Life's Discoveries

Chapter Four: President and Ponies

After getting Pinkie to come along with us, we all went to Twilight’s tree house (Or is it a house in a tree?). She had already sent a letter to the Princesses, and said that they should respond later today.  I sighed, just hoping this madness would just stop for a second so I actually get to know the ponies better. But that was for later, and I would enjoy it when it came.

Twilight let me take a couple more pictures, and then we went over to Rarity’s, then to AJ’s. Finally, I was able to take a picture of them all together. As we walked back to Ponyville, I was finally able to take a picture of the small town. My *ahem* “mission” was accomplished. So, I offered to have them come over to my house and look at some of my stuff.

After the 15 minute walk to my house, they started marveling over all my stuff. I was going back and forth between them explaining things, occasionally yelling “WAIT, DON’T!” at them. That included one incident where Fluttershy almost looked into the freezer, which I knew had frozen fish in it. After another 10 minutes of that, I offered them something to eat and drink, since it was 11:30. They accepted, so I asked them what they would like. They all blurted out different things at once. So I offered to just make something from my world. They looked uneasy, so I again had to reassure them that I wouldn’t feed them any meat.

I started up the stove, with Twilight saying “Whoa, what do you use that for?”

I answered with “Well, we use it for cooking, and that’s what I’m doing. Making some called mashed potatoes. Do you guys have potatoes here?”

She nodded but then said “Yes, but we don't eat them all that much..."

"Oh, do you want me to make something else?"

"Oh, no it's fine."

"Have you ever had them with butter and pepper?"

"Nope!"

"Well then I'll just make a little bit so you can all try it."

I also got out a steamer, and this really big plastic box of white rice. Our family always loved white rice. It’s so simple. I asked her if they had rice. She said no.

“Oh well,” I thought once again.

They were all just staring, watching in awe while I cooked up what seemed like a regular lunch or dinner. I also got out some Mac and cheese. While that was all cooking, I asked them what they usually drank. They all said either water or tea would be fine.

I knew I was gonna regret asking this, but I asked if they had ever tried soda.

It was only 11:45, and I had gotten Pinkie Pie hooked on soda.

Warning to everyone/pony: Do not give Pinkamena Diane Pie soda of any kind.

She had tried Coke, Sprite, Cherry Pepsi, and some sort of fruit soda. She said she liked the Sprite the best. Twilight and Applejack both tried the Cherry Pepsi. Fluttershy liked the Grape soda. Rarity didn’t like any of them.

She stuck her tougue out dramatically and said “Bleh! What is this horrid stuff?” to the can of Coke.

I guess she didn’t like the fizziniss. Knowing her, I sorta expected that. But Dash definitely liked the Coke. After they seemed satisfied with finding out about all the stuff in my home, I introduced them to my computer.

I tried explaining it to them, but just failed. So, I thought it better to show them. I turned it on, and the blue light came on inside the transparent case. I loved my computer. I went and showed them around. Twilight was very interested in how I could store and organize any document I wanted to, and that I could make a presentation very quickly. Then, I started explaining the Internet to them. I explained how their show had gotten so popular through the Internet, and that almost every piece of info on my world was accessible through the Internet. I said that you could talk with someone across the world easily. Twilight definitely seemed to like it.

I opened up my email, and explained I was sending all those pictures so they could show them to analysts.

Rainbow asked “What do you do for entertainment?”, and I answered “What do you think I’m showing you?”

I sighed, and then listed off from my mind “TV, movies, comedy, theatre, animation, comics, dance, exercise… sort of, music, and my favorite, video games.” So, naturally I showed them a video game. I went over to the Xbox 360 and got out a racing game, thinking that I should show them the violent games like Fallout, Modern Warfare, Assassin’s Creed, and other games like that later. I put it in, and thankfully, they didn’t react as badly this time as last time I showed an electronic.

I selected “Time trial” and just drove around and showed them a few races. Now this is where Dash got interested.

“Hey, Robert, what kind of sports do you have on your world?” She said in her tomboyish voice.

“Well, there are tons of sports in my world, but the big ones in my country are football, baseball, soccer, track and field, bowling, golf, tennis, boxing, racing of all kinds, and ping pong. But that’s not nearly all of them. There’s a ton more! Maybe I’ll show you later.” I said.

“Oh, ok…” She said, while looking confused. I guess she didn’t know what most of those were.  This made sense, considering ponies didn’t have hands.

Then, pretty much everything started beeping.  The Mac and cheese was done, the mashed potatoes needed stirring, the rice needed to come out. It was complete and utter chaos. Thankfully, since Pinkie had knowledge of baking some things correctly, and Twilight using her magic, we were able to get it all finished.

After 5 more minutes of getting it all prepared, it was ready. I never really cooked this much of a meal. Honestly, I really only cooked for myself and my brother during the summer. So, with that, I put everything on the table, and got plates out for everyone. I got some soy sauce, salt and pepper, and butter in case anyone wanted it.

I got out a set of spoons and forks, and then I realized once again, that they had no hands and fingers. So, I only took out a pair for me, Rarity, and Twilight.

Then Rarity asked “Dearie, why are you putting the forks and spoons away?”

I said in my defense “But… You don’t have hands… And only you and Twilight have magic…”

“So?” Rarity said.

“So, how are they going to hold them? They don’t have hands.”

“HEY!” Dash yelled. “Everypony has a little bit of magic in them! Just watch.”

I gazed in awe while she held my fork in her hoof, like there were some invisible fingers around it.

I shook my head, and then shivered.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“But… But… HOW?” I said, in an annoyed state.

I then said before she could answer “Oh, never mind.”

I then proceeded to whisper myself “It’s just like Pinkie Sense… It’s just like Pinkie Sense…”

“But why haven’t they invented any sports like I have in my world?” I argued to my conscious.

“Or maybe they have.”

I then noticed that they were all staring at me, while I was mumbling.

“Uh, why were ya talking to yerself there sugahcube?” AJ asked

“Oh.  I just don’t like things I don’t understand.”

“Really?” Twilight asked, “I hate that feeling! I’m glad somepony else feels like that too.” She also said while beaming her smile at me.

After finally accepting the fact that ponies could hold things without hands, I handed out forks and spoons.

“Wow, this is great!” they all said in unison. They were munching it down faster than I could eat a hamburger.

“Well, thanks guys… Er, I mean girls. It’s really not much. I could make a REAL feast if I wanted to. This isn't really much. I’ll just have to remember not to make it so it finishes all at once,” I said in an embarrassed voice.

After we finished my apparently “superb” meal, I invited them to take a look at a part of my culture that wasn’t My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I wanted to make sure that they knew that there was still good in my world, even if there wasn’t a lot of it.

I got up, and put the DVD in. While waiting for it to get started from going through those annoying unskippable previews, I made some popcorn, explaining while it was going what the microwave was. The popcorn beeped, and I took it out. Pinkie Pie ate it all in one gulp.

“Predictable,”  I thought.

*dun dun dun duuunnn, dun dun dun duuuun,dun dun dun dun dun…* I won’t really describe the next hour, since you all should know the fourth episode of Star Wars.

After watching for an hour, I got up to check the news to see if my pictures had shown up anywhere. They all looked at me in confusion. I explained to them that I was just checking the news. As I logged on and saw the Yahoo homepage, my heart just about stopped.

PRESIDENT TO SPEAK ABOUT PONY ALIENS

I ran out of the office and changed the input to the TV. I switched it to a news channel with the other ponies all yelling at me in confusion from behind.

There he was. The President of the U.S.A... And he was going to talk about... me. I realized once again how significant this was. I was here, with aliens, and ones that we’ve unknowingly known about since the October of 2010.

“I’m freaking famous!” I thought. I smiled as they said I was a fairly close follower of the show.

“Hah. I never told my mom I was a brony,” I thought. But she obviously knew now.

I heard a ringing come from my pocket, making everyone jump. It was my mom once again, just happening to call right when I was thinking about her. I swear, this cartoon world made everything like… well… Cartoons. I told them that it was only my mom, I sighed, and then answered, after telling them it was another way to talk to other people when you weren't with them.

“Hello?” I said.

“Oh good sweetie, you’re there. I was just checking up on you. None of them are hurting you, right?” She asked in a very concerned voice.

“I already told you mom, they’re completely harmless, and they wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

AJ then proceeded to slap a rather annoying looking fly with her tail, and I resisted the urge to face palm from the cartoonish irony.

“Oh good, now what have you been doing during all of this?” She asked.

“Have you even glanced at my Twitter account lately?” I asked.

“Well… No… I haven’t. But I heard you sent in those pictures of the place you’re stuck in to The President! What did you call it again? Equtree?”

I sighed (For what I hoped would be the last time for at least a FEW minutes.).

I then said “Mom, just look at my Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube accounts. Now. And it’s called “Equestria”, not whatever you called it.

“Oh, so you’re friends with them now, are you? I will look at your accounts, sweetie.”  She said in an annoyed voice.

“Yes, mom, they’re cute, adorable ponies (a few of the ponies looked over when I said that) that I’ve known about since what? Early this year, I think.” I answered to her first question.

I then said “Well, did you want to talk to my “friend’s” mom?”

“Oh, yes please!” she said in a now overly enthusiastic/sarcastic voice.

So, I whispered to the rest of them (Who all looked very confused, except Dash.) that my mom wanted to talk to them. Hoping that it wouldn’t go too bad, I turned it on speaker, and sat back and watched the fun.

“Hello, I understand you’re the ponies that my son has been associating with.” My (slighty) over-protective mother said.

“Yes,” or variations of that was what the ponies answered back.

“Well, I just want to let you know, that if you hurt him in ANY way, at ALL. You will be dead.” She snapped her fingers.

“Just like that. Understand?” She said in a very serious and obviously annoyed voice.

“Ah… Yes ma’am…” Applejack, who was the only one to respond, said.

“Good. Now, who are you? If you’re going to be with my Robby pumpkins (You could hear a very loud slap on the forehead in the background) for most of the time, I’d like to know who you all are.” She said in a much nicer voice.

So, they introduced themselves, surprised at my mother's sudden turn of heart. Pinkie actually got Fluttershy to too. And they talked. And talked. And talked. Just like… Ugh. I’m not going into it. After another 5 minutes, I finally was able to get their attention.

“WHAT!?!?” Everyone else said at once.

“Well, I thought you’d wanna see the speech where the FRICKIN’ PRESIDENT IS TALKING ABOUT YOU!”

They all looked hurt.

“Look, I’m sorry. But I think you should really, REALLY see this speech. You guys and I are what everyone is talking about right now on my planet. You, my friends, are famous. Quick question Twilight, what is the population of ponies on this planet?”

“Uhmmm…  I’d say about 30 million ponies.”

“Ha. You aren’t gonna believe this. Wanna guess how many humans there are on Earth?”

“Uh… 100 million?” She guessed.

“Nowhere NEAR close. One more time.”

“How about 500 million?”

“Nope. 7 billion. 7 billion things like me inhabit my world. Whoa, you guys OK?”

“Now it’s my turn. HOW!?!?” She screamed at me.

“Uh… I dunno. We've existed for a long time?  But that's the amount of people... Maybe take away 2 billion for those in lower tech areas... that now know about you.

“Wait… I’M A EVEN BIGGER CELEBRITY!?!?” Rarity said. And then she made that squeeing sound effect… Geez. How much of this was real?

I shook my head in disbelief once again, and then answered “Yes Rarity, you are.”

“Oh, mom. We should all be watching the speech! Here, I’ll hang up. Bye mom!”

“Bye sweetie, stay safe, would you?”

“I will mom. Bye!”

I hung up.

“She wasn’t that bad!” Pinkie Pie said.

“Well, she was kinda overprotective of you, Robert.” Dash said while snickering.

“Hey, I thought that was kinda sweet, if not a little rude.” Rarity said.

By this point I was blushing pretty badly.

“Uh, don’t you girls think we should start watching the speech now?” I asked.

“Ooo! Yes! I want to see your leader! This is gonna be great!” Twilight said as she (somehow) pulled a quill and a piece of paper from seemingly nowhere.

I turned up the volume on the TV, and we started watching. They had already gone through most of the intro, it looked like. But I think I’ll just describe the entire thing like this. You haven’t lived, until you hear President Barack Obama present a speech about cartoon ponies. Seriously. Funniest. Thing. EVER.

So, yeah. It was pretty funny, but it was a great intro to people who weren't bronies, and probably had never heard of the show before. I’m glad he didn’t give the show a bad name. It looked like our government’s researchers had actually done something right for once.

“Huh.” Twilight exclaimed as they concluded it with our nation’s national anthem.

“Well, what’d you guys think? I thought it was actua-“

There was a crunching noise outside. I ran up to the window, and found to be looking at me, the Princess!?!?

“AH!” I exclaimed, jumping back, the Princess looked slightly dazed, I opened the door quickly, and before I could say anything, I was interrupted by Twilight.

“Princess Celestia! What are you doing here?”

“Why, answering to your letter, of course!”