It hurt. It hurt so much. Not the rock that was crushing my wing, or the rock that was holding my jaw shut. Those hurt too, but not nearly as much as the pain I felt in my heart as I heard her cry for help. I was only feet away, and I could do nothing. She was trapped, just like me. She was going to die, and it was all my fault.
It all started when I was just a filly. I was born in Cloudsdale to two loving parents. Well, they loved me at least. They split up before I had even learned my first word, my dad says my mom just left one day. That never made me feel bad though, I couldn't even remember her. It was only hard when the other fillies at school teased me. They did that a lot. I went to Ponyville for school, my dad wanted me to make friends with the earth ponies and the unicorns. That went well... Not... The first day of school, which was also the first day I had ever even set hoof on the ground, I could already tell it wasn't going to be fun. The first thing I noticed was that everypony had a friend. Everypony except me. My dad seemed not to notice, he just gave me a hug and flew away saying "good luck". So I walked into the crowd, hoping to notice a friendly face, but knowing I wouldn't. Eventually a pony by the name of Riverstream greeted me. Overjoyed, I reached out to shake her hoof. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. If I could make one friend, I could make more, right? We shook hooves just long enough for me to lose my balance, and fall face first in the mud. I turned a bright shade of red. Maybe nobody noticed. Maybe I can just casually get up and walk along... Nope. As I frantically flapped my wings trying to stand up, I succeeded in getting a hoof stuck in the mud, twisting it, and breaking it. Every pony laughed. Every. Single. Pony. Even Riverstream couldn't help herself, she laughed quite a bit, after she slowly backed away from me into the crowd, pretending she hadn't been about to talk to me. Ouch. There went my chances at getting any friends.
I was in a cast for two weeks. It didn't hurt so bad, but I had to waddle from side to side when I couldn't fly. That got me the name Penguin. Even though it was a mocking nickname, I didn't mind. I never liked my actual name anyway. That was also the last time that anypony acknowledged me for a very long time. Months went by and all that anypony ever said to me was Penguin. Actually, that's not true, it was more of a mocking whisper than actual words.
After a time, we started learning to read. I absolutely loved it. I never felt more at home than I did with a book in my hooves. I went on to surpass all my classmates in reading, even surprising my teacher with my newfound skills. Then the coolest thing that had ever happened to me occurred. I was the first in my class to get my cutie mark! Sounds great right? Wrong. My cutie mark was a book. A book! Why a book? Why couldn't I get something cool? At least some ponies looked at me, even if it was to make a strange face at me.
One day, after I had crashed into a tree, and hearing somepony yell "Look guys! He even flies like a penguin!", I ditched class to read my favorite book. 'The History of Equestria' it was called. I was on the chapter that told of the founding of Cloudsdale. It made me long for the end of the day, when I could return home. I glanced in the direction of Cloudsdale. The fillies were having races today. I couldn't go, I had school. Not like I could fly fast enough to beat anyone. As I stared longingly for my home, the most amazing thing I had ever seen happened. Out of nowhere, a sonic rainboom filled the sky.
There was no way. I had read about them, but I didn't think they were just a myth. I dropped my precious book and flew home as fast as I could. I arrived to see all the fillies crowded around somepony, congratulating and praising him. No, not him, her, I realized as I got closer. An opening in the crowd appeared, and my jaw dropped. There I saw the most adorable Pegasus pony I had ever laid my eyes on. She was smiling, confident, and practically glowing with happiness. It was then that I realized that I was walking toward her. What was I thinking? I didn't even know her name! I tried to stop, but it wasn't happening. I heard somepony shout "Way to go Rainbow Dash!" A fitting name and- wow, she got her cutie mark today? I was truly amazed. I finally got close enough to speak to her. She glanced in my direction. I opened my mouth so say something, anything, but nothing came out. She gave me a funny look, and turned away to receive more praise. The moment she looked away I was gone, flying home as fast as I could. I almost had trouble breathing past the lump in my throat. I got home in record time, I almost thought I was going to make a sonic rainboom as well. I ran past my dad, knocking him over, and plunged into my bed, hiding from everything. My dad came in and tried to talk to me. I just sat there in silence.
The next day I went to school. I learned. I read. The other ponies teased me. And I went home. Then I did it the next day, and the next day, and the next day, until I was finished with school.
My dad passed away three days before I graduated. Nopony knew. Nopony offered condolences. I went to his funeral alone. He left everything to me. I used all the money he had managed to save to open a book shop. It was a quiet life, but I made a living. I spent most of the day reading. My life was just as it had been, boring. I made a few friends. Nobody special, just ponies to have small talk with.
One day, my friend Bluebell mentioned that a griffin had come into town. Interested, I closed up shop and left to catch a glimpse of this griffin. I saw her, flying to Ponyville, with Rainbow Dash. I hadn't seen Rainbow Dash for more than a second in years, she spent most of her time in Ponyville. Every time I saw her, I felt the pain from when I was a filly return. But I also felt a spark of happiness. The sight of Rainbow Dash and the griffin was enough to convince me on a trip to Ponyville. I waited until they were almost there, then I followed behind. Gilda was her name, jerk was her game. I watched in discust as Gilda became an instant jerk every time Rainbow Dash turned her back. I also watched as Rainbow Dash told Gilda off, making me admire her even more.
That started a string of visits to Ponyville for me. I went down there every day after work, and any other chance I got. I finally got to talk to her in the spring. Winter wrap up day was here, and I was of course helping. I was waiting in the crowd of Pegasus ponies for instructions when she came to put me in a group. As she assigned me to the cloud clean up crew, she gave me a second look. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" I could feel myself turning red again. "Maybe, I guess I'm not sure...." At least I said something this time. "Haha, just go with the group over there." I walked over to my group, nearly running into them. She recognized me! She actually knew who I was! I attacked my job that day. Out of all the ponies in my group, I easily did the best. Rainbow Dash even told me that I did a good job herself. She even asked for my name. I told her it was Penguin, I told everypony that. My real name mocked me in a way that nopony could ever understand. I was so happy. Rainbow Dash knew my name!
I didn't see her face to face for a while after that. I saw her compete with the pony from Sweet Apple Acres in an iron pony competition. They both got a little too competitive, but everypony has there issues right? She talked to the princess like a friend that day. Yet another thing about her that amazed me.
I sold the bookshop. Books didn't interest me anymore, and I had enough money to live comfortably in Ponyville, where my chances of seeing Rainbow Dash were much greater. I moved into a house down the road from Sugercube Corner. There I met Mr. and Mrs. Cake. They were very nice to me, and they always saved the best treats for me. I developed a particularly good friendship with Mrs. Cake. I eventually came to tell her about my secret crush on Rainbow Dash. She tried to comfort me. That was one thing I liked about Mrs. Cake. She didn't sugarcoat things, how ironic.
On one beautiful summer morning, I decided to do get a pie from the Cakes. Mrs. Cake was working the shop that day. I asked where Mr. Cake had gone. She told me he had taken the day off, and that wouldn't be that much business today, most of the ponies had gone off to see a competition in Cloudsdale. I ran out of the shop, and took off toward Cloudsdale. How could I have forgotten that the competition was today? I didn't care a lick about it, but I knew Rainbow Dash would be there.
I got there just in time to see, well, I'm not really sure what it was I saw. On one hand, I saw Rainbow Dash, flying amazingly through the obstacles. On the other hand, I saw a white pony, with strange butterfly wings. She stole the crowds attention, flying higher and higher... Until she flew a bit too high. In less than a second, her wings were gone, and she was speeding towards the ground. Rainbow Dash didn't hesitate at all as she sped down to save the white pony. The crowd was shocked, but that shock was quickly blown away by awe as Rainbow Dash did the impossible. Again. A beautiful sonic rainboom exploded around her as she saved her friend, and won the competition. This time, I was part of the crowd that rushed to congratulate her. I shouted and cheered with joy, not believing that I had seen it again. I was even more shocked when she looked over at me, and smiled. "That was amazing!" I shouted over the noise. She shouted something back, but I couldn't hear her. I think she knew, because she gave me a quick smiled before she was swept away to hang with the wonderbolts. Wow. That's all I could think all the way home.
Again, I didn't see her for a while. I was taking a stroll near the Everfree forest, when I came near Fluttershy's cottage. I caught a glimpse of a rainbow mane, so I decided to investogate. It was Rainbow Dash, and she was looking for a pet. How adorable. I felt a little bad watching, but I followed them all day, as she gave all the animals a test. I followed as the poor turtle was rejected every time. It was kind of funny, the turtle reminded me of myself. I could see the look in his eyes, the hurt, and the hope. I followed as she brought the animals to their final test, a race through Ghastly Gorge.
I worried, it was insanely dangerous. But I followed anyway. I gave myself a generous head start, and flew over the gorge, keeping ahead of Rainbow Dash. She looked so happy, dodging vines and strange creatures. But she encountered a problem she had not expected, a rockslide.
She had been gaining on me for quite a while. I was glad about that, it left me close enough to rush to her when I saw the rocks start to fall. My heart was racing. She was a talented flyer, but there were so many falling rocks. For a second, I thought she would make it, but then a huge rock broke lose, and tumbled straight for her. I tucked my wings to my body and dived at it. Pain rushed through me as I slammed into it, and fell right into the cascading army of rocks. A rock lay on my wing. Another crushed my back legs, and another converted my mouth. Dozens of smaller rocks, dust and rubble covered every inch of me. I managed to blink away the dust over my eye. I could see Rainbow Dash, the rock had missed her body, just clipping the tip of her wing. I was overjoyed, I had saved her. That was, until I realized that there was nopony coming. I certainly couldn't help her, I couldn't even speak, and the rock pile was dangerously close to falling again. I watched in agony as she tried to pull her wing out, as she realized her situation, and as she cried for help. I wanted to help her so badly, to tell her it was going to be okay, but I knew it wouldn't. We were both trapped. Tears formed in her eyes, and I felt my heart break, and tears of my own start to form. I took a deep breath, trying not to cry, and I knew I had made a mistake. My breath had caused a rock to shift, right over my body, right over my lungs. I began to panic and cry like a wild animal, but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't breath, but that was nothing. Rainbow Dash was going to die, and it was my fault. I didn't push the rock over far enough when I hit it. It was all my fault... My vision started to fade, my body cried out for air, and my heart cried out to the pony calling for help in front me. I didn't have much time left. I slowly started to close my eyes, I didn't have the energy to hold them open. Then, in the blurr that was my vision, I saw something wonderful. A little turtle, slowly making his way to Rainbow Dash. She was going to be alright. I closed my eyes and laughed inside. I wish I had told her my real name. The irony of it hit a climax as I had my last moments. My name wasn't Penguin, my name was Dash.
