Ahh, this is a nice spot to sleep.

…

Wait a minute.

My eyes jerk open, revealing the bright landscape around me. I sit up, trying to gauge the situation. As I looked around the flowery meadow, spotting all the varieties of flora around me, one thing is obviously clear.

This isn’t my bedroom.

I had a sudden urge to check myself.

Limb count turns up four and a head. That’s good.

As confusion sets in, I realized I’m all dressed up in the day clothes that I usually go out with. My black sweatshirt, a teeshirt I couldn’t see, my jeans, and my socks n' shoes.

Okay, so I’m dressed up and I woke up in the middle of a field, and uninjured. What else do I have on my person?

All pockets turn up empty save for one. A brand-new iPhone with brand-new cover and earbuds.

This isn’t mine.

I turn it on to see the time is 9:32, and I have a good signal.

Signal where, though?

I try using the phone but was slightly startled to see a wallpaper of Discord, the draconequus, that villain from My Little Pony, looking mischievous. I checked google maps but it gave me an error message. Great. I put the phone away and I look around some more. Maybe I can recognize where I am if I get up on that hill there.

As I take the short walk up to the crest of the flowery hill, a black cat crosses my path, appearing out of a flower patch. I was startled for a second, but then I get slightly panicky realizing that I had only moments until my sinuses betrayed me again. I braced myself, but then... nothing happened. No allergy symptoms, no shortness of breath, nothing. I look around again and I realize that I should’ve been miserable a long time ago, seeing as all this pollen’s floating around. I look back to the cat, whom I notice has cartoonish proportions as it gazes at me with those large cat eyes.

Wait, what?

I look around again, unbelieving that I didn’t notice this earlier. The world looks like a cartoon.

I look at my hands, seeing how the cartoony nature of this land affected how I saw myself. I still had the same hands as I did have, though. I notice the burn scar on my palm from accidentally touching hot metal during metalworking. So I’m dreaming, then. I pinch myself really hard.

Ow.

I heard a mew, and I look back down to the cat, who has taken a fondness to me, rubbing its face on my legs. I sit down, and it jumps into my lap, completely at ease. I was hesitant, but I started petting it. I always liked cats before I realized one could make me miserable, so I was apprehensive of them ever since. Until now, apparently, where this cartoon world cures me of my troubles and looks grand to look at. Seeing all the trees and the mountains in the distance triggers many memories. This seems like a nice paradise, which raises a serious question.

Did I die? My hand darts to my neck, and I sense a pulse. If I die, do I have a pulse in heaven?

A lot of conflicting emotions eat at me, and I stop petting for a moment, in which the cat looks at me with concerned eyes as if to say “Is something the matter?” I sigh and I resume petting, choosing to enjoy this simple peace I found myself in. Soon, the cat is asleep on my lap, so I set it back on the grass as gently as I dared. I continued to stare at the terrain, thinking of anything and everything. As I reflected on myself, I failed to notice the presence of another being approaching from my right. The shuffling of someone moving through grass and flowers catch my attention, so I turned my head to the right.

My body was immediately seized by shock and panic as I saw something, rather someone, whom I suppose thousands would work their whole lives to see.

I saw a curious Twilight Sparkle investigating me. She had saddlebags, which I immediately forgot about because I just saw a cartoon pony. I involuntarily started to crawl backward in panic as I assessed the situation, and what I should do. My primal instincts (Or what I thought of them as) had this to offer as sage advice.

Run.

I looked at Twilight Sparkle who was approaching me with an increasing amount of concern over my reaction to seeing her. I got up and ran for my life. My destination: away from here. As I got on my feet, I hear her cry out for me to stop. My panicked state meant that this request was ignored. Though I do think I responded with a scared yelp, my mind at this time was fogged over with panic at seeing a Defictionalization of what I used to think was a fictional character.

For an instant, as I ran, I marveled with the ease of the effort of running. Normally, my lungs would burn out so I couldn’t run for long durations, but right now I feel as if I could run for miles. This train of thought was interrupted as a purple, perhaps violet light burst into existence in front of me, but then receded to reveal a slightly annoyed Twilight Sparkle.

Right. Teleportation spells.

She again ordered me to stop, but I might’ve given it consideration before realizing she was too close and I had too much inertia to properly stop, so a collision was inevitable. She realized it, too, and her horn lit up, summoning a forcefield, which I had no chance to evade.

A moment later, I was sprawled on the ground, clutching at what remained of my nose.

Ow.... ow ow ow ow.

Twilight evidently went from Stop right there! to So so so sorry! in a heartbeat as she rushed to my side, flooding my ears with apologies. I saw that she said something about the first-aid book in her saddlebag, but I was already up on my feet again, running for the wood. I turned around to see Twilight dig into her pack, but I wasn’t about to stop for first aid. I was still very much in get the hell outta here mode. I think I made it into the wood when she realized I had bolted again. I think she was too late, though. I had already picked a hiding spot in the bush as she searched the wood for me.

Wait, wood?

I look to see that this was an ordinary forest and not the nasty-nasty Everfree forest. That would be a tricky place to hide in. I nursed my nose, and to my delight, was not broken or bleeding.

Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt like a forcefield to the face.

I froze up and sat still as Twilight passed over my hiding place in her search for me.

How... how did she not see me?

I thanked my lucky stars as I heard Twilight give up the chase and announce that she would bring friends to find me. She ran off, and I released a sigh. Then I began panicking again.

More ponies? Oh, boy.

I looked around for a better hiding place, and I saw a tree with plenty of cover so that I wouldn’t be easily seen should I lay still in the branches. I enacted my plan, and I was again astonished at the ease of which I climbed the tree.

This is getting ridiculous.

I settled in as I heard incoming. Twilight had indeed returned, and she had indeed brought a friend with her. I poked my head out of my cover to see Fluttershy, escorted by her animal friends who would undoubtedly look for me, too.

Best pony and second best pony are after me? This is... still too weird.

I ducked back in, and I tried to wait it out. Several agonizing minutes passed, and I was starting to think I was in the clear when I saw Angel Bunny approach my tree. I cursed whatever gods were watching over me the instant he looked up and smiled a smug smile as he barely spotted me. I hissed at him that I would gut him like a fish should he give away my position seemed to convince (read: scared) him to not do that, though, and proceeded to report his “findings” to Fluttershy, who left with Twilight. She again announced that she would bring more friends should I not come out right the heck now. She sighed, and Fluttershy doubted that Twilight actually saw me.

Three cheers for new best pony. I clutched at my chest, heart pounding faster than when I was running for the proverbial hills.

I saw Angel bunny race up to Fluttershy and point at my tree excitedly with a smug expression on his face.

Three boos for worst bunny.

She and Twilight slowly approached my tree as I again cursed whoever put me in this position, and they looked up. I froze. After a bit, I realized that they didn’t spot me. I thanked my lucky stars until Twilight parted some leaves with her magic.

Oh, no.

I dropped out of the tree, startling them, and I ran away, planning to use the twists and turns of the trees to evade them, trying to break line-of-sight as often as possible. After a while, I stopped behind a tree and I witnessed the pair of ponies race by me, trying to catch me. As soon as they were out of sight again, I sighed. I found that I was hungry, and I checked the time. 10:28.

How do I get food without being discovered?

A new thought comes to my mind; I should try calling my family.

As I frantically dialed home, I berated myself for not trying this earlier.

My attempt was interrupted by an echo of a giggle reached my ears, and my rage intensified. I screamed to the sky for Discord to show himself and end this charade, or at least feed me so I can continue this silly game of “Find the human”. To my surprise, a water bottle appeared in one hand and a sandwich appeared in the other in a flash of light. The echoey voice giggled again, and I decided that he does want me to suffer. So I ate and drank with a nasty look on my face. I finished the admittedly good sandwich, and I emptied the water bottle, which vanished in a flash of light. I checked the time again.

10:32.

I heard more voices, so I clambered up a tree and resumed this silly charade. I saw that Twilight had enlisted the rest of the mane 6 and they all split up to find me in the wood. Twilight called out with an annoyed tone in her voice, while Fluttershy sweetly tried to assure me that nothing bad will happen if I come out, and Pinkie was hopping around, trying to lure me out with fresh-baked cupcakes, balanced on a plate on her head.

Cheeky.

Rarity, I could see, was just as annoyed with me as Twilight was, while I heard Applejack use the word “varmint” and the phrase “tie yeh up like a rustler” plenty of times, to the chastisement of Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand... she was ordering me to come out or suffer her wrath.

Please.

I waited for a couple of minutes, silent as a stone, observing their efforts, before noticing that the enticing smell of cupcakes was really strong for some reason. I looked to my left, and I saw Pinkie sitting next to me with the widest grin on her face. I lost my balance and fell out of the tree. Upon landing, I was beset upon by Pinkie and her endless questions about myself. I was still recovering from the fall, so my dazed vision saw a whole lotta pink and not much else. As my vision cleared, I saw that I was surrounded.

I attempted to flee again, with panicked screams and thrashing, but the combined efforts and weights of the ponies subdued me as Applejack tied my hands behind my back.

Clever girl.

I stopped resisting, face down on the ground, and the surreal nature of the past few hours fade away as I conceded defeat.

“You win.”

Author's Note

It had to be done. I just needed to get this out of my system.