Mr. Timn the Donut man

by Caleb Roy

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Crossover, Human
Length: 1913

Mr. Timn meets a Donut Joe

What happens when you cross paths with an expert donut maker, and a crazed maniac... Well, you get Mr. Timn meeting a Donut Joe. Or should it be the other way around?

Note: May want to read other Mr. Timn the Librarian on my page (also may want to watch, before anything, Mr. Timn vids on youtube (make sure they are made by Julian Smith and not takeout)

Published 2013-02-23 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-23 23:20:02 UTC

Mr. Timn the Donut Man

Donut Joe made his donuts like he did every day at dawn, only this time, he would be visited by none other than Mr. Timn.

"Hello there... Stormy weather we're having isn't it?", asked Mr. Timn as he came up on the window near Donut Joe's dough baker.

"Who are you?", questioned Donut Joe. You must understand that Donut Joe had never seen a human before, and this one was most peculiar.

" I don't have a name. I am a lone traveler embarking on many journeys into the deep pantry of my donut shop." Mr. Timn was correct. He always traveled the pantries of his donut shop searching for the most peculiar of items.

"Oh, you own a donut shop too, how interesting, where is it located because I don't know of any donut shop around here beside mine."

"You see this here fine establishment", asked Mr. Timn, "This here is my donut making shop". It was true. You must understand that where Mr. Timn came from, when you looked at a donut shop, it usually meant it was yours (unless, of course, it wasn't, but this very fine establishment, was, in fact, Mr. Timn's)

"Now wait just a moment!", yelled Donut Joe, "This here place is mine. I bought it from a pony who used to own it!".

"No... You didn't. I own this place, you see, and I don't like strangers on my lawn, so you better, well, Get the heck off my lawn!". It is true, Mr. Timn was not very fond of having strangers on his lawn, and to Mr. Timn, Donut Joe was a stranger.

"Listen here pal!!", yelled Donut Joe, "This is mine, and it is not yours. I don't know who you are, but you best be getting out of here before I call the cops!". Donut Joe was getting angry. He wanted Mr. Timn to leave.

"You called me a pal, but which one you going to pay with, Paypal or Visa? Maybe we should talk it over a stroll, and get to know each other better". Mr. Timn eyeballed Donut Joe most precariously. He really wanted to take a walk with Donut Joe.

"WHAT!? I am not going out with you!", screamed Donut Joe.

"Oh, I see, what are you against gay people! I think I should smother you in some beef, and then feed you to some cows!". While Mr. Timn was not gay, he in fact did love to smell the coffee, hence the reason he wanted to go for a walk.

"Listen here, you orange costumed whatever you are! I never said I was against gay peo--"

"Oh ho, so you are against gay people, what are you a homophobic transvestite or something? Why, I ought give you a knuckle sandwich, but I can already see that you ate!" Mr. Timn was aggressive, so aggressive, in fact, that someone somewhere ate a bologna sandwich. Man, that is aggressive.

"What!? You aren't even making any sense! Look, get out of my Donut shop before I call the police!"

"You aren't going to call the police, are you? I got a record over three thousand pages high. I mean, I sung a song once, and then the police, well, they arrested me! Why?! Why? oh and by the way, buy my latest soundtrack, its called, Do the CocoBana, only $3,400, unless you call in three minutes, and then you might get it cheaper!"

"I don't want anything you have to offer. I don't care if your name is Mare AGAG! I want you to leave!"

"I can't leave. I am forever trapped in this same existence, forever to dwell upon life, and how I go to the bathroom. How I pull down my pants, and then poop, and then how I eat it afterwards? Do you understand? My lasagna is getting cold. I can only sum this up with two words, but I can't speak, and so am forced to question myself. If only I could think." Mr. Timn spoke so many words, but people began to cry because Mr. Timn did lead a lonely life, never eating and always watching BOOBAAS. Man, what a sad, sad life.

"WHAT?!?!?! That is it, I am calling the Cops! I am done with you. I am sick and tired of all your stupidity! I am going for the phone" Donut Joe was furious. he wanted to make thirty batches of donuts for the morning, yet he had only made none. He was heading over to call the cops when Mr. Timn stopped him.

"WAIT!!! Do you not realize that Mordor is just over the horizon? If we go tonight, then we can defeat the Care bears, return peace to Justin Bieber land, and finish the whole night off by eating worm guts, and yelling, THIS IS MARTHA'S!!". It was true, Mr. Timn and his gang were in fact dwelling at Martha's house. Martha was such a nice girl. Once, she even gave someone a nice, little meal (Of course, she did fill it with rat poison, and then that like killed the guy, and turned him into a zombie, and then that started the whole Zombie Apocalypse on Mars, but hey, I mean its the thought that counts, right? And its not like Martha was thinking about herself when she started the Zombie Apocalypse, and became the sole ruler of all the zombies. NOO Martha would never think like that. She was way too nice).

"Okay, I have about had it with you! I am done. I am going back to make my donuts, and eat in peace, and also get money" Donut Joe was serious now. He started to walk over the telephone again when...

"Oh so you are Jewish?", Mr. Timn questioned.

"WHAT?! Jewish? What even is that? Is that like some kind of meal or something where you come from?"

"Oh so you're an Anti-Semite, huh Donut Joe? What you think its nice to just judge people like that. Why I ought to give you a nice shot in the gut!!"

"WHAT!!!!! That is it!!!" Donut Joe was just plain furious now. He even had steam coming out of his ears. I don't even know if that's possible. Anyways, Donut Joe rushed over to the cell phone, and dialed 119, which was the emergency phone number if you needed an emergency. No one answered the line.

"Can't let you do that, Starfox". Mr. Timn had come inside, and was now standing over Donut Joe. Mr. Timn was holding a huge knife, and had a sinister grin on his face. Donut Joe gulped, and thought he was a gonnar. Mr. Timn grabbed Donut Joe by the chin, and began to speak again.

"So, you thought you could outsmart me, did ya?", asked Mr. Timn, "Well you were wrong! I am known in my country as the guy with the really big knife... Do you want to know why?", grinned Mr. Timn.

*GULP* "Why?", asked Donut Joe timidly.

"You don't want to know why, do you want to know why?", asked Mr. Timn again.

"Why?" asked Donut Joe.

"I ain't gonna tell you, or am I, I don't know, but do you want to know why?", again asked Mr. Timn.

"I don't know, I don't know, please tell me why?", Donut Joe was crying now.

"They call me the guy with the really big knife because I am a guy with a really big knife!!!" Tis the truth, Mr. Timn did have a really big knife. I mean the size of that crap was like 12 feet in length. Then Mr. Timn spoke again. "You want to know what I do with this knife", asked Mr. Timn bringing the knife ever so closer to Donut Joe's neck.

*GULP* "What?", asked Donut Joe, tears strolling down his cheek.

"I...I...I...I... (Mr. Timn got silent for a very long while, I was even startled, but he finally answered), I...THROW IT AWAY BECAUSE ITS JUST A PLASTIC KNIFE I BOUGHT AT A DOLLAR STORE!!!". Oh Mr. Timn, always scaring the daylights out of everybody for no reason, oh how funny you are. Anyways, Mr. Timn ran out of the shop, and went back to where he could talk to Donut Joe through the window again. Donut Joe, of course, was in utter shock at being so scared. Its a good thing ponies don't have heart attacks or else Donut Joe might be dead. Mr. Timn, as always, spoke first.

"What's a matter there pony? Got Arachnophobia or does a pig got your tongue?", Mr. Timn was never good with those nursery rhymes.

"ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!", Donut Joe yelled, "YOU PRACTICALLY JUST KILLED ME, AND NOW YOU EXPECT ME TO BE FINE... WHAT ARE YOU, ANYWAYS?". Donut Joe was so furious with Mr. Timn, that the furiosity meter was off the charts, and some man with a beard somewhere went and lived in a forest for the rest of his days, living as a hermit.

"I...Am you worst piece of crap yet, and you never even pooped me....ohahahahahahahahahahahah...monoply" Mr. Timn did have a knack for saying monopoly wrong, but he said it because he loved to play it with some of his best friends, one such friend being Chuck Norris. "Hey Donut pony, You ever wonder why monopoly is called monoploy when it doesn't even have anything to do with the North and South Poles, or even Santa Claus for that matter?"

"Look, can you please just leave? I am just getting tired, and I haven't made any donuts yet?"

"Oh ho, perhaps you should take a nap, and then go and sweat it off... Oh wait, did you ever wonder why donuts are so sad? I think its because they are just empty inside, unless you're a Boston Creme or a jelly donut, then I suppose that you-- WAIT, do you hear that?"

"Oh now what?" At Donut Joe speaking, Mr. Timn grabs him by the collar of the shirt, and yells in his face a most peculiar speech.

"Its the sound of a horse somewhere getting turned into an Alicorn without me!"

"Oh you must mean Twi--"

SHUT UP! It's trying to turn me into an alicorn. I don't want to have wings or a random horn on my head. I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE PONY, I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!". With this, Mr. Timn throws back Donut Joe who quickly scrambles over to his window to see what happens to Mr. Timn. As Mr. Timn runs away, a faint pony says that everything will be just fine before slamming into Mr. Timn. Both Mr. Timn and the pony tumble, and when the pony, who is actually Princess Twilight Sparkle sees Mr. Timn, she yells at him.

"Oh YOU AGAIN!!!!!!", Twilight yells to Mr. Timn, "What are you doing back here!!??"

"DAAAAA, an alicorn", screamed Mr. Timn as he quickly got up and sprinted away. However, as he was just getting out of eye sight, he came running back ,and yelled to Twilight, "I told you you would become an alicorn!". Then Mr. Timn again began to ran away, chanting, "YOU'LL NEVER TURN ME INTO AN ALICORN". However, as he was running, a random transformer ran Mr. Timn over, and random words came on to the screen that we don't have which read, Mr. Timn: ???-2013. Goodbye Mr. Timn and Good writhens to you.........For Now!!!??? DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!!