The new addition to the Canterlot throne room glitters in the settling sunset. The stained glass figure of a dragon whelp hangs in a heroic leap, grabbing a crystalline heart and saving it from the clutches of a massive equine of darkness.
"It's beautiful," I speak, though I am hardly admiring the colorful mosaic anymore, nor the vibrant light show fluctuating over the northern mountains beyond the windows. My regal eyes softly anchor themselves to a lavender reflection, and as I dwell upon my last honest words, that reflection turns to look at me.
"I wish it had been me who ultimately made it so," my faithful student says in the softest of voices. She's always so gentle and meek in speech, even when she is upset. Right now, Twilight is nothing but sighs and shuffles. I watch as her ears droop and her face pivots to avoid my gaze. "But, it wasn't..."
I can't afford to be distracted with her feeble mannerisms; not now. Twilight needs me. She needs her mentor, and if recent events are any indication, she's ready to make the next step—a last step, and soon she will no longer need me, nor what I am about to cherishingly give her.
"Twilight, as I understand it, Spike brought Princess Cadance the Crystal Heart because you weren't sure how quickly you could find a way to escape the tower." Her eyes lift towards mine under flouncing bangs. It's as if she's a child; she is a child. This time, I'm the one avoiding her gaze as I gesture towards the window depicting Equestria's latest heroics. "You weren't willing to risk the future of the citizens of the Crystal Empire in an effort to guarantee your own."
I turn towards her, smile towards her, give my heart to her. She receives it—always and willingly—feeding off knowledge that she hasn't yet realized she's more than surpassed, and in a spirit of bountiful righteousness that I've come to respect. Soon, I will have no choice but to miss it.
"Far better that I have a student who understands the meaning of self-sacrifice..." I lean towards her. My apprentice's breath is like her scent, sweet and delicate, fragile and yearning upon the brink of knowledge as she listens to me. "...than one who only looks out for her best interests." I finish with a smile.
She reflects it. I see her ears perking up like a foal about to receive a gift. If only she knows that she's earned it; she has only ever earned my respect, my admiration, my... my...
"Does this mean...?" Her voice drips off like crumbling bridge.
I put it back together again. "Hmmm..." I smile warmly. I can do nothing else as I say, "Yes, Twilight. You have not only passed the test, but you have excelled in it."
She gasps wide, a trick that she has undoubtedly learned from one of her close friends—the pink one, I am to assume. However, a few milliseconds into the looming outburst, she contains herself, standing prim and proper like a princess. The irony is not lost to me; I feel like laughing and sobbing all at once.
"Oh, Your Majesty, you have no idea how much this pleases me," Twilight says. "The last thing I wanted to do was let you down!"
"Is that really the truth, my student?" I ask, raising a hoof with graceful posture. I squint knowingly at her, holding my smile so as not to dash her precious comprehension. "If you had thought only about me and the test, would you be standing here today?"
Twilight bites her lip, but what comes from it next is a soft grin. "No. I was willing to... to do anything for Spike and Cadance and... my friends..."
"That sort of thinking will come in handy in the years to come. Mastery of magic is only a means of navigating the universe; it has no bearings on the finer delicacies of life. For you to be a powerful and wise sorceress, Twilight, you must learn to live first. Over these past two years, in Ponyville and abroad, I do believe you have done just that, and done so brilliantly."
She giggles, lacing the walls of the throne room with the same joy lacing my heart simply upon listening to her. "Oh, and I'm so glad for the opportunities you've given me to study up on friendship, Princess Celestia." She fidgets suddenly, her eyes gazing away from me in newfound regret. "Only... as important as living is, I-I still could use some brushing up in magic."
"Oh?"
She gulps and gazes up at me, as if expecting a slap on the hoof. "When I was in the Tower of the Crystal Empire, looking for where the Crystal Heart was hidden, I stumbled upon... erm... a door..."
"A door..."
"Yes, a dark and malevolent portal." She squats down, hides her trembles, and gestures with her hooves while speaking, "It was large and round, and it had a manacrystal diode at the top of its frame. When I opened it up, I was... well..."
"You can tell me, Twilight," I say, seeing the hesitation swimming in her eyes. "However, if you wish to wait on it and go join your friends, you can relay it to me later in your magic report—"
"No. I... I want to tell you what I experienced," she mutters, her voice taking on a sharp edge of urgency. "I approached the door, thinking that my next step was to walk through it. Well, I did, and it ended up taking me here..." She points towards the walls of the throne room surrounding us. "Well, not exactly here-here, but some sort of magical recreation of it..."
"You were put into a hallucinogenic trance," I remark. "Brought upon by the Trepidation Junction of King Sombra."
"Trepidation... J-Junction?"
"He was never all that creative with names..."
"Right, that doesn't surprise me. But Princess!" Twilight stands back up, gazing at me in surprise. "You knew about this evil portal?"
"I knew that he had built it once before he and the Crystal Empire utterly vanished," I say with a heavy breath. "I did not think that it still existed somewhere in the ruins of his former glory. I can't imagine what a shock that must have been for you to have stumbled across it. But, regardless, it pleases me to no end that your courage and tenacity has been more than capable of overcoming it."
Twilight hears me, and yet it's as if she doesn’t. The words coming out of her mouth sound like they were practiced a million times during the train-ride taken back here from the Empire. "I... I was in the throne room, and you were destroying all the letters that you had ever wr-written to me." She inhales sharply, like choking. Her punctuation is my punctuation, and I feel like gasping when she finally speaks again, this time stammering, "You s-said that I failed, and that I was no longer to be your student. I... I was so distraught, Your Highness, because it was as if y-you wanted nothing to do with me anymore." She sniffles, and her eyes water up as she gazes towards the far end of the throne room. "You c-couldn't even look at me, as if I was an accident f-for even trying to speak to you..."
Her shivers are like tiny earthquakes. I know this because I am already embracing her, enfolding her with my wings before her collapsing speech can even pretend to complete itself. I have lived for thousands of years, and I have seen every catastrophe known to ponydom: deluges, hurricanes, wars, famine. I do not wish to see Twilight's tears, not even for one second.
"Twilight, my good and faithful student..." I stroke a hoof lovingly from under her velvety chin and tilt her quivering eyes to meet mine, filling her with as much warmth as my smile can afford. "I would never abandon you like that. Even if you were to fail a test, the last thing I would ever do is forsake you. You are more than a growing sorceress, you are my apprentice. It is my responsibility to see that you achieve your full potential. Abandoning you would only be antithetical to such an endeavor." I smile more, my cheeks warm, as I say, "And besides..."
Just now, my voice falls flat. All that exists between us is the cold beat of my heart. For once, I am the one who's petrified.
Twilight sees it. She sees everything. Oh, how I have begun to underestimate her with each passing day...
"Pr-princess?" she murmurs, gazing up at me with wet eyes and a fragile face.
I can't bear to look at her, but I do anyways. After recovering my nerves, a herculean task in and of itself, I manage to say, "I only want what is best for you, Twilight, more than anything."
She looks at me. Eventually, she smiles, and her next breath is something warm and full of life. "I know that, Princess. I... I should have known better than to dwell on what the evil door made me perceive..."
"King Sombra's magic is strong, even for alicorns," I say. "It took the combined forces of me, my sister, and the Elements of Harmony to eliminate him the first time, and even then he managed to stay in wretched existence in some form or another."
"Yes, well..." Twilight rubs her cheeks dry, saving me the trouble of crossing such a sacred boundary. I try not to look fazed by it. "I'm just glad I got the door out of there so nopony else besides Spike or myself could come across it."
Now, for once, I am truly, truly surprised. "You removed the door?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "Where to, Twilight?"
"Oops... eheh..." Her nervous smile is what chases the last tears away. She backtrots out of my embrace, bowing in an apologetic stance. "That's one thing I kind of wanted to talk to you about, Your Highness."
"I do not believe that I have taught you a spell strong enough to destroy such an object," I say, pivoting to follow her movements. "Surely, you must have placed it somewhere."
"Well, not yet, I haven't," she says in a nervous stammer.
"You have utilized a Transient Translocation Spell?" I can't help but smile. "That's quite remarkable for a pony of your age." As if I had any doubt. "As if I had any doubt." This is followed with a regal chuckle.
"Ohhh... Please don't be mad at me, Your Highness!"
"What for, Twilight?"
"Because..." She winces as if giving birth, then eventually squeaks forth, "B-because I haven't materialized it yet."
I nod slowly. "And you need me to properly dispose of it."
"Er... yeah..." She gulps. "I should have asked your permission first, but it’s just that everything with King Sombra and the Crystal Heart happened so f-fast! And I didn't want any of the crystal ponies running into the door! And... And..."
"Twilight, it is quite alright," I say, waving a hoof gently. "You did the right thing. Only a pony with my mastery of the magical arts can properly destroy the Trepidation Junction. Tell me, do you think you can make the door materialize right now?"
"Uhm... Yes. I-I think so..."
"Good to hear." I usher her towards me as we approach the far end of the throne room together. "It is best, then, that we deal with this now before later. We don't want your horn accidentally rematerializing the door once you are in the presence of your friends."
"Ohhhhh that wouldn't go well at all," Twilight says, her voice taking on a relieved tone as she trots alongside me. "Heheh... Rarity would peer into it and probably toss herself off a bridge... along with her velvet couch."
I glance quizzically at her.
"Uhm... Let me write you a long and detailed letter about Rarity's melodramatic antics sometime, Your Highness."
"I do think your quill and ink can serve far better purposes, my faithful student."
"Right. F-forget I said anything."
"Here..." I gesture towards a flat stretch of wall between the stained glass windows as we come to a stop. "This would be an ideal location, I suspect."
"Huh? Oh! The door! Right!" She steps up to cast the rematerializing spell—however, she pauses at the last second. "Should we... uhm..."
"Yes?"
"Should we have Princess Luna or some guards around for—?"
"Twilight, fear not," I say in a melodic tone, brushing a hoof against her lavender cheek, just for the sake of doing so. "I will make swiftly with eliminating the door. You need not worry about anypony else; they are best kept at a distance for when I perform my spell."
"You're right, Princess. I am sorry for doubting you."
"It is only wise to give a second thought to everything."
"Well, I'm not about to settle for thirds..." She grits her teeth and aims her horn at the wall. "Here it comes, Princess. Are you ready?"
"Ever and always, my student. Present the door..."
She closes her eyes, tenses, and allows a pulse of black and violet energy to spring forth from her skull. A beam of discolored light surges from her body and into the wall. A door appears—gnarled black and menacing—laced with dark effluence. It exists within the body of the throne room for no more than two seconds—
My sight is blinded from the force of energy expelling from my very own horn. With a crack of thunder, the door surrenders to a wave of solar beams. After a flash—summoning a gasp from young Twilight—the door has been reduced to ashes, littering the floor and dissolving in an otherworldly wind.
"There," I utter, wielding a tone that a parent might use to tease a young foal. "Quite elementary, really. Someday, I suspect, you too will be able to accomplish even the most powerful spells with ease—"
I feel amazing warmth against my flank, as if a silken wave of tender life has been draped over me like a blanket.
I can't stop the resulting utterance. "Huh?!" For a brief second, I am no princess, but a confused little pony who is curious about what is rubbing up against her. I turn to look, and what I see freezes me to my core.
Twilight is nuzzling me dearly, in such a tender and delicate fashion that is unbecoming of any royal subject wishing to respect her ruler. If this was olden times, I would likely have thrown such a brazen pony into a dungeon or banished her to the moon. I kid, of course; I would never react so violently, least of all to—
"Twilight?" I am almost as amused as I am concerned. Nevertheless, nothing can stop the incessant beating of my heart as I turn around to face her. "My good apprentice..." I push her at forelimb's length. "Is there something the matter—?"
She closes the distance once more, instantly. "No, Pr-Princess," she stammers, sending my heart aflutter, for it is accompanied by the gentle stroke of her cheek against my chest. She looks up at me, and both eyes are like polished jewels, a pair of gifts for me and me alone, and both of them laced with tears. Hadn't she just finished drying her face? "Everything is just so wonderful. You're so magnificent... so powerful and set in your ways..."
"Indeed," I awkwardly put forth, then raise a hoof to reassuringly pat her shoulder. She only nuzzles that too, as if every inch of me is made of gold. "What better to teach my most beloved student with?" I narrow my eyes in stern curiosity. "But, Twilight, I must ask why—"
"Is it true?" She interrupts me.
"I beg your pardon?"
She gulps and her voice whispers, "Am I your most beloved?"
I open my mouth, but for once, this ruler has nothing wise to say. I choose honesty instead. "But of course! You are my most... I-I mean I have nothing but..." I wince. Everything is crumbling, and the only safe place to stand is within the gaze of her eyes. "Why... why do you ask?"
She sniffles, and this time she hides her face in my chest. We've never been that close before—but that's a lie, and I get the feeling that she's about to remind me. "When I first knew you, when I first came to study at the Palace, I was... so weak... so scared..."
"You were young, my faithful student," I say, though my voice is drier than hers, just as parched for something—but what? "You were in a new and frightening place. You missed your parents. You missed... m-missed out on so many things..." Why did I add that last part? My heart is beating, making the jewelry around my neck rattle.
"You knew how scared I was... how much I needed attention... how much I needed..."
I want to interrupt her. I don't want this shivering conversation to go on, and yet I do. I fear her next words as much as I crave them.
"I needed so much love, your Highness," she says, gazing up at me as a tear or two rolls down her cheeks. And, yet, she is smiling... she is devouring every twitch of my eyesight. She leans weakly against me like a daughter... a sister... "And you gave it to me... you gave me yourself..." A lover...
"Twilight," I say, though my Royal Canterlot Voice has dwindled. The bastions have crumbled. I stand in the center of my Palace—of my fallen kingdom—and it is I who is clinging to her and not the other way around. "Please. You do not understand..."
And yet she does. "I needed love and you gave it to me. Every day we spoke, every day we trotted the gardens together, and every night that you bade me goodbye at my chambers..." She smiles and grimaces at the same time. Only the best things in life are painful, and I weep to see her hurtling over all of them at once just to whimper the truth to me, "You built me from the ground up. You made me what I am today. You... created me, Your Majesty..."
"Twilight—"
"You were my every sunrise. You brought a hush to the night. You mesmerized and enchanted and empowered me—"
"Apprentice, pl-please..." I want to drift away from her, but I am falling forward instead, into that voice, into that breath, curling around it as she clings to me—as she used to cling to me, a tiny little thing that needed help crossing the wide castle wings, that had tears that needed drying at night, that had hopes and dreams to be assembled, piece by piece, with my wisdom and her giggles, blossoming things more beautiful than flowers in the empty garden that my life had been for one thousand lonely, anguished years.
"And I want to be that close to you again, Celestia." She says my name. She worships it with her tongue, flinging it from her lips like the chorus of a heavenly tune. Nopony has ever said my name like that ever before, not even my sister. I am immortal. Love is forbidden, especially the most precious form of it, the form that is currently leaning against me with an infinitesimal heartbeat, that has so few mortal years to experience joy—and I know I have oh-so-much ecstasy to give it, to give her, my good and faithful little student....
"My love..." I squeak.
I have fallen to my hooves. Twilight doesn't catch me; she does more than that. She leans in and takes the words out of my mouth—the fears and the sobs and the doubt—in an engulfing kiss. I find myself cradling her. I think to myself it's to keep her from going any further, but I know better. I don't want her to shatter; I don't want her to fall apart, or else this moment itself might explode into a million crystalline fragments, when—in reality—I'm the only one who's crumbling, who's shedding tears at this point, tears that she is drying with a gentle nuzzle and a warm breath that forces my eyes to reopen into the apex of her loving gaze.
"Please," she murmurs, a plea and a commandment all at once. "Let me love you. Let me be close to you again, forever and ever..."
"Twilight..." I am no longer a Princess. This crown and these horseshoes mean nothing. I am a shivering creature before her, and all that I can do is shed the truth loose along with my tears. "Twilight, I never wanted this. I never wanted for you... for you..."
I gnash my teeth. I feel my heart stopping, shredding apart, and being born again.
"No, that's not true. I... I have wanted this." I gulp. "I have always wanted this, Twilight. But..." I glance aside, sniffling. Everything is uncouth; everything is dying. This throneroom is a tomb, and her breaths are the fragrant flowers being poured upon me. "But I knew it was not to be. You have a destiny ahead of you, my student—a strong and immeasurably important duty. Still... that did not stop me from loving you, from adoring you, from wanting you to... to be with me... as you want me to be with you..."
"Then what's wrong, Princess?" It is her turn to cry. Her muzzle is so close to mine that her voice is practically my voice. She squirms deeper into my cradling forelimbs and leans her head up against the bottom of my chin. "Why can't we be together...?"
"Because I... I-I am a hypocrite, Twilight..." I let forth a whining noise. Across the room—through a wavering veil of tears—some petty and insignificant window illustrates the latest in a series of trivial trials. "I meant to teach you a lesson about self-sacrifice, when I was the one who failed the test." I clench my eyes shut, hoping this all will dissolve along with the weight I am bleeding out of my lungs. "I've done nothing but fail you all this time..."
"Don't say that, Celestia!"
"I am your Princess and I am telling you the truth!" I suddenly shout, though it's not at her. She trembles instantly from my voice, and I cradle her to me closer, only to bemoan the act of doing so more. "I wanted nothing but to be with you... to cherish you... to hold you and keep you as my most beloved pony forever." I gulp. "But, at the same time, Twilight, I wanted so much more for you. Your life is small and precious, and it deserves to be your life, not an appendix to a lonely alicorn's existence."
"But you don't have to be lonely, Celestia..."
"Yes I do..." I am sobbing at this point. I cannot hide it; I do not want to hide it. I bury my face into her soft, velvety coat. She is so small, such a vessel of love and courage and trembles. I would be happy just to sit here and hold her ceaselessly. I speak instead, and it rips me apart to do so, "I do have to be lonely, Twilight. I have not been able to escape that fate. But you can. That's why I wanted you to make friends, my student. That's why I wanted you to live your life. You have it within you to do so much more than this. You have the ability to be happy, to be complete, to be more than just a figurehead and a beacon of magic. For there is more to life than just sorcery, but I will never know that. I will never truly know you... it is not my place..."
"But I'm here, Princess," she says, raising her face once more to my lips. All is tears and tenuous, heated breaths. "I want nothing more but to be here... with you and you alone..."
I choke on a sob and push her away from me... at a distance akin to that which hangs between stars. The horrid cold awakens my lungs, so that all I have left to give is the most naked of truths. "That, my good and faithful student, has been what I've always feared..."
"Your Highness?" Twilight remarks. She is gliding away on black clouds. The throne room dissolves around us in miasma of trailing blacks and violets. "Princess Celestia?" Her voice loses its foalish tone as she disappears completely, reduced to a sharp ringing in my ear, punctuated by a frightened shriek. "Princess!"
I gasp, blinking past a wave of solar light.
The Trepidation Junction lingers before me, its dark frame wide and yawning, entreating.
"Princess Celestia...?!" Twilight is tugging on my foreleg, her face awash in deep concern. "Is everything alright?!"
I grit my teeth. I leap forward in the act of launching my magic at the infernal door. The entire Palace shakes from what happens next. The frame of Sombra's evil portal is covered from top to bottom with golden energy, and it shatters with a sickeningly satisfying snap. A pile of black splinters rattle still before us.
My mane settles around me. I exhale with relief.
"Wow!" Twilight smirks goofily. "You really know how to destroy malevolent artifacts!"
"Yes... I am..." I bright a forelimb to my sweat-stained brow. "...incredibly g-gifted..."
"Uhm... Princess Celestia?"
I turn to gaze at her.
"Is... Is everything okay?" She tries to hide her concern with a brave smile. "For a few seconds there, you seemed to be having thoughts."
"A few... s-seconds?" I stammer, glancing all around us fitfully.
"Before you destroyed the door. I was wondering what was going through your mind."
"Twilight, I..." I place a hoof on her shoulder.
She glances at the gesture, then up at me, her eyes quivering with concern. "Yes, Princess?"
I look at her, her petite frame, her longing gaze, her every square inch that a single, precious soul has been fated with possessing in this trite and unpredictable world. I truly, deeply adore her. The sunrise hasn't been nearly as bright since she left me. If I could just hold her, caress her, tell her everything...
"Twilight..." I take a deep breath. I look at her, and I smile. "I think it's high time that you rejoined your friends." I gulp as I stand tall, prim, and proper. "They must be worried terribly about you."
She blinks at me, and I am nearly shattered by how swiftly she brightens at the notion. "Yes! I... I shouldn't keep them waiting!" Her smile graces the room again, but it is drifting away—flying away as if from newborn wings—towards where her loved ones are residing. "They've done so much for me during this trip. I... I want to tell them the good news."
"You do that, my student," I say. I stand in place, but it feels like I'm gliding downhill, away from her. She's just a speck at the throneroom door now, a melting dot on the morning horizon of my life. "You take as long as you want before writing me your letter."
"Heeheehee... Oh, Princess." She smiles at me and disappears beyond the door. "You know I would never willingly do anything to fail you..."
She is gone.
Twilight is gone, an Element lost to me amongst the delightfully confusing spectrum of life, and I cannot be more relieved.
It still doesn't stop the sighs as I sit here on the floor of this place, entombed by all my stained glass yesterdays and tomorrows, baptizing the spaces in between with tears.
