Pretty Pink Ponies Pleasantly Play
Throughout the silent night, Twilight Sparkle sat at her desk, her head bent downwards, her mind engulfed by the book that she had placed in front of her. The book's title was "The Trinket Tracers", a book about the origins of the alicorn amulet, which, according to the book, had previously been a simple trinket with no special abilities. Celestia had assigned the book after the fiasco with Trixie, assigning Twilight to figure out everything she could about the amulet so that they could better understand how it worked.
Obviously, Celestia did not help, because why would she read anything herself when she could just get Twilight to read it.
The book followed three stallions on their quest to search the remnants of whatever story the trinket had left behind, interviewing multiple ponies who had experience with the trinket, and tracing its oral history through the places it had been through the years. It was a heavy read, and in the twilight of the night, Twilight could barely keep herself from tiredly plopping into the pages of the book for a quick snooze.
Silence permeated the library, Spike snoozing rather quietly in his bed, his breaths making no noise at all. At least, Twilight thought it was silent. Her investment in the book kept her ears from picking up a soft, rhythmic scratching noise that seemed to come from the front door of the library. It wasn't until she heard the screams of what sounded like a filly that her ears finally perked up and her mind instantly shifted from reading to the world around her. It seemed odd, however, that a filly would be screaming at the present time. She got up from her perch, stretching her hooves as she got up to warm up the muscles that she hadn't used in so long. With careful steps, she approached the door of the library, the scratching noise now loud and audible, with its rhythm lost. It sounded as if a dozen animals were pawing at her door. With a flicker of magic, Twilight swung the door open, revealing a horde of tigers. The tigers pounced into the library, blocking the door and forcing it open. Twilight screamed and tried to gallop away, but there was nowhere to run.
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Silver Spoon trudged carefully down the path, tall trees lined the sides, blocking out most of the moonlight. She quivered in the cold night air, wishing that she hadn't listened to Diamond Tiara.
Her father would surely be angrier than ever before if he found out. She just hoped that he would still be asleep, that her hasty escape from the house wasn't too loud. Under her breath she sung a song to comfort herself, to fill the silence that the ominous forest created.
She felt as though something was watching her, following her. The feeling caused her spine to tingle in anxiety and anticipation, her entire body stood on end. Still, she sung her song quietly, hoping that it would all be over soon.
Somewhere in the distance, she could see buildings and civilization. She even thought she could see her own house. Safety in sight, Silver Spoon started to pick up her pace, cautiously observing her surroundings. A twig snapped.
Silver Spoon's heart stopped for a moment, herself frozen on the path, unable to move from fear. She waited for another sound, but she couldn't hear any. Then there were hoofsteps. As if by some mechanical instinct, her hooves instantly pushed her forward into a gallop, the hoofsteps coming closer and closer. She tried to scream but her voice would not come, paralyzed by fear. The only things that would work were the involuntary, mechanical parts that her body put into place, everything else was halted.
Her hooves stopped moving. Now she screamed as loud as she could. She looked down to find quicksand engulfing her, keeping her from moving. Why was there quick sand on this path?
Sinking slowly but unable to move, she heard the slow breaths of whatever it was that was following her approach. Her heart pounded harder and harder until it hurt. Every muscle in her body ached as she struggled to get herself out of the quicksand. In her mind, she told herself that everything was going to be alright, even though she knew that either she drowned in the sand or was killed by the stranger.
The stranger came close enough to be in Silver Spoon's view, but she shielded her eyes, not wanting to see her pursuer. She just wanted it all to end.
"Hello, Silver Spoon," said a voice. It didn't... seem scary. Silver Spoon opened her eyes, looking for where the voice came from. Standing next to her was a rotund pony, who was wearing red garments and a red hat.
"Santa?" she said, still unsure if this was reality.
"You betcha!" said Santa.
Silver Spoon continued to sink, faster and faster. She looked pleadingly at Santa. Santa put a hoof to his chin and then galloped into the trees, returning with some sticks in his magical grasp.
"Here," he said, lowering some of the sticks. Silver Spoon grabbed one of the sticks and Santa pulled her out slowly. When Silver Spoon was finally out of the sand, she shook herself clean and ran up to hug Santa.
Santa returned the hug, and then he spoke.
"Uhhh," he said, leaning in close to Silver Spoon's ear, "Look, I have this sort of... um... fetish thing. In return for saving you I was thinkin..."
Silver Spoon wished she had died in the sand, but she had no choice but to agree.
Santa rubbed his hooves together and licked his lips, taking two biscuits out of his coat pocket and pushing Silver Spoon onto her side. He put the biscuits on her and ate them.
"This is called sploshing," he said to nobody in particular. When he was done with the biscuits he sent Silver Spoon on her merry way.
"What a bitch," he said, sighing.
He heard screaming come from somewhere and the roar of tigers eating raw flesh.
"Sounds like my kind of party!" he yelled, galloping off to find the source of the noise.
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The sun shone down on the pleasant afternoon, warming the ground and providing prime playing conditions. Princess Luna, Pipsqueek, and Pinkie Pie stood in a meadow in the outskirts of Ponyville, playfully poking and pinching each other in a game of tag, which had somehow evolved into a playful tickling when Princess Luna accidentally poked Pipsqueek with her nose and tickled his side. Previously, they had been smoking tobacco they had smuggled past the cops.
As the game progressed, Pipsqueek became invested in winning. The ponies circled around, every now and then lunging and then laughing, but Pipsqueek didn't laugh. This was serious. He waited for his perfect chance to strike, and when the time was right, he lunged forth, hoof pulled back, and jumped under Luna. He was short enough to just barely fit under her, and as he reached her stomach he released his coiled hoof, punching her directly in the gut. It was with such force that Luna puked all over Pinkie Pie and the ground, creating a river. She fell to the ground, gasping for breath. Pipsqueek, not done with her, galloped over to a nearby spot in the meadow and found a porcupine.
He grabbed the took the porcupine and dragged it along the ground to where Luna was, placing next to her. Just as planned, Luna rolled over and her side was punctured by the quills. She screamed in agony, quickly pushing herself off the ground. Her eyes locked on to Pipsqueek, blind fury contained in them.
"That's it!" she yelled, using the Canterlot voice. "We have come up with a suitable punishment for your deeds!"
Pipsqueek cowered at Luna's tone and demeanor, as she spread her wings and rose to express her full size (still wasn't that big though).
She brought Pipsqueek to the tiger pit at a nearby fair and threw him in. "Have fun!" she said, "You are banished to live with the tigers for a thousand years."
Pipsqueek looked at the tigers, his heart beating faster and faster as they took notice of him. Suddenly, one of the tigers pounced and pinned him to the ground. Then there was a faint buzzing noise.
"And as added punishment," said Luna, "I have brought parasprites!"
The parasprites quickly ate the fence that surrounded the tigers, releasing them into the general public. Pipsqueek tried to escape but it was too late, the parasprites were upon him. He fought them off with a stick that he found but it was too late. TOO LATE I TELL YOU.
He galloped away but they followed him. He galloped all the way to the north pole where he found Santa. Santa, who was supposed to be making toys, say Pipsqueek and then saw some biscuits on his table and decided to chase after him.
Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon plotted to lock Twist out of her own house during nighttime by luring her out with rocks that they would throw at her window and then running away after shutting her own door on her. It would be hilarious!
Little did they know, the redcoats were coming. Storming down the path to Ponyville came ponies from Britain, a noble place. They wanted their tigers back, so they had come. Pipsqueek, meanwhile, screamed while Santa and a group of parasprites chased him around the opposite side of the planet, closing in on where he began his gallop.
Inside Twilight Sparkle's home, Celestia paid a visit, asking her to read a book that was some thousand pages long. When asked why she responded by burning everything Twilight ever loved to the ground. Twilight agreed to read the book.
As the redcoats came closer, Twilight decided to take a break from reading and write a piece of fiction that she could share at the upcoming writing contest thing.
She pushed the pen and paper aside and began to write. At her door, the first of the tigers had come, and pawed at the bark of the tree with its claws, not knowing that there was something living inside.
Twilight wrote a piece of artwork where she self inserted herself as a mythological creature that her and her friends had become obsessed with, humans. Her OC, a human, fell in love with herself, so it was a double self-insert, but her OC was a boy, and turned into a pony. This made it a double self-insert pony as a human in Equestria as a pony fic about herself and her OC
The story is transcribed here for viewing pleasures. (It is important to not that Twilight is not good at spelling, this is why she has Spike write all of the letters to Celestia)
(skip this part if you desire)
"So I was walking to the grocery store one they when I hear a noise fall into my sound receptacles. My brain deciphering the waves, I concluded that the noise had come from a nearby pipe, and that it was indeed a scream for help of some sort. Feeling guilty about not doing anything, I decide to take a leap of faith into the dark abyss that consumes the pit within the pipe.
And so I do and den I jump into the pipe and what do u know I am falling and I fall for a long time and when I finally finish falling I hit my back and it really hurt pretty bad and so I get up and I see that I don't has the hands anymore.
I am thinking where are my hands and then oh my gosh I have the hooves.
And that can only mean one thing, that means that I am in the ponyville. So I am like oh my gosh I am in the Ponyville and I look at myself and I look exactly like my oh-see. I said oh my gosh I look like my oh-see that is so crazy but really it isn’t crazy (lol) so I decide that maybe I go see my favorite ponies who live in the ponyville and that is the Rainbow Tasha and Twilit Darkle.
s
So, I arrive at Twilit Darkle's house and without invitation I knock on the door in hopes that she will invite me in for a spot of tea. Twilit Darkle opens the door and she says, "oh my gosh I never seen u before."
And I say, "yes that's because I am new hear and I am the unicorn with the wings and the porn" and so twilit says that she thinks I am very sexy and I say, "okay babied how about we go to urn roam."
She gives me that little wink like oh my gosh twilit stop it you're so naughty.
And so we go into Twilit's house and I say 2 Twilit that she is so nasty and Twilit says to me, "loam unicorn I just met u so fund and so I laugh because she is talking bout me."
And so all of a sudden something bad happens oh my gosh and this metro hits the roof and I am says oh my gosh the metro hit the ruff and den twilit says "oho my gush watttttt."
And I say oh my gosh oh my gosh and twilit says "oh my gosh," and I say the "oh my gosh" and den we both decide to run out of the house be4 the metro hit us. And so when we get outside that house Twilit says "wow that was clothes 1" and I say "yes that was clothes won" and den we start 2 passionately kiss and den Mashie cames out of nowhere and she say "oh my gosh unicorn beast mciwantyodick how could u do this 2 me!"
And so she run away crying and den I push the Twilit Darkle away and I call after Rainbow Tasha and says, "pleas don’t leave." But then, Mashie looks at me and she say but I have 2 go and I say no u don’t we can lug each other and she gets the tear in her eye and file away and so I say, "sorrier twilit Darkle I have 2 go chaise after Mashie."
And twilit say but I tot u lug me and I say, "sorry babe but my heart belongs 2 another mare," and den the twilit Darkle start 2 cry because I don't be lug her and I say "shah twilit please do not cry it is not okay if u cry it is bad for your eyes, your heart, your body, and your soul because crying is an ancient form of Satan worship."
She says "But I love u unicorn beast mciwantyodick."
I say "I know every pony does" and den I spread my wings and fly up in2 the skied and I chase after Mashie because she is crying and flying away and I just have 2 tell her that I love her and so I get up to rainbow mash and I say, "baby I lug u."
Rainbow Mash says, "will you love me forever," and I say "no."
Rainbow mash gets all sad and she flies away crying but oh my gosh deer is another metro and mashie hit strait in2 it and I say "oh my gosh mashie."
I fly over to catch hurl beaus she is falling and so I get there just in time to save her. I hold her in may hooves and I see that she is really hurt from hitting the metro and that she is probably going to die and so I start to cried because mashie is going to die.
I look her in the eyes while my tears stream down my rounded pony cheeks and she look back and den I say the words "Watt mint 2 say was I lug u 5ever."
Then, rainbow mash starts to sniffle and sob and I am really sad and I cried really hard and rainbow mash say that she is going to die, but she want me 2 know, and den she choke on her word.
But then she says "I will lug u 6ever."
And den she stop breeding and she die wit the tongue out and I yell out in2 the sky, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," but there isn't any pony 2 hear me so I sob quietly on the lifeless body of mashie and I place her on the ground and dig a hole and I put her in because she is deed and den when she is in the hole I put the dirt back into the hole on top of mashie and cried on2 her grave beaus it is so sad. "Why did the main character have 2 die" I yell into the sky, "That is such an interesting plot twist and makes this story so very sad!"
then I go back 2 ponyville and everybody deer is saying wet happen so I tell deem and dye say oh my gosh we are all changelings and I say wow what an original plotline and den we all laugh and I cried and den we all cried beaus mashie died but den I make out wit the Twilit Darkle and the end."
As she finished writing her piece of art, she thought she heard somepony scream outside of her house. Maybe it was Pipsqueek?
Sure enough, Pipsqueek galloped past Twilight's home, still being chased by the parasprites. Santa, too tired to bother with the small pony anymore, broke off and found himself trotting down a long pathway, surrounded by woods on both sides.
The redcoats kept on coming closer. Twilight began her reading of the large book, entitled "The Trinket Tracers", while outside Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara searched for rocks they could use as night approached and Twist readied herself for sleep.
Pipsqueek, too tired to keep running, found himself galloping straight into a horde of British ponies. They were sitting in a circle, drinking tea and eating biscuits while discussing how much more proper they were than everypony else. Pipsqueek decided that dying at the mouths of parasprites was better than getting anywhere near the British ponies, so he turned around and ran straight towards the parasprite group, closing his eyes and saying his goodbyes.
The parasprites ate him. The end.
Twilight approached as Twilight read. Her piece of fiction, written on a single sheet of parchment, was caught by a gust of wind. Too invested in the book to look up, the parchment haphazardly flew out of the window and floated through the air before finally landing near a house.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon trotted up to said house and began to throw rocks at the window. Twist, annoyed by the constant noise, came down from her room and opened the door.
"Hey Twist," said Diamond Tiara.
"I'm an orphan," said Twist.
"A stupid orphan!" said Silver Spoon. They threw hydrochloric acid at her, melting her face off.
"Nice!" yelled Diamond Tiara, high-hooving Silver Spoon. The two ponies started to trot away when Diamond Tiara noticed a piece of paper on the ground. She picked it up and began to read it. Nearby, a group of tigers viciously murdered and ate anything that moved.
Diamond Tiara died two minutes later from reading the paper. Silver Spoon, all alone in the darkness with a melted-off-face Twist and a tiger-food Diamond Tiara for company, decided it would be best to go home. However, the tigers slowly approached her, seeing her as another morsel in their relentless ravaging of the town.
She slowly trotted away from the tigers, but they had already taken notice of her. They stalked her quietly, not making any sudden movements. In fear, Silver Spoon did the same, for she didn't want them to sprint towards her.
Inside the library, Twilight Sparkle found herself bored with the book, so she did crystal meth.
Out of the corner of her eye, Silver Spoon saw that the tigers were picking up their pace, almost ready to pounce and attack. She had no choice. She broke off at a gallop, turning into a nearby alleyway in an attempt to lose the tigers. They all followed, moving much faster than she was. However, the alleyway she had turned into was a dead end.
She looked as the tigers approached, thinking that this was the end. Then she heard a bell ringing. The tigers looked confused and searched for the source of the noise. Suddenly, one of the tigers dropped dead. The redcoats had arrived. Armed with rifles, they opened fire on the tigers. But they were such bad shots that they killed only one of the tigers. However, they provided a diversion that allowed Silver Spoon to slip away into the darkness. As she trotted through the town, she found that she was lost. She made a couple of wrong turns, and somehow ended up on a path with trees that hung on each side, blocking the moonlight.
A couple of things happened and she met Santa, who helped her out of quicksand and sploshed on her. Then Silver Spoon was on her merry way.
She quickly trotted home, but far away she heard the scream of a pony permeate the silence of the night. She knew she had to do something. She galloped through the woods and came out in Ponyville. There were more screams, and she followed the noise straight to Twilight's house.
When she got there, she saw the Santa was already there. Santa was fighting off tigers, kicking them with his hind hooves. While he kept the tigers off, Silver Spoon trotted into the library to find Twilight fending off a couple of tigers with magic. She ran up to Twilight.
"What's going on?" she asked, standing next to Twilight.
"I don't know! But the only way we're making it out of this alive would be if I could get more power somehow." Twilight shot a magical dart at one of the tigers, subduing it, but others were making their way towards the two ponies. Outside Santa died a gruesome death. He had accidentally swallowed a peanut, and his peanut allergy caused his death. He will be remembered in our prayers.
"There's too many!" yelled Twilight, shooting another magical dart.
"I wish I could help," said Silver Spoon, hiding behind Twilight.
Twilight looked at the cowering filly. Then it hit her. The knowledge she had gained from the book swirled through her mind, something had just clicked. All the descriptions made sense.
"Silver Spoon," she said.
Silver Spoon looked up at Twilight.
"You are the alicorn amulet."
Silver Spoon gasped. "Le gasp."
"There's no time!" yelled Twilight. "Get on my neck."
Silver Spoon jumped up and Twilight magically levitated her onto her neck. She attached Silver Spoon's hooves around her neck, melting off the ends of the hooves and then cooling them so that they'd smelt together, making a true necklace. Hanging from Twilight's neck, Silver Spoon's eyes started to glow. Twilight's eyes glowed, too, causing the tigers to fall back.
Twilight rose into the air, her back arching and her body convulsing. The tigers started to back away, unsure of what was going on. Twilight's head raised towards the heavens, and out of her mouth she released a white beam of energy that destroyed the roof of the library and shot straight into the sky. She brought her head down, the white beam of energy dying out, and faced the tigers.
Her eyes glowed and her body floated. She was in the avatar state.
She brought her hooves close to her body, making herself appear small. The tigers were frozen with awe. Silver Spoon slowly soaked into Twilight's body, becoming one with Twilight. All at once, Twilight released her stored energy, causing a massive blast to come forth, destroying the library and reducing the tigers to dust. The shockwave from the blast destroyed the entire town of Ponyville. Twilight slowly descended into the rubble and ash as her eyes returned to their normal color. On her back, new wings had been born in the pure awesomeness of it all. Infused with the alicorn amulet, Twilight had reached her true power.
She was the ponytar, master of all four elements. Wings, horns, hooves, and friendship.
"Friendship is magic, bitch," she said. With one powerful thrust of her new wings she shot up into the sky, a cloud of dust and ash rolling away from where she had taken off.
And that is how Twilight became an alicorn.
