What does a Mare do on the Moon?

by The_Silent_Hero47

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3433

How did Princess Luna entertain herself on the moon for about One Thousand years? Well lets just say when you have magic, you can create your own fun.

"Princess Luna, you are hereby banished to the Moon for 1,000 years." These words worried Luna less what was on her mind however was her biggest problem, How am I going to entertain my self for years on end. Luna was only going to learn her own ways of fun.

Published 2013-02-12 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-22 06:14:31 UTC

What does a Mare do on the Moon?

*zing* Luna fell to the grey earth that was the moon, she looked at the big colorful marble that was what they called Earth. That's, funny I thought Equestria would think of a better name then just plain old earth for something like this! Damn now I remember what that meeting I ditched was about now, if I was there I would named it Old Glory! wait that's a geyser never mind. Luna thought to herself as she walked around in the zero gravity ground. She lost herself in jumping around here and there just laughing in a fun way. So far the moon was great for her no duties to do, no more annoying sister to pull pranks on her, and better yet zero gravity fun! She was having the time of her life. If Equestria went completely silent after she was teleported to the moon within minutes ponnies would hear the banished princess screaming in joy "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Luna was jumping so high from the moon she could almost reach a nearby asteroid and land on it.

Oh my gosh this is so fun, why did I not think of this earlier in the years! Luna thought as she was screaming in joy in zero gravity fun. It didn't take long for her to become bored, eventually she stopped jumping and landed with a soft thud. She then put a hoof to her chin, thinking about what to do next. What kind of fun would I do here on this once of a life time opportunity, hmm maybe throw a party but who would I invite? Nopony from earth would come that's for sure. Luna then heard a slight bass beat within the some what air. Normally things couldn't be heard from in space because of the vacuum inside it, but then again this is a fanfic about ponies so logic doesn't matter right now. Luna walked (or bounce in this case) over to the noise and found a club on the dark side of the moon. Huh who would of thought that there was a club here on the moon? More reasons for me to come back later. Luna thought as she entered the club. The moment she walked in the previous song ended and a new one began. But this song made the major focus on the bass.

the moment she stepped in the middle of the club these were the last few words she could hear for a few years.
Fire up the bass canon.

The moment those words escaped the god like sound system that would bring Vinyl to tears for its shear beauty of it, the bass dropped and nothing but eternal bass drops entered Luna's head for a few minutes. Luna didn't really like the dubstep or techno songs that Vinyl made but after hearing such a god like song from out of this world she had to have more. Luna looked around as the song interfered with her hearing. She found what looked like the DJ and wanted to request more songs from this artist, this beautiful artist. When she looked at the DJ she noticed that first off he had hands, and was wearing goggles that were tinted with a light green color, and standing on two legs not four. The DJ looked at her like she was a normal customer, she didn't really pay attention to the rest of the crowd for she didn't care what they looked like then she turned and saw many, many different things that existed in this world of wonders. She saw things with six arms and five legs, things with two heads and sixty fingers. Luna looked in awe as she looked back at the DJ.
"What is this place!" She yelled to the DJ so he could hear her.
The DJ took a moment to understand and remember the language she was speaking. "This is Club Purgatory, man I haven't seen another Equestrian for years tell Celestia I said hey"
Luna looked at the DJ." Wait are you saying that my sister has been here before!?" the DJ looked at Luna and motioned his head backwards to show the royal founder's of Club Purgatory. And there she was Celestia with shades that looked like Vinyl's exact same size and everything, Luna was enraged that her sister found this place and never told her. Luna looked at the DJ again.
"Two things, first I would like more songs from this artist I really like it a lot, second where is something I can contact my sister now?" Luna asked
"As for the songs I'll do my best it might be an hour before another one comes on, as for the communication there's a phone behind the bar tell the bartender I sent you okay?" The DJ said.

Luna gave thanks to the helpful DJ and walked towards the bar. The bartender was odd some would say, he looked like the DJ but had nicer features. She waved at the bartender who was serving another customer and tried to go though it faster to get to the Princess of the night.
"Hey you must be Luna, Celestia told us so much about you!" The bartender said.
"May I use the phone, the DJ told me that it was over here." Luna said.
"Of course over here." The bartender opened the bar door and let her through and showed her to a room. She walked in and closed the door, when she did the whole room was quite. She ignored that fact and went to the telephone, but then realized something very important. Shit, Equestria doesn't have a phone! How am I going to contact 'Tia now? She looked at the book named "Contacts". She opened the book and looked in the E's and sure enough there was only one number for one name "Celestia" she pushed the buttons with her horn and held it with her hoofs. She then waited for an answer.
rinnng rinng rinnnnng.
Luna heard a click and heard a voice.
"Why hello little sister, enjoying the club?" Celestia said with a some what jokingly voice.
"How come you never told me of this place I was nearly bored after jumping around in zero gravity." Luna yelled at her sister.
"I never told you about it because I knew you wanted more time off then you often would, why else would I band you for 1,000 years for something so stupid like not waking up on time to rise the moon?" Luna heard her sister explain that and never thought about it.
"Huh I guess that is kinda dumb to do that." Luna said
"Now why don't you get off the phone and get back to the best 1,000 years of your life." Celestia said and hung up.

Luna put the phone back and sighed, she then went out side and was hearing yet another dubstep song. This one had very, very dirty bass drops they were loud and noticeable how she didn't see or hear this before she had no idea, but she lost herself in the music. While she was dancing she accidently bumped into another "visitor" to the club and turned around to apologize.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't see you there." Luna said quickly.
this customer looked very like the DJ but didn't understand Luna's language. He just shrugged it off and went back to his own business.
Luna felt very alone for a few minutes she had no one to talk to, except for the DJ and the bartender but other then that she didn't another pony in sight. She decided to hang out near the DJ to talk to him while he worked, as she went up he looked at her with some thought into it, Luna didn't see it of course I mean he was wearing goggles. He ran up to her and asked her a quick favor.
"Look can you take over for me really quick, I need to go to the bathroom but the Club needs some music while I'm gone could you possibly start making some music up fast?" He asked her.
"I don't know how to even push 'play' on that god damn thing how am I-" Luna was cut off and was placed in front of the DJ system. On the system were many buttons of many colors. Oh my god it's like Equestria except with buttons! She squeed slightly on the inside. The DJ waited for the song to end and pushed one button and then a bass started in, he motioned for Luna to take over then left in a hurry.

Well, looks like I have no choice, what kind of DJ just lets some random pony use this thing without instructions. Luna thought as she started to push another button, this one was another bass loop but sounded more desirable. She liked where this was going, she was just having fun as is pushing random buttons I mean who doesn't right? But she was also making the best Dubstep song ever heard in history sadly no one recorded it so we will never know what she did in a matter of minutes. After what felt like five hours the DJ finally took back his rightful spot on the pedestal and made Luna's song even better with more bass drops and more melody uprising. Luna was sweating real hard due to the intense body heat in the club she went out side for a breath of fresh air. As Luna walked out a bit she saw earth yet again and looked real hard at it. There still could be a better name for that then just earth. Its like 'Hey jimmy where you going this time the planet of doom or Planet Zord slayer?' and jimmy's like 'nope I'm going to something even better EARTH' It just doesn't sound right to me. Luna thought to herself she decided to bounce around again in the moon she was having the time of her life, yet again if Equestria went quite they could hear that same voice of excitement "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" Luna stopped bouncing again. How long did she have to stay here, other then listen to Dubstep and bounce around in zero gravity what else could she do, Luna pushed that thought away as she yelled out in the air.
"I never want to leave this place ever, I having the time of my life, and the dubstep ooh that glorious dubstep!" She then stopped and looked at earth one more time and finally a name came to her head.
"Yes that's it, we should of called 'The Wub Station'!"

Author's Note

Sorry this is kinda short but it was a last minute thing. Hopefully my grammar and spelling is a tad bit better, and if not *sigh* Grammar Nazi's away and save me.

Time To Leave

Luna was going insane for more music, more drinks, more zero gravity fun! But as time passed, Luna's time was coming to an end. She doesn't want to leave; she loved it here on the moon. She had grown attached to the DJ, whose name she found out was Excision. And the bartender whose name she found out was James.

True, there were people that came and went. Luna found love one night, then again the next. All of her stories she had here were all fun. Like on year 57, her and a group of other strange alien creatures she had as friends, decided to go out and make a hot tub on the moon!

"You're crazy Luna, theres no way that would work!" one of her friends exclaimed.

"But if you think about it, if we could get a heater that goes over 201 degrees, the water would be like maybe, 72 at most!" Luna shouted. All of her friends looked at her, and then put some thought into it. Luna went over to Excision and tried to ask what he thought about it.

"To be quite honest, I think this club has enough things as is, like we have an upper level, thanks to you. We have a huge ass pool, thanks to you, and we have more lasers for the show, what else could we need?" Excision asked Luna.

Luna paused for a moment, then an idea came to her head, there was no law enforcement on the moon so it was legal. "Pot!" Luna's Canterlot voice kicked in, almost taking off Excision's goggles. Luna chuckled at that memory. She was a relentless mare who would do anything to do something to come back up here. This place was a part of her, it was the peanut butter to her jelly, the yin to her yang, the Vinyl Scratch to her Bass Cannon. It was home here, sure she could use some like say a thousand year nap. But sleeping meant you got drawn on hard!

Luna walked outside and took a deep breath in. The air outside was lovely, calming, and smoke free from all the weed inside the club. God I need some of that shit when I come back in the next day. I still can't believe that one little bird can bring all those customers! Luna thought to herself as she started jumping around in the zero gravity that is the moon. Like the first time she had been teleported here: She was jumping so high that she was almost out of the gravity pull from the moon. And just like last time she was having endless fun.

"Wheeeeeeeee!" Luna was shouting to the never ending sky full of stars. Equestria would of heard the sound from the moon. Canterlot, if they went quiet, they could've heard it first. She was over them after all.

She stopped jumping to catch her breath. Excision was taking a break, and let his little laptop on his podium do its thing, he tapped Luna on her back and gave her a goodbye hug.

"You may have been here for a thousand years, but its still not enough in my eyes." Excision said while releasing her from his embrace.

"I've had so much fun here; I never want to leave. Just imagine the things we can do here, nopony, as far as I know, owns this land on the moon. We could expand it as far as the dark side goes!" Luna's ideas were going on and on. Excision just shook his and found a way to stop her in her tracks.

He grasped her face and kissed her. Luna was shocked, stunned even, Excision always had a hard personality, he barely showed any emotion other than fun.

"Look, Luna," Excision started, "you may have had fun here, but we don't own that much salary to do so. I know you mean well, but come on, we need to have some money, right?" he tried to suppress a laugh.

"Wait, you actually leave the club, from the time I was here. You never left that podium for longer than an hour to go to the bathroom, and when you do, you leave me in charge. Especially after the first day I was here." Luna hinted, raising her eyebrows.

"Well you were up for a whole thousand years, so I guess I just buy my own drinks."

"See if you and James just save up, you guys could do whatever you want with this place!" Luna shouted, making Excision readjust his goggles. He then put his hands on her shoulders and held her down.

"Luna, I think you've had enough weed if it's making you act like this," Excision then hugged her lightly. Luna just stood there and enjoyed the embrace. "Now look, I have to go back into the club and start playing some music, would you like the VIP access?"

Luna jumped up with glee. "Of course I would love VIP access!" She then followed Excision into the club. He then, opened the red velvet rope and let Luna in.

The princess of the night, then was surrounded by famous intergalactic musicians. She was having the time of her life; there was no contest. Club Purgatory was the best, and only, place to call home.

But then after midnight, she had about three to four beers, a different source of power took her over, she was lifted into the air and a dark light exploded and Nightmare Moon was formed. Now, regular reactions in Ponyville Screaming in terror, running, having the pony force defend the innocent. But that wasn't the case in Club Purgatory, what was their reaction to the evil alicorn pony?

Some screamed "Hell yeh, final form is in the house!" others just screamed in acceptance of the awesome looking mare. But then there's the group like me, Silent Hero, who had over a hundred emotions, and only had one sentence to say about them, "PONY EVOLVED INTO BADASSERY!" many people who worked or visited the club has seen Nightmare before, not surprising to them in the least.

Now kids, remember that when you drink alcohol, ideas that seem bad and could get your ass kicked turns into good ideas when you're drunk off your ass. Poor Luna couldn't handle the beer here only having about four, she stumbles after two, she had the glorious idea to just grab a random person in the area around here and just start having a very drunken make out session. Although he doesn't regret it now, Excision was sadly the person she chose at random, he was taken by this surprise but then again he was a galactic DJ, there were many things that happened to him that took him off guard. Luna, or Nightmare Moon, started to hug him, standing on her hind-legs and moving her front-hooves all over his body.

Excision just pulled her back and went back to the podium to play more music. Nightmare Moon on the other hand, started making out with many other people. Them being male or female, she did not care, and almost started a sex orgy. What stopped her was Excision and James giving her a nasty glare from where they were. Sure Excision had his eyes covered, but he looked hella scary with those goggles! Luna thought as her uncontrollable self took its place between more mouths than she can count.

This process of Nightmare drinking and constantly making out with other kissable beings in the club lasted until about three to four hours. Excision then, was given a break by another visiting DJ that knows the system perfectly. He took the advantage of this break to lure the lustful mare out of the club, just to talk. They were sitting in the provided seats that were there since the beginning of time, looking out at the many stars that filled the empty void that was space.

"Luna?" Excision asked.

Since being drunk off her ass, she didn't respond to Luna but as something else, "Princess of Uber Major Hotness that makes me cum?"

"Hm?" Nightmare questioned the tone he used her nickname.

"What are you going to do after Celestia picks you up?"

"I don't know man. I guess I am going to get her back for hiding this place from me, I might threaten to take over Equestria
and make it into eternal night for like a day or so," Nightmare was talking off her mind.

"Well, just promise me one thing, okay?" Excision took off his goggles revealing his deep blue eyes.

"Promise what?" split second after Nightmare asked the question on her mind, Excision took force and leaned in to kiss her passionately. It took a few seconds before Excision broke from the kiss.

"Never lose your sense of fun, it's cute I like it." He said, before standing up and going back inside to get a well deserved drink and putting his goggles back on. Nightmare just sat there, thinking about if the rumors she heard about the famous DJ were true, after having that experience happen it confirmed it.

Is Excision really falling for me? Nightmare Moon never got the chance to ask the infamous DJ, as after a few minutes of asking herself that confusing question, she was rudely teleported back into Equestria, in her own room to be exact. She sighed deeply and began a new thought that would change Equestria and Twilight Sparkle forever. Should I make a big appearance about me being Nightmare Moon?

The End