Dear Princess Celestia,
At the time of writing this letter, the empire has been engaged in the conflict with the “hoomanies” for three years. I am sure I need not remind you that, at the start of this conflict, you assured us it would last no more than an afternoon. I will take a moment to commend you, Princess Celestia. You have always been open about the nature of this war. I have followed every update with bated breath. In fact for the longest time I shared in the excitement of my fellow ponies. Now that excitement has been replaced with a near constant sense of dread. What do I fear, I often ask myself? That these hoomanies may find a way into our world and attack us? Or that some higher power, higher even than you, may destroy our world in some sort of cosmic retribution? Neither of those is right. I believe what I fear is that we are becoming something distorted and evil. Or perhaps we are returning to what nature always intended us to be.
What can be said about the conflict that you do not already know? I do not know where to start, so I hope you will not be bored if I start at the beginning. I’ll admit, this is mostly to help me gather my thoughts and build to the purpose of this letter.
When your apprentice first opened a portal to the strange world of the hoomanies, I was horrified at what I saw. Through that portal was a world of chaos and hatred, as if Discord had spent an eternity corrupting it. It was frightening to see. We all perceived it as a world so unlike our own. These hoomanies that inhabited the world could never be mistaken as ponies. They were physically grotesque and their language was strange and sharp. Beyond that, they were so cruel and evil in every action they took. Disgust and revulsion swelled inside us. When that repulsion passed, it was replaced with a sense of pity for these poor, strange creatures. It was like looking at a world of foals. They did not have magic or love. Yes, pity. That’s what we all felt, isn’t it? In a royal decree, you announced we ponies would make contact and show the hoomanies the error of their ways. You sought volunteers to bolster the ranks of the Royal Guards for the initial… what was the word you so candidly used? “Contact?” These were violent, simple creatures after all. Although we went seeking peace, they would no doubt give us war, but whatever conflict arouse would be solved within a day.
I was proud to be one of the first volunteers. As fast as my legs could carry me, I raced to Canterlot and applied for membership to the auxiliary unit. I was so eager to somehow help these backwards creatures, and of course to serve you, my princess. I have never thought of myself as anything less than blessed to have been born under your watchful gaze and now I found the opportunity to give something back. I genuinely believed that these hoomanies would fall under our hoof and willingly accept us as their leaders in that single afternoon you spoke of.
You never lied to us, Princess Celestia. Of that, I must commend you. You never portrayed the hoomanies as monsters or as demons that needed to be eradicated. You just told us they were confused and I still agree with that sentiment. They are confused. They are backwards. They do not understand what they do or the consequences of their actions. We saw them spill the blood of their fellows and felt rage and sickness in our hearts. I believe that is what first caused you to rally Equestria’s forces. They crossed some sort of line you had drawn in the sand. We crossed through the portals, fancying ourselves liberators of an oppressed race, and we attacked who we perceived as the perpetrators of the crimes. We were baffled when the hoomanies united and rallied their forces against us. At first we believed they were confused, but that changed quickly. Our contact escalated from peacekeeping to self-defense and then first strike. More and more hoomanies and ponies died but we still believed we were in the right. How did we go from peacekeeping to slaughter? Was it so gradual, our transition from liberators to conquerors, that none took notice? Was it as slow as individual drops of water filling a bottomless jug? Or was it as fast as lightning?
Our tactics changed. It was decided a show of proper force would cause them to yield. When their weapons were laid down, we would explain our original intentions. That plan failed spectacularly. It was then decided that if we destroy the infrastructure of their world, we can rebuild them in our own noble image. We had good intentions and that should somehow justify our own use of force? We cast the first stone upon these hoomanies and then were baffled when they cast stones right back.
Still, we fancy ourselves somehow better. We are not as cruel as hoomanies. We are not as concerned with conquest. Our hearts are pure and that can never change. The hoomanies are angry foals who cannot think five minutes ahead.
I remember when I was a foal, and a colt. I recall the constant mockery that my blank flank earned me. Always, I was ridiculed and mocked for that and my size. I think the other colts understood I wouldn’t fight back. After all, how could I? If a pegasi punches an earth walker, the earth walker will barely notice it. If an earth walker punches a pegasi, the pegasi will go flying through a wall. My ears were flicked and my tail was pulled and I endured it, but always a sense of rage was brewing in my heart. Their comments were merciless and seemed to be without end. I was angry at them and angry at my body for taking so long to mature. I was even angry at you for allowing such cruelties to befall me.
Then one day, one of the unicorns tugged my tail so hard, nine strands of fine green fur came with it. I turned to the unicorn with a rage like I had never felt before. I think he understood he had crossed some sort of line I had drawn in the sand, and he tried to run. He was far too slow. To this day, his left rear leg is mangled in an ugly sort of way because of what I did to him.
When I got home that night, my mother broke a walking stick across my jaw. She beat me with her hooves and screamed about what I had done. When she was done with her fury, my father came to me. I winced, expecting him to hit me, but he sat down and spoke in a calm voice. “Great is it to have the strength of a giant, but tyrannous to use it as a giant does.” Those were the words he said to me, as if those would guide me for the rest of my life.
During my most recent tour in the hoomanies world, my squad and I were occupying a hoomanies town. I was serving under Sergeant Marshall Law, as I have for the extent of my military career. Walking the streets of that town, staring at all the ugly hoomanies, I recall feeling an impact on my cheek. Was a spear thrown? Or had one of them shot me with their strange slug throwers? No. It was just a hoomanies child, throwing rocks at us. The sergeant told us to ignore the creature, but his aim was true, and he kept hitting me in the snout. Feeling adventurous perhaps, he ventured closer and continued to pelt me with rocks, until one struck me in the eye and I felt rage boil in my heart.
The hoomanies child did not fare as well against me as the unicorn bully from my youth. For just a moment, looking at the crumpled little hoomanies child, broken almost beyond recognition, I recalled my father’s words. I turned to the sergeant, expecting him to beat me just as my mother had. He laughed and commended my… “thoroughness,” and told me to do that to any other hoomanies rock throwers. Not that any did, after seeing such a graphic display. It felt good to hurt the rock thrower, just as it felt good to hurt the bully, but my father’s words echoed in my head. For the longest time, I could not say why.
If I may speak candidly about your sister... Please do not grow angry at my words, Princess Celestia. I hope that you know I hold nothing but found sentiment for noble Princess Luna. Many nights I have spent with her, sharing in the glow of the moon. Many times she has saved me from nightmares. I adore Princess Luna and would give my life a thousand times to spare her an ounce of pain. But what if these hoomanies had opened a portal, with their science instead of magic, and happened to see Nightmare Moon’s wrath and fury. Surely seeing such a monstrous creature, they would believe we needed their help, and attempt to slay Luna without understanding what was happening. If they invaded our world, what would we do? I would fight. I would stomp and crush as many as I could beneath my hooves, until my hooves were coated and caked with blood. I would slaughter the hoomanies and if they ever took me down, I would only be sure to take a thousand down with me. If I had no spear or strength, I would throw rocks.
As the war has stretched from a lazy afternoon to three years, our methods have become increasingly volatile. I remember in the first days of conflict, we attempted to minimize the causalities we inflicted, but that did not last. Soon, we were fighting tooth and hoof. I was proud of the blood I spilled. I felt like a real soldier. My duty was not just to stand guard and protect you, my princess, but to go out and actually do something. I was making you proud. I was helping these poor stupid creatures even as I crushed them beneath my hooves. The sergeant’s praise echoed in my ears and drove me forward.
Even as the risk of fighting the hoomaniess increased steadily, my dedication was undeterred. During those early days of the conflict, I would dare call it fun. With our enchanted armor and natural gifts, we could beat the hoomanies back with ease. I cannot help but smile when I remember one situation where at least a dozen hoomanies piled on top of me to keep me down. I bucked them off and sent them all flying into walls where they splatted like bugs. Their fastest flying machines could not hope to match the speed of our pegasi forces, and their strange weapons could be trumped by the magic of the unicorns. We won every battle.
Their weapons evolved. Their weapons became stronger, and were soon able to penetrate the enchanted cuirass we wore. If their flyers could not catch a pegasi, they would simply fill the sky with fire and metal and burn them out of the air. They would shoot a unicorn from such a distance, the unicorn had no time to react. Our methods changed and adapted to counter theirs and so on, and so forth, until today, where we are locked in a bitter struggle that neither side seems destined to win.
What caused this change of heart, I am sure you ask? Do I contact you today because I am afraid for my life? Why have I only chosen now to contact you instead of earlier or later?
My uncle died over the summer season. It was not the hoomanies that killed him. His heart simply gave out during the night. In fact I was in the hoomanies world, killing them, and could not attend my own uncle’s funeral. I recall when the sergeant came to me and informed me of his death, I casually informed the sergeant it was my turn to stand guard. I didn’t feel a pang of remorse for my uncle. All I could focus on was the hoomanies. I would mourn my uncle later.
When I returned from my tour, I was tasked with cleaning out my uncle's home. It was in the basement that I found an old mirror he had kept. I pulled down the dusty blanket that covered the reflective sheen and for the first time in forever, I looked upon myself.
I wish I could say something dramatic. I wish I could say I was covered in the blood and gore of those I had murdered, but truthfully I had been away from combat long enough that my fur was clean and my mane was done. I have scars but they are concealed beneath the blackness of my belly fur. I would like to say, had any mare laid eyes upon me, they would have been intrigued.
So what in that moment did I see that changed me so? Why did tears swell in my eyes? Why did a hoof lift and reach out to my reflection as if it was some sort of trick?
When in the hoomanies world, I was never out of my armor. I was terrified of being caught off guard so I was constantly on edge and ready to fight. When I looked in the mirror, I saw myself without armor for the first time in years. No helmet was on my head or spear in my hoof. I was just a simple workhorse, what I was before I raced to the castle to enlist. I started to wonder about those hoomanies that I had crushed beneath my hooves, and I wondered what did they see in their mirrors? Were they always little soldiers in little suits of armor, armed with little ghoons? Or could they take off their armor as easy as I could and be done with it? When they were not on the field of battle fighting us, did they hug their mothers and wives? Raise their daughters? Drink cider with their brothers? Did they put on their suit of armor because they hated us? Or because they feared the four legged monsters who shot lasers from their horns and manipulated the skies? This war had not lasted an afternoon, so how many have lost family and not been able to attend their funeral? What about that child?
I am but a humble earthmover, sending this letter before a princess. I have been born of no prestige and will never achieve greatness in my life. On your back, you carry the fate of not only all of Equestria but the fate of this hoomanies world as well. Please my princess, take a step back and look upon your actions through different eyes.
Sincerely,
With great love for you in my heart,
Your fateful soldier,
Captain Black Jack of the Ninth Lunar Battalion
Author's Note
Thank you for reading this far. I am always happy to hear criticisms or comments. Anything you have to say. Thanks again.
Dearest Black Jack,
The last conversation that I had with my sister Luna, before the darkness in her soul overtook and her she became… something other than my beloved sister, was one of casual dismissal. A thousand years have passed but it is still a day that brings tears to my eyes and poisons every one of my dreams. Even Luna’s return has not eased the constant guilt on my heart and the bitter knowledge that I sent my younger sister to a place of loneliness and isolation. I have tried to convince myself that I had no choice. I have stared at the mirror for days on end and assured myself I made the right decision. I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was the morning after Equestria’s first lunar eclipse. I was still so very young at that time, so new to the responsibility of raising the sun and watching over the day. I was so burdened with the work of keeping order in a kingdom filled with bigotry, tension and confusion. I am sure that you have suffered crimes at the hooves of pegasi or unicorns, but what is seen now is nothing compared to the hatred that filed every stallion and mare’s heart. How I reveled when some new tyrant popped up and my sister and I were called to fight. If I could, I would actually thank King Sombra for his tyranny or Discord for his insanity, because doing battle with them broke the endless monotony of government duties and keeping foals in line. I was young and I craved adventure and battle, not trivial matters such as the nature of the harvest or the growing animosity between the unicorns and the pegasi.
I had just raised the sun and trotted tiredly into the throne room. There were meetings to attend, decrees to be made, documents to plant my hoofprint upon. I sat at my throne and began the tired, endless work. I was not even aware I had company until Luna gave a weak tug at my mane.
“What?” I remember asking. I didn’t even take my eyes off the scroll I was reading, which documented the encroachment of earth walker settlers onto unicorn land. I would have to settle the dispute, as usual.
“Sister,” Luna said. In public, her voice could make the stars twinkle with life but whenever she spoke to me she could barely raise her voice above a whimper. I was always annoyed about that. “Sister, yesterday was the lunar eclipse.”
“And?” I asked.
“The moon was blocked by the shadow of the planet. It disappeared from the sky.”
The earth walkers said they needed more land to support their booming population. The unicorns said that was intolerable. The land the earth walkers sought was one rich with magic. The earth walkers said that was why they needed it: their crops would grow plump and fat quicker than normal. All I could think about was how to make both of the tribes of children happy.
“A great celebration was had, to celebrate the moon’s disappearance. It was a festival!”
I remember thinking, perhaps they could share the land. During the growing season, the earth walkers could dominate the land and grow their crops. And in the off season, the unicorns could cast their spells. That would never work. The two tribes were like foals bickering. They did not know how to share.
“So… I was wondering if maybe… maybe you could go set the sun and I could raise the moon? Just for today. I can make the moon very, very bright, I promise. It’ll be as if the sun is in the sky, but everyone will be able to appreciate my moon like they do your sun every day. I mean, it’s just that… Maybe if the citizens saw it, they would want to stay up in the night and see it again.”
“Luna,” I said sharply. “We have been over this at least a dozen times. The earth walkers need the sun to grow their crops, the unicorns need the sun so they can read their spells, and the pegasi need the sun to keep the weather in order. I’m sorry no one came to your little night party but this isn’t the time for trivial matters.”
I stared at my scroll, reading it over again and again, sure that the answer was there between the lines. I decided the land rightfully belonged to the unicorns. I would just have to find more land to make the earth walkers happy. I heard low crying somewhere in the room and lifted my head just in time to see Luna attempting to push the door to the throne room open. Her magic was sparking little black blobs as she struggled to remember how to open the enchanted door. Before she could open the door, the sadness in her heart overtook her, and she started to sob openly, unable to stop the wails. Do you know, for a moment, I actually wondered what she was crying about?
I called out to her, but she managed to open the door and rushed away. I tried to give chase when I was suddenly blocked by a representative of the earth walker tribe who demanded my attention. My thoughts waned. Luna was an adult. Luna was strong. Luna was mature. Every few weeks, Luna got like this. When no pony stayed up to see her meteor showers or her constellations, she sobbed like a filly but she was fine the next morning. Tomorrow she would be fine. I was sure of it. After a moment, I was no longer thinking about Luna, but listening to the trivial whines of the representative.
The next day, Luna was no longer my sister. She was a cruel mockery of the pony who I loved so dearly. Her fears and insecurities had been given shape and she had taken a form that better reflected her nightmares. Nightmare Moon became what she believed all saw her as. Nightmare Moon was how she believed I saw her… I had to fight her. I had to banish her to another world, unsure if I would ever see her again.
The days that followed were actually the easiest. The battle had been far worse than the legends speak of. For the days that followed, my body was absolutely racked in agony, although I did not mind. The physical ache in my bones and the burns in my skin kept my mind off the simple fact that I had banished my own sister. I had failed to protect her, and been forced to take action against her. Then the toil of raising both the sun and the moon, of governing a society laced with tension and fear, kept me from focusing on what I had done. By day, I needed to be strong for the empire. I pushed my tears and the sickness in my stomach far down and never let it see the light. I assured my empire that, someday, my sister would return. I promised all her friends that one day they would see her again. Even as they withered and died, I promised them each that in the next life, they would see her. When the next generation rose, I allowed Luna’s memory to fade into obscurity in the hope of sparing them the burden that I alone was tasked with carrying.
It was only years later that I could bear to enter Luna’s wing of the castle. I had never shed tears over what I had done. That is not to say that I was callous of my sister’s fate. I told myself, again and again, that tears would solve nothing. If I allowed myself to cry, I would be admitting my own weakness. I had done what I had to do, I told the mare in the mirror each and every morning when I woke. Perhaps it was even Luna’s fault. She had broken under the pressure, and selfishly left me alone to carry the weight of the empire on my back. I found blaming her was easier.
I thought that cleaning out her room might somehow prove cathartic. It would be a chance to say goodbye to my sister. By this time, I had learned of a way to free Luna, but it would not be for a thousand years, and I wasn’t sure I could last through the following day without doing something, anything to ease the constant guilt I felt. I stepped into her room with hesitant steps. I felt weakness wash over me, but I beat it back with the same fury I used against Discord or Sombra. I used my magic to illuminate the darkness of Luna’s room, the darkness which had never subsided despite its mistress’ absence. And suddenly I found myself staring into a mirror, and for the first time I realized tears were rolling down my face. My eyes were so puffy and my face was twisted into a look of shame and sadness. Had I been crying all these years and just never noticed? I felt weak and ashamed but I did not care. The reflection was of a mare but I saw only a filly, confused and scared and all alone in this world.
What if I had put down my scroll and listened to Luna’s concerns? What if I had gathered Luna into my arms and assured her it would be alright? What if I had chosen that moment to tell Luna about the big surprise I was planning, that I was trying to perfect the solar eclipse where the moon would block the sun? Or what if I had been stronger? What if I hadn’t been forced to use the Elements of Harmony, but could have restrained my sister with my own magic and found a way to purge her of the evil in her heart myself? What if I hadn’t been so weak? A thousand questions rushed through me all at once. I was a filly faced with an eternity of loneliness, and I allowed myself to cry as if I had never cried before.
I am older now and better accustomed to the threats that encroach on my empire. The tension between the three tribes has been eased and although there are occasional hostilities, it has been years since I was called for arbitration. Luna has returned to my side. The burden of raising the moon is no longer on my back. In fact, Luna is strong enough to raise the sun, and I have actually managed to sleep in on some mornings, like a lazy colt who does not want to go to school.
When I look at the conflict with the humans, however, I am once more that little filly, sobbing in her lost sister’s room. I feel like I have failed not only my citizens, but these creatures who I want so badly to help. I always wonder, when does a situation slip out of our grasp? Had all the anger inside Luna swelled in that one night? Or had it been building for so long and I was simply too blind to see it? Was the eclipse the final straw that broke her frail heart in two? Or had some sort of nightmare entity corrupted my sweet little sister into something monstrous? Whatever the cause, the fact remained that one moment Luna was before me and the next she was gone from my care. One moment we are blissful in our dreams of helping the humans, and the next we are forced to put them down like rabid dogs.
I am quite aware of the unflattering portrayals that have sprouted up in recent months. They call me a tyrant and a puppet master. They claim that I have somehow orchestrated the entire war effort, for some insidious goals, or simply for my own sadistic amusement. Glamour spells are well within my abilities, and frequently I slip out of the castle and into the cities and towns to learn what is said about me over pints of cider. My heart weeps at the accusations, but I never allow any to see my tears, because that is unbecoming of a princess.
This war, which was not even thought of as a war when it began, has swelled into a monster that consumes all in its path. My days are filled with planning but my nights are filled with dread that the humans might somehow discover a portal to our world and inflict the same pain and misery that we have done to them. Every night I am haunted by my crimes and the sins that weigh on my heart. I would seal every portal between our world and theirs and banish this dark chapter of our history to legend, if only I could. We have passed the point of no return. I must hold out hope that an end to this conflict is in sight. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps the day after that, or the day after that. I must hold out hope that the conflict can be resolved, and both the humans and us ponies will be better for it.
Perhaps I am a tyrant. Perhaps some part of me seeks to rule over the humans just as I rule over ponies. Or perhaps I am just an idealistic filly who cannot recognize when to give up. I cannot give up now, though. Even if I must carry on with the war, I must continue, or all that has been lost will have been for nothing. I must hold out hope that an end is within sight, and a better day will soon be dawning.
As I look at all I have put down, I must admit I doubt this letter shall ever escape my desk. The citizens look to me for strength. I am the light in the darkness, I am the sun of the world. You a soldier of the empire, but you can drop your spear and remove your armor, and return to your life as a workhorse. How I envy you. I cannot remove my crown. The weight upon my back is great but my body has been conditioned through millennia to endure it. Someday, I shall step down. Or, more likely I shall finally confront the conflict that I cannot settle. Luna shall take my place, or Cadance, or Twilight Sparkle and her many friends. Or perhaps you shall rise, and take your place as a king of an empire. If nothing else, I can take solace that there are ponies like you, who are willing to question my motives and who give me a reason to fight. An eternity in this world, I forget... certain things. Bless my sister, and bless Twilight Sparkle and her friends. They remind me of why I raise the sun each day.
I thank you, Captain Black Jack of the Ninth Lunar Battalion. If nothing else, it has been cathartic to put these emotions, housed so long inside me, down on paper. Perhaps I can seal them away and continue forth.
With love in my heart, for you and all my children,
And infinite gratitude for all you do,
Princess Celestia
Author's Note
Long time coming, but Celestia's letter back to Black Jack. I wouldn't mind making a series out of these, using the letter format, so if you have further ideas, let me know.
