The many other occupations of Mr. Timn

by Caleb Roy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Human, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy
Length: 2383

The rest of the mane 6 meeting a Mr. Timn.

You may have read Mr. Timn the Librarian, but have you read the other ponies meetings with a so called... Mr. Timn?

Note: You may want to read Mr. Timn the Librarian first (on my page), and you also may, before doing any of this reading, want to look up Mr. Timn on youtube (watch the videos done by Julian Smith, not the takeout though (unless you absolutely want to))

Published 2013-11-28 18:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-28 18:00:04 UTC

Mr. Timn the CloudKeeper

Rainbow Dash was being awesome like any other day of the year, only this time, she would be visited by none other than... Mr. Timn.

"You're pretty! Could I get your number!", the words bursted from Mr. Timn's mouth like a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, except there was no peanut butter and there was no jelly. In fact, come to think of it, there was no bread. Sad. Anyways, Rainbow Dash was surprised at this strange man, and so she responded most precariously.

"Who are you", asked Rainbow Dash without a question mark, of course. Remember that Rainbow Dash was never fond of egghead classes. Personally, I enjoyed mine... hard-boiled, but beggars can't be choosers.

"I'm Mr. Timn to the Limo! You know what a limo is?", questioned Mr. Timn.

"Yeah. It's a--"

"That's right! A limo is a rainbow decorated in hot sauce, fed to wild dogs, and then thrown off a cliff... with a parachute, of course, safety first if you know what I mean."

"What?" 'Tis true, Rainbow Dash was most... how do you say... dumbfounded.

"Let me ask you something", began Mr. Timn, " do you know my name?"

"Yeah, you just told me that it was--"

"Alzheimer's! I have a serious case of applejuice! Quick, get me the orange juice antidote before my pretzels take a 4 to the Z!" You know, sometimes I don't even have an idea of what Mr. Timn says, but lets get on with the story.

"Listen", began Rainbow Dash, "I have to get back to being awesome so--"

"Awesome?!", laughed and questioned Mr. Timn, "All you were doing was laying here like a bum who can't get a job because she has serious pride issues". It is true, Rainbow Dash can be quite the bum if you get to know her. You should read about it. It's in my book, Bums eat sauerkraut for Breakfast: 101 Things Bums do because They can.

"I am not being a bum!", Rainbow Dash yelled in her defense.

"Oh really", said Mr. Timn, "Then what are you being?"

"I am being awesome"

"Well, Miss Rainbow Dash, I am the cloud keeper of these here woods and what I say ocean."

"I have no idea what you just said... at all..."

"What I mean is that I am the keeper of the clouds, and it is therefore my duty to punch you in the face if you break the cloud violations, which, you are breaking."

"Cloud Violatons!?!? What cloud violations!? Where do you even get that from?"

"You have a right to remain silent and let me arrest you for breaking cloud law 30020123-23615482-12y4y2y4 under subsection pie! Unless of course you make me a valid offer" Now before you say that Mr. Timn is not a real cloud keeper or even that he poops, you must understand that in Equestria, it is perfectly fine to bribe a cloud keeper.

"Let me ask you something, Mr. Timn", questioned Rainbow Dash, "What cloud law did I break?"

"You breathed on a cloud. And according to this anonymous source who is an evil villain and is therefore very trustworthy, you deserve to be put to death for your crimes against this cloud! Now turn around and let me kill you!"

"WHAT?!?!?!", yelled Rainbow Dash, "You're going to kill me for breathing on a cloud!! What the--"

"Yes", said Mr. Timn plainly. You know, I have to say that this was the first time that I ever... EVER... heard Mr. Timn say just one word in a sentence...EVER!! However, he did, and so he pulled out his pistol gun and pointed it at Rainbow Dash's head. Rainbow Dash just laughed.

"You-- You're going to-- tu-- to kill me with that!!", Rainbow Dash was laughing so hard that Celestia banished Twilight to the moon. Lol. Yeah, that's right, I did just say lol! What you going to do, hmmm, yeah and... and guess what... SWAG. Mwhahahahahahahaha, you must be... Wait, Wait, what are you doing in my house? NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO--------------------------------------------------

Note of Note: The other narrator was killed... by me... because he used offensive language in his writing, namely the "SW" word and the "L" word. However, we have resolved that issue. Now, back to the matter at hand. Rainbow Dash was laughing, crying, in fact, because of Mr. Timn's threats. Then, she did something which should never be done to Mr. Timn, she flew away.

"Oh man... That guy was a lunatic. Anyways, I am just goi--"

"Hey horse!!", yelled Mr. Timn, "How dare you run away from me!! I am the cloud Keeper!!!". It was at this moment that Mr. Timn sprang up from his seat in the middle of the air and ran like a madman over to Rainbow Dash. Now Rainbow Dash was scared. She sped up, and man was she going fast. I mean she was going faster than Sonic (the Fast food restaurant, of course).

"Get away from me!!", screamed Rainbow Dash, "Leave me alone!!"

"NO HORSE!! You still deserve your punishment! I still have to kill you!!", returned Mr. Timn.

"You're crazy man!"

"If I wasn't, this would probably never work!"

"That's my line!", interrupted Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Shut up Jack!", returned Mr. Timn, "I steal what I want!"

"Wait a minute!", began Captain Jack eyeing Mr. Timn suspiciously, "You're that stinking milkman! You never gave me my milk last year! Get back over here!". At this moment, Captain Jack began chasing Mr. TImn because well about three years earlier, Mr. Timn stole Captain Jack's milk. Now it was a full on chase. I mean you had Rainbow Dash running from Mr. Timn who was running from Captain Jack Sparrow, not cardinal, of course. Then, because I need more characters, I add in British soldiers who begin to chase Captain Jack because, well, in Fish and Chips land, pirates are illegal.

"Hey mate, its Captain Jack", whispered some red lobster looking human British dude to his friend.

"Hey it is", responded the friend, "Let's get him!"

That's right. Now you had Rainbow Dash running from Mr. Timn running from Captain Jack Sparrow running from British people. Man, this was crazy. I mean stinking tofu.

Alright, so Rainbow Dash turns left to avoid all of these crazy people. However, they all follow her. Man, I have to shake these guys thought Rainbow Dash. Then, of course, some crazy band dude yells out, sha sha sha shake it good! However, he doesn't follow them Thank God. Man, how am I going to-- That's it Rainbow Dash screamed in the inner machinations of her mind, I'll go dump these guys at Twilight's house, I mean, that's what friends are for. Yeah, that is what friends are for, I mean come on audience of people, how many of you guys can't admit to dumping leotards at your friend's houses. Now that I think of it, how many of you guys have leotards?

Anyways, so Rainbow Dash rushed over to Twilight's house, and flew right into her doorway. BOOM! She crashed through the door just as Twilight finished up putting all of her books into a nice, neat order. How many times has that happened in the show?

"RAINBOW DASH!!!!! I just finished! What is your pro--", began Twilight, who was now a princess, of course.

"Twi-- Twilight-- you have to listen! There are these crazy people following me! I mean you have this whole army of red shirted lobsters who talk really cool and are always featured in the movies! Then, you have this pirate dude who looks like he is poor, but you can tell he is rich because he stars in like all these movies! But then the worst of all, there is this guy with an orange shirt, weird mouth, and he is just--" Rainbow Dash was on a ball, before being interrupted by Twilight.

"WAIT!!! Did you say a man in an orange shirt?"

"Yes and--"

"Oh no!"

"What? What is it Twilight?"

"Not him again."

"Wait... You've met him before?"

"Oh yes", said Twilight, "it was not too long ago. You see I was just minding my own business when he comes up to my window and starts saying crazy things like that he lives in my house and that he is president of some place called like Turkey or something. Then, I run into him again another time right after my little pony princess coronation thing. It was horrible and he is even--"

"Rainbow Dash!", screamed Mr. Timn as he burst through the door, "You still haven't been punished!" Mr. Timn walked over to Rainbow Dash, and grabbed her by the neck. He was just about to do something when...

"Mr. Timn!!", yelled Captain Jack Sparrow as he burst through the wall, "You still haven't given me the milk!". Then, Captain Jack walked over to Mr. Timn and picked him up by the throat. He too was just about to do something when...

"Captain Jack Sparrow!", yelled an entire British Army as they burst through the top of Twilight's roof defying all physics in the process. They then all walked over to Captain Jack and started to choke him when...

"Wait!!", yelled Twilight, "What is the meaning of this?!"

Then, all the British soldiers turned to Twilight, and exclaimed, "Is that a talking horse?"

"What's a matter?", said Jack, "What? You ain't never seen a talking horse before?"

"You have?", said the British army to Jack.

"Why yes", said Jack, "It was way ba--"

"SHUT UP!!", yelled Twilight, "Look! I can talk! Nice! Now why are you all here? Mr. Timn, why the heck are you here!!??? AGAIN??!! And Rainbow Dash, Why in the world would you come to my house!!?? After being chased by a bunch of... Whatever they are? Now stop! No one answers yet. Okay, first, you there (Twilight pointed to like the British soldiers) you go first!"

"Well", began the British soldiers, looking at each other, all of them scratching their heads, "We kind of forgot. We have a serious case of scurvy."

"Scurvy!", yelled Twilight, "Scurvy doesn't make you forget!"

"Actually... yes it does... or was that diarrhea?"

"Okay! This is just too crazy! You guys need to leave!"

"Alright miss", said the British soldiers as they turned away. They were also murmuring about why they were in this strange land. That is, of course, when Jack Sparrow decided it was time to leave, but not before...

"Dang it! This is my chance", exclaimed Captain Jack. He turned back toward Mr. Timn and said, "Next time I catch you in my neighborhood, I had better get that strawberry milk I was promised! And a straw too!". After this, Captain Jack began running away, and the British soldiers remembered why they were there, so they began chasing Jack off into the setting sun... Nah, that's too romantic... How about they just began chasing Captain Jack. Well, now that that issue is said and done with, let's return back to Twilight who was now on to questioning Mr. Timn. Actually, she wasn't really questioning him at all...

"Listen you!!", Twilight pointed her hoof at Mr. Timn, "I am just dog gone sick and tired of you!!"

"That's rascist!", said Mr. Timn.

"What!?", exclaimed Twilight, "What the heck are you talking about?"

"You just said that you were tired of Yu. Why do you have to be so mean to Chinamen?"

"WHAT!!!?? What are you even talking about!!?? Why can't you just--"

"Wait a second!", said Mr. Timn, " You're an accomplice, aren't you?"

"A what?", said Twilight.

"You helped set up the meeting so that you could break the law with Rainbow Dash! You told her where the cloud was, and then you had her do the dirty work by breathing on the cloud! You sly horse, you!! Now I have to arrest both of you!!"

"Alright! That's it!! Using my new princess powers, I am going to just destroy you! Stand back Rainbow Dash", said Twilight. It was kind of stupid, though, because like Rainbow Dash was being choked in all. To settle that issue, Twilight just teleported Rainbow Dash out of Mr. Timn's grip. Then, Twilight turned her unicorn horn thing on full blast and blew Mr. Timn away. She thought she was pretty good. Then, she turned back to Rainbow Dash.

"Alright Dash", said Twilight, "It's finally taken care of. He's gone now. Nothing could withstand my new princess powers."

"Good", said Rainbow Dash, "Thanks so much!".

After Mr. Timn died (or did he) (DUH DUH DUH), Rainbow Dash went back home. Then, she went to sleep on her bed like she did every time at 3:00, except this time...

"Why hello there! Miss me?", said Mr. Timn.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!", screamed Rainbow Dash as she fell out of her bed, "What!!?? But I thought you died! How did you?"

"HA HA!", screamed Mr. Timn, or maybe I meant laughed.

"I have to get out of here!", yelled Rainbow Dash before dashing through her window. The window shattered in like a bagillion little pieces. Rainbow Dash rocketed through the air. Where can I go She thought. Then it occurred to her. She began dashing toward Rarity's house.

She made it ahead of Mr. Timn. Immediately, she threw open the door. Rarity rushed over with her broom of doom, just about to pound Rainbow Dash to dust, when she realized that it was Rainbow Dash, and not a robber that came into her store.

"Rainbow Dash!", yelled Rarity, "It is not nice to--"

Rarity was silenced as Rainbow Dash threw her hoof onto Rarity's mouth. "Rarity, You HAVE to help me", said Rainbow Dash with heavy breathing.

When Rainbow Dash took her hoof off of Rarity's mouth, Rarity began by asking, "Help you with what darling? A dress?"

"No, there is this crazy guy that is following me! Please, just hide me... NOW!"

"Alright darling, just go into that closet ove--". Then there was a knock at the door. Rainbow Dash dashed over to the closet and slammed the door shut. Rarity went over to the door to check who was knocking. When she opened it, there was a tall man with an orange shirt standing there. He began to speak.

"Hello there pony..."