hard pregnancy. Turning around to face his customer, the clerk gestured towards the animals he was about to show off and said,"Quite Frankly, my deer. I don't give the dam."

A stick in the mud

Gusty Days, known a Gus to his few friends, was a pegasus in the royal guard. The guard training he went through was intense, but once he had finished his instructors had guaranteed him that he would be able to stand completely still, never laugh or smile, and guard a doorway that nopony in their right minds would try to enter forcefully. He was also licensed to carry the second most deadly weapon known to ponykind, and he kept his trusted lance polished at all times. He was still unmarried, and while the uniforms of the guard look cool, the lack of smiling removed any suitable female companions from his life, hence his inability to wield the most deadly weapon. However, Prince Shining Armor was his personal hero, ever since they had served a stint at the Royal Mare's Room door together. That was a time Gusty always remembered with pride, for he had never stood straighter, nor stared at the wall ahead of them more fiercely, than with the former captain by his side. Brothers in arms have strong bonds. So, since he admired the current prince of the Crystal Empire as much as he did, he decided to emulate him and get married, or at the least, a date. To that end, he took some leave time. and flew down to Ponyville. He didn't want to stand out too much, so to fit in with the nudist colony, he left all of his clothing at home in Canterlot. However, he was required to keep his spear on him at all times, which also tended to interfere with romance. Knowing that the sight of his weapon would scare off any prospects, he did the most sensible thing he could think of, by going for a blind date. Soon after meeting the mare Roseluck, who had twenty/twenty vision, he realized what troubles a misnomer could cause, but decided to go along with the date anyhow. Rose seemed to be enjoying his company as they toured the area, stopping at all of the finest tourist attractions Ponyville had, such as Sugarcube Corner, the local library and the incredibly dangerous cliff. Soon, the couple grew tired and Rose invited Gusty to her home for a chance to see her prizewinning rose garden. Gus accepted the generous offer, and soon they stood among the various buds that Rose had cultivated. A warm autumn breeze wafted past the couple, as they stood together, happy for the companionship and both of them openly hoping for more, when Rose realized that there was an aphid upon one of her precious flowers. Ever the stallion of action, Gusty quickly threw his spear at the insect, striking both it, and the flower it rested on, dead and staked to the ground. Less pleased than one would expect after the heroic performance, Rose looked at the pike sticking out of her garden. Turning to face her escort, she sighed. "Well, it looks like I have to grow a spear of Gus now."

Now, to commemorate my 10th chapter, as well as to show you all how much more corny I can be, here is a bonus joke.

Q:Who is Madam Leflour's favorite Portal 2 character?
A:The rugged Wheat-ly

In for a penny?

Mrs. Cup Cake was getting worried. This was not a new sensation for her, as living with Pinkie Pie gave a pony lots to worry about on a day to day basis. However, this worry did not concern her wild tenant, nor did it fall under the category of worries related to her surprisingly lucrative business. This worry was centered on the most important part of her life, barring her husband. Her two foals, Pound and Pumpkin Cake, were sick. At least, she thought they were sick. Not much else could explain what they were going through. She and Carrot had been sure that the twins were being well nourished, and she had personally brought them to each one of their immunization check-ups. Both of them were lively and energetic to be sure, but when she saw what was on the bathroom floor she decided, then and there, to bring her darling children over to the pediatrician, Dr. Muffintop. A brisk trot with her foals in their side saddles later, she arrived at the doctor's office. The receptionist told her that the doctor would be with her in a moment, as he had just finished the Hooves child's exam, and he needed to recover from having the mother nearly biting his head off when she found out about her bill. Soon enough, the doctor came in and asked Cup what the problem was, other than the large missing portion of his orange mane. She explained to him that, despite all they had fed the twins, and having gone through the normal growth spurts for their age, the children were severely underweight. The doctor poked and prodded the foals, measured and took their blood pressure, and all tests came back normal, but when they were put upon his scale, he finally saw the problem for what it was. Turning over towards the distraught mother, he explained. " I'm sorry Mrs. Cake, but no matter how old the twins get, I am afraid their weight will remain the same. You see, there are two twins, but only one pound."

Doggone it.

The frontier town of Appleoosa had a problem. A diamond dog problem to be precise. The combative canines had formed cadre in an enclave just east of the town. Ponies were hassled, buffalo were harangued, and the few cattle who lived there were harassed. There wasn't a left slipper unchewed in the entire settlement. Everypony was getting restless. When it came to getting rid of the mutts, nothing seemed to be working. Every newspaper in town had already been rolled up, and the sheriff still hadn't collared a single hound. Town resident Braeburn Apple wrote to his cousins all across Equestria for a solution to the problem. His relatives from sweet apple acres wrote back quickly. Their letter stated that diamond dogs used to be a problem with them too. Nasty foalnappings where ponies were forced into labor had been almost commonplace, until they found a way to stop them in their tracks. Following the advice of the letter, Braeburn attempted to once again rid his town of the mangy menace. Shockingly enough, the instructions worked perfectly. Little Strongheart, a buffalo filly who had taken to hanging around him, asked how he had managed to get all of the diamond dogs out of the town. Braeburn tipped his hat and flashed his teeth at her. "Well, it was easy. They all stayed mighty still after I pushed paws."

Strike out on your own

Ponyville has one of the most lucrative bowling centers outside of Canterlot. Mostly because bowling tends to be a difficult sport for an earth pony, and the balls tend to fall right through cloud floors. Unicorns are really the only ones who manage better, but there are leagues where the no magic handicap is constantly in effect. Rules are important to those leagues, and Celestia help you if you put your hoof over the line. Fortunately for Allie Way, bowler extraordinaire, she was more than able to follow all the rules while on the lane. However, one evening, a pony was less than rule abiding. In fact, he wasn't even law abiding, and attempted to steal from the owner of the center, Mr. Kingpin. With no spear carrying guards nearby, it looked like he would make a clean getaway. Quickly thinking, Allie knocked the thug out before he could flee. When the guard came to collect the thief, they congratulated her on her brave act. She assured them that she hadn't done anything special. She simply saw the turkey trying to split, and pinned him before he could pass. The guard were impressed by her modesty, and offered her a chance to join them in keeping ponies safe from harm. Her reply came swiftly. "No thanks. A job like that is only for the brave and the bowled."

Down under.

Down under.

Doctor Whooves is an unusual pony. He gallivants all over Equestria with a companion or two and always seems to show up in time for something odd to happen. Case in point was when he visited New Zebraland. There, with the help of Derpy, he managed to find native kiwi, and fight off the fierce attack of hungor. After breakfast, he explored the island. It is an odd sensation to realize that the population of New Zebraland is made up of mostly sheep. The Doctor traveled among them, making introductions. He met some strange sheep that day, including Meyan, Huwar, and her sister Howar. The Doctor quickly became friends with the odd group, but it seemed as though they were a little clingy, because they decided to show off their special method of washing. The Doctor thought this was as good an excuse as any to make a hasty exit, and ran off. Charging to the other side of the island, he stopped just long enough to pick up Derpy, before hightailing it out of New Zebraland. Confused at the unexpected retreat from a nice recreation spot, she felt as though he should explain himself, so she asked the Doctor for the news. "Sorry we couldn't stay, Derpy, but I've got a bad case of loving ewe" .

Oh look, a mailbox

The Royal Guard has always had need of intercommunication between the ranks and their commanders. It wouldn't do to leave some poor private on his own in a hostile situation without orders. Therefore, some of the fastest runners in Equestria have joined with the branch of the Guard known as the Mail Squad. Ponies in the squad must be tough as well, but two of the current toughest are Punch Out, and Spear Head. The fine stallions have quite a reputation, Punch was a well known boxer, who was said to have K.O.ed a minotaur with a single uppercut. Spear was a fully licensed javelin instructor and 2 time Equestria Games gold medalist. Their strength would be needed when, on a mission from Princess Luna herself, the Mail Squad was attacked by a rampaging Ursa Major. Knowing that the letters they carried were time sensitive issues of the utmost importance, the two jumped out to defend their pink enveloped charges. Punch, ever the showoff, gestured to Spear to indicate that he would take on the beast singlehoofedly. Spear shook his head and readied his weapon. Sighing in resignation, the mailponies discussed their plan of attack. "I'll lick 'em, you stick 'em"

Heating the High Note

For her coronation, Princess Celestia wanted to give the newly crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle a gift. Knowing how delighted her former student was when she began singing , she decided on a present that dealt with music, but still carried a hint of the formality that is expected of royal entertainment. Thinking ahead, she even picked up extra tickets for each of Twilight's friends. Overjoyed, Twilight went on a study bender, up to and during the ride to the High Note's Theater. Unable to contain her excitement, Twilight even brought the book she had been reading into the theater with her. The day was quite warm, and while Der Prinzessin oder Die Stimme der Natur was playing, the large audience began to quickly overheat. Twilight's friends remained respectfully silent until Rainbow Dash felt that the heat was too much for her without some cooling breeze. As quietly as possible, she asked to borrow Twilight's book. Normally Twilight would be overjoyed that Rainbow wanted literature, but with the absence of light in the theater, she was unsure of how Rainbow would read, and besides, it would seem rude to the singers to not pay attention. Still, she hoofed over the reference guide, and observed her friend. Rainbow began to wave the large book in front of her face, cooling her down. Twilight was slightly miffed at the treatment of her book, and turned to scold Rainbow in a hushed tone. "What do you think this is, the fan tome of the opera?!"

Partying is such sweet sorrow

Gossip and rumor are some of the only things in Ponyville capable of outpacing Rainbow Dash. If the arrival of Zecora wasn't enough to prove this, then the day just following Twilight's entirely understandable species change, but just before her coronation would certainly clear any doubt. She began her first day with wings as she did most days, by visiting her friends, starting with Rarity to prepare them all for the coronation the next day; All was going well, and she was pleased that her new ensemble was well underway. However, just two steps out of the Carousel Boutique, she came across a hastily planned party thrown by Pinkie Pie, with most of the town in attendance. Surprisingly, despite the festive air she expected of a Pinkie party, each of the attendees were acting unusually morose. Searching out her most exuberant friend, Twilight soon received another shock. Instead of the beaming smile that normally graced Pinkie's face, tears were gathered in her eyes, and her countenance spoke of deep woe. Twilight quickly asked what the problem was, and received her third shock of the day. Each of the party-goers thought that Twilight, unbeknownst to her, was moving away to Canterlot, and this was her going away party. As she was wondering where her friend had picked up such an erroneous idea, Rarity stepped out of her workplace for a breath of fresh air. She followed much the same steps as Twilight had, and quickly made sense of the situation. She shouted over to her friends to clear up the misunderstanding. "Pinkie, you mustn't eavesdrop like that. Twilight merely was asking me about a dress change!"

Author's Note

I am going to be taking a short break from new chapters, in order to write a prompt fic for SALT, which should be done in a few days. Sorry to break my seemingly daily posting habit, but as a fun fact, I had planned on doing this weekly. I have absolutely no idea why I didn't.

A pony in sheep's clothing

A Cutie Mark Crusader's life is fraught with peril. At least, it is when they can get time away from the watchful eyes of their respective guardians. Applebloom found this out the hard way when Scootaloo proposed Cutie Mark Crusaders: Canyon Jumpers. She had her parachute all packed, and her helmet on before she heard Applejack calling her to the kitchen to wash her dirty dishes. Knowing that she had but a minute to sneak out, Applebloom raced out her window, and shimmied down the drain pipe. It was a wonder that Applejack still could not figure out how that thing broke all the time. Reaching the safety of the ground below, she began to gallop off, knowing that her sister would be right behind her with a nasty tasting scrubber sponge, and twelve sets of grimy dishes to clean. With only a few moments head-start, Applebloom's single chance to escape that horrible fate was a good hiding spot. She reached the end of the Sweet Apple Acres, and turned the corner, leaping a fence to hide with the sheep that lived on the edge of the property. Applejack, who was just a split second too slow to find her chore shirking sibling, gazed over the penned sheep. With nary a pink ribbon in sight, she sighed and headed home. Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo came by seconds after the farmer had given up the chase. Casting a glance around, trying to spot their friend, Sweetie noticed one of the young sheep had a tail a bit different than the others. Nudging her friend, she pointed out the oddity. "I think I found Applebloom. She's on the lamb."

And a bonus celebratory quickie:

How do you stop a refridgerator from running?
Invite over Derpy

Author's Note

So much to be happy about in this chapter. I have now broken 20 chapters, I have hit 100 comments, and my SALT fic is being reviewed by the rest of the group. Once that is done, up it goes. If you want to see it before then, you are welcome to join up with us here. We do monthly events and one of them just started. I intend to resume my weekly schedule, but I pretty much figure updates will come when I feel like it.

Coniferous Conundrum

Shortly subsequent the cessation of cider season, Applejack decided to start her preparation for her long awaited rematch run against Rainbow Dash. She had the idea to get a feel for the course, so that she would not be steered off again, come the Running Of The Leaves. Of course it wouldn't do to get lost during her practice, so she decided to bring a friend with her who knew the area, and could assist if something went wrong. Her best bet was a pegasus, who would be able to fly above the treeline, but considering that her first choice was her competition, she decided to invite Fluttershy instead. Always interested in seeing local flora, the arboreal pegasus agreed to attend. A few laps of the course later, Applejack began to tire, and the two friends decided to simply take in the sights, while conversing about their lives. The talk segued into foliage quickly enough, but hit a snag when Fluttershy asked her about what type of tree Applejack would prefer to turn into. Applejack, was startled by the question, but contrary to poplar belief, did not want to become an apple tree, on account of not wanting to be bucked for fruit. Thinking about her answer carefully, Applejack had to give her friend an ambivalent response. "Yew may pine fir an answer, but that question has me stumped."

lirpA slooF

woH dluoc I ton?

yrevE lufituaeb gninrom ni airtseuqE strats eht emas yaw. tunoD eoJ sekam a hserf top fo eeffoc, ssecnirP aitseleC sesiar eht nus, dna ohgienallaG ielpollaG sekam a lluf noitator ta eht noitacol eh si derretni. nO eno ralucitrap gninrom, aryL sgnirtstraeH, na elbaticxe naicisum, dediced ot og ffo no na erutnevda. spahreP ehs dah neeb decneulfni yb eht egral elip fo gniraD oD slevon ehs dah nopu reh dnatsthgin, tub ehs saw niatrec taht ehs dluoc dnif seinopaeS fi ehs dluoc ekam a pirt tuo tsew, ot eht egral aes taht def otni eht sitarG reviR ni eht eerfrevE tseroF. yehT erew dias ot evil ni eht peed hclug neddih yb eht sevaw, tub ynopon dah reve nees meht. noB noB, reh tseb dneirf, ndid't neve eveileb ni meht, tub aryL saw denimreted ot teg ot eht mottob fo ti.sihT nsaw't reh tsrif tpmetta ot dnif a lacihtym erutaerc hguoht. ehS dluoc llits rebmemer eht tsal emit ehs tnew no a irafas, gnikool rof snamuh. eurT, eht lacinatob nedrag nsaw't eht tseb tops ot gniws dnuora reh namuh gnihctac ten, tub ehs ndid't yllaer evah hguone stib ot dnif a retteb noitacol. ehS tsuj dehsiw taht ynopyreve dluow eveileb reh nehw ehs saw gniklat tuoba reh seibboh. etipseD reh eituC kraM, ehs saw na tsenoh eram. oS ehs derehtag reh sgniht rehtegot rof reh noisrucxe, tub dezilaer taht ehs dluoc ton og gnimmiws otni eht retawrednu msahc tuohtiw reporp noitcetorp. gnigammuR dnuora, ehs detacol eht tcefrep meti. gnoL dna yerg, ti dehcaer lla eht yaw ot reh kcab sevooh, dna dah a ffits ralloc dnuora reh kcen. tsuJ neht noB noB dettort ni dna deksa fi ehs erew lla ydaer, esuaceb eht niart saw eud yltrohs. aryL delims ta reh evitroppus, tub decnivnocnu dneirf. "I'm tsomla enod ereh. I saw tsuj gnikcap ym hcnert taoc."

ereH si a eikciuq, tsuj rof nuf.

woH seod dnomaiD araiT tae reh tsafkaerb?
htiW a revliS noopS.

Most Fowl

One fine spring day, Rarity decided to visit a diamond mine to dig for her favorite jewels. Interested in taking her companions, for fear of repeating her previous digging debacle, she put the question to her usual crowd. Rainbow thought it a lark, but was otherwise occupied. Pinkie, ever the loon, was atwitter at the idea as well, but business prevented her from attending. A pity, for she could have used her previous rock experience. Twilight needed to remain on-hoof at the library, as the foul canard Trixie had been spotted flitting about the area. However, she did send Spike, who naturally went cuckoo when he was allowed to come. Applejack brought refreshments in-case the group got peckish, and with a little cajoling, Fluttershy was able to bring her chorus along for the trip. Descending into the caverns the gems were located, Spike and Rarity began to work while Fluttershy got started on the entertainment. Soon, beautiful music began echoing around. Upon noticing the music went so well with the sounds of the digging, Applejack asked Fluttershy about the peculiar pitch. She pointed out one of her feathered friends. "Oh! He's a mynah."

Who signed it?

Historically, around the time when the three tribes had used their combined friendship to overcome their individual hardships, driving back the cold cruel Windigos, a peace summit was held. Not surprisingly, all of the most important ponies in the land attended, as it was where the birth of the new nation was going to be officiated by the signing of the Declaration of Co-dependance. Of course, some of the guests were more famous than others, such as Smart Cookie or Been Jammin Frankly who was a distant ancestor of Quite. However, slipping in among the nobles, scientists, and whatever Chancellor Puddinghead claimed to be, was a rather unremarkable brown earth pony stallion, who seemed to be dealing with the new-found peace between the tribes rather well. He was chatting with a grey pegasus mare who couldn't seem to look anypony else in the eyes. His attitude was quite admirable, and certainly ahead of its time. Bit by bit, the formalities went by, and the historic signing of the Declaration by each of the attendees was coming to pass. They all lined up, knowing that they were about to be witnesses to something unprecedented.The stallion, who claimed to be some sort of physician had his turn, and trotted back to whisper something, playfully, to his new friend. The mare batted him away with a half smile. "Don't worry so much about my signature. I may cross my eyes, but I'm not dotty!"

These jokes just got fresher.

Coming back early from an undersea adventure, Lyra still hadn't spotted any seaponies. She supposed that she hadn't really thought the whole idea through, considering that she still needed floaties, and she tended to stay in the shallow end of the pools she visited, but her speedy return left Lyra with some free time. Without the expected mystery to solve, she felt her motivation waning. Bon Bon suggested that instead of solving the mysteries of the universe, Lyra should take a closer look at her own life. Seeing, once again, the wisdom in her friend, Lyra made a decent attempt at following her advice. She decided to solve a mystery surrounding her own life. Namely, why ponies described her as a mint-green unicorn. Lyra had actually visited a botanical garden a short time ago, and she believed that none of the mint plants there had a color even remotely the same as her coat. She went out to track down a lead. Roseluck, who owned a fantastic flower garden and who had recently begun dating, was her first stop. She told Lyra that her coltfriend had insisted on planting spearmint. Sure enough, the leaves were a much darker color than Lyra. Thanking Rose, she moved on to each of the other botanist or florist ponies she could find. She sneezed past the peppermints, and looked strangely at the Mentha sylvestris, but no clues seemed forthcoming. It wasn't until seeing a note posted by the slender mint, that Lyra stopped galloping around. She looked at her Cutie Mark, and quickly went home, smiling. Bon Bon, still nearby, asked what had put her in such a good mood. Lyra flashed a smile and replied, "I found out what type of mint is my color! Obviously, it's entertain-mint!"

Quickie for you. If Shining Armor wears no armor, and Fancypants wears nothing but a shirt, would Buck Naked be a fancy dresser?

The sweet smell of success

The sweet smell of success

Bon Bon was worried. After a long career in confectionery cooking, she had developed a decent reputation for being at the forefront of candy development. She made certain to always attempt to find new and exciting flavors, and fill her candy and chocolates with them. She even had a small shop, in which she sold the products of her tireless research. That is, the products that weren't already consumed by her closest friend and taste tester, Lyra Heartstrings. Bon Bon could remember hours of personally advertising her shop, by heading into large crowds of ponies and pretending to have a conversation about it. It helped that she was so vocally limber, or she would have had to pay other ponies to take part. However, that was in the past, and wasn't precisely the reason she was so worried at this time. No, She was worried because of an upcoming festival. She had been hired to create a never before tasted flavor of jelly filled chocolate for Hugh Jelly, and despite working on it for several days, she was no closer to coming up with an idea. At wit's end, she turned to her friend for help. Bon Bon knew it was a bad idea once she saw that excited gleam in Lyra's eyes. It was the same gleam she got every time she thought about her imaginary creatures. There had been many an evening where Bon Bon had sat through a lecture on humans. Still, an idea was an idea. "Bonnie, you're going to love this one. It's a flavor only humans can create! It's called Toe Jam."

A delegate matter

Pinkamena Diane Pie is a prankster, though one generally well received by her victims. To date, her pranks have been both entertaining and varied, and her targets have been similar. Itching powder, ink, whipped cream, and unusual squirt guns have been experienced by almost all of the residents of Ponyville, as well as many of it's visitors. It was simply dismissed as a natural result of living in proximity to such a strange pony. One such prank however, had the potential for disaster. Following a period of time when laughter had been at a minimum in the area, due to the unfortunate removal of her mouth, Pinkie felt that some quota of guffaws had been unmet. So, in order to correct the deficiency, she targeted two diplomats from Saddle Arabia with a foalish prank. During a festive dinner intended to make the delegates feel welcome, Pinkie used a disguised salad dressing to appear to vomit in their food. The two travelers were almost offended, until the joke was explained. When chastised for her poor timing with the joke, Pinkie apologized. "Sorry, about that. It was just my gag reflex."

Veggie Tales

As the eldest Apple sibling, Big Macintosh has always cared for his family. There was a time, when he and Applejack were still young, that Granny Smith felt like giving the young'ins a bit more responsibility. That was when they picked up Winona. Applejack loved that dog with all her heart, and in her youthful mind, believed that her dog could do anything. Now, around that age, Applejack had been a picky eater. She ate anything related to Apples, but never wanted to eat vegetables, and stubbornly resisted any attempts to change her mind. Big Mac had spotted this, and decided that to help his sister grow up big and healthy, he needed to fix her diet. It took a while to come up with a plan, but one day, when the two foals and their dog were playing in the yard, Big Mac challenged his sister. He bet her that he, and her dog could find a vegetable that she would eat. If so, after that she would have to eat all of her veggies from then on. Torn between her stubbornness, and her faith in Winona, she agreed. So the dog and the boy set out. A short while later they came back, Winona holding an apple blossom. Knowing that flowers weren't considered a vegetable per se, she confusedly agreed that the offering was something she ate, but that he needed to find a veggie, not an apple bloom. Big Mac smiled. "Eeyup. 'Cept since Winona found it, that there's a collie flower."

Colada nonsense

As a young foal just moved to Ponyville, Pipsqueak had an easy time making new friends. Dinky, one of the young unicorns his age, was the first to approach the newcomer. the two of them had hit it off quickly, each containing a deep love of adventure. Ruby Pinch, who insisted on being called Piña often joined the two in their games. Having not much better to do one afternoon, the three began building a pirate ship at Pipsqueak's request. Taking an unusual interest in the activity, Piña instructed the others to bring their bedsheets to make the sail. Pip was delighted, but their parents were less so. When asked why the three had absconded with their formerly laundered bedspreads, Piña made her reasoning clear. "But MOM! You were the one that said that the best pirates are the ones that have three sheets to the wind!"

Fresh Beats, Preserved Fruits

Hugh Jelly hadn't always known what his cutie mark would be. Once upon a time, he was a colt almost as rambunctious as the cutiemark crusaders. He ran about town looking for activities that he could help with by day, and returned home each night completely unfulfilled. A good, but wild friend Vinyl Scratch, decided that since simple safe activities hadn't produced any results. perhaps more dangerous ones would. That in mind, she launched him from treetops, dropped him down Ghastly Gorge, and blasted him with her music, which was probably the most dangerous of all. Her well meaning attempts had Hugh fearing for his life whenever she came over. One day he couldn't take it anymore, and hid himself in a giant jar of blueberry jam until she had left. It was fortunate that one taste of the jam was enough to alert him to his life's calling, but his apology to Vinyl did make things a bit awkward between them. "Sorry Vinyl, but I was in a jam. It was a matter of self preservation!"

A taxing matter

It's said that the only constants in the universe are death and taxes. Sadly, even Equestria needs to take bits from the paychecks of the common worker. Even Iron Will, notable public speaker, self help guru, and 3 time bingo champion of the labyrinth, needed to contribute to the salaries of the royal guard, and other such things. He had spent weeks going through his receipts, checking if he had any deductions available and generally asking his goat friends to stop eating his forms, but it was worth it. Doing his own taxes was liberating, gave him a better understanding of his own worth, and saved him from having to pay an accountant. Now that he was done he needed to send it in, and quickly, for the deadline was fast approaching, and he did not want an audit, so he hopped a train to Ponyville, and from there trekked his way into the Everfree forest. Leaving his finalized and notarized forms with a sea serpent, he returned to the small town to visit an acquaintance. Iron Will and Fluttershy went out to lunch, and the conversation turned to the reason for his appearance. "Well Fluttershy, it turns out that Magnet is the best for picking up Iron's filings."

The Great and Powerful Sufi!

Intent on turning around her poor reputation, a certain great and powerful mare decided to add a few new pieces to her performance. However, despite a resolve to improve, she had both no inspiration, and an audience who saw her only as a fraud. That being the case, she packed her saddlebags, and began a long trek to lands far outside the borders of Equestria. Months of journeying, picking up local acts, and leaving for parts unknown took their toll on her, but in the end, she felt they were worth it. Once she had mastered the new tricks, nopony could call her a sham ever again. Finally, her sojourn ended, and Trixie was prepared to put on her new show. All was going well, Trixie wowing the audience again and again by walking on hot coals, draping herself upon a bed of nails, and causing a snake in a basket to dance. It was a pity that even after all her hard work, there was still a pony who seemed to be heckling her. Knowing how poorly she dealt with their ilk, she reluctantly began packing in the show, which she was gratified to note was blamed on the pony who called out. Surrounded by a crowd of irked ponies, he revealed that he meant no harm, and wished for the show to continue as well. "Honestly, all I was saying was that Trixie is a fakir, and she's a pretty good one too!"

quickie for missing last week due to technical difficulties

What happens when the cutie mark crusaders dropped Opalessence into a vat of lemonade?

She came out a sourpuss.

Don't Let Good Food go to Waist

Though new to the elite Canterlot society, Rarity is well known for her aversion to dirt and grime. She can't stand being around it, and will not tolerate others bringing it near her in any fashion. It so happens that Fancy Pants, who had decided to host a dinner party at his house, managed to invite Rarity at such a time that she was free of obligations. Once she arrived, Rarity had a lovely time, conversing with Fancy and his lovely wife, letting them know her thoughts on all the newest trends. The party was getting to the point where many topics had been exhausted amongst the guests, and the focus was now on dinner, so Fancy clapped his hooves together for the meal to be brought out, while the guests settled around the table. Rarity somewhat to Fancy's left, suddenly shrieked as one of the waitstaff nearly toppled his serving tray over onto the lady of the home. Thinking quickly, she caught it in her magic. The guests applauded, but Rarity modestly waived off their cheers. "No, really. It was nothing. I couldn't just sit by while dinner fell on the Fleur, now could I?"

Getting ahead, Pinkie Style

Pinkie Pie logic is hard to follow at times. Other times it's impossible. Hard to say which times are which, but veggie salad tends to land in the second category. She does mean well, but her exuberance can get the better of her. Take, for instance, the time she was leaving the market, and noticed a small booth that had been recently set up. A pony was working behind it, handing out surveys to each of the shoppers, then collecting them once they completed the questionnaire. Not wanting to miss out on any fun experiences, Pinkie trotted over, and asked for an explanation. Considering his position under a rather large sign, detailing the nature of his work, the stallion merely pointed a hoof upwards. Pinkie smiled. The stallion smiled back. That is, until Pinkie put him in a headlock, and tried to leave the area with him. His protests quickly reached her ears, and she released him from her grip. She did apologize, but it took a while, and a good amount of cupcakes, before the stallion was ready to forgive her. "Oh, come on! The sign clearly said to Stop; Take poll."

Starring Pinkie Crockett

It's no big secret that Pinkie loves her parties. She loves planning them. She loves throwing them. She loves attending. She even enjoys cleaning up afterwards, though not quite as much. She has a dream of throwing a party in every corner of the world, and from the looks of it, she is pretty determined to fulfill that goal. Now, that's not to say that she wouldn't be up for repeat performances in the places she already helped celebrate. Recently, she had heard that Appleoosa was having a bash for their two year anniversary of the buffalo/settler peace treaty, and Pinkie felt that she had to plan it, if only to make everypony forget her stage show's spectacular flop. She grabbed her party cannon, hopped a train, and within a half an hour, she had turned the apple oriented town's celebration into Equestria's largest ice cream social. Several buffalo and settler ponies came by to thank her for the wonderful time, but they weren't quite sure of the theme. Pinkie assured them it was to make the event memorable. "I mean really, you have to remember the a la mode."

Chapter 45

You may notice a slight style change. This is in honor of NaPoWriMo, which I fully ~~intend~~expect to fail at completing.

“Hellooooo Octi.”

“Ah, Vinyl, you're back. And so early too. I thought you went out to that tournament.”

“Yeah, I did.“

“Well, I'm sorry you lost.“

“Nah, I didn't lose. I got kicked out.“

“Vinyl, why did you get kicked out of the foal's card game tournament?“

“Oh, that? It's cause I cheated.“

“Why in Equestria would you cheat?“

“It's not what you think, I swear!“

“There wasn't even a prize. It was just the cutie mark crusaders putting together a game of go fish!“

“Well, yeah, but I totally thought they were talking about actual fishing.“

“That doesn't even make any sense.“

“Octi, just chill, and listen for a sec.“

“Fine. I'm listening.“

“Well, the thing about the great anglers is they all have something extra, to step up their game, ya know?“

“No, I have no clue, but do go on. I'm sure I'll understand you eventually. Or go insane. Come to think of it, that's almost the same thing.“

“Now you're just not being fair.“

“Very well, I'll try to hold back a bit. This better be good though, or I'm not making you any fresh cookies for a week!“

“You wouldn't!“

“Try me.“

“...You would.“

“That's what I thought.“

“Fine, so I was all set to start fishing. I had that little something extra I always carry on fishing trips up my sleeve. I work the luck angle while I'm angling, so I don't have a super lure or extra attractive hooks or something. Not that my hooks aren't sick, but you know what I'm saying, right?“

“Haven't the foggiest, but if you don't hurry up and finish this story, I am going to beat you over the head with a pillow. Again.“

“Just relax, I'm almost there. Well, I got there and figured out it was a big misunderstanding. We were all set up in town hall, and nopony else brought a pole, so it wasn't exactly hard. I just went with the flow, so it was no big. My first game had just started, and I was the dealer. So I reached for the deck of cards.“

“Now I finally see where this is going. Vinyl, sometimes you are an idiot.“

“I mean really, things were going just fine. Then I dropped the ace.“

Remodeling (for dummies)

Octavia Philharmonica, talented musician, worked hard for her bits. Her group performances had a reputation of being spectacular, and while that was a good thing, the numerous invitations to parties and concerts bringing in plenty of pocket money, each event was akin to rigorous exercise. Those exhausting sessions, several hours long, were all performed balanced on her hind hooves, while desperately trying not to fall from the vigorous motions her bow made against her instrument. Adding to that, she felt that any other movement would ruin the delicate music issuing from her double bass, so in actuality, a party for other ponies equated to a grueling attempt at full-body control for her. Also due to her popularity, her days off were few and far between, and often spent collapsed on her couch, fighting off slumber. You can imagine that any attempt to get her to work on those days was met with fierce resistance.Sadly, it was on one of these rare sabbaths that her good friend, and bane of her life, reminded her of a promise to assist on changing the paneling on her house. Being hit with a project as filled with manual labor as this, out of the blue, she complained to her friend. Her reply left her less than enthused. "Oh, Octi, don't think of it as me blindsiding you with work. Just think of it as Vinyl-siding."

Hang ups.

Hang ups.

One day, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and her husband Prince Shining Armor took a trip to Prance to speak to them about the important matter of Prance's entry in the upcoming Equestria Games. The Crystal Empire had been selected as the host for the games, and as the rulers of the kingdom, Cadance and Shining Armor had the duty to speak to their competitors to assure them of a fair and honest competition, as well as to be informed of the athletes attending. The young couple had not had a chance to make the acquaintance of the ruling family of Prance before, and were eager to show off their hasty language lessons in Fancy. As it turned out, the lessons were extremely helpful, as the President's wife could barely speak a word of Common Equestrian. Introductions were made, President Charlemane going first, but when it came to Shining Armor's turn, the president's wife decided to throw her coat on him. Now, Cadance is an understanding princess, and an easygoing wife, but having a strange mare toss clothing at her husband was quite outside the normal bounds of decency. As they say in Fancy, it was a faux pas, and it seriously could have damaged the relationship between the Crystal Empire and Prance. Recovering from the shock of seeing his wife disrobe for a strange stallion, the President decided to ask her what she thought she was doing to poor Shining Armor. His wife replied, "Oooh! It eez my meestake. I 'ad sought 'ees name was Shining Armoire"

Rabbit Troubles

After the Equestria games was announced to be held in the Crystal Empire, a certain gem eater had proven his worth to Twilight and her friends as a pet sitter. So, when Fluttershy had to make an unexpected trip, she relied on Spike once again to take care of Angel Bunny, with the promise of gems for him when she returned. Even with the newly found camaraderie between the dragon and the tiny terror, it was always prudent to have some backup in case Angel felt like being difficult. That in mind, Spike recruited the Cutie Mark Crusaders to assist him for the day. He was right to do so, because Angel soon ran off to the train station, seemingly in order to relive their previous adventure together. Charging at the train the four attempted to retrieve the bunny before anything untoward happened to it, but without any gems to trade for tickets, Spike and the Crusaders were unable to board. With time quickly running out, they had to ask the next adult they saw for assistance. Fortunately for the children's sake, the adult they asked agreed to assist them. The ticket taker had to let them on, once the great and powerful good samaritan came with them as a paying chaperone. Once on-board, they were able to retrieve Angel before the train left the station. Later, the conductor asked the ticket taker what had happened, because he had been acting unusual. The ticket taker said "I just saw something unusual today. A silly rabbit, and Trixie's four kids."

Cooking up some idiocy.

I present to you my story jokes. Please bash your head against the wall responsibly.

Nearly a year after the Marzipan Marscapone Meringue Madness won the first prize at the national dessert competition, Pinkie Pie and Donut Joe met up to calmly discuss who the better baker was, and which of them was going to take the winning position in the year's rematch. Of course the quiet discussion quickly gave way to an angry argument, and the angry argument segued into a full on baker's brawl. Pinkie assaulted Joe with every cake in her arsenal, while he took swipes at her with his bear claws. It was utter chaos, and before long they were at each other's throats rolling around in the streets. Soon enough the fight had rolled into Ponyville proper, right past three fillies who were still on the lookout to find their life's talents. Wide eyed, the Cutie Mark Crusaders watched as the two pastry chefs battled each other, until Sweetie Bell decided to put a stop to the madness. Jumping on top of the two opposing ponies, she shouted at them to stop fighting with all the power of her surprisingly well developed lungs. This quickly knocked both the fight, and the ability to hear, right out of them. Donut Joe came over and shook Pinkie's hoof before leaving in deafened defeat, Later, at their clubhouse, Scootaloo congratulated Sweetie Bell on her daring move, but had to ask why she had done that as opposed to some less dangerous method of stopping the feud. Sweetie Bell smugly smiled, before having to explain to her friend that "Of the two bakers, Pie is always better when I scream on top."

Hook, line and sinker

On a particularly nice day, Rarity and Sweetie Bell's father, Magnum, decided to take his daughters out on a family fishing trip. To make it fun, he went out and purchased a large number of drinks and snacks to take along with them. Once they arrived, he noticed that his eldest daughter was surprisingly less fussy than normal, having voiced only a few complaints about the heat and humidity of the day causing havoc on her mane in the span of the previous fifteen minutes. Magnum was a very laid back type of pony, and having raised Rarity, he was used to her antics. In fact, her whining in this situation barely even registered on his parental Geiger Counter. She would have to be a lot more theatrical than that, to convince him that she was unhappy. He had even brought a special lure just for her: A fake worm in a stylish tuxedo. It kept her quiet for the entire carriage ride to the fishing area while she attempted to make it a matching cumberbund. Magnum could only hope it worked as well on the fish. He looked around the fishing hole that they had chosen, and there was only one other pony using the spot. Vinyl Scratch was there as usual. She wasn’t the best fisherpony, but he was a bit envious of her equipment. Her hook was great, but she always dropped the Bass she caught. The day moved on, the weather got hotter and soon the whine from Rarity would make grapes jealous, but Magnum still was having a good time. It was only when he noticed that their precious snack supplies were running low did he consider returning to home. A few hours later all that was left of their refreshment was two cans of soda, both a type that Magnum was not fond of. Wrinkling his face in distaste, he called over to his girls. “Time to pack it in, kids. We’re almost out of snacks, and as everypony knows, there’s nothing worse than a pair a’ Sprites.”

Call tech support

Princess Luna trotted down the hall towards her sister's room. It was night out, and her moon was near the end of it's orbit as she made her way in the near dark. Desperately she made sure to avoid any and all obstacles on her way over to her sister's desk. Blinking her eyes to relieve them of their strain, she looked over the desktop. There, was exactly what she had been looking for, the P.C. Luna knew that the wondrous P.C. could solve all the problems she had this night. From her need to go over legal documents, to finding her the research material she needed to help get with the times, the P.C. was the most useful method available in the palace. Why, the P.C. even played card games with her to keep her from getting bored. She just needed to wake the P.C. up, and anything she needed could be done in a flash, with little effort on her part. The problem was, just how does one wake a P.C.? Having heard that shaking a P.C. until it's parts rattled was bad for it's performance, she decided to prod the P.C. Where, though? In the part beneath the desk, or the part above it? On the side or the front? Luna did not want her sister angry at her for breaking something. It might be easier if she could see, but waking the P.C. would certainly illuminate the room. A few moments of consideration, and Luna decided on the top of the P.C., in the front facing area would be the best choice. A tentative poke, and then a few frustrated repeat attempts when the first produced no noticeable results later, Princess Luna was given the welcome that she expected of her sister, the P.C. "Dearest sister, if you wake me up this early again, I am going to hard drive my boot up your open ended software, so fast, that you will be crashing through windows!"

Author's Note

A thank you to Celestia who both got her computer repaired, and mentioned me in her blog.

For the birds

After Rainbow Dash, fastest pegasus in Equestria, decided to pick out a pet, and got the tortoise named Tank, it was only a matter of time before her number one fan decided to get a pet of her own. Scootaloo knew that the best place to find a pet had to be Fluttershy's cottage, simply because Rainbow Dash had gone there, so she hopped aboard her scooter and rode over. Scootaloo perused the pets available, unsure of her preferences. Finally, deciding that she wanted something fast, she asked Fluttershy to show her the fastest bird she had available. Sadly the falcon and eagle had been taken beforehoof. Scootaloo told Fluttershy that she absolutely needed the fastest one Fluttershy had left, and that no other bird would be permissible. Highly wary of the sadness she would feel should the wrong pet be awarded to the young pegasus, Fluttershy lead her youthful patron towards the fastest bird still living at her cottage. Scootaloo instantly fell in love with it's massive size, seventy mile an hour top speed, and black and white coloring, and quickly decided to bring the avian home. Scootaloo couldn't wait till everypony heard, about the bird. Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle came to speak to her friend, and noticed the two in the back yard of the cottage. Trotting over to her friend, she asked for an explanation of the situation, which Fluttershy briefly summarized. However, when Twilight asked if Fluttershy had made sure to explain that ostriches were flightless birds, Fluttershy paled, before looking over at the happy new owner. She had already taught her new pet to flip. Smiling happily, Fluttershy told Twilight, "They look so good together. I egret nothing."

Poker? I 'ardly Know Her

Twilight Sparkle wanted to go camping, She had ever since she attended her first sleepover. She had been told that having a tree crash into her bedroom, sadly did not count. Unfortunately for her, the one time her friends got the chance to go, she was busy with an important homework assignment. To this date, the closest she had been to a real camp-out was when she had been turned to stone by a cockatrice in the Everfree Forest. One afternoon, her desire to experience a proper camping trip got the better of her and she invited all six of her closest friends. Of course, the only ones who were able to make it were Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, but Twilight was confidant that two friends met her requirements. The three of them traveled into the Whitetail Woods, and looked for a spot to make camp while Twilight made sure that everything followed the timetable and checklist she had copied down from her camping guidebook. Soon, it came time to pitch the tents, and Twilight was having some trouble knocking the pegs into the ground. The breeze was moderate, so she decided to gamble, and only drove them halfway in before joining her friends for some camp activities. When night fell, and she returned to her sleeping area, she was dismayed to find that the tent had been knocked over by a strong gust, scattering her snacks all over the camp site. She pleaded with her friends for help."I tried my best, but the stakes were too high, the tent folded, and now my chips are gone."

Author's Note

By the way, since I like being interactively stupid, what do you say to me letting you guys name my chapters? I'll read the comments and pick out the best one. You have till I wake up tomorrow. Have fun!

Birds of a feather

Derpy Hooves really enjoys her travels with the Doctor. Far and wide they go, helping ponies everywhere they encounter hardship. Sometimes though, that hardship can get a bit difficult to deal with, such as the time when a junkyard monster had managed to cause her to uncontrollably molt. She wasn't allowed to fly for a week, while her wings healed. The two of them still had hopes of eventually recovering the discards, and she intended to use them to knit a nice comforter. Still, the odd looks she kept getting from townsponies were starting to irk her. It was also really chilly, and her scarf did nothing to help her denuded extremities. Worst of all were the fillies and colts that lived in Ponyville. They would come right up to her and ask for an explanation of her condition, which she could not give without recounting her adventures. That was always dangerous. The foals could take the tales to heart in the wrong fashion, and injure themselves while trying to emulate the stories, but it was really tough for Derpy to avoid their inquisitiveness. Especially now that she could not take to the skies for a quick getaway. After about five days of non-stop pestering, for better or worse, Derpy decided that honesty was the best policy. Gathering together the young ones who had kept at her heels, she explained in the simplest way she could. "First I was with the Doctor, and now my down's in the dumps."

Author's Note

Apparently, I am useless at keeping schedules.

Continuity nods off

On a recent trip to Canterlot, Applejack decided to pick up some souvenirs for her family. Her brother was going to receive a puzzle book, where they ask you all kinds of true and false questions. Applejack could hear him eeyuping and enopeing already. Granny would get a pair of those fancy Canterlot reading glasses, because her eyesight had been fading recently, and her sister... Applebloom would get a new sponge, for shirking her chores the other day. Honestly, that filly could disappear when it came time to work. A train ride later, and the Friendship Express pulled into the Ponyville station; farmer in tow. Returning to her beloved Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack gathered her family up and divvied out the loot. The look on Applebloom's face would have been perfect to snap a picture of, but Applejack had forgotten to bring the camera. Everypony else seemed pleased, and soon Granny was using her gift to darn a few socks. However, disaster struck when she lay down in her rocking chair to take a nap. The glasses, and Granny's knitting equipment had been in the chair, and when she began to rock, they broke, causing them to poke her in the back leg. Her startled yelp alerted the rest of the family, who quickly rushed over to ask what was wrong. "I durn fell asleep, and now I got pince and needles in my leg!"

Et tutu

As a well known performance art, ballet still holds a decent amount of popularity in Equestria. Each of the three races of pony have their specialty. Earth pony dancers train to balance on the tips of their hooves, and make great use of their natural strength and stamina to perform lifts and stunts that would make another pony collapse. A pegasus or the bat winged pterripi would find themselves in roles that require coordinated leaping, and tend to be the ones lifted by their earth pony partners. Unicorns are used for special effect dances involving many trailing ribbons or similar props. When Cherilee assigned an Equestrian culture project to her class based on the different styles of dance they had been learning about in school, Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell were lucky enough to be selected as partners for the exercise. Unfortunately for Scootaloo, they were unlucky enough to have gotten ballet for their topic. Despite being paired with her friend, she still envied Applebloom, who was paired up with Sunny Days, learning how to do the calypso. She wondered how they would get their hooves on so many bananas. Twist was another lucky one, as she had gotten to dance with her chubby friend. At least Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were suffering with the Funky Chicken. After a lengthy trip to the costume shop to pick up their dresses, an activity that everyone involved in swore never to mention to Rarity, the sun had already been lowered. The costume shop owner asked how they were going to get home, with no flashlight to see by. They realized they had to make due with Sweetie Bell's immature magic. Scootaloo assured the owner that it was fine. "I can see by the light of my tutu friend."

Super Duper

Gustave LeGrand,the world famous baker from Prance, co-holder of the first-prize ribbon in the National Desert competition, was asked to cater desert for a charity event in Canterlot. It was to be a formal occasion, with high hats and arrow collars for the stallions, and spangled gowns for the mares. Some ponies, in their desperate need to hobnob with the rich, had even spent their last two bits on tickets to attend. On the day of the event, due to a mistake in the weather scheduling, a horrible storm that necessitated umbrellas put the party-goers in a poor mood. Knowing that a large portion of the guests were there specifically for his food, Gustave began to sweat. In fact, the turn-out for the party was more than double what he had expected, due to last minute ticket purchases. Gustave also knew that an average desert would not wow the mostly well-to-do crowd that was gathered there, so he churned out sweet after sweet, assuring himself that he would be able to satisfy even the most discerning of sweet-toothed attendees. He ended up making so many dishes, that he ran out of nearly every ingredient. With not much time before the guests would begin clamoring for his fare, he checked his stock one last time. With no more than a box of crackers left to turn into a tasty treat, inspiration struck! He decided that he would take a custard that had finished setting, and use it as a topping, hoping that nopony would notice his improvisation. Finally, it came time to bring out his desserts, and what better dish to start with? Carrying his serving tray in while twirling his mustache, Gustave announced his first offering. "Fillies and gentlecolts, I, Gustave LeGrand present to you, Pudding On Le Ritz"

Author's Note

I apologize to any Europeans who have no idea what the difference between American pudding and European pudding is.

Saving Your Ass

One fine day in Ponyville, an unusually happy donkey was going on a date with his sweetheart, Matilda. A bit of fine dining, a few romantic dances, and a lovely evening sitting side by side while boating on the lake were on the itinerary, and it seemed like nothing would go wrong. It was a shame that Cranky hadn't checked the weather postings beforehoof, or he would have known about the scheduled storm that the lake was about to undergo. Still, fortune smiled upon the couple when Rainbow Dash found their boat adrift in the inclement weather. It had been "Take your pet to work day" due solely to Rainbow's insistence that Cloudchaser's pigeon was a poor substitute for her beloved Tank. To that end, each of the pegasi pushing the clouds around were carrying their own animal companions. Wearing his Deputy Weather Patrol sash, Tank glided below the storm cover, and spotted the drenched donkeys, who were trying to get to dry land. Thinking as quickly as he was able to, the rotor equipped reptile flew down and snatched the head-wear that Cranky was trying and failing to keep the rain away with. Flying back to Rainbow, wig in tow, the situation was taken care of with the pegasus' usual speed. Matilda, who was surprisingly still in good spirits had this to say: "The date was saved, all thanks to the tortoise and the hair. Now we just need toupee them back."

What do you call it when Tom cosplays a chromatic pegasus?

Boulder Dash

Author's Note

You may notice that I didn't post one last week. It so happens that I was on a vacation to an anime convention, and lacked a moment to even open my computer. That said, I hope the quickie makes up for it.

Applejack's Hare-y Situation

Applejack has been a friend to many animals in her life. Her dog, Winona for example. However, much like her friend Rarity's enmity with crabs, Applejack too has a nemesis. She can't stand rabbits. Of course knowing Angel Bunny didn't help her get close to the critters, but even without taking him into account, she still couldn't deal with them. They weren't a proper animal in her opinion, always stealing from her orchard, or gobbling up Carrot Top's planted livelihood. Before becoming close friends with Fluttershy, she had dealt with them the best she could, Winona giving vigorous assistance, but nothing could keep them away from her beloved crops. Lassos, box traps, and even digging pitfalls didn't help. It wasn't until she mentioned the problem to Pinkie Pie that she was offered her first glimmer of hope. Pinkie had listened intently, and then run off, mentioning the solution lay at Sugarcube Corner, carried by Mrs.Cake. When she came back, Pinkie was holding something strange. "Applejack, you're lucky that I work in a bakery. Bakers always have a hare net lying around."

Purple ponies all in my brain

When Twilight Sparkle was assigned a research project on agriculture, and how to improve crops, she first started her experiments with a somewhat unusual variable. Color. She knew that different colored apples had different flavors, and that when exposed to certain soils and growing techniques, carrots were known to change color too, so she felt that using a spell to start out her dietary staple of choice as a different color might produce some interesting data. She had finished looking up the spell she would need, and while the actual magic wasn't a problem, in order to make the spell work in her favorite color, she needed to perform a rather long solo on a guitar. The delay was frustrating, but she certainly wasn't a quitter. Night after night she practiced, and eventually she managed to fulfill the requirements of her spell. The next morning, Princess Celestia stopped by to wish her a happy Tuesday, and walked in to find a somewhat sleep deprived Twilight strumming a guitar, and wobbling around a few bales of hay. Confused at her student's odd behavior, Princess Celestia asked what Twilight was doing. Twilight, noticing her mentor, snapped awake immediately to answer her question. "Oh, Princess! Sorry, I didn't see you there. I was just finishing my purple hays."

Forty chapters, so here's a quickie

Q: What did Nurse Redheart say when forty ponies came into the hospital complaining about aches and pains?
A: Everypony take a numb-er.