Litter Duty

by PoniesAreBrilliant

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 2230

Derpy volunteers for Ponyville's little patrol, becomes a vigilante of trash-justice, and upholds the law as she sees fit.

Derpy volunteers for Ponyville's litter patrol, becomes a vigilante of trash-justice, and upholds the law as she sees fit, all in 2,332 words.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-28 23:02:32 UTC

Garbage Day.

Ponyville square, a flea market of sorts, from dawn to dusk, sales-ponies from all around would come to set up shop each and every day in the hopes of turning a profit. The merchants that gathered from all around, usually meant for a variety of goods to be sold. From apples and oranges to broccoli and spinach, all kinds of vegetation was sold to the masses. Of course there was the occasion clock, but mostly just fruits and veggies. Ponies thoroughly enjoyed their fresh fruit, but sadly, it came at a high price.

Because factoring in all the fruit that got damaged during travel, the veggies that fell over and where crush by the large swarming crowds, and the abundance of vegetation that “just didn't taste right”, Ponyville square was the perfect nesting grounds for the most common criminal known to ponydom, the litter bug. A heartless monster that lived inside even the most kind of ponies, a monster that if not tamed would wreak havoc upon Equestria the likes of which no pony has ever seen.

And, If left untreated it would cover the beautiful grounds surrounding Town Hall in a layer of the rotting remains of that day's products, but luckily this wasn't the case. For among the crowds of shoppers and vendors, there were the ponies in orange vests, a small but essential group of volunteers. Who everyday move among the crowds, scouting out litter and putting it where it rightfully belongs, in the trash.

Today, that courageous group was lucky enough to have Derpy as a new volunteer.

Slowly Derpy rose her head out of a full trash can, a pair of binoculars in tow. The filth covering her coat could easily be seen by the ponies around her as they watched her rustle about inside the trash can, scouring the area with her binoculars, looking for any signs of trouble.

Despite surveying the grounds with the handicap of goofy eyes and a pair of binoculars smudged beyond recognition in only Celestia knows what, she miraculously managed to make out the image of a small brown colt, no older than seven, disposing of a box of half eaten hay-fries by tossing it onto the ground. A horrendous crime that she would surely not let go unpunished.

Even though it horrified Derpy to have see a pony of such young age commit a crime so hideous, she wasn’t about to let some criminal scum run free. Jumping out of the trash can, knocking it over and spilling trash everywhere, Derpy raced after the litter bug, proudly displaying her trash covered litter patrol vest.

The binoculars shook around her neck, and trash flew off of her as she galloped after the child. She would have flown, but she found herself was unable to because of her filth soaked wings. Though she was grounded, it failed to hinder her much as she quickly gained on the small colt, but the same could not be said for the banana peel that went unnoticed stuck underneath her hoof. That actually ended up hindering her massively as it caused her to slip off her hooves and curve sideways into a stone wall, which oddly enough also went unnoticed.

The impact obviously dazed her even more so than usual as her rolled around in her head, one moving from side to side, the other just bounced along randomly. She tried to shake herself back to normal, but ended up falling, muzzle over hooves, onto the dirt road. Despite being heavily disoriented by the three-second-prior, head-on collision, the trash soaked mare attempted to shake off the dizziness and tried to get back on her hooves.

Sadly, her will for justice wasn’t enough to allow her to trot off what most likely was a severe concussion as she stumbled back onto the ground. But Derpy wasn’t about to give up. Shaking with the pain and disorientation that came with bear hugging a wall, she attempted to yet again to pick herself up off of the dirt. She managed to do just that as she stood tall and firm.

Looking around she tried to re-establish  visual  contact on the criminal scum, but to no avail, as the colt was already gone. She knew the only way she was going to be able to spot the colt again before he could truly escape was to have an aerial viewing point. Desperately, Derpy tried to spread apart her glued together wings, her face even going red as she pushed with all her might, but even that wasn’t enough.

Sighing in failure, unable to break the bond between wing and filth, Derpy began to devise a new plan as she turned her gaze to the object most antithetical to dirt: The Ponyville Water Reservoir. It was a perfect place for her to wash off all the gunk that sealed her wings. Grinning with pride at her ingenious plan, she hoof-bumped her brain as a ‘thank you’ for doing such a good job, which in turn meant she smacked herself on the forehead.

After a quick shake of her head to ward off the pain from her ever worsening concussion, Derpy preceded to gallop in an incredible awkward fashion. It was obvious she still was delirious from her hit-and-run with a wall as she veered off course, knocking into several concession stands, demolishing the stands themselves, and spilling their goods everywhere.

Luckily, this only went on for a few minutes before she got the hang of trotting and started back on course towards the water reservoir. Which upon arrival she somehow tripped and fell into, yet she did fall with grace as she extended her forelegs and hind legs in such a way she performed a textbook example of a modern day favorite diving pose, the belly flop.

With great momentum she slammed into the water, causing a massive splash and sending waves rippling throughout the usually calm lake. Even though what she landed in was water, it did about as much to help cushion her angled fall as hard rock would have been.

Again, probably not helping her concussion.

Paralyzed by the overwhelming stinging sensation that now held her body in a sleeper hold, Derpy floated in the water, the waves slowly pushing her further under water. It seem the only good to come out of it was washing the waves gave her, and even that was hollow victory as the trash was distributed through the reservoir, successfully contaminating the town’s water supply.

Underneath Ponyville’s new swamp, derpy only continued to sink deeper and deeper until finally she hit rock bottom. Opening her eyes, she know this was the end as she watched the distorted sun move along above the waves. Her only thought being that she had failed her duties as a litter patrol officer. It taunted her with each passing second.

Overcome with sorrow and grief, she allowed her last breath to escape. Watching the bubble as it hastily floated to the surface. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer they slowly closed just as her bubble ascended from the her soon to be watery grave...

No!

She slammed a forehoof against the lake floor, opening her eyes once again, a new flame burning within them. Picking herself up out of the sand, she stood in a battle pose, spreading her glorious cleansed wings as she prepared for flight. Unwilling to give in and let a littering colt roam the streets of Ponyville, a criminal that got away with it.

Pulling all the strength she had left into her wings, she flapped them with an tremendous force, and soared through the dense liquid at speeds exceeding even that of Ponyville’s best flyers, completely ignoring the weight of the water around her. She moved at such high speeds that the water itself couldn’t keep up, which resulted in the forming of a vacuum of nothingness behind her to separate the two.

The defining sound of a suppressed “boom” could be heard echoing throughout the water as Derpy speedily emerged from beneath the watery depths, leaving behind a gaping hole of empty space in the swamp. No longer suppressed by the water’s massive weight, Derpy’s speed nearly doubled instantaneously as she escaped its hold. The wind whipped away the water that drenched her coat , and was swept in the “boom” of her release. The vaporised water sparkled as the sun reflected off of it, somehow creating an artificial version of mystical Sonic Rainboom, complete with the rainbow trail as sparkling water continued to wash off her and into the wind.

Townsponies looked on in awe at the astounding sight, which sadly did not last long as their "ooh's" and "awe's" were, within second, replaced with their screams and cries for help.The water vacuum derpy created had finally caught up with itself causing a mini-tsunami to form from the eminence release of pressure.The townsponies tried their best to gallop or even fly away from the wave, but alas, it was too quick and large for them to escape, and they were swept away in its embrace, their screams of pure terror falling upon deaf ears.

Even though Derpy was the cause of the catastrophe, she was far too focused on catching the litterer to notice a couple dozen of drowning ponies as they cried for help. With her priorities in check, and her goal in sight, she know what she had to do as she continued to fly up into the air. Stopping on a dime nearly a mile above Ponyville, Derpy reached for her binoculars, that despite all that had managed to stay fastened around her neck.

Franticly she scanned over the streets of Ponyville and its new flood district, the image of the colts smug face clouding her mind. Nothing was going to stand in her way, not many drowning ponies, not Ponyville’s new wetlands, and certainly not her ditzy eyes. Which despite her impeccable depth perception, and the fact she too high up to actually see anything other small different colored dots, she managed to spot a small brown filly as she ran for her life for the tidal wave.

To anypony else it would have been painfully obvious that the filly wasn't the litterbug colt, but to Derpy, who had only the colt on her mind, could think of nopony else for it to be other than him. The sight brought a sinister grin to her already demonic looking facial expression. It was like music to her ears, sweet, sweet justice-music. She could easily of just leave the littering filly be, and rightful justice would be served. But thankfully she didn’t. Even though it would be the justice she wanted, she know the crime far outweighed the punishment.

Folding her wings she dove towards the filly, the air seemed to whip around her as flew even faster than before. Not giving herself any time to slow down and avoid the wave that was about to engulf the filly she splashed head first into it, and was immersed in the water.

The filly continued to run and scream as the wave eat the ponies less aware of their surroundings. It won’t be long until the wave got to her too. Know this she decided it futile to run, and she turned to the wave, eyes tearing she closed them, bracing for the inevitable.

In mere seconds the wave within inches, but just as the wave was about to consume her whole, out of the blue, Derpy emerged from within it. Grabbing the filly with her teeth, quick as she could, Derpy used her newfound wing power to distance herself and the filly far away from the wave, on a cloud high above Swampland, (aka, Ponyville).

Safely perched atop a cloud and away from the threat of being drowned, Derpy figured it was safe to put the hysterically, crying earth pony down... on the cloud. Being an earth pony she dropped right through, and plummeted for the earth. After a quick mental debate on whether or not becoming a meteorite was a fitting punishment Derpy decided that this too was far too lax a sentence, and saved the falling filly’s life for the second time now.

She carried the small filly who had fallen unconscious because of the whole ordeal back to dry land, and placed her down on a small island in the middle of Swamp-land. Sighing, Derpy walked over to the filly and nudged her awake. After about 20 minutes of this she slowly, but surely, began to open her eyes to the confusing sight of a mare, she didn’t know, poking her in the face with a stick.

“Ugh,” the filly mused, obviously drowsy.

Perking her ears, Derpy spit the stick out of her mouth, and moved in close to the filly’s face, giving her the strongest stink eye she could muster. "You know you really shouldn't litter." Derpy stated in a stern, but still ditzy voice.

"Yeah..?” the filly answered, quite confused as to what was going on.

"Good." Derpy replied smiling, and patting the filly on the head, a job well done. Satisfied with her good deed, and giving a litter bug the knowledge of how to do better next time, Derpy trotted off into the sunset, a pure heart and open mind. Completely ignoring the heaping pile of unconscious ponies, what now appeared to be puddles of sewage, and horrid stench of whatever it was she was covered in.

* * * * *

Later that day.

"But I didn't do it!" Rainbow Dash complained, as two royal guards throw her in the back of a caged wagon and locked the door.

"Tell that to our hundreds of eyewitnesses placing you at the center of the crime, Miss Sonic Rainboom."