Some Ponies Just Cant Handle Las Pegasus
Jack Cyclone stood in the front yard of the quaint barn house at Sweet Apple Acres along with his brother, sister, and a duffle bag full of bourbon and bits, the Equestrian currency.
His adoptee brother, Big Macintosh, had helped him fix up the sleek black carriage he would be riding in and his adoptee sister, as well as best friend, Applejack, was checking to make sure he had everything ready for the big trip to Las Pegasus and wanted to see him off.
“You gotcha bags?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said in a slightly exhausted tone.
“Bits,”
“Five Hundred should be enough?” He asked.
“Well win big for us Jack.” Applejack said with a hopeful smile on her face, you see, this was the first time Jack Cyclone was going to Las Pegasus, and he planned to do exactly what his sister told him. Win.
Jonathan Abraham Cyclone was born in Hoofington to two loving parents and an older brother, Current Isaac West. They lived a great life until his parents were killed in a freak train wreck.
His brother joined the Canterlot Monarch’s army; however, Jack wasn’t old enough to join, so he was put into an orphanage. Due to disorderly conduct between him and other pegasi, who teased him about his parents and brother, he was removed from orphanage after orphanage until he reached Ponyville. The Apples originally hired him for work, never really wanting another family member, paying him with food and a roof. Jack saw them as his family but if you were to ask the Apples themselves they would say he was a “Friend of the Family”.
Jack was a twenty three year old Pegasus with a milky tan coat and a spiky, striped orange and green mane which remained un-brushed everyday as well as his long tail. His cutie mark was a radio tower with two blips on each end of the antenna. He was very cocky and sure of himself, and he loved nothing more than to hook up with a fine plotted mare, running his radio station, and his “family”.
The summer of his adoption he and Applejack wandered the orchards and came across one lonely mountain in Sweet Apple Acres with a telegraph station built into the side of it. It was used in the Fourth Great War as a telegraph station to other outposts in enemy territory. They spent a month rebuilding some of the radio towers until one day, they started broadcasting. Jack talked into the microphone until Applejack found some records and they started playing them. They sang and danced all night, but little did they know, this would progress into the biggest radio station in Ponyville, Pirate Radio.
“You ready for that new plow Big Mac?” Jack asked his brother, one of the many ponies he promised to get something for if he won.
“Eyup,” that was, of course, his response to almost everything.
“Well, goodbye everypony. Hopefully the next time you see me I’ll have two fine mares at my side and a carriage full of bits, or I’ll just be poor and drunk.” His sense of humor leaked through as a joke but in all reality that is what he feared the most.
“You always have at least one mare on your side.” She teased,
“I love you Jack” she said.
“You too sis” Jack replied, rustling her hair. She hated that he thought she was a sister figure.
Jack strapped himself to the cart and began walking.
___________________________________________________________________
“And why do I have to come along with you?” Current, Jacks real brother, glared at him with bright blue eyes. A rounded stone sat in his hoof; it had been polished by the running water of the creek. Jack stood on the outskirts of Ponyville, just behind The Carousel Boutique.
“Because nothing screams boring like sitting in the middle of a river” Jack said slightly annoyed, knowing his brother was trying to stall.
“Creek,” Current corrected him quickly. He turned and his dark brown coat glistened in the sun. On his flank was a cutie mark in the form of a wave breaking on rocks.
“Whatever, sitting in the middle of a river doing yoga-“again Jack was interrupted
“Zen Exercises,” Current said slowly exhaling a breath of air.
Jack exploded and his wings flared, “Sweet Baby Cadence let me finish! You don’t even go out anymore! You stay at home and watch TV, eat protein sprouts, and it makes me go mad! You still claim you don’t buck!”
“I don’t.” Current replied sharply.
“EXACTLY, this is why you’re coming!” Jacks wings then flared up as he pointed at Current, “You sir need more adventure!”
“Adventure, like your last marefriend I take it?” Current asked in a mocking tone.
“Daring and I was never a thing! We just went to Applonia! She needed my help!” Jack exclaimed in a slightly panicked tone. In truth he did go to Applonia with Daring Do, but it wasn’t to find a rare artifact. A little bit of tourism, followed by a lot of bucking, and Jack sneaking onto a train packed with ostriches without her, but he didn’t like talking with his brother about those things.
“Oh I bet she did.” Current raised his eyebrow.
“Oh go buck yourself and get in the carriage!” he yelled. Current gave up and began to walk to the carriage, his neatly combed bleach blonde mane parted in the wind revealing the long scar where his horn had once been. He lost it while serving with the Canterlot Army. The story left a bad taste in Current’s mouth so it often never left it.
Jack joined his brother and together they walked towards the carriage and Current begrudgingly got in.
Fluttershy’s cottage was almost empty, because she was going on the trip to Las Pegasus along with Rainbow Dash, Jack (who she only knew through Dash), and Current (who she didn’t even know). They needed two fliers and Jack had “Sprained” his wing just the week before. But Fluttershy was fine with flying them there, but the part she didn’t like was the city itself, Las Pegasus was no place for a little pony like her, shy and easy to take advantage of.
“Alright Angel Bunny, be a good boy! I’ll be back on Monday!” Fluttershy said with a hushed sweet voice, the little rabbit however thumped his foot on the ground wildly in protest.
“Come on Angel, Rarity will be over every night to feed you!” the rabbit still looked at her, clearly un-amused.
“If Rarity gives me a good report I may pick you up some sweet tomatoes at the market!” The rabbit kept a cross face as it bounced up the stairs.
“FLUTTERSHY!” Rainbow Dash shouted while kicking the door down, her great rainbow mane flowing in the wind. Fluttershy let out a squeak as Dash then pulled out a large boom box from behind her back and started blasting Motley Hooves “Buckstart My Heart”.
“Let’s go, don’t waste your time on that rabbit, Spitfire’s going to be at the Grand Luxxe tomorrow giving out autographs, I’ve got to be there!” Dash exclaimed with a face full of glee. It was not many times she got to get that close to the Wonderbolts, even though she saved their lives. That was the only reason she was going, sure she liked Current, and like half the mares in Ponyville, was in a love hate relationship with Jack, but she wanted her goggles signed by Spitfire more than anything else.
“And why does this concern me?” Fluttershy tried speaking up as to not be drowned out by the music.
“Because,” Current spoke as he reached up and turned off the player, at this Rainbow Dash let out a sigh of disappointment and took the boom box in her hooves and started stroking it like a filly, Current continued, “We need two pegasi to fly the carriage.”
“But I don’t like Las Pegasus, it’s dark, dirty, and mean, what would I do for three days?” Fluttershy squeaked.
“There are the Alicorn Gardens next to the pyramid, I’m sure they have some birds there or something.” Jack said also entering the tiny cottage, that was now packed.
“Well, um, okay.” Fluttershy murmured as her head drooped low to the ground. She grabbed a small bag filled with numerous panic medications and herbal teas. Dash gave the boombox to Jack after having a five minute talk about how that was her filly and she didn’t want a single scratch on it.
It was 5:00 when the group of ponies left for Las Pegasus, having little to no conversation due to the boom box which had “accidently” knocked off of the carriage around 9:00, and by that time Fluttershy would have be dead asleep in her cottage, Rainbow Dash would be flying laps around ponyville’s Pegasus track, trying to beat her record. Current, who was riding in the carriage along with his brother, would be reading or watching a TV film, while Jack, if not bucking another random mare, would be broadcasting from the mysterious Pirate Radio in the deep orchards of Sweet Apple Acres.
The time was about 10:00 as they were soaring over the Mohoofae desert, nearing Las Pegasus. Fluttershy struggled to keep awake, dropping in altitude every few minutes while Current looked down at the dark silhouetted desert somewhat anticipating the next weekend. He never really went on trips after his service in the army, but Jack enjoyed the adventure. He had said that in about two months he would be going to Neinghigh.
“Why couldn’t you fly Jack? You’re a Pegasus, you can fly.” Fluttershy cried out as her eyelids, now five pounds each, were closing in on her.
“Because, I sprained my wings last week in Applonia, Remember?” Jack replied with a rushed voice.
“Doing what?” Current asked, seeing what Jack would do around Rainbow Dash.
“Nothing, it’s none of your damn business Current.” Jack snapped, now feeling a bit of pressure
“Jack, are you hiding something from us?” Dash said, finding a way to put herself in the conversation.
“Buck me, did Rainbow Dash figure out about me and Daring?” Jack thought, panicked. He wasn’t sure Rainbow Dash would like it if he said he was bucking her favorite author, let alone role model.
At this point he realized he had caused an awkward silence that lasted for about a minute, he had to reply now or jump off the cart, and honestly the second one seemed easier, mostly for the fact that he could fly, he just didn’t like flying long distances.
“I, uhm, jumped and couldn’t stick the landing.” Jack said with a sly smile.
“That’s not important, we’re here!” Dash squealed out as they approached the bright city.
It looked like Manehattan, but drowned in neon. The pyramid was the most distinguishable land mark followed by the bright strip with pictures of Spitfire in the lights. Carts and ponies crowded the streets along with street performers and prostitutes. The top level, which was made of clouds was less bright but had multiple warehouses along with the pegasi strip clubs and wedding shacks. Fewer ponies were up in the clouds but that was all going to change tomorrow. The Grand Luxxe was the largest tower there. Its top was in the clouds right at the center, the back walls littered with posters of Spitfire and other attractions.
This was Las Pegasus.
Landing the carriage was a bumpy ride due to a very sleepy Fluttershy getting a rude awakening from the hard concrete runway. After that two unicorns took the cart away to a large garage and the ponies started headed to the hotel.
They trotted into the hotel gasping at the fine fountains and statues that littered the lobby, along with an indoor pool that had a tank full off eels similar to the ones in the cliffs of Ghastly Gorge. Rainbow Dash paused to look at a life size sculpture of Spitfire in the lobby for sale for about six thousand bits. Jack grabbed her shoulder and led her to the elevator. It was a great glass box with gears on the panel giving it a steampunk look. Dash pushed the nineteenth floor button and it lighted up with a buzz. The great glass box exhaled steam from the top and began a rise to the penthouse floor. Jack and Dash, whose wings were sticking straight up, held each other jumping up and down in excitement while Current grimaced with delight on the thought of the roulette wheels waiting into the casinos. Fluttershy, scared by the bangs and hisses of the elevator, burrowed into the corner.
The suite was large enough for four ponies, so if any of them were to get lucky they would have to loan the room to each other. There were three main rooms, the living room, which had two couches, a lazycolt recliner, and a glass coffee table and an incredible view onto the neon city. A kitchen that looked like it was painted black and had glitter thrown on top of it, a bedroom, with a large bed in the corner and a dresser with a mirror resting on its side, and a master bathroom which was basically a large shower with a toilet and sink in it. The shower head was attached to the wall and had an instrument attached to the head which turned the water bright colors. Fluttershy dragged herself to the kitchen where she brought out four glasses and a small bag of tea.
“Tea anyone?” she said slowly, growing drowsier every moment.
“Why not, I love this place, DRINKS ALL AROUND!” Jack exclaimed, getting giddy.
As Fluttershy poured the tea into the kettle she turned on the faucet so that the water was burning hot, thanks to unicorn magic. She evenly put a little tea into each cup and then brought out her sleeping medicine. Drowsily, she poured some into her cup. Her eye’s closed lightly for a moment and then snapped open again.
“Oh my,” she squeaked at the spill on the counter “I really should be asleep by now” she muttered. She brought the tea out to the living room and placed the cups in front of them on the coffee table. Jack and Dash sat on the couch planning out the weekend as Current reclined in the lazycolt with his eyes closed, just enjoying the moment.
“Perfect!” Jack said, sitting up and pulling a small bottle of bourbon out of his duffle bag and pouring some into Dash’s, Current’s, and his own cup. “Bon Appetite!” As they all drank.
Fluttershy started drifting away and the last thing she heard was Dash saying “Come on lets hit the clubs! This is Las Pegasus! We don’t need to stay here all night.” The door slammed shut and Fluttershy drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
As they walked the streets painted vivid colors, dubstep music blasted from the clubs. Dash looked at Jack, “Are you ready for this?” she asked, cocking her eyebrow.
“Buck yea, brother?” Jack spoke up looking at Current.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” He shrugged out.
“Well,” Jack said raising the glass, “Here we go!”
It was about noon as the sun leaked in through the shattered hole in the window onto the wall, where graphitized on the wall were the words “SHIM SHAM SUCK IT” in bright orange and green letters.
There was a mountain of cocaine on the lazycolt which buried Current, keeping him asleep, and in the bedroom, the six thousand bit statue of Spitfire laid on the dresser with the word “PUMPKIN’S” carved on its plot across her cutie mark. On the bed, Rainbow Dash, who was wearing a leather jacket, curled up into a ball and was sound asleep.
Jack was in the kitchen with a whip wrapped around his wings. He was face down on the cold floor and had a puddle of drool forming at his mouth.
Yellow hooves clopped against the hard floor stained with spilt Bourbon, and the Pegasus kneeled down and kissed Jack on the cheek.
“See you tonight Pumpkin.” The Pegasus stood back up and left.
At just that second, Jacks eyes flashed open as he took two deep breaths in.
“What happened last night?”
He took two deep breaths in and looked at the destruction around the room. He screamed out, “Oh dear Celestia what did we do?” He got up frantically; the whip around his wings got even more tangled within his feathers.
He ran to Current, whose tail was sticking out of Mount Cocaine, and vigorously shook him awake, sending drugs flying everywhere. Currents eyes flashed open and he immediately threw up on the other side of the chair.
“Oh Celestia where am I? Jack, what the buck did you do to me?” Current exclaimed, wiping the vomit off his lower lip.
“I didn’t do anything, I just woke up and …sweet Shining Armor.” Jack exclaimed, looking at Currents face.
“What’s on my face?” Current asked Jack, giving him an evil glare.
“No, it’s not your face, it’s…” Jack said hesitantly.
“I swear to Nightmare Bucking Moon, TELL ME.” Current stood and grabbed Jack by the throat.
Jack gulped, “Just look.” He said handing Current a mirror shard.
He looked at his face; it was fine, just stained powder white with cocaine. Then he opened his mouth…
All of the teeth on the right side of his mouth were pure gold.
“Well…” Jack started, “That looks beautiful!” he said smiling. He then burst into laughter.
“IM GOING TO BUCKING KILL YOU!” Current yelled as he jolted up from the lazy colt and chased Jack into the bedroom.
Jack flew to the ceiling laughing as Current picked up a vase and threw it at him, he missed but the whip got even more entangled in his wings, sending him crashing onto Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, what are you two doing?” she asked after letting out a great yawn.
“Dash hold him down, I’m going to kill him.” Current said to Dash as he glared at Jack
“You’re going to have to catch me first!” Jack said to Current, making him even more cross.
“You’re going to have to sleep sometime, Cyclone.” Current said, scraping the ground with his hoof.
“I’m a real light sleeper, West.” Jack called out from the other side of the room, also beating his hoof against the floor, ready to charge.
“STOP QUOTING THE THING!” Current screamed, he then started to charge at Jack, who flew towards him.
“Alright everyone chill the buck out!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as the stepped in-between them, Current still growled and Jack landed himself next to Dash.
“It’s not bucking funny Jack, this is permanent.” Current said deeply, resisting yelling.
“Of course it’s funny, IT’S COMEDY GOLD!” Jack screamed out, he then fell on the ground laughing, Current, however, let out a roar of anger and began to push Dash away to reach him.
“IT’S NOT GOLD, IT’S PAINT!” Dash screamed, ripping off the leather jacket to reveal her entire upper body was painted gold. Both Current and Jack stood agape, especially Jack, whose wings stood straight up. She pointed at the window, which was completely splattered with gold paint; the can lied on the floor, forming a drying puddle.
“I think you should go wash that off before you die of Lead Indigestion.” Jack said to Current who was starting to calm down.
“I’m going to need to do some serious meditation after this bull crap.” Current said stepping into the showering room. He put a hoof on the hot water and turned it. The water began a very vibrant green then changed to a rich blue. Current opened his mouth, constantly spitting out the flakes of gold. All of the sudden heard a loud clang. He thought maybe a dish of soaps or something crashed onto the cold tile floor, but this sounded hollow. He turned around to see a large scorpion tail embedded into the tile.
“Madre de la Luna.” Current exclaimed, for before him stood a Manticore, about ten feet tall with crimson wings expanded, taking up the whole bathroom. Current kept a straight face, slowly backing his way out of the bathroom, maintaining eye contact. He found the door and pulled it open then slammed it shut.
“I dunno what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off whatever it is.” Current exclaimed in a panicked tone.
“I thought you said no quoting The Thing.” Jack said, caring less about the fact that there was something large and pissed off but about his brothers’ hypocritical attitude towards quoting movies.
“Wait so I’m going to be stuck like this until we get that thing out of there?” Dash asked, worried her body would be stained permanently gold.
“Look, I say we just leave, call the cops, and let them deal with it.” Current said, putting his hoof to his head.
“Ya alright, I’ll grab Fluttershy.” Jack said, walking into the living room.
“Do you remember anything that happened last night? I mean, how did we even get a Manticore through the lobby, up the elevator, and in the room?” Current asked Dash
“Beats me, but I’m not going to worry. As long as I meet Spitfire and we all get home safe, I’ll call it a pretty good trip.” Rainbow Dash said, throwing the leather jacket back across her chest.
“Hey, has anyone seen Fluttershy? She’s not in there; I’m getting a little worried.” Jack said, flying into the room.
“No I thought she fell asleep on the couch last night.” Current said, walking into the living room, scanning the area.
“HOLY CRAP, I FORGOT!” Dash screamed. Both stallions perked up looking straight at her.
“SPITFIRE WAS AT THE GRAND LUXXE LAST NIGHT!!!! OH BUCK DID I MISS HER?!?!” Dash screamed flying around the room in a panic.
“DASHIE, calm down Dash, she will be there tonight too. Now help us look for Fluttershy.” Jack said from the kitchen, still no sign from Fluttershy.
“I can’t find her man, she’s not here.” Current said to Jack.
“Have you guys seen my goggles?” Dash said, looking around the room.
“DROP IT WITH SPITFIRE! I say we go down to the lobby and ask around.” Current said, glaring at Dash.
“Well, actually, I think Spitfire is the answer.” Jack said, pointing at the giant statue of Spitfire
“Does anyone know who pumpkin is?” Jack asked, looking at the statue.
“Is that heavy?” Current asked Jack. Jack put his hooves around the statue and lifted it straining.
“Nah, not really,” he said, trying to show off.
“Good, then carry that down to the lobby.” Current said, leaving Jack, with the statue on his back, bewildered.
“That’s not really necessary is it?” Jack asked.
“Hey, look at this; I think it’s Fluttershy’s sleeping medicine.” She looked at the counter where it had spilt, and she saw the four tea cups. She remembered drinking the bitter sweet mix of bourbon and tea, and this made her curious. She remembered how tired Fluttershy was and how she would nod off. Did she accidently spill some in there cup? If so, why didn’t they just fall asleep? So she picked up the bottle of sleeping medication and started reading off the ingredients, and then she saw a little note in red at the bottom of the bottle.
"WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH ALCOHOL OF ANY TYPE!
SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE MEMORY LOSS, VOMITING, AND LOSS OF BLADDER CONTROL"
And then she remembered Jacks bourbon, and then she realized what, and how it happened. She flew straight towards Jack, tackling him to the ground as the statue toppled to the ground.
“You Idiot, It was the Bourbon! It mixed with Fluttershy’s sleeping meds and made us forget about last night!” She said as the pinned Jack to the ground.
“Well tackling Jonathan won’t accomplish anything, we need to go to the lobby and ask around.” Current said, pulling Dash off of Jack.
“What did I say about calling me Jonathan?” Jack snapped at Current who was helping him up.
“Alright, Jack, take the statue to the elevator, Dash, help him.” Current said, pointing at the two pegasi.
“Alright, you take the plot, I’ll take the head.” Jack said to Dash.
“Fine, get the door.” Dash said, grabbing the back of the statue.
As Jack opened the door, a note fell to his hooves.
“Hey guys, I got something, I think it may be a lead on Fluttershy!” Jack exclaimed.
The note read as follows;
"Dear Jonathan Abraham Cyclone,
We thought you got the point at last year’s Battle of the Broadcasters competition that we are two unicorns not to be messed with, yet for some reason you find it amusing to steal others Manticores, so we stole something of yours.
Meet us on the outskirts of Las Pegasus tonight at 9:00 PM with our Manticore or you’ll never see her again.
Love,
S.S.S.
Shim Sham Sisters."
“Mother Bucker” Jack said aloud, reading the note again.
“What, what is it?” Current asked, looking at Jack.
“Shim and Sham, that’s there Manticore in the bathroom,” Jack said looking at Current whose eyes grew wide.
“They have Fluttershy.” Jack told Current.
“Oh Shit,” Current exclaimed quietly, quickly picking up the note and reading aloud.
“Wait, I don’t understand, who are the Shim Sham Sisters?” Dash asked looking at the note.
“They’re my Arch Nemesis’s in the Radio Broadcasting Company, My Moriarty to Sherlock, and my Joker to Batmare. They are pure evil in a singsong dancing manner.” Jack explained to Dash.
For the past four years Jack would go to the Battle of the Broadcasters, an amp to amp competition where two DJs go in, and one comes out victorious. But Jack always came out second best, thanks to Shim and Sham; cousins to Flim and Flam, who instead got into the cider business. They would travel across Equestria on their Homemade Locomotive, Self-Operating, Device, or as they liked to call it Homemade L.S.D., and broadcast music from the 60s and 70s. The homemade L.S.D. served as not only a home, but a broadcasting station, a private resort, and a voice training center. But, ironically, no one was let in.
At last year’s Battle of the Broadcasters, Jack and the Sisters were the only two left, and that’s where the bad blood began. After lots of saboteur between the two, they blackmailed Jack into forfeiting the contest. Not happy about that at all, Jack went home, that is after setting a small amount of illegal explosives on the Homemade L.S.D.
“So, why would they resort to kidnapping and possibly murder?” Dash asked Jack, dumbfounded by the situation they were in.
“Because, they are sixteen shades of crazy, they hate me and I’m pretty sure one of them has god complex!” Jack shouted, starting to sweat.
“Calm down Jack, all we need to do is get the carriage, put the Manticore in it, get Fluttershy, and go home.” Current said to Jack, who was deeply breathing.
“What about Spitfire, we’re still going to see Spitfire right?” Dash asked suspiciously.
“I’m not so sure about that,” Current said, handing Dash a piece of paper with red writing on it.
“I found it on the floor in the room; the paper boy must have put it under the door this morning.” Current said with a sorrowful voice.
Dash was holding back tears after reading the paper,
"We regret to inform you that the “Spitfire autograph extravaganza at the top of the Ultra Luxxe” has been canceled due to her sudden and unanticipated marriage."
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” Jack said, looking at the paper.
“No, it’s um, *sniff*, its fine.” Dashie managed to pull out of herself without bursting into tears.
“I wonder who she’s marrying.” Current said.
“Probably some asshole she just met last night. C’mon lets go to the carriage, I’ll carry the statue.” Jack said, putting his arm around Dashes shoulders.
It was about 1:00 as the three ponies stood in the parking garage waiting for Jacks carriage, Dash was still solemn over the upsetting news, and Current was straining over the statue on his back, mostly because Jacks wing started “acting up again”. However, Jack stood dreading the condition of the carriage.
It took two weeks to repair the old carriage. He, Big Mac, and Braeburn all worked together to fix it. Big Mac did all the heavy lifting, Braeburn bought all the supplies, and Jack designed and blueprinted the entire thing. After lots of blood, drywall, and other manly things they made the perfect vehicle. It somewhat resembled the carriage in the video for “Stylo” from Gorillaz, it was black with a silver star on the side and several bullet holes designed into the sides, at the front the word “STYLO” was scrolled at in the middle of the two harnesses and a device that shot out steam when you hit 88mph. The two unicorns from the night earlier came strutting down the runway, dragging the STYLO behind them. The STYLO was sparkling in the beams of early morning sun that shined through the garage. Its fresh wax coat gave it the appearance of a brand new make. It was obvious they cleaned it complimentary, and by Celestia did a good job of it.
“I think this is our bright shining star ladies and gentlemen, this is our lighthouse in the mist.” Jack said stroking the leather straps, and hooking himself up.
“Well, come on, let’s go try and find some clues on what happened last night, maybe it will lead us to Shim and Sham.” Current said, loading the statue of Spitfire in the back.
“Well, alright, let’s go ahead and go.” Dash murmured out, hooking herself to the STYLO.
“Come on Dashie, Fleetfoot will be in Neinghigh in two months, you can come with me.” Jack said, trying to cheer her up.
“Really, you mean it?” Dash perked up at the thought of meeting the third in command, after Spitfire and Soarin.
“Of course I do, come on let’s take care of this.” Jack said, fastening the harness around Dashes chest. He jerked at little too hard causing her to strain her wings.
“Careful Cyclone, you don’t want to pull it to tight!” she said, shoving Jack playfully.
“Well, how tight do you like it?” Jack asked, shoving her back, this time more sensual.
“You two cut it out, it’s time to get down to work.” Current said, taking the front, grabbing the reigns and giving them a jerk.
“Now listen, we need leads, clues, try to figure out what happened last night. Now, it may take us hours, maybe the entire next day to find a lead, so keep yourself alert and keep your eyes on the road.” Current said to Jack and Dash, who at that very moment, ran into a unicorn with spiky blue hair and a white body.
“SON OF CELESTIA!!!!!” Dash screamed out.
The unicorn stood up, cursed out, and fixed her sunglasses.
“Oh you buckers, watch where the hell you’re goi…” She paused then jumped on Current shaking the cart.
“CURRENT, JACK, DASH, HOWS IT GOING, Hey Current, man, do you want your condoms back?” the unicorn asked.
There was a long silence, and finally Jack spoke up,
“I’m sorry, who are you?” He asked.
“It’s me, Vinyl Scratch, you know, the DJ?” she said, slowly ceasing her jumping.
“Wait, the Vinyl Scratch, as in played at the Royal Wedding last year Vinyl Scratch?” Jack asked, turning around and getting the harness tangled.
“Yea, yea, that was me, one second.” She paused and took out a blunt from behind her ear. After a deep inhale she continued.
“Yeah, I’m, *cough cough* I’m glad I found you guys. Jack, I heard, mazeltov, take this as a *cough* gift.” Vinyl let out another cough and reached into her pocket and pulled out a small grasshopper that was missing a leg, a few pieces of crumb cake, pocket change, and a dancing cactus bobble head. She gave him the cactus and turned back to Current.
“Uhm, thank you… most likely,” Jack said to her, throwing the cactus in the back of the cart.
“Wait, you remember what happened last night?” Current asked, grabbing the DJ, making the blunt fall out of her mouth onto the hot Las Pegasus road.
“Party foul man, not cool,” She said, bending over and sticking her plot in Currents face.
“Yea, I remember what happened, *cough*what are you guys making a scrapbook or something? Here, take a picture of me!” she shouted. She then jumped on top of Jack giving the appearance she was mounting him.
“Dear Celestia, get off me you pot hoof!” Jack cried out, shaking Vinyl off of him.
“Come on Current, your next.” Vinyl was about to pounce as Dash stopped her.
“Alright, tell us everything that you remember, beginning, middle, and end.” Dash said to Vinyl in terms she would understand.
In response, Vinyl grabbed Dash’s face and French-kissed her for about three seconds until Dash pulled her away.
“TELL ME WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT OR I SWEAR TO CHRYSALIS I WILL THOW YOU INTO ON-COMING TRAFFIC!” Dash yelled out, grabbing Vinyl and flying about ten feet above the road.
She suddenly woke up out of her stoned haze and started wiggling around.
“Hey, hey, chill out Goldfinger, I’ll talk, I’ll talk!” Vinyl shouted out, urging Rainbow Dash to the ground.
She dropped Vinyl on the cart and she jolted up, bouncing out of the STYLO and onto the road.
“Alright, come with me, I can’t tell you in the middle of the road.” She said, hurrying them across the road to a small café on the strip. The café was a retro, red and white checkered steak and shake. There was a cat clock from the fifties that meowed as the clock struck 2:00, there were about twelve tables, only four of them being filled up, and a long bar with a gritty kitchen behind it. The four ponies sat at a booth near a large window, giving them a look at the entrance to the Grand Luxxe, where Spitfire had been the night before.
“Alright, you want beginning, middle, and end? I’ll give it to you… in what order?” Vinyl asked, putting out her blunt on the table, leaving a permanent mark. Jack scooted in to the seat closest to the window and Dash sat next to him, Current, refusing to sit next to Vinyl, pulled up a stool.
“What order do you think?” Current said, with a sarcastic tone in his voice.
“Alright,” Vinyl started, she then pounded her fist on the table, “Yo, waitress, four milkshakes, chocolate! So, where do I begin? You three walked into the club I was playing in, and Current walked up to my turn tables, yelled out YOU SOUND LIKE A DRAGON BEING RUN OVER WITH A STEAM ROLLER, then you threw up on my favorite album.” All of the sudden she was interrupted by a red unicorn with yellow hair curled into a bun it the back, she was about nineteen and had a little apron on that looked more like lingerie then a work uniform, Typical in Las Pegasus.
“Was this the table with four chocolate milkshakes?” she asked, looking at Vinyl
“Yea, bring on the shakes, bring on the shakes, bring on the shakes!” Vinyl cried out, pounding her fists on the table. The young waitress set the milkshakes in front of them and then left towards the kitchen.
Vinyl continued, “So, anyways, Current says he wants to try some of the stuff I’m having, and I let him. When all the sudden, he pulls down this Pegasus’ pants and starts kissing his… is that Spitfire’s limo outside?” Vinyl stopped and pointed at the window.
A limousine with a flaming lightning bolt on the side pulled up across the street of the Grand Luxxe accompanied by two earth ponies with black suits on.
Dash jumped up in her seat and crawled over Jack to look out the window.
“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH IT’S HER!!!!” Dash said, jumping on top of Jack, who groaned in pain.
“Dashie, please, my nuts, you’re crushing them, please, stop jumping on me.” Jack groaned out.
“Oh relax Jonathan, this isn’t even the worst thing I’ve done to your balls!” Dash said, still glaring at the limo outside the window. A large crowd had formed around it now and the security ponies were setting up barricades.
“Oh, okay, too much information, stop now.” Current said to Dash, still rustling around on Jacks lap.
“Well, what are we waiting for, let’s go!!!” Dash cried, leaping off of Jacks crotch, making him yelp in pain. Jack rolled out of the booth and walked out of the door.
“Huh, you see, unpredictability, who would have said that Rainbow Dash would jump off Jacks crotch to run over to a limo and then be chased by Jack out of the door… chaos theory!” Vinyl said to Current, who then ran out of the door after Jack, into the crowd.
“Now, uhm, you see, who could have predicted that Current, would also run out the door to the crowded Las Pegasus street. Now I’m talking to myself, I say again, unpredictable.” Vinyl said, after taking a slurp off her milkshake.
The streets were packed with ponies of every type holding up shirts and posters and markers, all flailing their arms as in begging for autographs. One of the security ponies spoke up,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Ms. Spitfire will not be taking autographs at this time; however, she will be racing in Phillydelphia next week. Thank you for your devotion to the Wonderbolts, and enjoy your stay in Las Pegasus.” The crowd booed in disappointment as Dash and Jack pushed their way to the front to see Spitfire, whose hair was neatly combed back showing that she hadn’t flew in a day or two, stepping out of the limo and walking towards the entrance of the Grand Luxxe, then she made eye contact with Jack.
“There you are Pumpkin!” she cried out. Spitfire then rushed up to Jack and reached to his face and kissed him passionately. It was this point when Jack realized that the “asshole she just met last night” was him. The crowd grew silent, except for the click of the paparazzi and press’ cameras, but the most shock fell from Rainbow Dash. The thought that one week ago Jack had hooked up with one of her two role models was bad enough, but now the fact that he was engaged to the other made her furious.
“Jack, what in Celestia’s Sweet Ass are you doing?” Dash asked Jack, pulling him away from Spitfire, and at that moment Current burst through the crowd.
“Jack, I heard all the commotion what’s happe… oh shit.” He cried out, seeing the situation that Jack was in.
“Come on, let’s get inside, there’s a really nice restaurant on the top of the casino.” Spitfire said, grabbing Jack’s hoof and leading him in along with Current and Dash.
“Were in love!” Spitfire cried to the audience as Jack used his wings to hide from paparazzi cameras.
They entered the casino, which due to the unicorn magic, was completely black and white. The entire lobby looked like an old Noire movie, but less crime.
The four ponies got into the elevator and started heading up to the top floor.
“So, Pumpkin how was your morning?” Spitfire asked Jack, who was still in a confused haze.
“It was fine, Ms. Spitfire.” Jack managed out, still shocked from the news he was the groom, he looked at Dash, but he was shunned by her, she was looking into the corner rather than make any eye contact with anypony. Jack then turned his head to Current, who was fixing his mane in the mirror. He looked to Jacks desperate eyes and simply shrugged, returning his attention to his mane.
“Come on Jackie, since when do you call me Miss? We’re getting married tonight I think were on a first name basis sweetie.” Spitfire said, now leaning against Jack, who started to catch on.
“Just joking around, honey bunny.” he said, as he rubbed his head against her in an unwilling fashion.
“So how was your morning, sweet heart?” Jack asked Spitfire just as the door to the elevator opened up and spitfire spun out in joy.
“Oh, darling, it was wonderful! I found the most beautiful dress at the tailor on 42nd street and I thought about it, and I think we should have the reception at the observation deck here!” Spitfire continued, smiling in joy.
“Excuse me Spitfire; can I talk to my brother for just one moment?” Current asked Spitfire, who snapped out of her happy mood,
“Oh, yea, go ahead, Dash and I will get a table. Come on Dashie; let’s see what the waiting time is.” Spitfire then nudged Dash whose head still remained low to the ground as the two stallions went into the colt’s room.
“Alright Jack, look, lets just agree to play this one by ear.” Current said to his brother, who was washing his face out in the sink.
“Play it by ear? Current, this is Spitfire were talking about, the Captain of the Mother Bucking Wonderbolts. If I play this by ear I may end up marrying this mare!” Jack told Current frustratingly.
“I think when we get back I’ll tell her the truth.” Jack said as Current interrupted,
“And what, break her heart? Trust me; I have a plan, stall till 9:00.” Current said, reassuring Jack by putting his hooves on his shoulders.
“So, Dash, how has your trip Las Pegasus been so far?” Spitfire asked Dash who still moped as they entered the restaurant that was drowned with classical music from a live orchestra playing on top of a fish tank.
“It’s been, okay.” Dash said to Spitfire, who noticed something was wrong.
“Hey, what’s up? What’s got you down?” Spitfire asked, putting her arm around Dashes shoulder.
“Well, it’s hard to explain.” Dash said, looking into Spitfires gold eyes.
“How about this, since you forgot to bring your goggles last night I’ll sign them here, free of charge, and since you are Jacks friend, how would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?” Spitfire asked Dash as a waiter flied up and led them to a table.
“Umm, I don’t know, I’ll try. Let me get my goggles.” Dash perked up, reaching behind her wings, but she found nothing.
“I must have left them back at the hotel, with Fluttershy.” Dash said, now looking down the hall at the stallions that strutted into the restaurant. Current sat in the seat next to Rainbow Dash leaving the chair next to Spitfire to Jack, who sat and winked at Current
“Hello, welcome to Pâté a Papier, what can I get you?” a blue Pegasus walked to the table with a paper and pen.
“Water,” Current said,
“I’ll have a Doctor Pepper and the Sandwicha Fleur” Dash said,
“A glass of Champagne,” Spitfire told the waiter,
“And I’ll have the Douglas Sirk Steak, and a Vanilla Coke.” Jack said to the waiter.
“How would you like that, burnt to a crisp, or bloody as hell?” the waiter asked Jack,
“Bloody as hell.” He responded.
The waiter took up their menus and trotted off as Current looked at a fancy clock on the wall, 2:45, time really flies when you figure out your brother is getting married to a major athlete.
“So, Jackie, who all should be invited,” Spitfire started, wanting to begin a conversation,
“Umm, well, I can’t really think of many important people,” Jack started, “Invite whoever you like.” Jack finished, glancing at Current, who in response glanced at the clock, 2:46, damn.
The next three hours might have been the most painful three hours of both Jack and Current’s life. With a mix of Spitfire going on about how this was going to be the best night of her life, and how she loved her “Pumpkin” so much, the occasional rubbing of Jacks thigh, and about how they needed to start thinking of baby names made Jack want to grab his brother and free fall off of the top of the Grand Luxxe and splatter on the now cooling pavement of the Las Pegasus Strip, at least it would be less agonizing then Spitfire requesting Jack to call her Honey Bunny.
At about 6:23 an old unicorn with a graying beard walked to the table and handed Spitfire a phone.
“It is for you Madame.” the unicorn said, and then walked off.
“Hello? Oh, you need the list, okay, alright please hold.” Spitfire said into the phone. She then got up and leaned over to Jack and kissed him on the cheek.
“Alright Pumpkin, that’s pony resources, they need a guest list. I’m going to the lobby, but don’t worry, I’ll be back in two shakes of a lambs tail.” She said, taking the phone and walking out of the restaurant.
“Would you like to do me a favor?” Jack leaned over to Dash and handed her the steak knife he had used two hours before,
“Take this and just slide it across my throat, just end it for me.” Jack said.
“Alright, we have maybe five minutes to get out of here, so let’s hustle.” Current said to Jack, who began to gather napkins from around the restaurant, Rainbow Dash stood up and flew to Current.
“Wait, what are you two doing?” Dash asked Current, who grabbed a fork from the next table over.
“Were getting Fluttershy and getting the Buck outta here.” Current told her, as he bent the fork in a ninety degree angle.
Jack sprung up with a rope made of napkins and threw it to Current, “Wait, you didn’t tell her the plan?” Jack asked Current, who stabbed the fork into the napkin.
“No time to explain, sorry Dash.” He told her, as he ran to the balcony and tied it to the ledge.
“Dear Celestia, that’s not going to be long enough to stretch to the ground, you’ll hang yourself! Can’t we just go through the lobby?” Dash cried out, as Current tied the rope around his waist.
“And have Spitfire, one of the fastest pegasi in Equestria and captain of the Wonderbolts, see us trying to escape? Besides, I don’t want to go to the ground,” Current said, grabbing Dash and pointing at the building next to the Grand Luxxe, the steampunk hotel they spent the night at.
“Jack, give me a push, you know I can’t jump.” Current said as he analyzed the distance between him and the building.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jack asked as he placed his hooves on Currents back.
“Yeah, I’ve seen Die Hard before, it’s gonna be fun.” He said sarcastically, stepping on top of the safety railing. He felt the breeze of the cooling desert air on his face and prepared to be pushed.
“Alright, One,” He began a countdown as Current closed his eyes, spreading his front two arms out, as if to embrace the danger.
“Two,” and following the two he turned around, and thanks to years of training from his dear best friend, Applejack, bucked Current off of the Grand Luxxe. Both Jack and Dash leaned over the railing to see if Current would make the landing, Jack sweated anxiously and held Dash in fear. As soon as Current saw he was above the other building he twisted the fork in the napkin and pulled it out, ripping the cloth and landing him on the top of the hotel. Jack and Rainbow Dash sighed in relief and turned around to see an entire gourmet restaurant staring at them in disbelief. Dash spoke up, as to relieve them of suspicion,
“Thank you ladies and gentlemen, you are on a hidden camera TV show called, umm, Magnus Rex, and there’s a camera there, and there, and there,” Dash said as she pointed around the room randomly and hopped on top of the railing herself.
“Thank you and have a nice day in fabulous Las Pegasus!” She paused and stared awkwardly at Jack, who was still in shock from his brother jumping off a building.
“That’s your cue,” Dash whispered to Jack, who jumped on the railing with Dash.
“And… visit the gift shop!” Jack said, trying to come up with a good follow up.
The two pegasi then leapt off the building and flew to the next rooftop where Current was sitting on a small air conditioning unit. Jack landed and ran up to him, grabbing and shaking him by the shoulders.
“Current, are you alright, say something to me brother!” Jack yelled, grabbing his face. In response Current punched Jack in the stomach knocking the air out of his lungs. Current stood up and said in response,
“We agreed on three you bucker.” He said, helping his brother up off the floor. Jack began panting and flapped his wings, trying to get air back into himself.
“Whatever happened *wheeze* to *wheeze cough* meditation?” Jack asked Current who was scouting the roof, looking for a door.
“What ever happened to your sprained wing?” Rainbow Dash asked, grabbing Jacks wing, which was stretching itself out; Jack’s face went emotionless as he tried to make up an excuse.
“Oh, um… IT’S A MIRICLE!!” Jack cried out as he started to flap his wings, flying a few feet above the air as to escape from Dashes questioning.
“Oh, I bet, now come on; let’s get off this Celestia forsaken roof.” Current said as he started to sniff around the roof for a door.
“Hey guys I found something!” Current said as Jack started playing with his wing, ruffling it every few seconds.
Jack sprung over to Current and looked around,
“What, where,” Jack scanned the entire roof, and all he saw was Rainbow Dash hovering above the roof and the Grand Luxxe on the horizon of the setting sun.
“Hey, Jackass, the ground,” Current said as he grabbed Jacks leg and pulled him closer to the ground above of a silvery hatch, that most likely led into the hotel. All of the sudden Jacks wings began to vibrate as he landed on top of the hatch. He fluffed his wings and spun around trying to grab some thing, finally he twisted his arm back, pulling out his phone which was playing the theme song to the “Uncharted” video game series. Jack put the phone to his ear and hovered in midair, “Hello, who is it?” Jack asked as Current and Rainbow Dash looked at him with anticipation.
“It’s me Sugar Cube, how’s Las Pegasus?” Applejack asked as Jack started to panic, looking to Current and mouthing “Its bucking AJ!” He paused again and pressed his head against his face.
“Oh, it’s been, um, great?! I’ve uhm, been, to the Grand Luxxe” Jack told her, trying to come up with a good story.
“Didja see Spitfire? How did Dash like her?” She asked, happy to talk with her best friend.
“Oh yeah,” Jack said, keeping a cool voice and resisting telling her everything, “we saw her alright. She’s a real character Sis.” He told her jokingly. He glanced to Current who mouthed “Wrap it up,” towards Jack as he pulled the latch open.
Jack continued on the phone,
“Hey, can you do me a big favor Sis,” Jack asked
“Head to the Radio Station, I need you to go get some Christmas lights out of the secondary closet, lay them out by the barn, like a runway. DO NOT GO INTO MY CLOSET IN THE BEDROOM.” He told her sternly.
Applejack paused, “Why do I need to stay out of the…”
Jack silenced her, “DO. NOT. GO. INTO. MY. CLOSET. IN. THE. BEDROOM.
“Alrighty Jack, anything else?” She asked devotionally,
“Not really, when I get home, all I wanna do is have a bowl of dry cereal and sleep.” Jack told her, laughing sarcastically. Applejack forced a laugh out and continued,
“Okay Jack, have a safe trip. I love you… brother,” She finished as she started to head to the radio station.
“Ditto, see you tonight Sis.” Jack told her. He hung up the phone and put it back behind his wings snuggly. He grabbed the hatch and pulled it open.
“Alright, let’s go get Fluttershy.” Jack said as he slipped into the hotel followed by Rainbow Dash and Current.
“So, what about the Manticore in the bathroom, we still have to give him to the Shim Sham Sisters.” Dash asked Jack as he began to walk down the hotel, he stopped and groaned in displeasure,
“Buck, I keep forgetting about the damn Manticore!” he yelled.
The large black Manticore was curled into a ball with its red leathery wings covering all of its face except its nose; its tail was also curved to the side but twitched wildly. Meanwhile, Jack was shaking a small pepper shaker over a thick slice of meat in the hotel kitchen. Rainbow Dash was looking out of the window at the fabulous city, about to be lit neon in the dark of the night; all except the great pyramid, which reflected everything off of its shiny black surface. For a moment Dash thought she saw a pony lying on its side and she chuckled to herself, must be some pony that lost her way in Las Pegasus. Current was walking in a circle around the living room, glancing at Jack; he looked at him and started to criticize him,
“Sweet Bucking Celestia, why the hell are you putting so much pepper on it?” He scolded as he snatched the pepper from Jack, who in return snatched the pepper back.
“Manticores LOVE pepper, they hate cinnamon.” he replied, “Now be useful and get me some cocaine.” He told Current, pointing to the mountain of cocaine on the Lazycolt. He trotted over and scooped up a hoof-full of cocaine and brought it over to Jack, who took it into his hoof and dumped it on the steak.
“Dammit Jack, we’re trying to knock it out, not make it B.S.C.!” Dash cried out looking at the peppered, drugged steak.
Jack put his hooves on her shoulders, “Relax, watch this,” he told her, turning his attention back to the steak. Jack picked it up and looked for the spill of Fluttershy’s sleeping medicine, after finding it he dropped the steak in it and used it like a sponge, soaking up the medicine. Afterwards, he opened the fridge and looked for some type of alcohol. He pulled out a small bottle of wine and walked over to the window. He slid the top over some of the broken glass, sobering the bottle. He stabbed the bottle into the steak and flew over to the bathroom.
“Alright,” Jack began, “we all know who the fastest one is here, Dash, I’m giving you the Molotov steak, fly in, throw it at him, fly out. Current open the door, close the door. Everyone got it?” He asked, glancing at the two other ponies. Dash nodded and grabbed the steak but Current stared at him blankly.
Current spoke up, “Well, what do you do?” he asked.
“Beg your pardon?” Jack questioned back,
“What do you do? What is your part in this plan? Did you just plan to sit back and watch?” he mocked, raising his eyebrows.
“Bitch I made the damn steak, now open the bucking door.” Jack snapped back, gesturing his hoof to the door.
“Wait, why can’t Current do it?” Dash asked, tossing the Molotov steak to Current who was standing ready by the door.
“I mean, I came up with the cop out for jumping off of the building, and speaking of cops, isn’t building jumping illegal in Las Pegasus?” Dash asked Jack, who began to contemplate who should give the Manticore its meal.
Jack spoke up, “Yes, very much against the law; alright, Current risked his life jumping from the Grand Luxxe, Dash and I are still in one piece so that narrows it down to the two of us. Well, since I’m just a good pony and I don’t want a Manticore to buck up your face I volunteer myself to give it the druggie steak.” He said, taking the steak out of Currents hooves.
“Aww, well that’s nice to know that somepony doesn’t want me to be mauled by a Manticore.” she said mockingly towards Jack, shoving him playfully.
“I don’t want you to be mauled by a Manticore.” Current randomly blurted out.
Jack stood ready by the door as Current began to count down,
“Five,” he said as Jack put the steak on his back.
“Four,” Rainbow Dash took a deep in and held it.
“Three,” Current grasped the door knob.
“Two!!” Current yelled as he pulled the door open and kicked Jack in, who screamed something along the lines of “SON OF A BUCKING BITCH”, and slammed the door shut on him. Dash and Current ran to the door and pressed their ear against it. They heard an uneasy moan and Jack trying to communicate with the beast,
“Hey kitty kitty kitty, who’s a nice kitty, have a nice lil druggie steak.” He coaxed as Dash and Currents’ hearts pounding at great speeds.
“Alright, calm the buck down, c’mon kitty, no, buck take the steak, not me, Take The Steak, TAKE THE BUCKING STEAK, TAKE THE BUCKING STEAK, NOT ME, NOT BUCKING ME!!!!!” He screamed as Dash and Current grasped the door which wasn’t opening. The sound of womanly screams and roars of a Manticore followed by glass shattering and other items being knocked to the floor as Rainbow Dash and Current pulled at the door. All of the sudden everything went quiet, no screaming, no roaring. And then, a loud crunching echoed throughout the hotel room, followed by the yawn of a Manticore.
Dash stood at the door silently, her breath increasing in anger. Current just sat down with no expression, just blank. Rainbow Dash banged on the door in anger.
“This is my fault, I shouldn’t have let him go.” She screamed in rage.
“Shouldn’t I be the one knocking on the door and crying, I think there’s a shard of glass in my wing?” a voice said sarcastically from behind the door. Rainbow Dash looked up,
“Dear Celestia you’re alive!” she cried out in joy, looking at the door gleefully, Current sighed in relief as the door knob started to wiggle. Jack sighed,
“I know you guys have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I’d rather not spend the rest of my vacation IN THIS FUCKING BATHROOM!” he cried out.
Rainbow Dash laughed as she worked on breaking the door loose, Current charged at the door and busted it open. Jack was there hovering above the floor which was covered with broken shards of glass and red water, Jack landed in the living room by Rainbow Dash, who ran to him and embraced him. After about five seconds she punched him in the wing, making him cry out in pain.
“That’s for scaring me, don’t do that to me again!” she told Jack, who was rubbing his wing. She continued to hug him for another five seconds but Current grabbed Jack and Dash, separating them and turning their attention to the bathroom,
“Holy shit, look at that monster,” Current exclaimed, dodging the glass on the bathroom floor and making his way to the Manticore, stroking its tail.
“Now how the hell do we move it?” Current pondered, stopping in his tracks.
“Christ, good bucking point.” Dash said, flying above the great beast which took deep breaths in that echoed through the bathroom.
“Jack, don’t you have the STYLO parked outside the window?” Rainbow Dash asked Jack, who was scratching his straggled mane. He flew to the window and glanced towards the ground, there the STYLO sat near some bushes on the plaza. He looked back to Rainbow Dash and nodded. She turned her attention to Current,
“Help me pick this thing up, Jack, get the window open.” She told them, putting her two front hooves under the Manticores arms and began to flap her wings vigorously. Jack pried the window open and stared back at Dash.
“Dashie, what are you planning?” he groaned out, staring at Current and Dash straining over the beast,
“Don’t worry Jackie,” Dash teased Jack, lifting the Manticore and moving it towards the window,
“I’ve got a great aim.”
Jack flew to the STYLO leaving both Rainbow Dash and Current in the lobby elevator. He harnessed himself in and gestured his hooves towards the two, now exiting the lobby. Dash flew over and harnessed herself into the STYLO as Current jumped into the cart of the STYLO as Jack started to murmur,
“Dear Celestia, who in the righteous name of Dear Princess Luna decides to throw a Manticore out of a penthouse window, do you know how many laws we’ve broken?” Jack sputtered out, looking at the monster in the back of the cart. Current turned to look at the Manticore, still knocked out cold.
“Hey look, the Spitfire statue is still intact!” He cried out followed by laughter. Jack sighed as he tightened the straps on Rainbow Dash.
“Come on let’s get Fluttershy and leave.” He told them, expanding his wing and flapping them a few times to stretch them out. He felt a tug on his wings and looked to the left; there stood Rainbow Dash with big eyes looking at Jack.
“What about my goggles? You and Aj gave them to me when I was sixteen on Hearts Warming Eve!” she said, with a mope in her voice. Jack sighed and looked at her seriously.
“Come on, this has literally been Hell weekend, and I’m not sure how the goggles are all you can think about. Look, when we get back to Ponyville, I’ll take you to Cloudsdale, go to the flying shop, and you can choose some new goggles, Hell I’ll get you a new damn flight suit, let’s just get the hell out of this Celestia Forsaken city!” Jack yelled out, beginning to sweat, taking deep breaths in. It was obvious that he was frustrated and not looking forward to the encounter with the Shim Sham Sisters, for he knew that visiting them would mean being ridiculed in front of both his brother and friend. They took off down the street silent, not saying a word except for the occasional “How’s the Big Boy doing?” from Rainbow Dash. As they exited the city, Jack began to speak quietly to Rainbow Dash.
“Hey,” he began blankly, not knowing where to start.
“Hey,” Dash replied back, waiting for a conversation to begin.
“Look, I’m really sorry for being such a jack ass back there,” he began.
“I had no right to snap at you like I did; I know how much you loved those goggles. I’m just really frustrated with what’s going on and the fact that there’s a Manticore in the back of my carriage doesn’t really calm my nerves.” He chuckled out, trying to make some humor out of there situation. Dash looked back at him, and they stared at each other for what seemed like the longest amount of time. Jack continued,
“And I’m also really sorry about the Daring Do thing, I didn’t really know she was your role model; but I can’t apologize about Spitfire, we were drunk and her ass is crazy.” Jack said, actually laughing a bit this time. He looked into Rainbow Dashes eyes again, praying that she would forgive him. They had been friends ever since he’s been in Ponyville, they went to prom together, and frequently decided to try being “Friends with Benefits”, which always ended when Jack found a new mare or Rainbow Dash found a stallion she admired. But even then, Jack considered Dashie to be a really good friend. Then Jack realized that the whole time he was thinking he continued to stare into Dashes great big, beautiful, violet eyes. Without thinking, Rainbow Dash reached over and kissed Jack. He paused and took a deep breath in as their focus on each other was broken by Current.
“Will you two knock it off? Were almost to the L.S.D., and this Manticores getting pissed,” Current said sternly, but was cut off by a sudden, loud roar. They stopped, dead set in the middle of the dessert, where no one could help them. The three ponies turned around and gasped at the sight of the Manticore, except it wasn’t the same Manticore. Its wings twitched, the tail flailed around and its eyes were flaming with anger, or drugs. It was obvious that whatever Jack put on the steak knocked it out temporarily, but now it was, as Current said, pissed, and, as Rainbow Dash said, Bat Shit Crazy. It screamed out and began to strike the cart randomly with its tail, shattering wood and sending spare hunks of metal shrapnel flying everywhere. Rainbow Dash cried out and unbuckled herself from the STYLO as Current threw the reigns into the air and jumped out after Dash. Jack screamed and tugged at his harness but couldn’t get it to budge; therefore, he only tangled himself even more. The Manticore jumped next to Jack and reared its tail in the air and stabbed Jacks upper left leg. He screamed in pain as the Manticore pulled its tail out of his leg, sending blood flying across the STYLO. The Manticore reared up again as Jack closed his eyes, prepared for death, but the Manticore paused, let out a moan, and fell to the ground. There stood Shim, the first of the twins. She was wearing a blue and white striped vest over her pale green coat, her red and white hair was straightened and messy in the night air, her horn the only even thing about her scalp was revealed in the wind. She threw a large tranquilizer rifle behind her back and strutted over to Jack and pulled him up.
“Hello sweetheart, long time no see.” She mocked, as Jack began to stumble up. He exhaled as Current ran over to him, helping him up. Jack went completely brain dead, and began to groan.
“He’s been poisoned, we’ve got a cure, come on in.” Shim said, turning around, trotting over a dune of sand. Current stood, draping his brother over his back.
“Go… where?” Current said, glancing around the dessert. He looked at Rainbow Dash who shrugged and flew into the air. She landed near Current and picked up Jack, who began to moan.
“Current, I think you need to see this.” She told him, flying over the hill. Current trotted after her to the top of the hill. He looked down to a small valley in which, what current guessed was, the Homemade L.S.D. sat straight in the middle. It looked like a locomotive train, but only three carts long. The first looked like the cab, with a large smokestack on top. The middle, most likely the recording studio, no windows, and the cabin slightly rounded. And the final cabin must have been the resort. The small, boxed windows were alit with a flickering light from what looked like a fire, the only light in the cold dark dessert, and the chimney at the top was spewing a light grey smoke. The door at the back was open with Shim leaning against the door frame.
“Well, come on, I don’t bite.” she teased, stepping out of the door way. Rainbow Dash flew in the cart carrying Jack as Current began to make his way down the hill. Shim picked up the rifle and began to take out the remaining tranquilizer darts. Current hopped onto the train and turned to Shim.
“Look, I know you and your sister have not had the best relationship with my brother, but in his behalf, I want to thank you for…” Shim cut him off, throwing the rifle in the corner.
“Save it jerk off, were only helping him because he decided to bring back that big mother.” Shim said, pointing towards the hill in the general direction of the Manticore.
“Now, we’ll give him a shot to ease the effects, and then were kicking his ass back onto the cold street of Las Pegasus, and trust me, you little pricks call the cops, the lot of you will be found tomorrow morning naked in a dumpster with a forehead full of lead. But don’t worry, my sister and I will be making a very heartfelt statement at your funerals about how you were all good ponies and didn’t deserve your fates. So we’ll help your little brother, give you your friend, and then you get the buck out of my sight.” She told him sternly before walking into the train. Current paused outside thinking to himself, debating the situation.
“Man,” Current said aloud, “Those two must be great at parties. Great job Jack, you couldn’t have chosen arch nemesis with a sense of humor.” Current chuckled again and walked into the cart. It looked like your average lounge, a fire place, television on a bookshelf, pool table, a two person couch, and two wooden chairs, Sham reclined on the velvet couch, her hair horn peaked through her straight and tight and her pale green coat ruffled in the heat of the fire.
“Nice night outside sister?” she asked Shim, who was rustling through a drawer. Rainbow Dash placed Jack down in one of the wooden chairs and flew over to Sham.
“So are you just going to sit there and talk about the weather or are you going to do something?” Rainbow Dash scolded as Sham sat up from the couch in outrage.
“Well if you’re going to have an attitude like that I think we’ll just feed him to the Manticore. Now you appreciate that were even helping him. Got that sunshine?” she snapped back, at this retort Rainbow Dash turned red with fury and began to scuff at the ground, Sham just hopped off of the couch and smiled.
“Good girl! Who’s a good girl? You’re a good girl!” Sham mocked, petting Rainbow Dashes head. Shim whistled to Sham and held up a large needle.
“Perfecto,” Sham whispered, walking over to Current.
“You, smart ass, get the Manticore over to the cab, put it in the cage.” She directed him, Current was about to raise a hoof in protest but stopped, knowing that he would only be ridiculed even more, so he ran out the door.
“You, Rainbow, hold Jack down, comfort him and such.” Shim told Rainbow Dash approaching Jack with the needle. Rainbow Dash flew behind Jack and put her hooves on his shoulders, Shim and Sham stood in from of him. Shim prepared the needle, taking it out of the package and rubbing the end with an alcohol wipe, as Sham slapped Jack on the cheek a few times.
“Jack, say something dick wheel.” She told him as Jack managed to pry his eyes open to see the sight of Shim and Sham standing above him with a needle, which must have looked terrifying when poisoned with Manticore venom. She let out a moan and started to mumble,
“Oh god, I’m in hell aren’t I?” he cried out, in response Rainbow Dash began to rub his shoulders and soothe him.
“Shhh, no, you’re alive, it’s okay.” She said as Sham picked up his left front leg.
“Alright Shim, were going to have to get in the gap in between the radius and the ulna, so I’ll turn his leg to the side and you stab the needle in the gap.” Sham said as Rainbow Dashes wings shot up in fear as she interrupted the process.
“Wowowow wait up, you didn’t say anything about STABBING!” she cried out, grasping Jacks shoulders. Sham in response shot Rainbow Dash a look of “Shut the hell up woman” and continued to hold Jacks arm in place. Shim reared her hoof into the air as Rainbow Dash closed her eyes in terror. Shim took a deep breath in and began to sweat.
“NOW” Sham cried out as Shim brought all of her weight down on Jacks arm. As soon as the needle penetrated his coat Jack was shocked to life, wildly flapping his wings and shouting out. Rainbow Dash held him down and started rubbing his shoulders, as Shim and Sham went back to their couch.
“Now get out.” Shim said to the now recovering Jack. Rainbow Dash flew up and exploded in anger.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HE WAS ALMOST PUT INTO A COMA AND NOW YOU’RE KICKING HIM OUT?” She screamed at the twins, who brought a tray of spirits to themselves using magic. They raised their eyebrows and began to pour two drinks into martini glasses. Sham looked at Rainbow Dash and chuckled a bit.
“You heard our agreement, buck off.” Sham told her, taking a drink of her drink.
“What about Fluttershy?” Jack asked as he began to stand again, swaying from dizziness.
“She’s at the Alicorn Gardens, on the bench by the statue of Nightmare Moon, section C.” Shim told him, sipping her drink. Jack nodded off before shaking himself and flying out the door, leaving Rainbow Dash in front of the twins as they grimaced at her.
“Well… Shove off bitch,” Sham said, finishing her drink and levitating it over to the tray. Rainbow Dash growled in anger and flew out the door after Jack. Shim took a drink out of her glass and levitated it over to the tray, setting it down next to the sisters, and turned to the door, laughing to the wind.
Jack had fallen out of his haze now and started to examine his leg. The gashing wound the Manticore had left was bleeding out slowly; the exit wound was jagged and messy. Jack sighed and limped over to the STYLO.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, two weeks of work, three thousand bits later, lots of hard manly blood sweat and more sweat, this is my reward?” Jack cursed out, looking at the wrecked STYLO. Current ran to Jack and began to stare at the wreck as he rubbed his chin. All of the sudden, Current sprang into the back of the STYLO and pulled out a large duffle bag, tossing it over the statue of Spitfire.
“Current, what are you doing?” Jack asked as Current opened the bag.
“You and Dash head to the gardens, I’ll fix up the STYLO and you guys get Fluttershy, then head back to the Las Pegasus sign.” Current told Jack, who was rubbing his leg.
“Good luck, and don’t screw up my cart.” Jack joked with Current before giving him a bro-hug. Rainbow Dash and Jack then flew into the neon lit horizon as Current began to fidget with the side of the cart.
The gardens were lighted by LED lights entwined into the foliage, giving it crucial details. Rainbow Dash and Jack flew into the first section, the Royal Family. A great Celestia decorated the center of the garden, her electric mane illuminating the entire plaza. Luna, Cadence, and other Alicorns also lit the garden. They progressed through the garden to section B, the Royal Military. Jack only recognized Shining Armor, but Rainbow Dash looked at all of the pilots in the Royal Air Force and jumped in excitement. Jack grabbed Rainbow Dash and walked her to the next section, Threats to Equestria. Discord curled around the doorway, water colored like chocolate spurted from his finger into a fountain at the ground. King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis (which sent a shudder down Jack’s spine), and a few parasprites were also scattered around the garden, but in the middle sat a terrifying Nightmare Moon. Her teeth shined in the darkness, reflecting off all the light from the other bushes, and her wings shrouded the sky. Both Jack and Dash ran to the bench that sat at the feet of the great sculpture. Rainbow Dash slid down to the ground and pulled a large body bag out from beneath it. She placed it on the bench as Jack grabbed the zipper and yanked it down. A teal green unicorn sat up and took a deep breath in. She ruffled her white and pale-green said and turned her legs over and began to sit strangely.
Jack’s ears perked up and looked at the mare, he cried out in confusion,
“LYRA?” he paused and stared at the unicorn in disbelief.
“That’s my name, heya Jack, Rainbow Dash, you two enjoying Las Pegasus?” she bounced with excitement as Rainbow Dash circled the sculpture. Jack looked under the bench again and jumped back up to Lyra, who sat comfortably.
“You, you’re not Fluttershy?!!” Jack exclaimed, grabbing Lyra and examining her.
“No, I don’t think I am. You aren’t either!” She joked with Jack who broke out sweating in panic as he called up to Rainbow Dash.
“Dashie, do you see her anywhere?” Jack hollered,
“No that’s the only bucking bench here! I don’t see her anywhere!” Rainbow Dash cried from above, before landing in front of Lyra.
“Tell me exactly what happened, details.” Rainbow Dash began to interrogate Lyra, who sat confused.
Lyra began “Well, I decided to go to Las Pegasus to get some time away from my roommate, I mean I love her, but I just wanted some me time, you know Bon Bon right Jonathan? Well of course you do! I intro deuced her to you the night we…” Lyra continued talking, but was stopped by Jack, and told to continue.
“So anyways, I wanted to go to Las Pegasus, so I did, and I got to my hotel room, I think were staying in the same hotel! That’s cool, so I went to my window at about 11:00 and I saw a lot of glass falling and a Pegasus fly to the pyramid, she crashed into the thing! Smack dab, I laughed for a minute then went to go get help, so I got in the elevator and went to the next floor up. When I got out of the elevator, two unicorns with bacon colored hair grabbed me and threw me in that bag. And that’s all I remember!” she finished to a very stunned Jack and Rainbow Dash. Dash looked at Lyra with certain sadness in her eyes.
“So… you didn’t see Fluttershy or anything?” Rainbow Dash choked out, holding back tears. Lyra shook her head and Rainbow Dash wept silently. This was the first time Jack had ever seen Rainbow Dash cry, so he did what he could. He walked over to Dash and put one of his hooves on her shoulder, comforting her.
“We’re never going to find her, are we? Dash whispered, hugging Jack and crying onto his shoulder. Jack embraced Rainbow Dash back and looked into her beautiful violet eyes, being drowned by tears.
“Stop that,” Jack told her sternly, “Don’t think like that. We’re going to find Fluttershy? Do you hear me?”
Rainbow Dash sniffled and nodded as Jack wiped her tears away and continued,
“We’re going to find her, and then were going to leave this place, never come back, and when we get back to Ponyville with Fluttershy safe and sound I’ll get you those goggles.” He promised as Rainbow Dash sniffled again and then wiped the tears from her face. They hugged again as Jacks face was pushed into Dashes mane. He took a sniff and laughed.
“What is it?” Rainbow Dash asked,
“Your hair smells like cocaine.” Jack said, they both shared a laugh as Jack looked over to their hotel and scanned the wall for the hole the Pegasus that Lyra spoke of jumped out of, when Jack came to a realization.
“I KNOW WHERE FLUTTERSHY IS!!” Jack screamed, breaking the hold between Dash and himself.
“Wait what?” Dash asked as Jack flew up.
“Fluttershy was tired when we got here, so she decided to go to bed when we left, but she saw you left your goggles! Being the element of kindness, she wanted to return it to you, so she got up, but fell out of the window because she was too drowsy to get to the door! Lyra said she stayed at the same hotel as us, and where did she say the Pegasus landed?” Jack asked Rainbow Dash who snapped.
“HOLY SWEET CELESTIA, THE SIDE OF THE PYRAMID!” She screamed out as they both looked over the towering Nightmare Moon to the black granite Pyramid that reflected the neon of the city, when all of the sudden a light blue Pegasus with a navy mane flew around the corner of the garden entrance.
“Oh thank god, Spitfire said you’d be here… you are Jack Cyclone right?” the Pegasus asked. Jack nodded as the stallion stepped closer into view.
“Sorry, I guess I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Soarin, Spitfires best friend and, by what she’s told me, your best man.” He spoke up, as both Jack and Dashes jaws dropped. Soarin continued,
“Well, the weddings in an hour and by the look of the bloody wound on your leg I’m going to guess you’re not ready, so I suggest you come with me.” He told Jack who sat on the ground dumbfounded. Jack looked at Rainbow Dash who scanned the pyramid and glanced back to Jack.
“Go, I’ll get Current and Fluttershy; maybe take a drive by the top of the Grand Luxxe in about an hour.” She told him, winking suggestively.
“How about we get going?” Soarin interrupted, spreading his wings and beginning to fly into the air. Jack glanced at Rainbow Dash one last time before flying off with Soarin to the top off the Grand Luxxe.
Green Day blasted through the speakers in the claustrophobic changing room in which Jack was tugging on a black tuxedo with Soarin, who was wearing a baby blue tuxedo.
“I flew in all the way from Manehattan for this; I hope the refreshments are good.” Soarin laughed as Jack fixed a sleeve that was inside out. Jack threw the jacket over his back and looked at the bandages on his leg which covered up the wound he had received earlier.
“So, who all’s here?” Jack asked.
“Well lets see, all of the Wonderbolts, Spitfires mom and dad, Spitfires grandma, Spitfires girlfriends, a reporter from Cloudsdale Weekly, my girlfriend, and my friends.” Soarin told Jack, whose jaw dropped.
“Dammit, I told her to invite anyone you like… what have I done?” Jack muttered.
“So when did you and Spitfire meet?” Soarin asked.
“Last night,”
To this Soarin burst out laughing,
“Oh god, how did you end up here?” he asked.
“I really don’t know. How long have you known her?” Jack asked.
“Well, about ten years, she’s a good person once you get to know her, trust me.”
“Well I don’t doubt you, I’m just… weren’t you two going out a few years ago?” Jack said, trying to change the subject.
“Yeah, good publicity stunt, didn’t last long though.” Soarin shuddered and turned to look out of the door.
“What was that shutter?” Jack asked.
“Look, between you and me, Spitfire is a really nice mare, but sometimes she can be a little, uhm”
“A little what?”
“A little obsessive, like more obsessive than she is now,” Soarin groaned as Jack hit his head against the wall.
“Dimmit Jack, you had to sleep with the stalker athlete.” He muttered to himself.
“Come on its not that bad! What do you know about her?” Soarin asked.
“Her names Spitfire, she’s Captain of the bucking Wonderbolts, she’s…” Jack paused.
“How old is she?” Jack asked as both Soarin and he broke out into laughter.
“Damn, for a second I was thinking you knew her!” Soarin said before falling to the ground laughing. They both stopped themselves and continued to talk.
“But really, how old is she?” Jack asked.
“She’s turning 29 in December. Oh, guess how old I am, I guarantee you will get it wrong.” Soarin said. Jack paused for a moment.
“32.” Jack guessed.
“41.” Soarin said.
“That’s bullshit!”
“I’m not joshing you, 41 and I still look like I’m in my thirties.”
“How did you do it?”
“Exercise, diet, all that jazz,”
“Well, let me just say, I hope I look like you when I’m forty.”
“Good Luck, I’m going to go get drunk.” Soarin said laughing, leaving the small room.
Jack stood and looked at himself in the mirror. The tuxedo fit him very well and, it might have just been Jack’s narcissism kicking in, made him look very sexy. He started to pose like James Bond in a gun barrel as there was a knock on the door. Jack trotted over to the fancy door that was lined in gold. Jack only opened it a crack and put his ear against the door.
“Hello?” he asked.
“Hello Jackie Baby.” A sweet voice came from the other side of the door, and based on the ridiculous pet name, it was Spitfire.
“Hey, uhm, sexy, come on in.” Jack said as he started to open the door, but Spitfire stopped him.
“Remember, its bad luck for the groom to see the bride on the day of the wedding! That’s why you left lunch so early, isn’t it?” Spitfire asked.
“Early? You call four hours early?” Jack thought, but decided to go with the flow of things.
“Yes, exactly, we don’t want any bad luck do we?” He asked Spitfire who sighed behind the door.
“Sweet Celestia, smart and sexy. Christ, words cannot describe the things I’m going to do to you tonight after the wedding; I’m getting a little wet just thinking about it.” She said as Jack began to chuckle awkwardly.
“Well, don’t start without me, hehe, I’ll see you at the altar, bye-bye.” Jack shooed as Spitfire trotted off.
“And remember, it’s the sexy Wonderbolt who may or may not be wearing lingerie underneath her dress.” She teased as Jack chuckled again and listened to hear her trot off. Jack quickly pulled out his phone and called Current.
“Hey, brother, how you doing, how’s Dash and Fluttershy?” Jack asked.
‘”Yeah, they’re alright, Fluttershy’s a little scared, STYLO’s almost ready, whaddya need?” Current asked.
“Do you think, maybe, you guys could dress like terrorists and quote unquote kidnap me?”
“Why, too much of a pussy to tell Spitfire the truth,”
“Screw you too; maybe I just want to make a stylish exit.”
“Sure alright, do you have any guns?”
“Yeah, I have a paintball gun that looks like a M16 assault rifle, that’s all I got.”
“It will have to do; I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” Current said, hanging up the phone. Jack sighed and adjusted his bowtie in the mirror.
“What did you get yourself into Cyclone?” he asked as he exited the small room.
The balcony of the Grand Luxxe was alight with lighted garland and foliage that let off a luminescent glow. There was an orchestra and what looked like a trio of Rat Pack impersonators playing tunes from the forties and fifties as well as a DJ who looked ashamed to be there. There was row upon row of friends and family of Spitfire as well as a few journalists. At the front of the balcony was a large arch made of ice that had both Jack and Spitfire carved at the top. Soarin stood to the left side of the arch along with another Wonderbolt and what looked like Prince Blueblood.
“What the hell is a prince of the royal family doing here?” Jack wondered, but quickly shoved the thought aside. To the right was Fleetfoot, another Wonderbolt, a teenage Pegasus who looked like Spitfire, maybe she was her sister, and a unicorn with a pink body and yellow mane. Jack stepped up next to Soarin and looked at the crowd. Soarin nudged him,
“The yellow mare with the red mane in the front row who’s crying is Spitfire’s mom, the blue stallion with the yellow-blue mane is her dad, and he hates your guts.” He told Jack who tried to look at the two Pegasi without staring. Jack gulped,
“Perfect,” Jack joked when the orchestra began to play a smooth romantic symphony. Two Pegasi fillies dressed as cherubs flew down the aisle tossing flower pedals around the audience. Then, two unicorns stepped out from behind the corner, wearing bright orange dresses and levitating torches, lighting up the balcony even more, and from behind them stepped out Spitfire. She wore a white dress that fit her body very well, but left an open space for her wings. She trotted down the aisle smiling and holding back tears of happiness as Jack stood at the arch trying to resist sweating. She arrived at the arch and the music stopped as Jack stared into her orange eyes that watered with joy.
“Wait, where’s the priest?” Jack asked.
“Oh, just wait.” Spitfire said, as a brown earth pony with a grey mane came walking down the aisle.
Jack looked closer at the priest then jumped and muttered to Spitfire.
“Sweet Celestia, Christopher Walken?” Jack asked.
“I told you I’d invite everyone, but Morgan Freeman couldn’t make it!” she said. Walken cleared his throat and began the vows,
“Sorry I’m late, as you all may know the traffic in here, well gosh it’s just horrible! So anyhow, Dearly Beloved today we gather in this beautiful city, I mean it’s really beautiful, look at those lights jeez! So we gather to celebrate the marriage between the beautiful Miss Spitfire Anwar Clare and the Mister Brad Pitt.” Spitfire stopped him and whispered into his ear.
“Oh, the not as famous, but still charming Mister Jonathan Abraham Cyclone. Now do you, Spitfire, take this wonderful Stallion to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, through good and bad, sickness and in health, till death does you part?” Walken asked as Spitfire choked out “I Do” through tears and Jack prayed his brother and Dash would arrive and quote unquote kidnap him.
“And do you, Mister Jonathan Cyclone, take this beautiful mare to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, through good and bad, sickness and in health, till death does you part?” Walked asked as Jack began to panic, now was the time for action, yet his thoughts were interrupted by the shouting of a brown unicorn with blonde hair.
“This is the FBI, get on the ground kid, you’ve been causing a lot of trouble in this city the past two days, now if you just turn around and come quietly we won’t have any problems, and a problem isn’t what we want is it?” the unicorn said pulling out a gun. The guests all turned to Jack, who happily trotted over to the unicorn and began to whisper.
“What the buck Current, we agreed on terrorists! And where did you find a fake horn?” Jack asked the FBI Agent.
“The hell are you talking about?” the agent asked confused as Current and Dash jumped over the railing wearing turbans and shooting wildly into the air with the paintball gun. The Unicorn from the FBI cursed and shot at Current, but instead hit Walken on the leg. Jack realized that the agent was not his brother, but a highly trained FBI agent, and then he ran to his brother and Dash, but Spitfire stopped him.
“Pumpkin, What’s going on?!!” She asked as Jack looked around,
“Look, I may have done some roof jumping today, but it’s alright, those guys aren’t terrorists, there business partners, but they need me for a while.” Jack told Spitfire who burst into tears. Then Dash flew down and picked up Jack, tossing him into the STYLO which was anchored to the side of the building with Fluttershy harnessed in. Rainbow Dash flew in and strapped herself to the harness as Current stood over Walken apologizing.
“Mister Walken, I’m sorry this happened to you! I loved you in Catch Me If You Can!” Current shouted.
“It’s alright son, just give me the gun so I can shoot that bastard.” Walked said grabbing the gun and firing at the FBI agent. Current hopped into the STYLO and cried out “GO” as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash took off. Just as they did the entire roof erupted in chaos, the FBI agent was covered in paint as Christopher Walken (obviously a little drunk) started shooting wedding guests. Just as they were fully harnessed into the cart, what looked like a helicopter designed for urban use flew to the top of the roof and began circling it. Jack and the others dropped down to the street and headed for the exit of city when sirens began to blare and the streets illuminated with blue and red.
“Not good, must go faster, must go faster!” Jack cried out as a gunshot fired out through the air as suddenly, the Homemade LSD pulled up next to the STYLO with Sham driving and Shim hanging out of the window with a pistol firing at Jack.
“CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE DEAD BUCKING MANTICORE IN OUR RECORDING STUDIO JACKIE BOY?” She yelled out as Jack glared at Current.
“I may have taken a few more tranquilizer darts and stabbed them into the Manticore, and then it may have O.D.ed, but don’t panic!” Current said. The cop cars following the STYLO began shooting at the Homemade L.S.D., bullets began ricocheting off of its Iron side and hit Shams arm, making her swerve the Homemade L.S.D. into the cop cars. Just as they passed the infamous Las Pegasus sign Jack let out a sigh of relief, which was interrupted by a yelling from behind the STYLO.
“SWEETHEART!” Spitfire cried out, chasing after the cart. Jack began to panic and elbowed Current, who cracked the reigns sending Dash and Fluttershy shooting forward.
“WAIT, THE SIGH, THE SIGN!!” Jack cried out, pointing wildly at the sign that read “Now exiting Las Pegasus, Come Back Soon!”
“You’re kidding me,” Current said.
“SHUT UP AND TAKE MT PICTURE!” Jack yelled.
Current sighed as he took the picture of Jack in front of the sign, as well as a crazed Spitfire, thirteen cop cars, and the Homemade L.S.D. in a wreck. Jack flew back into the cart and they continued driving along the baron highway. Spitfire gained on them and grabbed the back of the cart.
“I’LL NEVER LET GO JACK!” she cried as tears streamed from her face. When suddenly Vinyl jumped out of the back of the STYLO,
“SPRING BREAK BEEEYYOOOTCCHHH, AAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” She cried out as she flew through the air, hitting Spitfire square in the face, knocking her to the ground. Spitfire lifter her head up and screamed to Jack.
“I’LL FIND YOU PUMPKIN!!!!” she cried out as Jack stared over the STYLO at her.
“You too, Honey Bunny” Jack said awkwardly.
“I’ll see you in hell Wonderbolt.” He whispered to himself as Spitfire, Vinyl, The Shim Sham Sisters, The Cops, and even the neon city disappeared in the dark night. There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes as Jack began laughing hysterically, and soon, everyone else did. Fluttershy looked back to Jack and asked quietly,
“Uhm, Jack, can uhm, could we switch and you pull the cart for a while?”
Jack laughed,
“Of coarse Fluttershy,” He said.
“Alright, let’s switch now please.” Fluttershy said. Jack cried out,
“What? No, we can’t stop here. This is Bat Country.”
Applejack paced on the front porch of Sweet Apple Acres at about 2:00 AM in front of a crude runway made of Hearths Warming Eve lights.
“Come on Jack, where are you?” she muttered to herself, fiddling with her ponytail uneasily. When suddenly she saw a reflection from the multicolored lights, followed by a crash that made Applejack jump, she looked at the end of the runway and saw the crashed heap of the STYLO as well as Jack, Current, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash lying on the ground next to the crash.
“Hey sister,” Jack said. Applejack ran up to him and hugged him tightly, as if she would never let go.
“What the hell happened Jack, the STYLO?!” she asked. Jack yawned,
“I’ll tell you tomorrow, let’s just get to bed.”
“Oh, Jack,” Dash spoke up and walked over to him, “tomorrow morning you may or may not wake up with a few explicit pictures of myself on your phone in which I have no idea how they got there so don’t ask.” She said, grabbing Jack’s bowtie and pulling him forward kissing him, “Goodnight.”
Jack stood still for a moment, confused, but then shrugged and walked in the house.
“Hey Fluttershy, you need a ride home?” Current asked.
“Oh, me, No thank you, I’ll just walk. Oh boy Angel is going to be mad.” She said, trotting off into the night. Current Shrugged and began himself to trot home.
It was 3:23 AM as Current jumped up in bed, another nightmare. He did as he usually does when he has nightmares, get some water and listen to the radio. He turned on the boom box by the side of his bed to the sound of his brother’s voice.
“Well, even after my little encounter with a celebrity who will go unnamed and those two bitches who gave me a nice little wound on my leg, I think I might go as far to say this weekend was tolerable. I mean let’s look in hindsight here, new sexy friend with benefits, new tuxedo, and new excuse to get my cart a new finish; I could say it was a pretty good weekend. So to all my loyal listeners, especially the fine mares out there; this is Jack Cyclone, signing off saying Goodnight Ponyville and Viva Las Pegasus.”
Fin
Author's Note
Writing this FanFiction was, hard. I wont lie im not a man to finish what I start, but this is my proof that i can do it, and if I can do it so can you. I see jack as that one friend your parents didnt like you hanging out with but you do it anyway. I tried making him seem as real as possile, knowing and interacting with canon characters, but drawing the line of good OC and "OMG LUNA IS MY MOTHER AND I CONTROL THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONYZ!!" is damn hard. Yes there will be more Jack in the future, but dont expect all comedy, im planning big things for him, and Applejack, so i hope you keep an eye on us because big things are on the way.
"Greatness From Small Beginnings". ~Sir Francis Drake
P.R.W.
